Introduction
Lady Lydia Spencer, a talented musician and determined spinster, dreams of a life dedicated to her music, free from the constraints ofmarriage. Yet, her parents, concerned abouther unmarried status, force her into a courtship withthe ominous LordCarpenter Terrifiedofalifewithamanknownforhisbrutalityandamysteriouspast,Lydiaseeksawayout Shesoon findsasolutioninherchildhoodfriend,Stephen,byplayingacharadewheretheypretendtobecourting.
Truefeelingsblossominginherheartwillthreatentodestroyeverythingthough…
StephenRowley,BaronofRothwell,findshimselfdevastatedafterasuddenbreakinhiscourtshipwithLadyAbigail.Seeking tomakeherjealous,heproposesafakecourtshipwithLydia,hisdearfriend'ssister.Astheyembarkonthischarade,Stephen rediscovers the deep connection they shared in their youth. The more people praise their compatibility, the more he fears disappointingthosearoundhim
Andalsobreakinghisownheartintheprocess
Amidst the tension of their pretense, Lydia and Stephen must confront their own feelings and the obstacles threatening to condemn Lydia to a miserable future. Unbeknownst to them, Lord Carpenter's pursuit of Lydia may have ulterior motives beyond what theyinitiallybelieved… Will Stephenbe able to save her fromthis dreadful fate or will their hearts remain entangledinawebofconfusionandunspokendesires?
London, England, 1806
“Blindman’sbuff?Ha!Lydiaalwaysloseswhenweplaythat.”
“Idonot.”Lydiaspunaroundonthespotastheyreachedthelake.
Justfifteenyearsold,standingbesidehertwinbrotherandhisclosestfriend,shedidn’tyetcomeuptotheirshoulders They weregrowingmuchtallerthanheralready.Thetwoofthemlaughedtogether,shakingtheirheadsasherbrotherEvanheldup theblindfold.
“I’llwinthistime,”shesaiddeterminedly,foldingherarmsasshestareddownherbrother’sfriend,Stephen.
With dark brown hair that tangled at his temples, rich brown eyes the color of chestnuts, and an easy smile that lifted his alreadyhandsomefeatures,StephenwasbecominganincreasinglyfrustratingpresenceforLydia.
Theymayhaveplayedtogethereversincetheywerejustthreeyearsold,whenheandEvanhadbeenthrusttogetherbytheir mothersandendedupfirmfriends,butgonewerethedayswhenLydiasawhimonlyasherbrother’sfriend.
Stephenhad wormed his wayinto her heartand after the lastfew years ofbeingfond ofhim, she could notdenyto herself anymorewhatshefelt.
I like him Far more than I should
“Verywell,let’splaythen,”Stephensaidwithfinalityandrubbedhishandstogether.“Where’sAlexander?”Helookedaround forhisyoungerbrother,andEvanpointedtowardhimacrossthelawn
Theyounger Alexander wastrailingfar behindthem,withLydiaandEvan’syounger sister,Jasmine Thetwohadfalleninto oneoftheirusualarguments,withJasminethrowinghandfulsofgrassathimandAlexanderlaughingvictoriouslyashetaunted her.
“Ithinkthey’re a little busy,” Evansaidwitha chuckle “Come,let’s play They’ll catchupsoon Whowill be blindedfirst then?”
Hewhippedtheblindfoldthroughtheair,andLydiatriedher bestnottojumpatthesound.Sheoftenfeltsheencroachedon theirgamesanddidn’twanttogivethemanotherexcusetoteasehernow.
“Lydia.”Stephendidn’thesitateashenoddedatLydia.
“Oi”Shefoldedherarms “Whynotyou?”
“Becauseyouaretheonewhojustinsistedyoudonotalwayslose.Proveit,littleLydia.”Itwasthenamehesooftenusedfor
her,andshepressedherlipsfirmlytogethertohidethefactthatsheratherlikedthename.Itsuggestedthathetoomightbefond ofher.
He took the blindfold fromEvan’s hands and moved toward Lydia, but she backed up warily, her eyes dartingto the lake behindthem.They’dcometoastoponthegrasslawninfrontofherparents’house,andthelakewasdangerouslyclose.She chewedherlipasshebackedup,wantingtocomplainabouttheirchoiceofposition,butshefearedbeingteasedagain
“Yougoingtomakemetackleyou,Lydia?”StephenaskedmischievouslyasEvanroaredwithlaughter.
“No!” she retorted, tryingto brushawaythoughts ofStephencomingso close. She halted and pushed backher auburnhair, allowinghimtotietheblindfoldacrossherface.Shebreathedslowlywhenshefelthisfingerstanglinginherhairashetied theknot Herstomachquiveredwithexcitementtoknowhewassonear
“There We’reready,”Stephensaidandclappedhishandstogether,movingaway
“Allset,Lydia,”Evan’svoicefollowedclosebehindherashetookhershoulders.
Shesquintedintothedarknessoftheblindfold,desperatetofindawaytosee,butStephenhadtiedittoowell Evanturnedher withhershoulders,spinningherslowlythenincreasinglymadly.
“Evan!Becareful,”Lydiapleaded
“Ohyes,that’sawinner’smantra,isn’tit?”Stephenteasednearby.Sheshotaglarehisway,butofcourse,hecouldn’tseeit becauseoftheblindfold
“Right,beready!”EvandeclaredandreleasedLydia’sshoulders.Shestaggeredonherfeet,thedizzinesstakingoveruntilshe thoughtforaminuteshewouldfallflatonherface,tomuchcacophonouslaughterfromherbrotherandfriend Shethrusther legsfurtherapart,hardlyladylikeinherlonggown,thoughitworkedtosteadyherselfontheriverbank.
“Shh,” one ofthe boys whispered to the other. She heard himfar to her left, thensomeone moved to her right, his footsteps softeningthegrassbeneathhisfeet.
Shedartedfasttowardthefootstepsandtriedtograbsomeone,buttheyevadedhertooquickly Shefeltjusttheslipofashirt sleevebeforeitwasgoneagain.
“Shh!”StephenurgedEvan,whowasnowgigglinglikeaverylittlegirlindeed.
Lydiafroze,listeningintentlytotheirpositions.
The gigglingwas a little distance away. Clearly, Evanwas doinghis bestto avoid gettinganywhere near her, butStephen’s urgentshushingwasmuchcloser,onlyslightlytoherleft
Slowly,shefeignedturningtoherright,reachingoutintotheopenair.AsEvangiggledmore,andevenStephensnortedinhis laughter, she tookher chance. She whipped around and lashed out, tryingto grab hold of Stephen, but he must have jerked himselfoutofthewayforshegrabbednothingbutopenair.
Herfootcaughtonsomethingandherbodyveeredforward.Sheyelpedinsurprise,tumblingdown.
“Thelake!”Evanyelled.
Apair ofhandsreachedupandcaughther,butitwasall inatumble.Lydiafell withStephendownontotheriverbankashe narrowlypulledherbackfromthelake Theylandedheavilyinthedirt
“Woah.I’dsaygoodcatch,Stephen,butyouendedupinapickleyourselfinanattempttobethehero,”Evansaidwithbroad laughter
Panting,Lydiareachedupandtoreofftheblindfold.HerlegsweretangledtogetherwithStephen’sashepushedhimselfupand offherontheriverbank
“Ow.”Shewincedwhenheaccidentallypressedhisweightontoherleg.
“Oops,sorry,”hemurmured,freezingonceagain.
Theywereclose,verycloseindeed,andStephenstaredather,neitherblinkingnorpullingaway.
Could it be…?
Lydia’s heartbeat was thundering against her ribcage Was it possible that Stephen felt the same excitement she felt in this moment?Thatitwasn’tsomechildishfancy,butatrueconnection?
“Ha! It looks like they’re about to kiss” Jasmine’s voice reached them She had finally broken off from her brawl with Alexanderandcaughtupwiththem,herlightbrownhairwildaboutherheadandherlighthazeleyesglisteningwithglee.
Stephenstilldidn’tpullaway He feels something, too
Lydiaturnedtolookbackathimagain.Sheevenleanedforward.Itwasjustaninch,nothingmore,butitwassomething.
Stephen’seyeswidened,andhejumpedtohisfeetsofastthathepressedhisweightdownontoherlegagain.
“Ow!”
“Sorry,” he mumbledandturnedaway,blushingbeetrootredas Jasmine continuedtolaugh.“Alexander? Come on,it’s your turn,”hecalledtohisbrother,wenttocapturetheyoungerboy’shand,andwrappedtheblindfoldaroundhishead
Lydiawasleftaloneontheground,heatfillinghercheeksattherejection.Jasminewasstilllaughing,butnowshewascoming upandpointinginLydia’sface
“Hedoesn’tlikeyou,”Jasminesaidthroughherfitsofgiggles.“Youthoughthedid,didn’tyou?”
Lydiathrusthersister’shandawayfromherfacejustasanotherreacheddowntoher.ItwasEvan,hisusualsoftfacethereasit alwayswasforher,withacomfortinglook.Shetookhishandandlethimhelphertoherfeet.Hehadlightbrownhair,much liketheirsister,butrichblueeyesincontrast Itwasthoseeyesthatlookedatherwithsuchsoftnessnow
“YoudoknowStephendoesn’tlookatyoulikethat,don’tyou?”hewhispered,sonoothercouldhearhim.
StephenwasnowevadingAlexander’scaptureacrosstheriverbankasJasmineranafterthemtojoininthegame.
“Thatwasnotwhatwashappening,”Lydiainsisted Evannodded,thoughshecouldseeinthoseexpressiveeyesthathedidn’t believeher.“I…I’vehurtmyankle.WhenIfell.”Shescrambledtofindanexcuse.“I’mgoingtogobackinside.”
“As youlike” Evannodded and released her hand He hurried over to the others to continue their game and Lydia tookthe opportunitytowalktowardthehouse.
She didn’tdare glance backuntil she was standinginthe opendoorwayofher father’s house Fromthis distance, the game mightas well have beenplayed byants, for she could barelysee thematall. Yetthe greater heightshowed whichone was Stephen.
I’m a fool.
Herfaceburnedalmostpainfullyinherembarrassmentassheturnedherheadandwalkedintothehouse.
“AnyaffectionIhadforStephenendstoday,”shesaidtoherselfassheletthedoorclosebehindher
London, England, 1816
“Well,Lydia?Isitnotafineinstrument?”
Lydiabrokeofffromherpianoplayingandlookedaroundthemusicshop.Farbehindherintheshop,heruncleBartholomew hadappeared Inhisusualattire,hisshirtsleevesrolleduptohiselbowsandacravatpinshapedintoaviolinplacedneatlyat hisneck.Hisdarkauburnhair,notadissimilarcolortoherown,wassweptbackasneatlyastherestofhisattire.Hesmiled withwarmthashelookedather.
“Whatdoyouthink?”heaskedagain,noddingatthepianoshehadbeenplaying.
“Itisabeautifulpianoforteindeed”Sheranahandacrossthetopoftheinstrument,admiringthewalnutwoodthathadbeen polishedtoperfection.“Isupposethisshopwillnotbeitshomeforlong.”
“You’re rightinthatthought I’ve had three people interested initalreadythis morning Onthatnote, though,” Bartholomew helduphishandsinexcitement,thendartedbackthroughthedoorwayintotherearoftheshop,stilltalking,“Ihavesomething elseyouwilllike.”
Lydiastoodfromthepiano,findingithardtoturnherbackontheinstrument.Itwasthethingthatgaveherthegreatestjoyinthe world, playingmusic, especiallyinthis shop Whenshe was withUncle Bartholomew, the rest of the world was a distant place,somewhereeasytoforgetandpretenddidnotexist.
Hereturnedasecondlaterwithalightbrownleathercasetuckedunderhisarm.Helaiditdownbesidethetill,unlockedthe lid,andrevealedinsideaviolin Hetooktheviolinoutofitscaseandturnedtopassittoher
“It’saStradivarius,”hesaidwithsuchexcitementthathisvoiceshook
“Stradivarius?”sherepeated,herhandtremblingwithitsownthrillasshehurriedtowardhim.Shetooktheviolin,weighingit inherhands.Sheofcourseknewsuchviolinswereprizedbeyondanyother,butshehadneverhadthegoodfortunetoholdher own.
Inherparents’musicroombackhome,practicallyalltheinstrumentsbelongedtoher,fornootherinthehouseseemedtohave aninterestinmusic.Thepianosheplayedmostdays,theviolineveryotherday,andshehadtoatleastpracticetheharponcea week.Eventheolderharpsichordinthecorneroftheroomwasoftenplayedbyher,muchtotheannoyanceofEvanwhocould notstanditssharpersound.
Recently,Lydiahadaskedforanewviolintoaddtotheircollection,butherfatherhadrefusedatonce.
“Find a husband before you find a new violin.”
Thesefrustratingwordsstillburnedinthebackofhermind
Slowly, she tookthe violinfromher uncle and placed itunder her chin. Bartholomew stood back, his lithe figure tightwith excitementashesteepledhishandstogether.Hepossessedhersamepassionformusic.Intruth,itwashewhohadintroduced hertoit
Whenshe was justa youngchild,lookingtoescape her younger sister’s annoyingbehavior,she hadescapedtoher parents’ musicroomtofindBartholomew satthereatthepianoplayingasimpletuneonthekeys Itwastransportive,asifthatmusic had takenher somewhere far fromthe house. Since then, onlyUncle Bartholomew had understood whyshe loved music so much
“Play,”heencouragedheragainasshehesitated.
Sheloweredthebowtotheviolinandbegantoplay Farfromchoosingaslowandmournfulsong,shepickedalivelyone She optedforthedramaticpieceofVivaldi’s“Storm.”Thecaptivatingpiecefilledtheshop,playedonjusttheoneinstrument.
Bartholomewsteppedawaywithhiseyeswideasshepluckedthestrings.
Absentmindedly, Lydia was aware of the door opening behind her in the shop, but she was too absorbed in the music to possiblyturnaround.Shecontinuedtoplay,thinkingofonlyBartholomewasheraudience.
Then,suddenly,someonecoughed Lydiafroze.
Infrontofher,UncleBartholomew’sawedexpressionhadnowchanged Heraisedhishandandpinchedthebrowofhisnose, asifhewaspreparinghimselffortheconversationhewasabouttohave.
“Oneofthesedays,Lydia,”hesaidslowly,“yourfriendsinthe ton whoinsistonhearingyourperformancesmuststartpaying foryourwork.”
Lydia smiled a little. Itwas somethingtheyhad oftendiscussed, how she was demanded to playlike some circus animal at balls,dinners,andassemblies,butthemerequestionofbeingpaidlikeaprofessionalmusicianwasoutrageous.
“Paid?Paid!?”avoicesplutteredbehindher
Her shoulders flinched Rather than turning to greet the man who had spoken, Lydia stepped forward and returned the Stradivariustotheviolincase.
“Sheisaladyofthe ton,notsomecommonerwhoneedstoworkforaliving.”
“Someofuschoosetowork,Zachariah,mayIremindyou?”Bartholomewsaidcoollyandclosedthelidoftheviolincase.
Lydia turned to see her father who had walked into the shop These days, she saw more and more ofEvan’s features inher father,thesameslightlyhookednoseandhighbride.HewasalsotallandleaninbuildlikeEvan,thoughhishairwasdarker thanherbrother’sandhiseyesmorelikeJasmine’s.
Heshookhishead,thrustingtheswaggerstickhecarriedforfashionunderhisarm,ashisfacecontortedinanger.Besidehim stoodLydia’smother,Keira.Notfor thefirsttimedidKeira’seyesstrayacrossthemusical instrumentsintheshop,butthen theyquicklyreturnedtoLydia
Bartholomew had told Lydia once that whenKeira was young, she was a keenmusiciantoo, thoughLydia found it hard to believe Shecouldn’trememberthelasttimeshehadseenKeiraplay
Hermotherjerkedherheadaround,bearingthesameauburnhairthatLydiahad,herplumpfeaturesmakingherfaceverypretty too,withsweetlyroundedcheeks.
“Wethoughtwe’dfindyouhere,”ZachariahsaidsimplytoLydia.“Youmayhaveahabitofescapinganychaperonewegive you ”
“Iamnotachild,Father”
“Quiteright.Youareayoungladyandshouldbegoingplaceswithyourmaidorsomechaperoneintow.”
“Yes,yes,ofcourse,”shemuttered,tight-lipped,stilladmiringtheviolincasebeforeher “Foraladyissoincapable,thatshe needsanothertowatchoverhertomakesureshedoesnotmakeafoolofherself.”
“Youmaylaughatthenotion,butseeingasmydaughter thedaughterofanearl,noless isstandinginacommonmusicshop playingtheviolinlikeanyothermusician,Iratherthinkyou’reperfectlycapableofmakingafoolofyourself.”
“Zachariah,”Keirabrokein,hervoicesoft,thoughtherewaswarninginit
“Well,we common musicians,”Bartholomewsaidpointedly,“arequitecontentasweare,justasyouarecontenttolookdown uponus”
Zachariahtilted his chinhigher. Despite the lookofpride, Lydia recognized itfor whatitwas. Zachariahonlyever did this whenhefearedhe’doffendedsomeoneandwashopingtosavefaceandprotecthisdignityalittle.
Nomore words passedbetweenthe menas Zachariahofferednoapology,andBartholomew was hardlygoingtocontinue a conversation that was so disparaging He turned his back on Zachariah and picked up the violin case, sliding it along the countertowardLydia.
“Takeit,”heurged.
“Sheneedsnomoreinstruments.Wehaveamusicroomfullofthem,”Zachariahcalled,butLydiaignoredhim.
Shestaredatherunclewithherlipsparted.“Icannotdothat,”shewhisperedinarush.“Theseviolinsareexpensive.Imustat leastpayyouforit”
“Iwillnotletyouusemymoneytopayforanotherinstrument.Wehavesomuchsheetmusicasitis,it’spracticallycomingout ofthewindowsofthatroom,”Zachariahsaidwithafrustratedsigh.Keiraplacedahandtohisarminanattempttocalmhim.It seemedtosummonjustamomentarysilence.
“Consideritagift.AChristmaspresent,”Bartholomewsaidsoftly.
“ItisFebruary,”Lydiaremindedhimasshefoundherglovesoutofherreticuleandpulledthemon.
“Thenit’salateChristmaspresent.”Bartholomewlaughedandpressedthecaseintoherhandsagain.“Please,takeit.”
Lydiatookheruncle’shandandsqueezedittightly Herunclewasthekindestmansheknew,andhealwaysseemedtoknow justhowtomakeherhappy.
“Wonderful, another instrument to add to that collection,” Zachariahhuffed as he turned and marched backout of the door “Come,Lydia.”
Lydiasqueezedheruncle’shandonelasttimeingratitude “Thankyou,”shewhispered
Keirahurriedforwardandkissedherbrotheronthecheek,thoughnotawordpassedbetweenthem.Theyjustnoddedatone another,alookofpossibleunderstandingpassingbetweenthem,thoughLydiacouldnotreadit,thenKeiratookherarm,and shefollowedhermotheroutintothestreet.
“Wehavecometocollectyouaswehavenews Wonderfulnews,”Keirasaidinherusualsoftanddulcettones Shesmiledso sweetly,hermannersogenuine,thatLydiafoundithardtoholdontoanyfrustrationwhenitcametohermother.
Theyhuddledtogether,arminarm,astheycrossedthefrost-coveredstreetofCoventGardentowardthecarriagethatawaited themnearby.Zachariahstoodbytheopendoor,gesturinginsideandhurryingthemalong.
“Comeon,comeon,”hepleaded.“It’sfreezingoutheretoday.Arewetoletthecarriagewheelsfreezeintheseruts?”
“Patientas always,Father,”Lydiamuttereddistractedly,climbingintothecarriage Her mother followedandsatbesideher, takingherglovedhand.
“ItisaboutJasmine Oh,wonderfulnews,Lydia Wonderfulnewsindeed”
“I’msureitis,”Lydiasaiddrily.AfterJasminehadbeencourtedforthelastsixmonthsbyagentleman,shecouldbeinlittle doubtaboutwhatthis news could be Jasmine, atnineteenyears old, had notmissed the opportunityto remind Lydia as the oldersister,thespinsterofthefamily,thatshehadmanagedtocatchaman’seyesoyoungandduringherfirstSeason.
“DoyounotlikeLordReid?”Zachariahaskedasheclimbedintothecarriage Nowhewasawayfromthemusicshop,hewas moreatease,morehimself.Heevensatbackonthecoachbenchandtookoffhistophat,runningahandacrosshisthinning brownhair.“Heisagoodman.Hehascourtedyoursisterwellenough.”
“Wellenough,hmm.”Lydiakeptherthoughtstoherself.Tohermind,LordReidhadawanderingeye,buttherewasnothingshe couldsaytoprovesuchasuspicion Shehadonlyseenhisgazewanderingwhentheyattendedballsandassemblies,something whichJasminehadalwaysdenied.
“Anyway,youmustcomeandcelebratewithus.Thereismuchwehavetopreparenow,”Keirasaidexcitedlyandgiggledasif shewereayounggirlagain.Notwishingtoupsethermother,Lydianodded,thoughshecasthereyesdowntotheviolincase
At least something good has come from today Sheheldontothecasetighter.
***
“Come,youmusttoastmeandmymarriage,Lydia,”Jasminesaid,herlightbrownhairtightlycurledintoperfectionaroundher head Shetippedherheadback,makingthoseringletsdance “Raiseyourchampagneglasstomeandmyfuturehappiness”
“Toyourfuturehappiness,gladly,”Lydiasaid,raisingtheglasstohersister.
Jasmineturnedawaywithavictorioussmile,apparentlymissingthepartwhereLydiahadleftouttoastingthemarriageitself. Evan,however,didnotmissit.Hewalkedupbehindherintheirdrawingroom,alowchuckleescapinghim.Hewasastallas ever,andthoughLydiawasnowofaverageheight,shestillonlyreachedhisshoulder.
“Youarewary,”hewhisperedtoher.“YouthinkIcouldnotseewhatyoumissedoutinthattoast?”
“Well,Jasminehasnotnoticed,hasshe?”Lydiamurmuredoutofthesideofhermouth.“Shethinkstoomuchof…”
Victory
Lydiakeptthewordtoherself.ItwassomethingJasminehadalwaysbusiedherselfwith theideaofcompetition.Quitethe favoriteoftheirparents,shehadnevermissedachancetopleasetheirparentswhenLydiaandEvanfailedtodoso
Now, Jasmine was circling their mother and father, encouraging compliments about what a fine husband Lord Reid would make “HaveInotdonewell,Father?HaveI?”
“Verywell,indeed.OnyourfirstSeasonaswell.”
“Oh,yes Ofcourse,Iknowitwasonlynaturalintheend”Jasminecaughtherowneyeinthenearestmirroroverthefireplace andadjustedherringletsinthecandlelight,admiringherreflection.
“Where’smymusicwhenIneedit?”Jasminehissedatherbrother
“Grinandbearit,dearsister,”Evansaidwithachuckle.“Soon,wecanbothescape.”
If only we could escape sooner
YettoLydia’sdismay,herfather’sfocuswasnotremainingonJasmine.Instead,hewasturningtowardLydia.Hedownedthe
lastofthechampagneinhisglassandmovedtowardher.
“Lydia,mydear,thereissomethingwemustdiscuss.”
“Ohno,”Evanmuttered,alltracesoflaughtervanishing.
Lydia jerked her head toward him, buthe offered no explanation He simplydropped downinto the nearestchair, rubbinga handacrosshislightbrownhair hishabitualactionwhenitcametostressorworry.
“Whatmustwediscuss?”Lydiaasked HerfathertookherhandanddrewhertositwithhimonthenearestRococosettee
“WhilstIamdelightedmyyoungestdaughterwillbemarried,youmustunderstanditwillmakepeopletalk.”
“Marriagealwaysmakespeopletalk.”
“Asdoesalackofit”Hisvoicehardenedalittle “Lydia,youaresixyearsyoursister’ssenior”
“Irememberourbirthdays,Father.Ihardlyneedthereminder.”
“Attwenty-five,youareknownasquitethespinsternow”
She lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip, needing a distraction fromhis words. She had hardly been bothered about marriage.ShehadneverunderstoodwhyitseemedtobethepointofJasmine’sexistence,tofindaperfectmatch.
“Sheishardlytheonlyone,”Evanmuttered.“Thereareplentyofunmarriedwomenherage.”
“Inthe ton?”Zachariahaskedcoolly.
Evanshruggedandgesturedtohimself “Iamnotyetmarried” “Andyouareaman.Thematterisverydifferent.”
“Whyisit?”Lydiacutin,thoughherfatherclearlydeemedthisaridiculousquestionandbrusheditawaywithanerrantwave ofhishand.
“Itis time youmarried,” he said sharply. Lydia glanced toward Jasmine and her mother across the room, for the two were havingtheirchampagnetoppedupbythebutler,bothlosttoomuchintheirowndelighttotakenoteofthisconversation.“You havetowed”
Lydiacasthermindbacktoeverypossiblecourtshiporromanticmomenttherehadbeeninherlife. There have not been many such moments
Herlastattemptatacourtship,withaMr.RobertWarren,hadendedabruptlywhenhehadaccusedherofcaringforhermusic
morethanhim.Whenshe’dhadnointentionofdenyingthiswasthecase,hehadwalkedaway.
Therehadjustbeenoneotherromanticmomentofherlife,andthatwaswhenshewasachild,playingblindman’sbuffbythe lakeedgewithStephen.Shecouldstillremembertheexcitementoffallingtothegroundwithhim,ofmistakenlythinkinghe’d caredforher,too,whenhehadmadeitabundantlyclearhefeltnothingforher.
She brushed the thoughtawayfast. Thoughshe and Stephenwere still friends, she had notpermitted herselfto thinkofthat incidentforyears.
“Husbandscannotbeproducedoutofthinair,Father,”Lydiasaidslowly.“IamhappyforJasminetofindahusband,butwhat doyouexpectmetodo?Snapmyfingerstoproduceoneofmyown?”
“No that is my job, as your father.” Zachariah’s words left Lydia winded. She stared at him, in danger of dropping her champagneglass “YoushallbecourtingViscountCarpenter Ihavearrangedforyoutomeetshortly”
Lydiablinked.Forasecond,shethoughtshemustbehavingsomenightmare.Surelyherfatherdidnotintendtomarryheroffto oneofhisoldfriends?
“Father.”Evansatforward.Hehadmanagedtospillhisownglass,thechampagnedrippingoverthekneeofhistrousers.“You wouldmarryLydiatosuchaman?Hehasbeenmarriedmultipletimes ”
“Andhaslosteachwifeintragiccircumstances.Itishightimehehadsomeluckinthewifehechose.”
“Father ” Lydia whispered in horror, leaning forward and matching her brother’s look of pure panic “He is a known philanderer.Wouldyoubetrothmetohim?”
“Rumors Rumorsonly”Hedismissedthemwithawaveofhishand
“Fath ”
“This is notfor discussion.” Zachariahstood, shakinghis head somberly. There was no delightinhis voice, butmore a sad resolution.“Youhavehadyearstofindyourownmatch,andyetyouhavenotdoneso.Itismyresponsibilitytofindonefor younow YoushallcourtViscountCarpenter,andyoushallmarryhim”
Heturnedhisbackandcrossedtheroom,headingtowardJasmine
LydiastaredatherbrothertofindEvanwasasspeechlessasshewas.Neitherofthemsaidanything.Asthesilenceextended betweenthem,Jasmine’slaughtersoundedmorelikeacacklefromacrosstheroom.
Chapter2
Stephenknocked onthe door withpurpose. As he waited for the butler to openthe door, he turned and looked at his own reflectioninthenearestwindow.Withadesperatemoveofhishand,hetriedtoflattenhisdarkbrownhair,whichwasalways curlingmadlyandoutofcontrol Itrefusedtolayflat,andhecurseditbeforestraighteninghissuit
Everything has to be perfect today. Everything…
Asthedooropened,heturnedasmileonthebutler.
“Ah,gooddaytoyou,Belton,”headdressedthemanwithakindtone.Thebutlersmiledwarmly.
“Itisapleasureasalways,LordRothwell.Ifyoufollowme,Ishallshowyoutomymistress.”
“Thankyou”Stephenfollowedthebutlerintothehouse,continuingtostraightenhistailcoatashewent Hetookhisglovesand tophatoff,leavingthemonthecoatstandbeforetrailingthroughthehouse.
Abigail’shomewasawarmoneindeed,decoratedbeautifully,thoughtodayStephentooknonoticeofanyofit Hehadcome withan express purpose in mind. Todaywould be the end of their courtship, and he hoped to begin their betrothal. In his pocket,heevencarriedhismother’sengagementringthatshehadgivenhimlongagotobestowontherightwoman
Hecheckedtheringboxwasstillinhispocket,justasthebutlerturnedtoshowhimintothegardenroom.
“Ah.”Beltonstumbledtoastop,thesurpriseinhissuddengaspplain.IfBeltonwishedtoblocktheview,tosomehowprotect hismistress,hisshortheightdefiedhim.Stephenwastallenoughtoseeeasilyoverthebutler’shead,andwhathesawstolehis breathaway
Abigailwasnotalone.Thoughshewasbeingchaperonedwithanelderlymaidinthecornerofthegardenroom,fussingover thepottedpalmleavesthatkeptfallingonherface,therewasanotherwiththem Shesatclosetoagentlemanthatwasalltoo familiartoStephen LordOswynKenilworth.
The two were hand inhand, leaningtoward one another, seeminglyonthe verge ofkissing Instead, Lord Kenilworthraised Abigail’shandtohislipsandkissedtheback.Therecouldbenomistakingtherelationship,noneatall.
“Youmustallowmetodeclarethedepthsofmyaffection,”LordKenilworthwhispered,andAbigailsmiled,encouraginghim on.
Beltonclearedhisthroat,andbothLordKenilworthandAbigailsnappedtheirheadstowardthedoorway
Stephenstared atAbigail, feelingkicked inthe gut. How could this be? How could she be entertaininganother gentleman? Howcouldshebeencouraginghisdeclarationoflove?
Hehadnoticedtheirclosenessonceataball,butwhenhehadchallengedAbigailonthesubject,shehaddenieditandassured Stephentherewasnoothergentlemaninherheartbuthim.
“LordRothwell,”shemutteredandstood,herhandstillinLordKenilworth’s.
Ah, I am Lord Rothwell once again no longer Stephen to her Stephenbackedupfast.HetriedtotearhisgazefromAbigail’sshiningblackhairandherelfinfeatures,whichhassoattracted him HelookedinsteadatthelookonLordKenilworth’sface Wastherevictoryinthatsmile?Hecertainlywasn’treleasing Abigail’shand.
“Excuse me, Belton,” Stephen murmured to the butler and hastened through the corridor Determined to leave at once, he snappeduphistophatandhisgloves,yethewasnotalone.Beltonhadnotfollowedhimoutofthatroom,butAbigailhad.
“Stephen ”
“Ah,youusemynamenow,”heobservedtartly,turningtofaceher.“Whatisgoingon,Abigail?YouvowedtomethatLord Kenilworthmeantnothingtoyou”
Theringboxinhistoppocketnowfeltstrangelyheavy,muchweightierthanbefore.
“Itisover,”Abigailsaidinaflattone.
“What?”Stephen’svoicesoundedtoohigh.
“Ourcourtship.”Hersmallblueeyeswereascoldasicenow,nolongerwarmandinvitinglikepoolsofwater.
Silence fell betweenthem. Stephenshifted his weightbetweenhis feet, determined he had heard her quite wrong. Theyhad beencourtingformonths,closetosharingakissonmultipleoccasions Shehadoftenwhisperedwordsofloveinhisear,even whentheywerebeingchaperoned.She’dheldhishandjusttwoweeksbeforeanddeclaredshewouldneverloveanother.
“Youloveme,”heremindedhersimply “Howoftenhaveyoutoldmeasmuch?”
“Thingschange,”shemuttered.Herhandsfidgetedtogether,andshelookeddownatthefloorbetweenthem.
“Thendenyittomenow Ifyouareinearnest”Hesteppedtowardher,urginghertolookupafewinchesintothecenterofhis chest.“Lookmeintheeyeandtellmeyoufeelnothingformenow.”
Shekeptherfocusinthecenterofhischest.
“Ifeelnothingforyounow.”
“Youdidnotlookmeintheeye.”Arushofhopeleaptinhischest.IfAbigailwasdonewithhimforgood,shewouldhavetold himas muchbylookinghiminthe eye She was confidentenoughto do so, self-assured inher ownskin “Whataren’tyou tellingme,Abigail?Whydenyyourheartnow?”
“Thewhyhardlymatters.”Shebackedupandturnedonthespot,hereyesfranticallydartingtowardhimasifshewasafraidto betooclosetohimincasesherelentedtotemptation.
Heknewthattemptation.Howoftenhadtheyfeltitinoneanother’spresence?Itwaswhyhehadcometoaskforherhandin marriagetoday.
“Ifyoudoubtedthesincerityofmyownheart,thenthrustsuchthoughtsawaynow.”Hemovedtowardher,tryingtocatchher eye,thoughshenowdeterminedlystareddownatherfidgetinghands.“ForIhadcometoaskyousomething ”
“Donotspeakofit.”Sheheldherhandsupfirmlyintheair,palmsturnedtowardhim.He’dbeenabouttoutterthequestion,to declarehisheartcomplete,totellherthathewishedtomarryher,butthewordsnowlaiddeadenedinhisthroat “I Icannot beartohearit.Please,justleave,Stephen.Knowthis.Whatwesharedisover,ourcourtship,too ”
“AndsofastyouaretocourtLordKenilworth?No.”Heshookhisheadbackandforth.“Ifyouaretobedonewithmesofast,I deservetoknowwhy.OrwasIsimplyatoyforyoutoplaywithforthelastsixmonths?Somethingforyourownamusement?”
“Please,go.”
“Iinsistonhavingastraightanswer,Abigail”
“Andyouwillnothaveone.”Hereyesflashedinangeroncemore.Thaticyfeelingfelloverhim.Heinhaledsharply,feeling the cold air fromthe winter wind had followed himinto this house “Please,” she added, her voice muchquieter this time, “pleasego.”
Stephenhadnochoice Hebackeduptowardthedoor,pullinghisleathergloveson
Somethingwas verywrongindeed. Abigail still feltsomethingfor him, or she would have looked himinthe eye whenshe denied him She would have givenhima straightanswer Her enigmatic answers were all the confirmationhe needed as he marchedoutthedoor.
“Thereismoretothis,”hehissedunderhisbreathasheshutthedoorloudlybehindhim Hejumpeddownthefrontstepsof herhouse,makinghissteedthatawaitedhiminthestreetwhinnyinsurprise.“Thereismore.”
Hepulledhimselfintothehorse’ssaddleandturnedtheanimalaround,sohewasaffordedonelastlookofthehouse
Abigailstoodinthenearestwindow.Shehadn’treturnedtositbesidehernewloverbuthadcometowatchhimashemadehis retreat Sheraisedherhandandwaved,asoftnessreturningtohermanner,thesamesoftnesshehadsooftenknownbefore
Itwasevenmoreproofbeforehiseyes.
“She still loves me,” he muttereddarklyas he flickedthe reins andurgedthe horse togallopawaydownthe frostycobbled road.“Iknowshedoes.”
“Mother,willyounotlistentome?”Lydiapleadedasshestoodfromthetablewheretheyhadsharedtheirlunch.
Zachariahwas outtodayonbusiness andEvanhadgone withhim.Hadtheybeenatthe table,Lydia mightnothave beenso loudinherexclamations.Keiraflinchedatthefootofthetablebutstillcalmlybutteredherbread.
“Thematterisdecided Yourfatherhasmadethearrangements ”
“Oh,myfather.Yes,myfather.Tellme,doesheorderallofourlivesaround?Doeshecontrolusallasifwearemarionettes dancingonhispuppetstrings?”
“Lydia,please,”Keirasaidinagasp.“Showsomerespectforyourfather.Heisthemasterofthishousehold.”
“Hemaybethemasterofthishousehold,butheisnotthemasterofme,mymind,ormybody”Shestoodtall,herhandsonher hips.
Keirashifteduncomfortablyinherchair,thoughbesideheratthetablewasJasmine,currentlytryingtostiflehergigglesinto herteacup.
“Whyareyoulaughing?”Lydiaaskedsharplyofhersister “Doesmymiseryamuseyou?”
“Ofcourseitdoesn’t”Keirashookherhead,lookingupsharply “Youarealwayssoquicktojudgeyoursister,Lydia”
Shehuffedandturnedaway,frustratedthathermotheralwaysmollycoddledJasmine.Shesawasweetcherubimangelwhere LydiaandEvansawsomeonemischievous,eagertotwistKeiraaroundherlittlefingereverychanceshegot.
“Iamsimplythinkingthatyoushouldhave takenmatters into your ownhands, mydear sister,” Jasmine saidwithsuchfalse sweetness, Lydia was alarmed her mother fell for it Keira looked dotinglyather younger daughter as Lydia stared atthem open-mouthedacrossthediningroom.“Youhavebeenoutinthe ton forsixyearsnow.Ifyouhadfoundahusbandinthattime, fatherwouldnothavehadtofindoneforyou.”
“Itishardlylikefishing,Jasmine.”
“Thatisexactlywhatitislike,”Jasminesaid,puttingdownherteacup “Onehastobeattractiveenough,therightbaittocatch ahusband.Theonetheywant.Ifyoudidnotmakeyourselfdesirableenough,then…”Shesighed,asifitwasagreatsadnessto her “ThenIamsorryforyouindeed”
Lydiadidn’tthinkherjawcouldbecomeanyslackerasshestaredathersisterinamazement.
“Youaretrulygoodinyourloveforyoursister,”Keirasaid,pattingJasmine’shand
Lydiashookherheadathermother.Clearly,KeirafellforeveryfalsesweetnessthatescapedJasmine’slips.
“Now,ifyouwouldexcuseme,dears.”Keirastood,finishingthelastbiteofhertoast.“Ihavesomeletterstowrite.Wemust prepareforthespringSeasonsoon.”
Thisseemedalittleearlyassnowwasthreateningtofallbeyondthewindows,but Lydiagladlylethermotherleavetheroom. Asthedoorclosedbehindher,sheraisedhereyebrowsatJasmine,waitingforhertosaysomethingmore.Sheknewherlittle sisterwellenoughtoknowthatJasminewouldnotmisstheopportunitytodriveaknifeofpaininalittlefurther Shegotsome sortofpleasureoutofseeingLydiaandEvanknowtheywerenotthefavoritechild.
“Itistrue,youknow,”shesaidafteraminute,pickingupherteacupinanattempttohidehervictorioussmileonceagain “If youhadjustcaughtahusband,youwouldn’tbeinthismess.”
“Caughtahusband,eh?”
“Ifyouhadmadeagoodmatch ”
“Pah! Now we are getting to what matters to you.” Lydia’s exclamation made Jasmine’s smile falter for the first time that morning “Youcareaboutanadvantageousmatch LordReidhasposition,contacts,andwealth Thatisallyouthinkabout,isit not?Youdonotthinkoflove.”
Calmly,Jasminetookasipofteabeforeloweringthecupagain.Shestoodfromthetable.“Quiteright.Whathaslovegottodo withmarriage,anyway?”
“IfeelasifIamtalkingtoasimpletonallofasudden Youdoknowthatintheweddingvows,youaredeclaringtoloveyour husbanduntildeathpartsyou,doyounot?”Lydiaasked.
“Yes”Jasmineshrugged,asifitwasnogreatmatter “Loveisoverrated Idonotbelievelovewill keepmeinriches,with goodfood,fineclothes,andawarmbedatnight.No,buttheeldestsonofamarquess?Well,hecancertainlygivemeallthose things.”
Lydiashookherheadandmarchedtowardthedoorofthediningroom.
“Youseekmoneyalone,”shemutteredinhersister’sdirection
“Andifyouwerewise,youwouldseekittoo,”Jasminecalledafterher.“LordReid’sfatherisonhisdeathbed.Didyouknow that?” The question made Lydia stall in the doorway “Soon enough, Lord Reid will be a marquess, and I shall be a marchioness.”Shesmiledbroadly.
“Andthisisallyoudesire,isit?Thedeathofonegoodman,toensureyour comfort?”Lydiacouldn’tstopthederisionin hertone.Shewasshockedatthecallousnessofherownsister.
“Comfortisimportant,”Jasminesaidsimply “Besides,onceIamamarchioness,I’llcertainlybeofahigherstandingthanyou, won’tI?Thespinsterdaughterofanearlwhoiseveryone’spitifulmusicianatparties.”
The words cutdeep ItseemedJasmine hadnorespectfor her atall,none thatamountedtoanything Infact,this confession suggestedthatallJasmineeverwantedwastobeconsideredofahigherclassthanher.
Lydialefttheroomfast,lettingthedoorswingshutbehindher Shemarchedupanddownintheentrancehall,knowingthatshe hadtogetoutofthishouse,thatshehadtothinkaboutwhatshewasgoingtodo.Comewhatmay,shewasn’tgoingtobesold offtoViscountCarpenter
Evan was right when he had mentioned Carpenter being married multiple times. Both wives had been lost at suspiciously youngages,afactthatmadeLydiashudderinfear.
Whenthesoundofacarriagepulleduponthedriveway,shedartedtowardit,fearspikinginherstomach.Evanjumpeddown fromthecarriageasZachariahslowlyfollowedbehindhim.Afraidtohavetohavetheargumentalloveragain,Lydiapicked upthe skirtofher gownandranthroughthe house She endedupinthe servants’quarters beside the kitchen,causingsucha frightofsurpriseassheappearedthatonemaidupendedatrayofpastriesthathadbeenfreshlymade.
“Oh,myapologies.”Lydiahelpedthemaidpickupthepastriesasherlady’smaidappearedbesideher.
“Mylady?Howcomeyouaredownhere?”
“Beatrice,Ineedyour help.”Lydiastoodstraightagain.“Ineedyoutotell myparentsthatIamindisposedfor awhile.Tell themIhaveaheadacheorsomethingandshouldnotbedisturbed Iamgoingtogoforawalktoclearmyhead,andIdonot wantthemorachaperonerunningafterme.”
“Verywell.”Beatricenodded,herblondechignonbouncingwiththemovement.
“Thankyou.”LydiadartedtowardthedoorbeforeBeatricecaughtherhand.
“Waitaminute It’sstartingtosnowoutside Youmustbedressedwarmerthaninjustyourgown”
“Oh,yes,ofcourse.”Lydianodded,frustratedatherself.Itseemedshewasnowbecomingsoafraidofthefuturethatshewas incapableofthinkingstraight
Withina few minutes, Beatrice had returned. She threaded Lydia into a spencer jacketand bonnet, handingher some suede gloves Lydiathankedherforherkindnessandcreptoutofthekitchendoor,intothewalledvegetablegarden Shecheckedthe windowsmultipletimesasshecrossedthefrost-bittenground,butnoonewaslookingoutofthissideofthehouse.
Steppingoutofthewalledgate,shewasabletotakerefugeinthewoodsofherfather’sestate,andsheran.Herbootsslipped morethanonceontheicyearth,butshehardlycared.Allsheknewwasthatshehadtoescapefromhereasfastaspossible.
Thecoldwindwhippedhercheeksandtookoffherbonnet,whichbouncedonherbackastheribbonstayedtiedaroundher neck.Theskirtofhergownrippledinthewind,andmorethanoncedidshehavetoreachouttotreesnearbytogripthemto stopherselffromfallingover
Itwasliberatingtobeoutinthiscoldinthewoods.Sofewpeopleevercamehere,foritwaswhereherfather’sestatemetthe BaronRothwell’s estate Onlyoccasionallywould she see a gardener or a groundskeeper ontheir walk, butfortunatelythis morning,itwassocoldshewastheonlyoneamongthosetrees.
She darted downa freshpath, runninginto the thickest part of the woodland betweenthe estates There was a lake hidden betweenthevastoaktrees,icyandwhite.AsLydiatriedtocometoastopatthelakeedge,herbootsslippedontheiceand sheveeredtowardthewater
Apairofhandscameuparoundher,andshefroze,mereinchesfromthewater.
“Stephen!”Lydiasoundedoutraged.
Stephenputheronherfeetatonceandreleasedher,smilingforthefirsttimeinhours.AtleastLydiacouldhavethisaffecton him,nomatterwhathismoodwas Hebrusheddownhisfrockcoatandfacedherasshestumbledawayfromhim,redinthe face,adjustingthebonnetsoitwasbackonherhead,hidingthemassofauburncurlsthatwasalwaystryingtoescapeitsupdo.
“Whathappened?”Stephenaskedatonce.
“What?”
“Well,youhardlymakeitacommonoccurrencetocomerunningthroughthesetreeslikeawildfox.Theremustbesomething amiss”Heturnedtositdownwherehehadbeenbefore,secondsbeforehersuddenandnoisyappearancethroughthetrees He perchedonafallenlog,leaningforwardandstaringoutatthelake.
SincehehadleftAbigail’shousethatmorning,hehadbeentakingrefugeherebythelake,staringatthewater
“Itdoesn’tmatter.” Lydia turned onthe spot. Her frantic movements drew his attentionand Stephentwisted to face her. She marchedinastrangecircle,herbootsindangerofslippingontheicyriverbankbeneathherfeet
“Ihavealreadysavedyoufromfallinginthatlake.Donotmakemedoitagain.Imightnotbequickenoughnexttime.”
Shefellstill,staringoutatthewatertoo.Hecontinuedtostareather,markingmoreandmoretherewasachangeinherusual appearance.
Lydiawasusuallyacalmperson Shewasneverafraidtostateheropinion;shehadavoice,somethingStephenhadadmired abouthereversincetheywerechildren,butthisfranticnesswasnotinhernature.
“Come,Lydia.Whatiswrong?Wearefriends,arewenot?”heaskedquietly.
“Weare.”Yetthewordswerestrangelymuffled,asifshewasreluctanttopartherlipstoutterthewords.
Stephenleftwhatwasunsaidbetweenthemhoveringintheair.
Thelasttimehehadsavedherfromfallinginalake,theywerejustfifteen Thatday,ithadbecomeplainjustwhatLydiafelt forhim,andwhenhehadrejectedher,jumpingawayfromherasifshewasacowpat,ithadmarredtheirfriendship.
To this day, Stephen would not talk of that moment Lydia was his friend, Evan’s sister, and he certainly wouldn’t have submittedtoanysortoftemptationorchildishfancyhemighthavehadofheratthetime.Theirfriendshiphadbeendulledfora few months, butbythe time theywere sixteen, thatparticular dayhad seeminglybeenforgotten Theyhad beenfriends ever since.
“Weshouldhaveachaperoneouthere,”shesaidsuddenly.“Myfatherwouldn’tlikeitifheheardIhadbumpedintoyou.”
“Thendo nottell him,” Stephenargued simply. “It’s hardlythe firsttime we have bumped into eachother inthese grounds, thoughIadmit,it’sthefirsttimeI’veseenyouinsuchastate.”Shehuffed,herglovedhandsmovingtoherhips.“Lydia?What iswrong?”Hesoftenedhisvoice.
Hisowntroublescouldwaitforamoment.Attheveryleast,ifhewasforcinghimselftothinkofLydiainsteadofhimself,then theacheinhisheartatAbigail’ssuddenrejectiondidn’thurtsomuch.Herubbedhischest,hopingtorelievethatpainasLydia movedtositbesidehim.Shedidn’tlookathimbutstaredoutatthewater.
“Jasmineisbetrothed.”
“Is thatnota good thing? Iwould have thoughtyouandEvanquite eager tohave her outofthe house.” He chuckled lightly. “Shehasahabitofwantingtocausetrouble”
“My father is not happy to have a younger daughter married before the elder. He’s… ashamed to have a spinster for a daughter.”
Stephenlookedsharplyather.Hecouldseethelinespulledtightaroundherlipsasshestruggledtosaythewords.
“Spinster?” he repeated Strangely, he’d never thought of Lydia in this light She was just Lydia She was the musician he admired,theonewhocouldplaywithsuchpassionthatnooneintheroomcouldhelpbutstopandlisten.Shewasthewoman withakeenvoice,aneagerunderstandingofpolitics,andaladywithafascinationforgoodconversationandwit Shewas Lydia,notaspinster.“Astrangewordtouseforanyone.”
“HesaysImustcourtViscountCarpenter”
Stephengrewrigid.Heturnedhisheadsosharplythathecrickedhisneckandhadtoraiseahandtorubthesorespotthere.
“C-Carpenter?”hestammeredinalarm,standingsosuddenlyoffthelogthathenearlymanagedtodislodgeLydia.“Youand Carpenter?You’regoingtomarryhim!?”
“Hencetherunningthroughthewoodslikeamadfox,”sheexplained,wavingahandatthetreesbehindher “I’dratherruninto thatlakeandsufferallthaticefordaysonendthancourthim.”
Stephencouldn’tsummonwords. He was now the one to marchup and down, pacing, unable to find somewhere to puthis glovedhands.Heputthemonhiships,wrungthemtogether,andsatisfiedhimselfwithshovingtheminhispockets.
Thesnowthathadthreatenedtofallsincehestartedhiswalknowstartedtofallagain Thelightwisps,likeflecksofcotton, hungintheair,thoughhewhippedawaytheonesthatfellonhiseyelashes.
“Thiscannothappen,”hemutteredeventually.
“Itwillnothappen.”Sheshookherhead.“IfIhavetostandupinthatchurchandrefusehiminmyweddingvows,Iintendto doso.”
“Good.” For some reason, this made Stephen feel much better. He sat down on the log again, sighing heavily. “Only your father,” he muttered.“Onlythatmanwouldcare more aboutwhatthe ton thinks abouthavinganunmarrieddaughter thanhis owndaughter’shappiness”
“Yes,indeed,”shewhispered.“ThoughifIranmylifeasIpleased,thatwouldnodoubtscarhimforlife.”
Stephenlookedatherwitharchedbrows.Strangely,hehadneveraskedLydiahowshewouldrunherlifeifshehadcomplete freedomtodoso.
“Youarefree,”hesaidquietly.“Well,freeenough.”Shelookedathimquestioningly,thesmallestofamusedgrinsonherlips.
“Ithinkyoumistakeyourownfreedomformine Youforgetyouareagentleman,andabaron,withyourownlandandfortune Byhavingyourownpossessions,youhavefreedomtogowhereyoulikeanddowhatyouwant.Idonot.”Sheshookherhead inemphasis
“Well,theworldisamessed-upplace.”
“You’llhearnoargumentfrommeonthatscore”
“Whatwouldyoudo,then?”
“What?”
“Ifyouhavemyfreedom?”heasked,sittingstraightonthelog.“Whatwouldyoudowithyourfreedom,Lydia?”
Hehungonherwords,strangelycuriousatheranswer.Shesighedandlookedawayonceagain,herauburnhairripplinginthe windasithungdownfromherbonnet
“I’dplaymymusic,and…I’dbepaidforit.”
“Ah,Isee Youwishtobeamusician?Aprofessionalmusician?”
“Donotlaughatme.”
“Iamnotlaughing.”Hisstatementseemedtocatchherbyalarm,andshelookedathimonceagain,thoseblueeyeswide.They werenotlikeAbigail’sicyblueeyes.Theywereamuchdeeperblue,almostgreeninplaces,ratherlikeastormyocean.He lookedaway,wonderingwhyhehadtakennoteofsuchathingatall.“Ihope,oneday,youcanhaveyourfreedom,Lydia.”
“Thankyou,”shewhispered
Theyfellintoaquiet,bothstaringatthelakewithuneaseandfearhoveringintheairbetweenthem Thewindwhistledpast them,makingthembothshiver,andinthedistance,winterbirdscouldbeheardtwittering.
“It’syourturn,then.”Hersuddenwordsmadehimflinch.
“What?”
“Whyareyouhidingouthere?”Shegesturedtohim.“Webothknowit’stoocoldinthissnowforalongwalk,yetjudgingby thesnow onyour boots,you’vebeenhereawhile”Hetriedtobrushsomeofthesnow offhissolesontothelog,thoughhe soongaveup.
“It’saboutAbigail,”hesaideventually “Ah.Whathasshedonenow?”
“Done?”
“Well,yourcourtshiphashardlybeenaneasyone,hasit?”sheaskedwithashrug.“Thenumberoftimesyou’vebemoanedher flirtingwithanothergentleman ”
“Sheisnotthatbad.”
“Orthatshehasmissedsomeengagementshepromisedtobeat.”
“Thatwasonlyonce”
“No,itwasn’t.”Lydialaughedalittle,thoughshetooknorealsenseofhumorinthemoment.Itwasmorethatshewaspointing outStephen’sfolly,somethinghefounddistinctlydifficulttobearatthatmoment “Evanaccompaniedyouoncetothetheatreas shecanceledlastminute.Iaccompaniedyoutoamusicconcertwithinanhour’snoticeasshehadsentwordthatshenolonger wishedtogo”
“Twicethen.”Stephenacceptedwithasigh.Lydiaraisedhereyebrows.“Don’tlookatmeinthatknowingway.”
“We bothknow itwas more thantwice,” she whispered, her voice kind Ifshe had beensharp, Stephenwould have argued withher,butitwasthatsofttonethatbrokehimmorethananyother.Hesighedloudlyandtippedhisheadback,staringatthe treebranchesandthefallingsnowabovethem
“Istillloveher,Lydia.”ItwasastrangeconfessiontomaketoLydiaofallpeople,buthereasonedwithhimselfthatifLydia had ever cared for himbeyond anythingother thana friend, that was tenyears ago She had never shownhimthe slightest inclinationsincethatdaybythelake.
“Iknow,”Lydiasaidcomfortingly “Hopefullywhenyouarewed,shewill notbesoinconstantinheraffections That’sall I cansay.”
“She ”Stephenknew hehadtosayitnow Besides,itwashardlysomethingthatcouldstayhidden Withinafew days,the newswouldnodoubtbeobservedinthescandalsheets.Hecouldjustimaginetheheadlinesnow.
