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Shelby

LAXairportsuckedyear-roundas visitors fromall over the worldcame tosunnyCalifornia tovacation.Itwas chaotic and packed,somethingmostpeopleexpected,butwhenyourtravelpartnercouldn’tdoadarnthingtohelpyoumadeitsuckeven more.

IgrittedmyteethasIapproachedJakeseatedatourgate Helookednervousandoutofsorts Judgingbyhissourface,he probablywouldn’twantthecoffeeI’dwaitedinlineforthirty-twominutestoget.

Mygazeloweredtomyicedmatchatealatte,thenshiftedtohishousebrewwithcream,nosugar Ifnothingelse,I’denjoy mydrink.

He looks so pathetic.Handsomeinhishigh-enddesignerclothesandexpensivesalonhaircut.AtotalCaliforniahottiewith blondhairandagoldentan Jakegaveoffanairofwealthandpowerwithhisarmscrossedoverhischestandhissquarejaw tight. He was often mistaken for Brad Pitt and was likely his doppelganger. To have women fawning over himregularly, strokedhisalreadysizableego,butatthisverysecond,helookedpitiful Ifrownedandwentovertohim.Itirritatedmehowsillyhewasbeingbecausehedidn’twanttomeetmyfamily.Heshould befetchingmeadrinkandreassuringme thateverythingwouldbefine,nottheotherwayaround.

WhileIcouldn’twaittocelebratemyparents’fortiethweddinganniversary,andseemybrotherandsister,I’dheardmyexboyfriendhad moved backto myhometown.Ihadzero desire tosee Cade Norris. Butour families were close. Closer than somebloodrelatives Thechancesofseeinghimwereinfuriatinglyhigh Ireally, really didn’twanttobeanywherenearCadeNorris.

Ifitwasn’tfortheanniversary,mydad’srecentParkinson’sdiagnosis,andmymotherpesteringmeaboutbringingmyrich, successfulboyfriend,whommyfamilyhadn’tmet,Iwouldn’tdarestepfootintoBurntwood,SouthDakota.

ThereIwasinternallyfreakingout,butsomeoneneededtoholdittogetheranditsureashellwasn’tgoingtobeJake. Forstarters,JakewasthefirstguyI’dgottenseriouswithaftermanyyearshadpassedpost-breakupwithCade. Secondly,myex would showupatsomepointjusttopissmeoff.Ifeltitinthemarrowofmybones.Thevisitwouldturn intoabattleofwillsbetweenJakeandCade Evenworse,CadewouldlikelymakesureJakeknewhe’dbeenmyfirstlove andfirsteverything.

Thirdly,Jakedreadedmeetingmyfamily He’dtoldme, Shelby, I’ve never met the parents of any girl I dated Can’t you go alone?

Alone?Hellno!Weweren’tonlydating,welivedtogether!

I hadn’t seen my family in almost two years and had missed all my favorite holidays and Burntwood’s end of summer festival.So,I’dlaiddownthelaw andtoldJakehewasgoingwhetherornothewantedto.BeforeJake,andafterCadehad movedoutoftown,I’dgonehomeseveraltimesayear Ilovedmyfamilyandmissedthemterribly NochanceinhellI’dlet eithermankeepmefromcelebratingmyparents’specialanniversary,especiallywithmydad’sdiagnosis.

Cadehadbetterbeonhisbestbehavior Thenagain,Ihadnoideawhohewasanymore He’djoinedabikerclub,rodea Harley,andhadgottentattoosonhisarms.Clearly,he’dgoneofftherailsafterwebrokeup.

ButhowcouldhedotheonethingI’dbeggedhimtodoforme?HowcouldhemoveoutofBurntwood?

Granted,Cadehadn’tgonefar andstayedinSouthDakota Still,he’dmovedafter tellingmehecouldn’tgotoCalifornia withme.WhenmysisterLivhadtoldmethenewsyearsago,Iwentofftherailscursinghisnameandvowingtoneverforgive himforbreakingmyheart

Ibitdownonmybackmolarsandfocusedonmyhandsomeboyfriend. Cade means nothing to you. Right,Iwasoverhim. Wayoverhim

Mystomachtwistedintoaknot… But Cade is in Burntwood.I’dbeforcedtointroduceJaketomycocky,hardheadedex. Thiscouldverywellbetheworstvisitever.

Jakedidn’tknowmuchaboutCadeandI,onlythatwe’ddatedwhenwewereyoung

We’dbeensomuchmorethanyoung love. We were soul mates and had planned our future together, then I’d gotten accepted into my top college in Southern CaliforniaandCadewouldn’tbudgeaboutmovingwithme Ituggedonmyshirtcollar,suddenlyfeelinghotandpanicky.

EverythingwithJake mighthave moved atlightningspeed butIwas livingthe life I’d dreamed ofhaving… onlywitha differentman.

Stop it, Shelby!You’re already letting Cade mess with your head

IinhaledadeepbreathandsoldieredontowardJake.Cadewouldn’truinthisweekend.Hemeantnothingtomeanymore.

“Hereyougo,babe”IhandedJakehisboringhouseblendcoffee “Areyouokay?Youdon’tlooksogood”

“I’llbefine.Meetingtheparentsisahugedealforme.I’mnervous.”Irritationrolledoffhiminepicsaltywavescrashing inmyface Admittedly,hecould’vetoldmeno Ihadn’theldaguntohishead,butIhadbeenpushy,andImighthavegiven himthecoldshoulderforacoupleofdaysuntilhegaveintome.

GuiltsparkedinmychestasIsatnexttohim.IcaredaboutJakeanddidn’twanthimtorageoranything.Ineededtokeep himcalmsowe’dhaveagreatvisit

“Ipromise,theydon’tbite.”Istrokedhischeekwithmythumb,thenkissedhimtenderly.“ButImight,”Itoldhiminaflirty tonetohelptakehismindoffmyfamily

“Ihatethatyou’remakingmego.”

“I’mnotmakingyoudoanything,”Isnipped Somuchfordistractinghimwithmywomanlywiles He’dtoldmenoallthe time.Hecould’verefusedandIwould’vegonealone…ifheletme.

“Comeon.YouknowIdidn’thaveachoice.Ihadtocome.”Hesealedhislipstomineandsilencedme.Histongueslipped intomymouth,andallIcoulddowasenjoyhisattention Relishthismomentofpeaceandcloseness Lordknewoncewegot toBurntwood,wewouldn’thaveamomentalone.

Hecapturedmybottomlipbetweenhisteeth,sendingazingspearingthroughmycoreandexcitementbloomed ButbeforeI soakedmypanties,hepulledaway,endingourlip-lock.

“Areyousureyourdadwon’tcomeoutwithhisshotgunandrushustothealtar?”

“Jake,benice.I’magrownwoman.Myparentsrespectmychoicesandwouldneverinterfereinmylife.”Irolledmyeyes, notappreciatinghissnark.“Butyouwillbesleepinginthebarn.They’reoldschool.”

“Seriously?”Hevisiblytensedinfrontofme “I’mkidding.” Ishookmyhead and laughed as Isweptmygaze around the busyairport. Jake had to have knownIwas joking Hewasjuststressedlikedozensofothertravelers “Shit,Shelby.Iwasabouttobolt,”hehissed,exasperationinhisvoice.

Nice going, Shell

“I’msorry, babe. Butifyouleft, youwouldn’tgetto make love to me inthe hayloft.” As the words leftmylips, instant mortificationfollowed.Iwoulddoanythingtoyankthembackintomystupidmouth.HowcouldImentionCade’sandmyspot?

“Areyouseriousthistimeorjokingagain?”Hiseyessmolderedwithintrigue,anditsoftenedme andconfusedthehell outofme.Jakewouldneverenterabarn.

“I'mserious Wannaexperiencewherecountrykidshavesex?”Istudiedhisface,scrutinizingeverycreasearoundhiseyes andwrinklesinhisforehead.Likealways,Icouldn’ttellifhewasmessingwithme.

HowwouldIdigmyselfoutofthispileofcowdung?DoingitinthehaylofthadbeenmyfantasyinhighschoolafterCade hadtakenmyvirginity Not taken I’dfreelygivenmyselftohim,beggedforhimtodeflowermeformonthsbeforeI’dworn himdown.Afterourfirstfewtimes,I’dwantedtodoiteverywhere,sortofleavingourmarkthroughoutBurntwoodlikedogs pissingonfirehydrants

Stupid, girl. Why’d you mention the hayloft?

I’m an idiot Why do I let Jake confuse me when his personality flips on a dime?

“YouknowI’malwaysupforagoodtime,butbarnsareladenwithfilthygerms.ButImightbewillingtogiveitagointhe airport.Gotanyfantasiesyouwantmetomakereal?”heraspedinalustfultone.

“I’mintrigued byyour suggestion” Isnorted and shookmyhead Whendid Jake Phillips become a comedian? This man wouldneverhavesexanywhereotherthanathisplacewhereheknewitwassterile.

He reached his hand behind my neck and pulled me into a desire-filled kiss That little move always got me hot and bothered.Attimesitseemedcalculated,likeheonlywantedtoshutmeupwhenfrustratedwithme.ButI’dlearneditwasalso histell hewantedme

“Followme.”Heendedthekissandstood,reachinghishandout. Iwasnonplussedbyhissuggestion.Whowasthisguy?

“What?YouthinkI’mjoking?”

“YesIdo.”Istudiedhim,tryingtoreadhisface.HehadthebestdoggonedeadpanexpressionI’deverseen.Andthen… Ourflightnumberwascalledanddozensofpeoplejumpedoutoftheirseatsandformedaline

“Youtooktoolongtorespondandnowwe’reoutoftime.”Jakerosetohisfeet,asmugcurltohislips,almostlikeheitall workedoutthewayhe’dhoped.

Ipursedmylipstightly,stilltryingtofigureoutifhe’dbeenseriousornot.“Everheardofthemilehighclub?”Iwaggled mybrows.Itwasworthashotasking,justincasehe’dgrownanadventurousboneinthelasttenseconds.

“Sure,I’veheardofit.ButShell,I’dneverfuckyouonapublicplane.”Hefeignedgagging.“Should’veletmegetmyown soIcouldhaveitdisinfectedproperly.”Hestalkedaway,leavingmewithagapingmouth.

Ifollowedhim,whollyexasperated “Stillsalty,areyou?” “It’swhatever.”Heshrugged.

“IfIhadn’tboughtthetickets,youwould’veconvenientlyforgottentocharteraplane”Iknewhisgame He’dbecomeMr Forgetfulwhenhedidn’twanttodosomething.

“Guess,we’llneverknow”

IwantedtoscreambutIreeledinmyemotionsasweboarded.Nobodywouldruinmyvisitwithmyfolks.NotJakeand definitelynotCade.

Jakewouldn’tevenbeinmylifeifIhadn’tspokentomysisterduringtheLaborDayfestivalinLongBeachtwoyearsago Afterbrieflycatchingupandpleasantries,therealreasonshe’dcalledhadhitmestraightintheheartandpushedmetogetout andfindmeaman

“I’m helping at the town picnic. There’s been a swarm of desperate, horny-ass women around Cade since he arrived with the brisket and burgers Except, they clearly don’t want that meat!” Liv growled like a vicious mama bear “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Oh, come on. He’s easy on the eyes, and women have always been after him. Just ignore it.” I dug my feet into the warm sand, while sitting on my beach towel, and let the shimmering ocean blind me The last thing I wanted to see was Martina flirting with a guy in black board shorts, tanned skin and sporting a six-pack of abs.

Why, after almost a decade, were we still discussing Cade? He’d let me go just as he promised, and we hadn’t spoken or seen each other once. I’d dated other guys, and he’d probably been with other women, especially now that he’d joined an outlaw biker club I’d gotten curious about MCs after Liv had told me the news a few years back, and read a few romance books, and watched SonsofAnarchy. If the MC life was what Cade wanted, then he wasn’t the man I’d known long ago.

“Ignore it? Hell no. I charged over there and gave him a piece of my mind.”

“Please tell me you didn’t ” I rolled my eyes at her dramatics

“Of course I did. I refuse to believe you two are never getting back together.”

“It’s been almost ten years You need to let it go, sis ”

“You’re supposed to move back, marry Cade, and pop out the cutest babies in the world for me to cuddle!”

“I’m sorry, Livvy, but I’m not moving back How many times do I need to tell you? And having a baby is at the bottom of my to-do list I don’t even have a boyfriend ”

“Shit, Shelby. You’re thirty-one. Mom’s going to be heartbroken if you don’t settle down soon. ” I sighed “I will, when the right guy comes along ”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Wow, thanks ”

“You already had the right guy, and you tossed him away like yesterday’s trash.”

“That’s not fair We had different goals and dreams ”

“Well, as long as you ’ re at peace with your decision, I guess it’s time I give up the fight ”

“You’ll feel better if you do.” I darted my gaze in Martina’s direction. She and the hot Latino weren’t talking anymore. They were making out in the sand Why now when I was feeling like a failure and lonely? “Swarms of women are around him, huh?”

“I don’t know I turned my back to him ” “Good girl.” I pressed my hand against my aching heart. Chicks had pursued Cade his whole life. He could have his pick, but like me, he hadn’t settled down One day he would, and so would I

“I couldn’t stand it any longer When the hottest man in town appears in a black Stetson, the whole fucking population of single women comes out in mass!Crazed, desperate women with their panties in hand, hoping to snag him.”

“Wow ” My chest tightened AStetson? Since when? Bikers wore leather cuts And when I was with Cade, he’d worn a ball cap.

“I hate it! They’re your girlfriends Lori Kramer and Trinity Johnson You should see them hovering around him in tight jeans, Lucchese boots, and their breasts spilling out of their V-neck shirts.”

I choked down a gasp at the picture she’d painted.

“We all know you were the one with the first Luccheses in town They’re all freaking sluts for trying to emulate you just to attract him. Even older ones are trying to catch his attention. Thank God Kris keeps redirecting them away from him!” Whoa, she was fired up

“Older ones?”

“Yeah, Jessie Howard, and Sally Davidson It’s disgusting Sally’s in her fifties like mom!”

“I’m sure he’s enjoying the attention.”

“Are you out of your ever-lovin’ mind? The wolves and goddamn cougars are on the prowl! You don’t care that he’s

going to be mauled to death?”

“Liv, he’s a grown man and can take care of himself ” Then again, I knew the types of women she was talking about My best friend Martina was one of them That poor guy being attacked on the beach right now didn’t stand a chance Cade probably didn’t either, but not my problem…

“Ah shit, my beans are burning I gotta go!” The line went dead, and I couldn’t be more relieved IwasstartledoutofmydaydreamwhenJakeyankedmycarry-onoutofmyhandtoputintheoverheadcompartment.

“Thanks,”IpretendedlikeIhadn’tglazedoverboardingtheplane Memorieswerepowerfullittleturds I’dberemissifI didn’tacknowledgehow I’dbeendesperatethatLaborDay,andJakehadbeenthereinthesnow coneline.He’dworkedhis charmtogetmetogooutforadrink.Ithadtakenlittleeffortonhisparttogetmetoagree.I’dwanttoforgetabouttheswarms ofwomenafterCade

AfterthreeamazingandexpensivedatesandbeingcartedaroundinhisblackconvertiblePorsche911Carrera,I’dbecome ayesgirl

Yes, I’d love to take a romantic walk on the beach to watch the sunset.

Yes, skydiving sounds electrifying!

Yes, a weekend in Vegas sounds great. I’ve always wanted to learn how to play blackjack.

Withinthefirstmonth,I’dsaidyestosurfingandscubadiving.Jakehadpaidforeverythingandseemedtobeavailableat all hours ofthe day The dayhe tookme tohis place was whenIfoundouthe was rich,richer thanrich He hadoceanfront propertyinPacificPalisadesandownedanentireestatewithasecuritygateandprivateguards.I’dknownrightfromthestart hewasattheveryleastamillionaire Later,Ilearnedhewasabillionaire

Bythethirdmonth,JakehadaskedmetomoveinandIsaid yes.Astheysay,therestwashistory.

Settledinour expensive firstclassseats,Ibeamed.InfivehoursI’dbehomeandI’dgettohugmymomanddad.Maybe evendecompressfrommybusylife.

I cozied up to Jake, restingmyhead against his shoulder and let out a contented sigh. Determinationrushed throughmy veins I’ddoanythingtomakethisweekendasuccess “Sorryaboutearlier,Shell.”Hekissedmyforehead.“I’monedge.Didn’tmeantobeanass.” “Thankyou I’msorrytoo”Ilacedmyfingerswithhis “Ireallywantthevisittobeagoodone,youknow?It’simportant tome.”

“Iwon’tmessitup.”

Iliftedmyheadandsmiledathim.“They’regoingtoloveyou.”

“Ofcoursetheywill,justlikeyou.”

“Mhm ”Icouldn’tverballysayyes,becauseitwouldbealie TheL-wordhadneverleftmylipswithJake Isensedhe wantedmetosayit,butIcouldn’t.Itwouldn’tbethetruth,butIdidlikehimalot. Thatwasn’tweird,right?

Stop it, Shelby. You’re making something out of nothing. Webothgrewquiet.Jakewentonhisphone,andIletmythoughtsdriftoff…

Thephysicalpartofourrelationshipwasgood,betterthangood Jakeknewhowtomakemecomemultipletimes Alotof womenwouldbeenviousofme,soIwasn’tcomplaining,perse.Butitwastheemotionalconnectionwelacked.Moretimes thannot,Iwouldfeelemptyafterhecameinsideme

You enjoy it,Itoldmyself.

Yes,except,itwasonlysex Notlovemaking

Ineededmore.Toconnectonaspiritual,soul-bindinglevelinordertofeellovedandtoloveJake.Atleastthatwashowit hadbeenwithCade.Ourlovehadblossomedaftermanyyearsoffriendship.Whenwebecameacouple,thenstartedhaving sex,italways startedslow andsweetbefore we turnedupthe heat We’dmake love withour gazes lockedandanimmense outpouringoflovewouldflowbetweenus.

MaybeIhaditallwrong?

WhatI’dsharedwithJakehadbeenverydifferentfromthestart,butdifferentwasn’tbad.Itwasjust…different. Jakehadanunquenchablehunger Hewouldleavemeexhaustedmanynights,unabletothinkaboutanything,tothepointI’d passout.Whatwomanwouldcomplainaboutthat?

Jakewasalsointenseandmoody,whichIattributedtohiswealth.TherichpeopleI’dencounteredhadaselfish,me-first attitude,butafteralittletime,theyhadloweredtheirguardandwarmeduptome Jakemightseembossyanddemanding,butI knewitstemmedfromtheneglecthe’dexperiencedasakid.I’ddonemybesttounderstandhimandshowcompassion.Atthe sametime,Ihelpedhim,hedistractedmefromthinkingaboutCade

Although,onceIhadamomentalone,aweirdfeelingwouldentermeandCadewouldappearattheforefrontofmymind. Whycouldn’tIforgethim?

Istared outthe window, feelinga little shell-shocked, similar to a witness ofa crime, butIwas the victim. This sortof occurrencehappenedwhenIhadnothingtodistractme,noworkorJaketoblurthememoriesanddoubtslingeringattheback

ofmymind.

Whenmymindwanderedintounwelcomedterritory,I’drethinkthechoicesI’dmade.ChoiceslikemovingtoCaliforniafor college,breakingupwithCadeandbeingwithJake Butastheysay,hindsightwasalwaystwenty-twenty “I’mthinkingaboutjoiningthemilehighclub.”Heelbowedme.“Whatdoyouthinkaboutthat?”

“Teaseall youwantbutifIsaid,metoo,wouldyoumakeithappen?”ThenegativedarkholeI’dbeensinkingintofaded andthesunrevealeditselffrombehindtheclouds.

“Imight,dependingonhow desperateyouarefor me”Hemight?Whenitcametosex,Jakewasalwaysreadytoplease me.

“Ican’tsaythatI’mdesperate.Justthoughtitwouldbeafunadventure.” “Fun?Doyouknowhowmanygermsareinlavatories?”

“No.Isitalot?”Iwasteasingmygermaphobe.Jakewouldn’tdrinkoutofmyglassorletmefeedhimfoodfrommyfork. We’dexchangedbodilyfluidsandfrenchkissedontheregular,butthatapparentlyhadn’tmattered “Christ,don’tbedisgusting.Isyourwholefamilylikeyou?”Hestaredatmeaghast.NowIknewhehadbeenmessingwith me SometimesIcouldn’tkeepupwithhisflip-flopping

“They’re farmers.” I popped my shoulders, nonchalantly. He knew my folks lived in a rural town with less than three thousandresidents,andtheyhadalargeorganicfarm.“Theydealwithallkindsofdisgustingthings.”

“That’sgreat”Hewentbacktoscrollingonhisphone “Can’twaittomeetthem” Isnapped mymouthshut. Itwould be pointless to defend myfamily, myveryconservative, family-oriented family. Once Jake had made his mind up aboutsomething, there was no changingit He’d told me a milliontimes thatmyparents would expectustogetmarriedandgivethemgrandchildreninthe very nearfuture.

Hewasridiculous.Iwasn’treadyforkids.Didn’tevenknowifIwantedany.ButJakebelievedIwastakinghimhomeso he’dgetthemessagetopropose.

Please, no!

Ididn’twantJaketoaskmethebiggestquestionofmylife Ihadn’tevenmutteredtheL-word Itwastoosoon.

We’d only beentogetheracoupleofyears Iwasn’treadyforalife-longcommitment.

PlentyofwomenwouldthinkIwasafoolfornottyingJakedown.Sure,hewasawealthythirty-five-year-old,Casanova, andeverywoman’sdreambuthiswealthnevermatteredtome.

AfterJake’sgrandfatherdiedfromamassivestroke,daysbeforehistwenty-firstbirthday,heinheritedfiftymilliondollars. So began his unemotional, disconnected, dystopian life His days were spent living without rules or a schedule He had a privilegedlifemostcouldonlydreamabout.

Jake’sgrandfatherhadbeenasuccessfullanddeveloperinSouthernCaliforniaandhadbuilthisempireoverthecourseof fortyyears.Jakehadtoldmetheywerebothintelligentandlookednearlyidentical.I’dthoughthehadbeenexaggerating.He clearlyadmiredhisgrandfather,whichI’dfoundendearing.WhenIsawaphotoofthem,thesimilaritieswerestartling.They could’vebeentwins: tall,wavyblondhair,andfitwithagoldentanthatmadetheir emerald-greeneyes pop Theycould’ve easilypassedforGQmodels.Theywere that attractive.

ThelossofhisgrandfatherhadrockedJake’sworldandforeverchangedhim Hisstoryhadbrokenmyheartthenighthe’d told me. He’d beenthree sheets to the wind, and spilled his guts. He’d told me he would never love anyone again, or get marriedbecausehedidn’twanttoexperiencethepainoflossagain

I’dunderstoodhispainasIhadn’tgottenoverthebiggestlossofmylife.

Jakehadseemedliketherightguyforme,onewhowouldn’twantalong-termcommitment,someonetodistractmefrommy heartache,ashortflingtooccupyourtime

Funnyhowthingshadchangedandwewerestilltogethertwoyearslater.

MygiddinesstookonawholenewlevelasIimpatientlywaitedtopickuptherentalcar Icouldn’twaittoseemyfolks,hug mydad,andinspecthim.Whenwespokeonthephone,hesoundedthesame.Butmymomhadtoldmehismemorylossand tremorsweregettingworse.

Atthecounter,Ifoldedmyarmsagainstmychesttokeepfromfidgeting.Ithadonlybeentenminutes,butitfeltlikewe’d beenthereforhoursandIdidn’twanttowasteasecondnowthatIwasfinallyhome.

“What’stakingsolong?”Ipeeredbehindmeatthegrowingline Mostofthetravelersappearedfine,soIwonderedifthey werecountryfolk.Irememberedhowithadbeenlivinginaslowpaced,smalltownandhavingnoplacetobe.Judgingbymy impatience,I’dchangedintoacitygirl

“Willyourelaxalready?”Jakemutteredatmyleft.

“Itoldyoumysistercouldpickusup”Buthe’dmademetellherno

“AndItoldyouIwantedthefreedomofmyowncar.WhatifIwanttogooutforadrinkorIneedtoescape?”

“OhGod,don’tbesojuvenile.”Ihuffedandrolledmyeyes.“Escape?”

“Hey,Ijustwantmyownfrickin’car”Hishardenedstarepenetratedmyskull Iblewhimoff.“Ifthisisyoubeingnervous,it’stimeyougotoverit.”

All week he’d complained about everything under the sun His over-the-top, ridiculous assumptions about my family rushingus to the altar had beenlike a brokenrecord. Jesus, his immaturityaboutmeetingmyfamilywas gradingonmylast nerve

“Well,you’renotmakingiteasy.”Hismouthwentbymyearandhewhispered,“Youcouldbenicer.”Hewasn’twrong,I couldbe,buthewasn’tmakingiteasyformeeither.

“Sorry I’mjusteagertogetontheroad Westillhaveanhourtodrive” “Andwe’llgettherewhenwegetthere.”

Isaidnothing Itwasn’tworthgettingintoafightatthebeginningofourtrip,soI’ddropit

Oncewewereontheinterstate,mymoodimprovedtenfold.Thesquabblewe’dhadwasforgottenandmyexcitementhad returned.Nothingandnoonewouldruinmyweekend.

“Ican’tbelievewe’rehere!”Ibeamed,takinginthescenery.InthesouthernpartofSouthDakota,notmucheverchanged. BurntwoodwasafarmingcommunitysurroundedbyrollingplainsontheeastsideoftheMissouriRiver.Iexhaledacleansing breath “Feelslikeit’sbeenforeversincethelasttimeIvisited”

“It’smind-blowinghowexcitedyouare.YouknowhowIdreadseeingmyfamily,”heshamefullyadmitted.

“Aww,Ihopeitisn’talwayslikethat”Ipattedhishand “Ilikeyourfamily”Althoughtheywereuptightandflauntedtheir lavishlifestyle.

“Yeah,theylikeyou,too.”

“Theylikeme?Younevertoldmethat!”Itwistedinmychairtogetabetterlookathim. “IguessIforgottotellyou,”hereplied,keepinghiseyesontheroad.

“Well,I’mglad Thisway,Icanrelaxwhenwehavedinnerwiththem”Ismiledbrightly HedidnotknowhowrelievedI was,butIwonderedwhyhehadn’tsaidanythinguntilnow.

Heraisedmyhandtohislipsandkisseditlikehewouldmymouth AchillshotupmyspineandIshiveredashistongue gotinontheaction.

“Jake, you’re makingme tingle.” Isquirmed inmyseatbutdidn’tdare pull myhand away. Itfelttoo good and havinga releasebeforeIgothomewouldbelovely Icouldimaginethetensionmeltingawayandeuphoricblissspreadingthroughme Godyes,Ineededanorgasm.

“I’mjustmessingwithyou”Heputmyhandonmyleg “So,thisiswhereyou’refrom?Notmuchtolookat,huh?”Andjust likethat,he’dpouredabucketoficewateronmyladybits.

Iscowled,thengotoverit He’dnevergottenmeoffinthecarbefore,sowhywouldhenow? “SouthDakotaisn’tforeveryone.”Itwasratherplainanduninspiring,comparedtoSoCaloranyotherWestCoastcity. “Ican’timaginewhyanyonewouldwanttolivehere.” Iignoredhimandfoundjoyinbeinghome

AsJakedrove,IpointedoutarealandmarksfromtheinterstateaswepassedbyChamberlain,liketheDignity:OfEarthand Sky Notthatitcouldbemissed Itwassomassiveandbeautiful “Isn’titgorgeous?”IbouncedinmyseatlikewhenIwasalittlegirl. “Yeah,it’scool”Helaughed “Sohowmuchlongeruntilwegettoyourparents’place?Igottatakealeak” “Aboutahalfanhourafterwecrossthebridge.” “Christ,they’reoutinno-man’s-land.”Heturnedtheradioonandacountrysongplayed.“Here.Putsomethingdecenton.” Hehandedhisphonetome

“Thisisdecent!Wedon’tneedSpotify.”Iswayedandhummedto“TheHeartWon’tLie.”IkneweverywordtotheReba McEntireandVinceGillsong,butrefrainedfromsinging IlovedRebaandknewallofyoursongsbyheart NostalgiawascreepinginandtookmebacktoatimewhenIwaswithCade.We’donlyeverlistenedtocountrymusicon ourfavoriteradiostation.Lifehadbeensoeasybackthen… “Country?”Jakemadeasourexpression. “Yup!We’reinmyterritorynow.”

“Great,”hegrumbled.“Ididn’tknowyoulikedthistwangyshit.Youneverasktolistentoit.Whatelsedon’tIknowabout you?”

Ibeltedoutaheartylaugh “There’reall kindsofthingsyoudon’tknow aboutme LikeI’mahugeTravisTrittfan”The reasonIneverlistenedtocountrymusicinCaliforniawasbecauseitremindedmeofhomeand people I’dwantedtoforget. “Who’sthat?”

“Really?”Igaped.

“No,I’veheardofhim”Oncethesongended,Jakechangedthechannel Iwasbothrelievedandsad.TheemotionsIhadlockedawaydeepinmysoulwerediggingthemselvesoutandresurfacing. This can’t be good.

“That’stheThompsons’farm Theyhavealpacas Andover thereistheClarks Theyraisesheepandpigs Mr Clarkisa masterwoodworker.”Ipointedandheldmybreath,prayingJakehadlostinterestanddidn’twanttohearanymore.

“Whataboutthatplace?Isitafarmoraranch?”HewasreferringtoCade’sproperty Crap!“Acattleranch.”

“Isuppose,henceallthecows Andwhatfamily?”

Whydidhecare?“Norris,andthey’reangusbeefcattle.”

“Interesting.Iguessthat’swheretherestaurantBlackAnguscomesfrom.”

“Iguess Turnright Myparents’placeistwomilesdowntheroadontheleft”Icouldn’tseeanyactivityatCade’s,butthen itwasalmostdinnertime.Ifhewashome,he’dbeonhishorse,makingsureallwassecurebeforecallingitaday.

“That’sclosetotheNorrisranch”

“Mhm.”Mynervessnapped,crackledandpoppedlikeliveelectricalwireaswedrovebyCade’s.Suddenly,Ididn’twant tobehere,andwishedwecouldturnaroundandreturntoCalifornia.I’dhonestlydoitinaheartbeat,butmyparentswouldbe disappointedandJakewouldaskamillionquestions.Hell,hewasgoingtoaskthem,regardless.

Couldn’tIputonapairofmagicruby-redslippersandclickmyheels,andI’dbebackontheWestCoast?Nope,Iwasin SouthDakota,notKansas Dammit!

“Nogushing?What?AretheNorris’syourfam’senemies?”

“Nope,they’relikefamily”Igrabbedhishandandentwinedourfingers “Youshouldcomeoutduringharvestnextyearso wecanpickapplesintheorchard.”

“Yeah,sure.”Hesoundeddisinterested.

“Carving pumpkins and running through corn mazes is tons of fun. But the very best is eating kettle corn.” I hummed, practicallytastingthesaltysweetness,andcornycrunchonmytongue.Iwastryinghardtotakemymindoffmyex.

“Popcornruinsyourteeth”

“Ugh, you’re so not fun. What about apple sundaes? They’re the best treat with caramel and whipped cream. A little sprinkleofnutsandacherryontoptofinishit It’saheavenlytreat”

“WhointhehellamItalkingto?Youeathealthierthanme.”

Igroaned.Hewasn’twrong.“I’mhomenowandIdon’tdrinkgreensmoothiesoreatavocadotoasthere.”

“Excuseme,”hesaidwithanattitude

“Have Itold youaboutmymom’s pie makingskills? She’s the queenand wins the bestpie atthe countyfair everyyear. Theyaretodiefor”

“We’reonlygoingtobehereforthreedays.Don’tballoonout,babe.”

Icocked myhead at him Balloonout? Ibit mytongue until Itasted blood “Jake, turninthis driveway We’re here!” I squealedwithdelightandclappedmyhands.

Nobody will ruin my visit!

Mychildhood home was ontwentyacres, whichwas a small plotofland to some Butmyparents made their livingoff organicproduceandapples.Apersondidn’tgetrichoffofthistypeofliving.We’dlivedamodestlife,oneI’dlovedasakid.

The white picturesque farmhouse with a gray metal roof stood proud among the apple trees in a welcoming, tranquil manner.Theywerestriking,withgreenleavesandredfruittuckedintothebranches.

“ThisisdifferentfromwhatIimagined,”hetoldme “You’resotrendy,sophisticated,andanartenthusiast Youlovefine diningandwine.Iwould’veneverguessedyougrewupinMayberry.”

“You’renotbeingverynice.”

“WhatdidIsaythatwasmean?”Hepulledtoastopinfrontofthehouse,whereawalkwayledtotheporch

“It’sbeautiful,likewejustarrivedataromanticbed-and-breakfast.”Myfaceheated.Iwasonthedefensiveformyfamily. Howcouldhemocktheplace?Thewhiterailingontheporchwasadornedwithgarlandsofsunflowers Potsofmulti-colored flowers lined the steps up to a red front door. In the middle of a large wreath there was a sign with my family’s name: Smithfield.

PridebloomedinmychestasIadmiredthecharmingandwell-keptfarmhouse. Don’t let him spoil your cheerful mood.

“Jake, let’s have anenjoyable time, okay?” Ileaned toward himto planta passionate kiss onhis lips. Puttingmyhands

behindhishead,Ideepenedourlip-lock,hopingtoseducehimintobehavinghimself.

“Shit,youtasteincredible.”Herespondedrapidly,andIfelttriumphant.

Atap onthe window startled us apart I whipped myhead around toward mywindow and mydorkysister Olivia was peeringinwithahugemischievousgrinonherface.

“Youweirdo!”IshriekedasIopenedthecardoorandlaunchedmyselfintoherembrace

“Were you about to have a quickie?” Olivia teased as she squeezed me. “I totally would. He is a lot hotter in person. Wowsers,”shewhisper-shoutedinmyear

“Wehadtogetwhatwecouldbeforegoinginsidewithallyounosypeople.”

“Youalwayswerethesmartone.”

“Andyouthefunone”

“Andyouthegorgeousone,”shesaid,layingitonthick.

“Andyou,thesnarky,adorableone”

Welaughed,tossingourheadsback,aswepaideachothercompliments.Wecouldgoonforhours.God,I’dmisseddoing thiswithmybabysister

“Shelby!”mymomsquealedindelightassherushedtowardmeandwrappedmeinherarms.“OhmyShelby,I’msohappy toseeyou!It’sbeentoolong.”

“Iknow,Mom I’vemissedyousomuch,butI’mherenow Where’sDad?”IaskedasIpulledaway,thensawhimcoming downtheporchstairs.HelookedlikehehadagedtenyearssinceI’dseenhimlast.Asharppainstabbedmyheart.“Hi,Dad.”

“There’smyShelbygirl”Hegavemeabearhug Hefeltandsmelledlikemydad Allwasrightinmyworld Well,except forOlivia,staringstar-struckatJake.Honestly,didshehavetobesoobvious?

“ComeandmeetJake,Dad.”Ireachedformyguy’shand.“Jake,thesearemyparents,MilesandDebra.MomandDad,this isJakePhillips.”MyheartwasliterallyracingasIdidtheintroductions.Whatwasgoingonwithme?

“Mr.andMrs.Smithfield,it’sapleasuretomeetyou.Youhaveaniceset-uphere,”Jakerepliedpolitely.

“Wellthankyou,Jake PleasecallmeDebra We’reverycasualaroundhere” Dadnoddedinagreement.Histallframelookedthinner,butnothingalarming.Hehadmoregrayhairandhiseyesweren’t asbrightasIremembered

“Shall we go inside?” Iasked, directingeveryone to take this reunioninto the house. Iworried mydad mightneed to sit down.

Jakegotourluggage,andDadmadehiswayupthestairs,holdingontotherailing.Fromtheback,helookedlikeanelderly man.Myvisionblurredatthesight.Heremindedmeofhisdad,Pop-popSmithfield.

“He’ssohandsome,”mymotherwhispered,pullingmyattentionoffmydad

“Nokidding.Whydidn’tyoutellmehewassosexy?”OliviawaggledherbrowsasshekeptstealingglancesatJake. “Olivia,”Momhissed “Youshouldn’tsaysuchthingsaboutyoursister’sboyfriend” “Doeshehaveafriend?Someoneequallyhot?”Nowshehadtobetryingtorileupourmom.

AllIcoulddowasgiggleatmymomandsisteraswewentinside.Jakefollowedafewstepsbehindus.Imighthaveheard himsnort

“Thesewomen…they’llbelikethisallweekend.”Dadchuckledandagleefultwinklesparkedinhisbrowneyes.Heput hishandonJake’sshoulder “Let’stakethesebagsupstairstoShelby’sroom” “Yes,sir.”

InearlychokedonmyspitasIwatchedJake Ifhekeptupbeingniceandpolite,Imightfallinlovewithhim,andloving anothermanwasn’tsomethingI’deverthoughtcouldbepossible.

Cade-Age17

Historyfuckingsucked. How would knowingaboutthe Gilded Age or immigrationhelp me withmychores onthe ranch? It wouldn’t, obviously Muckingstallsandunloadingfeedtookstrengthandmuscles,notbooksmarts

Thetruthwas,Ididn’tgiveonelickaboutschool.Neverhad.Iwasacowboy,arancher.Myfamilyraisedthebestangus beefcattlewestoftheMississippiRiver RanchingwasallIeverwantedtodo

One day, I’d be myownboss. Nothingbetter thanthat. Exceptmyparents wanted me to graduate fromhighschool, so I neededtopassmyclasses

SchoolwasimportanttoShelby,alwayshadbeen.Becauseitwasimportanttoher,shemadesureIhaddonewell,too.She wantedmetohavealltheadvantagesofgettingintocollege…ifIchangedmymind. I won’t.

IwasstayingputinBurntwood Unfortunately,Shelbywasdeterminedtogetoutofoursmalltownandmovetoabigcity Ofcourse,shewantedmetogowithher butIdidn’tgiveacrapaboutfinediningandanartsdistrict,or diversity.Itwasn’t easytoavoidallhercollegetalkandplansforthefuture,butIdidthebestIcould Speakingofmyambitiousgirl

Shelbyappeared to be zoningout, whichwas unusual. She had beenthe most focused personI knew, unless something piquedhercuriosity.

AnangelicglowradiatedoffherasIwatchedfromherdeskchair.Shewasperchedonherbed,perherfather’sorders.He hadn’twantedustobe tempted.Toolateforthat…

ShelbySmithfieldwasthesweetest,mostirresistiblegirl,andIlovedherwitheverycellinmybody Shewasmyforever, andIwashers.

“Cade?”

“Yeah?”

“Doyouthinkit’sreallypossibletomakeloveallnightlong?ThewayTimandFaitharesingingaboutitinthesong?”Her chocolate-browneyesburnedintomine,anticipationglitteringinthemasshewaitedformyreply.

Likeadumbass,Istaredather,speechless.Shefuckingstolemybreathawaywhenshelookedatme.

Lyrics?Whatlyrics?

Tim and Faith? The names sounded familiar, but I had a horrible memory and only remembered people who meant somethingtome,likeShelby We’dgrownuptogethersincewewerebabies We’dbeeninseparablesincewecouldwalkand talk.NobodyandnothingelsematteredtomemorethanShelby.

Soyeah,Ihadn’tbeenpayingattentiontothemusic,muchlessthelyrics.Myattentionhadbeenonmygirl,asalways.

Captivatedbyherbeauty? Absolutely

Hypnotizedbyhersweetvoice,explainingprogressivismandreform? Without a doubt. Butthesong?There’dbeenasongplaying? Nope, didn’t hear it

“Really,Cade?YouhavenoideawhatI’mtalkingabout?”Irritationdrippedoffherlikethick,stinkymolasses.“Younever payattentiontoanything”

“Nottrue,”Ishotbackonthedefensive.

“Youcan’tcharmyourwayoutthistime.”Shesteeledheremotionsandnarrowedhergazeatme.“I’msofrustratedwith you”

Herwordshurt.BythetimeIformedasemi-decentreply,thesongended,andthemomentwaslost.

Withahuff,shewentbacktoreadingmytextbook “Baby, I’msorry. Iwas caughtup inyou, notthe music,” Itold her ina genuine tone. UsuallyIcould softenShelbyifI flirtedwithher Shedidn’tappearreceptivethistime Rollinghereyes,shepagedthroughthebook.

“No,really.Ididn’thearthesong.Whenyou’renearme,allIsee,hear,andthinkaboutisyou.” “Whatever,Cade Canwejustgetbacktostudying?”

“Don’tbemad,Honeybee.Notknowingthesongisn’ttheendoftheworld.WhatIdoknowisI’dliketomakelovetoyou all nightlong”Ishother adevilishgrin,doingmybesttodigmyselfoutoftheginormous crater I’dstupidlylobbedmyself into.Ishouldbebetter atpayingattentiontothethings thatmatteredtoher,musicbeingoneofthem.Sheknew all aboutmy

rodeo schedules and attended everyevent. Hell, she evenkepttrackofmyscores and rankings. Yeah, Icould definitelydo better.

“Well, if that’s true, youbetter learnthe song” She flipped her auburnhair off her shoulder withsass and resumed her reading.“Andbeforeourfirsttime.”

Thatdidit Icouldn’tstaysixfeetawayfromheranymore Thatwasherfather’sruleforallowingmeinherroom Idived towardher,swattedmybookoffher lap,andtackledher onthebed.Grabbingher wrists,Iraisedthemaboveher headand attackedherneck

Shesoftlygiggled.“Cade!Someonemighthearus.”

“Idon’tcare.Ineedtodevouryou.”Andfuckher,butthat’dneverhappeninherfolks’house.

Plus,wehadn’tdoneityet Wewerebothvirgins

Asitwas,Iwalkedaroundwithabonerdayinanddayout.Jerkedoffjustasoften.ButIwasterrifiedtotakeittothenext level

WhatwouldhappenafterIhadher?WhenIknewwhatitfeltliketobeinsideher?

Was itpossibletobemoreaddictedtoher thanIalreadywas?Iimaginedyes So,Iwas beingpatient,evenwhenshe’d beggedmetodeflowerher.Whenthetimewasright,I’dknowit,thenI’dmakeherminecompletely.

“Areyougoingtolearnthesong?”Shearchedherbackandpushedhersoftmoundsagainstmychest.

“Yup,gonnafuckingmemorizeit”Iraisedmyheadtolookherintheeyes “Youmeantheworldtome,Honeybee Inever wanttomakeyousad.”

“Oh,Cade”Shebeamedupatmewithaheart-stoppingsmile “Iloveyousomuch”Herarmswrappedaroundmyneck andshepulledmetowardher.

“Iloveyoumore.”Icapturedherlipsbeforeshecouldreply.She’dinsistshelovedmemore,orthatwelovedeachother equally,butmyfeelingsrandeeperthanhers.Orelseshewouldn’ttalkaboutgoingawaytocollegeandlivinginabigcity.If shelovedmemorethanIlovedher,she’dneverleaveBurntwood.

AllIcoulddowasprayshe’dchangehermindinthenextcoupleofyearsandgotoacollegecloseby Ididn’tknowwhat I’ddoifshemovedoutofstate.Maybedieofabrokenheart.

ButI’dnevermakeherchoosebetweenmeandherdreams Iwantedhertopickusaboveanythingelseandifshedidn’t, I’dlethergobecauseIlovedher that much.

Inthemeantime,I’dpourmyheartandsoulintomyHoneybee.Showherhowgoodshehaditsoshe’dnevergivemeupfor somethingorsomeonebetter.

Weeksaftermymajorfail,IwantedtoshowShelbyI’dmemorizedthesong,whilehavingsexforthefirsttime.Betterbelieve thelyricswouldplayinmyheadafterlisteningtothesongagazilliontimeswhiledoingmychores

Iledherbythehandthroughmyhouse.Myparentswereoutoftownforthenight,sowehadtheplacealltoourselvesuntil tomorrowafternoon.Shewassupposedtobespendingthenightatafriend’shouse.Andshewas.Withherbestfriend…Me.

“Areyounervous?”Iaskedaswewentdownthehallway.

“No.Areyou?”

“No”Iwastotallylying Iwasscaredasfuck IfIhurtherorshedidn’tlikemydickbeinginsideher,I’dbehumiliatedand crushed.Tonighthadtobeunforgettable.Onewe’dalwaysremember.

EachtimeIjerkedoffintheshower,ItriedtopracticehowI’denterherbyimaginingmyhandwasherpussy ButIknewit wasn’tthesameasactuallyhavingsex.

IfI’dbeenacheatingpricklikesomedudes,Iwouldhavepracticedononeofthemanysluts atschool.Plentywould’ve droppedtheirpantiesformeinaheartbeat.

Yeah,Isoundedcocky.IknewIwasacatchandthehottestguyoncampus,butIwasaonewomanman,evenattheyoung ageofseventeen Ofcourse,mybuddiesthoughtIwaspussywhipped Damnstraight,Iwas ShelbySmithfieldwasthehottest girlatourschool,andshewasmine.

“Iassumeyouhaveacondom?Wetalkedaboutthis,remember?I’mnotonthepill,soyouhavetoprotectbothofus” “Honeybee,I’mprepared.”IwinkedasIopenedmybedroomdoor.Fuckyeah,I’dprotectus.Iwasn’tstupid.Weweren’t readyforababy.

Hersoftgaspputasmileonmyface.“Youhungfairylightsandcleanedyourroom!”

“Yeah,andboughtyourfavoritescentedplugins.Don’ttellanyone.”Ishutthedoorandlockedit.Normally,myroomwas trashed,butIdidn’tcare Shelbynevercametomyplace Ialwayswenttohers Whenmymomcouldn’tstanditanylonger, she’ddoadeepclean,whichhadbeenaboutfourtimesayear.“Whatyouseehereisforyoureyesonly.Notevenyourfriends needtohearaboutit”

“Mmm.Oceanbreeze.” She inhaleda deepbreathandturnedonher heels toface me.“Youdon’tneedtoworry.I’mnot immature,Cade Whathappenstonightisonlybetweenyouandme”

“HaveIevertoldyouyou’retheperfectgirl?”Ireeledherintomyarmsandkissedhersoftly.“Gorgeous.Sweet.Smartand fuckingamazing.”

“Onlyhundredsoftimessincewewereinmiddleschool”

“Well,I’vegotagoaltoreach.Onemillion.”Iinhaledthescentofhershampoointomylungs vanilla.“AndI’mpacing myself,soit’lltakealifetime”

“Good,becauseyou’restuckwithme.”Happytearsmadehereyesshimmer.“Iloveyousomuch.”

Iwalkedherbackwardtowardmybed,readytostopallthissentimentaltalkandgetphysical I’dseenShelbynakedplenty oftimesandhadmemorizedhercurvesandperkytits.Butshewasamodestgirlandneverletmygaze,hands,ortonguenear herpussy.Thatwouldchangetonight.

“Willyouundressme?”Sheraisedherhandsaboveherheadandhercheeksturnedpink Icollectedthehemofher prettydress,coveredinyellow andwhitedaisies.Ithadskinnystraps andshowedoffalotof skin Myheartthunderedeverytimesheworeit Herfairskinandauburnhairagainstthematerialmadeherlookinnocentand sexyallatthesametime.Eveninaburlapsack,shecouldstoptrafficandcaptivateeveryguyonthestreet.Shelbywaspure perfection.

Idragged myknuckles againsther thighs as Iremoved the dress fromher body. Underneathwere matchingyellow-laced pantiesandbra.

“Doyoulikewhatyousee?They’renew”Shebitherbottomlipasshegazedatme “Yeah.Likeitalot.”Exhalinganervousbreath,Itriedtoignoremyhard-onstrainingagainstmyzipper.“Ihaveonemore thingforyou”Iwenttomydresserandturnedonthe song “Oh,mygosh.”Shecoveredhermouth.“You’vemadeeverythingperfectforourfirsttime.”

“Tonightisallaboutyou,Honeybee.”

“IfIforgettotellyoulater,thankyoufordoingallthis.So…Whatshouldwedonow?” “Howaboutyouundressme?”

“Okay”ShetuggedmyblackT-shirtoffanddottedfeatherlightkissesacrossmychest,revvingmyengineandmakingme hum.

“Keepdoingthatifyouwantmetopounceonyouinsteadoftakingitslow”

“IthinkIwantyoutopounce.”Sheglidedherhandagainstmyrock-hardcock.“Showmehowmuchyouwantmeandhow torturedyou’vebeenhavingtouseyourhandtogetarelease.”

“Fuuuck”Iswallowedthickly Wehadn’tdiscussedhowourfirsttimewouldgo Ihadassumedshe’dwantmetotakemy time,easeintoitall.Iwasfuckingthrilledtobewrong.

Sheunzippedmyjeansandshimmiedthemdownmyhips “Aww,he’shappytoseeme” Ilookeddownattheheadofmydickpokingoutofmyboxerbriefs,abeadofpre-cumonmyslit.“Yup,superhappyand ready”

“SoamI.”Shebentatthekneesandlickedme.

“Baby,don’tdothat.”Igrabbedherbicepsandmadeherstand.“I’llcome.” “Ijustwantedtotasteyou”

“Andthatmakesmefreakingexcitedaboutotherthings,butwe’lldothemanothertime.”

“Ican’twait”Shevisiblyshiveredandmovedontomybed,positioningherselfonherbackwithherheadonmypillow “Mypantiesarewet.That’sgood,right?”

“Mhm”Icouldn’tspeakthroughtheboulderinmythroat Iwenttomynightstandandtookoutacondom,thenlookedather “Goahead.I’mnotafraid.”

Inodded,kickedoutofmybottomsandrippedthepackopen.MyhandsshookasIfumbled,rollingonthelatex.Myheart thunderedagainstmyribssofastbutIwouldn’tletitdistractmefrommyoneandonly,lyingpracticallynakedonmybed

“It’sokay,Cade.Iwantthis.”Shereachedherhandout.Itookit,andletherguidemeontopofher.

Despitehowlongwe’dbeentogether,IhadrespectedthehelloutofShelbyandneverpushedformore We’dbeenraised inchurchand taught to wait until marriage. But no one was perfect, and we’d done a lot of makingout and heavypetting. Tomorrow,we’djusthavetoprayforforgiveness.

“I’mnervous,”Itoldherhonestly.“Everythingisabouttochange.”

“Andwewantittochange,right?”Shespreadherlegswide,andIdroppedbetweenthem.Herpantieswerestill onand

didnothingtohideherwarmthandwetness.

“Yeah…”

Our folks and pastor would say we were sinning As if they’d never sinned or broken one of God’s commandments I believed the manupstairs had a planfor us, and that included marriage. So there was no reasonto put off what had been writteninthestars ShelbySmithfieldwastheloveofmylife,mybeginningandend “Canyourubmethewayyoudidthatonetime?”Shemeanthumpher.

Ibuckedmyhips,pressingmycockagainsthermound

“Yes,likethat,”shesaidinabreathytone.“Justlikethat.”Sherolledherhips,meetingmythrustsheadon. Ikeptmyeyeslockedonhers,watchingforsignsofhesitation.Therewerenone. Herbreathingincreased,asdidthespeedofhergyratinghips

Myhearthammeredfasterthaneverandmymouthwentdry.

Surprisingly,thecondomseemedtokeepmefromcomingduringallthisstimulation,andIwasglad ThelastthingIwanted wastocomeprematurelyanditbeoverbeforeIenteredShelby.

“IthinkI’mready,”shemoaned,archingherneck “Now,Cade Takemenow”Theurgencyinhervoicemademelosemy mind.

Ijoltedoffherbody,toreoffherpanties,anddovebackonher.Inonefranticthrust,Iplowedintoher. Shecriedoutanddughernailsintomythighs,stoppingme ItwasthenthatIfelttheresistance Onlyhalfofmydickwas insideher.

“Shit,baby AmIhurtingyou?”

“Idon’tknow.”Tearsstreakedintoherhair.“Ithinktheinvasionjustshockedme.You’realotbiggerthanatampon.” Irefrainedfromsnorting.“Ihopeso.Wantmetopullout?Orwecanstop.”

“No!” She squeezed mythighs. “I want this. Just… I don’t know. Figure out how to get in.” More tears rolled onto my pillow.“OrmaybeI’mbroken.”

“Honeybee,you’renotbroken Thinkbacktohealthclass Theysaidthefirsttimehurts”

Shenoddedwithhereyesclosed.“Forusgirls,butnotforyouguys.” “Yeah,it’stotallynotfair”

“Ididn’tthinkitwouldburn.Ifeeltightdownthere.”

“I’mstretchingyou,baby.Here,I’llpulloutalittle.”IwatchedherfaceasIinchedout. “Oh,mygosh.Itfeelsweird.”

Damn,neverthoughthavingsexwouldbe weird.“Ifyouwantmetostop,Iwill.” Shecoveredherfaceandcried “I’msorry I’mnotgoodatthis Stupidly,Ithoughtitwouldbelikethemoviesorthebooks Iread.Weweresupposedtohaveamagical,soul-bindingexperience.Instead,I’mcryinglikeababyandyou’restaringatme inhorror”

Thatlastpartsnappedmeoutofmyso-calledhorror.Shehadn’tbeenwrong.Iwasstaring,butnotinhorror.Iwasworried andafraidI’dfailedher.

“Baby,sexisroughformostgirlsthefirsttime Lookatme”Itookoneofherhandsoffherface “Doyourememberwhen yougotbraces?Youwouldn’teatsolidfoodsfortwoweeksbecauseyouwereterrifiedofthepain.Youlostsixpoundsand thoughtyou’dnevereatpizzaandyourmama’spieseveragain Doyouremember?”

“Mhm.” She sniffled and lowered her other hand. “Youbroughtme somethingnew to eateverydayfor a weekstraight. Thenontheseventhday,weateawholelargepepperonipizzatogetherandanapplepie”

“That’sright,baby.We’regoingtodothesamethingwithsex.Easeintoit.Doyoutrustme?” “Withmylife.”

AndsoIloweredmymouthtohers,softlykissingherwithoutmovingamuscle ormycock Shegrippedmyshoulders, respondingasI’dhopedshewould.

Afteraminuteortwoofintensemakingout,Isnakedmyarmsunderherwaistandrolledontomyback WithShelbyontop ofme,shehadthepowerandcontrolnow.

“Oh,wow Ilikethis”Sheinstinctivelymovedherbody,takingmeinalittle,thenpullingout I caressed her legs as I enjoyed the show. Something seemed to shift inside her. Her skin flushed with arousal. Desire pouredoutofherchocolate-browneyes,andthenthesweetestmoansfilledtheroom.

MydickturnedhardasgraniteasShelbyspedup ItwasatthismomentImetherrockingwithadeepthrust “Oh,Cade!”Shetossedherheadbackandbracedherhandsonmychest.Wefellintoaperfectrhythm,weavingoursouls andsearingourheartstogether

“I’min,baby.Allthefuckingwayin!”Icouldn’tbelieveit.Itwaslikeshe’dopenedwideandwelcomedmeintohermost privateplace.NothingIimaginedcameclosetowhatIwasfeelingbeingjoinedtoShelby.Fuck,itwasincredible. “Yes.I’msofullandturnedon.”

Iwasn’tpositive,butshemighthavebeenclosetohavingherfirstorgasm,soItookchargeandflippedusover.

Theswiftmoveputmedeeperinsideher.Ourgazeslockedandhermouthgaped.Theconnectionbetweenuswasamillion timesbetterthanwinningarodeobeltbuckle.

“Cade Thispressure”Sheheldherheadbetweenherhands “IfeellikeI’mgoingtoexplode” Yeah,Iwasexperiencingthesamething.MygirlwasabouttocomeandsowasI.Thiswasit.Wewerelosingourvirginity justaswe’dplannedsincewefirstgottogetherinmiddleschool

Shelby mewled and tightened around my dick, then went off like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Her gorgeous face contorted,butnotinpain Iknewthatexpression WhatIsawwasabsoluteecstasyfromwhatIwasdoingtoher Myreleasehitnext,andboy,wasitadoozy.

Ifilledhertothehiltandcrushedmylipstohers,inhalingherintomylungs.Ourtonguestwistedthiswayandthatwaylike wetriedtokeepitgoing

Whywasitoveralready?Itallhadhappenedtoofast.Shit,shit,shit!

“How’reyoudoing?”Iassumedshewasn’tfeelingfuckingfantasticlikeme Sheprobablyfeltsawedopendownthere I forcedmyselfnottocringeattheimagemystupidmindconjured.“I’mgoingtopullout.”

Shebobbedherheadandfroze,herdarkeyeslockedonmeandherhandsfistedmycomforter Ieasedoutofherslowly.ShehadbeensodangtightwhenIwashard,butasIsoftened,Islippedrightout.

“Canyouseeanyblood?”Shegrimaced,herfaceturningred.“I’lldieifIruinedyourblanket.”

“Youwon’tdie”Ipeereddownbetweenherlegsbutcouldn’tseemuch “Lemmegrabsometissues”Iranoutoftheroom “Ohmygosh!There’sblood,isn’tthere?”shecriedout.

“Baby,Ididn’tseeany”Igrabbedawashclothandrancoldwateronit Ididn’thaveanyideawhatIwasdoing Justgoing withmygut,Iguessed.

“I’msore.”

“That’sexpected.”Ireturnedtomyroomandfoundherlegsbentandkneestogether.“Igotyouawetwashcloth.” “Forwhat?”

Iplaceditagainstherpussy “Forhere Howdoesthatfeel?”

“Good,actually.”Sheexhaledabreath.“Thankyou.”

Myheartswelledtentimeslarger Ilovedthisgirlsomuch,Icouldhardlybreathe “Holdithere,Honeybee I’mgoingto gocleanmyselfupandthencomebackandcuddlewithyou.”

“Thatsoundsperfect.”Shesmiledappreciatively.

Seconds later,IheldShelbyagainstme androlledontomyback.Ikissedher forehead,memorizingher sweet,contented sighsasIrubbedherback.

“We didit,” she whispered,as ifshe was admittingtodoingsomethingnaughtyandsomeone mighthear her “Andinthe end,Ilikedit.”

“Youwereincredible Wefinishedstrong”Igaveheralittlesqueeze “Iloveyou,Cade.You’retheonlyguyIwilleverlove,andthat’sapromise.Myheartwillalwaysbelongtoyou.” Jesus,thewayshesaidit,Ibelievedher.

Shelby

Specialmomentsinmylifewerehungonthewallleadingupstairs.Collagesofmeandmysiblingstochronicleourlives.My momwas that mom Wecouldn’tdoanythingwithouthershouting, Say cheese!

Departmentstore pictures ofmyfamily. Snapshots fromholidays, whenI’d beena Girl Scoutand in4-H. Me and Cade dressedupforHalloween,schooldances,andtherodeo I’dforgottenaboutthem,sowhenIsawJakestoptocheckthemout, mystomachflip-flopped.

Mostpeople hadn’tseenthe wall mymomobsessed over unless they’d gone upstairs WhenIwas a teenager, Iused to complainaboutmybabypicturesanddorkyshotsmyparentshadcaptured. Candid photos, they’dcallthem.Myfriendswould giggleandsearchformeamongthedozensofframedandcanvasprints.Theonlypersonwhohadn’tpokedfunatmytoothless grinsorjackedupbangsafterI’dcutthemhadbeenmybestfriendintheentireworld,Cade

Ientered mybedroomand was hitwitha massive punchofnostalgia. Mymomhadn’tchanged a thing, whichshouldn’t surpriseme She’dtoldmemyroomwouldstayasitwasuntilIwasamarriedwoman

Mypinecanopybedwasthefocalpointinmygirlieroom.Thewallswerecoveredinyellowandwhitedaisiesmymom andIhadspongepaintedwhenIgotmybiggirl’sbed.Daisieshadbeenmyfavoriteflowersthenandnow.

Oh,myheart.Beinggonefortwoyearshadbeenmuchtoolong.

Isweptmygazeover tothesheer curtainstrimmedinlaceandsmiledatthewindow seatwhereI’dspendhoursreading andsearchingforCadewithmybinoculars Icouldn’tseeuptohishouse,buthe’dridehishorsetotheedgeofthepropertyby the road and would wave before headinginside for the night. Backinthose days, neither ofus had gottena cell phone until we’dturnedeighteenbecauseourparentshadhatedtechnology

Onthebed,mybelovedteddybearandbabydollwererightwhereI’dleftthemthelasttimeI’dbeenhome,restingagainst large fluffypillows. Ialmostsquealed and ranacross the roomto scoop theminto myarms and squeeze themtightly. ButI refrainedfrommakingafoolofmyself.Whatthirty-three-year-oldwomanwoulddosuchasillyandjuvenilething?Notme. “ThankyouforshowingJaketomyroom,Dad.We’llbedownshortly.”

“Noproblematall”Heshotmeawinkasheleft

Iclosedthedoorbehindhimandlistenedtohisfadingstepsdownthestairs.Wehadthinwalls,andIdidn’twanthimto hearustalking

Onceitwassafe,IturnedaroundtofaceJake.“Howareyoudoing?”Istudiedhimforanysignsofdistress.

“Okay,Iguess.Yourfamilyseemsniceenough.”Hiseyestraveledaroundthespace.“Sothisisyourbedroom,huh?Have youeverhadaguyinherebefore?”Hisgazestoppedonme,andIimmediatelynoticedhisgreendepthswerehotwithdesire “Yes,”Irepliedhonestly.

“Oh,yeah?Who?”

Ishould’veknownhe’dwanttoknow who. Dammit! Lyingwouldbestupid,consideringwewereinmychildhoodhome and myfamilywere everywhere Jake would eventuallyfind outhow close Cade and Iwere Maybe thatwas whyIhadn’t pushed himharder to come home withme. Because I’d needed time to nurture our relationship before he learned Cade had beenmyeverything.Iwouldn’twantJaketofeelthreatenedbymyoldboyfriend. It’dbeenelevenyearssinceCadeandIhadbeentogether Morethanadecade.

I’dmovedon,andsohadhe Jakehadnothingtoworryabout “Shelby?Who?”Hisvoicesnappedmeoutofmymentalramblings.

“Oh Sorry Justmyhighschool boyfriend We passed his farmalongthe way We used to studyup here He always had troublewithhistory.Itwashisworstsubject.” Shut up, Shelby!Jake doesn’t have to know everything!

“Isthatright?I’dhavetroublewithhistorytoo,ifitgotmealonewithyou.Especiallyinyourbedroom.Nowtellme,did hepasshisclass?”Hepulledmeintohisarmsandkissedmehungrily Hishandstraveledovermybottomandgrippedboth cheeks.

A fire sparked inside me, one always primed for ignition I wasn’t ashamed to admit I was a needy girl Sometimes desperateforattentionandaffection.SowhenJakeshowedaninterest,Itookadvantageofit.

Ihookedmyarmsaroundhisneckandwefellontomybed,kissingliketheworldwasending.

“Fuck, I want you,” he growled into my mouth. His hand went between my thighs, searching for my clit. I jolted with excitementwhenhefounditandrubbedfirmly

“Yes,oh,yes,”Iwhisperedandraisedmypelvistohelphimreachthespotbetter.Icouldtotallygofor aquickiebefore dinner

“Hey,Shell?”Mysister,Liv,knockedatthedoor.

Weinstantlyfroze Jakegrowledlowandjabbedhiserectionintomythightoletmeknowhewasready “Yeah?”Itriednottogiggle,knowingitwouldpisshimoff.

“MomwantsyoutoknowtheNorris’sarehavingdinnerwithus,”Oliviashouted,hervoicedrippingwithamusement.She wassuchabrat “Bedownbysix”

IshovedJakeoffmeandflew offthebedinapanic,andswungthedoor open.Olivia’sattentionshiftedtobehindmeat Jake “Sorrytointerrupty’all.”Ashit-eatinggrinstretchedacrossherface. “Noproblem,”Jakerepliedashesatonthebed

MyfaceburnedhotasglowingcoalsonthebarbecueasIglaredather.“RonandKrisarecomingtodinner?” “Yup.Theycan’twaittoseeyou.Cade,too.”

IpushedLivintothehallwayandclosedthedoorsoJakecouldn’thearus “Pleasetellmeyou’rejusttryingtogetarise outofme.Cade’snotreallycoming.”

“Sorry,sis Heis”Shegrimacedassheregisteredmydispleasedreaction Duh,whywouldIbehappyaboutCadecoming todinner?Shehadtohaveknownwhatthisnewswoulddotome,butintrueLivform,shegotgreatpleasureoutofwatching mesquirm.

Mystomachleaptintomythroatas Ichokedout,“Why?” How couldIgetoutofthis situation? Whycouldn’tIhave one peacefuleveningwithmyfamily?Myheartgallopedlikeaherdofwildhorses,tryingtoescapecaptivity.IknewI’dseehim thisweekend,butdidithavetobewithinhoursofmyarrival?“WhydidMominvitethem?Wejustgothere”

“Jeez, Shell. They’re like family. How could she notinvite them?” Liv grabbed a hold ofmybiceps. “Youneed to geta grip It’sonlydinnerwitholdfriends,andyourex”

“Youbitch,”Ihissedthroughmyteeth.“You’renotfunny.”

“Nottryingtobe.Youshould’veexpectedthis.”Shelaughedtoherselfasshewentdownstairs. Iglaredatmybrattybabysister. This can’t be happening. Justthen,Jakeopenedthebedroomdoor.“Wannatellmewhat’sgoingon?”

“TheNorris’sarecomingfordinner”Ipushedhimbackintotheroomandclosedthedoor Wringingmyhandstogether,I wenttopeekoutthewindow.TherewerealotmorecattleonCade’sranchthanacoupleofyearsago.I’dheardRonhadbeen reducing his stock because he couldn’t manage everything alone But it appeared now that Cade had returned, they were buildingtheirnumbersbackup.Iguessedhewasn’tplanningonleavingagain… “AndCadeisyourex.”Itwasn’taquestion,andhesoundedannoyed.

“Yes”Ispunaround,feelingweakintheknees,likeImightpuke “Whyareyousoworkedup?”

“I’mnot”

“Doyoustillhavefeelingsforhim?”

“It’scomplicated”

“Thenuncomplicateit.”Henarrowedhisgaze.

“We’vebeenoverforalongtime.Morethanadecade.It’sreallynotabigdeal.I’mjustsurprised.”Now,Iwasaboutto wordvomit “Imean,IfiguredI’dseehimattheparty Butathome andwithyouhere That’sjustweird,don’tyouthink?” Jakeslowlyraisedhisbrow.“Howseriouswereyou?”

“Let’snotdothisnow”

“DoIneedtobeworriedhe’llstealyouawayfromme?”

“No”

“Thentellmeabouthim,baby.”Hetuggedmeintohisarms.

“It’s reallynothing.” I cringed inside. Beingcalled, baby, made me thinkof Cade. “We dated in highschool. Grew up together It’sjusttypicalsmall-townstuff”Ididn’tknowhowtoexplainCadeandme “Excepthelivesdowntheroadfromyou,andyourfamiliesareapparentlylike family. ”

“Ourparentsarebestfriends Naturally,theyencouragedustoplaytogetherandmadeiteasyforustohangoutwhenwegot older.Cade’sanonlychildandfriendswithmyolderbrother.Wewerealllikecousins.” “Exceptyouaren’tbloodrelated.Thatwould’vebeenincest.”

“Right.”

“Sowhy’dyoubreakupifyouhadthisperfectlittlecountrylife?”

Ididn’tappreciatethesnarkinhistone.“Collegecamebetweenus.IwantedtoattendUCLA,andwasacceptedbutCade wouldn’tgowithme.”Ishruggedmyshoulderslikeithadn’tbeentheendoftheworldtome.“Shallwegodownstairs?”

“Notyet”Hisarmsloweredtomywaisttoholdmeinplace “IneedtoknowwhatI’mupagainst”

Ilaughedandrolledmyeyes.“Jake,youhavenothingtoworryabout.I’mwithyou.”Ikissedhim,buthewantednothingto dowithmylips

“Ineedtoknow,Shelby.”

“Fine”Ipulledback “Whatdoyouwanttoknow?” “Whyhaven’tyoumentionedhimbefore?” “Ihave.”

“Youmadeyourhighschoolexsoundforgotten Buthe’snot,ishe?”

“LikeIsaid,Igrewupwithhim.Butit’sbeennearlytwelveyears.”Irubbedthebackofhistenseneck.“Youhavenothing toworryabout I’mwithyou,handsome”

He considered me for a longsecond. “Iguess you’re right. Youbroke up before youleftfor college. I’msure the guy’s movedon”Jakerelaxedandmovedinforakiss,butIcouldn’tkeepmydamnmouthshut

“Notexactly.Westayedtogether,well,morelikewewereoffandonwhileIwasatcollege.Cadewouldvisitoverlong weekendsandfallbreak,thenI’dcomehomeafterthefirstsemesterfinalswereoverandforthesummer.”

Jakefurrowedhisbrow,asifdissectingmywords

“Itriedtoenditwithhimsomanytimes,buthewouldn’tletme.”Iwentonlikeabumblingidiot.“Notuntiltheverylast time”

“Hewouldn’tletyou?What?Didheholdaguntoyourhead?Threatentokillyourfamilyifyoudon’tstaywithhim?”

“God,no.Nothinglikethat.”Ipushedawayfromhimandpaced.“HetoldmeIwasfreetodowhatIwanted,buthecalled andtextedallthetime,sentmeflowers.HeactedlikewewerestilltogetherafterIbrokeupwithhim.”Ofcourse,I’dcometo mysensesandrealizeImissedCadeandwe’dgetbacktogethernotlongafterourbreak…Untilthelasttime.

“Thedudesoundslikealoser Bethe’sjustadown-home,denim-overall-wearingfarmerwhocan’tspellhisownnameor rememberwhatdayitis.Heprobablyhasabeerbellyandliceinhisovergrownbeard,andknowsnothingabouthowtotreata woman”HesnortedashemockedCade Hishaughtyattitudeburnedmeupinside,andagain,Icouldn’tkeepmymouthshut “Feelbetternow?”Irolledmyeyes.

“Yes.”

“Don’tforget,myparentsarefarmers.”IstoppedtherebeforeIchewedhisassforinsultingeveryfarmerintheworld,and bitmytongueuntilitbled.

“YouknowwhatImean”

“Idon’t.”

Hesighedandshookhishead “Howdidyougethimtoletgo?”Whyhecaredsomuch,afteralltheseyears,perplexedme “Didyoulovehim?Idon’tevenhavetoaskifhelovedyou.Whowouldn’t?”

Oh, my God! “Areyoujealous?”Warmthspreadthroughmychestandbutterfliesdancedinmystomach.Maybeheloved meandhadbeenafraidtoadmitit

“Please,”hespat.“Me,jealousofafilthyfarmer?Don’tmakemelaugh.”

Andjustlikethat,thefluttersinmybellydied “Don’tbeanasshole”

“What?Youknowhe’splanningtowinyouback,right?ShouldIflyhometonight?”

“Ican’tkeepupwithyou Onesecondyousoundlikeyouloveme,theninthenext,you’reassumingI’mgoingtodumpyou infrontofeveryoneandgetbacktogetherwithCade.Doyouknowhowridiculousyousound?We’vebeentogetherfornearly twoyears.NotoncehaveImentionedCade.”

“Makesmewonderwhyyouhaven’t”

“Cademeansnothingtome.”PainshotthroughmyheartasIdeniedwhatIknewdeepdowntobetrue.“Californiaiswhere Iwanttobe Iloveitthere AndIhaveyouinmylife”Irushedovertohimandcradledhisfaceinmyhands “You’rewhoI wanttobewith.”NotonlywasItryingtoconvincehim,butitoccurredtomejustthenIwasalsotryingtoconvincemyself.

“Youdidn’tanswermyquestion Didyoulovehim?”

“Doesitreallymatter?Itwasagesago.”

“Yes, I need to know. Like I’mactuallyonedge over a farmer.” His jaw twitched. “Did youhave a lot of sex? Was it good?”

“Yes,Ilovedhim,”Iansweredhonestly.“Butwewerekidsbackthen.I’mwithyou,andthat’sallthatmatters.”

“You’reright Idon’tknow what’sgottenintome”Hegavemeachastekiss “Justpromiseyou’llalwaysbehonestwith me.”

“Iwill.Andyou’llbehonestwithme,too.”

“Iwill.Idon’tlikeanyofthis.”

Igroaned.“Canwejustmovepastthis,please?Iknowyou’vebeenwithdozensofwomen,whichIdon’tlike,butaccept.”

“Yeah,well,Idon’tforceyoutohavedinnerwithanyofthewomenIfucked.”

“Oh,mygosh!Areyouforrealrightnow?”Ipushedhimaway.“Youcan’thonestlybeangryaboutthis.”

“Whycan’tI?Yourexiscomingtoseetheloveofhislife Doesheevenknowaboutme?Ishegoingtobringhisshotgun andblowmetosmithereens?”Hisfaceturnedred.

“Nowyou’reoverreacting”Icouldn’tdothisanymore Mysisterandparentswereboundtohearusthroughthepaper-thin walls.“I’vehadenoughofthis.”

“Oh,I’moverreacting?Wearen’ttalkingaboutimmaturelovewhereyoufumbledaroundwithsex” “What?”

“Youhadmature,adultsexwitheachother.HeknowsyourbodylikeIknowyourbody.Hell,heprobablyknowsyoubetter thanIdo!”Horrorflashedinhiseyes “Heknowsallyoursecrets Yourfears,whatmakesyousadandwhatmakesyouhappy HeknowsyoubetterthanIdobecauseyouhaveahistorytogetherfromfuckingbirth!”heyelled,makingmejump.

“Jake, calmdown Myparents will hear you” What inthe world was goingonwithhim? He never raised his voice I hadn’tseenhimunhingedandabouttoexplodebeforenow.

Hetookadeepbreath “Idon’tappreciateyouputtingmeinthissituation”

“Ididn’tknowanyofthiswouldhappen.”Iexhaledaheavybreath.“Youdon’tknowCade.He’samanofhiswordandhe hasn’tcontactedmeonce.”Mywordsputabittertasteinmymouth.

“Nice Now,Ihavetolistentoyoudefendyourlifelonglover”

WouldsomeonepleasegagJakeandthrowhimintoaclosetuntiltheendoftheweekend?

“I’mherewithyou!”Ididn’tknowhowtodealwithhim Whatdidheneedtoheartobelieveme?“Ilivewithyou Doyou knowhowhugethatis?I’msharingmylifewithyou,onlyyou.Ievenbroughtyoutomeetmyfamily.WhatmoredoIhaveto dotoprovemyself?”

“Shit,I’msorry,babe.”Hecollapsedontheedgeofmybedandburiedhisfaceinhishands.“Idon’tknowwhyIflipped out.”

Ikneeledbeforehim “It’sokay Meetingthefamilyisstressfulformostpeople Ijustwanttohaveapleasantweekend”I triedmybesttodefusehimandgaincontrolofthesituation.“It’smyparents’fortiethanniversary.They’resoblessedandIjust wanttocelebratethem”

“I don’t want to lose you.” He grabbed my face, a little firmer than usual. “But I’m at a tremendous disadvantage, in unfamiliarterritory,andIfeelthreatened.” Oh,wow.

“Youwon’tloseme.WhatcanIdotohelpyougetthroughthis?”

Heliftedmeontothebedandcoveredmymouthinadesperatekiss WhatelsecouldIdobutrespondtohisadvances?Sex usuallyworkedtocalmJake.Whenhehadaroughdayandneededtoworkoffsteam,Ihelpedhim. AndIwouldrightnow,sohewouldfeelbetteraboutus,thenwecouldjoinmyfamilydownstairs

Shelby

“IseverythingokaywithyouandJake?”OliviaaskedthesecondIenteredthekitchen.“IshewithDad?”

“Yes IthoughtI’dchecktoseeifyouallneededanyhelp”

“Ialways need your help.” Mompeered over her shoulder and smiled. She was stirringa potonthe stove, wearingthe apronmysiblingsandIhadgivenherforMother’sDay,sometwenty-plusyearsago

IrememberedhowgiddyI’dbeenwhenDadhadgottenuscraftpainttoputourhandprintsalloverit.Minewereinyellow andLiv’swerered Holden’swereblue,ofcourse

Momhadlovedourgiftandobviouslystillworeitasifshe’djustreceivedityesterday.Wouldn’twantsaucetosplatteron herpeachandcreamstripedblouseanddenimcapris.Herblondeshoulder-lengthhairwaspulledintoalow ponytail.From theback,shecouldpassforOlivia Theywerethesameheightandbodyshape,butLiv’shairwaslongandwavy

“I heard arguing.” Liv elbowed me. She was a persistent, sassywoman. Probablybecause she was the youngest of the Smithfieldkidsandspoiledrotten

“We’refine.”Iwavedheroff.AfterI’dgivenJakewhatheneeded,I’dshownhimtothedenwheremydadwaswatching television.Ithoughtmaybetheycouldwatchbaseballtogether.JakewasahugeDodgersfan.

“Butwhatwereyoufightingabout?”

“Liv.”Momshookherhead.

“Itwasmyfault”Iglancedatmymom,thenatLiv “Ihadn’ttalkedaboutCadebefore,sohiscomingtodinnercaughtJake offguard.Caughtusbothoffguard,tobehonest.”

“Butitsoundedprettyheatedinyourroom,”Livsaidasshetossedalargesaladinabamboobowl “Wereyoueavesdropping?”Iaskedinanaccusingtone.

“No,honey.”Momcametowardme.“Wecouldallhear.”

“Oh,jeez.”Howembarrassing.“Wetalkeditout,andhe’sbetter.”

“Jake’s not onlyhot, he’s a hothead.” Liv dropped cherrytomatoes onthe greens. “Bummer. I guess it’s true. No one’s perfect”

“He’s nota hothead.” Isuddenlyfeltdefensive for Jake. Theydidn’tknow himlike Idid. He spoiled me and wanted to spendeverysecondwithme ButIknewmysister Shewouldn’ttrustamanwhoyelledatawoman Thenagain,she’dalways beenTeamCade.Nootherguywouldbeworthyenoughforme…

Did Jake actually yell at me? Ishookmyhead, unable to remember. Well, Ididn’thave time to thinkaboutitnow. The Norris’swouldarriveshortlyandsowouldtheapocalypse Notreally,butIknewCade He’dneverbeokaywithmeetingmy boyfriend.

Almighty Lord, please keep these men civilized

“Justbenice,okay?”Itoldthem,whollypreparedtodropontomykneesandbeg.“Wedon’tneedtotalkaboutthepast.I wantyoutobeconsiderateofJake He’smyboyfriendandIcareabouthim”

“Shelby,Mom,andDadwillbeperfectangels.I’llmakesureofit.”Oliviaclickedhertongueandwinked. Istaredatmysister,turningherstatementoverinmyhead.MomandDadwouldbeperfectangels?WhataboutLiv?She waswhoIwasmostworriedabout Thensuddenlyhersarcasmregistered,andIstartedgiggling “Yikes,bigsis.Thoughtyoucouldn’ttell Iwasjoking.”Oliviafeignedreliefandwipedthebackofher handagainsther forehead Leaveittomysistertolightenthemoodwithhercomicrelief

Mymotherlaughedandleanedagainsttheislandacrossfromme.“We’rejustprotective,sweetie.Wedon’tknowJake.” “That’swhyIbroughthimhome,soyoucangettoknowhim Iwanthimtohaveanicevisit” “Doyoulovehim?”Oliviaasked.

“Liv,don’tasksuchpersonalquestions.”Momshotheradispleasedlook. Rightthen,IheardCade’sgruffbaritonevoiceandmyheartbeatstalledinmychestandmykneesnearlybuckled Memories roaredtowardmelikeastampedeofbuffalo,determinedtohitmefromeveryangleandnotletmeignorethem. “Shelby,”mymomgentlycalledmyname “Oh,God.He’s here andJake’s alone outthere.” Ihurriedoutofthe kitchenandtriedtoregainmycomposure.Itwasn’t

easy,asIfeltmymomandsisterbehindme.Ididn’tneedanaudiencewhenIsawCadeforthefirsttimeinovertenyears.

WhenIenteredtheden,JakewasshakinghandswithCade.AndIfroze.Cade’sintensegazefellonme,stealingtheoxygen frommylungs Holyshit, he’d change and for the better Before Icould pretend like Ihadn’tnoticed his tightlytrimmed beardandtheinkdecoratinghisarms,Iwaswrappedinhismassivearms.Thefeelofhispoundingheartagainstmychestand hisintoxicatingscentparalyzedme My Cade

“Hi, Cade.” Islapped myselfoutofthe haze myexhad putme in. “How’ve youbeen?” Iswooped myattentiontoward Jake,whoseemedtosizeupthecompetition competitionwithacapitalC

Cadehadneverbeenatypicalfarmboy.HewastallerthanJakeand,bythefeel,hisshoulderswerebroader,evenmoreso thanIremembered.Cadehadbeenruggedlyhandsomebackintheday,butnow…Ihardlyrecognizedhim.

Heliftedmeoffmyfeetinafamiliarembrace,andgoodjolly,Ifelt all ofhim “I’mbetternow,Honeybee”Hegavemea tightsqueeze,thenputmedown,buthedidn’treleaseme.Itwaslikehecouldn’tletgo,likehewould never letmego.This wassobad

Ipushedagainsthishardassteelshoulders,hopinghe’dstopthisnonsense.Itappearedthestubbornjerkhadn’tnoticedmy attempts or cared who was watchingus He wentfor itand unabashedlykissed myneckthe wayhe would whenwe were together.Inearlyswoonedlikeanidiotrightinfrontofmyboyfriend,whowasamerefootortwoaway.Nothimoranyone elsehadmadeasound.

Fuck, this is so, so bad!

“Cade,youmetJake… my boyfriend?”Isuspectedmydadhadn’tmentionedthatimportantdetail.Ifhehad,Iwasconfident Cadewouldn’tbeactingthisway

Anicychillenteredtheroom.Cadesteppedback,hislipspressedthin,andhiseyesnarrowed.

Icouldreadhispissedoffthoughtsasiftheyweremyown.“Yes.He’smyboyfriend.Didn’tmydadmentionthat?” “Sorry.Didn’tgettothatpart.”Hesheepishlysmiled.

Icouldn’ttearmygazeawayfromCade’s.Itfeltlikewewerebackattheairportsayinggood-byeforgood.Painandregret rushedthroughmyveins Whatwashappening?

CadeclearedhisthroatandturnedtowardJake,andextendedhishand.“Ididn’tknow.You’realuckyman.” “It’scool”Jakerepliedastheyshook Neitheroftheirannoyedexpressionscouldbemissed WhywouldmydadnotintroduceJakeasmyboyfriend?SowhatifCadeNorriswasthemoonandstarstoeveryoneinmy family?We’dbrokenupalifetimeago,andthiswashowtheyactedthefirsttimewewereinthesameroomtogether? Iwasfurious.

Readytorageandkicksomeasses.

ButIcouldn’tdoadamnthingaboutitwithoutcausingascene

Whatwasworse?Icouldn’tfocusonJake.NotwhenCadewasbreathingthesameairasme.He’dbackeddown,beenthe stand-upguyIknewhimtobe,andtooktheleadwithasilentpeaceoffering,afterhisunintentionaloffense Cadewouldnever apologizeverbally,butthegesturehadspokenvolumestome.

“How abouta drink?” Ilookedover atmydad.“I’dlike a vodka soda.” The tensionwas sothickitcouldbe cutwitha knife Somebodyneededtogetpeoplemovingandtalkingafterthemostawkwardmomentofmylife

“I’llhaveawhiskeyneat.”Jakereeledmeintohissideasiflayinghisclaim.Hewasn’tacuddlyguy,sothisfakeattention mademeuncomfortable

“Comingrightup.”Mydadgaveathumbsup.“Cade,whatcanIgetyou?”

“Ifyoudon’tmind,I’llgetitmyself”Cadestalkedoutoftheroomandtooktheoxygenwithhim

Cade

JesusfuckingChrist!Whyhadn’tanyonewarnedme?Notmyparents.Notherparents.Ihadmadeafoolofmyselfinfrontof thatprickwhonowhadhisarmaroundShelby

Icouldsmashhisfaceintotherockfireplaceandnotfeelanounceofremorse.

Jealousystabbedmeintheeyeoverandoverandover Shelby is mine

Takingout a bottle of beer, I twisted off the cap and chugged. For her, I’d calmthe fuckdown, but I couldn’t promise anythingelse

Mymomappearedinthedoorway.

“Whydidyouletmebelieveshewassingle?”Iaskedinatightvoice. “I’msosorry”

“Alittlelateforthatdontchathink?”

DebraandOliviamadetheirwayin JustwhatIneeded,morerubberneckers “Whydidn’tanyofyoutellmeshehadaboyfriend?Orthatshewasbringinghimtothefarm?Ifeellikeagoddamnidiot!” Islammedmyhandonthecounter.

“Truthfully?Nobodywantedtogetinthemiddleofit,”Oliviaanswered,asifthespokesperson.“Wethoughtshewouldn’t followthroughwithbringinghim.”

“Well,youwerewrong I’mleaving” “No,”Shelbysaid.

Icutmygazeatherandbitdownsohardonmymolars;theywouldcrackanysecond

“Youcan’trunfromthis.Can’twetrytogetalongandbeamicable?”Hersoftvoiceslashedthroughmysoul.I’dmissed hersofuckingmuch,andjustwhenIthoughtImightgetherback,shehadafuckingboyfriend.

“Maybeyoucan,butIcan’t.”Iturnedmybacktoherandguzzledmybeer.Ishould’venevercometonight.Hell,Ishould’ve nevermovedbackhomeafterRockydestroyedtheHellsBellsMC.Icould’vestartedmyownbikerclub…

Shecameupbehindmeandputherhandonmyforearm Thescentofherperfumeteasedmysenses,andthewarmthofher bodyfuckedwithmymind.Itwasagonizingtobesoclose,tosmellherandfeelhertouchagain.“Ican’t,Shelby.”

“Try”ShetuggedonmyarmsoI’dturnaround WhenIdid,thepleadinginherchocolate-browneyespunchedmeinthe gut.“Wecan’tavoideachotherforever.Onedayyou’llfindsomeone.I’msurethatwon’tbeeasyforme,butI’llhavetobe happyforyou.Can’tyoubehappyforme?Pleasetry,Cade.”

Talkaboutputtingmeonthespot Threepairsofeyeswerewatchingus ThenosiestwomeninBurntwoodweregripped andhangingonoureveryword.Nowwasn’tthetimetohavethisconversation.IfShelbywantedtohaveitout,Iwould,butin private

Shakingmyhead,Iopenedmymouthandwasabouttosayno whenIheardhim… “Shelby,iseverythingallright?”Jakeasked,hiseyesdartingbetweenShelbyandme “Yourdadiswaitingfortheice”He spoketoherinanauthoritativetone,asifshewereachild. Irolledmyhandsintofists.

“Oh,um ”Shestaredathimandstruggledtofindherwords Ididn’tlikehowhe’dmadeheruncomfortable “Hereyougo,honey.”DebrahandedShelbytheicebinfromthefreezer.

“Thanks,Mom”Sheleftthekitchen,withJakefollowingcloselybehindher “Holyshit!Didyouseethelookinhiseyes?He’spissed.”Oliviacrossedherarmsoverherchestandtiltedherheadwith attitude “Areyoustillleaving?”

“No,”Igrunted.

NowayinhellI’dgoanywhere,notuntilIknewShelbywasokay.Shemighthavedestroyedme,rippedmyheartoutofmy chest,butIwouldalwaysprotecther IbracedmyhandsonthecounterandschooledmyemotionssoIdidn’texplode.Itseemedwestillhadastrongconnection. Nosurprise Weweresoulmates

All ithad takenwas holdingher inmyarms and myheartstarted beatingagain. Years aparthadn’tchanged how muchI

lovedher,butitseemedshe’dmovedon.

I’dtriedmanytimestofindsomeoneelse,butIcouldn’tstopwantingandlovingher.She’dbeggedmetolethergothelast timewemadelove,andI’dpromisedIwould

Afew tears escaped the corners of her eyes, and my breathing hitched. I hated to see her sad, so I buried my face in the curve of her neck to avoid what I knew was about to happen I needed to stay strong and keep my emotions in check “Cade,” she choked out my name.

“Don’t do this,” I whispered against her soft skin

“Look at me. ”

“No ”

“Please ” Her voice cracked “Please, Cade ” I lifted my head despite myself.

She blinked rapidly, lips pressed in a hard line as if trying to hold back sobbing She cupped my face and kissed me with a hunger that made my chest unbearably tight.

I followed her lead This was her moment and though I hated what I knew in my gut was coming, I held onto the tiniest bit of hope I had left.

She pulled back. “We can’t keep doing this. Four years of back and forth, me flying to Burntwood and you coming to SoCal It isn’t normal I need more ” More with someone who wouldn’t be me.

“How can you say that after everything we ’ ve been to each other, like you don’t love me? Because I have loved you my whole fucking life.”

“Of course I love you If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be in your bed right now ”

“You could be in my bed every night.” Why the fuck had I stated the obvious? She knew where I wanted her but she’d kept trying to push me away. God, I was a moron.

“But I live in California and you don’t want to move there I love everything about the West Coast Don’t act like this is the first time you ’ re hearing any of this!”

“Dammit, Shelby!” I lost control and instantly regretted it “Sorry I shouldn’t have yelled ”

“Why are you apologizing? If you ’ re angry, be fucking angry. If you ’ re sad, then be sad. Cry if you need to.” She stared into my eyes, the gateway to my dying soul “You don’t have to hide your emotions from me ” I tried to pull out of her, but she grabbed my shoulders to stop me

Panic flashed in her eyes. “Please don’t. Not yet.” She wrapped her legs around my hips to keep me in place. “It kills me to hurt you It’s selfish and heartless, and I’m so sorry ”

“Then let’s figure out a way to make it work.” I filled her to the hilt, my heart violently pounding. I needed to calm down and stop her from breaking up with me

“It’s not possible and you know it.”

Not what I wanted to hear “I can’t just pack my truck and move I have responsibilities My parents The ranch You know this It’s easier for you to find a job here than for me to move hundreds of cattle to a new location ” Her mouth fell open.

I knew exactly what I’d done wrong “Your job is important I didn’t mean to make light of it I’m sorry ” “We have battled this for years. Why am I the only one who sees this isn’t a healthy relationship? It’s time Cade. You need to let me go, and you can’t call or visit me ” The words rolled off her tongue quickly, not giving me a chance to change her mind.

“And I don’t have a choice ” I clenched my teeth hard, not caring if I broke one or all of them “Please listen to me ”

“I am, and I don’t like what I’m hearing. Especially with my dick inside your pussy. Who has conversations like this during sex?”

She sighed. “It’s the only way I can pin you down to talk about this.” “Jesus Christ You must really want to break up with me ”

“As much as I love you and want you… ” She inhaled a ragged breath. “I also want a normal life and my boyfriend to live near me. I don’t want long weekends or holidays where we screw like rabbits because the clock is ticking.” The floodgates blew open If she cried any harder, she might hyperventilate It had happened before Scared the crap out of me, too.

“You make us sound like friends with benefits, which is bullshit, Shelby Utter bullshit ” “I… I’m sorry, ” she cried. “I didn’t mean it. My mouth ran away with me. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.” She wrapped her arms around me “But I can’t do this anymore I can’t, Cade I want you to let me go ” The gut-wrenching pain I felt hearing her request nearly made me cry like a baby. I would do anything to be anywhere but here.

“Please promise that you’ll let me go, ” she begged.

“I promise ” I took a deep breath, accepting that I’d lost the battle, then crushed my lips against hers I devoured her mouth, then moved down her neck to her full breasts If this was the last time we’d be together, I’d make it unforgettable.

In return, Shelby responded with fiery passion Determined to orgasm together, I timed my pace as I pumped into her, making it last as long as possible. I pulled out and glided back in slowly In and out, in and out I memorized the way my dick felt in her pussy, the sounds she made as the tip of my cock hit her sweet spot. So hot and raw She pulsed around me as her nails bit into my shoulders No woman would ever own me the way Shelby had I would never love another again

“Cade!” she cried out in ecstasy. “I’m close.”

As if I didn’t know she was I lowered my forehead to hers and enjoyed the last seconds of our connection Her lips parted, and she arched her back. My spine tingled, and my balls raised Our bodies clenched in unison, then we came apart. I focused on the feel of her body and burned her smell into my memory. When I thought about her finding someone else and giving her body to them, I wanted to die Shelby Smithfield was meant to be mine for always.

Maybe she’d stay single and come to her senses after she’d had some time away from me If I believed that, I was a bigger fool than I ever knew. Of course she’d find someone; Shelby was every man ’ s dream: gorgeous, intelligent, passionate, caring, trusting She would make any man happy, just as she had me I wanted her to have everything she’d worked for and dreamed of; a perfect California life. Her happiness mattered most, even if it wasn’t with me. I’d let her go as I promised, and then I’d be a soulless, worthless man for the rest of my life. “Cade,areyouokay?”Olivia’squestionpulledmebacktothepresent “Yup.Justneededasecond.”

Guess I’m breaking the promise I’d made all those years ago and I’m not sorry about it

Shelby

“Awkward”keptrepeatinginmyheadlikeabrokenrecord.Cadehadstayedfor dinner,andIsuspectedeverypersonatthe diningtablewouldbattleindigestionduringthenight ImightneverforgivemymomforinvitingCadeandhisparents.

I definitely wouldn’t forgive myself for practically begging my ex to stay What in the hell had happened to me in the kitchen?

OnelookatCade,allmanlyandscaldinghotandwearingablackStetson,hadmequestioningmyreligion It’dbeenlikeI hadamnesia.I’dforgottenwhoIwas,andthatCade hadn’tbeenmine for a longtime whenItouchedhis tattooedforearms. Lordhelpme…Evennow,duringthemostawkwardmealofmylife,Icouldn’tstopflickingmygazeathimsittingacrossfrom me

He’d takenhis hatofflike anyrespectable cowboywould do whensittingdownto eat. Ihated and loved the view. The Stetsonhadcoveredpartofhisfaceandmadehimmysteriousandintimidating Withitoff,Icouldseehimcompletelyandthe timehadbeengoodtohim.Hisjawlinehadsharpenedunderhisperfectlytrimmedbeard.He’donlyhadsexyscruffwhenwe weretogether.Ithadfilledinquitenicely.

Hehadfrownlinesonhisforeheadandahardnessaroundhisblueeyes.Eachtimeourlineofvisioncollided,electricity made up offuryand rage surged throughme like a violentlightningstorm. And thoughIfelthis emotions like theywere my own,theyweren’tdirectedatme CadewasonthevergeoflosinghisshitbecauseofthewayJakehadtreatedme Iknewthat waswhyhe’dstayed,andIwasn’tsurehowtotemperhiswrath.ThiswasasideofCadeIhadn’texperiencedbefore.

Hadthemotorcycleclubhe’dbeeninchangedhimthatmuch?

Regardless, Icould take care ofmyself. He should know Iwould never allow someone to mistreatme or embarrass me, especiallyinfrontofmyparents.NowthatIthoughtofit,IguessithadcomeacrosslikeJakecontrolledme.Hedidn’t,though. Ijustdidn’twanttocauseascene.

Jake’s behavior was because ofextenuatingcircumstances.Anyone would understand.Exceptfor Cade,apparently. ButI couldgivemyboyfriendapass

“How’sworkbeen,Shelby?”Cadeasked.

Iflinched,surprisedbyhisquestion “Great Ilovemyjob”Cadedidn’tfoolme Hehadn’tbeeninterestedinmyworkat themuseumwhenweweretogether,hesurelywasn’tnow.ThemuseumandCaliforniawerewhathadstolenmeawayfrom him.Hehatedboth,thoughhe’dneveradmitit.

“I’mhappyforyou”Thesincerityinhisvoiceputmeateaseand,ofcourse,mymouthranawaywithme

“I’mheadingupour holidayexhibitthis year.It’s myfirsttimebeinginchargeandatremendous responsibility.”Ihalted whenIrealizedoureyeswerelocked,asifnooneelseexisted TurningmyattentiontoJakeandmyparents,Isaid,“Ireally wantittobeasuccess.”

“Iknowyou’llpullitoff”Jakekissedmycheek

“Thanks.”ItriedtoignoretheinstanttensioninCade’sjawasJakeputhisarmaroundme.“Jakeismybiggestcheerleader. WhenIworklate,hebringsmedinner.AndwhenmyteamandIareworkingovertimetomeetadeadline,hebringsuspizzas.” Although, ithad beenstrange atfirst He’d drive anhour to bringme a sandwichor salad, whenIcould’ve easilyordered deliveryfromoneofthemanyrestaurantsnearthemuseum.Ithoughtitwassweetandappreciatedhissupport,butMartinahad teasedthathewascheckinguponme Mycrazybestiedidn’ttrustanyone

“Listentoher gushover me.”Jakekissedmeagain.“She’sthesweetestandhasbeenpartofsomefantasticexhibits.I’m veryproudofherandwhatshe’saccomplished”

“Well,that’swonderful,”mymomsaid.“We’resoproudofyou,too.”

“Thankyou,M ”

“Andwhatisityoudo?”CadecuthisgazeatJake JustwhenIthoughtthemoodwasshiftinginapositivedirection,theawkwardtensionreturned.

“Excuseme?”Jaketightenedhisgriponmyshoulder Ofcourse,Cade’seyestwitchedastheyshiftedtoJake’shand Itriednottoreacttoeitherofthem,butitwasn’teasy.CadewasthrowingdaggersmywayandJake’snailsweredigging

intomyflesh.Whycouldn’ttheybecivilized?

“Foraliving.Doyouhaveajob?”Cadeaskedthroughgrittedteeth.Theviolentvibeshewasgivingoffmademenervous forJake’swell-being

Oliviacoughed,butanyonecouldtellshewashidingherlaughter. Brat. AlleyeswereonJake,anxiouslyawaitinghisreply

Mybloodpressureskyrocketed,andmypalmsweresweaty.WhatwasCadedoing?

“I’minfinanceanddabbleinlanddevelopment,”Jakefinallyreplied Whatwashetalkingabout?Hewasrichanddidn’t haveajob.

“Interesting.Ican’timagineyouhavemuchtimeforShelby,beingafinancialadvisorandrealtor.”Cadeliftedhisbeerto hislips “YouCaliforniansareabunchofoverachievers,workingtwojobs Whendoyouhavetimetorelaxandplay?”

Jakeleanedforward.“IhaveallthetimeintheworldforShelby.I’mself-employed.” “Soyoudon’twork?”

“Cade,”Ihissed.

He shotme a glance butwentoninterrogatingJake “Whenthe restofus are workingour full-time jobs, whatare you doing?”

“Cade,enough,”Itoldhiminawarningtoneandglared.Hedidn’tsomuchasflinch.Ohno.Heabsorbedmyirritationand heldfirm Whathadgottenintohim?

“Idon’t workinthe traditional sense ofthe word,” Jake said withanair ofarrogance. “See, I’ma billionaire. I’mnot bragging,but ”

“You’renot?”Cadesnorted.

“YouseemedconcernedaboutShelby,andyoudon’thavetobe.Ihavetheluxuryofworkingornot.Sueme.”Anarrogant grinstretchedacrosshisface.“Igrowmymoneybybuyingandsellingstocksandrealestate.”

“B,b,billionaire?”Oliviaexclaimed,hereyesbulgingandblinkinginshock. Ineededtoputanendtothispissingcontest “Enoughwithallthequestions”

“Billionaire doesn’t mean much to us country folk,” Cade said with a smirk. “If the financial world as we know it collapsed, or anEMPknocked outall electronics, you’d be shitoutofluck Your billions would be useless How will you provideandprotectShelbyifthathappens?”

“Oh,Jesus.Really,Cade?”Iemptiedmyglassofwine.

Bothour families wereself-reliantandpreparedfor several natural disasters,eventhezombieapocalypse.Sure,wehad electricityandWi-Fi,andallthecreaturecomforts,butifthecountrywenttoshitandmoneybecamecoloringpaperforkids, we’d survive onour farms All ofBurntwood would band together to defend whatwas ours Couldn’tsaythe same would happeninSoCal,butIwasn’tworried.All those post-apocalyptic books myfolks readwere justthe musings ofanauthor’s wildlyactiveimagination

“Miles,youmightwanttosendsomegunshomewithShelbysoshecanprotectherselfandherbillionaireboyfriend.”Cade leveledhishardenedgazeatme.“Honeybee,doyourememberhowtoshootagun?”

“That’sit!”Ivaultedtomyfeet Theforcerattledtheglassesandflatwareonthetable Jake took my hand. “Shelby, it’s okay. Please, sit down. Your family and friends have legitimate concerns. I’m not offended”

“Well,youshouldbe.”IsatbackdownandscowledatCade’sstupid,unapologeticface.WhatinGod’snamehadgotten intohim?Itwaslikehewasacompletelydifferentperson Whenweweretogether,herarelyoffendedanyone Healsonever coweredtoanyone.

“Iownabombshelter inNevadawithenoughfoodtolastus fiveyears.I’mprobablymorepreparedthanyouall,”Jake saidmatter-of-factly “AndIgototheshootingrangeregularly Icandefendmygirl”

Theshootingrange?Thiswasnewstome,alongwiththeshelter.IhadaninklingJakewaslyingthroughhisperfectwhite teethjusttoone-upCade Jaketurnedtowardmyparents.“IpromiseShelbywillneverwantforanything.” “Letthebattlebegin,”Oliviamutteredbesideme Ielbowedhertoshutup.

“Ifyou’dlike,Icaninstallabombshelteronyourproperty.It’dbemyanniversarygifttoyou.”Jaketookouthiscellphone. “Icanhavemyguygetstartedrightaway Soyoucanhavepeaceofmind” “Jake,that’snotnecessary,”mymomsaid.“Andtoomuchmoney.”

“What’s tenmillionfor a little peace ofmind?” He shrugged like we were onlydiscussingthousands ofdollars and not millions. Show off.“Butyoumightprefersomethinglessluxurious,beingyourfarmersandnotusedtolivingaprivilegedlife.” “Listenhere, fucker!” Cade slammed his hand onthe table. “You’re inmyterritorynow and youneed to be taughtsome manners.”HepointedhislongdigitatJake.

“Ican’tbelieveyou!”Ijumpedoutofmyseatsofast,mychaircrashedtothefloor,startlingeveryone.“NeverhaveIbeen

so embarrassed. And you.” I looked down at Jake and his smug expression. “How could you show off and disrespect my family?”Istormedoutofthediningroomandranupstairstomybedroom.

MaybeleavingtheroomwouldsendCadeandhisfolks’home God,Icouldonlyhope Andtomorrowwastheparty,and I’dhavetoseehimagain.

Cominghomehadbeenahorribleidea FarworsethanIhadbeenpreparedfor,especiallygivenhow differentCadewas now.Differentinagruff,sexyway.Heobviouslystillcaredaboutme,maybeevenstilllovedme.

Whydidthatmakemehappy,evenafterthewayhebehavedjustnow?

Cade

“Billionaire.”Milesrepeatedthewordfor the…I’dlostcount.AtleastadozentimessinceShelbyranoutandJakechased afterher “She’sneverspokenabouttheirfinances”

“Ofcourseshehasn’t,”Igrumbledlow,tryingtomindmymouth.“Moneynevermatteredtoher.She’swithhimbecauseshe wantstobe,notbecausehe’sabillionaire”Istoodandremovedmyhatfromthesideboardbehindme “Thankyoufordinner, Debra.Itwasdelicious,asalways.”

“Cade,itwasmypleasure Butwon’tyoustay?I’msureshe’llbedownshortly”DebraglancedatMiles,thenmymom “Nomom,”Oliviacutin.“Lethimgo.He’sright.Shelby’smovedonwithJake.Whydoyouthinkshewassoangry?She wantedustotreatJakelikefamily,butsomeonehadtogetallmouthy.”

Ihiked mybrow Thatsomeone was me Yep, I’d crossed the line, whichwas whyIneeded to getthe fuckoutofthere beforeShelbyandherbeaureturned.IwasprettydamnsureIcouldn’tkeepmyselfincheckanylonger.

Even if I believed Shelby was making a big mistake with the arrogant ass, she was her own woman Strong and independent. She’d always knownwhat she wanted and went after it. Ididn’t have a damnsayinthe matter now, just as I hadn’tbackwhenshetoldmegood-byeattheairport…

Of all the songs to come on the radio, while I drove Shelby to the airport for the last time, it had to be the fucking country crooner himself, Josh Turner, singing “Your Man.” I hadn’t paid attention to lyrics like Shelby, but this song had been different It would forever remind me of my Honeybee

Normally, I parked my pickup and walked her in, but this time I pulled up to the drop off outside the terminal entrance. Why in the hell would I want to draw it out and torture myself, watching her go through security? She’d probably cry, despite breaking up being her choice, and I couldn’t fucking take it.

She gasped and whipped her head in my direction, a shocked expression on her face “I mean, I understand We need to rip it off like a Band-aid ”

I grunted as I exited the truck, grabbed her bags out of the back, took them over to the curb, and set them at her feet. I felt a little guilty for being pensive and quiet after we’d left my cabin Should’ve let her sister Liv drive her after she’d offered, but a part of me had hoped Shelby would change her mind.

It didn’t appear things would go my way

She stared at me, wide-eyed. This was it, but I could tell she didn’t know how to begin or what to say. She just stared at me, and by God, it killed me I couldn’t get back in my truck and drive away, leaving her frozen on the sidewalk I’d help her out so she could walk away from me like she wanted

“I want you to know.” Stopping short, I needed to clear my throat. “I’ll always love you. If there’s anything you need, you can call me But I won’t call you like before I made you a promise, and I’ll honor it ” The urge to detach from her and to keep my words loving wasn’t easy. Her last memory of me needed to be of the man she’d loved most of her life.

A long distance relationship wasn’t sustainable She wanted to focus on her career I wanted to get married and have a family, and I refused to move to California. What else was she to do but break up with me? Should’ve known one day she’d find the courage to call it quits

“I’m so sorry, ” she whispered “Just find what you ’ re looking for, Hon, er um, Shelby.” I tensed up after fumbling with my words. Some habits couldn’t be broken I’d been calling her Honeybee for so long, it flowed out of my mouth like my own name

She went up on her tiptoes, placed one hand on my scruffy cheek, and lightly kissed the other.

I gave her a nod, then turned to leave “Cade!” She grabbed my hand, stopping me.

I peered over my shoulder and found her lip quivering.

“Please, Cade Please don’t hate me ” Giant tears rolled down her cheeks “I, I know I’m the worst person ever, but I can’t stand the thought of you hating me. ” She lifted my hand to her lips and softly kissed it.

“I don’t know what you want from me I’m not a machine, Shelby This is killing me I can’t just pretend like we were only ”