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ChapterOne Lainey “Thefantasyissomebig,rough,inkedupguyinanoldtruck.”IsqueezemyeyesclosedasAspensewsupthefingerI slicedopenthismorningwithanancientcanopener.“Youknow,thekindofguythatgetsallobsessedandcan’tgetenoughof you Ineedthat”
Thenurselaughsandtwistsbacktohertrayfilledwithbandagesandalcohol.“You’llfindbig,rough,andinkeduphere forsure Andtrucks they’vegot‘embythedozens,buttheseguysareobsessedwiththemselves Well,maybetheirtrucks too.”
“Isn’tthatthepoint?They’reobsessedwithsomethingelseuntiltheymeetyou.Thenyoubecometheirobsession.” Shelaughs.“You’vebeenreadingtoomuch.Trustme,youdon’twantamanwho’sobsessedwithyou.That’snot healthy.I’mpicturingFatal Attraction.”Shepoursrubbingalcoholoveraballofcotton,swipesitontomyfinger,thenwraps itwithgauze “Keepthiscleanandawayfromwaterforthenexttendays I’mgoingtogiveyousomeantibiotics,too Don’t skipadose.”
“Gotit”Ihopoffthetableandpinchmylipstogether,mymindstillonthefantasymanI’mdreamingabout “Hehasto beouttheresomewhere,right?Notjustinbooksormovies,butinreallife.”
Aspenshrugsandturnsaway,tossingherglovesintothetrash.IfIwereguessing,I’dsayshe’snearlyforty.Herfacehas thatgoldenratiothingpeopletalkaboutwherethere’sperfectsymmetry.Herhairislongandblonde,andthere’safreckleon herleftcheekjustbelowherlip.Iglancedownatherhand.Noweddingring.Maybethisisasoretopic.Ireallyshouldlearn moresocialawarenessskills “I’velivedinthemountainsmywholelife Alaska,andnowRuggedMountain”Shewigglesher ringfingertowardme.“Mountainmenareapainintheass.Trustmeonthisone.Ithinkthere’ssomethinginwomenthat’s meanttofindallthesebig,hairy,redneckmenattractive Imean,whowouldn’twantamanthatcanbuildyouahousewithhis barehands?”Shesmiles.“Andhaveyouseenthesementakecareofanimals?God.Myovarieshurtjustthinkingaboutit.But,” shehitchesherhip,“theydisappointyou.Mostoftheseguysareunemotional,self-pro-claimed‘good ol’boys,’ whodon’t givealickaboutanyonebutthemselves.”
“Ifeellikethere’sastoryhereI’mmissingouton.”
Shelaughsandleansagainstthebackcounter “You’reyoung Don’tletmejadeyourfun I’msurethefantasymanyou’re lookingforisouttheresomewhere.”
“Orhe’snotandyoucouldclarifyitallrighthereandnow”
Aspendragsinadeepbreathandletsitoutslowly.“Let’sjustsayIhaven’thadthebestofluck.Thatdoesn’tmeanyou won’t.”
“Whathappened?”I’msureI’mpressingtoodeep,butI’vealwaysbeenalittlenosey “Adivorce,andthenanewguy.Bothofthemwerebig,rugged,confidentmen.Bothofthemdisappointedmeindifferent ways”Sheshrugs “That’slife Doesn’tmeanallguysarebad,justtheonesIknow”
“So…Ineedmore.”
Shelaughs “It’saboringstory” “Ibetit’snotboring.Ihavetime.”
“Whyareyouhere,anyway?Peoplearetalkinglikeyou’rerunningfromsomething.”
IstaredownatthefloorandthenbackatAspen “DoyouknowwhoMartinZelleris?” Herbrowswrinkle.“TheguythatownsthatreallytallbuildingintheSprings?”
“Yeah That’smyfather He’sarealestateguy Also he’sanarcissistwho’sdesperatetocontroleverythingIdo Apparently,I’madirectreflectiononhim,soIneedtoactlikeit.”
“So,you’rerunningfromhim?”
“Hewantstomarrymeofftothisguywhosefatherownsthislargemarketchain.You’dthinkthiswassomemedieval marriagetocombineourtribes.Andhonestly,Ishould likehim.He’smyage,he’shandsome,andhecomesfrommoney.But… he’sjustlikemyfather He’snotlookingforlove He’slookingforaponytoshow,youknow?”
Aspensighs.“So,it’syourplantorunforever?”
“Oh,Iplanto Imean,hesaidifIdidn’tmarrythisguy,he’llmakemylifeandeveryoneIlove’slifealivinghell So, there’snochoicebuttorun.ThegoodthingisI’mnotalone.We’reallrunningfromsomething,right?Atleast,itseemsthat way.”
Sheconsidersmywords,herhandonminebeforeshespeaks.“You’renotwrongaboutthat.Sometimes,though,Ithink maybewerunfromourselves.Doyouthinktalkingitoutwithyourfatherwouldendallthis?”
Ilaugh “No He’snotthe ‘talk it out’ kindofguy Hopefully,Icanfindanicelittlespotinthemountainsanddisappear That’sthebestshotIhave.Butwhataboutyou?Youkeepdodgingmyquestions.”
“Notdodgingthem”Shebrushesbackastrandofblondehairfromhervision “Ijustdon’tknowhowtoanswer”
IstaretowardAspen,wonderingwhatsecretsshe’sholdingonto.Whatevertheyare,I’llbetthey’rejuicy.
AsIthinkoveranotherwaytoaskheraquestionaboutherpast,thefrontdoorbellringsandamanstepsinside.Well, actuallyhemightnotbeaman He’sagiant Amassivegoliath,whoduckswhenhestepsinsideanormaldoorframe “Youtwoareinheregossipingupastorm.Icanhearyouonthesidewalk.”Whenhespeaks,hisvoiceisdeepand raspy Hehastobeoneofthosegiantsintownhuntingsomeroguebear I’veheardpeopletalkingandafriendofminejust starteddatingone.So,whateverheheard,I’mnotsurehehasmuchuseforit,butstill…mystomachistightwithworry.
That,andthismanstandingfivefeetaway,isthemanfromthefantasyI’vebeenhaving He’stall,dark,inked,andI’d betifIlookoutside,I’llseeanoldpickuptruckwithmudonthetires.Ihearyoushouldn’ttrustamanwithacleantruck.
Aspenglancestowardmeandgrins,thentowardtheman.“WhatcanIhelpyouwith?”
“Stoppingdowntoseehowwecangetsomeantibiotics”
Shewrinklesherbrows.“Foryourself?”
“No,formyfather He’sresistingallthingsmedical,butIknowheneedsanantibiotic Iwashopingyou’dtakeafew bucksandletmetakeaZ-Pakbacktohimorsomething.”
Shelaughs “Can’tdothat,butIcancometakealookathimandseewhatIcando”
“Theantibioticwillworkjustfine.That’sallIneed.Hedoesn’twanttobeseen.He’sahugepainintheass.Comeon, lady.Ineedyourhelp.”
“Asyoucansee,I’mhelpingsomeonerightnow Sowhenwe’redone,I’lladdressyourissue”
Hewrinkleshisbrows.“You’regossiping,notworking.She’sgottomarrysomeguyshedoesn’twanttoandyou’re reassuringherthatallmensuck”
Mychesttightensandaleadbrickfallsintomystomach.Isnapalookattheman.“Howmuchdidyouhear?”
“Enoughtoknowyou’refucked.”HeglancesbackatAspen.“There’saguydownatthebarrightnowlookingforagirl thatlooksahellofalotlikeyou.”
Inarrowmybrowsandswallowdownthelumpthat’sgrowninmythroat.“You’relying.”
Aspendoesn’thesitate Sheglancestowardme,thenliftshercelltomakeacall Idon’tknowwhoshe’sontheline with,butbythelookonherface,I’dguessthegiantistellingthetruth.
What the hell?
Mypalmsturnsweaty.Iglancetowardthegoliathandrummagethroughmybagfortheantibioticsthenursejustgave me.“Ihavemeds.Takemesomewhere,anywheresafe.YoudothatandI’llgivethemtoyou.”
Aspenstepstowardme.“They’renotprescribedforhim.They’reforyou.”
Istaretowardher,bitingtheinsideofmycheek.“Ishetellingthetruth?Istheresomeoneatthebarlookingforme?” Shenods
“ThenletmedowhatIneedtodo.”
Theroomisquiet Aspen’sarmsfoldoverherchest Thegoliathstandswideinthehallway Thescentofpineand medicalsuppliesoverwhelmsme,andmystomachturns.Ihavenootherplan.Thisguyisgoingtotakemyantibioticsright noworintheparkinglotlater.Thatsaid,Iprobablyshould’vewaitedtopropositionhimlikethis.
Finally,Aspenreachesdownandgrabsanotherpackofantibioticsfromthedrawer,thenslidesthemintomybag “I didn’tseeanything.Dowhatyouhaveto,buttakeyourmeds,too.Youneedthem.”
InodtowardAspenandreachoutforahug I’mnotsureI’veeverbeenmorethankfulinmylife Iknowshe’sgoingout onalimbforme.“Thankyou.”
Shesighsandstepsawayasthoughshe’snotpleasedwithherchoices “Getoutofhere”
Ifeelbad,butwehavetogo.Iglancetowardthegiantinthehallway.Iexpecthimtobegiddywithexcitement.Instead, helooksasthoughhehasn’tmadeuphismind.That,orhewasn’texpectingtomakedeals.
Imustlookdesperatebecausefinallyhesays,“Getinthetruck,andmovefast”There’snolookofexcitementaboutthe trip.Instead,helooksdisgruntled,maybeevenangry.
Whatever!Ineedarideoutofhere,andrightnow,he’stheonlyoptionIhave Baginhand,Ihopoffthetableandfollowthegoliathoutofthesmallofficeandontothesidewalk,wheretheoldChevy Iwasexpectingiswaiting
So,afantasymanexists…inphysicalform.Iknewit!It’sarelief,really.IwasstartingtothinkIwascrazy. Myheadturnsonaswivelforanymeninblackmyfathermayhavehired,butasthegiantopensmydoorandhelpsme inside,allthatfadesaway Insteadofmyfatherandhisarmyofassholes,I’mlostinthewarmscentofcedarandpineonthe manwho’sleanedovermeadjustingabrokenseatbeltinhistruck.Hepullsthebeltoverthetopofmyframeandlocksitinto place He’scarefulnottotouchmyskin,butashisroughhandbrushespastmyarminadvertently,Inearlydie “Sorry.Itgetsjammed.Youhavetoreleaseitwiththewrenchintheglovebox.Notpretty,butitworks.” It’sjustadoor.It’sjustaseatbelt.He’sjustaman.Myfantasydidn’tincludebrokenseatbeltsandagrumpydemeanor, butmyclitdidn’tgetthememo.She’sthrobbinglikehe’stiedmeupandwhispereddirty,filthythingsinmyear.
Apparently,that’showdesperateIam.Amancanbegrudginglytakemeforaride,givethebareminimum,andI’m
Dear Lord, please send help
ChapterTwo “I’lltakeyoutoacabininthewoods.You’llbefinethere.”
Thewomanbesidemescoffs.“Thatwasn’tthedeal.Youhavetohelpme.Iwouldn’tknowwhattodointhewoodsby myself”
“Clearly,”Igroanwithonehandonthewheel,theotheronthewindowsill.“Look,Iappreciateyourneedforhelp,butI can’tgiveittoyou Ihaveasickfather,we’reheretohunt,andeveryoneintownhatesus IfIgoharboringalittlerichgirl,it’s notgoingtolookgoodonmyfamily.So…I’lltakeyoutoacabinIsawupinthewoods.Don’tworry.You’llhavefoodand whateverelseyouneed.”
Shefoldsherarmsoverherchestandstaresoutthefrontwindow.I’msureshe’sthinkingallkindsofsnarkythings,but shedoesn’tsayanyofthem.Instead,shejuststares.That’sfinebyme.Idon’tneedtogetattachedtoherorwhatevershe needs
Besides,whythefuckisthismyresponsibility?“You’renotthinking,girl.Therealworldishard.There’swork.There’s neverenoughtime Youhavetodowhatpeopletellyou Isaymarrytheassholeandcashthechecks,causeyouwon’tlastout here.”
Sherollshereyes.“Youdon’tknowme!”
Ilaugh.“DoIneedtoknowyou?You’rewearinghighheelsinasnowstorm,you’recarryingapursewithsomeforeign man’snameonit,andyousawadoctorforascratch.”
“Howlongwereyoulisteningtous?”
“Iwaswaitingoutsideformyturnbuty’allneverstoppedtalking.”
“Pullover”There’sgritinhertone
“No.It’ssnowing,andwe’reclimbingamountain.I’mnotgoingtoputusbothatriskbecauseyou’rechangingyour mindagain.”
“I’mnotchangingmymindaboutrunning.I’mchangingmymindaboutgivingyoutheantibiotics.”
Ilaugh.“Well,youcanchangeyourmindatthecabin.Ican’tstopinthemiddleofanincline.”
Shecrossesherarmsoverherchestandsighs “Whyareyousomiserable?” “Miseryisself-inflicted.Iwouldn’tdothattomyself.”
Nowshe’slaughing “Wow!Insightful Where’dyoulearnthat?SpongeBob?” “Abook.”Igrin.“Mymindismyweapon.Ireadtokeepitsharp.”
“Youread?”Hertoneissarcastic,asthoughshe’snotexpectingabarbarianlikemetohavereadanactualbook.“What doyouread?”
“Everything.”
“Soyoureadromance?”
“Ihave.”
Sherollshereyes “Whatever!Whatromancedidyouread?”
“Great Expectations. Whatwasthelastthingyouread?”
Shequiets.“Areyoualwaysthisdifficult?”
“Usually Idon’tdowellwithpeople”Iglancetowardher,thenbackattheslipperyroad IshouldsoftenifIwantthese meds.“I’mNiko.Myfamilyisupheretohuntanassholebear.Wehaven’tcaughthimyet,andnowmyfatherissick.Wethink it’spneumonia,buthe’srefusingmedicalcare Mybrothershaveallrunoffindifferentdirectionsinthenameoflove,andI’m leftheretofigurethisout.So…that’swhyIcan’tgowithyououttothatcabin.Ihopeyou’llunderstand.”Ifillmychestwith air,proudofmyselfforspeakingaskindlyasIhave
“So,yourbrothersjustleftyou?”
“Theycomeby,butthey’reallbusywiththeirownlivesnow.Whichisfine.Iwantthemhappy.”
“Youdon’tsayitverybelievably Doyouwishitwereyoumovingon?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Never.Idon’twantthewholewifeandfamilything.It’sgoodforthem,notforme.”
“Thenwhy’dyouread Great Expectations?”
Itiltmyhead.“Therewerealotofthingsgoingoninthatbook.Itwasn’taromancealone.Besides,women’sideaof romanceisaclimbupafoggymountain.”
Shedragsinadeepbreathasthoughshe’sabouttogiveittomegood.“Youknow…Ikindofagree.” Mybrowsnarrow.“What?”
“Yeah,Imean alltheseromancenovels,Disneymovies,andjustlifeingeneral,Ithinktheygivethisunrealisticview ofwhatloveandmarriageis.”
Ishouldn’tlaugh,butIdo “Really? You,aprivilegedlittleprincess,doesn’tbelieveinromance?Isn’tthattheabsolute
oppositeofwhatyouweretellingthenurse?”
“No.ItoldAspenIwantedtofindamanthatwasbig,strong,inked,andmaybewantedtotakecareofme.Thatdoesn’t soundlikecandlelitdinnersandrosestome”
“Whatdoesitsoundlike,then?Causeguyslikethataren’tlovingyouwithsonnets.”
Sheshrugs “Ihavenothingtocompareitto,soIdon’tknow,butIimagineifhelovesmethewayheknowshowtolove, I’llseethatandI’lllovehimback.”
“Allwomensaythatuntiltheywantanightplannedoutorthey’repissedtheyhaven’tgottenjewelryinages”
“Idon’tknow.Ithinkwomentalklikethat’swhattheywant,butreally,it’saboutthethought.Atleastformeitis.Ican buymyselfanecklace.Iwantaguywho’llcomeinafterworkingallday,puthishandonmythroat,andkissmelikehe’s missedme,yaknow?Aguythatwants toprotectme”Sheshiftsinherseat “Look,Iknowyou’renotthatguy,butIneedyour help.Idon’tknowthefirstthingaboutstartingafireoropeningacan.”Sheholdsupherinjured,softhand.“Myfathertaught mealotofskills,butsurvivingonmyownwasn’toneofthem”
Istaredownattheshifterbeforeglancingbackupattheroad.Thesnowispickingup.I’dbetwehaveuntilsundown beforethisweathergetsevencrazier WhichmeansIhavelessthantwohourstogetheruptothatcabininthemiddleof nowherewithfood,water,andalessononsurvival.
Isigh.“I’llshowyoutheropesandI’llgiveyouaradiosoyoucancallmeifyouneedhelp.”
Idon’tlooktosee,butIhearthelumpinherthroatforming “Whycan’tIstaywithyouandyourdadatthecabin?Ican makemealsandhelptakecareofhim.”
“Tellmeyouwanttodothatafteryoumeethim,”Ilaugh,turningintothelong,snowydrivewaythatleadstothecabinin thewoodswherewe’restaying.It’snotaluxuryplacebyanymeans,butit’sniceenoughthatwe’recomfortableandwarm, whichisallweneed.Truthfully,it’sprobablytoomuch.Ifwewerecampingoutinthecoldeverynight,wemight’vebeen moremotivatedtocatchthisdamnbearandlessinspiredtochaseafterwomen.Mybrothersareevidenceofthat.
Whenthetruckstopsinfrontoftheporch,shestruggleswiththebelt.
“Yousaidthere’sawrenchorsomething?”
Ireachforwardandpopopentheglovebox,dragginginthescentofflowersonherskin.It’snotthecheapstuff.Idon’t knowwhatmakesitdifferent,butit’sadeeperaromathat’sexpensivesmelling Rollingmyeyes,Igrabthewrenchandjamtheendintothebuckletoreleasethebelt.“Thereyago,princess.”
“Princess?Really?”
“Seemsfitting,right?”
Asmileliftshercheeks,showingperfectlywhiteteethandsoftdimples.“Ifthat’swhatyouprefer.I’vealwayswanted toberoyalty”Shejumpsoutandbundlesinherlongwoolcoat Idon’tcarewhatshesaysaboutromance She’sarichgirl, andrichgirlsexpectsomethingfromeveryone.Asgoodasshelooks,thatdoesn’tchangereality.Truthbetold,Ican’tblame her,really Evenadogwon’teatkibbleifyou’vebeenfeedinghimsteak
“We’llgivehimtheantibioticsandthenI’llgetyououttothecabin.”Iturntowardher.“Inevercaughtyourname.” Sheholdsouthersmallhandandsmilesagain.“Lainey.”
Why does that smile have to be so God damn pretty?
Iconsidernoddingandavoidingthetouchalltogether,givenIknowthedangersofabeautifulwoman,butconsidering I’vealreadybeenadickmostoftheafternoon,Irelentandreachforhersoftskin
Ourhandssinkintooneanother,andourgazemeets.Again,thisisn’tideal.Herlong,blondehairblowsbackinthe breezeandthere’sawarmthinhertouchthatshouldn’tberadiatingthroughoutme Ican’tlookaway Instinctwon’tletme In fact,Ionlywanttogetcloser.
“Whothehellisthis?”Dadstepsoutontothefrontporchofthecabinandsnarlslikeanolddogwho’sseenatrespasser. Idon’texpecthimtobeupandmoving,buthehonestlylooksprettygreat,allthingsconsidered Laineycrunchesthroughthesnow,carefultostepinthebootmarksIleftthismorning,thoughthey’rehalf-filledalready. Shereacheshersmallhandoutformyfather’s “Hi,I’mLainey I’msorrytobotheryoulikethis,sir,butIneedyourhelp” Dadquietsforasecond,thenhollerspasther,“Yougetmyorangejuice?” JesusChrist,thismanisrude
“Yes,Igottheorangejuiceandsomeantibiotics.”
“Don’tneed‘em.”Hegroansandspinsbackinside,tuckingtheflannelbackintohisjeansashewalks.“Getridofthe girl”
“Actually,sir.”Laineyfollowshiminside.Apparently,she’sgotadegradationkink.“IfIcouldtalktoyouforjusta second,Ihaveanidea”
Myfatherkeepswalking.“You’llforgivemeifIdon’thandouthelplikecandy.Nowleave,please.” Laineyturnstowardme,hercheeksred,tearswellinginhereyes.
Why do I want to help her?
“Sir,”shepleads,“ifyoucouldhearmeout.It’salife-or-deathsortofsituation.”
Myfatherlaughs,acoughcatchinginhisthroatashedragshisgazeoverherframe.Iknowwhathe’sthinking.Alittle richgirlstandingbeforehim,beggingforhelp.Toamanlikemyfather,thislookslikeajoke.Hegrewupoffthegridinthe woods,andhe’slivedthatwayhisentirelife
Theoutsideworld,especiallyrichpeople,istheenemy “Andhowwouldagirl likeyougetherselfintoasituationlikethat?”
“I’mbeingforcedintoamarriageIdon’twant MyfatherisMartinZeller Doyouknowhim?”
Dadglancestowardme.“Where’dyoupickherupandwhy’dyoudragusintothis?”Hespeaksasthoughhe’sheardof herfatherbeforeandwasn’timpressed “She’sgotmedicine.Youneedittolive.”
“Youputusallindangerformedicine?”Heshakeshishead.“You’redumberthanIthought.Idon’tneedanydamn medicineandIdon’tneedyouputtingusinharm'sway Gotit?Takeherbackwhereyoufoundher”HeglancestowardLainey “Ifyouwrapusupinyourrichpeoplebullshit,you’regoingtohavetwoproblems.Youhearme?”
Shedragsinastaggeredbreath,andIexpecthertorunawaycrying,butshedoesn’t Shestandstaller,widensher shoulders,andlaughs…quitehard.“Therearetwoversionsofme,Mr.Laskin.One,I’masweetlittlethingwho’llmakeyou pieandbringyoutheorangejuiceyousodesperatelythinkisgoingtosaveyourlife I’llevendoitwithasmile”Shepullsa pistoloutofherbagandpointsittowardmyfather.“Thesecondversiongetswhatshewantsthehardway.Thegoodthingis yougettochoosewhoyouplaywith.Whichwillitbe?”
Fuck!Iwasn’texpectingthisversionofher,giventhedeathbycanopenerstoryfromearlier butIlikeit I like it a lot. I’mnotsureanyonehaseverquietedmyfatherlikethisinthefortyyearsI’veknownhim.
Hestandstallinthekitchen,glancingtowardme,thenLainey,studyingusbothcarefully Ihalfexpecthimtopullhis owngun,soIkeepmyhandonmypistol,justincase.Idon’thaveanattachmenttothisgirl,butshedoesn’tdeservetobeput inherplacebyaharsholdmanwithangerissues.
Hisshouldersstiffenandhestandstall,glancingtowardme.“Giveheraroomandashotgun.She’sgoingbearhunting.”
ChapterThree Lainey “Yousleeptonightandheadoutwhenthesnowclears,”Niko’sdad,Sergei,says,gulpingdownthelifesavingvitaminC. “Howwelldoyoushoot?”
I’mnotheretohuntbear,butgiventhefactthatI’mclearlyoutofoptions,Ifigurethisisthebest-casescenario Either thatorthreatentoshooteveryoneagain,andI’mnotsurethat’sthewaytogo,especiallyconsideringIcouldneverdoit.I’m notevensureIcouldshootthebear Imean it’sabear Theylookbigandcuddly Why would I want to shoot one?
“I’vetakenmarksmanlessonssinceIwasoldenoughtoholdagunsteady.Myfatherwantedmewellequippedincase ofemergency.”
Sergeilooksdownatmypistol.“That’sanexpensivetool.You’regoingtobeworkingwithamuchbiggergunthan you’reusedto.Oldertoo.Nikowillshowyou.We’llprotectyouhereinexchangeforhelpwiththehunt,butyouhaveto promisemesomething”
“What’sthat?”
“Don’tfallinlovewithhim”Histoneisroughanddry Hesipsthejuiceagain,staringatmewithadarkbrowngazeof amanwhoisn’tfuckingaround.
“Idon’tplanonit.”
“Tellmeyouwon’tfallinlovewithhim.Ineedmysonheretofinishthishunt. The end. Doyouunderstand?”Igetthe feelingfromhistonethatthere’semotionbehindhisrequest,whichseemsuncomfortableforabig,toughmanlikeSergei.
“So,thisisaboutthebear?”
Thewayhisfacecontorts,Igatherpeopledon’tusuallyquestionhim.
“Thisisaboutlife NikobelongsinAlaska Idon’twanthimfallinginloveouthereandrunningofflikehisbrothers So…we’llhelpyouandkeepyousafe,butyouhavetopromisemeyouwon’tfallinlovewithhim.Agreeorleave.”
Igetitnow.Hedoesn’twanttoloseanothersontoColorado,butI’mnotheretofallinlove,despitethefactthatit’sa fantasymanwho’sprotectingme.Ineedafreshstart,anewidentity,andafutureIcanbeexcitedabout.Nomoredrama. Oh, the lies we tell ourselves.
“Noworriesthere,”Ifinallysay “Idon’tthinkI’mNiko’stype” Sergeidoesn’tlookaway.“That’snotaclearenoughanswer.”
Itwistmyhairtothesideofmyshoulder,partofmeknowingI’mfullofit “Iwon’tfallinlovewithhim Iswear”
“Good.”Sergeistandsfromthetablewherewe’resitting.“I’llexpectyoutwotoleaveatsunrise.Don’tmakemeregret this.”Hecoughsashecovershismouth,thenmakeshiswayintothebackroombeforeNikoreturnsfromupstairswitha sleepingbaginhisarms “Youcanhavetheroomacrossfrommine Youshouldknowthewholehouseisfreezingcold You’ll needtobundleup.Doyouhaveanythingelsetowear?”
Ishakemyhead
“That’sgoingtobeaproblem.Wehavetosledouttotheridgetomorrow.You’llneedtobewarmandmyclothesarefar toobig”
“Icanmakesomealterationstonight.Doyouhavescissorsandthread?”
“You’reaseamstress,too?WhydidDaddyteachyouthatlesson?”
“Hedidn’tandmymotherdiedagesbeforeIcouldspeak,soItaughtmyself Littletaskslikethisaresatisfying I’ve alwayswantedtobeaseamstress.IthoughtI’dmakekidsclothesandopenmyownstore.Ithinkmymomwould’velikedthat. Ifoundalltheseoldjournalsofherswhereshe’ddrawnoutideas Shehadaneyefordesign”
Hestaresatmeforatleastthirtyseconds,butIcan’tfigurewhathe’sthinking.Hisfaceisstoic,andhismindisreeling. “How’dyourmotherdie?”
“Shewasbornwithageneticheartdefect.Whataboutyou?Where’syourmom?”
Hedragsinadeepbreathandleansagainstthebackcounterwithhisgiantarmscrossedoverhischest.“Shetookoff whenwewereyoung”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hiseyeswiden “ImeanwhatIsaid Shetookoff Myparentswereyoungwhentheyhadus Bythetimetheywere twenty-four,theyhadfivekids.Ithinkthedreamwastoliveoutinthewoodsanddothingsthesimpleway.Momlikedthat dreamuntilshehadtoliveit.”
IpinchmylipstogetherandstaretowardNiko.Idon’twanttosoundshockedbecausethat’sinsensitive,butalso,Iwant tosoundshockedbecausethatshit’scrazy.
“Soshejustleft?You’veneverheardfromheragain?”
“Shetriedtalkingtomeafewyearsback,butIdidn’tentertainit.Maybethatmakesmeanasshole,butit’snotworthit. Dadraisedus Feelslikeakickinhisfacetotalktoher”
“Idon’tblameyou.That’salongtimetodisappear.”SuddenlyalotmoreaboutNikomakessense,includingthepart wherehedoesn’twantafamily.Ican’timaginebeingrejectedbymymother.Iwasmadatmymomforyearsandshedidn’t haveachoiceinleavingme
“Howoldwereyouwhensheleft?”
“Aninfant Thatmanishard,butheraisedallofusfromnothing Alotofmenwould’vegivenup Hell,sometimesI thinkI wouldhavegivenup.Ican’timagineraisinganinfantandthreeyoungboyswhiletryingtohuntforfoodandkeepup withahomestead He’searnedhisdefiance”
“Yeah,Iguessso.”IwanttoreachoutandhugNiko,maybealleviatesomeofthepainhe’sfeeling,butIhugthesleeping baginstead.Ican’tgetattachedtohim.“I,ugh,I’lltakethisupandgetsettled.Ifyouhavethoseclothes,dropthemby,andI’ll seewhatIcandowiththem”
Hegruntssomethingunderhisbreath,andIwalkpast,tryingnottodraginthescentofpinethatfollowshimaround,to notfantasizeabouthisgiantbodywrappedupinmine,tonotthinkabouthisdeepvoiceinmyearorthewayhisroughhands feelagainstmyskin.Troubleis,it’suseless.Thegiantisinmyhead,andI’mnotsureIwanthimout.
ChapterFour Theplanwastodroptheclothesoffontheedgeofherbedandwalkaway.Ihaveshittodo,anyway.Themapneedsto bestudiedandIhavegunstoclean.
Instead,I’mstandingoutsideofaslightlycrackeddoor,holdingmybreathasIwatchLaineychangeintotheflannelI’ve giventoher.
Fucking hell!You’dthinkthiswassleepawaycamp,andIwasthirteen,notforty Iwillmyselftolookaway,butmy bodystandsinthesamespot,peeringthroughthecrackinthedoorwithatinyprayerinthebackofmyheadthatthefabricwill fall,andthoseheavybreastswillcomeintoview.
I’m sick. I need help.
“Niko,”myfather’svoiceechoesfromtheendofthehallwithadeeprasp.
“Jesus!Ithoughtyouwereinbedforthenight”Isnapforwardandmeethimattheendofthehall Idon’tneedtodraw attentiontothefactthatIwasoglingthewomanbehindthedoor.He’salreadyseenmedoingthat.Iwanderby,hopinghe’ll keephisdistance,buthegrabsmyarmandpullsmebacktowardhim
“She’sheretohunt.That’sthedeal.Don’tdothethingallyouboysdo.Youhearme?”
“Thanksfortheadvice,”Ispit,flinchingawayfromhim,buthestepsforwardasthoughhe’schallengingme.
What the fuck is going on? He’salwaysaggressive,butthisisafirst.
“She’sofflimits.Youhearme?Idon’twantyoufuckingwithher.Thatfatherofherscouldruinourlives.”
“I’mnotintoher”
“Mightwanttotellyourdickthat.”Dadholdseyecontactwithmeforamomentbeforebrushingpastmetowardhis bedroom
Iballmyfistandtrytocalmtheangerthat’sbuildinginmychest,butthetightnesstakesover,andwithinasecond,I’m full-blownpacinginthehallwaywithnowayout.
The nerve of this fuck!I go out, get him medicine to help his sorry old ass, and he runs his mouth like I’m the fucking problem? Fuck that!Fuck him!Fuck this whole fucking trip!
Footstepsstirbehindme They’resofter,andIknowbeforeIturnthatit’sLainey Iwonderhowmuchshe’sheard
Iturnbacktoseehersweet,curvedframestandinginthehallwaywithmyflannelcutandretiedinvariousspots.She’s donethesamewithapairofsnowpants How does she look so damn good?
“It’snotperfect,butIthinkit’lldo.Whatdoyouthink?”Shethrowsoutherarmsandspinsinaslowcircleshowingme herwork.
Mycockreactsbeforemybraincancatchup “Youlookgreat”
“Really? Great? It’schoppedupflannelthat’sbeenretied.Idon’tknowifIlookgreat,butIthinkitwillworkforthe hunt”
The hunt.
“Right,wellitlookslikeit’llwork Goodjob”
ShenarrowsherbrowsasthoughI’mtalkingweirdly,thenturnsbacktowardthebedroom.
Iam actingweird,andasmuchasIhatemyfather’sopiniononthematter,he’srightaboutneedingtodetachfromany attractionIhavetowardLainey Firstandforemost,Idon’tneedarelationship I’veknownthatallmylife Second,she’snot thekindofgirlyoufuckonceandleave.Third,thiswholethingwouldbemessyasfuck.Betweenherfatherbeingcrueland myfatherbeingcrazywe’dhaveacircusofinsanityonourhands Idon’tneedtobringthatkindofdramaintoherlife or mineforthatmatter.
Shegivesmeasoftsmilethentucksintotheroom,shuttingthedoorgentlybehindher
What the hell is wrong with me?
Idraginadeepbreathandshutthedoortomyroom,pacingbackandforthwithamindfullorrageandsexualtension. It’sbeenawhilesinceI’vebeenattractedtoawoman Alongwhile EvenlongersinceI’vehadameaningful conversationwithone,andI’vehadtwowithLaineynow.ThefactthatI’mcountingthemisprobablythebeaconoftruthto howfuckedupthiswholethingis Anormalpersonhasconversations Theydon’tthinkaboutthemlaterandjumpto conclusions.Becausethat’swhatthisis…it’sjumping.
Hersmileasecondagomeantnothingotherthanshe’snice.
Thewayshespunaroundandshowedmeherworkmeantnothingotherthanherneedforapproval.
Thewayshelistenedandtalkedaboutherlifeonlymeansshe’sdesperateforaffection.
That’sall Nothingmore AndthesoonerIgetthatintomyhead,thebetter
ChapterFive Idon’tknowhowlongI’vebeenasleepwhenIheartheloudbangingcomingfromoutside.Forasecond,Iwonderif someoneisshooting,thenIrealizeit’smoreametal-on-metalsound.It’salmostlikethere’ssomeoneworkingontheroofofa shednearby,butthatdoesn’tmakeanysensebecauseit’sdark Noonewouldbeputtingonaroofinthedark
Climbingupfromthebed,IpullbacktheshadeandtuckmyarmsintothesecondflannelNikodroppedbyformeto sleepin AllIseeisdarkness,buttheclankingsoundgetslouder
Ipullthehandgunfrommypurseandholditclosetomebeforesteppingintothehallway.Iwon’tbeabletosleepuntilI knowwhatthisnoiseis,andI’mnotaskinganyoneforhelp… especially not from Niko Theguymightlooklikeafantasy,but hedoesn’tactlikeone.ThefantasymanI’mdreamingof,wouldhearthenoiseandalreadybeouttocheckonme.He’dsay somethingrough,butI’dknowhemeantitfromthebottomofhisheartandthenhe’dpushmeupagainstthewallandravageme inthedirtiest,darkest,filthiestofwayswhileweignoredtheclankingmetalbecause,surely,it’sjustthewind
Myclitthrobsthinkingofthatreality.Arealitywheremaybethismouthy,countryboyseesmelessasalittlerichgirl, andmorelikeacapablewoman Thatsaid,asidefromtheguninmyhand,I’mnotfeelingallthatcapable Infact,Ifeellike I’mspiralingoutofcontrol.Thisisn’tthedirectionIsawmylifegoingin.Notever.Idon’twanttobeoutinthewoods, huntingabearwithtwogrumpymountainmen,whileIrunformylife.Iwanttobeinalittlecabinofmyown,somewhereby theriverwithajobintown.IfIcan’tbeaseamstress,maybeI’lltrywaitressing.Thatlookedfun.Icouldtalktoeveryonein town,keepuponthegossip,andIcouldservepeople.Noonewouldbelieveme,butIliketakingcareoffolks.
“Putthatthingaway You’regoingtokillsomeone” IturnbacktowardNikowho’sstandingshirtlessinthehallway.
Shirtless As in, no shirt As in, big, huge, hairy man with no shirt
Myclitthrobsandmychesttightens.I’msurehe’saskedmeaquestionorsomething,butI’vealreadyforgottenit.His shouldersarestrongandwide,andhispecsaretight.Heholdshisowngunoverhisshoulder.
“Youputyour gunaway. You couldkillsomeone,”Iretort.
“Getbackinyourroom.I’mgoingtoseewhatallthatnoiseis.Idon’twanttoworryaboutwhereyouare.”
IrealizethisistheprotectivenessIwasfantasizingaboutasecondago,butinreality,Icandefendmyself “No,I’mfullycapableofseeingwhat’sdownthere.Whydon’tyougobackto your room.”
Helaughs “You’rethesizeofachihuahua I’vegotthis”
Irollmyeyesandstepdownthestairs,gundrawnandaimed,safetyoff.“Everyoneisachihuahuacomparedtoyou.” Nikogroansindisappointmentbehindme.“Whyareyouhereifyoucandefendyourself?”
“Ineedthebackup,”Ilie “Andwhatifyourdadisdownthere?”
“Clankingagainstmetal?Idoubtit He’sanasshole,buthe’snotdumb”
Whenwe’reonthegroundfloor,Nikostaresatmeandnodstowardthebackdoor.Iassumethatmeanshe’stakingthe front,andIshouldtaketheback soIdoasI’dplannedandheadtowardthefrontdoor Amomentlater,Nikoiscoughing.Notbecausehe’ssick,butbecausehe’stryingtogetmyattention.Iguessthisbythe narrowedbulgingofhiseyes.Thismandoesn’tlikefolksnottakinghisorders.
Irollmyeyesagainandsmile,headingforthefrontdoor Again,there’snorealplaninmyhead,asidefrom disregardingeverythingandanythingthefantasymanisoffering. I know I need therapy.
Thebangingisloudernow,butI’msureit’sbecausewe’reclosertothesourcedownhere AndthoughIlovethis defiant,carefree,badass,gunwieldingversionofmyself,mygutisturningincircles.Sure,I’vebeentrainedtouseagun.I’ve shotattargets,andI’veevenwatchedamandieonce, I have my father to thank for that, butI’veneverinmylifeshotata livingthing,norcouldI.
Isighandredirectmygazeoutthefrontwindow.There’snooneoutthere.It’sthewind.Iknowit’sthewind. Nikostompsthroughthehousetowardme “Getupstairs,lockthatdoor,anddon’tcomeoutuntilItellyou”Histoneis rough.
Isigh “Wealreadytalkedaboutthis I’mgoingouttohelp”
“You’renotlistening.Ican’thaveyounotlistening.Wehaveguns.”
“Youshouldbelisteningto me.Iwasoutherefirst.”
“Ihavetwentyyearsonyou.”
Ilaughundermybreath.“You’repullingtheagecard?I’mnotsurethatworkswheneveryoneisanadult.”
“It’snotaboutage It’saboutexperience I’vebeenhandlingmyweaponforatleasttwentyyearslongerthanyou So,I calltheshots.Staybehindmeorgobacktoyourroom.ChoosenoworI’llputyouinyourroom!”
Whileapartofmeunderstandswhathe’stalkingabout,anotherpartofmeisthrobbingatthethoughtofbeing‘put in my
room. ’
Iguessmybestcourseofactionistocontinuetodefyhisdirection.
“Yeah,Ithinkwe’regood!”Ituckaroundhim,swingopenthefrontdoor,andstepoutintotheblowingsnow This flannelisn’tenoughforthesetemperaturesandI’mimmediatelycold.I’mliterallyfreezingmyassoffbecauseI’mnotwearing abottom Mylegsarebare
InthemoviesI’veseen,menusethewallofabuildingasashieldwhiletheymove,butthedriftsareleastthreefeethigh andI’mstillbarefoot Ireallydidn’tthinkthisthrough,butIwantNikotoknowI’mtough Iwanthimtoseemeasmorethana prissy,littlerichgirlwhogetswhatshewants.
IfeelNiko’sheatbehindme,butIalsofeelhisfrustration.He’ssayingsomethingunderhisbreath,butIcan’thearit throughthewind Thankfullyforhim,becauseifIcould,I’dsurelybegivinghimanearfulback
Hisbig,roughhandisonmyarm.He’stuggingmebackward.Iflinchawayandpushforwardrunningintothewhiteout untilIseewhat’smakingallthecommotion
IturnbacktowardNiko.“Look,it’snothing.Thegreenhouselostthedoor.”
ItrudgetowardtheswingingmetaldoorlikethebadassIam,withtheintentionofhaulingitofftheframeandsettingit insidethegreenhouseforthenight.Youknow,becauseclearly,Icantakecareofmyselfandthetwogrumpymen.
Withmychestpuffedandegoinflated,I’mnearlytothegreenhousewhenagunshotechoesintotheair.
PanicshiversthroughmeandmychesttightensasIturnbacktoseetwomeninthetreeline Theywearblacksnow suits,andthereddotoftheirweaponsareaimedtowardus.
TheworldisblurryandmyheadspinsasmyJoanofArcpersonameltsintotheabyss Suddenly,I’mascaredlittle kittenwhowantsabig,strongmantoprotecther. This is the internal conflict I was talking about!TheonewhereI’ma brokenmesswho’sdesperatelytryingtoprovesomethingtoeveryone,thoughIdon’treallyknowwhatitisI’mtryingtoprove. Apparently,ithassomethingtodowithbeingridiculouslynaïvewithasideofanxiety.
Nikoaimshisgunandbendsdown,liftingmeontohisshoulders.He’sstrongandsure.AndthoughI’mnottiny,he carriesmelikeIam
“Coveryourears,princess.”Twoshotsgooff. Nonearereturned
Did this man just shoot two men without a mistake? Two men who have been trained and live as hitmen?
MaybeIshouldbedisgusted,repulsed,nauseated…butI’mnot.Mybloodisracing,myheartispounding,andI’m soakingwet.
Heopensthebackdoortothecabin,andheducksin,sittingmeonthebenchnearthecloset.
Thisangleiseverything Idraginhisscent It’sstillwoodsy,butit’schanged There’ssomethingmorethere,amuskI can’tdescribe.Ishouldn’twanthimasbadlyasIdo.Twomenarehurtormaybedead.Thenagain,theywereshootingatme. Nikotookcareofeverything,withoutasecondthought
I want his big, rough, capable hands all over me.
Leaningovermybody,hereachesupintotheclosetandpullsdownathickgaugedrope.Hisgazeisonmineashetwists thelonglinearoundhisforearmandthepalmofhishandtountanglethestrand “Whatareyougoingtodowiththat?”
Heshakeshishead,agrimaceonhisface
Okay… maybe he’s in shock. I’m sure killing two men like that isn’t easy.
Istareupathim,mystomachstillshakingfromshock “Youokay?Thosemenwereprobablytrainedkillers Iwouldn’t feeltoobadifIwereyou.Itwasusorthem.Ifyouaskme,whatyoudidwas…incredible.”
Hestilldoesn’tspeak,butheglancestowardmethistimewithanunsettlingstare.
Still,he’ssogorgeous Hisdarkeyes,thesaltandpepperbeard,theintensityonhisface Iprobablyshouldn’tbe attractedtothis,butIam.
Whenhiseyesdivertbacktotheuntangledrope,Irediverttothetattooscoveringhisarmsandchest Adragon,abear, antlersofsomekind,symbolsIdon’trecognize,andsomeothersIcan’tclearlyseeinthislight.Truthfully,hecouldbe coveredinponiesandthemanwouldsomehowmakeitlookhot
Hereachesbehindme,andwhileIthinkhe’sgoingforsomethingelseinthecloset,hebendsdownandgripsmywrists, loopingtheropearoundtwice.
Ilaugh “Ha Ha Youcanstopnow Igetit”
Excepthedoesn’tstop.Hecontinuestowrapmeup,twistingandturningtheroughropeagainstmyskin.
What the fuck? “Whatareyoudoing?”Ithrashagainsthimandscream,buthedoesn’tcare,andhissizeis overpowering.“Thisisn’tfunny!”
“I’mnottryingtobefunny,princess.Youdon’tliketolisten.Youcould’vegottenusbothkilled.”Hepullstheendofthe ropeandtightensitaroundarackintheclosetsoIcan’tmove.“I’mgoingtogetridofthebodies,loadthesled,andwe’re goingtogetoutofhere.Whoknowshowmanyofthoseassholesthereare?”
Bodies. Hehastogetridofbodies.Myinternalshakingmanifestsoutwardly. Hereiswheretheguiltsinksin.TherealizationthatI’veturnedthisfamily’ssimplebearhuntintoamanhunt.Thisisn’t fair Hedidn’taskforthis Nowonderhe’styingmeup
“Okay,okay.Igetit,butwhataboutyourdad?Icanleaveonmyown.Thisisallmyfault.”
Hebusieshimselfwithhisglovesandahatfromthecloset “Dadcouldwinashootoutinhissleep I’mnotleavingyou tofendforyourself.”
“Afewhoursago,youweregivingmearadioandcallingitaday”
“Thatwasbefore,”hesighs.“Itdoesn’tmatter.Youcan’tdothisalone.Endofstory.Areyougoingtobequiet,ordoI needducttapetoo?”
Again,thatshouldn’tturnmeon,butitdoes ItprobablyhelpsthatIknowhe’snotserious,andthattheseropeswould comeoffifIbeggedhimlongenough.AtleastIthinkthat’sthecase.Maybethat’sthehotpart.I’mnotcompletelysurewhat he’ddo
“I’llbebackinfiveminutes.Don’tmakeanynoise.Noneatall.Doyouunderstand?”Histoneislowandserious. Deepdown,IknowI’matough,gunwieldingbadass,butrightnow,Inodinagreement,andforonceinmylife,Ilisten
ChapterSix PinetreescoveredinsnowwhipbyasIfollowatrailthroughthewoodstowardacabinIshould’vemademywayout toyesterday.Thetempsarefrigidbutweavingthroughthetreeslikethiskeepsthewindatbayandtheridemoremanageable.
Laineyistuckedinfrontofme,bundledinanextrasnowcoatthatoneoftheguysleftbehind It’smassivelyoversized onher,butshe’scocoonedherselfinsideandIthinkshe’sfallenasleep.
Thewomanneedstherestafterallthedamnloud-mouthin’she’sdoing Thedangersheputusinbackthereisboth irresponsibleandwildlyattractive.Ican’tfigureoutwhy.Ononehand,shecould’vegottenuskilled,andthatneedstostop. Ontheother,watchinghersobrazenlystepoutintothesnow,carryinghergun,andnothingonherlittle,barefeet,waswell… arousing.Thatsaid,hotornot,Ineedtotrustthatshe’sgoingtolistenbeforeIuntieher.
Ididtwoloopsaroundthecabinbeforeweleft.I’vebeenatrackermywholelife.I’dnoticeatrailanymanleftbehind. Humansaretheeasiesttotrack
WhenI’msurewe’resafetostop,Ipullthesledagainstthebacksideofthecabin,andcarryLaineyinside.
Wheretheplacewe’dbeenstayingwasrundown,thisplaceisbarelystanding There’safireplacewithwoodstacked nearby,awoodenplatformbed,acountertop,andasinkthatlookstoberunonportablewater.That’snottomentionthereare draftseverywhere.Iknewitwasanoldhuntingcabin,butfromadistance,itdidn’tlookthisbad.Inside,it’smuch,much worse.I’llneedtodosomeworkinthemorningtomakesurewe’resafetostayhere.
LaineystirswhenIsettleherontothebedandtightentheropetothewoodframe.IwishIdidn’thaveto,butI’mnot takinganymorechances
Whilesherests,Istartthefire,burythesnowmobilewithbranches,andcoveranytracksthathaven’tbeensweptaway bythewind Wecouldn’tgetanyfurtheroutifwetried Therearemountainsalongeveryedgeofthisareaandruggedterrain spanningeachside.There’sonlyonewayin,andI’vecoveredit.
WhenIfinallygetinside,thecabiniswarm,andLaineyissittingstraightupwithherblondehairamessandhersweet lipsparted.
Likeasickfuckingman,mycockaches.
Sheswallowshardandlookstowardme “I’mthirsty”
Ipulltwowaterbottlesfromthebagandhelpherdrinkthem.
“You’vebeengoneawhile,”shewhispers,wipingherchinagainsthershoulder “Ifiguredyouleftmehere” “WhywouldIleaveyouheretiedup?I’mtryingtohelpyou,nothurtyou.”
Shelaughs.“Igetit.Iwasbeingcrazy,butwe’rehereinthemiddleofnowherenow.Youcanuntieme.” Iliftmybrowsandstaretowardher “Ineedanap,soI’mnotuntyingyou Godknowswhereyou’llbewhenIwake up.”
“WhereamIgoingtogo?We’reinthemiddleofthetundra”
“Whoknowswhatcrazypeoplethink?I’mjustplayingitsafe.I’lluntieyoulater.”
Shehuffs “I’mnotcrazy,I’mfiery There’sadifference”
There’sprobablysometruthtothat,butIkeepthebantergoingwhileIlayasleepingbagoutonthefloor.“You’re mouthy,that’sforsure.”
“Seriously?Youcan’tleavemetiedupwhileyousleep I’mawakenow I’lllosemymind” “Sorry,princess,butyouneedtheresttoo.Laydown.”
“Youlikeseeingmetieduplikethis,don’tyou?That’swhyyou’redoingit” “I’mgoingtosleep.Iwon’tbeableto see youtiedupwithmyeyesclosed.”
Shemumblessomethingunderherbreaththentriestostand,shufflingthewoodenframeofthebedalongwithher “Youshouldbegrateful,”Ilaughundermybreath,knowingthiswillgethergoing. “Gratefulforwhat?Forgivingyourfatherlifesavingantibiotics? You’re welcome!You shouldbethankingme. ” Istareupattheceilingandclosemyeyes “Gotobed”
“Or…wecouldtalkaboutourdeepestdarkestsecrets,”hervoicehasgonesing-songyasthoughit’sherintentiontobe annoying Iconsiderignoringher,butthat’sbeendone,andIgetthefeelingitwouldn’tdomuchgood.Thislittlethingispersistent. Sheneedssomethingmuchmoreunexpectedtothrowheroffhergame.So,Iindulge.
Turningtowardher,Isay,“Sure.Tellmeasecret.Thedarkestoneyouhave.” Wildflickersinhereyes.“Youfirst!”
“Nothowthisworks,princess Itwasyouridea,soyou’restartingusoff” There’shesitationinherthroatandIfullyexpecthertocaveonthisplanofannoyance.Instead,shesighsandresituates onthehard,woodframe “Okay Well,mydeepestsecretisthatI ”Shepausesforwhatseemslikeforever
“Somethingreal.Youcan’tmakeitup.”
“Idon’thaveanysecrets.”
“Everyonehassecrets,princess”
Shesucksinadeepbreathofairandreleasesitslowly.“Idon’t.Well…one,butit’snotlikeapublicsecret.”
Isitupandturntowardherlikeateenagegirlataslumberparty Iwanttoknoweverysinglethingaboutthiswoman Herfirstkiss,thewayshelikeshertoast,thewayshedrinkshercoffee,whatmeaninghernamehas,howoldshewaswhen shelearnedtoshoot Everything Iwantitall “That’stheone Spillit”
Hereyesrollandshetwistsherprettyhairtotheside.“No.It’stoopersonal.”
Ishrugandrollover.“Goodnight.”
“Okay,okay,okay butyouhavetotellmeasecret,too”
“Idon’thaveashortage.”
ShebitesthesideofhercheekandIsitup,watchinghersquirmwithintheropes “Youknowthisisreally uncomfortable,right?”
MycockthrobsandachesasIwatchherwiggleagainsttheropes Fuck!Whyisthissohot?
“I,”sheswallowsalumpinherthroat,“I’mavirgin.Areal,fuckingembarrassing,can’tbelieveIsaidthatoutloud, virgin.Youhappy?”
Ilaugh “You’retheonethatwantedtoplaythegame”
Herbrowsnarrow.“Wow!That’sallyou’regoingtosay?”
There’salotIwanttosay,butthere’senoughdarknesscoursingthroughmerightnowtoruinthenight Ishouldn’twant tofuckhermorebecauseshe’savirgin,butIdo.Iwanttobethefirsttoslideintohertightlittlepussyandmakehercome.I don’twantit,Ineedit…likeawildanimaldesperatetostakeitsclaim.
IwillmyselftothinkofanythingotherthanholdingthoseropestightwhileIbendheroverandfuckherhard,butthe imagesareoverwhelming.
“Saysomething!”shedemands
“Okay.Thosetwomenbackatthecabin,theylookedfamiliar.I’veseenthemupinAlaska.” “What?Youdon’tthinktheywerehereforme?”
“They’remostcertainlyhitmen.Yourfatherprobablyhiredthem,butIknowI’veseenmyfathertalkingtothem,too. GuyslikethatliketheremotenessupNorth.”
“So,whatdowedo?”
Ishrug.“I’mgoingtotalktoDadwhenwegetback.There'ssomebackwoodscomraderythosemenhave.Maybe someonewillhelp”
Sheshakesherhead.“Well…that’snotasecret.”
“Youokay?Todaywasalot”
“Yeah,whywouldn’tIbe?Itiswhatitis.IfeelbadIdraggedyouintoit.” Ibrushmyhanddownovermybeard.“Youdidn’tdragmeintoanything.Icould’veleftyouintown.”
Shegrins “Really?Youcould’ve?”
“Ifyouwereaguy,Iwould’ve.”
“Oh,soit’sbecauseI’magirlthatyouhelpedme?”
Ibitebackastupidgrin.“Thatasshelpedyourcase,too.”
“OhGod”Shesmilesagainandmyheartsqueezes Ishouldstopthisconversationandgotobedbeforeanymore feelingscreepin.
“Anyway,”shelaughs,“yousaidyouhadlotsofsecrets.Let’shear‘em.”
“Eyeforaneye,princess I’mgoingtoneedanotheronebeforeIspillanymore”
Shehuffsandleansagainstthebackwallofthecabin.“Okay,well,I…Idon’thaveanyothersecrets.”
“So,you’reavirgin Why?”
“Why?BecauseIhaven’tfoundtherightman.”
“Haveyoudatedmuch?”
“That’stwoquestions.”
“Yetstillnosecrets.”
“No,Ihaven’tdatedatall”
“Becauseofyourfather?”
Shehuffs “Yes Myfatherruinsmostthings,soIsteerclear That’senoughofme Yourturn Whyaren’tyoumarried?” Iscrubmyhanddownovermybeardagain.“Nowwe’reaskingquestions?Whathappenedtosecrets?”
“EverythingyousayisasecrettomebecauseIknownothingaboutyou.”
“Okay…yeah.Ididtherelationshipthingforawhile,butitwasn’tforme.WomenwantyouinonespotandIliketo movearound.”
“Whereto?Ithoughtyou’dalwayslivedininAlaska.”
“Itwashomebase,butItraveledalot.Huntingtripsmostly,butIdoworkeverywhereIcanfindit.”
“Whatdoyoudo?”
“Construction.”
Sheleansagainstthebackwall “Doyouwantafamily?”
Ipause,wonderinghowtoanswerherquestion.“Itoldyoubefore,no.”
“Iknowwhatyousaidbefore,”shebitesherbottomlip,“butnowwe’retellingthetruth Doyou?” Isigh.“Youcanwantsomethingbutknowit’snotinyourfuture.”
“Right.”Hertoneiscurt.“So,youdowantafamily?”
“Yourturnagain”Istandfromthefloorandsitnexttoheronthebed “Wouldyourdadhurtyou?”
Sheshrugs.“Heusesforcewhennecessary.”
“Sohowbadwasit?”
“BadenoughthatIran.”
Iloosentheropesonherarmsandstareather,brushingastrandofhairfromherface Thethoughtofanyonehurtingher killsme.ItalsojustifiestheshotsItookearlierthiseveningandanyItakeinthefuture.Iwon’thavemercywhenitcomesto herlife.
Shelookstowardme,hergazewildagain “CanItellyouarealsecret?” Inod,hersofthandbrushingagainstmine.
“Seriously?Likeyouwon’tjudgeme?”
“Never.”
Shelooksdownandupagain.“Theropes…Ikindof…Ilikethem.Notlike,whenI’mtryingtosleeporwhenIwantto haveadrink,butIlikethewayyoulookatmewhenI’malltiedup.Ilikehowyou’reincontrolwhenI’mboundinthisspot. LikeanysecondyoucouldtellmetodothewildestthingsandI’ddothembecausethat’swhatyouwanted.”
There’snosavingmycocknow He’shardandpressingatthezipperofmyjeanswithanachingurgencythatIcan’tput intowords.Hell,Icanbarelythinkrightnow.
“Tellmemore,princess”Iclearmythroatandbrushmyhanddownoverherarm Sheshrugs.“Ilikedwatchingyoutietheknots.Youwereroughbutalsocareful.Youpaidattentiontowheretherope landed.Youdidn’twanttohurtme.Youwantedtocontrolme,andIlikethat.” “Why?”I’mbreathinghardnow.
Sheshrugs.“Ifeeloutofcontrolallthetime,Niko.SinceIwasakid,mydad’smoodswereallovertheplaceandI absorbedeverything Theanger,thestress,thefrustration Now,Ihavenoideahowtoregulatemyself,youknow?It’slikeI’m sleddingdownahilluncontrollablyreachingforsomethingtoslowme,butmissingeverytime.”Sheswallowshard.“When youtiedmeup,somethinginsideofmewentcalm Youtookcontrolfromme,andforthefirsttimeinmylife,Ifeltsafe Turns out,”shelaughs,“feelingsafemakesmehorny.”
Icupherfaceagainstmyhand.“Iwantyoutofeelsafe.Always.”
Shegrins “Horny,too?Youwantmetofeelhorny,too?” “Yeah,that’sanaddedbenefitforsure.”
“Doesitturnyouon,seeingmeoverpoweredlikethis?Ikindofguesseditdidbythewayyou’vebeenlookingatme” Ilaughundermybreathandleanagainstthebackwall,movingmyhandawayfromhersmoothframe.“IfIstartrattling onaboutwhatturnsmeon,I’llstartmakingcavemandecisions”
“WhatifIwantyoutoactlikeacaveman?”Shesmilesandleanstowardme,herlipswet.“WhatifIwantyoutograb theseropesandbendmeover?WhatifIwantyoutotakemeoutofmyheadoverandoveragain?”
Clearly,there’sagasleakinhere,orwe’vebothlostourminds Mycockishardandthrobbing IsmirkasIsay,“You couldn’thandlewhatI’ddotoyou,princess.”
Thisonlyseemstoinvigorateherdesire “Tryme”Hergazeisstuckonmine,herlipsparted,herchestrisingand fallingwithfervorasthoughshe’sabouttobreak.“Iwantthis.”
Myheartpounds,andjustlikethat,mycocktakesover “Wedon’thaveacondom” “Doweneedone?”
“Yeah,wedo.AsmuchasI’dlovetobendyouoverandputaloadofbabiesinsideofyou,theremightbeabettertime forthat”Okay,there’sstillsomesemblanceofrealityleftinme Someone applaud
Hereyesscantheroomasthoughshe’slookingforarandomrubberthat’sbeenleftbehindbyahornydrifter.Whenshe seesnothingthatwouldfitthebill,sheglancesbacktowardme “Iwon’tgetpregnantafteronetime”
“Youcould.”Irubmypalmstogetherandstaretowardher,takingintheflecksofyellowinhereyes.“Look,ifIcomein thattightlittlevirginpussyofyours,I’mnotwalkingaway.You’remine.Icouldtrytoletyouwalkaway,butI’dhaveto murderanymanwhoevertouchedyouagain.So,thinkitoverwell.”
Sheleansforward,pantingwithneed.“Touchme.”
Istareatheranduntietheropes,freeingherfragilearmsfromtheroughconfines. Atearstreamsdownherface.“Doesthismeanyoudon’twantme?”
“No,princess”Ibrushmyhandoverhercheek “ThismeansI’mgivingyouachoice Youcanlaybackdownwithout theropesandgotosleep,oryoucantakeadeepbreathandtakeoffyourclothessoIcantieyouupright.”
ChapterSeven I’veneverbeenonetoliketightspaces.Thethoughtofbeingrestrainedfromanythingmakesmystomachturn,quite literally.SothenwhydoIfeelsofreewhenNiko’sbighandsguidetheropearoundmywrists.He’scarefulwithmyhair, pushingthelongstrandsoffmybacksotheloosewavesframemyface Andthoughthecabinwascoldwhenwecamein,now it’sscorchinghot.
Therearesomanyfirstshappeninginthismoment It’sthefirsttimeI’veeverbeennakedforaman,thefirsttimeI’ve everbeentouched,thefirsttimeI’veeverbeentied.Well,Iguessthisistechnicallythesecondtime.
I’mstandingbeforeNiko,hisgiantframeagainstmybackasheholdsmytiedwristsinplace.God,he’shuge.Amonster ofaman.Agoliath.Everypartofhimmuscled,sculpted,andfirm.Iswallowhardashisroughhandstraveldownmy shouldersandontomyneck.DearLord,Icouldcomerightnow.
“Yousureaboutallthis,princess?”
Inodwithawhimperofanticipationasmyclitthrobs.“Don’ttakeiteasyonme.Iwantthewholething.Beyou.”I’m notfullysurewhatI’maskingfor,butmybodydoesn’tcare I’mneedy,andthedesiretobetouchedisurgent Mypussyis swollenwithanticipationandthewayhisbeardscratchesagainstmyshouldersonlymakesitworse.
“Okay,”hewhispers,histoneroughinmyearashestepsaroundanddropshisjeansandthenhisbriefs.Atfirst,Ithink maybeI’mseeingthings,butuponfurtherinspectionit’sclearI’mnot.
Thismanisn’taman.He’sahorse.Histhickcockstandsatattentionbetweenhisstronglegs.ThisisthefirsttimeI’ve foundmyselfterrified There’snowaythatfitsinsideofme Zeropercent Nothappening I’dsplitinhalf!
“You’llbefine.We’llgoslow.”Hespeaksasthoughhe’sreadingmymind.“Getonyourkneesforme.Suckit.Your tonguefirst,thenyourmouth”
God,Ilovehisdemands.
Idoashe’saskedandkneelbeforehim,tippingmytongueagainsthiscocktolickandsuck,asmyhardnipplebrushes againsthispalm.
“Goodgirl.Takeitalllikeagoodlittleprincess.”Hisfingersweavewithinmyhairasheguidesmeontohiscock.At first,he’sgentle,butastheneedgrows,hegrowlsandpushesmeharderandharderuntilmyeyesarewateringandI’m gagging,desperateforhiscome.
I’dgiveanythingforit Anythingforhimtoreleaseinmymouthandletmefeelhiswarmfluidsdripovermyface,my chin,mychest.Nothinginthisworldwouldbebetter.
I’veonlygothalfofhiminmymouth,evenwhenhe’sdeepinmythroat.Mylipscrackastheyspreadwidertotake moreofhimin,gaggingoverandoveronthislength
Withasmile,hereachesbehindandgripstherope,pullingmeoffhiscockwithapop.“Goodlittleprincess.Sitbackon thebedandspreadyourselfwideforme Ineedtoseeifyou’reready”
Ready? I’vebeenreadyforhimsincewemet.I’veneverbeenmorereadyforanything.Heholdsmeagainsthisframe andkissesmyneckwithroughurgency,bitingmyshoulderwithagrowlashemovesdownbetweenmylegs
Witheachinch,hestopsandscrapeshisteethagainstmyskin,mynipples,mybelly,mymound.Heworksdownslowly, eroticallyterrorizingeveryinchofmeuntilhe’slickingmyslitandtuckinginsidetoflickagainstmyclit.
Myheartpoundsandmystomachclenchesashisbeardtickleseveryinchheisn’tdirectlytouching
MaybeI’msupposedtositbackandletthishappen,Idon’tknow,butmyhipsgrindupwardagainsthisbeardashe devoursme It’snotintentional,butheseemstolikethismove AsifIinvitedit,histhickfingersmeetmyentranceandsink intome.Ilosecontrol.
Ithrustagainsthisface,scrubbingmyclitontoGodknowswhat,ashethrustsinandoutofme Hisfingershookand scratchagainstaspotIdidn’tknowIhad.It’sprecise,andthemotionisperfect.Soperfect,Imightexplodehereandnow,my entirebodyinshardsagainstthismattressandalloverthiscabin.IfIdid,itwouldbeworthit.
Imoanoutformore,andgrindintohimashegrowls
“Ah,ah,ah…”Hepullsoutandstaresatme,grippingtheropefrombehindmybackbeforehesitsmeup.“You’re savingthatcomeformycock,princess”
Panting,Iclosemyeyesanddraginadeepbreath.I’veneverbeensoaliveinmylife.Myclitthrobsandmoisturedrips downmylegashebendsmeforwardonthebed,grabbingholdofmyrope.
Hishandworksbehindmyentranceandthetipofhisthickcockedgesagainstthewetnesshe’screated. Thisisn’tgoingtolastlong.Ifeelitalready.
Slowly,hesinksinbehindme I’mbentdown,facepressedagainstthesleepingbag,mylonghairawildmessashisbig handstightentheropeatmywrists.Inchbyinch,hepressesinsideofme.
Atfirst,thepainisunbearableandI’msureImustbetearing IbitebackanysoundsofdisapprovalbecauseIdon’twant
himtostop.
Hesinksinfurther,rubbingthesmallofmybackwithhisroughhand.“You’resotight,baby.So,fuckingtight.”
ThepainbecomesmoremanageablethemoreIrelax,andthemoreIrelax,thedeeperhe’sabletoslidein “Youokay?”Heglideshishandupmybackontothenapeofmyneck.“Ineedtohearyou’reokay.”
“I’mgood I’mgood,”Irepeat,swallowinghard Hegrowlsunderhisbreath.“Areyougoingtotakemycocklikeagoodlittleprincess?”
“Yes,”Ipant “I’mtakingitlikeagoodgirl Giveittome!Allofit!”
ChapterEight It’sbeenagessinceI’vehadsexandlongersinceI’vefeltaconnectionlikethisone.Laineyisn’ttheprincessIthought shewaswhenshearrived.Iexpectedhertocomplainaboutthecabin,andbitchaboutthecold.Ifiguredshe’dmakemention oftheoldsledwedroveoutinormybeat-uptruck Instead,she’smovedwitheverybendintheriverlikeatoughlittlerock whopaysnomindtothecurrent.
She’sstillaprincess,butshe’saprincessfordifferentreasons She’saprincessbecauseshedeservestobetakencare of.Shedeservestobelovedandtreatedright.
Myfatherisgoingtokillme,butrightnow,hisdemandsarethefurthestthingfrommymind.Rightnow,I’msunkdeep intoLainey’stightlittlepussyandI’mdesperatetogofurther.
Iletoutadeepbreathandclosemyeyes,determinedtomemorizeeverysensation,everysound,everymoveherperfect bodymakes
“Harder!”shemoans.
“That’srightmylittleprincesslikesithard Doesn’tshe?”IlaughundermybreathasIthrustinsideofher “But I’m notsureyoucantakeit.Idon’twanttohurtyou.”
“Fuckme,hard!Sohard!Makemecome,Niko!”
Fuckinghell!Iholdtighttotheropesthattieherwrists,thumpingagainsthercurvedframewithheavy,eagerbeats.I wanttogoharder,butthere’sstillresistance.Herpussyissotight.Anyharderandsomething’sgoingtobreak.
“Haveyoutouchedyourselfbefore,princess?”
HerroundasspressesagainstmystomachasIthrust.
“Afewtimes,butInevercame”Hertoneislaboredandhungry Fuck.Shehasn’tevencome.Thisisherfirsttime.
Thistakesthedarknessdeeper,andtheurgencytofeelherveryfirstcomeonmycockisoverwhelming. Itakeadeepbreath,untietheknotbehindherback,andpulloutslowly,regrettingeverymovethereafter.IthinkIwill untilI’mbackinherwarmth.
“What!Whereareyougoing?Don’tgo!”Hercheeksarered,andherhairisawildmess Ilovethispicture Iscanher over,committingittomemory.
“Armsinfrontofyourchest” ShedoesasI’veasked,holdingherarmsinfrontofherwhileItieanotherknotagainsthersoftskin.
“Goodgirl,”Igroan,layingbackonthesleepingbagIsettledonthefloorbeforeguidingherontopofme.“Sitslowly. Takewhatyoucan Canyoureachyourclittiedthatway?”
Sheswallowshardandnods.
“Rubit Rubyourswollenpussywhileyoubounceforme Iwanttowatchthosebigtitsmove”
WhileIthoughtthecurveofherback,herroundass,andthemessofherhairwasagoodview,I’mamazedbythissight evenmore Thethicklipsofherpussyswallowmycockashermouthhangsopenandherhairfallsback Hereyesclose,as herheavytitssway.Andhere,inthisspot,Icanwatchhermove.Icanstudywhatmotionsgetheroff. Fuck!
Ipinchthehardknobofhernippleandshewhines,bouncingandgrindingagainstmycockasshestrugglesagainstthe restrainttorubherclit.
“I’msoclose Beagoodlittleprincessandcomeforme”
Shesighsandleansback.Herwetnessiscoveringmyballsandfuckinghellittakeseverythingnottocome.
Laineyglancesdownatme,stillmovingslowlyagainstmycock “Whatwasthat?”
Iperkmyearsforasecond,butI’mprettyuselessatthemoment.“Idon’tknow,baby,butwecan’tstop.Keepgoing.”
Shegrindsherhipsharder,rubbing,bouncing,ignoringwhateveritisshethoughtshehearduntilIhearittoo.Thistime thesoundcomeswiththecrackingofglassandthewhippingcoldofthefrigidoutdoors
“That’sthebear!”Laineygasps.“Isawhispaw.”Hereyesarewide,butshehasn’tstoppedrocking. TherearetwodecisionsIcanmakerightnow One,Icouldstopallthisandgoshootthebearmyfamilyhasbeenafter forthepastmonth.Two,IcouldfinishwhatIstartedwithLainey. There’snochoice.
“Keepgoing,baby.Ineedyourcome.”
“Butthebear…”
Istaretowardher “Doyouwantmetotakecontrol?”
Sheshuttersandbitesbackasmile.“Yes.”
“Okaythen Comeforme”
Shebouncesonmycockhardandfast,takingmeindeep.
“Fuck,honey.I’mgonnablow.”Myheartrateclimbs,andIgripherhips,pushingherbackandforthagainstmycockas sherubsherswollenclit
“Metoo,Niko!Go!Pushme!Makemeyours!”There’sawhineinhertonethatsendsmeovertheedge.Thebearcould besettingtheforestonfire,andI’dbeoblivioustoitall,lostinaworldwithLaineyIdon’twanttoreturnfrom Mymusclescontractasshescreamsout,soakingmycockwithherownstickypleasure.
“OhmyGod!”Shecollapsesforwardagainstmychestandrollsontothesleepingbagbesideme “IthinkI’mdead Did Idie?Didthatbearbreakin,andthisissomekindofafterlife?”
Iblowoutaheavybreathandrunmyhandsoverhersoftskin.“Ifitis,I’mnotgoingback.Youfeltsogood,princess.”I kissthetopofherheadandholdhertightagainstmychest,pullingthesleepingbagdownfromthebedtocoverherbare shouldersfromthecoldbreeze.
“Whatarewedoingwiththatwindowandthebear?”
“Well,Ihaveatoolboxwiththesled.Soassuminghedoesn’twalkoffwithitlikeapicnicbasket,I’vegotsomenailsI canusetofixthatupwithsomeoldboardsIsawoutback Thebear hedidn’tseeme,andIdidn’tseehim”
“Yourdadisgonnaloseit!Ishould’vethoughtthisthroughmore.IpromisedhimIwouldn’tfallinlovewithyou.He doesn’twantyoutosettleinRuggedMountain,too.”
“Love? Youloveme?”Mychesttightens Sheholdsbackagrin.“DidIsaythatoutloud?”
“Youdid”Ibrushmypalmoverherface Eveninthecold,hercheeksarestillheated “Doyoumeanit?”
“Yeah,Ido.”Atearfallsdownhercheek.“Noonehasevermademefeellikeyoudo,Niko.”
Ithumbawaythetearandsitup,pullingherontomylapandagainstmychest.“Iloveyou,princess.Ipromiseyou everythingwillworkout.I’llkeepyousafe.Always.”
“Butyourdadisgoingtoloseit.He’sworriedmyfatherwillcausetrouble,andhe’snotwrong.EvenIdon’tknowwhat he’scapableof”
Ibrushmyhanddownoverherhair.“So,whatifwegotoAlaska?You’rerunning,andmyplaceoutthereisaboutasfar awayaswecouldget It’sinthemountains,onlyaccessiblebyboatandthensled Don’tgetmewrong,it’sharshcomewinter, buttheisolationcan’tbebeat.”
Shetwistsherfingersthroughthehaironmychest.“Youwouldn’tgetsickofme?”
“Nah.Ithinkyourmouthcouldkeepmebusyinallkindsofways.”
Sheslapsmychestandsmiles.“Whataboutyourbrothers?Everyoneishere.”
“Yeah,butAlaskaishome Whataboutyou,though?Wheredoyouwanttoendup?”
“Iloveithere.Thesmalltown,thepeople,thecommunity.Imean,thewaythatnursehelpedusoutyesterday.Where elsedoyougetthatkindoflovefromstrangers,yaknow?”
“Soundslikeyouwanttostay.”
“ButIhavealotofwants.Iwantyourdadtolikeme.Iwantyoutobehappy.Iwanttohide.”
Istaretowardher “Ifyoulikeithere,weshouldstayhere Westayhereandyouopenthatlittleseamstressshopyou wanted.”
“Butthat’stheoppositeofeverythingIjustsaid”
“Everythingyoujustsaidwasforeveryoneelse.Iaskedwhatyouwanted,andyouwanttostayhere.”
“Butstayinghereisn’tanoption Myfatherwillfindme,andhe’llmakesureIpayforabandoninghim Ican’tputyouin dangerlikethat.”
WhileIdon’tdisagreethattherearesaferoptions,livinglifeinsecretisn’toneeither.“Youwantmeincontrol,right?” Shenods
“ThenIwon’tletyouliveinfear.YoulikeRuggedMountain,sowestayinRuggedMountain.I’llfigurethingsoutwith yourfather”
“There’snofiguringthingsoutwithmyfather,Niko.Whenhefindsoutyoushotthoseguys,he’sgoingtosendpeople afteryou”
“AndI’lltakethemouttoo.”Ikissherforehead.“Whatyourdaddoes,isn’tgoingtobethereasonwedecidehowto live.You’rehowwedecide,princess.You.Whateveryouwant,wedo.I’llkeepyousafe,andknowingyourhappyisallI want”
Sheswallowshardandstaresupatmewithwideeyes.“Whataboutyourdad?”Hereyesbrighten.“Oh,maybewe couldgethimhookedupwithsomeoneouthere,too?”
Ilaugh.“Yeah,andmaybepigswillfly,andhellwillfreezeover.”
Sheshrugs.“Youneverknow.”
“Iknow.”
“Lookatyou.Youdidn’tthinkyou’dfallinlove.”
“Ididn’t,butyougotmethere.” Shesmilesandcuddlesagainstmychest. Icamehereinsearchofaroguegrizzlybear Abearwhodefieshibernationandrejectstheconceptofclassical migrationpatterns.IgetthatframeofthoughtbecauseI’vespentalifetimerefusingsleepandlivingbymyownrules.So,when thatbearwalksbythewindowagain,andIcatchsightofthetoolboxinhismouth,Ismile,andholdLaineycloser Whoknows,maybehe’sheadingtowardagirlhedoesn’tseecoming,ormaybehe’shadaplanallalong.Eitherway, I’mnotmovingfromthisspot,andnoonecanmakeme
OneYearLater “I’llstopbylaterthisweekwithsomeoftheweddingphotosItook.Igotoneofyouneartheriverlookingoffatthe forestwithNikobehindyouandIswearit’sbetterthananythingIsawintheprofessionalphotos,”Aspensayswithasmilein hertone.“Howareyoufeelingaftereverythingthathappenedwithyourdad?”
Idraginadeepbreath “Umm ”
“Youdon’thavetotalkaboutit.Ijustdidn’twantyoutothinkIwasn’tthinkingaboutyou.”
“No,Igetit.Iknowyouare.It’s…prisonisforthebest.”
“Inthissituation,Iagree.”Hertoneissoftandcompassionate.“It’sagoodthingSergeiknewthehitmen.Ifhedidn’t,no onewould’vefoundatrailbacktoyourdadhavinghiredthem.MaybeIwaswrongaboutthesemountainmen.”Ihearher tryingtomakelight,andIknowshe’sexplainingitbacktomeagainbecausethelasttimewetalkedIstillwasn’t comprehendingthedetails.Everyonethinksthathearingitisgoingtohelpmeprocesstherealityofitall.Maybethey’reright.
Then again, my father sent two men to kill me His own daughter Thatmayneverprocess
It'sbeenninemonthssinceIgotthatnews,anditstillrattlesmetothecore.Imean,hedidwarnme,butIdidn’tthinkhe wasserious.Evenwhenthemenwereinthewoods,Ididn’tbelievetheywerethereforme.Hell,itstillhasn’tregistered.It’s likeI’mlisteningtoastorythirdpartylikeithappenedtosomeoneelse.Iguessthat’showdissociationworks.Atleastthat’s whatNikoreadtomefromabookhepickeduponthesubjectofchildhoodtrauma.He’sbeentryingtohelpmeworkthrough myfeelings,buttheropeshelpmorethananything
Thefrontdooropensandmygiantwalksthroughwearingflannelandapairofjeans.Hekicksoffhisworkbootsand smilesatme
“Igottago.Dinnerisready,butIneedtocallyoubackbecauseIwanttohearallabouthowthatrelationshipofyoursis going.”
Ihearhergrinthroughthephone.“Areyousure?It’skindoffilthy.”
Ilaugh.“I’mhereforeverything.I’llcallyouafterdinner.”
WesayourgoodbyesandIreachuptohugNiko “Smellsgoodinhere.Whatareyoumaking?”
“Venisonstew Iusedthestockyouhadinthefreezerandafewofthepotatoesfromthegreenhouse”I’mnotagreat cook,butNikomakesmefeellikeI’mafive-starchef.
“Thisisgreat,princess.Youdidn’thavetocook.ItoldyouIwantyouoffyourfeet.Thatbabyshowertomorrowis goingtobeexhausting Betweentheweddingsixmonthsago,thebabycoming,andalltheclientsyou’retakinginforyour shop,you’reoverdoingit.”
Myeyeswiden “I’moverdoingit?Youworkyourassoffeverydayforus ThisistheleastIcando Besides,myshop hasliketwelveclients.That’snothing.IhopebythistimenextyearI’llhavetriplethat.”Iturntowardthebowlsandpulltwo downfromthecabinet “Oh!Idohavetogointotowntomorrowtomeasureababyforachristeninggown!I’msoexcitedto makeit.Themomwantstonsofembroideryandlittlepinkflowersonthecollar.It’sgoingtobeadorable!”
“Can’twaittoseeit.I’llplanforatripfirstthing.Doesthatwork?”
InodandsettletwobowlsofstewatthetableinfrontofNiko Hehand-builtthistableforuswithpinehesourcedoff theproperty.It’sastrangethingtogethornyover,butIlovethatNikomadeeverythinginthishouse.Hell,he built thehouse. Hisbrothershelpedsome,andhisdadstoppedbytogivehisopinion,butNikoputinmostofthehours Hebuiltbedframes, tables,bookshelves,andthebaby’scrib.Heevenhandpickedstonesfromtherivertouseastilefortheshowersandthe fireplace Thishouseis him,andIcouldn’tloveitmore
“Yourdadisstoppingbylater,right?”
Nikonods.“Afterdinner.Weweregoingtoworkonthatsnowmobiletogether.Havetogetitrunningincasethere’sa stormarounddeliveryandIneedtogetyoutothehospital”
I’dlaugh,butIknowhe’snotkidding.WeliveinthemostisolatedcornerofRuggedMountainandtotravelanywhere fromheremeansatrek Iftheweatherisgood,wecangetoutwiththetruck Inastorm,we’dneedthesled Truthbetold, there’salargechancethatI’llhavethisbabyrighthereinthecabinandwe’llallbesleddingdowntotownforhelp.Butthat’s partofthislifestyle,andIwouldn’ttradeitforanything.
“How’syourdad?Hedoingokay?”It’sbeenawhilesinceIcaughtupwithhim,butwe’reongoodterms…aftera momentofdisgruntlednonsense.
Nikorollshiseyes “YouknowDad,thoughIthinkhisnewsweethearthaschangedthingsforthebetter” Inodandgrin.“Whopredictedthat?Wasitme?Ithinkitwasme.”
Nikosmilesandtakesabiteofstew ThesearethemomentsIlovethemost Theeverydaysecondsthatadduptomonths
andyearsofalifetimetogether.Imightnotrememberthemall,butI’llneverforgetthewayhemakesmefeel.
Whenwe’vecleanedourbowlsandtheconversationhasbeenhad,Nikoclearsthetableandcarriestwoslicesofapple piebackwithhim “Ididn’trealizewehadapples”
“Oh,myfriendbroughtsomeleftoversfromherstandthisafternoon.Shesaidshefiguredthebabycouldusethe calories”Igrin “Ifigureshe’sright”
Nikorubshisbighandovermystomachandkissesmyforeheadgently.“Ireckonshe’sright.Ineedthatbabyboybig andstrong”
“Likehisdaddy.”IsmileandwrapmyarmsaroundNiko’swaist.“ArewesettledonLandonorarewestillmulling overnames,causethisbabyneedsaname.We’reabouttopop.”
“IlikeLandon”Hestaresdownatmeashestuffstheapplepieintohismouth,crumbsfallingeverywhere “Sorry I’ll cleanthatup.Don’tbendover.”Hegrins.“Well…maybebendover.”
Sledlightsbeamupthedriveway,andthoughIdon’twanthimtoleavethehouseagain,Iknowthistimewithhisdadis important.
“Go,getoutside Ihavethingstodo”
Heleansdownandliftsmeoffmyfeet,cradlingmelikeI’mnottheswollenwomanIclearlyam.“Areyougoingtodo asIaskedyou?”
“Whatdidyouaskme?”
“Iaskedyoutositandrest.”
“I’llsitandrest Sure”WebothknowI’mlying Hisgazeturnsferal.“Areyougoingtolistentome,ordoIhavetotieyouup?”
Agiddyheatrushesthroughmeatthethoughtofbeingrestrainedbyhim.“Yourdadiswaiting.Go…”
Hegrowlsunderhisbreathandsettlesmeontothecouch,grabbingtheropefromthebasketundertheendtable. We keep it handy in case of emergencies. Apparently,thisisanemergency.
Hotbreathonmyneck,hewrapsmywriststightinfrontofme,leavingenoughslackformetodrink,move,andusethe bathroomifIshouldneedto.Maybesomefolkswouldn’tlikethat,maybeitwouldn’tgetthemoff,butforme…it’severything. It’sNikoshowingmehe’sincontrol It’sNikorelievingmeofallmyworries,tasks,andburdens It’sNikoknowingwho I am andhowtomake me feelloved.
Whentheknotistight,hekissesmyforehead.“Idon’tknowifIcanleavenow.Youlooktoodamngoodintheseropes.” IsmileandstareupathimwithawildinmyeyesIcan’thide.
TherearealotofthingsinlifeI’mgoodatresisting…vegetables,blacklicorice,thosereallyhardsprinklespeoplelike todecoratecupcakeswith ResistingtemptationisclearlyaskillIhave But when it comes to Niko, all bets are off and that’s fine by me. Now and always.
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Khloe Summers istheauthorofoveronehundredshortandsteamyromancetitles Herbooksarewritteninmanydifferenttropes,butalwayscontain growlyolderalphas,curvywomen,andlotsofsteam
Beforethislifeisover,KhloewouldliketocheckeverythingoffhersexybucketlistandvisitSouthAfricatowrestleevilpoachersintosubmission (Andmaybeseesome babyelephants.)
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ChapterOne EighteenYearsAgo
Emptinessechoesthroughmelikewaterinahollowtincan.Itshouldn’t.Ihaveafiancéwholovesmeandabeautiful babygirl She’ssixmonthsoldtodayandI’veneverbeenhappier There’sabeautyinthehousethathasn’tbeentherebefore Apurpose.Amissinglinkthatwedidn’tknowweneeded,butmaybeit’sjustme.
Myfiancé,Steve,staysfocusedonwork Earlymornings,latenights It’sthelifeofascientist Who’d have guessed it? HisworkethicispartofthereasonIfellinlovewithhim.HehasapassionforknowledgelikenootherpersononEarthand watchinghimthinkthroughaproblemislikewatchinganartistpaint.It’smesmerizing.
“She’sgrowingupfast.I’mgoingtomissyouguysaroundhere.”Sergei,agiantofamanI’verunintoaroundtown, standsinthedoorwayofthetradingpost.Histoneisdeepandrugged.Hewearsabaseballcapbackward,sportsashortsalt andpepperbeard,andhe’scoveredinink WhenwegottoAlaskathreemonthsago,Iwasalonewithababy Sergeiwasthe firsttomakemefeellikeIhadaplacehere.
“Yeah,we’llmissseeingyou,too Toobadwedidn’tgettomeetyourboys Anyideawhenthey’llbehome?”
Sergeileansagainsttheinsideframeofthedoor.He’sbroadandthick,toweringupabovethetoprimoftheframe.“Ah, not‘tilnextmonth,probably.WishIcould’vegonewith‘em,butIhaveenoughworktodohere,andthatjobdownin Washingtononlycalledforafewmen.Youmustbeexcitedtogetbacktoyourlife,though.”
Idraginadeepbreathandnod.“Yeah,Imean…it’llbegood.”
“Youdon’tsoundconvinced”
“It’s…”Isigh.“Iam.Ilovehome,butIdon’tknow…sorry.I’mnotthinkingstraightthismorning.”
Heglancesdownattheground,thenbackuptowardme “Soundslikeyouneedtotalk” “Talkaboutwhat?”Steve’shandsgripmefrombehind.“WhatamImissing?”
Sergeistaresatme,hiseyesonminewithanunspokenempathyIcan’tdefine.It’sbeenlikethissincewemet.Ican’tput myfingeronwhatitis,butwhenhelooksatme,Ifeelseen.LikehehasthekeythatopenseverydoorI’deverlocked.There’s warmthinthat.Acomfort.
Maybe there shouldn’t be IturnbacktowardSteveandsmile.“Wewerejusttalkingaboutheadinghome.”
“Can’twait I’mreadytopayfivedollarslessforeverythingagain Idon’tknowhowyoufolksdoit Tenbucksfora gallonofmilkisjusttoomuch.”HelaughsandscoopsEverleighupinhisarms.“Plus,I’vegottogetthisonebacktothe gym.”Hepokesatmystomachandlaughs.
MyfaceheatswithembarrassmentandIlowermyhead “Whatareyoudoing?”
Hepokesmeagainthenholdsuponehandinaneartoeargrin.“Joking,babe.It’sajoke.”
Sergeistandstaller,crosseshisarmsoverhischest,andgroans HisstareliesheavyonSteve Sergei’snotthekindof guytoengage.Iwatchedhimhaveanargumentwiththepostalclerklastweekandthewholethingwasdonewithaseriesof sighs,groans,anddirecteyecontact I’mguessingshesolvedhisproblembecauseheofferedherahalfsmilebeforehewalked away.
There’spowerinthat.Amanwhodoesn’tneedtoarguehispointbecausehefiguresyoushouldknowtheanswer.
Steveisn’tlikethat Stevewilldebatehisstanceonanythinggiventheopportunity Right or wrong “Oh,comeon…”Stevesmileswiderbeforepullingmeintohisorbitandkissingmycheek.“Itwasajoke,seriously. Sorrytooffend SheknowsIloveher I’moverlyexcitedtohavefinishedthisproject I’mtalkinglikeacrazyman”
NeitherSergeinorIrespond,butSergei’sgazeisbackonminewithempathyagain.
Why does he keep doing that? Why do I feel so anchored by his presence? How can a man look at me and in three seconds make me feel safer than I’ve felt in years?
Idon’tdoubtthatSteveisexcited.Forthelastthreemonths,he’sbeenstudyingtheeffectthatpollutionishavingonthe soiluphere Apparently,particlematterandozonepollutionposethreatstoplantsandcanevenstuntthegrowthofwildlife Thegroupofscientistsheworkswithhavebeeneagertofindasolutionandthey’vecomeupwithatop-secretplanthat’llcurb theeffectsofsaidpollution Thatsaid,excitementdoesn’treallyexcuseshittycomments
Finally,IglanceawayfromSergei,attemptingtoshakeofftheheatthat’semanatingtowardme.ButbeforeIgathermy senses,myeyesarebackonhislikeafiend.
“I’llletyoutwosayyourgoodbyes.”Steve’svoiceisunderwaterinthebackground.IknowhehasEverleigh,andIfeel thewarmthofhisbodymoveawayfrommine,butI’mnotsureI’mintheroomanymore.Imean,I’mhere.I’minthequietlittle tradingpost,butI’mnotreallyhere I’minspace,floatingaround,wonderingwherethegroundis
“Youknowyoucanwrite,”Sergeifinallysays,bringingmebacktoEarth.“Calltoo,butIdon’tgetgreatreceptionup here”
“Forsure.Yeah,I’llwrite.You,ugh…” “Idon’twanttodisrespectyourhusband,but ” “Fiancé”I’mnotsurewhythecorrectionseemsimportant,butitdoes “Fiancé.Right.Idon’twanttodisrespecthim,butheshouldn’ttalktoyoulikethat.Youneedtospeakup.”
Mycheeksheat “Yeah,well,Ihaveputonsomeweightso it’snotabigdeal”Thisisalie I’mcrushedbySteve’s comment.Ionlyhadababysixmonthsago.Mybodyisstillrepairing.Besidesthat,whywouldhecallmeoutpubliclyabout somethingI’minsecureabout?Thatsaid,apparently,I’mthegirlwhomakesexcusesnow Sergei’sgianthandreachesouttowardmyshoulder,hisdarkbrowngazeonminewithsteadyheatasthescentofcedar andpinesurroundsme.“You’reperfectthewayyouare,andanyonewhotellsyouotherwiseisfullofshit.Tellmeyouhear me”
Mymouthhasdroppedopen,andthoughIdon’tmeantowetmylips,Ido. Hisgazedropstomymouthbeforemeetingmineagain “Tellmeyouhearme,littleone” Iswallowhard.
Little one
He’scalledme little one sincewemetthreemonthsago.Ialwaysassumedithadsomethingtodowiththeagegap,orit washiswayoftellingmethattheconnectionweshareisplatonic.I’mtwenty-twoandI’dbethe’sinhismid-forties.Whatever itmeans,I’mgoingtomissthesubtlewaythosewordssoundrollingoffhistongue
“Ihearyou,”Ifinallymanage.“Andyou,ugh,youmakesureandeattherestofthatbananabreadImade,okay?Ieven putthewalnutsinlikeyoulike”
Hescrubshishandoverhisbeardandopenshisarms.“Getoverhere,girl.”
BeingthatSergeiwasthefirstandonlypersontowelcomemeintothissmallcommunity,I’vegainedatrustwithhim thatIwasn’texpecting.AfewtimeswhenStevewasinthefield,Sergeipickeduptheslack,anddidaruntothetradingpost forme.HeevenshowedmehowtomakehomemaderashcreamoutofbeeswaxandoliveoilduringastormwhenEverleigh wasoutofthestorebrandstuff Thatsamenight,helistenedtomecryforhoursbecauseImissedmyfamily I’mtalkingbelly achecrying.Thatnight,themanshould’vegottenaplaque.
Hedidn’timposehisopinion,hedidn’ttellmeitwouldbeokay,andhedidn’ttrytofixit Hejustlistened Afewtimes heheldouthishandandonceheofferedmeatissue.Heaskedquestionshereandtheretoletmeknowhecared,butthat’sall. I’veneverhadanyonedothatformebefore.Maybethat’spathetic.Eitherway,I’vebeenluckytoknowhim,andwithouta shadowofadoubt,myworldbackinColoradowillbedifferentwithouthimthere.
Ileanintohissolidchest,dragginginthescentofthewoodsthat’sembeddedonhisskin.Itrytocommitittomemory, thoughIdon’tfullyknowwhy Maybebecausehe’sbecomeacomforttome Afriend Aportinthestorm Someday,I’llbe walkingthroughaforestandthismomentwillcomebacktome.I’llrememberamanwhowaspatientandkind.Amanwhose heartspoketominewithoutawordbetweenus I’llrememberthewayheheldmeinhisarmswhenwesaidgoodbye MyheartfluttersasourbodiespressagainstoneanotherandthatfeelingofemptinessI’dbeenhavingisgone.Right now,atthismoment,I’mfull.Infact,I’moverflowing,andIdon’twanttoletgo.
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