PartOne:DirtyRichBetrayal
Mia
WithmyrentalidlingatthegateofGraysonBennett’sbeachsideHamptonsmansion,Istareatthekeypad.Thecodewon’t bethesame.It’sbeenayearnow.Hewouldhavechangedthecodeandyet,insteadofpunchingthecallbutton,myhand tremblesasIreachfor thenumbers.IkeyinthecodeIonceusedoftenandthegatebeginstocreepopen.Igripthesteering wheel, some part of me wantingto believe that Graysonleft the code inplace because he hoped I’d come back Whichis ridiculous.Themanbetrayedme.Heneverlovedme.Hehurtme,andyethereIam,abouttostandonhisdoorstepandaskto comeinsidehishomeanddomain
IdrivethebasicsedanthatIpickedupinthecitytoavoidachopperservice,andpullitaroundthecircledrive,stoppingon the opposite side ofthe house, where Iparkunder myfavorite willow tree. The minute Ikill the engine, myheartthunders wildlyinmychest Ican’tbelieveI’mdoingthis,butIam I’mhere I’mdoingthis Islidemypurseovermyheadandacross mychesttoallowittorestonmyjean-cladhip.I’mnotbackingoutnow.
Forcingmyselftoclimboutofthecar,Istepintoagustofchillylate-October windcomingofftheocean Mylightbrown hairlifts,andthechillonmyneckhasmesnugglingdeeperintomylightbluesweater.Iinhalethefreshscentoftheocean,the tasteofsaltonmylipsfollowsandsodothememoriesofthisplace,ofmeherewithGrayson Ican’tbelievehowemotional thisfeels.Whycan’tIjustgetoverthisman?Iam overhim.Thisisjustmereactingtoatimeinmylifewhenthismanstolemy everybreath.It’sapartofme,justashealwayswillbe.
Withthatmantrainmymind,Ihurryforwardandrushupthestairsoftheunderstatedmansionwiththreesteeplesandwood siding.MychestpincheswiththerealizationthatthelasttimeIwashere,Graysonhadjustinheriteditfromhislate-father,a manIlovedandrespected Agoodmanwithexceptionaltasteandstandards RaymondBennettdidnothinglessthanperfect, thisstunninghouseincluded.
Istopatthedoorandreachforthebell,butmyhandfallsaway,mylasheslowering,withtheattackofmemoriesthatcharge throughmymind;the fight, the betrayal, the tears, so manygut-wrenchingtears he didn’tdeserve, butthere is also so much more the history. The wayhe made me feel like Iwas his world whenobviouslyIwasn’t, butitdoesn’tseemto matter. I can’tseemtoforgethimandstandinghere now,Ican still smell his woodsycologne andtaste his passionand my God My eyespopopen.WhatamIdoing?Ican’tbehere.
Ishouldhavejustcalled
Iturnandheaddownthestairs,butmyattemptedescapecomestoolate.Theroar ofanexpensiveenginesoundsmoments beforeablackPorscheBoxster,Grayson’scarofchoice,circlesthedrive,andspeedstowardme.Ihaltatthelaststepashe, inturn,haltsthecardirectlyinfrontofme.Iholdmybreath,preparingfortheimpactthismanhasalwayshadonme,telling myselfhewon’tanymore.I’mnotthesamepersonIwaswhenweweretogether.I’mstronger.I’mharder.I’mmorejaded.
Iwon’t meltforGraysonBennett
Hekillstheengineandpopshisdooropen,obviouslynotgoingintothegarage.I’mhere.Hewantstoknowwhy.Heunfolds himselfandstraightensallsixfeetthreeinchesofhishardbody,thewindcatchinginhisthick,wavydarkhair,asmyfingers oftendidinthepast.Heshutshisdoor,hisunassuming,fadedjeansandlong-sleevedblackT-shirthuggingeveryhardinchofa bodythatisjustasperfectnowatthirty-eightasitwasatthirty-fourwhenwemet.BackwhenIwastwenty-seven,hisjunior byeightyears,andhiswisdomandconfidenceinspiredadmirationandattractioninme.
He saunters toward me, his stride easy, but no less predatory, while oozing power and grace. He stops in front of me, toweringovermedespitethestepdownIhaveyettotake He’sclose,soveryclose Mygazesweepsthehintofgrayinhis neatlytrimmedgoateethatIlikealittletoomuch.Mylasheslower,andIbreatheoutbeforeIforcemyselftolookathim,my starecollidingwithhispotentgreeneyesandevenwithallmyinnerdialogueaboutnotreactingtohim,Iam Ifeeleverytouch I’veeversharedwiththismanrighthere,rightnow.
“Mia,”hesayssoftly,andIswearIfeelhisvoicelikeacaressofhishand.
“Grayson,”Isay,andhisnamefeelsasrightasitdoeswrongonmytongue Soright So wrong
“Ididn’texpectyou,”hesays.“Ever.”There’sasuddencoldnesstohistonethatstabsatme,asharpbladedknife. I’manattorneyandI’mgoodatmyjob.ImaintainmycontrolandIdoitwell,butIreactnow whenIdon’twanttoreact. “Thiswasamistake,”Isay “ForgetIwashere”Isteparoundhimandoffthestairs,buthecatchesmyarmandturnsmeto facehim.Heatradiatesfromhishand,upmyarm,andovermychestandLordhelpme,mynipplesarehard.
“Therearemanymistakesbetweenus,”hesays “Don’tmakecominghereandbackingoutanotherone” He’s right, but that’s my only thought. I can’t think when he’s touching me. I’ve never been able to think when this man touchesme “Canyounottouchme,please?”Iwhisper
HereleasesmelikeI’veburnedhimwhenhe’stheonewhoburnedme,hisjawhardening,hiseyesicing.“Let’sgoinside,” hesays,motioningmeforward,andIknowthisman.Istillknowhimsoverywell.Ihurthimjustnow.WhydoIcarethatIhurt him?Hepracticallytookaknifeandcutmeopen
Andyet,Ido.“Grayson,”Ibegin,notsurewhatI’mabouttosayorifI’llregretit,buthecutsmeoff.
“Let’sgoinside,Mia,”heorders,angerinthedepthofhisvoicewhenherarelyallowsanyonetoseeanger,butthen,thisis meandIwasalwaystheonethatbrokethroughallthatsteelandcontrol.OrmaybeIdidn’t.MaybeIjustthoughtIdidbecause nothingwaswhatIthoughtitwaswithGrayson
Iheadupthestairsandhedoesn’tpullthepowerplayoffollowingme.That’snothisstyle.He’satmyside,andwefallinto stepaswewalktotheporch,givingmethefaçadeofsharingcontrol.Youdon’tsharecontrolwithGrayson.Youjustthinkyou do That’swhereIwentwrongwiththisman IthoughtIwasdifferent IbelievedIsharedcontrolwithhim IbelievedIshared alotofthingswithhim,butIdidn’t.HeownedmeandtheproblemisthatIwantedtobeowned,butthosedaysareover.He willneverownmeagain
Heopenshisdoor,andIdon’tknowwhyIdoit,butIlookoverathimandwhenhiseyesmeetmine,IdojustwhatIsaidI wouldn’tdo.Ifallintotheswelteringheatofouryearsofhistoryandmeltforthismaninawaynoothermanhasevermade memelt.Ihatehim.Ilovehim.Ihatehim.Andasifitsomehowprotectsmefromallthatheistome,Idartinsidethefoyerof hishome.
Thepast,twoandahalfyearsago
leave the first dayofmyjob as anassociate withmyhead spinning. The Bennett firmis a massive operation, expanding across the world, and evenoutside the legal profession, whichI now know is drivenbythe heir-apparent son Grayson Bennettapparentlywantstoruletheworldandhe’ssucceeding.It’sexcitingtohavethismuchopportunityafterbeingstuckina smallfirmthathadaceiling,thankstomyfinancesforcingmetoattendasmallschoolpart-timetogetmylawdegree.Finally, I’veopeneddoorstoabetterfuture Finally,IhavethechancetoyankmyfatheroutofpovertyinBrooklyn Exitingtheelevator,IstartthinkingaboutthecasethatIwasputontodayandhowtoapproachwinning.Ineedtohaveaplan thathelps the partner I’mworkingunder Ineedtoprove Icanhandlemyowncases,the wayIdidatmyprior firm Ihurry towardtheexitandpushthroughtheglassdoorsonamission.Home.Work.Research.Iturnrightandcollidewithahardwall withsuchforceitrattlesmyteeth
“OhmyGod,”Igasp,asstronghandscomedownonmyshoulders,whilemyhandshavenowsettledonthebroadchestofa manwearinganexpensivethree-piecesuit.“I’msorry.Iwas ”IlosethatthoughtasIlookupintohisgreeneyesandmylips partinstunnedshock He’sgorgeous Perfect Overwhelminglyperfect “No apologyneeded,” he says softlyand ohso veryintimately, or maybe I’mimaginingthatbecause come on. What girl doesn’twantthismantospeaktoherandonlyher?“Infact,”headds “Ithinkthisisthebestpartofmyreallycrappyday” Iswallowhard.“Iuh don’tknowhowtoreplytothat.”
Themantohisrightclearshisthroat.“We’ll meetyouupstairs,”hesaysandonlythendoIevenrealizethatthisgorgeous manisstandinginbetweentwoothermen,butIdon’tlookatthem.Notwhen he’s still lookingatmeandignoringthem.Not whenhishandsarestillonmyshoulders.Thetwomenleave.
“Haveadrinkwithmelater,”mynewfoundsexystrangersays,apushthatisalmostacommandinhisvoice He’solderthan me,thirty-fiveIthink,whileI’mtwenty-seven,andheradiatesthekindofconfidenceIneedtoownmyself.He’snoassociate. He’snosubordinatetoanyoneandIlikethisabouthim “Idon’tevenknowyourname,”Isay.
Onecorner ofhis reallydelicious mouthcurves andhesays,“Youwill tonight.Ifyoushow up.MeetmeatMorrell Wine Barateight.Youowemethedateforrunningintome,butI’llbuythewine.”Hereachesupandstrokesmycheek.“Youhave beautifulblueeyes,bytheway.”Andthenheleavesmethere,stunnedandwarmallover. WhenIcanfinallywalkagain, I’mnotsure whatto do He has to workfor Bennett AmIallowed to date a coworker? I don’tevenknow.Ihurrytowardthesubway,andItrytoreasonwithmyself.HemightnotworkforBennett.Maybehe’sjust usingtheir services Ihaven’tdated ina year I’ve beentoo busy I’mtoo busynow, but there is justsomethingaboutthat man.He’sinspirationforallIwantandneedtobe.Heownswhoheisandwhatheis.Youknow thisevenwithoutknowing him.Ineedtobreathethatin,Ineedtohaveaglassofwinewiththatman.
I’mpackingupmyofficewithonethingonmymind thewomanwiththegorgeousblueeyes whenEricwalksin,hisjacket gone, his sleeves rolled up to expose his tattooed arms. My father hates those tattoos, but to me they represent years of experience as a SEALTeamSixmember while his Harvard degree is a productofa manwho is botha literal savantwith numbersandamastermindbehindmostofourneweststrategies.Moreso,hishonestyandcharactermakehimafriendItrust. “Yourfatherisonarampage,”hesays “He’spissedabout well everything” “Thatusuallymeanspeoplegetthingsdonerightnexttime.” “True,”hesays.“ThoughIprefer your quietintolerance.”Iroundthedeskandheoffersmeafolder.“Thosenumbersyou wantedonthebuildingacquisitioninAtlanta.Theylookgood.I’ddoit.” “Thenwe’lldoit.Makeithappen.”
“Afteryoulookatthenumbers We’regoodbecauseweseedifferentthingsonpaper Idon’twanttosignoffuntil Iknow whatyousee.”
Inod “Fairenough I’llletyouknowinthemorning” “You’regoingtoseethatwoman.” “Iam.”
“She’sanewassociate.” Iarchabrow.“Youchecked?”
“OfcourseIchecked You’reafuckingheirtoabillionairewho’sjustmadehisownpersonalbillion” “Withyour help,” Iconcede, “we’ve bothtakena chunkofchange and turned itinto a whole lotmore for this place and ourselves Forme,that’slivinguptomyfather’sexpectations Foryou,it’sa‘fuckyou’toyourfather” “AndIwantmanymore,”hesays.“Myjobistowatchyourass.Iemailedyouherfileandthensome.”
“I’mnotgoingtolookatthat.I’llknowallIneedtoknowwhenI’mwithher.”Istartwalking.I’dsuspectedshemightwork forthecompany,whichisexactlywhyIbookedourmeet-upinmyapartmentbuilding,nottheoffices.
“Fortherecord,”Ericcallsoutbehindme,“onpapershe’soneoftwothings:thebestthingthateverhappenedtoyouorthe worst”
Istopatthedoor andlookathim.“Soundslikethebeginningofanythingnew.”Iturnandexittheoffice,andIdon’teven thinkaboutlookingatthatemail Thereissomethingaboutthiswomanthatspeakstome Ican’texplainit,butIdon’twantit ruined.IwantitpureandIwanttolearnaboutherfromher.
Mycar service is waitingonme and inroughlytenminutes, I’mexitinginfront of myCentral Parkbuilding. I hand the doormanmybriefcaseandtiphimwellenoughtohavehimensuremybagmakesittomyapartmentsafely Nixisagoodman, who’sbeenheretheentirefiveyearsIhave.Itrusthim.IalwayssurroundmyselfwithpeopleItrust,ateverylevel.
Ienter the bar, whichis anintimate locationwithlow hanginglights, a triangle-shaped bar, and booths liningthe walls I don’tchooseabooth.Iheadtothebarthatallowsmeaviewoftheentireplaceandcontrol.Ialsoalwayschoosecontrol.I’ve barelysatdownwhenthebartendersetsmyusualinfrontofme,anexpensivewhiskeytheycustomorderforme I’mnotaman ofextravagancebynature,butthiswhiskeyiswortheverydimeIspendonit.
ShewalksinbeforeIeventakeasip,stillwearingthesamenavy-bluesuitdressthatwhileconservativeandappropriatefor work,has a zipper thatslides downthe front Inoticed,butthenIalsonoticedthe tinyfreckle onthe corner ofher eye She looks around,scanningfor me,andthe curl ofher fingers intoher palms tells me she’s nervous.She spots me andinhales a tellingbreath Yes,she’snervous
She walks inmydirectionand I watcheverystep, admiringher long, slender legs and the swayof her hips. I want this woman Iwanthernaked IwantherbeneathmeandIwanttoknowwhoandwhatsheis,andIhavetoknow Iamamanwith muchtoloseandsheistooclosetomeandmycompanyformetowadeblindlyintoanything.Shestopsattheseatnexttome. “Hi,”shesays.
“Hi,”Isay,findingher charmingandsweetasfew womenstrikemethesedays,andyet,intelligent Iseethatinher eyes “I’mgladyoucame.”
Shedoesn’tattempttositdown “Ialmostdidn’t” “Why?”
“BecauseIhavealotontheline.Ican’tblowthisjob.I’vebeenthinkingaboutthisandIneedtoknowwhyyouwereatthe Bennettbuilding.”
“Whydoesthatmatter?”
“BecauseI’mnewthereandIdon’twanttobreakanyrules So,beforeIsitdown,IneedtoknowifIreallyshould” Iamamanwhodoesn’tjustliketotrustpeople.Iexpectpeopletobehonest.Becauselikemyfather,I’mhonest,evenwhen
itmakesmylifeharder Ilikewhereshe’sgoingsofar,butthatdoesn’tmeanmynamewon’tshowasideofherIwon’tlike Istandupandmyhandsgotoherwaist.Iturnher,placingherbacktothebar,mybodypinninghertoit.“Iappreciateyour desiretofollowtherules Bennettallowsinter-officerelationshipsbecauseIdon’tbelieveit’srealistictobelievepeoplecan work together seventy hours a week, in a company this big, and never cross that line. I simply expect that they handle it professionallyandletHRknow”
Sheblinks.“I’mconfused. You believeandexpect?”
“Whatisyourname?”Iask
“Mia,”shesays,andlikethegoodattorneysheshouldbe,sheimmediatelycirclesbacktoherquestion.“I’mconfused.You said ”
“I’mGrayson”
Hereyesgowide.“Grayson?Asin ” “GraysonBennett,”Isupply “OhmyGod.”Shepales.“Whydidn’tyoutellme?”
“Wouldthathavemattered?”
“Would it have mattered?”sheasksincredulously.“Ofcourseitwouldhavemattered.I’mnottryingtoclimbtheladderby climbingyou.”
Ilaugh “Isthatright?”
“Yes.Itis.Pleaseletmeoffthebar.Ineedtoleave.Please,Grayson.Imean,Mr.Bennett.”
Irotateussothatwe’residebyside,andshe’snolongertrapped,butmyhandsstayatherwaist,hersonmychestwhenI wantthemallovermybody.“Grayson,”Isay.“IhateMr.Bennett.AndIdon’twantyoutoleave,Mia.Youinterestme.Ihope you’reinterestedandnotbecauseofwhoIam.”
“Iam.Iwas,buthowdoItakethatoutoftheequation?”
“I’mjustaman.”
“Abillionaire”
“I’mjustamanwhowantstoknow you.Genuinelywantstoknow youandIcanpromiseyouthatnothingbetweenuswill everaffectyourjobbutneitherdoesyouwalkingawayrightnow”Ireleaseher,butourlegsarestilltouchingandherhands don’tleavemychest.
“I’m very confused right now.” She leans back and her hands slide from my chest, but she doesn’t step away. “I was interestedinknowingyouorIwouldn’thavecomehere,butyoubeingyou,Ineedtothinkaboutthis.”
“Icanlivewiththatanswer.Putmynumberinyourphone.Thenyoucancallme.Youcandecidewhathappensnext.”
“Butyou’remyboss”
“Notdirectly.Letmehaveyourphone.”
Shehesitates Ihatethatshehesitates,butshereachesintoherpurseandhandsmeherphone Itringsand“Dad”comesupon hercallerID.“Sorry,”shesaysandpunchesthedeclinebutton.
“Youcouldhavetakenit,”hesays.“Fathersareimportant.”
Shetiltsherheadandstudiesme “You’reclosetoyourfather,too?”
“Very.AsIwaswithmymotherwhoIlostfartoolongago.”
Shedoesn’timmediatelyrespondandseemstoweighherwordsbeforeshesays,“Ilostminelastyear Iknowit ithurts Mydadisreallystrugglingwithit.”
“Mine still does as well,” Isay, aware thatittookmyfather well over a year to resemble anythingIknew as him “You shouldcallyourfatherback.Youdon’twanthimtoworry.”
“I’llcallhiminafewminutes.HeknowsIworklonghours.See,that’sjustit.That’swhatIneedyoutoknowbeforeIwalk outofthis bar It’s notbecause Iwantto It’s becauseI have to Iworkedmywaythroughschool IgotacceptedtotwoIvy Leaguecolleges,butIcouldn’tgopart-timeorpaythetuition.IhadtoworkforatinyfirmfortwoyearstoproveIcanwin casesjusttogetthisjob AndIcanwin Iwasagoodhire I’lldoagoodjobforyou AndIcan’tblowthatorriskbeing‘that’ girlinthelegalcircles.”
Iletherstorysinkin Shecouldeasilybesomeonewholooksforagravytrain,butshe’snotandthisisn’tashow forher She’snotplayingme.She’srejectingme,andIdon’tintendtoletthathappen.I’mstillholdingherphoneandputmynumberin it,butIdon’tgiveitbacktoher.“Idon’tsleepwithordatewomenmycompanyemploys.” “ThenwhyamIhere?”
“Youinterestme,nowmorethanever.”Icupherface.“I’mgoingtokissyounowunlessyoutellmetostop.”
“Idon’tthinkyoushoulddothat” “That’snotstop,Mia.”
“Iknow,” she whispers, and mymouthcloses downonhers, and the momentItaste her onmytongue, Iknow thatIwant more. And whenshe gives a tinylittle whimper and leans into me, Iknow she does too, butstill, Ipull backand press her phoneintoherhand.
“Youhavemynumber.Callme,butknowthis,Mia.ThenexttimeIkissyou,Iwon’tstop.”
I
don’tstopinthefoyerthatistoosmallnottobetooclosetoGraysonforcomfort.Iquicklyclearthesmallspaceandenter theopenconceptlivingareawithdarkwoodfloors,highceilings,anddanglinglights Istopthere,ontheedgeofaliving roomthatnolongerlooksasitoncedid,theblackcouchesnowreplacedwithgrayleatherthatmatchesthekitchenislandtothe left. Iswallow hard, thinkingabout how hard it must have beenfor Graysonto take over this place, let alone decide ifhe shouldleaveitasitwasorchangeit Helovedhisfatherdeeply GraysonstepstomysideandwebothstareattheroomandIwonderifhetooisthinkingaboutthefuneral,andthelasttime weevertouched Thebetrayalwasgonethatday,butthepainwasnot “Iwon’tsaywhatI’mthinking,”Isaysoftly,myvoice tremblingever-so-slightly.
“Youdon’thaveto Iknowwhatyou’rethinking”Hemotionstotheleft “Let’sgodownstairs” Downstairstothebarandentertainmentareaofthehouse.Downstairs,farawayfromthedoor.Iwonderifhechoosesthis locationtopreventmyrapidescape,butnevertheless,thisishishome.Thisishisdecision.Inodandofcourse,hefallsinto stepwithme,butoncewe’reatthewindinggrayandsteelstairsleadingdownward,thepathismadeforone,andhedoesthe gentlemanlythingand allows me to go first. Ihesitate just a moment, but Istart walking, grabbingthe railingand carefully takingeachstep,awareofGraysonatmybackineveryporeofmybody Aware,too,thathedidn’taskmewhyI’mhere OnceI’monthelowerlevel,there’saroomwithabrownsectional,amassivebig-screentelevisiontotheleft,andafancy half-moonshapedbartotheright.“Let’sdrink,”Graysonsays,ashejoinsme,hisshoulderbrushingmine,andthetouchissuch ashockthatIsuckinairandcutmygaze.
Idon’tlookathim,butIfeelhisstarebeforehemovestowardthebar.Ifollowhim,choosingabarstooloppositehimashe roundstheoakcountertop “StillloveyourBrandyAlexanders?”
“Yes, but Ibetter not. I’mdrivingbacktonight. Youknow Idon’t handle mybooze well.” The reference to how well he knowsmeisoutbeforeIcanstopit
“Idoknow,”hesays,settingaglassinfrontofmebeforeproducingabottleofbrandy.
HethenproceedstomixmydrinkbeforefillinghisownglasswithwhatIamcertainishisfavoritefifteen-yearoldscotch. Hesetsmyglassinfrontofme.“Butwebothneedadrinkrightaboutnow.”Hepicksuphisglass,downsit,refillsit,andthen walksaroundthebartostandbesideme.SodamnclosethatIcanfeelhisbodyheat,andwhenmyeyesmeethis,I’mburning aliveagain,andyetI’mfrozeninplace “Grayson ”
“Grabyourdrink,”heorderssoftly “Let’sgotothepatiowhereyouwon’tfeelastrappedasyoufeelrightnow”Hesteps awayfromthebarandstartswalking.
Heknowsmetoowell.Hestillknowsmelikenooneelseinthisworld,butitmeansnothing.Graysonobservespeople.He readspeople Ipickupmydrinkandstandup Graysonistomyleft,openingthecurtains Ijoinhimasheopensthepatiodoor andIstepundertheawningintothestone-encasedprivateporchoverlookingtheocean;thesunhiddenbehindclouds,astorm rumblinginthedistance Ilovestormsovertheocean ThefireplaceinthecornerflickerstolifeandGraysonstepstomyside Idownmydrink.“NowIcanletitwearoffbeforeIdrive.”Isettheglassonthetabletoourleftthatseatstwoandmatches theonetoourright,andthenwalktothestonewalldirectlyinfrontofus,myhandssettlingonthefinishedwoodenrailabove
it.
IhearGrayson’sglasstouchthetablebeforehestepstomyside,hishandsontherailaswell.“Talktome,Mia.” Ilookoverathim “Icametowarnyou” “Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Riiscomingafteryou,”Isay Helaughs.“Riisalwayscomingafterme.He’sbeencomingaftermesincelawschoolwhenImadehimlookbad,andnow thatwebothrunourfamilyempires,he’sstilltryingtobestme Hewonwhenhegotyou” Ifacehim,andhedoesthesamewithme.“That’snotevenclosetotrue.Hedidn’tget me.” “He’smyenemyandyouleftme,mybedandmycompanytogotohim,hisbed,andhiscompany.” “That’snottrue Ineededajobandthat’sonyou ” “Youdidn’tneedadamnjob,”hebitesout.
Ishovefingersthroughmyhair “ThisisnotwhyI’mhere Ineedyoutolistentome” “Youwanttotellmehowthemanyou’refuckingwantstofuckme?”
“IamnotfuckingRi Stop Listentome,Grayson I need you to listen to me ” “Like youlistened to me? Because Itried reallydamnhard to getyouto listento me, Mia. Do youremember? Because I damnsuredo.”
Ihugmyself,backinguptorestagainsttheconcretepillarbehindme “Ilistened Itwasn’tenough,butyouneedtolistento menow.Ijusttookaweekofftolookforanewjob.IwenttoaninterviewattheDA’soffice.”
“TheDA’soffice?Youwon’tmakeanymoneythere Whywouldyouevenconsidersuchathing?You’retoogoodforthat place.”
“I’mtiredofmoney.Yourmoney.Ri’smoney.Iwanttobesomeplacethatisn’taboutmoneyandpower,onlyIwasthereall offorty-five minutes andIknew thatplace was nodifferent.They’re all lookingfor power,the kindyouhave,whichmakes themhateyou.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Iwassittinginanofficewithanopendoor.Thereweremen,fourofthem,Ithink,intheconferenceroomacrossfromme. Theyweretalkingaboutthebillionairewhopretendstobeethicalandperfect Whothinkshe’suntouchable,buthe’snot They saidtheyhaveinsidersinyouroperation.Theysaidthey’regoingtotakeyoudownandlooklikekings.”
“Didtheysaymyname?”
“No,but ”
“Idon’tbreakthelaw.That’snotme.”
“Iknow that That’swhyI’mhere IwasafraidyourphoneswerebeingmonitoredbecauseGrayson,itwasyoutheywere talkingabout.Iknowit.IfeltitandIrememberacardfromadetectiveonRi’sdesk.He’ssomehowsettingyouup.”
Henarrowshiseyesatme “Andyou’retellingme,themanyousaybetrayedyou,why?” “You’renotacriminal.Andthat’sallIhavetosay.”IpushoffthewallandtrytowalkpastGrayson,butheshacklesmyarm andpullsmetohim.
Westareateachother,ourlowerbodiespressedtogether,thepastbetweenus,andinthismoment,it’spullinguscloser,not pushingus apart.Thunder crashes above us andrainexplodes fromthe sky,plummetingthe ceilingabove us andbeyondthe patio Graysontangles the fingers ofone hand inmyhair, while the other flattens betweenmyshoulder blades “Youdidn’t reallythinkI’dletyouleavewithoutdoingthis,didyou?”heasks,hismouthclosingdownonmine.
Mia
The minute Grayson’s mouthis onmymouth, his bodypressed to mine, Iforgeteverythingbuthim. It’s like Icanbreathe again,likeI’vebarelybeenlivinguntilrighthere,rightnow.Idon’twantto,butIstilllovehim,andIdidn’tthinkIwould everkisshimortouchhimagain.Hebacksmeupandpressesmeagainstthewideconcretepillarthatdividestherailingsand walls,hisfingerstanglingintomyhair,hishandslippingundermysweater,hiswarmpalmpressingtomyribcage It’snotuntil thathandcupsmybreastthatIjoltintoreality.
“Stop,”Isay,catchinghishandandpressingonhischest “Stop Ican’tdothis” He goes still but he doesn’t immediately release me. God, I don’t want himto release me and yet, I cannot survive the onslaughtofemotionshecreatesinmeifIdon’tstopnow.Ican’tjustfuckhim.It’snotinme.“Right,”hesays,hishandfalling away,andpressingontotheconcreteoneithersideofme,hisbodyliftingawayfrommine “You’rewithRi”
“I’mnotwithRi,andifIwaswithhimoranyone,itwouldn’tbeanyofyourbusiness.We’renottogetheranymore.”
“Youwentfrommetohim;youwenttomyenemy Doyouknowhowbadlythatcut?That’swhenIstoppedcomingafteryou That’swhenIletyougo.”
“Iwastryingtosurvive Andyouwerecut?Iwasbleedingout AnddoyoureallythinkI’dcometoyouifIwaswithRi? I’maloyalperson.Ineverbetrayedyou.Iwouldn’tbetraysomeoneIwaswith.”
“Unlikeme,right?”hechallenges.“Ididnotbetrayyou.I’vetriedtoexplain.”
“I’mnot here to talk about this I can’t go down this path again It still hurts and me telling you that is more than you deserve.”
Hestaresatme,thosegreeneyesunreadable,buthisemotionsareradiatingoffofhimandpoundingonmeevenastherain poundsagainsttheroof.Hepushesoffthepillarandwalksafootawaytoplanthishandontherailingandlowershischinto hischest
Icanstillfeelhishandonmybreast.Icanstilltastehimandit’skillingme.“IsaidwhatIcametosay.Ishouldgo.”ButI don’tmove.Idon’tpushoffthepillar.
“Don’t,”hesays,lookingoveratme “Don’tgo”
There’stormentinhisvoice,agutturalpleathatconflictswithallhedidtome.Iknowthis,butIdon’tmove.Isqueezemy eyesshut “Idon’tknowwhyI’mstillstandinghere”Mylasheslift “Ican’tstay Ihavetogo”Imovethen,Itrytowalkpast him,buthepushesofftherailingandstepsinfrontofme.
“EricandDavisareabouttobehere,”hesaysofhisbestfriendandbusinessmanager,andhispersonalattorney.“I’dlike themtohearwhatyouhadtosay.”
“Youcantellthem.”
“I’dlikethemtohearitfromyou” “Ineedtogetback.”
“Staythenightandyoucanchopperbackwithmetomorrow” “Ihavearentalcar,”Iargue.
“I’lltakecareofitforyou.”
Ihugmyself.“Idon’tneedorwantyoutotakecareofanythingforme.”
Helooksskywardandthenlowershisheadtocastmeinaturbulentstare.“You’rehelpingme.It’stheleastIcando.” Iinhaleandletitout “I’llgetaroomanddrivebacktomorrow”
“Thishouseisridiculouslylarge.Youcanstayonanotherfloor.You’llneverknowI’mhere.”
“I’ll know you’rehere”Iturnawayfromhimandpressmyhandstotherailing Hemimicsmyactionandwestandthere, sidebyside,therainpoundingfiercely.
“Youalwayslovedtherainontheocean,”hemurmursafterafewmoments.
IloveditwhenIwaswithhim Ihavegoodmemoriesoflovingitwith him “Iwon’tletyouhurtmeagain,”Iwhisper
Welookateachother,apunchintheconnectionbetweenusbeforehesays,“Inevermeanttohurtyou.Iwoulddieforyou, Mia.Thathasn’tchanged.”
Icutmystare,soveryconfusedbecauseIbelievehimandthatmakesthewayweendedillogical,atleastforme,atleastfor mywayoflovingsomeone.Idon’tunderstandhiskindofloveandyetIneeditsodamnbadly.“IfI’mstaying,I’lltakeaglass ofthatscotch”
Ifeelhiseyesonme,thoseperfect,intelligentgreeneyes,beforehesays,“Scotchitis,”andpushesofftherailing.“I’llbe rightback”
Inod,butIdon’twatchhimwalkaway.Istareoutintotherainandmymindgoesbacktoanotherday,backtothefuneral,to sittinginthecarandstaringatthechurch.Ihadn’tseenGraysoninsixpainfulmonths.I’dtoldmyselfthatIwasoutofhislife. I’dtoldmyselfthathewouldn’twantmethere,butI’dcaredabouthisfatherandIstilllovedhim Andso,I’dgottenoutofthat car.I’dgoneinside.
Grayson’s footsteps sound behind me and I turnas he sets the bottle downona table betweenthe two chairs facingthe fireplace.Hefills twoglasses,minewithice,andhis withoutbecauseheknows I’ll wantice,andthenhehands memine.I knowhe’sgoingtotouchme,butIdon’tresist Ireachformyglassandwhenourhandscollide,hecatchesmineandwalksme tohim.
HeatradiatesupmyarmfromwherehetouchesmeandIknowifIlookathim,I’llforgetwhythatkisswasbadwhenitfelt so damngood For several seconds we just stand there, rainand historysuffocatingus until he reaches up and brushes my cheek.Thetouchshocksme,andIshiver,mygazejerkingtohis.“Let’ssitdownbythefire,”hesayssoftly. “I’dlikethat”
Heseemstohesitatetoreleasemyhand,butitslowlyslidesawayandneitherofusmove.Thewindgustsandthat’senough tosetusinmotion.Iwalkaroundthechairsandsitdowninfrontofthefire,sippingfromtheglass.“That’sstrong,”Isayashe sitsdownnexttomeandIplacetheglassonthetablebetweenus.“Maybeyouneedtodrinkmine.EricandDavisaren’tgoing tobeaneasyaudienceforme.”Ileanforwardandholdmyhandstowardthefire,myelbowsonmyknees.
Graysonleansforwardwithme,onlyheignoresthefire “They’vebothalwayslikedyou,Mia Youknowthat”
“They’reyourfriends,yourverygoodfriends.They’llprotectyou,whichisgood.That’swhyIcame.Soyoucanthrowup thearmor”
“IthoughtIhad,”hesays.“Andthenyoushowedupatmydoor.”Grayson’scellphonebuzzeswithatext,andhepullsitfrom hispocket,glancingatthescreen.“Eric,”hesays.“They’realmosthere.” He sticks his cell backintohis pocket,downs his drink,andstandsup.“Let’smeetthemupstairs.”
Inod and decide Ido need thatdrink. Ipickitup and take a bigslugbefore settingitdown. Istand up and turnto walk towardthedoorbutGraysonstepsinfrontofme “Don’teventhinkaboutleavingwhilethey’rehere I’llcomeafteryou,and thistimeIwon’tstopcoming.”Hepullsmetohim,hislonglegspressedtomine.“We’renotdone,Mia.Notnow.Nottonight. Notever We’redonepretendingotherwise”Hekissesme,abrushoflipsoverlipsthatIfeelineverypartofmebeforehe rotates us and turns me to the door, his hands onmyshoulders, mybackto his front as he leans inand whispers, “But be warned.I’mnotgoingtostopthenexttimeIkissyou.”
Mia
Grayson’swarningtwistsmeinknotsandultimatelyangertakesroot.Iwhirlaroundtofacehim.“Youdon’tgettosaywhat we do or don’tdo. Youdon’tgetto decide ifwe kiss or not. Youdon’tgetto decide ifwe startor stop. You’re notin controlanymore.”
“Iwasneverincontrol,”hesays,hisvoicetightwithreturnedanger “Notwithyou”
“Areyoukiddingme?Youcontrolledeverythinginthepast.Iwasmakingmyfirstrealcareermoveandyourfather you, basically ownedthecompany YouhadmoneyandpowerandIcamefromnothing YouwerethisforceofnatureIwantedto benear.Iwantedtolearnfromyou.Iwantedtobewithyou.You consumed me.I thisisnotthen.You’renotincontrolthis time.”
Hishandscomedownonmyarmsandhepullsmetohim “Itsureashelldidn’tfeellikeIwasincontrolwhenyouleft,and Ibledoutbothtimes,Mia.Bothfuckingtimes.”
Both times
Hemeansafterthefuneral,whichisjustanotherknifeinmychest.
“Lookatus,”Isay “Thisiswhoweare,Grayson Painandanger Whywouldyouwanttokeepmehere?”
The doorbell rings and he curses, but he doesn’t let me go. “Because the painand anger are about a betrayal that never fucking happened.” He tangles his fingers in my hair. “We have never fought this out honestly and completely.” His mouth closesdownonmine,histonguestrokingdeep,andeverypartofmeinsideandout,meltsintohim,intous,whenIdon’tmean to.Thedoorbellringsagainandhetearshismouthfrommine.“We’restillus.We’re still us. ” “Idon’tknowwhatthatmeansanymore” “Youwill,”hepromises,hishandscomingdownonmyarmsoncemore.“Mia ” Thedoorbellringsagainandhegrimaces “Damnit Theyaren’tgoingaway Ihavetoletthemin” “Youdo,”Isay.“WeneedtotalkwiththemaboutRi.”
“Ri,”herepeatstightly.“Yes.Let’stalkaboutRi.”Hereleasesme,acoldsnapintheairashemotionsmeforward. Idon’tlikethisreaction Idon’tlikewhathethinksisbetweenRiandI,butIdecidemaybeitworksrightnow,especially whereRi isconcerned.Heneedstofindthathard,coldpartofhimselfandfinditnow.Heneedstofocusonthewarbefore him,notonme,notonus Withthatthought,Ilaunchmyselfacrosstheroom,hurryingupthestairs,andIhalfexpecthishand onmineatanymoment,butitdoesn’thappen.I’vehitanerveinhimandsomepartofmerevelsinthefactthathehasnervesto behit.Ifhedidn’tcareaboutme,hewouldn’t,butIdon’tknowwhyitmatters.Idon’twanttodolovehisway.
IreachtheupperlevelandIdecidetoofferGraysonprivacywithhisteamtoexplainwhyI’mhere,andIdosowithouthis permission. Icross the livingroomand head outto the upstairs patio thatoversees a rectangular infinitypool thatseems to flowrightintotheoceanwhenitdoesn’t Iflipontheheaterandignoretheroundtablethatheoftenusesformeetings Instead, Istandattherailingoverlookingthepool,watchingthenowsteady,butslowerflowofraindropshititssurface.
“Mia”
AtthesoundofEric’svoice,Iturntofindhimjoiningme,hislightbrownhairtousled,hisblueeyesasintelligentasever, butthenwhywouldn’ttheybe?Thisisamanwho’sbeenbyGrayson’sside,helpinghimmakebillions,for yearsnow.“Hi, Eric,”Isay,huggingmyself.
“It’s beena longtime,” he says,settinghis briefcase onthe table,while his snugblacktee allows me a clear view ofhis tattoosleevethatwasonceajaguarwithblueeyes,andnowtravelsdownhisarminacollageofclocksandskulls “Ihaven’t seenyousince ”Hestopshimself,hislipsthinning.
“Thefuneral,”Isupply “Ican’tbelievethat’sbeenayearnow” “Iknow,”hesays.“Ican’teither.Idon’tknowhowthehellGraysonlivesinthisplace,asidefromthefactthathe’sinthe citysodamnmuch.”Heshakeshishead.“Enoughofthat,though.DavisneededGraysontocall aninvestor.They’ll beright here”
“Good. I’mglad to have a momentwithyou. Maybe you’ll listenbefore theygethere because I’mnotsure Graysonwill. He’sintrouble.”
“Ifyou’rehere,thenhemustbe”Heclosesthespacebetweenus “Talktome” “I’ll tell youwhatI’ve told him.” Itell himeverything, the job, the interview, whatIoverheard atthe DA’s office. “They weretalkingaboutGrayson IknowtheywereandIsawthatcardonRi’sdesk PleasetellmethatyouseethatastheproblemI do.”
Henarrowshiseyesatme “Whyareyouhereifyou’rewithRi?”
“I’mnotwithRi,andI’msmartenoughtoseethewritingonthewall.HewantsmetotauntGrayson.I’matokeninagame.” “Andyetyouwenttohim.”
“Itookajob,andI’mcertainyouknowmoreaboutwhythanmaybeIdidbefore ”Istopmyself “Atthetime,IadmitIwas angryatGraysonandhurt.Ijustneededaplacetogo.”
“Youknewhowhe’dfeelaboutyougoingtoRi”
“DoyouknowhowIfeltaboutwhat he did?”Iholdupahand.“Itdoesn’tmatter.I’mnotwithRiandI’mtiredofbeinga tokeninagamebetweentwopowerfulmen”
“You’re nota token,” Eric says. “You’re the womanGraysonloves and thathasn’tchanged. You’re a weaponRi is using againsthim.”
“Iknowthatnow,”Isay “That’swhyI’mhere I’mnotgoingtobeaweaponagainstGrayson Notnoworever” Graysonstepsontotheporchandoureyesmeet,thechargebetweenuscracking.“Ineverintendedtobeaweaponagainst you,Grayson Pleasebelievethat”
Graysonlowershislashes,thelinesofhisfacehardandsharp.He’sstrugglingtomaintaincontrol,andheneverstrugglesto maintaincontrol,becauseofme.BecausewebothknowI’mnotcompletelyinnocent.Ididleavehimandgotohisenemy.Idid knowthatwouldupsethim.Iwantedtohurthimthewayhehurtme.
“Iregretit,” Ibreathe out, sayingthe words Ishould have said a longtime ago, the words I’d rather sayto himalone. “I regretgoingtohim,Grayson”
HislashesliftandIdon’tfindforgivenessorunderstanding.Ifindanger.
Mia
“M
ia,” Davis says,steppingtoGrayson’s side;he’s a tall man,inhis late thirties,withdarkbrownhair anda beardto match. Todayhe’s left his famouslyexpensive suits behind for jeans and a T-shirt. “It’s beena longtime,” he says warmlywhenhe’srarelywarmtoanyone.“ Too long.”
IamstunnedbyhowwarmhisgreetingisandthistellsmethatGraysonnevergavehimreasontohateme Grayson’sangry, yes. Theyknow he’s angry, butmystomachtwists withthe idea thatthey’re sympathetic to me, thattheyknow he’s guiltyof much withme Somepartofmewantstobelievehe’snot I’vealwayswantedtobelievethathe’snot,perhapsbecauseIhad this fairytale idea ofwhoandwhatwe couldbe,whatIthoughtwe were.Maybe because myfather lovedmymother tothe pointofno return. He would have died for her. The mangave her partofhis lungto tryto save her life. And no, it’s nota fairytaleinthatshedied,buttheirlovewas
Now my lasheslower,thepainoflosingGraysonisacidinmythroat.“Let’ssit,”Graysonsays,motioningtothetable,and wealllistenbecausehe’stheoneincharge,andnotbecausethisishishouse Becausenomatterhowpowerfulthepeoplein theroom,Graysonownstheroomitself,he’sincontrolandI’vealwaysfoundthisincrediblyalluring.WhatIdidn’tdo,was fearwherethatwouldleadmeorwhatthatpowerovermemeantuntilheburnedme Icannotallowhimtoburnmeagain Iwalktothe table andsitdown,notingthe rainhas now stopped,the onlystormleftis thatbetweenmyselfandGrayson. Ericsitstomyright,Davisacrossfromme,butthereisonlyonepersonthatconsumesme.Graysonsitstomyleftandwhenwe lookateachother,nooneelseexists,amillionunspokenwordsandsomuchangerbetweenus Ericclearshisthroat.“I’ll updateDavis.Grayson,Miaranthroughthesituationwithme.Tomakealongstoryshort,Mia wasattheDA’sofficeforaninterview”
“Aninterview?”Davisasks.“WhythefuckwouldyouinterviewwiththeDA?” “Irrelevant,”Ericstates “SheoverheardaplantotakedownGrayson” “Graysondoesn’tbreakthelaw,”Davisstates.“Thisisridiculous.”
“It’s a set-up,” Isay.“Isaw one ofthe detective’s cards onRi’s desk.Ithinkhe’s behinditall andthatmeans he’s doing whathehastoinordertoensureGraysonlooksguilty” GraysonlooksatEric.“Whereareweweakenoughtoallowthistohappen?”
“Youhaveemployeesworldwide,Grayson,”hesays “Anyonecouldbepaidofftoplantfalseinformation,ortoevengoso farastobreakthelaw.Itoldyou.WeshouldhavedealtwithRiyearsago.”
“HehadMia,”Graysonsays.“Ididn’tthinkhe’dactbeyondthat,butobviously,that’schanged.”
“Iknow aguyattheDA’soffice,”Davissays.“I’ll makeacall.It’ll costus,buthe’ll getuswhatweneedtoknow.Ifhe confirmsthere’saproblem,we’reatwarandweneedagoodcriminalattorneyadvisingus.I’mcorporateandI’mgood,butI wantanexpert”
“I’mcriminallaw,”Graysonsays.“Icanhandleit.Idon’twantanyoneinvolvedthatcouldleakthis.”
“Youhaven’tactivelypracticedinyears,”Ericargues “Andyou’retooclosetothispersonally IagreewithDavis We’ll needanexperttohelpyouinsulateyourself.”
“I’macriminallawyer,”Isay.“I’mactivelypracticingandI’mgoodatmyjob.” “You’retooclosetothis, and totheenemy,”Davissays,hisvoicehardnow. “Ihaven’tlostacase,”Isay,thattopichittinganervebetweenGraysonandIthathasmeavoidinghisstare.“AndIhaven’t resignedfromRi’scompany Icangetclosetohimand ”
Graysongivesabitterlaugh.“That’spriceless,Mia.Reallyfuckingpriceless.Youleftmetofuckhimandnowyouwantto fuckhimforme?Orfuckhimbecauseyouaren’tfuckingmeanymore”Hestandsupandwithoutaword,walksintothehouse MyemotionsquakeinsidemeandIcanfeelmyhandsshakingwhenInevershake,butthisisGrayson.ThisisthemanIstill loveandneverstoppedloving.Ilookbetweenthetwomenhetruststhemost.“I’mnotwithRi.IhaveneverbeenwithRi.I sweartoyouboth”
“He’stheonewhoneedstohearit,”Ericsays.“Notus.” He’sright.
IstandupandfollowGrayson,shuttingtheslidingglassdoorasIenterthelivingroom I find himbehind the island, his hand onthe counter, head dipped low, myregret I’d declared gnawingat me. I’mnot a personthatlashesback Ireallydidn’tlashbackthewayhethinksIlashedback,andforreasonshemightnotdeserve,Ireally needhimtoknowthetruth.Idon’tleavetheislandbetweenus.IroundthecounterandIstandbesidehim,facingthecounter, nothim
“I’veneverbeenwithRi.IknowyouthinkIwas,butIhaven’tbeen.He’striedforyears.RecentlyIwaslonely.Iwas really lonely,Grayson.IsawapictureofyouwithawomanandIrealizedthatyou’dmovedonandIhadn’t.”
“Ididn’tfuckingmoveon,Mia,”hesaysturningtofaceme “Iwastryingtosurviveyoufuckingmyenemy”
Iwhirlaroundtofacehimaswell.“Ididn’t,though.Ididn’tfuckRi.”MyvoiceliftsasIadd,“Ever. Afterseeingyouwith her,Ifinallyagreedtogooutwithhim ItriedtodowhatyouthinkIalreadydidandIhadtodrinkwine,lotsofwine,totry andactuallymakeithappen.Imean,whywouldn’tI?YouandI andyouwere ”Istopmyself.“Itdoesn’tmatterwhy.Ihad toomuchwine Ifellasleeponhiscouchandevenafterseeingyouwiththatwoman,Idreamedaboutyou,andus,andIcalled outyourname.”
“Youdidwhat?”
“IcalledoutyournameandsinceIwasdreamingaboutthefuneral,afterthefuneral,actually,thelasttimeweweretogether, itwasn’tinanger,butpassion.”
He’sstill,soverystill,beforehesays,“Andwhatdidhedo?”
“Hewasfuriousandthenhegrabbedmeandtriedtoforcehimselfonme.Hetoldmehe’dmakemeforgetyou.”
Grayson’shandscomedownonmyarmsandhepullsmetohim.“Didheforcehimselfonyou?Becauseifhedid,I’llkill him.”
HespeaksthosewordswithsuchgutturalangerthatIbelievehim.Myhandsettlesonhischest,hisheartracingbeneathmy palm “Igavehimakneesodamnhard,Idoubthewalkedrightforaweek”
“I’mnotsurethat’sagoodenoughpunishment.”
“Hedidn’ttouchmeagain Hegotthepoint Grayson,Ishouldneverhavegonetohimatall Hewantedwhatwasyoursand Iknewthatandeventhoughhecouldn’thaveme,atleast,tohim,youthoughthedid.Now,Ilefthimandhe’slashingout.Idid this.IdidthistoyouandI’msosorry.Youhavetoletmehelp.Idon’twanttogonearthatman,butIneedyoutounderstand thatI’lldoitforyou.”
“Goingbacktohimislikestickinganotherknifeinmyheart,Mia.Youwillnotgobacktohim.Doyouunderstandme?” “Ifitprotectsyou,Iwill” “Youwillnot.That’snotupfordebate.” “Youdon’tgettodecide”
Heturnsmeandpinsmebetweenhimselfandthecounter,hispowerfullegscagingmine,hishandsonmywaist.“Onthis,” hesays.“Watchme.I’mnotlettingyougobacktohim.EvenifIhavetodowhatIshouldhavedonebeforeandtieyoutomy damnbeduntilyoulistentoreason Oneofmybiggestregretsisnotdoingthatayearago,soIdamnsurewilldoitnow”
Mia
rayson ”Isay,determinedtomakehimlisten.
“Don’t,”hesays.“Iknowyoustillknowthatlookandthatpleaonyourlipsmakesmegivein,butnotthistime.Not whenitcomestoyouandRi.”
“I’mherebecauseIcausedthis,becauseIcare Youdon’thavetotiemetoyourbed I’mstaying I’mnotleaving Please, justtellmeyou’llhearmeout.”
“Quidproquo Ihearyouout Youhearmeout”
We’regoingdownthispathofthepast.Ican’tstopitfromhappening.I’mnotsure,ifI’mhonestwithmyselforhim,thatI wanttostopit.“Ononecondition.WedealwithusafterhimbecauseIdon’twanteitherofuslettingthepastgetinthewayof shuttingRidown”
“Thenweoperatejustlikewedidatthefuneral.Nothingisofflimits.”
“Grayson ”
Hecupsmyfaceandkissesme,adeepslideoftonguethathasmebitingbackamoan.“God,Imissedkissingyou.” Imissedittoo,soverymuch,butIdon’tsaythattohim Ican’t
Herestshisforeheadagainstmine.“IneedtogotalktoEricandDavis.”
“Yes,” Iagree, pressingonhis chestand forcinghimto lookatme, “youdo. Be open-minded to whattheysay. Iwantto help”
“Youhave.You’vemotivatedmetodestroyhimonceandforall.”
Hisvoiceishard,theglintinhiseyepureevilgeniusthatactuallycomfortsme Youdon’tbeatGraysonBennettwhenhe’s inthisstateofmind,butthatalsomeanshewon’tlistentoreasononmyinfluenceoverRi.“Ijustpackagedaconventioncenter deal inJapan There are a few legal issues onthatprojectthatare time-sensitive Ihave to deal withthattoday Ihave no choice.”
“Aconventioncenter.Wow.That’shuge.” “Itis It’sgoingtodoubleourworth”
AndmakeRihatehimallthemore.“I’mnotgoinganywhere,Grayson.Takecareofyourbusiness.JustmakesureRiispart ofthatbusiness”
Hepresseshishandsontheislandoneithersideofme.“Youdidn’tcausehisattack,Mia.Idid.Iletthismisunderstanding betweenusgoontoolong,butnomore.”Hepushesoffthecounter.“Doyouhaveabaginthecar?” “Yes.IwasafraidIcouldn’tgettoyoutonight.”
Hestudiesmealongmoment.“I’llgetyourbag.”Hestartstomoveaway.
Icatchhisarm “It’slight I’llgetit Yougotakecareofbusiness” “Takeittomyroom.That’spartofthedeal.Weputthepastonhold.” Mylasheslowerandhecupsmyface “Mia Lookatme” Iopenmyeyes.“Myroom,”hesays.
“Yes,”Isay,findingtheideathatIwouldpretendI’dendupanywhereelseawasteofenergyatthispointthatwouldborder onthekindofgamesIdon’tliketoplay.“Yourroom.I’mgoingtotakeawalk,though.Ineedtoclearmyhead.I’ll takemy phone.Youknowmynumber.”
His hand comes downonthe island beside me again “Yes Iknow your number, justlike youknow the gate code to this housewhennooneelsedoes.Therewas never atimewhenyoucouldn’tgettome,Mia.Youjustdidn’tchoosetofindoutuntil now”Thereisangerinhiswordsagain,inhisvoice HepushesofftheislandandwalksawayandthatangeriswhatIfocus on.
He’sangry,likeIbetrayedhim,andforthefirsttimesincerightafterthefuneral,Iletmyselfconsidertheoptionthathe’snot guiltyofatleastoneofhissins,theunforgivableone,butIshovethatnaivetéaway Iknowwhathappened Iswallowhardand
quicklypushofftheislandandstartwalking,mypathleadingmetomycar,whereIopenthetrunkandremoveahoodiefrom mysuitcase.Ipullitonandthenheaddownawalkwayatthesideofthehousethatleadstothebeach.OnceI’mthere,Iwalk totheedgeofthewaterandturnandstareatthehouse
Thiswashisfather’splace,butwewereheremoreweekendsthanhisfather.Thisiswherewecameafterthefuneral.This waswhereourfinalgoodbyetookplace MemoriesofthatdaychargeatmeandIturnawayfromthehouseandstartrunning, the wayI used to runthis beach. I don’t stop until I’mtwo miles awayat the lighthouse, whichI didn’t just come to with Grayson He’d bought it because I loved it so much The sun is dimming, soon to begin fading into the horizon, the way GraysonandIfadedintothehorizon.
IstartclimbingthewindingstepsuntilI’mattheverytopwhereGraysonandIhadset-upcozyrecliningchairs,sidebyside. Iclaimtheonethatwasmine,andIpainfullywonderifanyotherwomanhasbeenherewithGraysonwhenIhavenoright We aren’ttogether.Wehaven’tbeentogetherinalongtime.IpullmykneestomychestandIthinkofhisfather,whoisnowgone.I thinkofthefuneral,asIhavesomanytimessinceheleftthisworld ThewayIdidthenightIpissedoffRi Itwasalmosta newbeginninguntilGraysonlefthisphoneonthebed,andIsawthenumberonhisphone.
Grayson
I’mnot a manwho builds his success onother people’s destruction, but Ihave limits, and Ri is goingto find out that he’s pushedmetoofar.IwalkoutontothepatioandsitdownwithEricandDavis.“Go,”Isay,whichiswhatIuseasaninvitation forthemtohitmewiththeirthoughts,ofwhichI’mcertaintheyhavemanyafterhearingMia’sreasonsforbeinghere.
“She’salwayshadgoodinstincts,”Ericsays “Ifshebelievesthatconversationwasaboutyou,I’mbettingonher” “Agreed,”Davissays.“Itrusther,andIdon’ttrustanyone.Istillthinkweneedacriminalattorneyonthis.”
“Whatweneed,”Isay,“is anattackplan IwantRi togodownonceandfor all MakethathappenandIdon’tcarewhat resources,includingmoney,ittakes.Paywhoever,asmuchmoneyasyouhavetopaythem,togettherightdirtonhim,toshut himdown.”
“Mia’salreadyontheinside,”Davissays.“She ”
“No,”Isay.“MiawillnotgobacktoRi.Endofsubject.WhatelsedoIneedtoknowrighthereandnow?”
“ReidandCarrieareheadedbacktoJapantotakecareofthechallengeswiththeconventioncentertakeover,”Ericsays,of thebrokerswhobroughtthedealtogether.“Theothertenthingsonmylistcanwait.”HeeyesDavis.“Weneedaminute.”
Davis gives hima nod and stands up Eric waits until Davis enters the house and thenleans closer “I don’t know what happened betweenyouand Mia, butnotonlydid itchange you, itclearlyhurther. Despite that, she was there for youwhen yourfatherdiedandshe’sherenow.ConsideringthepainIstillseeinhereyes,Iknowtwothings:a)shestilllovesyou,and b)shebelievesthisthreatisserious.”
“I’mnotdiscountingthethreat,Eric.Isaidruinhim.”
“Youhavethousandsofemployees,includingme,countingonyou Youdon’thavetheluxuryofleavingheroutofthis” “Findanotherway,”Iorder.
“Protecther,butkeepanopenmind Shecouldbetheonlypersonwhocantearhimdown” “Findanotherway,”Irepeat,andthistimeIstandup.“IwillnothaveherfeelasifI’musingherformyowngainorthatI’m puttingmywell-beingoverhers.”
Hestands “Notyours Thousandsofemployees”
“AndIdamnsurewon’triskhurtingheragain,”Iaddasifhehasn’tspoken.“Iloveyou,man,andyou’rethebrotherInever had,butdon’tpushmeonthis NotonMia”Istepawayfromthetableandheadforthewalkwaydowntothebeach,withone destinationinmind.Thelighthouse,whereIknowMiawillberightnow.
Thepast,sixmonthsago
pull uptothecurbafew blocksfromtheHamptonschurchandparktherental IpickeduptogetherefromthecitysinceI don’townacarthatI’dneverdriveanyway NooneownsacarinManhattanwhodoesn’thaveparkingmoneytoblow,and after growing up in a poor area of Brooklyn, I’mpretty sure I’ll never feel I have that kind of money to blow. It’s why I declinedthecarGraysontriedtobuymewaybackwhen.Ididn’tneeditandhismoneywasneverwhatwewereabouttome. Ialwayswantedhimtoknowthat Ialwaysfelthe needed toknowthat Ibreatheaheavybreathandkilltheengine,myhandsgrippingthesteeringwheel.IwanttobehereforGrayson,nomatter whathastranspiredbetweenGraysonandI,butIdon’tknowifI’mmakingthispainbetterorworseforhim Istilllovehim I don’twanttomakeitworse,butthiswasnotexpected.Aheartattackisneverexpected.IneedGraysontoknowthatIwanted tobehere,evenifherejectsme Evenifhehassomeoneelsebyhissidenow Iswallow againstthe dryness inmythroatand step outofthe car, slippingthe slender blackpurse I’mwearingover my blackdress, across mychest. Ishove the door shut, and damnit, myknees are wobbling. Ipushforward and startwalking, alongwithagoodtenotherpeopleparkednearby Icanfeeleyesonme,surprisedeyesthatknowIwaswithGraysonandI’m notanymore,butIdon’tcare.I’mnothereforthem.
OnceIreachthegorgeouswhitechurch,whichironicallyhasthreesteeplesjustlikeGrayson’sfather’shousejustdownthe roaddoes,Istandonthesidewalkandjuststareatthedoor.It’salmosttimefortheserviceandtherearenopeoplelingering hereorthere,asI’mcertaintherewouldhavebeenearlier.Imakemywayuptheconcretepathandthentravelagoodtwenty steps.Ienterthechurch,andassoonasI’minside,Eric,dressedinablacksuit,isstandinginfrontofme,asifhe’dseenme approach.
“Didhetellyoutosendmeaway?”
“No,”hesays.“Hedoesn’tknowyou’rehere,buthewon’tsendyouaway.Heneedsyou.”
Myeyesarealreadystartingtoburn “Takemetohim,”Iwhisper Hemotionstotheleft,andIfollowhimdownahallwaytoadoorwaywherewestop.“He’salone.”
Inodandheopensthedoor.Iinhaleandshutmyeyes,deepbreathingforafewbeats.Ihaven’tseenGraysoninsixmonths, whichfeelslikeacentury.Ihavesomanyhurtfeelingswithhimbutnowisnotaboutthosefeelings.Iopenmyeyesandentera compactprayerroomtofindGraysonstandinginfrontofacrosswithhisbacktome.
“Grayson,”Isaysoftly
His shoulders flex, his entire bodytensingbefore he slowlyturns to face me and eventoday, ina blackpinstripe suit, his faceetchedingriefforafatherheloveddearly,heisbeautiful “Mia,”hebreathesoutasifhe’sseeinganillusion “Yes.I Iwantedtobehereforyouandhim.Ihopeit’sokay.Ifit’snot ” He’s across theroominamatter oftwoblinks andpullingmeintohis arms,his handcuppingmyhead,his mouthclosing downonmine,andI’mconsumedbyhisgriefandneed,byhishungerforsomethingthatisbothphysicalandemotional There isnopartofmethatholdsback.Nopartofmethatdoesn’twanttogivehimwhatheneeds. “Don’tleave,”hewhispers “Ineedyou”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere,”Isay.“I’mrighthere.Iwantedtocallsooner.Ijustdidn’tknowifIwouldmakeitworse.” “Ineedyou,”isallhesays,hisforeheadrestingagainstmine,andhedoesn’tspeakormove
Wejuststandthereholdingeachother,timetickingby seconds,minutes,I’mnotsurehowlong untilGraysonbreaksthe silence.
“Igolfedwithhimthatmorning Iwastherewhenithappened Icouldn’tsavehim” Ipull backtolookathimandtherearetears inhis eyes.Ireachupandstrokeawaythedampness onhis cheeks,morein love withthis maninthis moment thanI ever have been He is strong, powerful, and wealthy, and yet, he is human, he is vulnerable.“Didyougettotellhimyoulovehim?”
“Yes Overandover I’mnotsureheheard,though” “Heknew. He knew.”
ThedooropensandEricsays,“It’stime.”
Graysonpullsbackandlooksathim “We’llberightthere” Ericnodsandexits.Graysontakesmyhand.“I’mgivingtheeulogy.”
“Asitshouldbe,”Isay
He bends our elbows andpulls me close,his eyes meetingmine.“As itshouldbe,” he says.He’s talkingaboutme byhis side
“Yes,”Isay,withouthesitation.“Asitshouldbe.”
Hebringsourjoinedhandstohislipsandkissesthembeforeheguidesmeforwardandweexittheroom.Handinhand,we enterthechurch,whichispackedwithhundredsofpeopleandwewalkdownthecenteraislewithalleyesonus Wesitinthe frontrow,andLeslie,his godmother,his secondmother,whowas his mother’s bestfriend,reaches aroundandsqueezes my leg,herlongdarkhairpulledbackatthenape,herblueeyespained IrealizethenthatGraysonisalonebutforher Hismother hasbeengoneforfiveyears.Nowhisfatherisgoneaswell.
Graysondoesn’tletgoofmeuntilit’shisturntospeak.Helooksatmewhenit’stimeandIcuphisface.“Asitshouldbe,”I whisper,andhekissesmebeforehestands.
Ilistentotheheartfeltwordsaboutamanwhoinspiredhim,amanwhowashardonhim,butonlybecausehewantedthe bestforhim,andeverywordistrue “Hewasahardmanwhoexpectedhonestyandethics HeexpectedthatIbethebestandI doitwithhardworkandintegrity.”
WhenGraysonisdonethereisn’tadryeyeinthechurchandtheminutehe’sseatedagain,he’sholdingontome,hisgripso tightithurts,butIdon’tcare.Therestoftheceremonyisoverquicklyandit’snotlongbeforeI’minthefrontseatofGrayson’s Porschefortheridetothecemetery.Hecrankstheenginebutdoesn’tplaceusingear.“Itwasperfect,”Iwhisperwhenwe’re finallyalone.“Andtrue.Hewasagoodman.”
“HeaskedmeeverytimeIsawhimwhenyou’dbeback.”Helooksatme,hisgreeneyesbloodshot.“Everytime,Mia.For sixmonths”
“I’mherenow,”Iwhisper.“I’mnotleaving.”
ImeanitwhenIsayit Ineverwantedtoleaveinthefirstplace
Hereachesforme,hisfingerstanglinginmyhair.“We’regoingtothehouse,”hesays.“Doyouhaveaproblemwiththat?” “Ononecondition,”Isay,myhandcoveringhis.“Wedon’ttalkaboutwhyIleft.Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.Ijustwantusto beusrightnow”
“Weneverstoppedbeingus,Mia,”hesays,pullingmymouthtohisandkissingme.Andinthatkiss,Itastethetruth.He’s right WeneverstoppedbeingusandwhileI’vequestionedifIknew whatthatmeantoverthepastfew months,Idon’tnow Rightnow,us,iswhatitalwayswasbefore:everything.
Thepast,ayearandthreemonthsago
Theskyandtheoceanarethesamebluetoday,Ithink,myhandsrestingontheledgeofthecutoutinsidethelighthousethat sitsacoupleofmilesdownfromGrayson’sfamilyhome Soblue,soperfectthatdespitetheskyandtheoceanstartingat differentplaces, theymeld together as one. The wayIdo withGrayson. Irotate and restmyelbows onthe ledge, mygaze landingonGraysonwherehesitsinoneofthecozychairswepickedoutrecentlyforourmanyhoursspenthere.Hisgazeis downturned,focusedonhisMacBookashegoesovernumbersonthenewestofhisnationwideexpansionofhisfather’slaw firm,thisoneopeninginWashington.He’ssodamngoodlooking,sounassuminginfadedjeansandablacksnugT-shirtthat hugshisimpressivechest,hisdarkwavyhairrumpledandnotfromthewind BecauseIcan’teverkeepmyfingersoutofit
He glances up and his greeneyes meetmine, and evenafter nine months and almosteverydaysince withhim, Ifeel the punchofthatconnection Ifeel himineverypartofme Hewinksthewayhedoesoftenlikewe’resharingaprivatesecret, whichweoftendo,andIsmile,reachingformywineglassonthetablebesidehim.Hecatchesmyhandandpullsmetohim, kissingmebeforehescowlsintothephone.“Negative,Eric,”hesays,andthenreleasesme.“Idonotlikethenumbersonthat building TellDavisifhecan’tnegotiatebetterthanthat,I’lldoitmyself”
MylipscurvebecauseDavis,likeEric,isoneofGrayson’sclosestfriends,butGraysondoesn’tpullanypuncheswiththem. Whenitcomes to business, he’s smart, savvy, and ifneed be, brutal buthe’s always honest The honestpartis probablythe thingthatmakesmelovehimbeyondallelse,andthereisplentyofelse.
“That’sit,”Graysonsaysbehindme.“I’mdonefortheday.”
Irotate to find himstandingup and walkingtoward me withhis wine glass inhand. Instantly, mystomachflutters like a schoolgirlwhoisabouttostandnexttohercrush.That’swhatthismandoestomeandhassincethatdayIranintohim.“Did younoticewhichwinethisis?”heasks,bothofusfacingeachother,ourelbowsontherailing
“ThatcheapbutgoodonethatIfellinlovewithinSonomalastweekendafterIlearnedtherearewinestotasteandwinesto drink Andthattheexpensiveonesarebarelytolerable Yes Idid Thankyou Istillloveit”
“It’sagoodchoice,”hesays.“AndIlikethatyoulookbeyondthepricetag.”
Becausesomanypeopleinhislifeseehismoneybeforetheyever,iftheyever,seetheman.“WeshouldgotothatItalian place youlove tonight.” He leans over andkisses me.“Or we couldorder inandeatinbedinbetweenfuckingandfucking somemore.”
Mycheeks heatand do so despite the factthatI’ve done abouteverynaughtythingpossible withthis man “Ido love our nightsinbed.”
Hesetshisglassontheledgenexttousandthentakesmineanddoesthesame “Thenbeditis”Hisfingerstangleinmy hair,andhedragsmymouthtohis.“Iloveyou,Mia.Youknowthat,right?” “Iloveyou,too.”
“ImeanI really loveyou”
“What’swrong?”Iask,pullingbacktolookathim,sensinghissuddenlydarkermood. “Nothingiswrong NothinghasbeenwrongsincethedayImetyou”Hismouthclosesdownonmine,andhistonguestrokes deep,hishandsettlingbetweenmyshoulderblades,moldingmeclose.It’sapassionatekiss,ahungrykiss.Akissthatisall aboutemotionandnotsex Akissthatscreams“Ineedyou”andsayssomuchmorethanevenwords
Itendswithmebreathlessandhisthumbstrokesawaythedampnessonmylips.“Ihavesomethingforyou.”Hekissesme andthenwalkstohischair.“Comehere.”
HismoodishardtoreadandItiltmyheadtostudyhim “Whatareyouupto,GraysonBennett?”
“Comefindout.”Hisgreeneyeslightwithchallenge.“Ifyoudare.”Withthosewords,theedgeI’vesensedinhimseemsto soften Mylips curve and Ijoinhim. “Idared,” Isay, steppingbetweenhimand the chair, myhands settlingonhis chest. “Now what?”
“Sitandcloseyoureyes.”
“Nowyou’remakingmecurious.”
“Good Sit,baby You’lllikethis,Ipromise”
“Ofthat,Ihavenodoubt,”Iassurehimbecausethisishimandhegivesmenoreasontodoanythingbutlikeandloveeach dayandmoment Isit.
“Shutyoureyes,”heorders “Eyesshut,”Isay,doingascommanded. HekneelsbesidemeorIbelievehedoes.Myeyesare,ofcourse,shut.“WhatifIwastoblindfoldyou?”
Myeyesopenandmeethissea-greenstare “Isthatwhatyou’regoingtodo?” “Woulditbeaproblem?”
“Ofcoursenot Itrustyou Isthatwhatyou’regoingtodo?”
“Notuntillater.”Hesetsanenvelopeinmylap.“Openit.”
Myteethsinkintomybottomlipandmycuriosityisripe.Iunsealtheflapandpulloutacontract.“Youboughtthelighthouse fromthemanwhoretiredit?”
“Idid,”hesays.“Lookatthenameonthedeed.”
I scan and note the extreme price this place cost, and I know he did this for us, for me “There’s no name I don’t understand.”
“Iwantyoutofillinyourname”
Ishove athis chest. “No. No, Iwon’ttake this. No.” Istand up and he sets the paperworkonthe chair and joins me, his handsshacklingmywaistandpullingmetohim.“Iwantyoutohaveit.”
“Iwanttobeherewithyou.Idon’twantapresentlikethis.I’mnotwithyouforthis.” “What’smineisyours,Mia.”
“No No,thatisnottrueandallIwantisyou,Grayson Idon’tcareabouttherest”
Hecupsmyface.“Ileftitblankforareason.Iwantyournameonthatdeed,butIwantittobemyname.” Iblink “Idon’tunderstand”
“Marryme,Mia.Ineedyouforever.”
Isuckinabreath.“What?”
“Iloveyou Ineedyouwithmeforever Sayyes” “I Ihavetosignaprenup.Idon’twantyoutoeverthink-” Hekissesme,adeepslideoftonguebeforehesays,“Isthatayes?” “Yes.Yes,youknowitis.YouknowIloveyou.YouknowIneedyou,too.Forever.”
His lips, those perfectlips, curve “ThenIhave somethingelse for you” He reaches into his pocketand pulls outa satin pouch.“Itwaseasiertocarrythisinthisthaninaboxtoday.”Heremovesthestunning,incredible,giantringinside.“Ifyou don’tlikeit-”
“MyGod,”Isay,eyeingtheemerald-cutdiamondthatsparkleswithhintsofblue “It’sgorgeous,butIthinkIneedasecurity guardtowearit.”
Helaughs “I’llbeyoursecurityguard”Heslipsitonmyfinger “It’sararebluediamond Ispecialorderedit Iwantedyou tohavesomethingnooneelsewouldhave.”
Ilookatitandthenhim “Thankyou”
“Thankmebyspendingtherestofyourlifewithme.”
“Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway.”Iswallowhard.“Ihatethatmymotherisn’talivetoknowyou.” “AsdoIofmine,Mia”
It’soneofthethingswe’vebondedon.Theloveofourparents.Thelossofourmothers.Minetocancertwoyearsagoand histoacaraccidentfiveyearsago “Doesyourfatherknow?”
“Notyet,buthelovesyou.He’llbehappy,butMia,he’llbeharderonyouatwork.Youneedtobereadyforthat.” “Iwanttoprovemyself.YouknowIdo.Icanhandleit.”
Hecupsmyface.“Itdoesn’tmeanhedoesn’tloveyou.Justtheopposite.He’shardonme.Healwayshasbeen.” Ican’tthinkabouthisfatherrightnow.Ismile.“We’regettingmarried.”
