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Sinner’s Salvation

Syndicate ofSinners BookFour

BiancaBorell

AllRights Reserved

This bookis aworkoffiction.Anyreferences torealevents,realpeople,andrealplaces are usedfictitiously.Othernames,characters,places,and incidents are products ofthe author’s imaginationandanyresemblance topersons,livingordead,actualevents,organizations orplaces is entirely coincidental.

Allrights are reserved.This bookis intendedforthe purchaserofthis e-bookONLY.Nopartofthis bookmaybe reproducedortransmittedinanyform orbyanymeans,graphic,electronic,ormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,taping,orbyanyinformationstorage retrievalsystem,withoutthe express writtenpermissionofthe author.Allsongs,songtitles,andlyrics containedinthis bookare the propertyofthe respective songwriters and copyrightholders.

Disclaimer: The material in this book contains graphic language and sexual content and is intended for mature audiences, ages 18 and older.

ISBN: 978-3-9824854-9-2

EditingbyLoxonBooks,MissyBorucki

ProofreadingbyRaine PimentelLam,Michele Ficht

BookdesignbyThe CoverFling

CoverdesignbyThe CoverFling

FirstEditionPublished2024

AllRights Reserved

This bookis a darkromance. Itincludes triggers suchas graphic violence, explicitsexual scenes, murder, and other mature situations.

Sinner’s Salvation isafull-length,interconnectedstandalone

Totheoneswhofeelbroken.You’renotalone.

“BecauseIfellinlovewithyou.AndIhadn’tcalculatedforthat.”

Dedication

Contents

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter23

Chapter24

Chapter25

Chapter26

Chapter27

Chapter28

Chapter29

Chapter30

Chapter31

Chapter32

Chapter33

Chapter34

Chapter35

Chapter36

ANotefromtheAuthor

ConnectwithMeOnline

Acknowledgement AbouttheAuthor

BIANCABORELL

Peopleofferadviceaseasilyastheybreathe.Whetherit’swantedisinconsequential.

OfalltheadviceI’vereceived,“don’tletfearcontrolyou”alwaysignitesavisceralreactioninme.

I’vetried.GodknowsI’vetried.Butthefearthatshacklesmymindistheonlythingkeepingmealive.

I glance at my computer’s screen split into two windows, one showing Defshot, the other with a game I’m developing

The white space inmyminimallyfurnished roomgives ita sterile appearance Butsterile is good Nothingcan penetrateit.Nogerms,nopeople.It’swhereIreignandwheremydemonsareateaseandletmebe.

Aknockonthedoorpullsmefrommythoughts,mymother’ssoftvoiceseepingthrough.

“Dinner’sready.”

“I’llbedowninafew.”

Ihear her sighand the softpad ofher retreatingsteps shoots guiltthroughmysystem. Iamtwenty-three and an abomination:arecluse,theforgotteneldestdaughterofthegovernorofMassachusetts,RalphCampbell

Butthepublicwill neverhearaboutthegovernor’sdaughterlivinginself-isolation ItwouldbeaPRdisaster thegovernorrunsastatebutcan’tgethisdaughtertoleavethehouse.Ihaven’tsteppedoutofthisplaceforthelastsixyears.

Iopenmybedroomdoorandpeekoutsidethelonghallwaywherepaintingsadornthebeigewalls.Breathingin,I aminstantlymetbythebittersmellofantiseptic Everythingisspotlessandcleanhere Ahundredstepslater,Iaminthedining room. The crystal chandelier reflects the sun’s rays streaming fromthe round windows and dancing around the roomin a millionrainbows.

Atthelongmahoganytable,Iinchtowardmyplaceatthefurthestend,takingmyseat.Myparentsshareasadlook, andmylittlesisterwavesatmewithatoothygrin Sadnessandremorsestrikemesopotentlythattheyimmobilizeme Serena doesn’tknowthereasonforherexistenceandneverwill.MyparentsandIcarrythatsecret,soshe’dneverfeelanythingother thanthebundleofjoysheis,andnotachildmadetosavetheother

Astaff member wearing white and black attire serves dinner She places the dish in front of me with steamed vegetablesandfish.EverythingIeatisorganicandhealthy.I’veforgottenwhatsugartasteslike.

Serenababblesaboutherfriendsfromschool andhow secondgradeis.Myparentssmileatherwithnothingbut joy Butitneverlastsbecausetheirgazesfindmineovertheplates,linesofworrystretchingthecornersoftheireyes

My fingers tighten around the cutlery at that look I’ve come to know and hate, whipping at my heart at my incapacitytochangethings.

Minutespassinstiffsilencetotherhythmofknivesgrazingtheplates.

“Can I go play now?” my sister asks, bouncing up and down, her blond ponytail swaying with her energetic movements a healthy kid. Something I never was. My mother nods and she runs outside. I watch through the window, enthralledassheswingsinherplaygroundinthebackyard Thesilencestranglestheshamofnormalcywekeepupforher

“Violet,thiscan’tcontinue”

“Father,please”

Myeyessqueezeshut Notthisagain

Mymotherplacesthecutlerydown,pattingherchest “Honey,youneedto ”

“I Please”Myhandtrembles,myforkclattersontheplate,andmyheartdropsinmystomach

Mymotherwipesatearrollingdownherface Myfathersighs

I’madisappointment

“MayIbeexcused?”

“Finishyourmealfirst”

ButIcan’tforcethefooddown Hurryingupstairs,Ilockmyselfin,andmyheartratecalms Ipickupmyheadset atmydeskandstartplayingDefshot.Everythingreturnstonormalonceagain.

“I’mback,”Iannounce.“Readytogetyourasskicked?”

“Youwish,”Noah,myteammateandfriend,says.

Hoursblurasweplay.Mylifeisapatternofgames:theonesIplayandtheonesIcreate.

VioletVhaswhatIcan’thave.Alife.Virtualfriendsinsteadoffriends,virtualsuccessinsteadofreachingtypical milestonesinreallife Buttheyareveryrealtome,andnoonecantakethemaway Iwishmyparentswouldunderstand Iwishtheywouldn’tkeeppressuringmeintothetypeoflifeIcouldneverset footinagain.

Hourspassasthegameswallowsallmyattention,butwhoneedssleep?Icanfunctionwithonlyafewhoursjust fine Evenwhenthe firstsignofdrowsiness appears, myfocus decliningbythe second, and a yawnpartingmylips, Ipush through.

Inmysleep,therearedreamsIcan’tcontrol:colors,sounds,andwishes.Ashiverskittersdownmyspine,chilling myskin.Thedesireisthere,alongwithcuriosity.AflickerItrytostomp,butIcan’tbeselfishandgiveintothat.

Whenwe’re the lastsquad alive, pocketingour team’s win, Imove to developingmygame, creatinga bridge to separate the real world fromthe fantasy When I finish that, I create a few more imaginary characters, adding themto the catalogofavatars.

Therearetwotypesofgamers:progamersandthosewhodoitasahobby.Inmycase,itstartedasescapismand slowlyturnedintotheonlythingIsawmyselfdoing Duringthefirstthreeyears,noonetookmeseriously Inadomainruled bymen,tosucceedasafemalewasunheardof.

Fiveyearslater,everyoneknowsmyname.Allmywins,perseverance,andhardworkhavepaidoff.

NooneknowswhoIam,andnooneknowswhatIlooklike.Iwearsomanywigsthatifitwasn’tfortheneedto shower,Iwouldhaveforgottenthecolorofmyhair Andbigsunglasses Whatstartedasawayofhidingturnedintomybrand

Rollingoutofbed,Iheadintomywalk-incloset.Pickingupmyblackboyfriendjeansandasimpleblackblouse,Iputonmy wigoftheday shoulder-lengthandblondwithblacktips.It’smypowerwig.Ifourteam,TheHeadHunters,winsthethreedaychampionship,Iwillrankasthetenthbestplayerintheworld It’simpressiveasitis It’sevenmoresoasawoman AndI don’thavetogooutsidetoachievethat.

Istepoutsidemyroomandtakethecurvedstaircasedown.Amblingintothekitchen,Serenaswingsherlegsunder thetablewhileAmanda,thehousekeeper,preparesherasnackboxforschool

Mysister’seyesgoround,andshesmiles,pointingatmywig “Ilovethisone It’sthecoolyou”

Mymotherstepsinside,andshehalts,takingmein.“Championship?”

“Yes.”

Shekissesthetopofmysister’sheadandsaystome,“Don’tforgettoeatandhydrate.”

“Iwon’t.”

“Howlong?”

“Threedays.”

Shetakesthegreenglassfromthecounteranddrinkshersmoothie.Hereyesfindme,eyesthesamecolorasmine palegreenish,eventhoughIhidethembehindoversizedsunglassesmostofthetime.

“We’regoingonatrip.”

“Havefun.”

“Willyoucomewithusnexttime?Please,prettyplease?”

Mythroat clamps up, and sweat gathers at mynape. It’s mysister’s innocent voice brimmingwitha plea that’s stranglingme Mypulsekicksup,andmyvisiondots I wish Sorry for being a disappointment ever since you were born “Serena”

It’smymotherwhonoticesmypanicattack

Herlipsthrustoutinahuff “Butwhy,Mommy?MyfriendsthinkImadeherup ButIhaveasister”

“Enjoythetrip”

Irushupthestairs,ignoringthatIhavetakennothingwithme Ilogintothegameatmydesk,sighinginrelief Here,IknowwhoIam,andthepressureofwinningdoesn’taffect me;itmotivates me.Amongmypeers,Ifeel atease mysafe place,where noone judges,where noone accuses me ofnot beingnormal Icansimplyjustbe

Gamersneedafewstrengths Thebestofushonethemwithtime FocusisoneofthemandIenhancedminewith theaudiosystemIinstalledinmyroom.Nootherplayercansneakupbehindme I’dhearit.

Creativityaswell.Tipsandtricksyoulearnwithtime.Youneedenergytoplayfor hours,andwhenIsayhours, it’sovertenonregulardays,butitmostlypushesuptofourteen Endurance It’sajourney,findingyourgameandthengrowing init.

Myfingersflyoverthekeyboard,everycellinmybodyconnectedtothegame. “Watchout.”

IshoottheadversarywhotriestosneakbehindNoah’sback.IwouldhaveneverguessedIcouldbeateamplayer, butI’mhappyIam,eventhoughIamalsoknownformyindividualstrike.

Whenthefirstdayends,mystomachgrowlswithavengeance.Iopenthedoorandseeatrayonthefloor.Picking itup,Ireadanotefrommymother

“Loveyou”

TearsspringtomyeyesandIwipethemoff It’stheexhaustion,butmyendorphinrushshouldhavepreventedme fromfallingintothispitfallofemotions.Ican’tdoanythingbutfocusonwinning.

Slurpingmysmoothie,nowtastingstaleaftersomanyhours,Ichowdowntheproteinsandwichgreedily.

Iputtheglass andwrapper outsidemydoor whenI’mdone.Amanda,our trustedfamilyhousekeeper,knows the drill

Afterashower,Iwipethefogfromthemirrorandstareatmyself Thismeisnooneinteresting She’sweakand filledwithphobias.Thin,pale,breakable.Splashingsomecoldwateronmyface,Iputmyselfbacktogether.

Withmyheadseton,everythingelsearoundmedisappears.

Thereisadifferenceonlyinnuancewhenitcomestogamesandsports.Hundredsofthousandsoffanswatchus. Theyallcheer,goingcrazyfortheirfavorites,butforme,ithappensonline Icouldneversteponastageandbethere Some throwtheirmaliceatme,atmyVIPstatus,thatIdon’thavetotravelwithmyteam.Nooneknowstherealreason.Noonewill

everknowtherealreasoneither,butaccordingtomymanagementteam,myworthhasincreasedwiththemystery.Itworksfor me.

Whenthebuzzwindsdown,theteamconsistingofTheLegend,a.k.a.Noah,Kill4,a.k.a.Kendrick,TheWarlord, aka Marcus,andIhaveavideocall

“Wewon,butagain,whodoubtedit?”Noahsayswithasmugexpression He’snumbereightworldwide,making himthebestonourteam,butIwouldnevertellhimthattohisface.Hehasabigenoughego.

“VioletV,youwereamazing,”Kendricksays. Marcusnods,munchingonasnack.

“Weallwere.”

Whentheylogout,it’smeandNoah.Heputshishandonhisface,hisdarkeyesboringintome. There’ssomethingabouthim.Thosehighcheekbonesandarchedbrowsgivehimthatpretty-boylook.

“WillIevergettoseeyoubehindallthat?”

“Whywouldyou?”

He shakes his head,andwhenhe opens his mouth,Irushtoadd,“Where’s mythankyou?” Ichange the topic by remindinghimIsavedhimfromanopponent’ssideattack

“Ihadthat,”hesayswithaboyishgrin

“Oh,Iwilljustlethimgettoyounexttime”

Ismilebecausewebothknowwehaveeachother’sbacks “V ”

“Iwillneverchangemymind”

“Howlonghaveweknowneachothernow?”

“Fouryears”

He sighs, andIbite downonmylower lip It’s notthatIdon’tlike him, butit’s a platonic crushthatwill never materialize.

“Howareyougoingtocelebrate?”

Noahleansback,thecornerofhismouthtippedup.“Withyouifyouwerehere.”

“Shutup.”Andhe’samajorplayer.He’sweakforattention.Wecouldnotbemoredifferent.Heseeksitasifhe’s anaddict, not caringabout the lows as longas, for blissful seconds, he canenjoythe high And I? I amokaywithvirtual attention,buttherealthing...Ishudderatthethoughtalone.

“Andyou?”

“Workingonthedemoofmygame.”

We hangup and Istand up, stretchingmytired limbs. Ileanagainstthe window, the moonfullyilluminatingthe treesoutside,artificiallightsoneachsideofthepavement,andmysister’splayspace.

Pushingmyselfoffthewindowframe,Igetinbedandclosemyeyes,suckingbacktheguilt,themixoflongingand feartearingmeapart

AgroanslipsfreewhenIwakeupwithastiffneck Irollitfromrighttoleft,andmymusclesloosenup

Openingthedoor,Ipickupthebreakfasttray Myparentsandsisterarecominghometoday,andthearrangement willbebackinplacewherewehavedinnerasafamily,andthat’sit.

Iamscrewedup.

Hoursoftherapyandcounselingdidn’tworkeither.WhatIlearned,though,isyoudon’tconquer your fears.You becomemorecomfortablewiththem Butnoteventhatworked

Everyonesaidapsychiatristwouldbeabetter alternative,butall themedications hesuggestedmademyparents wary. And afterward, we were justexhausted. And one year turned to sixwithus all stuckinlimbo. The experience Iwent throughhasingraineditselfinmypsyche,andIneverwanttofeelthatweakorvulnerableagain So,safetyfirst

Iimmersemyselfinfinalizingthegame’sdemoversionandsendittoScott,myagent Istareatmyphone,waiting fornewsfromhim,pacingaround.Whileplayingsoothesme,sendingmygamesforvalidationisnerve-racking.

Whenmyphonerings,Ipress“accept”withbatedbreath. “Scott.”

“Violet...”Iswallowandheadds,“It’syourbestyet.”

Iploponthechair,elationkickingtheworrytotheside. “And?”

“Icontactedtwobigcompaniesthistime.I’mwaitingtohearfromthem.”

“That’sgood,right?Butwhatif...?”

“Whoknowsbetterthanmewhenitcomestomarketablegames?” “Noone.”

“Thentrustme.I’llcallwhenIhaveaviableoffer.”

Ihangup,andmymother’svoicefollowsthedoorknock.

“We’rehome.”

“I’llberightdown.”

Whenmysisterseesme,hereyeswiden.Ipatthenewwiglhaveon.Iorderedthreenewonesovertheweekend. Allmywigshitjustbelowmyjaw,buttheseareinvariouscolors:fadedpink,blue,andgray

“CanIhaveoneaswell,please?”

“No,”mymothersays,andshedeflates

“Howwasit?”Iask,takingmyseat

Mysister,forgettingherpreviouspout,says,“Isawadeer!Andthelakeissoclear,Icouldseethefishes!”

Myfatheravoidsmygaze,andanunsettlingfeelingcomesoverme,butIshakeitoffandsay,“Twobigcompanies areinterestedinmygame.”

“That’swonderful,honey.”

Myfather sways his head fromhis plate. “I’mproud of you, but I would be evenprouder if mydaughter were functionaloutsidehervirtuallifeaswell”

Iswallowthelumpwedgedinmythroat “Iknow,Father,butyouhaveSerenaforthat”

Silencedescendsasmylittlesisterwatchesourinteractionwithafrown

Ipushawayfromthetableandgobackupstairs IfunctionallrightintheworldIcanfunctionin Shouldn’tthatbe enough?

InmyofficeatcityhallindowntownBoston,Igothroughtheyearlybudget,jottingnotesaboutwhereandhowmuchtoallotto eachsubsidiary,whenaknockpullsmefrommytask.

Myassistantstepsinside.She’saforcetobereckonedwithinherbeigesuitandfashionableglasses.Laurenisour assistant She’sworkedforussinceshewasincollege Whateverandwheneverweneedanything,shemakesithappen She knows exactlywho we are behind our public personas, whichmakes things easier four guys who head the Syndicate that rulestheunderworld

Igestureforhertoapproach,andwhenshefrowns,Icockmyhead “Idon’tlikethatlook”

“Thegovernorwantstotalkwithyou Hesaidifyoukeeppostponing,he’llreconsidersupportingyourrunforthe Senate.”Mylifehasfollowedonegoal:becomingasenator myfirststepbeforerunningforpresident.

Myeyebrowsshoottomyforehead.Thatfuckingbastard.Mytimeispreciousandifitweren’tforme,Campbell wouldn’tstillsitcomfortablyforasecondtermasthegovernor.It’snotasifIhaven’tpumpedagoodportionofmymoneyinto hiscampaign.Wehadanagreement.IguessIhavetoremindhimhecan’tpowerplayme.

“Lethimstew.”

“Hesaidit’surgent.Weneedtofindoutwhathewants.Idon’tlikebeingblindsided.Wecan’taffordanyhiccups withyourcampaignstarting.”

RalphCampbellcangofuckhimself.Idon’tbowtoanyone.

“Whatelse?”

Laurenflicksthroughsomepapers.

“These canwait. Youneed his support. It wouldn’t lookgood, and questions mayarise ifhe isn’t backingyou. Peoplemaythinkyou’renotupforthetask AndCameron,yoursinglestatusmightputpeopleoff”

Mynostrilsflare,andIdraginalungfulofair,tryingtocalmdown I’veworkedmyassofftogettothislevelof power. Yet, Ihave to maintaina public persona. I’mtwenty-nine. Ishould countmyselfluckyIescaped marriage until now. Beingthecity’smayorandoneoffourmembersoftheSyndicatehasresponsibilities

Thegovernorcangofuckhimself Theactualpowerisinmyhands Thiscityundermyrulehasknowngrowthlike neverbefore.Istandup,buttoningmyjacket.

“Whatabouttoday’sappointments?”

“Youtakecareofthemasmyproxy.Rescheduletherest,”Isay,leavingmyoffice.Everyonegreetsmeonmyway out.

InsidemygrayAstonMartin,Igetintothesoftleatherseatwithmyinitialsengravedontheheadrests Theengine vibratesundermeasIdriveaway.

Tuckedawayintheforest,wesecludedthecompoundfrompryingeyes.Iparkinfrontofthefivefloorsofsteel and tinted, bulletproof glass building, the Syndicate’s headquarters, to meet with my best friends, brothers, and partners: Kieran,Cato,andHayden

Kieran,Cato,andIwerenineteenwhenwestartedtheSyndicate Ittookblood,sweat,andmoneytogetwherewe are.Inourworld,respectingourdecisionislaw;ifanyonegoesagainstthat,there’saheavypricetopay.Theyhavetobecause iftheymakeuscomeforthem,they’llendupdead Thepasthasshownthis

Kieranis a bankowner, Cato is a mafia boss, and myhalf-brother Hayden, who joined us three years ago, is a constructionandfinancemogulwithapenchantforpowerandblood,justliketherestofus.

Iamthecharmingstarpolitician,theold-moneyheirtoadynasty.SinceIwasincollege,I’veinvestedmymoney inwhoeverhascometomewithagreatidea,determination,andasoundbusinessplan

Theguys andIdidn’tgothere for shits andgiggles We wenttoanIvyLeague college tofindpeople whocould serve our purposes. Those companies are now so damnvaluable incritical sectors like telecommunicationand renewable energy.Iamricherthantheyare,holdingmostoftheshares.

MysisterAuroramessagesme,andIsmile,seeingthepictureofAiden,mybabynephew,lookingfunnywiththe mashedcarrotsalloverhisface

Aidenmissestimewithhisuncle.

Apangofguilthitsme Iusedtospendmoretimewiththekids,butIbarelyhavetimeformyselfoutsidemyoffice andcompound.

Myfingersflyquicklyoverthescreen,typing I’llcomebywhenIfinish.

Iplace myphone inmysuit jacket and step outside After a quickretina scan, Iaminside the grayand marble hallwayandtaketheelevatorupstairs.Allthreeguysareintheconferenceroom,attheroundtablewithatriangleshapeinthe middle

“Whatcrawledupyourass?”CatoasksthemomentIstepinside

Goingtothebar,Ipourmyselfaglass Haydensays,“Andit’snotevenevening”

Thiswilldefinitelynotbemylastdrinkoftheday

Kieranstaresatme,askingwithhiseyesifIamokay,andInod OfcourseIam Iamfan-fucking-tastic MaybeI shouldgetlaid,butitlostitsappealafteryearsoftryingtofillavoidbyseekingapleasurethatgoesawaywithasnapofthe finger.OrmaybeIamjustfuckingexhausted.Mylifeconsistsofworkandregrets.

“Sayitalready.”Catogesturesimpatiently.Iguessthatcourtesyofbeingpatientisonlyforhiswife.Asshole.

“Areyouinahurry?”Iask,justtorilehimup.

Hearchesaneyebrowatme.Chiaraisawayforthreedaysatajewelryshowandtheoverprotectiveguydoesn’t eventrusthisbrotherandourbestmentoprotecther.Butagain,Cato’salwaysbitterwhenhiswifeisaway.

“The governor won’t support my Senate campaign until he talks with me. If he thinks I’ll be his bitch, he’s mistaken.Iputhimwhereheisnow.Icantakeitawayjustaseasily.”

“You’lltalktoCampbell,”Kieransays,andallmyalarmbellsringwhentheothertwosaynothing.

“DoyouknowsomethingIdon’t?”

“Yes.You’regettingmarriedtohisdaughter.”

Hiswordsdetonateinmyears,makingmetakeastepback.WhenIregainmycomposure,Ipinhimwithadeath stare Kieranignoresit Igulptherestofmydrinkandrefillitallthewayupbeforeslammingthebottleonthetable,earning aneyerollfromhim.

“How longIhave waited for this moment!” Myother bestfriend rubs his hands together. Ijab a finger into that smugface,butCatoonlygrinswider

“Youhavetodothis,”Haydensayswiththeemotionsofacatboredtodeathbyhisowner

Itugatmytietoloosenit,thenrakebothhandsthroughmyhair.Thedayhasfinallycome.Fuck.

“Imetwithhimovertheweekend,”Kieransays.

Irummagethroughmythoughts.Iknowhehastwodaughters,buttheoldestisamystery.Thatmeanstrouble.

“Whatareyounottellingme?”

“It’sinconsequentialbecauseIhavetwofavorsleft,justasHaydendoes.Don’tmakemeuseonetoconvinceyou ofwhatwouldbebetterforthesyndicate,especiallysince...”Ah,thefuckingfavors.Weeachgettwo.Whoeverusesit,the otherhastorespectit,regardlessifhelikesitornot

“Don’tbringthatshitup You’rehappilymarried,asshole”

Kieranhasthedecencytoshutup

“Campbell plans to become the nextpresident We will supporthis campaign It’s strategic and practical,” Cato says.

“Youusedtoomanywords.Sowhat’stheactualissue?”

Allthreesharealookthatmakesmewanttogougetheirfuckingeyesout.It’sgoingtobecatastrophic.

“Violethasissues,”Kieransays.

“Issues...asin?”

Anothermomentofsilencethatpissesmeoff.Irarelylosemycalm,butthiscallsforit.

“Touch.Thatincludessexual relations...She’sagermaphobe.Itisquitethelist...,”Kieransays,clearinghis throat Islammypalmsonthetable

“YouwantmetogiveuptheonlypleasureIhaveinmylife?”

“It’snotthatpleasurableforyou,asshole It’sprovingapoint”

“Don’tyoustart”

That’sthething Whenyouknowsomeoneaswellasweknoweachother,youknowwhatbuttonstopress Kieran plucksaknifeout.

“Don’tyoudare.”

“Don’tmakeme,then.”

“Fine.Keepyourfuckingfavor.I’mdoingit.”

Withthat,Istormaway,butatthedoor,onehandgripsmyshoulder.IlooktoseeKieran’scoldblueeyesdigging intomine

“Canyouhandlethat?”

“Icanhandlefuckinganything,”Isneer

Ican’tbitchforever.Itiswhatitis.I’venever soughthappinessanddon’tdeserveiteither.Andafter threedays,Ifocuson whatIwillgainthroughthismarriage:moreinfluence.Therestisinsignificant.

Atthecompound,Catosays,“Theprincessisback.”

“IfIwereaprincess,you’dstillbeapeasant,”Iretort.

“Bothofyoucrybabies,stop.”

“It’steething.Itwillpass,”HaydensaystoKieran,bothchuckling.

“Youfuckingassholes.”

Haydenshrugs.“You’rebeingababy.Justthinkthatyoucan’tgetitupanymore.”

“Areyoufuckingkiddingme?”

“Dealwithit,”Catosays,grinning.

Theyshareaconspiratoriallookthathasmybloodboiling.

“HaveyoutalkedtoCampbellyet?”Kieranasks.

“Iwill.Onmyterms.”

“We can’tafford word gettingoutthatthere is anissue betweenyouand the governor. Stop fussing. The deal is done.”

“Whatever.”

“Thisisimportant.Wecan’taffordanymistakesonyourwaytothepresidency.”

It’syearsaheadofus.It’sthelongestgamewe’replaying.

“Iknow.”

Whenthe meetingends, we go outside. Haydenand Cato laughand sprintto their cars, engagingintheir weekly race

Wechuckle,andKieranrubshiseyes “OfallthethingsI’vedoneinmylife,Iswearmysontakesthecake Iam deadtired.”Still,theprideandloveinhisvoiceovershadowthebagsunderhiseyes.

Igetinmycarandsay,“Seeyouathome.”

After ashortdrive,Iparkinfrontoftheir mansion.Tamara,KieranandAurora’strustedhousekeeper,welcomes meinside Inthelivingroom,Aidenisfussinginhisfather’sarms Kieranplaceshimdownandhecrawlstome Icrouchto Aiden.Heclimbsonmylegandgrins,thatsameself-satisfactorysmilehisfatherwears.He’shismini-me.IfIdidn’tseemy sistercarryinghiminherbelly,I’dsayKierangotacloneofhimself

Kissingsoundsannouncemysister enteredtheroomandher greedyhusbandcouldn’tpassupthechancetomaul her.Ihugmysister,whosmellslikebabypowder.

“Imissedyou.”

It’sstrangehowwelivesoclosetoeachother,butIseehermaybeonceaweekifmyscheduleallowsit.

“It’scrazyaroundtheclock.”

Auroranods,alwaysunderstanding.Still,thegestureholdssomethingelsetoo:disappointment.Icouldtryharder, prioritizebetter.Guiltstrikesme.EventhoughKieranlookslikehehasn’tsleptforyears,hemanagestospendtimewithhis familyandtakecareofthebusiness,liketheothers It’snotamatterofwillbutofwant

IshakemyselfoffmyzoningouttofindKierankissingher,saying,“Gowrite We’lltakecareofAiden”

Herentirefaceradiates,andsherushesupthestairs

Kieranchuckles,“Onlymywifecangetthishappyfromworking”

“Youmusthaverubbedoffonher”

“Shutup”

WeambletowardthecouchandsitdownwithKierankeepinganeyeonAidenbehindus Toysliearoundevery cornerofthespaciouslivingroom.Aidenplayswitharobotandacar,slammingthemagainsteachother.

“Aboutyourbirthday?”

“They’reorganizingsomething,right?”

“Yes,andyouwillactsurprisedandenjoythedamnnight.”

“Fine.”

“Family,Cam.”

“Still,shouldn’tIgettospendthebirthdayhowIwant?”

“What?Drinkingandfucking?”

“Thatactuallysoundslikeagoodplan.”

“Youcandothatanytime.”

Thesilencestretchesandhesays,“Howlongareyougoingtoavoidtalkingaboutthat?”

“Imanagejustfine.”

“You’renotfine,Cam.Maybe ” Igritmyteeth.“I’mgoingtokillyouifyouevenalludetothinkingmymarriageservesanyothergoalthangetting usfurther.”

“You’reathick-headedasshole.”

“You’renobetter.”

“Yes,well,yourtimehascome.Takeitlikeaman.”

Icurlmyhandsatmysides,sighing.“Kieran ”

“You’re notSilas, youwere never like him. Youwill never be like him.” He raises his voice and Aiden’s eyes widen AfterKierancalmshislittleboy,heturnshisangrystareatmeasifitweremymistake

“Areyoudone?”

“You’restubbornasfuck”

Istanduptoleavewhenmysisterrunsdownthestairs

“Icompletelylosttrackoftime”

Kieranand Iexchange a knowinglook Aurora always does thatwhenwriting Leavingthemto their ownlittle perfectfamily,Ireturntomyemptyshellofalife.Thedifferenceisthatminewillremainjustlikethat,andIdon’tmind.

Inside myhome, Ilive withthe ghosts ofmyparents. Darkmemories hauntme, images Iwill never forget. The decor has remained the same for generations, timeless and elegantwithantique furniture, priceless art, lavishcarpets, dark greenwalls,andgoldaccents.

Marie,whohasbeenourhousekeeperfortwodecades,awaitsmeinthefoyer.

“I’llreheatyourdinner.”

“Thankyou.”

Ieatinsilenceinthediningroomwhilethegrandfatherclocktickstowardmydoomsday.Soon,someoneelsewill sitatthistable,yettheghostswillcontinuetauntingme,laughingatmymistakes

“Iworryaboutyou,”shesaysinasoftvoice

“Ihavealotofwork”

“Yes,andwhenyoudon’twork,youstillwork”

Dragginginalungfulofair,Iputtheforkonmyplate,andsheplacesahandonmyshoulder “Cameron”

“Don’t”

“Youngman Youwillnotforbidmetospeakmymind”

“Thendoitalready Ihaveacampaigntoplan”

“Ifyoucontinuelikethis,you’llendupabitteroldman”

“Soundspeacefultome”

Shesighsandleavesmetofinishmydinner

I’mfine

CloudsladenwithrainstrainoverAugust’ssky.Happybirthdaytome.

Ichangeintoahoodieandsweatpantstogofor arun.Icometoastopatthetopofthestairs.Thewomenofmy familyarelinedupinthefoyer.

“Grumpyasever.”AlessandrasmilesandChiarawavesatmetocomedown.

Downstairs,theygroup-hugme,singing“HappyBirthday.”Auroragrinsatmeandsays,“Loveyou,bigbrother.”

“It’swaytooearlyforthetriofromhell.”

“Hey.”Chiaraswatsmychest.

“Wherewereyougoingtohide?”asksAlessandra,thosecuriouseyespeeringintome. Irollmyeyesatherandsay,“Iwasabouttogoforarun.”

“Icameprepared.”Alessandragesturestotherunninggearshe’swearing. Whenwe’reoutside,Chiarapushesmefrombehind.

“Comeon,already.”

SheandAurorahopintogolfcarts,drivingdownthepavementconnectingallfourmansions.Itakeoffandcatchup withAlessandra.Shehasbeentheexceptionsincethebeginning.Withmyotherbestfriendandsister-in-law,Icanbemyself.I don’tevenknowwhy,butwithher,thereisnofilterbetweenmymouthandmybrain

“Theywantmetomarry”

“Wannatalkaboutthat?”

“Youalreadyknew”

“HaydenandIdon’thavesecrets”

“So,it’saninterventiontoseeifIamonesecondawayfromlosingmyshit?”

“Well,areyou?”

“Askmethatagainafterafewmonthsofcelibacy”

Sheopenshermouth,butIquicklyadd “Don’tgivemeyouandmybrotherasexamples Thatonlymakesmepity you.”

“Noteveryonecopesbyhavingsex.”

“LasttimeIchecked,youwereatraumasurgeon,notashrink.”

Thatmakesherstoptalking,butknowingher,itneverlasts.

“Ilostapatientyesterday.”

Istoprunning,andshedoesthesame.Herbrighteyeswellup,andIplacemyhandsonhershoulders.“Iknowyou dideverythingyoucould thereisno‘if’withyou Youcan’tsaveeveryone”

“Hewasyoung,Cam Hehadanentirelifeaheadofhim Itmakesmeworryaboutyou”

“Whatdoeshehavetodowithme?”

Shesendsmeaheatedlook

“Iknowyou’renothappy”

“Whycan’tyoustop,Alessandra?Alwaystryingtosavetheunsavable”

“I’llnevergiveup”

“Whatdoyouwant?”

“Foryourmarriagetobehappy”

“Thatwon’tbethecase”

“Openup Loveisnotonlyphysical”

“Ifyoudon’tstopspewingthisnonsense,I’llquestionyourintelligence Mypendingmarriageservesapurpose It isn’tlove.”

She raises her hands inexasperation.“Doyouhave anyidea how manytimes IquestionwhyIhave everythingI haveeverwishedfor,knowingwhatIdid?Idon’tevenknowwhatyourproblemis”

Itipmyheadupandfollowthebirdschasingthroughtheskywithmyeyes “Leiamissesyou She’satanagewhen

sheknowsthedifferencebetweenpeoplewhoareinherlifeandpeoplewhoaren’t.Donotmakemydaughterbelieveyoufall intothelattercategory,becauseIknowyouwoulddieforher.”

“Here’ssomefeedback.Couldyoudobetterformynextbirthday?”

Herfacetwistsintofakeincredulity.Likeeveryothertime,sherunsoff,andit’sacompetitiontoseewhoreaches myhousefirst

“Beatyou”

She smiles, breathingheavilywhenwe reachmyhome, and waves at me while she hops into her golfcart and drivesaway.

Menpatroltheestate,eventhoughit’snotlikeanyonecouldattack.Weknowifanyoneapproachesfromanyangle, beitskyorland

Upstairs, inmybedroom, after Ishower, Ichange into a darkgraysuit, slippinginto blackItalianleather shoes whenmyphonerings.

Iletitringafewmoretimes,butitwouldberudenottoanswermyfuturefather-in-law.

“Happybirthday.”

“Cutthebullshit.”

“Weneedtotalk.”

“Tomorrow.”

“You’reyoung,Cameron.Still,donotdisrespectmeagainbymakingmechaseyoudown.”

“You’reold.Maybeyouforgotwhoyou’retalkingto.”

Ihangup and head to Aurora and Kieran’s place, animpressive limestone mansion, and follow the cobblestone path

As soon as I aminside, I notice rain trickling down the round windows in the winter garden, which has been decoratedformypartywithballoonsandfairylights.Abuffetisalongthewallandsoftmusicplays.Inthecorner,atableis set.

MyniecesCeliaandLeia,whoareeightmonthsapart,jumpintomyarmsandIspinthembothastheygiggle.It’s thebestsoundintheworld

“Again,”theybeg

IturnuntilIamdizzy Theyrunaroundchasingeachotheranddancingtotheplaylist

I’ll make damnsure theywill onlyknow peace while growingup LookingatwhatIwill never have,something stirsinmychest.I’llneverhavekids.Ididn’tthinkIwouldwantany.

Kieranapproaches,handstuckedinhispockets,focusingonme.

“FromwhereIstand,eachofyouhashaditbetterthanyouthoughtyoudeserved.”

“Maybeweallgetwhatweneedandnotwhatwewant.”

Gnashingmyteeth, Iscowl. Iknew the guys would make me payfor intervening, butifIdidn’tplaythe master puppeteer,wewouldn’tbehere Iwantedthebestformysister,andAurorawasKieran’sweakness Theneedtoprotecther wasstrongerthananythingelseinhislife.IttookoneglanceatChiaraandIknewshewasCato’stypeofwoman.AndHayden neededonepushtolive,andAlessandraishislife,soImadehimseethathecouldn’tbeokaywithherbeinganywhereother thannexttohim.

Yet, Iunderstand how theyfeel. Add to thattheyare vengeful bastards, and myfate is sealed. Whattheywould havehadinmindformeiftheyweremiserableinsteadisbetterleftunanswered.

WhenAurora calls Kieran, he instantlygoes to her. Iwatchthemonthe dance floor, swayingto a tune oflove I willneverexperience,soIapproachmynieces Thesetwohavebeeninseparablesincebirth,whichhelpssincetheyareclose inage.

“Read us something,” Celia says in her bossy little voice, but what else would I expect of Chiara and Cato’s offspring?

“What?”

“Aprincessstory,”chimesLeia,withvibranteyes.

“No,adragonstory.”

Iend up readingboth, and the girls argue aboutwhichis the better story. ThenIgo to saymygoodbyes. Ihope everyoneisreadyforwhatmymarriagewilldotome.Becauseavolatilemeisthelastthingthisfamilyneeds.

Whenwefinishdinner,Imovetostandwhenmyfathersays,“Joinmeinmyoffice”

Nervesthathaven’teasedsincetheyreturnedafewhoursagoburstinsideme Ilookfrommymothertomyfather, mythroattightening.

The past few years have beengood. Ifound myroutine. Ithought we had come to anagreement, but myfrayed nervestellmethereprieveiscomingtoanabruptend

Ifollowhimwhilemymotherencouragesmewithastrainedsmile Herhandliftstome,onlytodropintoherlap

Insidehisoffice,thedoorclosesbehindmewithaloudclick

Myfathergesturesforthebrownleatherarmchair Istareatit,tryingtoeasemymindbyremindingmyselfthestaff cleansthehousespotlessforme.

Mymother takestheseatinfrontofme,withthatforcedsmileplasteredonher facethatIamafraidwill remain permanently.

“Howareyou?”

That’sastrangequestion.Ifeelmyeyebrowsfurrowing.“Fine,Father.”

“Violet.” It’s inthe wayhe pronounces myname witha long, guttural sound ringingwithfrustration. Inadequacy descendsonmyheadwiththeforceofThor’shammer

“Thiscan’tgoon”

“Idon’tunderstand,”Istammer

It’smymother’sturntoopenhermouth

“Violet,weworryandhavebeenpatient,haven’twe?ButIdon’tthinkit’shealthyforyoutocontinuelikethis” Why?I’mcomfortable Besides,theyknowdamnwellthatIcan’t “I’malive”

Theysuckalltheairfromtheroom

Iadd,“WouldithavebeenbetterifIdied?”

“Violet,”myfathersighs,anddragsahanddownhisface,revealingthetirednessblanketinghisface

“I’msorry,butIwillnolongeracceptmydaughterthrowingherlifeaway”

MyheaddropsandIstareatthedarkparquetflooring,polishedtoperfection.Justlikemyparentswantmetobe.

“Whynot?”Isqueezemyeyesshut,hatinghowweakmyvoicesounds.Ihateitevenmore,knowingIcan’tbewhat theywantmetobe.

“Iwon’targuewithyouanylonger.Thislifealsobringsresponsibilities,and,mydear,youhavethoseaswell.I rememberyourfiercenesswhenyouwerelittle Youweretheslayerofdragons,Violet Youwereneverafraidofanything,and now...”

Now,Iamevenafraidoftheair.Iblinkthetearsawayandstareatmyfather.

“That’snotmeanylonger.”

“Andmaybeit’stimeyoubecomewhatyoucouldhavebeen.”

“So,thisiswhat?Doyouwantmetoseeanotherdoctor?”

“Thatdidn’thelp,didit?”

Ishakemyhead,rememberingwhatthetherapistssaidsoundedlogical.Ourfearscantakeholdofus,butwecan overcomethembyacknowledgingtheyarenotrealandchoosingtobeincontrol HowoftendidIwonderhowitwouldbeto dothat?Mylifeisastringoffearsandphobias.

“We’regoingtohaveasmallgatheringonFridayevening.Iwantyoutobepresent.”

Strangers.Germs.Whatifsomeonewantstotouchmetogreetme?WhatiftheyrealizeIamnotnormal?Somany what-ifs Myheartpounds,hammeringatthewallsofmychestandclimbingupmythroat Myhandsshake,andheadds,“You willbethere.You’llmeetyourfuturehusband.Endofdiscussion.”

Hiswordshitmelikeatrainspeedingtowardtheimpendingwreckage.Mymouthdries.Iopenandclosemylipsa fewtimesbeforemythroatcanformwords.Onebarelyaudiblewordescapes.

“What?”

I lookat mymother. She approaches me, offeringme strengthwithout touchingme. I snap myhead backto my father as he reaches me, myentire bodyshaking He gulps and presents his openpalms to calmme, to make me see he’s no danger,butitdoesn’thelp.

“You’llmarry.Ineedhishelpandmaybeitwilldoyougood.”

Whatpersonintheirrightmindwouldacceptamarriagewithme?Alunatic.

“I...”

“Daughter,we’vebeenlenient,butIintendtoleavealegacybehind,andthismarriageassuresthat.Plus,heknows aboutyour situation”Shouldthateasemymind?“HaveyouheardofCameronMcNamara?”

Iblinkatmyfather,notunderstandingwhereheisgoingwiththisinformation Cameronisarisingpolitician,the city’s mayor. FromwhatI’ve gathered, he is runningfor senator. He’s old-moneyrichfroma political family. Occasionally, newsofhisshadydealingsappearsanddisappearsjustasquickly

Forbeingsoyoung,Cameronhasamassedsomuchpowerthatitmakesmewonderifthereisn’tmoretohispublic persona.OfcourseIknowheisoneofthemostsought-afterbachelors,butIamnotinterested.

Invain,Iattempttogaspforair.Ihaveneverseenmyfatherthisresolute.

Icouldleave.Ihavethemoney,butwherewouldIgo?HowcouldIsurviveinaworldfilledwiththingsthatcould killme?Mymothersnifflesquietly.

“Father,please.”Doesn’theunderstandIambeyondrepairandthisCameronisanunknownfactor,openingupan entireworldofthingsIcan’tdealwith?

“YouwillmeethimonFriday Youwillmarryhim”

“Ican’t”

Myshouldersdrop

“Honestly,mydear,Ijustdon’tcareanymore Youwilldoit”

“Youcan’tmakeme!”Myvoicerisestoanalmostshrillpitch

“Don’t pushme, Violet. I canonlyhope that one day, whenyouhave childrenof your own, youwon’t have to endurewhatwe’vebeenthroughwithyou.”

Hurtstranglesmyheart.Itwasn’tmyfault.

“Mom?”

“I’msorry,butI’mwithyourfatheronthis.”

Withshakylegs,Ileavehisofficeandtrudgeupthecurvedstaircase.Istopinfrontofmysister’sroomandwatch herplayteawithherdollswhileshetalksasifIwasthere Theguilteatsatme SerenawillhatemeevenifItellhernoneof whathappenedwasmychoice.

AsIheadtowardmyroom,thoughtsinundatemymind.MaybeIowemyparentsmyacceptanceaftertheysavedmy life IfIcouldputmyselfintheirplace,whatwouldIfeel?Disappointment

WouldtheystillhavemadethesamedecisioniftheyknewwhatIwouldbecome?Ithinktheywould Mysisteris thebestthingthatcouldhavehappenedtothem.

Forthefirsttime,Ibypassmyusualroutineofpoweringupmycomputer.Ican’tfunctionoutsidethesewalls.But ifthisismysacrifice,sobeit

Surely,amarriageborneoutofdutycouldn’tbeworsethanbeingshackledtoahospitalbed Ishakemyselfoffthe memoriesandclimbintobed.

Nothingwillchange.Iwilljustexchangeoneprisonforanother.IkeeprepeatingthatuntilIfeelatease,atypeof peacethathaseludedmeuntilnow.

Idon’tletpanicownme,butwhatiswrongwithmyfather?

Anarrangedmarriage.Iamtwenty-threeyearsold.AndIhaven’tevenbeenkissedproperly.

Okay,ifyoudon’tcountthatotherpoorsoulboundtoahospitalbedwhosuggestedwecould“tryit.”Thekisswas wetand sloppyand likelysetsomethinginmotion Myparents couldn’tunderstand whymyhealthdeclined suddenly ButI knew.Ihadcaughtsomethingfromhim,anditwasthetippingpointformyweakimmunesystem.

Iteludesmewhysomeonewouldmarrysomeonetheydon’tknow.What’sinitforCameron,myfuturehusband?I testthosewordsoutloud,andtheyonlymakemeshiver

Myheadisthrobbingwhenmymotherknocks HowdoIknowthat?Becauseithasalwaysbeenmymother Ilove routine.Itcomeswithoutexpectations,withoutanticipation,withoutsurprise.It’sclean,it’splanned,it’ssafe.Routinehasbeen asilentbutterrificcompanioninrecentyearsuntilmyfatherblewittosmithereens

“Honey?”mymotherasksfrombehindthedoor

“Yes”

“Doyouwanttotalkaboutit?”

“No”

Sheretreats,andIwonderifIshouldhavesaidyes,butIdon’tseethepoint

Hopingtoforgetabouttheabruptshiftinmylife,IturnontheTV,playingaK-Dramabutnoteventhathelps Givingup,Islideoffthebedandsitatmydesk,poweringupmygame Later,welosewhenImakeamistakeinthe gameandcan’tregainmyfocus.Ipushatthekeyboardwithmoreforcethannecessary.

“What’swrongwithyou?”Noahasks,acontriteexpressiontakingoverhisfacialfeatures.

“Justhavealotgoingonrightnow.”

“Doyouwanttotalkaboutit?”

DoI?Icalculateitinmymind.Sayingsomethingwouldmeangivinginsightintomylife.Moreinformationmeans morecoursesofactionIcan’tpredict.Butnottalkingiskeepingittomyselfuntiliteitherburstsorsuffocatesme.

“Berightback.”

“Okay.”

Iripmyheadsetsoff.Dotsformonthescreen,notifyingmeofatextmessagefromNoah.

Iwouldliketoknowyoubetter.Justsoyouknow...Ilikeyou. Incredulitykeepsmeinplace,butIshakemyselfoffandsearchformymother Ifindherinheroffice,goingthroughhouseplans Shewasabrilliantarchitectuntilshehadtotakeabreaktocare forme.

“Youstartedagain?”Iask.

“Forawhilenow.”Withherreddish-brownhairtuckedinanelegantbunatherbackandwearingamatchingbeige suit,shecleansherglasses,lookingagelessandrefined

Iinterlockmyfingersatmyback,swayingonmyfeet

“Youwanttotalk?I’mhere,honey”

“CanyoutalktoFatherandchangehismind?”

Sheplacesherglassesonthetableandsighs

“I’mnotgoingtodothat Pleaseunderstand Wewantwhat’sbestforyou”

Ihuff “Howcanthisbethebestforme?”

“Violet, youhide behind wigs and sunglasses that cover half your face I see youso seldomwithout them, I’m afraidI’llforgetwhatyoulooklike.Andyou’rewearingahoodieandblackjeans.It’ssummer,honey.”

“Iamnotthedresstype.”

“Thatwasalmostfunny.Still,Irememberyoulikingcolor.”

Blackismybrand,mychoice;it’ssafeandplain.Idon’twanttowastetimetryingtodecidewhattowear.Ihave betterthingstodo.

Mymotherlooksatmewithnostalgia.

“What?”Iask.

“I remember when you were three. You already knew how to count to a hundred and spoke two languages. A childhoodwithoutillnesswouldhavemadeyouintoanadultwho...”

“Whocanfunctionaccordingtoyoursocialstandards?”

“Violet,youarefunctional.Iamproudofyou.Youaremydaughter,andIhavelovedyousinceIfirstknewIwas expectingyou.Whatyouwentthroughdoesn’thavetodefineyourlife.”

“I’mperfectlyfine.”

“Isthistrulyhow youwanttoliveyourlife?Alone,holedupinaroom,completelyimmersedinavirtual world whilerealitypassesyouby?”

“Ihaveyou”

“Youhavedinnerswithus,butyouneverspendtimewithyoursister”

“Youknowwhy”

“Serenalovesyouandlooksuptoyou Thatwon’tchange”

“Tellmethataftershefindsoutthetruth”

My mother expels heavily “You might think you control your mind, but you can’t suppress bodily needs indefinitely.”

Mybrowsfurrow.“Idon’tknowwhereyou’regoingwiththis.”

“Hormones,honey.”

Iburstintolaughter.“Thereleaseofthatchemicalreactioninthebodydoesn’tlastlong.Ifthatwasyourplan,I’m sorry,butyou’regoingtobedisappointed”

Asecretivegrincurlsupthecornersofherlips “We’llseeaboutthat”

Idigintomybreakfast,chewingonmyomeletwhilemymeetingwiththegovernorloomsahead.Ihatebeingblindsided.Few thingsareoutofmycontrol

Kieranstepsinside,arranginghiscufflinks “Ready?”

“Whyareyouhere?”

“I’mgoingwithyou”

Thisisgoingtogetannoyingifhefeelsheneedstokeepmeunderhiswatch “Igotthis”

Heleansonthedoorframe,foldinghisarmsoverhischest,hiseyebrowsdrawingtogetherindeepthought “Howlonghavewebeenfamilynow?”

Istareathim,groaning “Toolong”

Hewaveshishand,dismissingme “Thisarrangementmaybebusinessasusual,butIwantyoutobeacutelyaware thatyouaredoingthis.Iknowyourspoiledass.Yourfirstreactionistohaveanattitude.”

Ithrowthenapkinonthetableandstandup.Buttoningmysuitjacket,IfaceKieran.Butthatdoesn’tdeterhim.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I’mokay with that. Just don’t make me lose my fucking favor becauseyou’retoostubborn.”

“Whatever.Idon’tneedyouasababysitter.”

Ofcourse,hedoesn’tlisten.Inmycar,IseeKieranintherearviewmirrorfollowingmeinhisLamborghini. WereachtheentrancetoGovernorCampbell’sbrickmansioninstiffsilence.

“You’redoingthis,”Kieranremindsmeunnecessarily. “Iwill,Dad.”

“Stopbeingobnoxious.”

Campbell waits for us at the entrance. After a short greeting, we accompany himinside. He nods in Kieran’s directionasagestureofgratitude.Theassholeshouldbethankingme.

His wife, Bridget, approaches us, alongwiththeir youngestdaughter. Iwonder, and notfor the firsttime, where Violetis.Idon’tthinkanyonehasseenhersinceshewasachild,andnooneinthishouseholdhassaidanything.Itwouldbe

intriguingifIwereinterestedinhisfamilydynamics.

Thelittleonewavesatme.“Hello,Cameron.”

IsmileatSerena.Shegiggles,andherfathersays,“Thisisadulttalk.”

“Okay,Daddy.”

“Wouldyoulikesomething?Coffee?”Bridgetasks.

“No,thankyou,”Isay.

HiswifetakesSerena’shand,andtheyretreat.

Thegovernorgesturesforustotakeaseatinsidehisoffice,pointingtowardthebottleofwhiskeyandglasseson topofhismahoganydesk.Iofferatight-lippednod,andCampbellpourseachofusaglass.

Iremainstanding.“Start.Idon’thaveallday.”

HeoffersaglasstoKieran,whotakesasipwhilelookingatmeintentlyinasigntobehave.

“It’sincrediblehowhecanbeacharmingpoliticianandanassholeatthesametime,”Campbellsays.

Itake itas a complimentand liftthe glass, sipping. As ifIwould ever allow anyone who isn’tfamilyto getto knowme Iamallforusingmyso-calledcharmwhenIhaveto,andeveryoneisasuckerforit It’salsotheunderlyingcurrent ofdangerinmysmiles,whichwouldmakeanyonewaryofcrossingme.It’snotarrogance,butfacts.

Thegovernortakesalonggulpofhisdrink.“Iunderstandyou’renothappyaboutthenews.”Understatementofthe fuckingmillennium “Buthelpingeachotherwillbringuswherewebothwanttobe:atthetop,runningthiscountry”

I’malreadybored I lookat Kieran, who tells me to get throughthis withhis strained facial muscles It would servehimrightifhegetsananeurysmfromallthestress.

“Iamahotcommodity.”

Campbellsitsinfrontofmewithasigh.

Heleansinfurther.“Familyisafundamentalfactorineveryone’slife.Peoplenaturallywanttheirrepresentativeto upholdthisvalue It’sintrinsic”

“So,you’retellingmeyou’regenuinelyconcernedaboutthepeopleofMassachusetts,thestatethatIrunfromthe shadows?Andthey’llsuddenlyquestionwhyI’mnotmarried?”

Hehasthedecencytopursehislips.“Iwouldlikeyoutoseeitasawin-winsituation.”

ColormefuckingintriguedathissheerarrogancetobelieveIneedhim.Heneedsmemore.

“Whileyougainpopularitybyassociation,whatdoIgetexceptaheadache?” Hisnostrilsflareatmyblatantdisrespect,butheshouldknowtocutthebullshitbynow.

“Mydaughter ”

“She’salittleyoungforme,don’tyouthink?”Iplaydumb,enjoyingtheveinbulginginhisforehead. “Cam,”Kieranwarns.Iraisemyhandsinsurrender.

“Myeldestdaughter,Violet.”

“Iknow.Youwantme tomarryyour daughter soyou,one tinypiece inthe biggame,will supportme fromnow on?”

“Iwill.”

“Thisisfuckingcrazy,”Isnap.

HelooksatKieranandthenbackatme.“Iknowyourendgameisthepresidency.Butyoustillhaveawaystogo beforethathappens Andit’sgoingtotakemoreinfluencethanyouhavegatheredtodoit”

Thissoundsinteresting WhatdidImiss?Ihatewhensomeonehasinformationthatisnotinmyfavor

“You’vebeeninthissceneforafewyearsnow Ihavebeenaroundforovertwenty-fiveyears Iseemyselfinyou Everyone wants to make a name for themselves. Some swimwiththe currentand either drownor stayafloat. And some a veryparticularbreed willtakeanotherroute,doingwhateverittakestogetontop Wearethefavor-givers”

“WhendidyoudecideIwouldbeagoodfitforyourdaughter?”

Hiseyeswideninsurprise.IfhethinksIamgoingtoblowhimbecauseheiscleverenoughnottodrown,thenheis plainstupid.

“You’llbemyson-in-law,thusmakingyoupartofmyfamily.YouwouldneverharmViolet.Knowingyou,you’ll letherbe Marrymydaughterandyouwillhavemyalliance Youwillbeundefeated Youwillbecomealegend” Icandoallofthatonmyown AsifKieranknowswhatIamthinking,hestaresatme “What’swrongwithher?”Iask Campbellfreezesandadds,“Violethasphobias Oftouch,ofgerms,ofintimacy oftherealworld” “So,she’sanutcase”

Heshootstohisfeetandpacesaround,fuming Kieranclencheshisjaw,shoutinginawhisper,“Cutthebullshitalready” “Iwanttomeetherfirst”

“Before youleave this house, give me your word thatyouwill marryher Iwanta normal life for mydaughter Violetneedspatience.Youwouldn’tbeherewithoutthat.”

“No,youwanttheheatoffyou.”

Hislipsthinandhehasthedecencynottocontradictme. “Wehaveadeal,”Isay,myvoiceflat.

“Good.Shewon’tbeaproblem.”

Fuckmyluck.

Weshakehands,andKieranandIwalktothecars.

“Sexisoffthetable,andyoufuckingknowIneedthat.”

Hesqueezes myshoulder.“Cameron,youusesextohavecontrol.Butwiththewomanyoulove,sexis all about pleasureandbonding Ihopeyougettoexperiencethat Yougottaworkforit”

“I’veneverhadtoandIdon’tplanonstartingnow Withmyluck,she’sprobablyuglytoo”

Kieransmirks “Idon’twanttospoilyoursurprise”

“Youhaven’tseenher,haveyou?”

Helaughsandgetsinthecar,makingmeitchtodrivemycarintohis

At the compound, Hayden and Cato greet me with stupid grins on their faces They definitely heard about my arrangementwiththefreakcomingtofruition.I’mgoingtohaveawonderfulmarriagewithmyrighthand.

Idragmychairfromthetablewithmoreforcethannecessaryandsitdown.

Catoquirksaneyebrow.“Someoneisbitter.”

ThedamtomyangerbreaksfreeandIslammyfistsonthetable.

Kieransays,“Everythingallright,princess?”

Ifliphimoffandtakeaseat.

“Youcan’tfailthis,”Haydensays.

“Ifeellikeawhore,andyouthreearemypimps.”

“Thathasaringtoit,”Catochuckles,andIglareathim.

It’s Haydenwhosays,“Come on,brother.The sexyou’ve hadshouldbe enoughfor a lifetime.Give your dicka well-deservedbreak”

“Funeral,youmean”

Theyburstintolaughter

It’snotthatIthinkthatmarriageisthemostoverratedandworstinvestmentpossible.Puttingyourtrust,yourlove, andyourballsintoonebasketneverendswell.

“Ihopeit’sworthithavingmecrankyasfuckforever.”

Theyshareawarylookandnodatme.

Fuckme,thisishowtheultimatebachelorgetsbroughttohisknees bytheveryfamilyhesworeallegianceto.

“WhendoIgettoseemywonderfulfuturewife?”

“Nextweek.Thegovernorisplanningasmallgatheringwithhismosttrustedpeople.We’reinvited.”

Oneweek.Onedamnweek.Notenoughtocometotermswiththetectonicshiftofmylife.

Ontheridetotheparty,Ifallasleepinthelimo

IawaketoAlessandra,palmingmyforehead

“Hedoesn’thaveafever;he’sjustexhausted,”Haydengrumbles Shesighs Ihaven’tgonerunningwithherthisweek,butfamilytalksaren’tatthetopofthelistwhenyouhavea few boxingbags and buryyourself inworkso youforget about the loomingdeadline. I could have had sex, but it fucking depressedmethinkingofthatasmylasthurrah,butmaybeIwouldn’tbesotensethatIamabouttosnap

It’sAurorawhopatsmeonmychestafterrearrangingmytie “Look,ifthereisanyonewhounderstands,it’sme”

“Sweetheart?”Ofcourse,Kieranhadtohijackourconversation

“Ididn’twantourmarriageinthebeginning,”Auroracontinues

“Preach,”saysChiara,sippingfromherchampagneglasswhileCatosmilessmugly

“Whenyouseeherthatveryfirsttime,ifsheintriguesyou,that’sagoodsign” “Iintriguedyou?”Kieraninterruptsagain

“Kieran ”

“DidIintrigueyou?”CatoasksChiara

“Youknowdamnwellyoudid”

“Itwasloveatfirstsightforme”Alessandrasmiles

Haydenlooksather,enraptured “Youwillalwaysremainmygreatestlove”

“It’slikeIamsharingacarwithabunchofRomeosandJuliets Someonepassmethatdamnbottlealready” Chiaraoffersmethebottle “Butyou’restillgoingthroughwithit” “I’mstilldoingit,”Imumble Shegrinsatme,enjoyingmydistress Catoisanunderratedsaint

Before Icanlinkmyelbow throughhers,Catosnatches her fromme andsays,“Getyour own Mybad,Ialmost forgotwhywe’rehere.”

Asshole.

I square my shoulders and climb the few steps to the Campbells’front door. Abutler greets us, welcoming us inside

AsmallgatheringofMassachusetts’sbiggestpoliticalplayers,fromtheformergovernortoafewstatesenators,is inthelivingroom.Theyallwatchmewithinterestandapprehension.HowIfuckinglovethat!Thismarriagewillprovetobe quitebeneficial.

A band performs in the corner while staff members circulate with trays laden with appetizers and champagne glasses Ipluckone,drainingthebubblycontentsinonego CampbellandhiswifeapproachuswhileSerenagreetseveryone Shewouldhavebeenanincredibleprincess,butAmericanroyaltyalsohastocountforsomething.

Thesegatheringsboremetofuckingdeath.It’salwaysthesametopicsandsmalltalk,makingmewanttobashmy headintothenearestwall Iaminterestedinjustonething:howtousetheirinfluenceandsupporttomybenefit

Politicsisallaboutpretenseandengagement.Irelishtheirdo-goodattitude,offeringmesupportandpraisingmy campaign’sslogan, Building a future together.Ofcourseit’sgood.Iaimtowin,andpeoplewanttobelievethey’rehelping medoit

I slip throughthe terrace doors There’s a slight chill inthe late summer air, thickclouds coveringthe moon I breathein,enjoyingthesilence.

Feetshuffleinmydirection,cuttingmypeacefulmomentshort.IturntoseeCampbellapproachingme.

Igroan.“Whereisshe?”

“Violetwillbedownsoon.”

Iflickmywrist,lookingatmyPatekPhilippeclassicwatch.“Ifsheisn’thereinthenextfiveminutes,thedealis off”Whothehelldoesthisgirlthinksheis?

“Cameron,patiencewithmydaughterisimperative”

“Andmaybethat’swhyshe’sasocialpariah”

Hesighs “Wetriedeverything Thisismylastdesperateattempt”

So,heentrustsmewiththischallenge Fuckingperfect

Whenheleaves,Iexhaleaheavypuffofair,grippingthebalustrade Itdoesn’thelp Iamabarrel ofgunpowder readytogooff.

Alessandrafindsme,probablytocheckhowIamholdingup.

Ijerkmychinather face. “How manybottles ofconcealer did youneed?” She’s a reputable surgeonand Iam fuckingproudofher

Shelaughsandrestsherheadonmyshoulder

Ichuckle “Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimeyoufallasleeplikethat”

“Iwantedtobehereforyou,”shesaysthroughayawn

“Iwasavoidingyou”

“Iknow,butIwantyoutotellmewhy”

Asighrumblesoutofmythroat “Becauseyoulookatmeandknow” “Andthat’sbad?”

“Uncomfortable”

“Familyisallaboutdiscomfort”

Ismile “Thankyou”

She could have stayed at home, enjoyingthe little time she has withher family She works so hard, makingme appreciate her friendship and supportevenmore. Ialso know her guiltover thinkingshe’s notdoingenough. Butifshe did more,shewoulddropdeadfromoverexertion.Thankfully,Haydenloveshersocompletelythatshewillneverloseherself.

Alessandratiltsherhead,worrylininghereyes.“Areyousureyouwanttodothis?Cam,Iheardthatshehassome issues,andyou’renotequippedforthat ”

“Don’tyoutrustme?”

“You’renotaprofessional”

“Maybethelastthingsheneedsisanotherprofessional”

Thecommotionfromtheinsidehasusfollowingthegasps,thesilenceringinglouderthanthecelloandthepiano combined.

Curiositydrivesmetowardthedoor.

Amiragewearinganelegantblackjumpsuitappearsatthetopofthestairsinthefoyer.Mygazetrailsuptoblond hairwithblacktips,cutperfectlyintoajaw-lengthbob Greeneyesfullofapprehensionscantheroom Yet,shewearsviolet lipstick aboldmove.She’sanentirecontrast:beautifulbutonthepaleside,frailbutdifferentfromthenorm.