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LONDON FOG E.M. LINDSEY Allrightsreserved
Thisbookoranyportionthereofmaynotbereproducedorusedinanymannerwhatsoeverwithouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofthepublisherexceptfortheuseof briefquotationsinabookreview Thisbookisaworkoffiction Anyresemblancetopersons,places,jobs,oreventsispurelycoincidental.
Coverby:NatashaSnow
Editedby:SandrawithOneLoveEditing Proofing:AbriannaDenae
ContentWarningsandInformation:Audismandableism,mentionsofnarcissisticparents,pastlanguagedeprivationintheformofdeprivingadeafchildofearlysign language,mentionsofpastcheating(notMCs),policeaggressiononpageagainstaDeafcharacterofcolor,andabuserecovery
CONTENTS EMLindseyLinks
Foreword
LondonFog
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
AlsobyE.M.Lindsey
AbouttheAuthor
EM LINDSEY LINKS EM’sReamStories
EMLindsey'sWebsite
FreeShortStories
EMLindsey'sAmazonAccount
EMLindseyonInstagram
EMLindseyonBookbub
FOREWORD TheprimarylanguageinWren’schaptersofLondonFogisAmericanSignLanguage Inhischapters,dialogueinbothEnglish andASLareputindoublequotesastheyarebothhisprimarylanguage.ASLisalsotranslatedratherthantransliterated,soit readsasEnglish,howeverASLhasitsowngrammarandstructure.
Ifyou'dliketoknowmoreaboutASLgrammar,pleasereferHEREtotheLifeprintwebsite
ThisbookalsousessomecolloquialASLphrasesandidiomsthatcannotbedirectlytranslatedexactly. Thosewillbe showninitalics Alwaysremember,ifyouplantolearnanysignedlanguage,chooseaDeafinstructor
ThisbookhighlightsthedifferencebetweenASLandBSL.ThoughEnglandandAmericashareasimilarspokenlanguage, theirsignlanguagesareentirelydifferent Formoreinformationonthat,pleaseclickHERE Pleaseremembertherearemore than300differentsignedlanguagesacrosstheglobe.
IwouldliketothankStefforsensitivityreadingforWrenandgivinginsightintodiscoveringgreyromanticismlaterinlife.I wouldalsoliketothankBriannaforsensitivityreadingonbeingaDeafCochlearImplantuserintheDeafcommunity
PleaserememberthatnoneofthesecharactersaremeanttorepresentDeafIdentity,aromanticism,andgreyromanticismas awhole Eachperson’sexperienceisbothvalidandunique
Partownerofthe BrewBiz Deaf Café,Wrenmightnotbethemostself-awareman,buthedoesknowafewimportantthingshe won’tcompromiseon
Norelationships Nocommitments. Nocomplications
ThenPercyshowsupfreshfromtheUKandstumblesrightintoWren’spath.Literally.
Percyisobscenelygoodlooking,andsinceWrenneverdenieshimself,hepursuesPercy,andthatonenightrockshisworld NowWrendoesn’twanttoletPercygo,andthatfeelingthreatenstoupendtheverycoreofhisidentity So,Wrendoeswhathe doesbest.
Hepanics Heruinsthings. AndleavesPercyinshambles.
Buthe’simmediatelyfilledwithregret ChasingPercyawayisthelastthinghewants,soheturnstohisfoundfamilywho showhimthathedoesn’thavetofitinsideaboxtobewhoheis.Hecanhavewhathewantsandnotloseeverythinghe’scome toacceptabouthimself
Ifonlyhedidn’trealizethatafterhurtingPercy.Hisonlyhopenowisabigapology,andprayingthatitwasn’ttoolittletoo late.
CHAPTER ONE WREN WAS PRETTYsurehalfofhisbrainwasfortypercentrotatingmemes Currently,theonerunningthroughhisheadwasthe layeredvoicesallsaying,“Don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it.”Butmemeornot,herarelyeverlistenedtothethings hissubconscious or,inthiscase,conscious wastryingtotellhim.
Hedrummedhisfingersonthecupofcoffeeinhishandandstaredatthefigurejustoutsideofthecafédoor Thelargeman inthepressedsuitstoodwithhisbacktoWren,kindofhunchedoverinshame…ormaybelow-keyrage?Wrenfeltastabof pityforhimbecausewhilehe’dnevermadetheparticularmistakeofyellingatabunchofDeafpeopleabouthowtheyweren’t signingcorrectly,he’dhadhisshareoffauxpas.
Hisentireyoungadultlifewasmadeupofthem
Wren’solderbrotherhadinvitedhimtofirstsetatoe,thenawholefoot,thentakebigbuttentativestepsintothebubble surroundingtheDeafcommunity.Wren,withhissubparSignedExactEnglishskillshe’dbeensosurewereproperASL.Wren, withallthemanners,habits,anddelicatefeelingsofahearingpersonwithabsolutelynocallusesagainsttheDeafbluntculture hesobadlywantedtobeapartof,hadcrashedandburned.He’dbeenlaughedatandmockedanddamnnearrunoutbypeople whohadnopatienceforhissteep,steeplearningcurve
He’dstuckitout,butithadcomeataprice.
Ithadbeenyearssincehe’dfeltlikeshitabouthimself,butheremembereditwellenoughtofeelrapidpulsesofsympathy forthispoorbastardwhowasdrowninginhumiliation.
Heglancedbehindhim,andthroughthekitchenwindow,hecouldseeLukestillsigningfuriouslyandAnandalooking officiallyboredwithhisrant CalebhadwhiskedBodhiofftosomewhere,whichmeantthecounterwasunattended,butthe shopwas forthefirsttimeinalongtime empty.
So,heignoredthememe-voice,pressedhishandtotheglassdoor he’dcleanthesmudgelater andpushed Theloud buzzersounded,ripplingagainstthebackofhisskull,andhewinced.Itneverfailedtogivehimabrief,suddenheadachefrom thenoise,anditmadehimwanttoriphisprocessorsoffandthrowthemacrosstheparkinglot.
Hedidn’t,ofcourse.Thecafémightbesuccessful,andbeinganot-quite-silentpartnergavehimsomefinancialstability, butinsurancedidn’tcoverCIrepairsduetonoise-inducedrage,so…yeah.Untilhehadsixteengrandjustlyingaroundto replacethem,he’dsuckitup
Thethoughtalmostmadehimsmile,butthenWrenlookedupintothestranger’sface,whichwastingedpink,andthat bubblyfeelingleft
TheguylookedlikehewassecondsfromraisinghisfiststoknockWrenonhisass.
IthadbeenagoodlongwhilesinceWrenhadgottenintoafistfight,especiallysinceCalebhadstoppedhimfromgoing afterhisbrother’scheatingextobeattheabsoluteshitoutofhim,sohewouldn’thaveexactlymindedacoupleofroundsinthe parkinglot.
Buthewasprettysurethispoorbastarddidn’tneedapunchtotheface
Nottomention,theguylookedlikehehadn’tsufferedasmuchasabrokennailinhislife.Itdefinitelywouldn’tbeafair fight.
Wrentookabreathandhelduphisfreehandinsurrender “Sorrytointrude Ijustwantedtocheckonyou”Wrenspentso muchtimeinBrewBizthatevenasthededicatedvoiceguyforhearingpeoplewhostruggledwiththesignmenu,hewas becomingunusedtospeakingaloud Heclearedhisthroatwhentheguydidn’tmove “AndIbroughtyouacoffee Areyou okay?”
ItwasalmostlikeWren’swordshadpushedtheStartbuttononhimbecausetheguyfinallymoved,hisshoulderssagging, andhepushedfingersthroughhislightbrownhair.
Apartfromthesplotchyface,theguywasfairlyattractive,whichWrenprobablyhadnobusinessthinking,buthewas rarely,ifever,appropriate
Plus,theguywastotallyWren’stype.Hewasverytallandbroad,andthoughhissuitseemedperfectlytailored,helooked uncomfortableinit NotthatWrencouldblamehim Theonlyreasonhe’dlastedsolongatBrewBiz apartfrombeingthe silentpartner wasthathecouldcometoworkinjeanseveryday.
“Uh,”Wrensaidattheprolongedsilence “So,doyouwantthiscoffee,or ”
“Sorry.Yes.Thankyou,”theguyblurtedinwhatWrennowknewwasanEnglishaccent.“Imean…”Heliftedhisfingers tohischinandtippedthemdownwardinthanks.
WrenhadbeenwearingCIssincehecouldremember,andevenwithallhispractice,heusuallystruggledwithaccents His friendsgrowingupwouldwaxpoeticabouthowhottheywere,butWrennevergotit.Withouteverknowingwhatnatural soundwaslike,accentswerealwaysabit odd
Hedidn’tmindthisguy’svoicethough.Hespokesoftlyandverypolitelyforamanwhowasragingoutjustminutesbefore.
Wrensmiledencouraginglyastheguytookthecoffee,andtheguytriedtogrinback,buthelookedmoreconstipatedthan anything.
“Er.IknowtherearelawshereintheUSaboutit,butanywhereclosebyIcangoforafag?”
Wrenblinkedinshock,andasitalwaysdid,hismindwentforlow-hangingfruitwheneverhewasuncomfortable “Imean, I’mbisexual,butI’mprettysureitcounts.We’vegotastorageclosetthatwouldprobablyfitthebothofus.”Hedraggedhis gazeupanddowntheguy’slargebody “Maybe”
Theguyblinked,thenblushedevenharderandslappedhishandoverhisface.Ifthepoorbastardwasn’tcareful,hewas goingtostrokeoutorsomethingfromallthebloodrushingtowardhishead.“That’snotwhatI sorry.Fuck.I’mmakingaright fuckingmessofthis.”
Wren’ssmilesoftened.“Sorry.IknowI’mbeingkindofadickbecausethat’swhatIdowhenIgetuncomfortable.Though I’mguessingfagmeanssomethingelsewhereveryou’refrom?”
“It…cigarette,”theguysaid.Wrenonlycaughtpartofthesentence,butitwasenough. “Gotit IthinkIsawthatonTVonce MybrothergotreallyintosomeBBCshowafewyearsbackaboutapriest Anyway…whatever.Sorryforbeinganasshole.”
“It’sfine.”Theguytookasipofthecoffee,andWrennoticedhishandswereshaking.Shit,wasthathis fault?
“Hey,look ”
“I’mPercy,”themanblurted,interruptingWren’sattempttoapologize.Hestuckouthishand,almostlikehisownskinwas offendinghimandhewastryingtokeepitasfarawayfromhisbodyaspossible
Wrenbittheinsideofhischeektokeepfromlaughingastheirpalmsmet.Aspredicted,Percy’shandwasverysoftand verydelicate Itfeltoddlynice,andbecauseWrenhadzeroshame,hisbrainimmediatelytriedtoimaginewhatitwouldfeel liketotouchhisdickandballs.
Fuck,whatwas wrong withhim?
“Wren,”hesaidbeforehismouthcouldstartspoutingoffoffensiveshit “Co-ownerandsilentpartnerofBrewBiz That’s notapun,bytheway,becauseI’moneofthefewpeoplewhoworkherewhowillusespeech.”
“Ah”Percypulledhishandbackandstareddownatitforasecondbeforeglancingbackup “So,isthiswhereyouhand outmyban?”
“Forwhat?Havingapanicattack?”Wrenaskedhimwithawrysmile Percyrearedback.“Awhat?Look,mate.I’msorryforbeinganabsolute,colossalarseinthere,butIdon’thavepanic attacks.”
Wrensnorted “Could’vefooledme I’vehadlikefourthisweek,andI’mprettysureIknowthesigns Minealllooklike I’mpissedofftoo.”
Percy’smouthopened,thensnappedshutbeforehetookabreaththroughhisnose “Imadeacompletecockofmyselfin there.It’s…bloodyhell,itmakes sense now,youknow?ThatAmericanandEnglishsignwouldbedifferent.ButIdidn’teven thinkaboutit,andnotoncedidthatbastardmentionthattomeduringallofourlessons.Imean,IfiguredFrench,youknow? Frenchwouldbedifferent.AndGerman.Ofcoursetheywouldbe.Wedon’tevensharepopularslangwords,dowe?But…” “Percy,”Wreninterrupted.
Hewentsilent,thenclearedhisthroat.“I’vedoneitagain,haven’tI?”
Wrendidn’tknowexactlywhathemeantby“doneitagain,”butheshookhisheadanyway.“You’reallgood.Andlook, you’renotthefirstpersonwhodidn’tknowthatsignlanguagewasn’tuniversal It’sprobablysomeoftheleastoffensive assumptionshearingpeoplehavemadeaboutDeafcommunities.”
“Well,I’msorryallthesame Iwillmostdefinitelybesendingastronglywordedemailtomyprofessor,”Percysaid Wrenfoughtbackalaugh.Stronglywordedemail?Hehadnoideapeoplesaidthatinreallife.“Mightbeagoodtiptoadd tothecurriculum”
Percylickedhislips,andWrenwatchedashisrestlesseyesmovedaround,takinginallofWren’sappearance.The momentstretchedonandon,butbeforeWrencouldcallitoutforbeingawkward,Percyspokeagain.“Yourhearingaidsare quitefancy”
Wrencouldn’tholdbackhislaughthistime.“They’renothearingaids.They’recochlearimplants.”
Percystared,thenpressedhishandtohismouth,andittookWrenasecondtorealizehewascoveringalaugh “Sorry Expensive,arethey?It’sonly…I’veheardintheStatesmedicalstuffcancostquitealot.”
Wrensnorted “Let’sjustsaytheycostenoughthattheQueenwouldhavetroublereplacingthemifsheeverlostone” Percyblinked,thenlaughed.“Fairenough.”
Wrenfeltalittlesurgeoftriumphthoughhestilldidn’tknowwhythisman’sabilitytosmileactuallymatteredtohim.Butit did,andWren’sbrainwastootiredtogochasingdownthereason “AnychanceIcantalkyoubackinsidefora whatdoyou Britishpeoplelovesomuch?Tea?Scones?IthinkJori’sgotafewinthepastrycase.”
Percy’scheekswentalittlepinkagainasheshookhishead “Betternot Er I’mnotsuretherestofyouremployeeswantto seemyfaceagain.Besides,IneedtoringmysisterandtellherwhatI’vedone.”
“Oh,comeon,”Wrenwheedled.“Youdon’tneedtorelivepublicembarrassmentinsomecaféshe’snevergoingtovisit.”
Percyshookhishead.“Sheplansto…all…time.Herdaughter…was…the…adopting.”
WrenlostmostofwhatPercywassayingbecausehekeptrunninghishandaroundhismouthandlookingaround.Wren’s CIsworkedwellenoughinquiet,calmsituations,buthegotlosteasily HetookabreathandwavedhishandatPercy,who froze,eyeswide.“Canyounotcoveryourmouthorturnyourhead?Ican’tunderstandyouatall.”
Percyswallowedheavily “Butyour ”HegesturedtothesideofWren’shead Ittookallofhisself-controlnottorollhiseyes.“Yeah,so,I’mstillDeaf,bud.Thesehelpmerecognizesounds,buttrust me,it’snothearing.”
“Oh,I.Er.”Percynodded.“Right,sorry.” “It’sfine.Justrepeatwhatyouweresaying.”
“Mysister?”Hepaused,soWrennoddedtoshowhewasunderstanding “Sheplanstocomeinhereallthetimewithher, erm…herdaughter?Soon-to-bedaughter?Idon’t…she’sadopting,”Percyflailed.“Idon’tknowwhattocallherrightnow.” Wrensoftenedevenmoretowardthislumberingmoron Hewantedtohughim,whichwasdefinitelynew Wrenwasa touchy-feelyguy,buthewasn’tahugger.Notofstrangers,anyway.“Ithinkdaughterworksjustfine,don’tyou?”
Percybithislipandshrugged,hisgazedroppingtohisfeetashetookafortifyingbreaththatmadehisshouldersriseallthe wayuptowardhisears “She’scalledLila She’s six,Ithink?Ihaven’tbeenthebestunclewithdetails Anyway,she’sDeaf Thegirl,notmysister.”
No shit,Wrenthoughtsarcastically,buthekeptthatonetohimselftoo,mostlybecauseherememberedlittleLila She and…hecouldn’trememberthemom’sname…hadcomeintoBrewBizafewtimesthatweek.Lilaalwaysgotaprincess cookie,andhermomalwaysgotanaffogato
“Iknowher,”Wrensaid.
Percygroaned.“That’swhatIwasafraidof.ThemomenteveryoneintherelearnsPenny’s my sister,they’regoingtohate herforthespectacleI’vecaused”
Penny and Percy.Wrencouldn’thelpanotherlaugh.Fuck,thatwascute.Hebithisliptostopthenoisespillingpasthis throat “Acoupleweeksago,”hesaidslowly,steppingabitclosertoPercy,“wehadthisgroupof wecallthemYogaMoms Idon’tthinktheyactuallydoyoga,buttheyalwayscomedressedupintheirbright-coloredspandex,andmostofthemhave babiesinstrollers”
ThecornersofPercy’slipstwitched.“IthinkIknowthesort.”
Wren’seyessquintedwithhisgrin.“Theycameinhereandlosttheirfuckingmindswhenoneofmycoworkersrefusedto usehisvoice Weendeduphavingtothrowthemout,andIdamnnearcalledthecopsbytheendoftheargument” “Bloodyhell,”Percybreathed,andthoughWrencouldn’thearthat,hereaditoffhislipssurprisinglywell.
Wrengrinned “So,thefactthatwedidn’tneedtocallthecopsonyouhasyouwayaheadinmybook” “That’snotexactlyahighbar,mate,”Percysaid,hisexpressionstressed.“Iwasn’ttryingtocauseascene.Ijust…Ididn’t know.ThenIfeltlikearightfuckingidiot,thenIterrifiedthatpoorblokebehindthecounter.”Percyrubbedhisfaceagain,then droppedhishandlikeitwassearinghot.“Fuck.Iamso sorry.”
Wrentookastepcloserand,veryslowly,withallthecautionhe’deverbeencapableof,curledhisfingersaroundPercy’s
wrist.Themanlookedlikeheneededahug,anditwastakingallofWren’swillpowertoholdback.“Perce.CanIcallyou Perce?”
Hischeekspinked “Er Nooneeverhas,butokay”
Awww,thispoorman.Jesus,heneededbetterfriends.“Willyoubearoundmuch?” “Here?”
Wrennodded.“Here.”
“Well,I supposeI ”Heblewoutapuffofair,andWrenbecameprofoundlyawarethatPercyhadn’tpulledawayfrom hisgrip.No,he’dleanedintoit.“I’vemovedoneofmyofficesheresoIcanbeclosetoPennyandLila.That’swhyIlearntall thatbloodyfuckingBSL.BSL,”hesaidandgroanedloudly.“Fuck,howdidInotknow?”
WrenlaughedverysoftlyandstrokedhisthumboverPercy’swrist Hewatchedastheman’spupilsdilatedslightly The wayhislipsparted.Wrenwaswellversedonwhensomeonewasasurething,andwhilehewasn’tinthehabitthesedaysof hookingupwithrandomhearingstrangerswhomadefoolsofthemselvesathiswork,hewasstartingtoconsiderPercymight beaspecialcase.
“Ihaveagoodidea,”Wrensaid Percynodded.“Alright.Icoulduseagoodidearightaboutnow.”
“Havedinnerwithme.”
Lettingoutasmallchokingsound,Percysteppedtowardhiminsteadofawayfromhim “D’youreallythinkthat’s agood idea?Won’tyourfriendsbeupsetwithyou?”
“Idon’tletmyfriendsdictatewhoIeatwith AndIthinkyouneedtoventalittlemore Ialsothinkyoumightnotknowa lotofpeoplearoundhere,andtheonesyoudidmeettodayaren’tyourbiggestfansrightnow.ThatwillchangewhenIgoback insideandtellthemwhathappenedandwhy,buttheymightneedsometimewithit.”
Percyslappedhisfreehandoverhisfaceanddraggeditdownwithanothergroan.“Ihonestlyshouldjustcrawlintoa hole.”
WrenlaughedandsqueezedPercy’swristbeforefinallylettinggo,watchingwhatthemandidwhenhewithdrewhistouch Heswayed.HeswayedclosertoWren.
Yeah,hewasasurething WrenjustneededtomakesurethatPercyunderstoodthatitwasaonetimethingonly Hedidnot dorepeats.Ever.
“Givemeyourphone,”heordered.
Percyobeyedlikehewasborntodoit,andWrenfelthisdicktwitchbehindhisboxers.Hewascurrentlywearingthethin caféuniformpants,soifhewasn’tcareful,hewasgoingtobeveryobvious.
IttookWrenfifteensecondstoopenupanewcontact,andhequicklyputhisnameandnumber,thenfiredoffatextto himself.Hefelthisphonevibrateinhispocket,andhebuzzedwithanticipation.Handingitbackwithasmallgrin,Wrenkept himselfclosetoPercy’spersonalspace “Textme,”hesaid “TechnicallyIcanstreamcallsthroughmyCIs,butIcan’t understandvoicesthatwayforshit.”
Percy’sgazeflickeredoverWren’sprocessors,andhisfingerstwitchedlikehewantedtoreachupandtouch.Afteralong beat,Percynodded “Yeah,alright You’lltextmewheretomeetyou,yeah?”
“Yeah,”Wrenechoed.Hetookseveralstepsback,thenraisedhishandstosign,“Seeyoulater.”
Percycopiedthesignswithoutaskingwhattheywere,andWrenassumedthemaninferredthepartingphrase Henearly laughedagainwhenPercyturnedonhisheelandmarchedawaywithoutsomuchasagoodbye,andWrenquicklyadjustedhis uncomfortablyplumpdickbeforeheadingbackintotheshoptodealwiththeaftermathofthepoorbastard’sfuckup
CHAPTER TWO “YOU’RE JOKING ” Wrenlookedoverhisshoulderinthemirror,whereRaviwasstandingbehindhimwithhisarmscrossed,lookinglikea disgruntledparent.ItwasafamiliarexpressiononmostofthepeopleinWren’slifewhocalledthemselvesfamilyorfriends.
“It’snotlikeI’mgoingtomarrytheguy,”Wrenshotbackbeforedraggingfingersthroughhishair Hisownwasalighter brownthanhisbrother’sbyafewshades,andapartfromasimilarnoseandcrookedeyeteeth,heandCaleblookedalmost nothingalike
Wrenhadbeenthedo-overchildanyway,afterCalebhadbeenbornprofoundlydeafandthedoctorshadn’tbeenableto comeupwithareasonwhy Hisparentshadpanicked,andwhenCaleb’simplantsfailed,theydecidedtostartover Tryagain.
Whateverridiculousbullshithearingparentsalwaysthoughtwhentheyrealizedtheirchildwasgoingtobedifferentthan themandnot“fixable”
Ofcourse,WrenhadgottenthesameresultsasCaleb,andtheirparentshadgonethroughthesamesteps havingsome doctordrillholesintohisskullanddigaroundandimplantthingsinordertomakehimclosertotheirversionofnormal ThedifferencewasWren’ssurgeryworked atleastwellenoughforhisparentstocallitasuccess.Wellenoughtomake excusesaboutnotlearningsignlanguageandhopingthatCalebwouldjust…sitquietlyinthebackgroundandnotbeanuisance.
Wrenbecametheunwillinggoldenchildafterthat,andCalebhadbeenshippedofftoaDeafschool.Wrenwasleftto horrificspeechtherapyclasseswithhatefulpathologistswhotoldhimhewouldbeafailureinlifeifheusedASL.And,notto mention,theconstantmigrainesandfacialtwitchesfromhisimplantsthatplaguedhimeverytimehewastiredorstressedor sneezedwrong.
Whenhewasakid,heidolizedCalebtothepointthatitwasprobablyunhealthy HeusedtofantasizeaboutCalebcoming homeduringholidaysandvacationsandlookingatWrenandfinallyseeingsomeoneworthyofhistime.Seeingsomeonewho wasDeafinsteadofsomeassimilatedlittleanklebiterwhocouldn’tholdmorethanafewwordsofconversationwithhim.
HewouldimaginetellingCaleballthewayshislifewashard.Andhowhefeltlikehedidn’tbelonginhisparents’world andhowkidswouldmakefunofhimforhisweirddeafvoice.Hehadnofriends,andhisteacherswerealwaysmadathim becausehecouldn’thearthemproperly,andhisparentsweresoangryallthetimebecausetheimplantshadn’tdonetheirjob ofcuringhim.
He’dpictureCalebunderstanding He’dpicturehimholdingWrenclose hugginghimandtellinghimthatitwasshittybut itwasokay.Thathe’dteachhimASLsohedidn’thavetoworksogoddamnhardanymore,andthathe’dtakeWrenbacktothe Deafschool,wherehecouldbelong.
Butthatneverhappened Everyschoolbreak,Caleblookedathimthewayhe’dlookatdogshitonthebottomofhisshoe WhenWrenwouldtrytousetherudimentarysignshe’dlearnedfromabookinthelibrary,Calebwouldrollhiseyes,andhis handswouldmovesofasttheywerenothingmorethanablur
AnditwouldremindWrenthathedidn’tbelonginCaleb’sworldeither.
WrenstillworkedhisassofftoquietlylearnthebasicsofASL,butwhenCalebfinallydidacknowledgehimwithsign,it wastotellhimwhatashittyjobhewasdoingandtoleavehimalone Sohedid.
Hefeltlostatsea,totallybyhimself Henevergaveuphope,butittookyearsandyearsforCalebtoeventrytounderstand whatlifewaslikeforWren.AndittookhimevenlongerthanthattoacknowledgethatWrenhadn’thaditeasy.That assimilationhadbeenforcedonhim,andhehadn’twantedtowearthemantleofgoldenchild Itdidn’teraseWren’straumaatthehandsofbothhisparentsandhisbrother,butwhenCalebwasfinallywillingtolisten andtounderstandandthenapologizeforshuttingWrenout Wrenwassostarvedforaplacetobelongthathedidn’teven hesitateinforgivinghisbrother Andhetookeverycrumbofacceptanceandtreatedthemliketheyweremountains
Ofcourse,lifewasdifferentnow,whichwastheonlyreasonWrenwasn’taworsemess,buthislifehadgotteninfinitely morecomplicatedtheolderhegot Likewhenhestarteddevelopinganattractiontomenandwomenbutgotitchyandsickto hisstomachatthethoughtofactuallydating.Thathadledhimtoalongstringofshort-livedaffairswithafieldofbrokenhearts andnowaytostophimselffromfuckingpeopleoverexcepttorefusetodomorethanspendasinglenightwithaperson Hewasagoodman.Helovedpeople.Hehadamassiveheart.Buttherewassomethingwrongwithit,andhejustdidn’t understandwhatitwas.
Turning,hefixedRaviwithastareandwavedhishandupanddownhisbody “Well?” “Youlookhot,”Ravianswered.“Butyou’reseriouslygoingtogooutandhavesexwiththeguywhoyelledatmybrother?” Wrenscoffed “Hedidn’tyellatBodhi Heyellednearhim,andthenhefeltlikeshitaboutit Hewasmadathimselffor beinganass.”
Atleast,that’swhatWrenhadtakenawayfromPercy’sbreakdowninthecaféwhenherealizedthatBSLandASLwereso differentthattherewasnochanceofusinghiseducationtounderstandAmericansign.
Ravididn’tlookconvinced,buthealsodidn’tlooklikehewasgoingtotryandstopWren.“Justwearacondom.” Wrengrinnedwidely “Ialwayswearacondom Evenwithblowjobs Trustme,nothinggetsstrangershotterthanrolling oneonwithyourmouth.”
Ravilaughed “I’llkeepthatinmindifIeverfeellikedatingsomeone”
TheonethingWrenlovedmorethanhavingaroommatewhodidn’tjudgehimwashavingaroommatewhounderstoodhim. RavihadrecentlycomeouttoWrenassomewherealongtheacespectrum.Andwhiletheydidn’tunderstandeachotherinthat way,Raviunderstoodwhatitwasliketonotfeellikeeveryoneelsewhenitcametosexorrelationships.
Wheneverthingsgotuglywithahookup,RaviwastheretolistentoWrenwithoutjudgment,whichwassomethinghedidn’t havealotofgrowingup HeletWrenthinkabouthimself towonderabouthimself Wrenwasold hewasuneducatedina lotofways.Hewasterrifiedofbeingintrospectivebecausehewasafraidofwhathemightfindifhelookedtoodeeply.Butat home,hefeltsafe
Theonlythingthatmatteredwasgivinghimselfspacetojust…be.Hewantedtobecontentmostdays,happyonothers,and stableenoughtohandleitwhenthingsdidn’tgohisway.Itdidn’tfeelliketoomuchtoask,evenifsometimespeoplemadehim feellikeitwas
Buthewasn’tgoingtoletthatruinhismood.Nottonight.Tonight,hewasprettysurehewasgoingtogetlaid.Andwith howresponsiveandhigh-strungPercyseemedtobe,Wrenwasprettysureitwasgoingtobegood
Checkinghisphone,hesawamessagefromPercylettinghimknowhewasheadingout,soWrengrabbedhisshoesand hurriedintothelivingroom “Don’twaitup,”hesignedwithonehandashestruggledintohisChucks Raviraisedabrowathim.“WhendoIeverwaitup?”
Wrenjustgrinned,thenshothimaquickILYbeforeheadingoutthedooranddownthestairstohiscar.Thebarwasso closeitalmostfeltpointlesstodrivethere,buthewantedanexcusetostaymostlysoberandtoofferaplacetogoifPercy didn’twantWreninhisspace.
And,ifhedid,WrenwantedaquickescapeincasePercygottoodeepintohisfeelings Wrenwasanamazinglover Ithad nothingtodowitharroganceandeverythingtodowiththefactthathepaidattentiontothewaypeople’sbodiesmovedand responded He’dbeendoingthattocommunicatehisentirelife,andhewasyoungwhenhelearnedthattranslatedverywell whenhebroughtitintobedwithhim.
Theonlyproblemwasitcausedarushofendorphins,andpeoplefellforhimfast.Andtheyfellforhiminwaysthathe knewhe’dneverbeabletoreciprocate So,hehadtotakeprecautionsbecausehetrulydidn’tlikehurtingpeople,andit lookedlikePercyhadbeenthroughenough.
Butthatwasn’tenoughtostophimfromwantingthismorethanhe’deverwantedahookupinhislife Hedidn’tknowwhy, butsomethingaboutPercyjust…diditforhim.
HethoughtabouthowthickPercy’sfingerswere,though,andhowfullhislipswere.Hehadtheperfecthandsforfingering, andhistongueprobablyfeltamazingifheknewhowtouseitright.AssumingPercywasn’tsomeclosetedmarriedmanwho hadonlygottenhisrocksofftoqueerporn,itwasalmostashametowastehimonasingleevening.
HisonlyrealhesitationwasthatPercyhadsaidhewasstickingaround thathissisterandniecewouldbeattheshopa lot.Andifthingswentsouthafterthisdinner,WrenwouldhavetogointohidingeverytimePercycameintoBrewBiz.
Wrenwas still dealingwithsmalltendrilsofguiltforhavinghurtAnthony whoreallywassuchagreatguyandprobably wouldhavebeenanamazingboyfriend.Anthonyhadmovedon,butWrenknewtherewasstillasorespottherebecausehe’d brokenhisownrule:he’dletAnthonystaythenight Morethanonce
They’dwokenuptogetherfortwoweeks.Hadbreakfasttogether.Textedheartemojis,andsometimesWrenevenbrought himbakedgoodstohisoffice Itwas,inallhonesty,everythinghe’ddoforanyofhisfriends,butAnthonywasn’twiredlike him.AndAnthonydidn’tknowthat’showhewas,andhe’dmistakenWren’saffectionforfallinginlove.
SoWrenhadtoendit,andithadbeenugly.Anthonyhadcried,askedwhyhewasn’tgoodenough,askedWrenwhyhe’d ledhimonforsodamnlong AndWrenhadnoanswersotherthantotellhimthat’sjusthowitwas Thelookinhiseyeswould hauntWrenforalong,longtime.
Hecouldn’tmakethatmistakeagain EspeciallynotwithamanlikePercy,whoseemedlikehe’dalreadybeenthrough enoughpain.
Wrenwasasensitivesoul,forasmuchasromanceconfusedhim,andthelastthinghewantedtodowashurtsomeonewho didn’tdeserveit.
Hetookafortifyingbreathashepulledintothesideparkinglotofthelittlesportsbarandturnedhiscaroff.Theplacewas calledPipeandPine,anditwasco-ownedbyacoupleWrenhadmetwhenhewastakinghisfirstofficialASLclassatthe universityyearsback.ColewasDeaf,hiswife,Danielle,washearing,andtheywerebothhockeyfanatics.
Wrendidn’ttotallygetthehockeylingo orsportsforthatmatter butbothColeandDaniellemadeitapointtohire peoplewhowereatleastconversationalinASL,whichmadeiteveryone’sfavoritehangoutspotwhentheywereallsickto deathofcoffee.
Whichwasprettymuchallthetime.
Wrenwasaregular,evenwithouthisfriends,sohecaughtthebartender’seyeandgaveherawavebeforescanningthe sparseWednesdayeveningcrowd HeeventuallyspottedPercyatatablenearthewindow,awayfromthelineofTVs,which Wrenappreciated.
HewonderediftheDeafprofessorhe’dbeenlearningfromhadsuggestedthat HeknewPercywasmortifiedbythelanguagemix-up,butitwasclearhewasatleastdoinghisresearch,andWren couldn’tfaulthimforthat.HesmiledwhenPercycaughthiseyeanddraggedhismiddlefingeruphischest.“What’sup?” Percy’sbrowfurrowed.“That’s…notasignIknow.”
Wrenmostlyreadhislipsuntilhewascloseenoughtosit,andherepeateditbeforetranslating.“Itmeanswhat’sup. Casualthough Like,don’tsaythatshittoyourboss”
Percybithislip,andhisgazedartedoutthewindowforasecond,likemaybehewascontemplatinghisescape.“I,erm.I managedtofindanASLcoursetaughtlocally Ilookedattheuniversity,buttheydon’thaveanycoursesthatIcouldstart immediately,andIdon’twantLilatowait.”
Wrenfeltoddlytouched.“Youreallylikethiskid,huh?”
Percyclearedhisthroatloudly,twistinghispintglassbetweenhishands “Mysister’sbeenwantingtobeamumfora reallylongtime.”TherewasasuddencrashfromthekitchenthatovertookthesoundcomingoutofPercy’smouth.“She…and I disaster Last now”
Wrenlostthethreadwhenabunchofcustomersstartedscreamingloudlyatthegame,andheblinked,fightingbackasigh. “Sorry Missedmostofthat”
Percy,forhispart,didn’tlookannoyedatall.Hejustleanedforwardanddidn’tdothatannoyingthingwherehespoke slowly,likeWrenwasthree.“SheandherhusbandgotdivorcedrightinthemiddleofIVF.Iofferedtohelpherwithany possiblepregnancy,butitwasatotaldisaster Lastyear,shetookajobhereandalmostimmediatelystartedtheadoption process.She’sattheendofthatnow.”
Wrennodded “Gotit”
Percybithislipforasecond,andWrentriednottostaretoohardatthewayitgotallplumpandpink.“Theagenciesshe wentthroughwouldonlyacceptherforspecialneedsplacement”
Wrenbristled,buttherewasnopointingoingonarantaboutthefucked-upsystem.Itwasn’tlikePercywasbehindit. “Andyoudecidedtocomejoinher?”
Percydrummedhisfingersonthetable,andWrenalmostforgottolookupintimetoseehisanswer “Ididn’twantherto bealone.Andit’snotlikeIcan’tdomyworkhere.”
Wrenwastemptedtoaskwhathedid,butthatwaspartofhisrules Noquestions Questionsledtoconnections mental andemotionalones.Onesthatledtodeeperconversationsandrelatingoverchildhoodtraumasandallthatshit.
Percylookedlikehehadpaininhispast,andWrenabsolutelycouldnotknowwhatitwas.
Hewastoofuckingweak.He’dwanttohelp.He’dwanttobehisfriendandcomforthimandfixit,andthatwouldcreate allthosefeelingsinPercyhewastryingtoavoid.
Luckily,themomentwasinterruptedbyoneofthecocktailservers,whoWrendidn’trecognize,buthecouldtellsheknew himwhenshegreetedhimwithhissignname.“Hey,Wren.CanIgetyouadrink?”
Hesatbackandtappedhischinforasecond “IthinkI’mgonnastaydrytoday Justbringmeatonicwaterwithasplashof grapefruitandanorangetwist.”
ShenoddedandwalkedoffasWrenturnedhisgazebacktoPercy
Theman’seyeswerealittlewide.“Itreallyis different.”
Wrensnorted “Yeah Ithoughtyoufiguredthatoutatthecafé”
Percy’scheekspinkedagain.“Right.Imean,yes.Idid.It’s…onlyjust…nowthatIknow,it’smoreobvious.Isortof thoughtyourfriendwastakingthepissandtryingtomakemefeelstupid.”
Wrenshookhishead “Trustme,Lukecanbekindofahothead Like,I’mprettysurehewasabouttorearrangeyourfaceif youkeptgoing,buthe’sactuallyateddybear.”
“With ?”
Wrenfrowned.“Missedthelastword.”
Percyliftedhishandandcurledhisfingers “Claws”
Wrenchokedonalaugh.“OhmyGod.Yeah.Ananda’sworse,butshe’salsoalittlelessirrationalwhenshethinksshe’s beinginsulted.Trustme,Italkedtoeveryone.Theyknowitwasamisunderstanding.”
Percydidn’tlooklikehebelievedWren,whichwasafairassessment Lukeknewnow,buthewasn’texactlybeing understandingaboutit.Calebhadalreadydecreedthatif orwhen Percycameback,Lukecouldjustsitinthekitchenwith JoriorPeytonifhewasunabletoputhiscustomer-servicefacebackon
“He’salsogettingmarriedsoon,andIthinkit’stakingatollonhim,”Wrenadded.Whichwasalsoafairassessmentof Luke’sstress.Wrendidn’tknowifgroomzillaswereathing,butiftheywere,thatwasahundredpercentLuke.“Hehada meltdowntheotherdaytryingtoplanhisbachelorparty.”
Percypulledaface,andWrennoticedhe’drelaxedquiteabit.Henolongerhadhisshouldershuncheduptowardhisears, andhishandsweren’tfidgetingwitheverythingonthetable “Ineverquiteunderstoodthefussoveroneday ButI ”He stoppedabruptly,andittookWrenasecondtorealizehehadn’tmissedanything.Percyhadjustgonesilent.
“Youokay?”heaskedafterafewbeats
Percyclearedhisthroatloudly.“Yes.Sorry.I’monlyrecentlygettingbackintobeingsocial,anditturnsoutI’velostalot ofmyskills.”
Wrenturnedonhismostflirtysmile,feelingasmallsurgeoftriumphwhenPercyblushed,andheleanedclosertohim.“I thinkyou’redoingjustfine.”
Percylickedhislips,hisgazemovingdowntoWren’sfingers,thenbackuptohiseyes “Youthink?”
“Ithink.Ialso thinkweshouldgetoutofheresoon.GosomewhereIcanunderstandyoubetter.Youknow ”Heliftedhis handsandsignedthelasthalfofhissentence “ untilyoulearntospeakmylanguage” “Someday,I’llknowwhatthatmeans,”Percysaid,clearlyflustered.
Wrensmiledwider.“Ihavenodoubt,”hesaidaloud.“Butseriously.Unlessyoureallywannahavemorebeerandbar food”
Percyglancedtowardthefrontdoors,thenbackatWren.“Yourdrinkhasn’tevencome.”
“I’llstillleaveheranicetip Whatdoyousay?”Itwasthelasttimehewasgoingtoask,andhischestwarmedwhenhe sawasmallgrincreepoverPercy’sgorgeouslips.
“Idohaveahotelnearby Ifyou’rekeen” Hellyeah.Hewaskeen.
CHAPTER THREE ONCE UPON A TIME,Percyhadbeenalaid-backsortofman Notthecoolest Hehadadiaryfullofchildhoodtraumafrom beingbulliedbythespoiledtwatsthatwenttoschoolwithhimanddecidedanyonewithglassesandlikedtoreadwasworthy ofmockery.Butoncehegotintosecondary,hemadefriendswithsimilarinterests,andpeoplestoppedgivingashitaboutwho wasanerdandwhowasn’t
Hegotanafter-schooljobathisneighbor’scurryshop,cuttingandwrappingnaanfortakeawayorders,whichgavehim enoughpocketmoneytohangoutwithhisfriendssohedidn’thavetoadmithowpoorhewas Andhe’dearnedenoughtohelp Pennybuynewclotheseverynowandagainsoshedidn’thavetostresstheirmumoutabouthowlittletheyhad.
Percy’schildhoodwasfairlyshit,buthedidn’tevenrealizeituntilhewasanadultwithamaster’sinarchitecture,a businessloan,andseveralinvestorswhobelievedinhisvision.Bytwenty-six,hehaddrovesofwealthyclientsfromallover theUKandEUclamberingforhisofficedesigns.HefundedPenny’suniversityeducationandherwedding andsubsequent divorce andsettheirmumupinasmallcottagewithnostairsinCornwall,whereshe’dalwayswantedtolive
Thingsshouldhavebeenperfect.Andtheywere,forawhile.Butheshouldhaverememberedthateventhegoodthings weren’tlasting
Theshit-stormstartedthenightPercyletoneofhisinternssethimuponsomeridiculousdatingapp.Thatwasthe beginningoftheendofthemanPercyhadbecome confidentandfullofhisownself-worth.Allbecauseofadatewithaman calledEvan,whohadaprettysmileandgorgeoushairandawayofmakingPercyfeelverysmallandworthless likehe shouldbegratefuleverydaythatEvanstillwantedhim.
Ittookfouryears,sixmonths,andthreedaysforPercytofinallyrealizehewasworthsomuchmorethanEvanhadtriedto convincehimhewas.Andeventhen,Percywasstillreeling stilltryingtodecidewhetherornotEvanactuallyhadapoint abouthim Maybehewasworthjustalittlebitlessthaneveryoneelse
Buthehadtheconfidencetoleave,atleast,sohesoldhisflatandmovedtoGlasgow,workingoutofhisofficesthere.He spentmonthslickinghiswoundsandhopingthatoneday,he’dwakeupandhisdreamsweren’tabouttheshit-showthathad beenhisrelationship.
Ofcourse,apartfromgettingtherapy,Percythrewhimselfintowork,clockingseventyhoursaweekforthenextthreeyears andprayingthatthingsmagicallygetbetter
Attheveryleast,hisworkloadmadeitsohedidn’thavetothinkaboutthelifehe’descapedwhilehewasconscious.Butit wasalsolikelythesleepdeprivationthatwasbehindhisdecisiontoopentheUSofficethemomentPennysaidshewasgoing tomakeherstaytherepermanentaftertheadoptionlookedlikeitwasgoingtogothrough.
“Lila’sDeaf,”Pennyhadsaidononeoftheirphonecalls earlymorningforhim,lateatnightforher.“I’vealreadyputmy namedownforsignlanguageclassessoshecanunderstandmeonceI’mallowedtohaveherfull-time Theotherhomesshe’s beenin…Christ,Percy.They’vebeenabloodynightmare.Sayyou’lldothiswithme?Iwantheruncletobeabletospeakwith her”
“Don’tberidiculous,”hetoldher.“I’malreadyonlinelookinguplessonssoIcangetstarted.”Andthat,atleast,wasn’ta lie.
Percyhadalwaysbeenthesortofmantogivehimselftoaprojectahundredandtenpercent Itwaswhyhe’dbeenso bloodywrappedupinEvanwithoutseeingallthoselittleredflagswavinguntilitwasfar,fartoolate.Buthedidn’tneedto thinktwiceaboutPennyandhissoon-to-beniece,sohehadhisassistantgetacontractforprivateBSLlessons ThenhehadhismanagerstarttheballrollingonopeningupaUSoffice.
Therestwashistory
Or,well,therestledhimtoembarrassinghimselfinaDeafcafébecausehecouldn’tforthelifeofhimever remember learningthatAmericansusedadifferentsignlanguage.
And that horrificdayledhimtothemomentonacoastal,temperatenight,walkingthreeblocksfromabartohishotel roomwithoneofthemostattractivemenPercyhadevermetinhislife.Amanwhowassogorgeoushehadnobusiness wantingPercy ButWrendid He’dbeenflirtingallnight,andPercywassoreadyforthisnextstep Hewasshakingwithnervesbecausethelasttimehe’dbeenwithanyone,ithadbeenEvan asortofgoodbyeshag,ina way Godhelphim,butherememberedeverysecondofittoo Ithadbeenlate Evanhadbeengoneforthree maybefour days,andPercyhadbeenwallowingintheirhalf-emptyflat.
He’dknowninthoseweehoursbeforethefrontdooropenedthatitwaswellandtrulyover.Hecouldn’tkeeplivingwith Evan’scheating,andhiscontempt,andthewayhesortofgotoffonmakingPercyhatehimself Andintruth,hehadn’tactually expectedtoseeEvanagain.
Thenhe’dcomethroughthefrontdoor
HerememberedthefeelinginhisgutwhenheturnedhisbackonEvan,slidingintothebed.Herecalledwithfartoomuch claritythefeelingofEvantracinglinesupanddownPercy’sspinethewayheloved. Andthenhissoftvoicewhisperinginhisearabouthowmuchhemissedhimandwhatashithe’dbeen.
Hewasweakinthatmoment,andhegavein.HeletEvanfuckhimface-to-face,drankinallthewordsthatfellfromhis formerlover’slipslikeawaterfall Hewassoaringandonthevergeofcryingashecame Hisresolvetoletthingsendwas damnnearshattered.
ThenEvanwenttosleepfacingawayfromhim,thewayhealwaysdid,likehecouldn’tstandtoadmitheandPercywere sharingabed.
Hehadn’ttouchedPercyagain.Hewasgoneinthemorning,andsoweremostofthethingshe’dleftbehind.Itkilledhim knowinghemighthaveletEvanstay thathemighthaveletitgoonandonforthosecrumbsofaffectionthatEvanwasonly willingtogivehimwhenshitwashittingthefan.He’dlosthisabilitytofeelbraveandconfident.
Wasithisdecisiontomove,orhadEvandoneittoprovethathecouldhavemadePercystay?Itwassomethinghewas stillworkingthroughintherapy,buthewasn’tsurehecouldcometoaconclusion.Notwithoutknowing notwithoutasking Evan,andhe’dratherdiethaneverspeaktohisexagain
AsharptaponhisarmhadPercyjumpinghalfafootintotheair,andheturnedtoseeWrenstaringathimwithadeep frown.“Areyouokay?”Wrenasked,hisvoiceadeep,thickrumble.
Percyswallowedheavily,thenglancedtohisleft,realizingtheywerestandingintheluggagebayofhishotel Hepasseda handdownhisface.“I’msosorry.Gotabitlostinmythoughts.”
Wrennoddedandtookasinglestepback,givingPercymorespacethanhereallywanted “Look,IknowIcanbekindof pushy.IfeellikemaybeIdidn’tgiveyouenoughspacetosaynotothis.”
Percyblinked,thenlaughed Hedidn’tmeanto Thesoundjustbubbledupinhisgutandspilledout Wrenlooked horrified,soPercyheldupahandandshookhishead.“No.Christ,no.I’msosorry.Ihaven’tdonethiswithanyonein… shittinghell,threeyears,maybe?SincemyexandIsplitup.”
Wren’seyeswidened “Oh Damn Okay”
Percylaughedagain.“Iwasn’texpectinganyofthiswhenImetyoutoday.Iwasjusthappyyoudidn’twanttohaveme permanentlybannedfromthecafé”
WrenshruggedandsignedsomethingPercycouldn’thopetounderstand.Hisfingerswerelongandthinandjustasprettyas therestofhim Hehadtattoosonhismiddleknucklesandtheinsidesofhiswrist,andinspiteofPercy’snerves,hewantedto explorethemwithhisteethandtongue.
Hehadn’tfeltthisworkedupoveranyonesincehislastnightwithEvan,anditwasalittleoverwhelming.Heclearedhis throatagain “Itotallyunderstandifyouwanttocallitoff I’mabitofamess,andIhatetobethatguy,butI’malsonotina placeforarelationship.So,ifyouwerehopingformorethananighttogether…”
Wrenblinked,thenthrewhisheadbackandinterruptedPercy’sramblingwithaboominglaugh Itwasrichandfull,coming fromdeepinhislungs,andfuck,Percylovedthesound.“Jesus,dude.You’relikeawetdream.”
Percyfelthischeeksflame.“How’sthat?”
“Idon’tdorelationships.MyonlysecondthoughtheretonightwasthatIdidn’twanttohurtyou.Youseemreally,really nice,andIkindofhaveahabitofbreakingheartswhenIdon’tmeanto.”
Percycouldn’ttellifthatwasagreenflagoraredone.Maybethismanwastellingonhimself thathewasjustasmuchof ashitasEvan,justmoreopenaboutit.Ormaybehewasbeinghonest,whichwouldmakehimabsolutelyperfect.
“Idon’treallyknowwhattosaytothat”
Wren’ssmilewentalittlesofter,alittlesweeter.“Yeah.Igetthatalot.Mostpeopletakeitasachallengeandwant…”He trailedoffwithhisvoiceandfinishedwithhishands,andPercydidn’taskhimtorepeathimselfaloud Hecouldinferwhat Wrenwassaying.
“Well,there’slittleinthisworldthatcouldconvincemethatarelationshipisagoodidea,soifyou’restillinterested ” Hedugintohispocketandpulledouthislittlewhitekeycard.
Wren’seyesgotalittledarker,andPercyfelthisheartkickupanotch.“Leadtheway.”
“Showmethatinsign,”Percyasked
Wren’steethdugintohisbottomlipashishandslifted,andhedid.
Percywasclosetolosinghismindwithlustbythetimetheymadeitintohishotelroom.Heknewhewasn’tentirelytogether, andheknewWrenwasawareofit,butbysomemiracle,themanhadstayed HewastreatingPercywithabitmorecaution thanPercywanted,buthewashopingthatmightallchangeoncetheygottheirclothesoff.
Thedoorshutbehindthemwithaheavyclanglikealmostallhotelroomsdid,andPercycouldfeeltheweightoftension betweenthemashewatchedWrenglancearoundthesuite.Wrenlookedbackathimafterasecondandshookonehandinfront ofhischest.
WhenPercyfrowned,Wrengrinned “Thisplaceisprettydamnnice,richboy” Percyflushed.“I’mnotrich.I’m…”
“Don’tsaycomfortable,”Wrenwarned “Ihatewhenrichpeoplesaycomfortable” Percysnappedhisjawshutwithafirmclick,thenlickedhislips.“Iworkedprobablyabittoomuchoverthelastfew years Itwasmostlytoavoidallthetraumamyexcaused Itkeptmedistractedaftersplittingup I’vegotmoney,butitcameat aprice.”
Wrentookafewstepsclosertohim,hiseyessoftandfilledwithempathy.“Thatreallysucks.Ican’trelate.I’venever actuallydatedbefore Butmybrotherjustwentthroughareallyfuckingterriblebreakupwiththeworstgoddamnnarcissist,and Ithinkifhehadn’tmethisboyfriend,he’dhavegonethesameway.”
Percyflinched Hecouldn’thelpit Hissisterhadthrownaroundtheword“narcissist”aboutEvanrepeatedly AndPercy hadbrushedheroffuntiloneverylatenightofinsomniawhenhe’dfallendowntheinternetrabbithole.He’dreadarticleafter articleandwatchedvideoaftervideo,andittooklessthantenminutestofeellikehewaswatchingsomeonereadouta textbookofhisrelationship.Anditguttedhimtothinktherewereotherpeopleouttherejustlikehim.
HeshookhimselfoutofhisheadandreturnedhisattentiontoWren,whowasstilltalking.“…wantedtobeathisassblack andblue,butCalebwouldn’tletme Andtheshit-showthatcameontheheelsofthat wholepublicspectacle?We’restill dealingwithitatthecafé.Soyeah,Igetmakingmoneyataprice,trustme.”
Percyfeltentirelylost,buthedidn’twanttoaskWrentoelaborate Theydidn’thavemuchtimetogetherifeitherofthem weregoingtosticktotheirself-imposedboundariesofonenightonly,andhedidn’twanttowasteitontalkingaboutpeoplehe didn’tknow.
Hetookastepcloser,swallowedheavily,thenliftedahandandresteditatWren’swaist.Wren’smouthshut,andhiseyes widened.“Areyou…isthis…alright?”
Wrenlaughed “Timidlittlething,aren’tyou?”
Ithadbeenalong,longtimesinceanyonehadcalledPercylittleinanycapacity.Andhethoughtmaybeheshouldbe offended,butinstead,hewaswildlyturnedon “Nottryingtobe,”hemurmured Wrenreachedupwithhislongfingers,pressedoneagainsthischin,andtippedhisheaddownjustslightly.“Repeatthat.” Percygroaned.“I’msorry.I’mnottryingtobetimid.AndIdon’twanttobeshitatcommunicatingwithyoueither.”
“You’renot.Justdon’tgetannoyedwhenIhavetoaskyoutorepeatyourself,”Wrentoldhimsimply.“Idon’tmindfucking guyswhodon’tknowsignaslongasthey’renotdicksaboutitwhenIgetlost.”
“Betterthingstodowithdicks,isn’tthere?”Percyasked,thewordsjusttumblingpasthislipswithoutgoingthroughhis internalfilter.
Wrenlaughed “Yeah Yeah,thereare MindifItouchyours?” “God. Please,”Percysaidontheedgeofawhine.
Wren’spupilsdilatedslightly,theblackcurlingintothelightblue.HepressedhispalmtothecenterofPercy’schest,then draggeditdown Percytriedtoholdbackhismoanandcontrolhisbreath,butthecloserWrengottowherehewashardand aching,themoredifficultthatbecame.
Ithadbeensolong sogoddamn,bloodyfuckinglong sincehe’dletanyonecloseenoughtodothis Hehadn’trealized
howstarvedhewasforit.Andnotjustthephysicaltouch,butthewantonlookofabsoluteneeddirectedathim. AndWren’sfacewassoopen.Sohonest.
“More?”Percyfoundhimselfbegging
Wren’ssmiledarkened.HecuppedhishandoverPercy’sachingerectionandsqueezed,makingPercy’sheadlollbackona deep-chestedgroan “Likethat?”
Percytriedtospeakbutfoundhecouldn’t,sohejustnoddedfranticallyandthrusthishipsforward.Wrenchuckled,the soundlowandrumbly,dancingacrossPercy’sskin HerubbedtheheelofhispalmoverPercy’sdick,andthenWrenusedhis freehandtogripthebackofPercy’sneckandyankedhimsotherewasnospacebetweenthematall.
“Kissme,”heordered.
Percy’sheadtippeddown,andhislipspartedjustintimeforWren’smouthtomeethis Thekissstartedsoft,likeWren wasgettingareadonhim,andthenalush,wettongueslippedbetweenhisteeth.Percymoanedagain,archingintoWren’s grasp,lettingthemanallbutdevourhim
Fuck,hewassoneedy,sodesperate.“Please,”hebeggedagain.
Hewasn’tsureifWrenunderstoodhim,buthisbodylanguagemusthavebeenclearenoughbecauseWrenreleasedhim, onlytograbhimbythehips,walkinghimbackwardtowardthebed.Themomentthebacksofhiskneesmadecontact,hefound himselfstanding,onlybecauseWren’sgriponhimwaslikeiron.
PercygroanedagainasWrenslottedtheirhipstogether,andhecouldfeelthepulseofWren’swantdiggingintohisthigh “I wantyou.”
Wrenpulledback,hiseyesalittlewild “Condoms?Youhaveanyonyou?”Hiswordswerealittlethick,butPercy understoodthemperfectly.
Thendisappointmentrushedthroughhim.Hewasstillhousehunting,livingoutofhissuitcase,andthelastthingonhis mindhadbeengettinglaid.Hehadnothing.“Idon’thaveany.I’msorry.”
Wrengrowled,buthedidn’tseemdeterred,thoughPercywasmomentarilyafraidthiswasallgoingtoend.Then,Wren pressedagainstPercy’ssternumwithafirmhandandsenthimtopplingbackward Hestoodthere,hoveringoverPercylike somesortofvengefulgod,andthenhislipscurledintoagrin,andheputonekneeontheedgeofthemattress.
“Letmeundressyou?”
Percyclearedhisthroat.“Yes.Iwantthat.”
Wren’ssmilewidenedasheliftedPercy’slegbytheankle,pullingoffhisshoe,thenhissock.Hefeltarushof embarrassmentthatWren’sfacewassoclosetohisfeetafterhavingbeenonthemallday,butthemandidn’tseembotheredat all.Hischeekswereflushed,andhewastentinghisworkpants.
Percy’smouthwatered,damnneardesperatetogethismoutharoundit,whichwasawildthought He’dneverbeen particularlyadventurousinbed somethinghisexhadusedagainsthimallthetime.Butitwasn’tforlackofwant.He’djust beenshyandslightlyashamedtoaskforallthoselittlefantasiesthatflittedaroundhisbrainwheneverhecurledupunderthe sheetsandjerkedoff.
AnditwasinthemomentWrenpressedawetkisstothetopofhisfootthatPercyfeltprofoundlyseenandprofoundlysafe. Hehadnoideawhythistotalstrangerwasunlockingallsortsofbraveryandcourage,butitwasenoughforhimtopushupon hiselbowsandmeetWren’sgaze.
“Tellmewhattodo”
WrenletoutthesmallestgroanasheletPercy’slegflopdowntothebed.Hisfingersdidalittlewalk-crawluphisthighs untiltheygottohisfly Then,thebuttonwaspopped,andthezippercamedown,andsuddenly,Percy’scockwascompletely exposedtothecooleveningair.
Wrendidn’ttouchhimexcepttopulltheboxersdowntightersohisballsfelloutoftheslit,andthenhejust…stared. Hejuststared
Percystartedtosquirm,butWrenplacedasteadyhandonhisribcage.
“Don’tyouwanttobeagoodboyforme?”
Hegroanedwithoutthinking,hishipsshifting,andinspiteofgivingitallofhiseffort,hecouldn’tseemtobreakeye contact “Yes,”hefinallywhispered
WrenliftedasinglefingerandtraceditaroundPercy’slips.“Didyouevenmakeasoundwhenyouspoke,sweetthing?” Percyswallowedheavily,thenshrugged.“Barely.Sorry,I…Ican’thelpit.IlosemyvoicewhenIgetallworkedup,and you’remakingmesohot”
“Fuck.Youaresomethingelse,doyouknowthat?”Wrenasked.Forasinglebreath,helookedabsolutelydevastated,but theexpressionwasgone,andPercywonderedforamomentifhe’djustimaginedthewholething “Now,Iliketoplaygames, butmorethanthat,Iliketogivemypartnersexactlywhattheywant.”
“Okay,”Percysaid,hisvoicetremblingjustalittle.
Wren’sfingersbegantoworkonthebuttonsholdingPercy’sshirtinplace.Theypoppedopenonebyonebyone,andthen hepulledthefabrictothesidesandimmediatelythumbedPercy’snipples.Hemoanedloudlyagain,andWrenswunghisother
legoverhisthighsandstraddledhim.
“Wehaveallnight,butit’snotenoughtimetogetcomplicated,”Wrenwenton,rubbingharder.
Percywasstrugglingtolisten,lostinthefeelingofbeingtouchedinwayshe’dwantedtobetouchedforso,sofucking long.“Yes.”
Wrengrabbedhischinandgavehisheadafirmtug,theireyesconnectingagain
“We’renotgoingtousesafewords,okay? Nomeansno,”hesaid,pinchingtwofingerstohisthumb.Then,helaidoutaflatpalmandstruckthesideofhisotherhand acrossit “Stopmeansstop”
Percyusedhands,weakwithdesire,tocopyhim,andWrenshothimabrilliantsmile.
“Perfect,”Wrentoldhim.“AndcorrectmeifI’mwrong,butitlookstomelikeyouwereseriouswhenyousaidyou wantedmetotellyouwhattodo”
Percy’sthroatwastight,buthemanagedanod.“Yes.Iwas.Ido.Please.”
Wrennodded,lookingthoughtfulashegracedbluntnailsupanddownthecenterofhischest Thefeelingalmoststung but notquite.Theperfecthintofpainthatmadehimwanttosquirmagain.“Andyouseemtoreally,reallylikeitwhenItellyou howgoodyouare”
Percypusheduponhiselbowswhenherealizedwhatwashappening.Hissexhadalwaysbeenvanilla,buthisporn wasn’t.Hewatchedthingsheneverwantedtohappentohimandsomethingshedid.Buthewasalsostillabittornuponthe inside,andheknewwhathecouldn’thandle
“Yes,but…pleasedon’tbemean.I’mabittornupinsidestill,andI’mnotsureIcouldhandleit.”
Wrenlookedsadalloveragain,andheleanedforward,nuzzlingPercy’snoseagainsthisownforalongmoment “Sweetheart,theverylastthingintheworldIwantistobemeantoyou.”
Forasplitsecond,Percywastoopetrifiedtobelievehim,butWrencradledhisfacewithmoretendernessthanPercyhad everexperiencedinhislife,andhisheartbegantothudagainsthisribshardenoughhecouldfeelitthroughhiswholebody.
“I ”Hestarted,thenstopped.Hedidn’treallyknowwhattosay.
“You’realright,”Wrentoldhim “You’rebeingsogood”
Percyshudderedfromtherootsofhishairtothebottomsofhisfeetashecollapsedbackagainstthepillow.Themovement pulledhimawayfromWren’stouch,butthedistancedidn’tlast Wren’shandswereonhim,onehandpressedtothesideofhis neckwherehispulsewasthrumming,theotherpushingintohishair,holdingtightenoughtocausezingsofpaindownhisspine. Andshit,helikedit.
Helikeditsomuch.
Amoantumbledfromhischest,andhishipsstartedrockingupuntilWrenpinnedhim,rockingdownwardandholdinghim againstthebedwithhislegs “Behave,sweetheart”
Percyswallowedheavilyandnodded.“Yeah.Yes.Sorry,I ”
“Andyoucanstopthat,”Wrentoldhim,tracingatouchoverhislips “Youdon’tneedtokeepapologizing” Percywasn’tsosurethatwastrue.Hislifewasadisaster,andapartfromhisexbeinganabsoluteshit,hewasprettysure mostofitwashisownfault.Hedidn’tknowwherehe’dgonewrong,orhow,buthewasadisaster.Andhehadnoideahowto fixit
“Youwithme?”Wrenaskedafterabeat.
Percynodded “Yeah Yes So ”Hestoppedhimselfbeforetherestofthewordcouldform,andWrenkissedhim,hard anddesperate.
“Sogood,”herepeatedinawhisper Percy’shipsstartedtoshiftagain,andWrenlaughed “Don’tworry,anddon’t overthinkthis,gorgeous.I’mgoingtotakecareofyou.You’reallowedtoletgoandgiveyourselftome.”
EverythinginPercy’sheadcametoascreechinghaltwhenWrencalledhimgorgeous.Hewasn’t,andheknewit.Hewas fair-looking Hedidn’thavetroublegettingdates,thoughheknewalotofthatwasprobablyhismoney,buthewasn’t beautiful.Hewasn’tstriking.
Hewasjustaverageonagooddayandplainontherestofthem
“Canyounot,”hesaid,hisvoicestrained.HeclearedhisthroatandmetWren’sgaze.“Canyounot…lieeither?” Wren’sbrowfurrowed “Lieaboutwhat?”
“ThatI’m ”Hestoppedandshrugged.“ThatI’mgood-looking.I’masurething.Imean,obviously,sinceI’mlaidouthere underneathyouanddesperateforyoutotouchme.So…youdon’tneedtolie.Idon’tneedflattery.Ipromise,I’mnotgoing anywhere”
Wren’sfrowndeepenedforasecond,andthenhisbrowsflewup.“Absolutelythefucknot.”
Percypulledback “What?”
Sittingupabit,WrenpinnedPercydownbyoneshoulder,andhisotherhandgrabbedhimbythechin.“Idon’tknowifit wasjustyourexwhofedyouthatbullshitorifitwasmorethanoneperson,butwhoeverconvincedyouthatyou’renotgutwrenchingly, infuriatingly good-lookingneedstohavetheirteethknockedin.”
Percywinced.“Honestly,Idon’tneed ”
“I’mnotallaboutlooks,”Wrensaid.“ButdoyouthinkI’dchasedownthepersonwhomadeagoddamnspectacleatmy workplaceandinsultedbothmeandmyfriendsifIhadn’twantedtoclimbhimlikeadamntreethesecondIlaideyesonhim?” “Well,”Percysaid,thenlickedhislips Wren’smouthsoftenedintoasmile.“Doyou?”
“HowshouldIknow?Maybeyouhaveshittaste”Hepanickedafterthosewordsslippedoffhistongue,butWrenjust threwhisheadbackandlaughedbeforesurgingforwardandkissinghimagain.
Percylosthimselfintherhythmofitforsolonghe’dalmostforgottenwhathisproblemwas “Idon’thaveshittaste.ButevenifIdid,whatdoesitmatter?You’regorgeoustome,andI’dliketomakesureyou’revery, veryawareofthat,”Wrenmurmured.Hepulledback,andthelookinhiseyeswassohonestPercydidn’tknowwhattodo withhimself
Hewasprofoundlygratefulinthatmomenttheycouldn’thavethisformorethanonenightbecauseWrenwasdangerous.He wasterrifying IfPercystayedanylongerthanwasnecessary,he’dfallheadoverheels,andhewouldbehelplesstostopit “Doyoubelieveme?”Wrenpressedinthesilence.
Percyhadnochoice “Ibelieveyou” “Good.Thenletmegetonwithsuckingyourdick.” “Oh. Fuck. ”
Itwasawhirlwindafterthat,andPercynearlylosttimeasheandWrenstrippeddownuntiltheywerebothnaked Wren waslitheandlovely,coveredintattoosalonghisarmsandonemassivecrowfromhishipallthewayuphisribs.
Percyfoundhimselfwantingtoleanoverhimandtracethosemarkingswithhistongue Hewantedtoputhisteethtothem andseeifWrenmadenoisesasdesperateasPercywasfeelingrightthen.
Instead,heletWrenbosshimontohisback,andthenthemanproducedtwocondomsfromthepocketofhisworktrousers. “Thesedon’thavelube.Ilearnedmylessonafteracoupleofmyhookupsendedupbeingallergic,”Wrenexplained.
Percytriedtoignorethehotfeelingofjealousyinhischestsinceithadnorighttobethere.“I’mnotallergic,butIdon’t haveanythingthat’llhelp”
“Right,”Wrensaid.“Ican’tfuckyourass,butIcanstillblowyou.”
Percytriedtospeak,butallthatcameoutwasastrangled,desperatenoisethatmadeWrensmilewider Heputoneofthe condomwrappersbetweenhisteethasheslidlower,andhiswarmhandspushedatPercy’slegsuntiltheywerespreadwide.
Percy’scockthrobbed,leakingatthetip,andwhenhetriedtoreachforit,Wrengrabbedhiswristandpinnedittothebed. ‘No,’hesigned.‘No.Understand?’
Percyswallowedheavily,noddedalmostfranticallyasheshiftedbackandforth,desperateforsomesortoffriction.Wren seemedboundanddeterminedtotakehistimethough,andPercycurledhisfingersintothesheetsashewatchedWrenslowly teartheedgeoffthewrapper.Helookedatit,hisexpressioncurious,andbeforePercycouldstartbegginghimtodosomething anything Wrenputthecondombetweenhislips,grabbedPercy’sdickbythebase,andfithismouthoverthetip “Ohfuck.Oh,fuckingfuck me,”PercygaspedinthesecondbetweenWrenholdingstillandthenrollingthecondomon withasingleswallow.Percy’sdickgaveahardtwitchasWrensuckedhard,pullingallthewayoff.“Please,please,”he begged
Wrenhelditinhisgrasp justshyoftootight andhepressedahotkisstothetipbeforeusinghislipstopinchitandpull tomakeroomforhiscome
Percy’swholefacewashotterthanthesun,andhewonderedifhecouldpassoutfromthesheeramountofbloodrushingto hischeeks Hedidn’thavetimetothinkafterthatthough Wren’shandcamebetweenhislegs,andhisfingerspettedgentlyover hisballs,thenoverhishole,whichtwitchedwithdisappointmentthatitwasn’tgoingtobefilledtonight. Buteventhatdidn’tlastlong.Wrenimmediatelygottowork,suckinghimwithlushpush-pullsofhislipsandtongue, drivingPercyrighttotheedgebeforepullingback Againandagain,hefeltanorgasmcresting,onlyforWrentostopseconds beforeheletgo.
“Why?”hesobbed
WrennuzzledPercy’scockwiththesideofhischeek,thenkissedalongtheshaft.“BecauseIlikewatchingyoufallapart. AndIwanttoplaywithyou Iwanttotakemytime,gorgeous”
Hefeltthatwordagain,thistimelikeaphysicalcaress,asWrenwatchedhisexpression.Percyhadnoideawhathisface wasdoing,andinthatmoment,hedidn’tcare.Heneededtocome.Heneededitsobadly.
“IfeellikeI’mdying”
Wrenkissedthejoinbetweenhisthighandcrotch.“Dying?Orliving?”
Percycouldn’tanswer Wrenopenedhismouthandsuckedhisballsin,rollingthemwithhistonguebeforelettinggoand gettingbacktowork.Andthistime,whentheheadofhiscocktouchedthebackofWren’sthroatandhefeltthefamiliarheat poolinginhisbelly,Wrendidn’tstop.Hesuckedharder,squeezingthebasewithonehand,strokinghisballswiththeother.
Percy’seyessqueezedshut,andhishipsstuttereduponce,twice,andthenheletgo.Hismouthopenedonasilentcryas Wrendamnnearpulledthesoulfromhisbody,andhewastremblingalloverwhenhefinallyattemptedtocatchhisbreath.
Wrenhadlethimgoatsomepoint,andPercywasprofoundlyawareoftheweightonhishipasWrenlayagainsthim, strokinggentlefingersoverhisstomach.Hisdicklayhalf-hardinhisthatchofhair spit-slickwithhiscometrappedbehind thelatex
Percyattemptedtositup,butWrenpushedhimbackdownandsliduphisbody,usinghisthumbtopartPercy’slipsfora messykiss Hetastedofsalt,sweat,andrubber,andPercyfelthalf-wildwithanothersortofneed “Comeonme,”Percywhispered.
Wrenpulledback,hisbrowsfurrowed “Repeatthat”
Percyswallowedheavilyandalmosttoldhimnevermind,buthedidn’twanttotakeitback.“Comeonme.”Hishand snakedbetweenthemwhereWrenwasstillrockhardanddripping.HecurledhisfingersaroundWren’shardlength,thenused histhumbtoswirlthemoistureatthetip
Wrenletoutachest-deep,needymoan.“Perce.”
Percyshudderedandnodded,pushingfingersintothebackofWren’shair Heheldhim notastight,butmaybeevenmore possessivethanWrenhaddone.“Comeonme,”herepeated.
Wrenbegantorockhiships,hisheadstilltippeddownuntilhegaveahardthrob Liftinghischin,hemetPercy’sgazeas hebegantofuckhisfistinearnest.“Tighter,”hecommanded,andPercyquicklyobeyed.Wren’shipssnappedforward,shaking thembothagainstthemattress,andPercybegantomoan louder,louderuntilWren’seyessqueezedshut,andheletgo.
Hecamewithaquietcry,droppingdownandburyinghisfaceagainstPercy’sneckashishipsslowed HefuckedhisstillhardcockagainstPercy’sstomachafewtimes,tremblingthroughtheaftershocks,andthenhisbreathingstartedtoevenout.
Percy’sowneyesclosedwhenhefeltsoftkisseslayalonghisjawline,andheletoutasmallbreathastheysankintoeach other.Hewasn’tsurethatcuddlingwasontheagenda,butWrenbegantotrailsoftlinesalongPercy’sarmjustthewayhe liked.
No,notthewayheliked.Somehow,itfeltevenbetter.
“Thankyou,”hesaidafterabeat,thenliftedhischintolookatPercy.“Youwereamazing.Youwere so amazing.” Percyfelthisheartachebehindhisribs Thiswasdangerous “Youcan ifyou’dlike youcango Iwon’tmakeit awkward.”
Wren’sfacewentblankforasecond “Isthatwhatyouwant?” No.Itwasn’t.Buthewasafraidtosaythat.“Idon’twanttocrossanylines.”
WrenletoutthesoftestlaughandlaidhisheadbackdownagainstPercy’sshoulder.“Aftercare,sweetness.Youwere reallyoutofitwhenyoufinallycame.”
Percydidn’treallyknowwhattosaytothat.Itwastrue,yes.Butthereasonsforitwerecomplicatedandnotanythinghe wantedtobringbetweenthem Soinstead,hedrewhisfingersupanddowninsoftpatternsalongWren’sspine,andthetwoof themquietlybaskedforaslongastheycouldstandit.
CHAPTER FOUR F
LOPPING ONTO THE BED,Wrenputthepizzacrustinhismouth,thensighedandpulleditoutagainwhenherealizedheneeded hisvoicetospeak.Theonethinghe’dlearnedtoadorewithhisDeaffamilywastheabilitytoconverseandeatatthesame time.Withhearingpeople,hehadtofixateontheirmouths,anditalwaysgotsogross.
Itwasodd Onceuponatime,thathadbeenhisnorm,butnowitfeltlikeafeverdream BeingwithPercywaseasy,butit wasdifferentfromhisfriends,anditgavehimastrange,hollowfeelinginthecenterofhischestwhenherealizedhewouldn’t begettingusedtoit
EvenifPercycamearoundalot,Wrenknewhe’ddoeverythingtoavoidhim.Hedidn’thaveachoiceanymore.Heliked him Hewasfunnyandsweetandawkwardashell Andhewasfuckingdelicious He’dfallenapartunderWren’shandslike he’dbeenborntodoit,andifWrenwasn’tcareful,he’dgetaddicted.
Hehadn’tbeenwithanyoneasresponsiveasPercybefore.Hehadn’tbeenwithanyonewhomadehimfeelso…
Fuck Hedidn’thavewordsforitinanyofthelanguagesheknew
Butwhateveritwas,ithadhimbreakingallhisrules.HewasstilllyingonPercy’shotelbed,apizzafromroomservice betweenthemandquietdesirehummingunderhisskin Wrenhadeventuallygottendressedwhenhedraggedhimselffrom Percy’swarm,all-encompassingembrace,butPercyhadjustgrabbedoneofthehotelrobesfromthelittleclosetandwasnow loungingagainsttheheadboardwithhislegscrossedattheankles.
WrenhadlaughedhimselfsillywatchingPercyeatpizzawithaknifeandfork,whichledtoPercyturningbrightred,and Wrenhadn’tbeenabletostophimselffromstraddlinghisthighsandkissingthetasteofgarlicoutofhismouth.Eventually though,Percyhadputastoptoit,andwhileWren’sgutachedwiththeneedtoaskformore,hewasgratefulatleastoneof themhadsomeself-control.
Still,Percyhadn’taskedhimtoleave,andWrencouldn’tbringhimselftostandupandwalkout “ShowmesomethinginBSL,”Wrensaid,tossinghisuneatenpizzacrustbackintothebox.Hesatup,foldinghislegsashe spunaroundtofacehisshould-belover.
Percy’sbrowfurrowed.“Likewhat?”
Wrenshrugged.“Idon’tknow.Titfortat,maybe?ShowmeafewphrasesyouwanttolearninASL.ForLila,”headded. Maybehewasplayingdirty,buthereallywantedtoseehislanguageonPercy’shands
Bitinghislip,PercyshruggedandadjustedthehemofhisrobebeforeliftingonehandinafistandpushingittowardWren. Hethentookbothhands,flatpalms,andranthemdownwardalonghisfront Heendedthesentencewithsomethingthatlooked likeachef’skiss.
Percyletoutapuffofair,thenshookhishead.“ThisissomethingI’dsaytoher,notyou.”
Wrenlaughedsoftlyandreachedout,squeezinghisankle “Yeah Igotthat,sweetness Whatdidyousay?”
Percy’scheeksbloomedsplotchypink.“Youhaveaprettydress.”
Wren’schestclenched “Aww That’sreallysweet”
Percydroppedhishandstohislap.“Idon’t…I’veneverbeenaroundkids,youknow?Ireckonthey’refairlyeasyto please,butIdidn’texactlyhavethebestchildhood,somyinstinctsmightnotbethatgreat.”
No,Wrentoldhimself No Do not get attached Do not ask Heclearedhisthroat “Well,ifithelps,shereallylikesthe princesscookiesourbakerdecorates,socomplimentingherdresswillwinyoubigpoints.”
Percy’ssmilewentsoftandsweet “Yeah?Canyou,er,showmehowto ”Heheldhishandsout,palmsfacingeachother, andhemovedthemingentlecircles.WrenassumedthatwastheBSLversionof“sign.”
Wrenwriggledalittlecloser,half-desperatetofeelthewarmthofPercy’sbody,evenifhecouldn’tlethimselfhavemore HemetPercy’sgazeandhelditforaslongashewasbraveenoughtodrawthemomentout,thenliftedhishands.“Yourdress isverypretty,princess,”hesigned,embellishingabit.
Percy’sgrinwidenedasheslowlycopiedWren’smotions Andhedidagoodjob Betterthanmosthearingpeopledidon theirfirsttry.“Wasthatright?”
“Perfect,”Wrensigned,thenvoiceditaloud “She’sreallyluckytohaveyou Youknowthat,right?”
Percyshruggedandglancedaway,hischestheavingwithatorturedbreath.“Iwanttothinkthat.Iwantherlifetobebetter thanourswas”
Wrenbittheinsideofhischeek,butthewordsweretoohardtokeepin.“Ifeelthat.Iknowmyparentsloveme.Loved me,”hecorrected.Hewasn’tsurehewantedtocallitlove.They’deventuallystoppedpushingbackagainsthimusingASL andaligningwithCalebandtheDeafcommunity
They’dlearnedafewphraseshereandthereandmadeamediocreefforttoensurethatCalebwasincluded butthatwas mostlyjustlettingWreninterprettheirvisits,whichwerenowfewandfarbetween ButitwaswhenCalebcameoutofthe closetthatthingstookanevenworseturn.
Attheveryleast,they’dwaitedforCalebtoleavethehousebeforehismotherbrokedown,butWrenwasn’tsurehe wantedtoforgiveherforthewayshe’dcriedandasked,“Isittoomuchtoaskthatjustonepartofhimbenormal?” Ithadbeenlikeaknifetothegut.
Heleftthatnightwithoutsayingaword Hewenthome,tookoffhisimplants,andleftthemonhisdresserformonths He feltadesperationtoseparatehimselffromthepersonhisparentswantedtobesointenseitalmostmadehimsicktohis stomach
Everyonenoticed.Calebcorneredhimmorethanonce,demandingtoknowwhatchanged.
IttookweeksforWrentofindthestrengthtotellhisbrotherwhathadhappenedafterheleftthehouse.Calebjusttookitall withastoicexpressionandasinglesharpnod.Itwasobvioushehadn’texpectedmorefromhisparents.Afterall,thatwasthe samereactionthey’dgottenwhentheyrealizedCaleb’simplantshadfailedandhewouldnoteverpassinthehearingworld.
Wrenbeganworryingthiswouldcauseanothercanyontodevelopbetweenhimandhisbrother,butintheend,itbrought themclosertogether.CalebwentwithhimwhenWrenwasreadytocomeouthimself,andtheydidn’tstickaroundtoseetheir mothercryagain,thoughWrenhatedthathecouldhearherrantingthroughtheclosedfrontdoorjustbeforehesteppedoffthe porch.
Now,theysatononesideofagulf,theirparentsontheother.Andtherewasnobuildingabridgebetweenthatdivide.
Wrenblinkedwhenhefeltasmalltaponhisleg,andherealizedhe’dentirelyzonedoutoftheconversation “Sorry,”he signed,forgettingforamomenttousehisvoice.
Percygrinnedandgavehimadoublethumbs-up,whichWrenassumedwasBSLforsomethinglike,“It’sallgood”“I didn’tmeantobringupsuchatouchysubject.”
Wrenwavedhimoffandrolledhisshoulders,tryingtoreleasesomeofhistension “It’salloldtrauma Whenmyparents foundoutCalebwasdeaf,theyimmediatelystartedtheprocesstogethimcochlearimplants.”
Percy’seyeswidened.“Like…”HegesturedtothesideofWren’shead.
Henodded “Severaldoctorstoldthemthatmybrotherwasn’tagoodcandidate,buttheypusheduntiltheyfoundone willingtodothesurgery.Surprise,surprise,”hesaid.“Theyfailed.” “Butyoursdidn’t,”Percypointedout
Wrenpulledaface.“Ididn’treallydisappointthemuntilIcameoutofthecloset.”
Percy’sfacefell “I’veheardthatstorymorethanonce”
Lettingoutasoftlaugh,Wrenshrugged.“Thereareworsethings.Andit’snicenothavingtoliveuptotheirversionofthe GoldenChild,whichwassomethingIneverwantedtobe.”Hewentabruptlyquietandslappedahandoverhisface,dragging itdown “OhmyGod Ineverdothis”
Percycockedhisheadtotheside.“Dowhat?”
Wrenwavedhishandbackandforthbetweenthem “This Sharing Notwithahookup ”Hestoppedandbithislip “Right.”Percyclearedhisthroat.“No,I…yes.Thatmakessense,ofcourse.”
“It’snothingpersonal,”Wrentoldhim.Heswunghislegsoffthebed,lettingpanicdrivehisbody.TalkingtoPercyhad beeneasy.Itfeltgood.Itfeltsafe.Andhecouldn’tletthishappen.“Ishouldgo.”
Heturnedhishead,sohemissedmostofwhatPercysaidnext,andhedidn’taskhimtorepeathimself.Instead,hehunted
fortherestofhisthings,findinghisshoesandphonehalftuckedunderthebed.Hisheartwasracingasheputhimselftogether, andheonlyjusthadthecouragetolookover.
Percywassittingattheedgeofthebed,hislegsslightlyparted,therobesettledbetweenhisthighs Helookeddelicious, andallWrenwantedtodowascrawlintohislapandbeheldforabit.
“Wasitme?”PercyaskedwhenherealizedhehadWren’sattention Wrenswallowedheavily.“Yes.Butnotinabadway.Ireallylikeyou,andIdon’t.I’lljusthurtyouintheend,andthat’s thelastthingIwant”
Percynodded,lookingthoughtful.“Imean,wecouldalwayskeepitcasual ” “No,”Wrensaidsharply,signingitinfrontofhim.Heforcedhishandtorelax.“Sorry,butI’vedonethatbefore,andit neverendswell You’vebeenthroughenough”
SomethingflashedoverPercy’sfacethatwastoocomplicatedforWrentoworkout,butbeforehecouldask,itwasgone, andPercyjustofferedasmallsmile “Thankyoufortonight”
“God,”Wrengroaned.“You’renotmakingthiseasy.”
Atthat,Percystoodandreachedforhim Wrendidn’tpullback,leaningintohisbodyinsteadasPercy’slargearmsheld him.“Idon’tthinkIwanttomakethiseasy.Ithinkthat’llmakethememorysweeter.”
Wrendidn’ttotallybelievethat,buthedecidedhe’dalreadybrokenafewrulestonight,sowhatwasonemore.Pushingup ontohistoes,hekissedPercy,softandslow Itsentsparksintohisfingersandtoes,andheclungtothetallermanforlong, achingmoments.
“Ireallyshouldgo”
Percynodded,thentouchedtheundersideofWren’schin,stealingonelastkissbeforehereleasedhim.
Wrenfeltthespacebetweenthemlikeanocean,anditwasonlyknowingthatitwouldendinabsolutedisasterthathe foundthestrengthtoturnaround,walkout,andletthedoorslamshutbehindhim.
ThemomenthewalkedintothecaféwithMouseathisside,everyonewassuspicious.Mousewasn’tanofficialservicedog, soWrendidn’ttakehimeverywhere.Thepuphadsortofstumbledintohishearingalerttasksbyaccident,soWrenhadlooked uptrainingtechniques,andbeingaworkingdogbreed,hewasresponsive
Buthewasalsoahyperlittleshitwholikedtoniphimrightinthecenterofhisleftasscheekanychancehegot.Itwasn’ta greatlookwhentheywereoutinpublic
ButCalebkept“justincase”dogtreatsinhisdeskdrawerforthetimesWrenwalkedoverwithMouseathissidebecause thosedayswerehisbadones,andCalebwouldneverdenyhim Afacthewasgratefulforsincehewasstillreelingover Percy.
LukewasthefirstonetospotMousewhenWrenwalkedintothelobby,andheletoutahigh-pitchednoisebeforelaunching overthecounteranddroppingtohisknees HetookseverallickstothefacebeforehesatbackandgrinnedupatWren Do-do?
“I’mworkingtoday,”Wrenremindedhim “Mousedidn’twanttobealone” Lukerolledhiseyessinceeveryoneknewthatwasbullshit.WrenlefthimintheapartmentwithAnimalPlanet,an automatedfeeder,awaterfountain,andanentirebucketoftoys.IfMousecouldspendhisentirelifebaskingintheA/C,he’d choosethatoveranythingatall.Ever.Exceptmaybechasinggeeseatthepark.
Climbingtohisfeet,Lukemadeadisgruntledsoundasheattemptedtode-hairhisapronbeforetakingitoffandthrowingit ontothedirtylaundrypileintheserverstation WrenpulledMouseclose,preparedtodashthroughthekitchenandinto Caleb’sofficebeforethedogcouldhaironanythingelse.
“Areyouokay?”Lukeaskedafterwavingtogethisattention Wrenfrowned.“Whywouldn’tIbe?”AtLuke’scontinuedstare,heshrugged. True biz. “Nothing’swrong.” Itwasn’tatruthoralie.Somethinghadhappened,butnotenoughtoshakehisworld.Justenoughtoletalittlemelancholy andlonelinessseepin.Itwasn’tanythingnew hewasjustfeelingitabitmorebecausebeingwithPercyfeltamazing.
Andhedamnwellcouldn’ttellLukethatsincehewasstillsaltyovertheincident.So,hecovereditallupwithasmile, andthenheran HecaughtaquickglimpseofbothPeytonandJoriinthekitchen,butiftheycalledafterhim,hedidn’thearit Caleb’slightwason,andhesaidaprayerthedoorwasunlockedbecauseitmeantheandBodhiwouldn’tbeintheredoing thingsWrendidn’twanttothinkabouthisbrotherdoing,andhereachedforthedoorhandle Mousewaggedhistailandwasallbutvibratingwiththeanticipationofseeinghisuncle,andWrenwalkedin.Mouse yankedtheleashoutofWren’shandbeforehecouldstopthepup,andCaleb,whowasbehindhisdesk,shotoutofhischair. HewasonhiskneesandburyinghisfaceinMouse’sneckbeforeWrengotthechancetogreethim “It’sgreatthatyoulovemydogsomuchmorethanme,”WrencomplainedwhenCalebfinallylookedup. HisbrotherrolledhiseyesandheldMousebeneathhischin,gesturingasiftosay,‘Lookatthatface’
Which,okay,yes.That’showMouseconnedhiswayintoWren’shome,heart,andsoul.Whenhisbrainwasbeing particularlycruel,itlikedtothinkaboutwhatlifewouldbelikewhenMousewasgoneandleavehimcryingallnight, watchingsaddogsreunitingwithownersvideosonhisphone
Itwasaworldhedidn’twanttolivein.
WrenblinkedwhenCalebknockedonthesideofhisdesk He’dsituatedhimselfwithhislegsstretchedout,andMouse wasdrapedoverhisthighs,belly-upforscratches.
Do-do?
Secondtimehe’dgottenthatquestiontoday.“Iworktoday.”
Calebrolledhiseyes.“WithMouse.”
Bitingtheinsideofhischeek,Wrendebatedaboutlying,butifanyonewasasafepersontotalkto,itwashisbrother He eyedthespotontheflooratCaleb’sleft,thenfoldedhimselfintothatlittlespaceandturnedslightlysoCalebcouldseehim properly
“IthinkImadeamistakelastnight.”
HesawthemomentCalebwentfromrelaxedtoimmediatelyonalert Wrenhatedhimselffordoingthat Calebhadbeena littleintensesincehisexhadcheatedonhimandcausedaspectaclefortheentireworldtowatch almostliterally.Ithadbeen awhilesincethevideoofCaleb’sbreakuphadgoneviralonsocialmedia,buteventhoughthecafélineshadfinallysimmered downtosomethingclosertonormal,Calebwouldneverbethesame
AndWrencouldtellhisbrotherwashyperalertnow,thankstothetraumaofit.
“Whathappened?”Calebpressed
Wrentwistedhisfingerstogetherforasecond,thenshrugged.“IfollowedthatEnglishguyoutsideafterheleftthecafé.” Caleb’sheadthunkedbackagainstthewall.“Wren.”Hesignedhisnamewithsuchdisappointment,andWrenfeltanold, familiarpulseofpainthatonlyhisbrothercouldcause.“Youdidn’thurthim,didyou?”
Wrenfeltlikehewasabouttochokeonhisowntongue,andhisfingersshookjustabitasheanswered.“No.Um.Notin anywayhedidn’twantmeto”
HewatchedasCalebprocessedthemeaningofhissigns,andthenhiseyeswentwide,andheleanedforward. True biz? “Youfuckedhim?”
Wrenrubbedahanddownhisface,thenrakedfingersthroughhishair.Hefeltallitchyandantsy liketherewasa problemheneededtofix.Hejustdidn’tknowwhatitwas.Hewantedhisdogback,sohemadeasoftclickingnoisewithhis tongue,andMouselookedathimwithoutmoving.
Great.
“Ibroughthimacoffeewhenheleft,”Wrensaid “Wetalkedforalittlebit Hewasreallymortifiedabouthismistake”
Atthat,toWren’suttersurprise,Calebsoftened.“Ithoughthemightbe.Idon’tthinkyoushouldhavefuckedhimbetter…” Wrenspluttered “That’snotwhatIdid” Calebjuststaredathimwithraisedbrows.
“Iwasn’ttryingtomakehimfeelbetter,”hedefended.“Ithoughthewasattractive,soIaskedhimtohaveadrinkwithme. WewenttoPipeandPine,thenheinvitedmebacktohishotelroom”Though Wrenmighthavebeentheonetodomostofthe suggestingandseducing.ButconsideringhowintoitPercywasandhowmuchCalebdidn’twantthosedetails,heleftthatpart out
“Tellmehe’snotgoingtoshowupherenextweekcryingbecauseyoulefthimwithabrokenheart,”Calebdemanded. Wren’schestached Thatwassodamnunfair Yeah,he’dmadehisfairshareofmistakeswhenitcametootherpeople,but ithadbeenyearssinceWrenwasn’tcarefulwithhishookups.Henever,evergavefalseimpressions.Andnormally,ifhegot somuchofawhiffofsomeone’sintentionstotryandchangehismind,hewalkedawaybeforehetouchedthem.
“Hetoldmehedidn’twantarelationship,”Wrensignedwithanirritatedflourish “BeforeIcouldevenexplainmyself,he triedtorejectmebecausehedidn’twantme togetattached.”
Calebgavehimalong,hardstarebeforeheaskedtheonequestionWrenwasn’tlookingforwardtoanswering “Did you getattached?”
Hewantedtosayno God,hewantedtosayno Andhehadzeroregretsaboutnottakingthingsfurtheroraboutthewayhe left.Butthetruthwasmorecomplicated.
“Hemademefeeldifferently.”
Calebsoftenedagainandmadequietnoises,urgingMousetogetupanddrapehimselfacrossWren’slegs Ashispup settled,theweightwasinstantlycomforting,andhegaveMouseascratchbehindhisears.
Calebwaspatient,butonlyforasecondbeforehetappedWrenonhiselbow “Goon” Wrensighed.“Thereisn’tanythingelse.” “Liar,”Calebsaid.
Wrenknockedthebackofhisheadagainstthewallandclosedhiseyesforthetimeheneededtocollecthisthoughts.“I don’tknowwhatyouwantmetosay.Wehadsex anditwasreallygood.Iwon’tgiveyoudetails.”
“Thanks,”Calebshotbackwithaflatface.
Wrenlaughedandshookhishead.“Lastnightwasjust…different.Itfeltdifferent.Ididn’twanttoleave.”
Atthat,Caleb’sfacedidsomethingcomplicated,butitwasanexpressionhe’dneverseenonhisbrotherbefore “You’re hurt.”
Wrenimmediatelypuffeduphischestindefense,buthedeflateditasecondlaterwhenherealizedthat,yeah,hewas By hisownactionsandhisownlifechoices.He’dbeensofrustratedandconfusedbyhisownromanticorientationthathe’dkind ofsethimselfupforthislevelofdisaster
AndmeetingPercyshouldhavebeenideal.Itshouldhavebeenthedream.Apliant,slightlysubmissive,responsivelover whowantedeverythingWrenwascapableofgivinghimforasinglenight.
Nostrings
Nofeelings.
Justamoment
Andnow,Wrenfeltshatteredbecausehe’dconnectedtoPercyinawayheneverhadwithanyone.Hefeltsafewithhim afterknowinghimforahandfulofhoursinthesamewayhefeltwithpeoplehe’dknownforyears Ithadtomeansomething.
Except…well.Theuniversewasn’treallykindtohim.Itneverhadbeen.Somaybeitdidn’thavetomeananythingatall. Maybeitwasjustonemoresenselessthinghehadtoacceptandlivewith Heturnedhisgazebacktohisbrother.“Idon’tregretwhatwedid.Hewasnice.AndIreallylikehim.” “But?”
Wrenbithisliptoholdoffapowerfulsurgeofemotioninhischest.Then,hetookadeepbreath.“Buthewantstobe welcomehere.HemovedhereforhisDeafniece tobepartofherlife,andthat’sgoingtoinvolveus.” Calebquicklyshookhishead.“He’saguest.Youdon’thavetoinvitehimintoourspace.”
“YesIdo.Thatlittlegirldeservesanymemberofherfamilywho’swillingtoputinthework,”Wrenshotback. CalebflinchedwiththesamepainWrenknewhewasfeeling AnditwasclearfromtheexpressiononCaleb’sfacethathe understoodtherewasnoroomtoargue.Inthiscase,sacrificeswouldhavetobemadeonbothsidesbecauseLiladeservedall thethingsWrenandCalebwereneveroffered
Shedeservedmorethanahandfulofbook-taughtconversationalphrasesandfakesmilestohideallthewaystheirparents regrettednothavingafamilythatfeltnormal.AndifWrencouldgivethattojustonekid,he’dconsideritalife’sgoalmet. Feelingsbedamned.
Afterall,he’dbeenthroughalotworse.
CHAPTER FIVE “TELL meagainwhyyou’vedeclinedthosehearingaidimplantthingies”
PercyregrettedthequestionthesecondheaskedwhenPenny’sfacewentimmediatelystormy.Theafternoonhadbeena fairlygoodone,havingspentmostofitatPenny’snewplacehelpingherputfurnituretogetherandfinishpaintingtheguest room
Theywerenowjustfinishinguppizza,andLilawastuckedagainsthisside,suckingherthumbandwatchingsomethingon Penny’siPad,wheretwoveryexpressivepeopleweresigningandwalkinginfrontofagreen-screenforest
Percyhadbeentryingtofollowtheirsignssincetheywereslowandquiteexaggerated,buthisthreewholelessonshad onlygivenhimthebarebasics,andhecouldn’t Heunderstoodwhysignwasimportant,buthestilldidn’tgetwhyPennyfought sohardagainstLila’sprocedure.
HethoughtbacktoWrenandhowhestruggledinverbalconversationssometimes,butthey’drubbedalongwell.
Verywell,infact
Sowell,Percystillblushedwhenhelethimselfthinkaboutit.
“They’renothearingaids They’repermanentimplants,andshedoesn’tneedthem,”Pennysaidthroughclenchedteeth “AndI’msobloodysickofexplainingthattoeveryone.Ifyou’renotinterestedinlearning,don’t.You’remorethanwelcome toleave.”
Percybristled.“That’snotwhatI’m Pen,I’mjusttryingtounderstand.Igottoknowoneofthosebaristasatthatcafé,and he’sgotthem.Hefunctionstotallynormally ”
Fuck Heknewhe’dmesseduptheretoo
Pennytookalong,slowbreathbeforespeakingagain.“She is normal.”
“Iknow ”
“Youdon’tknow,”Pennycuthimoff.“Ifyoudidknow,youwouldn’tsaythatshitrightinfrontofher.”
“It’snotlikeshecan ”Hesnappedhisjawshut.Whatthefuckwaswrongwithhim?
Pennyroseandstormedoffintothekitchen,soPercycarefullydetachedhisnieceandhelpedhersnuggleintooneofthe sofapillowsbeforefollowing.Pennywasatthecounter,pouringherselfanothercupoftea,andheletthemomentsimmerfora moment
“Thisisnewforme.”
Shescoffed “Iknow It’snewformetoo,butthatdoesn’tgiveyoutherighttobeacompletefuckingarseholeaboutit”
Percybowedhisheadandalmostlaughedwhenafreshcupofteaappearedinhislineofsight.Hecurledonehandaround it,thenusedtheothertomakeafist,rubbingitinacircleoverhischest.‘Sorry.’ HelookeduptofindPenny’sfacestillangry,buthecouldseeshewasstartingtosoften “I’mwillingtogiveeverythingup forher forthis.”Shewavedherhandaroundherkitchen.“Myjob,myhomecountry,mybloodyfuckinglanguage.Noneofit mattersbecauseIloveher,andshedeservestobeinaplacewhereshecanthrive Andthatmeansnotcuttingintoherskulland
implantingshitintoherheadsoeveryoneelsecanfeelmorecomfortable.”
Percybithislip,thenasked,“Whatifshewantsthem?”
“Thenshecangetthem Sheknowswhattheyare,andsheknowswhattheydo,butshedoesn’tseeminterested,andwhy shouldshe?”
“She’snoteventheleastbitcuriouswhathearingislike?”
Pennylaughed,butshewasclearlynotamused.“Notpresently.ShegoestoaDeafschool.She’sgotDeaffriends.Why shouldshegiveashit?”
And,well,thatmadesense.HewonderedifWrenfeltthesameathisworksince,fromwhatPercyhadobserved,hewas theonlyonewhohadtheimplants.Wrenhadopenedupalittleabouthissituation,andPercyknewthesurgeryhadn’tbeenhis choice Ithadn’tbeenforeitherbrother Wrenwasjusttheonewhoseprocedurehadbeensuccessful
“I’mnottryingtobeanarse.Orignorant.Thisisnewformetoo,andI’mnotlookingforanexcusetoslackoffwithsign,” Percytoldher “TheonlythingthatfrustratesmeishowmuchtimeIwastedlearningthewrongone” “Idon’tthinkhavingabackgroundinBSLiswastedtime,”Pennysaid. Percyopenedhismouth,thenshutitagain Hesupposedshewasn’twrong “Lilawasmyprioritythough” “Yeah,andhercoolUnclePercycanshowherabitofanewlanguage.”
Percy’scheekswarmedatthethoughtthathecouldteachheranything.He’dneverbeenparticularlyinterestedinkids mostdefinitelyneverwantedthem,andhehadn’tmuchcaredaboutbeinganuncleuntilPennysaidshewasreadytostarther journey.
Andeventhen,theideahadbeencompletelyabstractuntilPennyfirstsentthephotoofthebig-eyedlittlegirl And somehow,acrossallthosemiles,he’dfalleninlovewiththeideaofhavingherinhislife.
BeforePercycouldsayanything,heheardthesoundoftinyfeetonthefloor.LilaburstpasthimandthrewherselfatPenny, wholaughedandsweptherup,sittingherontheedgeofthecounter.PercywatchedinfascinationasLila’ssmallhandsmoved enthusiasticandslightlystutteredwithalltheenthusiasmofachild.
Hewatchedhissisternod,thenliftherhandsinreply,andhecouldn’thelpbutwonderifthatwouldeverbehim Hewas old.Hewastired.Ifhelethimselfbestillforevenamoment,hefoundhimselftumblingbackintohispast,stuckandafraid thathe’dneverbeabletoescapeit
HowwashesupposedtobebetterforPennyandLila?
HeshookhimselfoutofhisthoughtswhenhesawLilawavingathim,andheapproachedwithsomecaution.Shegrinnedat him,missingasingletoothonthebottom,hercheeksroundandplumpwithhersmile.
Shesigned,andheonlyunderstoodwhenshepointedathim.
“Spendthenight,”Pennyinterpreted
Percyletoutasoftsighandhatedthathedidn’thavethesignstoexplaintoherthatwhilehe’dbethereasoftenashe could,hestillhadn’tquitefiguredouthowtoslowdownwithhisjob ‘Sorry,’hesignedback,rubbinghisfistinacircleover hischest.‘Tomorrow-see-you.’
LilahuffedandturnedbacktoPenny,whopresumablyexplaineditinawaythatasix-year-oldwouldunderstand.Lila pouted,thenheldherarmsouttohim,andPercysweptherupalmostoninstinct HecaughtthelookonPenny’sface,andshe seemed…maybenotpleased,butlessirritatedthanshehadbeenbefore.
“I’mtrying,”hemurmured
Pennylookedathim,thennodded,tappingherfingersonhertemple.‘Iknow.’
Percydidn’tregrethisASLclasseshappenedintheearlyafternoon.Itgavehimagoodexcusetotakeaproperlunchinsteadof workingstraightthrough Itkepthimoccupiedsohedidn’thavetothinkmuch,anditgavehimasenseofaccomplishment,even thoughhewasstartingtofeelsomewhatdefeated.
Inclasswasgreat,buteverytimehewaswithPennyandLila,hefeltahundredmilesbehindthemboth.Itwasfinewhen hewassigningwithpeopleonhisownlevelinclass,butthemomenthewasoutsideofthat,itwasastarkreminderthathehad yearstogo.
Rubbinghisface,heshuthislaptop,thenwanderedouttofindcoffeewhenheheardatimidvoicebehindhim “Sir?” Percyturnedtofindoneoftheinterns ayoungwomanfromtheuniversitywhohadjustbeenbroughtontoassistinthe graphicdesigndepartment Shewasveryshort,andsheverymuchlookedlikeshewantedtobeanywhereelsebutdressedin businesscasualandstuckinsidetheoffice.
AndPercycouldn’tblameher,really.Ithadbeenadamnlongtimesincehe’dallowedhimselftofeelanyinterestin anythingbesideswork,buthehadn’tforgottenwhatitwasliketowanttobeanywhereelsebutstuckbehindadesk Hetriedforafriendlysmile,buthewasn’tsurehewassuccessfulfromthewayshetookastepback.“HowcanIhelp you?”
“Sir.Um.Mr.James.Sorrytobotheryou.”
“You’renotbotheringme,”heassuredher.“AndyouareMiss…?”
“Oh!God,ofcourseyoudon’t I’mAliciaReyes YoucanjustcallmeAliciathough” “Andyou’rewelcometocallmePercy.”
Shelookedlikeshe’dratherdiethanactuallyusehisgivenname,butshesquaredhershouldersanyway “So,uh Iwas walkingbyyourofficehalfanhourago.Yourdoorwasopen.”
Hefrowned “Itwas,yes Youcouldhavecomeinifyouneededsomething” “No,”Aliciasaidinarush.“No,just…”Shelickedherlips,thenliftedherhandstosign,‘You’relearningASL?’ Percyblinked.‘Yes,’hereplied.Hersignswerefarmoreconfidentthanhisown,butshehadtheslownessoftheother beginnersinhisownclass ‘Youtoo?’
Shegrinned.‘Yes!I’mlearningatschool.Areyoustudyingattheuniversity?’
Heonlyunderstoodabouttwo-thirdsofwhatshe’dsigned,butcontextfilledintherest “No,”hetoldheraloud,havingrun outofvocabulary.“I’mabitoldfortheuniversity.AndI’mfourweeksintomylessons.”
Alicianodded,andshemadeaYwithherhandandtappeditintheairasherlipsformed peh-peh He’dseenthatsign usedalot,buthewasn’tsurewhatitmeant.“Well,ifyoueverwantastudybuddy…”Shetrailedoffandshrugged.“Imean, nottobetotallyunprofessionaloranything.ButIknowit’shardtogetstartedwhenyoudon’thaveanyoneelsearoundyou whoknowsit”
“MynieceisDeaf,”Percyexplained.“I’veonlyjustmether,soIthoughtIoughttogetawriggleon,learningitall.”
Alicia’seyeswidened “Oh But you’relearningASL”
Percyfrownedagain.“Yes,”hesaidslowly. “Butyou’reBritish.”
Holdingbackaslightlaugh,Percynodded.“Iam.So’smysister,butLila’sAmerican.Mysistermovedheretoadopther.” “Oh.God.Sorry,Jesus.There’sprobablysomecolloquialphraseaboutmeconstantlyputtingmyfootinmymouth.Ishould askSethaboutit”WhenPercyliftedabrow,shewavedhimoff “ASLprofessor Youknow,”shesaidafterabeat,“Ishould giveyouhisemailaddress.Ibethe’ddoprivatelessons.TheZoomclassesarereallygood,butnothingbeatsbeingableto signwiththepeoplehere Like,there’sthiscafénottoofarfromherethathiresall-Deafstaff,right?”
Percy’sheartstartedtoflutterinhischest.“Ah.Yes,Iknowit.Hadacoffeefromthere.”
Alicia’ssmilewidened.“They’resogreat,aren’tthey?Well,mostofthemaregreat.Thisoneguywhoworksthereisin mylitclass,andhekeptinvitingustothecafé,sowewentbyliketwoweeksago.Itwascool,buttheowner’sbrother,Wren? Hekeptaskingmyfriendout.Shestartedtosayyes,butthenwefoundouthewas literally livingwithmyclassmate.Likehow areyougoingto literally hitonsomeoneelseinyourboyfriend’splaceofwork?”
Percyfelthisheartstarttobeattoofastwithpanic. Shitshitshit.“Oh.That’s…notgood,isit?” “Hewassonicetoo,butitwasatotaldickmove”
Foramoment,theonlythingPercycouldhearwasringinginhisears.Wrenhadcheated?Withhim? Hefeltlikehewasgoingtobesick.
“Willyou ”Hisvoicecracked,andheclearedhisthroat “Willyouexcuseme?IjustrememberedI’mlatefor something.”
Heturnedonhisheelwithoutwaitingforhertorespondandfoundhimselfwalkingoutthefrontdoor Hemadeabeeline forhiscarbeforebypassingit,anditwasonlywhenhewashalfwaydownthestreetthatherealizedwherehewasgoing.
HehadtoconfrontWren Percyhadbeenonthewrongendofthisinthepastwithhisex,andhecouldn’tbethemanthat helpedruinsomeoneelse’slife.Hewasonlyjuststartingtolookathimselfinthemirrorandfeelworthy,andhewouldn’tbe abletolivewithhimselfifhedidn’tsaysomething.
Wrenhadseemedsodamngenuine Heseemedso Kind.
HewasnothinglikeEvan Percyhadbeeninthenewrelationshipfogwithhimforalongwhile,butlookingback,hecould seeallthesignshe’dmissed.Wrendidn’thaveanyofthose.Sohowcouldhedothis?Howcouldhe…
Percystoppedwhenherealizedhewasstandingattheedgeofthelittlestripmallwherethecafésat God,howwashe goingtosurvivewiththeplacesodamnclosetohisoffice?
Hefeltsickalloverandtookafortifyingbreathbeforeputtingonefootinfrontoftheother.Alltheparkingspacesinfront oftheshopwereempty,andPercywasn’tsureifhewasrelievedordisappointedthattherewasnooneinthelobbywhenhe openedthedoor.
Itsmelledlikecoffeeandbakedgoodsandallthingsthatshouldhavecomfortedhim Butnow,itwasjustthescentof betrayal.
Hisgazescannedthecounterandlandedontheverytallmanwhodislikedhim Luke,hewasprettysureWrenhadsaidhe wascalled.Luke’sgazemethis,andthenhescoffedloudlyandturned,walkingthroughtheswingingdoor.Percydidn’treally havethespacetodealwiththatthough.
