Coaching: Unexpected Results of ATO Veterans

Anatolii Lipskyi past experience includes several years of service and “Ilovaisk entrapment.”

Coaching for Families of ATO Veterans: Unexpected Results

Everyone returning from the war zone benefits from rehabilitation in an own special way. Those who waited for them at home also need support. This story is about the change that occurred in the life of a couple as a result of the All4One Coaching Program.

Anatolii Lipskyi is a disabled war veteran. His past experience includes several years of service and “the Ilovaisk entrapment.” He survived it. Several years later, death tried to catch him again. In 2017 Anatolii tripped an antitank mine. Luckily, he was promptly taken to a hospital, where his body, in his own words, “was pieced together.”

However, the ex-serviceman tried to stay as far away as he could from the visitor. He had no trust in such rehabilitation process and did not want to share any of his problems with others. This went on until he accidentally got acquainted with Liudmyla Hlyniana, coachess of the East Europe Foundations Project “All4One.” “It is a great miracle that he wished to work with me. I think it was of benefit that I also was at the war for a while, as a doctor at the frontline. This helped him confide in me. Anatolii began to expose himself, to talk about things he had not mentioned before,” the coachess said. The two met during a joint trip to Odesa, to a ceremony inaugurating a space for veterans. Liudmyla jokingly remarks that she was so eager to provide help as fast as possible that she conducted her first coaching session while “on secondment.” After the trip, she continued to communicate with Anatolii via telephone. One evening he gave the receiver to his partner Natalia. “My husband recommended coaching to me so strongly that I also got interested in trying it. And after the first conversation with Liudmyla I got really excited and wanted to have some more,” Natalia acknowledges.

Changes at all the fronts

It is quite hard for veterans to adapt to civilian reality. Some feel unwanted and underestimated; some are vexed with the indifference of the people around; some are haunted by war memories. “Anatolii had a very negative reaction to various stresses, was highly sensitive to conflicts in society,” the coachess says. His wife adds, “Veterans have a lot of aggression; they feel that they are not taken seriously and not accepted. Coaching was of great help to my husband. I know that work with the mind requires more time; but there are already certain improvements,” Natalia says. She sees some improvements in their relations as well: “My husband had some concussions. At times I didn’t know how to communicate with him. Those are things to which you are not prepared and you don’t understand what to do with them. Therefore, the recommendation from the specialist was very useful for me.” In the past, the woman already communicated with psychologists; but although they were also working with veterans, the communication failed over and over again. “I found a common language with Liudmyla because she herself is a participant in military actions. She knows it all from the inside and feels it better. She managed to provide a practical explanation for the questions that had been worrying me. And as to what psychologists say ‘from the books’ – how it should be – well, I can read it myself.”

For Natalia, coaching became an opportunity for self-development. She frankly says that it was probably the first time ever that she began thinking about who she was. “We had a session about searching for one’s self deep inside. For the first time, I began to ponder on who I am for myself and for my family. You cannot conduct such a session for yourself,” the woman smiles.

Work with the coachess also inspired her to restore and strengthen friendly relations. Previously, Natalia did not see it as her goal to actively stay in touch with friends. A few phone calls on holidays throughout the year seemed to be enough. “Once I asked her: Why don’t you take a piece of paper, write down your friends’ telephone numbers and start dialing them periodically?” Liudmyla recalls. Natalia herself notes that her family has always been the most important thing for her; but external communication was not among her priorities. In this case, however, she started thinking for the first time about the need to expand the circle of communication. Nowadays, with a plan on her hands, she doesn’t get in touch with friends only once in a blue moon. Communication with them is now ranking high on her list of priorities.

Planning and setting objectives

Another positive aspect of the coaching sessions: Natalia is going to enter a college. She works as a librarian, but has no specialized education. “She has read a lot; it is extremely interesting to communicate with her. But all her previous education is self-education,” the coachess says. Owing to the All4One Project, Natalia became focused, began planning, and learned how to set goals. She says that she used to act spontaneously in the past, but now she acts in accordance with a clear-cut plan and this yields results in all spheres of life: health, work, and relations.

However, both are of the opinion that the greatest achievement of coaching is … her marriage. The couple had been cohabiting for 15 years. Then the sessions with the coachess prompted Anatolii to propose marriage to Natalia. “I knew it in advance, but did not reveal the secret to Natalia. The registration of the marriage was scheduled for April 4. So I was very anxious that it might be postponed because of the quarantine. I kept my fingers crossed for it to happen in spite of everything. Well, Natalia has been waiting for that for so many years!” Liudmyla says. The marriage was registered and now the couple are officially married. Both note that communication with the coachess played an important role in it. Liudmyla is pleased that the two began to turn into reality everything that had been discussed during the sessions.

The couple have been helping our warriors in every way they can, caring for them and sending aid to the frontline. Natalia works with children from families in crisis. What is she dreaming of? Natalia says that her dream does not concern her alone: “I have such a strong dream that the war will be over and that all will stay healthy. Our soldiers want to be back home.”