MY BIG FAT SOUTH ASIAN WEDDING

Get Ready With Me for Wedding Season:

As the sun continues to get hotter and hotter, and as the summer air is in full effect around us, there is one thing that is clear to me:

Wedding season is alive and thriving.

While the late spring to early fall is wedding season for most people from all backgrounds, wedding season can sometimes feel like it’s on a whole other level for the South Asian community.

Now while it’s incredibly common for South Asian weddings to be big because of high guest counts above 400, there is also an aspect to our weddings that shows how much we love to celebrate love and how much we love to embrace our traditions from back home to the best of our ability. The parties are longer, the outfits are more extravagant, the food is abundant, and the music will be heard playing from a block away.

Whether it be the disco ball reflection off of a beautiful new lehenga (South Asian evening gown) or the smell of a fish pakora fried to golden perfection, every part of these weddings gets me super excited. Oh, and celebrating love, of course.

By Monika Sidhu @funky monk_

While South Asian weddings as a whole tend to show out, I also belong to the more specific Punjabi diaspora so most of my wedding experience is embedded in Punjabi traditions. The Punjabi diaspora is huge in Canada and particularly in the Greater Toronto Area, so when wedding season hits, it leaves a pretty big impact.

Because of the extravagance, preparing in anticipation of any wedding week is a must!

Now while I'm not married myself, I have been invited to approximately a million weddings in my 28-years on this earth and here are some things you can expect from an Indian wedding.

The timeline:

Nowadays, the typical Punjabi wedding can last anywhere from 2-7 days. The two events that you’ll certainly attend are the ceremony and the reception. 20 years ago, it was common to see these events happen on the same day. The wedding would happen early in the morning and then guests would reconvene for the ceremony. In 2023, it is common for the ceremony to happen on one day in the morning and then have the reception take place on the evening of the following day. I know it sounds like a big commitment, but since the wedding is so early in the morning, it's nice to get some time to unwind and rest before partying your butts off.

The 7-day affairs happen when people choose to create events out of many of the other festivities that lead up to the wedding. Some bridal parties may only require immediate family for these festivities but it has been incredibly common to do a pre-wedding event known as a “Ladies Sangeet” or a "Mendhi" where women will have henna put onto their hands and the bridal parties can party independently before coming together at the ceremony.

The look:

For weddings we often wear our traditional clothes but glammed out like crazy! Our traditional clothing can range from a pant and top combination to a skirt and top, or skirt and crop top. For guests there is a lot of wiggle room on what to wear but most traditionalists would tell you to steer clear of black or white at a wedding ceremony. Also for the ceremony, guests usually tend to dress more modest as it usually takes place in a temple, where modesty is encouraged. The reception usually allows for a lot more freedom when it comes to selfexpression! We are able to sport some more fun and risqué looks. For example, I've worn black to many weddings (I can't help if it's my best colour!) and it's not an issue. Older generations may still ask you to not wear black, but, it's not a dealbreaker.

The bride, in most South Asian weddings, will typically always wear a red outfit with gold detailing. This would typically be in the form of a lehenga (skirt and cropped blouse), a sari, or a Salwar-Kameez (a long shirt with trouserlike pant). It’s really up to each bride exactly which type of outfit they would wear but often times the outfit remains red or burgundy with some exceptions. I have seen some brides chose a pink, purple or even orange ceremonial outfit. For the reception, the brides opt for something a little less heavy, and a little easier to dance in! This is where you can see a bride’s true style come out since there’s more freedom to show off what you most like. Since it is customary to cover our hair while in the temple, brides and guests opt for hairstyles that can easily be covered, such as an up-do or braid, something that easily allows you to clip your head scarf to your hair. This means the bride can choose a hairstyle that will shine endlessly during the reception!

The male attire is always much more straightforward; a nice suit or shirt and dress pants is optimal for the ceremony while your best evening suit works well enough for the reception as well. Males are also required to cover their hair with a bandana during the ceremony so be prepared to also style your hair in a bandana friendly manner!

Oh, and we could never forget the henna! Henna in Punjabi is known as mendhi and it is very customary at weddings. It always counts as one of the most beautiful accessories!

Traditions and Ceremonies:

As mentioned in the timeline, there are a variety of different traditions that are ongoing during the lead up to the wedding. It is always important to remember to be as respectful as possible in these spaces. Some times that might mean asking the person who invited you for a low down on how to best be respectful or simply asking those around you when you do attend the events.

Big Fat South Asian Weddings tend to come in many different iterations. For South Asian Weddings alone, you can have Indian Weddings, Sri Lankan Weddings, and Pakistani Weddings to name a few. These weddings could also fall under a Muslim ceremony, a Hindu ceremony or a Sikh ceremony. They could also be Christian or Jane or Bhuddist. So before going to any wedding it is important to know and educate yourself a little about best practices when in any different temple or church.

For instance, in many Christian weddings, guests are encouraged to clap and cheer once the bride and groom have sealed the deal. At a Sikh wedding, guests are encouraged to hold their applause and cheers and respectfully see the remainder of the ceremony through. All over-thetop gestures of congratulations are encouraged to take place outside of the temple, but saying congratulations is encouraged!

A good rule of thumb is to lead with modesty and calmness when in most temples, but once you leave the temple grounds and the bridal party indicates the party is starting, it is safe to follow their lead.

The party:

If there is one thing I love about weddings from the South Asian culture is knowing how to party. From the music to the food, South Asians know how to deliver a good wedding.

Now the reception usually carries out a similar vibe to most western weddings. There is a mingling/appetizers period which is followed by introductions of the bridal party and speeches from loved ones. From there you can almost guarantee dinner will be served in a buffet style and just as most events at South Asian weddings, the food will be from the respective culture. At a Punjabi wedding you can bet on having some fire butter chicken and perfectly buttered naan among dhal (lentil soup) and a variety of curried options.

The dancing and music is also top tier. The blaring sounds of old-school Bollywood hits never fail. Neither do the sounds of newer Punjabi hip-hop sounds. And those 20 minutes dedicated to top40 bangers, bringing everyone away from the classics for a bit is always something I get overly excited for. The reception really becomes a time to celebrate properly in the name of love and to enjoy everything after a series of events that can sometimes get stressful.

Above all, Indian weddings can certainly be dramatic and over the top in so many ways, but you’re never going to experience another wedding quite like the Big Fat Indian Wedding.

Some tips for beauty professionals during wedding season:

 Ask if the client is covering their hair or not! For ceremonies, it is tradition to cover our hair in the temple. Ask your guest which event they are going to and if covering their hair is a requirement. If it is, it is better to recommend an up-do or structured hairstyle that can easily handle the strength of a few extra bobby pins and a headscarf to hold it all together.

 Tell your client to come prepared! I’ve been getting my hair and make-up done for years now for Indian weddings and there are still times that I forget the necessities so that my artist can make my look perfect. One thing to remind your clients is to wear the top portion of their outfit before coming in for hair or make up. Doing this allows for no potential crises later on when trying to put on a heavily embroidered shirt when your hair or makeup are in no state to be interrupted. It’s also wise to remind clients to bring any necklaces or hair pieces they might want to add. For many South Asian weddings, guests often wear a piece of hair jewelry known as a tikka and believe me, it’s better that the hair stylist applies it rather than your client try to poke and prod at their hair, the hair that you likely made into a masterpiece.

 Ease your clients into the experience. While I’m a sucker for the whole glam experience, I’ve noticed when friends who are attending Indian weddings for the first time might not know what they’re getting themselves into if it’s their first time getting glammed out for a wedding. Make sure what they’re asking for is realistic for their hair and advise them on if it is or isn’t. If they’re asking for makeup, make sure they also know that no makeup makeup looks also require quite a bit of product to achieve. If it’s their first time getting glam, make sure they know what that entails and how different they might look after the fact.