changing woman the
“
Growing up can be hard for everyone; from embarrassing slip ups around the cool kids to lying to your mum about staying at your friends and then regretting it when you’re freezing in a field at 3am. But imagine growing up feeling like a girl whilst physically growing into a boy. Right now society is going through such an enormous shift around the issues of gender, but have we really come as far as we’d like to think? Eireann Beardon
I have my really low days where I can’t think of anything worse than getting out of bed, I don’t even want to have a shower, and definitely don’t want to look in the mirror.” Kyla-Rose is not alone in feeling depressed as a transgender woman. 41% of transgender individuals will attempt suicide, compared to only 4.1% of the general public and they are three times more likely to suffer from depression. Living full time as a woman for four years, Kyla-Rose now feels she is in a better place: “I had suicidal thoughts when I was younger, being bullied and being in school was really hard. I don’t think I would have actually gone through with it though, but I was so depressed and couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I honestly haven’t had suicidal thoughts for a few years now, I have bad days but I just think I haven’t come this far to just end my life now.” Luckily, the NHS now offers help for those for those confused about their gender. Throughout childhood, the treatment is usually psychological rather than medical of surgical, because, according to the NHS, children feeling gender dysphoria usually do not have the condition by the time they reach puberty. Still on the waiting list for surgery, Kyla-Rose says she’s frustrated with not being able to express her true self. “I’m on hormone therapy treatment but it’s not changing me as drastically as I want it to. I looked into getting stronger hormones from the Internet, there really are loads, but I don’t want to mess with my body because it could end up making me wait even longer for surgery. Friends of mine have gone to Thailand and places in South Asia for surgery, it’s a lot cheaper than here, but I don’t think I’m quite prepared
27
to put my body through something that I’m not completely confident with.” The NHS want a person to be living full time in their preferred gender for one to two years before surgery is an option. This, they say, gives the individual enough time to get a range of experiences as their new self, such as holidays or family events. “If the hormones had changed me in more ways, I wouldn’t be longing for surgery so much.” Although Kyla-Rose is living as a woman, her surgery has been delayed because her specialist is worried about her commitment. “Some days I just don’t feel like putting up with the abuse, so sometimes I just dress manlier.” Her specialist has raised concern that once Kyla-Rose has had sex reassignment surgery she won’t be able to switch between the two genders, but it isn’t a case of Kyla-Rose actually wanting to dress as her assigned gender: “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be a woman, it’s who I am inside, but sometimes it’s just easier to be the me everyone else sees. Imagine going through a traumatic puberty thinking “I only have to make it to 18 and then I can be considered for surgery” and then when you finally get there, after years of heartache, the doctors are like “well we need to make sure you’re serious about this”. Surgery isn’t a mask I’m hiding behind thinking it will completely change the way I feel as well as I look, but it will make me more confident in living fully as female.” For some, oestrogen improves people’s confidence so much they no longer feel the need for surgery. “My boobs are growing from the hormones which is great,” says Adele, a male to female transgender who says she’s not considering surgery. “It makes me feel like I’m definitely becoming a woman. I still have
to shave my facial hair a bit at the moment but it won’t last much longer and I can handle it.” Finally feeling happy in her own skin, Adele says it’s not always the outside that counts: “I’m not going to let society dictate my happiness, it takes a lot more than a vagina to make a woman!” Hormones do help people transition, but not everything can be solved with synthetic substances. Kyla-Rose says starting hormone therapy is “like a teenage girl going through puberty, except of course for the periods. Because I had already gone through male puberty, my voice had broken, so I had to start voice therapy.” A deep voice can be a give away for transwomen due to hormones not being able to alter an already broken voice. Sveta, a councillor and voice therapist from the US explains how hard it is to adapt your voice to your internal gender. “Transmen have it pretty easy. For a manly voice they just have to be patient and the testosterone will change their voice slowly over time. But women have to train their voices until it becomes natural through muscle memory but this can take almost a year. Most people are tempted to go as high as possible, but that’s not actually how women sound. The trick is to get a pretty mixed register by raising your Adam’s apple. It’s difficult but effective.” Today, society seems to be at a critical point of mainstream acceptance of gender identity, with this even pushing for change in policies. Britain is considering dropping the requirement to state whether one is “male” or “female” on state forms, transgender athletes should be allowed to compete in the Olympic games without undergoing sex reassignment therapy, according to new guidelines accepted by the International Olympics committee, and the NHS has come under criticism for not meeting its 18-week referral time for transgender individuals. The fact this made headline news shows how far we have come. There is no doubt transgender individuals still face discrimination, with backlash recently coming in the form of school bathrooms. Many states in America are considering legislation that will restrict student’s use of public school bathrooms and locker rooms. Currently, students have a civil right to use sex-segregated bathrooms in accordance with their gender identity, meaning, for example, a person born female but identifies as male would be free to use the male toilets.If the legislation is accepted, transgender children in particular will face problems. Perhaps helping us accept people for who they are, is the ever-growing media attention towards transgender and gender fluid celebrities recently. From Laverne Cox in Orange Is The New Black, to the TV show Transparent portraying a family going through their father’s transition, to Caitlyn Jenner’s very high profile transition from the vision of masculine America to glamorous grandma, we are definitely living through a cultural change. Gender identity issues does not only mean longing to be another gender, some people do not feel as though they fit into one box or the other. Ruby Rose recently defined fluidity as, “not really feeling like you’re at one end of the spectrum or the other.” She goes on to say, “for the most part, I definitely don’t identify as any gender. I’m not a guy; I don’t really feel like a woman, but obviously I was born one. So, I’m somewhere in the middle, which -- in my perfect imagination -- is like having the best of both sexes. I have a lot of characteristics that would normally be present in a guy and then less that would be present in a woman. But then sometimes I’ll put on a skirt.” Comforting some people’s confusion has been the gender-neutral pronouns like “they” gradually slipping into common use. And it’s not only the way we’re addressing people that’s changing. Always vocal about his views on fluidity between genders, Jaden Smith surprised some by modelling for the Louis Vuitton women’s line earlier this year. After wearing a dress to his prom, Jaden insists that fashion should be a way to express who you are, and not be pushed to only wear a dress if you’re a woman.
Kyla-Rose says surgery will make her feel more confident about her body. Inset, before she started hormone therapy.
Orange Is The New Black's Ruby Rose does not identify as exclusively male or female.
28
GENDER
has reached puberty they could be treated with gonadotrophinreleasing hormone (GnRH) analogues. These suppress the hormones naturally produced by the body, therefore delaying puberty. The effects of GnRH are largely seen as reversible, but it cannot always be guaranteed. Mother-of-four Maria says that although her child may be showing signs of gender dysphoria, she would not let her child take puberty blocking medicine. “Maisy has always been into boys toys, and admittedly recently it has got worse and she’s been asking if she’s a boy, which is strange but not something I’m worrying about.” When Maria was younger, this may have been passed off as a phase, but the growing concern over gender identity issues is clearly going further into society. “Friends of mine have said I should take her to the doctors or a psychologist” she says, “but I don’t want to put her through that, not yet anyway. They have even mentioned talking to her about changing the pronouns we use and if she likes her name. I’m not going to say it’s just a phase, but just because she would prefer to play with racing cars than dolls doesn’t mean I’m willing to take steps in that direction. If she is still talking about being a boy when she’s older, of course I will have some things to think about, but I really doubt I would allow her to take anything that would stop puberty. I know they say it’s reversible, but I’m not going to take even the slightest of risks when it comes to my child.” Even though Maria seems pretty insistent about her views, the fact it is being discussed and thought about shows that gender issues are rising to the surface of our public consciousness. Being open and honest about gender problems at a young age could potentially make it easier for a child to come out as trans, or at least make it easier for them to discuss problems if they have them. Toca Boca create games where children are not defined or confined by gender stereotypes. Marten Bruggeman, a Play Designer explains: “the lines between genders are blurred with our games, not only making games appealing for boys and girls, but making characters with ambiguous genders too.” Their app Toca Hair Salon allows children to style the hair of characters not put into specific gender roles. The ambiguous characters reflect members of the audience who may also feel their gender is ambiguous. Marten acknowledges that although these games are a step in the right direction, society may not be as accepting to the whole of the LGBTQ community as we think. “Same sex marriages being legalised in more and more states in the US is brilliant, but Russia and other Eastern European countries are becoming ever more openly hostile towards homosexuality and gender confused people.” Explaining the thought process behind the app, Marten says: “our initial aim was to simply make games that appealed to both genders, and we achieved this. Luckily though, we also became a tool to help children confused about their gender and say: “hey, you’re confused? That’s okay you don’t have to choose a gender, just be you and be happy with it.” which I think is kind of cool and probably why we’re popular.” Having an open dialogue about transgender issues can only be helpful to children, especially when it comes to puberty, as it is usually a hard and confusing time for children that are happy with their assigned sex, let alone those with dysphoria. Kyla-Rose has been fighting a battle virtually alone for pretty much her whole life, after she says her family are still not completely supportive of her decision. “I’ve known I was assigned to the wrong body since as long as I can remember. I knew as soon as I learnt boys have penises and girls have vaginas that something was wrong. Growing up my family did not accept me. Everyone, except the medical community would tell me it’s just a phase. I didn’t learn the word transgender until I was older but
fluidity Not really feeling like one end of the spectrum or the other.
29
Alice, a fashion buyer at River Island’s head office, explains how gender roles are affecting fashion: “celebrities always influence what we see on the catwalks and then in high street stores, and now is no different.” It seems, even in a community as liberal as fashion, there are still inequalities within the genders: “Baggy hoodies and “boyfriend” jeans have been seen for decades in the women’s department.” Alice says, “they come in and out of fashion, but seeing a woman in nothing but a man’s shirt has always been seen as “sexy”. I have often thought that it’s not fair that women can wear pretty much whatever we want, including stereotypically men’s clothes like suits, but men would be laughed at if they turned up to work in a dress.” She explains that although we probably have a long way to go, we are not as traditional as we may think. “We’re seeing dresses and skirts on men more on the red carpet and the catwalks, and they’re making their way to the high street stores. River Island has a range of long t-shirt dresses for men, and they’re selling better than we thought.” Alice explains that your geographical placing could affect the acceptance as well as your access. “London is a great place for fashion fluidity because it’s so diverse. Generally, the clothes don’t sell so well in the North, so we supply less to them, so less people are able to buy the clothes, so ultimately they stay less accepting of it.” The cultural change towards transgender issues has perhaps given a parent even more things to worry about – is my child happy with their gender identity? Although it is pretty certain that gender dysphoria has been around for a while, it is only fairly recently that the NHS has recognised it as a condition and has moved forward in helping young people. Once a child
Fashion has largely accepted the fluidity of fashion, dresses are no longer exclusively for girls. Leading the way is Jaden Smith modelling for the Louis Vuitton women's line. I always insisted that I was different.” Like many transgender people, Kyla-Rose thought she was the alone, and the only child feeling like this. “I was bullied and excluded all through school and felt so lonely until I saw a documentary about trans children. I realised that there are millions of people around the world like me, all facing similar struggles. I confided in one friend who told other people and it became common knowledge around the school within weeks. It was so embarrassing, but as rumours do in school, people eventually forgot and I came out as gay. I think I was actually happy for a while then, I still didn’t seem like my real self but I had friends, even if it was only because they wanted a “gay best friend”. But puberty killed all my confidence. Being a girl and feeling like you’re going through the wrong puberty is extremely traumatising. As my voice deepened, I grew facial hair and my body became more masculine I felt so ugly. I cried myself to sleep a lot and would take showers with the lights dimmed so I
{
I’m helping to make sure other transgenderpeople have the support they need to not end up with a story like mine.” Dating can be hard for all of us, but Sveta says as transgender, it may be hard but it’s definitely doable. “I always try to tell them as soon as possible. I’m bisexual so I like boys and girls, so it can be difficult explaining that I haven’t had surgery.” Kyla-Rose identifies as a straight woman so is interested in men. Sveta explains that this problem is often raised with her patients. “Most straight guys aren’t interested pre-surgery, and gay guys may not be comfortable with someone being so womanly, but I think you would be surprised with how understanding people are if you just talk things like this through with them.” Although Kyla-Rose hasn’t been in a relationship since starting her hormone therapy, she explains that she doesn’t need a man to make her happy anymore. “The final stages of my transition are in place for the next few months, I think I need to work on completely being in love with myself before I think about loving someone else.” Now in a happy relationship with someone who “loves and accepts me for my strength and who I am” Sveta has even looked into options for her future. “Before surgery I always encourage people to talk to their specialist about fertility as much as possible. I’ve thought about storing my sperm, which is a great option for many because fertility cannot always be guaranteed post-surgery so you have to be prepared for the worst. Personally, I think adoption is great way to start a family when I’m ready. Of course I’m scared about discrimination, with birth mothers usually being heavily involved with adoption in the US, but I like to think the public will surprise me like they have in the past by accepting me." Celebrities have the profound gift of being seen as “trend-setters”, simply because the average person is not followed by a swarm of paparazzi whenever they pop out for the morning paper. Although people like Jaden are bringing attention to gender fluidity and transgender problems to the public, I doubt the son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith would face the same prejudice as a person working in an office, sometimes identifying as male, sometimes as woman, and sometimes as neither. Just as the youth of today are curious as to why gay rights are not instinctively paired with human rights, I am confident in thinking the young people of today will one day be able to enjoy such freedoms we could only imagine.•
}
It's not fair that women can wear pretty much whatever we want, but if a man tured up to work in a dress he'd be laughed at.
wouldn’t have to see the part of me that isn’t really me.” Sveta says she turned to counselling transgender youths after her parents rejected her when she came out as trans. She explains that it was never about the clothes and makeup for her, she just wanted a congruent identity. “I ran away at 17 and lived in my car for a couple of weeks until I found a transgender support group in Seattle. After I shared my story with the group, two girls came up to me and told me they would help me with my money problems. They worked in the adult industry and I knew it was the only way I could afford my transition, insurance, living costs and college. So I went and lived with them until one of the disappeared and the other moved to California to live with her sugar daddy who paid for her coke addiction. I managed to stay out of escorting and I’m complately out of the industry now but I did porn, webcammed and even helped start up a friend’s porn website. Things escalated quickly, but I’m happy now and
30