November / December 2020
Paradise, We Have a Problem
45
by Tony Johnson
“They Couldn’t Talk to Each Other Without Screaming” (From the book Goddess by Anthony Summers)
T
he public saw it as a match made in heaven; two celebrities at the peak of their careers, accomplished, beloved, wealthy, and wildly in love with each other. What could possibly go wrong?
Almost everything, as it turned out. The marriage survived a mere nine months (if months of screaming at each other counts as some sort of survival, rather than the death throes of their union). The marriage of the two celebrities, the icons of their time, quickly descended into a complete hell of total distrust, constant warfare, mutual hatred, and physical violence.
We typically expect that daily problems like bills, work stress, disagreements about money, kids, and sharing chores destroy marriages. But, “The most beautiful woman of her time,” and, “A true American hero,” had very different problems. Money wasn’t the issue, and kids didn’t divide them, as their relationship didn’t produce any; it was the different lifestyles, temperaments, and values – clearly evident before the marriage – that did.
BACKSTORY The wife had achieved movie stardom as an exquisite beauty and sex-kitten before they met. She hungered for the attention and love from the public and, “...someone to cuddle with on a cold night.”
His sports career had recently ended at its peak and he desired a peaceful retirement. Although she promised to, “iron his shirts and
cook his meals,” her career meant she was often away from home, where she was almost always the focus of excited male attention. In retrospect, they both seemed to have a fantasy about each other; he would be the man who would finally love and protect her and give her the security she never had as an orphan and foster child, and she would be the “dream girl” committed to him alone.
In spite of their different life goals, the husband expected his wife to live according to his values after they wed. We can understand that her exhibitionism brought him shame and anxiety, all those men seeing her unclothed and desiring her created doubts; could he measure up?
Her reality was exhibitionism, erratic moods, and an undisciplined work style. He, even though a star in his own right, was shy, moody and reclusive. And intensely jealous with such a hot temper that one night, after a physical fight between them, he dragged her by her hair back into their house and (reportedly) ripped jewelry from her ear.
COULD THEIR MARRIAGE HAVE BEEN SAVED? In their era, the 1950s, marriage counseling focused on negotiating “contracts” where each party felt they were getting their important needs met, and therapy which emphasized improving communication between the couple. To negotiate a conflict successfully there must be
