INTO magazine by elaineyau

Idée Fixe

The Praise of Positive Obsession

Obsessed with the One You Can’t Have

One is the Loveliest Color

Obsessive Pursuit of Perfection

Yayoi Kusama

MINIKIN

Why I look for OBSESSIVE & COMPETITIVE founders?

Performance addiction: Our secret Obsession

positive obsession is a positive quality when it comes to improvements

TONY i am currently obsessed with into-gram

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CONTRIBUTORS Photographers

on the cover: Jim Golden ContentS: Ashley Wokasch BBilly Boeung Kak Elaine Yau Jens John Baldessari mike giepert Lester Cheung Sruli Recht Wolfgang Hastert W-Out

writers

designer/editor advisor

dr. Carmen harra eric maisel grady turner Joanna Goddard Joseph Flaherty Jj jason selk Michael phan Elaine Yau eric heiman

IN PRAISE OF POSITIVE OBSESSION by Eric Maisel

Positive obsessions are insistent, recurrent thoughts or sets of thoughts, presurized in feel, that are extremely difficult to ignore, that compel one to act, and that connect to oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goals and values as an active meaing-maker and authentic human being. 10

he common wisdom of therapy has it that obsessions are always bad things. As a feature of its namesake disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or as a feature of some other disorder, an obsession is a sign of trouble and a problem to be eliminated. But the main reason therapists find themselves obliged to consider obsessions invariably negative has to do with language: an obsession is invariably negative because clinicians have defined it as negative. Clinicians define “obsession” in the following way: an obsession is an intrusive thought, it is recurrent, it is unwanted, and it is inappropriate. Defined this way, it is obviously always unwelcome. But suppose a person is caught up thinking day and night about her current painting or about the direction she wants to take her art? Thoughts about painting “intrude” as she balances her checkbook or prepares her shopping list. She can hardly wait to get to her studio and her rhythms are more like Picasso’s on painting jags than like the rhythms of a “normal” person. This artist is obsessed in an everyday sense of the world — and more than happy to be so! But a clinician has no word to employ to describe her state. He may call it anything from a passion to a preoccupation to a sublimation, even though it is exactly an obsession. He can’t call this welcome state an obsession, because he has caused “obsession” to be stand for something invariably negative. Clinicians have talked themselves out of the chance to discuss the real and important differences between positive obsessions and negative obsessions by defining away the possibility that obsessions might ever be desirable. In 1877 the German psychiatrist Karl Westphal defined “obsession” as follows: “Obsessions are thoughts which come to the foreground of consciousness in spite of and contrary to the will of the patient, and which he is unable to suppress although he recognizes them as abnormal and not characteristic of himself.” If only he had

said “negative obsessions” and not “obsessions,” the door might have remained open for a more rounded, sensible examination of what it means to be obsessed. Negative obsessions (like fearing that your door isn’t locked and checking it a hundred times a day, or fearing that your hands aren’t clean and washing them over and over again) are a horror. No one would want them or no one needs them. Positive obsessions, by contrast, are the fruit of a creator’s efforts to make meaning. Without positive obsessions, life is dull, dreary, and meaningless. Because we rarely consider the distinction between positive obsessions and

What exactly do I mean by a positive obsession? (+)

A fair working definition is as follows: For Van Gogh, for a period of time, sunflowers obsessed him. For Dostoevsky, for decades, the question of whether an innocent — a “saintly man” — could survive in the real world haunted and obsessed him. Georgia O’Keeffe obsessed about how to represent the desert, thrilling herself when her imagery of bleached bones satisfied her for a time. It is no accident or coincidence that effective artists harbor preoccupations that rise to the level of positive obsession. I train creativity coaches. During each training I provide trainees with clients whom they see at no charge. These clients are men and women in the arts who have written to me and want help breaking through blocks and manifesting their creative potential. In the past few years I’ve heard from hundreds of people who want to work with a coach-in-training. In order to become a client, they are obliged to tell me a little bit about themselves. More often than not a significant part of their problem is that they are not obsessed with their current creative project. They could take it or leave it — so they leave it. I’m convinced that their lack of motivation is in large measure the result of this absence of positive obsessions. Most creators and all would-be creators simply aren’t obsessed enough.

Because we rarely consider the distinction between positive obsessions and negative ones, we’ve thrown the baby out with the bath water and missed the chance to think about the value of positive obsessions and — as they are valuable — what would help a creator nurture them. For an artist, the absence of positive obsessions leads to long periods of blockage, repetitive work that bores the artist himself, and existential ailments of all sorts. What is a creator to do? The long answer requires more space than I have here, but the short answer is that he must take himself more seriously in the realm of meaning. He must re-convince himself or convince himself for the first time--that his creative efforts matter, not cosmically and not as mere ego massage but as a primary way that he will make personal meaning during his time on earth. If he will not “force life to mean,” as the German novelist Herman Hesse expressed it, positive obsessions will stay assiduously away. For a contemporary intelligent, sensitive person, it may well make more sense to opt for a life of positive obsessions that flow from personal choices about the meanings of life than to attempt to live a more modest and less satisfying normal-looking life that produces dissatisfaction and boredom. After all, no one can say how normal ought to be defined. In what sense is it normal to work at a job that constricts you and bores you rather than risking everything on a life that challenges you, even as it frustrates you? Much of what we call normal behavior is simply based on fear. Indeed, the average person might even prefer a negative obsession, despite its horrors, to a positive obsession rooted in excitement, passion, and active meaning-making, so wild and unafraid would he feel if he were obsessed that way. Even though I am stating my premise clearly, that negative obsessions are a true negative for everyone and that positive obsessions are a blessing, at least for creators, I know that some readers will write to me and chastise me for advocating on behalf of obsessions, so horrible have obsessions made their life. What they will 14

mean, however, is that negative obsessions have harmed them – a point I am entirely agreeing with beforehand. Since not everyone has experienced positive obsessions, this confusion is natural. People who have not experienced positive obsessions and who have only experienced negative ones can be forgiven for seeing all obsessions as negative, since that has been their entire experience. This very brief discussion leaves a great deal out, including whether negative obsessions are caused one way, perhaps as genetic expression, biological difference, or because of a rigid upbringing, and positive obsessions an entirely different way, arising as the fruit of a conscious decision to matter and to make personal meaning. It’s high time that we explored these two phenomena so as to understand their similarities and differences.

(+)

Why I look for OBSESSIVE and COMPETITIVE Founders? Obsession. The drive to succeed at all costs. When second place isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t good enough because we live in winner-take-most markets. The desire to be better than anybody else in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s field. bothsideofthetable.com

en days ago I saw the film, Whiplash, which is one of my favorite films of the year. I would be shocked if it doesn’t win at least one Oscar. I won’t have any spoiler alerts here, don’t worry. The protagonist in the film, Andrew, is a drummer and the story is his experiences. In his freshman year of one of the most elite music conservatories in the country. He wants to compete to be the lead drummer in the competitive ensemble and study under Terence, an obsessive instructor who is hell bent on winning competitions for the school. I absolutely loved the film. I loved the music. I loved the intensity. I loved the drive to succeed, to compete and to be one’s best. As you can imagine – all great films have conflict and the tension is this – what is an acceptable level of obsession to put into success, whether instructor or student? The rest you should see for yourself. But the film has my brain buzzing all week about obsessive and competitive people. Think about Kobe Bryant. Kobe is famous for waking up crazy early every morning and practicing for longer and harder than nearly anybody else in the NBA. Kobe isn’t Kobe just because he was born naturally tall and athletic – although that is a sine qua non. Kobe is kobe because he practices more than even the most elite professionals in a hyper competitive industry and because he is simply more dedicated to his success than many other people are. In our society we revere athletes. We revere musicians. We glorify their successes and we marvel at their achievements. Yet somehow many people think that startups intended to operate at massive, Internet scale can be casual affairs. I see founders who think they can be at every conference, advise multiple companies, do side investments in angel deals, leave the office at 6pm and have a balance life. I don’t believe it’s possible to compete at Internet scale and have balance. I’m not making a qualitative statement that I believe obsession in startups is necessarily a good thing. In fact, I have written about the negative health consequences and sometimes mental consequences of doing

so. But I would make the observation that if you stumble on to a really important idea that has the potential to be really valuable know that others will enter into the market precisely because markets are competitive and a lot of money and prestige is at stake. In fact, think about it. Even MORE money is at stake than what Kobe or even the best rock bands in the world can make by being at the top of their game. Zuckerberg. Larry / Sergey. The founders of DropBox, Airbnb, Uber – you name it. So if you’re going to raise venture capital and compete in large, growing, winner-take-most markets you had better be prepared for other people to want to knock you off your stool, steal your limelight, grab your customers and muck you up. I don’t know Mark Zuckerberg. But I’m willing to bet that he was pretty obsessive and all in at Facebook for many years to drive their success. It isn’t as if there weren’t other people trying to dethrone Facebook all along. I write all this because I am constantly asked “what I am looking for when I make an investment” and the most honest answer I can give is that I’m looking for maniacally driven individuals who are obsessive in their pursuit of an idea and who are so competitive and driven that they can’t accept failure. I know it sounds cliché. However, I would ask you this. If it takes compulsive individuals to be at the absolute peak in sports or music – why wouldn’t it take the same to create a disruptive product or service that can change an industry. It’s not a 9-to-5 job. It’s not for people with soft elbows or compressed egos. I look for many things. I’ve even written about the Top 12 attributes of an entrepreneur here, but I’ve also got to be able to observe the inner Whiplash.

OBSESSED WITH THE ONE YOU CAN’T HAVE by Dr. Carmen Harra

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think it is all a matter of love; the more you love a memory the stronger & stranger it becomes.â&#x20AC;? Vladimir Nabokov

h, the never-ending struggle known as love! Love is that emotion that has the power to penetrate all other emotions, healing us on our deepest levels of being. But what happens when love itself becomes corrupt and negative emotions creep in, such as fear, anxiety, or anger? The result is an adulterated version of love, known as obsession. None of us want to believe that we’re obsessed with anything or anyone since obsession denotes a harmful state of being. But in fact, we’re all obsessed with something: some of us may be obsessed with clothes, others with food and eating, still others with the way we look or with our work. What we need to understand is that obsession is never a positive thing. Even if we’re obsessed with helping the world or spreading love, which are positive in essence, no thought or act should dominate our lives to the point that we live only for it. Moderation is truly key: everything in moderation, nothing taken to an excess. This includes food, money, love, etc. When we take anything to an excessive state, we overthrow the delicate balance within our minds. Our brains are split into sections. It’s like a school with many classrooms: one classroom teaches science, one philosophy, one mathematics, one writing, and so on. There’s an even harmony spread throughout so that no one subject overlaps another. But when all the students of that school only attend the mathematics class and no other class, the other subjects are abandoned. This principle easily applies to the classrooms within your brain. If you’re only focusing on a person you’re in love with day and night, you’re ordering all of the neurons in your brain to go to that particular section of thought. And over time, neurons form bonds and establish relationships and multiply in number. So if you are stuck on an ex-partner, the more you obsess over him or her, the more you’re implementing this person permanently into your brain. Ideally, you want the neurons in your brain spread out evenly between work and family and love and a social life and self-care. Like the students all crammed into one classroom, you don’t want

your neurons bunched up on only one side of your brain. This is what happens when we’re obsessed with a person. The word “obsess” comes from the Latin verb “obsidere,” which means “to sit inside of, or occupy.” The person we’re obsessed with figuratively occupies our brains. They become the main concern circling within our minds. We might lead perfectly normal lives, but the one we’re obsessed with will constantly pop up in our thoughts. So who are you thinking about every day, and maybe not even realizing it? Is your ex-spouse in your thoughts? Does a former partner keep coming to mind? It’s not entirely difficult to become obsessed with someone, such as when a relationship ends suddenly or is ended by the other person. If a relationship comes to an end before we’re were ready to let go, it can take a real psychological toll. Whenever any chapter of our lives comes to a close before we’re prepared, we experience struggle in letting go. As a psychologist and relationship specialist, I see and hear all sorts of cases every day. But the type of case I most often encounter is obsession with another person. A large number of the clients I speak with come for help on letting go of another person they just can’t seem to forget. I counsel women who have fallen in love with other women’s husbands, men who just can’t stop thinking about their ex-partner, even women who are dating men who are dating three other women, but they just can’t let go. The common thread between these examples is being obsessed with someone they can’t have. And that’s the key to obsession: you can’t have the person. That’s exactly what keeps someone totally bound to an ex-partner, or someone else’s husband, or an estranged boyfriend who only sometimes comes around. And that’s the key to obsession: you can’t have the person. That’s exactly what keeps someone totally bound to an ex-partner, or someone else’s husband, or an estranged boyfriend who only sometimes comes around. It seems the old phrase “you always want what you can’t have” is true, and it’s not just true of wanting to have 21

unrealistic, tangible things, it’s true of the people we want to have, too. It’s a psychological phenomenon; if the relationship isn’t a challenge, we aren’t as interested in it. If that were the case, every person in the world would settle down with an uncomplicated partner and no one would experience relationship problems. But we’re not programmed that way. We’re wired by nature to seek and take on challenges. This is in our DNA, and this is because challenges lead to evolution. When a species is faced with environmental challenges, it quickly evolves to adapt to those challenges. So subconsciously, we seek challenges as a means towards evolution and self-improvement. This also holds true of the types of relationships we seek; we challenge ourselves to be with a person so as to make them, and us, better over time. When someone has broken up with us or doesn’t want to be with us, the challenge becomes to get them back. And our stubborn brains don’t want to let go of this task until we’ve fulfilled it. What I want you to think about now is who is your challenge? If you’re in a stable relationship, you may have already conquered your challenge, but if you’re not then there probably exists someone you’re interested in. Who is it, and how does this person impact your life? Could it be that you spend too much time thinking about him or her? Are you obsessed? Being infatuated with someone is a healthy, normal element of life. Think about infatuation as that feeling of being head over heels for someone; we smile just at the thought of that person! We can be infatuated with our partner or potential love interest without crossing the line into obsession. And that’s a beautiful thing. But how do we know when it’s gone too far? How do we distinguish between an intense love and an unhealthy preoccupation? Even worse, how can we decipher when it’s time to move on because the other person doesn’t reciprocating our feelings? It becomes very difficult to answer these questions on our own and it becomes all too easy to make the wrong decisions. 22

Like anything else in life, detachment takes time and is a process. But the results are remarkably liberating: a life in which an unhealthy obsession doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t dominate your day to day thoughts and actions.

ONE IS THE LOVELIEST COLOR By Joanna Goddard

STEPHIN MERRITT a singer-songwriter who only wears brown Stephin Merritt wears brown on the outside because brown is how he feels on the inside. Or something like that. The beloved Magnetic Fields front man explains his penchant for the color that dominates his wardrobe in an interview with INTO magazine this week. For one thing, he says, he wears brown instead of black because he doesn’t want to “look like a French tourist in Soho.” Zing! But brown also matches his hair and his eyes and, most importantly, his cute white and beige dog with a little brown nose. Awww! More from the interview after the jump. Thanks to Sound of the City for the tip. It must be hard to clash when you wear all brown. Impossible. The great thing about brown is when it fades, you can’t tell what color it originally was. There’s no sense of the “right” color saturation. 26

Why brown?

So why didn’t you start wearing black?

Years ago, I did a photo shoot with my dog, Irving, for Esquire magazine, where they had various celebs wearing fake eighties clothing. They put me in a preposterous outfit. Blondie was also part of the shoot, and they gave me advice: Just say, “Sorry, I only wear black.”

Unfortunately, black at this point tends to make you look like a French tourist in Soho. It also makes me look ill. I look ill enough; I really don’t need to call attention to that.

What else do you like about it?

What color is your dog?

Brown shows absolutely nothing. You’d have to spill some fuchsia paint. If you wear black, dandruff is horrific and lint is a nightmare—and dog hair, in my case, is a particular problem and I believe in matching.

White and beige with a little brown nose. He’s incredibly cute.

But brown is good?

It must be hard to clash when you wear all brown.

I have brown hair and brown eyes. I believe in matching.

Impossible. The great thing about brown is when it fades, you can’t tell what color it originally was. There’s no sense of the “right” color saturation.

Are there any downsides to wearing brown?

What were the events?

I’ve been invited to two events that required black tuxedoes, so I didn’t go. I always said I’d wait until I’d been asked to three tuxedo events before I accepted. So I’m in danger of needing to wear a tuxedo.

The first was a party at an embassy; the second was a wedding. I don’t know why tuxedos were necessary. But obviously I’ve never been to a tuxedo event. Maybe it’s glorious fun.

Performance Addiction: Our Secret Obsession by Arthur P. Ciaramicoli

s we talked further she told me her husband had frequent affairs, always increasing her feelings of inadequacy. She practically raised their three children alone yet said little about her role as a mother. She went to college to become a teacher, and emphasized it was “just a state school.” She has tried to date since her divorce but insightfully indicated she thought her lack of confidence drove men away. When I asked what gave her such feelings, she talked about her short height, her mediocre education and her meager financial stature. Early in life we write a story about ourselves, a novel if you will. It is most often a fictitious story that is being reflected back to us from those close to us – as if we were looking at ourselves in a mirror. We are evolving and learning along the way – who we are, or more importantly, who others think we are. If the mirrors you are looking into give you an inaccurate view of yourself you begin to form a fictitious idea of your capabilities and worth. Mary grew up with an alcoholic father who spent little time with his two daughters, but nevertheless had very

Performance Addiction (PA) The belief that perfecting appearance and achieving status will secure love and respect.

high expectations on how they should perform in school and athletics. Mary’s mother had a kind heart but was quite overweight. She was often on the diet of the month, frequently calling herself fat – an idea that was reinforced by her perfectionistic husband. As a result of this environment Mary developed a critical self-voice, which supported a deep belief that she was not good enough. This common syndrome sets the stage for what I call Performance Addiction (PA): the belief that perfecting appearance and achieving status will secure love and respect. It is an irrational belief system learned from early familial experiences and reinforced by our material and appearance driven society. I recognized this disorder as I worked with people like Mary who are intelligent, compassionate, caring and attractive, yet their internal story tells them they are inferior, unattractive and unimpressive. These individuals are what I call scoreboard watchers. They are constantly evaluating how well they sound, look and appear. They idealize others, as Mary did with her husband because of his good looks and financial success, totally missing the fact that his character is quite poor and unimpressive. They are trying desperately to look better and achieve more to have a taste of the love and respect they have longed for since early childhood. People who suffer from PA tend to value status over character and achievement over relationships. They are often seen as preoccupied people who are always on the move, in their minds or in reality. They are trying desperately to look better and achieve more to have a taste of the love and respect they have longed for since early childhood. Our society rewards attractive people and those who perform on high levels. Once a person has bought into the unending quest of Performance Addiction they can’t relax, let go, and let life take its mysterious course. When their efforts fail, they decide to try harder, move faster, and are willing to make more sacrifices while compromising their health. This behavior pattern is the nature of an addiction. 31

Mary is an attractive, bright, affable woman who has needed to uncover her true worth by being open to the fact that she has been misguided in her pursuits for love and acceptance. Rather than constantly trying to correct what is wrong with her she needed to uncover what has been right about her all along. Her natural goodness had been under cover as a result of the lack of empathy she endured early in life and later in her marriage. In order for Mary to change her story she joined one of my group therapy sessions where members are committed to providing truthful, tactful feedback with the goal of everyone changing their story from fiction to non-fiction. You cannot change your story alone; human beings are all too subjective to do so. When we have the courage to let ourselves be known by rational people who have the capacity to provide us with a realistic appraisal we begin to see the truth about others and ourselves. It is very hard to deny feedback that comes from 10 group members who have known you for some time and all agree on a certain perception of your personality. Over a period of months Mary has been able to understand the distortions she formed of herself. Growing up in an alcoholic home with a mother who suffered from an eating disorder left her feeling alone. Without the empathy of her parents she feel into an obsession Children of alcoholics often find it difficult to understand why they would choose the very type of person that has caused them such misery. It is human nature to return to the scene of the crime; we have a degree of familiarity with what we have experienced. Our minds tell us to run away from certain individuals. Nevertheless our hearts drive us forward to see if we can re-write the story by finally gaining the love and respect from those who are incapable of giving it, recreating our familial dynamic. Today, after several months of individual and group therapy, Mary realizes that net worth does not equal self worth and perfecting appearance does not bring love and respect but in fact creates addictive behavior. Changing 32

a distorted story and the negative self-voice it creates in the most impressionable times in life is very difficult but certainly possible. Always remember that anything learned can be un-learned with patience and perseverance. I have seen many miraculous transformations occur with the support of empathic, open-minded people who are committed to helping each other reach the common goal of true happiness and health.

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OBSESSIVE PURSUIT OF PERFECTIONISM

by Joseph Flaherty

It all started with a scissor collection. Shooting them individually didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t capture the magic.

Jim Golden Portland-based Photographer

olden didn’t have enough gear for this shoot and asked the Portland community to donate their rigs for a day. 14 hours later the shot emerged– along with a new community of photographers. Finding collections to shoot was originally Golden’s biggest challenge, but the success of the series has unlocked a treasure trove of crazy collectors who are coming out of the woodwork. Each collection starts with an emotional core. In this photo it is the flashlight that Golden owned as a child and recently rediscovered at a thrift store. Each product needs to be placed perfectly to balance the composition and properly light the collection.

By placing hundreds of like objects next to each other the photos force viewers to consider tiny differences. In addition to being beautiful works of art, Golden’s photos are a keen reminder of the transience of today’s hottest gadgets. One of Golden’s latest compositions is made up of detritus found on the Portland coast. Golden’s work flow is entirely digital and allows him to tweak the shot as it’s assembled. Assembling the shots is a painstaking process and Golden has been known to start from scratch if the shot isn’t lining up. Even when the collection isn’t comprised of thousands of objects, a quirky composition keeps things interesting. The photos have opened new doors for Golden—this collection caught the attention of editors at a famous outdoors magazine. Golden uses objects the way a painter uses watercolors. No matter how mundane the subjects, Golden’s artful eye, as well as the peculiar passion of the collector, shines through. 40

This behind the scenes shot helps demystify the process.

Gathering the items for the photo shoots can be challenging so Golden has partnered with freelance stylist Kristin Lane 43

Hoarding gets a bad rap, and there are certainly compulsive collectors who could use some time in therapy, but what about a guy who owns 5,000 pairs of scissors? In the grips of a reality show producer, he’d be made to look like a loon, but when viewed through Portland-based photographer Jim Golden’s lens, the same pack rat seems like a canny curator. Golden has been shooting photos for brands like Nike, ESPN, and Yahoo for over 15 years and has become a master of lighting who can shoot a picture of athletic footwear better than almost anyone. One day, a friend with colossal collection of clippers asked Golden to give his scissors the same slick treatment as Air Jordans. Golden tried shooting the staggering stockpile of shears individually, but the results just didn’t cut it. No single pair of pinking shears or tin snips looked that impressive on its own, it was only in context of the entire collection that the subtle variations were revealed. “Then it dawned upon me to lay them out on the floor and photograph them from above,” says Golden.

A series of images featuring quirky collections of camera gear, locks, and lawn decorations soon followed. Though filled with dozens of subjects, each photo has an emotional coreâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the camping collection was inspired by a plastic flashlight Golden had as a kid and recently rediscovered at a thrift store, while the bright orange and yellow housewares came from Laneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s personal collection.

Despite owning a well-equipped photo studio, Golden didn’t have nearly enough gear for the camera photo. To pull off this shot, Golden and Lane had to become event organizers and librarians—the pair asked the Portland photography community to borrow gear for a day, resulting in donations of 400 pieces of kit that needed to be cataloged and a gathering of photographers that turned Golden’s studio into an impromptu photography convention. “It took Kristin and I 14 hours to lay out and photograph,” he says. “We have both learned a lot about what’s possible and what isn’t, how big these things can be compared to the scale of the items.” The photos have a minimal style, but are really the result of Golden obsessive pursuit of perfectionism. “The scissors were a challenge,” he says. “I did one layout and didn’t like it, and redid it — my assistant thought I was nuts. Still, nothing was weirder than learning an old friend had over 5,000 scissors at his house.” Golden’s still life series has collected a series of awards and honors that rivals some of the collections he’s photographed and has led to more corporate work, but he is always searching for the next astonishing assortment of esoteric products to photograph. “I shoot stuff I’m interested in and combine that with what I can get a hold of,” he says. “When I started, it was a bit harder, but now people are coming out of the woodwork and offering it.”

“Photography is not a career it’s an obsession the desire to create and do something inspiring that is worth remembering is very important to me being out there shooting is where things happen...”

YAYOI KUSAMA by Grady Turner

ayoi Kusama is a fascinating artist that has dabbled in many mediums (painting, sculpture, collage, performance, video), but it’s her installations that really blow my mind. The first opportunity I had to interact with her work was as a teenager in Pittsburgh. The Mattress Factory has “Repetitive Vision” on permanent display. After many years, this is still a memorable experience for me. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg of what she can accomplish with a room and a some dots. When that room happens to be mirrored, prepare yourself for an out of body experience. Though she was generally unknown just months ago, fame is not new to Yayoi Kusama. There was a time when she was as well-known as Andy Warhol among admirers of Pop Art. Acknowledged as a progenitor of Minimalism, Kusama made headlines for street performances in which she painted polka dots on nude men and women. But Kusama was largely forgotten by the art world after she returned to Japan in 1973, suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. She was committed to a mental institution, where she remains to this day. Kusama’s neglect by art history has been redressed in a traveling retrospective of her seminal 1960s work, currently at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis. When the retrospective was on view in New York’s Museum of Modern Art, shock waves of recognition went through the art world. Not only was Kusama relevant to the past; she seemed to pave the way for 1990s art as well. The retrospective will soon conclude its tour in Tokyo, where Japanese audiences will have their first comprehensive look at an artist now considered to be their foremosmodernist. Even now, rumors about Kusama abound (yes, her many lovers included Joseph Cornell and Donald Judd; no, she is not faking mental illness to gain attention). In our conversations via fax, Kusama and I were separated by language, culture, and a couple of generations. Nevertheless, she steered me past the pitfalls of innuendo and legend in my effort to understand how her remarkable life relates to her art. 53

Grady Turner

Yayoi Kusama

There has been so much interest in your life story as a result of your retrospective at the Museum of Modern Art. Do you ever fear people may be interested in your biography at the expense of your art?

No, I have no such fear. My artwork is an expression of my life, particularly of my mental disease.

We are conducting this interview by fax because you live in a mental institution in Tokyo. Is it true you committed yourself?

Do you still work around the clock for days at a time, as you did in the 1960s? Or is your work routine different now?

I was hospitalized at the mental hospital in Tokyo in 1975 where I have resided ever since. I chose to live here on the advice of a psychiatrist. He suggested I paint pictures in the hospital while undergoing medical treatment. This happened after I had been traveling through Europe, staging my fashion shows in Rome, Paris, Belgium, and Germany.

I work very hard even now, but probably not as hard as I did when I was in New York.

Even though you are institutionalized, you are a prolific writer and artist. Where do you work?

I work at my condominum-turned-studio near the hospital as well as at a studio I’ve been renting for some years, which is just a few minutes walk from the hospital. I also created a large sculpture in the big yard of the hospital—a store-bought rowboat completely covered with stuffed canvas protuberances. I have made about 500 or 600 large sculptures so far.

You say your art is an expression of your mental illness. How so?

You were born in Matsumoto in 1929. The war did not greatly affect your family as Matsumoto was isolated and your family was wealthy. Is that true?

My art originates from hallucinations only I can see. I translate the hallucinations and obsessional images that plague me into sculptures and paintings. All my works in pastels are the products of obsessional neurosis and are therefore inextricably connected to my disease. I create pieces even when I don’t see hallucinations, though.

Our house escaped damage during the war and our storehouse was full of foodstuffs so we had enough to eat, fortunately. Yes, my family is quite wealthy. They operate real estate and storage businesses. They also wholesale seeds harvested from the plants grown on their large farms. They have been in this business for some 100 years.

But still, your childhood was pretty horrific. Your descriptions of your mother are chilling.

My mother was a shrewd businesswoman, always horrendously busy at her work. I believe she contributed a great deal to the success of the family business. But she was extremely violent. She hated to see me painting, so she destroyed the canvases I was working on. I have been painting pictures since I was about ten years old when I first started seeing hallucinations. I made them in huge quantities. Even before I started to paint, I was different from other children. My mother beat me and kicked me on the derriere.

Given your family life, it is not surprising you were eager to leave home while still young. You went to Kyoto, where you enrolled in academic art classes. Was this your only formal training as an artist?

I went to Kyoto simply to flee from my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s violence. I rarely attended classes at the school there; I found the school too conservative and the instructors out of touch with the reality of the modern era. I was painting pictures in the dormitory instead of attending classes. Because my mother was so vehemently against my becoming an artist, I became emotionally unstable and suffered a nervous breakdown. It was around this time, or in my later teens, that I began to receive psychiatric treatment. By translating hallucinations and fear of hallucinations into paintings, I have been trying to cure my disease.

In 1951, you began to produce small works on paper in pastel, gouache, and ink, based on your hallucinations. Within a few years, you had created thousands of them. Then, furious with your mother, you destroyed most of them on a riverbank outside your familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s home. How did this come about?

When I left for New York, my mother gave me $1,000,000 yen and told me never to set foot in her house again. I destroyed several thousand pieces of work. I felt those early works would be a drag on me after I became determined to create better work in the United States. Now I regret very much that I destroyed them.

But you saved some 2,000 works, which you brought to New York. Why?

The pieces that I saved were all completed ones, similar to those I had sent to Kenneth and Georgia Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Keeffe. Those pieces I saved were excellent pieces that already showed some signs of dots and infinity nets.

Though small in size, these early works were vast in scale, as if you were attempting to capture the infinite.

Those small works reflect the great depth of my inner heart. They represent an assertion of denial, or a negative, while my white Infinity Nets are an expression of a positive.

In your novella Foxgloves of Central Park, the protagonist Shimako breaks down shortly after arriving in New York penniless and alone. Still, she has no intention of returning to Japan. Did you mean for your departure to be final?

Yes, I left Japan determined to live and die in the United States. I would not have had to return to Japan, even temporarily, if my Japanese doctor in New York had given me surgical treatment early enough. Now, without realizing it, I have been in this mental hospital for 20-some years. I live a peaceful life creating artwork.

When you arrived in New York, you were 29 years old. You spoke little English. You had a portfolio of drawings but no contacts in the art world. What were you hoping to accomplish?

When I arrived in New York, action painting was the rage, de Kooning, Pollock and others. I wanted to be completely detached from that and start a new art movement. I painted obsessional, monochromatic paintings from morning till night. They were huge paintings that had no composition like a 33-foot white infinity net painting. My only contact with the art world was John Gordon of the Brooklyn Museum. I owe so much to him. He invited me to participate in the “Watercolor Biennale” and helped me to sell my work by finding sponsors.

Within 18 months of your arrival, you had your first solo show. The walls of the gallery were hung with five huge canvases covered with white-on-white infinity nets. Meticulously painted brush strokes created a lattice almost invisible to the eye. The show was praised by critics including Dore Ashton and Donald Judd—you were even compared to Pollock. This first success must have been exciting.

I said to myself, I did it! I began associating with comrades who were also developing new types of paintings. I became friends with artists such as Eva Hesse and Donald Judd.

It is interesting Judd was so impressed with your work, as your paintings presaged the Minimalist aesthetics he later championed. Did you consider yourself a Minimalist?

I am an obsessional artist. People may call me otherwise, but I simply let them do as they please. I consider myself a heretic of the art world. I think only of myself when I make my artwork. Affected by the obsession that has been lodged in my body, I created pieces in quick succession.

With this first show, you established a balance between avant-garde aesthetics and the hallucinatory images that inspired you.

I ran all over the battlefield of art in New York that revolved rapidly like a swirl.

OBSESSION IS A POSITIVE QUALITY WHEN IT COMES TO IMPROVEMENT by Jason Selk

STRIVING FOR YOUR GOAL IS THE GOAL Human beings are goal-striving organisms. We experience more satisfaction and joy from striving to achieve our goals than we do from actually achieving them. When we check the scale at the end of the week and see that all our sacrifices paid off in a 2-pounds loss, it feels amazing. When we’re working hard to build up our business, the first time we see a modest jump in sales we feel triumphant. Small successes are motivating, and they help us stay focused. These small successes also feed our obsession to keep striving and improving.

Obsession is a powerful and potentially positive mental state. An obsession, by definition, is something that excessively preoccupies the mind. As a mental health professional, would I recommend that a person become obsessed? Absolutely, if that obsession is an obsession to improve. One of the key elements of mental toughness that I coach to athletes and business leaders is to become obsessed with improvement. The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to master this quality. Those who are the most mentally tough actually attack their goals and finish the year strong. The people I know who are at the top of their game got there not by wanting to be better, but by becoming obsessed with improving. Because we live in such a result-oriented society, it’s easy to forget that the key to happiness lies not in the end goal, but in the efforts along the way toward achieving the goals we’ve set for ourselves. 63

5 Steps to Become Obsessed with Improvement

two Once you’ve come up with your personal and professional obsessions, pull out your calendar and set a reminder for the first thing each morning to remind you of your choice throughout the first month.

one Identify one personal goal and one professional goal to become obsessed with this year. Doing so will promote an incredibly powerful start t0 2015.

three Write down three small tasks you can easily accomplish every day that will help you get closer to each of your goals. These smaller tasks are called process goals. For example, if your personal goal is to lose weight, you could: drink a glass of water before each meal, write down your calories, and take a brisk walk during lunch hour. Or you could: read a weight-loss blog, plan your meals for the next day, and meditate on a photo of yourself when you were thinner. It’s easy to come up with three daily, doable process goals for each of the areas–personal and professional–that you want to improve. Make sure they are easy things to accomplish.

four Don’t let yourself get distracted. Obsession with improvement means that every day, without fail, you will relentlessly focus on finishing each of these process goals. They become your top priority.

five At the end of each week, look back at what you’ve accomplished every day. If you’re having trouble finishing your three personal and three professional process goals, break them down into easier or more modest tasks. The objective here is to feed your obsession with incremental success– not to get discouraged.

OBSESSION: The drive to succeed at all costs. When second place isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t good enough because we live in winnertake-most markets. The desire to be better than anybody else in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s field. 66

Obsessive? Yes, I am.

I am CURRENTLY OBSESSED with:

Art & design

OBSESSIVE DESIGN 68

I wasn’t going to post about Sagmeister’s latest design/art piece, as it’s getting a lot of play elsewhere. Except, I love it. Truthfully, I’m not a big fan of his work, but he may have just won me over with his penny installation that states: “Obsessions make my life worse and my work better.” And that got me thinking about a lot of my favorite work – and how a good bit of it has an over-the-top, obsessive-compulsive ingredient. I truly enjoy work that someone(s) had to slave over to make happen, work that took effort, work that is done on a grand scale. Unfortunately, few projects within an ad agency come with the time that these type of things require, so I also look at them with a bit of jealousy too. There are so many, but here are a few of my favorites off the top of my head - recognizing that I’m no doubt forgetting a bunch of obvious ones. by Jj

Sagmeister Installation I could have included a number of his projects, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sort of the king of obsessiveness, but this is the first one that stopped me in my tracks. 70

WK12 Fail Harder Installation This was done a few years ago, and I still love it. Nothing but inspiration, time, and effort. I also like the little project done as a response â&#x20AC;&#x201C; installed around the corner...proving a completely different point. 71

Justin Quinn E fine-art

The distance between reading and seeing has been an ongoing interest for me. Since 1998 I have been exploring this space through the use of letterforms, and have used the letter E as my primary starting point for the last two years. Since E is often found at the top of vision charts, I questioned what I saw as a familiar hierarchy. Was this letter more important than other letters? E is, after all, the most commonly used letter in the English language, it denotes a natural number (2.71828), and has a visual presence that interests me greatly. In my research E has become a surrogate for all letters in the alphabet. It now replaces the other letters and becomes a universal letter (or Letter), and a string of Es now becomes a generic language (or Language). This substitution denies written words their use as legible signifiers, allowing language to become a vacant parallel Language— a basis for visual manufacture. After months of compiling Es into abstract compositions through various systemic arrangements, I started recognizing my studio time as a quasi-monastic experience. There was something sublime about both the compositions that I was making and the solitude in which they were made. It was as if I were translating some great text like a sub literate medieval scribe would have years ago— with no direct understanding of the source material. The next logical step was to find a source. Herman Melville’s novel Moby Dick, a story rich in theology, philosophy, and psychosis provides me with a roadmap for my work, but also with a series of underlying narratives. My drawings, prints, and collages continue to speak of language and the transfer of information, but now as a conduit to Melville’s sublime narratives.

I am CURRENTLY OBSESSED with:

FASHION

THE TREND 74

love when a trend first seems really out there, but then the more you think of it, you realize it’s actually kind of practical! Take transparent accessories – you can rock sunnies or shoes without considering whether they will clash with the colors you’re currently into. Plus, the focus is on what’s inside – why choose a smart phone case that will hide the chic gold or silver you chose when you upgraded to an iPhone 6? With a clear case, there’s no need to hide your tech; it’ll look at as sleek as it did the day you took it out of the store packaging (although a little glitter never hurts). With clutches and the fun jacket above, you can show off what’s inside as well. Your must-have pocket beauty picks and smaller on-the-go accessories can fill the pouch to add interest to your look without pulling the color palette in a totally different direction. Not to mention it’s a great way to express yourself and show off some awesome products. And maybe you just want to rock a white tee on any given day? Just polish the look off with a statement piece like a clear jacket and you don’t need much else. The best part about this trend is that although it may seem like you have to ditch color to rock it, you can actually pull off a vibrant look. It may seem like going transparent means steering clear of color (pun intended), but it simply depends on what you’re feeling that day. I am getting into cool pastels as Iof late – calming blues and purples with little pops of pink – and pairing that with transparent accessories makes it stand out in a whole new way. Even if you’re not entirely sure what colors to pair with clear yourself, there are a ton of options (hello, blinged out box clutch!) all ready for wear.

What’s your take on transparent? Yay or nay?! Michelle Phan 76

INTOGRAM @intomag #intomag

Share your unique obsessions and tag us on instagram!

I didn’t want to be a fashion designer, and for a good half of my career I didn’t like it. I always wanted to do other things. I love things that age well - things that don’t date, that stand the test of time and that become living examples of the absolute best. I design from instinct. It’s the only way I know how to live. What feels good. What feels right. What is needed. Give me a problem and I will approach it creatively, from my gut. It’s really easy to get colors right. It’s really hard to get black - and neutrals - right. Black is certainly a color but it’s also an illusion. Dressing up. People just don’t do it anymore. We have to change that. I’m an accomplice to helping women get what they want. I’m a fashion designer and people think, what do I know? Age is something only in your head or a stereotype. Age means nothing when you are passionate about something. Awkwardness gives me great comfort. I’ve never been cool, but I’ve felt cool. I’ve been in the cool place, but I wasn’t really cool - I was trying to pass for hip or cool. It’s the awkwardness that’s nice. I was the first person to have a punk rock hairstyle.

@ godlyju

I am still pining for marble counter-tops in my kitchen…I also want marble backsplash snaking up the walls a la Jennifer Robert’s gorgeous kitchen above. Friends, I want the marble bad. I want it like the deserts want the rain. Sadly, my bank account says it’s a no go, so I just keep buying marble bits and bobs (i.e. fruit bowls, pastry slabs, etc) in an attempt to fill my longing. In honor of my obsession, I pulled together a little roundup of my favorite marble finds for your viewing pleasure. (I may have purchased one…or five of these myself, but I’m not saying for sure.)

@ imwz

Photographic obsessions can take many shapes and forms. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sure we could come up with a good long list of how we all do it. They often follow the purchase of a new piece of gear or the learning of a new technique and to some extent they are natural.

@ galybrunee

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