Jamie Uy Moth Killing for Beginners

Moth Killing for Beginners

Jamie Uy

112. Begin to bring your awareness to the moth that was just there. Allow your eyes to softly close like the dust settling off the insect’s not-butterfly wings. Notice how your disgust feels in your throat. Concentrate on the beady pupils, the feathered limbs. Take a deep inhale. Fly through the locust pose, the crow pose, the corpse pose.

5. Pause your YouTube video. Confirm I AM NOT A ROBOT. Select all images with trees. Why are you watching a Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike dye her organic cotton fiber scarves using natural ingredients? Why is her hair so shiny? Who knew that boiling a few avocado pits in a pot would brew such a perfect millennial pink?

73. Freeze the damp clothes for twenty-four hours to kill the larvae and the eggs. Use vinegar to help. Listen to the best of elevator jazz music when you’re put on hold by pest control. A “swarm” is a funny word, laughable, the way people at the barbeque politely scrunch their nose when you inform them you’re a vegan, and that you brought a vegetable platter.

99. Do you pronounce tarot “TARO”, like the root crop, or “TO ROT”? When your mother was a girl, her family could only afford sweet potatoes. You are not the Catholic piano-playing daughter she raised you to be. You pull the Moon in reverse, and The Empress falls out of the deck. You tell her you will not have children until the government does something about climate change.

27. To dispel the moth, you must fill your house with cedar. Vacuum every bedroom, store the yellowing paperbacks in airtight containers. Read Kafka’s The Metamorphosis for inspiration. Wonder: is there any way to kill a cockroach as an environmentalist? Sprinkle thyme and cloves in the wardrobe, where your mother’s wedding dress hangs. Take note of good names for daughters you’ll never have: Camellia, Rosa, Lilia.

1. Your greatest weakness is that you have no exoskeleton. Your therapist encourages you to shed your old skin. But most days, your heart is an invertebrate that doesn’t listen, and you watch the Amazon burn on the news while ordering groceries from Amazon Prime. You click ADD TO CART to feel like a real person.

8. Wear gloves as you bleach the funeral clothes. You’re trying to get a shirt of tiger-brown stripes to scratch the sorrow off the mass-produced black like a lottery card. You splash some Clorox on your arm, and it stings. Your mother was a marine chemist, and she travelled around the world sampling seawater, holding peroxide in volumetric pipets until her hands peeled, just like this. The moth circles overhead, like some comically sad seagull.

14. Interview as a professional ghostwriter for self-help and lifestyle books. Smile and nod as you pass over the proof for HOW TO BE A BAD ENVIRONMENTALIST. A celebrity nutritionist emails you, thanking her for helping bring her keto diet book to life, signing off, “With Love & Light.” You are good at dissecting cheese plates, juice blenders, and gaslighting techniques. You catch typos all day, correcting “moth” to “mother” and vice versa.

56. To sauté the mushrooms, first toss in the garlic. Pour the remaining teaspoon of vegetable oil into the skillet. Think about how your mother loved Julia Childs. Add the mushrooms and crisp until golden-brown. Remember the mushroom cloud. Cook undisturbed. Watch the timer. Scatter the cilantro. Divide the rice into two bowls. Let the moth circle close at the dinner table.