WHAT MEN AND WOMEN WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP by Elijah miti

Presented To: President/Minister/King/Prince/Dr/Rev/ Bishop/Proff/Mr./Mrs./Miss .......................................................................................................... On the occasion of ........................................................................................................ By ........................................................................................................ Date: Affirmation .......................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... Authorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Autography............................................................. Dr. Elijah Miti

Copyright ÂŠ 2010 by Elijah Miti All rights reserved. No part of this book should be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or be transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photo copy, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written permission from the author and publisher, with the exception of brief excepts in magazines, articles, reviews, etc. Scripture texts used in this work, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New International Version: copyright ÂŠ 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Publisher: Elijah Miti Consultancy Enterprises Mobile: +27761285439 or +27781319580 Email: emcemagazine@gmail.com Web: www.elijahmiti.co.za Online Book Store Web: www.elijahmiti.webstarts.com

ISBN: 978-0-620-488815-0

What Man Woman

and

Wants In

Relationship Elijah Miti 3

Contents Part One

Introduction

Chapter One How To Catch And Attract Your Man

13 13

Chapter Two Mistake Women Make When Dating A Man

25 25

Chapter Three What Men Mean When They Say Nothing

35 35

Chapter Four 41 A Man’s Brain 41 ........................................................................................

Part Two

Chapter Five A Woman’s Brain

53 53

Chapter Six What Women Want In A Relationship

59 59

Chapter Seven Preparing For Marriage

93 93

Statements That Can Save Your Marriage

109

Questions With Solutions

111

Conclusion

145

About The Author

149

Part One What Men Want in A Relationship

Introduction

ost women go through their entire life not

knowing what they truly want from a man in a relationship. But this does not have to be this way because you have the ability to attract a man you have always wanted and allow yourself show you his love and devotion every day. Finally experience a lasting relationship free from doubt, hurt, withdrawal and uncertainty. Sometime in your life, you will meet or cross the path the right man, maybe you have met him already or maybe he is already in your life right now. All you need is to start applying your mind and faith in your relationship and not show any signals to make him back off. Are you in a situation where you were attracted to a man and later you felt like he was not attracted to you as much as you were to him? Somewhere deep inside, you sensed how great the guy was and felt the strong chemistry that made you closer and comfortable with each other. But for some unknown reason he did not want to truly connect and take the relationship to the next level. What you need is to rediscover what a man

really wants from a woman in a relationship to strike a balance of what you also want in a man. Have you ever dated a guy for some time, weeks, months maybe even a year and it was getting to a point where you needed to have a talk with him and whenever you wanted to bring up the topic of a relationship or making a bigger commitment together the guyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eyes guzzled and soon thereafter seemed distant and ended the relationship by you trying to get closer to him? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... What was the reaction of your girl friends when you shared what happened to you , did they say leave him he does not know what he is doing or he is a jerk he does not know what he is giving up? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... But you know what he never saw those as mistakes or even missed you. The Worst thing is you keep thinking about what could have been or how it would have been to be together. In fact it got to you because you might

be thinking this had to do with you, you keep blaming yourself that maybe it was you who was in the wrong when in the actual fact he was just a loser not knowing what he has given up. You keep thinking if you had done the right thing maybe things would have turned out differently. Today know that you are special, one in a million, unique and there will never be another person as beautiful as you. You are beautiful, sensitive, nice, wonderful, with a nicely shaped Coca Cola bottled figure worth many men dying for. Just because he never committed does not mean that the right man is not going to come for you. Raise your head up and walk with confidence as you shake what your mama gave you for Mr. Right is on the way. He is just one of the secrets of strengthening you to know how to attract and keep a man for life. The only problem here is that one thing you should know is that just like a woman, a man is very hard to understand and just like it is hard for men to find the right woman, a right man does not come into your life with an “Instruction Manual”, you just have to be sensitivity and know when Mr. Right knocks on the door of your heart. You may be blaming God to say Lord why it that I’m still single and that all my friends are hooked up and some are now married. I have been on so many wedding line ups as a chief bride’s maid on my friend’s weddings and mine is not coming but age is catching up with me. Just

keep praying and God in his own time shall confirm that this man speaking to you today is the one.

Chapter One How To Catch And Attract Your Man

very relationship that is taken to the next level

develops from just liking someone to a much stronger feeling called LOVE. Great love is hard to find, so when you find it you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford to lose it, throw away six months or one year of cultivating that special love and risk a love developed just because you fail to handle a particular situation.

Love situations are most difficult when you meet the right person because you don’t know how to make that deeper lasting connection to drive him or her wild and attract a man or woman to start begging you to commit. There is some good news; I personally believe that there is something you can do about it to know exactly what a woman wants in a relationship as well as what a man wants. As a woman you can learn to understand a man and make them to open up and understand you. You can learn how to attract a man and develop a lasting Love relationship and you can keep that love growing stronger once you know how a man works. The million dollar question running through your mind right now is how to I know how a man’s mind works in this area. I have some important questions for you. Think carefully as you answer… Have you ever had a man you were interested in--maybe even someone you really cared about---all of a sudden become “distant” and withdrawn… and you just couldn’t figure out why? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

Can you remember a time when you began to develop strong feelings for a man and knew you wanted to be with him and only him… but he seemed ambivalent and “wishy-washy” about the situation… and it drove you NUTS? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Have you ever dated a man who was AFRAID to commit to you… and even HE didn’t really know why? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with a man who took you for granted… or just didn’t value you as a person? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Are you apprehensive about giving yourself emotionally and physically to a man because you fear that HE won’t do the same? Or worse… that he’ll only do it partially and then just leave… for what seems like no reason at

all? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Have you ever known that you and a guy would be PERFECT together… but for reasons you cannot explain, he just couldn’t see it? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you ever feel like all men are “the same”… to the point where it makes you just want to give up? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you fear that you won’t be physically satisfying or attractive to a man after months or years in a relationship… and that he won’t be as attracted and in love with you after many years together? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

Do you ever fear that YOUR man might end up with someone else? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you secretly fear that you may NEVER experience the passionate life-long love you dream about… and that you might end up lonely… and alone? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... If you answered “YES” to any of these questions, then I have some important news for you. The news is that you are NOT alone. Well for starters I’m a man and let me share something with you today to calm your nerves. I have been in all situations I have just mentioned from the other side as a man. I have seen it from a man’s perspective, I have been in those difficult places in dating relationship and Love developed in the final product called marriage. I will literally show you as a woman how you can attract the right man in your life and make him love you and develop a lasting love relationship. The few tips will make your man make a 180 degree shift to fix your

relationship to succeed and end up as husband and wife. If you are tired of dealing with men who never commit the following tips will make you skip the dead end â&#x20AC;&#x153;datingâ&#x20AC;? most women have to go through and instead lead you directly in the arms of the man you want for life.

Tips -

Learn to cultivate your man with words and connect him with your heart and never worry about just being wanted for sex again. Always have this feeling that you are at an advantage in your relationship over other women when it comes to attracting a man you want, whether they are much prettier or much younger than you. Do your level best to look good and wear deceit respectable fashion not too reveling but nice to mode your Coca Cola bottled shape anatomy (body) to be visible as men are more visually oriented. Wipe out the destructive cycle of thoughts of just meeting men, getting into a relationship, quitting important things you would like to do on your own, only to break up with a guy and make yourself feel like you wasted your love and life away on him.

Start feeding your mind with thoughts that you will find the right man at the right time, right age and right place. Make a move and talk, if you have a man in your life right now and you would like to take your relationship from “casual” to deeply committed”. Do a make-over if you are in a relationship and your man seems stale or he does not show affection or take you out more often as he used to , maybe he does not buy you nice things as he used to or never calls you as much as he used to. This is the fastest way to bring things to the way they were.

Once you have understood the secret psychology of your situation and learnt what to do and say to your man and handle situations, then you can meet the right man of your dreams and keep him in a longterm relationship.

How can you catch and keep a great man? -

Look for a real and genuine man. You might not see this right now, but for most men, there's nothing more important than knowing that he makes a woman feel great when she's with him.

Most Men don't WANT a woman they have to train. The last thing a man wants to do, is to take a woman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand these things, and show her what they are and how they work. If you don't already know how to relate to a man in a way that appeals to him and shows him that you "get" all these things, then no amount of "talking things through" or trying to improve things together is going to help you or make him start seeing you as the woman he wants to stay with. Men want a cool woman with lack of Insecurities, Easygoing, with a sense Humor, Unpredictability, Independent and emotionally "balanced". A man wants a woman who knows how to have and enjoy a relationship... instead of one who spends her time and energy trying to analyze, worry, and "fix" things. Make the man feel crazy for you by the way you speak to him and love him. A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great, both when he's with her... AND when he's alone. In other words, they want a woman who knows how to be loving and affectionate, but independent at the same time. But most men either can't describe the things that actually make them feel this kind of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or they don't WANT to have to describe it to a woman, because they

want a woman who already IS those things... without having to learn them. Define what you want in the relationship. Avoid comparison of your new man to your exboyfriend as that will drive him away Men only want a relationship with a woman who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention and could probably never list or describe even if they were asked to. Men only end up emotionally involved and not RESISTING a long term relationship if they experience for themselves a woman who proves she has these qualities over time. If you wanted to get closer to a man, have him see you as a great person, develop a strong connection, and get him to "open up" with you, then it would makes sense to do and say the things that you know work to create more love and affection,

If a man says, "I need to be alone right now", what he REALLY means is: I want a woman who will make me FEEL better when I'm with her than I do in my everyday life as a single man. The REALITY is that when a man says one of these "I want my freedom" statements, he actually has an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who he is and won't make it feel like "work" when he's with her. The reality

of this situation is that what a man REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feel MORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I like to call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry and confusion that men don't often like, or know how to deal with, what comes from "working" on a serious relationship. For most men, feeling and sharing attraction on a physical and emotional level IS the definition of a good relationship. Of course, I'm not just talking about the common "short term" kind of attraction that's mostly physical...You already know that a relationship takes a whole lot more than just this kind of thing to really work and LAST. I'm also talking about the more "long term "kind of attraction that comes from a deeper EMOTIONAL connection and understanding.

Partnership in a relationship â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ultimately, when each partner feels accountable to God, the rest tends to fall into place. Faith, patience, seeking understanding, service, tenderness, patience, gratitude, fidelity, education, work. All efforts = thought, spoken and physical - are then done with the mindset of love, humility and integrity, focused on the happiness and success of one's partner and one's family 22

Second in priority only to God. All efforts would be to nurture, support and build and never to consciously injure or reject. A marriage in partnership with God, with each partner honoring the other through daily actions and kneeling together in humble prayer, renewing covenants each day to God and to each other will ultimately succeed and will be a satisfying and joyous union for both - each accountable for their own actions, their own thoughts, their own choices and ever seeking to become better than they were yesterday. Daily courtesies; small, thoughtful acts of love; laughter; playfulness and honoring one another in whatever place you stand. Focusing more on 'being' the partner who is deserving of respect and who can be relied upon and trusted, rather than focusing on how the other needs to improve or what they need to give.â&#x20AC;? Rebekah McDermott

Chapter Two Mistakes Woman Make When Dating a Man

have fascination facts that I have discovered in

my research, studying and observing health relationships that go a distance and dead end relationships that go nowhere for women. If you want to take a man from “Hello…” to a first date, to meeting you again, to talking and sharing deeper things about each other, to attraction, to more “lasting

attraction”, to intimacy… and all the way to “I have to tell you that I love you”… then you're going to have to get the hang of turning up the level of attraction a man is feeling for you and knowing how and when to dial it up and down. Have you ever heard a man say something like? "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." Or how about this one "I want my freedom." If you've been close in a relationship with a man and he pulled away, then of course you've heard this before. There's a secret that men never happen to mention about what they want with a woman, why they date, and what it means for them to have a relationship. The SECRET is that most men DO want a relationship with an amazing woman. Similarly every woman wants to create an AMAZING relationship with the right man... without having to deal with all the wrong men, be "manipulated" or experience pain and loss. I believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating once they understand the psychology of a man’s mind in the area of love and relationships. The quality, strength, and the depth of the lasting relationship that comes naturally and

effortlessly is as a result of creating the right ongoing emotional experience with him.

There some deadly mistakes that women make in a relationship without realizing it (1) Leading a man to think you are “Needy” or “Insecure” even if you are not (talking about an ex boyfriend all the time , talking negatively about other women, touching a man too much in public may turn off a man ) There are four ways in which a woman can set off an “insecurity Alert” to make a man think twice about pursuing a relationship. Sadly even confident women can trigger one of these signals and just one alert can make a man lose interest in a woman to take the relationship to the next level or ask a woman on a second date. Signals: (a) Saying nasty things about your ex-boyfriend or men you have been involved with paints a negative picture on you with your new relationship. This makes a man think and worry that you might be carrying unresolved emotional baggage and he might end up just dealing with your emotional issues than cultivating the new found relationship.

(b) Saying negative things or calling other women names such as “ugly, slut, player or bitch” may create a negative impression in a man you are about to get involved with. Most women often do this when they think the man they are attracted to might fall for a prettier or more desirable friend and a man sees this as a cover up for their insecurities and makes men very uncomfortable. ( Learn to build your self esteem and build confidence that there is no one more desirable than you) (c) Too much physical contact with the man in public. If you are constantly hanging or touching the man too much may trigger signals in a man to think twice. Let the man be the one to touch you and reserve the touches for a special moment that will confuse the man. Men won’t say anything about this but if it’s so frequent it my just lead him to disappear and not ask your for a long-term relationship or second date. (d) Playing hard to get DOES NOT WORK! Yes, this is true that everything that we learned from our grandmas about playing hard to get and being aloof and cold DOES NOT WORK! This is because not all men fall for these silly games; and even those who fall for it are only in it as long as the challenge is there but disappear once their prey is caught! Playing hard to get is a temporary fix! Not only it is an elusive victory, it drains you

because you can't be yourself! And the worse thing is that it is actually ...... hurting your chances for commitment! (2) Appealing to his â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sexual Sideâ&#x20AC;? rather than emotional side. Most women think that a man will commit if they sexually offer themselves to him instead of working on his emotions by delaying this act to make him want them even more. Many women make this mistake as they think men are driven by sex alone and think that if they can attract him sexually then they can get his emotional side to get attached and take the relationship to the next level. In reality a man views a sexual connection and an emotional connection in a different light as two different things. Men are far more just for sex and a woman who masters and knows how to fulfill a man emotionally (for single ladies) and then sexually (for married ladies) will be the one to win a manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s heart for a long term relationship.

BEHIND YOUR BACK... While YOU ARE sleeping with him! Your Man Keeps Looking For The Right Woman! The One He'll MARRY! As a single lady giving up sex easily to a man just cheapens the whole deal of a relationship and in most cases you just become a sex tool rather than a respected person worth cultivating a serious emotional long-term relationship with. This is one of the reasons we have a lot of unplanned babies from what is called one night stand and the man disappears after that as they think that if she is able to allow him have sex on the first date, that means she can do it to any other man. So please ladies donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give in easily wait for the right time in an institution that is accepted. Sex is nice and special when done in the right institution and it should not be used to attract a man to stay but for consummating a marriage union. (3) Not knowing how to size up a manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationship Potential. A lot of women will decide whether or not to put energy into building a relationship based on attraction. Attraction is important but it can

also be very dangerous, when we develop a sense of attraction for someone it may cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts leading to overlook potential partner’s deadly faults that could spell off trouble in the long run. Have you ever been in a relationship that is dragging you down? ................................................................................... ................................................................................... ................................................................................... ................................................................................... This can be the reason, not knowing how to size up a man. It’s important size up a man and spot “warning signs “of a future bad relationship so that you don’t waste your time and emotional energy on someone who is not right for you or who will leave you heartbroken. (4) Sleeping with a man just after meeting him maybe on the first day or a few days later. You knew this was a mistake but you did it anyway and there is rush or sinking feeling in your stomach because some men disappear if this happens so fast. Has this ever happened to you? ................................................................................... ...................................................................................

................................................................................... ................................................................................... The mistake women make is to give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get what they want. The end results to this is usually disappointments as a man is a unique mammal, when he gets sex quickly his interest for a long term relationship never matures to love or something strong. One thing you should know is that whenever you sleep with a man a covenant of marriage is created. There is a covenant that happens, you become one with that person and for many because of sleeping with so many men or women, it becomes a hindrance for men or women to commit as there is a spiritual marital bond that you carry which drives men and women away to commit.(Please keep your virginity). The question that should be running in your mind right now is how many men or women have I slept with which actually represents marriages. Many have been married over 100 times without knowing due to sleeping around and having sex with many men or women. Even in the court of law if two people get married and they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have any sexual intercourse, by law

there is no marriage. A man shall leave his father and mother and join to his wife and together they shall become one flesh (You become one flesh after consummation). (5) Be careful who you take advice from! women who follow advice for men on how to get your ex back end up creating disastrous situations for themselves where it’s almost impossible to repair the damage made by such wrong advice. Advice that works for getting a woman back is entirely opposite from what works for getting a man back. Advice on getting a man back also differs for different situations.

Tips: -

Be careful with “the talk” to a man on the subject of your future relationship. Use powerful emotional skills that will make a man know you are the right one for him. Know what to say to strike a balanced relationship where you don’t invest more than the man in a relationship for him to court you for a long time without committing. Find out what your man likes to make him yours and want you only.

Develop an intellectual attraction to keep the man you want to be with you as long as you want him. Know what to do when a man does not call you back. Find out what a man really needs in those frustrating moments when he hardly says anything. Be patient and wait for the right time for you to give up sex in a relationship and I highly recommend the wedding night or on your honeymoon after marriage. Set your goals clearly and tell your man at the beginning of your relationship if you want to have a serious relationship with him.

Chapter Three What Men Mean when they say something

hen a woman comes to a man and wants

to talk about something she thinks is wrong in their relationship, often times a man gets upset not because he doesn't want to listen to the woman or talk But because it's difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the woman could be unhappy with him. A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of a man since I don't make her happy. If she's unhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be good enough." Imagine if a man was constantly expressing his feelings

about your relationship to disappointed and frustrated.

you

that

seemed

What do men really mean when they say things like? "I don't want a serious relationship right now." What he is saying is that:

"I only want a relationship with a woman who already has her act together, is attractive, healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and who is emotionally in control of herself and her own life. When we're together I want her to share her feelings and challenge and inspire me to keep her love and interest, and to be a great man but I also want her to know how to do this without trying to change me or turning our relationship into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own." When a man says... "I want an independent woman." What he really means is...

"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about petty things and who knows how to keep her head when things get tough or confusing. But, I also want her to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1. She doesn't repress her emotions and end up more frustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. When she's alone and intimate with me, she's open and "present"... and she'll share her love and affection freely." Learning the secrets of communicating with a man and creating a deep level of Physical and "Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding. A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like to be in a relationship with a man who has NO INTENTION of committing to something more serious. When a man says:

“It’s over “ What's going on inside his mind when he pulls away or wants a break up?

It means his mind is closed up about that relationship and to some men it means Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m moving on to the next catch or I have already found your replacement

Scientific research Proves that a man will not marry his current girlfriend no matter how good she is to him, no matter how passionate the lovemaking is (wrong move for attracting a man), no matter how much he says he is in love with her, unless this one requirement is met! Yes, there is only one thing that men crave in a woman in order to commit to her. (Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Finding the RIGHT woman) Easily and effortlessly....You just need to start doing this one thing.... One Thing only that does not require any effort on your part (BE THAT RIGHT WOMAN)..... You just have to know it....You just need to show him something..... What your man secretly craves.... and is hoping that one day, one woman, perhaps YOU can give it to him.... (NOT SEX). That's what he lives for...And if you give it to him, he'll love you forever!

Funny Reasons why Men Marry 1. They get bored. 2. They need someone to take out baggage and clean the house. 3. They need someone to get their food and not leave the couch and the TV remote.

4. After years of being screamed at by their mother to get married, they locate the nearest willing woman to satisfy them. 5. Men cannot shop. 6. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a nice excuse to tell your friends when they nag you for not approaching a beautiful woman. 7. Want to have sex always. 8. They never learnt how to cook when growing up. 9. They need someone to wash and iron their clothes. 10. They need a wife not a knife.

Are these questions running through your mind? Are you struggling from not knowing whether your boyfriend or a man you are dating is thinking of proposing you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

Do you have trouble finding and sustaining a relationship with the right man for you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you seem to have a chain of short-term or even long-term relationships that never go all the way to commitment and marriage? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

â&#x20AC;&#x153;When a man says No he means that is the end of the conversation and when a woman says NO that is the beginning of a negotiationâ&#x20AC;? Busiku Simutandi Chingobe

Chapter Four A Man’s Brain

oday know that people are different and have

their own uniqueness. Let us take a short dramatised study on the male brain to help us see how men think and behave differently. There is a saying that goes,” To be male is a matter of birth and to be a man is a matter of choice”. Today chose to be a real man and take up responsibility as the head of a family household not the other way round. Respect has to come back to men today by claiming back the roles and responsibilities that our women fork in some homes have taken up. This is how a man’s brain

looks like before receiving Jesus as Lord and savior see below.

A Man’s Man’s Brain

From the above we see that a man’s brain is made up of what I call little sumbaliated boxes in lay mans language. A man’s brain has got a box for everything; he’s got a tiny box for listening, that is why ladies can’t understand the man when he is busy watching Television or always with a TV remote while watching a soccer game or a movie. At that time he is in the TV box and he can’t listen and watch soccer at the same time

(men are not multi tasked like the women). Please ladies don’t kill the man understand and don’t be upset ever again when you are talking to your man while they are busy watching a soccer game and does not seem to hear what you are saying or the story you are narrating about those beautiful shoes you saw at the shopping mall. A man’s brain also has a tiny box for ironing, a box for money, a box for kids, a box for his mother in-law somewhere in the basement and the rule is the boxes don’t touch. You will notice that when a man discusses a particular subject, he goes to that particular box pulls out the information and discusses only what is in the box, and then he closes the box being carefully not to touch any other boxes. There is another small box called toilet aiming in a man’s brain and he has two other huge boxes for a special function or desire for marital food called ………. you know what I mean now! (Only for the married, send me an email if you need clarification on the blank). A man has one particular box in the brain that most women are not aware of, it is called the nothing box. Men have the ability to do absolutely nothing and still breathe. When a man is stressed he runs to the nothing

box and he does not want to talk about anything (HE COMES MUTE).

Why Do Men Pull Away? All human beings have the same psychological needs and triggers, and by giving a man exactly what he wants, and NOT what you think he wants, you are going to easily re-create lost attraction and pull him back to you, so that he will be the one who is going to try to win you back. You will discover that shockingly most men who are presently either single or dating, or are currently in a relationship and the men who are involved with their current girlfriends, all these men who are seemingly afraid of commitment, deep down desire more than anything to make commitment to the right woman! Yes, Even Your Man, and Most Men You Date Want a Committed Relationship and Marriage. Have you ever asked yourself this question; what makes a man commit to a woman for life? .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

.......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... What's even more shocking is that a man will date a woman exclusively for months and even years, make passionate love to her (wrong move before marriage), even be in love with her, and yet commit to someone else when the right woman comes along! (The key here is the RIGHT WOMAN) a man will only commit to what he thinks is the right woman. If you are presently dating or even living with a man who is not committed to you, who keeps saying that he doesn't want anything serious, who says that your relationship is casual, and says that he is NOT READY for a serious relationship and commitment...... YOU ARE sitting on a time bomb waiting to explode! MOVE ON! Has Your Man started acting distant or pulled away? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has He lost interest in you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has He told you he doesn't want a relationship or is not sure about your relationship?

.......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has he started spending less and less time with you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... He has stopped initiating dates? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you notice that he doesn’t call as much as he used to and you are always the first one to initiate phone calls? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has he started to prefer a company of his friends where you are not invited? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... He has stopped calling altogether and doesn’t return your phone calls, text messages, and e-mails? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... He has said “I need space”, “I think we should take a break”, “I am not ready for a relationship”, “I am not ready for commitment”, or made similar statements? .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

He has said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love you but I am not in love with youâ&#x20AC;?? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has He Broken Up With You? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has He Said He Wants To Start Dating Other People? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Has He Been Ambivalent or Giving You Mixed Signals? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do You Feel that your relationship dynamics have changed drastically since when you first started dating? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do You Feel You Are Losing Him? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... Do you want to get him back? .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

Scenario You start dating a guy and things are going great. You start spending a lot of time together and as the time goes by you can't help but start to notice that your feelings for him grow. And you think that he may even share your feelings. He seems very loving. Perhaps he drops hints about what you will or can do in the future. Next thing you know, he suddenly pulls away. He starts spending less and less time with you. He calls you less or completely stops initiating phone calls. He suddenly remembers that he has plans to spend a weekend doing something else, so that he can't see you. And after a while he stops calling you completely and doesn't answer your phone calls. And you are rehashing all the things you did or said trying to understand what's wrong with him! Or perhaps you start trying harder. When he seems distant and inattentive, you start giving more and more. Perhaps he wants to stay home on a weekend and you offer to bring lunch or dinner over. You cook a gourmet dinner, bring it over, but he still seems distant and you end up having sex (wrong move) after he eats that dinner you cooked, but you see no enlightenment in him. He is still distant and perhaps even irritated with you. You try to talk to him, but anything you ask or say is perceived as stupid, and you start feeling that you

probably should not have said anything at all. And then you go home and he disappears on you. He doesn't call you and doesn't answer the phone when you call. Or perhaps he says he'll call you back and you are left in the lurch waiting for a phone call that never happens. The problem is that no matter how hard you try, it seems to make the situation even worse. What happens next is that you start looking for answers in all the wrong places. Some of the wrong places that give you the wrong answers are: women's magazines, advice of your girlfriends who suggest that you do what they would want to be done by their men for them...

Part Two What Women Want in A Relationship

Chapter Five A Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Brain

e are told that a female brain is connected

to everything, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like and internet supper subway. It is connected to one energy source called emotions. That is why women tend to remember everything; they can even remember the shirt, shoes and the words you used when you first proposed. Talk about when a man makes a mistake , it does not matter how long she will remember the whole case and what a man did at what time ,place plus what he was holding in his hands that day (20 years ago). She can even remember that Henry Ford started his business with his eleven associates in 1903 with an initial capital of USD28, 000.00 cash, so why canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you also start up a profitable business. Women are the best historians and story tellers that ever lived on this planet. If you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever. (Remember this is not scientific but a laymanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s way of explaining things, so that you can understand the male and female brains).

When a woman is stressed up she has to talk about it or else she will explode (remember 20,000 words daily have to be spoken or else).Woman have two special boxes that are inter-related the chocolate and shopping box. One area that men struggle with, a woman can enjoy window shopping the whole day and come with a very positive story about all the products on special. She can describe the dress she saw so well to a point that you even see and visualize it yourself, the colour, lining, fabric with matching earrings and that red shoe oh man, women are great. I once worked with a lady who loved shopping and that really helped me know what is in fashion or on special to buy for my two girls in the house, my wife and daughter. I remember one time she went shopping and came back with very nice Jean pants and said look I bought two for the price of one, gee I also rushed to that shop, shopping can be contagious even to men when you talk about designer shoes and suits.

Whether you are single, dating, in a relationship or married, you will always want ways to better a relationship and be wanted more. The Above diagram shows you the differences between a male and female brain.

Vision (SIGHT) - Men canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find things in the cupboard or wardrobe easily including their own socks. - Women see better and find things very easily, she will know the exact place where the milk is in the fridge and where the perfume is in her ward rode.

Speech -

Men’s speech is about 7,000 words daily while women use about 20,000 words

Emotions - Men’s emotions are in two places. - Women’s emotions are all over. - Most women are map disasters and most times find it hard to locate places on the map. - Men are 3 dimensional. - Women are 2 dimensional

Control “Women seek to control the relationship, the marriage, the community. There's a constant fight to 'not submit' because they want to be submitted. So they turn everything to be about them from dating, marriage, to homes, holidays, fashion, and business. Like Chris Rock says, it’s all about her. We are just players in a woman's game. You make the money they do the spending. They make the money its there’s. You argue with a woman you are inconsiderate. If she cries she wins. That 57

is what they really want to control our emotions, our money, our lives, even our destiny. But unfortunately thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not God's plan, is it?â&#x20AC;?

Coach-Brian Thompson

Chapter Six What Women Want In A Relationship

very man has this questioned "what exactly do

women want?" .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise. The top 6 things women want FROM MEN, in order, are: 1. Women want men who exhibit confidence (or power) 2. Women want men with a sense of humour (fun) 3. Women want men with money or the things money can buy (sense of security) 4. Women want men with looks (protection and attraction) 5. Women want men with a bit of "Bad boy" qualities (mysterious and independent/strong) 6. Women want all the other stuff they typically list (varies - sensitive, caring, etc.)

However, in interviewing countless women, and receiving numerous pointers from women (after all, I AM a MAN!) I must say that there is an expanded list for us guys to get familiar with, according to women. So, what is the expanded list? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ..........................................................................................

....................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Men can get what they want from women much more frequently when they approach women with a few simple - yet effective - guidelines: 1. Women want a man to be confident! Confidence is the number one quality women look for. Don't be wimpy. Don't apologize for everything. Be real. Be you. 2. Women want a man who makes her feel like she's the only one. Women go nuts over a man who will go the extra mile. For example, he opens the door for her, he walks on the right side of the street, and he helps her shop. I'm talking about being a GENTLEMAN! If she is cold, offer her your jacket. If she is in trouble, protect her. If there is danger, put your arm around her. Be a real man. 3. Women want a man with a sense of humour. A woman will almost always love a man who can make her laugh. If you are dull, you are boring. If you make a

woman laugh, you're halfway home. Take a chance, be real, but be funny. There are several seduction experts who claim that being "funny" is are the most important qualities to attracting a woman. I agree. 4. Women want a man to listen to them (yes, even to the gripes and details of all the craziness) and not necessarily give advice. Many women love to complain about their problems; however, they complain not to receive advice, but merely to sound off. I know it's hard to nod and be supportive, because you want to watch TV or do something that to you may seem more exciting, but the fact is, your woman will go to the ends of the earth to love you when you truly listen to them and acknowledge their needs. You need to understand that women need to VENT. Allow her this, and she'll allow you in. Nod. Get involved and provide active listening feedback. Be truly interested in what she is saying without worrying about what you're going to say next. Then, watch what happens as your woman opens up to you more. Women want men to listen to them, because they have a need to be heard. And, women want their man to express his feelings and trust her with his intimate side. Real listening, with real intimacy, is rare. Real listening is suspending thinking about what to say and being deeply engaged in what she is talking about. Listening

requires actively paying attention -- shutting off the chatter mind. 5. Women want men to treat them like they are the sexiest woman on the planet and that no other woman compares. Talking about your ex-girlfriends is not going to score big points with your new woman. Treating her like she's the ONLY one will make her smile for quite a while. 6. Women want loyal men. Women want to know you will be faithful. Tell a woman how you cheated on your ex. It won't make her think you are wise, loyal, or trustworthy. I'm not saying to lie to her -- just don't go there. Don't cheat on your woman. She will not think you are a better man for doing this. Just like you want to think you are the only man she's ever loved, well, that's the thing she wants, too. The key to faithfulness comes from your own inner character. Be a man of character and you will reap a relationship built upon trust. You gain respect through consistent committed action. Respect backed up by love builds trust, trust builds a strong relationship that can stand the tests of life and time. 7. Women SAY they want a sensitive man.

Truth is, if you go around apologizing all the time and crying frequently then a woman will abuse you. Trust me; it is NOT wise to do. This was well exemplified during the beach scene in the movie Bedazzled, where the main character in the film was trying to woo his love interest; his advice had been to "be more sensitive." Well, he went so overboard, was so sensitive, that his love interest ended up walking away with another dude with the assumption that they'd have meaningless conversation and casual sex! Boy was HE surprised! Being overly sensitive is a quick way to get shown the door. It is important to strike a balance. Be strong, be there, yet share your emotions. Speak up and be real. Let them know you care. But don't be a sissy. Women say they want to be treated like an equal. This is not true. Women want to be treated like a WOMAN. Not like a man. If she wanted to be with a woman, she'd do that. She wants to be with YOU. Therefore, be a MAN. This is not to be confused with being treated like a piece of property, not to be confused with being treated with disrespect. Women want to be respected! A woman wants to be respected for being feminine, being a woman. Women are quite different from men. A man who takes the time to understand the difference is a wise man. Bottom line here: NO MORE Mr. NICE GUY. Be a REAL MAN, not a sensitive NICE GUY. Because the nice guys usually do finish last.

You still don't get it? Ok, then try this: be your own bad self. I will say that some women are attracted to "Bad Boys". I think there is certain ruggedness to the bad boy - they break rules, they sometimes behave rudely. But the true gentleman always remembers what matters most. Have an air of mystique, but definitely be you. If, on occasion, that means doing what you want, rather than what she wants, then do it. Just don't make a continual habit of it - that's rude. 8. Women LOVE a man with a plan. Women love men with ambition. Men who know who they are, what we're doing tonight, and what we're doing with our life. If you don't have a plan, get one. I have a plan: (a) Plan (b) Ready at all times, so that no matter what, it will appear I'm fairly spontaneous, but reality is I usually know where, when, and how the evening or date could go. In dating, it is extremely important that you have a plan when you ask a woman out. They will judge your sense of confidence by how well you have thought out where you will take her and what you will do together. So, think ahead, have a plan, then work that plan. While

you're at it make sure you have an alternative plan, too, in case she doesn't like the first one! It is equally important for a man to know when to call a woman's bluff and let her know when she is pushing his limits. A man who just falls over and laps at his woman's feet is a man who is called "whipped" for a reason. An example is as follows: she asks, "What do you want to do tonight," he says, "whatever you want to do." If this is his consistent pattern, he's whipped. She won't respect him in the end. 9. Women want generous men. Don't be a tight-wad. Give the woman in your life gifts. No matter how small gift is, especially gifts that show you were listening when she mentioned her favourite candy bar, or when she stopped at that jewellery counter to admire those earrings (but put them back without buying them), or how she commented on how she'd just love that dress in the window of that snazzy clothing store. Well, use your own imagination. But if you don't gift the woman in your life you'll probably be referred to by the woman you love as "cheapskate". Now, "why," do you ask, "do women care about gifts?" Good question. The answer is that one way women relate is through giving gifts - especially when you've paid attention to what they want. Women will gift exchange compliments with each other, too. So just

trust me and surprise her with a gift every now and then and see if she doesn't respond favourably. 10. Be a true friend. LISTEN TO HER. Let her share her good times and problems with you. Be there, rather than just promising to be there. Consistent committed positive action is a definition of love. How do you show you are a friend? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Are you there when it matters most? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Are you there for the small stuff, too? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

11. Women want to be loved, despite their flaws, and need to be satisfied mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as much as physically. Unconditional love would be ideal love. How can you love a woman without judgment, conditions, or rules? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... How would you like to be loved? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Sexually speaking, women define great sex differently than men, using words like soft candlelight, light touch, and then becoming more aggressive as their mood rises to the occasion. A man, on the other hand, instantly rises to the occasion. Women want men to be their lover instead of obsessing over their body to just get sex. Rather than treat women as sex objects, treat them as someone to relate with; in other words, a real person! That means taking your time, showing extra

attention, and being tender in ways with her to let her know she is special. Yes, women love sex (its important sex is practiced in the right institution of marriage). But, remember that there are four bases to cover in the bedroom, not just one. Try stopping at each base instead of being so focused on the home runâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;believe what women say, they will thank you for it! Likewise, remember small physical touches like massages. One can never, ever, have too many shoulder rubs... 12. Women appreciate a man who is creative. Roses are nice. But sometimes it is extra special to think of something that most guys wouldn't do for a woman. It could be something frivolous, but if it is something that you think SHE would like, then why not do it? You might have just made her day. 13. Women want men who offer a sense of security, to know that her partner will be there if she becomes sick or when she grows old or flabby. Giving a woman security is being there through emotional and physical support. An example might be if she has to have surgery. Take the day off and be there for her, hold her hand, and give your full support to her. In other words, postpone that "tee time"! Security

comes from trust. Again, this is about being able to rely in your strength of character.

Respect Women want to be shown through menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actions that they respect their opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies and minds. You don't have to agree with all that women say or do, but try to honour their opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat them as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.

Romance It's another night on the couch with take-out and TV. Just because you are staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat women like your girlfriend, even after they become your wife. Date nights, making out in the car, kissing in marriage like when you first started datingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;all of the things that made you fall in love with her don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids that need to get bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking expensive bouquets of roses here. Even the cheapest bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make a woman smile.

Time Women understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with them and treating women like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before your woman does, why not take vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back

Dinner Of the home made variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting a woman at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrestle up) makes women swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about women and their hectic day.

Communication Women are vocal creatures. Women know you love them, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. Women can

also be insecure. Women wish they weren't, but the reality is that women often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let women know when you think there are hot. Tell a woman they beautiful. It helps them feel good. Plus, when they feel sexy they are more likely to act sexy. It does not matter what religion you are, a women needs to be sexy, if they were not why it that we have so many children in Sunday school in all churches. Check and observe in clothing stores, in the women’s briefs sections. You will notice that women buy the latest undies on the market (You know a G-String or thong, and bowlegs don’t you). A woman really looks sexy in those, so don’t think I’m a sinner now just make sure as woman you don’t wear under wear that looks like a man’s soccer short. Once in a while go to the beach in nice pikini’s with your man. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell women you love their cooking. Thank the women for driving the kids to school. Notice that a woman has cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let a woman know that you see the effort they put in, and you're grateful. If you're struggling with the level of sharing and COMMUNICATION you have with the man in your life, or in your past relationships, and you'd like to learn what it really takes to CONNECT with a man on a deeper

level than you ever had before... then I've got good news. There are several SECRETS to communicating with men I've already shared with thousands of other women that have literally TRANSFORMED their lives and their relationship in a matter of days. Wouldn't it be AMAZING if instead of taking the time and effort to share how you feel with a man and have him not really LISTEN or respond...wouldn't it be incredible if you knew how to help a man quickly and easily "get" what you were talking about? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Wouldn't it change your life if you knew how to help HIM become a better communicator with you... so that he would be able to better understand you and relate to you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

And wouldn't it be a whole new world if you didn't have to have all the arguments and misunderstandings with a man that come from both of you not being able to really HEAR what the other one was saying? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... In "Communication the underlying reason why so many women have a hard time having a man LISTEN and UNDERSTAND what they are trying to share. It really is possible to have the kind of "connection" with a man where he seems to "get" what you're saying and where you're coming from before you even finish what you're saying. You know that this is possible because you have this with some of your friends. Well, it is possible between you and a man. But only if you're willing to take the time to look at what's going on at a deeper level when men and women are communicating...and only if you are ready to be the one to start the process of change in the way you and a man talk to each other.

One of my favorite quotes that has stuck with me over the years is... "Let change begin with me." Are you ready to live the life and the relationship you know is possible by learning to master the single most important "skill" there is in a loving and lasting relationship? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... It's time and a great place to start your growth and change your love life forever. Learn about how to "get inside a man's mind" and truly understand where a man is coming from, and how to work WITH HIM and not AGAINST HIM in your situation. So many women make their own lives and relationships harder than they need to be by not learning the basic foundations of how men view love, connection, attraction and relationships. Don't let what you don't know but could quickly learn about men keep bothering

you and hold you back from having what you really want in love.

Consistency This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that women know you will (usually, no one is perfect!) give a woman the love and support she needs. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as a woman goes a long way to making them feel secure.

Engagement Engagement Engagement of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning â&#x20AC;&#x153;kind. You don't have to like everything women like (women might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in their passions, be it career-related, a sport or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when women talk to you. They are not speaking just so they can hear their own voice; women want to connect with you and this is one valuable way women do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of their best friend's husband or

the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about them that's so endearing.

Humour and Humility These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain a woman, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.

Challenge Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates a woman to do, be or achieve what women desire. Studies show that partners, who challenge each other to meet goalsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; in other words, don't support lazy or bad habitsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable. When I was writing this book I took it upon myself to do a study, and research of many women to just find out from their hearts what they really want in a relationship with a man. I interviewed a lot of women, single, those dating, those in a relationship, married, on separation, widows and divorced women and see on the next pages what their

opinions are on this subject of what a woman really wants in a relationship. Learn how to: -

Get the commitment you dream about easily and effortlessly without asking where the relationship is going. How a man's brain really works. Why men commit to some women and not theirs. Why he keeps coming back to you but wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t commit to you. How you may be sabotaging your chances for commitment right now. What men want in women - the secret desires of every man.

I did a survey on what women want and below are some opinions from women and men around the world who shared from the depth of their hearts what they think.

Happiness, Security and Companionship â&#x20AC;&#x153;In my relationship I need Happiness, security and Companionship. When coming to money we are never the same, yes there are women who can't be with a man who doesn't have money. But I love my man for what he is not for what he hasâ&#x20AC;?.

Judith JuJu Landane.

Money

“Money is the root of all evil that’s one of the many reasons why couples fight. As ladies, we should learn to love a man for who he is and not what he has. I think what I love to get in a relationship is attention and Love, my man should feel proud when walking with me in public.” Nana Mweetwa Chisala. 80

Take Pride â&#x20AC;&#x153;A man who takes pride in his woman and love ...these two are key Yes being seen in public together but more so the man should ensure if they are in a public place he sits with his wifewife-I have seen men who are always on other peoples tables chatting and and moving all over the place. He only sits next to his wife when they walk in thereafter its jumping from one table to the next greeting people. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like the man fails to sit still next to his wife. Others when they are walking the man is in front, the woman woman is at the back. This behaviour is very common amongst the married folk. As for the money bit - yes money is very important & should not be underplayed!â&#x20AC;?

Charity Katotobwe

Attention â&#x20AC;&#x153;A woman needs plenty of loving, caring, attention and by attention I mean one of the most important things to me_ is for him to say he's never seen such a beautiful woman like me...even if it's a lie...lol...then comes money and all... I like a man to be nicely and respectfully in control because it makes me feel that there's a muscle around me to protect me...ah the list is endless my brother wants the price of the book...lol.â&#x20AC;? Progress McCarthy

Love, Trust, Respect, Commitment and Security 1) When he LOVES me I feel special. I am special to him. And I’m the only one he loves like that. 2) Trust means he knows I have his back and he can be open and honest with me and not be scared of being JUDGED. 3) Respect means you don’t compare me to other women, don’t belittle my efforts in the relationship and treat me like your other half. 4. COMMITMENT the big C. Means you make me feel secure in that relationship. Being committed means you stay no matter what. You are willing to sacrifice to make the relationship work. 5) SECURITY it's important for the man to know that he is a provider. He can’t take that responsibility lightly. It's good to have someone who wants to look after me. That’s security.

Nalukui Mutumwa Lubasi

Someone Special Hey! for me in my case when i get into a relationship, I don’t want to be selfish by saying I should be his everything but I should be someone special, he should care for me, completely, he should never change his mind about the relationship, unless if it’s for the better, I need to share my happiness with someone, and I also want someone kind of security, and lastly a relationship that will lead to marriage and not for games!” “

Sharon C Hagwamuna 84

Love, truth, security, gentleness, Independence & the 6th one-MONEY...

“Independence ‘meaning that a woman would not like to fall into a relationship where all terms are dictated to her. She would like to see a situation where there is mutual regard in decision making.”

Chilolo Sylvester 85

A Job

â&#x20AC;&#x153;He just has to have some or at least be working. The Bible says money answers all things. Hmm ok! I see. But I think, tender loving care.â&#x20AC;?

Mabel Malukutu

Love â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is a great answer for your question...... I want to love you without clutching; appreciate you without judging; join you without invading; invite you without demanding; leave you without guilt; criticize you without blaming; and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other......â&#x20AC;?

Daina Serova

To be Appreciated “Respect, to be appreciated, to be loved ,to be understood and to be taken care of .that’s assurance causes all this come before sex for once you get there its till death do you part”

Candy Ngeneya Moyo 88

Emmanuel Mwansa Mwewa -A woman needs: Control, to be right, Love, attention like that of baby and of course

Malango Chonya - Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s be honest a woman wants............... Everything.

Nthabiseng Refiloe Motaung -Love, respect, loyalty, support & friendship.

Mercy Chansa Trust, respect, relationship for she is relationship oriented, support and above all love yes!! Much love... Sarah E Roberts -Security, intimacy, encouragement, trust, consideration, Provision, to be loved.

Thandi Njovu - Love, Kissing, Respect, Sex and Children.

Monica Banda Five things I want in a relationship: 1- Love 2- Respect 3- Trust 4- -Security and 5- Peace. Top of Form Security I guess includes money, a house, job, good living.

Susan Mwape -Respect is the overall thing because if u respect u will love be considerate and will fall into place.

Chapter Seven Preparing for Marriage The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal." Frank Pittman

Marriage and relationships are complicated; but at the same time, it is quite a blessing and a gift for human beings to be able to have relationships with each other. It is also a gift to be able to connect with somebody so well that you want to get married to them and stay married to them. Marriage is an honourable institution and people should not just fall into it. Avoid the trap of preparing more for your wedding and little or not at all for your marriage.

Make sure to get proper premarital counselling before you enter into this lifelong commitment. Preparing for your marriage is vital; do not be afraid or ashamed to ask yourself and your partner questions. Be honest with yourself:

1. Why are you getting married?

3. Have you and your partner discussed: Kids? Religion? Finances? Jobs? Trust? Family and friends? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 4. Are you aware of your partner's reasons for getting married? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Have you discussed his/her expectations of this marriage? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

5. Have you identified and communicated your own needs and expectations? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 6. Are you willing to sacrifice some of your expectations? If so, which ones? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 7. Have you discussed household chores, and who will be responsible for what? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 8. Have you talked about divorce? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

Do you know what your partner thinks of it and the circumstances/reasons that would lead to him/her divorcing you? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 9. How does she/he define success as a man (husband) / woman (wife)? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 10. How do they define success as a mother / father? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

What is the Right Age? The question we ask is not only about “marriage-readyage” or “a good age to get married” but about whether you and your fiancée, partner or boyfriend, are ready for marriage. Are you and your partner/fiancée adults (over 21?) .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Legally qualified to get married (e.g. Over 18 or 21 – depending on your country’s legal age to get married) Completed your tertiary/college studies? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Having a stable job/income for at least a year? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

Are you Ready to settle? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Are you a one-man woman or a one-woman man? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Has your partner cheated on you before or you on them? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Bad sign; unlikely to get better in a marriage environment. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d give it a lot of time and thought before signing that contract with someone whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cheated on me before. How do you feel about sharing your space with someone else?

.......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... How is your communication? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Do you work well together on small tasks? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... It can be bad if one of you wants to dominate and take all the final decisions. Can they clean after themselves and do their bit around the house? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

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How do feel about that? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Are you financially compatible? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... Is your partner responsible with his/her finances? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

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Marriage Decision Making How To Reach Good Harmonious Decisions Together As A Married Couple Making decisions can be hard enough being alone, single and having no partner to consider. While a marriage could make some decisions easier, because there is a partner/spouse to help you, it can sometimes or for some decisions, be twice as stressful when you are in a marriage. Most couples therefore make mistakes by making crucial decisions without consulting with their better half. It somewhat seems easier for single people to take calculated risks, than it is for married people, which is why couples tend to live a "single decision making life". In "marriage decision-making", couples/parties need to consider the following: 1. No single decision is ever entirely the right one otherwise it would be very easy to just pick without headaches

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2. Listen to your partner/spouse's perspective. See things through their eyes, without being judgmental, defensive or emotional. You want to make the best possible decision, and in doing that, you need to consider your spouse's feelings. If any decision could later make you feel remorseful, you better review it carefully. The ability to communicate well with your spouse, partner or lover plays a very important role in laying the foundation for a good, healthy and lasting relationship. However, most relationships and marriages suffer from lack of proper conversation skills and breakdowns in the talk department, which can result in misunderstandings, problems and even divorce. Most experts recommend couples do the following to improve their "communication skills": * Before you say something, think about how your partner will interpret your words. How is she/he likely to interpret what you are to say? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

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* Think about the message you want to send and evaluate what you plan to say against your intentions. Do not be ambiguous, be clear. Watch both your "verbal and non verbal communication" Verbal and non-verbal communication or bodylanguage in a relationship: Always remember that actions speak louder than words. It is said that, only about 7% of all communication is verbal. Your partner can hear what you are trying not to say and she/he can hear that much clearer than what you are voicing out. Your tone of voice, depth, frequency and facial expressions says it all – well, they say most of it. When arguing, try not to bring out the past, especially if it has been dealt with previously. Do not talk badly about each other’s families. Remember not to try and be right or point fingers at your partner. Keep to the topic and listen to each other’s needs and concerns. Listening is an important part of communicating! When preparing for marriage avoid thoughts of divorce before you even start a marital journey. There is a saying that man becomes what he thinks about.

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Avoid Divorce Thoughts Divorce is very often a very traumatic experience for many couples. The trauma of betrayal and feelings of guilt, blame and worthlessness can make it even more traumatic and unbearable for everyone involved. People often indicate that those feelings can be worse than feelings of loss through death. This is probably because of the extent of abuse, rejection and betrayal that often precedes most divorces. With death there is normally no sense of guilt (at least not as much as in a breakdown of a marriage), failure or betrayal (unless of course a person committed suicide). With death there is longing and ‘pity’, which are lacking in this situation. But there are situations whereby it becomes inevitable for people to part ways. Parting ways can sometimes lift a huge weight on people’s shoulders, especially where children have been traumatized by their parents’ bad relationship. In some instances, children would even wish their parents would just part ways, because of the emotional stress and distress they would be experiencing. When it comes time for two people to go their separate ways, it is important for the couple to think objectively with their heads, and not their hearts (get advice from some divorce advisors. It is difficult to imagine a smooth, healthy, hassle-free divorce, but it is not unattainable.

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DIVORCE ADVICE: What makes the process easier? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... What makes it difficult? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... ....................................................................................... 1. When both parties agree that it is in everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best interest to part ways. 2. When the couple have gone through the anger and addressed all underlying emotional issues, with the help of Counsellors if necessary. 3. When the betrayed partner understands that the break-up of the marriage or the betrayal itself is not an attack on his/her being. 4. When people are willing to negotiate and share fairly. 5. When there are no feelings of revenge.

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6. When the couple understands that children need both their parents and it is in their best interests that the parents at least just get along well. What makes divorce extra difficult, what makes it easier? .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................... .......................................................................................

More Divorce Advice: Advice: Factors that usually make the divorce process unbearable, are, but not limited to: 1. Anger and unresolved emotions. 2. Greed 3. Revenge 4. Unfair custody requirements of one or both parties As a couple or person facing or going through divorce, you need to understand that even though it is okay to feel sadness, pain and loneliness; it is unhealthy to be feeling angry and revengeful at this stage. Custody battles are not fair on the children and it shows no maturity to want revenge in any way.

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People usually revenge by means of finances and children. You need to know and understand that this will never serve you well; it will just bring even more stress. Divorce can be both financially and emotionally costly and strenuous. The breakdown of your marriage is a stressful event as it is, so do yourself a huge favour and decide to divorce in a fair and square manner. You may need to get professional help and advice on divorce issues. Bottom line: When your marriage or your relationship breaks, don't break with it! If the break-down or failure of your marriage leaves you struggling financially, with a single income, empower yourself and find a way to earn a "second income". Hope you will take note of our divorce advice and not "divorce " !

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Statements That Can Save Save Your Marriage arriage or relationship Just tell your partner: partner: 1. I Love you. 2. I'm Sorry. 3. I missed you. 4. I forgive you. 5. Please 4give me. 6. Count on me. 7. Thank you. 8. Let's go for Dinner. 9. I understand. 10. God Bless you. 11. You are beautiful. 12. You are handsome. 13. You are my hero. 14. I’m here for you baby. 15. No one will ever take your place. 16. Your wishes will always be my command.

“LOVE IS THE BACKBONE AND ANSWER FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP TO THRIVE.” ELIJAH MITI

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Ques Questions With Solutions 1. Have you ever wondered why your man does not call you very often or worse still stops? What If He Doesn't Call When a man doesn't call you much or he stops calling altogether, he's sending a clear message about his feelings and about what he thinks of you. But most women don't know what this message means... and what to do about it. If you've dated a man and he suddenly stopped calling after a few great dates, and you didn't know what to do about it, and then read THIS: You Already Know That When A Man “Closes Up” Or Stops Sharing, It’s A Bad Sign. Use That Information To Not Only Re-Ignite His Love And PASSION For You… But Also Create A Deep, Intimate Connection Between The Two Of You That Lasts A Lifetime… Regardless Of What You’ve Been Through… And Even If He’s Already Considering Moving On…

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Have you ever wondered why the man you're dating and having an amazing time with doesn't call you very often? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Or worse... stops calling altogether? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ If you've ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason. And you've spent more time than you'd like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong. Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them. Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's

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thinking and WHY he's acting this way. But most women also know on an intuitive level that coming out and actually asking a man why he's acting this way wouldn't bring about anything good. And guess what? Their intuition is right. With most men in this situation, if you want to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings. It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out. I'll share this with you, but first I want you to read this email I got recently from a reader about this exact kind of situation. **FACTS** Say you've been out with a man for an entire month.

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That is not long at all, and effectively NO TIME in a man's mind for him to commit. And if you've seen each other once or twice a week or so for 3-4 whole weeks. That is not even enough for a man to see you as someone he is "dating". Have you been on a few dates and you've already become disappointed and "bothered" by the way he's acting and you're wishing he would CHANGE. DANGER This is bad for YOU, and for him the approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in. So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment with him yet because it wouldn't go over well with the way you're looking at things.

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I'd like to be able to lie to you and tell you that I could change a man for you. But I can't and the truth is, I've only got YOU to work with and you've only got YOUR OWN thinking and your own behavior that you can use to make a difference. It's time you started thinking about how you can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating the RESPONSE you want in a man. Instead of sitting around frustrated that he hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have for him. (Especially when he doesn't even know what these are.) There is what is called "Initial Thoughts" at least twice and think about what's going on there. I want you to think about the two types of people and the kind of "magic mindset" that's going to help you naturally start creating great situations in your life. Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him. As opposed to communicating

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with a man in the way that KILLS the attraction he might be feeling for you. Once you've thought about this, I want you to go evaluate "How To Be Honest About What You Want." Pay attention here to the four important questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE you get involved with a man, or start talking about your relationship with him. And make sure you learn and understand what is called "a unique habit of happy people." If you could apply this one simple habit to your love life, I know it would immediately give back to you the kind of understanding and satisfaction you're seeking but not meant to get yet from the man you're dating. (Hint -there's a reason why you and he aren't totally "connecting" yet, and it's NOT all about him.) I sure by now you are saying in your heart and asking this great question: "Am I asking for too much from him?"

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Simply put - YES. You're asking for too much because you shouldn't be ASKING HIM for what you want and then hoping that he "meets your demands." This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100% guarantee that a man won't want to give you what you're looking for. Why? Well, it's not because you actually are asking for too much. It's OK to know that you'd like a man in your life who you're involved with to call you more. But this isn't about whether this is ok for you to ask for. No. This is all about THE WAY you ask, and the emotions and expectations a man will see that you're holding onto when you open your mouth and you've been going through a whole lot of disappointment and frustration with him... while he's thinking that you've been out on a few fun dates and everything is fine and dandy. WHY ISN'T HE CALLING MORE? Here's something you might not have thought about...Men often communicate and show their feelings in less "direct" ways than simply saying and expressing how they feel. In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things

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than they are of how they effect and relate to others on an emotional level. So... when a man doesn't call, it's often NOT an indication of something else going on for him that he might want to talk to you about. Often times it's simply an indication that he doesn't actually FEEL like spending more time around you. So he simply doesn't call. In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it's best to look at a man's ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside. As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn't calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation. But, if you're interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind... then it's best to "read" the men you're dating early on by what they DO... and NOT what they SAY. Which means... a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in and of itself.

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If a man is spending time with a woman he "likes", but he isn't sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her...then here's what he does... He only calls her every once in a while to keep the "connection" open... making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that might indicate he'd want a more serious relationship. And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don't want things to get more serious. While other men who don't call are usually doing this inadvertently as they're going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman. Here's what you need to take away from all this...If a man isn't calling and you'd like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn't matter WHY. The only things that matter are if he's not calling because he's not interested in a relationship with you ever. Or...If he's not calling because

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he's just not feeling "that way" for you YET. Which begs the question - how do you get a man feeling "that way" for you if he's not feeling it yet? Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON'T feel it for you. Things like CALLING HIM TOO MUCH or getting upset and hurt that he hasn't called when there's no "relationship" yet, and it's just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more. Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you'd be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you. What you need to do instead is to start to learn the behaviors that create the feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man. Why attraction? Because attraction is the one thing that will "override" all the logical reasons a man has for NOT wanting to get involved with a woman or

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stay single...And will take over his "emotional world" and have him thinking and acting from his EMOTIONS with you... instead of his "logical Mind" that will often try to RESIST a woman and a real committed relationship. The very best way there is to learn how attraction works for a man and quickly start using works with men to create a deep level of LASTING ATTRACTION inside the man you're dating is to get a copy of my "Natural & Lasting Attractionâ&#x20AC;? It's frustrating and annoying, right? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Does it have to be so much work? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................

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Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game...if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man. Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU. Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Well, and then let me ask you... Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some "physical attraction" for you, and a man who

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becomes almost INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level? I'll give you a minute to think about the question... Got it yet? Or you Give up?

- GATHER FACTS - THINKING - AWARENESS -INFORMATION - CHOOSE THOUGHTS

- FILTERS THINKING - SELF IDENTITY - EMOTIONAL MIND -BELIEF STORAGE - SELF IMAGE - CAPABILITIES -POSIBILITIES -FEELING MIND

BODY

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or "strategy" just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history. And the

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crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or "strategies" on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working. So how can YOU change your ideas and â&#x20AC;&#x153;strategies" to find and create a strong love connection that really LASTS? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the "casual dating" stage. Then we'll look at the "deeper" kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific "how-to's" that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

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CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or "issues" that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him. And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS

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problems and shortcomings. Ouch! Don't go to that negative place. The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it. And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man. Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on underneath the surface here...because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT. Why? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................

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The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them. Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets "filtered" through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels. So what impression are you making? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Do you know? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make? ............................................................................... ...............................................................................

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............................................................................... ............................................................................ Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number. When this happens for a man, it generally means one of several things: - "I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you..." (Not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious) - "I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime..." (Likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't "feel it" yet, even though there's a "logical" or rational connection Or bond with things in common) - "I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me..." (Feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical) - "I feel attracted to you and maybe "something

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more"... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about..." (Feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection) Any of these look familiar in hindsight? Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship; it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start. NOT finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that women make because they invest a TON of their precious time and energy with a guy who has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship. So... you may want to read that last sentence again -- it's ESSENTIAL to achieving success in the next relationship you start with a man. Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:

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1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, demanding, pushy, etc. with guys. And often times, women will say something like, "I don't want to scare him off..." Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the "real deal" early on: A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get "scared off" IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way. The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away. In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response. But some women refuse to believe that men can

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communicate on this open level because of their experience. I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the "IF" there..."IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE...way." It makes all the difference. So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication.(Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.) B.Context is EVERYTHING Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in? It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because up to 90 percent of the

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things we learn and identify about each other happens through silent, indirect communication. But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know. Like whether he's genuinely ATTRACTED to you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's "out." One great question I've heard women ask men is, "What kind of woman do you respect?" Asking this question in a playful way sets the tone for a man to respond in a way that creates attraction without putting a man "on the spot." This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

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But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an "agenda," such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.(But you already knew that... wink wink) On the flip side, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind. 2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM There are several key "attitudes" and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with. When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and "ways of being, "they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why. In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they

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didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship. Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE. I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her. No. That would actually be a turnOFF for most healthy men... The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue. The way that YOU answer questions in that initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER attraction. A great example is when a man asks, "So, what do you do?" Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very "nice" and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction: "I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate Profit and Loss Or, "I do Public Relations, and I work with

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so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah..." But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right? Yes, but guess what? Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be JUST FRIENDS. And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you. Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does. Following me here? Good. So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...Tell him some made-up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.

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In case you didn't realize it, men will have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away. If you think about the animal kingdom, the female of the species usually selects her mate by either accepting or rejecting the male's advances and courtship behaviors. The same pattern has gone on with humans for hundreds and thousands of years. By "playing the courtship game" with a man, you are appealing to deeply ingrained patterns within him â&#x20AC;&#x201C; things that he is not even consciously aware of. For example, if you're at a restaurant, tell him "I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'soft drinks-goggles' really work on men." And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, "How many burgers have YOU had?"

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Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and JUMP into the fun with you...and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch. And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally un engaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs. There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him. Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow. HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic "how-to's" to think about for first impressions and early on. But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg

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about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating. This is by no means all "the goods." In fact, attraction is THE cornerstone to creating any successful relationship with a man -- so much so that I created an entire program with women, for women called "Natural & Lasting Attraction." If you want to go quickly and easily with a man from "Hello..." to a first date. And then from meeting up again, to talking and sharing deeper things about each other...And then from physical attraction to a more lasting "emotional attraction"...and end up all the way to him saying, "I have to tell you, something. I think I love you..."Without dealing with all the mishaps, tension, doubts, resistance, uncertainty, etc, that most women experience along the way because the man in their life isn't "sure" about the way they feel about them... then you need to send us an email with any question : emcemagazine@gmail.com or Twitter/Face book : Elijah Miti

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Web : www.whatmenwant.webstarts.com www.elijahmiti.webstarts.com Now back to it... I'd like to answer the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her? Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more. So what is that "something more" than Physical Attraction? ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................... ............................................................................ It's what is called "Intellectual Attraction" and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will

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have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship. Learn what is "Inside The Mind Of A Man," and have a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships. Learn to have to have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men. Learn specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man. The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all "the work" in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man. If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both. So don't stay stuck in the

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same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men. Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your "hard work," but from the man feeling so attached and "into" you that he'll be leading you both forward. I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week. If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. If you like this book , keep it, read it many, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be. So what are you waiting for? ............................................................................... ...............................................................................

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............................................................................... ............................................................................ Go and get your man and if you've experienced the challenges of a man who doesn't seem to want to, or know how to commit with you on a physical and emotional level, then I'd suggest you Check out my next book â&#x20AC;&#x153; How I got My Man.â&#x20AC;? This book will show you exactly how to move from that casual, UNCERTAIN, UNCOMMITTED place with a man... and guide you step-by-step towards building the physical, emotional, and even the spiritual connection that will lead a man to want to COMMIT to you, and only you. I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men. Thanks and best of luck in life and love! Your Friend,

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Dr.Elijah Miti P.S. If you'd like to find out what will help you best in YOUR specific situation, send your question on twitter or face book my user name is : Elijah Miti

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Conclusion Shopping, Romance, Great Sex (for married women) and Wonderful Gifts are all very important. But there is one thing that outweighs all of these because it simply takes care of a lot of different needs and dynamics -and guarantees more "returns" as far as "women and romance" are concerned. This is the one thing that women want, and is the one thing that, if lacking, can cause relationship failures and marital problems because of the resulting lack of affection. And that one thing is LOVE. Whether relationship/marital problems are hidden behind physical, emotional, financial abuse, or infidelity; the real reason people divorce, we believe, remains "Love or rather, its absence". The idea of relating to women (being in touch with your feminine side) can be very challenging for men. Men do not have a clue about "what women really want" from them. Statistics show that, the majority of divorces are initiated by women. WHY? Because either the man just stopped loving her OR he stopped showing his love or expressing it. Her number one need has been ignored and that causes her emotional pain, which strains the marriage. Be a true gentleman. Offer assistance, don't wait to be asked. "Let me help you with that...." Support her endeavours. Get her something in her personal area of interest. This will show that you are interested in her and

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her interests & self-development; and also that you do really pay attention. Get her a book on a subject she's been researching; a subscription to her favourite magazine; a favourite CD etc. Appreciate her efforts. There's nothing as demotivating as being unappreciated. Tell her you appreciate what she does at home; her taking good care of the kids and their affairs; her running the household. Be honest & swallow that pride - tell her you really would be lost without her. Be generous with praise and acknowledgements. Most important of all, continue to show deep LOVE for each other, for LOVE makes up for many of your faults1 Peter 4:8

Be faithful !

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Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way: it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And now faith, hope, and and the greatest of these is love.

love

abide,

Variant 1

Love is patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud. Love is never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own way. Love is not irritable or touchy. Love does not hold grudges and will hardly notice when others do it wrong. Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.

Variant 2

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Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

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About the Author

Mobile: +27761285439 Email: pttlyda@gmail.com

Web: www.elijahmiti.co.za Web: http://.elijahmiti.westarts.com

Ministry Website: http://svmi.webstarts.com

NGO: http://sidpa.webstarts.com http://whatmenwant.webstarts .com

Dr. Elijah Miti was born in 1974. He began preaching after completing school in 1992 and did Banking, Financial Management, Property Management, Pastoral in Pretoria South Africa and Theology from a USA Bible College in 2009. He has Two Doctorate Degrees in Theology, Finance and Business Management. He is an Independent Accredited Motivational Speaker, Six times Network Marketing Award winner, Eagles Award Winner for Motivational Speaking and founder of Sothern Internally Displaced Persons Answer (SIDPA). He is now a fulltime Missionary Trainer and travels the world preaching the Gospel, Book Writing and Publishing books.

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BRIEF PROFILE OF ELIJAH MITI Elijah Miti is a founder and president of Elijah Miti Consultancy Enterprises (EMCE). Elijah Miti consultancy does work for both business and academic institutions and its scope extends from Africa, Europe, and Assia to North and South America. He has spoken and taught at leadership training and Book Writing programs In South Africa, Zambia and has mentees in his Mentorship program on Book Writing. Elijah Miti is an ordained Minister of Religion and currently he is full time Missionary, Author and Book publisher who has published over 230 Book for African Authors and written over 15 books. He has served as keynote speaker and done proposals at government departments, Colleges , Universities , Schools and Religious events around the world including:

Various Churches in South Africa and Zambia.

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The Department of High Education in South Africa

Elijah Miti is also a sought after key note speaker at many International conferences around the world. Examples of African schools and colleges that he has worked with include:

Robert Hicks High School In South Africa.

Munali High School In Zambia.

Kabulonga Girls High in Zambia.

Lusaka High School in Zambia.

The Gert Sibanda College In South Africa.

University Of Zambia.

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MEDIA APPEARANCES Elijah Miti has appeared on many TV and Radio shows both internationally and regionally. Some of the show include:-

June 2008, SABC Africa International News As a Singer and Song Writer.

December 2009, Muvi Tv in Zambia As a Book Author.

December 2009, Mobi TV as Book Publisher.

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December 2009,ZNBC Nyanja Program as Book Publisher.

December 2009, ZNBC Radio 2 Book Spectrum Program with Donald Kawangu.

December 2009, UNZA Radio as Book Author.

December 2009, Yatsani Radion As Book Author with Mwenya Mukuka.

December 2009, Christian Voice Radio with Lombe Machilika.

June 2010 ZNBC Radio 2 Zambia Today Program with Aaron Kamanga.

June 2010 , ZNBC TV Kwacha Good Morning Zambia show with Franklin.

July 2010, Mobi TV as A Singer and Author.

July 2010, Unza Radio Lusaka Star program.

November 2010 , NEW York â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Radio as

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Author and Publisher.

December 2010, ZNBC Radio 2 Book Spectrum Program with Donald Kawangu.

January 2011, ZNBC Radio 2 Zambia Today Program with Aaron Kamanga.

January 2011, ZNBC TV Kwacha Good Morning Zambia show with Franklin.

January 2011, ZNBC Radio 2 Book Spectrum Program with Donald Kawangu.

January 2011, UNZA Radio as Book Author.

Contact

Email: elijah_miti@yahoo.com

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Notes: ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………

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“No Matter How Far We Shall Reach”

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