No! your mom is crazy! by Jing Chen

No! Your Mom is Crazy!

Your Mom is Crazy! No! Your Mom is Crazy!

ELITA JINGFANG CHEN

Copyright ÂŠ 2015 by Elita Jingfang Chen All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form. Written by Jingfang Chen Edited by Dan Harrison Illustrated by Lisette Fall, Jingfang Chen and Wei Feng Designed by Jingfang Chen Art Direction from Jeremy Stout Typeset in Balance OT, RTWS Yue Gothic, RTWS LangQian www.warmmilkcoldmilk.com

Contents 目录

Around the Home 居家环境 1-2 0

Clothing & Feeding 穿衣和喂养 2 1-4 0

Discipline & Nurturing 教育与关爱 4 1-6 1

1 2 3

Grandma Susan

Grandma Martha

You might ﬁnd your mother-inlaw is not as crazy as you thought after you read this book. 读了这本书后你也许会发现孩子的奶奶其实是对的.

This book came about from my own experience in raising children with grandparents that come from different cultures. As a Chinese woman moving to the U.S. and learning how to raise children in this environment, I had my share of interesting experiences where the two cultures clashed. Chinese parents and American parents have very different ideas about how to raise children, as they see the world very differently. This book is designed to show in a light-hearted way some of the differences between these worlds through two grandmas, and provide an understanding that helps those reading it see where these ideas come from and what to expect from the other culture. Warm Milk, Cold Milk is a series that covers cross-cultural topics related to parenting. This ﬁrst book in the series focuses on American and Chinese parenting, and also includes an accompanying mobile app and website that focus on cultural awareness and creating community among parents.

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www.warmmilkcoldmilk.com

Around the Home 居家环境

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Around the Home

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

居家环境

The Whole Family Lives Here 热闹的大家庭

The family home in China tends to include a lot of family. It is not uncommon for a typical family home to include many generations, including children, parents and grandparents. Because grandparents take care of their grandchildren from a young age, it is expected that they will be taken care of by the younger generation when they grow old. Until recently, it was unheard of to send an elder family member to a nursing home where strangers care for them until the end of their life, with only infrequent visits from family. 中国的家庭往往包含了很多成员，孩子、父母和祖父母几代同堂并不少见。因为爷爷奶奶通常照顾年幼的孙子，孙女，所以当他们年长的时候也期望晚辈照顾他们。直到不久以前，还很少听闻年迈的老人被送到敬老院交给陌生人照顾，家里人仅仅是偶尔看望。

Around the Home

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

居家环境

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

把奶奶送去养老院 Getting Care in a “Home”

核心家庭的概念在美国仍然很巩固。多数家庭里的成员只有直系亲属：父母和子女。与父母或祖父母一起生活是不常见的。当老人年纪较大时，他们通常会搬入养老院，付酬劳请护理人员照顾他们走到生命的尽头。

The concept of the nuclear family is still strong in the U.S. Most families live in a home with only their immediate family: parents and children. It is not common for the parents or grandparents to live in the house with them. When family members become elderly, it is common for them to move into a nursing home, where strangers are paid to take care of them until the end of their life.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Around the Home

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

居家环境

No Shoes in the House 进屋要脱鞋

When it comes to Chinese homes, it is customary to have outside shoes and inside shoes. In general, floors in Asian homes are kept spotlessly clean, and because shoes are changed, outside dirt doesn’t get tracked inside onto the floor. Even babies are given slippers to wear in the house, which also serves to keep their feet warm so that they don’t get a cold-related sickness. 在中国家庭里，室外和室内穿的鞋是分开的。亚洲家庭的地板通常保持得一尘不染，进屋要换鞋，这样外面的尘土不会被带进家里弄脏地板。连婴儿也有专门在室内穿的鞋子，既保持卫生也能保暖脚，避免着凉感冒。

Around the Home

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

居家环境

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

怎么舒服怎么来 Do What Feels Comfortable

美国人相比之下更随意一些。穿鞋通常不会特意区分室外和室内。美国人不太在意自己的脚是不是那么干净，对婴儿和儿童亦是如此。

Americans tend to be more relaxed about wearing their outside shoes in the house. In most cases, there is not a distinction between shoes worn in the house vs. shoes worn outside. Also, Americans are less concerned about how clean their feet are. This is even true when it comes to babies and small children.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Around the Home

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

居家环境

Follow That Baby 跟紧宝宝别疏忽

Until recently, Chinese babies didn’t really explore their surroundings in the home. It was generally more common for babies to be held most of the time by parents, grandparents or nannies and if babies were to explore, there would be an adult following very closely behind them to stop them from touching dangerous things in the house. In general, spending time holding babies is seen as a way to show love and affection. 直到近年，中国的宝宝才开始有更多的机会在家自由探索。大部分时候孩子由父母，祖父母或保姆看管，如果宝宝开始四处行动，通常会有大人紧跟气候，及时阻止他们触摸家中危险的东西。总的来说，花很多时间抱着孩子被认为是表达爱和亲情的方式。

Around the Home

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

居家环境

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

让宝宝自由探索 Let the Baby Roam Freely

在美国，几十年以来已经形成了一个庞大的儿童安全防护产业市场。橱柜和抽屉可以安装防护挂钩、插座可以安上保护盖、以及购买婴儿门、围栏等。大多数美国人要让孩子在家里大范围地探索。婴儿不会被抱得太久，并允许自由爬行或走动，因为家长已做好防范保护措施。

In the U.S., there has been a huge industry for decades that focuses on childproofing the home. Attaching hooks and latches to cabinets and drawers, covering electrical plugs and buying baby gates are things that most Americans are willing to do to their home in order to provide a large area for their babies to explore. American babies are less likely to be held all the time, and are permitted to roam around more freely because the dangers have been protected.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Around the Home

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

居家环境

Living at Home at Age 20 20岁住父母家里

In China, it is common for extended families to live together in one house. Until a child gets married, it is very common for them to live at home with their parents and grandparents. Unlike in the West, there is less pressure for young adults to move out of the house and be independent on their own. 在中国，与父母和亲戚一起居住是正常的。孩子跟父母和祖父母一起生活直到成家立业，这种情况很普遍。与西方一些国家不同，中国的年轻人独立的压力比较小，也没有太大的搬出去住的必要。

Around the Home

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

居家环境

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

18岁离家自立 Out in the World at Age 18

在美国，很多家长鼓励子女在18岁的搬出去住，以获得独立感，为成年做准备。父母教导子女自立门户所需的技能，为他们长大成人打好基础。

In the U.S., many parents encourage their children to move away from the family home when they turn 18 years old, in order to gain a sense of independence and prepare for adulthood. It is common for parents to teach their children skills they need to live on their own, in preparation for the day they become adults and plan to move out.

Clothing & Feeding 穿衣喂养

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Clothing & Feeding

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

穿衣喂养

Cold Cereal Will Make You Sick 吃冷麦片会生病

In Chinese culture, it is not considered healthy to give cold drinks to children. When serving milk or water, it is usually heated first. Children generally are not allowed to have drinks with ice, especially on an empty stomach and in the morning. 在中国文化里，给孩子冷饮被认为是不利于肠胃健康的。饮用牛奶和水时，通常要先加热，至少是室温。幼儿一般不允许喝加了冰块的水，尤其是空腹时和清早起床后更禁忌生冷食物。

Clothing & Feeding

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

穿衣喂养

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

直接从冰箱取食物吃 Eat Straight Out of the Fridge

在美国文化中，在任何时间饮用冷饮很平常。冰牛奶泡麦片是典型的美国早餐。美国人认为，热牛奶有催眠的作用，通常是在睡前才喝温热的牛奶。冰凉的冰淇淋也被认为是老少咸宜的零食，常作为特殊奖励给小孩子吃。

In American culture, it’s not unusual to drink cold things at any time of development. Cold cereal and milk is an American traditional breakfast, where the milk is served cold. Americans believe that warm milk makes you sleepy, and therefore only drink warm milk before bed. Ice cream is also considered something for children of all ages to enjoy as a special treat.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Clothing & Feeding

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

穿衣喂养

Just One More Bite 再多吃一口就好

When it comes to feeding, Chinese babies tend to be spoon-fed by their parents and grandparents until they become toddlers, and sometimes even into later childhood. Chinese parents are more concerned that the baby gets the nutrition it needs than trying to give them independence to eat on their own. Until recently, the “One Child” policy meant that there were no other siblings that needed attention, leading the child to be more prized and pampered. 讲到喂养，中国的宝宝们往往是由父母和祖父母进行填鸭式喂养，直到幼儿年龄，有时甚至延迟到儿童时期。中国的父母更关心的是怎样能确保婴幼儿获得足够营养，而不是着重培养他们自己独立吃饭。近年来的“独生子女”现象意味着家庭里没有其他需要被关注的兄弟姐妹，通常六个成人围绕一个孩子，导致孩子更加珍贵，养尊处优。

Clothing & Feeding

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

穿衣喂养

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

吃得一片狼藉是学习的方法 Messy Eating is How You Learn

美国孩子的独立意识是从小开始培养的。很多家庭都常见到“高脚餐椅”，宝宝能够安全地在带有内置桌子的特殊椅子上自己吃饭，而且无法逃脱。通常宝宝会被留在椅子上，被鼓励自己动手吃食物，哪怕弄得非常凌乱也没关系。为了培养孩子独立，家长们会让孩子在高脚餐椅上自己大哭，直到愿意吃下给他们准备的食物。

American babies are primed early for independence. It’s common for most households to hand a “highchair” where a baby can safely eat on his own in a special chair with a built-in table that he can’t escape from. Often, the baby is left in the chair and is encouraged to eat his own food, even if the chair and the baby become very messy. As training for independence, parents often let their baby cry in the high chair until the baby is ready to eat his own food.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Clothing & Feeding

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

穿衣喂养

Introduce Solids at Three Months 三个月开始接触辅食

It is common in China to begin introducing solid foods to a baby at three months old. In addition, it is also normal for the baby to start drinkking water before that. At three months, Chinese babies will be introduced to foods such as dried egg yolk with water, rice cereal, and mashed vegetables. 在中国，婴儿3个月时便开始接触辅食，这不算罕见。此外，让宝宝在未满3 个月以前喝水也是常见的。很多中国的宝宝在出生三个月后开始循序渐进地尝试温和的流质食物，可以是兑水的蛋黄、米糊或果菜泥。

Clothing & Feeding

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

穿衣喂养

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

最初六个月只喝奶 Milk Only for the First Six Months

大多数妈妈在前6个月仅提供母乳或配方奶粉给婴儿。建议在6个月内避免给婴儿喂水。在6个月的时候，可以喂宝宝一些常见的食物，包括谷类食品，特殊包装的婴儿食品和其它用搅拌机搅拌的糊状混合食物。

Most mothers provide only breast milk or formula to their babies for the first six months. It is recommended by pediatricians that the baby avoid drinking water until six months of age. At six months, common foods that the baby will be introduced to include cereals, specially packaged baby foods and other foods blended to a mushy consistency with a blender.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Clothing & Feeding

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

穿衣喂养

Five Layers is Not Enough 五层衣服都不够

In China, it is common to bundle up babies and young children in many layers of clothing, even when inside the house. This is because the Chinese believe that exposure to cold or wind, even for a short time, can cause babies to get sick. Also, in most of China in the winter there is no central heating and in some parts of China it can be colder inside the house than outside. 中国的传统是将婴儿严实地包起来，常见小孩里三层外三层穿着很多衣服，即使在室内也一样。这是因为中国的家长们认为如果暴露于寒冷的气温里，或被风吹到，即使只是很短的时间，也可能导致宝宝着凉生病。此外，中国南方地区的冬天没有中央供暖设备，气候阴冷，有些地方屋里甚至比外面更冷。

Clothing & Feeding

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

穿衣喂养

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

让宝宝光着到处跑 Let the Baby Run Around Naked

在美国，通常宝宝穿衣的件数与成人是相同的。比较少见到父母出门时将宝宝过分严实地层层包裹起来。让年幼的宝宝光着身体在家里随意跑动被视为正常。在美国文化里，人们更倾向于相信，相比起寒冷的温度，病毒和细菌其实才是导致生病的更大的因素。

In the U.S., babies are usually dressed with the same amount of clothing as adults. It is generally uncommon for babies to be over bundled up when taken outside, and it is often considered normal for even young babies to run around naked when inside their home. Americans tend to believe more that viruses and germs are a stronger cause of sickness.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Clothing & Feeding

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

穿衣喂养

Pants With a Hole in the Crotch 裤裆有洞的裤子

In China, many babies start potty training as early as three months, and do not wear diapers. Babies wear special open-crotch pants which are split down the middle. Parents train their babies to use the bathroom by gently holding them by the hips over the toilet or the side of the road while whistling softly to imitate the tinkle sound of urine. 在中国，很多宝宝在3个月的时候就开始如厕训练，而且不包尿布，这样环保又透气。宝宝穿着特制的裤子，裤裆到裤腿中间是分开的缝。小便时大人在厕所里或路边端着孩子的臀部和大腿，同时吹着口哨模诱导他们。

Clothing & Feeding

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

穿衣喂养

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

让他们顺其自然 It’ll Happen When They’re Ready

在美国，常见宝宝使用一次性纸尿布，直到他们学会控制大小便。出生后的头两年半里，一个宝宝通常会使用掉约3800个纸尿裤。在如厕训练阶段，孩子可以穿一种叫做“pull-ups”的纸尿裤，这种纸尿裤像脱内裤一样穿脱，能够帮助孩子完成如厕训练后尽早适应真正的内裤。

In the U.S., it’s common for babies to use disposable diapers until they are potty trained. A typical baby goes through 3,800 disposable diapers in her first two and a half years. When potty training, there are special diapers called pull-ups that can be put on and taken off like cloth underwear, which help children prepare for wearing real underwear once potty trained.

Discipline & Nurturing 教育与关爱

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Discipline & Nurturing

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

教育与关爱

The Baby Prison is Called a Crib 婴儿床像个小牢笼

In China, most babies co-sleep with their parents or grandparents or sometimes even their nanny, to provide them feelings of nurturing, security and protection. Usually the baby will sleep in the same room as the person they co-sleep with, and don’t often have their own room until much later in life. 在中国，大多数婴儿与父母或祖父母，有时甚至是与保姆一起睡觉。大人陪睡能给予婴幼儿温暖、安全和被保护的感受。孩子通常和成年人睡在同一个房间内，直到长大一些的时候才睡在自己的房间。

Discipline & Nurturing

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

教育与关爱

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

可别掉下床 Don’t Fall off the Bed

在美国，婴儿床在帮助幼小的孩子建立独立性的概念中起了相当大的作用。随着年龄的增长，与父母同睡更为少见。父母经常让孩子们在婴儿床里“哭到累”，通过放声大哭把情绪释放化解掉，让他们开始学习要怎样自己应对和解决事情。很多家庭都会专为宝宝装修一间婴儿房。

In the U.S., the crib plays a big role in helping children at a young age understand the concept of independence. It is less common for parents to co-sleep with their children as they grow older, and parents will often let their children “cry it out” in their crib to teach them how to start doing things on their own. Also, many families will furnish a room just for the baby.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Discipline & Nurturing

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

教育与关爱

Good Kids Don’t Cry 乖孩子不哭

It’s important to react right away to a crying baby so that the baby can begin to trust and depend on those around him. In Chinese culture, some believe that if you let a baby cry for too long, it could have a negative effect on his mental development. It’s considered okay sometimes to stop a young children from crying by giving them sweets or telling innocent fibs to calm the baby down. 对哭泣的宝宝立即做出反应是很重要的，这能让宝宝对身边的人和环境产生信任和依赖。在中国文化中，部分人相信如果让宝宝哭得太久，会对他们日后的心理发展产生负面影响。为了让孩子停止哭泣，大人会用糖果或善意的小谎言来安抚他们，这种处理方式被认为是无伤大雅的。

Discipline & Nurturing

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

教育与关爱

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

让孩子大声哭出来 Let the Baby Cry it Out

在美国文化中，宝宝们通常被训练学习如何遵守纪律。当宝宝哭泣时，父母会查询原因，（例如尿布是否湿了，是不是饿了、渴了、或者生病了），如果以上原因都排除，孩子只是因为愿望得不到满足而发脾气任性，父母通常会把孩子放下，任他们发泄情绪哭到自己停止。这也是培养他们独立性的方式之一。

In U.S. culture, babies learn discipline through training. When a baby cries and his needs have been met (e.g. his diaper is dry and he is not hungry or sick or thirsty), parents are told to put the baby down and let them cry until the crying stops in order to train them to be independent.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Discipline & Nurturing

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

教育与关爱

Bribes and Threats Never Get Old 收买和威胁屡试不爽

When a child misbehaves, sometimes it is seen as okay to offer them a candy to get them to behave, or to threaten them with a visit with by imaginary enemy (e.g. the big bad wolf is coming to get you if you don’t behave!). 当宝宝调皮、表现不好时，中国很多父母有屡试不爽的应对方法：有时会给他们糖果和玩具，哄他们听话；有时也会编造假想敌来威胁他们。（例如，如果你不听话，大灰狼就会来把你带走！）

Discipline & Nurturing

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

教育与关爱

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

让他面壁思过 Put Him in the Naughty Spot

当婴儿成长到蹒跚学步的幼儿阶段，西方国家的宝宝通常在房间里有一个特设的角落，当他们调皮犯错的时候就会被送到那里独处思过，他们可以把不好的情绪“哭出来”。父母会告诉他们，只有自己想通道理，并愿意停止哭泣的时候才可以离开那里。

When a child becomes a toddler, Western children often have a special corner of the room where they are sent when misbehaving where they can “cry it out”. The parents tell the child that he can only leave the corner when he has thought about why he is crying and is ready to stop.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Discipline & Nurturing

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

教育与关爱

Good Grades are Most Important 好成绩最重要

In Chinese culture, children having good grades is a sign of success, and gives a sense of face, or pride, to the family. In populous China‘s competitive landscape, grades are seen as the one key that will lead to success later in life. 在中国文化中，孩子获得好的学习成绩往往被看作通向成功的象征，并为家里增光，让父母亲朋自豪。在人口众多的中国，学习和就业竞争激烈，成绩被看作是一个衡量的关键，好成绩是确保未来生活的基础。

Discipline & Nurturing

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

教育与关爱

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

自尊自信才是首要 Self Esteem is the priority

好成绩在美国同样也被重视，但很多美国家长认为学校也应该是孩子开始学习如何正确看待自己的环境。建立良好的自尊自信心，培养与其他人的合作能力，比单纯的成绩更重要。

While grades are often seen as being important, many American parents feel that school is also an environment where children begin to learn how to think for themselves. Developing a sense of self-esteem and the ability to work well with others is more important than grades alone.

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

Discipline & Nurturing

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

教育与关爱

Love is Not to be Said 爱字不用说出口

In Chinese culture, love is often expressed in subtle ways, such as through preparing meals or by indirect language. Feelings of love between parents and children is rarely expressed with words like “I love you” or hugs and kisses, because this is seen as lacking in modesty. Such outward displays of emotion can make family members feel uncomfortable. 在中国文化中，爱通常以婉转微妙的方式表达出来，譬如通过准备餐点或间接的措辞。父母与子女之间的爱很少直接用“我爱你”或拥抱和亲吻表示，因为这被视为不够含蓄。外露的感情表达往往让家人感到羞涩、尴尬和不自在。

Discipline & Nurturing

Warm Milk, Cold Milk—Chinese American Parenting

教育与关爱

热牛奶，冷牛奶—中美跨文化育儿

有时候一个拥抱就够了 Sometimes a Hug is All They Need

父母拥抱亲吻孩子是很正常的（即便孩子已是成人）。他们用“我爱你”表达对孩子的感情。在西方文化中，这种直接坦诚的交流方式有助于帮孩子肯定他在爱他的人心里的重要性。

It is normal for parents to hug and kiss their children and for them to say “I love you” to communicate how they feel towards their children (no mater how old they are). In Western culture, this type of communication helps to reassure children of their importance.

读了这本书后你也许会觉得孩子的奶奶其实是对的. You might find your mother-in-law is not as crazy as you thought after you read this book.

本书包含了我与不同文化背景的祖父母们一起育儿的体会。作为一个来到美国生活，并学习着怎样在这个大环境中养育孩子的中国女性，我经历着两种不同文化碰撞冲突的有趣经历。中国和美国父母生活在截然不同的世界中，因此对于养育孩子的观念也有差异。本书旨在通过孩子奶奶和婆婆的口吻，以轻松愉快的方式展示这些差异，帮助阅读的人了解它们背后的原因，促进父母们对另一方文化的理解。 ”热牛奶，冷牛奶”是关于跨文化育儿主题的系列，本系列的第一本书着重于美国和中国育儿，该系列的产品还包括手机应用和宣传网站。

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苏珊外婆

玛莎奶奶

目录 Contents

1 2 3

居家环境

Around the Home 1-2 0

穿衣和喂养

Clothing & Feeding 2 1-4 0

教育与关爱

Discipline & Nurturing 4 1-6 1

书

名：

不！奶奶不对！

作

者：

陈敬芳

英文编辑： Dan Harrison 插

画： Lisette Falll ，陈敬芳，冯伟

设计策划：陈敬芳艺术指导： Jeremy Stout 排版字体： Balance OT, 造字工房悦黑，造字工房朗倩网

婆婆不对！不！奶奶不对！

陈敬芳

不! 奶奶不对 !