DEPRESSED CHRISTIANS depression is a real emotional illness. we often ignore the very real symptons and issues. In this article, we take a look at the reality of depressed christians.
Until I got it, I never understood it. Our culture’s flippant use of the word makes it easy to think that depression must simply be prolonged sadness. But, clinical depression is more than a long case of the blues; it actually interferes with normal daily functioning. Sufferers face diminished interest or pleasure in activities, significant appetite changes, insomnia or hypersomnia, and the inability to concentrate or focus. Depressives are plagued with persistent and unshakable feelings of guilt and worthlessness that are frequently accompanied by suicidal thoughts or a belief that life is not worth living. My favorite indie rock hero, Conor Oberst, explains it so well in “A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not” when he sings: You would settle for anything that would make your brain slow down or stop/ Break this circle of thoughts you chase before they catch back up with you/ Try to find some source of light, try to name one thing you like/ You used to have such a longer list, and light—you never had to look for it/ But now it’s so easy to second-guess everything you do/ This feeling used to pass, but it seems like it’s every day, seems like it’s every night now. Even though the clinical depression has only been medically categorized and developed in the last few decades, the characters who populate our Scriptures were no strangers to it. In the book named for him, Job despairs: “I cannot eat for sighing; my groans pour out like water. What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come to be. I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest; instead, only trouble comes …. I will never again experience pleasure ... I would rather die of strangulation than go on and on like this. I hate my life” (Job 3:23-26, 7:11, 15-16, NLT).
King David was depressed. In the opening verses of Psalm 13 he writes, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” And David’s son Solomon wrote, “I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 2:17). We can finally explain this disorder biologically; doctors have come to believe that clinical depression is caused by an imbalance of several chemicals in the brain, namely serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. Yet, we still have a tendency to see it as a personal or spiritual disorder. We hear about people with depression and think that they must just be lazy or unmotivated or self-pitying. Even seeing that biblical heroes might have been depressed doesn’t shake our instinct that real Christians just don’t get depressed. We explain those passages away and insist that Christians shouldn’t be depressed, because true joy is found in Jesus.
Unfortunately, the spiritual joy of salvation that comes with knowing Jesus does not always precipitate earthly health or happiness. Christians still get ill, and depression is a sickness—perhaps one of the most insidious ones. Depression inspires a worthlessness that undermines the love and mercy of God. Many Christians who suffer from depression find that their affliction makes it more difficult for them to go to church, pray or engage in acts of charity. The direction of causality here is crucial—depression causes spiritual withdrawal, not the other way around.
Some still say that depression is a result of sin in the depressive person’s life and they may be partially right. Guilt and shame can develop and persist because of secret or unconfessed sins in a person’s life and these perpetual feelings can trigger a depressive episode. This doesn’t mean that “eliminating” sin will cure depression, because sin will always be with us. We are all sinners and we all disobey God’s will all the time—otherwise, what’s the point of grace? As Paul writes in Romans, “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members” (7:22-23). We are all, as Martin Luther would say, fully justified and yet fully sinners. An emphasis on the sin component of depression is basically blaming the victim. Here it is helpful to look at depression the way we look at cancer. Some cancers are partially caused by the actions of the victim—they might have smoked cigarettes or suntanned too much. Yet there are many who have never taken even a drag off a smoke and those who use SPF 45 sun block and still get cancer. Carcinogens are all around us, and they are somewhat indiscriminate in their selection of victims. Similarly, sin is all around us. Dr. Fred Lee, a physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and a teaching fellow at Harvard University, put it this way, “The mortality rate of all people—believers and not—is 100 percent, because this is a fallen world. Sin begets disease, too, in the same way it begets death. From that perspective disease is our fault—in the sense that we are a fallen race. However, it is not directly the fault of the individual.”
A much more prevalent sin component of depression is the act of being sinned against. Experiences in our lives deeply scar us—something as simple as a popular kid making fun of our clothes or something as horrific as ongoing physical or sexual abuse. Perpetually being sinned against creates young men and women who believe that they deserve their sad state of fate, that they really aren’t good enough, and that no one, not even God, could possibly love them. Medical studies show that repeated traumatic experiences can permanently lower mood-regulating brain chemicals. This is the legacy of sin that exists in the lives of all of us. Depression should be treated and can be put into remission through a course of psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and/or antidepressant medication, supplemented by healthy doses of prayer within a loving Christian community. It is nonsensical to tell a depressed person that if he only read his Bible more or had better quiet times, his depression would surely be lifted. That would be like telling a diabetic that faith alone will regulate her insulin levels. Faith alone gives eternal salvation, but in the meantime, God has given us resources by which to make our temporal existences more palatable. Depression is certainly healed by the grace of God, sometimes directly and miraculously, but more often through the tools of His servants, like pharmacists, therapists, pastors and friends.
WHY OBAMACARE WILL WORK JEREMY MCDONALD
WASHINGTON -- As Obamacare emerges from the rubble of its first two months, local organizers, state officials and the White House see a clear path forward. With the website now quasi-functional, there are good reasons to believe that the Affordable Care Act will catch on. Quite simply, there are tens of millions of uninsured people who want health insurance, a law in place to help them obtain it, and advocates on the ground making sure they know how to do it. For on-the-ground organizations, Obamacare represents a once-in-a-generation organizing opportunity. By signing someone up for health insurance, they are delivering a tangible benefit, something that person will value for years to come, and winning loyalty along the way. Nonprofits, as well as mayors and governors, have an intense incentive to make Obamacare work. And millions of those uninsured people -- many of them young and healthy -- are in tightly concentrated urban areas, target-rich environments for the grassroots groups and politicians working to sign people up. Because of the geography of poverty, one gathering can make a real dent in the uninsured population. One event in Sacramento was attended by 1,500 people. „Almost 500 started the enrollment process in Obamacare,” said Wherley. „They had 300 volunteers at the event.” The concentration of America’s uninsured is central to the administration’s optimism. For months, senior White House officials have been reminding reporters in briefings about the millions stacked up in Los Angeles, Chicago and other easily accessible urban areas.The White House is using its power to generate media interest to shine a light on those areas. In recent weeks, top administration officials have visited Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Miami, Atlanta, Phoenix, northern New Jersey, Tampa, Orlando, Detroit and San Antonio, home collectively to more than 7 million uninsured. The visits generate press coverage and elevate the on-the-ground organizing efforts. These Obamacare visits to uninsured hot spots are reinforced on the ground, like campaign stops, with a coordinated effort among unions and nonprofits doing local outreach. „We approached it much like you would a political campaign with mailings, door knockings, repeated attempts. And phone banking,” Wherley said. „You need to hit people multiple times from multiple formats. One to get them, two to help them understand how this works and get them to an event where they can actually enroll.” The union created a nonprofit to do the Obamacare outreach. Change hurts, particularly in health-care insurance, and it may well hurt Democrats in 2014. But Obamacare is now moving from unexpected problems that threaten the law to predictable disruptions that are, in many cases, intended by the law. And the Obama administration will have three full years to create millions, and perhaps tens of millions, of winners who are getting insurance or protection through the law. As in 2010, they may well lose on the politics in the midterm election even as they win on the policy in the long term. - MARKISHA JOHNSON
THE POWER
The Power of
OF FAITH
Faith
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embrace magazine
Moses Tyson, Jr.
Up Close & Personal Stellar Award Moses Tyson, Jr. has becowinning me one of the most influential artist & producer, people in the Gospel music Moses Tyson, world as one of the most proJr. is one of lific organist of our generation. He has been one of the the most respected most respected producers in figures in Gospel music celebrating over 30 years in the industry, Gospel producing some of the gremusic atest voices in Gospel music. industry
(Moses winning Stellar Award, 2012)
EMBRACE had the opportunity to sit down for a very candid interview with him discussing everything from his rich musical lineage and history, to his church roots. Moses isn’t just a man with the gift of music, but he is a man who has seemingly continued to rise like a phoenix. From awards to television appearances on sitcoms, Tyson is continuing to evolve into a Gospel brand. An artist, pro-
ducer and record executive, he has had an amazing journey...yet it seems as though it has just begun...
The Beginning
Moses’ father, the late Supt. Moses Tyson, Sr.
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Sitting in the beautiful suburbs of
Collierville, Tennessee, we find producer, arranger, musician, ordained Elder, and record excutive Moses Tyson, Jr., one of the most celebrated musicians of our time. Growing up in the church at Rescue Mission Church Of God In Christ, founded by his father, the late Supt. Moses Tyson, Sr., Moses began to flourish. ''My church upbringing is the foundation of my career. Throughout my child-rearing years in Vallejo, CA and up until I accepted the invitation from the late Bishop W.L. Porter to relocate to Memphis, TN in 1989, I was a member of my father’s church. It was in the church that I learned to play the guitar, piano, and organ. My father was one of the most honorable men I have ever known. He truly was the epitome of a pastor, father, and role model to me and my siblings, and has been the DNA to how I operate in ministry and in music. My father passed away in 2007, on a Sunday night, consequently, Sunday nights
''Music was definitely in our blood, Sly Stone is my second cousin and he gave me my first opportunity to record on his hit song‚''I Get High On You”; when I was only 12 years old, it was an amazing experience. I learned a lot from Sly. He is a musical icon and remains to be one of my greatest musical influences along with many others; most of whom I have been very blessed to work with. ''In the 1980’s, Sly Stone’s manager at that time was Ken Roberts. He introduced me to Mike Curb, founder of Curb Records. Mr. Curb allowed me the privilege to work with him. Mike Curb was responsible for the careers of some of the biggest artists of our time including; The Osmonds, Hank Williams, Jr., The Judds, LeAnn Rimes, Sammy Davis, Jr., Tim McGraw and many others. He took me under his wings and allowed me to record for him, as well as learn the in’s and out’s of the record. To this day I am grateful for that opportunity.
are very difficult for me even now, because of
the the bond I had with my father.”
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MAGAZINEINSIDE ''In the early 90’s I was blessed to develop a great relationship with Berry Gordy, Jr.’s son, Kerry Gordy. Through that relationship I met Al Bell, founder of Stax Records and Bellmark Records. Mr. Bell allowed me the opportunity to head up his Gospel Division at Bellmark, which was based in Hollywood, Ca in the 90’s.'' My executive role at Bellmark prepared me to run my own labels, which I never really thought about, that just kind of divinely came about.” says Tyson. ''Over the past two decades, I have been blessed to work with and produce some of the greatest in Gospel music, the late Bishop Walter Hawkins, the late Rev. Timothy Wright, the late Billy Preston, Tramaine Hawkins, Edwin Hawkins, Bishop Marvin Winans, Beverly Crawford, Bishop Rance Allen, Dorinda Clark-Cole, Karen ClarkSheard, Dottie Peoples, and so many other phenomenal people who have contributed so much to the genre of Gospel music. ''I think operating by Godly principles in the music ministry and music business are essential for sustained success and optimum results. It is key to not only being personally successful, but for others to be successful as well. If you do not operate by principles, you are setting yourself up to ultimately fail.''
''So many times I see people who have the opportunity to help others reach their goals, refuse to do so. From my many years of travel and interacting with many people, it is sad that our mentality is no further developed in the area of helping others from my perspective. We either give up or share our success with those only in our immediate circle; thereby, preventing others from benefitting. Consequently, we never expand beyond where we are for fear that something will be lost. ''Being able to be in the company of great leaders has served me well. I learned what it meant to be straight forward and honest in my actions and communications and to remember that one of the main keys to becoming successful and reaching your goals and objectives is to serve.I have been very fortunate in many areas of my life because of my gift of music. However, it is God’s favor that has afforded me the opportunity to develop relationships with a variety of great people all over the world.” ''I believe God gives us gifts for more than just to excite people and make a lot of money. God gave us these gifts as a way to get people’s attention but once you have it the question is ”What do you have to say?”that will impact their lives and ultimately draw them closer to Christ.” Tyson says.
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NEW MUSIC ''Lately, I have put a lot of time and energy in the distribution side of the music business which has been a blessing and has afforded me the opportunity to work with some of the greatest artists of our time. I am currently producing a new project with The First Cathedral Church Choir in Bloomfield, Connecticut, where Archbishop Leroy Bailey, II, serves, as Senior Pastor. The project features, JJ Hairston, Vashawn Mitchell, Twinkie Clark, Bishop Paul S. Morton, Rizen’s (Adrianne LewisFreeman), Shawn McClemore, Shawn Bigby, De’Andre Patterson & many others. Also, serving as co-producer, is 10 time Grammy Award winner, Kevin Bond. My desire is to record more local church choirs because I believe that the church is the true heartbeat of Gospel music. I also feel that church will be key to the future survival of the Gospel music industry as we know it. I enjoy traveling to smaller cities and visiting local churches, and I am often amazed at the gifts hidden in them” When asked what can we expect in 2014 from him?‚’Twinkie Clark & I just finished up a duet for a new Project, which will be released early spring of 2014. In addition to that, we are gearing up to tour together as well as do Music Ministry Workshops. We plan to go to various cities, and sit down with music and minstry people to talk about the importance of really understanding why God gives us these musical gifts.
PAGINATION ''I have a new pesonal album coming in 2014, in addition to multiple album releases that I have either produced or executive produced. I see the Gospel \ music industry going through changes; hopefully it will become much better. One of the keys to the Gospel industry becoming stronger is the importance of new artists really learning what the real music business is all about. I feel sorry for so many new artist now, because some of the moves they make such as chasing radio chart positions, awards and other things before truly understanding the basics of the business, can put them at risk of disappointment and sometimes financial ruin. Thereby negating their true talent from being exposed to the masses and reaping the benefits truly available. I plan to write a book on some of these issues, as I have been at this for more than 30 years now and God has blessed me to survive!”
NEW DISTRIBUTION
Moses has been able to do something in the industry that many have not been able to do, diversify. In 1997, Tyson founded, World Class Gospel Records, which has been a very successful independent Gospel labels for the last 16 years. He recently signed a deal with INgrooves/ Universal Music Group and formed TYMO Gospel Music, which is ran by his daughter, Tiffany. I learned to diversify from Mike Curb. ''You have to continue to expand not just for you, but to open up new paths for others”.
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MAGAZINEINSIDE Over the last few years Moses emerged from behind the scenes as the producer and label executive to become one of the most recognizable faces in Gospel. He has also performed on TBN’s Praise The Lord International broadcast, BET’s #1 rated show, ''Bobby Jones Gospel” for three straight seasons, and BET’s Celebration of Gospel. Steve Harvey plays Tyson’s music during his Steve Harvey Morning Show, which is one of the most syndicated radio shows in the country. Rickey Smiley has also been a big supporter and fan of Tyson, often tweeting videos and songs of his, as well as having Tyson in multiple episodes of his TV sitcom, The Rickey Smiley Show.
Mr. Suzuki, owner of Suzuki Hammond & Moses in Japan at the Suzuki Headquarters.
(The late) Bishop Walter Hawkins, (the late) Rev. Timothy Wright, (the late) Phil McGhee, and Moses Tyson, Jr., 1994, Detroit, MI)
Moses Tyson, Jr. & Rickey Smiley
Steve Harvey & Moses Tyson, Jr. on stage during BET’s
Celebration of Gospel
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LEADERSHIP
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Learning from great leaders has been a heavy factor in Moses’ philosophies in life and ministry. ''I have learned alot of things from my relationships from some of the following gentlemen,” Tyson says.... Bishop W. L. Porter was like a father. He was the one who invited me and my family to move to Memphis from California in 1989. He told me that my destiny was to be with him at that time and he was right. He was a great leader and a lover of people. I learned the value of investing in people from him. He gave his time, money and wisdom to many. Bishop L. H. Ford was in a class by himself. He really instilled the importance of giving others a chance. That has resonated within me, which is why I enjoy producng and releasing music on other people. I get joy in helping another person realize their dreams and visions.
I have been blessed to be in a unique position to have played for and worked with some of the greatest leaders of our generation, amongst them are three former COGIC Presiding Bishops, I could never take that for granted Bishop C. D. Owens, I first met him when I was 10 years old. He was the Youth Leader of COGIC at that time. I met him in San Francisco, California. He allowed me to close out the convention on the organ after the Edwin Hawkins Singers sang their last song. I played ''I Say Yes To My Lord”. He called me up from the organ, gave me a $20 dollar bill and pointed to me and said, ”little boy you are going to be special.” Little did I know, we would have the history that we would have together. He really helped me to realize that the Church is BIGGER than any one person! ''He was very special and will always be dear to me.” Bishop G. E. Patterson was a giant in the Gospel. He was a very wise gentleman, humble, smart, determined and a great orator of the Word of God. Bishop Patterson came into my life during a time of great personal transition. I learned the importance of patience and having a plan from him. I also learned that regardless of how high you climb, stay humble, trust God and to always keep the door open for reconciliation.
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''Another great man, who has been a pillar in our church, Bishop John Henry Sheard, who is currently the Chairman of our COGIC organization’s Board of Bishops. He has remained a pillar of strength and a man of proven integrity”, says Tyson. I have known the Sheards over 25 years and have been blessed to have a very special relationship with the family. Bishop John Henry Sheard’s son, Bishop J. Drew Sheard, was a great supporter of my efforts when I launched World Class Gospel Records in 1997. At that time the COGIC Int’l Mass Choir album ''Leaning On Jesus” was one of my first projects released on my label. He helped ensure that his lovely wife, First lady Karen Clark-Sheard (The Clark Sisters), would indeed show up at almost 2:00 A.M. at the late night musical recording that took place during the Memphis Holy Convocation, she came and put her impeccable and legendary voice on the lead song ''Leaning On Jesus”. That song remains, one of my most proud producing moments'', Tyson graciously expresses. First Lady Karen Clark-Sheard is the daughter of the legendary, Dr. Mattie Moss Clark. The late Dr. Mattie Moss Clark & The Clark family will always be very dear to me. I met Dr. Clark & Twinkie when I was just 13 years of age, that was almost 40 years ago! They allowed me to get on the organ and play at a choir rehearsal in Oakland, CA. Twinkie and her mother then gave me their phone number to their home in Detroit. I called them many times!'' Moses chuckles. ''Dr. Clark nor Twinkie were never too busy to talk to me and that made me feel very special. Twinkie and her mother, mesmerized me with their anointing and gifts. I had never heard anyone sing, let alone witnessed a female play the organ like Twinkie Clark. Many years later after I moved to Memphis, I would produce the COGIC projects, ''He’ll Bring You Out” & ''Leaning on Jesus”, which Dorinda Clark-Cole lead the title song, ''He’ll Bring You Out” and ''Determined” on the ''Leaning On Jesus” project and of course Twinkie led ''Accept What God Allows”. I really got to know Bishop John Henry Sheard, personally, over the years because of his position within the ranks of the Board of Bishops. I would be around Bishop John Henry Sheard during the conventions and we would always have a great time. I was the young man in the group and I would always ”mimick” the way the late Bishop L.H. Ford spoke and waved his hands with the other Bishops, especially Dad Sheard,” Tyson recalls. 18
(above, Bishop John Henry Sheard, Chairman of The Church Of God In Christ Board Of Bishops)
”When he would see me coming, he would shake his hands like Bishop Ford also and we would get a big laugh together.” 14-21NOV2012
PAGINATION ”Most recently, I was disturbed by some allegations that were levied against Dad Sheard in the media. In my travels I have had many people ask me about the allegations, because I know the family and of course people are very curious by nature. Due to the fact that I have a copy of a signed affidavit, clearing Bishop John Henry Sheard of all of the published allegations that were levied against him in that matter I felt compelled to speak out on his behalf. Many times people in the public are accused of things in the media, and when they are exonerated of the allegations, the mass majority of people are never informed.” ''While I certainly understand how the other gentlemen, who was unfortunately accused in the referenced matter, would exert a passion for wanting a ''pound of someone’s flesh”, as I know I would! But given the signed affidavit that I have in my possession vindicating Bishop John Henry Sheard of any wrong doing and/or being involved with that situation makes him clearly the wrong source to try to extract that ''pound of flesh from.”
''After personally witnessing the downfall of another great leader I worked with years ago, due to false allegations, some too embarrassing to even mention, that were believed by many due to the failure of those who knew the truth, to speak up on his behalf. I feel compelled as a result of witnessing that experience to speak up for Bishop John Henry Sheard. Again,
in this case, the truth is ''Bishop John Henry Sheard is innocent of the allegations against him, and all references regarding this matter, should be pulled off of the internet and out of the public domain immediately!” says Tyson.”
''Being that Bishop John Henry Sheard, is the Chairman of the Board of Bishops, a patriarch of our COGIC Organization and is the foundation of one of the most endearing, prominent families in the the Gospel community at large; it is my prayer that the presidium and other leaders in our denomination will also join me in publicly advocating the promoting of the affidavit that clearly exonerates Bishop John Henry Sheard of any wrong doing regarding this matter as to insure that his good name and reputation remains intact.”
''Bishop John Henry Sheard and other fathers like him in ministry should be treated with respect and honor for their many years of personal sacrifice and faithful service.
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FAMILY, LEGACY, AND THE FUTURE ''As I get older, I often find myself going back in my mind, to my father’s wisdom. He was a Godly man of principles. He taught us to never undermine people, to never push for positions, nor titles in the church, and to be available to serve, and what was for us, we would get it. When I look at my accomplishments and the success of my siblings I credit it of course to God. I also recognize that a lot of it is a direct result of my father’s dedication and faithfulness to God and my mother, who stood by our father’s side until the day he passed. ''The other day on television, as I watched my brother, Bernard Tyson, Sr., C.E.O. of Kaiser Permanente walk out of the White House from meeting with President Obama regarding the health care system. I thought about how proud our father would have been to see that. He would often tell me before he died, that he was proud of us. Before he passed away, I had the privilege to spend time with him. One of his last prayers over me was, ”Lord Bless My Son”. I know that God honored my father’s prayers. Two of the greatest things he taught me that I continue to live by is ”do not play with God” and ”do not play with God’s people”. I am also fortunate to have my God Parents in Redwood City, CA, Supt. & Mrs. E. J. O’neal. They are in their nineties and are yet pastoring after 60 years. I spend as much time as possible with them. .
When I visit California, I stay in their home as often as I can, because it is spiritually refreshing. When we are riding in the car they are speaking in tongues and praying; it keeps me close to the Cross. They have an organ in their home and Mom O’neal always tells me to get on the organ and we sing and play together. She is my reminder that the presence of God is truly everywhere. He can be present among a crowd of thousands or fill the room with two or three people, who are sincerely seek Him. ''I have been married over 30 years to my beautiful wife, April. We are proud parents of two lovely daughters and are grandparents of three. As a result I am trying to live a life that will inspire them and others to be guided by Biblical principles. It is my prayer that their lives in this world will be spiritually productive and blessed even more. I am now 52 years old and God has blessed to travel all over the world, work with some of the greatest people, enjoy great relationships, and sustain my health and existence. I have determined within myself; to keep doing what God guides me to do, so when the sun has set on my days and I go to sleep with the fathers, I will hear Him say‚’'Well done thy good and faithful servant,” as I remind myself daily that this Earth is not my home and making it to Heaven in my ultimate goal”
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BODYBUILD REHENTOD ROTAUTER
Top Right Corner: Twinkie Clark & Moses Upcoming Tour; Top left: Moses & Bishop Paul S. Morton, Sr.; Bottom Right: Former President Bill Clinton & Moses; Bottom Left Corner, the late Walter Hawkins, Al Bell, the late Bishop W.L. Porter, Moses & The late Dr. Mattie Moss Clark in 1994, Detroit.
EMBRACE RELATIONSHIPS
ARE YOU IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP? As anyone living in the age of depressing
divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can’t stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it. The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don’t talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You’re dating someone new. You’re waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy? To help you answer that question, you lucky thing, here’s a list of ways to know you’re in the right relationship: 1. Fear it. If you’re afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it’s hoped you’ll eventually commit. 2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.That includes exes, cheating, debt, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex. The truth will come out, and if you’re with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn’t right.
3. Think you’re superior. If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate — morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally — you’re never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected. The best relationships make you feel that you’ve convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you. 4. Resent the other person’s success. Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you’re spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship. 5. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship. Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more. 6. Stew. When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don’t push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won’t. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours. 7. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people. You know which conversations you shouldn’t be having at brunch with friends.
EMBRACE: YOUR HEALTH
WATER WORKS
Nearly everyone has heard that the body is approximately 70% water. Yet, very few
people then make the connection that the preferred beverage we should consume throughout each day is water. Sometimes it seems as though many people drink anything but water. Throughout each day, the body is constantly losing water through breathing, urinating and sweating. This means, of course, that you need to replace or replenish that water. Thirst is one way the body lets you know it’s time to refill your body’s water supply. Unfortunately, by the time you actually feel thirsty, this can indicate that your body has already entered into a state of dehydration. Why Is Water So Critical To The Body? • Your body is 70% water. • Water plays an essential role in digestion and elimination. • Water is an integral part of your circulation. • Water contributes to the maintenance of your body’s temperature. • Water helps maintain healthy joints by lubricating and cushioning. • Water is essential for healthy skin. • Water functions in the removal of toxins from your body. Today’s Tap Water Is Toxic Have you ever tasted the tap water inside of a hotel room (or your house, if you live in a most metropolitan area)? The water tastes so bad that it’s nearly undrinkable. Water out of your garden hose no longer has just the added taste of the rubber hose, tap water now has a definite metallic and chlorine taste. There is no question that water is one of the most overlooked “foods” or nutrients in our culture. Each day people drink volumes of soda pop, sport drinks, “energy” drinks, coffee, designer tea drinks, and alcoholic beverages – anything but water! Teenagers in America drink an average of 40 oz. of soda per day. “Sport” drinks, commonly thought to contain valuable electrolytes and other important nutrients, now contain high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) – “extreme sugar;” “vitamin waters” contain artificial sweeteners (which are among of the most toxic chemicals in our food supply); and the list goes on and on. Many people mistake their body’s cries for water as hunger - contributing to them eating added calories, often in the form of junk food. Our society spends billions of dollars on skin products to fight the effects of aging when what the skin needs is water from within the body. Constipation is common in our culture due in large part to people not drinking enough water (along with of course, not eating enough fruits and vegetables).
HOW TO INVEST FOR YOUR CHILD’S FUTURE Victoria Phillips
If you’re a new parent up to your eyes in diapers, chances are you may also be overrun with checks and cash from family and friends welcoming the baby to the world. Assuming you don’t need the cash for necessities like strollers and formula, it’s a good idea to put the money aside for your child in a safe place where it can mature—but which saving vehicles are best? BELOW ARE A FEW SUGGESTIONS: Fund a Roth IRA. Your child can stock away in a Roth as much money as she earns each year up to $5,000. This is after-tax money that grows tax-free. Yes, if housing is a dud the stock market might be as well. But she’s got a great shot at decent long-term growth by diversifying and including foreign stocks and bonds. Getting her started early has huge benefits. A person who saves $100 a month between the ages of 25 and 35 and then stops will accumulate $200,000 by age 65, based on an average annual return of 8%. That same $100 per month with the same return, saved from 35 until 65, will grow to only $150,000. Fund a 401(k) plan. Your child should start contributing to a company-sponsored 401(k) plan as soon as possible in order to get a head start, save on taxes and capture the full company match. In a first job, it’s not always easy to set aside the $5,000 or more that you need to take full advantage of these plans. If the Bank of Dad can fill the gap, it’s money that -- largely because of the company match -- will have a more certain return than real estate. Fund a Roth IRA. Your child can stock away in a Roth as much money as she earns each year up to $5,000. This is after-tax money that grows tax-free. Yes, if housing is a dud the stock market might be as well. But she’s got a great shot at decent long-term growth by diversifying and including foreign stocks and bonds. Getting her started early has huge benefits. A person who saves $100 a month between the ages of 25 and 35 and then stops will accumulate $200,000 by age 65, based on an average annual return of 8%. That same $100 per month with the same return, saved from 35 until 65, will grow to only $150,000. Fund a 401(k) plan. Your child should start contributing to a company-sponsored 401(k) plan as soon as possible in order to get a head start, save on taxes and capture the full company match. In a first job, it’s not always easy to set aside the $5,000 or more that you need to take full advantage of these plans. If the Bank of Dad can fill the gap, it’s money that -- largely because of the company match -- will have a more certain return than real estate.
PAGINATION As a parent, you want to teach your children about investing because you understand that nothing can touch the sweetness of long-term growth. In addition to putting away money for your own retirement, you’d like to have an account earmarked for your child. As she gets older, you’ll be able to tell her that she has this account, and at a certain point, having watched it grow from acorn to oak, she’ll happily take shelter in its shade. Because you’ve introduced her to the magical concept of compound returns, and because she’s already excited at the fact that her account total has shot up like Jack’s magic beanstalk, she will be unlikely to chop the thing down, pull out the money, and splurge it on her dream trip.
In addition, since she’s heard how college can expand the mind every bit as much as travel, and since many of her friends are heading off to higher education, she’ll come to see that this is her ticket. ‚Twould be foolish (not Foolish) to throw away her ticket to a better life. If, on the other hand, she decides she’s going to go to New York, to live in a hovel, to gargle with Drano, and to become the next raspy blues singing sensation, well, maybe you’ll have to let her do that. But at least if you’ve planned ahead you’ll have the option -- and you’ll be able to let her have the option -- when the time comes. A few questions to ask yourself: Who do you want to control the account -- you or your child? What kind of account can you set up? Is a custodial account your best bet, or a guardian account -and what the heck is the difference, anyhow? How do the various types of IRA accounts fit into the picture? Are there substantial tax benefits? What about restrictions? Once you’ve decided on the type of account, what can you put into it? Money market accounts? CDs? Stocks? How exactly do you go about setting up an account? How can you teach your child about this great investment oak even as it grows? Regardless of whether you’re a new parent, expecting a baby, or have kids in college, Hensley says your first priority should be your own cash flow and having enough money to pay bills.
“First priority is having money on hand for your day-to-day needs, your second priority should be your own retirement, and the third priority is saving for your children and their college educations,” says Hensley. “A child always has several opportunities for ways they can pay for college, but parents can be very limited in the options they have for paying for retirement.”
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embrace humanity
nelson mandela July 18, 1918 -
December 5, 2013
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