Music is my safety net by Emily Maughan

Music is my safety net Emily Maughan February 2011

Contents 1 2 3 4-6 7-9 10 11 12-13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20-22 23 24-25

‘Music Is’ Poem Once Upon a Time Anne Bogart & Mary Overlie ‘Something Other’ workshop Forced Entertainment and I Eye quoting The Wooster Group Project ear piece Lost but found Pina Bausch Angels gather here Water, water everywhere score Bob Wilson and friends John Cage’s thoughts Head phones or no headphones? (That is the question) Happily ever after and an Ode to Zhang Huan Bibliography

music is my anchorage warms me like a lover music wakes my very soul soothes me like no other music is my cross to bear stops my writer’s block music is my punctum loves to fill me up Emily Maughan

Punctum: a beautiful moment, something that „pierces the viewer. Anchorage: The linguistic elements can serve as an „anchor‟ (or constrain) the preferred reading of an image. (Barthes: 1977)

Once upon a time This is my journey. The words on these pages are my thoughts. I have recorded two months of my life in a journal so I remember everything. Here are my most valued pages.

I eat music like cake; I drink text like wine I canâ&#x20AC;&#x;t get enough, this means I am always hungry. I am always thirsty.

I would like you to breathe in the words. I hope that the contents help you as they have helped me.

In these two months I have grown. In these two months I have many answers. In these two months I have even more questions. In these two months I have learnt to like fear. In these two months I know more about me. In these two months I can write how I feel. In these two months I am not so self- conscious. In these two months I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind my voice. In these two months I like where I am.

Working with other people in a close group can be an arduous task. You must compromise, let others have their say and show their ideas, though you may not agree. I found punctuality and commitment amongst the group difficult. Sometimes you may find the pressure solely on you. That you’re working alone even though you are part of group, this can be frustrating and a struggle. “In theatre we often presume that collaboration means agreement. I believe that too much agreement creates productions with no vitality, no dialectic, and no truth. Unreflected agreement deadens the energy of a rehearsal. I do not believe that collaboration means mechanically doing what the director dictates. Without resistance there is no fire.” Anne Bogart, 1995 This quote inspired me as I have found my theatre company ‘Something Other’ does not have a Director as such we all have our own voice. It works well on some levels. I have noted that some members of the group do not speak up; either they feel they do not get the chance and that they are over looked, or they feel comfortable as they don’t have to think and they simply do what is instructed. I realise some performers prefer to be instructed.

A keyword we must always put into practise is PLAY, This is where you can let go and discover a plethora of ideas and from chaos come a plan. Play also keeps the energy levels up and the group remains focused and alert. Many of us focus too much on the ‘thinking of doing’ rather than ‘doing’.

View Points Learning to be out of my comfort zone began on day one of my theatre degree. During a workshop I learnt of Anne Bogart, American theatre director. She encourages „new‟ work and for performers to think in a different way. She encourages you to embrace fear and doubt to use these feelings, to turn them on their heads. (Bogart, 1995) Her words soothed me; I have fear inside me, a fear of not knowing, perhaps a need for reassurance that what I am doing is right. Where do I fit in? There is trial and there is error. I talk to my demons, I tell them

Mary Overlie’s six view points, MOVEMENT SPACE, SHAPE, TIME, EMOTION, STORY. With these in mind create a two minute performance.

“Through my mistakes and my fear I am learning. I am a sponge absorbing everything and anything around me” Often they answer back with a line such as “You feel out of your depth and you are drowning”.

I am ill at ease. I am scared. I am disjointed. I walk on.

“I want to create theatre that is full of terror, beauty, love and belief in the innate human potential for change. In dreams begin responsibility. How can I begin to work with this spirit? How can I work, not to conquer, but to embrace terror, disorientation and difficulty?”

Anne Bogart.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it” Yogi Berra

As a group we experienced a workshop in which music was a large focus. Our objection was to create eight shapes in the space. One performer sat on a chair as the ‟Observer‟. Each member creates a shape followed by a movement. Then move on around the space to form their next position. Initially, this was done in silence. The performers constructed their positions. Each member appeared anxious, awkward and self- conscious. This detracted from the natural flow of the shapes. Afterwards we discussed this and comments were made that it was difficult to think of one shape, let alone eight. Next music of different varieties was played. We were not asked to acknowledge the music. My time as „observer‟ was most interesting to witness how almost immediately an individual unconsciously moved in time with the music. Their movements during the first slow, sad piece with little or no beat would see the individual curve their bodies with slow swaying of arms, gentle writhing on the floor. A few curled into a ball or cowered in a corner, in isolation. To me, the faces of the performers looked slightly lost and empty. It made me question if this was just my own interpretation of what was evolving in front of me. Was I more aware of the music than the performers? Did I will their movements to coincide with the song, the beat or the lyrics? Were these individuals knowingly or unknowingly moved by the music? Tempo and mood change in the form of upbeat and happy music. The individuals were asked to continue around the room, with the same eight shapes. Dramatic differences were seen here. How could the exact same shapes look so immensely different simply by changing the music and the tempo? The eyes of the individuals appeared more focused. They now were centred and relaxed. There was now notable eye contact with each other whereas during the slow music there had been little or no eye contact at all.

Note to self: It strikes me that each individual felt emotions when the music was played, it may have brought back a moment, a feeling of nostalgia. I believed this could be an aid in physical performance.

5 As the observer you had a polysemic view meaning you can interpret so many different scenarios and stories. We were individually making shapes but forming accidental groups. We made shapes alone yet appearing to move as one. I was excited to see how quickly a performance could come together simply making shapes. Exhilarated, I felt closer to my group than I did before and believe music played a great part in bringing us together.

Try this yourself. Use a space. Move around the space. Make eight shapes. Firstly in silence and then add music. Try different types of music. How did this exercise make you feel?

6 We discussed afterwards how we felt with music being played. Echoes around the room were these words. Comfortable

Energetic

Warm Happy Self-assured

Focused

Nostalgic

LOST

Sad Entranced

Part of a group

Isolated

Uninhibited

Together

Comforted

Alone

Mesmerised

Dream-like

This picture is a different workshop it was an exercise in giving and taking focus. A performer at first appeared „centrifugal‟ this is Roland Barthes terminology meaning directing or moving outwards from the centre, for example put a ball in the centre of a bucket when you rotate the bucket rapidly the ball does not fall out. This performer has the focus. Next he would transfer the focus from himself to another performer, thus becoming „centripetal‟ meaning directing or moving towards the centre, the performer is closed in. Here again stories could be made and characters formed. This exercise had no music, I would be interested to see how things would have changed had it been added.

7 Forced Entertainment are a multifaceted and diverse theatre company. Their performances are non-Aristotelian which means there is no defined beginning, middle or end. The audience witness performances that shock and confuse them. „Influenced by the enigmas of Robert Wilson‟s lyrical images, Pina Bausch‟s dancers and inspired by The Wooster Group‟ (Certain Fragments: 2009.p10)

‘Forced Entertainment creates a space for the staging of cowardice rather than courage, for exploring both loneliness and exuberance in the middle of the circus we can’t seem to quit and can’t seem to love’ Peggy Phelen: 1999

Image: Certain Fragments, 2009 I was excited to see the artists who inspired this company were doing the very same for me. This made me feel strong. The company record every group session and every rehearsal. They can play back and regard special moments that, had they not recorded, may have gone unnoticed. From this they can muddle sequences together in a „bricolage‟ fashion meaning taking all they have and reworking it in a way it was not originally intended.(Barthes: 1977) This is method I will use, it is so necessary to capture what a company does when „playing‟. If a member of the group is making an incredible gesture or movement or uses priceless dialogue you know you can rest assured that when the video is played back these magic moments are captured, even though they are fragmented they can be pieced together to create parts, if not the structure for the next performance. The idea of having an order to a performance, then totally changing and reworking it, is exciting. I believe it keeps everything fresh and new. I have been reading „Certain Fragments‟ by Tim Etchells (1999) from this book I have an insight into the way they work. It‟s a look at what makes them tick and details on different performances. The notion of taking bits and pieces from rehearsals, jumbling them up, changing the pitch of the voice, the accent without worrying too much about the script where it is more in „the doing.‟ The text this company use is incredible.

8 Forced Entertainment would write down, for instance a series of spells. 1. To bewitch a service station at night. 2. To exorcise a bad spirit from a housing estate. 3. To escape prison or some terrible place. 4. To bring some ecstasy kid from a coma. 5. To combat insincerity in a soap opera. 6. To summon the power of angels. (Certain Fragments: 1999 p, 105) I decided to create some of my own: 1. To bathe in blood and laugh. 2. To find the bottom of a rainbow. 3. To lose your memory in a supermarket. 4. To believe you have wings and fly. 5. To rescue your dead friend from hell. 6. To flee from your dreams in a car at midnight. 7. To fight like a ninja at the train station. 8. To bring joy to a place with none. 9. To laugh at a funeral non-stop. 10.

To die beautifully whilst on the phone.

Try some of your own ideas and perform as an individual or in a group.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;In performance we use the struggle to feel right in the text, the distance between the performer and the script is always visibleâ&#x20AC;? Tim Etchells

9 Forced Entertainment made me realise:

1. You can make something from nothing. 2. You can muddle your words. 3. You can change continuously. 4. You can shoot for the moon. 5. You can act out your dreams. 6. You can use your fears. 7. You can cry out loud. 8. You can play with your nightmares. 9. You can be unnoticed. 10.

You can perform magic.

11.

You can cope with anything.

12.

You don‟t have to conform.

13.

You don‟t have to obey.

14.

You don‟t have to be normal.

What is normal anyway?

“I am trying to check my habits of seeing, to counter them for the sake of the greater freshness. I am trying to be unfamiliar with what I‟m doing” John Cage 1961

Take a close up photograph of your eye. Write a quote based on the photograph. My quote is below.

This was a piece for platform project, a close up photograph of my eye. It may be shown in a gallery and a book along with hundreds of other eyes. It is a reminder. From this I wrote the quote below

“”We are always learning, forever hopeful. Look at the world with fresh eyes and never lose the child-like sparkle” Emily Maughan

11 The Wooster Group is an experimental theatre company, like Forced Entertainment only across the water in America. They inspired Forced Entertainment‟s work. (Certain fragments: 2009. p10) They are vivacious and unforgettable. This is unstoppable theatre. They weave news items and past events and use intertextuality, which means something you have seen before for instance they took „The Crucible (1952) and then mixed other material together with their own unique style. They were „drawn to what they identified as the highly moralistic tone in The Crucible that dealt with concepts of responsibility and hysteria‟ (Wooster group work book: 2007, p11) Arthur Miller who wrote The Crucible took legal action against the company, forbidding them using his words in performance. They were extremely controversial and have had their funding cut on many occasions. Ennui is not a word associated with this company. The performers are continuously on their toes. Director Elizabeth Le Compe is experimental to the extreme. She hates to be bored, for a performance to lose momentum. As soon as she feels the tempo is not fast enough she will make the actor speak the text at high speed. Their adaptation of „The Crucible‟ is a perfect example of this the actors at many points speak so fast you can barely make out the words, but the paralinguistics and kinesics mean the audience know where they are and how to feel. I will try to use the variation in voice tone and pitch in my work, it is very effective. The Wooster Group work book: 2007 is brimming with ideas, notations, scripts and wonderful photos. There are many interviews with Le Compe, her words are definite she knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. They use recorded and live music; In the performance „To you, the Birdie‟ we see a badminton game, Le Compe would give instructions to the performers though an ear piece, to direct them, they were much like her puppets. How would it feel to direct using an ear piece for communication?

“In many ways it‟s thanks to Richard Schechner that I‟m here-Spalding, as well. They showed me that I could do with other people what I had previously tried to do on my own. They took me here.” (Le Compe: 2007 p.10)

I like this quote. As for me: I feel that with the ideas of the artists in this portfolio and with the help of those around me I can put my ideas out there rather than just being alone. The Wooster Group taught me I can perform, I am creative. Anything is possible.

12 Note to self: 

Experiment with an ear piece.

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Be instructed by another performer.

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Give instructions to a performer.

Project Ear piece. Two people both with an ear piece. Person ‘One’- The instructor Person ‘Two’- The instructed. Find an open space, a busy place. One: sits on a bench reading paper. Two: walks away One: (gives the instructions) stretch to the sky and pretend to shoot it, fall to the ground as if the sky shot you. Two: (Follows the orders and is now on the floor)

One: You have bullet proof vest on, rub yourself and stand up embarrassed. Take five large paces forward, five large paces back; constantly look over your shoulder. Whisper to yourself „I keep going backwards and it‟s not fair‟; Two: Follows orders and whispers “I keep going backwards and it‟s not fair”

One: Stop dead for five minutes. After stillness break into song, for example, „Dancing Queen‟ by ABBA. Two: Stand still for five minutes. Breaks into „Dancing Queen‟

One: Run like an Olympic runner, still singing, to where I am sitting, jump up on the bench point at the sky and shout “You don‟t scare me sky! You don‟t scare me. You can stare at me all you like, but you don‟t scare me!‟ Then sit down. -FINTry this exercise; take notes on the reactions of public.       

Do they hurry by? Do they stand and stare? Do they offer assistance? Do they smile? Do they look angry? Are they confused? Will they remember?

Forwards backwards, around, slowly, with interruptions, backwards in half circles, sideways, to and fro, get lost walking. Listen to the rhythms, sounds, momentum of the stepping, allow patterns to develop. Body,Space, Image.p.55

It would be strange to follow these directions, as person „One‟ would not be noticed. „Two‟ would be centripetal in this piece, closed in with nobody else involved.

I did a performance that nobody noticed. Sit down. Lay out three tarot cards. Try to do a reading. Fail. Shake head. Pick up cards. Repeat. Do this thirty times. Place cards back in pack. Leave the space. Did anyone notice? Did they stop to watch? Did they hurry by?

14 Lost but found.

I took these photos on my travels. I like to get lost sometimes. To be on my own so I can reflect on the day. I like time to contemplate and write.

Lost

Alone

But beautiful

I am lost.

You are alone.

It is beautiful.

I am alone.

You are lost.

To be alone.

I am beautiful.

You are beautiful.

To be lost.

„“Being” is existence itself. “Doing” is the activity of all that exists from quarks sentient beings to supergalactic strings. “Showing doing” is performing: pointing to, underlining, and displaying doing. “Explaining „showing doing‟” is performance studies.‟ Richard Schechner 2006 p 28

15 Pina Bausch has been a great help to me in overcoming my fear of dance I want to use movement in my performances. I have just read a book by Royd Climenhaga: 2009 about Pina Bausch which has made me realise you don‟t have to be the perfect ballet dancer with the perfect frame and moves to call yourself a dancer. What I loved about this book was the sense of who Pina Bausch was. She wanted the dancers to step away from just being a body which is told how to move and be a puppet in a production. Bausch wanted them to „feel‟ the music and the movements. „The dancers were asked to push beyond their accustomed role as impersonal movers to bring more of their individual lives to bear on material and the means of expression. The dancers were increasingly asked to put themselves in very demanding emotional situation, Bausch was beginning to uncover the very heart of dance, the motivating impulse from which movement begins, and that impulse is always a person in a specific situation.‟ (Climenhaga: 2009, p 13)

“I only know that the time in which we live, the time with all the anxieties is very much with me. This is the source of my pieces.” Bausch 1986 Image: Rose English, 1975, photo:Hans Pattise/Body,Space,Image

16 We were set a task which reminded me of Bausch. Individually we had to take our most precious piece of theatre and rectify it. Keep in mind your most „precious theatre moment‟ does not have to be anything from a play, or a performance you have been in. It can be anything. A time in your life that was hard, a report on the news that upset you greatly but will always be with you, for example a tsunami. I do not mean this terrible event was precious in a positive way, but it is one that would be remembered. So you take the moment of your choice and you rectify it, for the better, with emotion or in any way you see fit. We were given certain words to use to interpret in our own style. Words such as  Ankle  Hand  Powerful  Complex  Finger  Leg  Relaxed  Close up The above is just a handful of the words we were given to work with. We then would make a piece to perform to the group. I was quite daunted by this. I couldn‟t understand how to do it, or the concept. My reasoning for thinking immediately „ I can‟t do this‟ is probably through lack of faith but more obviously to me the fact I did not believe I could be graceful and use movement. I thought about Bausch and how she had told her dancers to pick a moment in their lives that moved them. A quote of Bausch‟s I felt infinity with was this “I am not so interested in how they move as in what moves them.” (Bausch: 1984 p.2) I was comforted by these words. My focus has always been text and lyrics. I concentrate on my feelings and emotions when I write. The way the words fit is important but I believe it is what‟s in your heart and how you express this that counts. So I decided to transfer my techniques for writing songs into movement. Something clicked. I found an empty space to think. I pictured my „precious moment‟. I nearly lost my life in a flood. With the water I lost my home and all my belongings, including photos and very personal artefacts and my entire alphabetically ordered music collection. It‟s only after the event like this you realise none of those things mattered, they were just objects and memories. We have what we need stored in our head. It makes you see what is important in life, your family, your friends and all the things you take for granted. Mostly I realised how lucky I was to be alive. I bought a new guitar a week later and played the best gig of my life. So I took this moment as my punctum (Barthes terminology) meaning a beautiful moment, something that pierces you deeply. I embraced it and I choreographed my own performance based on the flood experience. Try it, see how you feel.

Score: Water, water everywhere 

Lie on your front on the floor one arm in front.

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Head on the side.

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Eyes looking down at floor.

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Tap index finger, slowly, repeat fifteen times.

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Lift body with arm, fall to the floor, repeat three times.

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Move in to a ball, small and tight

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Face in lap.

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Slowly hands on face push head up, feel heads weight.

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Gradually stand.

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Stretch arms up to the sky, on tip toe.

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Clench fists

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Bring arms down, but with every muscle so tense you shake

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Short sharp breathes

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Bring arms in, still tensing.

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Flop body down.

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Slowly, vertebra by vertebra bring body to standing.

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Straighten.

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Shoulders back, chest out.

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Arms loose.

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Flex fingers.

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Raise arms on either side.

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Show palms.

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Mould body to imitate playing guitar. Each finger carefully placed to Mimic a chord. -The movements I used it this piece are economic. This is to say each movement is carefully structured. They are definite, precise and frugal movements.

I want to experiment more with music in my movement as we had done in the work shop using 8 shapes. The piece above I had choreographed was in silence.

Robert Wilson‟s work such as „Shakespeare Sonnets‟ and „The Black Rider‟ are mesmerising productions. He uses the space and he uses silence the music fits perfectly with the dialogue. Robert Wilson and Tom Waits worked together in „Black Rider‟, Waits composed the music.

“His cut up text and open process of finding a language for this story became a river of words for me to draw from in the lyrics for the songs. He brought wisdom and a voice to the piece that is woven throughout." Waits 1993 Photo by Clarchen Baus-Mattar: Berlin,1990

Tom Waits has been influential with my song writing. I was unaware of „Black Rider.‟ I was excited to learn the music was produced by Waits and to see the impact Wilson had on him. Below is a beautiful quote by Waits that I feel captures the feeling after observing any of Robert Wilson‟s productions.

“I was unable to fully return to waking for weeks. Wilson‟s stage images had allowed me to look through windows into dusting beauty that changed my eyes and my ears permanently.” Waits 1984 Philip Glass is a composer of symphonies and operas he worked with Robert Wilson, he wrote the music for „Einstein on the Beach.‟ This production began with a few random drawings from Wilson. There is no dialogue throughout the performance. It would be hard one would think, to tell a story without words, and yet they accomplished this effortlessly.

“Einstein on the beach” has no narrative or conventional plot. Numerical and musical systems are heavily used throughout, but despite this, is still a recognisable opera in the classical sense; the basic elements of music, décor and movement are present throughout the work” Kostelanetz 1997, p152

19 Music moves me like no other.

AT RANDOM. Music means nothing as a thing. A finished work is exactly resurrection.

that,

requires

The responsibility of the artist consists in perfecting his work so that it may become attractively disinteresting. It is better to make a piece of music than perform one, better to perform one than listen to one, better to listen to one than misuse it as a means of distraction, entertainment, or acquisition of “culture.” Use by any means to keep from being a genius, all means to become one. Imitating either oneself or others, care should be taken to imitate structure, not form, disciplines, not dreams; thus one remains “innocent and free to receive anew with each Now-movement a heavenly gift(Eckhart) If the mind is disciplined, the heart turns quickly from fear to love. John Cage (silence: 1939, p 64)

This was a brilliant insightful book to read. There are lectures and letters by John Cage and some beautiful poetry and thoughts, it has given me many ideas for my own performance. I thought the writing above was very memorable, I thought you would too.

20 My thoughts: Headphones or no headphones? That is the question.

I am on a bus without my headphones I feel slight panic so I… Pick my nails, Play with my phone (even pretend to text on occasion) Stare inanely out the window hoping a huge hand will come out of the blue, smash through the window, scoop me up and get me off this noisy, uncomfortable bus. There is a group of girls they are squealing its high pitched and loud my face actually winces. A baby cries, there are no seats, people are in my face, jostling me, and strange smells fill the air. I am in a bad mood now. I am awkward. I am nervous. I am claustrophobic…….

If I had my headphones the above would not happen.

Ahh, I plug myself in, I have a comfortable seat. I can look at people, I can hold their gaze – until I have to look away as the person I dreamily gaze at shuffles a little awkwardly from my stare- but me? I am not awkward at all; I have the sound track to my way home. The commuters turn into performers in my video, they don’t seem real. The bus is full but I am calm, I gaze out the window at the trees, the birds the sky, I feel untouchable. A little old lady crosses the road with her little trolley, she is in my video, and she can be the star. I make up stories about the commuters on the bus, in my head I sing lyrics to them. Sometimes I wish they could read my eyes or I could read theirs, that could be beautiful or it could be ugly.

You see, music changes everything.

21 These are some genres of music, and how in turn they make me feel. Thrash metal = angry, invincible, powerful, aggressive.

Hip-hop = Laid back, cool, breezy, could still be anger, have angst.

Acoustic/folk = contemplative, nostalgic, dreamy, romantic. (could be melancholy also)

Pop = lively, happy, smiley, in love, good mood.

Classical = relaxed, dreamy, charged, focused.

Music can help you though breakups, darkest hours and angry unforgettable times. Music can bring on nostalgia , it can take you right back to a time you love, a time you remember, perhaps your happiest moments can be relived simply by putting on a certain song.

So next time you are on a bus, a train, a plane or simply walking along remember that music can change your mood, music can set you up for the day. In the morning play a song that makes you smile, a song that makes you happy.

For the morning I recommend ‘Go your own way’ by Fleetwood Mac. In the evening I recommend ‘Sand-dunes and salty air’ by Groove Armada.

Try it!

On my way home I wrote a music score I stepped of the bus, „Blackout‟ by Muse started to play in my headphones. It is a beautifully orchestrated song. With violins, gentle drums and the achingly enchanting vocals of Matthew Bellamy. Something happens, the people around me become my puppets, once again they are performers, once again they do not know. I like to make up stories. Next time you are out with your headphones on, make up stories and write them down. You can get so many ideas for performances. Title: The end of the world (nobody knows it but me) Music: Blackout by Muse Large, open space 12am Saturday night Rubbish littering the street Trees and benches dotted around Two lovers beneath a tree, kissing, they see nobody else just each other. Three people running extremely fast. A man nearly hit by a taxi, he is gesticulating and mouthing obscenities. A group of drunken girls giggle and smoke. A girl and boy are dancing in the street. A fight breaks out on the other-side of the road. Bottles smash. Young girl by a bin, vomiting. Me: What is this place? Where am now? In the night-time this place is alien to me. How different things are. It wasn‟t this way when I was a kid. These people are ugly and the beauty has gone. All I hear is shouting and screaming it‟s not a place I want to be. What happened to love a respect? It has gone. But I know something they don‟t know. Today the world ends.

23 Happily ever after I have been conquering fear and self-doubt; I now use them to my advantage. They will no longer use me. So with the words from these pages firmly in my head I want to create performance pieces, combining everything I have learnt and observed. I will use head phones, and music to coincide perfectly with any dialogue. There will be writing on my skin (see below) and movement from my heart and soul. I hope in turn this moves others. I hope it moves you.

Ode to Zhang Huan This is my liver Black marker and skin These are my words that came from within As day turns to night So the ink fades away Hold on to the meaning My ethereal ray.

In Chinese philosophy you have two souls. The Corporeal found in the lungs. The ethereal soul found in the liver.

In two months I have come far, In two months I still don’t know who I am, In a whole life time I still will not know…… but I enjoy searching. I WILL NOT STOP.

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