a zine + manifesto by natalie escobar + emma sarappo
down with diet culture a zine + manifesto august 2017
created by natalie escobar written + edited by natalie escobar + emma sarappo illustrated + designed by emma sarappo with thanks to our moms
a preface:
what the hell is diet culture? Welcome to Down with Diet Culture. Thanks so much for reading. We believe this topic is as crucial and pressing as any. We watch our friends and families struggle and labor under the unattainable aspirations of diet culture, and we’re sick of it. So what’s diet culture? What will the next few pages be about? Diet culture is an insidious selfmonitoring set of thoughts, actions and behaviors around eating that have made themselves seem normal. A great example of diet culture is when, after you have a delicious meal with someone you love, and you both regret it and say “Wow, why did I eat so much?” It’s jokingly calling yourself a “pig” for having a snack over 200 calories. It’s moralizing food and exercise on a linear scale from Bad to Good. It’s constantly obsessing and worrying about what you eat, when and why. Diet culture is believing that the food you eat defines the person you are. Diet culture is cutting out “bad” foods entirely based on science that’s shaky at best. Above all, it’s the idea that we should be on diets, constantly thinking about calories in and out, for our entire lives.
Here’s the truth: Dieting is not a sustainable way to live. We mean it. Being on diets on and off for the entire rest of your life in pursuit of thinness is not a way to live. Eat well, yes, and adjust your diet as medically necessary – but stop right now and ask yourself, Do I really want to count calories for the rest of my life? What would happen if you didn’t? You might gain weight, yes. Now ask yourself, Why is that so terrifying? These are questions we want to ask (and answer, at least for ourselves) in this zine. We don’t encourage disregarding doctor-suggested diets or having gummy worms for every meal, but we do want to suggest that “wellness” is holistic, “health” is subjective and “thinness” is not the same as happiness. Food is fuel, yes, but it’s also an important factor in the weird, wild journey of life – a social and sensory experience we too often deny ourselves. Life is too short to chase ideals of perfect bodies or perfect nutrition. Memento mori, even if you’re gluten- and dairy-free. Go ahead and eat what you want when you’re hungry.
3
Bodies come in all...
shapes, colors,
We’re also interested in validating bodies that don’t usually get those messages. Black bodies are good bodies. Brown bodies are good bodies. Fat bodies are good bodies. Hairy bodies are good bodies. Differently abled bodies are good bodies. Ill bodies are good bodies. Trans bodies are good bodies. So are all the other kinds, too! But white/thin/cis/ hairless/normative bodies get told, over and over, that they are desirable by the same forces that put down these ones. We’re interested in messing with the status quo.
Every body is a good body. As you’ll quickly learn, that’s the message of this zine. Every body deserves to be respected, cared for and celebrated – by the people around us and by ourselves. Punishing our bodies for how they look or act, or for not conforming to Eurocentric patriarchal beauty standards, is a waste of the precious time we have to pilot these things. We don’t believe in blaming people for their own body dissatisfaction; we know there are multibillion dollar industries that have a vested interest in keeping us insecure. What we believe in is learning how to resist that and say fuck diet culture!
SIZES,
etc. 5
just be.
your body does not have to do anything except exist.
We refuse to endorse the idea that you can be “sexy at any size.” We are not on board with praising those who proclaim they find fat girls fuckable. We say fuck you to the idea that you, too, can be desirable and pleasing to another person despite whatever “flaw” or deviation from the norm your body has or represents. HEAR US OUT. Here’s the problem: telling each other and ourselves that “_____ is sexy” still tells us we need to be SEXY. We can be fat, we’re saying, but it’s okay – the important thing is to be sexy, to be appealing, to be desirable. Fuck that! In fact, fuck sexy. Fuck pretty. All your body has to do to be worth something is exist. Simply expanding the features we can call attractive is not liberation from diet culture. Abolishing those standards is. We’re not anti-sex or sexual confidence. We love those things! Everyone deserves to feel desirable and lovable and to have good sex, if those are things you want. But your body is already a good one. Why? It carries and supports and sustains the great, cosmic, unknowable, incredible consciousness that we call You. Who fucking cares if it’s sexy? Being “sexy” is often framed as an issue of self-confidence and selfempowerment. We’re here to push back on that, too. Loving your body doesn’t
always look like putting on lingerie and makeup. In fact, you’re allowed to hate both of those things. You can keep your shirt on in the bedroom. You can have sex with the lights off if you want. You can love your body and still think it is entirely unsexy. You can be a fully selfactualized person without thinking you are sexy or wanting to be. This page is your permission for your body to BE anything it is or anything you want. This is your permission to have a complicated relationship with your body. It can be strong. It can be sweaty. It can be good at running or maybe not. You can dress yourself in tank tops that show off your cleavage or wear turtlenecks every day of your life, regardless of what is in style at the moment. You can love how you look … or not! And if your body takes up more space than you’re told it should, you don’t have to make it Sexy for it to become a good body. You can if you want to – but you don’t have to.
on that note, let’s talk about
uncomfortable ov v ee ss ee ll ff -- ll o Some days you need a bubble bath. Other days you need to treat yourself to a nicesmelling lotion. We’ve definitely been there, and we encourage that. But that’s not always what self-care looks like. The concepts of self-love and self-care are easy to oversimplify. We wish they were only about buying yourself treats and taking the day off, too. Unfortunately, real self-care can be uncomfortable and downright unglamorous sometimes. It can look like: • Remembering to take your medication. • Picking up a refill of said medication. • Going to therapy when you don’t feel like going, because even when it’s not fun, it’s good for you. • Going to work when you don’t feel like going, because you need money to survive. • Taking a shower, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair… • Cleaning your room when you don’t feel like it. • Getting out of bed when you don’t feel like it (and washing your sheets!) • Eating vegetables even if you don’t like them that much, because you cannot survive solely on microwavable pasta. • Eating junk food even when it scares you, because you cannot live the rest of your life on kale and protein bars alone. • Allowing yourself to be flexible in your eating or plans. • Sticking to your routine for eating or plans. • Making time to maintain your relationships when you want to isolate yourself. • Being honest with your loved ones when you’re not doing well. • Asking for help with any of the above tasks. • Asking for help. Self-love is taking care of yourself the way you would take care of your best friend. Self-love is learning when it’s okay to give yourself a break, call out of work, or skip class, but self-love is also making yourself leave the house when you don’t feel like it. It’s understanding when to go to work or class because missing a day will make things worse in the long run. It’s not easy, and it’s not one-size-fits-all. Self-love is trusting your body and giving it what it needs – even when that’s not particularly fun. Buy a bath bomb, yes, but call your doctor, too.
7
fighting FAT TALK Northwestern University’s Dr. Renee Engeln, a professor of psychology, discusses her research on how beauty norms affect women – and how to resist them.
Can you give our readers a quick overview of what you study? In the Body and Media Lab [at Northwestern], we study the many ways that our culture makes it hard for girls and women to feel comfortable in their own bodies. We focus on social factors that influence body dissatisfaction, body shame, and feelings of objectification. We occasionally study men’s body concerns, but our primary focus is on women. What impact can prevailing messages about bodies have on people, especially young people? In the last few decades, there’s certainly been an awareness that idealized and impossible images of bodies can correspond with eating disorders, but what else do they do? Body shame and body dissatisfaction are both important predictors of eating disorders, but the impact that body worries have on young people goes far beyond that. Struggling with body image is associated with increased anxiety and depression and lower feelings of self-efficacy. It can decrease sexual confidence and sexual satisfaction. On a different level, when you’re worried about how your body looks it becomes harder to focus on the things in your life that matter more to you than your appearance. Do you think society’s obsession with beauty and bodies is changing? It feels like we’ve been having the same conversations for decades – for example, backlash against the unrealistic proportions of Barbies has been around since the ‘90s, and the “You Are Beautiful” campaign has been making stickers since 2002. What I always say is that we’ll keep having this conversation until we no longer need to have it – until we live in a world that doesn’t treat women’s bodies as their primary form of currency. There are a lot of people out there fighting to
make the world a healthier place in terms of body image. Unfortunately, we’re pushing back against institutions that directly profit from women feeling that they’re not good enough, and from linking that feeling directly to the shape of their bodies. It’s an uphill battle, but we need to keep fighting it. In your work, you often use the term “fat talk.” How do you define it? How do you see it play out in people’s conversations, and what’s the psychological effect? Fat talk can be more broadly conceptualized as negative body talk. It refers to disparaging conversations where women focus on the things they don’t like about their bodies. It usually starts with a comment like, “My legs are so fat!” Then a friend might respond, “No! Your legs looks great! My arms are horrible.” Fat talk conversations almost never end in a positive, healthy way. Instead, they tend to make everyone involved feel worse – even people who simply overhear others’ fat talk. Fat talk is associated with body shame, body dissatisfaction, and eating disordered behaviors. When we disparage our own bodies, we feed into a culture that is already obsessed with the size and shape of women’s bodies. The more we talk about our own body shape, the more we give permission to others to do the same thing. In your work, you talk about how women always selfmonitor how they look. Can you tell me more about how this works, especially for college students, and how this impacts your cognitive functioning? Body monitoring is a logical outcome of living in a world that seems so focused on women’s appearance. The more you feel that others are evaluating your appearance, the more you begin to monitor your own appearance. Researchers refer to this as self-objectification. Selfobjectification is linked with depression and eating disorders. On a more micro level, any time your attentional resources are busy monitoring your appearance, they’re not available to focus on other things. Body monitoring can be incredibly distracting. Some studies have shown that when you shift women’s attention to the shape of their body, they perform worse on various tests of cognitive skills – even a math test. When we talk about beauty sickness and how it negatively impacts women, we rarely talk about concrete things women can do to try to gain some
control over how they respond to beauty-sick culture. For the college women reading this, what can they do to start counteracting these effects? There are so many small steps we can begin taking every day. First, cut out the negative body talk. Even better, cut out all the talk that focuses on how people look! Instead, work on shaping your conversations so that they more accurately reflect your values and what’s important to you. When you compliment women, compliment them on things that have nothing to do with how they look. Instead of thinking of your body as an object and evaluating it in terms of its sex appeal, remind yourself that your body is primarily for doing things, not for being looked at. Focus on all the amazing functions of your body and everything it does to get you through every day. Think carefully about how you want to engage with social media. Unfollow people whose posts leave you body obsessed or feeling worse about yourself. Consider what you post as well. I promise you that no amount of “likes” on a sexy photo can serve as an antidote to low self-esteem. Instead of photos designed to inspire envy or prompt others to compliment your appearance, post things that show what’s really important to you, what your passions are, and what your personality is like. Rethink your approach to exercise. Instead of working out to punish your body or to try to turn it into something else, think about exercise as a way to care for your body. Use working out as a stress-buster or a way to connect with other people. And stay away from gyms and classes that focus on calories burned or getting a “bikini body.” You’re going to have this body for a long time. Care for it the way you would care for a dear friend. Is there anything else that you think is important for our readers should know that we’ve missed? The effects of beauty sickness are seen at an individual level, but they come from a toxic culture. Never doubt your power to play a role in re-shaping this culture. Fight back against advertisers and companies that link women’s worth to their body size. Spend your money at companies that respect women and women’s bodies. And don’t let anyone tell you that these concerns are silly or superficial. It’s true that there are a lot of battles to fight, but we’ll all have more energy to fight those battles when we feel more free to step away from the mirror.
9
oh shit what do i do does she need help how can i help what doi think i do is normal mythis friend might is this have a problem... unhealthy is this unhealthy When you think your friend has an unhealthy relationship with food, it can be hard to figure out when to step in and say something, or if there’s a problem at all. Below are common symptoms of disordered eating. This isn’t an exhaustive list, and no one person will show all of these symptoms, but here are some things to watch out for:
BEHAVIORAL SIGNS
• Inflexibility in planning or thinking • Fear of eating in public and avoidance of food-related activities such as meals • Denies feeling hungry at mealtimes • Inflexible rituals around food and eating • Refuses to eat certain foods or entire categories of foods • Categorizing foods into “good foods” and “bad foods” • Preoccupation with food, calories and consumption • Expresses need to lose weight and “burn off” meals • Intense fear of weight gain or becoming “fat” • Strong need for control • Withdrawal from friends or social life • Restrained or overly controlled emotional affect
PHYSICAL SIGNS
• Chronic, non-specific gastrointestinal discomfort • Brittle and dead hair or nails • Dental decay, cavities or yellowing • Dry skin • Muscle weakness • Fine hair all over body • Slow wound healing or impaired immune system • Dizziness or fainting • Feeling cold often • Difficulty focusing • Cold, mottled hands or feet • Irregularity or loss of menstrual period adapted from the National Eating Disorders Association’s website, 2017
what should i do? Learn as much as you can about eating disorders. Seriously, your friend isn’t going to benefit from you telling them to just “eat normally.” After all, “normal” to someone with an eating disorder is not healthy. This includes learning more about how nutrition and exercise actually affect your health, so you don’t spew misinformation about how health is about calories in/calories out or that gluten causes bloating. Be honest. Sugarcoating how you’re worried about your friend won’t help. They most likely won’t magically start
seeking help on their own, so it’s up to you to unsettle that inertia. They might not have even thought of themselves as someone who struggles with disordered eating. These conversations require being both caring and firm. Be careful with your language. It’s super important that your friend doesn’t feel attacked during this conversation. Use “I” statements, not accusatory “you” statements. For example, share memories of two or three times that they displayed disordered eating behaviors and how they made you feel. Stay away from
giving simple solutions to their problem, too. Recovery isn’t as simple as stopping destructive behaviors; it’s a lot more complicated than that. Tell someone. It doesn’t have to be their parents, but it’s important that someone else knows about your friend’s struggles, especially if they’re not receptive to your concerns. You can also talk to teachers, counselors, doctors, nutritionists or other trusted adults for advice. Maximum support for your friend is key here. Don’t wait to act until things get bad. After all, eating disorders can turn deadly. adapted from NEDA, 2017
on that note,
15 ways to love your body
• Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it. • Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often. • Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament. • Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments. • Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy. • Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and
•
• •
•
•
that feel good to your body. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one! Be you body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary – begin to respect and appreciate it. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what
•
•
• •
it has allowed you to do throughout the day. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don’t exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age. Start saying to yourself, “Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way.” Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.
condensed from a list compiled by Margo Maine, Ph.D., 2005
what if I DON’T love my body? Been there! The moment I find myself comparing myself to my thin, white, wealthy coworkers is when I have to take a step back and ask: why? Are they any happier than I am because they’re thin? Why do I see their bodies as an ideal? Are they even happy with their bodies? Here’s the thing about body positivity. It doesn’t always feel like the most useful goal to strive for, at least for me. Most days, it’s a struggle to look in the mirror and not actively hate it, to not think about the meals that I ate that day and the extra calories I didn’t “need” to consume. Body positivity often sets the bar at thinking “I am sexy! I am beautiful!” But I’m just trying to be neutral about my body – to thank it for what it does and to feel alright about it. My
goal isn’t “empowerment” via sex appeal. And there are actual consequences to inhabiting a body that’s larger or browner than cultural norms would like. Even if I am body positive, the world I live in will not suddenly treat me differently. It’s a lot to ask for me to put on a smile and be “positive” about a body I’m just trying to make peace with. All of this is to say it’s okay not to love your body. It’s okay to not think you’re sexy or amazing. You’re not failing feminism – or yourself – by not projecting confidence and joy about your skin. After all, it’s really not the most important thing about you; it’s just a vessel you drive around. That’s a good argument for not hating it and treating it well. It’s also a good reason to set the bar at a more manageable height. – Nat
11
drawing the line un/healthy Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Think about it: why do you do the things that you feel like you have to do? We’re not talking about going to work or school or paying your taxes. We’re talking about the intense fitness regimen that you’ve stuck to even though you’re bored with it and you skipped dinner with friends to sweat through. And the juice cleanses that you feel like you have to do because you “ate so bad this weekend.” And the oatmeal and black coffee you ordered at the coffee shop even though you really wanted a cream cheese bagel and hot chocolate. And the 5 a.m. (or 3 p.m., or 8 p.m.) runs you always do even though you’re exhausted and want nothing more than to sleep. When compulsions run your life, no matter how “healthy” the behavior seems, they are unhealthy. If your compulsion
to run is stopping you from enjoying time with friends, studying, or resting, that’s not being healthy – that’s having a problem. Anytime you find yourself compelled to do something – feeling an intense need to do it, or panicking when you don’t – you aren’t exercising (or eating vegan or doing yoga or doing a cleanse) because you want to feel better. You’re doing it to feel normal. You’re doing it because if you don’t, you’ll feel bad. Even if it seems like everyone else is around you is going to the gym every day, that doesn’t mean that you must. Just because your compulsion is rewarded by the bullshit of the outside world’s obsession with “health” doesn’t mean it’s actually good for you. “Good for you” is a holistic category.
Anything can be good for you in moderation – and bad for you when overdone. If you have to run to the detriment of the other good things in your life, running might not be good for you. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Just because you have the time and the physical ability to go work out doesn’t mean that you should do it. Just because you can skip a meal because you’re not about to pass out from glucose deprivation doesn’t mean you should skip the meal! Your brain matters, too. Rest matters, too. Eating and sleeping matter. Reading, cultivating hobbies, journaling, spending time with friends, calling your loved ones – they all matter. You are more than a body. You are more than your body.
There’s an old joke about two fish who are hanging out together. An old fish swims by and says “How’s the water, boys?” They smile and nod, and when the old guy passes, one fish turns to the other and asks “What the fuck is water?” When you’ve been surrounded by something for your entire life, it becomes normal. It’s hard to notice, let alone name. It just feels like the way the world works. That fish could have just as easily turned to the other and asked “What the fuck is health discourse?” It’s omnipresent, especially for women. It’s been a fixture in conversation our whole lives. if you take a step back, it feels like it’s everywhere. In casual conversations with classmates or coworkers who talk about how they’ve “been so bad” because they ate a burger or two over the weekend. In the group texts with your size-6 friends who talk about how they’re fat because they had the audacity to have more ice cream than necessary. In conversations with relatives who have gone wheat-free because they read once somewhere that wheat makes you bloated.
All of this is framed as normal, as inherently good, and it leaves little room to step back and think: why are we talking like this? Why are we talking as if weight gain is the worst thing that could happen to us? Why do we talk about our bodies as if they’re something to be tamed, something to constantly watch lest they spin out of control? Why do we talk about fatness, about fat bodies, as the fate to be avoided at all costs? Fat people can still be kind, intelligent, adventurous – and yes, even healthy. Here’s the thing about health: it’s not an all-ornothing thing. A Whole30 diet isn’t going to solve your problems, and neither will working out most days of the week, and neither will buying a FitBit and tracking all of your steps. Health has a lot more to do with how you feel about yourself, how you feel in your body, the people you surround yourself with than we act like it does. It’s not about the specific breakdown of macronutrients you’re getting, believe it or not. People were “healthy” before calorie counts existed, after all.
There’s all sorts of studies about how diets, quite frankly, don’t work. Your body is actively trying to keep you at a certain weight. When you feed yourself less, your body goes into starvation mode. When you feed yourself more, your body tends to speed up its metabolism. Obviously there’s some genetics at play here, too, but the point still stands. Your body doesn’t need constant disciplining. It wants to rest, to sit and relax, to breathe. It needs to be listened to. The happiest people I know aren’t the ones who constantly monitor themselves. They eat what’s around when they’re hungry instead of waiting for “better” food and being cranky in the meantime. They might not go to the gym, but they’ll take long walks with a friend because it makes them feel good. They might not eat ice cream if they’re lactose intolerant, but they’ll definitely go for a slice or two of the pecan pie they love. Life is short, and your body will be in flux for the rest of that short life. Your body changes because life changes. Let it change. Eat flexibly. Notice the health discourse around you and push back.
paying attention to what we’re
swimming in
13
food isn’t trying to kill you! Despite what media will tell you, food actually keeps us alive. Crazy!
Quite frankly, health journalism sucks. You probably know the type of articles I’m talking about: How To Feel Thinner in 30 Minutes. Why Sleeping In May Be Dangerous. 7 Ways to JumpStart Your Metabolism. You Asked; What’s The Best Way to Lose Five Pounds Fast? (Chop off your arm?) Eating French Fries Is Linked to A Higher Risk of Death (as if we’re not all at risk of death just by, you know, being alive). If your timeline looks anything like mine, you’re getting lots of the same messages. It’s exhausting to be told over and over again that you have to constantly monitor your body, what you put in it and how you move it all the time – or else. Even if, intellectually, you know that it’s all shit, it still sticks in your brain. You wonder what your body would be like if you lost those five pounds fast, if your metabolism was higher, if you stopped eating french fries. You wonder what would happen if you did those high-intensity workouts shilled on the covers of health magazines. And sometimes, you wonder am I the only person who’s not working out all the time? If you’re in a city like New York or San Francisco, it can feel like everyone’s drinking kombucha and doing Whole30 diets. If you’re on a campus with a lot of thin white people who jog constantly throughout the day, it can feel like everyone is a Health God who only eats salads and acai bowls. If you follow a bunch of #fitspiration or #cleaneating or #fitfood Instagrams, it can feel like you’re feeding yourself poison if you’re not “eating clean,” whatever that means. Stop. Take a breath. None of this is real! Headlines promoting “health” and the supposed “dangers” of doing certain things are purposefully engineered to scare the shit out of you for the web traffic. They reinforce the idea that “perfect” eating – clean, gluten-free, low-sugar, whatever you want to call it – is a
possible, healthy way to live. But there’s no such thing as “perfect” eating. Our words imbue food with themes of morality – “guilty pleasure,” “good,” “bad” – and leave you feeling like a shitty person after you eat a quick snack because you were hungry. They feed the voice that says you’re “being bad” when you take seconds in the dining hall or opt for the higher-calorie drink at Starbucks. They frame delicious foods as something you “deserve” for being “good,” Or, worded more bluntly, your body is inherently “bad,” and you have to discipline yourself and “earn” the right to enjoy food. And food cannot be separated from class issues, either. Fresh produce costs a lot, especially when you’re working a minimum wage job. Meals take precious time to prepare. For the millions of people who grapple with food insecurity, articles about the evils of processed foods ignore the giant capitalist elephant in the room about food access and nutrition. The way society talks about food – in 100-calorie increments, in macronutrients, in perfectly proportioned servings – is not normal, and it’s irresponsible to market these ideas to the wider public. It divorces food from its context, its pleasure and the fact that we all need calories to live. Eating disorders don’t happen in a vacuum; we need to critically examine how we talk about food and whether it’s “good” and “healthy,” or “sinful” and “bad,” especially around the people in our lives who deal with disordered eating. Food is more than calories in, calories out. Food is supposed to have carbs and fat and sugar. Exercise can boost the endorphins in your brain, but working out doesn’t mean you’re a better person than someone who doesn’t. Your body is just trying to keep you alive. Trust it to do its job.
...but since it might be a while before the world stops acting like it is, here are some coping skills to help you deal in the meantime. Although food isn’t trying to kill you, food and health – including mental health – are linked, so we’re bringing you tricks straight from your local therapist’s couch. If these aren’t cutting it, though, consider taking a seat on that couch yourself.
DEARMAN A tool for effective interpersonal communication.
Describe: Use specific words to describe to the other person what you want, explaining yourself through language as clearly as possible. Leave little question about what you want or need. Express: Use facial expressions, tone of voice, or gestures that capture the content and importance of your request. Work towards finding the happy medium of being expressive while maintaining a sense of selfcontrol. Assert: Work towards finding a balance between asserting your needs and staying away from aggressiveness (this includes passive aggressiveness). Be matter-of-fact as you assert your point. Reinforce: Be sure that the other person understands exactly why they should respond to your request. Remind them of the positive outcomes of this request. Be true to your word. Mindfulness: Don’t allow distracting thoughts or intense emotions to cloud your thinking. If the other person responds with defensiveness or hostility, don’t engage with the emotional intensity. Stay on track with what it is that you are asking for. Maintain your focus. Appear Confident: If you have trouble believing in the validity of your request, so will other people. Imagine yourself as confident, competent, and deserving of what you want or need. When you take yourself seriously, others are more likely to as well. Negotiate: When our ideal requests are not met, there is often a way to meet halfway – to find a solution that is “good enough” without compromising our values. adapted from Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life, Spradlin, 2003
needs inventory
All people (including you!) need, and should not apologize for needing, these things (and more!).
Physical well-being: Food, air, movement/exercise, rest/sleep, sexual expression, safety, shelter, touch, water. Connection: Acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, consistency, empathy, inclusion, intimacy, love, mutuality, nurturing, respect (and self-respect), safety, security, stability, support, to know and be known. Autonomy: Choice, freedom, independence, space, spontaneity. adapted from Center for Nonviolent Communication, 2005
distorted thought c a t e g o r i e s Black and white thinking: Looking at behaviors, as well as the whole world, in all-or-nothing terms. (I can’t have just one cookie; it’s either none or the whole bag.) Negative filter: Allowing ourselves to focus only on the negative and filter out the positive. (Someone gave you a compliment; instead of thinking, “How nice,” you think, “They don’t mean it, they’re just trying to be nice.”) Over-generalization: We perceive one negative incident as a never-ending pattern of doom. (Because I got laid off, I’ll never be able to have another job.) Devaluing positives: We negate our positive characteristics and accomplishments (Someone says, “I love your new dress.” You respond “This old thing? It’s only a hand-me-down.”) Mindreading: Without any evidence, we assume that others are responding to us in a negative way. (That guy didn’t ask me out because he thinks I’m fat.) Fortune-telling: We automatically predict that things will turn out for the worst. (I’m not going to try out for the position, since I won’t get it anyway.) Blame and Personalization: We deny our role in the problem and don’t take responsibility for our own actions; or we blame ourselves for the problem when we are not responsible. (“If my husband hadn’t made me go to dinner, I wouldn’t have binged,” OR “If I’d been nicer to my sister, then dad wouldn’t have left.”) Minimizing or magnifying: We either deny the importance of an issue or make it more exaggerated than it is. (“I can’t die from an eating disorder,” OR “I gained 2 pounds, I’m disgusting.”) Labelling: Instead of labeling the behavior, we label ourselves. (Instead of “I made a mistake,” we say, “I’m a loser.”) adapted from Love Your Body by T. Brannon-Quan and L. Licavoli
15
And speaking of the narratives we constantly consume, part of our manifesto includes declaring that
what we learned from our mothers
IS N
• Your body is different from other girls’. You are my daughter, and you inherited your body from me and your father. Not the parents of other children. You will never be as small as the other girls in your class. That’s okay. • Weighing yourself often tells you how healthy you are. • Exercise must be done, even though I work full-time and do not have time for it. Not exercising is a failure of mine. • Wax your upper lip and shave your legs and arms. I will nudge you every time I see that it’s gotten too long. • Women who care too much about their appearance are frivolous and vapid. You are intelligent, so you should not care too much about how you look.
• When you are in public, you are on display. You need to dress and groom yourself in a way that is presentable. People are looking. • How you hold yourself and how you speak are part of your appearance. Try to be “ladylike” in public. • Don’t wear shirts that expose your stomach. Your stomach being visible is bad. Your stomach should not protrude. • Your body is inherently sexual, and you need to be aware of that as you dress and move through the world. Sexuality should not be expressed or encouraged. • Hating your body is normal. I talk about hating my body, and all your female relatives talk about hating their body. This is the status quo.
• The worth of your body is not defined by how it looks, how much it weighs or even what it can do. Your body is worthy because it houses you. • Your body is your own. That includes decisions on how you choose to present it. I trust you to make your own decisions on what is good for your body, especially as you grow older. • Sex is not a neutral act, but it’s not the end-all, be-all of everything. Sex should feel good, and it should be something that you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about with your partner, your friends, or even me. You should only do things once you’re ready. Your partner must get your enthusiastic “yes” before they touch you. Your body is your own. • If your partner makes you feel bad about your body, don’t be with them. They should only cherish you. • If your friends make you feel bad about your body, don’t be friends with them. They do not deserve to
take up space in your social circle. • Exercise should make your body feel good. Exercise should be something that you want to do, not something you punish yourself with. • Your body needs to move, but it also needs to rest. • Eat. Eat as much as your brothers eat. Your body is growing, and you need the nourishment. Eat food that will make you strong and happy. • Your body is in flux for your whole life. Embrace the flux. The thing that stays constant? Your body is keeping you alive. • Gaining weight doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you take up a little more space, and gravity pulls you down a little more. • Don’t wait to do the things you want to do just because you don’t feel like you aren’t thin enough. Go swimming even if you don’t feel thin enough to do so. Wear a bikini even if your stomach is “too big.” Wear shorts. Go for bike rides. Do it all.
NOT
what we’ll teach to our daughters
17
You are allowed to do anything you want in your body at any size. Sing (and perform a dance routine) at karaoke Have sex any way you want
Eat what you want! Go on dates Wear an outfit that shows off your body Dance anywhere you want
Wear any bathing suit that you think looks cute! Play sports Look for a new job
Go on vacation! Go to school See old friends Make new friends Get married
Take pictures of yourself and allow others to take pictures of you!
Don’t wait.
FALLACIES OF QUANTITATIVE WEIGHING, OR you don’t need a scale Stop playing the numbers game. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: you measure your self-worth through numbers. The steps on your FitBit. Your weight. The calories in your meal, or the ones you burn off at the gym. Your GPA, your performance reviews. The miles you can run. You’re more than a number! It sounds trite, like one of the things you’d hear a motivational speaker say, right? Intellectually, you know that you’d still be a functioning, living human if you didn’t stop to check the step count in your iPhone’s health app multiple times per day. You know you don’t need to log everything you eat in MyFitnessPal. You know that you’re more than your weight, blah, blah, blah. But you still do it, right? Why? What are you afraid of? What would happen if you stopped tracking yourself? Would you dramatically change? Would you become a less healthy person? Would you become a worse person? Your body is in flux, both during your life and throughout the day. If you step on the scale in the morning, you’ll see different number than after you’ve eaten or drank
water or exercised. That’s not because you’ve “gained” weight in the normal sense. It’s because your water weight shifts around during the day, a product of your body regulating itself. Some scales are broken. Some scales change numbers if you step on them juuust a little differently. Scales can’t tell if you’re wearing lighter or heavier clothes or no clothes at all. If you gain weight and you don’t fit in your jeans like you used to, don’t wear them. Wear clothes that make you feel good in your body. Odds are, your body will try to get back to the state that your jeans fit just right in. It’s something doctors call set point theory – the fact that your body wants to be at a certain weight range. It’s genetic and biological, and it means that one small-framed woman’s weight naturally falls at 110-120 pounds and another larger-framed woman’s weight falls at 200210. It’s the reason that most diets don’t work in the longterm. It’s the reason why you can lose 10 pounds one week if you restrict your calorie intake and over-exercise one week, why you can’t lose more
than one pound a few weeks later, and why you eventually tend to gain the weight you lost down the road. If you starve yourself, your body reacts accordingly. It slows down your metabolism (and makes you sleepier and colder) because it’s trying to conserve calories. And conversely, if you gain weight above your set point, your body speeds up your metabolism (and makes you warmer) because it wants to be in its normal state. Your weight is not a number that you should look to as an indicator of your “health,” whatever that means. Weight is literally a numeric measure of how gravity acts upon your flesh vessel filled with fat and water and bones and muscles. It doesn’t measure if you’ve got a chronic disease that makes you drop or gain weight. It doesn’t measure how much or little you work out or eat. It doesn’t measure if you get enough sleep or laugh enough or get enough endorphinboosting hugs from friends. Losing weight doesn’t make you a better person. It just means that you take up less space.
19
trying another culture’s cuisine
Eating foods from across the world is one of the most universal and most fulfilling modes of cultural exchange. When you try a dish that’s a staple in another region, you’re experiencing a tiny bit of how people there live and eat. It’s a learning experience for you and for your taste buds – especially if you can get it from a place who knows what they’re cooking. Don’t regret not trying something just because it wasn’t “healthy.” When Natalie went to Rome while recovering from an eating disorder, she ate loads of gnocchi and gelato because she knew she would regret not eating it later.
sharing your own
When people visit Emma in the South, she makes sure to feed them biscuits and fried chicken. Why? Because the food we make here is an integral part of the region, and eating like a Southerner is an important part of experiencing the South! The same goes for
other places – when someone comes to visit you, there’s a distinct joy in introducing them to your local flavors. You can describe food all you want, but nothing’s quite the same as actually handing someone a piece of the cuisine you grew up with and watching them react.
some unquantifi values of food
catching up with your friends
Food is more than a method of delivering energy; it’s a social experience. There’s a reason the coffee date is so prevalent in American culture. Everyone has to eat, so doing it together is a communal moment, a way of slowing down and enjoying both our food and our friends.
Going out to share a meal or even a snack is a good way of connecting with the people you love and getting the nutrients you both need – two birds, one stone. Don’t hesitate to put cream and sugar in your coffee, either.
having a home-cooked meal
Whether it’s sitting at the dinner table with your parents, the meal you made yourself after work, or a loved one crafting a dish just the way you like it, cooking can nourish your body and soul (we know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true). The act of putting ingredients together
– for yourself or for someone else – is an intentional one. It shows that you love and care for whoever’s going to eat that food. Plus, you get all the free, delicious smells of cooking. That’s right – you can make your own kitchen smell like your favorite bakery.
iable 21
we’d like to leave you with a
recovery peptalk! Hey. If you’re dealing with an eating disorder, body image issues, food anxiety, any of the above or more, this page is for you. You can do it. It will be hard, it will be uncomfy, it may take multiple doctors and nutritionists and therapists and psychiatrists and many years. It will be overwhelming sometimes. It will come and go in waves. It will likely follow you your entire life. But guess what? It’s going to get better, too. You can get better. You’re reading this zine, for one! Be your own cheerleader. Celebrate every fear food you conquer, celebrate every milestone you reach and every thought pattern you deconstruct. Celebrate every little victory. Celebrate taking control of your life again. Celebrate eating delicious foods with people you love. Celebrate everything you do that you wouldn’t have done a month or a
year ago. You deserve it! You’re kicking ass! Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break on days you can’t eat something. Tell yourself it’s okay when you need to change because your top made you uncomfortable. Don’t worry when you tell your friends you don’t feel up to going out to eat today. Recovery is not linear. Recovery is never linear. Be gentle with yourself when “beach body” season comes around and old anxieties flare up. Don’t kick yourself when your problems don’t just magically disappear. Be good to your body. Feed it when it’s hungry. Take care of your injuries and make sure they heal. Take care of your hair, your skin, your teeth. See your doctor. Take care of your mental well-being, too. See your therapist. Keep yourself in working condition so you can continue seeing people you care about and doing things you love.
You are not alone. Surround yourself with people who love you. Ask for validation when you need it. Share your insecurities when you feel them. Be honest when you’re doing well and be honest when you’re doing poorly. Leave toxic relationships behind. Spend your energy on people who make you feel good, safe, stable, secure. You are not alone. You are not the only one dealing with this. Many other people have managed this. Be around people who talk about food and bodies positively. Spend your time with people who speak positively about their own bodies – who aren’t always talking about diets and calories and the gym. Read this zine. Pass it along. Make your own. Love yourself loudly, unapologetically and unabashedly. You can do this – remind others they can too. We’re in this together. Much love.
as well as some
recommended reading + snacking Things to read: Things to eat: • Roxane Gay’s Hunger (duh) • Sarah Gerard’s Hazlitt column Mouthful • Anna Altman’s n+1 essay “Every Body Goes Haywire” • Leslie Jamison’s The Empathy Exams • Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts • Arthur C. Frank’s At the Will of the Body • Renee Engeln’s Beauty Sickness • Michelle Allison’s website TheFatNutritionist.com • Ruby Tandoh’s Vice piece “The Unhealthy Truth Behind ‘Wellness’ and ‘Clean Eating’” • Camille Beredjick’s BuzzFeed essay “When A Queer Woman Counts Calories” • Gloria Lucas’ website Nalgona Positivity Pride • Virgie Tovar’s book Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion • Hannah Giorgis’ BuzzFeed piece “8 Black Women On Body Image And Societal Expectations” • Jess Zimmerman’s Hazlitt piece “Hunger Makes Me” • Amanda Mull’s Eater piece “Instagram Food Is a Sad, Sparkly Lie” • Sam Irby’s Meaty and We Are Never Meeting In Real Life, plus her blog bitchesgottaeat
• Mott’s Medleys fruit snacks (pictured below) • Smashed avocado + salt + pepper + olive oil on toast • Babybel cheese melted into pasta • Trader Joe’s frozen chicken tikka masala • Popcorn, Indiana kettle corn, especially paired with pretzels • Toasted apple slices (or peaches) alternated with brie slices on bread • Buttery, garlicky roasted Brussels sprouts • Prosciutto wrapped around cheese (best if eaten with bare hands) • Goldfish crackers (cheddar, pretzel and colors varieties). Add almonds for a texture balance • Carrots and very spicy hummus • Very cold grapes (better than frozen!)
• Rice Krispie Treats (really, rediscover them) • Chex Mix • Dinosaur egg Quaker oatmeal • Pretzels dipped in either side of Duvalin • Those little rice cakes that taste like caramel corn These are just some of our favorites. We’d love to hear yours. After all, bringing down diet culture has to be a community effort. We hope this zine has given you all some renewed fighting spirit. With love, Em and Nat
23
NATALIE ESCOBAR is a rising senior at Northwestern University, where she majors in journalism and Latinx Studies. She loves podcasts, food writing and bread. She can often be found shrieking about bad health journalism and pretending she’s Sandra Cisneros. She deeply regrets buying into the idea that bagels are bad for you and is hellbent on making up for lost time spent not eating carbs. EMMA SARAPPO is a rising junior at Northwestern University, where she studies journalism and English. She’s passionate about feminism, her Tennessee hometown, the modern essay genre and mass transit. She can often be found loitering at any coffee shop in walking distance. She would like to tell her 12-year-old self that the Special K Challenge only works because when you eat nothing but cereal, you starve.