Breaking the Wall – I’m not gay, just feminist! Emmanuel Kivanyuma Waiswa Well I understand many of you have a sense of what this is going to be about or perhaps even wondering why the person you have been viewing in your own way is coming out to say what you are soon going to be exposed to – that’s what I’m, believe and if given another chance would say it all over again the same way and even better. Your perception about me is going to change and guess what; that’s exactly what this article is about. Ok, Tim Cook came out recently and proclaimed that he is and has always been gay, that it’s the greatest gift God has ever awarded him. I know many were shocked and surprised, even at the cost of Tim’s comfort. His revelation holds a self-filling prophecy that while there still exists barriers to breaking free of patriarchy, there is still hope. It even breaks the norm that homosexuality is nurtured, by Tim thanking God, acknowledges that he was perfectly created. What rather worries me is that the legal protection, social support and company that Tim receives in the US is not the same as what any other person mostly in certain African contexts would be awarded. Opportunities to come out and express feelings, opinions and sentiments contrary to the norm – often are shrugged by many in the fear of being labelled and or othered based mostly on hegemonic forms of what masculinity and male domination often take. The same fear suffered by categories of people who are different and asking for the chance to be so is equally confronted by those who try and work every day to advance what is often taken for granted – the right to be different! I’m worried that the struggle against sexism is taking a slow pace and we are contributing to such slow progress. I have on the other side never been confident about anything than what I stand for today – that men, boys, women and girls should never be defined through a narrow lens of biology and culture,
a marriage that has rocked us in very diminishing and slave like ways. Anatomy is destiny only by choice. Feminism and associated academic, activism and advocacy have and continue to show levels of decline in popularity and public relevance. Feminists, regardless of their arguments - men, black, radicals, libertarian and other categories often face rough criticism from both men and women. I cannot recall how many times I have had to defend my choice for a masters in Gender Studies, while on one hand, I have profited from the fundamental principles of freedom gained through my wide understanding of Gender and sexuality, I have also been time and again asked why of all disciplines- Gender ?. I only face this question not because I will not a job or that I will contribute less to society but rather because I’m a man and more so a black African man. What often follows that is that I’m a feminist. Recently I have hard to ask what the definition of feminism is and to many its men hating and or about advancing a small section of privileged women with support from some men. That frightens me, understanding that there is limited knowledge of what feminism means. It even makes me feel like I can never be a feminist or worse still that my feminist scholarship and research will never see light. The popular and narrow definition of feminism is constructed and buttressed by patriarchy and male dominance. Power is a good thing and no one wants to let go of power. Patriarchy and the world of men are domains of power but more so centres of silent pain. Power awards men opportunities over and against women and children in many ways but also shadows men from the benefits that these groups enjoy in the end. I hate that I’m culturally expected to demonstrate that I’m a man by financially taking care of my sister, grandmother, mother and also make tough choices so long they benefit from such choices in ways that limit my happiness. The cultural definition of being a man in most African contexts is that I have to provide, protect but also pretend that all is well – even when its not or else suffer the
wrath of not being a man. I don’t think I’m more responsible for another person’s life more than they are and should be for mine. My parenting role should never be viewed as less compared to my spouse, my proposals for support should never be viewed as signals of weakness but rather invitation for help. I should never be forced to slap, kick or abuse my girlfriend in an effort to demonstrate how manly I’m. She already knows that I’m a man. The inter rational context is flawed, when we meet people, we need to know which side they are on – team gay or team straight, we are engineered to see those different from us at times as enemies, it’s even worse between men. Homophobia makes it easy for men to construct their lives in ways that limit choices but also favor their hate for fellow men who identify as something rather than straight. There is an invisible wall that stands between women, gays and heterosexual men. This wall makes it hard for one to cross from one side to another, it makes straight men feel privileged to be on side but their view of fellow men on the other side breeds hate and fear. Conservative heterosexual men often religious and conservative favor violence against fellow men the same way they do against women. They employ strategies that make men fellow less manly by raping them as a weapon of war and even worse still advocating for legal strict measures to punish those who belong to side gay. There are laws against homosexuality but male rape goes unnoticed. Today family is defined in heterosexual way and those intending to fond family outside heterosexual arrangements are restricted. Marriage is being restricted from those who want it but deposited on others who are under age and often against their will.
Male rape remains a form of social torture of my time. Men who are raped by fellow men suffer the same oppression, fear and rejection at times even by wider margins not so different from what female victims suffer. Sexism and the effects of patriarchy affect men and women the same and it takes a combined strategy and effort to climb above the rim. That’s exactly what feminism is all about. Feminism is not synonymous with lesbianism or homosexuality. In fact it’s the only movement encompassing enough for each one of us to play apart but also draw mutual gains from. Feminist Authors like Bell Hooks, dedicate ample space to what feminism is not. It is not fighting to allow only a few privileged, upper-class women to succeed; rather, its struggles focuses on the betterment of all women and men. Removing the negativity of the patriarchal system will provide a better life for gay and straight and man and woman. Feminism, needs to be understood from the simple premise that “Sexism is bad for both men and women”, that benefits from balanced relationships favor men and women. Lesbians, gay men, children, women and men of color all need a chance to be free from exploitation and oppression. "Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression."