Making Marriage Work For You And Your Partner

MAKING MARRIAGE WORK YOUR PERSONAL ACTION PLAN + CHECKLIST + WORKSHEETS

Thought provoking questions, exercises and activities to strengthen and reinforce your connection with your partner.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

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Introduction

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Bringing Back The Joy in Your Marriage

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Increasing Loving Communication With Your Partner

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Talking to Each Other Action Plan

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Intimacy Action Plan

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Emotional Intimacy Worksheet

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Sexual Intimacy Worksheet

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Increasing The Romance in Your Relationship

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Date Night Worksheet

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Developing Gratitude in Your Relationship Action Plan

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Overcoming Infidelity Checklist

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Overcoming Infidelity Self-Reflection Worksheet

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Next Steps

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INTRODUCTION Being married or in a long-term relationship can be one of the most rewarding parts of life … … Or it can be the greatest source of stress, frustration and conflict!

It takes a lot of work to maintain a close, vibrant relationship for a long time.

And sometimes it seems as though the odds are against your marriage succeeding.

It’s a fact that a strong relationship takes time, attention, and energy to build, maintain, and nurture. You invest your time and emotions to build the relationship, only to see that relationship deteriorate over time, or worse damaged beyond repair.

And you find yourself wondering, “What happened?”

This "Making Your Marriage Work" action plan is designed to help you see the chinks in your relationship and take steps to fix them before it is too late.

Or if your relationship is not experiencing any major issues at the moment, you can still benefit from this toolkit.

If you relationship is reeling from the aftermath of infidelity, be sure to check out the "Overcoming Infidelity" checklist and worksheet at the end.

And lastly, take a look at the additional resources that I have provided for you.

They are all tested and proven solutions that can really help you on your making your marriage work journey.

That's it for now. To your fresh start!

C. Mellie Smith Contact Me Here

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BRINGING BACK THE JOY IN YOUR MARRIAGE Too often we see marriage through rose-colored glasses. We don't want to see beyond moonlight and roses to the mundane reality of dirty diapers and the demands of trying to do too much. This blind idealism leads to disillusionment with the institution of marriage as well as your partner. So how do you bring back that loving feeling? Â One way is to remember the things you loved about your spouse initially and realize that they're still the same person.

Make a list of your spouse's wonderful, unique traits that you found so appealing in the beginning.

The Importance of Friendship Enduring love depends on friendship. Good friends help each other grow.

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Are you and your spouse good friends? __________________ How can you strengthen your friendship?

What are the ways in which you support each other's emotional, creative, and spiritual growth?

How do you support each other's dreams and goals?

Some Tips to Keep Your Marriage Invigorated There are ways to reignite the passion in your relationship. You can do something new sexually, go on a romantic vacation, or talk to each other about your challenges.

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You can recreate the romance by doing the things you used to enjoy doing together. It could be going to the park or the movies, or just taking time to have a heartfelt talk. Â Take care of your appearance. Nobody wants to be greeted by someone who is unkempt, smelly, or wearing ratty pajamas when they get back from a hard day at work.

Have you paid attention to the way you look? Have you done any of the things you used to enjoy doing together? List the things you've done to keep your marriage fresh. What are some more ideas you'd like to try?

Looking for Effective Strategies that Help Resolve Conflicts All of us get into a pattern of behavior that can be detrimental to our relationships. Perhaps you're used to acting needy or blaming your partner for their mistakes, even exaggerating them. Maybe you lecture them. Or you could be trying to pressure them into changing by enlisting the support of your friends or your children. Â Remember that none of these strategies will help you!

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How can you break away from negative ways of behaving with your spouse? What positive actions can you substitute for the negative behaviors?

Marriage Counseling Most people can benefit from marriage counseling if both partners are willing to attend sessions, and both genuinely want their marriage to work. For counseling to be successful, you also need to find the right counselor for you. If both of you share similar spiritual beliefs, the advice of a spiritual mentor may be your best option. Â Are you considering marriage counseling?

If yes, what area of your relationship needs help? Is it communication, money issues, sex, time management, child rearing practices, or the strain from extended family? Is it a combination of these? What other conflicts would you like to resolve? Clarifying your specific conflicts will help you and your spouse get the most benefit from counseling.

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INCREASING LOVING COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR PARTNER Do you devote your full attention to your partner when they're talking with you? How can you strengthen your listening skills?

Do you laugh together each day? What can you do to bring more humor and fun into your life?

Do you share your hopes and dreams together? How will you make them happen? Do you have a detailed plan? How can you work towards these dreams each day?

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Do you follow through with commitments to your partner? Do you procrastinate in doing it? Why? Will a compromise work better for you in a current commitment so that you can always follow through?

How do you currently handle disagreements? How can you turn your disagreements into loving communication instead?

Do you sweat the small stuff? How can you develop more patience and understanding for your differences?

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Are you open and honest with your partner, even in tough situations?

How can you make your communications more honest?

How do you communicate your love to your partner? Do you show your love numerous times each day? What else can you do to show your love and fulfill your partner's needs and desires?

Do you schedule quality time together? What does quality time mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? How can you meet both of your needs for this time together?

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TALKING TO EACH OTHER ACTION PLAN How would you rate your parents’ communication: great, good, average, poor, or bad? Why?

Are there certain words or phrases that you learned growing up which conveyed a different message to your spouse than you intended?

Who is more assertive in your relationship?

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How would each of you describe your own personality?

Some people tend to share and connect with others over problems.

Others tend to fix problems as quickly as possible. How have you navigated this type of difference?

Much is communicated by tone of voice or body language. How have you been challenged as a couple by this fact?

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What is one of the best conversations you have had as a couple?

What is one unsuccessful conversation you have had? What did you learn from it? What do you try to do differently?

What helps you keep positive lines of communication open?

Daily Practice Practice summarizing what your partner says. Communicate understanding even if you do not agree with him or her. Express appreciation to one another for sharing thoughts and feelings with you. Develop an agreement on what ways of communicating you will refuse to allow into your relationship, such as name-calling, blaming, threatening, nagging, or physical aggression.

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INTIMACY ACTION PLAN What was your relationship like when you were dating?

How is it different now?

How do you nurture and maintain your closeness as a couple?

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How do you maintain appropriate limits and boundaries with friends and work associates?

Talk about a time when you felt strong empathy and understanding from your partner or spouse.

How do you keep the laughter alive in your relationship?

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How is your intimacy affected by other issues in your life?

What are your favorite ways that your partner or spouse expresses love and affection to you?

How does stress affect your intimacy?

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How do you keep intimacy a priority in your relationship?

Talk about a fond memory of an intimate moment that has really touched your lives.

Daily Practice Make a practice of saying, “I love you,” to each other every morning when you leave and every night before you go to sleep.

Slip love notes to one another into pockets, briefcases, lunch bags, or suitcases.

Look at your couple photographs. Talk about good times and places you have gone where you enjoyed being with each other. Plan to go there again as well as find new places and share new experiences.

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EMOTIONAL INTIMACY WORKSHEET Sex and intimacy are not the same. You can have sex without intimacy, and you can have intimacy without sex. Ideally, you have both sex and intimacy in your relationship. It is also nice to have intimacy outside the bedroom. Emotional intimacy is an important part of healthy relationships. Â List the things your partner/spouse does to connect with you emotionally.

How do you connect with your partner/spouse emotionally?

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What would you like your partner/spouse to do more of to connect emotionally?

Do you and your partner discuss what you like and want for emotional intimacy? If not, why?

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SEXUAL INTIMACY WORKSHEET Sex and intimacy are not the same. You can have sex without intimacy, and intimacy without sex. Ideally, you have both in your relationship. Â It can be difficult for couples to discuss issues related to sex and intimacy. These exercises will help you think more about your sexual needs, wants and preferences.

In what ways does your partner/spouse meet or exceed your needs and wants sexually?

What would like your partner/spouse to do more of or differently to meet your sexual desires?

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In what ways do you meet your partner’s/spouse’s sexual wants and needs?

What can you do more of or differently to meet his/her sexual desires?

Are you comfortable discussing these issues with your spouse/partner?

If not, why?

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INCREASING THE ROMANCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP Experience the joys of an everlasting love by revving up the romance in your relationship. Use this worksheet to spark some ideas to rekindle your passion and keep the fires burning.:

1. Romantic activities. Know how to play, flirt, use charm, and carve out time to spend time together. What will you invite your partner to do with you in the next month?

Dinner and a movie Lunch and mall shopping Breakfast out Picnic and long walk in a nearby park Visit a street fair in your community Farmers’ or antique market on Saturday morning Night of dinner and dancing Ballroom dancing lessons Attend a play, musical, or performance Nature hike InfidelityHealing.com

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2. Loving communication. and show special kindness and courtesy when you’re communicating. Which of these strategies do you utilize when speaking with your mate? Circle strategies you would like to work on.

Refrain from interrupting.

Focus on each other when you’re talking.

Look at them when they’re talking.

Picnic and long walk in a nearby park Focus all your attention on your partner.

Listen intently.

Respond with a verbal cue that you’re listening (like “I see,” “Uhhuh,” and others).

Use a friendly, quiet voice.

Avoid transmitting frustration, annoyance, and anger in voice tone.

Be courteous.

Other ideas for showing your love in your communications:

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3. Avoiding arguments. Although you might see a debate as fun or your chance to assert your intelligence, it usually doesn’t invoke positive and romantic feelings in your partner.

What compels you to argue with your special love?

Which of these strategies would help you avoid negative discussions?

Circle the ones you would like to work on.

Stop trying to manipulate to get your way.

Be rational and ask directly for what you want.

Keep track of your own feelings during unsavory discussions.

Put a label on your feelings so you can share them.

When you start feeling angry, state it aloud appropriately.

Watch your tone of voice and keep it diplomatic rather than angry.

Give yourself a time-out before you “lose it” if you start feeling angry.

Take notice of your partner’s changing emotions and share what you see when helpful.

If you aren’t getting anywhere in your talk, say so.

Refuse to take part in an angry disagreement by not responding to a troubling comment.

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Other ideas to help you avoid arguments:

4. Knowing each other. What does your partner like to do?

What are your partner’s favorite hobbies, authors, sports activities, favorite colors, pet peeves, favorite musicians, and preferred television shows?

How can you discover more about your partner?

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5. Sharing emotions. If you want your romance to sizzle, it’s important to share your emotions. Here’s how you can start: Know first how you truly feel.

Be genuine with your partner about what you’re feeling.

Accept the vulnerability that comes with sharing.

What is holding you back from sharing your emotions with your partner?

How can you share more of your feelings with your love?

6. Intimacy. Brainstorm some ideas on increasing your intimacy with each other.

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7. Using body language to demonstrate your feelings. Demonstrate to your partner how much you love them by how you conduct yourself physically. Circle the techniques you’ll use to expand your repertoire: Hold hands when you’re out in public.

Give your partner a back, neck, or shoulder rub.

Touch their arm while talking to them.

Give random hugs.

Lean toward them when they’re speaking.

Stand close together when you’re out and about.

Put your arm around her shoulders.

8. Plan special times together. When you make room in your schedules for special activities, it shows how much you mean to each other.

Celebrations of milestones and holidays that hold special meaning provide the perfect opportunities to ramp up the romance.

Consider these extra-fantastic “dates” as your chance to build life’s best memories together.

Set up “surprise” dates you know your partner will love. For example, if he’s a fisherman, rent a large boat and captain for an afternoon spent on the river, lake, or ocean nearby.

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Use this space to brainstorm about ideas for special dates with your partner.

For extra-special celebrations, set up a short get-away so you can both enjoy each other. Consider brief overnight trips you could plan that your mate will love.

Design a fantastic Valentine’s Day celebration.

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How can you make it possible to get away on more short trips together?

When and where was the last vacation you took together? Did you truly enjoy each other’s company? Why or why not? If you didn’t have a good time, what could you have done differently so the trip would have been more fun?

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DATE NIGHT WORKSHEET

List five things you enjoy doing (hobbies, leisure activities).

List five things you enjoy doing as a couple (or enjoyed when you were dating).

What are five things from your ‘bucket list’ (things you want to do before you die) that you can do with your partner?

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List five free or low cost things in your community that you and your partner could do together. (Walks in the park, free concerts, stargazing, bird watching, a ride in the country, etc.)

Talk with your partner about your responses. Choose five things from each worksheet that you both agree to do for date night. Commit to date night at least once per month.

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DEVELOPING GRATITUDE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ACTION PLAN Tell the story of how you met.

What did you find attractive about each other?

Share some special memories about your dating experiences.

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Who are your relationship role models? What do you want to emulate about their relationships?

How is your life richer and improved because of your relationship?

What traits are you grateful for in your partner?

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How do you affirm and acknowledge each other?

How are you different? How do these differences strengthen your relationship?

What has positively affected your relationship?

Daily Practice Express your love and gratitude to each other every day. Be aware of things that your partner or spouse most appreciates or enjoys. Do more of that! People like different things – love notes, time spent sharing, tokens or gifts, quality time, acts of kindness or service, acknowledgement and affirmation, compliments, texts and email, playfulness, hugs, kisses, and touch.

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OVERCOMING INFIDELITY CHECKLIST It is possible to triumph over the strains an act of infidelity puts on a marriage or relationship. But, just hoping for the best will do nothing to rebuild your bond. You'll need to prepare a plan of attack!

Implement these tips to help strengthen your bond.

HAVE I USED THIS TIP?

WAS THIS TIP EFFECTIVE?

Yes

No

Yes

No

Surprise your partner with their favorite baked treat.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Jointly take part in activities you once enjoyed as teenagers.

Yes

No

Yes

No

TIP:

Kiss your partner as soon as you wake up, before you go to work, when you come home from work and before bed.

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HAVE I USED THIS TIP?

WAS THIS TIP EFFECTIVE?

Go paint balling, golfing, swimming, or walking together

Yes

No

Yes

No

Be more accepting of your partner's friends, even if you have your differences.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Once each week, take "metime" for yourself and allow your partner to do the same.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Treat your partner to a massage a few times each week.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Allow your partner to spend quality time with their friends.

In order to miss you, they need to be apart from you.

Yes

No

Yes

No

TIP:

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HAVE I USED THIS TIP?

WAS THIS TIP EFFECTIVE?

Cook a sensuous meal together using only ingredients that are said to be aphrodisiacs.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Avoid nagging. Ask once and, if it doesn't get done, wait until your partner realizes it.

Yes

No

Yes

No

If the housework is too much to handle, hire a maid. Use your free time to hang out with your lover.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Spend at least one evening together without the kids each week.

Yes

No

Yes

No

After work, sit down for a glass of wine and just chat together.

Yes

No

Yes

No

TIP:

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HAVE I USED THIS TIP?

WAS THIS TIP EFFECTIVE?

Go to a sports game together, (even if it isn't your cup of tea).

Yes

No

Yes

No

Be positive and encouraging, even if your partner isn’t.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Take a romantic trip. Even an inexpensive weekend trip to an out of town Bed and Breakfast can spice up the excitement.

Yes

No

Yes

No

Make sweet gestures. Pick up your partner's favorite treat, a new shirt, or their favorite DVD while you're out.

Yes

No

Yes

No

TIP:

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OVERCOMING INFIDELITY SELF-REFLECTION WORKSHEET 1. Have I allowed my appearance to fall to the wayside? How so?

2. What are the top 3 things my partner and I argue about? Why?

3. Am I truly happy in this relationship? Why?

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4. What has been putting a strain on our relationship? Do our jobs, families, friends, financial situation, or children increase our stress levels?

5. How did I find out that my partner was unfaithful? How did this hurt me?

6. How did my partner react when confronted with the infidelity? How did their reaction make me feel?

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7. Which activities help me relax when I start to feel anxious about my partner potentially cheating again?

8. Has my partner changed since I discovered their infidelity? If so, how? If not, how would I like them to change?

9. Do I purposely start arguments with my partner simply because I am angry about something they've done in the past? How can I improve my communication style?

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10. Which character traits do I love about my partner and why are they the right person for me?

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NEXT STEPS IN YOUR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK JOURNEY Take your time with this toolkit and please don't feel that you have to do all of them! Just pick one worksheet or action plan to start with, implement the suggestions and see how it works for you. Then you can move on to another one.

If your relationship has been hit with infidelity, then you may want to start there first.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE READY FOR MORE HELP Do not worry! I am still here for you. I have some recommendations that are perfect for the next steps in your making marriage work journey.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: 1. Marriage Fitness - Better than counseling, Marriage Fitness neutralizes problems and brings excitement back to your relationship. Get started at: https://www.infidelityhealing.com/marriage-fitness 2. The Marriage Building Online Course - Rebuild your marriage one step at a time with this program! It will help you improve your communication, trust, and learn to love each other again! Get started at: https://infidelityhealing.com/marriage-building 3. Save The Marriage System - It’s not too late to save your marriage!

There is still time if you act now and get serious about turning the relationship around! Let’s save my marriage! http://infidelityhealing.com/save-the-marriage 4. The Infidelity Reovery Center - Get all of the tools, resources and proven strategies for surviving the infidelity and rebuilding your relationship. Choose which level help that you need. Get started for FREE here - https://infidelityhealing.com/infidelity-recovery-center

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