Be Gentle with Yourself and Firm with Your Decisions BY NOEL NEU on June 27th, 2014
Recovering from addictions consists of an all encompassing shift in behaviors, beliefs, processes, and decisions. What a recovering addict decides to do each day in recovery is generally 180 degrees from the decisions made in active addiction. For instance, in addiction the addict is inherently dishonest with self as well as others, and in recovery complete honesty and accountability is the measure of progress. An active addict has a generally low opinion of self while the recovering person makes connections of acceptance from others that help create an unconditional positive regard for self. Generally an addict is very abusive towards self and loose with decisions that impact his/her life as well as those around them. In recovery the ideal is to be gentle with self (self-acceptance) and firm with decisions which include setting healthy boundaries with destructive people, behaviors, or any other form of escape. In between there are two sets that result in a codependent process such as being a passive enabler, or an aggressive controlling type. Here is a quick reference guide: • Abusive and Loose – Addiction • Gentle and Loose – Enabling Type (Passive) Codependency • Abusive and Firm – Controlling Type (Aggressive) Codependency • Gentle and Firm – Recovery Again the key component of measure is how the person thinks of and treats him/herself, along with the way they choose to live their lives. The result at the recovery side is a healthier self-respect and care and concern for life around.