The Aggressive Type Response BY NOEL NEU on February 12th, 2014
Someone You Know? Is there someone you know who is a little too direct and possibly downright hurtful? Somebody who does not think about yours or other people’s feelings consistently? If so, you most likely often find yourself feeling uncomfortable in having to deal with their behaviors or achieving productive communication with them. The Four Styles In the last blog post I outlined the four different types of attitudes that people communicate with including Aggressive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive. Beginning with this post, I will discuss each type in more detail. AGGRESSIVE TYPE What does it mean to be aggressive? Is it a positive or a negative trait? Well, that depends on the context. For instance, a person who is engaging in a competitive environment such as sports or business is often celebrated for their aggressiveness. Although, this competitive behavior may be more of an “intense assertiveness,” since the idea of respecting the opponent is inherent in the competition. In our normal interactions with each other an aggressive person is usually avoided or embroiled in some controversy of one type or another, and is normally not appreciated for their insensitive actions or words with others. The Mind-Set The aggressive mind-set accepts feelings of anger, but does not accept that somebody has done something to anger him or her. This “acceptance” of anger, however, is out of proportion because the aggressive person will feel self-righteous in their “right to be angry.” This combined with a developed belief that if somebody does something to anger him or her, then the target of their anger does not have rights and beliefs to be respected since that other person “started it.” This results in a black-and-white outlook on life and leads to difficulties in communication. Aggressive people stand out at times for their public displays of trying to control someone or disrupting an environment that they are not comfortable in. For instance, the student who yells and curses at the teacher, or the co-worker who tries to humiliate another co-worker through condescending language at a staff meeting. These people may feel that their behaviors are justified to achieve their means of being in control of their environment. Intervention Strategies The most efficient strategy in handling this attitude is to act quickly, firmly, and with respect for you and the aggressive person. The difficulty with this is that because of the inappropriateness of the aggressive person’s behavior, the subject of their anger can become shocked, surprised, or unable to control their own anger. This results in the aggressive person achieving their goal of conflict or surrender (black-and-white thinking). The ideal response is to tell the aggressive person that their behavior is inappropriate and that you are not a target, but rather a person who deserves respect. If this
is not enough to defuse their actions, then respectful reinforcement of peers to support your position at that moment is important. Coming next‌ The passive personality type and how to better communicate with them.