emPOWER Magazine Apr/May 2009

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Fighting Fit The Biggest Loser’s Michelle Bridges shares her world, on and off screen, revealing there’s a soft side to this tenacious trainer.

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Higher Learning Discover the power of learning for personal growth and fulfillment. Our special explores the myriad of options available for further education and how to find what works best for you.

40 Sister Act

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Jessica Brown is changing the lives of at-risk teenage girls through her SISTER2sister mentor program.

Hear what inspired her to launch the initiative, and how she’s making a difference.

26 What is Success? Assess what ‘success’ means to you 30 Love Yourself in Lingerie A guide for women of all shapes and sizes 33 Listen to Your Inner Tuition Discover your own internal GPS 34 Bewitched Wicca through the eyes of a modern-day witch 36 Weekend Detox Follow this DIY action plan for a rewarding detox 42 A New Understanding What’s your personality profile?

44 Rekindle Your Relationship Harness the power of intimacy 46 Finding Mr. Right The keys to attracting your perfect partner

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48 Try Something New Put the zest back in your social life 50 A Weighty Hormone The truth about oestrogen and weight control 52 On Purpose How to stay present to achieve your fitness goals 54 Spotlight On: Reflexology 58 Put a Gag on Gossip Create harmony with your own ‘no-gossip’ policy 60 Creative Thinking Implementing De Bono’s 6 Thinking Hats method 62 Woman on Top Meet the coaching industry’s leading lady 64 Buying More with Less Purchasing property with a small deposit 66 Golden Rules The foundations of successful share investing 68 Lift the Financial Fog Developing a positive ‘view’ of money

58 68

39 Check it Out 49 In the Know 57 Great Reads 70 Change Your Life in 15 Minutes...

8 Editor’s Note 12 Your Say 14 Acts of Kindness 28 You Beauty

76 Ask a Coach 78 Coach Yourself Goal-Setting Tool 82 Winning Pairs: Finding Her Voice

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editor’s note

Managing Director Helen Rosing

Managing Editor

As we go to print with this issue, I am riding the wonderful rollercoaster of life whereby joy and sadness can coexist. On one hand, we have all been devastated by the fires and floods affecting so many Australian lives, and economic pressures are challenging most of us. Then, on the other hand, I am about to walk down the aisle and marry the love of my life.

Through the excitement of wedding plans or the sorrow of current conditions, what I’ve realised is that, in good times and in bad, it is our loved ones – family and friends – that will share our laughter and our tears; they are the ones who will help us see the light at the end of a tunnel.

I came across a quote recently that really resonated with me so I thought I’d share it with you: “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others and the delight in the recognition” (Alexander Smith). I instantly thought of my mum and of how much I have grown to be similar to her in so many ways. We tend to finish each other’s sentences, and will often react to things the same way.

It struck me how great this realisation was. With immense pride, I am delighted to think I may one day be a wonderful mother like her. As we approach Mother’s Day on May 10, perhaps it’s a good time to acknowledge and give thanks for all the wonderful people in our lives. Our relationships article this issue addresses how we all have different personality types and, by understanding these, we can identify how to better relate to those around us. This can be particularly useful in relationships with our partner and family, as well as in the workplace. I hope you are able to use this to identify some similarities and differences between yourself and others in your world, and be able to better communicate with them for harmonious and rewarding relationships.

Many of our articles this issue challenge you to step out of your comfort zone.

I will be the first to admit that I like the safe little cocoon that is my world but, sometimes, until options are presented to us, we don’t quite realise that the grass could be greener if we tried something new every once in a while.

Our education special reveals the power that ongoing learning can have on our growth and the huge array of options available to us in this area; and our social feature challenges you to look at your friendship circle and ask whether there’s something else you could be doing to put the zest back into your social life.

Our style feature reveals how we can ALL look and feel fabulous in lingerie, especially in winter when we’re most tempted to live in that old tracksuit or flannelette pyjamas. There’s something for everyone here, so it’s definitely worth a look!

And finally, some really exciting news from emPOWER (if you haven’t heard already) is that the magazine is now available as an eMag. Every page of the magazine can now be viewed in a fully interactive online format. All new and existing subscribers and members to our website will have access to the eMag. Visit www.empoweronline.com.au to sign up or contact us to find out how to use your existing eMag subscription. We hope you enjoy this new medium as much as we are and, as always, we’d love your feedback.

Editorial Assistant Tammy Warner-Wilson

Sub Editor Jo Hegerty

Graphic Designer Jeanne Wu

Cover Photography Courtesy Network Ten

Contributors Savleen Bajaj, Tarryn Brien, Carolin Dahlman, Tami Dower, Dale Gillham, Claire Hall, Jo Hegerty, Danette Hibberd, Mandy Holloway, Kate James, Catherine Lezer, Margaret Lomas, Anna Martin, Isobel Martin, Dana Mrkich, Persephone Nicholas, Gabriela Rosa, Helen Rosing, James Short, Tammy Warner-Wilson, Emma Yates

Production & Subscriptions admin@empoweronline.com.au (02) 9686 4398 ADVERTISING

National Sales Manager Karen Yap, (02) 9686 4398 sales@empoweronline.com.au

Directory Sales (02) 9686 4398 sales@empoweronline.com.au

Published by Indigo Productions ABN: 90 135 381 118 PO Box 1397 Baulkham Hills, NSW 1755 P: (02) 9686 4398 F: (02) 9686 4394 E: admin@empoweronline.com.au

www.empoweronline.com.au Advertisers and contributors to emPOWER Magazine acknowledge they are aware of the provisions of the Anti-Discrimination Act 1977 and the Trade Practices Act 1974 in relation to false and misleading advertising or statements under other unfair practices and the penalties for breach of provisions of those Acts. The publisher accepts no responsibility for such breaches. Opinions expressed by contributors are their own and not necessarily endorsed by emPOWER Magazine or the publishers.

All material in emPOWER magazine is copyright and may not be produced in whole or in part without express permission of the publishers. ISSN 1835-8705

The paper within this publication is manufactured by Stora Enso, Veitsiluoto mill in accordance with both ISO 14001 and Environmental Management Audit Scheme (EMAS). These accreditations set strict guidelines related to environmental issues.

Additionally this paper uses PEFC certified pulp which comes from sustainable forest and is CoC (chain of custody) certified.

Rebecca Spicer Managing Editor

April/May 2009

Rebecca Spicer

We support recycling. Please don’t forget to recycle this magazine.

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to our expert contributors Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. She has spent almost two decades using cutting-edge technologies to accelerate human growth, enabling individuals to unleash their true potential. With a deep insight into the principles for personal breakthroughs and holistic success, Savleen is passionate about supporting people to live their best life by transforming their visions and intentions into results.

Tarryn Brien, owner of The Happiness Institute’s eastern suburbs practice in Sydney, holds both psychology and commerce degrees. With many years spent in the corporate sector, she has implemented change management programs, developed and delivered training sessions and departmental strategies.

Tarryn facilitates the Institute’s ‘Happiness – strategies for a great life’ course and offers executive and individual life coaching, group and corporate workshops.

Claire Hall is the founder of Authentic Empowerment, a life coaching practice established in 2004.

In addition to her corporate experience, Claire brings extensive coaching and counselling qualifications to her coaching sessions.

She also holds a degree in Politics with International Relations and a Diploma in Communications, Advertising and Marketing. Last year Claire launched Sydney Life Clubs, a unique coaching solution for groups.

Danette Hibberd is an international author, speaker, NLP master practitioner, trainer and a personal development professional. She is the author of How to Find the Goddess In You and facilitates the Women Connect events across Australia to motivate, educate and support women both online and offline. Her passion inspires women to awaken, manifest and achieve the life they desire – the life they deserve.

Executive coach Mandy Holloway launched Holloway Consulting in 2002 after working as a partner at KPMG. This experience allows her to bring realism to her leadership training development, consulting and speaking initiatives delivered to clients. Her passion is to unleash authentic and courageous leaders, generating sustainable personal and business performance.

Wealth Within chief analyst Dale Gillham is a bestselling author, keynote speaker and one of Australia’s leading investment advisors. He wrote the bestselling book How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20%. He also launched Australia’s first and only nationally recognised, government accredited Diploma of Share Trading and Investment course, providing students with a governmentrecognised accreditation at Diploma level.

Kate James is principal of the Total Balance Group, a boutique coaching organisation where the focus is on connecting balance and business. Kate helps her clients to find careers that they love and the confidence to create fulfillment in all areas of life.

Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money. Catherine has empowered thousands of women on investing and wealth creation through her Rich Chicks seminars and says, “Empowered women create miracles”.

2006 Telstra NSW Business Woman of the Year, Margaret Lomas is the best-selling author of six property investment books, the founder of Destiny Financial Solutions, and chair of the Property Investment Professionals of Australia. Margaret is a qualified financial and investment property advisor and a senior associate with FINSIA. She and her husband own 35 investment properties.

Armed with a degree in Human Movement Studies and trained in neuro-linguistic programming, James Short has been assisting people with their health and fitness for the past 15 years. As a leader in the industry, he is a board member of Fitness NSW and is the 2008 Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year.

Dana Mrkich is a spiritual intuitive, author of A New Chapter, host of internet talk radio show Visioning the Dream Awake and an inspirational writer, speaker and teacher. She offers in-person, phone and email soul sessions to clients all around the world and holds a BA in Communications (Social Inquiry/Media) with qualifications in several healing modalities.

Noel Posus is a highly recognised leader of the international coaching industry. He is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. Noel serves on a number of coaching industry boards, lectures at universities and coaching schools, manages a number of coaching businesses and loves to help individuals and organisations develop their own wisdom.

Carolin Dahlman is a love coach and author. Her book Find Love is a best seller in Scandinavia and was released in Australia and New Zealand in October. Through her blogs, workshops and coaching business, Carolin has helped thousands of people achieve a happy relationship, better self-esteem and a positive attitude towards life.

Emma Yates has been a qualified naturopath for more than 12 years.

She has a degree in Health Science and qualifications in medical herbalism, homeopathy, clinical nutrition and NLP. After working with hundreds of clients in clinics to resolve numerous health challenges, she now facilitates corporate workshops teaching groups about permanent lifestyle changes that will improve their health and wellbeing.

Sydney-based natural fertility specialist Gabriela Rosa (BHSc, ND, Post Grad NFM, DBM, Dip Nut, MATMS, MNHAA) is the founder and director of the Natural Fertility & Health Solutions clinic and the author of four books, including Eat Your Way To Parenthood: The Diet Secrets of Highly Fertile Couples Revealed. Gabriela is devoted to creating happy families by helping to bring healthy babies into the world and empowering individuals through better health.

April/May 2009

Isobel and Anna Martin are accredited image consultants and co-founders of Izziana Image consultancy. The sisters share their global industry experience, are experienced speakers, have been MCs for the International Millinery Forum and have compered Fashions on the Field at race day events. They also write monthly editorials on image and style.

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Your Say Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the magazine. Keep your comments and ideas coming. Email us at admin@empoweronline.com.au

Thank you so much for your magazine and its inspiring articles. I picked up an issue for a ‘flick through’ in my lunch break and loved it so much, I signed up to your eMag! Your articles are so positive and are helping me achieve my new year’s resolution! My favourite article so far is definitely the tips to ‘Love Thy Self ’. I have put these up around my house to remind me every day to love me for who I am.

–Tammy King, via email

Not often do I pick up a magazine and want to subscribe immediately. I bought the Dec/ Jan issue for the first time prior to Christmas and sent it to my daughter in Amsterdam as part of her Christmas parcel. She really loves it. Reading your magazine encouraged and empowered me when making day-to-day decisions, even though my goal this year has been simplified to ‘just enjoy’. I have since subscribed and bought the first two issues, and will be sending them to my daughter until she can subscribe from overseas.

–Susan, via email As I venture tentatively into 2009, after a year of much loss of loved ones, I have decided I need to take control of my life. But where to begin? I need to overhaul my lifestyle and this is daunting to say the least. Needing something to read I picked up the Dec/Jan 09 edition of emPOWER and within minutes was feeling more in control thanks to articles like ‘Fit for a Challenge?’, ‘Remember ‘YOU’ in Love’, and ‘Live Your Best Life’. Thank you – you’ve made achieving my goals all the more possible.

–Jo Bartley Jackson, via email I just wanted to congratulate you on your magazine. I was having coffee at my local Gloria Jeans and came across emPOWER. I sat there and read the magazine from front to back, and I couldn’t put the magazine down. The article on negativity was great as I have been dealing with this from a friend who is constantly negative, and I find after being around this person I become negative as well and it takes me a few days to come back from it. My ‘coffee time’ went for longer than I had planned but I came away feeling very positive. I then went straight to the newsagent to find a copy of the next issue.

–Karen, via email The article on Julie Cini in your Feb/Mar issue was a true inspiration. Reading her story made me wonder how life could deal one person so much hardship. I have two sons and can’t imagine the pain of losing one, let alone knowing I would lose one long before they would pass away.

Julie must be an extremely strong person to pick herself up after three huge losses and help others, while all the time remembering her lost loved ones with such love and respect. Julie’s story has inspired me to make sure I really live every day to the full. –Kirsten Lockyer, via email

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April/May 2009

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Acts Kindness I

We can change the world, one act at a time – a little kindness is all it takes.

t’s quite possible you have changed someone’s day without even knowing it. Perhaps you gave a welcoming smile when they were feeling left out, delivered a compliment, opened a door, offered up your seat on the bus or were generally helpful and pleasant when it was most needed. You can probably also think of moments when someone changed your day in a similar way. What happened in each of those moments is called an Act of Kindness – a small action that can make a big difference.

Here’s how some of our readers are getting in on the act. Why not share yours with us – you could even win a beautiful gift hamper from The Body Shop worth almost $170.

our favourite

When my daughter was two and a half years old, I thought it was about time to wean her from dummies and bottles. Her dummy had been an amazing source of comfort to her and her bedtime bottle was certainly part of her evening ritual. I thought that the process of separating her from the things that brought her so much reassurance and contentment would be extremely difficult.

Chatting to her at breakfast one morning, I told her that a lovely cat that lived down the street had just had kittens but didn’t have enough money to buy them dummies and bottles. She looked at me with wide-eyed concern, immediately got down from the table and packed all of her bottles and dummies in a bag. I told her I’d deliver them to the lovely kittens on my way to work. She carried the bag out to the car and, grinning away, popped them onto the back seat. I thought I would have a battle on my hands to get her to sleep that night, but her act of kindness comforted her more than the dummies and bottles – she simply didn’t need them anymore. I often ponder that memory. It seems certain that the act of giving is far more comforting than the act of keeping. – Jane, via email

Part of my job involves doing pamper appointments at ladies’ homes, free of charge. I love to see the change in each lady as she is pampered with a beautiful facial, or the way her eyes sparkle if we do a colour makeover.

If my visit gives her personal confidence a boost, or makes her forget any woes for an hour then I know the donation of my time has been repaid many times over. Sometimes the best thing you can offer someone is your time – it costs nothing but can change someone’s day!

– Chris, via email

I regularly travel back and forth over the Gateway Bridge in Brisbane and every now and again I tell the tollbooth operator that I am paying for myself as well as the next car behind me. I never know the person behind me, but I always drive off feeling great that I have done a little something for someone, and hopefully it brightens their day as much as it does mine!

– Georgia, via email

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I am a teacher but occasionally when I’m on holidays I do some work for a friend who runs her own cleaning business. This helps her when her employees need time off themselves. One of the days I was working for her, we cleaned a lady’s house who suffered a broken back in a work accident many years ago and spends 95 percent of her time in a wheelchair. About two years ago she also lost her only daughter.

When we went to clean her house, I was warned that I would not get away without giving her a hug. She hugs anyone and everyone who goes to her house because she doesn’t have many visitors and hugs are few and far between. It was quite an awkward situation to be in... hugging someone you don’t know! I decided on that day that I would make time to visit with May* once a week for an hour or so. That was in October last year and to my surprise (and much to May’s delight) my visits have turned into friendship. * Name changed for privacy – Simone, via email The recent fires reminded me of when I was working at a service station on a major freeway outside of Sydney a few years ago. During the busy Christmas period the freeway was closed for a few days and hundreds of motorists were stranded at my work. I chose a family with a toddler and baby and asked them if they would like to come and spend the night at my house, which they did. It was the least I could do as I couldn’t imagine my young family sleeping in the car and didn’t like seeing them in such an awful position.

– Terry, via email I took my dog for a long walk recently and stopped at the local store to buy a block of butter. Only taking $3 and the butter costing $2.86, I thought I would treat my four-legged friend to a cheerio. The cheerio cost .17c, hence the total reaching $3.05. Embarrassed, I had to apologise to the young man serving me, explaining that I only had $3 and the cheerio wasn’t so essential as it was for my dog. He put his hand into his pocket and said ‘Truly, it’s only 5c I will pay this for you’. I denied his kindness, being embarrassed, but the young 15-year-old insisted.

How often do you experience children these days saying thank you, let alone giving their money to a complete stranger as an act of simple kindness. His parents should be very proud! My dog was very excited to receive his treat and he wagged his tail the whole way home.

– Katie, via email I was running late for a flight, was lost, hungry and in a panic, so I stopped at a service station to ask directions and got a very young girl who I don’t think knew where she was. However, a lady standing in line waiting patiently to pay for her fuel offered to lead me to the exact address I was looking for... I made my flight, had time to eat and felt very relieved. I hope whoever she is, wonderful things happen to her in life. Thank you for your kindness – Hen, via email A few years ago I was sitting opposite a woman on a tram on the way to work. She had severely smudged mascara all down her cheek and was intently reading a book, making eye contact with no-one. The entire length of the journey I wanted to say something to her, but didn’t want to embarrass her either. I hoped she was going to leave the tram in the city near my stop, and when she did get up to leave I followed her and made sure I caught up with her in the street. I pointed out that her mascara had smudged.

Tears welled in her eyes as she had been on her way to a job interview, and had absolutely no idea what her make-up was doing as she had left her mirror at home. I gave her a small mirror and pack of tissues to use and, after we got her sorted out, I received the biggest hug anyone could receive from a stranger. It was a lovely way to start the morning, and I do still wonder how she went at her interview!

– Danette, via email

Get in on the Act

&Win

The reader to send in our favourite and most inspiring act of kindness will win a beautiful gift hamper from The Body Shop worth almost $170.

The winner’s goodie pack includes The Body Shop’s Bath Pillow, 200ml Tropical Oasis Shower Milk, 250ml Spa Wisdom Hydrating Puree, 125ml Spa Wisdom Honey Butter, 60ml Spa Wisdom Dreamboat Milk Bath, 60ml Spa Wisdom Monoi Oil, Oil Burner, Spa Dreams Home Fragrance Oil, White Ultra Fine Large Bath Lily, and six unscented tea light candles. For more information about The Body Shop, call 1800 065 232 or visit www.thebodyshop.com.au Submit your Acts of Kindness through the website at empoweronline.com.au or email them to admin@empoweronline.com.au

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www.empoweronline.com.au

FIGH TING FI T

Tough in training but soft on the sidelines, Rebecca Spicer meets the tenacious Michelle Bridges mid-season of The Biggest Loser to find out what motivates a motivator.

O

ne of the most recognised fitness trainers in Australia, The Biggest Loser’s Michelle Bridges is tough on her contestants – she’s uncompromising and takes no excuses. Arranging a time to meet with her at a local organic café in Sydney’s Rozelle, I’m a little nervous. Should I order my usual full-fat flat white? Will she be able to tell that my idea of fitness is walking the dogs around the block every now and again?

My fears are quickly waylaid, however, as Michelle is welcoming and friendly. She has her own reservations as well, pointing out she’s come with no makeup bar some lip gloss, and a croaky voice having done back-to-back interviews in recent days. (At the time of writing, The Biggest Loser had only been on air for a couple of weeks and the trainers are in hot demand.)

Appreciating Michelle’s natural glow, it seems neither of us has cause for concern, so we settle in for an easy chat over coffee. (Yes, I went for the full-fat milk and even added two sugars, and Michelle went for soy.)

While 36-year-old Michelle has been gracing our TV screens for three years now, teaming up with Shannan Ponton as The Biggest Loser’s top trainers, she’s actually had celebrity status within her own industry for some years.

Michelle has come a long way since starting her career at 14 teaching fitness classes to her schoolmates. Born and raised in Newcastle, Michelle recalls always being interested in sport. “I would do anything I could get my hands on,” she says. “Dance and ballet as well, but my true passion was sport. I was very good at some and okay at others. I really loved netball and basketball, but I’d really do anything I could. I even

April/May 2009

ended up getting into the boys’ soccer team at one point, much to the disgruntlement of some of them,” she laughs.

The all-rounder admits she loved the competition but what she really fell in love with was the training. “I know it’s odd but I found that during the week when I had to turn up to training sessions I was learning things at the age of seven and eight about commitment, discipline, being a team player, but also striving to be a star performer. I learnt big lessons like how to win and, more importantly, how to lose.”

This, Michelle says, is what got her through some tougher times at school.

Moving around a fair bit, she attended two primary and two high schools, making her the new kid on the block and an easy target for bullies. “Thankfully, though, my sport was my release and it gave me a real sense of self and confidence.”

At 14, Michelle approached her headmistress with the idea to teach group fitness classes to the students. “I noticed there were always a heap of kids who didn’t want to play sport and they’d be wagging school, sitting in the common room, mucking around doing nothing.

So I pitched the idea to her and strangely enough she said yes. I got this group together and I would do drills with them that I’d learnt in my basketball and netball training. I really had no idea what I was doing but it was fun.”

On a roll, Michelle took the idea to the local squash courts and started teaching classes in an empty room they had available. By 18, she realised she could actually do a course and get qualified as a fitness instructor.

Once qualified, Michelle taught fitness classes on the side while working full-time

behind the counter at a building society.

That is until she discovered a couple of other things, too: boys and partying. She took a second job working behind a bar at night and on weekends. “Suddenly it was all very fun but I let go of my fitness. All the sports I was doing on the weekends – hockey, netball, basketball – I let it all go.

In one way I was earning more money and I was doing really well financially but I wasn’t looking after myself. Before I knew it I started to put on weight and I’d lost that sense of confidence and self-belief that I had when I was 10.”

By the age of 20 Michelle realised how her new lifestyle was affecting her overall happiness and decided to completely re-evaluate things. “I went back to what I was passionate about, and that was fitness.

I threw in my job and went into it full-time with guns blazing.”

Michelle continued teaching fitness classes and fed her competitive spirit by participating in national and international body sculpting and shaping competitions.

Competing for three years, she won six major titles and finished up 20th out of 170 girls at the World Championships in the US – not bad for a little Aussie lass from Newcastle.

At this time, fitness company Les Mills launched into Australia. Known for its BodyCombat group fitness training, Michelle saw her calling. She moved to Sydney to work as one of their master trainers. “I was then able to establish myself as someone who trains the trainers.”

This, she says, is when the hard yards really started to kick in. Moving to Sydney with no contacts, Michelle knew she was going to sink or swim. “I put my head down, bum up and just went for it. People

did stop inviting me to things because I was constantly working but I was on a mission.”

Working full-time teaching classes and travelling interstate and overseas every weekend to train other trainers, Michelle worked seven days a week for eight years.

“While I did miss out on things, for everything I missed I made extremely amazing contacts. I have literally trained thousands of instructors right across the country and internationally, so I can walk into a gym just about anywhere and if I don’t know the instructors they will at least know someone I have trained.”

Michelle’s hard work was rewarded when she was named Fitness Leader of the Year in 2004. “It gave me a bit of a pat on the back for all those years of slogging it out spending Friday nights in the airport, doing training sessions every weekend and missing out on a lot to improve my industry. When I got that award, it made me feel like all those years of hard work were appreciated.”

Photo courtesy Network Ten

Wanting More While she’d achieved so much within her industry, Michelle still had a lot to offer the general public. She had tried her hand at owning gyms but wanted more. “So I started trail-blazing – I decided I was going to create something.” Michelle wrote to magazines and newspapers, putting herself out there as an expert to offer fitness advice or opinion.

“Some of it worked and some it didn’t. I got plenty of no’s and no-answered phone calls (and now they’re coming to me, which is very interesting) but I just kept putting it out there and continuing my work in the background.

Then I had a win becoming an expert on Mornings with Kerry Anne.”

Pure persistence got Michelle the role. “I hounded them to the point of annoyance. I

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never accept no for an answer – ever. I finally got a meeting with them and they said they would do it but they wouldn’t pay me. We put it out there and they loved the segment so much that they not only started paying me, they back-paid me and I did that for nearly three years.”

As The Biggest Loser launched in Australia in 2006, Michelle would watch thinking she’d love Jillian Michaels’ job training the contestants. So when a rep from Channel 10 called her the following year to come in for an interview, Michelle almost hung up thinking it was a friend playing a prank.

The call, of course, was legitimate.

Recommended by others in the industry and with her small amount of media exposure, Michelle was ripe for the pickings. However, that wasn’t before she went through a gruelling four-month interview process doing show reels, interviews, psych and fitness tests.

Teamed up with different male trainers as part of the interview process, coincidentally Shannan was already a good friend of Michelle’s. They were flatmates when she first moved to Sydney and even taught classes together at one time. It seemed they were the perfect training team.

While stepping into Jillian’s shoes was daunting, Michelle says it was an easy transition thanks to the former trainer being great to work with. The public also embraced the change. “I think there were a lot of people who questioned these new people on the show but there was stacks of other feedback saying ‘yeah we should have Australian trainers, we can do as good of a job’, so we had really good support from the start.”

Three seasons in Michelle is known as uncompromising yet compassionate, and it’s this combination that allows her to get results. She takes a tough approach with her training. “You just have to,” she says, but the softer side of her is revealed as she begins mentoring the contestants through their weight-loss journey.

“When these guys come into the house there’s a lot of denial going on, a lot of lying, self-deceit and self-sabotage. You don’t get to be 164kg for nothing, so there’s a lot of stuff you’ve got to get through.

“More often than not they’re overwhelmed that someone is putting it in their face but because I’ve got no attachment and no history, they respond really well to it. Some take it better than others and some need more coaching, but at the end of the day, I can show you how to train like a demon and I can teach you how to eat well and prepare

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New Opportunities Needless to say Michelle’s world has changed significantly since working on the show. Once The Biggest Loser trainers Michelle and Shannan are good mates, on and off screen.

nervous and embarrassed if people recognised her in the street, Michelle says it was her husband who encouraged her to embrace it.

“When people come up to me I feel fine now, except if I’ve got the shopping trolley and my husband has asked me to get some ice cream,” she laughs. “People will always look in my trolley.”

That’s not to say Michelle doesn’t have room for indulgence. “Of course I do, I’m human and I’m a woman. I absolutely love cookies, I quite like M&Ms and a glass of wine. But these are things I have very rarely, and maybe once a week I’ll have what I call my cheat meal. I never let myself feel as though I’m being denied but I never over-indulge either, it’s about balancing it all up.”

Married for five years now, Michelle says her husband Billy is the rock in her life. “Getting time together can be challenging with my schedule, but we’re very close and he’s in the industry as well, so that helps. He’s fantastic in so far as he applauds what I do and lets me do my thing and would never be anything other than 100 percent supportive.”

Michelle’s increased profile has presented her with some great opportunities. She’s secured a clothing sponsor in Adidas, as well as other product endorsements, is a regular columnist in some of Australia’s major consumer publications, her and Shannan have released their own workout DVDs, and she recently launched her own book Crunch Time (Penguin).

“It took me nearly two years to write so it’s something I’m most proud. It’s all about getting your mind, body and nutrition sorted out.”

Biggest Inspiration: There’s so many people that inspire me, from Olympians to professional athletes but I would have to say my biggest inspiration is drawn by driving down the street and seeing someone running; someone who obviously isn’t a runner but they’re out there and they’re having a go. Or it’s the old bloke up the back of a fitness class who’s having a go, or the mum pushing a pram up a hill at 6am. That, no end, inspires me.

Biggest motivation: Having to wear lycra on national television (she laughs). I start to lose self-confidence if I haven’t been training. I start to feel a bit down and then I find it hard to get into that next training session. It’s the actual training that keeps me motivated.

Turning point in your life/career: Without a doubt the biggest kick has been being a part of The Biggest Loser, but looking back I think a big turning point was having the audacity to walk into Channel Nine and say ‘you need me’, and succeeding. can’t live without (other than training): My husband (Billy Moore) and my dog Paddy. He’s my best training partner. He can run 16km and not even break a sweat.

Little-known fact: I love horseriding.

Exercise of choice: I love fitness classes. It’s great fun. What an easy way to burn an hour – listening to music and jumping around with a bunch of other people.

How do you maintain balance: It’s not easy but that’s where I really rely on my training.

It’s been my best friend my whole life. We all have ups and downs and the one constant I’ve had and no-one can take away from me is my training. When sh*t’s hit the fan and you feel like the whole world is a mess, you come out of a training session and it hasn’t gone away but it doesn’t feel quite as bad. It’s about finding something that is completely and utterly for you.

Advice for other aspiring women: • I have to thank my mum who, as a single parent, constantly told me growing up that I could do anything I wanted, and I’d say the same.

• Never take no for an answer unless you’re prepared to hear it.

• One of the best pieces of advice my husband gave me is that whenever you find yourself in a situation where you’re fired up about something, always give it a couple of days. Sit back and wait and let the facts come to hand because 95 percent of the time you’ll be glad you didn’t fire up earlier. It can be really empowering.

• The underlying core value to everything is you have to tell the truth. You have to be gut-wrenchingly, arms wide open, honest with yourself, before anyone else.

Michelle also plays a key role as ambassador for the National Heart Foundation and the RSPCA – two causes she’s most passionate about. “The number one killer for women in this country is heart disease, not breast cancer – a lot of people don’t know that. So with the Heart Foundation it’s all about lifting people’s awareness around the disease,” she says.

With The Biggest Loser recording two and a half months ahead of what we’re seeing on TV, Michelle can’t give away too much but to say she is absolutely loving her role on the show. “It’s like a dream come true, but I’ve also worked very hard and done as much as I possibly can to get my profile to where it is today.”

She can also say the new couple dynamic has been great. “If people can’t relate to someone in the house they can definitely relate to a relationship. For the last few years, the contestants came in on their own so they were a bit more subdued. Coming in with their buddy this year, they’ve hit the ground running. They’re competing with each other as well and you get a real sense of the history that’s gone on.”

So what else is in store for Michelle Bridges?

“My mission statement hasn’t changed in the last 10 years and that has been to inspire more Australians to get moving, and what better platform than on TV? I really have so much to offer the general public and I think it’s a critical time given we are now the most obese population on the planet.

“My goal is to be a role model in health and fitness. When you think of gardening you think of Jamie Durie, and when it comes to fitness I want people to think of Michelle Bridges.”

Photos courtesy Network Ten

good food, but those things are going nowhere unless we get to the bottom of what’s going on in their mind first – that’s the clincher.”

The rewarding thing for Michelle is the learning is reciprocated. “They teach me things every day, especially with regard to how deep it can go for some people.”

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Learning Continuing education can lead to greater job satisfaction, a heightened sense of personal fulfillment and even better health.

So what are you waiting for?

Tami Dower reports.

G

andhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever”.

When it comes to formal learning, however, we often put it off as though we’re somehow going to defy nature and live indefinitely. How many times have you considered doing a course or learning a new skill and reasoned, ‘I’ll do it one day’?

Sometimes it takes a significant turning point in our lives, such as a job redundancy or relationship breakup, to firm our resolve to

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There is an array of opportunities available for further learning, ranging from fully-fledged university degrees to short courses covering just about every topic imaginable – Modern Manners 101, anyone? undertake further study. For some, education itself can be the catalyst for a new direction.

Whether you’re looking for a career change, pay rise, promotion, new hobby,

a renewed outlook on life or simply a way to meet like-minded people, continued education can be a rewarding experience.

Not only that, it has the added benefit of keeping your grey matter in top shape – scientific studies have shown that highly educated people are less likely to develop degenerative brain diseases such as Alzheimer’s.

There is an array of opportunities available for further learning, ranging from fully-fledged university degrees to short courses covering just about every topic imaginable – Modern Manners 101, anyone?

Or perhaps you’d prefer to learn more about hula-hooping or sausage making? You could even send your man off to Kitchen Boot Camp for Blokes while you’re giggling your way through a Laugh for Life session (find both at www.cae.edu.au).

What’s Your Scene?

The first thing you need to consider in narrowing down your options for further study is what you’re hoping to achieve from it. If you’re simply looking to realise a long-held aspiration to learn how to belly dance, a local short course might fit the bill.

But if you’re aiming to further your career, you may need to look into something a

21

little more substantive, such as a TAFE or university qualification.

For those planning a career shift, it’s worthwhile finding out from a career advisor or someone in your chosen field whether you need any accreditation or formal qualification.

If you don’t have the prerequisites to jump straight into an accredited course or degree, many institutions offer bridging programs to help you get there. Some even have credit transfer arrangements with universities so you can earn credit towards a degree before you start.

When it comes to short courses you generally don’t need to satisfy any prerequisites to enroll.

One of the benefits of short courses is they can give you a preview of an area of study you might be thinking about pursuing further.

Studying For Personal Enrichment An area of education that has gained popularity over the past decade or two is personal development. There are seminars, workshops, retreats and courses aimed at helping people increase their confidence, achieve their life goals and generally boost their sense of health and wellbeing.

These programs are run by a range of institutions, including short-course providers, community colleges and private training institutes.

Nature Care College (www.naturecare.com.au)

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in New South Wales is one example, providing courses in natural medicine, life studies, counselling, life coaching, yoga and tactile therapies. The college provides training to practitioners as well as those wanting to learn natural therapy techniques for their own benefit.

The Happiness Institute (www.thehappinessinstitute.com.au) offers seminars and workshops as well as coaching for individuals, couples and small groups, and specialises in promoting the principles of positive psychology. While clinical psychology focuses on alleviating distress,

positive psychology is about teaching people how to maximise their happiness.

There are hundreds more learning centres like these, as you’ll discover with a little online research. And if you’re not sure whether a particular program is the right one for you, pick up the phone and call. Or better still, speak with someone who has been through the course already. Chanting self-help mantras may not be how you envisage learning time-management skills, for example, so make sure you know what you’re in for before you sign up!

A life-changing weekend

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Student: Rosemary Manners, 42 Course: It’s Your Future – Creative Future Dynamics Until she undertook this weekend seminar six years ago, Rosemary Manners was lacking in direction. “Up to that stage in my life I more or less just followed my nose and didn’t have any goals,” she recalls.

“The weekend course introduced me to NLP (neurolinguistic programming) and I came out with direction.”

The course taught Rosemary how to set goals and stick to them. At the time, she was running her own pharmacy.

“Instead of just managing the business from day to day, I chose what I wanted the business to achieve in the next year and the next five years,” she says. “Looking back now, the pharmacy performed those goals and more.”

Budgetary restraints can play a huge part in determining what sort of further education you’re able to undertake. Short courses can range from as little as under $100 to several thousands. A TAFE course will set you back between $30 and $7,000 per semester, with the average being $523 for full-time students, while the total cost of an undergraduate university degree averages out at around $20,000. The cost of postgraduate studies varies greatly so your best bet is to contact the institution you’re interested in. Also, don’t forget to look into your company’s further education policy – many organisations will contribute towards employees’ study fees if the course is relevant to their role. With longer courses, this will often be in exchange for a commitment to stay at the company for a specified minimum time period (or else you could find yourself dipping into your own pocket to pay the fees).

If your employer doesn’t have such an arrangement on offer but the study is still relevant to your working role, there could be

See The Way Nature Intended You To and throw away your glasses Eye exercises with Rita Danko that are easy, simple and fun.

Rita wore glasses herself but gave them away in 1991 after attending a Natural Vision Workshop in Melbourne. She then went on to study with Dr. Janet Goodrich in Crystal Waters, Maleny, Queensland to become a Natural Vision teacher in 1993. She has taught Vision Workshops, privately and at various schools, Monash University, Swinbourne College and CAE in Melbourne.

Based on the Bates Method these workshops help: • Close or far vision problems • Astigmatisms and dry tired eyes • Light intolerance • Computer workers • Anyone who hates wearing glasses or contact lenses • Those who want to maintain their good vision Natural Vision Workshops are based in Melbourne and held once a month for a full day. Thereafter, optional post workshop exercise classes once a week for an hour.

For Workshop times and dates please contact Rita Danko on 03 9803 7990 or email ardanko02@hotmail.com Also visit the website www.visionworkshops.com for more information.

April/May 2009

22

opportunities to claim the expense as a tax deduction, so check with your accountant or visit the Australian Taxation Office website at www.ato.gov.au.

To find out if you’re eligible for government financial assistance, call the Department of Education, Employment and Workplace Relations inquiry line on 1800 020 108. There are also scholarship opportunities available for undergraduate and postgraduate students. Universities will be able to provide you with further information on these.

“Online courses are less disruptive to people, their family and employer requirements because students can complete their online learning around all these demands,” says Professor Ann Brewer, CEO of the Centre for Continuing Education and deputy vice chancellor of the University of Sydney. “They can attend online learning in their pyjamas if they like, at any time, anywhere.”

Studying online also offers the advantage of allowing students to work at their own pace. “People aren’t hindered by slower class

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Finding The Time

The reality of taking on continued study is that it must be slotted in around other priorities and commitments including work and family. If you’re considering taking on a university degree, you need to be prepared for a pretty hefty workload, especially around exam time and when assignments are due.

Even if your contact hours initially seem low, don’t be fooled into thinking the rest of the week is free time – a full-time course is designed to be roughly equivalent to a normal full-time workload. Without a good support network this can be a highly onerous undertaking. However, there are ways around this if you think time is going to be a problem.

For example, studying part-time, temporarily deferring your studies or finding a course that allows flexible study.

If flexibility is a priority for you, there are now many courses that can be studied over the internet. You can even study all or part of a university course online through Open Universities Australia, (www.open.edu.au).

From short course to book deal Student: Amanda Falconer, 45 Course: Feature Writing For Magazines and Newspapers – Sydney Writers’ Centre.

After surviving what she describes as an “epic renovation disaster”, Amanda Falconer decided to write a book to save others from a similar fate. So she signed up for a writing course to help her get started. By the time she’d finished the intensive feature-writing course, Amanda had knocked out a rough draft of the first three chapters of her book. The course instructor worked with her to help her refine it. Less than a year after completing the course, Amanda secured a book deal with Penguin. The Renovator’s Survival Guide was released in February this year.

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Degree of Independence Student: Brigette McGuire, 39 Course: Master of Marketing – Monash University Brigette McGuire’s masters degree gave her the confidence she needed to quit her job as a senior sales executive at Channel 9 and go out on her own. Without an undergraduate degree to her name, Brigette first had to undertake an Executive Certificate of Marketing to gain entry into the masters program. While she was studying, she set up her own consultancy, McGuire Marketing Communications, specialising in sport marketing. The course not only presented her with fantastic networking opportunities with fellow students, it also gave her the tools to communicate with clients on a higher level. “It allowed me to grow my business and gain some fantastic clients who are fairly high profile in the world of sport,” she says.

“It’s allowed me to be self-employed and that was my goal.”

April/May 2009

the importance of that personal interaction in the coaching relationship,” says Dr Timothy Sharp, founder of The Happiness Institute. “Face-to-face is the golden standard.”

Whether you’re suited to studying online will also depend on your learning style. According to Daniel Midson-Short, life coach and founder of Lifestyle Revolution, people fall into three camps: visual, auditory or kinaesthetic, where you learn by doing or feeling. “A kinaesthetic learner might struggle more with online than face-to-face,” he says. If you’re not sure what sort of learner you are, he suggests checking out www.businessballs.com/vaklearningstylestest.html

Getting The Most Out Of Your Studies You only have to think back to those forced piano lessons – or whatever it was you reluctantly studied as a child – to know that you retain a lot more when you know why you’re learning something and you actually want to be doing it. So be clear on the reasons why you want to study before you commit. And always remember that learning is a journey. A course or seminar might give you a kick start and get you moving in the right direction, but if you really want to get the most out of your studies, you need to be prepared to treat the learning process as an ongoing commitment. Your skills can always be enhanced and refined – whether that be through practise, further formal study or by listening to the advice of former students.

Wisdom on the Web

The internet offers a wealth of information on further study. Here are a few suggested sites to get you started: • www.goingtouni.gov.au – contains general information about going to university, including a course finder that covers university and TAFE, and links to tertiary admission centres nationwide.

• www.courses.com.au – carries detailed information on more than 10,000 courses from universities, TAFE, community colleges and private institutions.

• www.cae.edu.au – the Council of Adult Education is the largest provider of short courses in Victoria.

• www.cce.usyd.edu.au – the Centre for Continuing Education is part of The University of Sydney and offers adult education courses and training programs.

• www.communitycolleges.nsw.edu.au – contains information about community colleges in New South Wales.

• www.communitycolleges.vic.edu.au – contains information about community colleges in Victoria.

24

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members because they study alone or create their own group of learners, so they can control issues that might frustrate them in a seminar room,” adds Ann. Some online programs may even offer cost savings relative to their on-site counterparts, as it is generally more expensive to deliver face-to-face tuition.

However, as Ann points out, studying online can have its drawbacks. “The instructor and other participants are not immediately available to ask questions or share thoughts, and many of us wish to learn in a social group and enjoy each other’s company. It’s also more difficult to learn alone; sharing ideas and information helps us learn more effectively.”

Studying alone also requires a lot more discipline.

“Online offers greater flexibility in our busy lives, but one needs to be very focused and self-directed,” says Debbie Littlehales, manager of member services, Community Colleges NSW. “The non-completion rates for online learning are very high.”

Moreover, some subjects simply aren’t suitable for online study. If you’re looking to fulfil that belly dancing dream or become a professional massage therapist, online is simply not going to cut it. Similarly, any sort of life coaching or counselling-based courses are going to be much more effective if you’re actually present, although it is possible to undertake these sorts of courses online.

“What we know from a lot of the psych therapy and counselling research is that you can’t underestimate

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In Focus

What is

success

We all want to be successful, but what does this actually mean? How do we know when we’ve achieved it? As Tarryn Brien reveals, it’s all about running your own race.

April/May 2009

voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

The key point here is, your definition of success is the right one. When you define your own success, you can achieve your own success!

Research shows that one of the factors that most significantly differentiates happy and successful people is that they have a clearer sense of their life purpose, direction

“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all” – Anna Quindlen and goals, and they make plans and take action to ensure they stay on course. It is happiness that makes people successful, not vice versa.

Holistic and spiritual life coach Dr Christina Winsey-Rudd says her number one success and happiness tip is, “Live by your definition of happiness and success.

Many people feel an ongoing sense of dissatisfaction with their lives or businesses

26

because they are using someone else’s ‘happiness measuring stick’. Comparing your life and achievements to those of others and using their criteria rather than yours is a sure-fire way to lose the happiness game.”

But what if we don’t know what our own definition of success looks like, let alone how to start moving towards it?

At The Happiness Institute we have a very simple PLAN model – an acronym you can use to work out what success and happiness means for you. Most people understand that to be fitter and healthier we need to develop relevant plans – for exercise and diet. Well, the same is true for happiness and success:

P

represents a positive image of the future in a few different areas of life, for example family, health and career.

Christina says, “Finding your definition of happiness may take a bit of personal growth work. It’s worth it to spend the time it takes to [decide] what constitutes a balanced, quality life to you… Your personal definition of success may look different from what you see most people accepting. Real happiness and success depend upon you dancing to your own drummer.”

Also, remember that if you spend your life comparing yourself to others, no matter

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M

any of us go about our daily activities without really thinking what it is we’re specifically working towards or what’s most important to us; pausing occasionally to notice where we ‘fail’ to measure up – particularly in comparison to others.

When studying psychology at university, I didn’t have a single lecture on the topic of success and thriving – if anything, we delved into areas such as failure to thrive and inability to function. But the school of positive psychology has turned this around, asking instead how we define and measure success and happiness.

Most of us would agree that success is far more than not failing, it stands alone. But it’s hard to achieve anything, including success and happiness, if you don’t know what it is – what it means for you and what you need to do to experience more of it. So clarity about what success means to you is the first step toward achieving it.

In his commencement address in June of 2005, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner

In Focus

who they are, the most you’ll ever be is just like them!

L

is for leveraging what you already have. Most of us are already achieving success in at least some areas of our life.

Think about what is working well in those areas and how to apply that to the other areas of your life to create overall success. Focusing on using your strengths and what is already working optimises potential and leads to increased efficiency, performance and chances of success (however you define it).

A

is for the action plan you need to develop. Studies show that great achievers in every field often create visions or dreams of exactly what they want and how they are going to get it. Brainstorm all the different options and actions available to you – even if some of them seem impossible – and then review these and select those that you are most committed to.

N

is a reminder to focus on your most immediate next steps. Don’t wait for everything to be ‘perfect’ – take some

positive steps now. Write down and commit to one step you can take this week. Today!

Right now!

This simple but powerful model can help you determine your definition of success and set your course for the future.

If you imagine what a great life would look like, consider what you already have (in the way of strengths, attributes, characteristics and resources) that will help you get there, determine exactly what you need to do, and take it one step at a time.

The following story illustrates just how important it is to have your own definition of success. Ten years after first being inspired by her father’s acting career, Marlo Thomas landed the lead in a summer production. But her excitement of finally being a ‘real’ actress was short-lived as all the interviews and reviews focused on comparisons with the man whose famous last name she shared. Would she be as good/ gifted/funny as her father? Would she be as popular? What follows is an excerpt from The Right Words at the Right Time (Atria): “‘Daddy… Please don’t be hurt when I tell you this. I want to change

my name. I love you but I don’t want to be a Thomas anymore.’

“I tried not to cry during the long silence. And then he said, ‘I raised you to be a thoroughbred. When thoroughbreds run they wear blinders to keep their eyes focused straight ahead with no distractions, no other horses. They hear the crowd, but they don’t listen. They just run their own race. That’s what you have to do. Don’t listen to anyone comparing you to me or to anyone else. You just run your own race.’

“The next night as the crowd filed into the theatre, the stage manager knocked on my dressing room door and handed me a white box with a red ribbon. I opened it up and inside was a pair of old horse blinders with a little note that read, ‘Run your own race, Baby’.

“He could have said it a dozen other ways: ‘Be independent’; ‘Don’t be influenced by others’. But it wouldn’t have been the same.

He chose the right words at the right time. The old horse blinders were the right gift. And all through my life, I’ve been able to cut to the chase by asking myself, ‘Am I running my own race or somebody else’s?’”

Expert business coach and facilitator, Tarryn Brien is practice owner of The Happiness Institute in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs and offers corporate and individual coaching sessions, programs and corporate workshops. To contact her email tarryn@thehappinessinstitute.com or phone 1300 733 743.

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Beauty

You

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Style

Love Yourself in

Lingerie

If you would rather take a cold shower in winter than even think about donning some sexy lingerie to parade around the house, image consultants Isobel and Anna Martin aim to change all this. Follow their advice to have you feeling sexy and self-confident, day and night.

I

f you’re cringing at thought of yourself in some sexy lingerie, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most of us focus on the negative aspects of our bodies and are often so consumed by the fact our bodies don’t fit the social ‘norm’, we rarely celebrate who we are and what we have to offer.

In How to Look Good Naked Carson Kressley does a great job demonstrating how we view ourselves much more negatively than those around us do. Just as he reveals to the women on his show, we are all beautiful and unique and, let’s face it, if we all looked and dressed the same it would be a very boring world.

Life is too short to focus on the negatives and, having worked with women of all shapes and sizes, we are here to tell you that ALL women can feel sexy in lingerie, simply by selecting the right garments for their body shape and lifestyle.

Lingerie, including your underwear and nightwear, is wonderful in that gives shape to your body and can do a great job of highlighting some areas and camouflaging others. Sure, we all have the casual bras and underpants for when the time requires, and we

Sporty

are all guilty of having our favourite flannelette pyjamas or tracksuit to slop around it at home, but there’s something about a little bit of satin and lace to make us feel so much more sexy and self-confident.

What a lot of us forget is that lingerie needs to fit properly to give support and definition to our body shapes and be a natural extension of us. It is important to be properly fitted by a professional. The wrong size is not only uncomfortable, it fails to provide all the necessary support for your posture and it makes you bulge in all the wrong places.

Most lingerie shops and department stores should have trained professionals who understand sizing and styles. There is a vast range of lingerie brands for all body types to choose from and it can be easy to be overwhelmed by all the different labels.

Talking to an expert will allow you to shop with confidence. They will advise you on the styles suitable for you and will save you a lot of time.

Try to avoid going lingerie shopping when you are in a rush. Take time to try on different styles. Different brands also tend to have slightly different sizing ranges so you need to try on

Straight Bra (10-16, B-DD) and brief (10-16) set, ($34.95) by Bassoni, (02) 9723 9222

Sports Bra ($69.95, 10-18, B-E)

by Berlei, 1800 645 045

bras before buying them. When trying on lingerie don’t forget to put your clothes back on.

Lingerie needs to sit comfortably under your clothing so it gives you balance and shape.

Your body shape influences the types of clothing styles that suit you and lingerie is no exception. If you have a large bust select styles that give shape to your bust line and help minimise bust size, while providing support.

Smaller busted women need styles that give definition and should look for bras with padded cups. If you are bigger on the bottom, padded cups can help create balance. Straight body shapes look great in straighter lines while curvy body shapes look good in softer lines.

Everyone’s body shape is different, so if you’re not sure what body shape you are, an image consultant can help you here. Lingerie is the foundation of your wardrobe so take the time to find out what styles work for you.

Well-fitted lingerie should flatter, enhance and give proportion your body shape.

Tips on Choice To find the perfect pieces of lingerie this winter think about your personality, lifestyle and any

Curved Bra ($54.95, 10-14, A-D), and culotte ($39.95, S-XL), by Elle Macpherson Intimates, 1800 338 235

There are many lingerie pieces that offer great functionality. We have put together the following list to help with your selection process: • • • • • • •

For fuller figures try Berlei or Trinny & Susannah For curved figures try Elle Machpherson Intimates or Le Mystere For straight/athletic figures try Fine Lines or Bassoni For shapewear try Hollywood or Nearly Nude For maternity wear try Loveable or Bendon Lingerie For nightwear try Elle Machpherson Afterwear or Bendon Loungerie For sportswear try Bendon Sport or Berlei Ultrasport

Bra ($59.95, 10-16, A-E) and brief ($19.95, 10-16), for fuller figures, by Berlei, 1800 645 045

upcoming special events. This will influence the clothes you wear and the lingerie worn under them. Are you comfortable wearing lingerie with lots of frills and lace? Is your lingerie appropriate to the occasion? Will lingerie with lots of detailing be appropriate for a workplace or are you better selecting lingerie with less noticeable seams and lace? This does not mean that your lingerie needs to be boring. There is an abundance of sexy lingerie with more subtle lines available.

We recommend colour-coordinating your lingerie with your clothing. If your skirt or dress is made of a light fabric and is not lined, a slip or petticoat will prevent the see-through look.

Remember, some things are best left to the imagination.

Select colours that best complement you.

The right colours harmonise with your skin tones and make you look and feel amazing. Camisoles in your colours look great under tops and jackets, and why limit yourself to daywear? Look fabulous in your nightwear as well.

The same rules apply for nightwear in regards to colours, body lines, personality, lifestyle and occasion. Are you after something

sexy and romantic or will more practical nightwear suit your needs better? Dressing in your colours makes you radiate and is a great tip for looking taller and slimmer.

Select items in fabrics that make you feel luxurious and sexy. Again, your body shape will dictate the styles best suited to you. Aim for overall balance and proportion. If you are bigger on the bottom half then select garments with more detailing on the top and keep the bottom half plain. The opposite applies if you are bigger on top. If you are petite, keep everything in one colour to give the illusion of height and be cautious of long billowing garments that may overwhelm you. Vertical lines are always your friend. Remember to follow the lines of your body.

Buying lingerie in smaller quantities more often gives you the opportunity to ensure it meets your needs and lifestyle changes. If you love the lingerie piece you can always go back to the store and buy more. This will save you wasting money on impulsive items you don’t wear.

Where possible, wash your lingerie by hand as this will reduce fabric and elastic distortion and will extend its lifespan. Don’t forget to

Shapewear (Left) Skinny strap tank ($45.95, S-L)

by Nearly Nude, www.nearlynude.com.au (Right) Chemise, ($250, S-L) by Elle Macpherson Intimates, 1800 338 235

adjust bra straps as the elastic starts to stretch and replace the garment once the fabric gives.

A bra is not much use if it no longer provides support and lacks sex appeal.

Always invest in a good quality sports bra that is designed to give the right amount of support for the kind of sport you are undertaking. Your body will thank you later!

Once you have the correctly-styled underwear, cover it with clothing that works for you.

Remember, you don’t have to be a sizeeight supermodel to enjoy the luxuries of good quality lingerie. With so much to choose from, there’s something for everyone. It’s just a matter of spending a bit of time on ‘you’ and working through your options to find the right pieces to help you look and feel amazing.

Sisters, Isobel and Anna Martin are accredited image consultants and co-founders of image consultancy Izziana Image. For more info email izziana@izzianaimage.com.au or visit www.izzianaimage.com.au

Nightwear Maternity Bra ($59.95, 12-16B, 10-18C-E ) and brief ($29.95, 10-18),

by Loveable, 1300 429 468

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Spirituality

Listen to your

inner tuition We all have it, but many don’t know how to use it.

Dana Mrkich explains how to tap into your intuition and let it guide you on the right path.

iStockphoto

I

remember my first experience with a GPS (global positioning system). A friend and I had embarked on a road trip down the south coast of NSW and decided to take the windy roads less travelled. The scenery was more beautiful and the drive much more pleasurable.

Her parents had lent us their GPS “just in case” but we threw it into the glove compartment because we thought we didn’t need it and, besides, we had no idea how to use it!

A couple of hours passed and after seeing signs for Canberra we realised we were more off the beaten track than we thought. We could either head back the way we came, get on the highway and go the more traditional route, thereby losing most of the day, or we could succumb to technology and get out the GPS. We somehow managed to work out how to input our current location and desired end location, and hey presto! Directions appeared on the screen and the GPS lady was speaking to us: “Go straight for seven kilometres. Turn right on Smith Street.” It was like a miracle – the GPS knew the short way there from where we were – and before too long we were driving up to our destination.

I joked that it would be great if we all had an inner GPS telling us which way to go at every moment, and all we had to do was input where we wanted to go! Mid-laughter, I realised that of course we do, only we call it our intuition, which really is our inner guidance system. And just like my initial experience with the GPS, intuition is a strange and new concept for lots of people.

Most of us have never been taught how to use it and don’t realise (until we experience it) how much more simple life is when we use it.

The word ‘intuition’ can seem scary and intangible, yet it truly is as simple a concept as this: imagine that inside you have your very

own GPS. It is connected to what I like to call your soul manual, which states exactly who you really are, why you are here and what you came here to do and experience. Your soul manual is constantly being updated, with new desires born as a result of living life and realising all the choices and ever-expanding options on offer.

Your soul manual regularly sends you reminders of what it holds via your feelings and desires. That eternal longing for a soul mate, the yearning to travel or live in Paris, the urge to have children, the calling to write a book – these are all parts of your soul manual and they are the ‘desired destinations’ programmed into your inner GPS. Your inner guidance system is the most accurate navigational life tool available because it is uniquely tailored to suit you and only you.

When you follow it, you get to where you want to go via the best possible route. You attract to yourself all that you need and live life in a magical, ‘follow the signs’ kind of way.

When we focus on our desired destinations without connecting to our inner GPS, we have a tendency to feel overwhelmed. Other people’s opinions, old beliefs, fears that don’t serve us and the sheer enormity of the desire ahead can leave us feeling lost and confused, wondering which path or decision is the right one, wondering how on earth we will ever get to where we want to go or whether we even have the ability to do so.

Here’s a quick guide showing you how to recognise, connect to and follow your inner GPS: • Your connection can only be clear and strong when your thoughts are positive – negative thoughts literally bend your ‘antennas’, clouding the messages you receive. They also create feelings and body symptoms that don’t feel good, which is a sure sign you need to get your antennas straightened up! Train yourself

33

to look at the positive aspects of all situations in your life and if that is challenging, focus on something positive. If it makes you feel good, that’s the sign your antennae is straight and strong, and good guidance can flow through!

• Your GPS is speaking to you in every moment and communicates to you in a way that is similar to the ‘hot/cold’ game you may have played as a child where the closer you get, the hotter you are and colder is when you’re further away. If you have a decision in front of you, imagine doing one thing, then another. Which feels better?

One will feel more expansive, liberating, energising or exciting (even if it’s challenging your comfort zone, it will still feel essentially good). The other will feel less so or even downright restrictive, draining your energy.

Or you may get a gut feeling of it not being the right path or choice for you, even if you have no idea why. Always go with the option that feels best as it will always lead you to your desired destination in the best possible way, even if from your current standpoint you can’t see how.

Your intuition may not seem to be logical or rational. You will be guided in ways that may make no sense immediately. Sometimes your mind will be screaming, ‘You can’t afford it’, ‘You’ll end up alone’, ‘You’ll never find another job!’ Meanwhile something feels inexplicably right about what you are about to do. So trust your inner GPS and let this amazing part of your self guide you.

Dana Mrkich is a spiritual intuitive, radio host, author of A New Chapter (Zeus Publications), and creator/teacher of Walking the Rainbow Path, an online chakra course. She offers soul sessions via email to clients all around the world.

For more information email dana@danamrkich. com or visit www.danamrkich.com

www.empoweronline.com.au

In Her Shoes

witched

Stacey Demarco is a witch living a magical existence in a modern world. She leaves Tammy Warner-Wilson spellbound with the wondrous ways of wicca.

I

had no idea what to expect from my first encounter with a ‘witch’. Given my meagre exposure to witchcraft (Harry Potter and Charmed don’t count for much), my creative mind went into overdrive, concocting fanciful visions of an odd, cackling woman creating potions with all manner of curious ingredients.

Yet when I meet Stacey Demarco at her Sydney office, I soon realise she is the complete opposite of my stereotypical expectations. Her credentials are impressive – a metaphysicist and witch for more than a decade, Stacey is the author of three books on witchcraft, has participated as a judge on the Channel 7 psychic series, The One, and was recently named the 2009 Australian Psychic of the Year. She is presented immaculately in a grey suit and welcomes me to take a seat, all the while oozing the charisma of a corporate superstar.

Suffice to say, I am intrigued to know how this captivating woman became a witch. “I wasn’t born into witchcraft, though there are a lot of people who have a long lineage of it in their family,” Stacey says.

“I basically got to my mid-twenties and realised that although I was really successful in the corporate world, I had gone too far in one direction and didn’t have much that I believed was real,” she recalls.

To combat her feelings of disenchantment Stacey started to investigate different spiritual practices. Despite her detailed research into many of the world’s biggest religions, nothing resonated until she stumbled across a book about wicca called The Spiral Dance, by Starhawk (HarperOne). Feeling an immediate connection to the content, Stacey sought

April/May 2009

out more information about wicca and the ‘goddess’ religions.

“I remember feeling like I’d come home.

I already felt more spiritual and closer to something bigger than myself when I was in the ocean or when I was in a rainforest. I never felt that way when I was in a church,” she says. “But it’s not like one day you wake up and call yourself a witch. It was a day-by-day progression into a way of life that I found very, very easy in one way, but incredibly challenging in some others. It’s a demanding path because it requires you to be powerful from the inside out. To get there is a life’s work.”

It’s easy to understand why Stacey speaks so passionately about her spiritual journey.

Contrary to popular belief, witchcraft isn’t focused on devil worshipping. Rather, it’s an

Fast Fact

According to the 2006 Census, 8,214 Australians identify themselves as wiccan. ancient, nature-based religion that strives to create peaceful harmony and balance.

Practising witches believe that human beings and nature are part of an interconnected divine force.

Like other religions with multiple sects, there are also various traditions within witchcraft. One of the most common of these is wicca, which was established in the 1950s by Gerald Gardner. At the time, Gerald referred to the religion as ‘witchcraft’, and it’s followers ‘the Wica’. He has been quoted describing it as a modern survival of the pre-Christian (pagan) religions in Europe, though the term wicca

34

has since expanded to include other forms of goddess-orientated witchcraft.

Stacey says that for her, wicca is the belief in a force bigger than herself. “Different witches call it different things, but I refer to it as the goddess – an unknowable and beautiful feminine force that sticks everything together,” she explains. “I am what you call an ‘eclectic solitary witch’, which means I pull different things from all the traditions in witchcraft and some of the ancient ways to create a tradition that works best for me.”

While there is no formal text of rules for wiccan witches, there are certain spiritual laws they’re required to abide by. “There is one main tenet of wicca: harm none and you can do what you will. It sounds easy, but from the moment you clean your teeth in the morning you’re killing bacteria,” Stacey says. “So there are all kinds of things you need to think about – and it’s not that I don’t clean my teeth – but it comes down to your intention. We have a certain amount of freedom.

“Wicca is very active and practical, but it’s also pleasurable. We use our emotions as a guide. So if you’re doing something that’s a happy thing for you, and it’s not hurting anybody else, it’s like a prayer. We also have a concept called the ‘great work’. My first great work was my first book, but there are other things I want to do as part of my great work before I die. I want to be a really interesting old wiccan witch!”

As wicca is an earth-based religion, its followers believe in rebirth and participate in numerous festivals that are closely connected to the cycles of nature. These are referred to as witches’ sabbats or wiccan spiritual holidays, and include Yule (winter solstice),

Photo courtesy Stacey Demarco; iStockphoto

In Her Shoes

Eostre (spring equinox) and Beltaine, also known as May Day. The sabbats provide an opportunity for witches to connect with the seasons and honour the earth.

By way of example, Stacey explains that May Day is about the coming of spring (seasons are reversed in the southern hemisphere).

“Beltaine is a fertility festival where traditionally women dance around a maypole and ask for the seeds to be planted.”

A well-known aspect of witchcraft is the use of spells, which are used to set the intent of a desire and help manifest it in reality. Many tools can be used to help focus the energy, such as an athame (dagger), a wand, herbs or crystals. Spells also enable a witch to connect with the goddess, or divine force, which is said to invoke magic.

Witches make note of all the spells they cast in a personal journal called the Book of Shadows, which helps them to track their successes.

Stacey has her own Book of Shadows which also includes her vision letters (letters written to herself reflecting a positive situation that has already happened), though she’s quick to admit the first time she tried her hand at a spell it didn’t quite go to plan. “I lit some candles and started to read the ritual I’d typed out, but I was concentrating so hard to get it right that I lent the paper over the flame and it caught fire,” she laughs. “I poured a vase of flowers over the paper, but not before the curtains caught fire too!”

These days Stacey is well adept in the art of magic. She has travelled the world to research and practise witchcraft within different cultures, and now advocates the use of practical magic to members of the public via regular workshops, seminars and personal spell-casting consultations, as well as through her books and TV appearances.

She’s perfected her personal practice too.

“Real witchcraft is very grounded. Perhaps what I bring to the wiccan table is simplicity and relevance in modern times,” she muses.

“I remember writing a vision letter about a particular house I wanted to live in. One day my husband phoned to tell me about a house for sale that he thought I would really like. I had never shared any of my vision letters with him, but when I saw it, I realised it was my dream home – right down to the frangipani tree at the door and the smell of wax from the floor. I showed him the letter, which had been written a couple of years earlier, and said, ‘We’d better buy the house!’

“I do heaps of spells, and my next one will be around my new-year resolutions for 2009.

At different times of the year, I place different

“Wicca encourages you not to be a survivor of what’s happened to you in the past, but a flourisher” things on my altar, which just looks like a coffee table overlooking the view from my house. It simply has a little statue of a goddess that a friend of mine carved for me and right now it’s summer so I’ve got everything from frangipanis to some salt water from the ocean and particular symbols of a goddess I’m working with at the moment. For autumn I will collect some autumn leaves and nuts, and for winter I might use some dry wood.

“Some people are really formal with an altar cloth and the chalice and athame, but I put my tools away when I’m not using them. I’ve got all kinds of things, though I

35

don’t necessarily wear them or have them on show – I don’t feel I need to do that. Everyone is different, though, and that’s the beauty of it,” she explains.

While Stacey is passionate about her way of life, it also provides challenges when people in the community assume that witchcraft implies evil. She’s had her garbage bin burnt, her house painted in graffiti and has even been heckled in an airport lounge for wearing a small goddess symbol around her neck.

Because of this, Stacey is protective about where she lives and is careful not to involve her family and friends, all of whom she says provide unwavering support. “I have a wonderful husband who is a doctor and he is very much a scientist. We have amazing debates and very intellectual conversations about the nature of all kinds of things,” she says excitedly. “My parents are also very proud, but they don’t see me as being any different, except that I’m happier.”

When asked what she values so much about her faith, Stacey’s eyes sparkle with certainty. “There is an old saying that wicca encourages you not to be a survivor of what’s happened to you in the past, but a flourisher.

Internally, I love how connected it makes me feel, how sure. Externally, I love that I can assist others and be of service. Being of service is very important.”

All too quickly it’s time for me to bid farewell and Stacey and I hug goodbye like old friends. Stepping out into the afternoon sunshine, I make my way home and ponder Stacey’s obvious passion for her spirituality.

With her intuitive insights and playful demeanour, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this kind-hearted wiccan witch is a woman everyone would benefit to know.

www.empoweronline.com.au

In Focus

The Weekend Cleanse F You’ll breeze through Monday morning after this weekend DIY detox.

Naturopath Emma Yates lays down the plan.

Friday

or many, the idea or thought of a detox conjures up images of discomfort and deprivation. But a detox is really about giving the body a rest from the barrage of bad habits that don’t nurture or support our often overworked systems. The weekend detox is perfect for anyone who wants to have a weekend that’s all about you – nurturing your body with good food, rest and relaxation.

The secret to success is great planning. Use the preceding week to run any important errands, get the house tidy and the shopping done. Book yourself an appointment for a massage on Saturday morning.

There are a few things you won’t be having over the weekend so this is the time to reduce these in your diet. See the ‘what not to have’ checklist for what to reduce during the week leading up to your weekend detox. This is not about deprivation, though, so whenever we reduce or eliminate something we need to exchange it with something we enjoy. Something you can easily incorporate into your lifestyle, for example, swapping coffee for herbal tea. Here is a suggested schedule for your weekend detox.

• Ditch the Friday night drinks and head straight home from work.

• Have your dinner early so you don’t go to bed on a really full stomach, as this can make the digestive system have to work harder.

• dinner: Chop up garlic, ginger and shallots and place on top of a piece of salmon. Place the salmon in a metal steamer for 10 to 15 minutes depending on how you like your fish cooked. Serve with steamed bok choy and broccolini.

• Before bed, have a bath with about 450 grams epsom salts. Relax for 20 minutes with a cup of your favourite herbal tea. This will increase perspiration to aid in the removal of toxins.

Light some candles. Be careful getting out of the bath as the heat may cause light-headedness.

• Have an early night curled up with a good book.

• Before sleep, concentrate on your breathing. Notice the breath moving in and out through your nostrils gently. Concentrating on breathing calms the mind and then the body. Thank your body for being strong, fit and vital.

Saturday • On rising, drink some warm water with the juice of half a lemon or a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar.

• Put on your sneakers and exercise gear and go for a brisk walk to get the circulation pumping. Finish with some stretches and drink plenty of water.

• Use a skin brush before showering.

• Breakfast: A plate of fresh fruit, plus an organic egg on spelt or rye bread.

• Start a healthy dream board. Get some cardboard and old magazines and cut out pictures to paste on to the board. Make it all about your health and wellbeing. Goals are great, but without our health we can’t enjoy anything else. Cut out pictures that represent glowing health to you, images of peace and tranquillity, healthy food, massages, spa treatments or exercise. Make a pact with yourself to keep treating your body with the respect it deserves.

April/May 2009

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iStockphoto

• Go to your massage appointment and take some fruit in case you get hungry.

In Focus

Saturday (cont.)

• lunch: A huge salad – think colour. Combine vegetables from the following list: rocket, watercress, tomatoes, cucumber, celery, red onion, carrot, avocado, cooked pumpkin, shallots or baked beetroot. Finish with fresh herbs such as parsley, coriander, mint or basil. Fresh herbs taste great and contain chemicals that have therapeutic benefits. Add a tin of tuna in olive oil.

• Spend the afternoon doing something you love to do. Visit a friend, read your book, have a nap or go to the beach – something that’s relaxing and just for you.

• Eat before 7pm. Going to bed on a full stomach makes digestion difficult.

• dinner: Bake an organic chicken breast with some extra virgin olive oil to keep it moist, then slice (bake an extra piece to have cold with lunch tomorrow). Chop up equal parts of fresh mint and coriander. Slice ¼ of a red onion. Cut in half two handfuls of cherry tomatoes. Add all ingredients to a bowl.

Dressing: This is a great low-fat Thai style dressing that can be added to any salad with some mint and coriander. Mix equal parts lemon juice and fish sauce – be careful not to add too much fish sauce. Try four tablespoons of each and check for taste.

What

notto have

?

what not to have: Coffee what to have instead: Dandelion coffee, herbal teas, warm water with freshly-squeezed lemon juice.

Eliminating coffee may cause headaches, so drinking lots of water may help. what not to have: Alcohol what to have instead: Sparkling mineral water with a sliver of fresh lime and lots of ice in a huge wine glass. what not to have: Sugar what to have instead: Fresh fruit is a great alternative for a sweet tooth. Berries are fantastic due to their high levels of anti-ageing antioxidants.

• Have an early night after watching a chick flick of your choice.

Sunday • Sleep in!

• Repeat Saturday morning’s lemon or apple cider vinegar then take a gentle walk.

• Use a skin brush before showering.

• Breakfast: Mushrooms and red onion, gently sauteed in extra virgin olive oil and a splash of balsamic vinegar.

• Finish your dream board.

• lunch: Have a huge salad with the extra chicken breast you cooked last night. Dress with an olive oil-based dressing of your choice. Use olive oil as the base and add something tart – either lemon juice or your favourite type of vinegar. Shake up with your favourite mustard and a clove of garlic.

• Give yourself a facial. Grab some cleanser, your favourite scrub and a mask. Put on your favourite music, cleanse, scrub, then lay with your mask on soaking up the sounds of your favourite album.

• dinner: Take a salmon fillet, remove the bones with tweezers, pop on a piece of foil, smear with Dijon mustard, a tablespoon of chopped capers and red onion. Pop in a preheated oven for 20 minutes. Serve with steamed zucchini, yellow squash and broccolini.

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• Relax with a good book or film before having an early night.

Now you’re ready for a new week feeling fresh and renewed!

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what not to have: White flour what to have instead: Don’t just concentrate on wholemeal bread, experiment with all sorts of grains such as brown rice, oats, quinoa, spelt and rye. what not to have: Dairy what to have instead: Try rice or soy milk. Choose a soy milk that uses whole beans, not isolate. what not to have: Takeaway and processed foods what to have instead: Start making easy dishes from scratch.

Stir fries, baked fish, meat or chicken.

Add salads and steamed vegetables.

Emma Yates has been a qualified naturopath for over 12 years and now facilitates corporate workshops teaching permanent lifestyle changes to improve health and wellbeing. Contact her via email at emma.naturopath@gmail.com

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Sister Profile

Act

From music teacher and mentor to not-for-profit CEO, Jessica Brown is helping to change the lives of at-risk teenage girls around the country. Jo Hegerty discovers what drives her passion.

L

istening to Jessica Brown speak about the SISTER2sister program, it’s not difficult to see why her local community happily made 10,000 lavender bags to raise money for the program, or how she managed to convince the government to fork out a grant.

Nor is it hard to believe she has a queue of successful women, including Natalie Bassingthwaighte and champion swimmer Shelley Taylor Smith, lined up to help her change the lives of at-risk teenage girls. Jessica is passionate and focused, and her belief in her chosen path so unshakeable you just want to jump on board.

A flautist, Jessica spent her school years divided between music, dance and singing lessons. Then, fifteen years ago, she stepped from her comfortable and pleasant upbringing in Sydney’s northern beaches into a teaching career in the western suburbs. Working as a music teacher, she quickly realised just how idyllic her upbringing had been. “I was in an area where I saw a lot,” she recalls. “It was a shock. I had no concept of how other people lived, I was quite sheltered and naive.”

Her first year of teaching was tough, but Jessica didn’t let that stop her. She quickly realised that the students who misbehaved were the ones who needed help. “Behind these kids were really sad and sometimes horrific stories,” she says. “No wonder they were playing up at school.”

Jessica implemented a mentoring program within the school and soon the music teacher found her calling. “I loved the challenge of working with the really troubled kids,” she recalls. “The principal would call me in to talk about a certain student and rather than being suspended, they’d end up in my backstage

April/May 2009

don’t have to go down the same path as their mother or father. A lot of them don’t know that.”

In the five years since the foundation started, the program has touched the lives of more than 200 teenage girls and their communities, and has expanded from Sydney Wanting More to Melbourne, with plans to reach Adelaide This sense of achievement was the best gift Jessica could give to those students, but after 10 and Brisbane in the near future. It hasn’t been years teaching, she was personally ready to take an easy road and Jessica acknowledges it has consumed her whole life. For the first half of the next step. Despite her stellar career and the foundation’s existence, she continued winning a prestigious National Excellence in part-time teaching, spending evenings Teaching Award, Jessica had a dream beyond speaking to community groups and asking for the classroom. “I wanted to run a national, multi-million-dollar company doing something support. It was around this time the lavender bags appeared. “We just did whatever it took,” I loved,” she says. “So I asked myself, ‘What am I good at?’ I explored a few things, but kept recalls Jessica, “and that’s the thing, I’ve never had a shortage of people to help.” coming back to the same answer – working In fact, Jessica was so inundated with with teenagers.” offers of help from potential mentors that Jessica came up with the idea for the Life she had to give them something to do. “We Changing Experiences Foundation, which needed funding and I had all these women involved running a program where successful crew. I had all the so-called ‘thugs’ working with me and they were unbelievable – as soon as you gave them a bit of direction and encouragement, along with some teamwork, they achieved.”

“Seeing the little sisters graduate each year takes me back to why we’re all here... it’s all about opening the girls’ eyes to the possibilities of their lives” women mentored troubled teenage girls for 12 months, naming it the SISTER2sister program. The model was based on Jessica’s experience at school, where she’d seen the difference a mentor could make.

“A mentor is quite different to a teacher.

They’re not there to judge, they’re there to listen. They’re not there to tell anyone what to do, but to guide them and be a healthy role model. The teenager can witness the choices their mentor has made in their life. It’s about giving these kids the knowledge that they

40

rearing to go, so I came up with the Sisters Aiding the SISTER2Sister Initiative (SASSI) where groups of 10 volunteers get together to organise fundraising events. It’s been such a success.”

Jessica is overwhelmed by the response to her foundation, but not really surprised as there are so many successful women out there who are willing to give up precious time to help.

So what does it mean to be a successful woman? “Among our big sisters we have corporates, lawyers, surgeons, a seven-time

Fact File

Name: Jessica Brown Age: 38 Achievements: National Excellence in Teaching Award, nominated twice for the Telstra Australian Business Women’s Awards and for Australian of the Year in 2005. Winner of the Pride of Australia Award in 2006. Named as one of the 100 most influential people in education. Founder of the Life Changing Experiences Foundation. But her greatest achievement? “My 50 little sisters,” she says.

Biggest Inspiration: “The phenomenal people in our organisation. The staff and the volunteers – they’re all angels.”

Biggest Motivation: “It’s so good to know that what you’re doing makes a difference. Also knowing that I’m doing exactly what I set out to do.”

Goals: “My business goals are to raise enough cash so we’re not always worrying about it. To get through the financial turbulence, sustain what we’ve set up and continue our work in the community. Then to start the Brisbane program in 2010. My personal goal is to get married.”

Advice for other aspiring women: • Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve what you want.

• Look after yourself – if you don’t, you can’t look after others.

• Realise the past doesn’t equal the future. Deal with the trauma of the past, but don’t focus on it. Focus on a bright future.

• Surround yourself with positive people.

Big sister Jessica Brown leads the fun at a recent little sister boot camp.

world champion, and we’ve had stay-at-home mums. Being successful means someone who has chosen a productive, healthy, fulfilling path and made good choices. It means they have set goals and achieved them.”

When asked if she would describe herself as someone who sets goals, Jessica laughs.

“Yes, absolutely. I am constantly setting goals and putting them up on my bedroom wall.

No wonder I don’t sleep at night!”

One such goal in the early days of the foundation was to get tax-deductible donations status for corporations, which the tenacious Jessica fought for 18 months to establish. Another major hurdle was to get sustained funding for the foundation. This Jessica managed by “jumping up and down” in parliament and talking to “anyone who would listen” in the House of Representatives.

Finally, after two-and-a half years, she secured a three-year government grant. “That was a major highlight for me. At that point I could leave teaching and hire a personal assistant.”

Today, Jessica spends her time researching grants and writing proposals, networking, recruiting and speaking to key people to raise funds. In addition to this, she is regularly

called upon by the media to comment on everything from Lindsay Lohan’s 2007 breakdown to policy decisions affecting at-risk teenagers. The foundation now has three full-time staff and three contractors, bolstered by more than 200 active volunteers in Sydney and Melbourne, and Jessica is now at a point where she can step back a little. Not that this has been easy. “I’m getting there. We have a night where we match the big and little sisters, and for the first time in five years, I didn’t attend. It was so hard, but I wanted to empower my staff who’ve been there, done that, for three years.”

Jessica is now starting to look at her personal life, which she admits has been long neglected. “The goals on my wall are all business, but now, for the first time in five years, I can start thinking about me. The whole work–life balance is a work in progress, but I’ve come a long way. The last five years hasn’t been an easy road, I have been a workaholic and there have been times of enormous stress; a lot of hard work, diligence, resilience, determination, positive risk taking and staying positive – you have to have a lot of passion to do that.”

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And passion is something Jessica has in bucketloads. “Seeing the little sisters graduate each year and seeing how far they’ve come really takes me back to why we’re all here.

The girls get up and make these phenomenal speeches, saying ‘I don’t know if I’d be here if it wasn’t for the program’, ‘these are the goals I set and this is what I’ve achieved’, or ‘I’ve had the most terrible childhood, I want to make sure my kids don’t turn out like me’.

That’s our vision – to break the cycle so it doesn’t continue.”

Jessica goes on to tell the story of a little sister who was doing work experience at a law firm: “I rang her the night before to say good luck and I said, ‘I didn’t know you wanted to be a lawyer’. She said, ‘I didn’t know I could be’. That’s what it’s all about for me – opening the girls’ eyes to the possibilities of their lives.”

So only one question remains: where do we sign up?

For more information on the Life Changing Experiences Foundation, visit the website at www.lifechangingexperiences.org

www.empoweronline.com.au

Relationships

A new understanding Identifying our own personality type and that of those around us can create understanding and harmony in our relationships. Claire Hall shows us how.

Personality Profiles Naming different personality traits originates from the Greek doctor Hippocrates – considered

April/May 2009

the father of modern western medicine – who labelled them Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric and Melancholy. Today, there are hundreds of different tools used to measure key personality and behavioural traits, such as Myers Briggs, DISC, the Learning Styles Indicator (LSI), Kolbe and MyProfile to name a few. Essentially the key characteristics of each of the personality groups are fundamentally similar.

Knowledge is power and if we are able to have a clear understanding of which personality type we are dealing with at any given moment, the possibility of conflict turns into an opportunity for support and a deepening of our relationships. For example, understanding why your mother never listens or why your best friend struggles to say no to her boss, can potentially turn a frustrating situation into a positive experience.

The behavioural profiling tool I use in my coaching practice, MyProfile, defines the four key profiles as Driver, Promoter, Administrator and Supporter. Personality profiling is an opportunity to gain greater insight into one’s unique ability to apply their strengths and potentially compensate for any weakness. It also provides a framework to better understand and accept the numerous

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interacting personalities throughout your relationships. When we start to understand why people behave the way they do, we gain greater clarity of our own behavioural patterns. We start to build confidence in our communication as we become more open, effective and comfortable with adapting to other profiles.

Here is a snapshot of the MyProfile assessment. First, put yourself into an environment for which you would like to understand yourself and others better. For example, picture yourself either in a work environment, at a family gathering, or at home with your partner. Different relationship scenarios can yield different results.

Tick the boxes below that most relate to you:

driver o o o o o o

Like to solve problems and get quick results.

Tend to question the rules.

Like direct answers, variety and independence.

Like being in charge of your life.

Know what you want and you go after it.

Like to test yourself with new challenges.

promoter o Get enthusiastic about things. o Don’t like dealing with little details.

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O

ur entire lives are made up of a multitude of relationships, from partners and family, to social and professional connections, with each contributing to an extensive network in which we identify ourselves.

It will come as no surprise to learn that we all think differently, and yet why is it we constantly expect others to act, think and feel the same as we do? As a society we have been brought up to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves. This creates an assumption that everyone wants to be treated as we do.

Often this is not the case. For example, a recent client was complaining that her husband refuses to try new things. This disagreement symbolised their inherent personalities – my client loves variety and change while her husband craves stability and consistency. It is more authentic if we start treating others as they themselves wish to be treated. But how can we know what our partner, parents, siblings, children or work colleagues prefer?

o o o o

Like to persuade others and talk people into things.

Tend to be open and talk about thoughts and feelings.

Like to work with people rather than alone.

Enjoy telling stories and entertaining people.

administrator o o o o o o

Like to meet high personal standards.

Tend to think a lot about things before deciding.

Like to have clear rules and assignments.

Enjoy figuring things out.

Don’t like it when people question your work.

Like working with people who are organised and good at doing their job.

Supporter o o o o o o

Like to have things organised and to have things stay the same.

Tend to be patient and a good listener.

Like to participate in a group rather than lead, and like listening.

Like being with people who get along.

Enjoy helping people.

Can be counted on to get the job done.

Your majority of ticked boxes will reveal your key profile. Most people have two to three prevailing styles. Compare your score to the more detailed analysis of the profiles in the table. Do you recognise yourself ?

Now consider the profiles of those around you. What type of person do you tend to attract? Can you see the habits of your friends or family in one particular profile? What differences can you make to enhance your relationship? Does your job allow you to exercise your strengths?

As an example, I am a Promoter and love to dream up new ideas and talk about them. My husband on the other hand is a Driver and needs to know the exact details and criteria of my plan (which of course I don’t know at first). Together we are a dynamic team, providing he remembers to send lots of recognition my way and I in turn add deadlines and structure to my ideas.

Having a bad day or feeling stressed can drive you into your profile weaknesses. You may have less consideration and tolerance for others and will need to be mindful of this in your relationships. In any relationship it is both party’s responsibility to adapt to one another’s profile.

A full personality assessment will of course provide greater detail and clarity and regardless of which assessment you are, it is always best to enrol the expertise of a trained professional to truly gain the insight and knowledge available in the report.

It is a worthwhile investment to understand and accept the variety of relationships you have created in your life.

Conflict is normally the result of miscommunication and silent assumptions. Both are unnecessary if you are willing to invest in the future of your relationship. Remember, treat others as they would like to be treated.

Claire Hall is a highly respected life coach and founder of Authentic Empowerment. Her practice encompasses coaching for individuals, groups and teams. For more information call (02) 9953 4036 or visit www.authenticempowerment.com.au

Characteristics: Likes to solve problems; questions the rules; fast-paced; seeks control; needs to be busy; direct in communication; likes freedom and autonomy; risk-taker.

Strengths: ‘Do it now’ attitude; achieves results and outcomes; decisive; detail-focused; assertive and competitive.

Possible weaknesses: Impatient; argumentative; poor listener; pushy or harsh.

Areas for improvement: Developing patience; listening skills; acknowledge others’ feelings, attitudes and advice; verbalise thought processes; more relaxed image; let others keep up.

How to communicate with this profile: Support their ideas or goals; keep to the facts with less social chatter; avoid ‘right/wrong’ debates; present alternative views with succinct supporting information.

Most important: Be efficient and competent.

Characteristics: Likes to be recognised; friendly, talkative; needs variety and flexibility; spontaneous; seeks involvement in teams; bit of a dreamer; quick-paced; jumps from one activity to the next.

Strengths: Creative and innovative; natural leader, people-focused; communicative; big-picture thinker; enthusiastic and persuasive.

Possible weaknesses: Fears rejection, wants to be liked; impulsive; disorganised and lacks attention to detail; superficial or manipulative.

Areas for improvement: Self-discipline to follow through with tasks; control time and emotions; develop a more objective mindset; more logical approach; allocate time for checking, organising.

How to communicate with this profile: Allow time for verbalising their thoughts, feelings and ideas; assist with following up on detail; provide enthusiastic verbal recognition; use informal open-ended discussions in social environments; share stories.

Most important: Be interested in them.

Characteristics: Cautious and accurate, hates risk; analytical; slower pace; likes routine; respects rules and procedures; likes to get things ‘right’ or perfect; values order and quality; hates mess and disorder.

Strengths: Objective and critical thinker; not swayed by emotion, the voice of reason; identifies any lack of logic or flawed reasoning; observant and perceptive; highly efficient and organised.

Possible weaknesses: Perfectionist, needs to be right; can be overly reliant on information; overly critical of self and others; resists change and slow to act.

Areas for improvement: More tolerant of self and others; openly shows concern and appreciation of others; timely decision-making; able to adapt to change and disorganisation; consider data as guidelines instead of the law.

How to communicate with this profile: Accept their need to be ‘right’ and discomfort with mistakes; use matter-of-fact statements rather than emotional expressions; list the pros and cons of any plan; give factual evidence.

Most important: Be thorough and well prepared.

Characteristics: Seeks harmony; avoids confrontation; wants everyone to get along; likes to be involved with people; slow to take action or make decisions; seeks security and belonging; likes close personal relationships; highly sensitive and empathic Strengths: Dependable and steady; friendly; the peacekeeper; sincere; great supporters and listeners.

Possible weaknesses: Goal setting and self-direction; passive or submissive, struggle to say ‘no’; overly modest and sensitive; indecisive Areas for improvement: Saying ‘no’ and delegating; communicating wh at you really feel and think; self-belief; openness to embrace change; set goals and directions.

How to communicate with this profile: Ensure they feel supported by showing interest in their opinions; assume they may take your words personally; guarantee any changes will be met with the minimum of risks; keep conversations informal and if there is a disagreement, discuss their emotions.

Most important: Be warm and sincere.

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forgotten about. Take care to make time for love and include everything from casual daily kissing to love making.

2

Work on your self development

3

Ask your partner how they like to be loved

Love starts with you. If you are happy, love will come dancing into your life, happy to be around you. If you are unsatisfied with your appearance or achievements, start to do something about it and stop wasting your energy being unhappy.

All people are different – some crave physical touch, while others need compliments to feel wanted. Ask your spouse what they need, and share how you like to be loved too.

M

any couples go through periods when they no longer feel connected, which can lead to a lack of physical intimacy and satisfaction. In my experience, there are five common causes that can detract from a sensual relationship:

1

You are too busy with ‘life’

Often we can get preoccupied sweating the small stuff – paying the bills, doing the dishes, working hard and trying to pursue new hobbies and interests – all necessary activities, but they can also be time consuming and stressful.

4

You don’t try new things or express your needs

According to research, couples are more likely to try new things in the bedroom in the first two years of their relationship. Some people can be hesitant to discuss their fantasies and desires with their partner because they fear a negative reaction.

5

You don’t feel trust

After kids, mortgages and years of responsibility, many couples find it hard to connect as emotionally naked human beings. They can feel like they hardly know each other anymore and therefore feel like strangers in the bedroom.

2

You don’t feel confident in yourself

Low self-confidence can be caused by many factors, including dissatisfaction with your physical appearance, lack of success at work, or money problems. These issues can seriously affect the desire for physical intimacy.

If you are serious about creating a fresh connection with your partner to build a life of love, trust and a physical and emotional bond, there is hope. Try these suggestions to restore your relationship to a place of mutual fulfilment:

3

You don’t get attracted to your spouse

1

If the one you love is not really happy with themselves or their body, their magnetism will fade and they may not be as attractive to you as usual.

April/May 2009

Work on your love life

It is very important to be aware that love doesn’t conquer all. It may not be strong enough to survive being mistreated or

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4

Be playful

If you want to build on your level of intimacy you need to get creative. Negotiate a new contract by telling each other what kind of things you like or need. These may include romantic candles, foot massages, ‘sweet talk’ or even toys. It might be embarrassing at first, but what do you have to lose? A moment of embarrassment in return for decades of fun is a good trade off.

5

Reconnect as a couple

You could move on to a new partner or decide to be single and free again, but if you haven’t harnessed the power within you to create a happy love life here and now, you will most likely see yourself repeating the same patterns over and over again. Figure out what makes you happy and learn to ask for it!

Being connected and experiencing intimacy in your relationship is one of life’s miracles.

If you miss out on the bliss of being seriously close to a person, which helps release your passion and humanity, you can miss out on living fully. Life isn’t all about daily duties and responsibilities. It’s also about loving, laughing and letting yourself be ALIVE.

Carolin Dahlman is a love coach and the author of Find Love. For more information visit www.coaching2love.com or email coach@coaching2love.com

iStockphoto

Does the thought of being with your partner give rise to feelings of hard work, instead of spine-tingling romance?

Carolin Dahlman outlines some simple techniques to help reignite the spark in your relationship.

Juice up

your love life

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A little bit of what you fancy can be good for you!

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Gentle, safe & allergy-free, Sylk feels so exquisite, so natural, so good with condoms & toys. It’s surely the intelligent choice in a world full of unnecessary chemicals.

Sex is natural – your lubricant should be too The beautiful kiwifruit vine provides the key ingredient of Sylk. The extract is actually from the pruned plant, a byproduct of the fruit harvest that would otherwise be wasted.

Kiwifruit is high in Vitamin C, potassium, magnesium, dietary fibre & antioxidants, & low in calories, sodium & fat. It’s a good source of folic acid, Vitamin E & Arginine, which helps blood flow & has been used to treat impotence.

Sylk has a proven track record along with many satisfied customers as it’s recommended by health professionals & has sold worldwide for over 16 years.

Available from larger Coles, Woolworths & Safeway supermarkets, selected pharmacies & health stores or privately & securely online at www.sylk.com.au

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Relationships within six weeks of us meeting. Now, it may be something different for you but think about where you need to make space for someone in your life.

Do something different What you are currently doing to meet someone is not working so perhaps it’s time to try something new. What have you got to lose?

You just never know when or where you are going to find your perfect partner, but sitting at home on the lounge watching TV will not help. Fate can only achieve so much so you need to help it along and get out there. Do things that you wouldn’t usually do. Go out with a different group of friends, take up a new sport, get involved in a short course, or take a chance on internet dating. If nothing else, you will probably meet some great people and have some nice dates.

Make a list

Are you in and out of disaster relationships, or just can’t seem to meet anyone worth dating? Perhaps it’s time you stopped looking.

Helen Rosing offers tips to attracting your perfect partner.

F

or a long time in my life I was desperate to meet my perfect partner. That was half the problem, though. I was desperate and everything about me screamed that to any man within a 10-metre radius.

I would meet someone and they would automatically become my future partner. I’d check the ring finger, ask about his girlfriend, I would try to be the person I thought he would be attracted to, and discuss things I thought he would want to discuss.

Not surprisingly it didn’t work and as a result I had disappointment after disappointment.

Then, like so many other things in life, the moment I stopped obsessing about it and started to love my life single, I met my perfect partner who soon became my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I focused on it, but I stopped living as if I needed a partner for my life to be complete. In the process, I worked out some keys to finding the perfect partner:

Be open to meeting someone new Being open means that you make yourself available to meet a new partner. Take any opportunity to be friendly to new people – you never know who you will meet and who they know. Being available does not mean throwing yourself at any man who takes an interest. Have the attitude that if you meet someone special

April/May 2009

that would be a bonus, but you’re going to have fun and enjoy yourself anyway.

Let go You cannot have a successful relationship with a new person if you are still hanging onto the old one. If the old one still occupies your time or thoughts, there is no room for a new relationship. Obviously your memories and your history is an important part of who you are but emailing the ex every day and still having your ‘couple’ photos around will not attract the perfect partner.

Accept that the past is the past and that while it was good at the time, it wouldn’t make you happy now. There is someone better out there who is perfect for you.

Make space The universal law of vacuum is based on the idea that to have anything you want in your life, you need to make space for it.

So, if you want to meet your perfect partner, make space. It may sound crazy but someone once told me to clear out half of my closet and to put two lamps beside the bed (one on each side) instead of one. I followed this advice and it had a strange impact. Once I did this I actually felt like my space was ready for someone to be in it. My partner moved in

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Start to write a list of the qualities and specifics that you want in a perfect partner. For example, strong, confident, healthy, sensitive, romantic.

Think about the age you would like your partner to be. It’s important to be specific.

How do they look, what do they do for a job?

Get to the bottom of what is important for you.

Remember, you also need to ‘be’ the type of person that your perfect partner is looking for.

Write your list and visualise your perfect partner and then put it away. Don’t obsess about it, decide to love your life single and quietly be on the lookout.

Helen Rosing is a trained success coach with extensive experience in business, coaching and training. Helen is the founder of emPOWER magazine. For more information visit www.empoweronline.com.au

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Finding

Like every other area of your life, you need to decide what you want. Get specific and make a list. It may sound crazy, but there are a few reasons it works: • When you meet someone new and get to know them, you can pretty quickly determine if they match what you are looking for in the perfect partner.

• You will start to know where you may be likely to meet them. For example, if you are specifically after someone who is fit, then you may find them at the gym, or if you are after a non-drinker then it’s not likely you’ll meet them at the local bar.

• You can determine if you are the type of person your perfect partner is likely to be attracted to.

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Social

try something

New

A

re you all snuggled up in your social comfort zone to the point where you find yourself stagnating, doing the same old thing every weekend with friends? Has the fun and adventure waned?

When you examine your current social life, it should be proactive, creative, exciting and geared towards growth and expansion. If not, then trying something new is a good antidote to this stagnancy.

As Albert Einstein brilliantly said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. Your comfort zone denotes the personal space or routine way of doing things in which you get comfortable and quite predictable. Many women fear leaving this familiar territory no matter how unhappy and dissatisfied they are. This usually stems from the worry that they may make things worse. Therefore, they recoil back into what is safe and comfortably familiar.

Hiding inside your comfort zone is a good way to prevent yourself from ever experiencing anything unique, fun or challenging. So, if you’re doing more and more socialising and enjoying it less, it’s time to get out of the familiarity trap and put the spark back into your life. You’ll find freedom from boredom and will be able to enjoy new and exciting experiences.

Here are some traditional approaches, mixed with modern-day tips that will pump up your social life and get you over the old ho-hum.

April/May 2009

1 2

Do something different. Taking some classes, joining a book group, health club or special interests group, or volunteering in community service are some effective ways to find new experiences, all the while meeting new people in an environment that respects change.

Define your Social Goals

What social goals are you pursuing?

Focus on where you want to be rather than where you are right now. Pursue goals that add meaning and value to your social life.

Create a blueprint that enables you to plan and determine your new social direction.

Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

If you are comfortable with the social activities you engage in now, then you’re simply doing what you’ve always been doing, which will produce the same results as before. Remember, you won’t find a need to make changes if you feel too comfortable. Accept the initial discomfort and be willing to do the things that make you uncomfortable, such as a new activity or developing a new social skill.

3

Embrace Change with an Open Mind

Trying something new brings change. This involves risk-taking and challenges your personality and skills, and questions your beliefs. Relying on your old ideas, habits and assumptions can spell failure and be detrimental to your social life. Find ways in which you can tap into your creativity and be innovative. Know that change is inevitable and resistance to change will only cause you to feel more ‘stuck’ in your social life.

4

Venture Out of Your Shell

Push Past Your Fears

Fear causes you to make decisions you don’t like. Feel and accept your fear but don’t feel pressured to give in to it. Break it down so you gradually desensitise yourself to social situations or whatever you’re afraid of. Enlist support from friends, family, colleagues, books, groups or a coach. Pushing past your fears can be highly challenging, but very rewarding.

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Maximise Your Social Network

Make a new acquaintance. Don’t hesitate to spark a conversation with someone you don’t know. People are gateways to new adventures.

Expand your social network and you can get unusual opportunities you probably wouldn’t have considered before. For example, becoming friends with someone passionate about paintings can expose you to new artists or an exhibition you wouldn’t have otherwise seen.

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Reprogram Your Mind With Positivity

It can be lots of fun to get out of your comfort zone despite what your mind and feelings tell you. Think back to times when you have broken out of your comfort zone and benefited. Engage in positive self-talk, as it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more positivity you practise, the more positive results you will attract.

Make Things Happen

Expand on your social goals to include an action step. Your focus should be on initiation, being proactive and taking advantage of social networking opportunities. It is entirely up to you to put the wheels in motion. Keep your social goals and desired outcomes clear and then it’s full steam ahead!

Remember You Are on a Rewarding Journey

The journey is as enjoyable as the destination. Persevere. You’re leaving the familiar behind and venturing gradually into unfamiliar territory with the intention of spicing up your social life. Don’t give up until you get the results you want!

Savleen Bajaj is an internationally respected leadership authority, human behavioural expert, success coach, professional speaker, psychologist, author, facilitator and consultant.

She is the founder of the Lotus World Centre for Personal Intelligence. For more information email savleen@savleenbajaj.com or visit www.savleenbajaj.com

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Put the fun back into your social life by trying something new. As Savleen Bajaj, explains, doing something a little out of your comfort zone reaps great rewards.

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In The Know

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The latest tools, techniques and resources to help you lead a more empowered life.

Baby Love

Beat the Blues

The Complete Baby Massage Pack is perfect for new parents and includes everything you need to begin learning baby massage in your own home. Work through your new massage routine using the baby massage instruction manual and DVD. A bottle of pure cold-pressed, organic massage oil is also included to get you started. RRP. $66. www.infantmassage-imis.com.au

The Breast Cancer Network Australia and beyondblue recently launched a new resource for breast cancer survivors. The Depression and Breast Cancer Fact Sheet offers practical advice on dealing with depression and where to find help.

For a copy of the fact sheet call the Breast Cancer Network on 1800 500 258 or visit www.bcna.org.au

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Based in Perth, the recently launched Adventure Club brings women together to explore the world enabling them to exchange ideas, share stories and form new friendships in a non-competitive and encouraging environment. The club holds regular social gatherings, hiking tours, outdoor pursuits, and travel opportunities (local and international).

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Master your pelvic floor muscles with the Total Control Pelvic Pyramid Workout, a 75-minute DVD containing a medically-based fitness program developed by doctors, physiotherapists and fitness experts. Teaching women to isolate, engage and strengthen pelvic floor muscles, it also includes a full body resistance workout to promote flatter tummies and improve sexual satisfaction. $29.95, www.pelvicfloorexercise.com.au

Go on a journey of self-discovery with the You Are Clairvoyant CD, which aims to help listeners improve their own intuitive and clairvoyant skills. Learn how to develop your imagination, clear and revitalise your chakras, start to explore the skills of channelling, and meet your angels and spirit guides. All exercises are designed to help you reconnect to your intuitive wisdom and divine guidance. RRP $24.95. www.rockpoolpublishing.com.au

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www.empoweronline.com.au

Feature Oestrogen and Weight

T

he fact oestrogen controls fertility and the reproductive cycle, including puberty, menstruation, ovulation, pregnancy, birth and menopause is well known and closely associated with the very essence of being female. However, beyond femininity what is the role of oestrogen in our bodies and how can it affect our weight?

In her book, The Female Brain (Morgan Road Books), Louann Brizendine describes oestrogen as, “The queen: powerful, in control, all-consuming; sometimes all business, sometimes an aggressive seductress”. Indeed, it rules more than we may suspect.

Oestrogen plays a vital role in women’s health and wellbeing, and it describes not one but a group of hormones that control many physical and even neurological and emotional functions in the body. Like all hormones, oestrogens are powerful chemical messengers that stimulate cells to grow and change when necessary, but can also lead the female brain to focus intensely on emotions and communication.

Out of the 30,000 genes in the human genome the difference between men and women is less than one percent – yet we couldn’t be more different. The major distinctions arise out of the ratio and balance of our sex hormones as we develop, and it’s incredible just how much this determines about us. Hormonal balance in females helps guide nurturing, social, sexual and aggressive behaviours. It can be responsible for your bubbly personality, for you being talkative

April/May 2009

or flirtatious, hosting or attending parties, writing thank-you notes, planning children’s play dates, cuddling, grooming, worrying about hurting the feelings of others, being competitive, initiating love making and so much more.

Oestrogen fluctuations aren’t just responsible for PMS, hot flushes and growing moustaches as we approach 60. These hormones have many vital but less familiar effects on the body. For example, oestrogens stimulate the growth of bone cells, regulate the retention of salt and water in the body, and increase levels of HDL (good cholesterol) while decreasing amounts of LDL (bad cholesterol).

When oestrogen levels in the body function as nature intended, we reap the benefits of normal development and a healthy body and mind.

However, genetics, hormone replacement therapies, diet, stress, pollution and many other factors may upset the normal cycling of oestrogens in our body. Although the far-reaching effects of changing levels of these hormones is not fully understood, scientific studies show that too much oestrogen in the body can be associated with significant health risks, including weight gain, heart disease and cancer.

Furthermore, as we grow older, the hormone levels in our bodies shift so that levels of oestrogen increase in men and decrease in women, altering behaviour, appearance and metabolism. However, other factors such as the environment, physical activity and stress are just a few of many that can also affect oestrogen levels.

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Keeping in Balance Fortunately, there are many simple aspects of your daily life that can be changed to control the levels of oestrogen in your body. Your diet is one easy area to address. Some foods are known as oestrogen inhibitors, while others are oestrogen promoters. If you suspect that your weight gain may be from an increase in oestrogen, taking care to include the inhibitors and avoid

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Blame it for your mood swings and choice of soppy movies, but don’t underestimate the role oestrogen plays on your overall health and wellbeing.

Gabriela Rosa reports.

Researchers have begun to investigate the ways in which increased oestrogen, (known as ‘oestrogen dominance’) can cause other health problems, particularly weight gain. What they’ve found is that having either too much oestrogen or, surprisingly, too little, signals the body to hold onto extra kilos, particularly around the waist.

Finding ourselves with a little more belly than normal is usually chalked up to one of those annoyances of aging. And while this may not seem to be much of a health problem, obesity rates are soaring to the epidemic levels, increasing the prevalence of heart disease, stroke and other serious problems.

If oestrogen levels in the body rise, weight control becomes increasingly difficult. Fat cells also produce oestrogen, so the more fat cells present in the body, the more oestrogen is produced. In addition to encouraging more fat cells to grow, this increase in oestrogen also encourages the retention of water, causing a bloated feeling. The production of oestrogen by fat cells is also thought to be the reason behind weight increase when oestrogen levels drop, usually during menopause. The body compensates for decreased levels of oestrogen by increasing the fat cells essential to its manufacture.

So how can you tell whether your weight gain is due to a hormone imbalance and not just a fondness for chocolate-chip cookies?

The first step is to assess the symptoms of your weight gain. In addition to a stubborn mid-section, those with elevated oestrogen often notice a roundness developing on their upper arms and thighs as well as in their lower buttocks. Tiredness, moodiness and fatigue are also signs of high oestrogen levels, as can be period irregularities, a history of breast cancer as well as other conditions such as endometriosis and fibroids, which occur in the uterus. The next step is to take a simple blood, urine or saliva test to find out whether your hormones are at normal levels.

New studies show that it’s possible to have an effect on those stubborn fatty deposits by being aware of your oestrogen levels and taking simple steps to bring them into a healthy range.

Feature

the promoters is a step in the right direction toward a happier, healthier you.

Specific compounds in foods, such as phytonutrients (plant nutrients), have been shown to minimise the production of excess oestrogen and promote weight loss, particularly in young women who have not yet reached menopause. It is important to shift the bulk of your diet to natural and non-processed foods.

Oestrogen inhibiting foods include: • Green tea, blueberries, goji berries and açai, which are all good sources of flavanoids, an important phytonutrient.

• Onions, garlic, citrus fruits and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cabbage, sprouts and cauliflower) are also high in oestrogeninhibiting phytonutrients.

• Omega-3 fatty acids, which have received much publicity for their beneficial role in heart, joint and brain health, also act as positive regulators of oestrogen. Fatty fish, like salmon and sardines are good sources of these essential fatty acids. Adding more of these to your diet will pave the way to a healthier hormone balance.

avoided as much as possible so they don’t interfere with your body’s natural hormone cycles. Try to reduce your intake of: • Conventionally-grown meat and dairy products as the pesticides in most non-organic fruits and vegetables are best avoided. Healthier choices include organic or biodynamic foods.

• Food and water that is packaged in plastic containers. Plastic derivatives have potent oestrogen-like properties.

• Omega-6 oils such as corn, soy, canola, sunflower and safflower oils. These can be replaced with extra virgin olive oil.

• Animal fats. Reducing the amount of these in your diet is also helpful.

• Soy. The jury is still out on the benefits of soy. Researchers have found that soy is oestrogen-rich and negatively affects thyroid function, which is essential for weight balance.

In addition, research suggests that consuming many processed soy products, particularly soy burgers, tofu and soy milk, can harm hormonal balance in the body. Dr Kaayla Daniel’s book The Whole Soy Story (New Trands) is a good resource to look into for more information.

Oestrogen promoters, or substances that help promote fat storage and weight gain, should be

In short, what your grandmother told you about a healthy lifestyle holds true for

avoiding oestrogen build-up: eat more vegetables and natural, unprocessed foods, and avoid overly processed products, as well as pesticides, chemicals and plastics.

Be as physically active as you can – this will not only help to burn extra calories, but it will also reduce stress, which can cause the hormonal imbalances that can lead to weight gain. Avoiding alcohol and drinking plenty of water will also help to balance your hormones. By leading a healthy lifestyle you will be taking simple and easy steps to reduce the negative effects of oestrogen and prevent weight gain. Giving proper attention to how your diet and lifestyle may be impacting your hormonal balance is a critical first step in creating a healthier you.

Sydney-based natural fertility specialist Gabriela Rosa is the founder and director of the Natural Fertility & Health Solutions clinic and the author of four books, including Eat Your Way To Parenthood: The Diet Secrets Of Highly Fertile Couples Revealed (GoKo Publishing 2008). For more information visit www.boostyourfertilitynow.com

Over 75% of Women with Weight Problems have Hormone Imbalances…

Hormones directly influence your metabolism, determining how effective diet and exercise will be.

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Fitness

If your fitness goals have flat-lined, it could be because you’ve lost touch with them. James Short explains how to reconnect, focus and train with purpose again.

Y

ou tie up the laces of your running shoes and let out a big sigh as you set off on the same run you do each week with not much excitement. Or you arrive at the gym, get your membership card out, swipe it and that little voice says, “Here we go again…”

If this sounds familiar, then you’re not alone. Those who have been regularly training for some time now know the ups and downs of motivation. Sure, you might have a goal of losing that bit of body fat, increasing fitness or even reducing your stress levels, but what I am about to embark on is a whole different way of thinking about your training – it’s about training with purpose.

‘Yeah, yeah, I train with purpose, I sweat and am committed to my training,’ one might say. This is different. This is about being really ‘present’ when you train.

I know I’m guilty of my mind wandering off when I go for a run, thinking of all the things I need to do for the day, people I need to ring and emails I need to send. Sure it passes the time quicker, however when I have a race coming up, things start to change – it’s time to train with purpose!

Training with purpose is about getting clear on what your desired goal is for training and bringing that clarity into each session. Training for an event can provide massive purpose, along with all the other benefits that go hand in hand (increased fitness, confidence and energy, decreased body fat and so on).

Let’s look at an example. Just say you want to compete in a 10-kilometre fun run this year.

You’ve done a bit of running before, but this is really going to test your boundaries. Before you start your training regime it is really important to do some visualisation on how you will look and feel throughout the running race. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never done a race before, simply make up those feelings and pictures in your mind. Now take that picture in your mind to your training session. Then when you embark on your training run, really get in tune with those images. As you continue along your training run, start to bring those thoughts back into your own body. Start to check in with yourself on how you’re feeling (no, not that tired feeling).

• How is your breathing? Is it controlled?

• Your posture – is it strong?

• How is that internal little voice? Is it with you?

• Ask yourself, ‘Why am I running, what is my purpose?’ Then bring up that image of yourself running the race.

Asking yourself these questions creates awareness on how you are running, it gets you

James Short is a fitness expert, presenter, trainer and coach.

He is the 2008 Fitness Australia Fitness Professional of the Year.

For more information visit www.jamesshort.com.au

April/May 2009

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‘present’ with your training so you can take control over how you’re feeling and tap into those internal motivators.

How does someone who runs 42 kilometres in a marathon, despite almost collapsing a kilometre before the finish line, suddenly sprint the last 300 metres? It’s the power of the mind.

Our bodies can achieve amazing things if we put our minds to it and harness its power. By asking questions and creating awareness you quickly identify areas that need work. Your performance, results and recovery time will dramatically improve.

So to get started on your newfound purpose training, take some time out to map out your goals and why you are training. Use the Coaching Toolkit in this magazine to help with this. Really get clear on what these goals are and have measurable milestones along the way. This is why events are such a powerful motivator. If you don’t have any goals and just train because you just train, then it’s time to change it up!

Take your health and fitness to another level and you will be surprised what you can achieve…

I challenge you!

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On Purpose

Spotlight On...

... Reflexology I

If the thought of feeling deeply relaxed and energised at the same time sounds inviting, reflexology could be for you. As Rebecca Spicer found out, getting footloose really can make you fancy-free.

f you’re like me and drift off to a place of pure pleasure when your feet or hands get a good massage, then you’ll understand how, after some quick research, I was excited to find that reflexology was all about working on these areas.

I track down and make an appointment with one of the senior lecturers in reflexology at Sydney’s Nature Care College, Kim Rusten, who also runs her own clinical reflexology practice in the city’s northern suburbs.

When we meet, the air-conditioned reception lounge of the Core Connections Clinic is a welcome reprieve from the scorching 40-degree day outside. It’s mid-way through what has been a very busy and challenging week so I’m hopeful my reflexology session will provide an opportunity to unwind. Kim greets me warmly with a glass of water and the delightful smell of aromatherapy oils wafts through the room.

As much as I’d love to dive straight into the session, I first chat with Kim about some of the theory behind the therapy. “Reflexology is a holistic natural therapy that works on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of the human condition,” she explains.

Kim works with two key theories. “The first is that the body is mapped out on the feet, hands and the ears and when you press an area on those, it affects a part of the body through the energy meridians. The other theory is that there are thousands of nerve endings in the feet and by pressing on the feet, you’re sending a message through the nervous system, which then affects the organs.”

Kim explains, however, there are all different types of reflexology, including colour reflexology (shining a coloured torch on certain areas), maternity reflexology, cranio-sacral reflexology, vertical reflexology, ayurvedic reflexology, Ingham reflexology and so on. “There’s a multitude of techniques we can use that will suit certain people if we know where they’re at,” she says. “I’m trained in all of those techniques but I tend to use the cranio-sacral technique a lot which works on everything from the cranium (head) to the sacrum (base of the spine).”

Reflexology’s biggest strength is that it works with other modalities, adds Kim. You can use it with aromatherapy, reiki, massage, acupuncture, and you can take medication while doing it as well. Some of the more common disorders Kim sees through her practice are stress, shoulder,

Because there’s an energetic component to reflexology, most clients find an inner peace through the treatment.

April/May 2009

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neck and hip problems, anxiety, IBS, grief, headaches, infertility, cancer, asthma, chronic sinusitis and vertigo. She treats people of all ages, including babies and the terminally ill. An advantage of reflexology is that it doesn’t have to be firm to be effective and can be tailored to the client’s needs. And, because there’s an energetic component to reflexology, Kim adds that most clients find an inner peace through the treatment. With this in mind, it’s time to experience it for myself.

Session 1 Kim leads me into her treatment room where there’s a comfortable couch to sit on

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Like many other complementary therapies, reflexology aims to address an illness or a system dysfunction using a person’s natural healing abilities. “We all have the ability to heal ourselves and I address imbalances, mainly in the energy of the body,” says Kim. “There’s two types of energy, there’s the energy outside the body called the aura and there’s energy inside the body called the meridians, which is the underlying system of most complementary therapies, including reflexology.”

Reflexology was first developed simultaneously in several different cultures, so there are various methods and theories around what it actually is and how it works.

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Spotlight On...

and a massage table with two cushions – one for the head and the other to go under the knees. There’s soft music playing and the aromatic smells are even stronger now. I feel instantly calm.

Before we get started, it’s Kim’s turn to ask the questions regarding my current state of health, any medical history she should be aware of, medications and so forth. She asks if, to my knowledge, I am pregnant or if I have any deep vein thrombosis. While there is a burgeoning market for maternity reflexology (particularly with regard to infertility), Kim admits there can be some risk for pregnant women in their first trimester, as well as for people who present with blood clots.

As neither applies to me, she asks if there’s anything I’d like to focus on? I mention some digestive troubles, as well as tension in my neck and shoulders.

It’s time to get started. Fully clothed, I lay on my back on the treatment table. Kim places a small, soft cushion over my eyes and using some aromatherapy oils she begins what feels like a massage on my right arm.

As she moves down to my hand and fingers, the movements become more targeted and repetitive on certain areas.

She begins using a technique called thumbwalking – quick movements with the thumb in a line over areas on my hands – which is a combination of acupressure (massage) and reflexology (pressing on reflexes). She chooses key points on my hands and forearm to apply pressure and pauses for several seconds. Repeating all this on my left hand as well, I find this part of the treatment extremely relaxing.

Kim also likes to include breath work in her sessions to help clients focus on their body and stay in the present. I admit my mind will often drift, so Kim sporadically reminds me to focus on my breath which helps bring me back to the moment.

She begins to do what I can only describe as an upside-down massage. Still on my back, she slides her hands under my left shoulder blade, asking me to keep my weight toward the table and begins massaging and pushing the muscles apart, up and down each side.

She calls this fascial unwinding, which comes from the cranio-sacral therapy concept of tension or trauma being stored in the fascia (a sheet or band of fibrous connective tissue separating or binding together muscles and

organs). It’s an odd feeling to say the least and I find it hard to not hold myself up to help Kim, but it also feels effective in targeting some tense muscles.

Using quite a strong smelling peppermint oil, she then spends some time on my neck and shoulders. Kim admits it’s so tense (and I can tell because it’s very tender for her to touch) we’ll have to work more on that in future sessions.

Next comes the ears. I don’t normally mind a good massage of the earlobes, but Kim pre-empts this part of the session with a warning that, especially given my digestive concerns, I may not enjoy this very much. She couldn’t have been more right. She uses what feels like a ball-point pen to apply quick short pressure on points within my ear lobe. Kim continues to ask how much pressure I can handle, but I’m instantly uncomfortable.

Kim explains there are more than 200 acupressure points on the ears relating to different areas in the body. She can be quite specific in targeting the areas relating to my intestines and the fact it hurts so much, “with really very little pressure” tells Kim there’s certainly an upset in that meridian.

Now to the feet. As she did with my arms, Kim begins what feels like a massage on my lower legs and works her way down to my feet and toes, paying particular attention to key areas and doing very quick repetitive actions, including the thumbwalking and pausing on certain pressure points. Some areas are more sensitive than others, particularly on the back and heel of my foot. This, she says, relates to my lower back. Again, she reminds me to focus on my breath.

Kim seems to spend a long time on my feet and by the end I feel extremely hot, and her hands are roasting. She says this is all to do with the energy being circulated and released. Interestingly I also find my bladder almost bursting both half way through and at the end of the session, and she says this is quite normal given everything is so stimulated.

After a good hour and a half Kim finishes off with some reiki and asks me how I feel. Quite torn about a clear response, I tell her I feel strangely relaxed and invigorated at the same time. She agrees this is often the case. I drive home in silence not wanting any music or talk from the radio to distract me from my peaceful state. I have one of the best night’s sleep in a long time.

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Session 2 Two weeks later I return to Kim’s clinic looking forward to the session ahead of me.

She asks how I’ve felt since my last session and while I haven’t noticed anything dramatic, I seem to have had a little less stomach pain and I’m open to see what reflexology can do for me over time, beyond being a truly relaxing and calming experience.

Kim has specifically brought along a petitgrain oil for my feet and suggests I use this on my foot arches at home, as this is said to be good for the digestive system. The session goes fairly similar to the first with Kim working from my hands to my back and neck to my ears and finishes off with my feet. We continue the breathwork and I stay more present this time. She places a light blanket over me, laying a crystal on my stomach to help with the energy flow.

My ears are still quite sensitive and I cringe through this part of the session but I know it’s necessary. Kim tapes tiny magnets to these points with the aim of prolonging the treatment for about four days.

What I do notice is that as she works on each part of my body and repeats her actions

over and over, an area that may be initially sensitive, feels less so as she works on it, so I know the tension is being relieved. Kim works quite quickly, often with both hands, but she says some reflexologists choose to practice very slowly, so it depends on the client’s preference.

As Kim begins on my feet, she is quite firm and quick with her movements and I’m certainly feeling some sensitivity in areas. She reminds me to breath and after about 15 minutes I think she completely loses me. Her movements get smoother and more repetitive, so I become deeply relaxed and I think I really do dose off. When she rouses me I’m extremely warm and she says the heat coming off the crystal on my stomach is surprising.

Apologising for drifting off, Kim says “not at all, it means it’s working”.

Again, I’m rejuvenated and relaxed all at once and I can’t book my next session quick enough. It’s difficult to explain how it makes me feel other than I find it extremely enjoyable and by the end of each session I’m convinced Kim’s work has the energy flowing around my body again – the heat is enough to convince me of it.

When looking for a reflexologist, ensure they are suitably qualified at a Certificate IV or Diploma level and they fulfill the requirements of the Australian TraditionalMedicine Society or the Reflexology Association of Australia. Kim Rusten can be contacted on (02) 9403 1910 or for more information on Nature Care College visit www.naturecare.com.au

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Spotlight On...

Reflexology Directory

Petra Winkler-Hirter, The Flow founder, combines her broad knowledge of the human body with a deep passion for health and wellbeing through massage and energetic healing work. By taking a holistic approach she provides long-term solutions while leaving you relaxed and energised after every treatment.

Welcome to my sacred space of holistic health with Reflexology. I provide treatments personalised for your needs with a caring approach. Feel refreshed, renewed, deeply relaxed, pampered and energised with Reflexology.

Reflexology is suitable for all ages. It works with you to bring about natural repair and relaxation. My treatments also include the powerful energy of Reiki, which compliments Reflexology in complete harmony for a lasting treatment experience.

She qualified as a remedial massage therapist in her native Switzerland and has continually expanded her skills through studies in Australia and India. Petra has expertise in Remedial Massage and specialised techniques including Pregnancy Massage, Reflexology, Lymphatic Drainage and Connective Tissue Manipulation—but also treats energetically through AcuEnergetics®.

When my hands begin massaging your feet, they never leave you for your entire treatment session. The connection is not broken during that time which provides a feeling of security and a true feeling of nurturing. I apply specific Reflexology techniques to create a deeply soothing sensation for your feet.

This feeling resonates through your entire body so that you feel deeply rested and restored.

One of the techniques Petra has seen a lot of success with is Reflexology – which is based on ancient knowledge and was first mentioned in Egypt.

It works on the principle that congestion or tension in any part of the foot mirrors congestion or tension in a corresponding part of the body.

Reflexology can facilitate relief for sinus pain, menopausal symptoms, morning sickness, headaches, hormonal imbalances, migraines and diarrhoea, but also back, neck and shoulder pain.

Reflexology is relaxing and fun. Your treatment time is friendly and comfortable which means you can completely enjoy relaxation for your body, mind and spirit.

If you are feeling stressed and run down, your muscles are aching – why not get a balancing treatment at the Flow Massage Therapy in Balmain.

Visit my website to learn more about what I do, and read what my happy clients say about my treatments. Allow me to help you live the best life you can with Reflexology.

The Flow Massage Therapy & AcuEnergetics Phone: 0404 426 293 Email: petra@theflow.com.au www.theflow.com.au

Kate Kennedy McKnight Reflexology Phone: 0412 476541 Email: reflex@katemcknight.com.au www.katemcknight.com.au

April/May 2009

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GREAT READS Enjoy some time out for yourself with these new motivational books.

Seven Seasons in Aurukun My unforgettable time at a remote Aboriginal school

By Paula Shaw Allen & Unwin, $26.95 Painting a colourful picture of life in a remote Aboriginal community, Seven Seasons in Aurukun provides an insight into the everyday realities of alcoholism, violence and welfare dependency – and one woman’s experience as she aims to make a difference in the community.

Thanks for the Mammaries

How to Afford a Husband

The Answer is Simple...

Edited by Sarah Darmody Penguin, $24.95

or any other live-in lover

Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

By Justine Davies ABC Books, $27.95

By Sonia Choquette Hay House Australia, $24.95

Moving in with your partner should be a wonderful experience, not a time when you bicker over money.

How to Afford a Husband promises to help women make financial decisions with confidence and covers topics such as budgeting and paying off personal debt, tax, buying a house and starting a family.

According to Sonia Choquette, those among us who genuinely rejoice in life are those who are capable of turning to spirit in times of need. The Answer is Simple outlines ten simple steps that promise to help readers connect with their authentic spirit and let this direct their life.

Breasts unite women in a way few other things can. Thanks for the Mammaries celebrates bosoms great and small with entertaining stories from popular female authors including Maggie Alderson, Mia Freedman, Marieke Hardy, Marian Keyes, Kathy Lette, and Jools Oliver.

All royalties go to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

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The Australian Pregnant Book

By Dr Derrick Thompson Wenderbella Press, $49.95 The first book on pregnancy written by an Australian obstetrician in more than 30 years, The Australian Pregnant Book is a useful guide for women preparing for pregnancy, labour, birth and the postnatal period. It includes a comprehensive index for quick reference, original anatomical drawings and photos, a birth-date calculator and growth chart.

www.empoweronline.com.au

Feature

Put a gag on gossip W

hen Lisa started working in her new role at a multinational corporation, she was flattered when two of her colleagues asked her to join them for lunch on the first day. They were friendly and open and it wasn’t long before they started to ‘fill her in’ on the office gossip. Lisa was dismayed to find that her new friends weren’t particularly friendly – their conversation was littered with disparaging information about workmates that left her feeling very uncomfortable.

Lisa’s situation is not uncommon.

According to research conducted in the US by the American Society for Training and Development, 64 percent of workers admit to gossiping sometimes and 21 percent say they gossip frequently.

While some people define gossip as light conversation, many would classify it as unnecessary, often insensitive and frequently malicious discussion of other people’s private affairs.

Generally speaking, gossip in the workplace involves a conversation about an absent person, often with judgement or secrecy attached, and the result is often destructive.

So why is it so engaging? Prolific gossips are generally insecure or bored with their own lives. They use information as power and make themselves feel more interesting by telling stories about others. Sharing private snippets makes the gossiper feel important and elevated.

We often get caught up in office gossip when we’re trying to be friendly. While engaging in small talk is a means of connecting with colleagues, it is best avoided when it involves

April/May 2009

bad-mouthing others. It’s difficult to know how to end a gossipy conversation without feeling as though you are shutting the other person down, but it is worth nipping it in the bud – particularly for your professional reputation.

Gossip has the power to seriously affect someone’s emotional wellbeing. What begins as a relatively flippant comment about someone not pulling their weight can lead to a person’s dismissal if the mud sticks.

Workplaces where malicious gossip is rife can make employees insecure. People become less creative and more cautious about sharing

performance so employees are up to date on how the business is performing to avoid the need for speculative gossip.”

On a personal level, your professional reputation will benefit if you avoid getting caught up in the rumour mill so it’s worth having your own ‘office gossip’ policy, including: • Set an example by not speaking about others disparagingly when they’re not present.

• When others start gossiping, change the subject or walking away.

• When you see the body language signs of office gossip (see box), change your stance so

Signs of Gossip • Small groups huddled in close, speaking with hushed voices.

• People watching over their shoulder when they have conversations.

• Cliques forming or someone in a team being left out of social invitations.

• Raised eyebrows or faces pulled behind someone’s back to indicate distaste.

• Disparaging comments about a colleague without them being present.

• Off-limits discussion about another person’s marital status, drinking, drug taking or sexual behaviour.

ideas. The culture of the organisation becomes tainted with an air of distrust and, ultimately, productivity and morale are affected.

Some employers now consider gossip to be a serious concern and are incorporating guidelines to prevent it. Patrick Kelly, director of Nexus HR Consulting in Melbourne says his clients are increasingly frustrated by the management hours consumed trying to resolve such issues. “We are currently working on developing a policy to help managers deal more effectively with issues such as office gossip,” he says.

“Employers are requesting that valid complaints be directed to a manager rather than being discussed behind someone’s back.

I also ask managers to circulate information about changes and/or company/department

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you’re not mirroring the gossips.

• If you are the manager of a gossip, confront them and let them know their behaviour isn’t acceptable.

• Acknowledge that talking about others is negative and at some stage it’s likely to be you on the receiving end of the gossip.

• Find new interests – time to gossip means there’s not enough going on in your life.

• Always remember that gossip sticks and it can have a lasting and very damaging impact on someone’s life.

Kate James is a career coach who works with her clients to achieve balance and fulfilment in all areas of life. For more information visit her website at www.totalbalance.com.au

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It may seem harmless, but office gossip is negative, unnecessary and can have a lasting impact on both the person being gossiped about and the one slinging the mud.

By Kate James.

Feature

Creative Thinking

April/May 2009

T

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thinking is based on analysis, judgement, argument and criticism. For a perfect example of the flaws in this type of thinking, watch the movie Good Will Hunting and look for the display of lateral thinking exhibited

by Matt Damon’s character.

Through years of using this framework, I have determined five powerful ways of using it to enhance business performance. You can use this framework to: 1. Inspire innovative thought.

2. Create a solution to a problem.

3. Direct thinking in meetings.

4. Make a critical decision.

5. Enable reflection and instigate ‘real’ learning within your business.

Reflection is Critical

Enabling reflection and instigating real learning for everyone in the business means you change the way people think and feel about business experiences and, ultimately, you position the business to improve its performance. Lessons from actual business experiences are brought to the surface in a very concrete way so they can be used quickly and easily by leaders for future business activities. In our fast-paced business world, people are not encouraged to sit and reflect on what they have just done and assess whether it was a good result – what could have been done differently, which benefits accrued from the approach and what can be shared with others so future performance is enhanced.

Instead they move on to the next task, conversation or decision and within a short timeframe have little recall of past activity.

Taking time out to reflect and debrief personal and team performance is the most critical, and yet the most under-used,

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Executive coach Mandy Holloway sheds some light on how to apply the ‘six thinking hats’ framework to get through tough times.

his year may prove challenging for many business owners, leaders and managers if they choose to join others on the downward spiral of fear created by the current economic climate.

Uncertain times are driving fearful thinking and behaviour because business owners don’t know what to expect. It’s important to resist the temptation to take this route, and empower yourself to make a critical step to ascend the ‘upward spiral of courage’ instead. This approach has a much better chance of improving your business creatively, passionately and in a way that inspires everyone to join you.

A key strategy for ascending the upward spiral of courage is using Edward de Bono’s famous ‘six thinking hats’ framework. This has the potential to bring interest, creativity, integrity, courage and personal insight to every outcome delivered, every conversation completed and every decision you make for your business.

So why did de Bono develop this idea?

Having used his work since the late 1980s, I have always found his explanation for why he wanted to help people improve their thinking incredibly powerful: “Intelligence is like the horsepower of a car. Thinking is like the skill of the car driver. Many highly intelligent people are poor thinkers and get caught in the ‘intelligence trap’. Many less intelligent people have developed a high degree of skill in thinking.”

De Bono saw the need to introduce a new way of thinking. He wanted a framework that did not solely rely on the more traditional way of thinking developed by what he called the ‘Gang of Three’ – Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. This traditional

Feature

performance-enhancement tool. With a disciplined approach to reflection, business performance is improved because what people learn every day as they work is unlocked and they are able to change the way they think about things as they confront them in the future.

The Six Hats in Practice

The framework is based on the old saying, “put on your thinking hat”. Edward de Bono takes it further to say you must put it on in such a way as to direct your attention with a special focus. Accordingly, he created six hats, each of a different colour, to depict the specific focus of the thinking required of each hat.

As a leader, you can use this framework with your team, or as an individual use it to reflect on an experience. Your thinking has a focus and the options you create are far more expansive. These are the six thinking hats and how they can be used in your business:

Blue Hat Visualise the sky to remind you of why the blue hat is important – it is the big picture, the outcome you are looking for; it creates the focus and defines the purpose for the thinking.

For example, a team within the business has just completed a project and using the blue hat you agree to use this framework to help the team explore how to deliver on a similar project in a more effective and efficient way.

White Hat Visualise a white piece of paper and the facts and information you put onto it. The purpose of the white hat is to establish what information is: • known • available • needed • missing So the project team would extract information with the comparison of a budget to actual time and costs, for example.

Yellow Hat Visualise sunshine and optimism because this is what the yellow hat represents. It ensures a positive focus drives the thinking. You share thoughts on the benefits and value created by the task just completed, the conversation just had or the way the team worked together to achieve an outcome.

The project team members would share things like the benefits realised and how effectively they worked as a team to deliver the outcomes.

Black Hat Visualise the black robes of the judge as he sits in judgement to show what is wrong and what is not working. Use this hat to assess risk with critical thinking. Thanks to the ‘Gang of Three’ most of you are very adept at using this hat.

For the project just completed, the team members share what went wrong and what didn’t work.

Red Hat Visualise the burning embers of a fire and the warmth it creates and link this to the red hat where you share your feelings and emotions without apology, justification or explanation.

For the project just completed, the team members share their feelings at the start of the project, at specific milestones of completion and now that it is finished.

Green Hat Visualise trees for the essence of the green hat – it is the hat of creativity. The best way to approach this is to say “what if…” and not allow your thinking to be constrained in any way. Here you share new ideas, generate possibilities, think outside of the box and have the courage to share your thoughts with others.

For the project under review, the team members are able to establish what they would do differently if they were to undertake a project like this again.

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I suggest returning to the blue hat again to summarise and conclude your efforts.

The Theory in Action

You can feel the power of the six thinking hats tool by reflecting on the experiences and performance of a: • Project team and its impact on business performance.

• Business team over a specified period of time or on the delivery of a specific outcome.

• Group of people as they interacted in a meeting.

• Person who made a critical decision.

• Number of people who participated in a conversation.

To apply this thinking framework, within the next month take the opportunity to reflect on your personal performance using the guide above either at the end of a time period or at the end of a specific business activity such as a conversation or a meeting.

Once you have done this, use the six thinking hats framework to debrief a team of people within the business to capture lessons learned from a specific business activity or a specific time period. Conclude this debrief by communicating what can be done differently in the future.

To assess the level of improvement from what is done differently in the future as a result of your debrief, remember to determine key measurement criteria.

Operating on the upward spiral of courage requires you to take an honest look at how and what you are doing and being prepared to change. This framework directs your thinking so you bring creativity, integrity, courage and personal insight to every outcome delivered, every conversation completed and every decision made.

Mandy Holloway is an executive coach and founder of Holloway Consulting. Her passion is to unleash authentic and courageous leaders, generating sustainable personal and business performance. For more information visit www.hollowayconsulting.com.au

www.empoweronline.com.au

Women’s Business

Woman

on top

April/May 2009

build on those to achieve an outcome,” she explains. “It’s different to other therapies that look for what’s wrong and then try to fix it and get you back to square one. I used that as the basis for the way I worked with people, plus other things that I had studied, without being formally trained as a coach to start with.”

Soon after discovering coaching, Karen moved to Perth, where the industry was even lesser known. Given the market was so small, the bulk of her work came via networking and some boutique consulting groups. Yet it was from these humble beginnings that Karen went

“I like the idea of being a very good board member – I think organisations need good women on boards” on to establish her own coaching company, Knew Technologies, back in her hometown of Melbourne. With clients located everywhere from Australia to Abu Dhabi, Karen’s main focus as the principal coach is with corporate professionals who are in transition and seeking their own brand of leadership.

Like many small business owners, there are areas of the job that don’t delight Karen as much as others. “I don’t enjoy the marketing and accounting side of it, though I can do it. It’s all a bit of a drag!” she admits. “So for years now I’ve had a really good bookkeeper, and I’ve learnt to

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shove everything in one pile instead of having papers scattered everywhere. It’s important to know when to outsource things.”

Since 2006, Karen has also been a director of Coachbroker, a business started by two of her former clients, that matches high-calibre coaches to the corporate world. “As a director, my first and most important role is to liaise with all of our coaches. We have about 130 Australia-wide and I have individually interviewed them and gone through their whole application process,” says Karen. “I also work with organisations that would like me to select a panel of coaches with a specific background.”

In conjunction with her own business endeavours, Karen has also been heavily involved with the International Coach Federation (ICF) since 2001. As the largest worldwide resource for personal and business coaches, the ICF is a non-profit organisation that aims to build and maintain the integrity of the coaching profession, as well as supporting more than 15,000 of its members from 90 different countries.

Seeking a professional community, Karen joined the Victorian chapter of the ICF in 2001 after she’d attended one of their events. At the time she says there were only about 20 members, which has now grown to more than 300. “What inspired me about being a part of the ICF was the opportunity to make a contribution, work with great people and actually grow a business, which we’ve done,” she says.

Since her initial involvement, Karen has performed numerous voluntary roles

Photo courtesy Karen Tweedie

K

aren Tweedie has always had a knack for helping people feel their best. As a little girl, she would often fix her mother’s hair and makeup, relishing any opportunity to help her beloved mum look a million dollars.

These days Karen has hung up her beautician’s hat to become a driving force in the coaching industry.

Karen started her career as a teacher and worked in various streams of tuition. In the early 90s she moved into organisational training and consulting, specialising in communication.

While she loved her work, in 1996 one of her clients introduced her to the concept of coaching. She’s never looked back.

“What appealed to me about coaching was similar to what I loved about teaching.

The fact that you can see change happen, just like with children in a classroom – they come in the door at the beginning of the lesson, and they leave a different person. And you know you’ve had an impact on them,” she recalls.

“Training was great and I loved it, but I never had the satisfaction of really knowing whether it made a difference or how I had contributed.

Coaching became a really nice vehicle to help me achieve that.”

Researching what was still a relatively new industry in Australia at the time, Karen created her own brand of coaching based on other study she had completed. “I am trained in solution-focused brief therapy, which means that I look for my clients’ existing skills and

As the first Australian to take the reins as president of the global International Coach Federation, Karen Tweedie is riding high on a cloud of well-earned success. She tells Tammy Warner-Wilson about her journey to the top.

Fact File

be globally consistent. That means everyone – no matter how or where they are trained – can come and pit themselves against the challenges of the credential and we will have a level playing field on a global scale.”

With so many different roles and responsibilities, Karen says she’s had to prioritise how she focuses her time. “On a professional basis, I’ll be giving less attention to Knew Technologies and more to Coachbroker, though I will still coach about five to 10 clients.

With the ICF work, I have teleconferences and meetings almost every day and most of them happen around 6am.”

When asked how she manages such a busy lifestyle, Karen credits her supportive family. “My husband is fantastic. I asked his permission before I pursued all this, and thankfully he gave it to me. I also have great in-laws who are wonderful with my daughter.”

Fortunately Karen is often able to work from home, and she regularly runs and attends

Name: Karen Tweedie Most Inspiring Influence: My mother died almost seven years ago and when I put together her eulogy, I could tell what her values were by the way that she lived her life.

That is what I would like also.

Your Biggest Motivation: To realise potential. To have things be the best they can be, whether it’s people or situations.

Career Highlight: Becoming president of ICF global.

Best Business Advice: Learn to love it! Don’t resent it or feel threatened by it. And, always surround yourself with good people who complement your skills.

strategic planning, and oversees the global committees that work on various parts of the strategic plan.

Rather than pushing her own agenda, Karen hopes to support each of the 16 board members and influence the overall culture in her role as leader. “I would like the ICF experience to give us all the opportunity to become really good at being board members, so once we finish our service with the ICF we can take our leadership skills on the road and contribute in bigger ways,” she says. “I have shared that with each board member individually – that’s what I see is a great opportunity. I think the world needs good leadership and I am quite inspired to think that the ICF can be a breeding ground for that.”

Throughout the 12 months of her presidency Karen hopes to carry on the work the ICF are already in the process of completing, with a major focus on revamping the credentialing process. “The coaching industry is really fragmented, so we are redesigning our ‘overarching credential’ to

yoga classes to get some time for herself. She also tries to set aside one day per week when she can focus on her children. “I have an eight-year-old daughter and grown sons, and I know how quickly the time goes. So I have one day that I try to keep for family, which isn’t always perfect, but I try.”

Not surprisingly, Karen is optimistic about what the future holds beyond her presidency with ICF global. “I see myself contributing in a different forum. I’m not sure what that is just yet, but I feel it will become apparent to me. I like the idea of being a very good board member – I think organisations need good women on boards.”

Overall, it’s Karen’s infectious enthusiasm for the coaching process that has been an integral part of her success. “Often, whether you’re a coach or not, you can see people’s potential when they don’t. I have a passion for people doing it easier. I think a lot of us struggle and strive for things, so if we can do it within our strengths and God-given talents, life would be a lot easier.”

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IS NOW ONLINE

Every issue of em POWER is just a click away

www.empoweronline.com.au

within the ICF, including president of ICF Australasia (2005) and secretary/treasurer of ICF global (2007). Karen is now the 2009 president of the global ICF board, taking the lead as the first Australian president in the history of the organisation.

“Its pretty good, isn’t it!” she laughs.

“I feel the weight of responsibility, but it’s wonderful. I had a year of president-elect in 2008 and our last president and I worked closely together, so there was nothing going on that I didn’t know about.”

Karen’s responsibilities include being a spokesperson for ICF global, as well as attending events and conferences throughout the world. She has a full travel itinerary scheduled for 2009, including three visits to the US, two to Europe and one to India, with more to be confirmed. She also chairs all of the face-to-face board meetings and

Subscribe to emPOWER magazine before May 19, 2009 to receive FREE access to the eMag, valued at $29.95!

Buying

MORE with Less It is possible to buy property with a small deposit, but as wealth creation expert Margaret Lomas explains, you should look closely at your options first.

Margaret Lomas is a qualified financial and investment advisor and is the director of Destiny Financial Solutions (www.destiny.net.au).

She is also an author and chair of the Property Investment Professionals of Australia.

April/May 2009

S

ince I was very young, I had the notion drummed into me that it would be better to pay off my own mortgage than that of my landlord.

While this may have been a smart strategy years ago when rents were high and mortgage payments low, it does not always apply these days. What is right for you will depend more on where you want to – or have to – live.

For those who need to live near work or wish to live near family and friends, it’s crucial to do your sums and establish which might be the better option for you. In many areas, the cost of renting, at around two to three percent of property values, is far cheaper than the cost of paying even the interest on a mortgage.

Where property values are on the rise, however, a mortgage may be the better option.

Your loan repayments are actually acting like a lay-by on an asset that should grow in value (with you, the owner, keeping the value of the growth, less your loan interest). A mortgage may also be the way to go if the property you can afford to buy would cost you close to the same in rent payments as it would for mortgage repayments. This way, each payment is essentially reserving the property in your name, and even if you never pay anything off the original principal of the loan, the value increase becomes an asset to you.

However, during times of little or no growth, renting may actually be the less expensive option, as mortgage repayments on a property with no subsequent growth would provide you with little or no substantial advantage. Either way, the key message is to do your homework and explore all your options before diving into the property market head first.

Size Doesn’t Matter So can you get a mortgage without a big deposit? Until recently, ‘no-deposit’ loans

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were available to those who could prove a good credit history along with a sound income. The global credit crisis has put paid to many of these types of loans as they place a large risk on the lender. However, it’s worth talking to a broker or financial advisor about your options.

The good news is that, to counter this, the government is, until June 30 this year, offering a doubling of the first-homeowner’s grant to $14,000 or a tripling to $21,000 if you are prepared to build. Some state governments add a grant of their own, or at least a reduction of stamp duty, making the total grant around $25,000. This means that if you were to build a house with a value of $300,000, you may only need to save around $5,000 of your own money to get a loan, providing you are able to prove sufficient income to repay it. The mortgage insurer must also approve your application, since lender’s mortgage insurance is required for all loans of more than 80 percent of the property value as a safeguard for the lender.

Before you race out and apply for the grant and buy a home, there are a number of things to consider. Once you get the property, be aware that your expenses will increase and will include rates, electricity, insurances and repair costs (which you wouldn’t have if renting).

Owning and living in your own home may also significantly reduce your ability to be mobile, and this is a consideration given we are about to enter a time where selling a home could take months, even years. In addition to this, and depending on where you buy, some areas may not yet have hit the bottom of the market in terms of their value, so the risk you face is that you buy a property that loses value for a little while longer.

This is fine if you plan to keep it over the long term as you can purchase it at a good price, but not a good option if you want to sell in a year or two.

Naturally, ensuring you have solid employment and income to maintain a mortgage will not only be peace of mind for you, but will improve your chances of a home loan with a small deposit.

Finally, if you do decide to rent instead of making that purchase, consider the option of renting where you want to live, but getting into the property market by buying in a lower-priced area with good rent returns and demand.

Properties such as these are somewhat immune to any great value loss, and buying one where the rent return covers most of your costs may mean you can own a property with a chance of growth that someone else pays for. This way you can have the best of both worlds – property ownership and the freedom to live where you choose!

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Wealth Creation

United Nations Development Fund for Women

Australian National Committee

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Wealth Creation

Understanding the foundations of wealth creation is the key to successful share investing, writes Dale Gillham. Here he explains the three basic rules.

B

efore we embark on a series of articles outlining ways to create wealth in the share market, we first need to look at the bigger picture of wealth creation.

There are three laws of wealth creation which have been around for thousands of years that go hand in hand with any investments you may make in your endeavours to become financially independent.

In my experience, the most common reason people fail to achieve financial independence is due to a lack of knowledge. For others, it’s probably due to a lack of confidence in their abilities to apply the knowledge. However, I think the following quote from American social writer and philosopher Eric Hoffer explains well why people may fail to be successful not only in investment but in other areas of their life: “They who lack talent expect things to happen without effort. They ascribe failure to a lack of inspiration or ability, or to misfortune, rather than to insufficient application. At the core of every true talent there is an awareness of the difficulties inherent in any achievement, and the confidence that by persistence and patience something worthwhile will be realised. Thus talent is a species of vigour.”

Interestingly, many people are willing to spend years studying, with the expectation they will obtain a job that will pay enough to enable them to sustain a desired lifestyle. Yet when it comes to educating themselves about how to create wealth, they never quite find the time. Instead, the majority seem willing to live from pay cheque to pay cheque, which means they have to work harder and longer to create the extra income that will satisfy their needs.

The desire for individuals to have whatever they want now and pay for it later means many forego the required planning process for their retirement years. But this need not be the case, as it is never too late

April/May 2009

to get your investments in order. By simply educating yourself on the three laws to wealth creation below, you can build a solid foundation and ensure you have a sustainable income during retirement.

Based on my experience, I feel that many people do not give enough thought to these time-proven principles. So, let me ask you this – are you truly building a nest egg to ensure your financial independence during your retirement years or are you treating your financial independence as a ‘nice to have’?

The three laws to successful wealth creation are: spend less than you earn; invest your surplus wisely (at least 10 percent of your income); and leave it alone so it can grow.

Unfortunately, the majority of Australians do not obey the first rule of spending less than they earn and are therefore unable to move on. For those who do obey the first rule and move on to invest their surplus cash, many also fail to do their homework beforehand. As a result of their lack of knowledge in this area, they either don’t invest wisely or are unable to leave their investments alone long enough to compound over time. So, here’s a breakdown of the three laws to get you on track.

1. Spend Less Than You Earn It’s usually this first rule that creates considerable angst for people. This is because many do not have a budget or spending plan. Without one, how do you know: • how much are you actually spending; or • how much you can save?

Usually, it’s not until the end of the financial year that people realise just how much they have earned. But when spending habits are quantified, only then we do we know how much we can save. Indeed, a spending plan is like a road map to financial independence

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2. Invest Your Surplus Wisely The second rule to creating wealth is to invest at least 10 percent of your income wisely. All too often people do what is simple or easy rather than what is wise when it comes to investing.

A wise investment, however, must give you capital growth and it must give you income.

If an investment does not have both of these components, then someone else is benefiting from the component that you’re not getting.

The share and property markets give you both capital gain and income, making them two of the best investment vehicles for you to create wealth. Given the expense of investing in property, those that are looking to start building wealth are wise to use the sharemarket until they have sufficient capital built up for property.

Once you invest, it’s also important to consider how you will manage your investment.

In other words, you need to consider your exit strategy before you decide to invest. Most investors do not consider this because when they invest they expect the asset to rise. Even though there is likelihood for the asset to rise, the value of the asset is not realised until you sell. Consequently, this is considered unrealised profits as the asset could fall in value. This was highlighted throughout 2008 with many retirees and prospective retirees seeing their nest eggs eroded by 30 to 50 percent or more. Therefore, you need to consider how and when you will exit if your investment turns sour or does not perform as expected.

Unfortunately, many investors mistakenly believe that if they have not sold a share that is falling in value then they are not losing.

But let me demonstrate why the opposite is true. If I buy a blue-chip share that is rising, I know with high probability that the stock will generally rise a minimum of 20 percent in price over the next 12 months. Let’s assume I invest in five stocks throughout the year. Four of the stocks rise in value (all by 20 percent) and only one makes a loss (also by 20 percent).

Now let’s convert this into dollar terms. If I invested $1,000 in every stock then I would have made $200 on each of the four shares

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Golden Rules

– it provides you with a plan of attack that allows you to create your preferred reality.

I won’t go into budgeting here as there are many good books and computer programs that can assist you, but essentially this first rule is a crucial starting point for an investor.

that went up and lost $200 on the share that went down; therefore I would make $800 and lose $200, which would give me a net profit of $600 or a 12 percent return on my capital of $5,000.

Now let’s assume I decide to hold onto the stock that was falling in value because I believe there is a chance it will turn around and start to rise. However, by the time it has decreased by 50 percent in value I realise that this is not going to happen. So what is the effect of this on my portfolio? On the falling share, I lost 50 percent or $500, meaning the unrealised net profit changes to only $300 or six percent profit on my $5,000 capital. Allowing the falling share to fall below 20 percent halved the return on my portfolio. This failure to sell falling shares in 2008 has seen many people’s portfolios drop to levels from which it will take five or more years to recover.

The main point here is that, the longer a stock continues to fall, the greater the effect on your overall profitability. In essence, allowing

your losses to run into bigger losses turns a good investment strategy into an average one.

3. Leave It Alone So It Can Grow The third rule to wealth creation is to leave your investments alone to grow. When you invest wisely, your money will normally earn you income and capital gains. When you reinvest these earnings, it yields additional income and capital gains because of the compounding effect. This also applies to income received from any tax rebates you might get as a result of investing. The rule is that whatever comes from investing must be used to invest more, or compound. Consequently, it is this rule that is the real key to wealth creation.

Therefore, once you embark on your investment journey you should leave your capital alone to allow it to grow. Only when your investments are generating income and growth that is equal to or better than what you earn from working should you consider using your investments or income for lifestyle purposes.

Dale Gillham is the chief analyst and co-founder of Wealth Within, the author of the bestselling How to Beat the Managed Funds by 20% and founder of Australia’s first and only nationally accredited Diploma of Share Trading and Investment. For more information visit www.wealthwithin.com.au

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Lift the Financial Fog Add these to the above family and social messages and what do you get? A whole generation of exhausted, overwhelmed and financially scared women, unable to move forward confidently with money issues.

Time for Change

O

“

f course I had an inkling I had a money problem, but I just kept not looking. This went on for ages, just ignoring money, until my phone was cut off and I got denied a credit card on the same day!” These were the confessions of a single town-planner Jennifer at one of my seminars. “I am not sure why I let it get that bad – I’m smart, I have a degree for goodness sake, I just couldn’t get a handle on my money.”

So what is this invisible thing that stops us otherwise capable women dealing with money issues? Why are we reduced to tears by the thought of looking at superannuation, insurance and retirement planning?

I believe women are hard-wired with so many messages from the media, our parents and society that we carry out this unconscious programming rather than really working out what is in our best interests. Let’s look at these messages briefly and how they relate to money.

Parental Messages For those of us with baby boomer parents, Mum often stopped working the minute she married, becoming fully dependant on her husband with no income of her own or career outside the home, leaving her disempowered financially. Even if she did manage to create a career, the time spent away from employment while raising children, coupled with generally lower paid professions for women and the glass ceiling, rarely left mum financially empowered.

The generations before the baby boomers

April/May 2009

had huge financial challenges during war time and the great depression, giving a whole set of scarcity messages to their kids. As children, we observed and stored away all these complex family messages about money.

Social Messages Do any of these sound familiar? Play fair and share. Be polite and compliant. Consider others first. Someone will rescue you. Money doesn’t buy you happiness. Talking about money is crass. It’s better to be good than rich... No doubt many of you are nodding.

Males, on the other hand, generally get a whole different set of messages growing up: winning is good. Be assertive. Be independent.

Money is power. Be a good provider/ breadwinner. Ask for what you want.

Media Messages We’re bombarded with media messages such as, be thin, be a sex goddess, be well dressed, be the perfect hostess, have a great home, crash through the glass ceiling, be thin, your kids are most important, make your partner happy, drive the right car, be a great cook, be a great friend… Did I mention be thin? If we do not have a strong sense of self, then these media messages tend to become our aspirational default settings.

Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money through her Rich Chicks seminars. For more information visit www.richchicks.com.au

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If you find the subject of money bewildering, you’re not alone. Catherine Lezer explains why and offers some solutions to clearing the fog.

Knowing all of this, it’s time to stop beating yourself up and realise the reason you’re in a money fog a lot of the time is because you are reacting to these programmed messages, rather than seeing money for what it really is: the means to have the life of your dreams.

Like anything else, dealing with money is a just another skill to develop. But the brilliant news is it’s very easy to do and you have a lot of help at your fingertips. Accountants, financial planners, mentors, investment clubs, friends, courses, books and the internet are just some of the resources you can access right now. Change the conversation with your girlfriends and start talking about money. Find a financial coach.

Make sure you talk to people wealthier than you… It rubs off you know!

Financial empowerment is a process. With these four actions below, you can start lifting the fog right now.

• Write down on a piece of paper the value of everything you own and the value of everything you owe.

• Write down the amount of income you have coming in after tax and the amount of regular bills, such as rent, mortgage, credit card payments, phone, gym etc.

• Take 10 minutes to imagine your best life – dreams you have, places you wish to visit, experiences you wish to have, everything you would ideally want to be, do and have. Write this down.

• Write down a list of all the things that are niggling away in the back of your mind that are not working for you. For example, still haven’t got a will, have lost track of my super, not sure if the interest rate is good on my savings account, check out my credit rating, no emergency savings, want to start saving for children’s education but don’t know where to start, not sure about insurances.

with every subscription Subscribe to empower by May 19 and you’ll also receive a FREE Nutrimetics Ultra Care+ Moisturising System, valued at $76!

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By practising mindfulness, you can calm your mind and reconnect with your body in a matter of seconds, says Danette Hibberd.

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ife can be really hectic, so where do you fit in? How do you continue to run on the treadmill if you don’t stop ‘doing’ for a few moments and allow yourself to find some inner peace… to simply ‘be’?

We know that in order to recharge ourselves and our bodies we must take time out; to stop the doing and focus on being.

An extremely powerful tool we have in our kits is the ability to practise being mindful.

Mindfulness is about paying attention to and being aware in the present moment.

Our past is gone, our future is yet to come, and what exists between them is the present moment, the reality of life that exists all around us and is the link that holds what was and what will be. The past was a series of present moments that brought us to this present moment. The future will be a series of present moments affected only by moments in which we are now living, being,

April/May 2009

doing, observing, being aware or unaware, attentive or inattentive.

You may think you’re in the present moment already, but this is actually part of the problem: often you only think about the present moment without truly experiencing it. Thoughts take us away from being here, now. When you think about the past or worry about the future, you are a prisoner of your thoughts. However, when you take a moment to observe yourself having them, you will no longer be trapped.

A wonderful technique to increase awareness of the present moment involves perceiving the information from the five senses – simply by tuning in to the world around you.

You can give this a try right now.

Take a moment to be aware of where you are right now, using each of the five senses. What can you see, hear, touch, taste and smell? What is going on around you?

Suppose you are drinking a cup of tea, notice

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Danette Hibberd is an international author, speaker, NLP master practitioner, trainer and personal development professional. For more information visit her website at www.fabulousbeyondforty.com

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RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW

the flavours and the feeling of drinking it.

As you read this magazine, notice how the paper feels under your fingers. Keep allowing information from the world around you to reach you through your senses. As you experience this state of mindfulness, you will notice a sense of calmness flow through you, even if for just a moment.

Remaining aware of the present moment requires constant effort as some of us are easily distracted. When interruption occurs, you can practise mindful breathing. Breathing consciously brings more awareness and concentration to whatever you are doing, and it can be performed in any situation.

As you inhale, concentrate on your breath in and say to yourself, ‘I know I am breathing in,’ then exhale, saying to yourself, ‘I know I am breathing out’. Observe the natural rhythm of the breath. Do so without forcing it to be longer, deeper or slower. With attention and a little time, your breath will deepen naturally on its own. Occasionally, your mind will wander off. Simply take note of this distraction and bring your attention gently back to your breath.

In daily life our mind and body are rarely together so being aware of our breathing will allow us to really be present. Our body might be here, but our mind is more often somewhere else. Maybe we are lost in regrets about the past or perhaps in concerns about the future, or are preoccupied with plans, anger, anxiety and so on. And so your mind is not really there with your body.

The mind and the body are connected by a ‘bridge’. The moment you begin to practise mindful breathing, your body and your mind begin to come together via this bridge. This takes just 10 to 20 seconds to accomplish.

When you come back to your breath – which always occurs in the here and now – it draws you into the present. From here you can observe as the past and future attempt to draw you away from the moment. This paying attention to the here and now, to observing one’s thoughts without being critical or judgemental, is what people call ‘mindfulness’.

Life may feel chaotic at times and it helps to go inside and be quiet – even if just for a minute. Becoming still inside will remind you that all is well. Take some time to be quiet and mindful today.

“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.”

– Jewish proverb

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”

– Honore’ de Balzac

“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.”

– Henry Ward Beecher

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

– Tenneva Jordan

“Mother’s love grows by giving.” Charles Lamb “Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of its mother.”

– Moorish Proverb

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”

– Washington Irving

“The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks.”

– Carrie Latet

“To a child’s ear, ‘mother’ is magic in any language.”

– Arlene Benedict

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

– Elizabeth Stone

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coaching toolkit Coach yourself to success

A P R / M AY 2 0 0 9

Q.

I have a beautiful relationship and a gorgeous 4-year-old daughter. I practice Chinese Qigong every morning for 40 minutes and do a higher self 30-minute meditation. Only one of us works because we decided that we wanted our daughter to grow up with at least one of her parents around all the time. I am a very positive person most of the time and I practise affirmations daily. However, the one thing that eludes us at the moment is our finances. We are in debt and slowly getting further into debt. We just scrape through from week to week. I have had money in the past but seem to keep repeating the same pattern and going back into debt. What can I do to break this cycle and move us forward to a life being financially free? We have our – Shane goals but I feel something is holding us back.

A.

Shane, I can see that you are really honouring your spirit through your daily practices of meditation and Qigong. This is both admirable and commendable.

As well as honouring the spirit we also need to look after our physical wellbeing by living within our means. When we spend more money than we have, we start to lose command of our situation and before long we can skyrocket out of control. This is the response from the universe that your present financial strategy is not working.

You have made the decision that you or your partner will work while the other is at home with your daughter. This decision comes at a price, which for you is less income. Whatever your income, it is essential you develop good money habits. The first habit to develop is to pay ‘you’ first. This means taking 10 percent off the top of your income and setting it aside to invest in your future. You must then learn to live on the remainder. It may mean saying ‘no’ to some items you would like to have.

When you have savings you start to feel much more in control – even ‘wealthy’. This is the vibration you send out to the universe and it responds in like manner, and you start to receive good things.

It is essential you learn to live within your means and that you are grateful for what you have. Keep going with your goals and aspirations, incorporate good money habits and you will be well on your way.

Source: Mary King is a renowned women’s wealth coach. For more information, visit www.maryking.com.au

Q.

I would like to know the best way to forget about mistakes I have made over the years. Sometimes I even ponder on things that have happened in my teenage years.

– Tina

A.

Your sub-conscious mind is the storehouse for your memories.

Technically, you cannot quite forget events of the past, especially if embedded with strong emotions. Certain factors such as taste, smell, sight, sounds, movements, etc, can trigger these memories at any given time when you are emotionally vulnerable. However, you can eradicate the pain, grief or fear from them. Letting your hurts and mistakes of the past dominate your thinking and emotions today will inevitably rob you of your present joy and future happiness.

You can control your response towards each of your memories today with greater self-control, acceptance and awareness. Here are some steps you can take to help you move forward from your past grievances.

• Reframe the negative memory. Examine your past and capture the painful events. Neutralise the pain by visualising the type of future you’d like for yourself without these events. Change the meaning of the ones you find painful into valuable lessons learnt.

• Change your focus and find an anchor. Concentrate on something more resourceful. Sometimes it is best to find an outlet or ‘an anchor’– perhaps something humourous – that helps you to cope with the things that make you remember upsetting memories.

• Express yourself. Instead of completely ignoring the past memories, express them by either talking to a therapist or writing about them in your journal.

This will help you to increase acceptance and embrace the feelings that you may have pushed aside over the years.

• Forgive yourself and others. Be gentle with yourself and learn from your mistakes.

• Focus on the positive memories throughout your life journey. When your unconscious mind automatically plays back your negative experiences – or negative interpretations of events – stop your train of thought by allowing the good memories to flow through your mind. and think about the wonderful things that could be lying in your future.

Source: Savleen Bajaj is an international success coach, psychologist, speaker, author, facilitator and consultant. Visit her website and subscribe to her newsletter at www.savleenbajaj.com

Ask a Coach &WIN

Send your coaching questions to emPOWER and if we publish your question and answer in the next issue, you’ll win a prize pack from Hay House worth more than $80.

The winner’s goodie pack will include 21 Distinctions of Wealth by Peggy McColl; Lucid Living by Tim Freke; The Body Knows…How to Stay Young by Caroline Sutherland; and a Happiness Now perpetual flip calendar by Robert Holden. For more information visit www.hayhouse.com.au

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Submitting your questions through the website at empoweronline.com.au will ensure a response, regardless of whether it’s printed in the magazine. Alternatively, email your questions to admin@empoweronline.com.au

Q.

We have a very close 18-year relationship with my husband’s best man and his wife. I also work with his wife. I have known about an affair between his wife and my direct supervisor at work for several years now, however I am seriously struggling with this, especially when I see her around her husband playing ‘happy families’. She is not aware that I know or the fact that everybody in the workplace also knows. My husband has also heard on the grapevine, however he does not want to approach his best man without ‘proof ’. I have thought of every possible scenario to resolve this issue but I cannot come up with an ideal one. I do not feel I can approach her about it when really it is none of my business (and it would have serious implications on many levels).

I just cannot bear that her husband and two kids have her on such a pedestal. I feel I do not want to be around them on a social level anymore but how does that look to the innocent husband… Can one of your coaches offer any suggestions?

– Sarah

Q.

I am currently a stay-at-home mum with two boys aged three and one. I have been studying part-time at uni since my first son was born and still have a long way to go before I finish. I am in a bit of a quandary as I feel that I should be going back to work rather than draining what little resources we have on furthering my education, although it will benefit us all in the long run. I also feel torn between putting my kids into care and either working or studying or both when I think it’s important to stay at home with them as long as I can. I want to do the best I can for my boys but also feel it is time I did something for myself. I always knew my degree would be a long-term thing but now it seems going back to work is more important so I can contribute to the family income. I guess I want a bit of everything! Is there any advice you can give me on what my priorities should be and how I

– Tracey can get the best out of my situation?

A.

Sarah, you have shared a situation that certainly could be quite complicated and emotionally frustrating for you, and potentially others.

Part of my role as a coach is to see if there are other ways of looking at things, challenging assumptions and highlighting some potential strategies. With that, here are a series of questions and observations for your consideration, some being more comfortable than others possibly for you.

• What is the ultimate outcome you’re after here? You may need to think about this a bit with honesty and clarity.

• What are your values about this situation? Something about this is potentially striking a values clash for you and it’s important to be clear about what that means for you.

• You’ve also stated, “…when really it is none of my business”. What does that actually mean to you, as you are dedicating time to be concerned about it?

• How do you know the affair is actually happening? You mention that you and everyone in the office know and that she isn’t aware everyone knows.

How do you know this is true? Your husband wants proof before he would say anything, so if you and everyone else thinks it’s true, what is the proof ?

• Having known for years about a potential affair, what’s different now that you’re considering what action to take? What’s your motivation at present?

• Have you considered that possibly she and her husband have an agreement about this relationship and/or have discussed this relationship specifically?

Are you making an assumption that they haven’t?

• You make the comment about “playing happy families”. Are you making an assumption that they aren’t happy?

• You also make the comment that her family has her up on a pedestal. What do you really mean by this, and does it have something to do with your motivation to consider action on this issue?

• Are you judging the woman or her behaviour or both? This distinction could be very important to you as you decide what to do and how to do it.

Our values system is very influential in decision-making and the reason why you are feeling torn right now is because the things that you value are conflicting against each other. For example, you may value financial security, learning and family quite equally and it seems you cannot honour all of those values at the same time. I suggest you write down what is most important to you in life. Are the things that are most important to you congruent with the results that you are currently getting? If not, re-evaluate how you can balance the things that are most important to you.

You may need to let go of something, such as a belief that is limiting you from having it all. For example, you may have to let go of a belief that says, ‘You cannot be both a successful mother and career woman’.

Also, remember to acknowledge yourself for being a great mother and always doing the best that you can with the resources that you have available to you.

Nothing has meaning but the meaning that we give it. What meaning are you adding to aspects of your current situation? Our reality is created by our beliefs, perception and focus. We filter in information and filter out information to gather evidence for what we already believe to be true.

What are you filtering out that if you were to filter back in right now would make all the difference? How are your own beliefs limiting you right now, rather than powering you forward?

All children are different. Just as it is very important to honour the individual needs of each child it is of utmost importance to honour your own needs, as you cannot give away what you do not have. What would be the perfect balance for you? If this situation were just the way that you want it to be, how would it be? Instead of just looking at the potential problems with your ideal situation, ask yourself ‘How will it benefit the boys for me to have some time just for me?’ and ‘What value would the boys get from attending day care?’ Focus on what you want and take actions toward it and remember, feel the fear and do it anyway!

Source: Noel Posus is a master coach with 20 years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He is the founder of coaching business www.askacoach.com and Incredible Awareness (www.incredibleawareness.com).

Source: Rachel Anastasi is an empowerment coach, speaker, mentor and founder of Free to be Me Life Coaching. She is passionate about empowering others and making a difference. For more information visit www.freetobemecoaching.com.au

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Set Your Goals

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10

Areas of Your Life Date:

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pa r

Welcome to your first coaching session and congratulations for taking the first step to improving your life. In this first session you will be setting two 5inspiring goals for different areas of your life. Using the coaching models provided, complete the following exercises. ily

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social

m fa

ily m fa

finances

5

tn er

self

Use this goal-setting tool over the next two months to achieve your goals and improve your life. Set the dates for your coaching sessions and let’s get started.

SELF This is your relationship with yourself.

Consider how much love, appreciation, acceptance and respect you have for yourself.

social

w

ell

be

in

g

5

10

rituality

business/career

self

10

family 5

finance Where are you now?

wellbeing social

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On the chart, rate yourself on a scale of 0 - 10 in relation to where you feel you are at in spirituality each area of your life right now. Then, draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where 5 you have marked your rating in each area. partner social

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partner 10

family

eg.

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social

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5 8

2

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family

self

10

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10

spirituality 5

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10

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/ ss ne er si re bu ca

wellbeing

pirituality

w

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4 wellbeing

finances

10

pirituality

partner

family

0

social

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A ‘10’ means you consider that area is perfect and a ‘0’ means major improvement is neededfinances . business/career

5 social

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wellbeing

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Where do you want to be?

spirituality

Next, give yourself a rating in relation business/career to where you want to be in each area of your life in the next wellbeing 1 - 2 months. Again, use a scale of 0 - 10 and draw a line around the chart, joining the dots where you have marked your rating in each area. Don’t be afraid to dream a little but consider what you spirituality can realistically achieve in that time. There’s no need to aim for a perfect 10 in any or every area.

PARTNER Think about this area in the context of whether you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, it refers to how you feel about your life with your partner. Is your relationship what you want it to be? If you’re single, think about your level of satisfaction with being single.

Some people would love a committed relationship and others are content as they are. How do you feel? family This area refers to how you feel about your relationships with family members. The rating you give this area should be an average for all family relationships. While some will be strong, others may not be so good. social Similarly, this area refers to how you feel about your relationships with friends and your satisfaction with your level of social/fun activity. Again, provide an average rating of your relationships and social activity.

WELLBEING This is your overall sense of wellbeing and how you feel about your health & fitness.

partner 10

SPIRITUALITY If you’re a spiritual or religious person, this area refers to your level of connectedness with your beliefs. If you’re not spiritual or religious, think about your level of contentment with life in general.

family

self 5

finances

Imagine your life with these results

social

0

5

wellbeing

business/career 10

spirituality April/May 2009

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BUSINESS/CAREER This area considers the level of success and/or fulfilment you feel in relation to your business, career or current employment.

FINANCES This final area refers to how you feel about your level of financial freedom and/or your progression towards your desired level of financial freedom.

Creating your goal Now it’s time to create your goals. To begin with, choose one area of your life that you would like to improve. Say it’s ‘Partner’ and you want to go from a rating of 4 to 8. Using the goal template over the page, create a written goal outlining what that new rating means to you – perhaps it’s about finding a soulmate or re-connecting with your husband.

Every goal that you write should be an empower goal.

Think about the empower principles as you go through the process

Wellbein

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It is th e 20th of May and I f 2009 eel so h a ppy and of what proud I have achieved have rea .

I ched my goal we of 60kg ight s and I look fan I am fi tastic. t, healt h y and have much m so ore ener gy. Now fit into I can that se xy black and I f dress eel fabu lous.

Write your goal in the present tense, as if you’ve already achieved it. Make it meaningful, including some strong emotions, and make sure your goal is inspiring to you. Use only positive words and be specific – focus on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Be a little realistic (but not too much) about what you can achieve in the timeframe chosen. Remember, too, your goal needs to be your own, not a goal to change someone else. You can only take responsibility for improving yourself and your life.

Goal 1

Write your goal

Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster.

What you want to achieve

[Date] and I feel so ...................................................

[Emotion1] and .......................................................

[Emotion 2] It is ..............................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................

[Emotion3] Why you want to achieve it

Goal 2

Write your goal

Fill in the spaces below to create your first goal. Remember, you’re writing in the present tense and be positive – with the right attitude you’ll get where you want to be much faster.

It is .............................. and I feel so ............................................................. and ..............................................................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

I/We...................................................................................................................................................................................

Now I/We........................................................................................................................................................................... and I feel.............................................................................................................................................................................

Required action: Your only action for the next week is to read your goals every day. Read them out loud and, as you read each one, experience how you will feel when you have achieved what you want. This is called visualisation and is an important step in the goalsetting process – visualise your goals as if you have already achieved them.

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www.empoweronline.com.au

week 2

Making it Happen

Date:

Now that you’ve been reading your goals for a week, consider whether you need to change or add anything to your goals to make them even more meaningful and inspiring. In this session, it’s time to start setting (and doing) the actions necessary to achieve each goal.

Required action: 1. If necessary, add to or change your goals.

2. On the action sheet provided, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get closer to your goals. Remember, these are your goals and you’re responsible for the actions, so be as detailed as you can.

3. Choose a motivational book to read or course to attend to expand your learning.

4. Continue to read and visualise your goals everyday.

Goal 1 Action

Completed

................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................................

Goal 2 Action

Completed

................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................................

April/May 2009

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week 4

Date:

Reflect on your goals and actions. Are you achieving what you’d planned to by this time? If you feel that you’ve lost some motivation for achieving your goals, or that you aren’t getting any closer to achieving them, it’s quite normal for people to experience this at some stage during the coaching process. To give you a reminder, and a shot of motivation, do the first action suggested below.

Consider your results from the last two weeks. Have you completed all of your actions?

If not, what got in your way? What can you do differently to prevent the same outcome in the next two weeks? If you’ve completed all of your actions, perhaps you can now push yourself a little harder.

Required action: 1. Meet with a friend or partner and share your goals with them. Explain to them all the reasons why you want to achieve each goal and how it inspires you. Ask them to hold you accountable.

2. On a new piece of paper, set some new specific actions for each goal over the next two weeks. Remember to challenge yourself. Anything worth achieving may be a little uncomfortable.

3. Continue to read and visualise your goals every day.

week 6

Date:

Hopefully you are well on your way to achieving your goals. If not, you may need to consider adjusting your goal date a little. This is normal and can happen for numerous reasons. You may have underestimated the time it would take, you may have gotten off track, or perhaps you may need to be more strict with yourself in taking actions. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes. It is up to you to achieve your goals.

Required action: 1. Adjust your date if necessary.

2. For each goal, make a list of 20 reasons why you want to achieve the goal. Remind yourself of how good you will feel and how life will be different.

3. On a new piece of paper, make a list of the actions you need to take in the next two weeks to get you closer to your goal. Remember to challenge yourself.

4. Decide on one nice thing you are going to buy or do to celebrate achieving your goal.

5. Continue to read and visualise your goal every day.

week 8

Date:

Well done for making it to Week 8 and congratulations if you have achieved any of your goals. If not, don’t lose hope, things sometimes just take longer than initially expected. Either way, it’s important to celebrate how far you have come.

iStockphoto

Required action: 1. Celebrate your success to date. Do something nice or buy yourself your chosen gift.

2. If you have adjusted your goal date, continue to set actions every two weeks and read your goal every day.

3. If you’ve achieved your goal, get ready to set some more goals and start again at Week 1.

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If you’ve felt over the last few weeks that you need some more support, you may wish to consider seeing a professional life or success coach.

While this model is a great guide, nothing will ever replace the power of sitting one-on-one with someone who can support and guide you to achieve your goals. If you are looking for a coach, check out the ‘Coach Directory’ over the page, or you may also consider posting a question on the ‘Ask a Coach’ page on our website. www.empoweronline.com.au

Finding HerVoice When Claire Porima, 45, decided to return to work after nine years of raising a family, she felt ready for a new direction and enrolled in a course in life coaching. The tutor, Nicola Lambert, became Claire’s life coach and helped the adopted mother of two reconcile her Maori background with the white culture she grew up in. With fortnightly sessions over the last year, Claire has found her unique voice and the confidence to express herself, conquered her fear of public speaking and embarked on a new career.

Claire says: I’d come out of a fabulous period of mothering but had a crisis building within me. I had a deep sense of something missing and needed to get something out from within me that would give me a better sense of direction in my life. I enrolled in a transformational life coaching course to help find it. Nicola, my tutor, has a great knowledge of psychology and analysis, combined with academic depth and wisdom.

The course content nourished my mind, body and spirit and nurtured my sense of connection with indigenous wisdom, giving me a sense of stability. I felt I had a gift within myself that the course was feeding, but I was looking for more support. Nicola offered me that.

I had a gripping fear of public speaking although I’d worked in marketing and spent a decade in the New Zealand diplomatic service. It affected my voluntary work as president of the performing arts committee at my son’s school. With Nicola’s help, I came to see that my inability to speak was linked to deeper feelings. In New Zealand, when I was 10 days old, I was adopted into a white family with five other adopted children, two of whom had Maori mothers – we all looked completely different. I’ve since found my birth parents and have a beautiful relationship with them. I realised that my voicelessness was related to repressing my

April/May 2009

Maori self. With Nicola’s support, I started to listen to the deeper threads of myself, as she helped me open up and make sense of things. I realised there is a part of me that is so important, that has a right to be heard.

I got more out of coaching than I expected. Nicola helped me rebuild myself from the very deepest layers, creating healing and transformation and enabling me to find my voice. I’ve spoken in front of an audience of 350 people and at smaller events too. My career is going to be in transformational life coaching and I’m bringing my indigenous culture to life socially, culturally and professionally. I’m building my business plan for the ara (Maori for ‘pathways’) transformational life coaching. Nicola and I will continue to have coaching sessions, face to face or by phone, but it’s hard to envisage what we’ll cover – the future is an unfolding mystery!

Nicola says: In our first sessions, we worked through Claire’s fear of public speaking. One of the first challenges Claire faced was that for her sense of calling to be recognised in the world she had to speak about it, and she was very frustrated by this. We were working on something seemingly on the surface that challenged her confidence, but it originated in a much deeper source of silencing who Claire was at a very young age in her family

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of origin. This was linked to Claire finding the confidence and power to challenge the whole endemic nature within our culture that represses the voice of the indigenous.

Claire had been reconnecting, reawakening deep values, revaluing the gifts of her indigenous culture, while in the white culture she had this terror of public speaking. It was a legacy she couldn’t escape and was almost a gift because it kept knocking and saying, ‘there’s something going on here’.

You have to build confidence and succeed at both levels. We worked on practical symptoms, dealing with mind talk and perceptions. I listened and supported Claire as she went from a state of conscious thought and dropped down into meditation.

We worked with the changes emerging in her inner terrain. As we went deeper into the core transformative work, the release flowed upwards so Claire was no longer straining.

I’ve seen Claire unable to speak in front of six people, so seeing her stand up and speak in front of 350 was awesome.

I have been so moved by Claire’s journey and challenge, it’s been a sacred delight. My heart has been opened to the significance of what she’s doing and to my own desire to foster others who have similar stories, and support the redignifying of our indigenous friends and fellow beings.

– As told to Persephone Nicholas

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