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Page designed by: Ruth Ann Replogle
Enid News & Eagle
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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Page A7
LIFE
Annie’s Mailbox
Seniors have dreams too
Hurt by hubby
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Elderly get wishes granted through grassroots groups
Josephine Mastroianni (right) receives a piano lesson from Jack Tyrrell in Waterbury, Conn. A growing number of senior citizens nationwide are getting their wishes granted by groups in the spirit of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The groups, often run by volunteers, are granting wishes that range from simple things like piano lessons to flights in war-era bomber planes. (AP Photo) “People sometimes ask me, ‘Does the person have to be terminally ill to get a wish?’ and I say no because we’re all going to die someday,” she said. Twilight Wish divides the dreams into two categories: simple needs such as replacing a broken appliance or getting new dentures, and “living life to the fullest” wishes, which have included riding in a fighter plane and meeting a favorite baseball player. Seniors Have Dreams Too has limited its criteria a bit more for cost and safety reasons, focusing on quality-of-life wishes. They’ve included a surprise tuneup for a blind man’s guitar, a champagne reception and art show for a woman who wanted to display her paintings and a special delivery of New York Yankees gear for a dying fan whose husband’s biggest wish was to see her smile again. “They really don’t ask specifically for their own wish,” Smith said. “We usually learn what it is by listening to them mention something or say, ‘I always wished that ...’ or hearing from someone else about what they’d really like.”
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ing that there’s something I wanted to do and couldn’t or that there’s nothing to look forward to,” Smith said. “That would be just heartbreaking.” The Seniors Have Dreams Too group has counterparts in several other states. They include the Indianapolis-based Never Too Late group, the Forever Young Senior Wish Organization of Collierville, Tenn., and Second Wind Dreams of Marietta, Ga. One of the largest such groups, the Twilight Wish Foundation, has granted about 1,300 wishes in 35 states since it was founded in 2003. It has chapters in Arizona, Illinois, Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, New Jersey, Georgia, Washington and Idaho. “There have been some very poignant wishes, such as people who want to go to family reunions or see a family member one more time,” said Cassy Forkin, the group’s founder and executive director. Its wish recipients must be at least 68 and unable to make the wish come true for themselves because of their low incomes or the complexity of the wish.
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WATERBURY, Conn. (AP) — Josephine Mastroianni has played piano by ear since she was 7 but never had formal training until a charitable group learned of her wish and made it happen. Now 86 and taking weekly piano lessons, the Waterbury woman is among a growing number of senior citizens nationwide getting their wishes granted by grassroots groups inspired by the Make-A-Wish Foundation for sick children. While the organizers are careful not to call them “last” wishes, they’re often the kind of activities seniors can’t arrange themselves or a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, like meeting a favorite celebrity or touring their childhood home. Mastroianni said she never would have thought to take piano lessons at her Waterbury nursing home and was shocked when Seniors Have Dreams Too, a nonprofit based in Wallingford, set up the free weekly sessions. Mastroianni’s goal is to play “I Did It My Way” for her fellow residents, many of whom gather in their wheelchairs to watch her lessons. A number of the wish-granting groups, including Seniors Have Dreams Too, are run by volunteers who pay for expenses with donations and focus mainly on nursing home residents or homebound seniors. “People need something to look forward to, especially at an older age,” said Sally Smith, who founded Seniors Have Dreams Too in 2007 and is a recreation director at Cheshire House, Mastroianni’s nursing home. “I can’t imagine being older, being alert and oriented, and yet feel-
Dear Annie: I have been married for 35 years to a man who, at any moment, will bring up things from our past that are very hurtful to me. And he knows exactly what he is doing. Two weeks ago, he threw something in my face that goes back to before we were married. He had loaned me a small amount of money — less than $100. At the time, I was a single mom working a full-time job without the benefit of child support from my ex-husband. I guess I never paid him back. I had totally forgotten about it and couldn’t believe he remembered — and apparently is still upset about it. We are now the parents of three grown children. On the outside, we appear to be the perfect couple, but his continual badgering has left me feeling like a knife is being stuck in my heart. He knows how I feel about this. The only time he stops is if I start to cry. Why does he do this? — Hurt in the Midwest Dear Hurt: Has your husband always been like this, or is it a fairly recent development? The fact that he hangs on to these grudges and uses them to make you cry is a form of bullying and an effort to exert control. If this reflects a change in his personality within the past few years, he may have a neurological problem that requires medical attention. Unfortunately, if it goes back 35 years, it will be difficult to modify his behavior, especially if he isn’t willing. It is not, however, impossible. Get some counseling — on your own if he won’t go with you — and learn how to respond in a more productive way.