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The Muslim Islamic Agenda in America: A Problem That Deserves a Decisive Solution Since 1992, the number of Muslims who have been allowed to immigrate to the United States from Middle-Eastern countries has inexorably doubled. In 2014, approximately 200,000 Muslims seeking naturalization emigrated from native-Muslim countries into the United States. This great number of first generation Muslims is significantly disproportionate to the much smaller number of Muslims who sought naturalization before 1980. Currently, there are approximately 2.75 million Muslims practicing the Islamic religion in the USA, of whom sixty-three percent are first-generation immigrants who went through the naturalization process for U.S. citizenship.

That means that 37 percent of the current 2.75 million Muslims have been born on U.S. soil to naturalized Muslim parents since the high-tide of Muslim immigration commenced. These facts are extremely problematic in terms of, actually, why these naturalized Muslims are presently in the United States, and why their birthrate has been so staggeringly high for over twenty years. As to why zealous Islamists, who render the Koran (the sacred text of Islam) and sharia law as the rigid codes governing their behaviors, would

want to live in a democratic republic whose Constitution and Bill of Rights are totally opposed to Islamic law, the very obvious might be the correct rendering of their intentions. Have they come to the United States to assimilate and acculturate into American society, and to accept, honor, and defend American law, or are they coming in such great number to the republic for vastly different and sinister reason?

United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely, without any Have you ever considered what a mental reservation or purpose of person must conscientiously do, evasion; so help me God." and say, to become a naturalized citizen of the United States? For If such an eighteen-year old example, an eighteen-year year devout Muslim was taught, from old man, a devout Muslim from the cradle-up, that the Islamic Pakistan, who has immigrated to Muslim code of conduct and sharia the USA to become a U.S. citizen, law transcends, and therefore must take an oath of allegiance trumps, any other code of human prior to the conferral of U.S. citi- conduct required by law, that perzenship on him, as required by son, when swearing that he will U.S. law. The oath appears below: bear true faith and allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, is verbally "I hereby declare, on oath, that I committing himself to something absolutely and entirely renounce that he will ultimately refuse to and abjure all allegiance and do; that is, support and defend the fidelity to any foreign prince, U.S. Constitution. That makes potentate, state, or sovereignty, of every Muslim who is, or who has whom or which I have heretofore ever been, naturalized a U.S. citibeen a subject or citizen; that I zen extremely suspect, because will support and defend the the Koran, the Muslim holy book, Constitution and laws of the is hardly a book of tolerance and

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love. Indeed, the Koran is, rather, a book of violence and intense hatred directed against the infidel, in which the Muslim is taught, by Mohammed, that unless the infidel submits to Islam, he is to be killed.

In fact, the entire purpose of being Muslim, according to the Koran, is total personal submission to Islam by, and through, forcing other human beings to submit to Islam.

Intolerance by a Muslim zealot of his own lack of submission causes him to be much less intolerant of another Muslim's lack of submission, which is indicative of the manner in which ISIS fighters regard fellow Muslims who are not living-up to their strict expectations. Without hesitation, these less-than-zealous Muslims are slaughtered indiscriminately.

Therefore, it is quite obvious that Muslim intolerance breeds hatred, and hatred breeds violence.

As a real example of what I am trying to emphasize in this essay, there is a 28 year old male security guard I know, who, a bit earlier in time, seemed like a nice-enough fellow, spoke good English, and had the physique of an NFL lineman. One day, in passing, I mentioned to him that the U.S. Secret Service was hiring new agents, and

he asked me if I would provide a recommendation for him. So I then asked him if he was born in the United States, and he said no; that he had been born in Pakisatn and had been naturalized a U.S. Citizen some years earlier. I then asked him if he was Muslim, and he said yes. Then I asked him the crucial question. Do you believe in the practice of sharia law? And without hesitating, he replied that he did. I then explained to him that sharia law was the exact opposite of democracy and freedom, what he had sworn to uphold in the U.S. Constitution as a newly naturalized U.S. citizen; and, that, if he did not really support the U.S. Constitution, I could not recommend him for any government job. At that point in our dialogue, he stopped smiling and turned maddeningly away from me. To this day, he has never smiled, or spoken, to me again. To this young, strapping Muslim, I had probably become the informed infidel, who had come to realize that all sincere Islamists, who have fully submitted themselves to Islamic law, as taught in the Koran

by Mohammed, are obligated to, either, make all infidels (Christians, Jews, and all nonMuslims) submit to Islamic law or to kill them. This sounds austere, but there is no other way to describe Islam than by saying that it is a religion of hatred and violence. It is a sad fact that most of the Christians, who have accepted the statements of Islamic clerics (who have been naturalized or born in the U.S.) that Islam is a

religion of peace and love, have not, themselves, read the Koran.

Ninety-five percent of all the verses of the Koran encourage all worthy Muslims to do all they can to thwart the lives of infidels, and compel faithful Muslims to embrace, and practice, the fifth essential pillar of Islam, which is holy jihad, or holy war.

One formerly devout Muslim, who found Jesus Christ and became a Christian, told me that all faithful Muslims fundamentally agree on one basic precept in the Koran; that is, jihad or holy war against the infidel. Many millions of Muslims, both Sunni and Shiite, however, disagree on how to violently wage jihad. That is, whether to seize power politically by population density (as it was done in the UK) in order to get sharia law imposed, or to kill, bomb, and terrorize the infidel into submission.

Once sharia law is declared legal by a democratic regime, it assumes its inexorably fascist form and is can only be stopped by that democratic regime abolishing the law and holding Muslim's accountable for their crimes against natural law, the liberty and freedom of religion. He also said that, while one-hundred Christians could read Jesus' "Sermon on the Mount" and all agree on the Savior's teachings about love, one-hundred Muslims could read the Koran, the commandments given by Mohammed for opposing and fighting the infidel, and all one-hindred Muslims would, in some way, perceive the words differently. He was very sad

when he said that, if U.S. law did not have a written Constitution and a Bill of Rights, declaring freedom of religion, Muslim clerics in the U.S. would immediately seek to impose sharia law (the antithesis of democracy) on all practicing Muslims, in much the same way that the Taliban imposed sharia law on the people of Afghanistan.

He told me that his own father had threatened to kill him for converting to Christianity, and that his father, a leader at a Mosque in San Diego, California, had been a naturalized U.S. citizen for over 32 years. Amazing, and tragic, isn't it?

So can you trust the random adult Muslim next door to treat you, a Christian, with the same tolerance and love that you treat him? With what is happening in the world today in Syria, Iraq, Yemen, other Middle-Eastern countries, and the United States, the Christian community should reasonably treat the Muslims around them with the same suspicion that the First Century Christians had for the Romans. The Romans of the 1st and 2nd Centuries wanted to decimate Christianity and Judaism, and currently all devout Muslims around the world are either openly, or silently, advocating that the same thing happens in the 21st Century. Millions of seemingly peaceful and loving Muslims regularly go to their Mosques, located

in many U.S. cities, to worship their Islamic god and to earnestly pray that all infidels will eventually be forced to submit to Islam. In their scheduled meetings, these Muslims plan ways to make this happen, either violently or by subtle political subterfuge. It is wise to remember that all devout Muslims who render the Koran as the divine word of their god, Allah, have been commanded by their prophet, Mohammed, to lie, cheat, and deceive the infidel, by behaving in ways that Allah has forbidden them to do with other Muslims, such as drinking alcohol, eating pork and other foods they regard as unclean, cheating, and lying. For Islam is hardly an ideal religion. It is thoroughly pragmatic, where the end result, the infidels' submission to Allah, justifies any, and all, means used to make that end result occur. This makes negotiating Islam an extremely tricky affair.

To understand more thoroughly the pragmatism of Islam, and the criminal conspiracy that is underway in the United States to Islamize America, which has deliberately been permitted to expand by the U.S. Department of Justice, I recommend the book written by P. David Gaubatz and Paul Sperry, "Muslim Mafia: Inside the Secret Underworld That's Conspiring to Islamize America." The book is a

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story of how, P, David Gaubatz, and his son, Chris Gaubatz, secretly infiltrated the Muslim organization, CAIR (The Council on American-Islamic Relations), which has been declared by the U.S. Justice Department an "unindicted terrorist co-conspirator" operating in the U.S. Yet, under the Obama administration, the criminal organization has been allowed by the FBI, CIA, NSA, and the DIA to operate freely in the U.S., and to use the same U.S. Constitutional rights and freedoms, which they are attempting to violently undermine and destroy, for protection against exposure. CAIR has even been given the right and opportunity to sue P. David Gaubatz and his son in federal court for exposing CAIR to the American public. The Gaubatz book contains photographed documentation that conclusively proves that CAIR is directly linked with, and supporting, terrorist groups outside of the United States, such as HAMAS and the Muslim Brotherhood, with money and other resources, in order for them to continue killing American citizens and destroying American property. It sounds preposterous, doesn't it, that a terrorist organization like CAIR would be allowed to freely operate, and to expand its operations and influence on American soil? It is totally unreasonable that a proven terrorist co-conspirator, such as CAIR, would be allowed by the federal government to remain unindicted. But it is a fact, and is happening. As such, the probability is

very high that every practicing Muslim you see on the streets and in the Mosques, located in many U.S. cities, might be affiliated in some way with CAIR and its insidious mission of Islamizing America in order to impose sharia law.

Coincidentally, an Islamic education center has been recently established in Woodbridge, Virginia, in a large building located on Old Bridge Road. I live very closely to that location in Woodbridge, and see Islamic students and their clerics coming and going on a regular basis. While observing these Muslims, I can't help thinking about the high probability that that Islamic center is directly allied with CAIR, and is receiving financial resources from that unindicted terrorist co-conspirator.

So, what is there for concerned American citizens to do? Well, if you, the collective American electorate, knew that a group of people from countries outside the United States were, as a group, religiously committed murderers; and that, if they were allowed to immigrate into the United States, they would secretly conspire to kill as many American citizens as possible over time, as their religion demanded, would you allow them to enter the U.S. on visas, and to eventually be naturalized as U.S. citizens? Do I hear a concerted no? Moreover, if you knew that these people, as individuals, would lie when taking the oath for U.S. naturalization, and would only pretend to swear to support

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and defend the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights, would that have even greater reason to deny their entrance into the United States? You, the electorate, the People of the United States or the States, as declared in the 10th Amendment of the Bill of Rights, are the real law, for you collectively elect federal senators and representatives to reflect YOUR collective will in the U.S. Congress.

In other words, the bills passed by the U.S. Congress and signed into law by the standing U.S. President, are not the will of the people comprising the House of Representatives, the U.S. Senate, and U.S. President, but, rather, the collective will of the People of the United States. So, YOU, the American People, have the obligation of ensuring that the immigration laws allowing Muslims into the United States, by the hundreds-of-thousands, are immediately repealed for the protection of the American public, the Christians, the Jews, and all other U.S. citizens regarded by the Muslims as infidels.

YOU the Christian, Jewish, and religiously sectarian American members of the electorate must come together with one mind to realize the probable violence that is manifesting itself from such a large population of devout Muslims in America. You see them on a daily basis. You buy things from them at convenience stores and gas stations. There are nearly 3 million of them in the United States, and they, by religious affil-

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iation, are collectively committed to one very pragmatic end-result, the Islamizing of America. The conquest of a large portion of Europe and Asia by Islam occurred very violently in the 6th Century A.D., and it is currently occurring again in the form of ISIS and the Taliban in the Middle-East.

Nonetheless, there is a subtle side to the Islamic agenda. Muslims are commanded in the Koran to lie and deceive the infidel. A massive Muslim population is today the inexorable prelude to sharia law in America, just as it was to establishment, by Parliament, of Islamic sharia courts in the U.K. Yet, the British Home Secretaries have, since the late 1990s, sorely regretted allowing the antithesis of democracy, sharia, to prevail as law in the larger British citie\ I firmly believe that, if there are genuine doubts by the government that first-generation Muslims have lied about supporting and defending the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights during naturalization, they, as a group, should be forced to, either, vocally renounce their belief in the practice of undemocratic Islamic law or have their citizenship revoked. This wouldn't infringe on their 1st Amendment liberty. Of course, they might lie again renouncing sharia law, in order to remain in the United States. Allah wouldn't mind. This is probably why the use of a polygraph might be the only sure solution.

- Norton Nowlin

ARIES (Mar. 21- April 20) Don't make financial contributions in order to impress others.

Secret information will be eye opening. Do not lend money or belongings to friends.

Opportunities for romance will develop through activities with large groups. Contracts will not be as lucrative as you think.

CANCER (June 22-July 22) Don't be too eager to spend what's left over; more unexpected expenses are evident. You can make money through your creative efforts. Don't bother getting even; they'll make themselves look bad.

TAURUS (Apr. 21- May 21) Join a choir or a drama club. You may be considering moving to larger quarters. Avoid friction with your mate. Try to make your lover understand that you need LEO to do things with your friends.

(July 23-Aug 22) You will be able to borrow money GEMINI in order to invest. Your interests (May 22-June 21) You can get support from groups could lead you down avenues you that you belong to if you're will- never realized existed. Do things ing to step out on a limb and that involve children. voice your opinions.

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VIRGO (Aug. 23 -Sept. 23) Your home environment may be volatile if precautions aren't taken. Travel may be confusing.

Overindulgence may be a problem.

LIBRA (Sept. 24 -Oct. 23) Promote your ideas now. People you live with will not be terribly happy with you regardless of what you do today. Lovers may prove unworthy of your affection.

(Nov. 23 -Dec. 21) Eliminate situations that are no longer to your advantage. Don't blow situations out of proportion. Your emotional partner will push all the right buttons today.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22.- Jan. 20) Try to do your job and then leave. Use your quick wit to win points and friends. You may be up for some changes in your home.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 -Feb. 19) SCORPIO You will be able to get to the bot(Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) tom of things today. SelfDon't confront the situation if improvement could bring amazyou don't feel you can keep your ing results. Don't lend or borrow. cool. You'll have amazing ideas, but superiors may try to block PISCES your attempts at implementing (Feb. 20-Mar. 20) them. Traffic will be busier than Don't let your work and your peryou anticipated, so try to get a sonal life interfere with each head start if you have made plans other. Changes at home might to travel. come fast and furious.

Reciprocate by offering helpful SAGITTARIUS hints.

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American Sniping “American Sniper” has just been killing it at the box office. The Clint Eastwood –directed film adaptation of Chris Kyle’s bestselling biography brought in a record-setting $90 million in its opening weekend. Those are the kind of numbers typically reserved for summer blockbusters and superhero sequels. Bradley Cooper’s portrayal of the deadliest Navy SEAL sniper is resonating with an American public eager for a “hero” after over a decade of war with Iraq. Kyle was credited with 160 confirmed kills during his four tours. His “probable” kill total is 255 or so. But some are criticizing “American Sniper” for glorifying war… …Hyper-liberal agent provocateur Michael Moore got caught in the conservatives’ crosshairs after “tweeting” that snipers are “cowards.” Moore’s uncle was apparently killed by a Japanese sniper in World War II. The director says

he was just passing on his father’s one can “spoil” a movie based on opinion… a biography anyway. But, anyway… there’s a fake baby in …Moore has a point. There’s just “American Sniper” and it’s really something unsporting about using distracting. Reports insist that snipers in war. They lurk in dead- Eastwood had lined up a genuine ly silence until they let loose their baby to share scenes with Cooper projectiles. But here’s the thing and Sienna Miller (who plays about snipers. If you enemy uses Kyle’s wife, Taya). In fact, there them, you pretty much have to were apparently two flesh-andlose them. The psychological blood babies cast for the film. impact of an effective sniper can Baby #1 got sick on the day most of be devastating on the battlefield. the baby scenes were scheduled The whole nature of cowardice vs. and Baby #2 (the backup baby) was heroism in war is murky. Is a sui- a no-show. So “American Sniper” cide bomber a hero? It depends has a very distracting fake baby in on your perspective. Is a drone it… “pilot” who lets loose Hellfire missiles from thousands of miles …The film doesn’t devote any away a hero? That’s a bit of a screen time to Kyle’s tragic death stretch in my book… at the hands of a PTSD-afflicted veteran. Nor does it address the …I’m going to digress for just a lawsuit that Kyle’s estate lost to minute. I can’t really say much Jesse Ventura. The court ruled else about “American Sniper” that Kyle falsely claimed to have without addressing the fake baby. punched out the former I don’t really consider this a Minnesota governor and pro “spoiler.” I don’t know how much wrassler. The country’s most deadly sniper had a habit of making stuff up. He once said that he fatally shot two armed men who wanted to steal his truck. He said he traveled to New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and shot 30 bad guys from the roof of the Superdome. There is no evidence to support either story…

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and lots of journalists have looked. Why would someone who is hailed as a hero by so many need to embellish his life story so much? Sadly, we’ll never know… …I can’t say that I think of Chris Kyle as a hero. I think of war heroes as the guys who risk their own lives in combat to save their fellow soldiers. (Yes, I know I’m splitting hairs on this a bit. Kyle was so feared in Iraq that he had a near-six-figure bounty on his head. He risked his life every time he went out in the field. And there’s no doubt that his sniper kills saved some lives.) I just find it hugely disappointing that Kyle and Marcus Luttrell, author of “Lone Survivor” (which was also turned into a movie), have broken the code of silence that traditionally applied to those who served as “special operators.” Both former SEALs cashed in on their supposedly clandestine service. Their tales included details about comrades who fell in battle. Whether you think of “American Sniper” as jingoistic propaganda or a long overdue tribute to those who have served our country, Kyle’s motives for writing his book have tainted his legacy in the minds of many…

- Mark Bedford

Looky We Caught Another Terrorist and Promise to Protect Washington DC Do we have the underpinnings of a Police State which uses ridiculous minor events to justify their existence? It seems so, and our Homeland Security, Fusion Centers, FBI and security forces are constantly PR'ing their incredible ability to find and catch terrorists or are they finding people who are "most likely suspects" setting them up and then catching them just in time before some big event to ensure us they have everything under control and thus, justifying a huge clamp down of some type? Let's talk.

You see, there was an interesting article published on January 18, 2015 in the Washington Post titled; "Ohio man arrested in alleged plot to attack Capitol," by Sara Horwitz which stated that authorities had found someone in Ohio who spoke highly of ISIS and subsequently was plotting to do some type of terrorist event in Washington DC. It turns out however that although this particular plot had included the collection of weapons, and thoughts of killing US Government leaders, workers and employees, the supposed terrorist suspect was not actually in contact with ISIS and didn't receive any

instructions, training, advice, ing "look we caught ouror money from them to con- selves a terrorist" more like entrapped another bone duct such a terrorist act. head to serve as an example You know, I just hate to say of investigative prowess. it, but I bet this is made up

and blown out of proportion to prove self-worth of security forces due to the up-coming state of the union speech.

Check the record last year and the year before, it's always the same deal. Why? I dare to ask why? Remember too Joe Biden's house was supposedly shot at last week too? I am sorry but, I am not buying any of this anymore.

Personally, I do not FEAR and I am tired of all this money supposedly protecting the American People going to protect the leadership, especially considering it is our money and we don't need those politicians, they need us! If they uncover real terrorists - just shoot them, stop playing along with them 'setting them up' and then claimENIGMA

Facebook in the dark of night isn't really protecting the American People from terrorism, it's protecting the money flow to a huge government funded industry of surveillance, security and policing, and industry that has seen nothing but growth since 9-11-2001. Who are we kidding, and how many times to we have to pretend that this sort of nonsense for TV media is okay. It's not. I am not pleased, this is becoming grossly negligent and bathed in complete BS. Sincerely, Creating evil-doers through Lance entrapment, undercover games, and use of what some - Lance Winslow lesser IQ person says on

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WHEAT RIDGE, Colo. (UPI) Authorities in Colorado said an alleged robber abandoned his plans when he recognized the clerk and decided to instead give a “thumbs up” and rob another store. The Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office said the man was disguising his face with a bandana and the hood of his blue jacket when he walked into the Quick Save store in Wheat Ridge just before 12 p.m.

Tuesday. “[Expletive], I was going to rob this place but I know you.” the sheriff’s

office quoted the suspect as saying to the clerk, “Do you know me?”

The clerk responded that he did not recognize the suspect, who said “Good” and exited the store with a “thumbs up” aimed at the worker. The incident was recorded by a CCTV camera, the sheriff’s office said. “File this in the You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up File,” the sheriff’s office said on its Facebook page. A suspect matching the same description robbed a 7Eleven store in nearby Arvada shortly after the aborted crime, investigators said. The sheriff’s office has released the CCTV video and still images of the suspect in

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the hope he can be identified by members of the public.

YALBOROO, Australia (UPI) - An Australian man taking a nearly 10,000-mile walk across the country in his Star Wars stormtrooper costume said the armor saved him from a deadly snake bite. Scott Loxley, whose 9,320-mile walk across Australia is aimed at raising money for the Monash Children’s Hospital in Melbourne, said he was leaving Yalboroo, Queensland, Wednesday on his way to Mackay when he spotted what appeared to be a dead snake at the side of the road. “He’s lunged at me and bit

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me. But the good news is the armor — he bit me in the shin — and the armor actually protected me and stopped the bite,” Loxley said. “I could feel the teeth scraping on the plastic, but the armor actually stopped something.” Loxley said the stormtrooper armor, long criticized by fans of the franchise as ineffective against attacks ranging from laser blasts to rocks thrown

by Ewoks, proved it was in some way effective. “So all those people that rag on the old stormtrooper because you know, the armor doesn’t do this, it doesn’t do that

... it stopped a snake bite and probably saved my life today,” he said. Loxley said the snake appeared to be a king brown snake, ranked as the sixth deadliest snake in Australia by the Australian Geographic.

CHINA - A woman out of Shangqiu, China took revenge into her own hands, literally, when she discover her husband was unfaithful.

Chinese officials have arrested a married woman who allegedly chopped off her husband’s penis after she found his messages to a 21-year-old mistress. Fan Lung, a 32-year-old father of five, was sleeping when his wife, Feng, cut off his penis with scissors, according to local media reports. She reportedly saw emails he wrote to his lover using her cell phone. Fan had his penis reattached, but was still in the hospital when Feng returned to cut off his penis once again. “Staff rushed out to see what was happening and found the patient with blood streaming down his legs hitting the woman,” a hospital rep said in a statement. He was stopped and the woman was taken in for treatment, and then we discovered she had chopped his penis off again.” Unfortunately for Fan, authorities were unable to find his severed member, which is thought to have been eaten by a stray dog or cat. And remember that Valentine’s Day is less than a month away!

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (UPI) - Canada’s Vancouver Aquarium said a copper rockfish was outfitted with a prosthetic eye to keep him from being “picked on” by underwater bullies. Aquarium officials said the rockfish had one of

his eyes surgically removed two years ago when a case of cataracts failed to heal and he has lately been acting distressed at the bottom of his tank. “Before the prosthetic, he was being hurt and quite uncomfortable because he was picked on,” Dr. Martin Haulena, head veterinarian at the aquarium, told Global News. “What’s been observed with fish that are missing an eye is other fish take advantage of that ... they kind of go to that blind side, steal food and pick on [them].” “It’s a well-known thing that there is natural aggression as different species kind of vie for the best space and habitat they’re in, so that kind of aggression is very very normal,” he said. The prosthetic was an eye designed for taxidermied fish. Haulena said the surgery is not unheard of at similar facilities but was the first of its kind at the aquarium. “Ever since we put in the prosthetic the fish is right back in the mid-water column, interacting with other fish,” the veterinarian said. “He’s more robust. Everybody, including the fish, seem a lot happier now.” A second rockfish underwent the same procedure and returned to display at the Vancouver International Airport.

SAN DIEGO (UPI) - A full-sized boa constrictor slithered out of a toilet at a public relations firm in Southern California last week, according to a press release from the company. When Stephanie Lacsa, co-founder for Vertical PR + Marketing, noticed a higher-thanusual water level in one of the San Diego office building’s toilets last Wednesday, she went to work with a plunger. Something then began to emerge from the toilet drain. “I

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thought my eyes were deceiving me,” Lacsa said, according to a statement from the firm published on San Diego Animal Control’s Facebook page. “But as soon I saw the flicker of its tongue, I definitely knew that it was in fact a large snake heading straight toward me.” The snake was a Colombian Rainbow Boa, a non-venomous constrictor native to South America. At 5-feet long, the boa was at average full-grown length.

Lasca said she shrieked and ran from the bathroom, taping up the door until animal control arrived and captured the snake. “The animal control officer said that she had never witnessed anything like this in her career,” Lasca said, according to the statement. “She referred to the incident as ‘The Stuff of Urban Legends’ and I would have to agree.” Holly Wells, Lasca’s co-worker and the cofounder of Vertical PR + Marketing, noted that the office was very old.

“Our building, which is the Old San Diego City Hall, was built in 1886 so we are accustomed to the old pipes and stubborn plumbing,” she said, according to the release. “But we were definitely not prepared for this.” San Diego Animal Control said Friday in a comment on its Facebook page that the boa was claimed by a friend of the owner, and that its name was “Bella.” Boa constrictors are considered an invasive species in places such as Florida, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, where they thrive in the subtropical climate and are mostly introduced through “escape or release by pet owners.” While it does not list boa constrictors as one of the state’s invasive species, the California Department of Fish

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and Wildlife notes, “Some of the animals that are currently, or were in the past, brought into California as sources of food, fur, or pets have turned into major pests.”

KENTUCKY - Icicles are dangerous.

Anybody can tell you that. They can damage your house. They can drop down from the edge of your roof and puncture your skull! They can throw exciting parties when you’re not around and drink all of your booze. Okay, that last one is unlikely, but nobody hates icicles more than one Kentucky man who risked everything in his crusade against the clinging, frozen menace. Not content to simply knock them down with a broom or a shovel, this unnamed homeowner terminated the icicle menace threatening his house with extreme prejudice. Extreme prejudice and a blowtorch. Firefighters were called to the home to find smoke pouring from the roof of the home. They were able to extinguished the blaze, but not before the roof and attic, as well as a new addition to the home, were heavily damaged. The homeowner told fire officials he was worried family members might be injured by icicles hanging from the roof of his home, so he used a blowtorch to melt them...and then promptly left home to run errands. “He was concerned about the icicles and the ice causing damage to his home and/or anybody walking under it his kids or anyone - if they fall,” said the fire chief. “Obviously, you want to remove them as safely as you can. Breaking them off is what most people do. Choosing to use a torch to melt them, in hindsight, he probably agrees is not the best idea.”

This week’s calendar covers events from Thursday, December January 22, through Wednesday, January 28. We would be happy to publish your free listing in future Billboards, space permitting.

Simply mail us the information so that we have it 7 days before the publication date. A photograph may be sent with the announcement. Send information to: Calendar Editor, Enigma, P.O. Box 825, Chattanooga, TN 37401 or e-mail to calendar@enigmaonline.com. All dates subject to change without notice.

TT H HU URRSSD DA AYY JJaannuu aarryy 22 22 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Ricky Mokel BBU UD D’’ SS (Chattanooga) DJ Hammer TTRREE M MO ON NTT TT A AVVEE RRN N (Chattanooga) Songwriters Showcase CCA AM M PP H HO OU USSEE (Chattanooga) Open Mic ARRII’’SS H A HA ARRBBO ORR LLIIG GH H TT SS (Chattanooga) Keyz Brown RRH HYY TT H HM M && BBRREE W WSS (Chattanooga) Pack of Wolves, Drew Sterchi & Blues Tribe ALLA A ABBA AM MA A TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Birmingham) Tedeschi Trucks Band TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Billy Idol BBIIJJO OU U TT H HEE A ATTRREE (Knoxville) Moon Taxi

FFRRIID DA AYY JJaa nnuuaarryy 2233 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Ricky Mokel RRA AW W (Chattanooga) DJ Barnaby RRH HYY TT H HM M && BBRREE W WSS (Chattanooga) Backup Planet, Hank & the Cupcakes TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Corey Smith TTII VVO O LLII TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Chattanooga) Tedeschi Trucks Band MEE RRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Of Montreal, Nedelle Torio TTH H EE PPU UN NCC H HLLII N NEE (Atlanta) Dave Attell

SSA ATT U URRD DA AYY JJ aannuuaarr yy 2244 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Ricky Mokel RRH HYY TT H HM M && BBRREE W WSS (Chattanooga) Of Montreal, Nedelle Torio RRA AW W (Chattanooga) DJ Barnaby TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Rebelution VVO ON N BBRRA AU UN N CC EEN N TTEE RR (Huntsville) Ron White MA M ARRA ATT H HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) GEasy, Jay Ant, Kehlani, Kool John CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Will Kimbrough D && LLII N 33RRD ND DSS LLEEYY (Nashville) Jonelle Mosser LLA AU URREE LL TT H HEEA ATT RREE (Knoxville) Dismembered Tennesseans PPIILLO OTT LLIIG GH HTT (Knoxville) Hudson K TTH H EE PPU UN NCC H HLLII N NEE (Atlanta) Dave Attell TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) John Mulaney TTEE RRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESS TT (Atlanta) Riff Raff

ENIGMA

SSU UN ND DA AYY JJ aannuu aarryy 22 55 TTH H EE CC O OM M EED D YY CCAATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Ricky Mokel SSK KYYZZ O OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Exphacter TTH H EE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Machine Head TTH H EE PPU UN NCC H HLLIIN N EE (Atlanta) Dave Attell

MO M ON ND DA AYY JJaannuu aarryy 2266 TTRREE M MO ON N TT TTAAVVEE RRN N (Chattanooga) Trivia Night TTH H EE O O FFFFIICC EE (Chattanooga) SpeakEasy FFO OXX && H HO OU UN ND D (Chattanooga) DJ Exphacter CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) John Oates

TT U UEESSD DA AYY JJaannuu aarryy 22 77 TTRREE M MO ON N TT TTAAVVEE RRN N (Chattanooga) Open Mic w/ Mike McDade SSO OU UTT H H SSIID DEE TT AAVVEE RRN N (Chattanooga) Troy Underwood TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Josh Turner MEEM M MO ORRIIAALL AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Blue Man Group VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Antibalas, Zap Mama TTEE RRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Leon Russell EED DD D IIEE’’ SS AATT TT IICC (Atlanta) Paul McDonald, Mark Miller CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Jeff Daniels RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter

WEED W DN NEESSD DA AYY JJaannuu aarryy 2288 RRAAW W (Chattanooga) Open Jam LLA ASS M MAARRG G AARRIITT AA’’SS (Chattanooga) Priscilla & Little Rickee ARRII ’’SS H A H AARRBBO ORR LLII G GH H TTSS (Chattanooga) Keyz Brown TTH H EE TT AAVVEERRN N (Soddy-Daisy) Roberts & Sims RRH H YY TTH HM M && BBRREE W WSS (Chattanooga) Simo BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Jack White, Loretta Lynn, William Tyler RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter TTH H EE SSTT AARR BBAARR (Atlanta) Wayne “The Train” Hancock 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU U BB (Athens, GA) Parquet Courts

U PPCC O U OM MIIN NG G EEVVEEN NTT SS CCO O BBBB EEN NEE RRG GYY PPEE RRFF O ORRM M IIN NG G AARRTT SS CC EEN NTT EERR (Atlanta) “School House Rock – Live) January 29 TTH H EE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Napalm Death,

JANUARY 22 2015

12

Volvod, Exhumed, Iron Reagan, Black Crown Initiate, Ringworm January 29 M AARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU U SSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Rebelution, Katchafire January 29 TT EEN NN NEE SSSSEEEE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Ron White January 30 TT EERRM M IIN NAALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Paper Diamond January 30 WO W O RRK KPPLLAAYY TT H HEEAATT RREE (Birmingham) Bob Schneider January 30 TT IIVVO OLLII TTH H EEAATT RREE (Chattanooga) Ron White January 31 D AALLTTO D ON ND DEEPPO O TT (Dalton, GA) Becky Buller, Butch Ross January 31 FF EERRSSTT CC EEN NTT EERR (Atlanta) Arlo Guthrie January 31 EE D DD DII EE’’ SS AATT TTIICC (Atlanta) Kristy Lee, Kyle Cook January 31 BBA ARRLLEE YY’’ SS TT AAPPRRO OO OM M (Knoxville) Wayne “The Train” Hancock January 31 ARREE N A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN N EETT TT CCEE N NTT EERR (Atlanta) Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band, J. Geils Band January 31 TT H HEE M MAASS Q QU UEE RRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Less Than Jake, Reel Big Fish, Zero Authority February 2 TT RRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Shovels & Rope February 3 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Chris Brown, Trey Songz, Tyga February 3 H EEAAVVEEN H N AATT TT H HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRA AD D EE (Atlanta) Motion City Soundtrack, Copeland February 3 CC IITT YY W WIIN NEE RRYY N N AASSH H VVIILL LLEE (Nashville) Crystal Bowersox February 3 M EERRCC YY LL O M OU UN NG GEE (Nashville) Copeland February 4 CC EEN N TTEE RR SSTT AAG GEE (Atlanta) Kongos, Sir Sly February 5 N EEW N W EE AARRTTH HM MU USSIICC H HAALL LL (Athens, GA) Passafire, Lullwater February 5 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND D SSLLEE YY (Nashville) Lucy Hale, John Dorr February 5 ZZ YYD D EECC O O (Birmingham) Fifth On The Floor, Matt Woods February 5 FF O OXX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Jerry Seinfield February 6 M AARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU U SSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Cold War Kids, Elliot Moss February 6 BBA ARRLLEE YY’’ SS TT AAPPRRO OO OM M (Knoxville) American Aquarium February 6 TT H HEE 112200 TT AAVVEERRN N (Marietta, GA) Shooter Jennings With Waymore’s Outlaws February 7 CC U ULLTT U URRAALL CCEE N NTT EERR (Roswell, GA) Ruthie Foster February 7 BBU UCC K KH H EEAAD D TTH H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) Cold War Kids, Elliot Moss February 7 TT H HEE TT AABBEERRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Lotus February 7 G EEO G O RRG GIIAA D DO OM M EE (Atlanta) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 7 CC EEN N TTEE RR SSTT AAG GEE (Atlanta) Ingrid Michaelson February 7 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Katt Williams February 7 TT H HEE EEAARRLL (Atlanta) Evan Dando February 7 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 8 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Diana Ross February 8 TT EERRM M IIN NAALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Phox February 10 TT EERRM M IIN NAALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Against Me!

February 11 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) George Clinton And Parliament Funkadelic February 11 PPIILLO O TT LLIIG GH H TT (Knoxville) The Paul Collins Beat February 11 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Guster, Kishi Bashi February 12 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Colin Hay February 12 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Above &Beyond February 12 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND D SSLLEEYY (Nashville) Echosmith, The Colourist February 12 552299 (Atlanta) Caddywhompus February 12 CC EEN NTT EE RR SSTT AAG GEE (Atlanta) Jessie J February 12 EED DD DIIEE ’’SS AATTTT IICC (Atlanta) Lloyd Cole February 12 BBU UCC K KH HEE AAD D TT H H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) Shovels & Rope, Caroline Rose February 12 LLA AU UG GH HII N NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG G EE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 12 WO W O RRK KPPLLAAYY TTH H EEAATT RREE (Birmingham) Robyn Hitchcock February 12 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers February 12 WIILLD W DH HO O RRSSEE SS AALLO OO ON N (Nashville) Rick Springfield February 13 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Colin Hay February 13 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Tedeschi Trucks Band February 13 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Adam DeVine, Adam Ray February 13 FFO O XX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter February 13 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Guster February 13 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Big Head Todd & the Monsters February 13 OPPEE RRAA (Atlanta) Datsik February 13 O ATT LLAAN A NTT AA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 13 LLA AU UG GH HII N NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG G EE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 13 TT H HO OM MPPSSO ON N--BBO O LLIIN NG G AARREEN N AA (Knoxville) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia February 13 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers, Lydia Loveless February 13 FFO OU UN ND DRRYY PPAARRK K IIN NN N (Athens, GA) Robyn Hitchcock February 13 WO W O RRK KPPLLAAYY BBAARR (Birmingham) Pete Yorn February 13 VVO ON N BBRRAAU UN N CCEE N NTT EERR (Huntsville) Brian Regan February 14 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Shovels & Rope February 14 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Wale February 14 ATT LLAAN A NTT AA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 14 LLA AU UG GH HII N NG G SSK KU ULLLL LLO OU UN NG G EE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 14 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU UBB (Athens, GA) Drive-ByTruckers February 14 CC A ALLEED DO ON N IIAA LLO OU UN NG G EE (Athens, GA) Francisco The Man, Jackson Scott February 14 GEE O G ORRG G IIAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Athens, GA) Kap Slap February 14 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Dave Mason February 15 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Craig

Morgan, Deana Carter, Third Day, Mike Farris February 15 TTH H EE M MA ASSQ QU UEERRA AD D EE (Atlanta) Silverstein, Beartooth, Hands Like Houses, My Iron Lung, Major League February 15 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SS K KU ULLLL LL O OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Emo Philips February 15 ATTLL A A AN NTT A A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Carlos Mencia February 15 TTH H EE M MA ASSQ QU UEERRA AD D EE (Atlanta) Silverstein, Beartooth, Hands Like Houses, My Iron Lung, Major League February 15 BBJJCC CC CC O ON NCC EERRTT H HA ALL LL (Birmingham) Ringo & His All Starr Band, Steve Lukather, Richard Page, Greg Rolie, Todd Rundgren, Gregg Bissonette, Warren Ham February 15 CCO O BBBB EEN N EERRG G YY PPEE RRFFO O RRM M IIN NG GA ARRTT SS CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) Harry Connick Jr. February 16 CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Tim Reynolds and TR3 February 16 WA W ARR M MEE M MO O RRIIA ALL A AU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Dr. John February 17 CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Arlo Guthrie February 17 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Dark Star Orchestra February 18 EED DD DIIEE’’ SS A ATT TT IICC (Atlanta) Sean Watkins February 18 CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Arlo Guthrie February 18 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Blackberry Smoke, Ben Miller Band, The Temperance Movement February 18 BBIIJJO OU U TT H HEE A ATTRREE (Knoxville) Robert Earl Keen February 18 PPH HIILLII PPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Maroon 5, Magic!, Rozzi Crane February 19 GEE O G ORRG G IIA A TT H HEEA ATT RREE (Athens, GA) Young the Giant February 19 SSCC H HEERRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY CC EEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Styx February 19 TTH H EE BBA ASS EEM MEE N NTT (Nashville) Sean Watkins February 19 MCC K M KEEN N ZZIIEE A ARREEN NA A (Chattanooga) MercyMe, Crowder, Matt Maher, Jamie Grace, Tedashi, Group 1 Crew, I Am They, Jon Guerra February 20 VVII N NYY LL (Atlanta) Bad Suns February 20 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Excision, Protohype, Minnesota February 20 TTH H EE PPU UN NCC H HLLII N NEE (Atlanta) Lavell Crawford February 20 SSCC H HEERRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY CC EEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Styx February 20 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON N EE A ARREE N NA A (Nashville) Charlie Wilson, Kem, Joe February 20 GEE O G ORRG G IIA A TT H HEEA ATT RREE (Athens, GA) Young the Giant February 20 SSCC H HEERRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY CC EEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Styx February 21 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON N EE A ARREE N NA A (Nashville) Jason Aldean February 21 HA H ARRRRA AH H ’’SS CCH H EERRO OK KEEEE CCA ASS IIN NO O (Cherokee) Heart February 21 GEE O G ORRG G IIA A TT H HEEA ATT RREE (Athens, GA) Justin Townes Earle February 21 EED DD DIIEE’’ SS A ATT TT IICC (Atlanta) John Hammond February 22 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens February 22 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON N EE A ARREE N NA A (Nashville) Maroon 5, Magic!, Rozzi Crane February 22 ZZA AN NII EE’’SS (Nashville) Margaret Cho February 22 BBJJCC CC A ARREE N NA A (Birmingham) Charlie Wilson, Kem, Joe February 22

ENIGMA

MAARRK M K CC .. SSM MII TTH H CC O ON N CCEE RRTT H H AALLLL (Huntsville) Gordon Lightfoot February 23 ZZA AN NIIEE ’’SS (Nashville) Margaret Cho February 23 GEEO G O RRG GIIAA TTH H EEAATT RREE (Athens, GA) Ryan Bingham, Lucero, Twin Forks February 24 ZZA AN NIIEE ’’SS (Nashville) Margaret Cho February 24 BBU U CCK KH H EEAAD D TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Ryan Bingham, Lucero, Twin Forks February 25 ZZA AN NIIEE ’’SS (Nashville) Margaret Cho February 25 IIRRO ON N CCIITT YY (Birmingham) Ryan Bingham, Lucero February 26 TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Punch Brothers February 26 MEERRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Rocco DeLuca February 26 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 26 TTEE N NN NEE SSSSEE EE PPEE RRFFO ORRM M IIN NG G AARRTT SS CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Harry Connick Jr. February 27 RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Punch Brothers February 27 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) Kongos, Sir Sly, Colony House February 27 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 27 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Al Di Meola February 27 TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Willie Nelson February 27 TTH H EE IIN N TT EERRN NAATT IIO ON NAALL (Knoxville) Young the Giant February 27 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Billy Joel February 28 HEELL LL AATT TTH H H EE M MAAQ QU U EERRAAD D EE (Atlanta) Helmet February 28 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Tom Green February 28 TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Corey Smith February 28 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Kathleen Madigan February 28 CCO O TTTT O ON N EE YYEE D D JJ O OEE ’’SS (Knoxville) Dan + Shay, Canaan Smith February 28 HAARRRRAAH H H’’ SS CC H HEE RRO OK KEE EE CC AASSIIN NO O (Cherokee) Willie Nelson February 28 TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Above & Beyond March 1 BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Chris Brown, Trey Songz, Tyga March 1 MEERRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Scott Weiland March 2 RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Willie Nelson March 3 IIRRO ON NH HO O RRSSEE CC AAFFÉÉ (Birmingham) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 3 HEEAAVVEE N H N AATT TT H HEE M MAASSQ QU UEE RRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Scott Weiland March 3 TTH H EE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) August Burns Red, Miss May I, Northlane, Erra March 4 MEERRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 4 CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Marshall Crenshaw, Bottle Rockets March 4 VVO ON N BBRRAAU UN N CC EEN N TTEE RR (Huntsville) Elton John March 4 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 5 TTH H EE M M AASSQ QU U EERRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Cannibal Corpse, Behemoth, Aeon, Tribulation March 5 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU U BB (Athens, GA) Of Montreal,

JANUARY 22 2015

13

JANUARY 22-25

RICKY MOKEL

RICKY, THE "LOVABLE, GIFTED IDIOT" IS THE MOST NATURAL, SPONTANEOUS AND THOROUGHLY REFRESHING COMEDY CHARACTER TO COME ALONG IN MANY YEARS AND IS WELL KNOWN FOR THE PHRASE "I THINK ABOUT STUFF".

JANUARY 29-31

ETTA MAY

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE ETTA MAY? “MINNIE PEARL WITH A MIGRAINE.” TO PUT IT SIMPLY, WHEN ETTA MAY TAKES THE STAGE, SHE IS THE REIGNING QUEEN OF SOUTHERN SASS. SHE REFLECTS “YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING FAT WHEN YOU SIT IN THE BATHTUB AND THE WATER IN THE TOILET RISES!” ETTA MAY WON THE PRESTIGIOUS AMERICAN COMEDY AWARDS: “STAND-UP COMIC OF THE YEAR”

FEBRUARY 5-8

TONE BELL

TONE BELL BEGAN HIS CAREER IN DALLAS COMEDY CLUBS BEFORE RELOCATING TO LOS ANGELES TO PURSUE A CAREER IN ACTING AND COMEDY. SHORTLY AFTER HIS MOVE, BELL WON THE STAND-UP NBC DIVERSITY TALENT SEARCH AND SIGNED A DEVELOPMENT DEAL WITH THE NETWORK. AFTER ACTING IN A NUMBER OF SHORTS, TONE WENT ON TO LAND A RECURRING ROLE ON THE VH1 SERIES "SINGLE LADIES" AND WAS SOON CAST IN THE COMEDY SERIES "WHITNEY."

FEBRUARY 12-15

MICHAEL MACK

MICHAEL MACK BEGAN HIS CAREER IN 1990 AND SINCE THEN HE HAS MADE SCORES OF PEOPLE LAUGH AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. HIS “LAUGH ‘TILL YOU PUKE” STYLE HAS MADE IT ON TO “THE BOB AND TOM SHOW,” “THE JOHN BOY AND BILLY SHOW,” AND ABC’S “AMERICA’S FUNNIEST PEOPLE.”

FOR UPDATES, DISCOUNTS AND FREE TICKETS, TEXT COMEDYCATCH TO 99000

3223 BRAINERD RD.423.622.2233 WWW.THECOMEDYCATCH.COM

Yonatan Gat March 5 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gov’t Mule March 5 TT RRA ACCK K 22 99 (Chattanooga) J.J. Grey & Mofro March 6 MEE M M MO O RRIIAALL AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Mike Epps March 6 ATT LLAAN A NTT AA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 6 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND D SSLLEEYY (Nashville) Beth Hart March 6 BBJJCC CC CCO ON NCC EERRTT H H AALLLL (Birmingham) Little Big Town, Chris Stapelton March 6 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Moe. March 7 D && LLIIN 33RRD ND D SSLLEEYY (Nashville) Beth Hart March 7 ATT LLAAN A NTT AA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Pauly Shore March 7 TT H HEE M MAASSQ QU UEE RRAAD D EE (Atlanta) 10 Years, Otherwise, The Glorious Sons, Luminoth March 7 BBU UCC K KH HEE AAD D TT H H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) J.J. Grey & Mofro, Peoples Blues of Richmond March 7 TT H HEE M MEE LLTTII N NG G PPO OIIN N TT (Athens, GA) Marshall Crenshaw, Bottle Rockets March 7 MEE M M MO O RRIIAALL AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Little Big Town, Chris Stapleton March 8 TT H HO OM MPPSSO ON N--BBO O LLIIN NG G AARREEN N AA (Knoxville) Fleetwood Mac March 8 TT H HEE LLO OFF TT (Atlanta) Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Abilities, Homeboy Sandman March 8 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Willie Nelson March 8 TT RRA ACCK K 22 99 (Chattanooga) Ryan Bingham, Lucero March 9 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Hozier, George Ezra March 10 ZZYY D DEE CCO O (Birmingham) Aesop Rock, Rob Sonic, DJ Abilities, Homeboy Sandman March 10 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Howard Jones March 10 AU A UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Santana March 11 SSO OU UN ND D && PPAAG G EE (Birmingham) Penny &

Sparrow March 11 RRH HYY TT H HM M && BBRREE W WSS (Chattanooga) Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ March 12 BBJJCC CC CC O ON NCC EERRTT H HA ALL LL (Birmingham) John Mellencamp, Carlene Carter March 12 ATTLL A A AN NTT A A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Godfrey March 12 TTH H EE M MA ASSQ QU UEERRA AD D EE (Atlanta) Andy Grammer, Alex & Sierra March 12 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Hozier March 13 ATTLL A A AN NTT A A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Godfrey March 13 HIIG H GH HW WA ATTTT (Nashville) Blue Mother Tupelo March 13 ZZA AN NII EE’’SS (Nashville) Dave Attell March 13 TTH H EE SSQ QU UA A RREE RRO OO OM M (Knoxville) Penny & Sparrow March 13 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 14 MEE RRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Gang of Four March 14 ZZA AN NII EE’’SS (Nashville) Dave Attell March 14 ATTLL A A AN NTT A A LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Gilbert Gottfried March 14 BBU UCC K KH HEE A AD D TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Atlanta) Pat Green March 14 MCC K M KEEN N ZZIIEE A ARREEN NA A (Chattanooga) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia March 15 SSCC H HEERRM M EERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY CC EEN N TTEE RR (Nashville) Vienna Boys Choir March 15 RRO OCC K KEETT O OW WN N (Nashville) The Devil Wears Prada, Born of Osiris, The Word Alive, Secrets March 15 WO W ORRK KPPLLA A YY SS O OU UN ND DSSTT A AG G EE (Birmingham) Joshua Radin March 15 BBJJCC CC CC O ON NCC EERRTT H HA ALL LL (Birmingham) Santana March 15 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Gang of Four March 15 CCEE N NTT EERR SS TTA AG G EE (Atlanta) Joshua Radin March 16 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 16 TTEE RRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESS TT (Atlanta) The Church

ENIGMA

March 17 RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Hozier March 17 JJA AM MEE SS K K.. PPO O LLK K TT H HEE AATTRREE (Nashville) Jessica Lea Mayfield, Seth Avett March 17 BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Fleetwood Mac March 18 TTEE RRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Buckwheat Zydeco March 18 ZZYYD D EECC O O (Birmingham) Circa Survive, Balance & Composure, Chon March 18 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 19 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 19 BBJJ CCCC A ARREEN N AA (Birmingham) Michael Lambert, Justin Moore, Danielle Bradberry March 19 CCA AN NN NEERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Meghan Trainor March 20 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 20 CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Donna the Buffalo March 20 ATTLLAAN A N TTAA LLIIVVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 20 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) G. Love & Special Sauce March 20 TTEE RRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Dean Ween Group March 20 ZZYYD D EECC O O (Birmingham) Suicide Silence, Emmure, Fit For An Autopsy, Within the Ruins March 20 ALLAABBAA M A MAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Birmingham) CeCe Winans, Israel Houghton, Gerald Albright, DeLeon Richards, Marcus Cole, Keith Staten, Vonnie Lopez, Leon Timbo March 20 KN K NO O XXVVIILL LLEE AAU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Knoxville) Third Day March 20 BBJJ CCCC A ARREEN N AA (Birmingham) Skillet, Jeremy Camp, Francesca Batistell, Building 429, Family Force 5, NewSong, For King And Country, Blanca, Veridia March 21 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Boyz II Men March 21 FFRRA AN NK KLLII N N TT H HEE AATTRREE (Franklin, TN) Los Lonely Boys March 21

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KN K NO OXXVVIILLLLEE AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Knoxville) Sarah McLachlin March 21 ATT LLAAN A NTT AA LLII VVEE (Atlanta) Mitch Fatel March 21 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Nickelback March 22 TT H HEE M MAASS Q QU UEE RRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Carl Barat March 23 TT EERRM M IIN NAALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Swervedriver March 23 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Ariana Grande, Rixton March 24 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Circa Survive, Balance & Composure, Chon March 24 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Fleetwood Mac March 25 TT EEN NN NEE SSSSEEEE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Brian Regan March 26 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) King Tuff March 26 TT RRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) The Stray Birds, Keller Williams March 27 BBLLIIN ND DW WII LLLLIIEE’’ SS (Atlanta) The Nighthawks March 27 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Kenny Chesney March 27 TT RRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Dr. Dog, Mewithoutyou March 28 JJ ..JJ ..’’SS BBO OH HEE M MIIAA (Chattanooga) Lee Bains III & The Glory Fires March 28 SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Jane Lynch March 28 FF O OXX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Brian Regan March 28 CC EEN N TTEE RR SSTT AAG GEE (Atlanta) “RuPaul’s Drag Race”, Cary Nokey March 28 TT EERRM M IIN NAALL W W EESSTT (Atlanta) Swans March 28 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Leftover Salmon March 28 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Brian Regan March 29 EE D DD DII EE’’ SS AATT TTIICC (Atlanta) Al Stewart March 29 JJ EEN NN N IIEE AAN ND DEE RRSSO ON N TT H HEE A ATTRREE (Marietta, GA) Frankie Avalon March 29 BBJJCC CC CC O ON N CCEE RRTT H H AALLLL (Birmingham) Sarah McLachlin March 31 TT H HEE TT AABBEERRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Damien Rice March 31 BBU UCC K KH H EEAAD D TTH H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) Taking Back Sunday, The Menzingers, Letlive April 1 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Sylvan Esso, Flock of Dimes April 1 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Mat Kearney April 2 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) The War on Drugs, Hop Along April 3 CC H HAASS TTAAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Alt-J April 4 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Mat Kerney April 4 G RRAAN G ND DO OLLEE O OPPRRYY H HO OU USS EE (Nashville) Alt-J April 6 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Cassandra Wilson April 8 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 9 H EEAAVVEEN H N AATT TT H HEE M MAASSQ QU UEERRA AD D EE (Atlanta) Coal Chamber, Filter, Combichrist, American Head Charge April 9 SSA AM MM MYY TT ’’SS (Huntsville) Aaron Lewis April 9 TT H HEE CC LLAASSSSIICC CC EEN N TTEE RR (Athens, GA) The Mavericks April 9 TT H HEE TT AABBEERRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) The Decemberists April10 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR

(Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 10 RRH HYY TT H HM M && BBRREEW WSS (Chattanooga) Glass Hammer April 11 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) The Decemberists, Alvvays April 11 SSCC H HEE RRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CC EE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Bernadette Peters April 11 TT EEM MPPTT (Murfreesboro) Datsik April 11 FFRRA AN NK KLLIIN N TTH H EEAATT RREE (Franklin, TN) Lynda Carter April 11 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON NEE AARREE N NAA (Nashville) Alan Jackson, Jeff Foxworthy, Jon Pardi April 11 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) The Decemberists April 13 BBU UCC K KH HEE AAD D TT H H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) Ok Go April 14 GRRAAN G ND DO O LLEE O OPPRRYY H HO OU USSEE (Nashville) Florida Georgia Line April 14 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Tesla April 15 TT RRA ACCK K 22 99 (Chattanooga) Jason Isbell April 16 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Zappa Plays Zappa April 16 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Joel McHale April 17 CC O OM M EED DYY CC LLU UBB AATT TT H H EE SSTT AARRD DO OM MEE (Birmingham) Carlos Mencia April 17 BBJJCC CC CCO ON NCC EERRTT H H AALLLL (Birmingham) Roberta Flack April 18 CC O OM M EED DYY CC LLU UBB AATT TT H H EE SSTT AARRD DO OM MEE (Birmingham) Carlos Mencia April 18 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Zappa Plays Zappa April 18 FFO O XX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Jeff Foxworthy April 18 JJA AM M EESS K K .. PPO OLLK K TTH H EEAATT RREE (Nashville) Frank Caliendo, George Canter April 18 NAASS H N HVVIILLLLEE M MU UN NIICC IIPPAALL AAU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Eddie Money April 18 SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY H H AALLLL (Atlanta) Diana Krall April 19 AN A ND D RREEW W JJ AACCK K SSO ON NH HAALL LL (Nashville) Anjelah Johnson April 19 VVO ON N BBRRAAU UN N CCEE N NTT EERR (Huntsville) Eddie Money April 19

ALLYY SS RRO A OBBIIN N SSO ON N SSTT EEPPH H EEN N SS CC EEN NTT EE RR (Birmingham) Diana Krall April 20 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Diana Krall April 21 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Sleater-Kinney April 21 BBU UCC K KH HEE A AD D TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Atlanta) Matt & Kim April 21 TTH H EE A ARREEN NA AA ATT G GW WIIN NN NEETT TT CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) The Who, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts April 23 MA M ARRA ATT H HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) Sleater-Kinney April 23 MO M O RRTTO ON N TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Athens, GA) Christopher Titus April 23 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless April 23 CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Joan Armatrading April 25 CCO O BBBB EEN N EERRG G YY PPEE RRFFO O RRM M IIN NG GA ARRTT SS CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) Rodney Carrington April 25 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Walk the Moon, The Griswolds April 25 FFRREED D RRIICC K KSS EEQ QU UIIPPM M EEN N TT (Decatur, AL) .38 Special April 25 VVO ON N BBRRA AU UN N CC EEN N TTEE RR (Huntsville) Chicago April 26 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Ryan Adams April 27 MEE M M MO ORRIIA ALL A AU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Chicago April 28 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Five Finger Death Punch April 28 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Ryan Adams April 28 IIRRO ON N CCII TTYY (Birmingham) Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless April 28 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Keb’ Mo’ May 1 CCO O BBBB EEN N EERRG G YY PPEE RRFFO O RRM M IIN NG GA ARRTT SS CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) Lewis Black May 1 TTII VVO O LLII TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Chattanooga) Lewis Black May 2 CCO O BBBB EEN N EERRG G YY PPEE RRFFO O RRM M IIN NG GA ARRTT SS CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) Bill Cosby May 2 UN U NII VVEE RRSSIITT YY O OFF A ALLA ABBA AM MA A (Tuscaloosa)

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Steve Winwood May 2 OAAK O KM MO OU UN NTT AAIIN N AAM M PPH HIITT H H EEAATT RREE (Pelham, AL) Slipknot, Hatebreed May 2 TTEE N NN NEE SSSSEE EE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Lewis Black May 3 EEXXIITT //IIN N (Nashville) The Kooks May 5 KN K NO O XXVVIILL LLEE CC O OLL IISSEEIIU UM M (Knoxville) Slipknot, Hatebreed May 5 IIRRO ON N CCIITT YY (Birmingham) Five Finger Death Punch May 5 ALLAABBAA M A MAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Birmingham) Hozier May 6 GEEO G O RRG GIIAA TTH H EEAATT RREE (Athens, GA) Zappa Plays Zappa May 6 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) Zappa Plays Zappa May 7 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Kenny G May 7 CCH H AASSTT AAIIN N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) Hozier May 8 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Kenny G May 8 JJEEN NN NIIEE AAN ND D EERRSSO ON N TT H HEE AATT RREE (Marietta, GA) Mickey Gilley May 9 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Kenny G May 9 VVEE RRIIZZO ON NW WIIRREE LLEESSSS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEEAATT RREE (Atlanta) ZZ Top, Jeff Beck May 10 BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) The Who May 11 CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Ed Kowalczyk May 11 BBIIJJ O OU U TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Jenny Lewis May 11 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Bette Midler May 13 GEEO G O RRG GIIAA TTH H EEAATT RREE (Athens, GA) Jenny Lewis May 13 EEXXIITT //IIN N (Nashville) Blue October May 13 ATTLLAAN A N TTII CC SS TTAATT IIO ON N PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Knees Music Festival” May 17 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Iggy Azeala, Nick Jonas, Tinashe, DJ Wizz Kidd May 19 IIRRO ON N CCIITT YY (Birmingham) Kamelot,

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Dragonforce May 21 KIIN K NG GSS TTO ON ND DO OW WN N SS (Atlanta) (Rome, GA) “Counterpoint Music & Arts Festival” May 22 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Kamelot, Dragonforce May 22 TT EEN NN NEE SSSSEEEE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Sheryl Crow May 23 KIIN K NG GSS TTO ON ND DO OW WN N SS (Atlanta) (Rome, GA) “Counterpoint Music & Arts Festival” May 23 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) “Weird Al” Yankovic May 23 KIIN K NG GSS TTO ON ND DO OW WN N SS (Atlanta) (Rome, GA) “Counterpoint Music & Arts Festival” May 24 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) New Kids On The Block, TLC, Nelly May 27 CC O OBBBB EE N NEE RRG GYY PPEERRFF O ORRM MIIN NG GA ARRTTSS CCEE N NTT EERR (Atlanta) Lisa Lampinelli May 30 TT U USSCC AALLO OO OSSAA AAM MPPH HII TTH H EEA ATT RREE (Tuscaloosa, AL) Dave Matthews Band June 3 ARREE N A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN N EETT TT CCEE N NTT EERR (Atlanta) Barry Manilow, Dave Koz June 4 AAARRO A ON N’’ SS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Train, The Fray, Matt Nathanson June 5 RRIIVVEERRBBEE N ND D FFEESS TTIIVVAALL (Chattanooga) Martina McBride June 6 SSO OU UTT H HEE RRN N SS TTAATT EESS AAM MPPH H IITTH H EEA ATT RREE (Fayetteville, GA) Chuck Negron June 6 CC O OU UN NTT RRYY TTO ON NIITT EE TTH H EEA ATT RREE (Pigeon Forge, TN) Chubby Checker & the Wildcats June 12 G EEO G O RRG GIIAA D DO OM M EE (Atlanta) Kenny Chesney, Eric Church, Brantley Gilbert, Chase Rice June 13 ARREE N A NAA AATT G GW WIIN NN N EETT TT CCEE N NTT EERR (Atlanta) Cheech & Chong, WAR June 13 AAARRO A ON N’’ SS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Lana Del Ray June 14 TT EEN NN NEE SSSSEEEE SSTT AATT EE FFAA IIRRG GRRO OU UN ND D SS (Nashville) Van’s Warped Tour July 1 AAARRO A ON N’’ SS AAM MPPH H IIH HEE AATT RREE (Atlanta) Van’s Warped Tour July 2 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Fall Out Boy, Wiz Kalifa, Hoodie Allen July 12

O PEN IN G T HI S WE EK Black Sea R In order to make good with his former employers, a submarine captain takes a job with a shadowy backer to search the depths of the Black Sea for a submarine rumored to be loaded with gold.

by the battle over a powerful potion.

The Boy Next Door R Shortly after her divorce, a woman falls for a younger man who just moved in across the street, though their torrid affair takes an obsessive, dangerous turn.

NO N OW W SSH HO O WI NG Mortdecai R Art dealer Charles Mortdecai searches for a stolen painting American Sniper R that’s reportedly linked to a lost U.S. Navy SEAL Chris Kyle is sent to bank account filled with Nazi gold. Iraq with only one mission: to proJohnny Depp in Lionsgate’s “Mortdecai”. tect his brothers-in-arms. His pinspread, he earns the nickname Big Eyes PG-13 point accuracy saves countless Strange Magic PG “Legend.” However, his reputation Walter Keane became a household Goblins, elves, fairies and imps, lives on the battlefield and, as stois also growing behind enemy lines, name in the 1950s, when his oddly and their misadventures sparked ries of his courageous exploits putting a price on his head and emotional and best-selling paintmaking him a prime target of insur- ings of big-eyed children made him gents. He is also facing a different a coveted TV talk show guest. But kind of battle on the home front: was the art really his? His wife striving to be a good husband and Margaret claims that Walter’s only father from halfway around the contributions to the work were his world. Based on the book by Chris signatures, and Keanes subsequent Kyle with Scott McEwen and Jim legal battle will destroy their marDeFelice. riage and lead to a jaw-dropping court showdown that will prove Annie PG once and for all who the real artist Annie is a young, happy foster kid is. who’s also tough enough to make her way on the streets of New York Big Hero 6 in 2014. Originally left by her par- Robotics prodigy Hiro Hamada ents as a baby with the promise learns to harness his genius— that they’d be back for her some- thanks to his brilliant brother day, it’s been a hard knock life Tadashi and their like-minded ever since with her mean foster friends: adrenaline junkie Go Go mom Miss Hannigan. But every- Tamago, neatnik Wasabi, chemistry thing’s about to change when the whiz Honey Lemon and fanboy hard-nosed tycoon and New York Fred. When a devastating turn of mayoral candidate Will Stacks – events catapults them into the advised by his brilliant VP, Grace midst of a dangerous plot unfoldand his shrewd and scheming cam- ing in the streets of San Fransokyo, paign advisor, Guy – makes a thin- Hiro turns to his closest companly-veiled campaign move and takes ion—a robot named Baymax—and her in. Stacks believes he’s her transforms the group into a band guardian angel, but Annie’s self- of high-tech heroes determined to assured nature and bright, sun- solve the mystery. will-come-out-tomorrow outlook on life just might mean it’s the Blackhat R other way around.

A man is released from prison to help American and Chinese authorENIGMA

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ities pursue a mysterious cyber chance? criminal. The dangerous search leads them from Chicago to Hong The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Kong.

Armies PG-13 Peter Jackson takes cues from the Inherent Vice R appendices of The Lord of the When private eye Doc Sportello’s Rings to expand New Line Cinema’s ex-old lady suddenly out of Hobbit adaptation with this third nowhere shows up with a story film completing the epic tale of about her current billionaire land Bilbo Baggins, as played by Martin developer boyfriend whom she just Freeman. happens to be in love with, and a plot by his wife and her boyfriend The Hunger Games: Mockingjay to kidnap that billionaire and Part 1 PG-13 throw him in a loony bin...well, Katniss Everdeen leads the districts easy for her to say. of Panem in a rebellion against the tyrannical and corrupt Capitol. As Interstellar PG-13 the war that will determine the fate A group of explorers make use of a of Panem escalates, Katniss must newly discovered wormhole to sur- decipher for herself who she can pass the limitations on human trust and what needs to be done, space travel and conquer the vast with everything she cares for in the distances involved in an interstel- balance. lar voyage.

The Imitation Game PG-13 Into the Woods PG During the winter of 1952, British A witch tasks a childless baker and authorities entered the home of his wife with procuring magical mathematician, cryptanalyst and items from classic fairy tales to war hero Alan Turing to investigate reverse the curse put on their fam- a reported burglary. They instead ily tree. ended up arresting Turing himself on charges of ‘gross indecency’, an Night at the Museum: Secret of the accusation that would lead to his Tomb PG-13 devastating more »conviction for Get ready for the wildest and most the criminal offense of homosexuadventure-filled Night At the ality - little did officials know, they Museum ever as Larry (Ben Stiller) were actually incriminating the spans the globe, uniting favorite pioneer of modern-day computing. and new characters while embark- Famously leading a motley group of ing on an epic quest to save the scholars, linguists, chess champimagic before it is gone forever. ons and intelligence officers, he was credited with cracking the soPaddington PG called unbreakable codes of A family befriends a talking bear at Germany’s World War II Enigma a London train station. machine. An intense and haunting portrayal of a brilliant, complicatSelma PG-13 ed man, this film follows a genius A chronicle of Martin Luther King’s who under nail-biting pressure campaign to secure equal voting helped to shorten the war and, in rights via an epic march from turn, save thousands of lives.

Selma to Montgomery, Alabama in 1965.

The Wedding Ringer R A shy young groom needs to Taken 3 PG-13 impress his in-laws, so he turns to Ex-government operative Bryan a best-man-for-hire to help him Mills is accused of a ruthless mur- out. der he never committed or witnessed. As he is tracked and pur- The Woman in Black 2: Angel of sued, Mills brings out his particular Death PG-13 set of skills to find the true killer Hammer Films goes in for a second and clear his name. round of fright with this follow-up to The Woman in Black from a The Gambler R story idea by original author Susan Lit professor and gambler Jim Hill. Tom Harper directs.

Bennett’s debt causes him to borrow money from his mother and a Unbroken PG-13 loan shark. Further complicating After a near-fatal plane crash in his situation is his relationship WWII, Olympian Louis Zamperini with one of his students. Will spends a harrowing 47 days in a Bennett risk his life for a second raft with two fellow crewmen ENIGMA

before he’s caught by the Japanese pain support group while grappling navy and sent to a prisoner-of-war with her own, very raw personal tragedy. camp.

Wild R A chronicle of one woman’s 1,100mile solo hike undertaken as a way to recover from a recent catastrophe.

Project Almanac PG-13 A group of teens discover secret plans of a time machine, and construct one. However, things start to get out of control.

CO MIN G SO ON

The Loft R Five married guys conspire to secretly share a penthouse loft in the city—a place where they can carry out hidden affairs and indulge in their deepest fantasies.

But the fantasy becomes a nightmare when they discover the dead body of an unknown woman in the loft, and they realize one of the group must be involved.

Black or White PG-13 A grieving widower is drawn into a custody battle over his granddaughter, whom he helped raise her entire life.

Cake R Claire becomes fascinated by the suicide of a woman in her chronic

Across 2. Worn to protect the clothing 6. Fermented grape juices 11. Lady's-finger 13. State resident 15. English princess 17. Fixes 18. Ogles 19. Underground part of a plant 20. Deuces 21. Thin glutinous mud 22. Authentic 23. Finish first 25. Biddies 26. Person whose religion is Judaism 30. Devote 32. Modify 36. Complete change 37. Shooting sport 38. Sealing compound 40. Purchase

JANUARY 22 2015

12. Flightless bird 14. Small dam 16. Part of speech 24. Rich and fashionable travellers 26. Trash 27. Spouse 28. Group of tents 29. Genus of vermin 30. Step in ballet 31. Short letter 33. Paint unskillfully 34. Be sorry for 35. Plaything 39. Highest 42. Public exhibition Down 43. Judges 1. Florida city 2. Inert elemental gas 44. Metal fastener 45. Mathematics 3. Move past 46. Raised platform 4. Lubricates 47. Evade work 5. Yuletide 6. Of moderate tem- 48. Unwieldy ship 51. Career golfers perature 52. Unpleasant smell 7. Insert 53. Salver 8. Planet 54. Stylish 9. Breathe noisily 10. Hates intensely 41. Places to sleep 47. Shaft horsepower 49. Executive Officer 50. Away 54. Pal 55. Imitator 56. Tester 57. Hawaiian port 58. Draw near 59. Book of the Bible 60. Annoys 61. Native of Switzerland 62. Type of packsack

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11997744:: Neil Young halts a New York show to read a message handed to him on stage...“Peace has come,” he announces, referring the signing of the Paris Peace Accords, which brings a formal end of the Vietnam War...the crowd spontaneously celebrates with hugging and kissing as Young fires up a particularly rockin’ version of 11997733:: Jerry Lee Lewis is invited to “Southern Man”… play the Grand Ole Opry on the condition he neither perform 11997788:: Workers at an EMI record rock ‘n’ roll nor utter profani- plant in Britain take offense at ties...The Killer proceeds to belt the title of a Buzzcocks’ single out “Great Balls of Fire,” “Whole and refuse to press it...the Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On,” and offending title is “Oh S**t”...the “Good Golly Miss Molly” and record eventually gets pressed then proclaims he’s a “rock and and the flip side, “What Do I rolling, country and western, Get?” becomes a #1 smash hit in rhythm and blues singin’ moth- the U.K.… erf****r”…

born at French Hospital in San Francisco...a joke Slick makes at a nurse’s expense spawns a decades-long urban myth that the baby was dubbed God...the little girl appears on the cover of the 1972 Slick/Kantner album Sunfighter, which includes a song about her, imaginatively titled “China”…

11995566:: In an attempt to tamp down unruly dancing teens, cops in Cleveland begin enforcing a law from the 1930s that forbids those under 18 from dancing in public…

one of the first black artists to take control of his music by founding SAR records…

119955 88:: The “5” Royales’ “Dedicated to the One I Love” is released featuring the snarling guitar of Lowman Pauling who co-wrote the song...three years later the Shirelles will take it to #3 on the pop chart...in 1967 The Mamas & The Papas revive the tune one more time scoring a #2 hit…

11996677:: The Rolling Stones reluctantly alter the lyrics of their hit “Let’s Spend the Night Together” to the more family-friendly “Let’s spend some time together” to placate notoriously prudish TV show host Ed Sullivan…Jagger does a big eye roll at the camera as he sings the sanitized lyric…Sullivan swears the Stones will no longer sully his stage…despite this, they’ll be back on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1969…as late as 2006 the song is still causing grief for the Stones when authorities prohibit them from singing it during their Chinese engagement…

11996666:: Nancy Sinatra, the most famous fruit of Frank’s loins, enters the Hot 100 for the sec11995577:: Johnny Cash makes his net- ond time with the timeless work TV debut as a guest on The cheek and brassy cool of “These Jackie Gleason Show…

Boots Are Made for Walkin’”…

11995599:: Armed with nothing but an acoustic guitar and a tape recorder, Buddy Holly holes up in his New York apartment to lay down the last tracks he will ever record...tunes include “Crying, Waiting, Hoping” and “Peggy Sue Got Married”...Coral Records will mix in backing instrumentation and releases 11996699:: Led Zeppelin plays a poorly publicized gig in Wheaton, the songs posthumously…

Maryland in front of a non11996600:: Sam Cooke signs a record crowd of about 55 ticket holddeal with RCA Records…he’ll use ers…they earn $250 for the the effortlessly soaring signa- show… ture vocal licks on upcoming pop and soul records that had 11997700 :: Dr. Robert Moog intromade him the featured frontman duces the Mini Moog... with his former group, gospel’s Soul Stirrers…in 1961 after a 11997711:: China, the daughter of string of pop hits, he’ll part Jefferson Airplane bandmates company with RCA and become Grace Slick and Paul Kantner, is ENIGMA

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1997799:: The Cars are voted the Best polemic “Give Peace a 1 New Band of the Year in Rolling Chance”…

Stone’s annual reader’s poll…

1999955:: Courtney Love is tried on 1 1998800:: Saturday Night Live come- charges of abusing a flight atten1 dian John Belushi busts out his dant on a Qantas flight after she rawest Blues Brothers chops in a is asked to remove her feet from post-birthday jam with The a cabin wall…Love is sentenced Dead Boys at The Whisky A Go to a month‘s good Go in Los Angeles… behavior…apparently Australian courts have no concept of cruel 1998822:: A soused Ozzy Osbourne and unusual punishment…this 1 gnaws the head off a bat that same week Alan Jackson’s single has been tossed onstage by a “Gone Country” settles in at the fan...Ozzy later says he thought top of the Billboard country it was a fake...legend has it that chart 23 weeks after it entered he is obliged to undergo a the rankings…it’s the longest course of rabies shots just to be stretch any hit has taken on its safe…also this week, as record way to the top slot… collectors everywhere drool, the University of Mississippi 11999977:: Ben and Jerry’s introduces receives the entire record col- their newest flavor: “Phish lection of bluesman and ex-disc Food”—fish-shaped fudge pieces jockey B.B. King...the treasure in chocolate celebrate the poputrove includes about 20,000 lar jam band… blues, jazz and R&B records…

1999988:: Singer Toni Braxton files 1 1998844:: Michael Jackson’s hair is for bankruptcy listing debts of 1 ignited by pyrotechnics while more than one million dollars… filming a Pepsi commercial...he Carlos Santana’s suffers scalp and neck burns 2200 0000:: requiring hospitalization...the Supernatural CD begins a threecommercial eventually airs sans week run at the top of the footage of Michael in album chart…a huge comeback flames...the event is later paro- for the guitarist, the album will died in Neil Young’s video, “This rack up eight Grammys…

Note’s for You” and in Eminem’s clip, “Just Lose It”…

20000 11:: Nelly Furtado makes a 2 splash with her debut album 1998888:: Nirvana records a ten- Whoa Nelly, which is nominated 1 song demo tape with producer for five Canadian Juno Awards…

Jack Endino and The Melvin’s Dale Crover drumming as a 22000022:: Virgin Records announces favor to the band...the six-hour it will fork out 28 million smacksession’s tracks were never ers to be free of Mariah Carey released as a collective album and her $80 million multi-album but will be spread across the contract...Carey has undergone albums Bleach, Incesticide, a woeful personal and profesFrom the Muddy Banks of the sional collapse with a laughably Wishkah, With the Lights Out, bad movie and poor-selling soundtrack—her first record and numerous bootleg… with Virgin…

1999911:: As the U.N. deadline for 1 Iraq to withdraw from Kuwait 22000033:: Phil Spector is arrested on expires, Sean Lennon releases a suspicion of murdering his girlremake of his father’s anti-war friend Lana Clarkson…after ENIGMA

lengthy trials he’ll be convict- Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Allen ed…

Collins (1990), blues guitarist James “Thunderbird” Davis 2000066:: The Rolling Stones give (1992), 2 gospel songwriter Rio fans a treat by playing a free Thomas A. Dorsey (1993), songconcert at Copacabana writer Irwin Levine (1997), R&B Beach...1.2 million people turn singer-songwriter Richard Berry out to see the band perform on (1997), Johnny Funches of The a seven-story-high stage con- Dells (1998), soul jazz organist nected by a walkway to the “Brother” Jack McDuff (2001) Stones’ hotel...the turnout fails to set a record...that distinction JJ aannuuaarryy 2244 :: James “Shep” belongs to Rod Stewart who Sheppard of Shep & The sang to three million in the Limelites (1970), film composer same setting on New Year’s Eve Ken Darby (1992), producer and half of C&C Music Factory David in 1994…

Cole (1995), Brian Cole of The 2000077:: Buddy Guy’s Chicago blues Association (1995), hip-hop pro2 club Legends loses its lease and ducer Dave Shayman (2007), the bluesman, who opened the Corey Daum of Lizzy Borden night spot in 1989 ruefully (2008), jazz bassist Leonard observes, “They don’t get any Gaskin (2009) good until they turn 60. The club is just now getting a little JJaann uuaarryy 2255:: R&B singer Chris successful, and now I gotta Kenner (1976), Allman Brothers bassist Lamar Williams (1983), move it”... rock manager Albert Grossman 2001111:: Canadian singer Mary-Lu (1986), R&B guitarist Alvin 2 Zahalan-Kennedy becomes the “Shine” Robinson (1989), choral first person to graduate from conductor Robert Shaw (1999), Liverpool Hope University with singer Ray Peterson (2005), Riot a master’s degree in The guitarist Mark Reale (2012) Beatles…

2013: The Billboard Hot 100 adds 2 YouTube views to its chart metrics in accounting for artist’s weekly figures…

This Week’s Deat hs Jaann uuaarryy 22: R&B singer Tommy J Tucker (1982), Riot singer Rhett Forrester (1994), Billy MacKenzie of The Associates (1997), skiffle pioneer Wally Whyton of The Vipers (1997), bandleader Billy May (2004) Jaannuuaarryy 23: R&B shouter Big J Maybelle born Mabel Smith (1972), jazz trombonist Edward “Kid” Ory (1973), guitarist Terry Kath of Chicago (1978), Vic Ames of the Ames Brothers (1978), Carl Feaster of The Chords (1981),

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RRU UM M OOUURR HHAA SS IITT… … …Saying “all bad things must come to an end,” M Mööttlleeyy CCrrüüee announces its 2015 plans, saying the “Final Tour” will wrap in Los Angeles on New Year’s Eve. Appearing on Fox News’ “Fox & Friends” Tuesday morning, band members said the last ever M Möö ttlleeyy CCrrüüee concert will take place at The Staples Center Dec. 31.

Tuesday’s announcement comes nearly a year after N Niikkkkii SSiixxxx , TToo m mm m yy LLeeee , M M iicckk M M aarrss and VViinncc ee NNeeiill signed a “cessation of touring” agreement prohibiting any of the members carrying on under the M Möö ttlleeyy CCrrüüee moniker. …Grammy-winning R&B group TTLLCC is depending on fans to fund the release of their final album through a Kickstarter campaign.

The group, which currently consists of TT--BBoozz and CChhiillllii , launched the campaign on Monday. It’s been nearly 13 years since their last album, 3D, which was released seven months after the death of LLiissaa ““LL eeff tt EEyy ee”” LLoo ppeess in 2002. “We’ve always been known to do things differently,”

said TT--BB oozz , who was born TTiioonnnn ee W W aatt kkiinn ss. “We’ve always been trailblazers and trendsetters. We’ve always been outspoken, and this seems like the TTLLCC perfect opportunity.” released back-to-back hits, including “Creep,” ‘‘Waterfalls” and “No Scrubs.” Their Grammywinning sophomore album, CrazySexyCool, sold more than 10 million units. The group once filed for bankruptcy in 1996, despite having two multi-platinum albums.

ly generous scholarship package.” The grant covers tuition and some living expenses. …A jury has ruled that 1980s pop star RRiicckk SS pprriinn ggffiieelldd didn’t injure a woman at a New York State Fair concert a decade ago. The state Supreme Court jury reached its verdict Friday morning after deliberating for an hour. The singer known for his 1981 hit “Jessie’s Girl” was sued by 45-year-old VV iicc kkii CCaallccaagg nnoo of Liverpool, New York. She says she suffered serious injuries when Springfield fell into her during a 2004 concert in suburban Syracuse. She said SS pprriinn ggffiieelldd’’ss buttocks hit her head, causing lasting injuries. Springfield testified he didn’t fall on CCaallcc aagg nnoo. He says he is relieved by the verdict.

His lawyer said in closing arguments there were no witnesses, photos or video to support CCaallccaaggnn oo’’ss claim. CCaallccaaggnnoo sued in 2007 and there was an earlier mistrial in 2013.

M iicckk JJaagg ggeerr has …M established a scholarship in honor of his late girlfriend, Wrreenn SS ccootttt . fashion designer LL ’’W The scholarship will allow one master’s degree student per year over a period of three years to attend the elite Central Saint Martins, the London-based college announced this weekend. Scott, who committed suicide last March at age 49, had been close to a former course director at Central Saint W iillssoonn .

Martins, the late LLoo uuiissee W FFaabbiioo PPiirraass, the current course …The singer/songdirector of MA Fashion, says in writer known as FFrroonn tt PPoo rrcc hh a statement that he was “very SStteepp has suspended his tour grateful to receive this extreme- itinerary, including summer’s Warped Tour, in the wake of allegations of inappropriate text and social media contact with underage girls. JJaakkee Mcceellffrreesshh – aka FF rroonntt PPoo rrcc hh M SStteepp – is alleged to have contacted at least a half-dozen teenage girls, in some cases exchanging sexually explicit photos. M Mcceellffrreesshh is 23. The days when “young girls are comENIGMA

JANUARY 22 2015

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ing to the canyon” are long gone, with social media and cellphone technology capable of supplanting fan mail and easing the way for instant access to artists. And, in many states, some of those activities – particularly when it comes to nudity or sexually suggestive photos involving minors – are patently illegal. The claims against M cceellff rreesshh and ensuing discusM sion have reportedly taken place mostly on Tumblr, and began building around New Year’s, according to the New York Times. …M Miicc kkeeyy HHaarrtt , BBiillll KKrreeuuttzzm maannnn, PP hhiill LLeesshh and BBoobb W eeiirr will come together in W Chicago for three glorious nights this summer. Mail order sales for “Fare Thee Well: Celebrating 50 Years Of Grateful Dead” begin this month.

Presales and general onsales launch in February.

JJeerrrryy GGaarrcciiaa’’ss daughter TTrriixxiiee GGaarrcciiaa revealed the good news on Dead50.net today. Dates are July 3-5 and the place is Soldiers Field. Joining the Dead veterans will be PP hhiisshh-man TTrreeyy AA nnaassttaassiioo on guitar, RRaattddoogg /TThhee DDeeaadd/FF uurrtt hheerr keyboardist JJ eeffff CChhiim meenn ttii and BBrruuccee H Hoorrnnssbb yy, who played more than 100 shows with the G Grraatteeffuull D Deeaadd, on piano. …K Kiidd RR oocckk has caused controversy by apparently killing a mountain lion. The

musician - real name RRoo bbeerrtt JJaam meess RR iittcc hhiiee - allegedly killed the animal while hunting with rocker and National Rifle Association board member TTeedd NNuuggeenn tt. NNuuggeenntt then posted a picture of RRiittcchhiiee with the kill on his Facebook page earlier this month alongside the caption: “I can hear the braindead squawkers already with their obscene denial that killing lions is wrong. Its legal its necessary its good its beneficial its a damn riot!” The picture led to a host of commenters laying into RR iitt cchhiiee for the ‘trophy kill’, reports Billboard. The picture Kiidd RR oocc kk made comes after K comments earlier this month, saying he thinks “everything” should be legalized and taxed. …Comedy Central says JJuussttiinn BBiieebbeerr will be the victim of its next roast. The channel said Tuesday that the pop star will face the music at a taping in Los Angeles on a still-unannounced air date. In a posting on his Twitter account, BBiieebbeerr said he’s long wanted to be roasted but was told by Comedy Central that he needed to provide more material – and he’s worked hard to do that, he said.

Among events that appear ripe for mockery: the egging of a neighbor’s house and the monkey he left in Germany. Last weekend, “Saturday Night Live” took on his new Calvin Klein ad, meem mbbeerr K Kaatt ee with “SNL” cast m M ccK M Kiinnnn oo nn strutting as the underwear-clad, tattooed BBiieebbeerr. JJ aam m eess FF rraann ccoo was the subject of the last Comedy Central roast.

AAgg aaiinnsstt and OOff M Miiccee AA nndd M Meenn, The Hunting Party included dates on the East Coast, as well as in the Midwest and Canada.

An announcement from the band states that BBeennnn iinnggttoo nn’’ss injury requires “immediate medical attention making it physically impossible for BBeennnn iinn ggttoonn to perform.” While announcing the cancellation of the Pittsburgh gig, the local Post-Gazette notes that BBeennnn iinn ggttoonn appeared on stage using crutches during the band’s Sunday night concert in Indianapolis.

Deepp pp has …JJ oohhnn nn yy D criticized actors who use their fame to launch music careers, calling the idea “sickening”.

The Pirates Of The Caribbean star is an accomplished guitarist who has played on tracks by OOaassiiss, BB oobb DDyyllaann and M Maarriillyy nn Maannssoonn . He also collaborated M A ddaam m ss on new song with RRyy aann A ‘No Shadow’, which came out earlier this month. However, the actor has insisted he has no intention of ever making music into a second career. “That whole idea for me is a sickening thing, it’s always just made me sick,” he told reporters at the Berlin premiere of his latest film Mortdecai (via The Guardian,). “I’ve been very lucky to play on friends’ records and it’s still going.

Music is still part of my life. But

you won’t be hearing TThhee JJoohhnnnn yy DDeepppp BBaanndd. That won’t Deepppp ever exist.” Continuing, D explained that he hates the idea of people paying to see him play guitar simply because they’ve enjoyed watching him in movies over the years. …At the very end of an interview at NATPE/Content First, JJaayy LL eenn oo was asked about whether he thought the BB iillll CCoo ssbbyy situation was sad. “I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe women,” he responded. “You go to Saudi Arabia, you need two women to testify against a man.

Here you need 25.” LLeennoo, who was honored Wednesday evening with a BBrraann ddoo nn TTaarrttiikkoo ffff Legacy Award at NATPE, spoke about CCoossbbyy in the context of how media has changed more than comedy.

“Stand-up is an art form that doesn’t really change,” LLeenn oo explained. “Comedy is pretty consistent. … The fat rich guy falling into the mud puddle has gotten laughs since the beginning of time.”

If you know any truths, halftruths or outright lies about the music and club scene send it to Sissy Vance c/o rumoursmill@enigmaonline.co m.

1. Cracker 2. TV On The Radio 3. Trigger Hippy 4. The New Basement Tapes 5. Paul McCartney 6. The Decemberists 7. Mariachi El Bronx 8. Mark Ronson 9. Weezer 10. Pink Floyd 11. Lucinda Williams 12. The Waterboys 13. Jenny Lewis 14. Houndmouth 15. Brandi Carlile 16. AC/DC 17. The New Pornographers 18. New Build 19. Foo Fighters 20. Joe Bonamassa

- Sissy Vance

ADVENTURE PICKS 1. Blackberry Smoke 2. Hanni El Khatbib 3. Sleater-Kinney

…LL iinnkk iinn PPaarrkk has scratched the remaining dates on “The Hunting Party” tour after lead vocalist CChheesstt eerr BBee nnnn iinngg ttoo nn suffered a leg injury. Launching in Orlando Jan. 15 with special guests RRiissee ENIGMA

JANUARY 22 2015

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In Memoriam: An American Trucker and His Cat Kitty passed away in July of 2014 about a month shy of her 18th birthday. After having her as a constant companion for the amount of time it would take to raise a child to high school graduation, it was a sad July morning when I reluctantly accepted that July 1, 2014 would be the last day I'd ever spend with her. After suffering multiple senior maladies for the past few years, she had finally cashed in the last of her nine lives.

abdomen from recent surgery. I had experimented with different names for the abandoned kitten after I'd claimed her as my own, but none of them seemed to fit, so I just called her "Kitty." By then, she recognized it as her name, so there didn't seem to be a need to change it.

No less than four times before, I took her to the vet thinking it was the final curtain call but, each time, she fought back with stubborn feline tenacity to once again reign supreme over her two dogs (and two humans) at home. Tonie and I were awed by Kitty's miraculous ability to make a comeback. On that fateful morning, however, it was sadly obvious there would be no amazing recovery this time. Kitty's number had finally been called. As I lifted her lethargic body from her bed and hugged her for one of the last times, she forced a feeble purr, and I recalled one of the first times I'd ever held her like that.

About seventeen years before, I hugged the small and delicate kitten as tightly as I dared as we huddled in the walk-in closet of my one-bedroom apartment among my clothes and next to the water heater. She still had the stitches in her

The eerie wail of a tornado warning siren filled the sky in the Five Points Historic District in Huntsville, Alabama.

Tornado warnings were nothing new in the Tennessee Valley, but it was impossible to grow accustomed to the foreboding siren that began in a ENIGMA

forlorn, low pitch and gradually escalated to an earsplitting high tone that pierced the skull like an icepick. At the verge of insanity, the tone dropped again and the bloodcurdling cycle of horrendous noise began anew.

ately ran back inside and scooped up Kitty as gently as I could. With no tornado shelter at my apartment complex, Kitty and I went to the only room in the apartment with no windows-the closet.

The power had gone out earliJust minutes before, I had er, so I sat in the inky blackness of the closet expecting to hear the loud, telltale roar similar to a freight train outside, and praying that I wouldn't.

Instead, the calming purr of a kitten was the sound that proved to dominate my memory. Kitty's gentle purrs almost made me forget that I was listening for the approach of a tornado as the rhythmic vibrations on my chest resounded serenely and provided calm despite the fearful circumstances. It was the purrs of a three-pound kitten that helped to make me feel safe against the impending danger of a tornado. Who could have known that a little cat had such power?

stepped outside into the humid stillness of the calm before the storm. The sky appeared tinged with a sickly yellow hue as the stifling warm air made it seem difficult to breathe. The sultry air entailed a chilling silence that inspired a sense of dread to anyone familiar with a tornado-prone region. I immedi-

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Over the following seventeen years, Kitty's gentle purrs provided me with needed reassurance in the face of many trials and tribulations. Her ornery feline demeanor supplied me with both laughter and frustration but, as the years passed, our personalities merged into a distinctive understanding and our bond strengthened immeasurably. I did not know a pet could fill my life with such comfort and love before Kitty,

and I did not fully recognize the quality of that love until I walked out of the vet's office on that day without her.

As I write this, over six months have gone by since Kitty's passing and, although I still miss her terribly, I am better able to reflect on the memory of her with more joy than sadness.

Although I recognize that it is all too easy to attach anthropomorphic characteristics to our pets, especially if they provide a primary source of companionship, it is equally true that, to most of us, pets are much more than "just a dog," or "just a cat." I have no doubt that I'll cherish the memory of Kitty for the rest of my life.

Kitty's purrs, head-butts, cheek rubs, and even scratching provided sanctuary from some of life's harsher realities over the years. Kitty was instrumental in helping me to cope with the death of my Grandmother, the loss of a job and the helpless uncertainty that followed; three horrid winters in upstate New York, an abrupt career change, and too many other personal struggles to name.

Kitty remained the only constant in my life during a decade of change, loss, and turmoil.

Finally, she took on the role of shotgun passenger in my eighteen-wheeler. During the five years she traveled across the country with me, she charmed countless security guards at hundreds of freight shippers and customers as we hauled everything from pet food to toilet paper, to Cap'n Crunch to knurled pistons from coast to coast. Her endless curiosity and love of life was never more evident than when she jumped in my lap at the end of a long day to thrust her head out the driver's window and inhale the

most of my dates were of the one-and-done variety. But on the rare occasions when I brought a date home, Kitty usually met their intrusion into her court with a challenging glare. I distinctly remember Kitty even giving one of them an aggressive hiss when the lady had the audacity to reach out to pet her. Kitty's history with human females was largely one of antagonism, so both Tonie and I worried about how the scene would play out when I moved to El Paso. Tonie also had two dogs, and Kitty's history with other animals was little better Perhaps the greatest gift from than with humans. So, there Kitty occurred in the midst of was that to worry about too. an unlikely love story. When I met Tonie in 2008, she was a The players did not assimilate college professor in El Paso, into the new culture immediTexas and I was a truck driver ately, but Kitty warmed up to from Alabama. Despite the dis- the dogs more quickly than we parity of our backgrounds, it could have imagined, and she was apparent, early on, that we warmed up to Tonie even more complimented one another like rapidly. It didn't take long for RC Cola and Moon Pie or, in Tonie to fall in love with Kitty terms of her culture, like either. Kitty allayed our worst Crema and Tacos al pastor. It fears by accepting her place was an unlikely pairing but, into her new extended family once we'd experienced the with remarkably little fuss. It magical combination, it was wasn't long before Kitty began hard to imagine one without rubbing against Tonie to show the other. Thus began a long- her the affection previously distance relationship that put reserved exclusively for me. In me on a first-name basis with doing so, perhaps Kitty conthe American Airlines clerks at firmed that I had finally found the Huntsville International the perfect pairing; the RC Cola Airport for the next year or so. to my Moon Pie-the Crema to Finally, we decided it was time my taco. I could never ask for a for me to move to El Paso, greater gift. since my job afforded mobility.

Tonie's tears flowed just as Prior to moving to El Paso, the freely as mine on the day Kitty meetings between Tonie and died, and it was apparent that Kitty were cautious. Tonie had we had lost much more than a never been around cats before, pet-we had lost a member of and Kitty was often snobbish the family. Before she died, I toward other humans in gener- kissed her on the top of the al. She was notably persnickety head and told her that I loved toward human females. Over her, but she already knew that. the years prior to meeting Despite the pain of losing her, I Tonie, my dating life was can take solace in the knowlspread out and erratic, and edge that she was loved and essence of wherever we happened to be. The pure satisfaction of the gift of life was unmistakable as her eyes glazed over in the bliss of the moment and her little pink nose twitched rapidly, soaking in the aromatic wonders of the world in which we lived. Kitty's ability to draw euphoria out of the act of simply being alive sometimes gave me cause to let go of the day's frustrations and just smile at her contentment.

It was but one of the many gifts that Kitty gave me during our time together.

ENIGMA

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cherished. She was my most trusted and welcome companion for the many years before I met Tonie, and she became a treasured member of a new family thereafter. She was undoubtedly one of the welltravelled cats in America, having been through each of the 48 contiguous states, and having left her paws prints in most of them. I could not have asked for a better road companion.

She gave me over seventeen years of love and friendship, and I was happy to give it back in return. Tonie and I spread Kitty's ashes beneath a beautiful cottonwood tree on the banks of the Rio Grande so she can forever enjoy the communion with nature that she so adored.

Goodbye my sweet girl. You were so much more than "just a cat." You were the best friend I've ever had.

- Rick Huffman