Enigma 3/01/16 by Enigma Magazine

From the Publisher’s Notebook It’s important to keep in touch.

I’ll miss you. You were my friend. Someday maybe we’ll meet again.

pleased. I am so sad and mad at myelf for not keeping in touch. It was all my fault. I was too busy fighting to keep the business going at the end liquidating and retiring.

Don’t do as I did. Keep in touch with old friends and family. You are not that busy. It’s important. Son’t wait until it’s too late.

Anyway now it’s too late. I’ve Paul Burke thought about Art lately – all good Publisher things. I wish I had kept in touch Art.

were making money. But as you know, everything must end.

I recently lost a good friend and valOne by one, Walmart (the greedy basued employee to cancer. tards) started putting our customers He came to work for me at Native Tan out of business one by one. We had in 1970. Native Tan (a suntan lotion Walmart as a customer for a while, manufacturing company I owned in a but it’s true what they say about them prior life) was in its heyday. I had – forget your business and do it their Daytona Beach pretty much covered way. but needed to branch out to other place. Art (Art Christensen) drove up In a few years over 50 percent of our to my warehouse and introduced regular customers (both retail and wholesale) were gone. The ones that himself to me. were left were trying to change and He was a recent college grad and a modify to exist with the bully Vietnam vet. We talked for a while (Walmart). It was getting harder and and he explained he wanted to open harder to do any business. the Ft. Lauderdale area up for me. The stress was taking a toll on Art One of the first things I asked was, and myself. My distributors across “Do you have any money?” His the country were struggling. It was answer was no. We talked a while awful. Art was a real heavy smoker. longer and I got to like the guy. He He couldn’t quit. He had smoked for was very personable and outgoing. years. In time with the stress of business, smoking and his health Art had He gave off a good impression. a stroke. He tried to keep on workAfter talking for a while I decided, ing but after a while he had to throw “hell why not?” I told him if he was in the towel. crazy enough to try it I was crazy It was a sad time. We were a team. enough to trust him. The team was no more. He had a regular car, no van or truck; just a car. We loaded his car with all Art left to take care of his health and the product we could fit in it – seats, I was left to try to save a sinking ship. We kept in touch for a while but soon floorboards and all. drifted apart. It wasn’t an argument Then off he went. Well, he busted his or anything like that. It just hapbut and made it work. Soon Native pened. Soon we sort of lost contact. Tan was all over Ft. Lauderdale and We didn’t keep in touch for several other parts of south Florida. years. Oh, we talked a few times and had lunch together but it was differNow fast forward a few years. ent. Native Tan was growing and I needed help with national accounts. The Art managed to manage his health person I turned to for help was Art. problems (which were major) and He turned south Florida over to his had a life he enjoyed – fishing, etc.). right hand man and moved back to Daytona Beach area. We worked On Super Bowl Sunday of this year Art together in the office, on the road on had to give up the fight and go to live sales calls and hundreds of trade with the Lord. (Pardom en if I have to stop here for a moment as I am shows. beginning to cry) Sorry. We were a team. We also had a lot of fun after work. He was a great They had a service for Art this last week in New Smyrna (where Art lived friend. and grew up). It was wonderful to Things were great for years. Business see all of his old friends, fishing budwas good. We had a great sales force dies, surfing buddies and schoolbuilt up around the country and we mates there. I’m sure Art was ENIGMA

Across

1. Informally 11. Indian exercise method 12. Continent 13. Lure 14. Apollo landing craft 16. Fight 18. Estimated arrival times 19. Become dim 20. Forest 21. Characteristic actions 22. Baby powder 26. Capital of Italy 27. Suspension of breathing 31. Listen to 32. Repeat 33. Person who lies 34. Worthless person 35. Small children 36. Student at mixed school 37. Speech defect 40. Woody plant 42. Overturn 43. Public disturbance 45. Musical composition for one 46. Fiddle 47. Resembling suds 52. Cut 53. Cab 56. Run away with a lover 57. Possesses 58. Overwhelming fear 59. Trim 60. Middle Eastern bread 61. Soldier 62. Direct route

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2. Russian no 3. Narcotic plant 4. Selves 5. Narrow beam of light 6. Having one dimension 7. Kiln for drying hops 8. A person that uses 9. Location 10. Overdue 13. End of life 14. Toil 15. Measured 17. Academy award 19. Distant 23. Greek writer of fables 24. Shoe ties 25. Unrefined 28. Schemes 29. Kind of explosive (Abbrev) 30. Artist's support 36. Swearword 38. Inhabitants of Ireland 39. Ancient Greek city-state 41. Relating to wind 44. Apex 48. Bone of the forearm 49. Achiever 50. Stout pole 51. Abominable snowman 53. Hindmost part of an animal 54. Against 55. Capital of Shaanxi province, China 58. Philosophy, politics, and economics (Brit)

ssoocciiaa ll m meeddii aa ss iittee ss ii tt ccaann bbeeccoom mee aa ppooppuull aarr iittyy ggaa m mee .. TT hhiiss iiss hhoow w aa nnuum mbbee rr ooff rr eeccoorr ddii nngg aarr ttii ssttss bbee ccaam mee ffaam moouu ss oorr ppii cckkee dd uupp bbyy ffaa m moouu ss bbaannddss ll ooookk iinngg ffoorr aa nnee w w mee m m mbbee rr.. N N oow w yyoouu ccaa nn ppooss tt ssoom mee-tthhii nngg oonn YY oouuTT uubbee tthhaa tt iiss ccoonnss ttaanntt-llyy bbeeii nngg ttrr ooll llee dd bbyy m meeddiiaa ee xxeeccss ffoorr ffrr eess hh ttaallee nntt w whh oo tthhee yy m mii gghhtt nnoott hhaavv ee ttoo ppaa yy aa ss m muu cchh ffoorr aass ee ssttaabb-lliiss hheedd ttaallee nntt.. TThhee dduum mbbiinngg ddoow wnn ooff oouurr ssooccii eettyy iiss ttoo bbll aam mee aanndd aalltthhoouugghh iitt iiss hhaa rrdd ttoo bbee ttrruullyy oorr iigg-iinnaall aannyym moorree ii tt’’ss jj uu ss aa ss eeaass yy ttoo rreebboooott aa m moovviiee oorr ss hhoow w bbeeccaauu ss ee tthhooss ee iinn HHooll llyy w woooodd kk nnoow w tthh ee yy aallrr eeaa ddyy hhaavvee aa bbuuiill tt ii nn ffoollll oow wiinngg oorr rruunn aa nnoossttaall ggiiaa ccaam mppaaii ggnn ttoo ss ppaarrkk iinntteerr eesstt.. Dear Rocco, America seems to have a problem with income equality. Don’t you think something should be done so more people get more income to pay for themselves and their family instead of a select few? BS

DDee aarr BBSS,, NN oo.. EE vveerr yyoonnee iiss ggiivv eenn aann eeqquuaall ooppppoorr ttuunnii ttyy ooff aa nn eedduuccaattiioonn uupp tthhrroouugghh hhii gghh ss cchhooooll.. IItt iiss w whhaatt yyoouu ddooiinngg dduurrii nngg tthhaatt ttii m mee tthhaatt w wiill ll ddeeccii ddee yyoouurr ffaattee .. TThhoossee ffoorrm maattii vvee yyee aarr ss ss hhoouull dd hhee llpp yy oouu ddeeccii ddee whh eerr ee yyoouurr ttaall eennttss aanndd ss kkii llll ss llii ee.. w TT hhee w woorr lldd oow wee ss yyoouu nnootthh iinngg aa nndd tthhii ss cc oouunnttrr yy oow wee ss yyoouu nnootthh iinngg oonnccee yyoouu bbee ccoom mee aa nn aa dduu ll tt.. M Mooss tt iinnccoom mee ii nneeqquuaa llii ttyy iiss bbee ccaauu ssee ooff llaa cckk ooff m moottiivvaa ttiioonn,, ppoooorr cchh ooiicceess – – llii ffeess ttyyllee aa nndd ccaarr eeeerr aa nndd llaa cckk ooff ccoonnttii nnuuii nngg ee dduuccaatt iioonn oorr ttrr aaddee ss kkii llll ss.. SSuurr ee,, ssoom mee aarree bboorrnn ii nnttoo tthh ee ““ll uucckkyy ss ppeerr m m ccll uu bb”” ,, bbuu tt tthhaa tt iiss nnoott tthheeiirr ffaauulltt.. PPeeooppllee bbeeccoom mee m miill llii oonn-aaii rree ss oonn aa ddaa iill yy bbaass iiss tthhaa nnkk ss ttoo hhaarrdd w w oorrkk ,, ttaakk iinngg aa ddvvaannttaaggee ooff ooppppoorr ttuunnii ttii eess ,, oorrii ggiinnaall ii ddeeaass aa nndd eevv eenn dduum mbb lluu cckk.. EEaacchh ii nnddiivvii dduu aall ii ss tthhee aarrcchhii ttee cctt ooff hhii ss oorr hheerr ddeem mii ssee oorr aass cceenntt.. Dear Rocco, When I met this girl it was almost love at first sight – until I saw all the tattoos she had. She’s smart, funny and all that but she has a thing for tattoos and is planning more. I don’t like tattoos and personally would never get one. I don’t know why I don’t like them and many say I’m shallow for my judgment but I don’t care. Am I prejudice or immature or what?

Dear Rocco, How come there are so many diet Dee aarr SSHH ,, D books out these days? Which do Hoonneess ttllyy ii ff yyoouu rr eeaall llyy llii kkee tthhee ggiirr ll you think is the best diet to be on H tthhee ttaattttooooss ss hhoouu llddnn’’tt m maatttteerr .. TThhaatt to lose weight? bbee iinngg ss aaiidd tthhee rree ii ss nnootthh iinngg w wrroonngg JK ffoorr yyoouu ffeeee llii nngg tthh aatt w waayy.. II ppee rrss oonn -aall llyy ddoonn’’tt llii kkee ttaattttooooss eeii tthhee rr.. 2200 oorr D Deeaa rr JJK K,, 3300 yyeeaarr ss ddoow w nn tthhee rr ooaadd m maannyy w w iill ll TThh ee rr eeaass oonn tthhee rree aarree ssoo m maannyy ddii eett rree ggrree tt ggee ttttiinngg tthh eeiirr ss bbeeccaa uuss ee ii tt hhaa ss bbooookkss oouu tt tthh eerr ee ii ss bbee ccaauu ssee tthh eerr ee bbee eenn aa ttrr eenndd ffoorr aall m mooss tt 2200 yy eeaarr ss.. II aarree ttoooo m maannyy ppeeooppllee oouutt tthh eerr ee pprr eeffee rr m myy aarr tt ttoo hh aanngg oonn w waall llss nnoott dduu m mbb eennoouugghh ttoo bbuu yy tthh eem m oorr w waattcchh oonn ss oom mee oonnee ’’ss bbaa cckk .. A Anndd w whh yy tthh ee vv iiddeeooss .. TT hhee rree iiss nnoo oonnee ddii eett woouu lldd yyoouu ggeett aa ttaa ttttoooo tthhaa tt yyoouu w ccoouullddnn’’tt ppee rrss oonnaall llyy ss eeee w wii tthh oouutt ccoonnttoorr ttiinngg ii nn ffrroonntt ooff aa m mii rrrr oorr .. IItt uuss eedd ttoo bbee ssaa iidd tthhaatt tthhoossee w wii tthh moorr ee tthh aann oonnee ttaattttoooo llii kkee llyy hh aadd m ssee rrii oouuss m meennttaall iiss ss uuee ss.. SSoo kk eeeepp tthh aatt iinn m mii nndd.. RRooccccoo tthhii nnkkss tthh ee ffeem maall ee ffoorr m m ii ss aa w w oorr kk ii nn aa rrtt iittss eell ff aanndd aa ttaattttoooo iiss ll iikk ee ggrr aaffffiittii oonn tthhee ss ttaattuuee ooff DD aavvii dd oorr tthhee M Moonnaa LLii ssaa ..

Dear Rocco, It seems like most of the movies coming out these days are either based on comic book characters or remakes or reboots of old movies and television shows. Why do you think that is? EP

DDee aarr EEPP,, BBeeccaauussee nneerrddss hhaavv ee ttaakk eenn oovv eerr tthhee iinndduussttrryy .. AA bbuunncchh ooff oovveerr ggrroow wnn ffaannbbooyy ss aa nndd ppee ooppll ee w whh oo ss ttii llll ll iivvee iinn tthhee iirr ppaa rree nntt’’ss bbaa ssee m mee nntt aarree iinn aa ppooss iittii oonn ooff ppoow wee rr ii nn tthh ee m meeddii aa.. TThheeyy w waanntt ttoo ss eeee yyoouu tthhee hh eerrooee ss aanndd ii ccoonnss tthheeyy ggrr eew w uupp w wiitthh aa nndd aatt ttiim meess w weerr ee tthhee iirr oonnll yy ffrr iiee nnddss oonn tthhee bbiigg ssccrr eeee nn.. HHoollll yyw woooodd hh aass aall ssoo bbee ccoom mee ll aazz yy.. BBeeffoorree yyoouu hh aadd ttoo woorrkk hhaa rrdd aanndd bbee oorrii ggiinnaa ll ttoo m w maakk ee aa nnaam mee ffoorr yyoouu rrss eell ff.. N N oow w w wii tthh ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

tthhaatt uunnii vveerr ssaa llll yy w w oorr kkss bbee ttttee rr tthhaa nn aa nnootthheerr .. YY oouu sshhoouull dd eeaatt oonnll yy cceerr -ttaaii nn ffooooddss ddeeppeennddiinngg oonn aa nnyy eexx ttee nn-uuaattii nngg m mee ddii ccaall ccoonnddii ttiioonnss ll iikk ee ddiiaa -bbeettee ss,, rr eennaall (( kk iiddnneeyy)) ffaa iill uurr ee aanndd ss oo oonn aanndd ssoo ffoorrtthh.. IIff yyoouu rree aadd tthhee bbooookkss ,, bbuuyy tthhee ss uuppppllee m mee nnttss ss ooll dd ffoorr w w eeiigghh tt llooss ss tthhee yy aall ll rree aadd oorr ssaa yy tthhee ssaam mee tthh iinngg – – tthh aatt tthh eeyy ccaann hh eell pp yyoouu w wii tthh w wee iigghh tt llooss ss w whh eenn ccoom m-bbiinnee dd w wiitthh ee xxeerr cciiss ee.. EExxeerr cciiss ee iiss tthhee bbiiggggee sstt aanndd m moosstt ee aass yy w waa yy ttoo ll oossee w eeiigghh tt.. JJuu sstt bbeeccaauu ss ee yy oouu ttaakkee aa w ddii eett ppii ll ll oorr aattttee nnddii nngg W Wee ii gghh tt W aattcchh eerr ss – W – tthh eeyy w woonn’’tt hhee llpp yy oouu ii ff yyoouu ddoonn’’tt ggee tt ooffff yy oouurr ffaatt aass ss aanndd qquuiitt ppllaayy iinngg oonn tthhee ccoom mppuu tteerr aanndd ddoo ssii m mppll ee ss ttuuffff ll iikk ee w w aallkk iinngg oorr ootthheerr aaee rroobbiicc aa nndd aannaaee rroobbiicc ee xxeerr -ccii ssee ss aanndd aaccttiivvii ttiiee ss.. Rocco is a common sense, tell-itlike-it-is, no-nonsense kind of guy offering real advice on any subject put before him. Why pay thousands of dollars on a high-priced therapist when he’ll straighten you out for free. If you’d like advice from Rocco e-mail him at goaskrocco@yahoo.com or drop him a line at Ask Rocco c/o Enigma P.O. Box 825 Chattanooga, TN 37401.

ARIES (Mar. 21- April 20) Use discretion, especially if involved with someone from work. Do not trust others with important information. Deception is probable if you don't use discrimination. Try to enlist the help of those you trust in order to fulfill the demands being made of you. Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Wednesday. TAURUS (Apr. 21- May 21) Entertainment should include your whole family. Don't vacillate about asking for assistance if you need it. Nagging has never been something that you could tolerate, and it's once again driving you into a lonely state of affairs. Direct your energy into

physical exertion. Residential moves deal with institutional environments, government agencies, and matters of will be favorable. a private nature this month. If you Your luckiest events this month will can put some work into home improvements, you should. Avoid occur on a Monday. purchasing expensive items. GEMINI Your luckiest events this month will (May 22-June 21) Take matters in hand when it comes occur on a Tuesday. to dealing with clients or colleagues. You have a tendency to think that no LEO one else will do things properly. (July 23-Aug 22) Don't blow situations out of propor- Your involvement in sports or entertion. It's time you let your true feel- tainment will lead to new romances. You will gain valuable insight and ings out. knowledge through the experiences Your luckiest events this month will you have along the way. Be honest in your communication and don't lose occur on a Sunday. your cool if someone backs you into a corner. Dealing with in-laws or relCANCER atives will not be in your best inter(June 22-July 22) Travel could bring you the adventure est. and excitement you require. Time to Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Friday.

connection. Someone you live with may feel totally neglected. Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Monday. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 -Dec. 21) Some of the best opportunities will crop up if you keep an open mind. Try to visit friends or relatives you don't get to see often. Travel will stimulate your need to experience exciting new things. Travel and entertaining conversation will be informative and uplifting. Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Monday.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22.- Jan. 20) You will easily blow situations out of proportion. You can receive recognition for the work you've done. Get busy doing all those things at home that you have been putting off for so VIRGO long. Help elders with their con(Aug. 23 -Sept. 23) Be aware of any emotional decep- cerns. tion. Do not sign legal contracts or documents this month. Take a close Your luckiest events this month will look at documents before signing on occur on a Saturday. the dotted line. Use your creative talent in order to accomplish your AQUARIUS goals. Social events will be favorable. (Jan. 21 -Feb. 19) You will have good ideas for home Your luckiest events this month will improvement projects. Focus on your own domestic problems. You will be occur on a Wednesday. in the mood for entertainment. Don't forget to read the fine print. LIBRA (Sept. 24 -Oct. 23) Go over their important documents Your luckiest events this month will and take the time to suggest alterna- occur on a Monday. tives. False information is likely if you listen to idle chatter or gossip. PISCES Drastic financial losses may be likely (Feb. 20-Mar. 20) if you lend money. You might get Your ability to be practical in busibehind if you spend too much time ness will help. You may have to take a short trip to visit someone who debating senseless issues. hasn't been well. You will find that Your luckiest events this month will social activities will be enjoyable and will promote new connections. occur on a Sunday. Opportunities for romance will develop through group endeavors; SCORPIO however, the association isn't likely (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) You may not be happy if members of to last. your family are not pulling their weight. this month will be hectic. Your luckiest events this month will Sudden romantic infatuations could occur on a Monday. lead to a significant and prosperous

ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

Paradigm Shift physicist Thomas Kuhn to describe a fundamental change in the basic concepts and experimental practices of a scientific discipline. Over the years, the expression has evolved to describe any time when the usual and accepted ways of doing or thinking about something changes completely. Under this broader definition, it seems obvious that our country’s political system is experiencing such a shift…

Trump is a billionaire real estate tycoon and reality television star who is in favor of building a giant wall on the Mexican border, establishing a security force to identify and deport illegal immigrants, and banning Muslims from entering the U.S. Sanders and Trump couldn’t be more different as individuals. But together they are triggering the death spiral of our corrupt “two party system.” The longtime social activist and the billionaire political hobbyist are …The two catalysts for this fun- turning the status quo on its damental change couldn’t be head… more different. Bernie Sanders is an admitted “democratic social- …I’ve often used this space to ist” who advocates a “political rail against this status quo, where revolution” in American govern- our politicians don’t really run ment that would include a single- our country. Typically, I have payer healthcare system, free insisted, the corporations, special college tuition, and the breakup interest groups and wealthy indiof our nation’s big banks. Donald viduals who own our politicians

The phrase, “paradigm shift,” was coined by by American

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Paul E. Burke Sr. Publisher D.A. Weinthal. Editor-In-Chief Chris Eason Photo Editor

Contributing Editors: Mark Haskins, Jim Sells, Mark Bedford. Chris McKay, David N. Marks, William Alexander, Dave Fernandez Founder: D.A. Weinthal Like us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter @EnigmaMag www.enigmaonline.com ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

©Gage Skidmore

run our country. Sanders and Trump run counter to this longtime pattern. Sanders has shunned donations from political action committees (PACs) in favor of a grass-roots effort that has brought donations from almost four million individuals. Trump, on the other hand, has

been funding his campaign via his own personal wealth…

…If I had to make the call right now, I’d have to say that Trump has a better chance of being the GOP nominee than Sanders has of winning the Dem nomination. The Donald has benefited from

ENIGMA

an overstuffed pachyderm primary herd that is only now beginning to thin itself out. It currently looks like a three-man race between Trump, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. Ben Carson has been a “dead man walking” for months now, but stubbornly clings to the delusion that he is still a factor. John Kasich keeps hanging on and hoping that voters will realize he is slightly less crazy than the three stooges… um… current poll leaders. When Jeb Bush dropped out of the race a few days ago, it truly signaled the end of an era. He was the Republican National Committee’s favorite son and the presumed front-runner before Trump made the RNC largely irrelevant for this election cycle…

…Sanders faces a much harder struggle if he is to win the Democratic nomination. The deck is stacked against him, just as our economic system is stacked against the ordinary Americans for whom he is a tireless advocate. First off, Sanders isn’t really a Democrat. He was elected as a Vermont senator after running as an independent. He has retained that status. So it

MARCH 2016

was always going to be tough for him. With Hillary Clinton’s 2008 campaign co-chair, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, leading the DNC… things got a lot tougher. Sanders supporters claim Schultz intentionally kept primary debates to a minimum to favor Ms. Clinton. In addition, the Democrats’ shady “superdelegate” system awards primary votes to elected Dems, party hacks and other DNC-favored individuals. That’s how Hillary got the same number of delegates in New Hampshire as Sanders did… despite Bernie winning by 20 percent in that state… …But even if both Sanders and Trump fail to make it to the general election, they have changed the way presidential primaries are funded and waged. I often get the impression that both men remain genuinely surprised at how well they have done so far. But together they have shown that “fringe candidates” can successfully challenge the traditional political party machines. This paradigm shift is both a blessing and a curse, but it is undeniably a reality… —- Mark Bedford

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man who fell through the ceiling of a Popeyes eatery was able to open a safe after hours of prying and striking. The Jacksonville County Sheriff’s Office shared video of the clumsy crook falling from the ceiling of the Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen in Jacksonville and ending up on his backside. The man does not appear seriously injured and spends “several hours” prying and striking his way into the eatery’s safe. The post said the man was

eventually able to open the safe she was spending time breastfeedand fled with an undisclosed ing the child instead of being with him. Lehmeier grabbed a shotgun, amount of cash. loaded it, and pointed it at her and A husband was arrested on a the child. He then pulled the trigcharge of assault after allegedly ger of the gun, but it did not shoot. shooting a gun at his wife because he got jealous that she spent time LOS ANGELES - A California utility with their baby, police in company said Valentine’s Day balMinnesota said. Police said that loons elicited emotions other than they have arrested 28-year-old love when they struck lines and Nicholas George Lehmeier, after knocked out electricity to 5,000 being accused of abusing his wife customers. Southern California for more than 10 years. The woman Edison said a bundle of runaway told the police that when she was Mylar Valentine’s Day balloons colsitting on the couch with the baby, lided with power lines in South Los Lehmeier became upset because Angeles Monday evening. “Metallic

ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

balloons look harmless, but there’s no way to overstate how dangerous they can be when released outside,” Paul Jeske, SoCal Edison’s director of corporate health and safety, said in a statement. The utility released a warning prior to Valentine’s Day asking customers to avoid releasing the balloons outdoors or tying them to a person’s wrist, as that poses an electrocution risk. SHANGHAI - Say what you like about the Chinese, but whether

they are building walls or slides, they like to go big. A Shanghai shopping mall has installed a fivestory-tall stainless steel slide that brings shoppers to the ground floor in 16 seconds. The slide, installed at the Printemps shopping mall, is due to open to the public in the coming weeks, but it has already attracted a lot of attention online from social media users who question its safety. Users of the Weibo microblogging site questioned whether the rapid speed of the 66-foot slide would cause discomfort to riders’ backsides and lead to potentially dangerous collisions, but mall managers said the slide has been tested for safety and only one person will be allowed on the ride at a time. The slide was built to resemble a dragon because China. FORT SMITH, AR - A couple was left humiliated after they were forced to call the police for help to unlock a pair of handcuffs. However, the intimate evening between the husband and wife ended in an arrest for the man. According to the police report, 21year-old Dustin Taylor of Fort Smith, Arkansas, was handcuffed during sex, but the couple lost the key and called the police for help to get him out of the toy. When police arrived, they did a routine search of Taylor’s name in a police database and realized that he had a warrant out for his arrest. He was wanted for first-degree criminal mischief in Sebastian County, the police report said. Police removed Taylor’s personal handcuffs and replaced it with their own, and he was taken to jail. “I sort of wish the guy had invested in an extra handcuffs key,” Sergeant Daniel Grubbs, spokesperson for the Fort Smith police, said. Firefighters on the Costa Blanca, Spain were called to an unusual rescue last week when they had to use specialist cutting tools to free a 36-year-old man’s member. The Lithuanian man arrived at the hospital after a kinky sex game went wrong and four metal rings got stuck on his penis. But doctors had

to call in the assistance of local firefighters to remove the steel rings with specialist cutting equipment. The steel rings were so thick that two cuts had to be made in each in order to prise them off the delicate body part while cooling fluid was applied to avoid burning from the electric circular saw. “It’s not the first time that the hospital has called us to cut off rings, but usually they are from the finger,” said station chief Javier Fayos. The team of firefighters took almost an hour to remove all the metal rings. LAS VEGAS- A pair of tourists filmed getting a little too frisky on Las Vegas’ enormous observation Ferris wheel were arrested on charges of committing sex acts in public. Authorities said Philip Frank Panzica III, 27, of Houston, and Chloe Scordianos, 21, of Hicksville, N.Y., were the only passengers in Cabin 16 of the 550-footdiameter High Roller observation wheel Friday afternoon. A security officer noticed the pair smoking cigarettes and undressing. The wheel’s operator told police workers he used an intercom to ask the passengers to “please put all cigarettes out and put all clothes back on.” The pair briefly complied, but soon resumed both forbidden activities. Police were called when the pair refused a second request to halt their sexual encounter, the operator said. The suspects were arrested on felony charges of committing a sex act in public. They were later released on bond. If you’re white and your partner is black and you have a baby, that baby will be a mix of black and white. In some very rare circumstances, the baby will have either predominantly black or predominantly white characteristics, making the baby effectively black OR white. But say you had twins. Last year Hannah Yarker gave birth to twin girls. Hannah is white and her partner, Kyle Armstrong, is mixedrace. The twin girls; one black and one white. What are the chances one twin would be black and the other white? About a million to one. The stunned mom claimed, “I can’t believe I have one of each.” ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

Chattanooga’s Most Fun Night Out

CONCERT CALENDAR “Go See Live Music”

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MARCH 16

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WSOC LOCAL QUALIFIER

FEATURI N G : KAREN MILLS, LEANNE MORGAN & TRISH SUHR

MARCH 10

WSOC LOCAL QUALIFIER

C O M E D Y CATCH IS HOSTING A QUALIFIER FOR A SPOT IN THE NATIONAL SATELLITE FOR THE WSOC! COME OUT AND DELIVER AND COMPETE AMONG SOME GREAT LOCAL TALENT FROM THE AREA. YOU WILL BE JUDGED. 50% OF THE VOTE COMES FROM THE AUDIENCE, AND THE OTHER 50% WILL COME FROM THE JUDGES!

MARCH 11-13

MONROE MARTIN

RISING COMEDY STAR MONROE MARTIN MINES LAUGHS FROM AN UNUSUAL SOURCE – GROWING UP IN FOSTER CARE AND BEING MOVED FROM ONE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME TO ANOTHER. WITH A VERY HONEST, OPEN APPROACH TO STORYTELLING AND AN ENGAGING PERSONALITY, MARTIN EFFORTLESSLY TURNS HIS CHILDHOOD OF HARD KNOCK EXPERIENCES INTO COMEDY GOLD.

MARCH 17-20

APRIL MACIE

DO YOU REMEMBER THE GIRL IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL WHO HAD A HORRIBLE RUMOR SPREAD ABOUT HER? IT MIGHT HAVE INVOLVED A FOOTBALL TEAM, OR A DOG AND SOME PEANUT BUTTER OR MAYBE PROCESSED MEAT. WELL, THAT GIRL IN EASTON, PENNSYLVANIA WAS APRIL MACIE. SO, WHERE DID SHE TURN FOR COMFORT? WHILE SOME MIGHT TURN TO THE LORD, APRIL TURNED TO COMEDY. WITH HER IRREVERENT BRAND OF OVERTLY SEXUAL HUMOR SHE ATTEMPTS TO BREAK D O W N T R O U B L I N G D O U B L E - S T A NDARDS AND LEND HER VOICE TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE.

MARCH 25 & 26

MATT MITCHELL MATT MITCHELL IS

A PURE SOUTHERN MASH BOOGIE COMEDIAN FROM ALABAMA WITH BAREFEET, MUSHMOUTHED DRAWLING AND A MILE-WIDE SOCIAL STREAK. KINDA LIKE LYNYRD SKYNYRD AS A STAND-UP COMIC… ONLY FATTER. WSOC LOCAL QUALIFER MARCH 24 FINALS MARCH 31 PARKING AVAILABLE IN THE CHOO CHOO LOT, CARTA GARAGE, OR REPUBLIC PARKING LOTS

1400 MARKET ST. 423.622.2233 WWW.THECOMEDYCATCH.COM ENIGMA

This week’s calendar covers events for the month of March and beyond. We would be happy to publish your free listing in future Billboards, space permitting. Simply mail us the information so that we have it 7 days before the publication date. A photograph may be sent with the announcement. Send information to: Calendar Editor, Enigma, P.O. Box 825, Chattanooga, TN 37401 or e-mail to calendar@enigmaonline.com. All dates subject to change without notice.

TT U UEESSD DA AYY M Maarrcchh 11 TTRREE M MO ON N TT TTAAVVEE RRN N (Chattanooga) Open Mic w/ Mike McDade TTIIVVO O LLII TT H HEE AATTRREE (Chattanooga) Foreigner JJ..JJ..’’SS BBO OH H EEM MIIAA (Chattanooga) Early Show: Laura Hope and the Arctones, Sweet GA Brown, Late Show: Goatwhore, Unspoken Triumph TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Leon Bridges

WEED W DN NEESSD DA AYY M Maarrcchh 22 RRAAW W (Chattanooga) Open Jam RREE VVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Guttermouth MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) Dropkick Murphys CCIITT YY W WIIN N EERRYY N NAASSH H VVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Deer Tick, Mutual Benefit TTEE N NN NEE SSSSEE EE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Knoxville) Foreigner BBIIJJ O OU U TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Kurt Vile

TT H HU U RRSSD DA AYY M Maarrcchh 33 TTH H EE CC O OM M EED D YY CCAATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Country Cool SSK KYYZZ O OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Zane TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Kevin Gates TTIIVVO O LLII TT H HEE AATTRREE (Chattanooga) “Million Dollar Quartet” TTEE RRM MIIN NAALL W WEESSTT (Atlanta) Ceelo Green RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Tedeschi Trucks Band

FFRRIID DA AYY M Maarr cchh 44 TTH H EE CC O OM M EED D YY CCAATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Country Cool SSK KYYZZ O OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Zane RRA AW W (Chattanooga) DJ Barnaby JJ..JJ..’’SS BBO OH H EEM MIIAA (Chattanooga) Brightside, Vibestreet Doyle PPO OK KEEYY ’’ SS (Cleveland, TN) Covertibull BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Blake Shelton, Chris Janson RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Tedeschi Trucks Band SSYYM M PPH HO ON NYY H HAALL LL (Atlanta) Indigo Girls TTH H EE TT AABBEERRN N AACCLLEE (Atlanta) Future, Ty Dolla $ign GEEO G O RRG GIIAA TTH H EEAATT RREE (Athens, GA) Dwight

MARCH 2016

Yoakam

SSA ATTU U RRD DA AYY M Maa rrcchh 55 TT H HEE CC O OM M EED DYY CC AATT CCH H (Chattanooga) Country Cool SSK KYY ZZO OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Zane JJ ..JJ ..’’SS BBO OH HEE M MIIAA (Chattanooga) Megan Jean and the KFB, Zach and Cheyloe TT --BBO ON NEE’’ SS (Chattanooga) Ramble in the Attic TT IIVVO OLLII TTH H EEAATT RREE (Chattanooga) McKameys TT H HEE BBU UCC K KH H EEAAD D TTH H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) The Floozies, Sunsquabi, Flamingosis TT H HEE TT AABBEERRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Dropkick Murphys RRIIVVEERR SSTTRREE EETT TT A AVVEERRN N (Ellijay, GA) Ramble in the Attic H AARRRRAAH H H’’ SS CC H HEE RRO OK KEE EE CC A ASSIIN NO O (Cherokee) Dwight Yoakam N AASSH N HVVIILLLLEE PPAALLAACC EE (Nashville) Wanda Jackson H && PPO 1122TT H ORRTT EERR (Nashville) Nappy Roots TT H HEE W WAARREEH HO OU U SSEE (Clarksville, TN) Drowning Pool, Audiotopsy, Violent New Breed

SSU UN ND DA AYY M Maa rrcchh 66 TT H HEE CC O OM M EED DYY CC AATT CCH H (Chattanooga) Country Cool SSK KYY ZZO OO O (Chattanooga) DJ Zane RREE VVEE LLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Lazy Horse VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Mark Farner

MO M ON ND DA AYY M Maarrcchh 77 TT RREEM MO ON N TT TT AAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Trivia Night TT H HEE O OFF FFIICC EE (Chattanooga) SpeakEasy FF O OXX && H HO OU UN ND D (Chattanooga) DJ Exphacter RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) George Thorogood & The Destroyers, J.J. Grey & Mofro CC EEN N TTEE RR SSTT AAG GEE (Atlanta) Wolfmother IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) CeeLo Green

TTU U EESSD DA AYY M M aarrcchh 88 TT RREEM MO ON N TT TT AAVVEERRN N (Chattanooga) Open Mic w/ Mike McDade PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) AC/DC TT H HEE TT AABBEERRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Adam Lambert, Alex Newell EE D DD DII EE’’ SS AATT TTIICC (Atlanta) Gabe Dixon M AARRAATTH M HO ON NM MU U SSIICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Wolfmother RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Merle Haggard H && PPO 1122TT H ORRTT EERR (Nashville) John 5

WEED W DN NEESSD DA AYY M Maarrcchh 99 RRAAW W (Chattanooga) Open Jam RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Blitzen Trapper TT H HEE PPAALLM MSS (Chattanooga) Convertibull PPH HII LLIIPPSS AARREEN N AA (Atlanta) Rihanna, Tavis Scott TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Flogging Molly VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) John Mayall, Bill Carter TT EEN NN NEESS SSEEEE TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Blue Man Group

UPPCCO U OM MIIN NG G EEVVEEN NTTSS BBIIJJO OU U TT H HEE AATT RREE (Knoxville) John Mayall March 10 TT EEN NN NEESS SSEEEE TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Blue Man Group March 10 SSCC H HEE RRM MEERRH HO ORRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CC EE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Burt Bacharach March 10 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Adam Lambert, Alex Newell March 10 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Troye Sivan March 10 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Mayday Parade, The Maine, Better Off March 10 TT H HEE CCO OM MEE D DYY CC AATTCC H H (Chattanooga) Monroe Martin March 11 TT RRA ACCK K 22 99 (Chattanooga) Corey Smith March 11 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Danimal Planet, Toneharm March 11 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) John Prine March 11 EEXXIITT // IIN N (Nashville) CeeLo Green March 11 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Judah & The Lion March 11 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) X-Ambassadors, Powers March 11 TT H HEE CCO OM MEE D DYY CC AATTCC H H (Chattanooga) Monroe Martin March 12 JJ..JJ..’’ SS BBO OH HEEM M IIAA (Chattanooga) Baby Baby March 12 MCC K M KEE N NZZIIEE AARREEN N AA (Chattanooga) Elton John March 12 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Strung Like A Horse March 12 PPU UCC K KEETT TT ’’SS (Chattanooga) Amber Hayes & friends March 12 KN K NO OXXVVIILLLLEE AAU UD DII TTO O RRIIU UM M (Knoxville) The 5th Dimension March 12 FFO O XX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) The Moody Blues March 12 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Hoodie Allen, Superduperkyle, Blackbear March 12 GEE O G ORRG G IIAA W WO O RRLLD D CC O ON NG G RREE SSSS CC EE N NTT EERR (Atlanta) Marlon Wayans March 12 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) John Prine, Iris DeMent March 12 TT H HEE CCO OM MEE D DYY CC AATTCC H H (Chattanooga) Monroe Martin March 13 JJEE N NN N IIEE AAN ND DEE RRSS O ON N TTH H EEAATT RREE (Marietta, GA) The Village People March 13 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Joe Satriani March 14 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Coheed & Cambria, Glassjaw, Silver Snakes March 14 4400 W WAATT TT CC LLU UBB (Athens, GA) Blitzen Trapper March 14 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Carly Rae Jepsen March 14 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville)

Coheed And Cambria, Glassjaw, Silver Snakes March 15 WO W OO OD DRRU U FFFF A ARRTT SS CC EEN N TT EERR (Atlanta) Gordon Lightfoot March 15 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Fetty Wap March 15 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Rickie Lee Jones March 16 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON N EE A ARREE N NA A (Nashville) Kris Kristofferson, Lady Antebellum, Dierks Bentley, Ryan Bingham, Rosanne Cash, Eric Church, Emmylou Harris, Jamey Johnson, Nelson, Darius Rucker, Trisha Yearwood March 16 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) April Macie March 17 JJ..JJ..’’ SS BBO OH H EEM M IIA A (Chattanooga) Dead Soldiers March 17 LLEEG GA ACCYY A ARREE N NA A (Birmingham) Fall Out Boy, Awolnation, Pvris March 17 SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY H HA ALLLL (Atlanta) Joan Baez March 17 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Kirk Franklin March 17 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SS K KU ULLLL LL O OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Bobcat Goldthwait March 17 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Gordon Lightfoot March 17 LLEEG GA ACCYY A ARREE N NA A (Birmingham) Fall Out Boy, Awolnation, Pvris March 17 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) April Macie March 18 TTII VVO O LLII TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Chattanooga) The Moody Blues March 18 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON N EE A ARREE N NA A (Nashville) Rihanna, Tavis Scott March 18 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SS K KU ULLLL LL O OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Bobcat Goldthwait March 18 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) April Macie March 19 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Departure March 19 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Vance Joy, Blind Pilot, Jamie Lawson March 19 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SS K KU ULLLL LL O OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Bobcat Goldthwait March 19 ALLYY SS RRO A OBBIIN N SSO ON N SSTT EEPPH H EEN N SS PPEERRFF O ORRM MII N NG G ARRTTSS CCEE N A NTT EERR (Birmingham) Joan Baez March 19 HA H ARRRRA AH H ’’SS CCH H EERRO OK KEEEE CCA ASS IIN NO O (Cherokee) The Moody Blues March 19 JJA AM MEE SS K K.. PPO O LLK K TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Nashville) Jim Jefferies March 19 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) April Macie March 20 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) The Moody Blues March 20 MA M ARRA ATT H HO ON NM MU USSIICC W WO O RRK KSS (Nashville) Pusha T March 20 LLA AU UG GH HIIN NG G SS K KU ULLLL LL O OU UN NG GEE (Atlanta) Bobcat Goldthwait March 20 FFO O XX TTH H EEA ATT RREE (Atlanta) Mystikal, Juvenile, Bun B, Trick Daddy, 8Ball & MJG, Pastor Troy March 20 JJ..JJ..’’ SS BBO OH H EEM M IIA A (Chattanooga) R Ring March 21 CCEE N NTT EERR SS TTA AG G EE (Atlanta) Pusha T March 21 SSYY M MPPH HO ON NYY H HA ALLLL (Atlanta) Joe Satriani March 23 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Dale Watson March 24 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Mustache the Band March 25 TT-- BBO ON NEE ’’SS (Chattanooga) Ramble in the Attic March 25 EEXXIITT //II N N (Nashville) Cowboy Mouth March 25

ENIGMA

MARCH 2016

GEE O G ORRG G IIAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Athens, GA) Third Eye Blind March 25 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Nick Carter March 26 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Rusted Root March 26 JJEE N NN N IIEE AAN ND DEE RRSS O ON N TTH H EEAATT RREE (Marietta, GA) Herman’s Hermits Starring Peter Noone March 27 ZZYY D DEE CCO O (Birmingham) The Wonder Years March 28 EEXXIITT // IIN N (Nashville) Yo La Tengo March 29 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Kirk Franklin March 29 EED DD DIIEE ’’SS AATTTT IICC (Atlanta) Heather Nova March 30 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Andrew Bird March 30 H && PPO 1122TT H ORRTT EERR (Nashville) O-Town March 30 TT H HEE CCO OM MEE D DYY CC AATTCC H H (Chattanooga) Lachlan Patterson April 1 TT RRA ACCK K 22 99 (Chattanooga) Ben Rector April 1 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Unknown Hinson April 1 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) G. Love & Special Sauce April 1 EED DD DIIEE ’’SS AATTTT IICC (Atlanta) Kris Allen, Steve Wynn, Bark April 1 SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY H H AALLLL (Atlanta) America April 1 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Moon Taxi, Coin April 1 BBRRIID DG G EESSTT O ON NEE AARREE N NAA (Nashville) Martin Lawrence April 1 SSA ATT U URRN N (Nashville) Deer Tick, Jeff the Brotherhood April 1 TT H HEE CCO OM MEE D DYY CC AATTCC H H (Chattanooga) Lachlan

Patterson April 2 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Eli Young Band April 2 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) The Velcro Pygmies April 2 JJEEN NN NIIEE A AN ND D EERRSSO ON N TTH H EEA ATT RREE (Marietta, GA) Vicki Lawrence April 2 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Andrew Bird April 2 PPH HIILLII PPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Mike Epps April 2 CCEE N NTT EERR SS TTA AG G EE (Atlanta) Belinda Carlisle April 2 TTH H EE CCO OM MEED D YY CCA ATT CC H H (Chattanooga) Lachlan Patterson April 3 33RRD D && LLII N ND DSSLL EEYY (Nashville) G. Love & Special Sauce April 3 CCEE N NTT EERR SS TTA AG G EE (Atlanta) Cooder-WhiteSkaggs April 3 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Ace Frehley April 5 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Tauk April 6 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) Robin Trower April 6 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Robin Trower April 7 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Green River Ordinance April 7 JJ..JJ..’’ SS BBO OH H EEM M IIA A (Chattanooga) Opposite Box, Bath Salt Zombies April 8 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Rumors April 8 VVA ARRII EETT YY PPLL A AYYH HO OU U SSEE (Atlanta) They Might Be Giants April 8 PPH HIILLII PPSS A ARREEN NA A (Atlanta) Gabriel Iglesias April 8 CCO OU UN N TTRRYY TT O ON N IITT EE TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Pigeon Forge, TN) Loretta Lynn April 8

ENIGMA

CCO O TTTT O ON N--EE YYEE D D JJ O OEE ’’SS (Knoxville) Aaron Lewis April 8 TTH H EE LLYY RRIICC RRO OO OM M (Birmingham) Drive-By Truckers April 8 MEERRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) The Joy Formidable, Everything Everything April 8 CCO OU UN NTT RRYY TT O ON N IITTEE TT H HEE AATTRREE (Pigeon Forge, TN) Loretta Lynn April 9 BBIIJJ O OU U TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Robin Trower April 9 TTH H EE LLYY RRIICC RRO OO OM M (Birmingham) Drive-By Truckers April 9 TTIIVVO O LLII TT H HEE AATTRREE (Chattanooga) Buddy Guy April 11 RRO O CC K KEETT O OW WN N (Nashville) Underoath April 11 SSCCH H EERRM M EERRH HO O RRN N SS YYM M PPH HO ON NYY CC EEN NTT EE RR (Nashville) Meat Loaf April 11 IIN NFFIIN N IITT EE EE N NEE RRG GYY CC EEN NTT EERR (Duluth, GA) Mumford & Sons, Blake Mills April 11 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) Deerhunter April 11 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Justin Bieber April 12 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) The Cult April 12 IIN NFFIIN N TT EE EE N NEERRG G YY CCEE N NTT EERR (Duluth, GA) Mumford & Sons April 12 BBRRIID DG GEE SSTT O ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Keith Urban, Peter Frampton, Jason Isbell, Florida Georgia Line, Emmylou Harris, Vince Gill, Sam Hunt, Luke Bryan, Maddie & Tae, Maren Morris April 12 MEERRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) The Church April 12 RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) “Jethro Tull - The Rock Opera” Ian Anderson April 13

MARCH 2016

PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Justin Bieber April 13 TT H HEE LLYY RRIICC TTH H EEAATT RREE (Birmingham) Aaron Neville April 14 D RRU D UIID D CCIITT YY M MU U SSIICC H HAALLLL (Tuscaloosa, AL) Waka Flocka Flame April 14 H && PPO 1122TT H ORRTT EERR (Nashville) Corb Lund April 14 RREE VVEE LLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Paraker Millsap, Courtney Holder April 15 SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY H HAALLLL (Atlanta) Kathy Griffin April 15 PPH H IILLIIPPSS AARREE N NAA (Atlanta) Duran Duran, Chic featuring Niles Rodgers April 15 TT H HO OM MPPSSO ON N BBO O LLIIN NG G AARREE N NA A (Knoxville) Brantley Gilbert April 15 ASSCC EE N A ND D AAM MPPH HIITT H H EEAATT RREE (Nashville) Bryan Adams April 15 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Mumford & Sons, Blake Mills April 15 RREE VVEE LLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Who’s Bad? April 16 VVEERRIIZZ O ON NW WIIRREE LLEESSSS AAM MPPH HII TTH H EEA ATT RREE A ATT EE N NCC O ORREE PPAARRK K (Alpharetta, GA) Bryan Adams April 16 FF O OXX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) “Jethro Tull - The Rock Opera” Ian Anderson April 16 FF RRA AN NK KLLIIN N TT H HEEAATT RREE (Franklin, TN) Taylor Hicks April 16 RRYY M MAAN N TT H HEEAATT RREE (Nashville) Smashing Pumpkins, Liz Phair April 16 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Hot Tuna April 17 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Three Dog Night April 17 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR

(Nashville) Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo April 18 TT IIVVO OLLII TT H H EEAATT RREE (Chattanooga) Ben Harper April 19 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Rita Wilson April 19 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Robyn Hitchcock, Eugene Mirman April 19 O AAK O KM MO OU UN NTT AAIIN N AAM MPPH H IITT H HEE AATTRREE (Pelham, AL) Jimmy Buffett April 19 MEE M M MO O RRIIAALL AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Widespread Panic April 20 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) The Oh Hellos April 20 TT EEN NN NEESS SSEEEE TTH H EEAATT RREE (Knoxville) Ben Harper April 20 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Robyn Hitchcock, Eugene Meiman April 20 CC IITT YY W WII N NEERRYY N N AASSH HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Hot Tuna April 20 SSA ATT U URRN N (Birmingham) Elle King April 20 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) The Cleverlys April 21 ASSCC EEN A ND D AAM M PPH HIITT H HEE AATT RREE (Nashville) Alabama Shakes, Dylan LeBlanc April 21 IIRRO ON N CC IITT YY (Birmingham) Sister Hazel April 21 RREEVVEELL RRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ April 22 BBJJCC CC CCO ON NCC EERRTT H H AALLLL (Birmingham) Boyz II Men April 22 RRYY M MAAN N AAU UD DIITT O O RRIIU UM M (Nashville) Ben Harper April 22 MAARRAATT H M HO ON NM MU USS IICC W WO ORRK KSS (Nashville) Santigold April 22 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Reno Collective April 22 VVA ARRIIEETT YY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USSEE (Atlanta) Sister Hazel April 22 CC EEN N TTEE N NN NII AALL O OLL YYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Sweetwater 420 Fest” Kid Rock, Disco Biscuits, Pepper, Cypress Hill, Paper Diamond, Zoogma, Illenium, Lucero, Hi Lo Ha, Big Sam’s Funky Nation, Lucidea, Joe Pettis April 22 GEE O G ORRG G IIAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Athens, GA) Old Crow Medicine Show April 22 BBIIJJO OU U TT H HEE AATT RREE (Knoxville) Dawes, Hiss Golden Messenger April 22 MCC K M KEE N NZZIIEE AARREEN N AA (Chattanooga) James Taylor April 23 TT H HEE TTAABBEE RRN NAACC LLEE (Atlanta) Underoath April 23 CC EEN N TTEE N NN NII AALL O OLL YYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Sweetwater 420 Fest” Bastille, Awolnation, Minnesota, Roots, Rebelution, The Word, Jacklndn, Dawes, Dabin, Daily Bread, Maceo Parker, Tokyo Police Club, Chrome Pony, North Mississippi Allstars, Robert Randolph & The Family Band, Judah Friedlander, Ripe, Funk You, The Quaildogs, April 23 GEE O G ORRG G IIAA TT H HEE AATTRREE (Athens, GA) Old Crow Medicine Show April 23 LLEE G GAACC YY AARREE N NAA (Birmingham) Widespread Panic, Tedeschi Trucks Band April 23 VVEERRIIZZ O ON NW WIIRREELLEE SSSS AAM M PPH HIITT H H EEAATT RREE AATT EEN N CCO O RREE PPAARRK K (Alpharetta, GA) Van Morrison April 24 FFO O XX TT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Steve Martin, Martin Short, Steep Canyon Rangers April 24 CC EEN N TTEE N NN NII AALL O OLL YYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Sweetwater 420 Fest” Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals, Ludacris, Robert

DeLong, Emancipator, Nahko And Medicine For The People, Michael Franti & Spearhead, Atmosphere, Son Of Kick, The Bright Light Social Hour, Manchester Orchestra, Leftover Salmon, The Mantras, People’s Blues Of Richmond, Duelle, Higher Learning, Judah Friedlander, Wrenn, Voodoo Visionary Band April 24 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) Bush April 24 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Ben Folds, Ymusic April 24 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Alabama Shakes, Dylan LeBlanc April 25 TTEE N NN N EESSSSEE EE TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Knoxville) Widespread Panic April 25 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Boz Scaggs April 25 CCII TTYY W WIIN N EERRYY N NA ASS H HVVIILLLLEE (Nashville) Peter Murphy April 25 TTH H EE TTA ABBEERRN NA ACCLL EE (Atlanta) NOFX April 25 TTEE N NN N EESSSSEE EE TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Knoxville) Widespread Panic April 26 1100 H HIIG GH H (Atlanta) L.A. Guns’ Tracii Guns April 27 RREEVVEELLRRYY RRO OO OM M (Chattanooga) Pigeons Playing Ping Pong April 28 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Cypress Hill April 29 TTEE RRM MIIN NA ALL W WEESS TT (Atlanta) Polica April 29 CCEE N NTT EERR SS TTA AG G EE (Atlanta) Sevendust, Trivium, Like A Storm April 29 TTEE N NN N EESSSSEE EE TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Knoxville) John Prine April 29 AD A DVVEEN N TTU U RREESS U UN NLLIIM M IITT EED D (Ocoee, TN) Ramble in the Attic April 30 CCO O BBBB EEN N EERRG G YY PPEE RRFFO O RRM M IIN NG GA ARRTT SS CC EEN N TTEE RR (Atlanta) Tracy Morgan April 30 MEE RRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Polica April 30 HEE LLLL A H ATT TT H HEE M MA ASSQ QU UEE RRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Filter, Orgy, Vampires Everywhere!, Death Valley High May 1 GEE O G ORRG G IIA AD DO OM MEE (Atlanta) Beyonce May 1 IIRRO ON N CCII TTYY (Birmingham) Ghost May 2 AN A ND D RREEW W JJ A ACCK KSS O ON NH HA ALLLL (Nashville) Alice Cooper May 2 MEE RRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Brian Jonestown Massacre May 2 TTII VVO O LLII TT H HEE A ATT RREE (Chattanooga) ZZ Top May 3 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Bonnie Raitt, The California Honeydrops May 3 MEE RRCC YY LLO M OU UN NG G EE (Nashville) Tokyo Police Club May 3 MEE M M MO ORRIIA ALL A AU UD D IITTO O RRIIU UM M (Chattanooga) Old Crow Medicine Show, Brandi Carlile May 4 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Floetry May 4 EED DD DIIEE’’ SS A ATT TT IICC (Atlanta) Mother’s Finest May 4 RRYYM MA AN NA AU UD DIITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Bonnie Raitt, The California Honeydrops May 4 TTEE N NN N EESSSSEE EE TT H H EEA ATT RREE (Knoxville) Ghost May 4 OA O AK KM MO OU UN NTT A AIIN NA AM MPPH H IITTH H EEA ATT RREE (Pelham, AL) Disturbed, Rob Zombie, Pop Evil May 4 TTU U SSCC A ALLO OO O SSA AA AM M PPH H IITT H HEE A ATTRREE (Tuscaloosa, AL) The Avett Brothers, Brandi Carlile May 5 NIISSSS A N AN N SSTT A AD DII U UM M (Nashville) Beyonce May 5 AA A ARRO ON N ’’SS A AM MPPH HII TTH H EEA ATT RREE (Atlanta) Disturbed, Rob Zombie, Pop Evil May 6 TTH H EE BBU U CCK KH HEEA AD D TT H HEE A ATTRREE (Atlanta) Animal Collective, Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith May 7 HEE A H AVVEE N NA ATT TT H H EE M MA ASSQ QU U EERRA AD DEE (Atlanta) Blue October May 7

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FFO OXX TT H H EEAATT RREE (Atlanta) Floetry, Mint Condition May 7 AAARRO A ON N’’ SS AAM M PPH HIITT H HEE AATT RREE (Atlanta) Gregg Allman, ZZ Top, Blackberry Smoke, Michelle Malone, Jaimoe’s Jasssz Band, Kevn Kinney, Gabriel Kelley May 7 VVEE RRIIZZO ON NW WIIRREE LLEESSSS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEEAATT RREE AATT EEN NCC O ORREE PPAARRK K (Alpharetta, GA) The Avett Brothers, Brett Dennen May 7 BBO OW WM MAAN NH HO OU USSEE (Lawrenceville, GA) The Posies May 7 GEEO G O RRG GIIAA TTH H EEAATT RREE (Athens, GA) Filter, Orgy, Vampires Everywhere!, Death Valley High May 7 RRYY M MAA N N AAU UD D IITT O ORRIIU UM M (Nashville) Garrison Keillor May 7 EEXXIITT //IIN N (Nashville) Filter, Orgy, Vampires Everywhere!, Death Valley High May 8 GRRAAN G ND DO OLL EE O O PPRRYY H HO OU U SSEE (Nashville) Scorpions May 9 TTRRA ACC K K 2299 (Chattanooga) Ghost May 12 CCEE N NTT EEN NN NTT IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Knees Music Festival” Deftones, Ghost, The 1975, Wolf Alice, Houndmouth, David Ramirez May 13 VVA ARRIIEE TTYY PPLLAAYY H HO OU USS EE (Atlanta) RuPaul’s Drag Race” May 13 CCEE N NTT EEN NN NTT IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Knees Music Festival” May 14 VVEE RRIIZZO ON NW WIIRREE LLEESSSS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEEAATT RREE AATT EEN NCC O ORREE PPAARRK K (Alpharetta, GA) Styx, .38 Special, Don Felder May 15 CCEE N NTT EEN NN NTT IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPAARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Knees Music Festival” Adia Victoria, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Lewis And The News, Frightened Rabbit, Diet Cig May 15 GRRAAN G ND DO OLL EE O O PPRRYY H HO OU U SSEE (Nashville) Chris

MARCH 2016

Isaak May 15 SSCC H H EERRM MEE RRH HO O RRN N SSYY M MPPH HO ON N YY CCEE N NTT EERR (Nashville) Paul Anka May 17 TT RRA ACCK K 2299 (Chattanooga) Shinedown, Monsters Truck May 18 LLEE G GAACC YY AARREEN N AA (Birmingham) Janet Jackson May 19 ZZ A AN NIIEE’’ SS (Nashville) “Jay And Silent Bob Get Old” May 19 AAARRO A ON N’’ SS AAM MPPH H IITT H HEE AATTRREE (Atlanta) Daryl Hall and John Oates May 19 CC EEN N TTEE N NN N IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPA ARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Beats” May 20 CC IITT YY W WIIN NEE RRYY AA TTLLAAN N TTAA (Atlanta) Paul Thorn May 20 EE D DD DII EE’’ SS AATT TTIICC (Atlanta) Paula Cole May 21 CC EEN N TTEE N NN N IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPA ARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Beats” May 21 FF RREED DRRIICC K K BBRRO OW WN N JJ RR.. A AM MPPH H IITTH H EEA ATT RREE (Peachtree City, GA) The Monkees May 21 ASSCC EE N A ND D AAM MPPH HIITT H H EEAATT RREE (Nashville) Styx May 21 TT H HEE M MAASS Q QU UEE RRAAD DEE (Atlanta) Primal Fear, Luca Turilli’s Rhapsody May 22 CC EEN N TTEE N NN N IIAALL O O LLYYM M PPIICC PPA ARRK K (Atlanta) “Shaky Beats” May 22 EE D DD DII EE’’ SS AATT TTIICC (Atlanta) Paula Cole May 22 CC A AN NN N EERRYY BBAALLLLRRO OO OM M (Nashville) Block Party, Museum Mouth May 23 CC IITT YY W WIIN NEE RRYY N N AASSH H VVIILL LLEE (Nashville) Ginger Baker’s Air Force 3 April 23 O AAK O KM MO OU UN N TTAAII N N AAM M PPH HIITT H HEE A ATT RREE (Pelham, AL) Dave Matthews Band May 24 TT H HEE EEAARRLL (Atlanta) Modern English May 27 BBRRIID DG GEESS TTO ON NEE AARREEN N AA (Nashville) Salt-NPepa, Tone Loc, All-4-One, Kid N Play, Coolio, Young M.C. May 27

Located inside the Read House Broad Street at MLK Blvd. Downtown

The Transformational Nature of Christian Adult Higher Education n his book Center Church, Tim Keller describes several models of cultural engagement or descriptions of the various ways that we followers of Jesus view culture and our role in it. Keller writes that the transformationalist model “engages culture largely through an emphasis on Christians pursuing their vocations from a Christian worldview and thereby changing culture.” I believe that Christian adult

higher education is transformational and, for adult students who truly want to bring about social change in our society, Keller’s words should be encouraging. As Christian worldview is taught in the classroom and modeled by faculty, graduates from institutions like Belhaven University will impact their workplaces, homes, and communities with an informed, transformational perspective. Jesus describes his followers as

the salt of the earth and the light of the world. These are powerful metaphors that instruct us to flavor and enlighten the world that God loves and is in the process of changing. This is the encouraging work of Christian adult higher education – to provide an educational experience that encourages graduates to seek truth and justice in their various spheres of influence. The goal for our adult students is that their dili-

gent work in the classroom will not only give them the credentials to gain a better job, but, more importantly, to be a participant in God’s vision for the world…a world of peace, social justice, and moral courage. Ed Pickel is the director of admission and student services for Belhaven University’s adult and graduate studies campuses in Chattanooga and Dalton.

MONEY MANAGEMENT

TIPS FOR INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS AND SELF-EMPLOYED PEOPLE ON FILING ANNUAL TAXES Anyone who works for themselves is considered selfemployed by the IRS and required to file a Schedule C tax return on all income they receive. That includes everyone from someone already receiving social security who is paid in cash for mowing neighborhood lawns to the person who takes in money through sales, the carpet layer contracting with local stores for installation work and any others who bring in income. Some people even need to file more than one Schedule C. The secret to making a business work for you lies in keeping receipts for every penny spent so that you can offset that income, and filing properly. Most independent contractors don't have the time to do regu-

lar monthly bookkeeping so they're stuck trying to organize everything when they tackle that disorganized pile of receipts at the end of the year. And if you know the IRS rules for your industry that can be enough, but you need to know what is considered normal for your industry. Although it's easy to find someone to prepare a Schedule C small business tax return for you, unless you know exactly what the IRS expects of a selfemployed person that tax return will not be accurate and you'll never get every tax deduction allowed. Surviving a tax audit is very easy with organized records. Independent contractors will want to start by following these ENIGMA

four simple rules: Never mix business income with personal income and expenses. The IRS can disallow otherwise worthy deductions if you mix them with personal business so always deposit all business income into a separate bank account. Keep a detailed diary of all business miles, especially if you use a vehicle also for personal miles. This is required in order to take the mileage deduction which is often a big one for independent contractors. When deducting meals you must write the names of everyone at that meal, as well as the business discussed, on the receipt.

MARCH 2016

Death, Taxes, and Terrorism

Musings on the Walking Dead, Property taxes and the proposed closing of Guantanamo Bay Hopefully the reader will for- to see a person ripped to give me as I am going to discuss shreds with chunks of flesh three things in this one article. torn out, entrails being ripped from abdominal cavities, First let me mention that I am throats torn out etc. to get the not a person who likes horror point that the person was movies or TV shows. killed by the zombie/s. I have had to turn my eyes from some Typically zombie movies are of the more graphic scenes. It’s not my cup of tea. That said I pretty rough stuff for a TV somehow became a devoted show. fan of the show The Walking Dead. I like the characters and Now to some musings of mine. the story lines. No less an Initially the characters in the expert on the zombie-genre, show frequently used silenced George Romero, director of the (the correct term is suppressed) cult classic “Night of the Living firearms to dispatch the ‘walkDead” declared The Walking ers’ which are the undead the Dead as basically a soap opera show is named for. “Carl” the (with zombies). One thing I do teenage son of main protagonot like about the show is the nist ‘Rick’ used a suppressed too frequent rendering asunder pistol quite often. Another of human beings. I do not need character Sasha was partial to a

suppressed rifle. In recent episodes the main characters have been ensconced in a walled suburban town ‘Alexandria’. They were safe from the marauding ‘walkers’ and had plenty of time to manufacture some of these very important items. It seems that gunfire attracts the undead. Gunshots can cause hordes of

These crazed homicidal people swarmed over the walls and began killing the inhabitants of Alexandria without warning or mercy. However during all this carnage main character Carol disguised with a berka- type mask led character Morgan by a rope as if he was a captive. One of the attackers even congratulated Carol on her captive

zombies to come ‘shuffling’. In the post-apocalyptic world suppressed weapons are extremely valuable. Some of the occupants of Alexandria had built a custom motorcycle so it would seem that their mechanical skills could have been put to that use. Just wondering.

making this even more apparent. Yet no other captives were being taken. In fact the ‘Wolves’ were killing everyone in their path whether man, woman or child with no quarter. Am I the only one who noticed this oddity?

Another strange plot issue I Next in my musings. Recently have is when the wolves Alexandria was besieged by a attacked they tried to ram a crazed group calling them- large semi truck into the gate. selves ‘Wolves’. This was met by a hail of large ENIGMA

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caliber rifle fire from an Alexandria guard killing the driver. However, the truck crashed into the wall and the air horn began blaring. Now at this time Rick and some other key characters were attempting to lure a huge herd of zombies away from Alexandria. The air horn attracted them and they turned towards the town. Although there were numerous shots fired at Alexandria none were heard at the zombie round -up but the air-horn was. Maybe sound travels differently in a post-apocalyptic zombie filled world. Now to property taxes. I have a friend who told me “Mark you don’t own your property. You just rent it from the county.” I have come to believe that. I have had it explained to me that a lot of the property tax is for the building and maintenance of roads and the same for schools. What if you don’t have a car? What if your children are out of school or you never had children in school? Those are just two issues. I know there are others. But back to this year. I got my yearly property tax bill awhile back. This year I vowed to see if I could get anything done to reduce or adjust it. I felt there are some issues with the land itself which are not readily visible which might affect the appraisal amount. I went to the clerk’s office and when asked what I wanted told them I hoped my tax bill could be adjusted. With some quick computer keystrokes the clerk started telling me about homes sold in my neighborhood for more than mine with similar footage. He advised that if anything my property had been under-appraised. I saw the

handwriting on the wall and selves to be captured? It seems decided I had better just ren- like their being held would be der unto Caesar what was an embarrassment to the terrorists not a recruiting tool. Caesar’s. Some misguided people have Finally I want to cover the ter- claimed these prisoners are rorist part of the article by held in bad conditions. They briefly addressing the pro- are not. They get as good or posed closing of Guantanamo better medical treatment than Bay. There are 91 terrorists their U.S. soldier guards. They detained at Guantanamo. There have a huge library. They can were more but some were trad- watch movies , they have cable ed for an alleged deserter from TV with over 300 channels! the U.S. Army. Some were They no longer have female recently released right around guards while civilian prisoners the time of the Paris terrorist in the U.S. may have female attacks. About a third of all guards. These people are not prisoners released from Gitmo even American citizens yet they return to the fight against the get better treatment than many U.S. Why any of these hard U.S. prisoners. core terrorists are being released simply baffles me. I just addressed a few of the When the announcement of the issues regarding the closing of closing came out I immediately Gitmo as far as housing terrorwondered where the terrorists held there would be put. Most Americans do not want them on U.S. soil. They effectively have where to escape to from Gitmo. They frequently attack their guards and I’m sure would like to escape on the mainland of the U.S. to try to kill Americans. What will be done with future captured terrorist prisoners? Also there is a current law prohibiting the transfer of prisoners from Gitmo to the U.S. Is the current administration going to violate the law to accomplish it’s to me incomprehensible agenda? One reason given for the closing is that the Islamic terrorists use Gitmo as a “recruiting tool”. I never heard how that this is supposed to help the terrorists recruit. Gitmo should serve as a deterrent to terrorists. If they want to die for their cause why did they allow themENIGMA

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ist prisoners. Is the current administration proposing the closing of the naval base there as well? I think that would be ludicrous. I have heard a theory that the base will be turned over to Cuba who could then rent it to Russia or China. What is our administration thinking? I think we need to realize that if one part of the Constitution is ignored by an Administration then other parts might be ignored. That is a very scary slippery slope. While zombies are a good entertainment scare I am more scared of a government that ignores the Constitution.

- Mark Haskins

Sit Down Jeb Dear Jeb Bush, please go away – and stay away. It finally took the South Carolina caucus for the chubby son and younger brother of the two former presidents to realize this country does not want another Bush as leader of the free world. I hate the Bush family and that is saying a lot for someone who has been a Republican for as long as I can remember – and that is a long time. I believe I am more of a Republican than any of the Bush family. I remember as a kid wearing a “Nixon ’72” button. I art class once our project was to design buttons. Mine were Nixon buttons. I was probably who Alex P. Keaton was patterned after. I still have my Regan/Bush button and have a framed picture of Reagan hanging over the desk I am sitting at as I write this. It was 1980 that I first became acquainted and wary of the Bush name. George Herbert Walker Bush initially ran against Ronald Reagan in the 1980 Republican presidential primaries. Bush called Reagan’s economic policies “voodoo economics”. Bush Sr. without a doubt is the worst in the

Bush rode on the back of the Reagan revolutionaries into the White House. It was one of the dirtiest elections ever. Despite having the Gipper’s blessing he was neck and neck with Michael After the Reagan Revolution the Dukakis. Then the first really dirty mantle was handed over to Bush to ploy was used in a presidential Reagan of course soundly defeated run with. I can still remember election that I could remember. Willie Horton. Horton was the man serving a life sentence for murder in Massachusetts where Dukakis was governor and was the beneficiary of the weekend furlough program. While out on furlough Horton did not come back. Not only that, he committed robbery, assault and rape. family. A career politico he was the director of the CIA. How can you realistically trust a spy, even if he works for your side? Or does he? All the elder Bush has known is government work. He was a career politician.

the greatest president in my lifetime. Sure, he has many critics all with whom I will argue until we are both blue in the face but this article is about the Bush family.

Bush used Horton to scare the American people as to how easy on crime the Democratic hopeful would be if in the White House. It worked like a charm and Bush won relatively easily.

him in the primaries and to keep peace (and probably to make sure Bush didn’t try some underhanded trickery during the election and thereafter) named him his running mate. Reagan without a doubt was

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And then those three famous words of a campaign promise – “no new Reagan giving the keynote speech taxes”. at the 1988 convention. I still get chills thinking about it and get Guess what? He lied. fired up and remember why as if there is any doubt as to why I am George H.W. Bush raised taxes. We “read his lips” and he lied. But Republican. before we could get too upset There are only two times in during about that we had to deal with my voting years that I did not vote Kuwait. After Saddam Hussein Republican. The first was when invade Kuwait Bush put our troops Cissy Baker ran for senate. I did into battle for the first time since not like her platform (I actually Vietnam. It was a quick decisive paid attention to this stuff unlike a war that lasted barely a week. The majority of voters). I left that part military that Ronald Reagan rebuilt of the ballot blank because I defi- during his presidency showed the nitely wasn’t going to vote for a world how strong the United States Democrat. The other time was a was once again. wile back when I voted in the local mayoral race. Although most may- Ironically although Reagan was oral races aren’t run on the basis often called a warmonger for his of political party this time the can- pro-military stance and spending a didate with Democratic ties was far lot of money to bring the armed more appealing than the one run forces back up to speed, America by the local power structure. Truth was at peace with the rest of the be told we were going to get world. Libya tried to lure us into screwed either way we voted. I war but it took a jet on a bombing cast my vote against the power mission one go-round to end that. structure. The only ones to win in I remember in college a group of this election were the mayor and Middle Eastern students had a rally his coattail-riding friends. And in the student center to protest Reagan’s bombing of Libya. I there were many.

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quickly went and made a banner that I hang over their protest that read “America – 1 Libya – 0”. No one really messed with the U.S. during the Reagan era even the Russians and even though the Berlin Wall came tumbling down during Bush’s first year in office it was all because of Reagan. American pride was finally back. And while the Gulf War brought a lot of Americans pride it did little economically for us as the economy came to a standstill for the most part during the Bush administration. People soon forgot about the Gulf War and thought and voted with their pocketbooks in the 1992 election as Arkansas governor Bill Clinton soundly defeated the incumbent president. The came the infamous 2000 election. After two terms of Clinton that saw a lot of scandal – not to the extent of the current administration America was ready for another change. The economy boomed during the Clinton administration. It had nothing to do with the president but the 1994 “Contract with America” as the Republican Party seized control over the House and Senate. Clinton basically sat on his hands the last six years of his time in office with the occasional visit from Monica Lewinsky that saw him impeached. And what people don’t realize is that he wasn’t impeached for having sex in the White House with the intern he was impeached for perjury under oath in a federal court about the incident. Back then the United States was still somewhat moral. 2000 saw George W. Bush run for the office. The former Texas governor initially came across as a breath of fresh air for Republicans. Sure, is dad was once president, but unlike his dad he wasn’t considered a career government bureaucrat but somewhat of an outsider to the political machine despite who his father was. He was a goofball who fought and won addiction problems with both alcohol and drugs. Heck, he was like the rest of us it seemed. And for a brief time in the 1990s he owned the Texas Rangers. How cool was that? As best as I can remember he breezed through the Republican

primaries. He was affable, slightly goofy but seemed to have a good head on his shoulders a charismatic – a lot more than his dad ever was. Then perhaps the biggest misstep that sealed his fate with many. Who was going to be his running mate? We all wondered. There were a bunch of young conservative names going around. For the first time since the Reagan revolution we were excited. And then a loud thud. George W. Bush chose Dick Cheney, one of his dad’s cronies. Cheney was Bush Sr.’s defense secretary. Why the hell did Jr. bring one of his dad’s friend’s on board? With a permanent scowl and quite frankly an unlikable personality Cheney looked more like a villain out of a James Bond than being second in command. Cheney of course had a shaky past and left his post at Halliburton to take the spot. If the name Halliburton rings a bell, they are the oil company that profited the most from the second Gulf War. If it wasn’t for Cheney I believe most people would have a more favorable view of the younger Bush. Just as he did as head of the CIA the elder Bush manipulated world politics a many like myself believed dad made the vice presidential choice and not Bush himself or his people. I have a more sympathetic view of George W. Bush than most. Not even eight months in office he had to deal with the 9/11 attack on the Trade Center. A few years later there was one of the worst natural disasters in the country with Katrina. Somehow critics blamed him for both of these. If there were anyone responsible for the 9/11 attacks it would have been the elder Bush who had ties to Bin Laden. True, part of being in the CIA is you make deals and allies with people you normally wouldn’t fathom.

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And then the Gulf War. Basically George W. Bush was lied to about “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq. As a country we were fired up and wanted to ENIGMA

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beat on someone even though the terrorists we were aiming for were in Afghanistan. We went over, kicked ass and won the war quickly. People tend to get this wrong. We won the war decisively. Where a majority of deaths in Iraq came from wasn’t from battle but the occupation afterward as the United States attempted to put a new government in place. The rebuilding of Iraq put a lot of money in both the Bush family and Cheney family coffers. Halliburton benefited greatly from the war and in case you forgot, a majority of the Bush family fortune was made in oil.

regarding free speech – and got sheep’s clothing”. I call the Bush away with it. family Democrats in Republican clothing. And then the big one no one to this day people seem to talk about – If you look at history, the two Bush the reconsolidation of AT&T. I hate presidents are the only Republican AT&T. Their customer service presidents to declare or send our sucks and their prices are higher troops to war. The rest were

And during this election cycle Jeb began to carry on like a spoiled child who wasn’t getting his way. The chubby little former governor of Florida figuratively beat his fists on the dinner table wanting more attention. And when he did? Hooboy!

George W. Bush’s presidency resembled a puppet government with the elder Bush pulling the strings and all his cronies benefiting from it. The Bush family is the anti-Reagan if you ask me. Where Reagan preached small government, small business and competition the Bush’s were big government and monopolies. I remember when Reagan was in office one of his priorities was to break up any monopolies. He broke up AT&T into a bunch of baby Bells and the price of phone service became competitive giving people a choice instead of having to use just one company. During George W. Bush’s reign we had a bunch of new government agencies – the most since FDR all in the name of “national security”. The Department of Homeland Security was one of many agencies created following 9/11 – all under the premise of our safety. Clear Channel Communications became a music mafia as they were allowed to buy up radio groups and stations around the country. In the past radio/TV/print group could not hold a majority of the outlets in a media market. Not now. Clear Channel now own up to 60 percent of the radio stations in almost every market. And let us not forget their infamous play list. After the 9/11 attacks Clear Channel sent out a directive to their stations forbidding them from playing a list of songs they felt were inappropriate because of the attack. This made the news, as did the list. Ironically Clear Channel was able to hijack the First Amendment

And now they want us to vote for Jeb. No true Republican can do so with a clear conscience. Jeb paraded around as if he was the “chosen one” and that it was his divine right to be knighted the next President of the United States. Sorry Jeb, sit down. This country will not elect another Bush into the White House in my lifetime – or a Clinton. But that again, is another story for another time.

than most. I unfortunately have an AT&T mobile phone. When I first got the phone they were Bellsouth Mobility. Their customer service sucked then and I went to change networks but it was more of a hassle so I kept it. Bellsouth became Cingular and the customer service was great and I was happy. They were more flexible on plans and all seemed right with the world. It was taken over by AT&T and of course everyone in the world knows about his or her customer service woes and prices. I could go on and on about my phone service but I will save that for another article. People like to call George W. Bush dumb and make fun of him because he had a tendency to stumble over words but here is something most people don’t talk about… Bush was in the same graduating class with John Kerry who ran against him in 2004 and is the current Secretary of State. Bush graduated higher than Kerry at Yale, yet Kerry was making fun of Bush’s intelligence. Better check than, John. The Bush administration was frustrating for many Republicans. I never considered the Bush family true Republicans. They seemed to get involved into politics for financial gain. George W. Bush was his father’s pawn and I am sympathetic for him. Bush Sr. comes across as some nice grandfather figure whereas I see him as an evil genius. You’ve heard the saying “a wolf in ENIGMA

Democrats. And while Lincoln was president during the Civil War it was the Confederacy that declared war on the United States. Their leader president was Jefferson Davis, a Democrat.

Bush tried to pull out all stops to derail Donald Trump and everyone else in the primaries. Jeb Bush epitomizes what most of us hate about the Bush family and what many people think of the Republican party – a bunch of rich, spoiled brats who will stop at noth-

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ing to get his way. Bush got one of his billionaire buddies to start attack campaign against the frontrunner Trump. This didn’t help. Typical Bush strategy. The Bush strategy is to tear down all opponents even if they are in your political party for their own personal gain. Win at all cost even if it destroys he political party you are associated with.

minute here. I am admittedly not a big fan of Trump. Truth be told I’ve hated him since the 1980s. “The Art of the Deal” is a joke. I only watched maybe ten minutes of his reality show. I think his taste is gaudy and the scenes I’ve seen of his properties looks more like they were decorated by a lottery winner than someone who came from money. He is the stereotypical rich guy I’ve made fun of my whole life. To be honest, he at times does not represent to me what I love about being a Republican. However the criticism of him from both sides makes me like him.

Then the “chosen one” got mom in the act. Barbara Bush came to the aid of her son making veiled statements about Trump but this time mother does not know best. The chubby Bush kept pounding his fists at the dinner table because he wasn’t getting his way. This hasn’t worked. Jeb even brought big brother George W. to the primary debate in South Carolina where Trump assailed him over the Gulf War. W. took the attacks in stride with class while chubby Jeb huffed and puffed defending the family name. And when the votes were counted Saturday night in South Carolina is was obviously – the Bush family would not have a third presidential candidate. I guess Jeb can take his toys and go back home. I believe history will look back on George W. Bush with some sympathy as he obviously loved his country but allowed his father to manipulate his decisions. Of course if he were president before there was social media he wouldn’t have caught as much hell as he did. Of course I do believe the Bush administration is why Barack Obama was elected into office. As well as the powers that be in the Republican Party. The Republican Party, my party of choice has been in disarray for a long time. Ronald Reagan was the last truly strong candidate to run for president. The first Bush rode his coattails into office, his son benefited from Al Gore’s lack of support from Clinton and some of his views. George W. also benefited with connections down in Florida who gave the state and their electoral votes to him to seal is victory in 2000 – a race he would have won by a landslide if he had a better running mate. Bob Dole, McCain and Romney were

weak candidates.

highest office in the land only proves your hypocrisy but you doing or taking advantage of anything to attain that a public office. After the fiasco of the Obama administration the Democratic Party should remaining a tailspin since there are no truly “rising stars”. They truly have become the part of old white men – and women.

2015/16 was the first time the party put out multiple strong candidates. Many people laughed at the fact that at one time there were 16 candidates in the primaries. That’s odd, however. Many have criticized Republicans; especially by Democrats of being the party of old white men. What irony. The Democrats have only two candidates on the ballot, both white And let’s address The Donald for a with an average age of 72. By contrast the Republicans have had white, black, Cuban descent, female and one of Indian descent. That’s about as multi-cultural as it gets with the age ranging from their mid-40s to 69. And while the debates have been brutal at times all candidates are solid unlike the Democrats.

Many say he is not a real Republican because he has donated to Democrats as much as Republican candidates in the past. That’s business. That’s actually the traditional way of doing business. When I was younger an older friend of mine asked me to mail some stuff off for him. He told me they were contribution checks to two candidates running against each other in the local election. I asked why he donated to both candidates. It was simple he said. He would be a winner no matter who won. If he needed something done for his business or neighborhood they could look on their “list” and see that he was a contributor. It made things work easier he said. It was like “greasing the skids”. That my friend is the art of the deal. You don’t need to buy the book to learn that.

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The Democratic Party is in so much trouble it is actually funny to me. Clinton and Bernie Sanders are the best they could do for candidates? Both are truly career politicians. Sanders. We know Hillary’s history and Sanders has been in public office since 1981. So much for his outsider approach. Just because you don’t assign yourself a political party doesn’t mean a thing and then you join one to run for the ENIGMA

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People also forget Trump’s involvement wit the USFL a rival to the NFL. Many blame Trump singlehandedly for the demise of the USFL being one of the main proponents of the league going head-tohead with the NFL instead of keeping with their spring/summer schedule. Trump was arrogant then and he’s arrogant now. But there’s a difference.

Today Trump is saying all the right things. He’s saying everything a lot of people would like to say but are afraid for fear of being labeled everything from racist, sexist, xenophobic and just about every phobic you can think. He actually speaks the truth more than other candidates running for office e and isn’t afraid because he really has nothing to lose. All of the other candidates in both parties are politicians so therefore they have something to lose because if they lose the election they will still have their political office to go to except Hillary. And when confronted on his views unlike Cruz or Rubio, Trump doesn’t backtrack or waffle or compromise. He goes forward and attacks. It is refreshing to see someone who doesn’t back down because they are afraid of the consequences. They truly don’t want to make the change they campaigned about; they want to stay in office for a long time because it beats having a day job. Not Trump. Simply put, Trump is say what a majority of people are thinking except he’s not afraid to say it publicly.

Sure Trump came from a family with money but unlike a lot that are criticized he took his family’s millions and turned them into billions. He made a few mistakes along the way, something we all do and despite filing business bankruptcies he was able to dust himself and keep going and somehow get people to back his projects. As a businessman he knows how to delegate, compromise when need-

sity. This is obvious by just looking at who has been fielded by both parties in the primaries. The Republicans have a bright future, the Democrats not so much. And while you may think I’m a Trump supporter, I’m not. My vote is for Ben Carson who is heads and shoulders the smartest man running for office for either party. Unfortunately no one takes him serious any more primarily because he is seen as being too much of an outsider. He is well spoken with a soft voice but unfortunately gets overlooked because of the bombastic Trump and other career politicians. That being said I am not anti-Trump, Cruz or Rubio. The Republican party for the first time in a long time is not embar-

ed and when to hold steady. And he is always looking out for the interest of the business and not just his own pocket. That’s something all politicians should learn. As someone in business he had dealt with more personalities, red tape and more issues than anyone who had been in public office for any length of time. No, he is not perfect and neither is any of the current field looking to attain the highest office in the land. And while he is criticized for being friends with Democrats from Hillary on up, speaking from personal experience that’s part of owning your own business. When you own your own business, which none of the others have you become allies at times with people you despise and despise you all in the name of getting the job done right. In a lot of way Trump is like a politician in the private sector. He definitely is more qualified than the current administration. But going back to the Republican field, they are young and upcoming and show a lot of potential. They are much more diverse than the Democrats whose mantra is diverENIGMA

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rassing themselves or those of us who have been supporters of the party for years and actually give us something to look forward to in the future. I will proudly support any candidate my party nominates for the White House now unapologetically. Hopefully, we’ve gotten rid of the dinosaurs like McCain, Dole, Boehner and Lindsey Graham. The Democrats on the other hand are a bunch of dinosaurs. Just look at whom they are offering in their presidential primaries. Sit down Jeb, Hillary and the rest of the status quo candidates. Politics as usual are dead as is your political future.

- Wm. Alexander

At Peace with Manning (Finally) I never thought I would say this (actually write it), but I’m glad Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl. That is hard for me to say seeing that I have been one of the loudest critics of Manning most of his college and pro career and I will explain why and how I’ve gone an about face.

remember hanging out at my favorite watering hole talking to my favorite bartender and Manning was in the house. He came over and excitingly told me he served a beer to Peyton. Rusty was a veteran bartender and people came from miles around to hang out at his bar. Rusty was a celebrity in his own

whom I don’t remember. I was just at that age when I started to recognize teams and certain players. Before I would cheer for whomever my dad told me to cheer or I would base my allegiance on which uniform looked cooler. And on a black and white TV I would always cheer for the team wearing white

I used to like Archie Manning growing up. Sure, he played for the New Orleans Saints the number one rival of my Atlanta Falcons but he was one of a very few SEC quarterbacks to be semisuccessful in the NFL. The Saints were lovable losers and Archie was the only shining star of the former perennial losers. I hate Archie now and that’s because of his Svengali control over his sons and the NFL, most notably his manipulating the 2004 draft telling the Chargers his son will not play for him if drafted. Well, you know what happened next. Peyton showed up at UT much to a lot of people’s surprise since dear old dad attended Ole Miss. I found out a number of years ago that this was planned by father Archie, adding to my dislike the past dozen years of the patriarch of the Manning clan. I remember a skinny, awkward Manning coming into his first game, once which Tennessee was losing, mind you. He was encouraging. Tennessee football was underwhelming at the time (it usually is no matter what the fan base screams) and I started to cheer for the young Manning. He made the Tennessee – Alabama game interesting for the first time in years. All of a sudden Manning was a god. He could do no wrong – especially if you listened to his obnoxious fans – the entire “Orange Nation”. Peyton fever swept everywhere. He was a local/regional celebrity. I

hated the most – Tennessee and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Instead of my usual smart-ass remarks about the Vols I forced myself into being positive at first around him. I remember one opening day the Vols won my around 30 points. When I saw my friend I commented on how good the Vols looked. He growled at me and said they sucked and then went on a tirade about the defense and how the offense underperformed. I was dumbstruck. To this day I still give him hell about the team and the last ten or so he has reluctantly been forced to agree. Back to Peyton. Manning was treated like a choirboy that could do no wrong. I got tired of the non-stop praise. Truth be told his only kryptonite while at Tennessee was Steve Spurrier and the Florida Gators. He could never beat Florida and I always got a kick out of it. Spurrier always had the beset one-liners before the game and after beating Tennessee – all of which made me laugh at loud. “You can’t spell Citrus without U-T.” for example.

right. “Rusty,” I said. Rusty leaned over. “He’s only 20.” Rusty got an embarrassed look on his face just realizing he served a beer to someone not of age. Granted it happens all the time and is probably as I write this but you see where I’m going. Rusty epitomizes to me the typical Tennessee fan. Unrealistic with unrealistic expectations. Truth be told the Volunteers are a second level SEC team not world-beaters, as their fans would have you believe. Early in my youth the school fell out of favor with me when then coach Bill Battle lost a game against ENIGMA

Then came his senior season. I must admit Manning did live up to the hype in college and he was because I was always told that a good kid and a good student the good guys wear white. Back graduating after only three years but went back to school to play to Bill Battle. one more year to win the After this supposedly bad loss Heisman. booster sent moving trucks to his house. I thought this was stupid. Manning had another brilliant And after all football is just a win but once again lost to game – or so I thought. I Spurrier. He was then “upset” watched the homecoming of for the Heisman by Michigan’s Tennessee hero Johnny Majors Charles Woodson who was the to coach and how he was rail- first defensive player to win the Heisman in a long time if ever. roaded out of town. I once tried to cheer for Tennessee again about 16 years ago. I had a new best friend and ironically his favorite college and NFL teams were the two I

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Orange Country went on a rampage. UT fans accused ESPN of having an anti-Volunteer bias and somehow claimed the Heisman vote was rigged so their

“boy” did not win. For many years UT fans were hostile towards ESPN, especially if they came to town to broadcast a game. They called for boycotts and even random death threats. At that time Michigan was ranked number one and Nebraska a close two in the two polls. Tennessee faced Nebraska in the Orange Bowl while Michigan played Washington State in the Rose Bowl. Michigan won a hard fought game against Washington State that featured another Heisman finalist by the name of Ryan Leaf. The Vols were routed in the Orange Bowl and many still talk the team intentionally lost bad so as to convince voters to choose Nebraska number one over Michigan in the final polls. As it worked out the two teams split the polls but most people recognize the Wolverines as National Champions. Then came the NFL draft with Manning and Leaf going one and two. No one knew up until the first selection which quarterback would go first but Manning got the nod with Leaf two and also ended up being by many experts one of the biggest if not the biggest draft busts. But where not talking about Leaf right now, we’re talking (actually writing) about Peyton. Manning has gone on to have one of the greatest NFL careers ever – much to my dismay at times. The one thing that seemed to escape him was the vaunted Lombardi trophy. Despite setting one record after another the Super Bowl title seemed to avoid him. People started calling him the Marino of his generation. (Personally I would rather have Marino’s career than almost any other quarterbacks – Super Bowl ring or not.) Despite winning one NFL MPV after another he was stuck without a ring – until the 1996 season. That year the Colts finally made it to the Super Bowl. They face the Bears who were quarter-

backed by Rex Grossman. Grossman of course played QB at Florida the one school that was Manning’s kryptonite. The Colts won handily pulling away in the second half. I could have – and actually predicted that. Grossman was one of the few quarterbacks to ever lose to the Volunteers under Steve Spurrier. I figured that loss to Tennessee is why the “Ole Ball Coach” left Florida for the NFL. Orange Nation cheered. Not me so much. Here are the main reasons I have never been a Peyton Manning fan until recently… My dislike of the UT fan base is the number one reason. He is a god or saint in their eyes. He can do no wrong if you listen to them talk (the ones that can speak in complete sentences). And then media. It has always been my opinion for a lack of better say of saying it – kiss Peyton Manning’s ass. They are never – or rarely critical of him. He can do no wrong. If you asked them until this year they believed he was untouchable. Another reason is that he seems to pad his numbers. Part of the reason this about him pisses me off is because he broke Dan Marino’s singe season touchdown pass record. I am admittedly an unashamed Miami Dolphins fan going to before the undefeated season actually. Marino was my guy. In the year he broke Marino’s record he threw an inordinate number on one-yard touchdown passes. Really? That’s a wussy pass in my book. (Actually replace the “w” with a “p” – I didn’t want to offend anyone) When you are at the one you run it in. It’s not like the Colts didn’t have great running backs like Edgerrin James and serviceable ones like Joseph Addai. Marino rely threw touchdown passes from that close to the goal line. His were real touchdown passes. That’s what pissed me off. I found it great irony – although it didn’t really make me any happier is the fact that longtime Manning rival Tom Brady broke that record the next year. Karma. ENIGMA

wrong in their eyes – both at UT and in the NFL. And the fan base… geez. Peyton fans are everywhere many that never went to UT or been to a pro game. And to top it all off most are obnoxious. Of course that is par for the course for UT fans and SEC fans in general. There was never a criticism… ever. And his assault on my football icons’ records. Ever since I was little I had been a Miami Dolphins and Atlanta Falcons fan. The Dolphins were the first team I saw on color TV and was hooked by the colors… and the fact they were good compared to my neighboring Falcons. And this was before they went to their first Super Bowl so I am not I have found myself conflicted at a bandwagoneer like most times. I have enjoyed all the Manning and SEC football fans. commercials. He’s a great pitchman. He’s affable, actually funny On numerous occasions during and doesn’t mind making fun of Manning’s heyday the Colts got himself, which is rare in this era close to being an undefeated of pro sports with all the egoma- team. Only the Dolphins have niacs. In a world full of Cam completed an entire season Newton’s it’s great to have undefeated including the Super Peyton Manning. More on Bowl. Of course that is the ’72 Newton later… again this is team that critics like to lambaste because of their popping the about Peyton. champagne whenever the last I found myself in a quandary undefeated team falls. The because of my dislike of Patriots got close in ’07 but ironManning the quarterback and ically it was little brother Eli Manning the pitchman who is funny and downright likable. Over the years I’ve fun into Manning off the football field. I already talked about our time at the bar when he was in college and then the first year or two he was a pro he lived not far from me and we both ended up at the same sports bar on Sunday which is when I held court with my group of friends. For a while there somehow he was always parked in the space in front of me and we had adjoining booths. He laughed and carried on like every other 20-something. There was no entourage or ego like I have seen with lesser sports figures, especially local ones. He carried on as just a regular guy. Another thing that added to my dislike was Manning’s dad Archie for him basically telling the Chargers not to draft little brother Eli because hot only did he not want him to play there – he wouldn’t. Who the hell does dad think he is? You know what happened next. I have never cheered for the younger Manning once. Actually I have twice. Once in the 2008 Super Bowl when they kept the Patriots from going undefeated (My Miami bias here) and the second time the Giants met the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I hate the Patriots for many reasons and I will explain later because I’m hating on Manning now.

But I couldn’t shake my dislike for Peyton Manning the athlete. As long as I can remember the media has done nothing but sing his praises. He could do no

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Manning that ended that streak in the Super Bowl that featured one of the most improbable catches in football history. But thanks to coach Tony Dungy’s belief in resting his starters after clinching the top seed the Colts gave up a couple undefeated seasons late. And usually that spelled doom for the Colts in the playoffs. Despite making the playoffs every year with Dungy and Manning the team only made it to the big game once. And then the touchdown passing record… Being a lifelong Dolphins fan it is only natural to assume that Dan Marino is one of my favorite quarterbacks of all time. He is – next to Bob Griese. Manning broke Marino’s single season touchdown pass record of 48 by one in 2006. I’ve always hated Manning for that. Of course Tom Brady broke it the next year that I found odd pleasure in despite the fact I hate Brady and the Patriots more. I was always put off by the number of one-yard touchdown passes Manning threw that year. It was as if he was intentionally trying to pad his stats and set the record. If it wasn’t for his charismatic TV commercials who knows? I may have sent someone to break his legs by now. But by golly he’s so darned likeable. And then 2015 happened. The 2015 NFL season I swear was like living in a parallel universe. Out of nowhere, but I guess was bound to happen, Peyton Manning was no longer the NFL’s

golden child. Sports talking head after another, each game color analyst was critical of Manning’s play often citing his a liability. Imagine that. Who would have ever thought this would ever happen.

That being said Manning missed a good portion of the season with a foot injury. Osweiler took over and did something Manning always had difficulty doing – defeat Brady and the Patriots. He was the new golden child in For the first time since his rook- the Mile High City. But as the And they kept piling on him – ie season Manning threw more season winded down Manning over and over again week in interceptions than touchdowns. was reactivated and was relegated to backup – something he hadn’t been since the first part of his freshman year at UT. But as the season drew to a close he had to do what he did his freshman year at UT – replace an ineffective quarterback. The brain trust kept with Manning through the playoffs and they made it to the Super Bowl. Manning wasn’t great, as he became more of a game manager. He limited his mistakes and let the defense do its thing. Peyton finally made it back to the Super Bowl. And this time I was happy about it. different philosophy regarding the passing attack. At best Manning looked uncomfortable. It wasn’t the offense winning games and eventually the Super Bowl it was the defense.

week out. It got so bad I started feeling sorry for Peyton. Despite starting 6-0 sportswriters and analysts were calling for Manning to make room for Brock Osweiler the heir apparent in Denver.

The only times when Manning looked like his old self was during the two-minute drill where he called the plays and used the audible. On those drives it was a precision passing game and that missing “arm strength” seemed to be back in full force. And the Manning this past season did not Broncos scored. play like Peyton Manning; instead he looked like every For the first time in his life other run of the mill quarter- Peyton Manning was the underback. And there are some theo- dog. That is when I finally ries behind that. New coach became a fan of Manning the Gary Kubiak installed his offense quarterback. I hate the way taking the play calling out of sports pundits and our society as Manning’s hands. Kubiak’s a whole will treat someone as a offense was run first and a total golden child and once they aren’t as productive they get cast aside or verbally downtrodden by everyone. I actually cheered for Manning. I didn’t cheer for the Broncos per se as I hate the Broncos because of John Elway. Elway, I hate more than any other football player for many reasons and I did not want to see him hoist the Lombardi Trophy. My beef with Elway goes back to the ’83 draft when he basically told the Colts who had the number one pick not to draft him and if they did he would play baseball instead. Plus I think he was overrated. ENIGMA

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And while I hate the Broncos and well… you know my feelings about Manning, I hated the Carolina Panthers and Cam Newton. I’ve always called Newton the “best college quarterback money can buy” – just ask his dad. Newton is the antiManning. Where Manning is “aw shucks”, Newton is “look at me!” Basically an arrogant prick. No one in sports media will say it but I just did. Cam Newton is an arrogant prick on the field of play. Having fun playing the game is one thing but being a showboat and eventually as sore loser is another. I breathed a sigh of relief as the Broncos defeated Carolina. Manning was underwhelming again but was not a liability. As much as I disliked him as a player most of his career I enjoyed seeing him succeeding in what may be his last game. I was finally able to marry my like of Manning the individual with Manning the player. And when all is said and done it was a fairytale ending to a fairytale career.

- David N. Marks

After All These Years It Still Feels Like The First Time Foreigner’s Thom Gimbel Talks All Things Foreigner, Aerosmith, John Butcher Axis, Golf And More Tha t wa s a heck of a show. I It’s 2016 and a lot is going on. When we re y ou wi th the ba nd? When we re y ou wi th the ba nd?

There’s the presidential election and those born in 1995(!) at some point in the year will be old enough to legally buy their first beer. It also marks a milestone for the band Foreigner. The popular English/American rock band was formed 40 years ago. In 1977 they released their self-titled LP and the rest is history as they say. The band became a worldwide phenomenon and became a radio staple with one song after another charting. They came around at an interesting time in music as disco was king followed by punk and New Wave. However you cannot deny good music and quality songwriting as their 1981 album aptly titled “4” that spawned classics like “Urgent”, “Waiting For A Girl Like You” and “Jukebox Hero”. The band known for strong rock and roll songs, not buckling to trends still remain popular to this day. The band recently began an acoustic tour performing all their big songs unplugged. We recently caught up with multi-instrumentalist (rhythm guitar, flute, keyboards, backing vocals) Thom Gimbel to talk all things Foreigner and well as John Butcher Axis as well.

Tha t wa s a he ck of a show . I rreem meem mbbeerr yyoouu gg uuyyss ooppeenneedd tthhee w ,, tthheenn RRee dd RRyyddee rr aa nndd tthhee nn I started in ‘82/’83, somewhere in sshhoow there. And then we went to K Krrookkuuss.. O Off cc oouurrssee D Deeff LLeeppppaarrdd h h e e a a d d l l i i n n e e d d . . California to make the album. It was called Along the Axis. John

Yeah, I know what you mean. But we’re still around and John Butcher is such a tremendous talent. I really enjoyed those days. We had so much fun. It just keeps going on. As good as those days were these are even better. I’m pretty happy about the present.

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had signed a new record deal with Capitol Records. He previous label was Polygram. I made two albums with them under the name The John Butcher Axis. We were still The John Butcher Axis and then it became just John Butcher. Yeah, I’d say from ’82 to ’89. It was a long time.

Yeah, we still do shows with those guys [Def Leppard]. They are the greatest bunch of guys you’ll ever want to meet.

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II aacc ttuuaallllyy ssaaw w yy oouu iinn ccoonn cceerrtt bbaacc kk tthheenn w whheenn yyoouu gguuyyss w weerree (laughs) Wow! II ddii dd aa ll ii ttttll ee rree sseeaa rrcchh oonn yy oouu.. YYoouu oonn tthhee Deeff D LLee ppppaa rrdd’’ss weerree iinn JJoohhnn BBuuttcchheerr AAxx iiss?? w ““PP yyrroom maa nniiaa ”” ttoouurr.. IItt m muusstt hhaavv ee TThheeyy jjuusstt ddoonn’’ tt sseeeem m ttoo ppaacc kkaa ggee bbeeeenn 11998833 oo rr 11998844.. ttoouurrss llii kkee tthhee yy uussee dd ttoo bbaa cckk ii nn tthhee ddaa yy.. TThhaa tt’’ss ssoo uunn ffoorrttuunn aattee.. Yes. That’s awesome! ENIGMA

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Yes. I think everyone was. (laughs) They’ve been on the radio going back to the late ‘70s when “Feels Like the First Time” hit the airwaves in 1977. A lot of their songs I’ve always liked especially the song “That Was Yesterday”. It’s still one of my favorite Foreigner songs – the lyrics, the melody – everything about it. It just gets me. I definitely loved their music. Mick Jones’ guitar playing - his hands were like a flamenco. The picking – I always loved that. I’ve always been a fan of good rhythm guitar music going back to the Beatles and Elvis Presley – the way they played rhythm guitar. It was like a drum but it had chords. Mick Jones is one of the premier rhythm guitarists you’ll ever want to see – mostly interested in writing great music. I don’t think he set out to be a guitar hero. He wanted to be a songwriting rock band – a real music kind of performer and

m ee aa nndd writer. So yes, definitely I was a tthhee bbaannddss tthhaa tt hhaa vvee ccoom ggoonnee .. M M yy qquueessttiioonn iiss ttw woo ppaarrttss:: fan of him and Foreigner. IIss tthheerree aa ssoonngg yy oouu llooookk ffoo rrw waarrdd HHoow ww w eerree yyoo uu aabbll ee ttoo bbeeii nngg aa ffaann ttoo ppllaa yyii nngg?? A Anndd ii ss tthhee rree aa ssoonngg ooff tthhee bbaann dd aa nndd aa nn aacc ttuuaall m mee m m -- yyoouu ddoonn ’’tt lloooo kk ffoo rrw w aa rrdd ttoo ppll aa yy-bbeerr?? W Waa ss tthhaatt ddii ffffii ccuull tt?? iinn gg aann dd kkiinndd ooff rroollll yyoouurr eeyy eess whhee nn ii tt’’ss ttiim w mee ttoo ppll aayy ?? It might have been at first for me when I was working with Aerosmith. Those are sort of iconic figures. It’s always the same. Everyone is a celebrity until you realize they’re all normal humans – and they want you (laughs) I understand. (laughs) In to know that. You get used to it. this band there has never been a By the time I started to work with song that we’re rolling our eyes Foreigner you could balance that and thinking, “Oh, we’ve got to tremendous respect but also with play this song”. It never hapan understanding people are pens. They’re really top quality. people and they relate to you on I look forward to playing what a normal basis. They don’t want the next song is. I kind of look to be different and that’s some- forward to that. That’s the thing thing you’ll find consistently in about music. When we teach you celebrities. They’re just like you to read music we teach you to look ahead or what we call sightand me at the end of the day. reading. People that are really YYoouu gg uuyyss hhaa vvee aa vveerryy ssttrroonngg ccaa ttaa -- good at it – sight-reading are way lloogg w w iitthh ssoom mee ooff tthhee ggrreeaa ttee sstt ahead of what the hands, mind rroocckk ssoonnggss eevveerr aann dd ssttaanndd tthhee and body are playing. If you tteesstt ooff ttiim m ee ccoo m mppaarree dd ttoo aa ll oott ooff think about saxophone – your

mouth, your hands – everything is moving playing one section while you brain is reaching ahead. It’s like reading and looking ahead to the next chapter before you’re through with the one you’re reading. So that’s how you do it. When you’re playing

“When you learn music you learn a language.” live you’re thinking ahead a little bit so you don’t make any mistakes and forget what’s coming next. And that’s the way music is done primarily with people that don’t make mistakes. (both laugh) The only time I think about it is in golf. I’m into this golf world. In golf you cannot think ahead. It is the Golden Rule. If you’re thinking ahead you’re toast. IItt’’ss aa vvee rryy ddiissccii ppll iinnee dd ssppoorrtt.. Yeah it is. I think one of the reasons you’re tempted to think ahead at all is because of all that time. People talk about it in baseball and tennis where the ball is moving so fast and you have to react and rely on your reflexes. The reactions are everything you’ve trained – you just do it. In golf there’s so much thinking. The greatest champion Bobby Jones said golf is playing the six inches between your ears. That’s pretty heavy. Right? (both laugh) If you want to know what the difference in golf and music is one you can think ahead and one you cannot. With music half of your brain is fully engrossed in what you are doing. I try to put all my emotion and feeling what I’m singing and playing, but there’s part of the brain that slips ahead. You have to look down onto the set list to be ready for that next song. You have to look at the set list to keep on top of it.

yy oouu hhaa vvee aa pprreeffeerreennccee iinn w whhaa tt yy oouu lliikkee ppllaayy iinn gg?? I don’t think so. Singing I believe is the most natural of instruments most likely. Little kids start singing as soon as they have a voice. The other thing that they do is start shaking that rattle. I think drums and singing are the most natural of the instruments. But I love them all for different reasons. When we were talking about the rhythm guitar – I love that. I would say those two came very naturally. In fact everything did also. Playing guitar, strumming the chords can natural because of the drumming background. The saxophone because of singing, I had a background in singing and so I picked up the sax and I try playing it like I’m playing a horn instrument. The same with the flute. Yeah, it’s learning an instrument I’d say is like learning a language. When you learn music you learn a language. And all different instruments are like all different dialects – assets.

OOnn ee ooff yy oouurr ccoo nntteem mpp oorraa rriieess,, CChheeaapp TTrriicckk’’ss bbiigg ggeesstt sseelllleerr w waa ss aa bbaa llllaa dd cc aalllleedd ““TThhee FF llaam mee”” .. II rreeaa dd iinn iinn tteerrvv iieew w w w iitt hh RRii cckk N Niiee ll ssoonn tthhaa tt tt hhee ffiirrsstt tt iim mee hhee hheeaa rrdd aa rreeccoorrddiinngg ooff tthhee ssoonngg hhee hhaatteedd iitt,, rriippppeedd iitt oouutt ooff tt hhee cc aasssseetttt ee ddeecckk,, tt hhrreew w ii tt oo nn tthhee ff lloo oorr aa nn dd ssttoom mppee dd oonn iitt.. TTw w oo ooff yyoouurr bbiiggggeesstt cchhaa rrtt iinngg hhiittss aa rree bbaa llllaa ddss aa ss w w eell ll ,, ““W Waa ii ttiinn gg FF oorr A AG Gii rrll LL iikkee YYoouu”” aa nndd ““ II W Waa nntt ttoo K K nnoow wW Whhaa tt LLoovv ee IIss””.. DDoo yy oouu pprreeffeerr tthhee m moorree rroocckkiinngg ssoonn ggss ttoo bbaallllaa ddss?? DDoo yy oouu hhaa vvee aa pprreeffeerreenn ccee?? II m m eeaa nn,, II kknnoow w yyoouu ll oovvee aa llll tthhee ssoonngg ss..

Yeah, I don’t mind. I think of it as different gears of a Ferrari. (both laugh) A slower song might be a lower gear. While it might not be first gear, picture a Ferrari going up a mountain. Second gear might be “Waiting YYoouu’’rree aa m m uullttii--iinn ssttrruum meennttaa lliisstt.. For A Girl Like You”. Still a chart Diidd oonnee ooff tthheem D m ccoom m ee m moo rree nnaa tt-- topping song. I think it ended up uurraa llll yy ttoo yy oouu tthhaa nn ootthhee rrss?? D Doo at number two on the interna-

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ppeeooppllee ssaaw w yy oouu cc oom miinn gg ddoo w wnn tthhee ccoo uurrssee ppeeooppllee m maayy hhaavv ee ddoonnee aa ddoouubbllee ttaa kkee??

tional charts. It was a huge hit song. Anyone that writes songs can only dream about having a hit song. “I Want to Know What Love Is” was a number one song around the world. That’s just about as big as it gets. I love playing that song. I love seeing the looks on people’s faces and the chords – just wonderful chords, the structures inside the music. That’s part of the reason I love music so much. It’s not your traditional rock fare with typical chord structures and complex harmonies. Mick Jones, he’s got a lot to say when it comes to songwriting.

(laughs) I’ll have to think about that for a second. I used to have a game with one of the Long Drive champions in California. There was Pat Dempsey whose brother Rick was the catcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers. He’s a long drive champion and I got to meet him. We go out sometimes and he’ll hit the ball 375 yards to 400. You watch it and it’s like watching the fireworks or something. (laughs) I just hit the ball a couple of hundred yards, “yeah, there it goes”. I’ll take two shots to get where his one was. (laughs)

YYoouu gg uuyyss aa rree ddooiinngg aann aa ccoouusstt iicc ttoouurr nnoow w.. W Whhaa tt pprreepp ddiidd yyoouu gguuyy ss tthhrroouugghh ttoo rreeiinntteerrpprreett tthhee ssoonnggss aacc oouussttiiccaa llllyy ?? It kind of happened naturally over time. We started doing acoustic shows four or five years ago. It started off by playing in radio station events where you’re just sitting there with a few acoustic guitars. And actually this music sits well on any instrument. So it wasn’t that much of a challenge because the music is so inherently well constructed. The words, the chords, the melody is just right. You can play them on almost any instrument. And it works really, really well. We have a lot of fun doing that. When we first did the acoustic album Acoustique we were in the studio and that was a ton of fun because we were like putting different spices in a

PUZZLE ANSWERS

IIss tthheerree aa ttoow wnn yy oouu llooookk ffoorrw waa rrdd ttoo ppllaa yyiinngg bbaa sseedd oonn tthhee gg oollff ccoo uurrsseess aa vvaa iillaa bbllee??

recipe. You put a little tambourine in there, I added a little saxophone and we went off and had so much fun. In general it was a long process that happened very organically.

YYoouu’’vvee bbeeeenn w wiitthh FF oorreeiiggnneerr ffoorr oovveerr 2200 yy eeaarrss nn oow w.. 2200 1166 aa ccttuuaallllyy maarrkkss tthhee 44 00tthh yyee aarr ssii nnccee tthhee m bbaann dd’’ss iinncceeppttiioonn.. W W hhaatt aa rree yyoo uurr tthhoouugghhttss w whhee nn yyoouu tthhii nnkk aa bboouutt mii llee ssttoonnee ss ll ii kkee tthhaatt ?? m I feel just delighted. It’s an honor and a privilege to be working with Foreigner as long as I have. It’s music that stands up really well over the decades. The quality has always been there and it will always find a home. Our audience is expanding all the time and I feel very fortunate to be a part of it. ENIGMA

IIss tthheerree aa ppaa rrtt iiccuullaa rr ssoonngg iinn yyoouurr ccaattaa lloogg yy oouu hheeaa rr ppeeooppllee yyeelllliinn gg ffoorr m moosstt?? Well, there are a couple of songs people will yell out for. They definitely want to hear “Jukebox Hero” and “Hot Blooded”. It’s kind of a compliment really when people are anxious for us to get to their favorite song. We hope we get to that song as quickly as possible and make everyone happy.

That’s a good question. I never thought about it. I’m always happy to play in any town. I’m happy to play at any course. It can be a golf course next to a freeway as long as there’s grass to put the tee in the ground and hit the ball off the green and I’ll be very happy. I have no real preference. I could pick any part of the country and there are beautiful golf courses. We’re living in a wonderful time where you can go to Anytown USA and find an amazing golf course a very short distance out of town or in town.

II’’dd ppeerrssoo nnaallllyy lliikkee ttoo tthhaa nnkk yy oouu ffoorr tthhee ggrreeaa tt m m uussiicc yy oouu gg uuyyss hhaa vvee ppuutt oouutt oovv eerr tthhee yyeeaa rrss.. IItt’’ss bbeeeenn aa ppaa rrtt ooff m myy ssoouunnddttrraacc kk aann dd hhooppee yyoouu gguuyy ss kkeeeepp iitt uupp..

LLeett’’ss ttaallkk gg oollff ffoorr aa m miinnuuttee.. IIff Thanks man, I appreciate that. I yyoouu ddoonn’’tt m miinn dd m mee aasskkiinn gg;; w whhaa tt’’ss feel the same way. I feel very grateful for the fantastic body of yyoouurr hhaa nnddiiccaa pp?? work Mick Jones has created and Right now I pretty rusty. I think it’s a pleasure to be propagating. As long as they’re there we’ll be right around a seven. there. Whhaatt ii ss tthhee m W moosstt ssuurrrree aall ffoouurr-ssoom m ee yy oouu ppll aayy eedd iinn tthhaatt w w hhee nn - Dave Weinthal

MARCH 2016

RRU UM MOOUURR HHAA SS IITT… … …RRoo bbeerrtt PPllaanntt apparently offered to sack LLeedd ZZeeppppeelliinn bassist JJoohhnn PPaauull JJoo nneess and replace him with TT hhee RRuunn aaw waayyss’’ LLiittaa FF oorrdd . The guitarist claims in her new memoir Living Like A Runaway that the frontman made the approach after a RR uunnaaw waayy ss gig in Los Angeles in 1975. “[He] asked me if I could play bass,” Consequence

Of Sound reports that she wrote. “For who?’ I asked. ‘‘LLeedd ZZeepp.’ He might have been drinking or pulling my leg, but he seemed to be dead serious in the –moment.” FFoorrdd never heard back from PPllaanntt, but JJoonneess did leave LLeedd ZZ eepp ppeelliinn around the same time. …EEllttoonn JJoohhnn has criticized JJaanneett JJaacckkssoonn for miming at her concerts, saying that he would “rather go and see a drag queen”. JJoohhnn has long been critical of lip-syncing, having taken

Maaddoonnnn aa back in 2004 a pop at M by saying: “Anyone who lipsyncs in public on stage when you pay £75 to see them should be shot”. Speaking recently to Rolling Stone, JJoohhnn reflected on his past comments by saying: “I say what I feel. I probably went Maaddoonnnn aa, and I got too far with M very personal and I wrote [to] her – she was very gracious.” However, JJoohhnn says he still has an issue with miming: “You know, f**king music magazines writing a review of JJ aann eett JJaacckkssoo nn saying, ‘This is the greatest show – four and a half stars.’ It’s f**king lip-synced! Hello! That’s not a show! I’d rather go and see a drag queen. F**k off.” …Live Nation reported a record 2015, as it released calendar year and fourth quarter financial results Feb. 25, with annual revenue up 11 percent to $7.6 billion at constant currency and concert attendance up 8 percent to 63 million. The concert promoter and e-commerce giant posted ticketing revenue of $1.74 billion in the period, beating forecasts by Zacks Investment Research analysts who expected revenue of $1.71 billion. But there were operating costs, too, that came to bear in the fourth quarter as the company reported an operating loss of $78.3 million and missed Wall Street prognostications of a 27cent-per-share loss. The actual loss was 47 cents on a per-share basis. Ticketmaster also reported a record 2015, with its gross transaction value up 12 percent

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at constant currency, and record ticket volume of 530 million. Live Nation Concerts promoted some 25,000 performances, up 12 percent from 2014, with 13 new artists from the previous year among its top 20 selling artists. But it also posted a $10.4 million operating loss, although it was much reduced from operational losses of $19.5 million in 2014. The company also notes that Artist Nation, its management and artist services unit, benefited from more shows and higher management fees for the year, posting 13 percent growth. …The lead singer of the Irish rock band TThhee CCrraannbbeerrrriieess has been fined ¤6,000 ($6,600) for an air-rage incident on a flight from New York to Ireland. DDoo lloorreess OO ’’RRiioo rrddaann avoided a criminal conviction Wednesday. The 44-year-old had pleaded guilty in December to assaulting three policemen and a flight attendant during an alleged psychotic episode last year. She was arrested at Shannon Airport in Ireland after the flight in November 2014. Police said she spat in their faces, head-butted one and kicked the others. Medical records given to the court indicated she was mentally ill at the time of the altercation. singer …PPaarraam moo rree Haayylleeyy W H Wiilllliiaam mss and N Neew w FFoouunn dd Glloorryy guitarist CChhaadd GGiillbb eerrtt marG ried Saturday in a pop-punk

styled ceremony in Tennessee with the bride donning a Vera Wang gown with Doc Marten boots and a doughnut wedding cake. The two musicians had the ceremony in Franklin, Tennessee, a suburb of Nashville, at the Franklin Theatre surrounded by family, friends and bandmates, according to a statement from Atlantic Records. Their three-tier cake was made by a local bakery that crafted it from 100 doughnuts and the reception was held at Puckett’s Grocery and Restaurant. …CCaannddlleebboo xx has locked down a one-month road trip in support of its new album coming out in the spring. The tour takes off with an April 1 gig in Louisville and includes Dallas, San Francisco, Denver, Nashville

and Cincinnati among the destinations. The band’s sixth album, Disappearing In Airports, arrives April 22 through Pavement Entertainment. Pre-ordering the LP via iTunes results in instant gratification downloads of “Vexatious” and “Supernova.” …You can forget about experiencing the first ever Dega Jam, planned for July 1-3 at the Talladega Superspeedway in Talladega, Ala., and featuring TToobbyy KKeeiitthh, HHaannkk W Wiilllliiaam mss JJrr.., and BBllaakkee SShheelltt oonn. AEG Live, Festival Productions and the Superspeedway were the companies behind Dega Jam. So far, no official reason has been given but organizers did post a message on the festival’s website saying there was “tremendous enthusiasm” for the event.

…When inspiration strikes, you have to act. That is CCiiaarraa’’ss logic, anyway, for canceling this spring’s North American leg of her Jackie tour, which was to kick off March 30 in Anaheim, California. While she announced these 18 dates back in November, CCiiaarraa says that she has since started working on her eighth album, to where she doesn’t want to stop just yet. “I’m currently in the process of making the best album of my career!” she says on Facebook. “I want to give all of you an incredible show… A show that you deserve! Therefore, I gotta stay focused in the studio and commit myself to this new music.” Ticketmaster says that these dates have been canceled and ticket sales will be refunded. Gaatteess doesn’t …BBiillll G appear to a fan of BBeeyy oonnccee’’ss shout out. America’s richest man thought it was “kind of strange” that the Queen B referred to Gaatteess in herself as “a black BBiillll G the making.” in her single “Formation”. …In a recently published excerpt of G Grraacc ee JJoonneess’’ upcoming memoir (cheekily titled I’ll Never Write My Memoirs), the legendary musician shares her criticisms of today’s current pop stars, asserting that many of them attempt to claim originality and subversiveness, while really only copying her style and playing it safe. If you know any truths, halftruths or outright lies about the music and club scene send it in to Sissy Vance c/o rumoursmill@enigmaonline.com

- Sissy Vance

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1. Widespread Panic 2. David Bowie 3. Elle KIng 4. Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals 5. Cage the Elephant 6. Kurt Vile 7. Leon Bridges 8. Jason Isbell 9. Grace Potter 10. Ray LaMontagne 11. Bonnie Raitt 12. Shearwater 13. Lukas Graham 14. Dr. Dog 15. Cheap Trick 16. Adele 17. Wild Feathers 18. PJ Harvey 19. Iggy Pop 20. Andre Bird

ADVENTURE PICKS 1. M Ward 2. Death Cab for Cutie 3. Graham Nash

Springfield. Their stay on the Rock music scene would only last a couple of years before the group would fragment. Stills teamed up with David Crosby of The Byrds and Graham Nash of The Hollies to form Crosby, Stills and Nash, while Young released several solo projects before joining them. Furay got together with Jim Messina and Randy Meisner to create Poco in 1968. Palmer dropped out of the lime light while Martin toured as Buffalo Springfield with fill-in musicians.

11 9955 55 Sam Phillips launches Sun Records by releasing “Drivin’ Slow” by 16-yearold saxophonist Johnny London. Bo Diddley has his first recording session at Universal Recording Studio in Chicago, where he lays down “Bo Diddley”, which will top the Billboard R&B chart by the following June. Even though the song didn’t crack the Hot 100, it was added in 2012 to the Library of Congress’s National Recording Registry list of “culturally, historically, or aesthetically important” American sound recordings. Carl Perkins becomes the first Country artist to have a hit on the Billboard R&B chart when his “Blue Suede Shoes” makes the list. 1199 5566 Elvis Presley makes his first appearance on the Billboard charts when “Heartbreak Hotel” debuts at #68. Although many staff members at RCA Victor believed that the release was a mistake, the song would rise to #1 on the US Pop chart for 8 weeks and spend 17 weeks at the top of the Country chart. “Heartbreak Hotel” would later be ranked #45 on Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

The Jeff Beck group, featuring a virtually unknown singer named Rod 119955 99 Stewart, along with bass player Ron The Drifters, with new lead vocalist Wood and drummer Aynsley Dunbar, Ben E. King, record their break- make their debut in London, England. through hit, “There Goes My Baby”, at Atlantic’s studios in New York. The John Lennon caused a major stir in song will become the group’s first of the United States when London’s 16 Billboard Top 40 hits. Evening Standard newspaper published an interview with him in which 119966 33 he remarked, “Christianity will go. It The Four Seasons score their third will vanish and shrink. I needn’t consecutive Billboard #1 with “Walk argue that. I’m right and will be Like A Man”. It made #12 in the UK. proved right. We’re more popular During the recording session, the than Jesus right now.” Lennon would room directly above the studio later apologize, explaining that what caught fire, and smoke and water he meant was “the way some people began pouring in. Producer Bob carry on, (screaming at their conCrewe was so intent on finishing the certs) you’d think we were more popproduction that he blocked the studio door and continued recording until firemen broke the door down. Patsy Cline was killed when her private plane crashed near Camden, Tennessee. Most often remembered for her hits, “Crazy”, “Walkin’ After Midnight”, “I Fall To Pieces” and “She’s Got You”, Cline’s Greatest Hits L.P. has sold over eight million copies, making it the largest selling female Country album of all time, until Shania Twain came along. The Beatles recorded “From Me To You” at Abbey Road Studios in London. The song had just been written by John and Paul a few days earlier while riding a train during a tour with Helen Shapiro and was one of the last to be credited to McCartney / Lennon. Nine days later it will reach number one in the UK and stay on the chart for twenty-one weeks.

11 9955 77 The Everly Brothers record “Bye Bye Love”, a teen-age love song that was written by 37-year-old Boudleaux Bryant and his 31-year-old wife, Felice. Although nearly 30 other artists turned the song down, The 119966 55 Everly’s version will rise to #2 in the The Mannish Boys, featuring a young US and #6 in the UK by next May. David Bowie, released their debut The head of the Catholic archdiocese single “I Pity The Fool”. of Chicago, Samuel Cardinal Strich, bans Rock ‘n’ Roll from Catholic The Temptations went to #1 on the US schools in his district, saying “When singles chart with the Smokey our schools and centers stoop to such Robinson penned “My Girl”, making things as Rock And Roll tribal the group the first male act to have a rhythms, they are failing seriously in chart topper for Motown Records. their duty.” A week after his remarks, The single reached #43 in the UK. a survey of record retailers, distribu11 996666 tors and disc jockeys revealed that the Cardinal’s words had no affect on Stephen Stills, Neil Young, Richie Furay, Bruce Palmer and Dewey Rock record sales in the area. Martin created the group, Buffalo ENIGMA

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ular than Jesus Christ”. Thousands of Beatle records were smashed at mass rallies and some radio stations quit playing their songs altogether. John’s apology was eventually accepted by most and time has healed most wounds. Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler’s “The Ballad of the Green Berets” topped the Hot 100, selling more than two million copies in the first two weeks after its release. It made #24 in the UK. His follow up single, “The ATeam”, would peak at #28 the following May. Instead of pursuing a music career, Sadler began writing a series of successful military novels called Casca, which were later written by a series of ghost writers using his name. 119966 88 Elton John’s first record, “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” was released in the UK by Philips Records. It failed to chart and the label would drop him the following year. 11 997700 Charles Manson releases an album called “Lie” to help raise money for his defense in the Tate-LeBianca murder trial. The album jacket is made to

look like a cover of Life magazine with the letter f removed from the word Life. In the mid sixties, Manson had been a wanna-be musician who befriended Beach Boys’ drummer Dennis Wilson, eventually talking the group into recording one of his songs, “Cease To Exist”. The title was changed to “Never Learn Not To Love” and was released as the “B” side of the single “Bluebirds Over The Mountain”, which eventually climbed to number 61 in the US in early 1969, giving Manson a hit record on Billboard’s Hot 100. 11 997722 Badfinger receive a Gold record for the Billboard #4 hit, “Day After Day”. The song featured George Harrison on guitar and Leon Russell on piano. 1973 A song from the movie Deliverance called “Dueling Banjos” by Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandel becomes one of the few 1970s instrumentals to be awarded a Gold record. The record had topped the Cash Box Magazine Best Sellers list and reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100.

two number ones. “Love Machine” Rounding out their Top Ten were (#2) made it to #3 in the UK. “White Christmas by Bing Crosby, (#3) “This Land Is Your Land” by Woody 11 997777 Guthrie, (#4) “Respect” by Aretha Manfred Mann earns a Gold record Franklin, (#5) “American Pie” by Don for “Blinded by the Light,” a song McLean, (#6) “Boogie Woogie Bugle written by Bruce Springsteen. It was Boy” by The Andrews Sisters, (#7) their first US number one record “West Side Story” (album) by the origsince “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” thirteen inal cast, (#8) “Take Me Out To The years earlier. Ball Game” by Billy Murray, (#9) “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” by 119977 88 The Righteous Brothers, and (#10) The US internal Revenue Service car- “The Entertainer” by Scott Joplin. ried out a dawn raid at the home of Jerry Lee Lewis and removed cars 2200 0077 worth over $170,000, to pay off his According to Dr. Bill Bass, a forensic anthropologist hired by the son of back taxes. J.P. Richardson, The Big Bopper suf119988 22 fered massive fractures and likely John Belushi died of a drug overdose died immediately in the 1959 plane at the age of 33. He and Dan Aykroyd crash that also killed Buddy Holly and had a hit record as The Blues Ritchie Valens. Jay Richardson had Brothers in 1978 with a remake of the hired Dr. Bass of the University of Sam And Dave classic, “Soul Man”, Tennessee to look into rumors that a while their album “Briefcase Full of gun may have been fired on board Blues” reached #1 on the Billboard the plane and that the Big Bopper 200, going double Platinum. might have survived the crash and died while trying to get help. Dr. Bass’ 119988 33 report says that those rumors are Sony, Philips and Polygram introduce groundless. “There was no indication a revolutionary new digital audio sys- of foul play. [He] died immediately. tem called a Compact Disc, that con- He didn’t crawl away.” Jay tains up to 1 hour of uninterrupted Richardson was pleased with the music. findings, saying “I was hoping to put the rumors to rest.” A member of a motorcycle gang tells a US Senate Judiciary hearing that his Led Zeppelin was named as “the most friends have a contract out on The Rolling Stones’ Mick Jagger and that two assassination attempts have already failed.

11 997744 Terry Jacks, who had left The Poppy Family in 1970, had the top song in the US with “Season’s In The Sun”. The tune was originally written in French, titled “Le Moribund” (“The Dying Man”) and recorded as an album cut by The Kingston Trio. It was recommended by Jacks to The Beach Boys, who did record it, but 119988 44 declined to release it. Their decision worked out well for Jacks, who sold Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” LP over eleven and a half million copies becomes the first album to reap seven Billboard Top Ten hits when of the record. the title track reaches #4. 11 997755 119999 44 Olivia Newton John wins Grammy Awards for Best Female Pop Vocal Grace Slick is arrested for pointing a Performance as well as Record of the shotgun at police in her Tiburon, CA Year for “I Honestly Love You”. The home. In June, she would be senAlbum of the Year honors go to Stevie tenced to 200 hours of community Wonder for “Fulfillingness’ First service and three month’s worth of Finale” (he also wins Best Male Pop Alcoholic’s Anonymous meetings. Vocal Performance). The Song Of The 11 999999 Year is Barbra Streisand’s “The Way Dusty Springfield died of breast canWe Were”. cer at the age of 59, after a five year The Eagles had their first million sell- battle. She would be inducted into er and first number one record in the the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame less US when “Best of My Love” reached than two weeks after she passed the top of the Billboard chart. “Take away, having placed 18 singles in the It Easy” had made it to number 12, Billboard Hot 100 from 1964 to 1970. “Witchy Woman” reached number 9, 22 00 0011 “Peaceful Easy Feeling” hit number 22 and “Already Gone” stalled at number Glenn Hughes of Village People died of lung cancer at the age of 50. He 32. was buried in his leather biker outfit. 1199 7766 After placing 28 songs in the Top 40 The Recording Industry of America of Billboard’s Pop chart, The Miracles and the National Endowment for the make the list for the last time when Arts announced that Judy Garland’s “Love Machine” went to the top. Their “Over The Rainbow” had been selectrun included seven Top 10 hits and ed as their Song Of The Century. ENIGMA

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bootlegged band” when 422 illegal albums were counted. The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan and The Beatles were next in line with over 350 unauthorized titles available. 22 00 1122 Funeral services were held for Davy Jones at Holy Cross Catholic parish in Indiantown, Florida. The three surviving Monkees, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz, did not attend so as not to draw more attention to the grieving family. Instead, they attended memorial services in New York City as well as organising their own private memorial in Los Angeles along with Jones’s family and close friends. Sales of albums by The Monkees soared following the death of singer Davy Jones. “Best Of The Monkees” re-entered the Billboard album chart at #20 with sales of over 17,000 units, followed by “Flashback With the Monkees”, coming in at #125, selling over 5,000 copies. 22 0011 55 Daryl Hall and John Oates confirmed that they were suing cereal maker Early Bird Foods & Co. over the company’s use of the name Haulin’ Oates for their granola bars.