Foreword
“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” - Washington Irving If you can't find me, loveliest of all women, it's all right. Stay with your flocks. Lead your lambs to good pasture. Stay with your shepherd neighbors. You remind me of Pharaoh's well-groomed and satiny mares. Pendant earrings line the elegance of your cheeks; strands of jewels illumine the curve of your throat. I'm making jewelry for you, gold and silver jewelry that will mark and accent your beauty. Oh, my dear friend! You're so beautiful! And your eyes so beautiful—like doves! Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove— leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing. (Song of Solomon 1:8-11;15 to 2:10-14 MSG)
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“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.� - Washington Irving
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If you can't find me, loveliest of all women, it's all right. Stay with your flocks. Lead your lambs to good pasture. Stay with your shepherd neighbours. You remind me of Pharaoh's well-groomed and satiny mares. Pendant earrings line the elegance of your cheeks; strands of jewels illumine the curve of your throat. I'm making jewellery for you, gold and silver jewellery that will mark and accent your beauty. Oh, my dear friend! You're so beautiful! And your eyes so beautiful— like doves! Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove—leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing. (Song of Solomon 1:8-11;15 to 2:10-14 MSG)
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Introduction
As a woman living in the 21st century, you are bombarded with mixed messages from the media about how a woman is to behave. You have groups like Destiny's Child telling you to be an independent woman who does not really need a man in her life and in the next breath telling you to cater for your man. Then the American comedian Steve Harvey tells you to act like a lady, but think like a man. With all of these mixed messages, it is hard for women to know what to do. For the woman who wants it all, knowing exactly how to behave becomes even more confusing. Why is this so, when there are numerous resources that give great advice as to how a woman is to behave? There are two parts to this problem. One reason is that in the wake of modernisation, the feminist movement and the media, today's woman faces new challenges that were not considered problems in times past. The other reason is that some of today's women have as role models, celebrities that give a negative portrayal of who a woman should be. This practice is ineffective as these role models cannot mirror admirable examples of women. In essence, the 13
blind have been leading the blind. With so many decades of this practice of the "the blind leading the blind" it is no wonder women are confused. Most alarming is the fact that a lot of women are not fulfilled. Single women do not know how to be single and fulfilled nor do married women know how to be married and fulfilled. With all of the advancements the modern woman has made, why is fulfilment so hard to attain? To put it more directly, why are some women not whole? If a woman is not whole, how can she be the force God intended her to be in a marriage? This book hopes to address: 1.The necessity of why women need to be whole both before, during and (where applicable) after marriage. 2.The Godly role model of women presented in the book of Esther. The things women need to understand about men to help build better, Godly relationships with them both outside of and within holy matrimony.
These three topics will be the backdrop to the greatest work of love poetry, The Song of Solomon. Women pay attention to the way the Kinggroom expresses his love, admiration and adoration for his bride. If you are
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currently in a relationship, are married or are still unattached, keep his expressions of love in your thoughts as you read this book and ask yourself two questions: 1.Am I the type of woman worthy of such expressions? 2.Is my fiancĂŠ or husband showing me such expressions of his love for me?
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CHAPTER IV: Men are Driven By a Need for Respect
Now that you know, what it takes to be a whole woman the next step is to find out what is in a man’s mind. By now, you already have heard the saying “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” This saying illustrates the way that men and women act, think and perceive things differently. Women are nurturers at heart and feel love will conquer all and that love is all that is needed. However, this is not always the case, especially when it comes to men. Where the need to love and be loved is a powerful driving force within females, males are driven by another – respect. For a man, respect is the underlying motivator for a majority of his actions. Men will choose a certain career because it will bring him a level of power and respect. A man will choose a particular woman because she will bring him respect and admiration from his peers and family (maybe). The
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kind of home he lives in, the way it is decorated, the places he eats, the car he drives, and more are all driven by the need to be respected. On an unconscious level, women are in tune to this because women respond to the good paying job, nice home and flashy car. A panel discussion concerning successful women and their struggles in finding a mate discussed the matter of respect. Two members of the discussion AfricanAmerican actor Hill Harper and African-American comedian and co-Host of ABC’s The View, Sherri Shepherd recounted an encounter they had before either of them became famous. Mr. Harper remembered an incident at a Taco Bell restaurant where he walked in and he overheard Ms. Shepherd discussing him with her female friend. She took note that Hill was an attractive man but dismissed him because she did not see him pull up in a car.
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Points to Ponder
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Do you currently respect the men in your life?
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Have you ever disrespected your mate in public? Using this chapter as your guide, how would you have done things differently?
3.
In what ways can you show more love, caring, honesty and openness in your romantic relationship or marriage?
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CHAPTER VII: Men Want Sex (... and So Do Women)
The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges—stirrings of desire, longings for the heights—remind me of you, and I'm spoiled for anyone else! Your beauty, within and without, is absolute, dear lover, close companion. You are tall and supple, like the palm tree, and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me, your breath clean and cool like fresh mint, your tongue and lips like the best wine. (Song of Solomon 7:6-9 MSG) It is commonly thought that men want sex more than women do. However, research has shown that both men and women want sex equally. However, the thing that sets men and women apart when it comes to sex, making it seem like men want sex more is that women prefer quality over quantity. On the contrary, men prefer quantity.
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CHAPTER VIII: Men Are Visual Beings
Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet, and queenly your movement— Your limbs are lithe and elegant, the work of a master artist. Your body is a chalice, wine-filled. Your skin is silken and tawny like a field of wheat touched by the breeze. Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender. Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery. Quintessentially feminine! Your profile turns all heads, commanding attention. (Song of Solomon 7:1-5 MSG)
Women, now it is time for a reality check. Your boyfriend or husband may have fallen in love with your character and personality but he fell for your looks first. It does not matter if you are short, tall, thin, plus-sized, hourglass shaped or straight like a ruler, if your husband or boyfriend likes
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the way you look now, this is how he wants you to remain, within reason. Not all men are into the Victoria Secret model type. There are men who like women with curves, but who are not overweight. There are men who love overweight, plus-sized women. The list can go and on, so if your boyfriend or husband is in love with you, know he loved the way you looked first and is happy with your looks the way they are.
Keep Your Appearance Up
Women, when you let your looks go, your husband will compare you to other women. If you were always dressed well, with your hair styled, smelling good with sweet perfume and were confident in your looks your husband expects for this continue. Realize that while your husband is at work he is seeing female co-workers dressed to kill. Every detail of their appearance is put together nicely. Then he comes home to find you in a worn flannel nightgown, a scarf on your head and slippers with crusty feet he is only going to compare you with the women on his job.
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