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December 2016
Epoch Times
December 2016
Epoch Times
Compassion and Kindness – Why They Matter Continued from the previous page In fact, relationships with co-workers has a greater say in job commitment than the pay factor, as revealed in a study by Association of Accounting Technicians (AAT) in UK. In another study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University, it uncovers that most employees actually respect their leaders when they are touched by their compassion or kindness. In congruence with the aforementioned claims is the 2015 National Values Assessment, conducted by aAdvantage Consulting Group and UK’s Barrett Values Centre. The assessment polled 2,000 Singapore citizens and permanent residents, and found that respondents selected values related to a compassionate culture, such as employee recognition, caring, respect and teamwork as their desired workplace. Adam Grant, Professor at the Wharton Business School, elucidated in his best-selling book ‘Give and Take’ that ‘givers’ are more well-liked and appreciated and thus, more influential. Conversely, he mentioned, leaders who exhibit anger will lose the loyalty in their employees. Authoritative styles of leadership may get result in the short-term, but “creating an environment where there is fear, anxiety and lack of trust makes people shut down. If people have fear and anxiety, we know from neuroscience that their threat response is engaged, their cognitive control is impacted. As a consequence, their productivity and creativity diminish,” Dr. James Doty, Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, told Harvard Business Review. On the other hand, employees were 40% less likely to suffer heart problems if they had worked with kind leaders, and they were 60% more likely to contract a heart attack if they were under the supervision of an inconsiderate, and uncommunicative managers, according to Swedish researchers at the Stress Institute in Stockholm, who have published their findings in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine. Christina Boedker of the Australian School of Business contended that leaders who devote their time developing and recognising people were on the ladder to success. Geoff Aigner, Director of Social Leadership Australia also avowed that good management is ultimately an act of compassion in his book ‘Leadership Beyond Good Intentions: What It Takes To Really Make a Difference. Back home, Singaporean Tan ChadeMeng, one of Google’s earliest engineers enthused about the importance of compassion in the workplace in a Straits Times article entitled ‘The wisdom of creating a ‘jolly good’ workplace’. “Top managers who care about their people and show their affection are nice people, so they are loved by people working for them. In general, the more you love your managers, the harder you work for them,” he was quoted as saying. Given all these unexpectedly findings and benefits, isn’t it time to rethink our leadership styles, and start embracing compassion and kindness in our workplace as “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle,” said Plato (428 BC - 348 BC), one of the famous students of Socrates.
Compassion and Kindness – Why They Matter
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makes our children unhappy. For example, when they quit a team, we should ask if they have rendered all their obligations to the team. 2. P rovide opportunities to care and show gratitude When opportunities to care are presented in everyday life, it forms in children a routine to care. Soon, it will be second nature. Caring does not need to take place solely outside the house. It can be as simple as helping with household chores. Then, at the end of the day, it is important to reinforce these actions by talking to your children to understand whom they have showed care for or expressed gratitude to during the day.
Teaching Our Young to Be Kind We are often selective in showing kindness; we only want to be kind to those who show us kindness. However, if everyone expects to receive kindness first, then there would not be any kindness left. Thus, it is crucial for us to treat everyone with kindness, regardless of the other party’s actions. In educating our children, some of us who are more ‘kiasu’ might teach them to be ‘smart’ in pursuing self-interest to not lose out in this competitive society. “Inform your teachers when someone bullies you,” we might say. Gradually, the child might be inclined to take advantage of others and become increasingly selfish and self-centred. In actuality, a lot of the selfishness that we see in society today could possibly be attributed to early childhood education by parents. Commonly, we see that a child’s emotions and needs are the top priorities of the parent. This is especially apparent in affluent societies where parents have the resources to provide for their children, resulting in many children growing up feeling that their emotions and needs are of utmost priority and outweigh that of others. This is especially so in this results-driven, meritocratic society that we live in. According to HSBC’s Value of Education survey, parents in Singapore have placed their children’s education as the top priority and 52% of them are willing to go into debt to fund their children’s university education. Here, parents often place greater emphasis on academic results, asking their child how they have fared in an examination as compared to their peers. Such discussions take place more often, as compared to questions like, “Have you done a good deed for someone else today?”
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The smartest kids, they work so hard in all these classes and they don’t have a lot of time along the way to build their emotional or character competencies. Kids who are competent, but don’t have character, are dangerous. Houston Kraft, professional speaker, leadership consultant and kindness advocate
But as opposed to what many think, possessing selfishness destroys relationships, be it among family members or colleagues, whereas kindness and being able to empathise with the emotions and thoughts of others are key formulae for healthy relationships. As mentioned earlier, compassion and kindness are the best-kept secrets to successful leadership, health and happiness. The Dalai Lama shared: “I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness and greed.” “The smartest kids, they work so hard in all these classes and they don’t have a lot of time along the way to build their emotional or character competencies. Kids who are competent, but don’t have character, are dangerous,” Houston Kraft, a professional speaker, leadership consultant, and kindness advocate, told New York Epoch Times. “Compassion plus kindness—that’s the winning mixture. That’s what makes the world a better place,” he added. So how can parents incorporate the values of kindness and compassion into their parenting? Listed below is a 5-step approach recommended by Richard Weissbourd, a Harvard psychologist: 1. Make caring a priority Instead of making our children’s needs the top priority, we should focus more on how they have met someone else’s needs, and teach them about their responsibilities to others. This would mean their obligations must be fulfilled even if it
3. Enlarge their circle of concern Many times, children do not show concern for others as they have taken the service rendered to them for granted. Thus, it is important to make children feel grateful and blessed for everything that they have received, which includes being thankful for seemingly simple acts like being waited upon by a waitress. This would in turn make them understand and feel the hardship that others are facing. 4. B e a role model As they always say, “kindness begins at home”. Children are impressionable and will imitate their parents. Their first words are usually common words spoken by their parents. Likewise, they will observe and imitate their parents’ behaviour in different situations. If they observe a parent being rude to a waitress, they will think it is acceptable to be rude to service staff. It is thus important for us to practice what we preach. Another way is to pose dilemmas or seize learning opportunities in situations where an unkind act is being presented. For example, if you are watching a movie where a character is being unkind, pose your child probing questions like “how do you think this makes the person feel?” This would make your child put him/herself in other’s shoes. 5. Managing negative emotions The willingness to help and care is often overcome by negative emo-
Courtesy of Ang Kok Kiong
Courtesy of Elson Soh
Promoting Volunteerism Ang Kok Kiong, an undergraduate doctor at International Medical University, conducts free health screenings for villagers in a rural area of Burma, Myanmar. tions. We need to teach our kids to recognise that these emotions are normal and should not affect our interactions with others. Other than the aforementioned strategies, getting your kids involved in voluntary projects is one of many meaningful and priceless ways to foster compassion and kindness in them. “I feel that it is good to inculcate the spirit of voluntarism from young where parents can bring their families out for small voluntary projects such as fundraising events and slowly increase their exposure to more extensive voluntary projects,” opined Ang Kok Kiong, an undergraduate doctor at International Medical University, who led a group of 30 students to a rural area of Burma, Myanmar, in a Community Involvement Programme (CIP) to offer health screenings and set up a proper health care programme for some villagers in 2015. He thinks volunteering is a powerful tool to make a profound impact on our lives. “When we serve, we meet people in circumstances different from our own circumstances; we develop greater empathy and learn what it means to walk in the shoes of another person,” he said. “I feel that after going through these projects, students do get more compassionate as after going through such life changing experiences, they will have a deeper understanding and appreciation of life itself,” he shared, and “this is something that cannot be learned through textbooks”. Starting them young is Project Awareness, a social initiative that has worked with a few kindergartens in their voluntary projects. “It was heartwarming seeing those cute toddlers pushing the trolley, with the company of a teacher or volunteer to collect donations from the residents,” echoed Elson Soh, singer-songwriter and founder of Project Awareness.
Elson Soh: Giving is the First Step to Receiving
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E
lson Soh, a singer-songwriter who made his Elson Soh, debut in Taiwan in 2014, is a dedicated volsingerunteer in Singapore. Beneath his youthful songwriter façade, the 28-year-old is the founder of a and founder cause bigger than himself – Project Awareness, a of Project social initiative group that regularly convenes volAwareness unteers through Facebook to participate in volunteering projects such as distributing goody bags and food to the less fortunate. His desire to give back to the society was sparked by a simple gesture from a visually-handicapped fan, and in another instance, a wheelchair-bound individual who came up to him during an autograph session. Touched by their support, he feels that his achievements are actually given by the society, and “[he] should give back if [he] can”, said the Mandopop singer who has over 90,000 likes on his Facebook page. Continued on next page
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December 2016
Epoch Times
Compassion and Kindness – Why They Matter Courtesy of Elson Soh
Continued from the previous page “I started doing charity work with organisations. I had a joint collaboration with Singapore Red Cross in 2008. I wrote a charity song for the Szechuan earthquake and gathered 50 Singapore artistes to raise money,” he recounted. However, deep down, he still felt something missing. He wanted to know who he was helping; he wanted to be in contact with them. Hence, the spark of interest became a roaring flame. Elson, who always believes ‘giving is the first step to receiving”, readily initiated Project Awareness on February 20, 2013. His experience of meeting these less fortunate people makes him grow as a person, he told Yahoo in an interview: “I actually see a lot of things that I don’t think the regular Singaporean gets to see.” “It is not just giving back to society; people must know that there is compassion in the world,” he told youth.sg. Here, Elson gives us a glimpse into volunteering and the touching moments that he has witnessed.
1. You often organise distribution programmes to help the needy, and volunteer your time accompanying the elderly. Any touching stories to share? There are lots of touching stories. There was one that left a deep impression on me – an elderly couple in Ang Mo Kio who got married in their 70s, not for love but responsibility. Ah Ma (Grandma) was a leprosy patient in the leprosy house while the Ah Kong (Grandpa) was an employee working there. Ah Ma’s caregiver was old and told Ah Kong: “Please take care of Ah Ma if anything happens as she is alone and has no family.” The caregiver passed away one day and Grandpa kept his promise and brought Ah Ma home. In order to apply for a flat, they registered for marriage in their 70s. Ah Ma behaved like a child and wanted to go out every day. As Ah Ma was wheelchair-bound, Ah Kong would painstakingly push Ah Ma from their block to the nearby McDonald’s every day without fail. For me, I may take about five mins to walk that distance, but due to Ah Kong’s walking difficulty, that distance was a 40-minute journey for the couple. One day, Ah Ma passed away. When I last visited Ah Kong, he was alone, but Ah Ma’s wheelchair was still lying around. He would cry when I mentioned Ah Ma, and said, “Si liao (Hokkien, meaning ‘she has died’). Due to
3. Do you think that you have become more compassionate?
I won’t say I am more or less compassionate. I would say I am more grateful. I actually see things in a different or, rather, a better perspective.
4. What do you mean by ‘different perspective’?
One of Project Awareness’s aims is to care for the elderly by spreading their love and care to as many seniors as possible, and devoting time to them.
It is not just giving back to society; people must know that there is compassion in the world. Elson Soh, singer-songwriter and founder of Project Awareness, from an interview with youth.sg
By doing volunteer work, it actually expands your horizon and thinking. You will realise there are many things you can do to help and impact people’s lives in many creative ways. Elson Soh, singer-songwriter and founder of Project Awareness, from an interview with youth.sg
the loss of Grandma, he was lost and depressed and didn’t know how to take care of himself as they were so used to each other. We helped him tidy up his place and clean the leftover food that had rot. The last time when I visited him, the toilet bowl was also choked and the whole house was very smelly. There is another elderly Ah Ma in her 80s who is making her living at the back alley of Mohamed Ali Lane. She makes her way there every day, whether rain or shine. She will sit down the whole night to sell things. Her items are all priced at $1 regardless of the [condition of the items]. She has one grown-up son who can barely make ends meet. She said she wants to work and not depend on others. When the media reported this, the elderly service centre went to assist her and brought her to a home. She ran off and went back to the lane again as she is used to this lifestyle. But I feel sad for her as she doesn’t dare to go to the toilet, as people will steal her stuff and money while she is away. She was robbed once. I will visit her from time to time. She is there every day after 5pm until as late as 12 midnight. You can hardly see this kind of story if you don’t participate in volunteer work.
2. What have you learned from your volunteering experiences? Courtesy of Elson Soh
Volunteers from Project Awareness pose with MP Baey Yam Keng. Project Awareness believes in educating youths and working executives by encouraging them to participate in their various projects, from food distribution to the less fortunate to movie screenings for the elderly.
I feel that it makes me grow. I start to see less of the bad things and focus more on the good, such as treating everyone equally, regardless of whether you are rich, poor, successful, a nobody, a friend or an enemy. But how they want to treat me is a different thing. Sometimes, I treat my competitors coffee, but I don’t expect them to return the favour.
I have learned a lot. Most importantly, I have learned that we must be contented and appreciative of what we have. I realise the younger generation here thinks that today’s smartphone is a necessity. If you visit these families, you realise they don’t even have a phone or are using old generation phones. That is why I want to provide an avenue for the younger generation to step forward. Volunteerism is something that is very hard to motivate (people to embark on) because there is only giving and receiving nothing in return. Actually, you will receive things in unexpected ways, for example, a simple ‘thank you’. The thing I receive may not be material stuff, but it is that [feeling] of warmth and happiness.
In the past, I used to think of wanting everything better for myself. Now, maybe some part of me still feels this way as we are human, but at least when people complain, I would tell them, “Hey, some people don’t even have this [thing].”
5. Do you think Singapore is a compassionate and kind society? How can we cultivate a more compassionate society?
Before starting ‘Project Awareness’, I used to think that Singapore is very result-oriented and materialistic. After my commitment in this project, I realised that Singaporeans are very keen in doing volunteer work. They would also call and text me. There are many kind-hearted Singaporeans; they are just not that enthusiastic in stepping forward. But if you need help, they will help you. This has changed my perspective of the Singapore society as a whole. Project Awareness is to promote volunteerism. It is about giving your time to someone who needs it and not getting anything in return. I think the mindset of volunteerism is still not widely practised and accepted. I think it is important to start from young. Personally, I feel there isn’t much emphasis on volunteerism although there is CIP (Community Involvement Programme) in schools. Volunteerism is catering your time to meet people, and helping out. Once you instil that kind of volunteering culture into people, young people will grow up feeling this is part and parcel of their lives.
6. In your opinion, why and how should we volunteer?
Firstly, giving is the first step to receiving. Secondly, you will feel that your existence is worthwhile and meaningful. I always believe everything starts from giving. If you don’t give, you can’t receive. A lot of people say when I have time, I volunteer; when I have money, I will donate. They think I can’t even help myself, how do I help others? This is a wrong mindset. If you don’t have anything now, at least you can volunteer by cooking. If you are not free, you can contribute in whichever way. Many people think volunteering is donating, but it can be many ways such as cooking. By doing volunteer work, it actually expands your horizon and thinking. You will realise there are many things you can do to help and impact people’s lives in many creative ways.