PHOTOROMANCE
A True Love Story By: Hagar Yanai | Eran B.Y
A True Love Story By: Hagar Yanai | Eran B.Y
PHOTOROMANCE
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Graphic design: Hadas Friedman Photography: Eran B.Y, Hagar Yanai, Noam B.Y, Einat Cohen. Illustrations: dreamstime.com, ShutterStock.com As themselves: Hagar Yanai, Eran B.Y, Noam B.Y, Einat Cohen, Nili B.Y, Shula Amir, Miryam & Philip Yanai, Shulamit Davidovicz, Guy Meirson, Karin Arad, Dror Cohen, Lili-Miryam Yanai. Translated from Hebrew: Gali Wexler Edited by: Esther Gerson Sharon Special thanks to: Tal Harari, Matan Berkovitz, Michal Barkuz, Alma Cohen-Vardi, Ilana Brown, Judith Kertesz. ©All rights reserved to Eran B.Y and Hagar Yanai, Tel-Aviv, Israel 2012.
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summer 2009 - Tel Aviv
Doing a thing like that to a woman my age is
A CRIME.
We were good together. I know we were, so how dare he leave me? That loser wasted three precious years of my life. If I see him at some cocktail, I’ll stab him with a fork! Wait, are there forks in cocktails?
Maybe love is just an illusion.
A Tamaguchi feeding on fantasies. I fell for an artist and thought we’d hip together forever. But for a woman, how long is forever? It was pretty late when I decided to get pregnant. I waited till the last minute because I trusted my love would be there for me. But then, when it came down to it, and he understood our carefree times were over, his Tamaguchi coughed, tumbled and died on the spot. RIP
Downtown. Crash landing. Boom! Right on my ass! I always thought at this point I would raise a family in a small picket-fence house in a green suburb >>>>
Instead, I barely managed to find a place I could afford. Among the neighbors: A giggling tourist in her 20s, and an unemployed broker addicted to online gambling.
A refurbished bright one-room apartment! Immediate occupancy. No pets
I couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks.
I lost weight and grew raccoon eyes. The despair tormented me. If I want to be a mother I have to get pregnant now! But with whom?
Perhaps my life was one big mistake from the get go. I always dreamt of being a novelist, and at that I was successful, But at what cost?
I felt the path I took led me into an
abyss.
There’s room for one more. The rest is taken
The neighbor next door drove me nuts. Do you mind not putting on music at 02:00 in the morning?
What a Party pooper. In case you didn’t realize, the walls are toilet paper thin
Welcome to the palace!
I couldn’t bear her pounding hostility. If we didn’t get along, I’d be forced to move.
As a desperate attempt to appease her I invited her over and opened up a scotch. She sat on the couch and suspiciously looked at my library. Her hand went straight to one of my novels. “I read this book,” she said, and then was surprised to see my name on the cover. ”someone like you wrote such a good book?” She continued. I didn’t know whether to be insulted or to take it as a compliment,
but from that moment on, slowly but surely she softened up.
An hour later…
My heart is so broken I can’t look a man in the eyes and believe his words
You’re right, the selection in this city is soooo lame. And yet to be a single mother is a poor deal
Wait, don’t writers make money? Who do I look like, Amos Oz?
In September I went to see my elder sister upstate. I hoped for some comforting words, but the notion of my bringing up a child alone didn’t exactly spark her excitement, to say the least. It wasn’t the first time I felt mistrusted. In the family, I was always the clueless one. My sister hinted that perhaps my free spirit era as a writer has ended. She suggested I would check the possibility of working as a junior high teacher.
IN
OUT
My heart fell, rejected like a turned down draftee. My desperation sprouted an idea: Helena the matchmaker! Yup, that known figure from the eighties, who looks like an entombed wax figure. I called her. She listened to my story and said I was an emergency case and we must act fast. She can get me a guy who wants the canopy and the kids. The catch is I must accept what she offers. First choice only.
For this unique pleasure I would have to pay her thousands of dollars.
Then it hit me. What Helena said was simple: Beggars can’t be choosers. You must take what’s in front
of you. And if that’s the whole story, why do I need her cobwebbed guys? After all, my pursuers are ten times better!
Beggars can’t be choosers.
A sarcastic understanding forged in my mind:
Better be a divorcee with alimony than a single mother.
The one who left me taught me a bitter lesson: A man can abandon a woman at the worste time when the deal no longer suits him. At my age and situation, love is a luxury. My heart was too torn to heal, but I can still spin a guy’s head. This time, at least, I won’t be so naïve.
This time, I’ll come out on top.
Einat, listen, I know exactly what kind of a man I’m looking for!
Emotionally intelligent? No.
RICH!
My quest started with zeal. I filled my wardrobe with clothes, shoes, and jewelry from the bazzarcheap and shiny.
EVERYONE knew I was on the prowl. My phone number passed through friend’s hands like a winning lottery number. I was hot. There wasn’t a single worthy man I wasn’t introduced to.
Head of which board of directors did you say? Shall we open with truffle sauce Carpaccio? Again?
You designed the National Theatre? Wow, I always wanted to tell you how hard it is to find the Toilets‌
I celebrated New Year’s Eve during a weekend in
one of the most luxurious hotels in the country.
I was invited there by a particularly rich and old man who was seriously interested.
I came home confused and exhausted.
You won’t believe it. He spoon fed me in front of his entire staff. I thought I was gonna die
So, how was it?
What if he got me pregnant?
How humiliating!
That’s what you want, right?
It’ll set me up for life. I’ll have an apartment, a car and an income. But what if I give birth to a child I hate?
Hagar, Make me a Baby! The Helena plan that at first sight seemed so brilliant stopped in its tracks before it took off. I discovered I wasn’t as tough as I thought I was.
At the end of the day, I couldn’t go through the most important decision of my life as a calculating cynic.
You think too much. Get some gay guy to knock you up. You get some gay guy!
Hagar, Make me a Baby?
Jeez, Even I look better than them…
In January my birthday came.
What a bummer! My body has grown older by an entire year.
I had never been so deep in the pits. I was standing before a cruel and simple choice: If I want to be a mother, I need to give up on the hope for couplehood, a father to my child, even my writing
short, bulky blonde and funny black eyes, black hair, tender fingers tall, smart, brown hair, blue eyes
OH MY GOD, I can’t believe I’m doing this!!!
The longest five minutes
in a woman’s life are the five minutes
waiting for the stick.
I wanted to be alone.
I made coffee with trembling hands. In my heart I already knew the answer but when I saw it, I burst out in tears.
In the meantime, a few miles from Tel Aviv, somewhere in the North suburbs.
Michelle. a d a h y d a e lr a d Michelle. I te a d I t h mselves. ig e n th t t s a a e L p re to are starting s e m a n s l’ ir G e Th
? f l e s y m g n i t a e p e r ’m I e b y a M
לאף אישה צעירה לא קוראים מרים בימינו,)* שיניתי למישל (מיכל
Until the age of 32, I was a standard guy according to the statistics: Married.
Father plus one.
I intended to be a teacher. A school principal at best. I even had a regular job. At the age of 33 I continued with the statistic and got a divorce.
I don’t know what led to what
- my divorce to an unusual life, or my desire to be extraordinary brought me to
break free.
Only one thing is certain: after
the life
divorce my turned into
a movie.
My career soared. I managed to join the desired inner circle of the TV world, was promoted to chief positions, traveled the world, saw out projects, promoted my work and felt lucky I was living my dream.
I was blessed in many gifts,
and yet the greatest of them all is my daughter.
But a wild and adventurous lifestyle
has a price
I moved in too soon with a younger girlfriend. Twice. Three times I had to break contracts and find substitutes. And too many times I dragged my daughter
through unnecessary transitions.
Dad, you need to find someone that will be good to me.
She also has to be kind of right for me too. You’re right. We need someone who’ll be right for both of us. And when am I gonna have brothers?
Daddy’s working on it.
In my journey, I loved many wonderful women, who today hate me as only those who truly loved you - can.
That’s my mother, obviously…
You have to decide if you want an exciting woman or a girl you can live with.
You can’t have Both.
I’m tired of going out
at night and getting wasted. Sick of seeking another random adventure which bores me before it starts.
What was once exciting,
became exhausting.
As my good friend G, elegantly put: friend G: Once I would be willing to drive All the way to the north for a dry hump. Today, if Angelina Jolie calls, I’m willing to meet her only if she comes to the coffee shop underneath my house. And even then, I’ll come in sweatpants.
eran b.y Like this
After so many affairs, I felt my heart was in shambles. There was no room left to write about anything original.
I also learned I am turned on fast , but lose interest even faster.
All I knew is that I love my daughter. And in general, I love being a father and want more kids. For them and me, it’d be good to have a nice mother. No love. No big words that wear down in the daily grind. Someone that it’ll be good with, nice and comfortable. How hard can it be to find someone to fit this description?
It’s about time. We nearly lost hope.
* שיניתי את הטקסט שורה ראשונה
To Einat’s big surprise, and mine, the pregnancy didn’t stop me from dating. But as it turned out, it did have a distancing affect on my taste. My sense of smell sharpened insanely. Nice guys were thrown out the door because I couldn’t stand their scent.
Absurdly,
despite
my
desperate situation,
I became even pickier. Now, I didn’t have to look for a life arrangement.
I was already arranged.
Now it was about pure love or nothing at all.
On the outside, no one saw a thing yet. But in case things went awry, I had one heck of a breakup line - it’s not
you it’s me. I’m 5 month pregrnant
In certain things, I was lucky.
It’s a girl!
It’s a girl!
It’s a girl!
My daughter will be my spitting image.
She’ll be totally mine.
Besides, girls don’t need fathers.
I’m going to call her Lily.
That’s a pretty girl name.
In other areas, I was less fortunate.
I started to show. My chances to find a partner began to disappear.
I’m gonna be very pregnant soon and then give birth. That means loneliness for a long time. She needs a good guy with a big heart. The kind that wouldn’t kill a fly. Or a cockroach for that matter...
Lowering my expectations didn’t help me find the nice girl I was willing to compromise for.
why hadn’t I met one yet? How is it that I could never get along with the women I loved? And those who I found comfortable felt so wrong? After all, if it were that simple,
As hard as it was, I had to admit that in the last five years,
I wasn’t really looking for a real relationship. I told you you don’t really want it. What did I say?
Friend R: I read somewhere that in Tel Aviv the number of women exceeds the number of men by 30,000. Is it any surprise that we men are as apathetic as an over fattened cat? eran b.y Like this
After that, came a series of self evaluations which made me conclude that since my divorce I was totally passive when it came to women. For the most part, they courted me, some actually came
into my office and aggressively pursued their goal,
therefore leaving me the convenience of being cowardly indecisive.
So actually, if I never really decided what I wanted, what’s the big surprise that I never found it?
If you want to find love, know
what you’re looking for.
This time, I made a list (After all I’m a target oriented kind of guy) +A divorcee, 33-36 plus child, preferably between the ages 3-6 (Despite the flattering attention and other unspoken benefits, young single women couldn’t cope with my being a father to a girl who will always be my first priority) +Must have a stable and respectable profession (Not artistic! One artist in the house is enough) an academic who knows what she’s doing. +Daughter of the following astrological signs: Taurus, Pisces, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer or Scorpio. In that order. +Prefers nature trips to dinky bars +A non smoker. No drug use either. +Lively +Good socioeconomic background +Natural sensuality and a charming dancer (In other words, sexy) +Emotionally stable
+Preferably not the eldest but the middle child or baby in the family +Good skin (important!) +Driver’s license is a must +Basic cooking skills (I’m a vegetarian anyways and picky with food)
+Likes to cuddle +Smart heart +Her weakness is touching +No history of serial cheating +Empathetic but not needy
MUST BE AMAZING!
You and your lists. You need a smart woman!
I was serious. I even Entered JDate. Friend A: That’s the way, bro. Throw yourself into the pariah pool.
Theoretically,
JDate can help you find the
love of your life.
Practically, it can plunge you into a series of dates
that revive your latent desire to commit
suicide. Mine!
He's mine!
I saw him first!
But this time, I wasn’t about to give up. I continued my search like
a tiny squirrel in a forest looking amongst the shrubbery for that one last acorn. Even he knows the simple rule of life “No” is nature’s default answer. You have to continue and look for the “Yes”.
I was determined to find the woman I could be happy with. I opened my eyes,
virtually and realistically and as I thoroughly looked around I asked myself: Is there anyone around who lights my fire?
Who really sparks my fuse? Both in virtual lands and the real world, the answer was:
I imagined that Einat would stay by my side forever, single and free to help me when the baby came. But something happened to her.
That something was Dror.
He was a real sweetheart, nothing like the usual bastards she used to go out with.
He even cooked!
They decided to move in together and left me alone in the castle with a growing belly. I was seething with jealousy.
Why her? Why not me?
One day, amidst the regular grind, Guy Meirson contacted me.
Screenwriter, colleague, writing teacher and an important character in our tale
B.Y HERE
B.Y is there any chance you can sub for me in the science fiction and fantasy convention? No problem, bro. My pleasure. Truth is, among the approaching deadlines for two projects, the timing sucked, but I enjoy teaching screenwriting. Anyways, I had nothing better to do Friday morning. So I dropped Noam off at school and went to the convention.
At the corner of the coffee stand, I saw a beautiful, tall, impressive woman.
The right word is stately. At the corner of the coffee stand, I saw a beautiful, stately woman. She said her name was Hagar Yanai. A real writer. I thought I’d heard her name before, but I wasn’t sure. She had a rare classic beauty, blue eyes that matched her dress
but the thing that really stole
my heart was the fact that she held her dress with two safety pins.
She was amazing. Is there any chance for a woman in her fifth month to find a guy?
At a science fiction & fantasy convention anything is possible.
I didn’t expect to meet anyone that would interest me at the convention. Truth is, I came especially to tell my editor about the new romance novel I had written. I used the time to mingle.
One of the men was a screenwriter with a funny name. Is he on the foundation’s budget board? I approached him. I swiftly discovered he wasn’t responsible for any foundation.
He looked like the married type.
Unshaved, faded clothes,
a worn out fatigue in the eyes.
Maybe he’s stuck in a dying relationship?
I said goodbye and went on my way.
At home, when I Googled her, I started getting cold. She seemed like one big mess.
The type I learned to stay miles away from.
But then I remembered that a swift Google search on me doesn’t exactly wax
poetic either.
I decided to focus on her blue eyes and her simple dress. She really was stunning.
For some unknown reason, she dragged me on for three weeks. Her Facebook page stated single, but between you and me, who
really believes what’s written on Facebook.
Besides, she wasn’t what I was looking for. She was the exact opposite actually. She was single, and older than what I had assigned for myself. So why meet her? I didn’t know, but the date was already set.
When I saw the message from the convention guy, a victorious smug shot through my lips.
Fat and pregnant and still a bombshell!
It’s nice to know that even in my fifth month I can still make
a man trip over his feet.
All right, he didn’t exactly trip over his feet. He just proposed we meet for coffee. Either way, he’s
totally not my type.
old
Lately I’m sick of the , . I decided battered and to focus on young fresh men who still have hope of true love running though their veins.
used
Yet still I wore a dress that somehow managed to hide my burgeoning belly.
Jeez, I’m PATHETIC!
Fears can make you do strange things like arranging a rushed half hour coffee date on a noisy crowded sidewalk café between a photo shoot and an emergency screenplay meeting.
It didn’t flow. Actually, it was
She
a
disaster.
talked nonstop and seemed like the type that doesn’t know how to listen. She said she loves Tel Aviv and expressed a sincere scorn about living any place else. I didn’t even have the energy to tell her how sick and tired
artificial uppity urbanism.
I am of her She called me provincial.
She suddenly looked strange to me. And a bit plumper than I recalled. I told her we’d meet again but one word shot through my mind like a lightning bolt:
“RUN!”
That same night, I went out with someone else.
What is up with this Eran guy?
First of all, he comes unshaved, wearing an ugly shirt with sweat stains. Where is his self respect?
I made a huge mistake coming here.
But then he pierce d me with his eyes as if I were the only thing on th e planet. He listen ed to me for 45 minutes. I
almost forgot how nice it is when an intellig ent man listens to you. Gradua
lly I forgot about th e sweat, the heat a nd his terrible hair des perately in need fo r a haircut. But the moment I started enjoying m yself, halt! He said his time w as up and he need ed to rush to a meeting.
Really?
What kind of an idiot treats a girl his interested in like that?
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