Unsuck Your Breakup

Unsuck Your Breakup

This book is dedicated to you, the reader. It’s time to discover who you really are. We learn by reading, but we grow by doing. Growth is not something that automatically comes with age, it is a conscious decision. The end of this relationship can be the start of a new instant love affair—the one with yourself! The next time you find yourself amid an experience like this, remember that you are on the cusp of an opportunity to change and grow. The hard parts in your life are the key points in your journey of success and personal development.

Use this “situation” as a catalyst to achieve the impossible, not to dull your sparkle and lose the luster for life.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Now let’s get to polishing that stone, yeah!?

The Pay it Forward Podcast

While in pursuit of an editor for this very book, I thought I’d challenge myself a bit and launched a pay it forward project. I knew nothing about podcasting but thought I’d give it a go. Fast forward six to seven months and there are 70+ episodes for you to listen to. So please have a listen to the podcast if you feel you need additional resources, it can be found across the board wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

The podcast, like most other things, happened through doing. I first heard of Anchor, the platform that I use to distribute my podcast, through a Gary Vee vlog. He made it sound easy enough, so, I thought I’d give it a shot… and you know what? The next day I started a podcast.

I launched an Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter (@ breakupstation) to get the message out there in one form or another. Find me across the medias and feel free to hop in on one of the many daily topics we discuss.

Additionally, I designed and launched the breakupstation website. (breakupstation.com). As you can see in my efforts of paying it forward, I designed a brand, created my vision, and I kept myself healthily distracted. So, I ask you… what will you do with your breakup?

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Contents The Pay it Forward Podcast......................................................................iii Contents.................................................................................................... iv The Aftermath............................................................................................ 1 Are You a Victim? Or Are You a Survivor?............................................... 9 Denial......................................................................................................... 6 Anger.......................................................................................................... 7 Bargaining.................................................................................................. 8 Depression.................................................................................................. 9 Acceptance............................................................................................... 10 Greater Things Are Ahead & I’m So Excited for You!............................ 12 Stop EX-pecting....................................................................................... 12 Take the #breakupchallenge..................................................................... 12 How Do We Deal with All These Emotions?........................................... 13 Vibes & People........................................................................................ 14 Get Away from Embarrassment & Failure............................................... 16 All It Takes Is One Song to Bring Back a Thousand Memories.............. 17 Health & Hydration.................................................................................. 18 Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Playground: Keep Occupied & Stay Active................................................................. 20 Find A New Hobby/Trade........................................................................ 20 Reading & Learning................................................................................. 21 Getting Help............................................................................................. 22 Give Yourself Some Positive Affirmations or a Mantra.......................... 23 Become a Spiritual Gangster................................................................... 24 Do Something That Will Build Your Confidence.................................... 24 Get a Haircut/Try on Some New Duds.................................................... 25 Don’t Do Anything Too Hasty................................................................. 26 Be Silly.................................................................................................... 27 Take Your Life Back!............................................................................... 29 Little Triggers.......................................................................................... 29 Find New Places...................................................................................... 29 Reclaiming & Reinventing...................................................................... 30 Images...................................................................................................... 31 “No Sex with the Ex”............................................................................... 32 Trick the Subconscious & Get Your Mind Back...................................... 34 Volunteer.................................................................................................. 34

Seek a Higher Power................................................................................ 34 Treat Yourself........................................................................................... 35 Have Yourself a Party.............................................................................. 36 Just Write it Down................................................................................... 37 Positive Imagery: Vision Boards, Collages & Screensavers................... 38 Get to a Mirror......................................................................................... 39 Work Towards Change & Changing Your Surroundings Will Do Exactly That......................................................... 41 Finding a New Space............................................................................... 41 Organize & Simplify................................................................................ 43 Have a Yard Sale...................................................................................... 43 Go Out & Make Some Friends................................................................ 44 Advanced Step of Getting Over............................................................... 45 Make a List.............................................................................................. 46 What About Dating & Relationships....................................................... 46 Where Can I Meet This Person?.............................................................. 48 You Have All to Gain and Nothing to Lose............................................. 50 If You Don’t Look After Yourself, Then Who Will?................................ 50 Do Something Different........................................................................... 51 The “To-Do” List After a Breakup Recap................................................ 53 Keep Going & Growing!......................................................................... 58 Bonus Material......................................................................................... 60 Routines................................................................................................... 60 Making a Playlist..................................................................................... 61 Need a Snack? Here Are Two Great Breakup Treats. Enjoy!.................. 66 Homemade Breakup Brittle..................................................................... 66 Holy Ex-amole......................................................................................... 67 Popular Breakup Movies.......................................................................... 69 Additional Resources............................................................................... 72 Books....................................................................................................... 72 Apps to Meet People................................................................................ 73 Music Apps.............................................................................................. 73 Apps to Sell Stuff..................................................................................... 73 Back Cover............................................................................................... 75

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Charles Dickens began by pasting labels on blacking pots.

The tragedy of his first love penetrated the depths of his soul, and converted him into one of the world’s truly great authors.

That tragedy produced, first, David Copperfield, then a succession of other works that made this a richer and better world for all who read his books. Disappointment over love affairs generally has the effect of driving men to drink, and women to ruin; and this, because most people never learn the art of transmuting their strongest emotions into dreams of constructive nature. —Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

The Aftermath

Let me guess—you’re lost, hurt, heartbroken, and likely feeling hopeless at times, right? No need to worry. I’ve got your back. All the problems, all the questions, and all the feels will be covered in this book.

Push through the pain. Be proactive and try to finish this material as soon as you can (you can always come back and skim through it again later—in fact, I encourage it). This book will distract you from the obsessive thoughts everyone has after a breakup. I aim to talk to you like a friend, using a bit of personal experience to get you through this tough time. So, let’s keep this casual and candid but equipped with laser focus. This material will provide the resources you need to kick-start your life back into gear again. You may not be completely over what happened yet, but you’re taking the necessary first steps. And when you’re finished, you’ll have the blueprint and tools you need to piece your life back together.

Going through a breakup is traumatic, few things in this world compare. You’re absolutely crushed. You feel like a shell of yourself stuck in some sort of out of body experience.

After most breakups, you recover—it’s hard, but eventually your life goes back to normal and you move on. But then there are the big, life-changing breakups, the breakups that shake you to your core. The breakups that make you reexamine your life. If it’s guidance that you seek or you want change in your life, then you’ve come to the right place.

It’s as simple as this… we only change through doing.

Change your thinking and change your life. Follow the steps 1

provided and you’ll go from that crushed feeling in your stomach right now to crushing it every day in no time! Just please, trust in the process and that’s my promise to you. The healing process has commenced.

Congratulations!

I was in my early college years, coming out of my first serious relationship, I didn’t know how to deal with it.

I was green to the breakup game. I thought I was so in love; I thought I was going to marry this girl. During one of our 1000 breakups, I flew to Aruba just to surprise her on a family holiday to express my love, but this time it was for real.

It wasn’t as easy as sending my cousin over to my kindergarten girlfriend with a Post-it that said, “You’re not my girlfriend anymore.” (She won’t let me live that down to this day—sorry Des!) Or even my very first imaginary girlfriend Gloria, whom my Uncle so brutally threw down the stairs and told me I’d better hurry to pick her up she’s dying. I was devastated for days, but I learned to get past the attempted homicide.

But, as a young adult—if I could even call myself that—I remember telling my parents, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like one of us has to die or move to the other side of the world. There is no other way.” They’d laugh and say things like, “Time heals all wounds.” But time, what is time? I was a kid; I had all the time in the world.

Now, approaching the middle stages of my life, fresh out of a broken engagement, I realize how valuable my time is and I have to make good use of it. I just gave six years of 2

my time to someone else. It was time to take it back. Time to do all those things I said I would do, be all the things that I wanted to be. I’m not a kid anymore. Now, I fully realize that time is among the most precious commodities we have.

Newly enlightened, I choose to spend it wisely!

We do not get a refund on time wasted.

What if I told you at some point, not too long ago, I was in a great place? I thought I had it all. A beautiful fiancée, marvelous house, cute puppy, success, youth—the world in the palm of my hand. I recall getting in bed at night and being so happy that I didn’t want to go to sleep because a dream couldn’t get much better. Reality superseded what any dream could have brought. My insides were tingling. For the first time in a long time, I felt my body glow from the inside out. I was floating around like a beaming white light.

Fast forward to the present, sitting here in the heart of Central Park to write, and I view my life in a completely different light. Not only has my life changed, but my philosophy on it as well. And as far as my “happiness”… it doesn’t have a cap. What I thought to be this whimsical, fantasy life, doesn’t hold a candle to the new life’s ass! No disrespect to my former life, but I’ve come to realize that our preconceived notions and ideas can be the very things that prevent us from being happy. If you think that your happiness or life should take a certain form or be a certain way, let me tell you now that you’ll never be happy. But also, let me assure you that letting go of those notions will open your life to opportunities and a level of happiness that you never could 3

have imagined. It’s hard to explain the infinite unknown— or the power of its possibilities—you just have to have the courage to leap. The rest of it will find you. Of course, it will take time and hard work. But anything worth it always does.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the beginning was tough.

Anger, tears, and a whole mix of emotions—some days I felt like I couldn’t go on. That’s where you probably are right now. But you have to go on because now is the time to build character and help your new self emerge. And one day, the clouds will pass and you’ll gain clarity again.

I started by taking baby steps. I learned to start saying “yes” to new things and experiences. I said “yes” to everything. Tried food I’ve never eaten, went places that I’ve never seen, and even dated outside of my “type.” There were no wrong answers and I had no time for indecision. The worst choice was no choice at all. So, what if I got it wrong, didn’t like it, or wasn’t for me. It was still contributing to my life experience. Still helping me build my new self. And like other facets of my life, such as business, I’ve learned more from my failures than my successes. (But remember, just because you have failures, doesn’t mean YOU are a failure.)

Embrace the unknown, and you’ll gain courage with every step. I learned to replace comfort zones with new experiences. Now, new is what drives me. I look forward to the future with hope and optimism. I don’t even take a second glance in my rearview.

Quick question—how well can you drive looking in the rearview mirror? You’re focusing on what’s behind you as opposed to what lies ahead. No matter the speed, every millisecond puts the whizzing trees in the past. Please, close 4

your eyes for a second. Imagine sitting in your favorite vehicle. Take a deep breath. Place your hands on the wheel, eyes on the double yellow line… that’s this moment. That’s the future. Focus on what’s to come, NOT what was.

“There is something beautiful about having the chance to rewrite the future.”

So, what happened? How did I get there? How did you get here? Where did the turn go so wrong? But what does that have to do with me? You may be asking yourself a few of these questions right now.

The who, what, when, where and why are irrelevant.

We’re talking about the aftermath, with tips on how to cope and deal. When all is said and done, you’ll be on the way to the best version of yourself. (#livingyourbestlife like everyone else on Instagram.) How far you take it is up to you.

While every relationship is uniquely different, the feelings, in the end, are generally the same. They suck! Breakups suck!

Everyone thinks that they’re relationship is special, or their story is one of a kind. I’m sure they uniquely are, but no offense, we all go through it. You’ll see that you’re not alone. You’re not the first person to ever climb this mountain and you certainly won’t be the last. You’re not planting a flag on the moon, even though love feels like it’s from out of this world. Please allow me to be your Sherpa, and we will climb what feels like the Mount Everest of heartbreak together. I only hope using the resources given to you here, you’ll take away the pieces you need to become a stronger, better you!

First off, I would like to say that I give you this 5

guidance coming from the best place in my heart. I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. (Shout out to Dr. Drake Ramoray!) This is a hands-on, how-to handbook with tips I used to climb my Mt. Everest. I only hope it helps you reach the top. If I can turn one light on, even if it’s in the basement, I’ve done my job.

This is not impossible! You’re probably saying to yourself that there is no way you will be normal, find love, or be happy again. All the time you wasted, you’re too old, it was meant to be. You can’t see yourself without that person; the life you had; the plans you made; the love you shared; the little moments dancing in a daisy field that remain frozen in time. He, she, they completed me.

And let me just briefly stop you there. If you feel that someone completed you, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re wrong, they didn’t. Respectfully of course, please don’t kill the messenger, but this is a fact. All that you complete me BS is for the movies and unrealistic. You need to love, respect, understand, and appreciate yourself fully before you can even think about offering it to someone else. And even then, no one should ever “complete” you but enhance and enrich your life.

Ask yourself. Were they a fountain or a drain? Did that person energize you? Or did you feel like you were wasting valuable resources? And I’m not talking about monetary. Did they push you? Make you want to be a better person? Inspire you? Support you? Were they a “teammate?” Who did the relationship revolve around mostly? Was is 50/50? Because that’s not even enough. It needs to be 100/100!

Sit for a minute and think about that. Be honest… be 6

brutally honest. I was just in your shoes yesterday, so I know exactly how you feel. Again, it hurts, I know, I’m sorry. We need to stop focusing on the pain. The more you focus on it, the more power you’re feeding it. Give it no attention and you’ll give it no power. There are two options here, or shall I say questions…

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Are You a Victim? Or Are You a Survivor?

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