I
I wish more than anything that this topic of caring well for friends and family who have experienced abuse wasn't something that I could speak personally on. But yet here I am. I'm not coming to you as an expert on the topic of caring for survivors. I have no degree that gives me any credibility, but I'm coming to you as someone who has walked with friends who have been affected by abuse. I haven't walked this road of abuse personally and would never claim to understand what it feels like to have abuse of any form wreck your world. But a few years ago, my friends’ house became a battlefield as they realized that abuse had infiltrated their home and their children. Sexual abuse bombarded the house, and every family member was affected by this atrocity. No one was left without battle scars and wounds that will take years to even come close to healing. No one will ever be the same from the abuse that they have walked through. I'm not the same, and I have merely walked beside them, loving them as best as I can. I'll never forget the phone call, where my friend, through sobs and anger, told me that they had discovered that one of their kids had been sexually abused. It was as if I had the wind knocked out of me, and I felt as though I was drowning. And I was just a friend. Her pain, her confusion, her anger was palpable through that phone call. And in that moment, I knew that I would do whatever we needed to do as a family to walk this road with their family, as long as it took. Walking with friends who have experienced abuse has been one of the hardest journeys for my faith, one of the biggest things that has caused me to say, “God where are you in all
of this?” It's been one of the dearest things for our friendships as well. I'm beyond honored that our Creator God would also place the Ivey family with our friends so that we could try our best to journey alongside them in their pain, bear their burdens, speak truths into their hearts, and love them through this.
Three Ways To Walk With Those Who Have Experienced Abuse I've seen firsthand three ways that we, as friends, can truly minister to families that are having to walk this unimaginable, unthinkable road of abuse. What I'm realizing now is that being with them, petitioning the Father on their behalf, and weeping with them goes a long way in caring for them. I confess, though, that sometimes as Christians and as leaders we feel as though we need to immediately have all of the answers for their pain. We feel as though we need to open our Bibles immediately and usher them into the truth of God's Word. While there is always truth to be shared about who God is in the midst of trauma and tragedy and unknowns, I have seen firsthand many friends miss a beautiful opportunity to minister to their friends in the ways that they needed most because they were too quick to try and communicate what they thought were the answers to their problems and not listen to their hearts. 1. Offer our presence before answers The first thing we can do as friends is offer our presence before we offer our answers. Many times, religiosity urges us to try to get the correct answer for their problem, grief, or trial. And what we need to offer them before we offer them any answers is our presence. We see Jesus do this beautifully throughout the Gospels. He was present with people. He entered into suffering with them. We see Jesus do this when his friend Lazarus was sick. He got word that his friend Lazarus was sick, and we know that eventually Lazarus ended up dying. And as Jesus is making his way to Bethany, instead of going directly to the tomb and doing what he does best by bringing people back to life and healing people, he has two interactions with Lazarus’ sisters. He spends time with Martha and Mary before he raises Lazarus from the dead. He mourned with them. His presence came before his healing. Listen to your friends as they process their grief. You don't have to have all the answers, but you do have the ability to be there for them. ERLC. COM
43
