So, Grief is Here - Grief Resource Guide by eshaestar

so, grief is here Grief Resource Guide E S H A E S T A R

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Welcome Message Hello Beloved, I welcome you to this Sacred Art of Grief guide, created to help support you in understanding the grieving process which can seem complex, confusing, and scary. It’s my hope that this guide will shed some light on grief and explain the great need for us to heal our grief, one story, one heart at a time. For many, grief can seem unapproachable and challenging. This platform was created for all those grieving to find hope, courage, and strength to approach the grief journey with compassion. My own grief journey eventually led me to the path of the present moment, where I grew to embrace the totality of the whole experience, despite many moments of discomfort. From my own grief experience, the following proposed solution was born as a three-step pathway to freedom.

Accept. Integrate. Heal. The model walks with you compassionately and meets you where you’re at in your grief journey. Simply, the goal is to increase your awareness of your grief, so you can become empowered as you see the difference between avoiding and accepting grief. As a result, you are brought into the present moment to choose how you would like to show up to your grief and move into your journey. Please take your time to go through the guide and reflect on the different aspects of it. The Grief Mandala contained in the guide is a great resource to use as a check-in to see how you’re processing your grief. The truth is grief is challenging and real. It affects us on many different levels, yet it doesn’t have to be debilitating, preventing us from living a life of joy and love. Only you can decide which path to take. I look forward to walking with you towards inner peace and freedom.

In Joy and Love,

Esha Estar

A prayer to cultivate inner peace in the present moment Grief Prayer

Though your life has changed, and the road ahead is uncertain, know you are not alone. May the grace of each precious moment reveal a love song deep and eternal. The love you have for your beloved still exist. The love your beloved has for you that still exists. And the love the Creator have for you that is always eternal. May peace and comfort come through the tears you shed. May they produce a lightness in you as you shed the heaviness of holding grief. May the grief story you hold be a reminder of the love that is at the center of this inner ache. Let love soothe. Let love guide. Let love heal. Blessed Be! Amen -Esha Estar

Understanding the grief process: Avoidance vs. Acceptance

To help you understand your emotional state 5 Common Grief States

Grief doesn’t have to be an experience that destroys your life. Grief can make you feel disconnected from your life, and the things you use to love, making you feel a deep sense of aloneness. This disconnection makes it difficult for you to communicate and to process grief. Knowing how you show up in the grieving process can help you to connect, express, and find a path that is right for your healing experience. The following grief languages were designed to help you effectively see where you are in your grief journey. It’s not wrong to be in any of these states, there is no right or wrong, but a way to come into self-assessment with where you are in the present moment. 1. Stuck in grief. I’m lost and don’t know how to move forward. I tend to internalize my emotions and keep everything bottled up and not express my emotions. 2. Struggling to Accept. Struggling to accept this new reality. I dislike change and accepting things are difficult for me. 3. Inability to let go. I’m anxious about being alone and not having the role that I’m used to. I find it hard to let go. 4. I see the good in everything. Grief is another portal for me to grow more in my humanity. I am open to feeling it all. 5. Identity Crisis. I like to control how I feel, and grief makes me feel like I don’t know who I am. I don’t know who I am anymore since being in grief.

12 things to do for Self-Care when in Grief 1. Be kind and gentle to yourself in the process. 2. Find a form of healing that resonates with you. 3. Surround yourself with support. 4. Give yourself the opportunity to cry. 5. Take time out from doing to become still to feel and acknowledge. 6. Know that you don’t have to go so deep so fast. Stepping into shallow end first is okay. 7. There is no destination to go to. 8. Be present and in the moment with all your feelings. 9. Find a form of exercise that feels right for you. Walk in the park, cycle, yoga, etc. 10. Journal your feelings. 11. Don’t compare your grief journey to anyone else. Everyone grieves differently. 12. Incorporate meditation/contemplative/prayer practices that feels right for you.

Tools to help me connect with my body

Becoming Connected

Grief sometimes makes us feel ungrounded and disconnected from our bodies and environment. Learning how to ground and reconnect to our bodies helps to shift our awareness from “out there” to “in our bodies” which helps to connect us to the experience of grief we’re having.

1. Connecting. Stand on the earth barefooted and feel the earth beneath your feet. Breathe in. Become aware of your body and the earth as one. Breathe up love and peace into your lungs and body. Breathe out fear and anxiety. Feel the energy of the earth supporting you in this moment. Do this till you begin to feel calm and at ease. 2. Hand/belly/chest breath. Sit or lay down. Place right hand on your belly and left hand on your chest. Begin to connect with your body and breath. Breathe into your right hand, feeling your belly expand and up into the left hand on your chest. Feel yourself becoming grounded in your body space as you breathe and connect with your power center and heart. Breathe into the spaces that hurt to acknowledge your grief story. Do this for 2-3 minutes. 3. Self-Compassion hold. A gesture to acknowledge, remind, and show kindness to yourself for being human. Sit in a chair or cross-legged on the ground. Take your left hand to your right shoulder, your right hand to your left shoulder and drop your chin to your chest. Begin this compassionate hold by rocking yourself from side to side. Maintain this hug for at least one minute as you connect with yourself and grief story. 4. Hands at heart. Acknowledging and giving permission to touch the wound of your heart. Place your right hand over your heart and take your left hand and cover your right. Close your eyes and breathe into your hands. Feel your heartbeat as you breathe into your hands. Pay attention to anything that comes up and simply observe and notice without doing anything with those thoughts and feelings. Stay with your breath and continue to breathe slowly and deeply from your heart into your palms.

Self-Assessment tool to see where you are in your daily grief journey.

The Questions of the Grief MandalaTM 1. Am I being present with my grief? 2. Am I exhibiting compassion on the road to healing? 3. Am I present (embodied) in my body to feel my grief? 4. Have I created connection and support with others in my grief journey? 5. How am I choosing to express my grief? Am I seeking out self-care? 6. How am I integrating grief into my life? Am I learning how to cope in healthy ways? 7. Do I feel more liberated and freer as a result of doing my inner grief work?

Tools to help navigate challenging experiences and function daily while in grief

The 3 E's Embody. Empower. Energize.

Embody 1. Notice what you are feeling. 2. Be with your feelings if possible. 3. Sense where in your body you are feeling. 4. Breathe into and with your feelings. 5. Give it permission to pass. 6. Give gratitude for your feeling body.

Empower 1. Know that you have a choice. 2. How do you want to show up to your experience? 3. Does your response elevate or diminish you? 4. Can I accept how I feel in the present moment without judgment? 5. Can I offer compassion to myself? 6. Each time I choose to be present with what is, I am choosing love. I empower myself with having a choice.

Energize 1. By acknowledging what is, I choose to be in my body and allow my energy to flow. 2. By choosing me at every turn, my energy is amplified by love. 3. My energy body is related to how I respond and react. 4. Am I contracting or expanding in any given experience? 5. By grounding in my present reality, by holding compassion, and saying “Yes” to my total wellbeing, my energy is open to healing. 6. I feel energize when I choose to express, listen, and honor all my stories. I am well.

A note from Esha on Grief To gain compassion and wisdom on the grief journey

Grief Grief is much about beginnings as it is about endings. The beginning is like a hidden jewel in the whole process of the grieving that’s not seen or focused upon. It’s a silent hum in the background. Its seeds are silently germinating in the womb of grief. Every loss we experience brings an ending, a death to a way of life, the way we use to be, we can never go back to the normal we once had. But when the clouds clear and the sun comes out again, we can begin to see the azure skies clearly, see the sprouting of a brand-new beginning. We are forever changed. It’s this new beginning we can plant our hope in. A hope for a new way forward laden not with fear but love and compassion for a new life well lived with all the lessons and wisdom we gleaned from our grief journey. -Esha Estar

Feelings associated with Grief

How to relate to those in grief

10 things to say instead of “I’m Sorry” When death or loss happens one I may not understand how you are feeling but I am here for you.

two How can I help?

three You have my support.

four You are not alone.

five I’m here to listen.

six Thinking of you during this time.

seven My heart is with you as you grieve.

eight I’m holding sacred space for you.

nine My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

ten My prayers are with you during this time.

Compassionate Ways to walk with grief

A prayer of acceptance

Grief Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept my grief Grant me the strength to be at peace with difficult emotions Grant me the inner wisdom to approach my grief compassionately Grant me the courage to cry and express my grief story without shame Grant me compassion to be with others who may not understand my grief Grant me the patience to fully be with the grieving process without running away Grant me the ability to be present with the stages of my grief Grant me the support I need so I may heal Grant me stillness so I may lean into your reservoir of love.

-Esha Estar