eShe July 2019

July 2019 Vol 3 Issue 6 `150

Arundhathi Subramaniam The globally acclaimed poet on individuality and spirituality

2nd

Anniversary

ARTISTIC LICENCE India’s top female poets and graphic novelists, and their pivotal works

THE GLOBAL GURUS World-famous motivational speakers Kass Thomas, Allana Pratt, and more

FASHION TOUR 5 cool ideas for a destination wedding this summer

2 | PERSONAL GROWTH

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contents

ON THE COVER: Arundhathi Subramaniam PHOTOGRAPHY: Anagram Studio

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10

Get Intimate with Yourself

14

The Call of the Inner Child

18

Humanist By Design

24

Communicating with Heart

28

Soaked in Poetry

36

Poetic Licence

48

Acting with Purpose

51

Below the Belt

56

At Home in Rome

A Summer Wedding Fashion blogger Archana Dhankar lists 5 light and breezy essentials

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Intimacy expert Allana Pratt shares tips

Psychotherapy is addressing the kid in us

Graphic novelists painting a bigger picture

Renowned motivational speaker Kass Thomas

Cover personality Arundhathi Subramaniam

Selected works from India’s top poetesses

Award-winning theatre artist Rashi Bunny

Rape threats against women go digital

The many things that unite India and Italy

4 | EDITOR’S NOTE

TWO YEARS IN LOVE

I

t’s been two years of eShe, two years made up of thousands of single moments of passion and purpose. Two years of fighting doubt and despair with a seeker’s faith and a warrior’s determination. Two years of learning to own my limited resources and two years of being blessed by the universe with resources from around the world.

One single quote by journalist Jim Watkins has driven me for two years despite the mountains in my path: “A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.”

Angels were sent to help me along. I bow in gratitude for your two years of consistent support: Kaveri Jain, Kay Newton, Nyamat Bindra, Ananya Jain, Neha Kirpal, Maya Lalchandani and every contributor who has shared their time and talents with eShe. I also thank my many muses and mentors whose eyes light up when they speak of eShe and whose belief in me has buoyed my ride.

Am I being poetic? It’s all the poetry in the air, Aekta Kapoor Editor and Publisher with international award-winning poet Arundaekta@coralcontent.com hathi Subramaniam on the cover, and four noted poets inside. Am I sounding inspired? It’s because of interacting with global gurus Kass Thomas and Allana Pratt, who lit me up. Is this love? If it isn’t, what is? Happy anniversary, my beloveds.  Editor and Publisher: Aekta Kapoor Business Director: Kaveri Jain Marketing and Research: Nyamat Bindra (nyamat@coralcontent.com) Brand Managers: Amrita Nagpal, Pallavi Pratap Malik Contributors: Ananya Jain, Archana Dhankar, Kaveri Jain, Kay Newton, Maya Lalchandani, Neha Kirpal

Mentor: Kul Bhushan All rights reserved throughout the world.

Reproduction in any manner is prohibited.

Published by Aekta Kapoor from Coral Content, C3/1 GF, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi 110057, India.

Phone: +91 9818166621. Printed at Modest Graphics (P) Ltd, Shop No.C-53, Okhla Industrial Area, Phase 1, New Delhi 110020. For queries, write to mail@coralcontent.com, or visit eShe.in JULY 2019

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6 | ANNIVERSARY

ANOTHER YEAR OF

INSPIRATION These were the most-read stories on our website eShe.in in year two JULY 2018 Workspaces don’t have to be defined by ‘corporate’ formality.

We featured women-led teams that do great work in informal settings, with open spaces, plants and maybe even a mother around for company, such as Simran Maini (left), who works out of her mom’s garage!

AUGUST 2018 Retired schoolteacher Neera Kohli noticed something missing in the school curriculum: how to be happy.

So she launched a new curriculum for Indian schools to teach kids life skills. Readers from around the world loved her story of love, hope and her drive to make kids happier.

SEPTEMBER 2018 Science bloggers Aashima Dogra and Nandita Jayaraj are putting the spotlight on women working in various fields of science across India. “Marriage is an impediment to women scientists,” they found. Some readers argued, some agreed.

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OCTOBER 2018 The one thing that unravelled our anonymous columnist Unsanskari Stree’s marriage was not domestic violence or another woman.

It was lack of respect:“I was a commodity, something to be delivered with hymen intact, from parents to husband.”

NOVEMBER 2018 Atikaa Ahluwalia is educated, well-travelled and has worked in fashion. She also had to face partner violence. Her credentials only made it harder for her agony to be taken seriously. She shares why she took the man to court: “The unabashed, consistent sense of entitlement in the men accused in the #MeToo accounts and sheer number of horror stories out there made me realise the cost of our collective silence.”

DECEMBER 2018 With her line of sustainable clothing called LOVE CHANGE, Dhirta Rikhye is out to spark a revolution in slow fashion among Indian millennials. “I’m confident that if there’s a wave of slow fashion, more people will be willing to make the switch. Someone has to set an example,” she says.

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JANUARY 2019 We featured the 11 women finalists who made it to Sahapedia’s Frames Photography Grant 2018 and the work they are doing to chronicle India’s rich culture and diversity.

One was Shatabdi Chakrabarti, who is documenting the tattoo culture of the Baigas in Madhya Pradesh.

FEBRUARY 2019 Fashion entrepreneur Mamta Agarwal took a difficult decision in her 30s to donate a kidney to her ailing father. But nothing had prepared her for what life held in store. Her daughter spent weeks Googling ‘percentage of deaths after kidney transplant’.

Her son spent days crying in fear.

Her own spiritual and healing journey began here.

MARCH 2019 eShe’s most-read story of all time with close to a million hits, this one earned both bouquets and brickbats.

Editor Aekta Kapoor exhorted her grown daughters to not bother about marriage, and instead focus on their own growth, career and goals. Her candid, heartfelt advice became a talking point amongst both delighted and furious readers.

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APRIL 2019 Responding to critics of her previous column, Aekta Kapoor shared even more controversial thoughts on why “there is no such thing as a failed marriage” and why such outdated terms need to be laid to rest. She also shared a strange photo of herself mock-meditating.

MAY 2019 A fresh healing modality and life philosophy has been sweeping through urban India, leaving women quite happy in its wake.

It’s called ‘Access Consciousness’, and is a kind of new-age thought movement originating in the US, the aim of which is “to create a world of consciousness and oneness, where everything exists and nothing is judged”. We spoke to practitioners like Shaira Chaudhry (left) about their views.

JUNE 2019 Award-winning neuroscientist Dr Vidita Vaidya is studying the circuitry of emotions to help future generations protect their brains and fight psychological disorders. Highly relevant at a time when mental illness is on the rise, our June cover personality’s work is poised to have a far-reaching global impact.

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10 | RELATIONSHIPS

“Get Intimate with Yourself ”

Life coach Allana Pratt went through difficult circumstances and relationships before learning that romantic fulfilment begins with self-love

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ake ownership of your life most become synonymous with. and be intimate with your- She is outspoken and brutally frank self. That’s Allana Pratt’s about the need to respect each part mantra to all those who want of one’s body to overcome the agto reclaim their lives from the brink ony of underestimating oneself due of despair. Allana herself had been to societal and family pressures. through it all the hard way, losing Indeed, the highly successful moall hope and then, tivational speakmiraculously, stum- ALLANA IS OUTSPOKEN er – who idolises bling upon joy in its Lady Di AND BRUTALLY FRANK Beyonce, purest form. and Oprah Winfrey ABOUT THE NEED TO For someone – dreamt big as a who grew up in kid, but had to fight RESPECT EACH PART British Columbia, her way through OF ONE’S BODY Canada, 49 years failures, heartbreaks ago, as a child to a and financial hardpharmacist father ships before springand a teacher mom, insecure of ing back into form and regaining herself, ashamed of her body and the sunny disposition she is known scared of men, Allana now helps for now. men and women cope successfully At age 19, after her unsuccessful with breakups and life-altering set- pursuits to secure glory and fame backs. Vibrant and articulate, Allana in Hollywood, she took a flight to is widely written about and pho- Japan with the dream of becomtographed, and has authored four ing a supermodel. She did well and books and has over four million stayed back in that country for four viewers on YouTube. years. But, despite decent success Allana calls herself an intimacy in her own career, she often went expert, an expression she has al- through mental traumas because JULY 2019

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12 | RELATIONSHIPS

Allana with her 16-year-old son Gabriel whom she describes as “an extraordinary child who delights me”

she compared herself with every did things out of her own preferother model she met: is she better ence. She began to love money and than me? Do I measure up to ex- court success. She also went back pectations? to school. “I first studied business at Allana also felt Caribou University hurt by men who in Kamloops, CanSHE BEGAN TO SEE treated her like then I finished HERSELF AS A “PIECE ada, a piece of meat. my undergrad at OF ART” WHO DIDN’T Columbia UniversiEventually, she met the first of her NEED TO DO ANYTHING ty in New York City two husbands, a graduating cum TO PLEASE ANYONE multi-millionaire. laude in art history,” But the marriage she tells eShe. soon turned sour.

She did marry Yet, she survived. She managed to again. “I met my second husband beat the demons of a mind-numb- as my mother was dying of caning breakup and began to see herself cer. While it wasn’t the most enas a “piece of art” who didn’t need lightened decision, I just wanted to to do anything to please anyone, but replace the relationship I was losJULY 2019

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ing and have a child.” Though that marriage didn’t last either, Allana says, “We produced an extraordinary child who delights us both.

No regrets.” She speaks fondly of her son, “I speak of Gabriel often in my newsletters, videos and social media postings.... He is the inspiration for pretty much all I do! He is 16 years old and a handsome 6’3” young man.”

She offers tips to people who want to tide over the scars of an abusive relationship. One of the first points is to shift out of victim or martyr identity. The second, she says, is to be brave and to take total responsibility for your behaviour.

Allana, who has been coaching people for nearly two decades, goes on, “In my home-study program called Heart Splayed Wide Open, I break down into seven steps what I believe it takes to shift limiting beliefs, to integrate anger from a place where we would blame others or reject ourselves into a place where we are fuelled into integrity with our values and our soul’s truth. Next I go into connecting with ‘Little You’: she’s the one who you have abandoned or rejected or blamed for your life when in fact she’s simply crying out for your love, acknowledgement, attention so she can experience a sense of belonging and love from the inside out.

From there I train women how to trust again by first leaning to make JULY 2019

love with the Universe, to let in the beauty, life force, energy and vitality of the Earth and the Universe for their radiance, health and joy. From

there I help them to visualise and receive and embody the capacity to have an ideal partnership where each party ignites the evolutionary spark in the other, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”

Just for pleasure, the effervescent Allana also does pole dancing. 

14 | PSYCHOLOGY

THE CALL OF THE INNER CHILD

A fast-growing form of psychotherapy addresses the needs of the child inside us and the results are decidedly startling for those who venture in

By Aekta Kapoor

I

t’s not easy being a child – and it’s even harder when the child is inside a reasonably sane adult.

When the child inside me finally gets a chance to speak after decades of neglect – and after I have been through a session of guided meditation and honest self-introspection – she says with dismissive scorn: “I don’t think much of you.”

To my great shock, she says this to me in writing. I have proof.

Sounds like something straight out of a psychological thriller, doesn’t it? Except it’s not. This is

science. And not only does it have decades of research and the biggest names in psychotherapy and neuroscience behind it, it is also making huge inroads into the psychology, substance rehabilitation and wellness scene in India.

The technique involved is called ‘inner child healing’. The idea is to venture into the deepest recesses of the mind to uncover the roots of what become negative adult behaviours, and then go into one’s memory bank with various tools used by modern mental health proJULY 2019

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fessionals – from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) to hypnotherapy, automatic writing, visualisation, expression of emotion, support groups, and the repetition of positive affirmations – to fix and heal it at its very origin.Very sci-fi, yes, but also very difficult and real. It’s certainly not for the fainthearted – for who knows what you will uncover if you go deep enough?

THE CORE OF THE ISSUE One of the organisations in India offering inner-child healing is LifeSkills (www.lifeskills.co.in), a de-addiction and counseling service based in Gurgaon and Nasik.

Co-founded by Meena Iyer, a psychologist, hypnotherapist and motivational trainer, and Sonal Datt Verma, a de-addiction counsellor, artist and martial-arts expert, the group has developed a fourday residential ‘My Inner Child’ workshop to help you hear and heal the child in you.

The sessions are conducted by Meena and Sonal along with Sanhita Kargupta, a reputed Kolkata-based psychotherapist and transactional analyst.

The schedule includes meditation, assignments, role plays, oneon-one sessions, fitness JULY 2019

and light-hearted socialisation.

It is easy to dismiss the very need for healing one’s inner child, for most of us assume we are sorted most of the time. But a ‘wounded child questionnaire’ soon lays such an assumption to rest. Are you a people-pleaser? Are you a hoarder who has trouble letting go of anything? Are you addicted to substances? Do you continually criticise yourself? Are you driven to be a super-achiever? Are you depressed a lot of the time? Are you confused about your sexual identity? Do you have trouble starting or finishing things? Are you a perfectionist?

These are just a few of the traits that indicate a part of you may have been ‘wounded’ in childhood or adolescence. Sixty such questions later, you realise most people in the world are wounded one way or another. As long as the ‘yes’ answers are limited and do not lead to harmful or compulsive behaviours in your daily life, it’s alright; you will survive and thrive.

If, however, you have too many ‘ticks’ on the questionnaire, it’s time to reflect.

CHILD & ADULT The science behind inner-child healing goes back to the early 20th

16 | PSYCHOLOGY

century, when Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, propounded the ‘child archetype’. Later, Canadian-born psychiatrist Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis became the next psychological movement to bring the idea of a ‘child inside’ to attention. He proposed that the way we act comes from one of three ‘ego states’ namely childlike, parent-like, or adult-like.

In the mid-20th century, John Bradshaw an American alcoholic from a dysfunctional family sobered up and went on to revolutionise the self-help world with his ideas of the ‘wounded inner child’. In the later half of the 20th century, Erik Erikson, the legendary German-American developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst, along with his wife Joan Erikson came up with ‘Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development’. It identifies a series of eight stages that a healthy developing individual should pass through from infancy to late adulthood.

At any stage of growing up, if the child faces any sort of abuse, neglect or trauma, it manifests later in life as co-dependency, trust or self-esteem issues, acting-out behaviour, intimacy dysfunction, addictive or

compulsive behaviours, thought distortions or emptiness. Or worse.

THE WOUNDED PARENT Confoundingly, most issues created in the earliest months and years of childhood are to do with the mother. Despite good intentions, certain events may create an indelible mark in her child’s mind. Lack of affection, physical abuse, even a casual remark, an insensitive scolding or her absence can scar her child in unknown ways for life. As the child grows, the father’s role becomes just as critical as the mother’s.

That is not to say it’s all the parents’ fault. Indeed, they themselves may be acting out their own ‘wounded child’ in adulthood. (For instance, adult bullies, violent parents and sexual predators are more often than not physically, mentally or sexually abused in childhood.)

Parents simply do not realise the long-term implications of their actions, and end up scolding, hitting, berating, ignoring and hurting the child out of impulse or ignorance.

The LifeSkills workshop takes you to different stages of your child development, starting from infancy to toddlerhood, early school years and adolescence, right JULY 2019

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up to the late 20s. Soon after the facilitators have explained the theory behind the practice of inner-child healing, you begin to feel rather uncomfortable – not only do you realise how ‘spiritually wounded’ your own inner child is, you also begin to understand, with horror, how much you may have inadvertently ‘wounded’ your own children in

their formative years. “That’s right, lay on the mother’s guilt thicker!” my inner adult screams. Of course, the facilitators are cautiously optimistic that good therapy can heal anything.

STEP INTO MY PARLOUR I venture into their therapy sessions with a slight bit of trepidation. There are several landmarks in my mind’s psychological landscape that I must revisit and address, even those I have shut away for years.

Each of the facilitators contributes to my mental rehabilitation: Sonal with his ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ JULY 2019

approach reassures me I don’t have an eating disorder, I merely have food cravings that a bit of NLP can easily fix. Phew. Meena takes me into a moving hypnotherapy session where I let go of grievous wounds of my adolescence; I purge my anger at those I believe are the perpetrators of the broken parts of me, and end the session with a weight off my shoulders.

Finally, Sanhita, with her “feelings are meant to be felt, not suppressed” refrain, makes me stare in the face of my hatred, fear and loathing – which had been tucked away in the depths of my subconscious, only allowing me a glimpse now and then by plunging me into bottomless, inexplicable sadness – and forces me to vent it out. I exit the group session, lock myself in the conference-room bathroom, and punch and kick the air with all my strength, raging, “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I am not your property! You cannot decide my fate! Fuck you all!” at the villains in my mind until I am spent and exhausted. It is a shuddering, exploding catharsis.

In the final visualisation session, I open my arms invitingly towards my inner child, drawing her in with a longing, tremulous gaze. I hold my breath as she sizes me up. Finally, she accepts me, walks into my arms and becomes one with the adult me.

I exhale after what feels like 40 years. Welcome home little one. 

18 | DESIGN

HUMANIST BY DESIGN These graphic novelists and illustrators are using their visual art to highlight causes and injustices in society

By Neha Kirpal

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Visual storyteller Aaniya Asrani’s latest work Portraits of Exile looks at the lives of Tibetan refugees in Karnataka AANIYA ASRANI, BENGALURU

A

uthor-illustrator, visual storyteller and multidisciplinary artist, Aaniya Asrani envisions the world as an intricate labyrinth of stories, where with each encounter one has the opportunity to learn from the lived experiences of others.The perplexities of human existence and a curiosity to understand and share perspectives drive her artistic practice.

“I look at storytelling as a catalyst for changing the perspective of another through an exploration of the stories we carry with us, which I see as increasingly necessary in our current socio-political environment – one built on the foundations of ‘imperialist white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy’ as Author Bell Hooks describes in her essay Understanding Patriarchy,” she says.

Her recent series of three creative non-fiction books, Portraits of Exile: ‘Homebound’, ‘Homeland’ and ‘Homecoming’ (Katha, 2019) is based on the lives of Tibetan refugees living in Bylakuppe, Karnataka. The books explore the idea of home and what it means to live a life in exile.

Asrani hopes these graphic novels will sensitise future generations about the ramifications of largeJULY 2019

scale social and political movements.

“I aim to bear witness to personal anecdotes, oral histories and traditions that would otherwise be lost in a fast-paced apathetic world – in turn, providing a platform for care, understanding and empathy through storytelling and graphic art,” she adds.

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PRIYA KURIYAN, NEW DELHI

Priya Kuriyan’s bold and brilliant book Drawing the Line is a visual depiction of young women responding to the Delhi gang-rape in 2012

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riya Kuriyan is an animation filmmaker, children’s book illustrator, comic-book artist and an animator. She won The Hindu Young World Goodbooks Best Illustrator Award for her work in Princess Easy Pleasy (2015). She is best known for her book Drawing the Line: Indian Women Fight Back (2015). The book, which was created in a week-long workshop by the feminist publisher Zubaan as an attempt to get more women to step into sequential art and graphic storytelling, is a bold and brilliant collection of true visual stories. In the book, 14 young women respond

to the activism, debates and protests in the aftermath of the brutal Delhi gang-rape in December 2012. The chapters cover universal themes and struggles that women encounter on a daily basis such as gender, sexuality, harassment, coming of age, family, sisterhood, racism, classism and political struggle.

Another of her notable books is Indira (2018), a graphic biography of Indira Gandhi. “There is something very different and truthful when women articulate issues that matter to their own gender, themselves, in their own words (and pictures in this case),” Priya writes.

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AMRUTA PATIL, FRANCE / GOA

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The Nari Shakti Puruskar awardee created India’s first queer heroine

ndia’s first popular female graphic novelist, Amruta Patil lives between the French medieval town of Angoulême and Goa. She incorporates acrylic painting, collage, water colour and charcoal in her artwork. Recurring themes in her feminist work include memento mori, sexuality, myth, sustainable living, and the unbroken thread of stories passed down through the ages. Her work has been translated into French and Italian. In 2017, she was awarded the Nari Shakti Puraskar by the President of India for “unusual

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work that breaks boundaries” in art and literature.

Amruta is best known for her critically acclaimed debut graphic novel, Kari (2008), described as an urban exploration of female sexuality and psyche. Kari was applauded for giving a new voice and female perspective to graphic fiction in India.The book’s comingof-age protagonist, Kari, was one of Indian literature’s first queer leads.

Her subsequent graphic novels, Adi Parva: Churning of the Ocean (2012) and Sauptik: Blood and Flowers (2016) retell stories from the Mahabharata.

22 | DESIGN

AYESHA TARIQ, KARACHI

Ayesha Tariq’s graphic novel is about what she and her Pakistani women friends face every day – social hypocrisy, sexual abuse and gender biases

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arachi-based Ayesha Tariq is a multidisciplinary artist who dabbles in improv, stand-up comedy, drama, illustration, music and is “curious about more and sometimes nothing at all.” She

graduated from The Indus Valley School of Art and Architecture with a degree in communication design, and “has been trying to adult since.”

Ayesha is best known for her book Sarah: The Suppressed Anger JULY 2019

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“THERE IS A BIG POWER IN SHARING YOUR NARRATIVE; IT INVITES CONNECTION, LOVE AND GROWTH”

of The Pakistani Obedient Daughter (Penguin India, 2015), which she has written and illustrated. Its protagonist, teenager Sarah, belongs to a conservative urban family in Pakistan. Sarah has to do all the chores of the house, keep her family members happy and her reputation clean so that people don’t gossip about her, and always look good so that she can be the ideal candidate for the rishtas that come her way.

“Women go through so much on a daily basis. We don’t want caricature versions of us, we want all representation. And I think, for

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that, the world needs to be more encouraging of female perspectives,” says Ayesha.

The book took root after Ayesha had a fight with her family. She then made a list of things that she and her Pakistani women friends went through on a daily basis – hypocrisy in society, sexual abuse and gender biases.

“The world did not feel safe for me, so I communicated through my work the difficult conversations I wish I could have in person.

Whenever I have put my work out there, someone has connected with it, and I think it comforts me that my work is able to open up a space to start a conversation.

Conversations make the world a safer place. There is a big power in sharing your narrative; it invites connection, love and personal and communal growth,” she says.

She adds:“There is now more and more room for women to speak up, and though it is difficult, we must take up that space.” 

24 | PERSONAL GROWTH

COMMUNICATING FROM THE HEART

A powerhouse of energy and inspiration, American-Italian motivational speaker Kass Thomas wants Indian women to see their own inner beauty JULY 2019

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orn in Boston, the capital city of the northeastern state of Massachusetts in the US, Kass Thomas belonged to an unconventional family – both her parents were married to other partners at the time of her birth. “Though you could say it was pretty conventional by American standards,” smiles the bestselling author, international motivational speaker and life coach, whose keen understanding of human psychology probably has its roots in her childhood brought up among varied and interesting people.

While Kass was a small child, her mom Jean – an intellectual, open and joyous woman – worked as a nurse in a Jewish hospital, where she picked up several Yiddish words.

So much so that even young Kass Kass has so far conducted over 1,000 classes and assisted over 10,000 people across the world

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would use words like mashugana to call someone ‘crazy’. She similarly learnt to instinctively respond with “Wa ‘alaikum as salaam” whenever anyone greeted her with “As salaam alaikum” because of the many hundreds of times she visited the home of an Indian Muslim doctor who was her mother’s colleague.

“I was brought up in such a multicultural environment, I just assumed all this was part of the common vocabulary,” says Kass, whose parents finally married one another when she was six years old.

“My father wasn’t educated but he wanted me to be. So he named me Kass after one of the first women to graduate from Harvard Medical School,” she recalls.

Sensitive, talkative and curious as a child, Kass graduated from the

26 | PERSONAL GROWTH

historical Boston Latin School – established in 1635 – and then moved to New York to earn her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and her Master’s in theatre management. Mingling with students from different backgrounds – Chinese, Irish, Indian, Italian, Japanese – and travelling around the world in those years helped her pick up various languages. In 1999, when she was 34, Kass

American celebrities such as Madonna, Ray Charles, Denzel Washington,Whoopi Goldberg, Michelle Pfeiffer and Morgan Freeman.

She also published her book, 7 Steps to Flawless Communication, encapsulating her life’s biggest lessons in self-improvement and personal growth. The book was a bestseller and was translated to 14 languages.

There was something about In-

L-R: Kass and her husband of two decades, Marco Corbelli; the cover of her best-selling book

married an Italian, Marco Corbelli, and moved with him to Rome.

In 2003, she learnt Access Consciousness, a life-transformation philosophy developed in the US. It fit her optimistic, non-judgemental and compassionate personality like a glove. Soon she was giving talks and conducting workshops around the world. Till date she has facilitated over 1,000 classes and assisted over 10,000 people, including

dia that both attracted and frightened Kass as a younger woman. “I thought I’d have to be very spiritual before I went there,” she narrates.

Instead, India came to her.

“The name Rattan Deep Singh popped up every time I held my online Access workshops,” she recalls. “I thought it was a bug in the computer.” She was pleasantly surprised to actually meet Rattan Deep and his wife, an elderly couJULY 2019

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Watch Kass in action at eShe’s Shine Your Light personal-growth workshop at Kitty Su, Mumbai on July 20

ple from India who invited Kass for an Access event in Jaipur in 2015.

“Rattan Deep led me to a table around which 12 people sat. Each one of them thanked me for being who I am,” says Kass, her eyes softening in remembrance. “My heart just exploded,” she says, recalling how she fell in love with India.

At her first workshop in Delhi, Kass instructed participants to add “up until now” whenever they shared their problems in the class.

The little phrase electrified the atmosphere in the room.

She exhorts Indian women to internalise their external beauty and to realise how special they are.

“Indian women care for everyone JULY 2019

else, and even for their personal appearance but there’s a gap when it comes to seeing their inner beauty.

Stop criticising yourself,” she says.

She suggests women read the first chapter from her book: “It’s called ‘Show me the magic’. It’s actually a request to the universe to allow you to see your unique brand of magic.”

Kass has a hypnotic way of speaking, looking deep into your soul as words of ancient wisdom pour from her lips. “If you’re waiting for the perfect circumstances to arrive before you can be happy, you are not honouring the perfection of the present moment,” she says. There is indeed perfection in the moment Kass speaks. 

28 | COVER STORY

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SOAKED IN POETRY

One of India’s greatest living poetesses, Arundhathi Subramaniam brings together a writer’s mastery and a mystic’s inspiration to her art Text by Aekta Kapoor. Photography by Anagram Studio

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here is an addictive quality to her work. Author of 11 books, both Arundhathi Subramaniam’s poetry and prose, she has penned poetry. When she begins to the bestselling autobiography of narrate tales in verse – as she the spiritual teacher Sadhguru and does with Avvaiyar in her latest an- has worked over the years as poetry thology Love Without a Story (West- editor, cultural curator and literary land, 2019) – one is spellbound, critic. holding on to each word and stanza A Mumbai-kar for most of her like a sip of exotic life, Arundhathi wine, moving forgraduated in En“DESPITE ALL THE ward and staying literature ATTEMPTS TO SIDELINE, glish still at the same from St XaviOR PRETTIFY, OR ERASE er’s College and time.

One of India’s THEM, FEMALE MYSTICS’ did her Master’s greatest living poat the University etesses, Arundha- VOICES HAVE ENDURED” of Bombay. After thi’s art is more trying her hand at than a seductive college teaching, play with semantics. The winner of she took up curatorial work at the several prestigious awards, including National Centre for the Performing the Zee Women’s Award for Liter- Arts where she ran a well-known ature and the International Piero inter-arts forum called Chauraha Bigongiari Prize in Italy, and fel- for 15 years. For several years, she lowships such as Charles Wallace, was also editor of the India domain Visiting Arts and Homi Bhabha, of the Poetry International Web. Arundhathi uses both a writer’s As a freelancer, she has continued mastery and a mystic’s inspiration in writing on culture and literature JULY 2019

30 | COVER STORY

for journals. “That suits my temperament. I never made great money, but I valued something much more than that: my freedom. And that was never in short supply,” she shares.

She published her first book of poems, On Cleaning Bookshelves, in 2001. Then came Where I Live (2005), New and Selected Poems (2009), When God is a Traveller (2014), which was highly acclaimed,

published in 2014, and she has curated several festivals around Bhakti poetry: ‘Stark Raving Mad’ at the NCPA in 2014; ‘Mystic Kalinga’ in Bhubaneswar in January 2019, the most recent ‘Wild Women’ on women mystics at NCPA this April.

Last May, Arundhathi married Raghu Sundaram, an economist who teaches finance at the Stern School of Business in New York.

Arundhathi’s books: (L-R) When God Is a Traveller, Adiyogi: The Source of Yoga and Love Without a Story

and Love Without a Story this year.

Along the way, she met theatre director Vikram Kapadia when she interviewed him about one of his plays for a newspaper story. They married in 1994, and were together until 2009. He remains a friend even today.

Arundhathi also went on a spiritual journey along the poetic one.

Her anthology, Eating God, was

“I’m fiercely independent in many ways, and I still see myself as something of a vagabond. But I guess a committed relationship doesn’t have to be antithetical to a life of freedom. I’m also poet enough to never quite lose faith in romance!

And I’ve married a man who felt instantly like a friend. Happily, he still feels like one. He’s a very special combination of intelligence and JULY 2019

COVER STORY | 31

Arundhathi receiving the Zee Media Indian Woman Award for Literature in January 2016

kindness – that mix of head and heart appealed,” she shares of their marriage. Arundhathi now spends her time between US and India.We spoke to her about her life, poetry and bhakti.

What were your ambitions as a child?

After a brief five-year-old fantasy of joining the army (I called myself Second Lieutenant for a time!), I think it’s always been ‘poet’.

Did the atmosphere at home serve as fodder for your literary pursuits?

I grew up in a book-infested home – thanks to Dad who was an avid reader of all manner of literature, from history to fiction and philosophy. My mother taught kinJULY 2019

dergarten for many years, and her wonderful blend of patience and gentle intelligence made her a gifted teacher. She is also practitioner of classical music, and used to sing for classical dance performances.

Additionally, I had an elder sister who was a voracious reader.

Did any event in college and university shape your later life as a poet?

Well, discovering Arun Kolatkar’s Jejuri in the Xavier’s library one afternoon was a quietly significant moment. Even as a 17-year-old, I realised that this was some pretty remarkable poetry I was holding in my hands. The imagistic precision and tonal ease of it struck me right

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away. I realised later that this is the hallmark of real poetry: it wears its virtuosity lightly. There is nothing self-conscious about it.

Soon after my Master’s, I remember discovering this line by the American poet Randall Jarrell: “Read at whim, read at whim”.

After years of structured education, this line was suddenly liberating. I allowed myself the license to gravitate from the literature section to other unexplored regions of bookstores. Not surprisingly, I often found myself at the philosophy and spirituality sections!

How did your spiritual journey impact your literary life?

Another parallel strain of writing began to intensify: my prose writing on spirituality. I wrote a short book on the Buddha for Penguin (2005); a biography of Sadhguru (2010); a book on Adiyogi that I co-authored with Sadhguru (2017). There have also been various anthologies I’ve edited: an acclaimed book of Bhakti poetry, Eating God, and one on sacred journeys, Pilgrim’s India.

What are the hazards of being a poet – someone who feels deeply and sees what others can’t or won’t?

What an interesting question! Poetry is inflammable stuff, so yes, it is hazardous. It is language cooked under conditions of great heat and pressure. It is also the only verbal art that works consciously with the pause. Pauses are dangerous potholes

Home Give me a home that isn’t mine, where I can slip in and out of rooms without a trace, never worrying about the plumbing, the colour of the curtains, the cacophony of books by the bedside.

A home that I can wear lightly, where the rooms aren’t clogged with yesterday’s conversations, where the self doesn’t bloat to fill in the crevices.

A home, like this body, so alien when I try to belong, so hospitable when I decide I’m just visiting. © Arundhathi Subramanaim Where I Live: New and Selected Poems (Bloodaxe Books UK, 2010)

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in language, and poetry is about befriending those potholes. This is what makes it the oldest form of literary sorcery on the planet.

To put it another way, poetry is not about paddling in the shallows but about learning to become a deep-sea diver. There are dangers in those depths. But the adventure and the discovery are intoxicating.

Or to answer your question even more directly, being a poet is about a certain condition of ‘skinlessness’. It takes vulnerability, it takes a level of receptivity that can sometimes turn painful. But poetry is also about the ability to listen to what the poet

Rilke called “the news that is always arriving out of silence”. That news – subtle and muted, though it is – is its own reward.

How do women poets and mystics add to the human experience through their unique perspectives?

The festival of mystic women poets I curated at the NCPA this April all began with my immersive reading of the Bhakti poets – many of whom came to my rescue during difficult moments on my spiritual journey.

And as I marinated in those mystic poets, the voices of women – as well as the voices of the men who adopt female voices – began to inJULY 2019

COVER STORY | 35

trigue me. Despite all the attempts to sideline, or prettify, or trivialise, or erase them, these voices have endured. And these are audacious voices – passionate, sensual, often unabashedly erotic. These are also dangerous, anti-status quoist voices, asking very inconvenient questions.

They interest me because they are

enters the poetry of male mystics when they adopt the female voice.

You once said you shifted from the jnana marg to the bhakti marg...

I’m by no means anti-intellectual, or anti-jnana. I’ve always enjoyed the life of the mind, and still do. It’s just that as my path unfolded, the emotional aspect of my life came to

Arundhathi receiving the International Piero Bigongiari Award in Italy in Spring 2015

voices that don’t set up a divide between the material and the spiritual, the earthy and the existential. They don’t endorse the old civil war between samsara and nirvana, flesh and spirit. Instead, they see them as part of a seamless a continuum.That fascinates me.

It is also interesting [to see] the kind of freedom and abandon that JULY 2019

the fore much more powerfully. We often see bhakti as a path of blind adoration. Of groveling servility. It is not that at all. It is a very wise path that helps you realise that intimacy and spaciousness can coexist.

That love and freedom aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s an extraordinarily profound science of the heart.  Read the complete interview on eShe,in

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POETIC LICENCE We pick four of India’s most acclaimed women poets you need to read, and ask them to share a favourite poem

By Neha Kirpal

country. Due to a rare genetic condition, she was often hospitalised in childhood, and spent much time reading. Later, she moved to France to pursue a Master’s degree in art management, and worked in Paris for various institutions thereafter.

Karthika has published both poetry and prose as well as written scripts for dance productions.

Her work has been published in anthologies worldwide, including Granta. She is the author of Bearings (2009), a poetry collection; DESH (2013), a dance diary; and The Honey Hunter/ Le Tigre de Miel (2013), a children’s book illustrated

by Joëlle Jolivet.

Until the Lions: Echoes from the Mahabharata, her reimagining of the Mahabharata in multiple voices, won the 2015 Tata Literature Live! rench-Indian poet and dance Award for fiction. She is India’s only producer and curator Karthika poet to have won a literary award Nair hails from Kerala. The for fiction for a work of poetry. daughter of an army officer, the Karthika’s poem ‘Pro Salute 47-year-old spent her childhood Patriae’ first appeared in Mint travelling extensively across the Lounge newspaper in August 2017.

F

JULY 2019

PHOTO CREDIT: KOEN BROOS

KARTHIKA NAIR

POETRY | 37

Pro Salute Patriae (Excerpt) At seventy, your arteries throb in full riptide, as do the veins: both suffused with plasma, rage and pride, red-hot and cold-white. Yet, blood too bountiful will seep into marrow and tendon, skin and membrane, then sweep across your newly-compressed heart like waves of basalt.

Fresh rules, too, must apply on feelings: doubt a dire fault, so are hunger and humour and thirst; triumph’s the chrism, and wild umbrage tagged your sharpest defence mechanism.

At seventy, you enjoy the ripple effect of high, mutant power coursing through each perfect cell, the scent of their allegiance, the deference of peers. The losses, you scoff, are false reference, minor, disposable fry — dead vacuoles, torn ligaments, the damaged liver, a crushed neuron or three or ten. You love the hashtags you trigger, daily global headlines, the murmurs, the shimmer.

At seventy, there’s not a ripple of laughter nor space for tears or regret or guilt. Compassion’s a chore, and glory the sole touchstone you cherish. We’re strangers now: you can’t recall me, and a dog in the manger I’d be named if you did. Still, a wish on a birthday is custom, and mine, although a chimera this day, shall chime through time: be human, plural, or better yet, an atoll, with reefs more varied than the alphabet. © Karthika Nair

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Girltalk Bad Bollywood movie, too much whiskey, a mattress on a friendly floor: Girl, your search for shelter has already spanned millennia. Now, you need lady friends. This blue is familiar; we have all been here, so in love we could not spot violence. For centuries we have carried fragments of each other back from distant towns, carefully wrapped: Here is your eyelid; this was your chin; your long lost fingernails. (This is the meaning of parent.)

Girl: Imagine the energy we’ve spent taking care of men. Imagine spending it on each other.

(This is the meaning of revolution.)

And yes, we know how to wear our skins tentatively, gift each other mirrors— we are all swallowed women, fighting for space. We are soft, wild anger, an experiment in breath.

We got you, Girl. Home is the yellow of a friend’s bedsheet, the fullness of ground below feet. Won’t you dare to walk in? © Aditi Rao

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ADITI RAO

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riter, teacher, activist and potter Aditi Rao has authored two poetry collections, and is the winner of several awards and fellowships. In 2013, she published a prose-poem called ‘Dear Mr Yadav, I Too Am an Indian Woman’ in The Feminist Wire as a response to Indian politician Lalu Prasad Yadav’s comments on the Delhi Slut Walk. Her writing reflects the time she spent in India, Argentina, Mexico and the US, where she did her Bachelor’s in liberal arts from Soka University of America and MFA in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College, New York.

Aditi now spends her time JULY 2019

between Delhi and Shimla, and teaches creative and academic writing. She frequently organises intensive courses and writing retreats across the country. The 34-year-old also runs a youth programme using the arts for social change. Passionate about pottery, Aditi exhibits and sells her stoneware ceramic work created at her home studio in Delhi.

Aditi’s poems dwell on the female experience – the griefs, wounds and exhilaration that women have been conditioned to suppress – thus allowing a catharsis to take place on the page. ‘Girltalk’ is part of her latest anthology of poems A Kind of Freedom Song, which has been hailed for its “astounding vulnerability”.

40 | POETRY

SOHINI BASAK

S

ohini Basak grew up in Barrackpore and studied literature and creative writing at the universities of Delhi, Warwick, and East Anglia, where she was awarded the Malcolm Bradbury Continuation Grant for Poetry. Two years ago, she received a Toto Funds the Arts prize for her poetry.

Currently based in Delhi, where she works as an editor, Sohini’s personal writing hovers between recollection and review

– of experiences she has had or imagined or read about. Her debut collection of poems, We Live in the Newness of Small Differences (Eyewear Publishing, 2018), fuses reality, dream and folklore and range from Bangla children’s classics to contemporary writers and ecological events. Praised as an “imaginative debut”, it also won her the inaugural Beverly Manuscript Prize. ‘If You Look Long Enough’ is one of the poems in the book.

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If You Look Long Enough No such event: only a lake approaching us as we bowed down to its water, undeniably wet, but not as happy as the dogs who come to lap the shores every day. The lake does not know us yet.

But it allows the sharp blue dragonfly to make tiny grazes on its surface. Something moves in the dry mass of bramble on the other side. An animal perhaps, or just the wind.

We make no guesses; it could be either of the two and nothing would change. The lake turns dark with knowledge, this we are sure of, a fact, for one of the dogs starts barking.

Fact upon fact, but what else can nourish us? Even as a swan cuts through the disc that is the sun, the lake gathers itself around to heal it whole again. Hidden in lies or glorified in truth, we have come to the point where we will say nothing new. The animal or the wind stirs. And there, the lake is acknowledging us. Still, no event. Š Sohini Basak

JULY 2019

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Biscooti Love Memory is… images of a prepubescent boy cycling home, Parag milk packets in one of his arms, feeding biscuits to a stray gaggle of brown dogs, wagging their shins.

He, the colour of chocolate, almond-abdomened, he found love in many cities, technology-girls, animals in liberated women, who fed off his glucose, milk, sugar, marmalade; they never grew thin.

Large half-moon eyes, kind salivating tongue, his smile showed no cookiecrescent as he fed them all; he was my first love.

Over the trail of his virginwhite honey, the scent of shudh desi, Old world in new crackling wrapping, always with a 30% improved marking.

More than the girls, the calves and canines knew his way home, this small-towner of a bygone Bhaarat who found humans in animals, he grew hunger in me.

Bearing the saccharine of my bites and goosebumps, he now breaks under my neurotic granular breath. chai mein dubha hua – teadunked, wafer-thin, milk crux-ed.

Now in this morphing, superquick India, his animals are holographic.

His love fades cookie-slim into the sun of many states, tastes, time zones.

He has not one trail from work to home, but ten homes.

My Pickwick, Marie, Parle G, Tiger, Oreo, Bourbon, mall-shelved Belgian, online baked-and-ordered same old-same new, premium cream-crunched love. © Rochelle Potkar

JULY 2019

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ROCHELLE POTKAR

PHOTO CREDIT: RAJIB SARKAR

B

orn in Kalyan to Goan parents, award-winning poet Rochelle Potkar moved to Mumbai in 1998. She began writing at 27, after giving up her corporate job. Some of the common themes in her poems include relationships, feminism, sexuality, love, romance, motherhood and womanhood. An alumna of Iowa’s International Writing Program (2015) and Charles Wallace Writer’s fellowship (2017), Rochelle is the author of The Arithmetic of Breasts and Other Stories, Four Degrees of Separation and Paper Asylum. Her poem ‘Skirt’ was made into a poetry film by Philippa JULY 2019

Collie Cousins for the Visible Poetry Project.

Rochelle has read her poetry in India, Bali, Iowa, Stirling, Glasgow, Hong Kong, Ukraine, Hungary and the Gold Coast. She also conducts creative (flash fiction, poetry and haibun) workshops in colleges and libraries. Besides the written word, she has also debuted in a character role in the Tamil feature-length film, Taramani, directed by awardwinning director Ram. ‘Biscooti Love’ is taken from Rochelle’s first book, Four Degrees of Separation (Paperwall Media & Publishing, 2016). 

44 | PERSONAL GROWTH

In the Flow

When we’re ‘out of flow’, we are stressed and lack energy and purpose.

How do we get ‘in the flow’? Two women share their secrets hat does ‘flow’ mean to you? I attempt flow in my daily Tai Chi practice. When I have all the elements in place, my breathing and movement without conscious thought, it becomes a magical place to be. The problem in today’s modern world is that so many people are out of flow, stressed out, lacking

energy, suffering from illness and terribly out of balance.

To completely relax mentally and physically in Tai Chi, releasing any tension in the mind and body takes many hours of practice. This state of being, known as ‘Sung’, is when each part of the body moves in complete harmony, beginning and finishing at exactly the same JULY 2019

PHOTO: STOCKSNAP FROM PIXABAY

W

By Kay Newton

PERSONAL GROWTH | 45

time.You are at one with the world around you. The flow of energy moving through you gives power to the martial art, as well as healing you and the world around you.

How do we all get back in flow?

This was the question I posed to two UK-based life coaches.

vinia as a calm and relaxed person on the outside, internally she was the opposite. “When I looked deep at my insecurities, I saw that I wanted to please others, to be liked by everyone, seen as successful, and for everything I did to look like a simple breeze. For change to occur, I

“BEING IN A RELAXED STATE IS THE KEY TO LIFE. HAVING ANXIETY OR STRESS MEANS YOU ARE SWIMMING UPSTREAM”

LAVINIA SANDERS

Lavinia Sanders came from a corporate background yet was also always interested in holistic practices and studied to be a Reiki Master.

Despite all that, four years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer.

“The Big C really rocked my world and made me look deeply at the way I reacted to my life. I felt as if the rug had been pulled from underneath my feet and I had lost control of my life,” she says.

Even though everyone saw LaJULY 2019

had to come to terms with why I reacted this way. I realised that if I took responsibility for my own actions, (for they are the only ones one can change), life would also change.”

We all create our own reality through our thoughts, imaginations and feelings and our actions.

The developments in neuroscience recently show that we can change our neuroplasticity simply by thinking a new thought, no matter what our age.

46 | PERSONAL GROWTH

Says Lavinia, “A lot of people find gratitude. For example, if you are that hard to digest, they cannot see feeling overwhelmed instead of sayhow they have created the mess ing “I have so much to do!” turn it that they are in and yet they have. around and say “I am grateful I have When you step back and really look all this abundance in my life.” at how you react to different situations, you can see the pattern.”

LINDA ANNE LEDWIDGE Lavinia has developed a theory Linda Anne Ledwidge has develshe calls TEA – “In Ireland, a good oped a program called FreeFlocup of tea sorts anything!” – which Living based on the belief that we stands for Thoughts, Emotions and have to address the “whole” self, the Actions. She often conducts work- energy body as well as the physical shops on balance and flow. body, in order to heal. “If your body “Being in a relaxed state and is unable to process what you put moving forward into it – whether daily is the key to it is food, drink “ALL THAT MATTERS IS life. Having anxior thoughts – you HOW WE FEEL BUT IN ety or stress means are not living. All TODAY’S WORLD, PEOPLE you are swimthat matters is ming upstream all how we feel but DISCONNECT FROM the time, and it’s in today’s world hard. Always ask FEELINGS ALL TOO EASILY” people disconnect yourself ‘What do from feelings all I want?’ If you are too easily. Feeling not seeing what you want to see in enables flow,” she says. the world, then look internally. The When you feel tension, you block world is a reflection of you, a mirror flow. To release tension and enof your thoughts,” she explains. able flow, all you have to do think She shares three steps: of something that makes you feel 1. Become aware, decide what you good, says Linda. “Put a smile on want, set your intentions every day. your face and you can feel the imWhen you wake, mentally play over mediate positive change.” the day and imagine it going the Linda also talks about the choice best it can. of language, the way we use words 2. Choose an affirmation to support today and how they can hide the your intentions. For example, if you way we feel. “Quite often we hurhave a busy day, chant to yourself: ‘I ry to say something without conam productive with fun’. necting words and feelings first.

3. Always start and end your day in Everything we say or think creates JULY 2019

PERSONAL GROWTH | 47

Linda Anne Ledwidge

a sensation, a lightness or heaviness within us. People have stopped examining this process.”

There is also flow of the collective consciousness. Says Linda, “We have to filter what the world presents to us. When you filter you can also take on feelings linked to the collective consciousness.Yet it is still your choice how you react.”

You can always find something to feel good about if you look closely, says Linda. Focusing on goodness brings more of that awareness into your life and to the collective consciousness. Linda offers her own JULY 2019

three steps to get into flow: 1. Oxygenation: Breathe well and oxygenate your body.

2. Hydration: 50 percent of the problem can be resolved by drinking more water.

3. Relaxation: When you feel bad, change it. Shift the focus and feel just a little better, then a bit more…

When you are in flow, you are an example for others. Rumi said,“You are not a drop in the ocean.You are the entire ocean in a drop.” Choose the way you feel; it is the way you will change the world. What will you do differently today? 

48 | THEATRE

ACTING WITH PURPOSE

World-renowned theatre personality Rashi Bunny has followed her heart despite odds

By Maya Lalchandani JULY 2019

THEATRE | 49

I

t is tough to imagine now the choice that Rashi Bunny once had: to be a trophy wife and archetypal homemaker dutybound by convention to allow her talents to perish. Now a highly accomplished theatre activist, this single mother’s path was marked by constantly standing up against patriarchy and societal norms.

Rashi was married off when she was 20 to a bright, ambitious engineer. In the early 1990s, for any woman less driven, the ideal deal would have been to be part of the husband’s glorious career and studies. But Rashi, daughter of Kiron Bhatnagar, the first woman designer to pass out of the National School of Drama, was a bit of a non-conformist. She was prepared to take difficult choices in life.

Later, Rashi went on to study at Rutgers University in the US and made it to the President’s honor roll. A promising science student, she opted for theatre nonetheless.

“Theatre is a combination of the right and left brain, and it takes a creative and spontaneous person to be in it, adhering to certain rules where the logic and the magic come together.That’s why it’s a perfect profession for me,” she notes.

At a young age, she was invited by the father of modern Indian theatre, Ebrahim Alkazi, to join his venture The Living Theatre Academy. By 2001, she created her own JULY 2019

Banjara Theatre in West Bengal as a non-profit organisation; the members of that group are now spread across the world as change-makers. Soon, she was travelling across the world like a star and winning awards for her solo performances. It was then that cracks developed in her marriage and she called it quits.

But recognition continued to seek her. This included the Ustad Bismillah Khan Yuva Puraskar (the

Rashi conducts empowering workshops across India

highest award for those under 40 years of age) from the Government of India for theatre direction for her unique and intense plays like The Road To Mecca, Hibakusha and Nabh Taaron Se Khandit Pulkit. She also began to organise theatre workshops in premiere institutes such as IIMs, IITs, INIFD and NIFT. She expanded her activities to the corporate world and her clients today include Google, PWC, Cairn India, Pearson, Crisil, and Marriott.

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Rashi, well-known for her brilliant solo performances in Bhisham Sahni’s Madhavi, Manjula Padnabhaman’s Hidden Fires and Antoine de Saint Exubery’s The Little Prince, has performed worldwide, especially in theatre festivals, and has won several awards for India. She uses various art forms including dance in her work. Says she: “For me, dance is the movement of the spirit. Look

military science and more,” she smiles. Recently she also delved into neuroplasticity, the study of how brain cells respond to stimuli.

Her longevity in the world of theatre is remarkable indeed. “Actually, mine has been a 45-year-old journey since my mother got her best actress award when she was pregnant with me so it has been that long for me!” she quips. Moth-

Rashi has touched the lives of thousands of people as a transformational facilitator and creativity coach

at the nature around us – always in rhythm and harmony.We all are artists and dancers innately.”

Using her tools of theatre, art, music and dance, she has helped thousands of people as a transformational facilitator and creativity coach. Her versatility is evident in her workshops. “I have studied botany, zoology, chemistry, philosophy, psychology, art, 2D design, history, costume construction, hanging lights, carpentry, organic farming

er of an 11-year-old son, Rashi adds, “The spiritual realm that I had entered could not fit into the scientific world that I was given. I had to honour my gifts. I had to be completely and fully me, and for that I had to embrace myself and, in trying to chisel out the real me, I had to let many parts of my life go.”

Her instincts turned out right. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”  JULY 2019

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BELOW THE

BELT Even after centuries, women continue to be silenced with threats of sexual violence and rape, although the medium has changed from the battlefields of yore to internet-enabled platforms today

I

By Ananya Jain

n late April this year, a video of a middle-aged Delhi woman went viral on social media.

It was recorded by a younger woman who was told she should be ‘raped’ for wearing a short dress.

In the video, which got millions of views in a few hours before it was taken down by Instagram, the older lady says, “Hello guys. These ladies want to wear short to short dresses to encourage all to see them. All these ladies wear short dresses or get naked to raped (sic)”.

Interestingly, while the younger woman – and her friends and passers-by who defended her – became overnight internet heroes for taking a stance against the moral policing of their clothes, the incident brought to light a devious unJULY 2019

dercurrent of misogyny in society that refuses to evolve. Women, and what they wear, are still being held responsible for rape. Rape is still considered a suitable ‘punishment’ for women who step out of line.

And making rape threats to strangers in public in full daylight is still something one can get away with.

Not only are rapists and men who threaten women with rape absolved of all responsibility for their criminal actions, the cruel irony is that such a problematic mindset is perpetuated not only by men, but women as well.

From time immemorial, violence against women has been widely accepted, condoned and even legally sanctioned as a means of ‘disciplining’ the ‘weaker’ sex, all across

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the world. In Roman and Greek mythology, the rape of Proserpina by the god of the underworld Hades was sanctioned by her father Zeus himself. If the gods did it and accepted it, it must be alright for mortals then, isn’t it?

The Rape of Proserpina set in stone by Bernini

Closer to home we have the infamous example from the sacred Mahabharata, the incident of the cheerharan, when Dushasana disrobed Draupadi in a public forum after her own husband put her on

stake in a game of dice and lost. If mythology reflects life, then it is no surprise that women have historically been treated as commodities belonging to men, subject to sexual humiliation, violence and rape at their whim.

In times of warfare, it is women who are most brutally attacked, despite often being hapless non-participants. Argentinian writer Griselda Gambaro’s 1970s play Antigone Furiosa – an adaptation of Sophocles’ Antigone – highlights the female condition during the Dirty War in Argentina. This phase was marked by multiple tyrannical military regimes. Civilians were killed and over 30,000 bodies vanished. In this time of crisis, women were the worst hit, molested, brutally raped and murdered, their young ones taken away from them. Even pregnant women weren’t spared.

In one scene, Gambaro writes: “She falls to the ground, hitting her legs, rolling from one side to another in a rhythm that builds to a paroxysmic crescendo, as though she endures the suffering of battle in her own flesh.” Indeed, while all the people of Argentina suffered, it was women who endured ‘suffering of battle’ in their ‘own flesh’.

While these incidents provide a history of sexual violence, it would be absurd to think that things like these are behind us. NewspaJULY 2019

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pers are full of cases even today.

Whether it was the 276 schoolgirls kidnapped by the Boko Haram in Nigeria, the thousands who continue to exist only as ISIS sex slaves in the Middle East, or the civil violence in the Congo this June when hundreds of women were reported assaulted, rape continues to be a fact of life for women in conflict zones around the world.

In India, rape accounts for over 12 percent of all crimes against women. According to a 2016 report by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 38,947 cases of rape were filed solely where the victims were children. In 94.6 percent of these cases, the rapist was already known to the victim.

Despite the major agitation in 2013, after the Nirbhaya gang-rape of December 2012, circumstances haven’t changed and each case is more terrifying than the other; whether it is an eight-year-old girl being raped and murdered in an incident of religious hatred, or a class-five student gang-raped and burnt to death. To think that these are only the reported incidents, with thousands others under wraps.

In the age of social media, in fact, things appear to have worsened. Hiding behind screens, in the comfort of their anonymity, perpetrators have got further agency in making lewd remarks and leaving vulgar comments for womJULY 2019

en. From female journalists and politicians to celebrities and even common women who dare voice their opinions or display personal agency, many face such harassment and threats on an everyday basis.

It’s as if the internet has provid-

The disrobing or cheerharan of Draupadi

ed malefactors with a free pass to say anything with no repercussion whatsoever. In an absurd recent case, a user left an abusive comment for the daughter of renowned filmmaker Anurag Kashyap on her

54 | GENDER VIOLENCE

Filmmaker Anurag Kashyap’s daughter received a rape threat on Instagram for her father’s political views

Instagram page. Beginning his slur of abuses with a “Jai Shri Ram” (as if invoking a male god gave him legitimacy to voice his ugly thoughts), he threatened to rape her if her father didn’t stop speaking out against the government.

While Kashyap filed an FIR with the police and got the account taken down, most other such sick-minded individuals are able to get away scot-free. Technology cannot change mindsets: the war has moved from the battlefields to the phones but the female bystander remains the easiest victim.

The problem cannot be fixed unless the platforms themselves take a zero-tolerance stance against online sexual harassment and abuse.

Erring accounts should not merely be disabled temporarily, but permanently taken down or banned.

Secondly, actions taken in the digital world must have real-life implications. Two years ago, a UAE-based company sacked an Indian expat who had attacked renowned journalist Rana Ayyub with offensive Islamophobic comments on Facebook messenger. The man’s visa was cancelled after she JULY 2019

GENDER VIOLENCE | 55

A screen-grab of the award-winning video More Than Mean that addressed the misogynistic culture in sport

put a screenshot of his comments online, and he was deported. We need more companies and stakeholders such as these. Perpetrators must realise that online threats do have offline repercussions.

Finally, mindsets have to change.

After centuries of oppression, women should not be worried about being ‘too loud’ or ‘too much of a feminist’. Sexual education, cyber etiquette and digital safety should be a priority in educational institutions, workplaces, organisations, and government bodies.

In 2016, the sports-community group Just Not Sports released its #MoreThatMean video highlighting the misogynist culture in sports. Ordinary men were made to read out aloud the misogynist comments left on the social-meJULY 2019

dia pages of ESPN sports reporters Sarah Spain and Julie Dicaro, face to face. The online comments reeked of sexism and violence, and the men reading them repeatedly apologised, even though they hadn’t made them personally.

After the video went viral and won multiple awards, Brad Burke from the Just Not Sports group said, “#MoreThanMean wasn’t the solution, it was a signal to think differently about the problem.

Teachers used the video in class.

High-school coaches showed it to men’s teams. And scores of male sports fans told us they stopped scrolling past abuse, and started reporting it. It’s not the end. But it’s a step forward.”

Things change only when we take action. It is time we did. 

56 | BOOKS

A WALK ON THE

DARK SIDE Amrita Tripathi and Arpita Anand have used real-life stories in their new book to emphasise the need to prioritise mental health in India

Amrita Tripathi

A

new book by mental health experts Amrita Tripathi and Arpita Anand, Real Stories of Dealing with Depression (Simon & Schuster India, `399), tackles the bull by its horns and discusses depression in urban India.

The book puts up tough questions: are we having the conversations we need to? And can we defeat the

Arpita Anand

stigma associated with mental illness in India? It comprises 10 stories, contributed by real individuals, following their journeys and battles with mental health in the path towards healing. The expert psychologists also answer commonly asked questions about mental illness. We asked them about their book and research.

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BOOKS | 57

How did you manage to gather these personal experiences?

Amrita Tripathi (AT): Mental illness is one of the most difficult things to talk about, partly because societal taboo forces us to internalise unnecessary shame, guilt and embarrassment. It is also incredibly difficult to excavate our darkest memories, and share them with strangers. We got several stories via ‘The Health Collective’, the site I set up to provide a safe space for such stories. First-person stories comfort people and remind them that they’re not alone!

However, we try not to put pressure on anyone as it is not easy.

What is your most preferred therapy for those suffering from depression?

Arpita Anand (AA): There are several schools of thought, and each uses a different technique. I specialise in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and have seen dramatic results.

Research proves its effectiveness in treating depression. But certainly it is not the only effective one.

Why is it so difficult to find the right therapist in India?

AA: I think the main reason is that there are very few ‘trained’ mental professionals. Training in psychology is rigorous and involves intense personal development and reflection on one’s own issues. The concept of boundaries between personal and professional self is also essential. Hence, a lot goes into making a good therapist and unless JULY 2019

one is aware, it’s hard to be effective.

What are some of the myths about depression that your book busts?

AT: Some of the most common myths include: “Depression = Sadness” or “People can choose to snap out of Depression”, and my least favourite and maybe the most damaging: “Depression = Weakness”.

People who read our book will see that none of these things are true.

What is a good way to support others who may have depression?

AA: The most significant way is simply to acknowledge it. There is nothing more comforting than to be understood and not have the pressure to justify what one is going through. 

58 | FASHION

A SUMMER WEDDING Five trendy, light and comfortable ways to style a destination wedding this summer

By Archana Dhankar

T

he announcement of your friend or rishtedaar’s big fat Indian wedding is a great reason to bring home shopping bags full of colourful, embroidered and stylish traditional or fusion wear. The week-long celebrations – often in a city other than your own – call for an expansion of your desi wedding-wear arsenal, so you can turn up the glamour at every function.

Sometimes, however, weather conditions or the travel involved may dictate your fashion choices, and you may not want to opt for that magnificent black and gold lehenga that could make you the talk of the town because of the heat, sun or humidity – or simply because your on-flight luggage allowance will not permit it! I am here to demonstrate some equally stunning styling options that will not rain on your parade, but make you the cool guest, in every which way.

THE TIMELESS COMBINATION First up, a timeless and elegant colour combination that is guaranteed to up the ante at any occasion: white and gold. Look your regal best in this sophisticated anarkali with palazzos.

The gold trimmings and patterned embroidery on the white backdrop are a classic and I believe that every woman should own an ensemble of

this combination in her wardrobe.

The fit-and-flare style of the top and wide-leg cut of the bottoms is a perfect mix of elegant and casual and this is a great piece for you to dance the night away in. Pair this with delicate drop earrings to frame your face and comfortable metallic shoes for a show-stopping number.

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60 | FASHION

LIGHT AND BRIGHT Opt for bright colours and light fabrics with a vivacious flair. This trio of palazzo pants, kurti and dupatta makes for a breezy ensemble

of breathable fabric and feminine shades of peach, blush and rose. The length of the sleeves also ensures little chance of ruining your henna.

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FASHION | 61

THE STATEMENT DUPATTA A straight-cut long kurta gives form to one’s figure, while wideleg straight-cut bottoms give a more casual vibe to the look. The JULY 2019

pièce de résistance, however, is the ornate blue and gold embroidered dupatta, which instantly adds a regal and chic quotient to any look.

62 | FASHION

THE VERSATILE ANARKALI Carry along an anarkali dress like this lush green one with gold motifs and a red border. This A-line number is airy and perfect for all

the thumkas that you need to deliver for your performance on stage and on the dance floor. Add on festive earrings and a bold lip colour.

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FASHION | 63

COCKTAIL SEQUINS For a look that represents a fusion of fashion cultures, a heavily sequined top can be paired with an A-line skirt in a solid neutral colour or a JULY 2019

striped two-toned one for vibrancy.

Carry a jacket or dupatta if required.

Finish the look with metallic heels and chunky earrings. 

64 | BEAUTY BUSINESS

SKIN DEEP Wellness brand Taaseer, founded by two Afghani-origin cousins, offers both physical and spiritual wellbeing with a range of potent products

D

ecades ago, in 1950, Innayat Khan’s grandfather migrated from his homeland in Kabul, Afghanistan, to India where he was posted as a district magistrate. His wife – an intuitive genius at concocting traditional home remedies for skin, hair and wellbeing – moved along with him as did several other members of their Yousufzai clan.

No one could have predict-

ed that, half a century later, two members of the youngest generation would once again revive their grandma’s traditional Persian and Afghani home remedies and build a wellness brand out of it.

It’s called Taaseer, and as the tagline goes, is made with Innayat and Khuloos, which not only mean ‘grace’ and ‘hearty’ but are also the names of the young founders behind the brand.

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BEAUTY BUSINESS | 65

“These formulae were well-kept secrets for the past many generations in my family,” explains the 33-year-old Innayat, who was born in Varanasi and lived in various towns across India before the family settled in Delhi. “When people had any skin or hair or health

was valuable knowledge that needed to be shared with the world.”

Supported by her folks, Innayat got together with her 26-year-old cousin Khuloos Khan and decided to launch a brand that brought the best of ancient Persian and Afghani wellness secrets to India. An

Taaseer’s most popular products: (L-R) Maraasim face toner; Aafreen Rose Oil Elixir; and Rabi Tooth Powder

issues, they would come to my grandmother for solutions.”

A few years ago, Innayat – a post-graduate in mass communication who had worked in design and user experience with OLX – began spending more time with her grandmother, Ishrat Khan, who had taken ill. “It suddenly struck me that no one else in the family knew how to make all those wonderful recipes,” she narrates. “It JULY 2019

avid traveller – her family is spread across the world and she has been to 47 countries herself – she also began researching about the best of global beauty traditions including Ayurveda and Unani from India.

Their year-old brand Taaseer now offers 15 products priced between `150 and `3,000, ranging from a potent tooth powder made with walnut bark, cardamom, dried neem, meswak and cloves

66 | BEAUTY BUSINESS

to an oudh (fragrance) that aids in meditation and aligning chakras.

Aafreen – an exquisite rose oil elixir that has more than 25 benefits in nature including relieving acne, depression, migraine and asthma – uses oil sourced from Kashan, the hub of Mohammadi rose in Iran.

“Our products are sold in small quantities because the ingredients are quite expensive. For instance, the original rose oil costs `12 lakh per litre,” Innayat explains. One of

fron, avocado, vitamin E, and natural wild aloe vera gel from Isfahan valley in Iran; a rose-water toner called Maraasim; and an ubtan called Farozaan. “No bride gets married without the ubtan ritual in our family. It contains oatmeal, almond, cashew, walnut, zafran (saffron) and many potent oils,” says Innayat at her Delhi office in the boho-chic village of Shahpur Jat. True to the spirit of the brand, the décor is rustic and authentic.

L-R: Innayat Khan at her Delhi office; Aafreen Anti-Oxidant Elixir, a combination of six vitamins and saffron

their earliest products, the Moajaza hair oil, uses 47 herbs and 12 base oils including homemade cow ghee, all prepared in a traditional copper vessel. “We’re able to achieve a very high rate of purity because of this,” says Innayat.

Their grandma, Ishrat, who is now 83, is still the signing-off authority on each preparation!

The skincare range includes a face gel, Kef, made with pure saf-

Interestingly, they also offer superfoods like pure saffron and dried black mulberries from Afghanistan. “They are very rich sources of antioxidants, and also contain high levels of vitamin C, iron, calcium, and protein, and build immunity,” says Innayat, offering a few.

As if living up to the values of Taaseer, the berries too are wholesome, sweet and delicious.  For more, visit taaseer.com JULY 2019

BEAUTY | 67

POWERED BY

NATURE Nature has all the ingredients we need for beautiful skin and hair. These brands have done the research!

HIMALAYAN CHARCOAL CLAY WASH Charcoal is famous as a detoxifying substance and as a skincare ingredient because of its adsorption qualities. When applied to skin, charcoal attracts and removes any excess oil, dirt and impurities, leaving your skin feeling cleansed and purified.

The Body Shop’s new Himalayan Charcoal Purifying Clay Wash (`1,195) uses charcoal made from bamboo sourced from the Himalayan foothills. It also contains tea tree oil from Kenya known for its purifying properties, Kaolin clay, and Eucalyptus oil. Buy on: thebodyshop.in

QUINOAPLEX R3 Quinoaplex R3 (`3,850 for 50ml) is an organic hair spray that bonds, moisturises, and nourishes the hair with natural quinoa protein, aloe vera and certified organic ingredients to rebuild damaged and thinning hair. An immediate solution to stop hair fall, it is meant to be used after shampooing and before conditioning, and is excellent for repairing coloured hair. Buy on: zerogravityindia.co.in JULY 2019

68 | RECIPES

A TOUCH OF FRUIT

Add fruits to your daily diet; have them in your breakfast bowl, add them to your dessert or eat them as a quick snack while on the move

By Kaveri Jain. Photography by Ananya Jain

ACAI BERRY BOWL

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RECIPES | 69

Ingredients: 1 handful berry mix 1 banana, frozen 2 tsp of acai powder with 3-4 crushed ice cubes 3 tbsp rolled oats

½ cup milk of choice 1 tsp honey or maple syrup Top with fruits and nuts of your choice, even a bit of chocolate if you like!

Instructions: 1. For the acai bowl, add all the ingredients into the blender and blend until smooth.

2. Now garnish with your favourite fruits.

JAMUN COCONUT VEGAN ICE CREAM Ingredients: 1½ cup canned coconut milk ½ cup jamun pulp (deseed the jamun and blend to a pulp) ¼ cup sweetener of choice, such as sugar or pure maple syrup Pinch of salt Pure vanilla extract JULY 2019

Instructions: 1. Chill the coconut milk.

2. Stir all ingredients together in a bowl.

3. Whip (I used a hand blender) the ingredients for 5–10 minutes, then add the jamun pulp.

4. If you have an icecream maker, transfer the mixture to it and churn according to

manufacturer’s directions for your specific machine.

5. If you don’t have an ice-cream maker, you can whip again with a hand blender for a few minutes.

6. Pour into a container and freeze for 4–8 hours.

7. Thaw for a few minutes before serving.

70 | RECIPES

S

easonal fruits come loaded with essential vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and lots of fibre that help build a stronger immune system and give you glowing skin. Blueberries have potent antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and gene regulatory characteristics. Eat blueberries for a longer life and slower ageing. Acai

is a dark purple berry that tastes like a combination of wild berries, chocolate and soil. Jamun juice acts as a natural astringent and is used as a mouthwash, as it eliminates bad breath. And mangoes reduce cholesterol levels of the body and help control your blood pressure and heart rate.

MANGO YOGHURT BOWL Ingredients: 1 cup yoghurt 1 tablespoon powdered sugar 1 cup mango pulp (just

puree your favourite mango) Topping – fruits Instructions: Combine all the

ingredients in a bowl and mix well using a whisk.

Refrigerate for an hour or more. Top with fruits and serve chilled.

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RECIPES | 71

LEMON AND BLUEBERRY CAKE Ingredients: 1 cup butter at room temperature 6 large eggs 1 cup sour cream room temperature 3 cups all-purpose flour ½ tsp baking powder ¼ tsp baking soda 2 cups sugar 1 tsp vanilla 2 cups fresh blueberries Zest and juice of 2 lemons Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 325°F. Grease and lightly flour a 12” baking dish.

In a bowl stir together flour, baking powder, and baking soda. Set aside.

2. In a large bowl beat butter with an electric mixer. Gradually add sugar, beating on medium speed for about 10 minutes or until light and fluffy. Add vanilla.

3. Add eggs, one at a time. Now add flour mixture and sour cream to the butter mixture, JULY 2019

beating on low speed after each addition just until combined.

4. Fold in berries, zest and juice until combined.

5. Pour batter into prepared pan, spreading evenly.

6. Bake for 75 minutes or until a toothpick

inserted near centre of cake comes out clean.

7. Cool in pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes.

8. Remove from pan; cool completely on rack.

9. Once the cake has completely cooled, top with cream and fresh blueberries. 

72 | TRAVEL

AT HOME

TRAVEL | 73

IN ROME A student visitor to Italy is left stunned at all the similarities she spots with her home country, India Text and photographs by Ananya Jain

74 | TRAVEL

E

ver since I saw Audrey Hepburn’s The Roman Holiday, I had dreamt of going to Italy. I had visualised myself wearing a polka-dotted sundress, a straw hat and ruby red lipstick, cruising along the Amalfi Coast on a sparkling pastel yellow Vespa, driving to a quaint seaside restaurant for dinner and devouring a plate of fettuccine, with a glass of prosecco wine. It was in March 2019 that my vision was finally realised when a dear Italian friend from university invited me to spend a week with her!

I wanted to strike a balance between ticking tourist spots off my bucket list, as well as delving into a more authentic experience and embracing multiple aspects of life in Italia. We spent the first four days in Rome, and the next four in Saler-

no, a coastal town in Southern Italy, which was home for my friend.

From Salerno, we took day trips to Naples, Amalfi, Positano and the less touristy Santa Maria.

On reaching there, I realised that while I did learn many new things in Italy, the similarities with India made me feel so much more at home than in a ‘foreign’ country.

From food, to family life, streets to patterns of communication as well as the diversity of each region, Italy felt like a mini-European version of India. Here are four major parallels that were unmissable.

FOOD It is a common misconception that Italian cuisine is limited to pizza and pasta and that there is only one way of cooking both. Each region JULY 2019

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Facing page: Living my Audrey Hepburn dream of a ‘Roman holiday’! This page, left: The margherita pizza is a Neopolitan speciality and not an everyday dish in Rome; above: a large bubble flits over a picture of quintessential Roman architecture

in Italy has its own specific kind and variation of these dishes, as well as several lesser known options.

Like many tourists, I too landed in Rome expecting to be treated by a large margherita pizza, but I was informed by my friend that the pizza was a southern, and more specifically Neapolitan, speciality.

In Rome, instead we had a traditional Roman ‘pizzetta’, a smaller, rectangular shaped base, with tomato sauce and cheese on it. We ate this not sitting down in a restaurant, but on the go, biting into the bread, tearing it with our hands. By the end of it, the corners of my face and fingers were smeared with fresh tomato sauce.

This new discovery made me think of home, not only in terms of breaking the stereotype of Indian JULY 2019

food being limited to the generic term ‘curry’, but also with regard to the regional diversity of cuisine as well as methods of eating, especially getting one’s hands dirty.

Moreover, in Italy, just as in India, food unites communities, people, friends and even strangers. I was lucky enough to eat an authentic, home-cooked Italian meal comprising an aubergine bake, a cheese platter, seasoned olives, freshly baked bread, with a glass of local red wine, accompanied by cannoli and limoncello for dessert.

PEOPLE Like Indians, Italians too value the concept of a large family, staying true to their roots and respecting the elders in the home. Joint families and large family meals are

76 | TRAVEL

L-R: Street-side vegetable vendors; a typical gelato; crowds on the Spanish steps in Rome

commonplace. These gatherings are always noisy, bustling with food and conversation. While the two languages maybe completely different, the extensive use of hand gestures, facial expressions and voice contortions and modulations make the conservation rhythmic and easier to articulate across both cultures.

I remember having an entire conversation with an Italian gentleman who worked at a museum I was visiting. He barely knew any English, but despite the barrier we were able to communicate through gestures, so much so that he even told me that he had visited St. Andrews, the town my university is situated in, on a tour he took some years earlier. It

was not just our styles of communication that were similar, but also our beliefs and values.

The common adherence to superstitions came as another surprise when I noticed the practice of hanging chillies and lemons on vehicles and doorways. This is meant to ward off evil and bring good luck in both cultures.

Other common superstitions include not opening an umbrella inside the house, black cats crossing your path as a bad omen, and broken mirrors being a sign of misfortune. These are central to the social fabric in both countries and followed quite seriously by those who are more conservative.

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78 | TRAVEL

This page, clockwise from top: Italian sense of humour and attachment to food feels very Indian; striking a pose in a Roman alley; the Roman pizzetta is a smaller rectangular version of pizza, served with prosecco

CITIES If photographs of streets in Naples and Delhi are arranged side by side, it would be difficult even for a local to differentiate between the cities!

While walking through the narrow Neapolitan lanes, I was transported back home immediately. I began reminiscing about my childhood walks through the lanes of old Delhi, specifically the area around my

grandmother’s home in Daryaganj, one of the few urban areas that is still relatively untouched by the hand of modern architecture.

The same narrow alleyways greeted me: colourful flats in large clusters stacked one over another, each window and veranda adorned with drying clothes of a multitude of colours, a variety of big and small vehicles parked in complete chaos.

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L-R: Napoli or Dilli?! One can’t really tell from the photos; a traditional Italian breakfast while in Rome

Even the street vendors selling bread, cookies, fruits, and the way homemakers carry out transactions, letting down baskets on ropes from their windows – every minute nuance of city life is mirrored. The only difference is the language, but the noise and chatter remains just the same, with screaming children, cars and bikes whizzing through the tightest of spaces and street vendors calling out to customers.

CORE PROBLEMS Both the nations share their dark sides as well, including stark economic disparities.While every street corner of the capital Rome has its typical display of grandeur, with JULY 2019

exquisite marble statues, churches, expensive restaurants, wide boulevards, and palaces, many parts of the south such as Naples are visibly affected by extreme poverty, and harsh living conditions. It is much like the comparison between the large bungalows of central Delhi and the urban villages and slums all around the metropolis.

Moreover, patriarchy as well as over-population and corruption are major issues in Italy as well. If these core issues are overcome, the positives will surely triumph. After all, these are both lands of mighty empires and civilisations that were once prosperous, powerful and the envy of the entire world. 

80 | EVENT

SHINE YOUR LIGHT – TEENS Here’s what went on at eShe’s Shine Your Light for teenagers in Delhi Photography by Ananya Jain

S

hine Your Light is a series of personal-growth workshops organised by eShe.The agenda is to learn, discuss, dance, introspect, network and eat!

The fourth edition was held on June 8, 2019, at a private residence in Panchsheel Park, Delhi.

On the agenda this time: Self-empowerment, self-awareness and developing a solution mindset conducted by AIESEC in Delhi IIT vice-president Isha Jerath; sex education and safety; fun games; and jazz dance by the founder of All That Jazz Vidisha Anand. eShe’s next events for women are

eShe’s Aekta Kapoor and Kaveri Jain

slated for July 20th at Kitty Su, The LaLiT in Mumbai and September at Kitty Su, Bengaluru.

Visit eShe.in for details and to book a seat.

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EVENT | 81

Clockwise from top left: The kids display their art therapy results; Avantika Gautam gets into the spirit of Vidisha Anand’s dance; Arsh Prakash, Anhad Bainsla, Ishita Sajwan and Sourabh Alimchandani display their prize-winning construction; the kids play a fun game mirroring each other

L-R: Moving to the beat; gift hampers by Taaseer, 23.23 Designs and Sourcing, and Naani Ki Matthi JULY 2019

82 | RARE VIEW

It’s Not Personal

By Aekta Kapoor

H

ere’s a mantra that works very well for me, why don’t you try it? Simply repeat ‘It’s not personal’ to yourself several times a day or month. Here are some scenarios where it really works: If you’re having a bad day – say the domestic help hasn’t turned up or there’s a pile of work on your desk and you’ve shot the deadline and your kid is unwell and has to be rushed to the doctor or your pet just died or your boyfriend of five years casually called you by another woman’s name while you were discussing movie plans or your favourite outfit tore in the washing machine or your blog readers left nasty comments for you or your teenage son just told you how much he hates you – tell yourself, “It’s not personal.”

And it’s not. Everyone is acting out from their own space of consciousness and being, and the universe is compassionately neutral in its handing out of sorrows and injustices. It’s not you. Be reassured that you’re just the instrument chosen to go through the process.

And if you’re having a good day – say you made a breakthrough in your scientific research or your book hit the bestseller charts or your son or daughter just came and gave you a big hug and told you how wonderful you are or your mother-in-law praised you to her son or you won a Padma Bhushan – tell yourself, “It’s not personal.”

And it’s not. Everyone is acting out from their own space of consciousness and being, and the universe is compassionately neutral in its handing out of joys and pleasures. It’s not you. Be grateful that you were the instrument chosen to go through the process.

My favourite Buddhist monk Nichiren said,“Suffer what is there to suffer; enjoy what is there to enjoy.” Feel it, process it, live it. Develop detached attachment. And remind yourself, “It’s not personal.”  JULY 2019

PERSONAL GROWTH | 83

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84 | PERSONAL GROWTH

JULY 2019