WHAT LIFE SKILLS DOES YOUR TEEN NEED TO THRIVE?

WORDS MARISA CUTILLAS

Just a few decades ago, top companies across the globe (and Fortune 500s in particular) prioritised hard skills – those which were objective and quantifiable such as degrees,proficiency in a foreign language, software knowledge, and similar. While many of these skills are still valued at the hiring stage, soft skills – including leadership, communication, and problem-solving, are now featured in around 78 per cent of jobs posted globally. Of course, teens are not just future professionals. They are also individuals. According to the UN and the WHO, to be happy, confident, and socially integrated, teens need to hone three types of proficiency: thinking, social, and emotional skills.

WHY ARE LIFE SKILLS SO IMPORTANT?

Having key life skills enables teens to display:

» More pro-social behaviour.

» An enhanced ability to plan ahead and succeed academically.

» Improved behavior and selfcontrol.

» An ability to handle tense situations without losing their cool.

» A reduced level of anxiety.

» Less self-destructive and/or negative acts.

» Greater resilience against disappointments.

» A lower likelihood of succumbing to negative peer pressure.

Key Thinking Skills For Teens

Some of the most important thinking skills teens need during their school and university years include:

SELF-AWARENESS: Being aware of their strengths and weaknesses and the way that their behaviours and words impact others. To boost selfawareness in their teens, parents can:

» Encourage teens to identify and express their emotions, by printing out Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions for them. This wheel shows that there are eight basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. Each emotion has more and less intense forms. For instance, joy in its mildest state can be described as serenity; in its most intense state, it is ecstasy. Teens can use this wheel to express what they are feeling and/or to journal the effects that specific situations have on their emotions.

» Share their own emotions with their kids. ›

» Talk about stereotypes and labels and how they can limit or hurt other people.

» Help their teen identify their strengths.

» Talk about the importance of leading a purpose-filled life.

» Encourage mindfulness practices, which are centred on recognising and accepting difficult thoughts and emotions without allowing them to define us.

CRITICAL THINKING: The analysis of available facts, evidences, and arguments to form a rational, unbiased evaluation. To encourage your child to think critically:

» Ask questions and encourage them to do the same.

» Provide them with good reading material and talk about the motivations behind the characters’ decisions and behaviours. Best-selling author, Stephen King, says that when he was young, everyone in his family would take turns reading a page from a book, leading to lively discussions and debates.

» Model healthy skepticism, pointing out good research skills, teaching your child to identify quality media sources, and rationally questioning the purpose and possible biases of the material you are consuming.

PROBLEM-SOLVING: Relying on analytical skills to evaluate a situation and consider alternatives before acting. To solve problems, teens should:

» Define the problem.

» Brainstorm five possible solutions.

» Weigh the pros and cons of each solution.

» Choose one solution.

» Reflect on whether it worked and consider alternative solutions for next time.

TIME MANAGEMENT: The ability to plan tasks and bring them to fruition within a set deadline. Parents can help teens create a schedule for activities such as study, sport, online use, social pursuits, and sleep. When studying for exams, teens should make a schedule two or three weeks before exams. They should divide their subjects into units or topics, and schedule specific study days and times for each subject. This can prevent cramming for exams.

Social Skills For Teens

Some of the most important social skills teens need to be happy and confident include:

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS: Parents can help teens join, start, maintain, and end conversations by teaching them useful phrases and by encouraging them to ‘read the room’. If a small group of people is huddled with their backs turned to them, for instance, it may not be a good idea to try to join in.

To start a conversation, it is important to prepare something to talk about, find interesting people to chat with, listen actively to them, make eye contact, use open body language, and show an interest in others.

Kids can use prepared conversation starters like, “That class was pretty good, wasn’t it? What project do you think you’ll work on?” If a friendly group is already in a conversation and your teen wants to join it, they might say, “Oh so you’re talking about Mr. Carter’s class. It’s pretty tough, isn’t it?”

Ending a conversation politely is also important. Instead of just saying “I have to go,” they might try something like, “It was great chatting with you, but my dad is here to pick me up. I hope to catch up with you soon.”

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: When faced with hostile situations, teens should know how to calm themselves down and take a solutions-based approach. They should identify and name the source of the conflict, listen to others openly and empathetically, and aim to find a solution that both parties are relatively happy with.

SHOWING EMPATHY FOR OTHERS: Teens who thrive socially usually display empathy for others and build others’ self-esteem. They encourage cooperation, demonstrate good listening skills, and actively show others they understand them.

Emotional Skills For Teens

The main emotional skills teens need to thrive are self-confidence, emotional regulation, and assertiveness.

SELF-CONFIDENCE: You can help build your child’s self-confidence by inspiring them to try new activities, encouraging them to see failure as an opportunity for growth, and helping them reframe negative beliefs. For instance, if they say “I’m just not good at maths,” point to evidence to the contrary. “You got an A in last term’s test.” Ask them to reexamine their initial thought. For instance, a reframed thought might look like this: “I got a C in my maths test, but I know that if I study every day, I can improve my grade.”

EMOTIONAL REGULATION:

To help your children with emotional regulation, encourage them to identify their emotions and find a healthy outlet (such as meditation or exercise) for tension and stress. Suggest that they keep a journal, so they can see how certain situations affect them and, if necessary, formulate strategies to modify their behaviour so that outcomes improve in the future.

ASSERTIVENESS: Confident teens are assertive. Boost this quality by encouraging your teens to set boundaries and say “no” or “I don’t” when someone asks them to do something they don’t want to. For instance, instead of giving long-winded excuses to their peers, they can simply say, “I don’t get into cars with people who have been drinking, “I don’t go to clubs yet,” or “I don’t drink alcohol.”

Acing the myriad of skills teens need to thrive is challenging but rewarding. Doing so is far more important than you may realise, since being successful in life isn’t just about excelling in one’s career. It also involves being socially and emotionally fulfilled and managing one’s time to enable enjoying a good work-life balance. e