Mia Lehmkuhl

Indigo

Mia Lehmkuhl

oh, little one it seemed just yesterday you were cast unto my arms to the embrace of one just as clueless as you discovered this world set before us

the antics of children once chilled my spine twitching and squirming at the very thought that one would end up mine

but i saw my purpose laid out in front of me to give you not the role of sister but the role of pseudo-mother mimicking the tricks of the trade

so i carried you through the mountains and through the valleys nourishing you with only my love and hope of a better tomorrow where i’d make it only long enough to watch you stand on your own without me having to clutch your hand

for my fingers are frostbitten from keeping yours forever nimble and these arms of mine have grown tired from barbed thorns i embedded them just under my skin so she didn’t prick you, too

you see, behind the baby wraps and warm milk bottles my back was bloodied from the lashings of her tongue and only when you slept against my beating heart did i release my sorrow into baby blue blankets

every day that passes that you are not returned to my arms remember i am watching you graduate from muddy creeks and training wheels you’re a big boy now with scraped elbows and shoulders to hold the backpack that will be your armor until you grow big and strong

eat your vegetables so you don’t need me anymore i’ll always sit criss-cross applesauce in your memories with action figures in hand begging to play pretend one last time

to hear the chirps of your laughter and the leftover relics of my innocence in your voice in a burst of melancholy tears i feel enough youth for the both of us

and as i say goodbye until the next season my heart is filled with the bittersweet pride of the sister who mothered you at fourteen.