Message from the National Representative

Beloved Sisters & Brothers Spring 2022

This last quarter has been one of incredible highs and lows for me. The high was the realisation that my book 'Eochair – A Riddle Decoded' would finally be published.

It seems to me that I have been writing for so many years, and now suddenly, there is nothing left for me to write now.

My writing has taken me into other realms – I felt that I was guided and inspired, that it was my destiny. Now I am not going into those magical places anymore. It is like I must find a new way of living and being. A new beginning! I know that when the book comes out, there will be much to do, but in the meantime, I find myself restless – unable to settle. My dreams at night are all about new beginnings – a new way of life that I do not yet understand.

Meanwhile, Azad travelled to Ireland at the end of June – this would also be a time of highs and lows for him. Almost as soon as he arrived, Azad came down with the RSV rhinovirus and was really ill for two weeks. We thought it was Covid, but he never tested positive. However, everything worked out well, and Azad achieved everything he had hoped, and he had time to be with friends and family and make the most of his stay.

While Azad was away, I had planned to go on holiday with a friend to Adelaide with charter plane trips to the outback – Coober Pedy, Lake Eyre, Kangaroo Island etc. However, this trip was cancelled because there were not enough pilots due to Covid, so we were very disappointed.

To make up for this, we decided to go to Bendigo, visit the Elvis Exhibition, and stay over to explore the town. There is a wonderful Viennese café in Castlemaine that we just needed to check out too. It was on the way.

Our hotel was supposed to be a fifteen minute walk to the town centre and exhibition. It was not! That day we walked 15,000 steps, and I was sore and tired. I have severe arthritis in my right knee and have been working on that leg for three years because of sciatic nerve damage. So my walking was putting pressure on my other knee.

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The next day we went down into the old gold mine, walking through uneven and rough passages. I love things like that; however, my supposed good knee did not.

A few days later, it seized up, and I could not move. The pain was excruciating. A good friend was coming over later to take me to the physio, but I could not move to open the door and gate – I forced myself to get to the phone and call the neighbour who had a key. My friend was working from home but left a Zoom meeting to come and rescue me. Together my neighbour and friend were able to lift me onto a walker and carry me to her car to take me to the physio.

I was in shock – so not functioning rationally. Usually, the arthritis pain crept up on me slowly so that I was ready to do what needed to be done when the time came. This was different – sudden and shocking. Now I understand how people feel when there is sudden trauma. The physio looked at my knee and told me I needed to be in hospital as they could not do anything until the pain and swelling had gone down. But she must have recognised the state I was in because she leaned into me and said that they had dealt with this before and that I would be fine again in time. This is what I remember – a hope that all will be well. I hung onto that thought – it was another great kindness. I could decide to go to the emergency hospital. I admit to being completely out of control and in terrible pain for the first time. I had a torn meniscus. I was also very afraid. I do not know what I would have done without my friend’s and neighbour's kindness. They took over and took care of me. I became like a child and allowed myself to be taken care of. I was in the hospital for four days and then to home rehab.

Even my myotherapist took time off to visit me in hospital and explain what had happened to my knees, but he also gave me hope. He told me that it would have been far worse if I had not been doing the physical work and that I was recovering much faster than he would have expected. This was a great kindness as he would have had to make time from his busy schedule for me.

It was difficult – Azad was not there - I was alone. A carer came twice a week to help me shower and do some housework. A physio visited me once a week to give me exercises for my knees, and I learned to use crutches. The kindness of strangers – they did more for me than was required and always ensured that I was settled and comfortable.

From the first day home, my Sufi sister was there with food for me and more for later in the freezer. Over the days, my Sufi sisters came to visit with wonderful food – they knew what I liked and also what I needed. This was great kindness!

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I have come to realise that kindness is love in action. I so much enjoyed the visits and the goodies they brought – like special gatherings sometimes with wine and sharing. This loving-kindness fed my soul and helped my healing.

I am deeply grateful. But I have also learned a lot about myself. I am not good at receiving and have had to reflect on my childhood to discover why. My mother could not receive gifts, so I knew how hurtful it was to have gifts rejected and regifted when they were given with love. Once when I was older, I asked my mother what she really wanted and needed as I wanted to give her something she would keep. She asked for poultry scissors. With some difficulty, I found what I thought she wanted. I still do not understand the expression on her face when I gave them to her, but I never saw her use them. Many years later, when she brought her belongings to Australia, planning to live here, she gave me back the scissors still in the box. I still have them unused! I now believe that she thought they were 'too good' to use.

So sad.

I enjoy and appreciate gifts, but it is getting help that I have trouble with. It seems to me that I am beholden if someone gives me help. I realised long ago that sometimes people give gifts because they want something in return – perhaps love, attention, or time. Zorba the Greek (in the movie) defined this as a transaction like being in the grocery store. This attitude comes from my childhood – I think children are so often bribed to do something or be something. It seems to work but it leaves a suspicion in the child of any gifts that are given – or at least it did for me, especially when a 'gift' was taken back because I was naughty.

It always reminds me of when I was given a lump of coal in a Christmas cracker on Saint Nicholas Day (the 6th of December) because I had been naughty. I had been so looking forward to being given something good by the saint! I do not remember what I had done to upset him, but I remember the coal! My sons still tell their friends this story in horror. Azad reckons I must have been a very naughty and wilful child!

My great insight into kindness is that it comes from the heart, from love and is really love in action. I am so grateful to all those who have shown me kindness, especially in the last couple of months. I have learned so much and I needed this lesson!

Nuria

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