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Vol. 38 | Issue 15 | Jan. 17-23, 2018
News & Views News..................................... 10 Politics & Prejudices............ 16
What’s Going On................ 22
Feature Winter Guide........................ 28
Food Review: Bella’s Mexican Cuisine.................................. 42
Publisher - Chris Keating Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen Editor in Chief - Lee DeVito
EDITORIAL Managing Editor - Alysa Zavala-Offman Senior Editor - Michael Jackman Staff Writer - Violet Ikonomova Dining Editor - Tom Perkins Music and Listings Editor - Jerilyn Jordan Contributing Editors - Larry Gabriel, Jack Lessenberry Copy Editor - Sonia Khaleel Editorial Interns - Aleanna Siacon, Nadia Koontz, Emmitt Lewis Contributors - Sean Bieri, Doug Coombe, Kahn Santori Davison, Mike Ferdinande, Cal Garrison, Curt Guyette, Mike Pfeiffer, Dontae Rockymore, Dan Savage, Sara Barron, Jane Slaughter
ADVERTISING Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen Regional Sales Director - Danielle Smith-Elliott Senior Multimedia Account Executive Jeff Nutter Multimedia Account Executives Drew Franklin, Jessica Frey Account Manager, Classifieds - Josh Cohen Marketing Intern - Kasey Rechter
BUSINESS/OPERATIONS Business Manager - Holly Rhodes Controller - Kristy Dotson
15 wintertime Detroit cocktails................................ 44
CREATIVE SERVICES Art Director - Eric Millikin Graphic Designers - Paul Martinez, Haimanti Germain
CIRCULATION Circulation Manager - Annie O’Brien
Music
EUCLID MEDIA GROUP
Lyle Lynch............................ 48
Arts & Culture Film: Phantom Thread........ 52 Arts....................................... 54 Higher Ground..................... 56 Savage Love......................... 60 Horoscopes with Cal Garrison.......................... 66
Chief Executive Officer - Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers - Chris Keating, Michael Wagner Creative Director - Tom Carlson Human Resources Director - Lisa Beilstein VP of Digital Services - Stacy Volhein Digital Operations Coordinator - Jaime Monzon www.euclidmediagroup.com National Advertising - Voice Media Group 1-888-278-9866, voicemediagroup.com Detroit Metro Times 1200 Woodward Heights Ferndale, MI 48220-1427 www.metrotimes.com Editorial - (313) 202-8011 Advertising - (313) 961-4060 Circulation - (313) 202-8049 Fax -(313) 964-4849 The Detroit Metro Times is published every week by Euclid Media Group Verified Audit Member
On the cover: Illustration by Eric Millikin.
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EUCLID MEDIA • Copyright - The entire contents of the Detroit Metro Times are copyright 2018 by Euclid Media Group LLC. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Publisher does not assume any liability for unsolicited manuscripts, materials, or other content. Any submission must include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. All editorial, advertising, and business correspondence should be mailed to the address listed above. Prior written permission must be granted to Metro Times for additional copies. Metro Times may be distributed only by Metro Times’ authorized distributors and independent contractors. Subscriptions are available by mail inside the U.S. for six months at $80 and a yearly subscription for $150. Include check or money order payable to - Metro Times Subscriptions, 1200 Woodward Heights, Ferndale, MI 48220-1427. (Please note - Third Class subscription copies are usually received 3-5 days after publication date in the Detroit area.) Most back issues obtainable for $5 at Metro Times offices or $7 prepaid by mail.
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NEWS & VIEWS
Project Green Light signage at a McDonald’s on Eight Mile in Detroit. More than 230 businesses have invested thousands of dollars in the real-time surveillance program by Detroit police. VIOLET IKONOMOVA
Paying for policing
Project Green Light faces scrutiny as Detroit eyes mandate for thousands of businesses By Violet Ikonomova
Business owners and civil liberties activists are questioning the efficacy and constitutionality of Detroit’s costly real-time surveillance camera program, Project Green Light, following word that city officials intend to press forward with a plan that would force thousands of businesses to buy into the program. Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan last week told Crain’s Detroit Business he thinks “the votes in council are there” to approve a mandate that would require all retail businesses open between the hours of 10 p.m. and 4 a.m. to buy the camera equipment and technology that pipes the footage into Detroit Police Department headquarters. Currently, there are about 230 businesses enrolled in Project Green Light, which launched in 2016. Participating businesses pay $4,000 to $6000 for the cameras, signage, and lighting, plus an additional $90 to $150 a month for internet from Comcast or Dan Gilbert’s Rocket Fiber. The plan to eventually make late-night businesses join Project Green Light is built on the notion that the crime
reductions seen at some participating locations can be replicated as additional businesses sign on. But as the program has expanded, the crime reductions it’s yielded have grown more modest. While the city boasts that the first eight businesses to sign up for the program have seen incidents of violent crime drop by 50 percent, the more than 150 businesses that came online last year have seen only an 11 percent reduction in violent crime, according to the DPD’s latest crime statistics. “At the beginning it was perfect,” says a gas station operator at Seven Mile and Evergreen who asked that we not use his name. “We were one of the people who first put that green light, but now we’re at square one, to be honest with you.” “Everybody has it and when you call the police they are overwhelmed and they don’t respond.” Those possibly waning benefits may have something to do with the way the program is set up. While the surveillance camera may be the most identifiable — and costly — feature of Project Green Light, the program actually employs a
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multi-pronged approach to thwarting crime, with weekly police visits and faster emergency response times included among the benefits of participation. According to the Green Light website, any emergency that occurs at a partnering location is automatically deemed a “priority 1” and, as a result, the city says that Green Light businesses have seen their calls answered in an average of 14 minutes. What the program does not guarantee, however, is that anyone will actually be monitoring the surveillance video stream, as stated in the Memorandum of Understanding between Green Light partners and the city. Billy Jawad says he paid $7,000 to get Green Light equipment installed at the gas station he operates on Seven Mile and Meyers following a robbery-turneddeadly shooting a couple of years ago. But he says the investment has little to do with the real-time crime monitoring; he views it mostly as a fee for better policing in a crime-ridden city with a depleted tax base. “It’s more of a ‘pay and we’ll come or don’t pay and we’re not coming,’” says
Jawad, who says he still has to phone each incident into 9-1-1. “We used to call Detroit police and sometimes they wouldn’t come til the next day. The longest they take now is 10 to 15 minutes.” But while Jawad says he sees officers from his neighborhood precinct at least once a week, the gas station operator we spoke with four miles to his east says he can’t remember the last time the police stopped by. “The police used to come every day to check in twice to sign the log,” says the man who asked to remain anonymous, referring to a check-in sheet Green Light partners receive. “We wasted money for nothing.” City officials maintain that the surveillance piece of the program has proven effective in deterring crime, particularly robberies and carjackings. Carjackings have seen a 41 percent reduction since the year Project Green Light rolled out, according to the DPD’s latest data. But if the cameras are sending wouldbe car thieves in the opposite direction, they’re failing to stop others from perpetrating crimes in open view. Last month WDIV aired surveillance video of two men rushing through a convenience store that was a Green Light partner, stuffing empty bags with dry goods and frozen foods before walking out. The TV station has been running reports that question the efficacy of the program quite a bit, with stories like “Thieves break into cellphone store despite Detroit’s Project Green Light” and “Thieves target Detroit gas station, despite police surveillance.” Violent crimes including shootings and armed robberies have also been caught on the real-time video streams. While the high-definition video footage is often used by police after the fact in an effort to identify and catch suspects, there has yet to be one publicly reported incident in which officers were dispatched by those monitoring the surveillance feeds to stop a crime in progress. A spokeswoman for the Detroit Police Department was unable to provide an example in which a crime in progress was stopped with help from Green Light surveillance. She did provide an anecdote in which two suspects were caught within days of allegedly shooting a transgender woman in November. The spokeswoman also couldn’t say how many people monitor the more than 200 video feeds streaming into the department’s Real Time Crime Center at any given time. A lack of guaranteed real-time monitoring is the reason that Kasey Bazzi, owner of Kasey’s Beer and Wine on Joy Road near Greenfield, opted not to become a Green Light partner. Instead, he spent less to pursue his own crimefighting solution.
“I have an actual person monitoring my business [between midnight and 8 a.m.] and then speakers around my building where the person will jump on the microphone [if they see something],” he says. “I’ve stopped several break-ins like this — I used to get break-ins every other month.” Now, with a possible mandate looming, he wonders whether the city will reimburse him for the several thousand dollars he spent on his system. And, of course, there’s the more obvious question of, “Why don’t they pay for the [new] cameras?” If the mandate comes to fruition, such questions could eventually be raised by lawyers. In a Detroit News article published when the plan was first floated by Councilmember Andre Spivey and the Duggan administration last spring, University of Detroit-Mercy law professor Larry Dubin said the ordinance could face a court challenge over whether it’s a “proper exercise of power.” “The validity of the proper use of power exercised by the city in passing an ordinance is whether it serves the health, safety, and welfare interests of the community,” Dubin told the News. “Are there alternative ways to accomplish its goals? Do other cities have this type of ordinance, and if so, (what are) their results? What are the unintended consequences of having this law?” In addition to costs incurred by businesses, privacy issues are a major concern for some Detroit residents and civil rights activists. “We don’t know at this point how long a video tape is going to be retained, who even has authority to view it,” says Detroit-based attorney Eric Williams, who says he is looking into the Green Light program for the American Civil Liberties Union of Michigan. “We don’t know the extent to which it can be shared with [Immigration and Customs Enforcement], Homeland Security, the FBI.” A Detroit police spokeswoman did not immediately respond to an inquiry for that information. Williams says that without evidence that the real-time surveillance technology is used to stop crimes in progress, the video monitoring portion of Project Green Light seems to provide few benefits beyond the standard, recorded surveillance video systems that Detroit gas stations are already required to possess under a separate mandate. That video footage remains in a business owner’s possession and is provided to police upon request. Williams says there’s an added level of civil rights infringement with real-time monitoring. “Certain communities could find themselves under additional scrutiny,” he says, noting the vulnerable immigrant
populations in Southwest Detroit. City officials last year declined to designate Detroit a “sanctuary city,” a distinction that indicates police officials would refuse to cooperate with federal customs and immigration officials. The ACLU of Michigan has also expressed concern over the possibility that DPD will add facial recognition technology to the Green Light program. In a statement to WDIV in October, the group said if inaccurate, the technology could falsely identify people as being criminals. Councilmember Andre Spivey said in an interview last week that the proposed
mandate is in its preliminary stages and won’t be introduced until DPD is able to clear a backlog of businesses waiting to enroll in the program. He says, down the line, efforts would be made to make the measure as palatable as possible for residents and business owners. But while Spivey said he was concerned about the cost of the program and which agencies could have access to the video footage, he seemed to brush aside the grievances of privacy advocates. “I understand that’s a concern, but most folks are riding around every day not knowing where cameras are,” Spivey said. “If you go downtown or to Mid-
town, we’re always on camera … but where it will be used, whose hands it can wind up in, all of those are concerns of mine.” The backlog of businesses looking to join Green Light is reportedly six months long, according to WDIV. A spokesman for Duggan says he does not expect the issue to move forward this year. The Detroit Police Department was unable to accommodate a request for an interview by our deadline. news@metrotimes.com @violetikon
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on sale friday:
coming soon concert calendar: 1/21 - The Green @ the Shelter w/ Sammy J, Leilani Wolfgramm
1/24 - Fetty Wap 1/25 - Glorious Sons @ the Shelter 1/26 - Candlebox w/ the Lows limited tickets available
mar. 24
Zoso
The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Tribute the shelter Celebrating 50 Years of Led Zeppelin
apr. 20 Hurray for the Riff st. andrew’s Raff / Waxahatchee
on sale now:
1/31 - Blues Traveler w/ Los Colognes limited tickets available
2/2 - Boombox 2/7 - Avatar w/ the Brains, Hellzapoppin 2/9 - Starset w/ Gabbitz, Year of the Locust 2/9 - The Dangerous Summer
@ the Shelter w/ Microwave, The Band Camino
2/11 - Big Wreck w/ Attica Riots, Core Effect 2/13 - Devvon Terrell @ the Shelter w/ Kayla Brianna
mar. 3 Jordan Davis & the shelter Jillian Jacqueline
feb. 12 Dave East the shelter
2/15 - Here Come the Mummies 2/15 - Set It Off @ the Shelter w/ The Gospel Youth
this weekend:
2/17 - COIN w/ The Aces 2/18 - Gin Blossoms New Miserable Experience 25 Year Anniversary Tour
2/20 - New Politics w/ DREAMERS, The Wrecks 2/21 - Architects w/ Stick To Your Guns, Counterparts
2/24 - Lettuce & Galactic
Love & Special Sauce jan. 19 G. 25 Year Anniversary Tour st. andrew’s
Jan. 20 The Dan band
st. andrew’s w/Tommy Marz Band
2/25 - Missio w/ Welshly Arms @ the Shelter 2/28 - Watain
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NEWS & VIEWS Yes, Dan Gilbert wants to use school money to fund his new downtown projects By Tom Perkins
Quicken Loans owner Dan
Gilbert — who is Michigan’s richest man and worth an estimated $6.3 billion — is requesting $618 million of state taxpayer money to help fund four downtown Detroit projects that he’s developing. The Michigan Economic Development Corporation will likely consider his request in March. As part of the PR push to gain support for the plan in the meantime, Gilbert’s team is claiming that their public money haul won’t impact Detroit Public Schools. “There’s no impact on the school district. It’s a very positive day all around for the city,” Quicken Loans vice president of government affairs Jared Fleisher told The Detroit News just after the Detroit City Council approved $250 million of public money for Gilbert in November. Fleisher made similar statements in a “fact sheet” sent to Metro Times, but an investigation into the funding source found the claims to be misleading at best. While it’s true that Gilbert’s project wouldn’t use money that’s specifically designated for Detroit Public Schools, it would use tax money intended to fund schools statewide. We spoke about Gilbert’s claims with officials from the Michigan Economic Development Corporation, city of Detroit, and State Rep. Yousef Rabhi (D-Ann Arbor), who used to work with the Washtenaw County Brownfield Redevelopment Authority. They all confirmed that Gilbert is indeed requesting tax money meant for schools. So how does all this work when you get down in the weeds? One incentive Gilbert is using is called a “brownfield.” It allows developers like him to collect property tax revenue to pay for
remediation costs after they redevelop contaminated or seriously blighted properties. In a hypothetical scenario that illustrates how brownfields work, Gilbert’s Hudson site property is valued at $100 in 2018. Let’s say later this year, the city and state approve a brownfield incentive for it. Next, Gilbert builds on the land, so it’s worth $150 in 2019. The city and state continue to collect tax revenue off the original $100, but Gilbert collects tax revenue off the $50 increase. Gilbert then captures tax revenue off the property tax increases for the next 20 years. So if the property is worth $1,000 in 18 years, Gilbert collects tax revenue off of $900, and the city and state still only collect it off of $100. The property tax money that the government collects goes to several “jurisdictions,” including schools, libraries, parks, jails, cities’ general funds, and more. According to the MEDC, Gilbert will be collecting tax money intended for jurisdictions that fund education at the county and state level. So when the property tax revenue collected from that $900 goes to Gilbert, it doesn’t go to schools. In that way, Gilbert’s use of the brownfield impacts schools. But there’s another layer. The projects are in Detroit’s Downtown Development Authority district. The DDA currently receives the tax money that Gilbert will use — not the schools. Thus, Gilbert can claim that schools aren’t impacted because the money is diverted from the DDA to his company. However, the DDA takes the money from the schools, so education taxes are ultimately what funds Gilbert’s projects. The next logical question is “Do Gilbert and the DDA need the money
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Dan Gilbert at the Hudson site project groundbreaking in December.
more than the school district?” Perhaps, but that’s a whole different conversation. The MEDC and developers frequently point out that the schools don’t actually receive less money when a brownfield is in place. Instead, the developers are being reimbursed from increased property taxes that otherwise wouldn’t exist. That much is true. But future money generated by the increase in property value that by law should go to the schools instead goes to a developer, so schools do lose funding. Further complicating the situation is Gilbert’s use of a brownfield along with a new type of incentive his allies helped design called a “transformational brownfield.” Transformational brownfields allow developers to collect residents’ income tax instead of property tax. Thus, the schools aren’t directly impacted when developers use income tax money for their projects. It’s also worth noting that brownfields previously limited developers to collecting tax revenue to pay the cost of
JORDAN BUZZY
remediating contaminated or blighted land. Under the new transformational brownfield, developers can use tax revenue to pay their construction costs. That means one less limit on how much taxpayer money Gilbert can walk away with. Confused yet? That’s what they count on to get this stuff through. On a related note, Gilbert previously called those who oppose public funding for his projects irrational. “I don’t think they understand it,” he told The Free Press at the Hudson site groundbreaking in December. “You know, you read some of the ‘they give away tax breaks to billionaires’ stuff, and you have to really do the work and read and understand what this is. I think once you do, if you’re rational, you understand that’s not the case at all.” In the end: Is this not a billionaire asking for a lot of tax breaks? letters@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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NEWS & VIEWS Politics & Prejudices
When the emperor is insane By Jack Lessenberry “Now that he is a very stable genius, can we convince Trump he belongs in a genius asylum?” — Ken Eatherly, retired Detroit News editor and sage.
Eatherly, an unappreciated sage of Scottish descent, told
me he attributes his insights to a steady diet of haggis since he retired. That wouldn’t surprise me. By the way, if you aren’t familiar with that particular delicacy, look it up. You might want to force-feed it to anyone who pretends there’s anything tolerable about Donald Trump. Now let’s get honest and totally real: President Donald Trump is mentally ill. Mentally ill, as in unfit for office. Any office, most of all the one he has, the one in which the incumbent theoretically has the ability to destroy the world, at least if the generals obey his command to do so. Even if they wouldn’t, he could do and is doing enormous damage to our country’s prestige, honor, reputation, and economy. No. I am not a psychiatrist. Nor a psychologist. The closest I’ve ever been to Trump was on an escalator once in New York City. However, I am not a zoologist either. But I’d stake my life that the creature on the telephone pole across from my window, the one with the beautiful tail, is a squirrel. Consider only this tweet: “Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, very smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman to top T.V. Star…” That isn’t how any normal, healthy adult talks. Of course, several of his assertions there are demonstrably or arguably untrue. Trump lies all the time, and often doesn’t seem able to distinguish between truth and falsity. He followed that tweet with another, bragging that he had won the presidency on the first try, and adding, “I
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think that would qualify as not smart, but genius... and a very stable genius at that.” That, by the way, is what prompted the brilliant observation made by philosopher Eatherly atop this column. Now, some may take issue with my use of “mentally ill.” The New York Times quoted Dr. Allen Francis, a former chair of the psychiatry department at Duke and a top expert on mental disorders. Francis takes exception to calling Trump mentally ill. However, he says, “He is definitely unstable. He is definitely impulsive. He is world-class narcissistic … You can’t say enough about how incompetent and unqualified he is to be leader of the free world. But that does not make him mentally ill.” Whatever. However, in the interest of all of us not dying, we have to get him out of there. The time has come not to blame Trump, but those creatures cynically defending him and propping him up. They know how crazy he is, but they are propping him up for cynical political purposes, or because they think they can control and use him and get something out of him. Perhaps the best thing I’ve seen on this was written by Jennifer Rubin, a conservative who writes the Right Turn blog for The Washington Post. In a post called “The ‘stable genius isn’t even functioning as president,” she writes. “Policy isn’t being made or even understood by the president. What comes
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NEWS & VIEWS from his fears and impulses is whatever aides are able to piece together that might satisfy his emotional spasm of the moment without endangering the country.” Rubin thinks what’s really going on is that “we have ... a type of coup in which the great leader is disabled. He is propped up, sent out to read lines written by others and kept safely away from disastrous situations. We’re playing with fire, counting on the ability of others to restrain him from, say, launching a nuclear war and, nearly as bad, jettisoning our representative democracy.” She adds, “Vice President Pence, the Cabinet, and Congress have a moral and constitutional obligation to bring this to a stop.” They do indeed, and every day they fail to do so is a betrayal of the United States. We need to pressure them to do so. All that’s at stake, after all, is our lives.
Sadly pathetic: Patrick Miles, whose only previous attempt at winning electoral office was a crushing defeat for Congress in 2010, wants to be the Democratic nominee for attorney general this year. That’s nothing, unfortunately, voters get to decide; party leaders pick the candidates for that position in what are now non-smoke-filled rooms at their state conventions around Labor Day. Actually, Democrats really pick them earlier, at an April “endorsement convention” designed to give the candidates a head start, while leaving the party a way out if their endorsees turn out to be axe murderers or pederasts during the summer. Earlier, I have indicated that I believed Dana Nessel, the lead attorney in the landmark DeBoer v. Snyder case, was a superb candidate for that job. She is lightning smart and extremely witty, and has had a multifaceted career. Before she helped establish the right of gay people to win the right to marry and adopt, she had a career in the Wayne County prosecutor’s office putting away car thieves and child molesters and other assorted scumbags. However, she may be an underdog here. Miles, a Grand Rapids native and Harvard law school classmate of President Barack Obama’s, was later appointed by him as the U.S. district attorney for the western part of the
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state. He was, as I have said before, competent and he is qualified to run. But on Dec. 20, I noted here that he might have an edge because A) “the establishment types” want him, and B) because “[the Democrats] need to stick a black face on their statewide ticket.” Well, I was wrong about half of that — but not the half you might think. Within hours, several very high state Democratic leaders called me to say they didn’t necessarily want Miles, who they saw as a poor speaker, and possibly too far to the right on key issues. “If Dana gets her people there (to the endorsement convention) she will win, and that will be just fine with me,” one said. However, as I expected, I was attacked for saying that Democrats have an unwritten rule that they must have a black face on the ticket and that this had amounted to tokenism in the past. Everybody knows this is true, but mentioning it is strictly taboo. Four years ago, they nominated Godfrey Dillard for secretary of state. They gave him no money, no support, and he got crushed. Eight years before that, they denied the nomination for attorney general to Scott Bowen, who could have defeated Republican Mike Cox, and instead nominated Amos Williams, gave him no money and support and… etc. etc. they were, however a step up from their 1998 token nominee for secretary of state, one Mary Lou Parks. She appeared so addled she even lost Wayne County. Now I have specifically said in that column and elsewhere that Miles was not in that league, that he was fully qualified to be attorney general. But, to my disappointment, he, probably egged on by his not-verywise PR woman, began attacking me personally, accusing me of saying that he only would be nominated because he was black. And in what I’m sure was an unintentionally hilarious move, here’s what Miles and his flack did to prove he was no token. They got that wide-ranging diverse and ecumenical group the legislative black caucus to denounce me. Yes, you often aren’t loved in this job. But you are sometimes grimly amused. letters@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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UP FRONT
What’s Going On
A week’s worth of things to do and places to do them by MT staff
Vodka Vodka.
THURSDAY, 1/18 Belle Game @ El Club
DONTAE ROCKYMORE
THURSDAY, 1/18 Claudia Rankine and P. Carl
FRIDAY, 1/19
FRIDAY, 1/19
Vodka Vodka
Eszter Balint
@ The Fillmore
@ DIA
DRINK: For its ninth year, Metro Times presents Vodka Vodka — a party so good we had to name it twice. This year, the vodka-tasting event moves to the Fillmore, but that’s not the only thing that has changed. Head to the new Tito’s Bloody Mary bar complete with Brewt’s and McClure mixes. To satisfy your sweet tooth, you might want to head to the Ciroc Chocolate martini bar. Appetizers are included in the price of the ticket. There will be live entertainment from Caleb Gutierrez (formerly of the Infatuations) and DJ Danny D. As always, drink responsibly, and most importantly, drink vodka.
MUSIC+FILM: If you have a knack for independent cinema, then the film Stranger Than Paradise might mean something to you. The 1984 Jim Jarmusch minimalist classic stars Eszter Balint. Balint has since strayed from the spotlight (though she snagged a role on the FX series Louie in 2014), but in 2015 she released Airless Midnight — a collection of sultry punk songs that channel the understated cinematic quality of a Jarmusch film. As part of the DIA’s Friday Night Live series, Balint will perform songs from the record followed by a special screening of Stranger Than Paradise.
Event runs from 6:30-10:30 p.m.; 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-961-5451; mtvodkavodka.com; Tickets are $35 in advance ($45 day of the event) and include entry to the main floor and eight drink tickets; Gold VIP tickets are $55 advance ($65 day of event).
Performances begin at 7 and 8:30 p.m.; 5200 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-833-7900; dia.org; Event is free.
@ Michigan Theatre
MUSIC: When a band is described as “ethereal crush pop” we have no choice but to investigate. In the case of Vancouver-based Belle Game and their sophomore record Fear/Nothing (2017), it’s a sweetly glazed, dreamy haze of reverb and a phosphorescence that is a call to emotional arms. Produced by Kevin Drew of Broken Social Scene and David Hamelin of the Stills, Fear/Nothing is a soundscape led by the haunting vocals of Andrea Lo.
Doors open at 8 p.m.; 4114 Vernor Hwy., Detroit; 313-279-7382; elclubdetroit.com; Tickets are $8-$10.
TALK: Take a break from memes and bar hopping and grab a notebook because it’s time for some cultural schooling. In the first installment of the University of Michigan’s Penny Stamps lecture series, MacArthur “Genius” Claudia Rankine teams up with former co-artistic director of ArtsEmerson and dramaturge, P. Carl. Rankine is the author of five collections of poetry as well as an editor of several anthologies including The Racial Imaginary: Writers on Race in the Life of the Mind. Carl was enlisted as dramaturge on Rankine’s upcoming play The White Card and will offer thoughtful insights into how a performance can serve as a conduit for change.
Discussion begins at 5:10 p.m.; 603 E. Liberty St., Ann Arbor; 734-668-8397; michtheater.org; Event is free.
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Belle Game.
SATURDAY, 1/20
COURTESY PHOTO
SATURDAY, 1/20
WEDNESDAY 1/24
WEDNESDAY, 1/24
Sean Donnelly
The Dan Band
Fetty Wap
Walk the Moon
@ Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle
@ Saint Andrew’s Hall
@ Saint Andrew’s Hall
@ The Fillmore
COMEDY: Both a familiar face and a star on the rise, comedian Sean Donnelly wants nothing more than to give your winter blues a reason to piss off. Maybe you’ve caught him yucking it up on the late night talk show circuit or maybe you recognize him from the TruTV series World’s Dumbest or the first season of Adam Devine’s House Party on Comedy Central. When he’s not busy headlining clubs in New York or snagging top spots in comedy festival competitions, he is hustling his observational, self-deprecating brand of humor across the airwaves.
MUSIC: Fun fact — Did you know that Bonnie Tyler’s 1983 classic was originally called “Total Fucking Eclipse of the Heart”? No? You didn’t know that? Good, because it’s a goddamn lie — thanks to comedian Dan Finnerty and his outrageously funny Dan Band, who craft new takes on classics that keep us guessing and laughing. Though they’ve released a slew of original tracks, they are forever remembered as one of the best moments in the 2003 film Old School and serve as a reminder to not take everything so seriously (especially ’80s heartbreak ballads.)
MUSIC: We have rapper Fetty Wap to blame for the widespread overuse of the term “Trap Queen,” but we won’t hold it against him. Though he hasn’t released a proper follow-up since his 2015 debut album, when his smash hit “Trap Queen” dominated the charts, Fetty Wap is set to drop some fire in 2018. (He reportedly plans to record his upcoming second studio album, King Zoo, while on the road.) If there’s anyone who can get you hyped up on a Wednesday night, it’s Fetty.
MUSIC: For Cincinnati pop rockers Walk the Moon, it wasn’t a fast track to stardom. Formed in 2006, it was with the release of their third record, 2014’s Talking Is Hard, that they rocketed to the top of the charts. The infectiously bouncy pop hit “Shut Up + Dance” garnered a handful of American Music Award nominations and some Billboard Award victories. The last time Detroit got a dose of Walk the Moon was in 2015 when they opened for none other than the Rolling Stones at Comerica Park.
Performances on Friday begins at 7:15 and 9:45 p.m. and Saturday at 7 and 9:30 p.m.; 310 S. Troy St., Royal Oak; 248-542-9900; comedycastle.com; Tickets are $18.
Performance begins at 8:30 p.m.; 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; 313961-8961; saintandrewsdetroit. com; Tickets are $20.
Doors open at 7 p.m.; 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; 313-9618961; saintandrewsdetroit.com; Tickets are $35.
Doors open at 7 p.m.; 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313961-5451; thefillmoredetroit.com; Tickets start at $30.
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22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $15.
UP FRONT
Dead Winter. 7:30 p.m.; Tangent Gallery, 715 E. Milwaukee, Detroit; $8. If Walls Could Talk. 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $10. Jessica Care Moore. 8 p.m.; PJ's Lager House, 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; $15. Party Zep. 9 p.m.; Outer Limits Lounge, 5507 Caniff St., Detroit; no cover. Typhoon. 8 p.m.; El Club, 4114 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; $18-$20.
Sunday, 1/21 Destroyer. 7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward, Detroit; $20-$25. The Green. 7 p.m.; Shelter, 431 E. Congress, Detroit; $20. The Isley Brothers. 7:30 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $60-$75.
Tuesday, 1/23 2Cellos. 8 p.m.; Fox Theatre, 2211 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $37.50-$57.50. The Ben Paterson Trio. 8 p.m.; Cliff Bell’s, 2030 Park Ave., Detroit; Free. Teener. 8 p.m.; El Club, 4114 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; $5.
Wednesday, 1/24 Fetty Wap. 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew's Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $35.
Fetty Wap.
MUSIC Wednesday, 1/17 Eric Roberson. 6 p.m.; Garden Theater, 3929 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $50 (free with RSVP). Lana Del Rey. 8 p.m.; Little Caesars Arena, 2645 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $20-$125. Squirrel Nut Zippers. 8 p.m.; El Club, 4114 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; $30-35.
DESHAUN CRADDOCK
Eszter Balint. 7 p.m. and 8:30 p.m.; Detroit Institute of Arts, 5200 Woodward Ave., Detroit; free. Fallow Land. 9 p.m.; The Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., Ann Arbor; $7-$10. G. Love and Special Sauce. 7:30 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $25-$48. Graham Bonnet and Joe Lynne Turner. 8 p.m.; Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $30.
Thursday, 1/18
Isaac Ryder Band. 10 p.m.; Corktown Tavern, 1716 Michigan Ave., Detroit; free.
Belle Game. 8 p.m.; El Club, 4114 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; $8-$10.
Turner. 7 p.m.; Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $30.
Blackalicious. 9 p.m.; The Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., Ann Arbor; $20-$25. Maze. 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $85-$115.
Friday, 1/19 Codes. 9 p.m.; The Grasshopper Underground, 22757 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $10.
Helado Negro. 8 p.m.; El Club, 4114 W. Vernor Hwy., Detroit; $15. Major Dudes. 8 p.m.; Otus Supply, 345 E. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; $1-$10. Marshmello. 8 p.m.; mason Temple, 500 Temple St., Detroit; $34.99-$50.
p.m.; Elektricity, 15 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; $40. See Dick Run. 8 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $10.
Saturday, 1/20
Adventures With Vultures. 8 p.m.; The Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., Ann Arbor; $10-$12. Bad Bad Hats. 7 p.m.; The Crofoot Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; $10-$12. Belle Game. 8 p.m.; 4114 Vernor Hwy., Detroit; 313-279-7382; elclubdetroit.com; Tickets are $8-$10. Black Jake & the Carnies. 8 p.m.; Otus Supply, 345 E. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; $10-$15. The Dan Band. 8:30 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $20.
Party Days. 8 p.m.; PJ's Lager House, 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; $8.
The Dirk Kroll Band. 8-11:30 p.m.; New Way Bar, 23130 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; free.
Shlump & Charlesthefirst. 9:30
Dead Again. 8 p.m.; Magic Bag,
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Walk the Moon. 7 p.m.; 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-961-5451; thefillmoredetroit.com; Tickets start at $30.
ART Zap! Pow! Bam!: The Art of the Comic Book Cover opening. 5-9 p.m.; Alfred Berkowitz Gallery, University of Michigan-Dearborn, 4901 Evergreen Rd., Dearborn; free. Runs through April 7.
THEATRE The Bodyguard. Showtimes vary; Fisher Theatre, 3011 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit; $39+. Runs through Jan. 28. Dauphin Island. Showtimes vary; Detroit Repertory Theatre, 13103 Woodrow Wilson St., Detroit; $17-$20. Runs through March 18.
FILM Friday, 1/19 and Saturday, 1/20 Blade Runner: The Final Cut. Midnight; Main Art Theatre, 118 N. Main St., Royal Oak, $7. calendar@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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FEATURE
A snowy owl perches on the roof of a car outside of a post office in Detroit.
COURTESY KIMBERLY FANTROY
Detroit is being invaded by arctic snowy owls Who are they, and what do they want? By Lee DeVito
If you’re lucky, you may have
spotted a relatively unusual sight in Detroit lately: the striking black and white snowy owl, visiting from the arctic tundra in northern Canada. One has taken up a regular roost on the rooftop of One Woodward Avenue, much to the delight of Quicken Loans employees. One woman even found one perched on top of her car parked outside the post office, and others have been spotted hunting throughout the city and suburbs. Bailey Lininger, a program coordinator at Detroit Audubon, says the birds are just visiting — they’re here due to an irregular migration event known as an irruption, caused by a population boom in their arctic home. They’ll hang out for the winter and eat, and will fly back up north to breed in the spring. “There’s less snow here than there is in the tundra right now, so it’s easier for them to find food,” she says. “And there’s
less competition because the more mature birds are up on the tundra.” Typically, Lininger says, migratory birds are very precise in their habits — flying to and from the same places at the same times every year. But snowy owls have a much more complex migration pattern — some stay put in the tundra during the winter, while others fly south — even as far south as Florida or Bermuda. “They are far-flying birds,” Lininger says. “They like to travel.” Lininger says irruptions are great for biologists because it allows them a chance to study birds they otherwise wouldn’t have access to. And there are a lot of misconceptions about the birds. “It’s definitely an area where a lot of us are trying to learn, and there’s not enough people in northern Canada studying these birds for us to have a really good idea,” she says. For a long time,
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there was a belief among biologists that the snowy owls that were coming this far south must be ill or confused. But Lininger says we now know that the opposite is true: The southern-migrating snowy owls actually tend to be very healthy. “There’s just too many of them, because there were so many babies born in the breeding season,” Lininger says. She notes that the snowy owls that make up the irruption tend to be juveniles. “They come down here because there’s a solid place for them. And the older, breeding snowies stay up north because they’re the ones who can defend their territory. They’re more established,” she says. Lininger says a Detroit-area snowy owl migration is rare but not unprecedented — there was also a wave in the winter of 2013 to 2014. She urges that people respect our visitors from the
north. “We want to be welcoming hosts for the snowy owls when they’re in our city,” Lininger says. “They’re not used to seeing or being around humans, so don’t harass them or freak them out.” (Plus, Lininger notes, snowy owls are protected under the U.S. Migratory Bird Treaty Act, so it’s illegal to hunt or capture them, or tamper with their nests.) Lininger also points out that since the birds don’t have natural predators, humans are their biggest threat. Since the birds are not used to humans, they can tend to be kind of fearless (like that snowy owl brazenly perched on top of the car). And unlike most owls, snowy owls are diurnal, not nocturnal— meaning they are active during the day. “They’re coming from the tundra. They haven’t seen roads and cars and all of that,” Lininger says. “They don’t understand what a city is, so that can be a threat to them. They’re not going to act the same way that birds that you’re used to seeing in cities are going to act.” But those are the same qualities that make snowy owls so good for bird watching. Lininger says the best way to find birds is to think like one. “They’re used to being in wide open spaces, because that’s where their prey is,” she says. “They’re used to eating stuff that scurries around in fields.” Lininger says because of that, one of the best places to see them is at airports. She says you’ll often spot one on top of a telephone pole, or the only tall thing in an area. Bird-watchers have aksi reported lots of sightings at the Pointe Mouillee State Game Area just south of Grosse Ile, where the Detroit river connects with Lake Erie. Lininger recommends for people interested in learning more about snowy owls to connect with Detroit Audubon, which hosts a variety of field trips and bird watching events throughout the season and beyond. “Our goal is to show how humans and birds, we’re all connected,” she says. “We all depend on healthy environments and a healthy natural world.” Bird watching, she says, is a good way to appreciate that connection. “We like to think of birds as this incredible entryway into the natural world, because they’re all around us,” she says. “They live in cities, they live in the suburbs. You can see a snowy owl on top of a car at a post office in Detroit, and you can see that we’re sharing the environment with these incredible creatures.” More information is available detroitaudubon.org. ldevito@metrotimes.com @leedevito
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FEATURE
Snow days
Mark your calendars with these wintry events By MT staff Meridian Winter Blast.
FRI, 1/26 - SUN,1/28 Meridian Winter Blast @ Campus Martius Park
Originally brought to life to coincide with Superbowl XL in 2005, this annual indoor and outdoor event is fun for the whole family. Guests can look forward to ice skating, live music, marshmallow roasting, and a giant winter slide in the heart of downtown Detroit. If you’re feeling adventurous, take a swing on a zipline over Campus Martius or take the plunge into a freezing cold pool of water to benefit the Special Olympics of Michigan. Bring your appetite — more than 10 vendors are scheduled to participate in an on-site food truck rally.
Runs 4 p.m.-11 p.m. Friday, 11 a.m.11 p.m. Saturday, and 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Sunday; Campus Martius Park; 248-541-7550; winterblast. com; Admission is $3 (or a donation of three canned goods), North American International Auto Show visitors get free sameday admission.
SAT, 2/10 Cupid’s Undie Run @ Fillmore Detroit
Started in 2010, Cupid’s Undie Run encourages runners to strip down for a cause. Chad Leathers, one of the nonprofit’s co-founders, was inspired to start the one-mile fun run after his
COURTESY PHOTO
brother was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis. Runners raise money to go toward scientific research to cure the disease, and then dash around downtown Detroit before returning to the Fillmore for an underwear party. Runners are encouraged to keep it PG-13, but underoos are required to participate in the event.
Starts at noon; 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; cupidsundierun. com; Registration fee starts at $35.
FRI, 2/9 - SUN, 2/11, FRI, 2/16- SAT, 2/17 Dirty Show @ Russell Industrial Center
Calling all dirty Detroiters — the Dirty Show once again brings its erotic art show to the Russell Exhibition Center. This showcase, now in its 18th year, has grown into one of the largest erotic art exhibitions on the planet, bringing in emerging and established performers to display works in almost any imaginable media. Featuring burlesque shows, erotic art galleries, a spanking booth, and the Cinerotic Film Festival, guests are sure to find something to satisfy their erotic desires at this year’s Dirty Show.
Friday, Feb. 9, to Sunday, Feb. 11 and Friday, Feb. 16 to Saturday, Feb. 17; 1600 Clay St., Detroit;
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dirtydetroit.com; Tickets are $30.
FRI, 1/19 - SUN 1/21 Fire & Ice Festival @ Downtown Rochester
Yes, it is blisteringly cold in Michigan right now, but that doesn’t stop us Midwesterners from enjoying an outdoor festival every now and then. Rochester’s Fire and Ice Festival is a great way to get your Vitamin D while also enjoying ice skating, carriage rides, and a tube sled run. There will also be a fireworks display and live ice carving (fire and ice — get it?). Adults can hit the beer tent to enjoy warming craft brews from the nearby Rochester Mills Beer Co. and a midnight lightshow.
The festival runs 5 p.m.-9 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Saturday, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday; E. Fourth St. and Main St., Rochester, 248-6560060; downtownrochestermi.com; free admission.
THURS, 3/1- SUN, 3/4 Hamtramck Music Festival @ Hamtramck
Artists from all over Detroit will once again descend upon Hamtramck and fill the city with very loud and very local music for an entire weekend. Now in its fifth year, Hamtramck Music Festival strives to “provide a safe, diverse, and
enjoyable festival for all.” During the 2017 fest, more than 20 venues across Hamtramck hosted 180 bands, bringing in music lovers from across the state to discover their new favorite local acts. Profits raised went toward Ben’s Encore, a nonprofit that provides young musicians with instruments and lessons.
Hamtramck Music Festival will run from Thursday, March 1 through Sunday, March 4 in Hamtramck. Weekend passes are available for $10. For more information follow Hamtramck Music Festival on Facebook.
SAT, 1/13 Plymouth Comic Con 2018 @ Plymouth-Ann Arbor Elks 325
Action figures, comic books, original art, and other collectibles are worth braving freezing temperatures at the height of Michigan’s brutal winter weather. Don your warmest cosplay costume for a chance to win the all-ages cosplay contest. Over 40 vendors are expected at this year’s convention, each selling unique and vintage memorabilia — as well as original and locally-published works. Have any collectibles of your own? Be sure to bring them along with you as many vendors are open to trades.
Event runs 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Saturday; 41700 Ann Arbor Rd. E., Plymouth; yourcomiccon.
Cupid’s Undie Run.
com/plymouth-comic-con.html; Tickets $3; 5 pack $10.
FRI, 2/26, SAT 2/27 Ann Arbor Folk Festival @ Hill Auditorium
Coming this February, guests are invited to come and “find their folk” at the largest performing venue on the University of Michigan campus. This long-running folk festival takes place at the Ark, Ann Arbor’s nonprofit home for folk, roots, and ethnic music. Now in its 41st year, this event is a fundraiser with all proceeds going toward keeping folk alive at the Ark. Headlining performers include Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit — a former member of Drive-By Truckers — on Friday and John Prine on Saturday.
Times vary; check theark.org; 734-763-TKTS; Tickets are $42.50$60 for one night, $75-$110 for two-night series.
TUESDAY, 2/13 Paczki Day @ Small’s Bar
Fat Tuesday, Packzi Day — whatever you want to call it, this is a day beloved by Michiganders because we get to eat those calorie-packed doughnuts. At Small’s Bar in Hamtramck you can nosh on the jelly pastries or try the boozefilled variety affectionately known as
MIKE FERDINANDE
the “paczki bomb.” Enjoy some live music until 2 a.m. by the local Eastside Elvis and the Motor City Mafia, Ohio’s Polka Floyd Show, and Detroit’s AC/DC tribute band, the Bon Johnsons. The festivities begin at 10 a.m. and go until 2 a.m. Live music begins at 4 p.m.; 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck; 313-8731117; smallsbardetroit.com; no cover.
FRI 3/2 - SUN, 3/4 Autorama @ Cobo Center
If you’re less interested in the most futuristic automotive innovations and more excited to take a gander at classic hot rods and custom cars, Autorama is the event for you. Now in its 66th year, the event brings together celebrity guest apperances, rare vehicles, live bands, and a pin-up girl contest for a weekend of vintage fun.
The show runs noon to 10 p.m. Friday, 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday; Cobo Center, 1 Washington Blvd., Detroit; 248-373-1700; autorama. com; $20 general admission; Children 6-12 $7; Discounted tickets available at O’Reilly Auto Parts.
WED 1/24 - MON 1/29 Zehnders Snowfest (Frankenmuth) @ Downtown Frankenmuth
This old-school winter event features beautiful ice carvings and snow sculpture competitions, and a chance to stuff your face at the classic family-style German restaurant. This year, guests can sip some suds during Zehnder’s Tap Takeover in the Zehnder’s Tap Room with drinks on deck from Wolverine State Brewery and Great Lakes Wine and Spirits. Prost!
730 S. Main St., Frankenmuth; 800-863-7999, ext. 450; zehnders.com
FRI, 2/23, SAT 2/24 Great Lakes Comic-Con @ Macomb Community College
This annual comic, toy, and collectible show provides a venue for everyone from the casual fan to the fanatic collector. Whether you’re looking to browse around from table to table or add that one missing piece to your toy or comic book collection, Great Lakes Comic-Con has you covered. Special guests from the comic and cartoon world include comic book legend Jim Steranko, former WWE wrestler Ted DiBiase, and David Kaye — the voice of the animated Optimus Prime.
greatlakescomiccon.org; Tickets $13 single day, $20 weekend; Complimentary tickets for active military and veterans.
FRI 2/9 - SUN, 2/11 Astronomicon (Sterling Heights) @ Wyndham Garden Sterling Heights
Metro Detroit’s newest pop culture convention comes to town with a bang this February. From AMC’s Comic Book Men, Bryan Johnson and Ming Chen; semi-retired wrestler and actor Kevin Nash; and Detroit’s own Twiztid will all be making appearances at the convention — along with many other wrestling legends and pop culture stars. The convention will include panel discussions, workshops for the kiddos, and professional photo ops with your favorite stars.
The convention runs 5-9 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m. - 6p.m. Saturday, 11 a.m - 5 p.m. Sunday; Wyndham Garden Hotel, 34911 Van Dyke, Sterling Heights; astronomicon. com; Single Ticket for $25-$35, Weekend $60; VIP, Concert, and Photo Op packages are also available.
Convention runs 5 to 9 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday; Macomb Community College, 14500 Twelve Mile Rd., Warren; metrotimes.com
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FEATURE Ice man
Why fishing on a frozen lake might be the most meditative winter sport ever By Michael Jackman
For years, I had known that my
buddy James Cornish was more than a talented musician and composer — he was also an ice fisher, and every winter he headed “Up North” to do his thing. But I’d never have guessed that his love affair with the sport started near where he grew up on Conner Street in Detroit. “For me it started at about 7 years old, around 1977,” Cornish tells me. “I grew up on the east side of Detroit and we had these wonderful canals. They were the places where you learned how to skate, the places where you learned how to play some form of hockey, which, in the ’70s, usually involved lots of rough stuff. Given the cold weather climate, it was only natural we got into ice fishing. … On the canals, the ice could get pretty thick. I don’t recall the measurements, but they could get as thick as a foot.” And though you might not at first consider it, the canals would be a great place for angling, as fish prefer underground environments with lots of “structure” for shelter and hiding. “You’re dealing with decades and decades of ‘fish habitat’: tires, bottles, various industrial debris,” he says, breaking into laughter. “There are different species that almost always bite in the winter: usually perch, or some panfish like bluegill, and every once in a while you might pull up a pike.” He says he ate the fish “a few times. I didn’t try to make a daily habit of it.” “We didn’t have really extensive gear,” he says. “It was busted-up fishing poles, really anything we could find to puncture holes in the ice. I’ll never forget when my old fishing buddy Ralph got something called a spud: a big, heavy, metal spear, essentially, with a weighted wedge on the front end. It was very medieval-looking, and we’d use that to put cleaner holes through the ice.” “Somewhere along the line I picked up a hand-powered auger, which is basically a corkscrew for the ice. There’s power ones, but I’m just philosophically dead-set against using the gas-powered auger. I think it’s much more meaningful if you use your own hand-power to put a hole through the ice. It means a lot more. I think you connect with the
ice a lot more.” Over the years, though, Cornish got better gear and probed the piers and parks of Saint Clair Shores for better fishing spots. “A kid from Detroit couldn’t readily and easily sneak into Grosse Pointe Park,” he says, “but we did have some success fishing in Saint Clair Shores parks and boat slips and marinas. And the fishing was a little bit better.” Eventually, Cornish rediscovered the joy of ice fishing in his mid-30s, but he has maintained much of the simplicity of his childhood fishing into adulthood. That is to say his version of ice-fishing tends toward the rough and ready, bringing along only the equipment he can pull on a sled. It sets him apart, given the way some ice fishers drive vehicles loaded with bells and whistles out onto the ice. “I won’t do that,” he tells me. “Not only is it very difficult to save yourself if you’re in your car, but you can lose your car. And I have yet to see a bluegill worth losing your car over.” “I think comfort is overrated,” he says. “I like to feel directly connected. You can be out there all day if you sink enough money into ‘Little Buddy’ portable heaters and tent-like shanties, but I think you’d be missing a lot of the point. Your body absolutely adjusts to the temperature after a few hours. It becomes part of the environment. As long as you recognize where hypothermia starts — and remember to turn your back to the wind when it shifts — there’s something really hypnotic about being exposed to the elements, being on top of frozen water, looking into a hole, putting something down there to catch fish — and knowing you could conceivably die at any moment.” One of his favorite destinations in the Upper Peninsula is Munising Bay. “It’s where I’ve had probably the greatest successes ice fishing,” he says. “Ice-fishing culture is absolutely entrenched up there. It’s a way of life. The locals view it as a natural event, not the exception.” How does one know if it’s safe to venture out onto the ice? Cornish declares, “There’s a time-honored tradition for
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James Cornish.
evaluating if ice is safe or not: If you see other people out there. It’s been that way forever. There could be reports of 2-foot ice, frozen solid, no ‘honeycomb ice,’ nothing weird, and it could still be cracking in different spots. That’s just the idiosyncratic unpredictable nature of ice. If you see other people out there, that’s the rule of thumb. Generally, though, I don’t like to go on the ice if it’s less than 4 inches.” Even though Cornish loves going to the U.P. for a few visits, he says he has discovered some lakes in metro Detroit where he can feel removed from the rest of the world in a fairly rural setting. He says Stony Creek Lake freezes up fairly early and holds the state record for white crappies (3.39 pounds), but adds that Lake Minnawanna, a quiet “no-wake lake” surrounded by Metamora-Hadley State Recreation Area, is so completely surrounded by trees “you can tell yourself that you’re in northern Michigan.” It all goes back to Cornish’s main ethos: It’s about communing with the elements, being one with nature, accepting the limited risks, and occasionally enjoying that titanic battle with a feisty pike. “The skies are beautiful on a big body of water,” he tells me, “especially in winter. When you’re on ice, the season and the skies blend together. If you
COURTESY PHOTO
focus upon the transcendence of the activity, the comfort’s going to be a distant second. It’s beautiful. It’s gorgeous. The skies are fantastic close to dusk, when you’re on the ice in the back half of January. After dark, being on the ice is something really special.” Is this a winter sport or a form of meditation? “It’s highly meditative,” Cornish says. “Absolutely meditative. You hear the wind, you smell the ice, the frozen water. There’s prismatic light on the ice. Especially if you go a quarter mile out or more you can hear the ice crack, which is just an amazing sound. Not in a splintering, cleaving way, but just enough so there’s ice movement. It’s a rare experience.”
James Cornish’s minimal kit: • Five-gallon bucket (for holding equipment, fish, and for a seat)
• Good boots (“Aside from good clothing, boots are everything.”)
• Hat with flaps • Eight-inch auger to drill through ice • Schooley’s 16-inch hand-line ice rod: $5-$6
• Teardrop lure • $3 worth of insect larvae as live bait letters@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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FEATURE
Detroit Axe.
COURTESY PHOTO
Game on
12 metro Detroit spots to hang out when the weather gets gross By MT staff
Winter is fun for the first week
or so after that you’re left with icy roads and bone-chilling weather, and things quickly get annoying. In these frigid temperatures, any heated building is a sweet respite from freezing precipitation and bitter winds. If they happen to also include arcade games and drinks, then maybe being stuck indoors for four straight months isn’t so bad. Here are 12 indoor entertainment venues to escape this weather.
Fowling Warehouse
3901 Christopher St., Hamtramck; fowlingwarehouse.com; 313-264-1288 This Hamtramck hotspot combines two of America’s favorite sports — bowling and football — into one casual group party game. Whether you’re looking to walk in and start throwing or want to book a large party, Fowling Warehouse has lanes available to try out this new indoor sporting trend. The Gamer’s Gallery, a second floor footpool venue, also recently opened at the warehouse. Never heard of footpool? It’s a game that combines billiards and soccer and it’s been gaining steam around the world.
The Hub Stadium
2550 Takata Dr., Auburn Hills; thehubstadium.com; 248-364-4000 Metro Detroit’s newest “home for urban bombowling” opened in late 2016 at the site of the old Big Buck Brewery in Auburn Hills. High ceilings and plenty of room for gaming make this location a great place to throw around the ol’ pigskin in the comfort of an indoor facility. The venue boasts 16 fowling alley lanes, plus ping pong and axe throwing, making it an ideal spot for a large group outing. There’s also a banquet menu, so pizza parties and build-your-own taco bars are an option.
Detroit Axe
344 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; facebook.com/DetroitAxe; 248-291-5650 If you fancy yourself a strong thrower, try Detroit Axe for lumberjack-inspired fun. Opening after 5 p.m., this is a great spot to schedule an afterwork get-together for everyone to blow off some steam and smash wood together. Walk-ins are available at $20 for up to six people — a cheap destination for an evening out with
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your pals when the weather isn’t cooperating.
Ready Player One
407 E. Fort St., Detroit; rpodetroit.com; 313-395-3300 The bar arcade trend has reached Detroit in the form of Ready Player One, which opened in late 2017. When the temperatures are down, bring your friends here to lift their spirits with comfort food, video game-inspired cocktails, and more than 40 classic arcade and pinball game machines. Guests may find their skill in games like Rampage, Ms. Pac-Man, and NBA Jam after a few drinks.
Pop + Offworld
128 Cadillac Sq., Detroit; poppizzabar. com; 313-961-9249 Located in a renovated space above Checker Bar, this space is a partnership between Offworld Arcade and Pop, a pop-up venue that hosts art shows, culinary events, and more. Now, a beautiful marriage of drinks, live entertainment, pizza, and arcade games exists for guests to enjoy seven days a week. More than a dozen different types of New York-style
pizzas — “Pizza you would make if you were 17 and stoned,” according to their website — are on the menu, available in slices or whole pies.
Punch Bowl Social
1331 Broadway St., Detroit; punchbowlsocial.com; 313-749-9738 Conveniently located between Greektown and Downtown, Punch Bowl Social combines newer craft cocktails with old-school bar games. This bar houses everything from billiards to bowling and shuffleboard to the original Simpsons arcade game, so come ready to compete for bragging rights — or just to relax over a friendly game. If you’re looking for an early start, try Punch Bowl Social on Saturday and Sundays for their mouthwatering brunch menu.
CJ Barrymore’s Family Entertainment Center
21750 Hall Rd., Charter Twp. of Clinton; cjbarrymores.com; 586-469-2800 This Macomb County mecca of all things entertainment houses plenty of indoor activities for those days when the weather outside really is frightful. Bowling, bumper cars, an arcade, laser tag, and miniature bowling are all here and under one roof. Bring your clubs and hit the golf dome to keep your swing in shape year-round.
Dave & Buster’s
45511 Park Ave. Suite D, Utica; 586-930-1515
19375 Victor Pkwy., Livonia; 734-452-4600 daveandbusters.com; Let’s just call Dave & Buster’s what it really is: Chuck E. Cheese’s for adults. With their famous appetizers — including their unbeatable beer-batter onion rings — and a plethora of drinks to choose from, there’s no reason to ever leave. Convert your hard-earned cash into tokens while enjoying a wide range of arcade games — throw it back old-school with a round or two of skee-ball and Pac-Man, or venture into an apocalyptic future with Zombie Snatcher. Come in on Wednesdays for their half-off deal from open to close.
walking distance of the shopping district and entertainment venues like the Magic Bag and the Loving Touch. Pop over to this restaurant and bar for a burger, a glass of whiskey, and a game of pinball before a show.
DK Beercade
Cadieux Cafe
36470 Jefferson Ave., Harrison Charter Twp.; terrystime.com/beercade; 586-4638258 Located inside of Terry’s Terrace, this is a cozy room to kick back with friends with a drink in one hand and a joystick in the other. This beercade’s walls are lined with vintage arcade games, all listed on their website.
One Eyed Betty’s
175 W. Troy St., Ferndale; oneeyedbettys. com; 248-808-6633 If you’re in the mood for pinball, OneEyed Betty’s is the place to go. Located in downtown Ferndale, you’re within
Lucky Strike
44320 12 Mile Rd. H-160, Novi; bowlluckystrike.com/locations/novi; 248-374-3420 Unrelated to those cigarettes they smoke in old war movies, this upscale alley offers bowling with a sophisticated edge, as it’s decked out in Hollywoodthemed decor Dance and drink on the weekends when DJs come in to spice it up.
4300 Cadieux Rd., Detroit; cadieuxcafe. com; 313-882-8560 This Belgian-themed spot in a former speakeasy is home to mussels, feather bowling, and plenty of dank Belgian beer. Cadieux Cafe has preserved an old Belgian game — similar to horseshoes and Bocce — for Detroiters to enjoy. Bring your friends here to play, drink Belgian brews, and dine on traditional Belgian favorites like steamed mussels and Belgian rabbit. letters@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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FEATURE
Live Cycle Detroit.
BREANN WHITE
Beat the winter blues ...by springing into self-care By Sarah Rose Sharp
Self-care has become
a hot topic these days, evoking ideas of expensive bath bombs and boutique consumerism as a panacea for lives spent struggling against the ravages of late capitalism. But considered another way, self-care is about devoting time, space, and resources to aspects of daily life that contribute to one’s baseline health and wellbeing — physical, mental, and emotional. This might mean scheduling a regular massage, making a point of sleeping in on your day off, or getting a flu shot instead of just hoping to avoid the seasonal ick. During the winter months, self-care becomes even more vital, because the limited daylight and freezing temperatures are known to affect mood and immune health, leaving us vulnerable to illness and depression. Luckily, a whole crop of up-andcomers in Detroit are making it
easier than ever to centralize selfcare, even with limited resources. In an effort to unfold some potential for a happier, gentler winter, we spoke with some of Detroit’s savviest ladies regarding healthy eating, accessible spa life, fitness regimens, and how to nurture the spirit. Whether you want to explore these or other methods to beat the wintertime blues, remember that feeling good is not a frivolous goal, but actually a sign that you are doing right by yourself. Let these vanguards of the Detroit self-care scene show you the way, or blaze your own trail — just never forget, you deserve it.
Active lifestyle We’re well into January, so naturally your New Year’s resolution to get to the gym more often has likely fallen by the wayside. But Amina Daniels, the relentlessly upbeat pro-
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prietor of Live Cycle Delight in the West Village, wants you to know that making the choice to get to an exercise class is one of the best things you can do for yourself. “Fitness really transcends exercise,” says Daniels. “It’s an opportunity for you to let go, for you to unlock potential, and to do something that you thought you couldn’t do. When you can do something that you thought you couldn’t do once, then the possibilities become endless.” Daniels, a Detroit native, returned to the city in 2013 after working in the fashion industry in New York. “In New York, I did a lot of boutique fitness — a lot of people worked out as a social experience,” Daniels says. “I knew Detroit had an opportunity to be healthier, and I knew there was an opportunity to be more inclusive, in terms of who was participating in classes.” LCD is attended by people
as diverse as the classes they offer — from low-impact, restorative yoga, to cross training, to popular, highenergy spin classes. Like many residents of Detroit, Daniels suffers from asthma, and found ways to overcome her condition through a Bikram yoga practice. “I would be having an asthma attack in class, and my teacher would say, ‘You’re fine, just sit there and breathe,’ and I’d be looking at her like she was insane,” says Daniels. “But then it worked!” Now Daniels teaches multiple classes a day at LCD, and the studio is so popular that she’s in the process of opening a second West Village location — LCD Hot — dedicated entirely to yoga. “After a hard day, it’s easy to go to the bar and drink, and sit, and talk, and smoke,” says Daniels. “It’s not easy to go to a class to be vulnerable and push yourself. That’s always the
hard part — instead of putting in, putting something out there. I just want people to know there’s so many more options.” 8019 Agnes St., Detroit; livecycledelight.com
Relax and restore For some people, taking a spa day seems like an extravagance, but for certified massage therapist Jenaveve Biernat, and her business partner Anahí Hollis, it is a preventative practice that makes good medical sense. “Health insurance might help you when you’re already sick,” says Hollis. “It might give you an opportunity to go get a Band-Aid for whatever goes wrong because you didn’t have selfcare for so long.” This underscores a general trend for many Americans, who wait until things are at a critical point before seeking treatment. Biernat and Hollis see the preventative potential in spa offerings, and their co-owned oasis, Meta Physica Wellness Center — in a sparkling new location at Trumbull and Bagley in Corktown — offers many different types of respite from the stress of daily living. “We offer holistic healing,” says Hollis. Meta Physica has a full staff of licensed massage therapists, a new line of state-of-the-art dry saunas, and plans to open an organic onsite juice bar in the coming months. “Something I see as a therapist is how many surgeries are administered for damage in soft tissues,” says Biernat. “Muscle is soft tissue — if you take care of your muscles, you can avoid worse injuries.” Meta Physica offers massages and sauna time at accessible prices, considering the upscale nature of their facilities, but even if $70 for a massage raises your eyebrows, consider that it is a fraction of the cost of surgical intervention later down the road. “Taking care of yourself is a lifelong process,” says Hollis. “Enjoy it!” 1701 Trumbull Ave., Suite 3, Detroit; 313-303-7611; metaphysicamassage. com
Seasonal eats For Alison Heeres and Gwen Meyer, co-proprietors of Coriander Kitchen and Farm, eating in tune with nature is a year-round experience, and the winter months are no exception. “This is the time when we thank ourselves for fermenting, canning, and drying produce from the farm,” says Heeres when asked for tips on healthy eating in the cold season. “Since we are locavores, the winter
months can become very root and starch heavy. We kick up our immune system and metabolism by adding fermented foods such as kraut, kimchi, and green tomatoes and canned and dried nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, eggplants). A little capsaicin from peppers goes a long way for your mood — and it helps with digestive and cardiovascular health.” Heeres also calls herself a devotee of the church of soup — it’s a good way to make nurturing food for yourself that can last all week. “Learning how to make soup well will serve you in these dark months,” says Heeres. “It is warm and incredibly nutritious, and is a great use for those tomatoes you canned or tossed in your freezer. Make sure to save all your carrot, fennel, celery, and onion scraps in the freezer to whip up veggie stock when you need it. If you are in need of a real boost, making rich bone broth as a base for your soups will add much needed minerals and collagen.” corianderkitchenandfarm.com
Ritual Healing Of course, all questions of self-care need not be physical — just as important are finding ways to nurture our mental health, especially when the winter descends in Michigan’s trademark gray days. “For me, ritual is really closely tied with mental health,” says Casey Rocheteau, the inaugural Write-AHouse winner, and the artist who developed her own Shrine of the Black Medusa tarot deck. “I know for myself, keeping a schedule or a routine really helps keep us healthy. That’s what ritual is for me, an emotional and spiritual routine. Putting offerings on my altar is as satisfying to me as cleaning the dishes. Pulling tarot cards is like paying my bills, but typically much less depressing.” Rocheteau’s initial set of 78 cards were made quickly, but she continued to cultivate the idea over years before arriving at the finished product. “It blossomed into this idea of celebrating all the kinds of things that society tries to shame us for,” says Rocheteau. “I wanted to collect and collage images that celebrated queerness, blackness, disability, femininity, and so on. The ethos for the deck is ‘embrace your monsters and turn obstacles to stone.’” caseyrocheteau.org/blackmedusatarot
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FOOD
Caldo de res.
TOM PERKINS
Hot stuff by Jane Slaughter
When I asked Hugo and Lucia
Torres what made their restaurant different from the many others in southwest Detroit, the answer came easily: “Más familiar” — more family-like. It’s tranquilo, or quiet, they say. Hugo cooks on weekends, while Lucia presides all the time. They mentioned other qualities that have set Bella’s Mexican Cuisine apart since they took over operations in August: the fresh juices they make, the café de olla — coffee grounds are boiled with sugar, cinnamon, and orange peel — and champurrado, the thick corn and chocolate drink that’s perfect in winter. Other restaurants on the Bagley strip that orient toward gringos don’t bother with these. I could detect no flexing of the Bella’s menu toward American tastes. Not that the place is self-effacing — there’s a multi-colored moving neon sign out front that you can’t miss. The beverages are a good place to start, and the selection of hefty, justsqueezed juices include orange, carrot, and beet in the winter, or any combination thereof. I tried a 20-ounce orange juice for $3, more of a Jalisco price than a Detroit price. It tasted like it came from a sidewalk vendor with a hand
juicer squeezing the juice into a plastic bag and offering a straw for takeaway — the way I get it each morning when in Mexico. The others are just as fresh and strong. A “small” carrot juice was 16 ounces and more carrot-y than a carrot. During the summer, Bella’s mixes nopales, celery, spinach, and aloe vera for a healthy, green drink. That’s also when “eskimos” are offered — a mix of evaporated milk and crushed ice along with strawberry, chocolate, or banana. Horchata, Jamaica, and Jarritos soft drinks are the other beverages. I liked a giant horchata that was sweeter than most. When you walk in to Bella’s, the front area looks like a work space. Keep going to the back, where its roomy and brick arches are almost the only decoration, aside from some matador posters. Dinner begins with just-made chips and salsa still warm from the stove. To my taste, the salsa’s heat level was just right — enough to be interesting but not a test of courage. When I asked what dishes customers order most, somehow I knew it wasn’t going to be chimichangas (which aren’t on the menu). Lucia said her customers ask most often for menudo, the
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quintessentially Jaliscan birria de chivo (goat stew), and beef barbecue. She serves red pork pozole, the hominy stew made with guajillo chiles, and also makes corn tortillas by hand, producing a thinner, very slightly crisp version — you can see the marks of the comal. Carnitas are sold at $10 per pound. I was disappointed she was out of birria when I asked, but a large and simple shredded barbacoa de res (beef barbecue) filled the gap nicely, which held some pieces of fat thoughtfully dotting the meat. Salsas in squeeze bottles allow you to complement until your heart’s content. On another visit I ordered the chiles rellenos which come topped with cooked-but-still-crisp onions and green peppers in tomato sauce. Again, heat levels were adequate, not overly challenging. Bella’s offers eight guisados, or stews, of various forms of beef, pork, chicken, and goat. Guisado al pastor, for example, is an almost sweet treatment of pork which uses orange juice and pineapples. The dish turns a friendly orange with achiote. For breakfast you may ask for pancakes with eggs or chorizo. I got chilaquiles, which means different dishes in different states of Mexico. In Jalisco, it’s squishy — you start with crisp corn chips and soften them by cooking with broth, garlic, a little egg, and green or red salsa. Cheese goes on top, and crema makes a pleasing garnish.
Bella’s Mexican Cuisine 2303 Campbell St., Detroit 313-461-8657 Wheelchair accessible 8 a.m.-6 p.m. Tuesday-Sunday Dinners $8-$13, juices $3-$5
Bella’s also serves $1.50 tacos, of course ($2 if for some unaccountable reason you want a flour tortilla). Tortas and sandwiches on bolillos are $5.50 and served with tomato, lettuce, jalapeño, avocado, and crema. If I had a wish for Bella’s, it would be for whole beans instead of refried, and for less TV. Odd how it’s hard to wrench your eyes from the screen, even when it’s a couple fighting over custody of their child in front of a pretend TV judge, all in Spanish. Both the hours at Bella’s and the menu appear to be moving targets — don’t hesitate to ask if you don’t see something. Pay attention to the specials on the chalkboard near the door, which may include tongue tacos or menudo, a whole fish or chiles rellenos. Torres says the restaurant closes at 6 p.m. in the winter, but it was open till 8 p.m. during several of my visits. Best call to make sure. Look for the lit-up neon sign. Summer hours are 7 a.m.-8 p.m. Cash only. eat@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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FOOD
Sweater Weather, Axle Brewing Co.
Warm up with these 15 boozy Detroit cocktails By Tom Perkins
Axle Brewing Co.’s “Beertails” are hybrid beer-cocktails with craft beer and unique ingredients served up at its Livernois Tap in Ferndale. One example is the Sweater Weather, made with Noble Ghost hopped blonde ale with pomegranate, lemon, and a pink peppercorn and matcha sugar rim.
Man on the Moon, Grey Ghost.
glass, all the while keeping it seasonal in as many senses as possible. I set out to put together a combination of flavors that are common and familiar, but not always married together in a way like this.”
Painted Lady’s Henrietta is a coffee and bourbon drink comprised of Buffalo Trace Bourbon Cream, Buffalo Trace bourbon, and cold brew from Hamtramck’s soon-to-open Henrietta House.
The Morrie’s Fireside Mojito is a wintertime take on a summertime favorite and is made with pear-infused Captain Morgan’s Vanilla, mint, and lime.
The Morrie’s Baby, It’s Cold Outside is a creamy, peppermint martini made with Stoli Vanilla, Godiva White, Peppermint Schnapps, Marshmallow, and a candy cane rim.
The Corner’s Apples to Apples holds some of the flavors that just work so well in the cold weather. It’s made with Hayman’s London dry gin, Becherovka, caramel, apple juice, and lemon.
Jolly Pumpkin Noel de Calabaza is a special ale that’s sour, malty, and layered with figs, hops, raisins, and sugar plums, and is nine percent ABV. It’s for those of you not quite ready to leave the holidays behind.
The Painted Lady’s hot toddys are a standard combination of hot whiskey, water, lemon, and honey, but it’s far more interesting here because you get to choose from 90 different varieties of whiskey.
Joe Muer’s Zim’s Winter Wonderland uses pumpkin, which is a go-to for beating the chills, as well as Zim’s Polish Potato Vodka, Kahlua Pumpkin Spice Liqueur, and Rumchata.
COURTESY PHOTOS
Toddy time
The Upper Midwest is a cold, bleak place in January. The holidays are done, the waves of arctic weather are beating down on Detroit, and the first signs of warm spring weather are still months off. How does one make it through the Rust Belt’s mid-winter slog? Booze, of course. We spoke with some of the city’s finest mixologists, brewers, and wine sellers about their best recipes for beating the wintertime blues. Here’s what they shared with us.
Nutty Night, Joe Muer.
Joe Muer’s Nutty Night is made with Bird Dog Apple Whiskey, Port Wine, and dashes of black walnut bitters, and is garnished with cinnamon and sugar apple. Jolly Pumpkin’s Madrugada Obscura is a dark dawn sour described as a “roasty, malty stout” that the Dexterbased brewer only produces for the winter months. It’s a dark and slightly sour beer, but a little more full-bodied than Jolly Pumpkin’s other offerings. Grey Ghost’s Man on the Moon cocktail is made with rye, yellow chartreuse, sesame, pineapple, and lemon. Bartender Will Lee explains that the idea is to offer a drink that is “savory, refreshing, and tiki. Flavor profiles that you normally don’t see in the same
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The Oakland’s Blue Blazer holds the spirit-forward proportions of an old fashioned, and uses cask-strength Redbreast, an age-dated single-pot Irish whiskey with a nice mouthfeel. It is then mixed with hot tea and lit on fire, then poured back and forth. The finished glass of hot punch is garnished with a lemon peel cut with angles as square as a fine piece of sashimi. Les Lunes Zinfandel at Western Market is for you wine-lovers out there. As Western Market’s Putnam Weekley explains, “No one guesses this is Zinfandel — it’s too ruby, and it has that natural wine aroma more commonly associated with Pinot Noir or Gamay.” There is no sense of oak flavor, he adds, and he highlights the pomegranate and cranberry candy notes. The wine is dry farmed and wild yeast fermented.
CAYA Smokehouse’s Breakfast Manhattan is served with baconinfused Bulleit Bourbon, smoked maple syrup, and bitters in a rocks glass over ice that’s garnished with a slice of cooked bacon. Oude Gueuze Tilquin À l’ancienne beer at Western Market is worth a look as well. As Western Market’s Jarred Gild explains, “Tilquin is not actually a brewery. It is an esteemed gueuze blendery, where they take freshly brewed wort from various regional producers and age them in wood to create its distinct lambic funk. Brewers then blend 1-, 2-, and 3-year old lambics and further age them in bottle to make a tangy, exotic elixir.”
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MUSIC
Lyle, err, Sean Lynch.
COURTESY PHOTO
The mysterious death of Lyle Lynch
Sean Lynch addresses The Elephant in The Room By Jerilyn Jordan
I’m mad at Sean Lynch when we
meet for coffee to discuss the justifiable, albeit metaphorical, death of Lyle Lynch and the disbandment of his Bad Hombres. Or maybe Sean Lynch is mad at me. After nearly eight years of friendship, this happens from time to time and it’s not always easy to tell the difference. Lynch is, undoubtedly, an intense person — with an equally intense, though fully formed and thoroughly researched thesis on the art he creates and why he creates it. He can quote Nina Simone in the same breath that he can identify the make and model of an FX pedal on a Liz Harris track, and I guarantee he will bring up Portishead at some point — he really fucking loves Portishead. Like most conversations between us, we often start with some common observational ground and move upward (and usually end up just north of six feet under). Today, our common ground is “Smells Like Teen Sprite” (the viral reimagining of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”), the unseasonably warm weather, and the uncomfortable text message exchange from two weeks ago that led us to clutch our respective coffee cups with white knuckles while avoiding direct eye contact on this
particular morning. I ask Lynch what he had meant when he told me that he felt that “the material was expired,” or at least irrelevant enough to warrant an interview. “I was stupid for saying that,” he interjects. “People that make music think they have an aerial view of the fucking world. I have to remind myself that I don’t know. Of course, it’s expired material for me. I told myself that as soon as 2018 happened, I wouldn’t write anymore from that mindset. It was too destructive to things in my life and I’m still paying the price of having filtered that toxic shit through me. I’m surprised I even released it.” This is not the first time Lynch has buried someone… or something. Having spent 15 years in death work as both a funeral director and mortuary restoration specialist, Lynch has adopted a ceremonial approach to most things. When he announced the final show and disbandment of 800beloved, his dream pop project of 10 years, in the summer of 2016, the performance received the full funeral treatment — flowers dressed the stage, a eulogy had been prepared, and a coffin was the visual focal point for the entirety of the show. It was never about gimmick when it came to 800beloved, though,
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nor was there anything remotely ironic about The Uncanny Valley, the only record under his solo project No Body. As commonplace as death might be for someone as emotionally seasoned as Lynch, it’s still death — an ending. “Are you comfortable talking about Lyle?” I ask delicately. “Absolutely. I’m here to represent Lyle,” Lynch says. “The last I heard, he was in a doomsday dome in Northern Michigan. That’s the last I heard, anyway.” Last month, Lynch released The Elephant in the Room, a four-song EP recorded in mono under the moniker Lyle Lynch and the Bad Hombres. Originally seven tracks, the album is overtly American — Lynch describes Lyle as having a “meat and potatoes delivery” and that the record is like “a pack of Marlboros or something.” A far cry from the dreamy shoegaze days of 800beloved (though some of Lynch’s reflexes and muscle memory shine through), Lyle and his Bad Hombres are a bit of an anomaly. First, there are no bad Hombres. It is 100 percent a solo record. Secondly, the music has a sort of western swing that Lynch says was purposely crafted to sound like something a Trump-voter demographic might identify with, but when listened
to more closely the songs are actually quite subversive and as macabre as anything Lynch has ever done. “I went mad ‘cause I couldn’t have Uncle Tom for my Uncle Sam,” Lyle spits on “The Limbo,” a song that forced Lynch to learn the lap steel guitar overnight. “I told the government get off my land and just control my woman,” he continues — a sentiment Lynch admits is pretty fucking terrible, “But that’s what goes through the mind of most white men who are shacked up in the suburbs with this hostage situation of a marriage and they’re angry about something they can’t put their finger on,” he says. The EP explores a new cadence for Lynch, who abandoned his knack for dreamy prose and romantic abstractions for palatable rhymes that appease modern attention spans — “burn me a bridge, build me a wall,” “fake news and real guns,” and even going as far as to say “This land ain’t your land/ This land is my land/ Goddamn America.” But what Lynch wants us to know is that this is in no way a protest record. “If you think I’m going to waste my time going after a piece of trash like Donald Trump, he’s a fucking turkey shoot,” Lynch says. “This record has nothing to do with Donald Trump. This record has everything to do with us: the people and our poor American taste. This is two clicks off from wearing your PJs at Wal-Mart, buying your Monster Energy drinks, cursing the world that never did you wrong because your skin was white.” He continues, “This is about what is actually going on in the mind of the gun shop owner who opens up shop 50-yards away from an elementary school in my fucking hometown. This is about that poor taste.” Lyle Lynch was conceived nearly two years ago, though only as a joke and a Facebook status. Lyle was first introduced via social media through cryptic Instagram footage of Lynch in a cowboy hat on various dirt roads, ran through a camcorder filter. “If I wrote a love song and there were two teenagers who were playing that song and in that moment that song made it so they could kiss each other — if I possess that ability and I possess the ability to bury an ex-lover with another song, I should be able to possess the ability to get outside of myself for just a fucking second,” Lynch says. Enter Lyle. It wasn’t until the late summer of 2017 that I met Lyle. On that day he looked like Sean, smoked cigarettes like Sean, but everything else was that of a stranger. I challenged his Southern accent with my own and created my own southern persona, rearranging the letters in my name to sound like someone
who might serve you iced tea at a Waffle House. We stayed this way for hours, alternating between culturally insensitive buzzwords and pro-Trump farce, feeling our way through America’s tabloid reality. Eventually, our voices, mannerisms, and ideologies returned to us in a fit of laughter as we chased after an ice cream truck like feral children on summer break. But when summer left, Lyle stuck around. And suddenly the whole thing began to feel like performance art on quicksand. “Everything about doing this record in every possible sense of the world was isolating,” Lynch says. “I just didn’t feel right getting to enjoy a dream world outside of the real world we were living in that had turned quite dark. When you sing a song like ‘America My Island,’ you’ve got to be pretty angry. I’ve always been intense, but with Lyle, I couldn’t always turn it off.” Lynch confesses, “To be completely honest, I could have gone much further with it. It wasn’t because I was speaking with an accent or singing in an accent and saying some pretty polarizing things, it was the afterburn. The residual effects of Lyle have hurt other areas of my life. Musically I wanted to do other things.” He pauses. “I did not want to be doing this shit.” The shit Lynch refers to is the immersive process he subjected himself to in order to extract the source material for The Elephant in the Room. It isn’t the immersion part that is new for Lynch — he’s sort of always been this way. For 800beloved’s 2009 debut album Bouquet, Lynch kept the coffin from the cover image at the end of his bed for several years as a creative relic. It was a series of dreams that spawned the lyrical imagery for 2010’s Everything Purple. And 800beloved’s final release, Some Kind of Distortion, was a wistful kiss of death to, well, death. When it came to The Elephant in the Room, however, Lynch turned to Breitbart and A.M. radio. He admits to having 75 pages of lyrical re-writes, and modestly claims that all he did was repurpose daily news by mixing up the language of headlines and buzzwords, and then he added an accent. But not everything about the record spawned from nightmarish discoveries of alt-right media or the disturbingly blind beliefs of Trump’s America. Rather, the record has everything to do with a blue-eyed toddler on Christmas morning. Lynch says he knew he wanted to call the record The Elephant in the Room on Christmas morning, when he had come
The Elephant in the Room album art.
up with the melody for “The Limbo.” “When we got to my family’s house, my darling niece who was 2 or 3 at the time picked out a book for me to read to her. She grabbed a book about an elephant who went into the jungle and befriended all types of animals, no matter how different they were,” Lynch explains. “I thought it was such a strange twist on what we were going through with this foul mouth who is doing everything to close our world and here was this beautiful, young girl and this elephant who was embracing everything.” Lynch admits he suffers from “whatever disorder when you’re always looking for meaning in everything.” “It doesn’t happen as romantically these days, it happens more methodically,” he says. “But how do you look past a moment like that?” Two hours into our conversation and we’ve aired our share of grievances — with the world, our cellphones, and each other. Coffee cups now empty, we discover that we are both equally obsessed with last year’s cinematic flop Blade Runner 2049. He tells me that he will absolutely not make rock music in 2018, and that he plans to focus on electronic compositions and breathing. But of all the ground we covered, one thing remained unclear. “So, wait. Sean, is Lyle dead or just off the grid?” I ask. “Because I really want the interview to have some dusty, western Tarantino-esque title. Like, ‘The Death of Lyle Lynch and —’” “Oh yeah, go ahead. Kill him,” Lynch says, noticeably fighting the urge to dip into Lyle’s signature Texas drawl one last time. “He’s dead to me, and he ain’t comin’ back.” The Elephant in the Room EP by Lyle Lynch and the Bad Hombres is available for download and purchase via lylelynch.bandcamp.com. jerilyn@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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The
Old
Miami
OUR PATIO NIGHTLY BONFIRES ON
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| January 17-23, 2018
51
FILM
Vicky Krieps and Daniel Day-Lewis star in Phantom Thread.
COURTESY PHOTO
A phantom menace By Corey Hall
Gloriously ornate, delicately refined, and yet coarse to the
touch, the latest opus from the everevolving mega-auteur Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, There Will Be Blood) is a beautiful and fragile synergy of form and function, with a nuanced style of storytelling that echoes the story being told. It is a heady film, one that wants you to chew on its rich themes, invites you to luxuriate in its exquisite craftsmanship, and linger on its gorgeous compositions and impeccable taste, all while weaving a narrative that works hard to keep the viewer at arm’s length. After threatening that this will be his final big screen role, the insanely committed star Daniel Day-Lewis gives a symposium on controlled fury as the semi-ludicrously named Reynolds Woodcock, a highly adept artist who seeks to extend his total mastery of his craft into controlling all aspects of his reality. Woodcock is a top designer in
an impossibly elegant mid-1950s London, a dressmaker to heiresses, celebrities, socialites, and European royalty. He endeavors to make their exteriors as lovely as possible, even while barely masking his contempt for the abundant ugliness beneath the veneers. That volcanic contempt is forever lingering beneath a wall of icy reserve, shielded by a set of rules and exacting expectations which covers everything from his intricate stitch work to his preference for oil and salt with his asparagus spears. Woodcock is surrounded by women (including his toxic and severe sister, played with frosty perfection by Lesley Manville) and has made fulfilling their fantasies and dreams his life’s work, but only professionally; in his personal life women are utilities, accessories to drape his genius on and to absorb his veiled hostility. This self-absorbed homeostasis is fatally disrupted by the arrival of Alma
52 January 17-23, 2018 | metrotimes.com
(Vicky Krieps), a fetching, youthful waitress with an unrefined intelligence but ample verve. But what begins as a disposable plaything becomes an all-consuming distraction — and ultimately much, much more. Krieps’ elusive accent is hard to place (she hails from tiny Luxembourg) and her intonation bears hints of both German and French, which lends a gentle, pleasing layer of contradiction to her line readings. She is never less than captivating, and holds her own even as the mesmerizing Day-Lewis is busy swallowing everything in the vicinity into his vortex. By simply and persistently insisting that he see her as a fully realized partner — as a living, breathing human deserving of his full attention and love — Alma begins unwinding the strands of the maestro’s lonely kingdom. The movie then transitions into a Hitchcockian noir, filled with maternal longing, pop psychology, haunted pas-
Phantom Thread Rated R Runtime: 130 minutes sion, and a deeply weird and upsetting sensuality. The film’s intense, moody, and mysterious tone drifts toward the outright sinister, but even while we head down darker and darker corridors, Anderson refuses to conform to our expectations. The director makes a meal out silences, to the extent that the volume of a knife scraping toast becomes a contentious issue. Meanwhile, his staging of the set pieces (such as when the camera floats over a rollickingly New Year’s Eve Ball, while Reynolds desperately scans the room for his lover) is virtuosic. Had it been made in the era of its setting, Phantom Thread would probably have been dismissed as a “women’s picture” — something Anderson seems distinctly conscious of as he goes about spewing this acidic romance across a breathtakingly exquisite canvas.
letters@metrotimes.com @metrotimes
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metrotimes.com
| January 17-23, 2018
53
ARTS
Various comic book covers from Corey Gross’s personal collection, on view at U-M Dearborn’s Alfred Berkowitz Gallery.
COURTESY PHOTOS
Comic book guy
What one man’s personal collection can teach us about comic books By Lee DeVito
Corey Gross is serious about comic books. He’s so serious, in fact, that he wants to elevate the art form from kid’s stuff to an art exhibition worthy of a close examination. Zap! Pow! Bam!: The Art of the Comic Book Cover features highlights from Gross’ collection (he has an outsized love for Iron Man), displaying around 250 comic books total. We spoke with Gross to learn more about the show. Metro Times: What can people expect from this show? Corey Gross: It’s using the comic books themselves as the art objects, so it’s focusing on comic book covers. It would be nice if people could thumb through them. [Pause.] It would also be terrible, because then they’d get stolen and dirty and all that stuff. They’re coming from my personal collection. MT:
How big is your personal collection?
Gross:
I have 60 or 70 boxes. And that’s after I went to grad school in Chicago and took my collection with me years ago. I had them in storage, up on blocks, so they were off the floor, but then a pipe burst in the wall. That took out probably a third of my collection.
MT:
When did you get into collecting comic books?
Gross:
Back in the ’80s when I was in middle school. Iron Man was what actually got me into comics. A big portion of the show will be Iron Man, because I have almost a complete run of Iron Man through the ’60s. Part of it will be an “Iron Man through the ages” kind of a thing. I’ll also have toys for visual interest, more superhero stuff. I have far too many Iron Man figures, but I’ve been collecting them since the ’80s.
people in; it’s a common trope that’s used again and again. Gimmick covers were really big in the ’90s, like foil-enhanced covers, die-cut covers, glow in the dark covers. The show features comics from the ’60s to the present. I wish I had more stuff from the ’40s and ’50s.
MT:
How many images are in the
show?
Gross:
Laura Cotton, the curator at the Berkowitz Gallery — we are colleagues. We were both working in Montana at this small museum. We wanted to do a comic book exhibit then, but because I was an employee I couldn’t display my own work there. But we both ended up in Michigan and it became a reality.
There are about 250 images in the show. There will also be three pieces of original cover art from comics from the ’70s on loan from Western Michigan University’s Richmond Center for Visual Arts. They have the original artwork in their collection — Stan Lee actually donated it to them years ago. It was in their collection so we were able to borrow three pieces. So we’ll have the original artwork and then the comic book version as well.
MT:
What does the show teach us about comic book covers?
MT:
Gross:
Gross:
MT:
How’d this show come together?
Gross:
We’ll have a section on the heroic pose, and how that’s a common trope in covers. One common trope is like, “Is this the end of our hero?” — where on the cover they have the death of someone, and it was a marketing gimmick, even though we know Batman’s not going to die. But every 10 issues or so, it’s like, “Will Batman die?” It draws
54 January 17-23, 2018 | metrotimes.com
What are some of the more interesting covers you have? There’s a section focused on social issues — like the character Northstar in the early ’90s came out as gay. Then like two or three years ago, he got married. So here’s where he came out in the ’90s, and then he got married. There’s Milestone Comics, a group of comics put out by DC Comics that focused on African-American heroes. I’m go-
ing to have a whole bunch of stuff through the ages, like Aquaman and Wonder Woman, just to show how they’ve changed throughout the ’60s to now — actually, how little Wonder Woman has changed and how Aquaman has gone through some crazy changes. The idea is for it to be fun. We wanted it to be fun, visually interesting. The superhero movies are so popular right now, but comic sales are like, the lowest they’ve been in more than 50 years. It’s crazy: Comic stores are disappearing left and right, but these characters are the most popular they’ve ever been. So it’s really strange.
MT:
Anything else people should
know?
Gross:
It should be fun. If people haven’t really read comics but love superhero movies they would definitely find it interesting to see how they’ve matured over the years. Zap! Pow! Bam!: The Art of the Comic Book Cover has an opening reception from 5-7 p.m. on Thursday, Jan. 18 at the University of Michigan Dearborn’s Alfred Berkowitz Gallery, Mardigian Library (3rd Floor), 4901 Evergreen Rd., Dearborn; 313-5935087; umdearborn.edu; Admission is free; Runs through April 7. ldevito@metrotimes.com @leedevito
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NEWS & VIEWS Higher Ground
Sessions’ marijuana memo clouds the issue of legal pot, yet clears the air elsewhere by Larry Gabriel
The fog that generally wafts around marijuana policy just got thicker at a time when it seemed some clarity would be coming. The same week that California — the sixth largest economy in the world — began recreational sales, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions rescinded the Cole Memo, an Obama-era instruction to federal prosecutors not to go after marijuana businesses that are compliant with their state laws. In other words: If the state says they can be in business, leave them alone. That memo was the reason many business owners across the country felt safe in opening up pot shops, grow operations, and the like. At least they wouldn’t have to worry about the feds. Not anymore. Having to worry about the feds coming in is a pretty substantial deterrent to the idea of sinking your money into a business. “It introduces a degree of edginess,” says one local who’s building a grow facility in Warren. That edginess translated to a newsworthy dip in U.S. marijuana stocks. It seems like every time we should be getting clarity on marijuana and where we are going with it, things just get mucked up. While Sessions didn’t order a crackdown on marijuana, he did give the OK to local U.S. attorneys to step in where they felt it was warranted. However, a potent indicator of where we are at with marijuana emerged, with national and local lawmakers from both major parties pushing back against Sessions. Republican Representative Cory Gardner of Colorado, which was one of the first states to legalize marijuana for recreational use, was among the loudest among those opposing the policy change. In Michigan, the environment is further clouded by the Sessions announcement just as the state is finally rolling out a production and distribution system. State Attorney General Bill Schuette, historically a strident opponent to mar56 January 17-23, 2018 | metrotimes.com
ijuana who has quieted down on the subject as he runs for governor, appears to have nothing to say on the issue. But since it’s campaign season, Dana Nessel, a contender in the August Democratic primary for attorney general, has made a point of supporting marijuana legalization in her campaign. “Our state’s next attorney general has to be more proactive in order make sure our state residents are protected from federal overreach,” says Nessel. “I can think of no better set of circumstances that explain what that means. If this is not federal overreach what is? ... If I’m elected I would use every tool in the attorney general’s arsenal to fight back to protect the people of Michigan.” Maybe Sessions just wanted to throw a scare into a crowd that he believes are “not good people,” because it hardly looks like the feds are about to start a coordinated new offensive against marijuana. The Sessions announcement reportedly blindsided officials in other government departments. While it’s possible the Drug Enforcement Agency could put on a big show bust to send a shudder of fear through the industry, most observers don’t see much bite in Sessions’ bark. And Americans don’t want to see those teeth. The results of a recent Quinnipiac poll showed “Voters oppose
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| January 17-23, 2018
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NEWS & VIEWS With support for the idea polling at around 60 percent it looks like a winner at the voting booth. Typically, when people have a choice, the majority vote in favor of marijuana. 70-23 percent enforcing federal marijuana laws in states that have legalized medical or recreational marijuana.” In fact, over the last couple of weeks the legislatures of New Hampshire and Vermont voted to legalize recreational marijuana in their states. New Hampshire’s legislation was particularly interesting. It tasked a committee to come up with a proposal for a statewide production and sales system. In the meantime, Vermont adults are allowed to have two mature plants and four young plants. Here in Michigan, the MI Legalize organization has turned in a petition to put the question of recreational legalization on the November ballot. With support for the idea polling at around 60 percent it looks like a winner at the voting booth. Typically, when people have a choice, the majority vote in favor of marijuana. Sessions’ announcement could have an opposite effect to its apparent intention. It seems to have galvanized the political opposition to stand up and be heard. Ten mayors of cities in states where some form of marijuana is legal sent a letter to Sessions criticizing the policy change. “If anything, I’m actually hopeful that by Sessions taking such a draconian [stance] to prosecuting marijuana businesses, it will spur legislative action to change that,” says Nessel. “Congress has not done anything and they should have a long time ago. ... I don’t think even Republicans think it would be good for them to watch as people are rounded up and put in prison.” It’s not clear what Sessions is trying to do, but it seems he has managed to put a lot of feisty people on high alert. There are 29 states, plus Washington, D.C., with substantive medical marijuana laws, and there are now 10 states that have legalized recreational use. In December Fortune reported the 2017 marijuana market in North America would reach $10 billion. That looks like pretty substantial pushback.
January 17-23, 17-23, 2018 2018 || metrotimes.com metrotimes.com 58 January
Meanwhile, in Detroit, things are about as stupid as Sessions’ announcement. A Jan. 5 memo from the city Law Department notes the initiatives that were passed in November were being challenged in Circuit Court. It concludes with, “until further notice (1) the Initiatives shall not be Implemented and (2) no City department may accept, process, or approve any applications for a permit or license for any medical marihuana facility or medical marihuana caregiver center.” The memo does not make clear what that legal challenge is. There are a couple of legal challenges on Detroit’s marijuana zoning ordinances. One of them would support the city’s position that proposals A and B are illegal. A couple of others look to force the city to implement the proposals and approve businesses that were denied under the old ordinance. Under the new ordinances their zoning violations do not exist. “The people of the city of Detroit voted overwhelmingly to opt the city of Detroit in to the state system and lift the restrictive zoning requirements,” says Bloomfield Hills attorney Michael Stein, who represents about a dozen clients. “Yesterday [we] filed seven complaints for Mandamus that would force the city to accept my clients applications.” In the meantime, there are about 60 dispensary locations that have been approved under the city’s original ordinances that will be allowed to proceed with their state license applications. By not accepting any more applications, Detroit could be putting a cap on the number of dispensaries in the city. The deadline to apply for state licensing is Feb. 15, and the Circuit Court case on Detroit’s ordinances is schedule for Feb. 16. Hmm...
letters@metrotimes.com @gumbogabe
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metrotimes.com
| January 17-23, 2018
59
CULTURE Savage Love
Bloody business by Dan Savage
Q:
I’m a professional dominatrix, and I thought I’d seen everything in the last five years. But this situation completely baffled the entire dungeon. This middle-aged guy, seemingly in fine health, booked an appointment with me and my colleague for one hour of some very light play and a golden shower to finish off with. We did no CBT, no cock rings, no trauma to the dick area at all, no ass play, no
sounding or catheters, no turbulent masturbation, nothing that could have caused this reaction. We brought him into the bathroom, and he laid down on his back, jerking off with a condom on his penis as my buddy was standing over him and peeing and I was saying all kinds of mean/encouraging sentiments and closely observing his progress. He came and… it was entirely blood. It looked like he shat into his condom, through his penis. He did not seem alarmed or in pain. He took off his condom himself, so he was aware of the situation. He did not remark on it to either of us! He made ZERO effort to prepare either of us, either. And it was not a little blood in his ejaculate — it was entirely blood. He has never returned. Is this person a monster or a vampire? Is he dying? Seriously. — Mistress Echo P.S. I went back to the bathroom with gloves on and removed the used condom from the trash and took a photo. It’s the only way to communicate just how much blood there was.
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“You can tell Mistress Echo that her client was not a monster or a vampire, and he is likely not dying anytime soon,” says Dr. Stephen H. King, a board-certified urologist. “What she observed is a person with hematospermia, meaning blood in the semen.” While the sight is alarming — I’ll never be able to scrape that photo off the back of my eyeballs, thanks — Dr. King assures me that it’s nothing to worry about, as hematospermia is almost always benign. And even if you had done ball play or rough CBT (cock and ball torture), or if he engaged in solo CBT prior to the session, it’s unlikely that kind of play would result in a condom full of blood. “The vast majority of the semen actually comes from the prostate and the seminal vesicles, which are located deep in the pelvis just behind and below the bladder, respectively,” said Dr. King. “Very little of the ejaculate fluid actually originates from the testicles,” which primarily pump out hormones and sperm cells. “The prostate gland and seminal vesicles (also glands) store up the fluids and can become overdistended with long periods of abstinence and prone toward micro tearing and bleeding in this circumstance.” Blowing regular loads doesn’t just lower your risk for prostate cancer, as multiple studies have shown, it also
60 January January 17-23, 17-23, 2018 2018 || metrotimes.com metrotimes.com
lowers your risk for filling condoms with blood and alarming your friendly neighborhood pro-Dom. Two good reasons for draining those balls, guys — and other people with balls because, as the Book of Tumblr teaches us, not all guys have balls and not all balls have guys. “Also, these glands are lined by smooth muscle that contracts to force out the fluid [during ejaculation],” Dr. King continued. “If the force of contraction is excessive — a fucking great orgasm — this may lead toward rupture of some of the surrounding blood vessels and blood will enter the semen.” Your client’s blasé reaction is a good indication that he’s experienced this previously, ME, because most guys who see blood in their semen — or only blood when they expected to see semen — freak the fuck out. “In my practice, most guys who see blood in their ejaculate the first time are sufficiently freaked out to seek immediate medical attention, and their doctors usually tell them this isn’t something to worry about — unless it persists,” said Dr. King. “In cases where the hematospermia persists, gets worse, or is associated with other symptoms such as pain, difficulty urinating, or general health decline, medical attention is definitely recommended.” Back to your client, ME: If blood loads have happened to him before (hence the blasé reaction), proper etiquette dictates that he should have said something to you about it afterward (“I’m fine, no biggie”). If it happens to him regularly, he should have warned you in advance — at least that’s what it says in my imaginary edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette.
Q:
I’m an old guy, 68 years old to be exact. (Also a Scorpio, if that matters.) I’ve always been a pretty horny person, and I had a lot of fun from the 1960s through the 1980s with a number of lovers. I figured that as I got older, my horniness would lessen and I could think about something other than pussy. Trouble is, I don’t seem to be less horny. I find myself attracted to women in their 30s or 40s, but I wonder how I appear to them. I don’t want to make an utter fool of myself by making an unwanted advance — but the truth is, I’m still pretty hot to trot. What do I do? — Not Ready For The Nursing Home
A:
You could see sex workers (quickest fix), you could look for women in their 30s or 40s who are attracted to guys pushing 70 (gerontophilia is a
thing), you could date women in their 50s or 60s with a youthful appearance and/or attitude (there are lots out there, NRFTNH, and they often gather in groups to complain about how men their age are only interested in much younger women), or you could do all of the above. But you shouldn’t regard moving into a nursing home as the end of your sex life, NRFTNH. I’m constantly reading news reports about sexually transmitted disease epidemics in nursing homes and retirement communities. People may not like to think about the elderly having sex — and the elderly apparently don’t think about protection (or they’re denied access to it) — but lots of old fuckers are still fucking. (And, as astrology is bullshit, NRFTNH, being a Scorpio doesn’t matter. It never has and it never will.)
Q:
My husband has a foot fetish. The feel of his tongue between my toes when he “worships” my feet doesn’t arouse me in the least. Rather, it feels like I’m stepping on slugs in the garden barefoot. Our sex life is fine otherwise. I resolved to grin (or grimace) and bear this odd aspect of his sexuality before we married, but I cannot continue to do so. When I told him this, he asked to be allowed to attend “foot model” parties. There wouldn’t be intercourse, but he would pleasure himself in the presence of these foot models (and other males!). This would, in my opinion, violate our monogamous commitment and our marriage vows. I enjoy your podcast and I know you often advocate for open relationships. But you also emphasize your respect for monogamy and the validity of monogamous commitments. We are at an impasse. Please advise. — Throwing Off Expectations
A:
While “love unconditionally” sounds nice, TOE, monogamy was a condition of yours going into this marriage (and a valid one), and being able to express this aspect of his sexuality was a stated or implicit condition of his (and, yes, an equally valid one). If you’re going to unilaterally alter the terms and conditions of your marriage, TOE, then you’ll need to reopen negotiations and come to a new agreement with your husband, one that works for both of you. (Jesus, lady, let him go to the fucking party!) On the Lovecast, Dan chats with Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood: savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage
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Horoscopes
CULTURE ARIES: March 21 – April 20
You thought you knew everything. Now all of a sudden your whole paradigm is getting turned upside down by experiences that have come to show you a little bit more about what’s true. Some of you are OK with the idea that it’s time to shed your skin, and all of you would be better off if you could let the old story give way to whatever you have yet to learn about life and about yourself. Recent lessons, along with influences that have had a humbling effect, need to sink into the deeper aspects of your being before what’s next can take root and support you from here on out. TAURUS: April 21 – May 20
by Cal Garrison
LEO: July 21 – Aug. 20
People always seem to require more from you than you’re able to give. It’s hard to know how to handle it. The bigger part of you has a deep desire to be here for this — but another part of you is dying to be here for yourself. Finding a way to balance the need for independence with the desire to feel safe and secure has you feeling a little nuts. Doing anything that involves movement will help you neutralize some of this. Exercise can be anything and it’s all well and good, but the greater part of this balancing act is emotional, and it’s that piece that will take longer to resolve. VIRGO: Aug. 21 – Sept. 20
It’s time to regroup. Recent shifts in direction demand that you rearrange your best laid plans. If you thought you would be free of this situation once and for all, guess again. Finding ways to make what’s been going on forever more interesting is always a challenge but it will be less nuts once you realize that you can delegate most of what has been your job to those who have more of a feeling for it. While it’s true that a changing of the guard would do much to improve things, it looks like you’ve got to stand watch until the worm turns or until your reinforcements show up.
What happens next needs to be decided from the inner sanctum. Why? Because there is no prescription to tell you where to go from here. And you can’t guide your choices by what your peers are doing. This situation is totally unique to you. Within it, the answers lie in your ability to listen to your inner voice and follow your heart. Second guessing yourself is bound to stall what could turn out to be the time of your life. If nothing makes sense, know that certainty is an illusion. At this point your lessons could very well involve doing things that make no sense at all.
GEMINI: May 21 – June 20
LIBRA: Sept. 21 – Oct. 20
It’s more than interesting to be you right now. You’re in the middle of a very intense and perhaps difficult experience that will turn out to be totally rewarding if you can manage your energy with some degree of intelligence. Don’t be naïve about the things that are making everything in your reality so stressful, but be careful not to be overly concerned. This is a test; all you have to do is show up, stay centered in the moment, and take the good with the bad. If you can handle it, the things that are pushing you around will soon mold all of this pressure into something lasting and real. CANCER: June 21 – July 20
Your favorite basket case could be acting out in a big way. It could even be your turn to play that role. It doesn’t matter if it’s coming from without, or coming from within, someone is going through the ringer. There is confusion that could be mitigated once you lose the need to keep responding to things in the same old way. If you can rise above that urge you will begin to see that it’s time to start turning these patterns to your advantage instead of continuously getting steamrolled by things that drive you into the ground. There is goodness to be found in all of this.
66 66 January January17-23, 17-23,2018 2018 | | metrotimes.com metrotimes.com
Nobody gets to you the way a certain so-and-so gets to you. And this is either feeling bad or good depending on where you stand with each other. In some ways it’s OK to care this much or be this involved. On another level it’s gotten to the point where you could use some time and enough distance to return to yourself. Lots of things have shifted in the last few months. What matters now looks a lot different than it did before things got so intense. One way or another, you could use a break and a little time to figure out where you’re really at with yourself.
SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 21 – Dec. 20
A trip to the Moon would be less interesting than the scenario you’re in. How things got this loony is hard to figure but, as long as you’re willing to roll with the punches, it’ll work out just fine. For the next few months life is going to be about noticing your behavior in situations that involve invasive people and over-the-top expectations. The tendency to be a pushover could see you falling prey to those who can’t take care of themselves, or who use you as a means to an end. It’s time to consider your own worth and be clear about where you stop and other people begin. CAPRICORN: Dec. 21 - Jan. 20
You keep wondering when what has been over the top is going to ease up and start looking like “normal.” Instead of wishing for what isn’t there to pop out of the woodwork and match your perfect pictures, it’s better to get behind the idea that this is the way things are. Life is about being able to face the truth, knowing that it will only set you free when you learn to live with it. That being said, you’ve got more than your share of stuff, and coming to terms with it will require you to take one thing at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day; be patient with yourself. AQUARIUS: Jan. 21 – Feb. 20
Riding high on whatever the story is, you’ve got to be feeling pretty good right now. For some of you this is something that you have every right to feel joyful about. For others? Sometimes we wind up in situations that look absolutely blissful, only to find out that it is a huge karmic test. If you’re sitting pretty, and everything has fallen into your lap without too much effort on your part, you’d do well to hold back and take a minute to figure out if you belong here. Chances are there’s a hole in the situation. Outer appearances are deceiving. Check to see if you’re being used.
SCORPIO: Oct. 21 – Nov. 20
You have so much going for you it would be great if you could find a way to make it pay off. Most of your time gets spent renting your genius, your skill, your good looks, or your sweat to things that don’t reap much, or to things that barely keep you going. For the next few months the more you can focus on the idea that you’re worth way more than you give yourself credit for the more your experience will begin to show you how true this is. The same thing goes for your relationships; when it comes to love it will do no good to expect anything less than the best.
PISCES: Feb. 21 – March 20
You’ve got it made on so many levels it’s hard to see that much of what you’re doing needs to change. Complacency may be comfortable but it doesn’t loan any excitement to your life. Whatever you’ve achieved in terms of stability can be used to further things that could make a difference for you and for others. It’s time to reevaluate your purpose without needing to limit your sense of what’s possible for you at this stage of the game. As you sit back and ponder who you want to be when you grow up, keep in mind that it’s never too late to start all over again.
metrotimes.com
| January 17-23, 2018
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