Riverfront Times, January 4, 2023

28th.

Founded by Ray Hartmann in 1977

EIGHT

FRONT BURNER

QUESTIONS for Two Forest Park Fishermen

[QUOTE OF THE WEEK]

Polys

article

SO ST. LOUIS Pop O

An anonymous story about something that could only happen in the Gateway City

On a Monday morning at 10 a.m. two people are fishing at efferson a e next to teinberg ating in in orest ar . heir names are enny Vaninger who once played for the . . men s national soccer team and evin ur e. he gentlemen wanted to tal but didn t want their picture in the paper. his interview has been edited for length and clarity.

What are you doing out here?

DV: rout fishing. Catch and release. Rainbow trout. hat s about it. Hanging out. Catching a couple fish. hrow them back in.

How does it work?

KB: hey stocked about [3,6 ] fish in here about a month ago. t s catch and release. ou have to use artificial bait. ou can t use live bait. And then you have to return them. ... At other parks, they let you use power baits, it’s called, which is a dough bait. And you can keep them with the other parks, like uson and Carondelet.

Is it fun if you don’t keep them?

DV: It’s fun because we just catch them, hanging out. We’ve been doing this for 60 years.

Coming out to here specifically?

DV: Everywhere. We’ve been buddies since we were 10. Now we’re 70.

Have you caught any today?

DV: Yeah, we’ve caught, what? Six or seven?

KB: Yeah.

Is that a good day?

DV: Yeah.

KB: It’s mostly just —

DV: — Just something to do.

Where are the best places to fish in the city?

DV: Well, we come here for trout. And then we sometimes go to Willmore and Carondelet where they put catfish in the summer.

KB: Oh! There we go.

You caught one?

DV: He just caught one, yeah. [Fish slips away.] Well. Almost caught one.

[Both break out laughing.]

—Benjamin Simon

IMy friend and I were only 19 years old and, having grown up in west county, had never been to the east side. But we’d heard enough about it from our fathers and older brothers to know that on the morning of New Year’s Day — when we were wide awake and wired in a room full of passed-out friends — the only thing to do was head for the Mississippi River, on the other side of which we thought we d find a never-ending bacchanal.

“Do you think it’ll even be open?” my friend asked as he piloted his Jeep down 64, his eyes narrowed and gaze straight ahead in an inebriated pantomime of focused, diligent driving.

“Dude,” I said. “It’s Pop’s. They never close.”

In my teenage mind, I knew Pop’s only as a place that never closed and where wild things occurred, presumably around the clock. I knew its logo featured a

ESCAPE HATCH

guitar. The half-baked assumption in my mind was that bands performed live 24/7 on the Pop’s stage to a crowd ever-drinking itself into a frenzy.

In our inebriated state, in the pre-smart phone era, I have no idea how we found the place. But we did.

Shame on my friend for driving drunk and even more shame on me for letting him.

But mad props to the Pop’s bouncer working the sunrise shift on January 1, 2007. He had a handlebar mustache and shaved head, an orange shirt, jeans and work boots. He looked like he ought to be reporting to a construction site rather than eyeing my friend’s and my fake IDs.

He handed the IDs back to us and did not move aside to let us in the front door.

“Go home and get some sleep,” he said. And we did.

Send your So St. Louis story to jsrogen@euclidmediagroup.com.

We ask three St. Louisans what they re reading watching or listening to. n the hot seat this wee three members of the M oung riends group.

Craig Dull

Watching: Only Murders in the uilding on Hulu “It’s dorky comedy that I think is funny. I like the murder mystery part, but I’m mostly into the comedy.”

Ashley Dull

Listening to: Taylor Swift’s Midnights “It’s fun. It makes me feel like I’m 22 again. ‘Antihero’ is my favorite song so far.”

Lauren Stuart

Watching: ellowstone on Paramount “I love it because it’s very different from my lifestyle and how I grew up. It’s kind of about a simpler way of life that I somewhat envy and wish I could have.”

Danny Vaninger and Kevin Burke fish in Forest Park. | BENJAMIN SIMON

“I’ll be there this spring!”

—Judy Swank

on the

“St. Louis Family to Open Nursery in Bayer’s”

HARTMANN

The WeCan’t-TrustOurselves Movement

Missouri voters will be asked to ban simple majorities on ballot issues — by a simple majority

BY RAY HARTMANN

For some reason, this feels like a cause that could only emerge from the scattered remnants of the Missouri Republican Party.

One of the top GOP priorities for the new year will be finally getting an item on the statewide ballot to make it harder for future voters to act in their own interests by statewide ballot. Every sentence about this nonsense comes to you courtesy of the Department of Redundancy Department.

As the pringfield ews eader reported, “nearly a dozen proposals pre-filed (in December) would ask voters to increase the requirements for ballot initiatives that change the state’s constitution or laws. Missouri’s current initiative petition process allows proposals that make it to the ballot to be approved with a simple majority of votes cast.”

This attack on small-D democratic principles — but truly on the large-D Democratic Party — has emerged as a noxious priority of the Republicans this year. Previously it was just a noxious idea going nowhere.

This time, however, it looks to be headed for the ballot. With ridiculous super-majorities in both chambers of the General Assembly, Republicans possess enormous power that can only be checked by voters at the ballot.

Based on the sheer number of pre-filed bills, it seems likely that Republicans are in a hurry to make it much harder for the voters to impose their will on the people. That urgency appears

spurred by the ultimate wedge issue: Abortion.

Republican politicians can expect voters to take at least some steps through ballot initiatives to counteract Missouri’s heartless assault on reproductive rights. They are well aware that a substantial majority of Missourians — across lines of party and gender — have a big problem with things as they are in a post- oe v. ade world.

Virtually all abortions are banned in Missouri. The state now requires women who are victims of rape or incest to bear their attackers’ child. It’s one of the most repressive states in the nation for women’s rights.

But by no means is abortion the only issue driving legislators to want to make it harder for voters to rein them in. All manner of special interests — which somehow have a special place in politicians’ hearts — have lots to lose and little to gain when voters have strong access to the statewide ballot process.

Call it the “We’ve Already Got Ours” lobby. From the perspective of the National Rifle Association, Big Tobacco, Big Pharma or the aforementioned anti-abortion movement — and, yes, now Big Marijuana — almost all the ideas that can be advanced by ballot initiative are bad.

It’s much easier to purchase the loyalty of politicians than to fend off the momentum of statewide movements. This is true across the political spectrum, by the way.

For every successful ballot measure to expand Medicaid, there has been one to establish English as the official language of the state. For every initiative to legalize marijuana there has been one to outlaw same-sex marriage.

If the Republican politicians have their way, the large majority of ideas that Missouri voters want to advance will be thwarted by not having large enough majorities of their own. Common sense would dictate that not even Republican voters would want to do that to themselves.

But the x-factor is whether the politicians will have so many resources at their disposal — and the voters won’t — that they’ll be able to distort the issue, fool the

electorate or do whatever it takes to block future voters’ power at the ballot. It seems they’ll be unlikely to succeed, but that isn’t certain.

For evidence of how crass the anti-democratic forces are, look no further than this for the ews- eader piece:

“A few of the proposals aim to tip the scales of voting to require outsized support throughout rural Missouri, which overwhelmingly leans Republican. One resolution from Rep. John Black of Marshfield requires a constitutional amendment to receive a majority of the votes cast in half of Missouri’s 34 state Senate districts (24 are represented by Republicans). Another from [Rep. Ed] Lewis [of Moberly] would do the same but for a majority of House districts (Republicans represent 111 of the 163 seats).

“Other proposals focus on the signature-gathering process, aiming to make it more difficult to land a measure on the ballot in the first place. Currently, voters and groups hoping to place a measure on the ballot must gather signatures from six of Missouri’s eight congressional dis -

tricts: 5 percent of residents per district for state law changes and 8 percent per district for constitutional amendments.

“Lewis’ proposal would require signatures from all eight congressional districts for constitutional amendments; another from Rep. Hardy Billington of Poplar Bluff would require signatures from 15% of residents, rather than 5%, from each of the eight districts. A bill from Sen. Sandy Crawford, which if passed by the legislature would not require voter approval, would require those helping gather signatures for initiative petitions to be registered Missouri voters.”

Those proposals drop the curtain on how partisan and powerhungry these people are. It’s just math: They want the gerrymandered advantage they have in the number of counties to outweigh the apparently outdated notion that majority rules in a democracy.

One of the heroes of the opposition is Rep. Joe Adams, D-University City. Adams, the former mayor of University City who is serving the last of his four terms in the House, has carved a niche as the legislator who has perennially annoyed the Republican idiots by offering amendments to their bills which would require that they only became laws if they met the requirements they advocated for the future.

You want to require that twothirds of the voters must approve a ballot measure to make it law?

Well, fine: Agree that your ballot item must be approved by twothirds of the vote, or it won’t take effect.

Adams also is introducing a bill this session — HJR 13 — that would block the General Assembly from overturning an initiative petition. With Republicans in charge, it’s unlikely to see the light of day.

But what a good idea for the voters to advance at the ballot box and make part of the state constitution. By simple majority. n

Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann1952@ gmail.com or catch him at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on Donnybrook on Nine PBS.

It’s just math: Missouri’s Republican politicians want the gerrymandered advantage they have in the number of counties to outweigh the apparently outdated notion that majority rules in a democracy.

Plea Bargain Results Remain Subjective

A new study shows that the process and results of a plea bargain remain opaque

Written by RYAN KRULL

Anew study is providing what researchers call an “unprecedented” look at the opaque plea-bargaining process both in courthouses in St. Louis County and elsewhere.

Plea bargains are the process by which prosecutors and defense attorneys negotiate and reach an outcome for a defendant in a criminal case. More than 90 percent of felony guilty pleas in state court are reached through this process, authors of the study say.

Jennifer Ferone, a research director at City University of New York’s Institute for State & Local Governance, said in a statement that the plea-bargaining process “is rightfully called a ‘black box’ due to how little we know about prosecutors’ decision-making processes for it. These reports offer a first-of-their-kind look at how prosecutors currently approach the process as well as how we can standardize that process moving forward.”

Researchers interviewed prosecutors and defendants in St. Louis County as well as Philadelphia and Milwaukee. They found that a defendant’s prospects in the plea-bargaining process depend a great deal on the luck of whichever line prosecutor happens to be handling the case. Researchers cited a “problematic lack of consistent standards” in pleas and that “prosecutorial discretion was the primary determining factor of what a plea bargain looked like.”

One of the study’s authors University of Missouri-St. Louis Criminology and Criminal Justice pro-

fessor Beth Huebner tells the RFT that her interviews suggest that in St. Louis County defendants worried about lengthy pretrial jail incarceration are often motivated to

plead guilty, particularly during the pandemic.

“Public defenders indicated that they would encourage individuals to exercise their right to trial, but there was a lot of fear of the outcome and delays in the court process,” Huebner says.

If a defendant is found guilty at trial, they face what Huebner calls a “trial penalty,” meaning that the sentence imposed by the court will be more severe than if the defendant had taken a plea bargain.

Researchers in Philadelphia found that almost half of the prosecutors they surveyed there said that innocent people “sometimes” or “often” accept guilty pleas.

Huebner says that while prosecutors in St. Louis County did not voice those exact same concerns, she did speak with many defendants who said they felt pressured to plead guilty and often gave up

Facebook Group Helps Get You Out of the House

Posting date photos led to a whole new business for a St. Louis couple

Written by BENJAMIN SIMON

Couple Morgan Casey and Donnah Thomas spent their pandemic going on outdoor dates together. Lots of dates. Dates in every corner of the St. Louis area. Picnics in the park and skydiving in Illinois.

As they found hidden gem after hidden gem, Casey posted date spots to her personal social media account. She posted about Airbnb treehouses and the sunflower fields at the Columbia Bottom Conservation Area.

The posts went viral, and “the people went crazy,” Casey remembers.

The response drove Casey and Thomas, who are now engaged, to start a Facebook group in July 2020 called Date Ideas & Things to Do in STL, where people discuss events, neighborhoods and restaurants to visit.

Two years later, Date Ideas & Things To Do in STL is one of the most popular Facebook groups in the area, with over 287,000 members and 27 million annual profile views.

“We thought we were going to have,

their due-process rights in order to get out of jail, even if it meant leaving with a record. n

Beth Huebner is a professor of criminology and criminal justice at UMSL. | COURTESY PHOTO

Morgan Casey and Donnah omas started a popular St. Louis Facebook group. | COURTESY PHOTO

Researchers found that a defendant’s prospects in the plea-bargaining process depend a great deal on the luck of whichever line prosecutor happens to be handling the case.

like, maybe 500 members or something,” Casey says. “We had like over 5,000 in the first couple of weeks. So it blew up really quickly.”

It became Casey’s full-time job, and she became an unofficial booster for the city. One of the main goals of the Facebook group is to highlight businesses that can’t afford expensive billboards or ad campaigns.

“We don’t allow any negativity whatsoever, that’s not what we’re here for,” Casey says. “We’re here to uplift and make sure that we’re supporting, especially, our small, local minority-owned businesses, especially during a pandemic.”

Since founding the St. Louis page, Casey and Thomas, who are also business partners, have started groups in 17 places, including Kansas City, Atlanta and Kenya, with over 650,000 members altogether.

“I love that there’s some of everyone in my group, from different ages to gender, sexuality, race, all of that,” Casey says. “I think that it’s important to have those spaces where people feel safe and are able to learn about other people’s culture.”

Bringing people together isn’t new to Casey, though. For years, she oversaw iDream ENT, a company that organized events for adults in St. Louis, such as prom, Easter egg hunts and speed dating. Casey and Thomas were even featured in People Magazine and the Wall Street Journal

So running a Facebook group must have been easy, right?

Far from it, Casey says. The Facebook group requires her to constantly monitor the page. She has to admin hundreds of thousands of members, line up advertisers, manage 30 staff members and

drum up new date ideas.

It started as an additional responsibility to her main job as a memory-care director, a position she held for nearly 10 years.

But spending days in the hospital and nights in the Facebook groups became “outrageously very consuming.” In November 2021, Casey quit her job as director to run Date Ideas & Things to Do full time.

The job still comes with its challenges though, specifically mental-health ones.

“It’s so important for people, just on the regular, to take a break from social media — just because it’s healthy,” she says. “But it’s really hard when your career is social media, so I can’t just walk away.”

But she has no plans to change her profession. This is what she wants to do. Now, she knows people, restaurants and attractions all over the world. Recently, she planned a trip to Chicago — and before she even arrived, she already had a visit to the Museum of Ice Cream lined up.

“I love it,” she says. “I wouldn’t want to do, honestly, anything else.” n

Morgan Casey and Donnah omas share a laugh. | SALLY GRIESHABER

“ I think that it’s important to have spaces where people feel safe and are able to learn about other people’s culture.”

Celebrating Adoption on Our Terms

A mom reflects on what her son has gained and lost through adoption

Written by LEA RACHEL KOSNIK

November was National Adoption Awareness Month, and November 19 was National Adoption Day, meant to bring awareness, in particular, to the many children in the foster system waiting to be adopted.

Like many families who did adopt through the foster system, November 19 is our “Gotcha Day,” the day our child’s adoption was officially formali ed in court and the first day we were able to bring him home not as our foster placement but as our fully adopted son. There were balloons; there were cupcakes; there were friends in attendance who hugged us and kissed our child and congratulated everyone as we walked through the front door with our baby, officially now, a permanent part of the family.

Over the years, I’ve seen other adoptive families regularly celebrate their Gotcha Days, often as one would celebrate a birthday: with presents, cakes and even a party. But I’ve struggled with it.

Even the term, Gotcha Day, though in use since the early 1990s to describe a child’s homecoming into a new family, can feel problematic with its saviorism overtones. Like many (though not all) adoptive families, I prefer calling it Adoption Day.

But how does one celebrate an Adoption Day? I go all out for birthdays, Christmas and Hanukkah, too, but Adoption Day? I can’t quite find the right spirit for it, the right way to honor my son’s permanent placement with us, while at the same time acknowledging the very real loss of his first family. What kind of a cake represents both supreme joy and devastating loss? Red velvet?

My son is Black, and my husband and I are white, which adds a layer of complexity to the issue.

My son has never been unaware of the fact that he is adopted, in large part because people bring it to his attention more often than is comfortable. Neighbors have asked, with my son within earshot, if my husband and I had any real children, too. Medical professionals have insisted on adoption papers before treating my son for basic care. And children, ever honest and always curious, have more than once asked my son why he is a different color from his mother.

We don’t need a special day once a year to acknowledge his adoption — his adoption is a presence in our lives every single day.

Which is why we now celebrate and acknowledge Adoption Day organically, multiple times throughout the year, as it comes up. It’s the same approach I take with other important parenting topics, including The Talk about the birds and the bees, The Talk about being Black and how to act around the police, and The Talk about puberty and one’s changing body. In our family, there is never just one “Talk,” never just one “Day” where we acknowledge, according to the calendar, some important issue but then ignore it the other 364 days of the year.

When my son came home from elementary school confused because a classmate had called him an orphan and he didn’t understand the word, I sat my son down

and we talked right then and there about his birth parents, the meaning of family and, eventually, his Adoption Day. We discussed when it happened, who was there, and because my son was young and focused on the detail, the type of shoes that everyone wore.

A few years later, we traveled to Michigan for the funeral of an uncle, and during a quiet moment afterward in our hotel room, I asked my son if he wanted to talk about his first family. or a little while we did, ending with a discussion of our two families coming together on Adoption Day.

This time, because my son was a little bit older, he had more

questions, and because we were sequestered together for a long weekend, there was the space (after swimming in the hotel pool) to answer them. My son gained a better understanding of his past, his present and his actual Adoption Day. After we were done talking, we ordered chocolate cake and ice cream from room service.

A couple of years ago, I tried celebrating November 19 in a more traditional gotcha manner, with cupcakes and a celebratory dinner, but my son was a preteen by then who rolled his eyes with embarrassment at the excessive attention. In general, he has never liked it when someone squarely points out to him that he hasn’t been a part of our family since birth. That is a truth he is still coming to terms with, on his own timeline, undictated by any particular day. Like any child anywhere, most of the time our son just wants to be treated like everyone else and not have his uniqueness aggressively pointed out.

Whatever day the topic of my son’s adoption and his miraculous joining with our family comes up, I’ll be ready to talk about it with him, gotcha questions and all. n

Read more about Lea Rachel Kosnik and her family’s experiences with adoption in her book, Seeking orgiveness, a narrative memoir about interracial adoption that came out in October.

Lea Rachel Kosnik formally adopted her son on November 19. | COURTESY PHOTO

We don’t need a special day once a year to acknowledge his adoption — his adoption is a presence in our lives every single day.

MISSOURILAND

Merry and Bright

Candy Cane Lane is a picture of community coming together

Photos and text by REUBEN HEMMER

For over a decade, St. Louis Hills residents have turned Murdoch Avenue into Candy Cane Lane, a Christmas wonderland display. As word has spread about the delightful display, the traffic backs up for hours down Chippewa during the holiday season as visitors pour into the area to take a look.

With the spectacle now a popular annual tradition, each and every house on Murdoch Avenue promotes Christmas spirit with thousands of lights, inflatable characters and everything in between. Some are even synced up to a radio station, and visitors can listen to music in their cars as the lights dance. The display begins at the intersection of Donovan and Murdoch avenues, but many impressive decorations can be seen in and around the neighborhood. n

Peer into our crystal ball to discover what the future holds for our region...

As

all

better, or even better if your year didn’t suck ass, this time around the sun. But if you re the impatient type, and you don t want to wait to find out what s going to happen, rise or ruin, rest assured that we have a solution for you: this article. We’ve put together the RFT brain trust and thought hard about what’s going to happen this year. Read on to discover our predictions if you dare.

—Jessica Rogen

Bored Legal Weed Activists Will Find a New Cause

Now victorious in their decades-long quest to legalize marijuana, free-the-herb activists will learn that what they’ve sown isn’t bearing what they’d hoped to reap as the legal weed market becomes a playground for investment bankers and venture capitalists rather than drug-rug-sporting hippies. Disillusioned, they’ll switch allegiances and throw their support behind a different combustible: cigarettes. The much-maligned socalled cancer sticks will see a resurgence in the Show-Me State as people remember how fucking cool they make you look and how they provide a free 10-minute break from any scheduled duty that is inaccessible to the non-smokers of the world. Marlboro will see a resurgence in the local market and will resume its Marlboro Miles program here, and Marlboro-branded inflatable canoes will fill the state s rivers come float-trip season. A grassroots effort to criminalize non-smoking bars and restaurants will gain the public’s support after Jon Hamm returns to the state of his birth as a spokesman (smokesman?) for the movement in full Don Draper regalia. The motion will pass, and the activists will get bored again, ultimately turning their attention to legalizing cocaine. —Daniel Hill

Missouri Will Overturn Abortion Ban

Ah, Missouri. Already home to some of the worst maternal mortality rates in the country, the state was also the first in the union to revoke a woman’s right to choose when the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in the Dobbs decision. So now, women are really fucked (and not in baby-making way, conservatives). Leaving aside that being able to opt out of an

ILLUSTRATION BY TYLER GROSS

accidental pregnancy is really actually beneficial to society you want that baby born addicted to fentanyl and crack? You want that molested 1 -year-old child to be a mom And take the baby back into a family that abused a child Really there s still good reason to keep make abortion legal, as we’ve learned. It’s actually really hard for doctors to determine if it’s legal to help a woman expel fetal tissue if a pregnancy has naturally ended.

Last year, Missouri’s Mylissa Farmer spoke out about not being able to get treatment when her water broke at 18 weeks, effectively ending the fetus’ viability. Farmer said in a campaign ad for Trudy Busch Valentine that the doctor cited the state’s abortion ban as the reason.

“My Missouri doctors weren’t allowed to give me the care I needed, all because of the

mandate Eric Schmitt put into place,” Farmer said in the ad. “Eric Schmitt doesn’t care about women like me.” Stories like this proliferated across the country, of women carrying dead babies because doctors refused to help them at all or refused to help them till the mother’s health was in danger, so they could make sure they were well within the law, which usually makes exceptions for medical emergencies.

People could recognize that this was no good. Across the country, and most especially in our neighbor state Kansas, people were upholding abortion rights and striking down abortion bans left and right. But in Missouri, Eric Schmitt, the same dumbass who banned abortion in the first place, went from being our attorney general to being elected our

dawn breaks on a new year, we

hope that things will be

Cigarettes will have their day in the sun, yet again. | VIA FLICKR / NINCIC

BOLD PREDICTIONS

senator so he could take his terrible ideas to D.C. to torture the nation.

Given that this is Missouri and no one seems to hold it against Schmitt and Ann Wagner or any of the other Republicans that their terrible ideas are killing moms, it might seem foolhardy to suggest that Missouri is going to overturn this abortion ban.

But overturn it we shall … if it is a standalone constitutional amendment or proposition. We won’t overturn it by electing different legislators. Analysis as to why people stick with the Republican Party but then vote for things that Republicans don’t like (see legalizing marijuana or, in Kansas, keeping the right to choose in the constitution) is beyond my purview. But if activists put abortion on the ballot, even in Missouri, and say, “You want to be able to do this again?” Enough smart women (and men) of voting age will line up (I’m talking take the day off to line up) and vote hell yes on that thing. They may also turn around and vote for the embarrassment that is Josh Hawley but one step at a time, folks.

—Rosalind Early

St. Louis Will Ride the NA Brew Wave

The nonalcoholic beer market is on a tear, with nonalcoholic brew sales having increased by 90 percent in the past decade and growth that looks like it will outpace traditional beer sales in years to come. St. Louis is in a prime position to capitalize on the trend.

St. Louis seems to have already embraced the NA brew trend, unlike other cities where a lot of bars and restaurants, even upscale ones, respond with befuddlement when asked if they serve an NA brew. I can’t remember the last time I was at a bar here in town — even the grodiest of the grody — that didn’t have at least a Busch NA. Usually plac-

es in town not only have an NA on offer but something that will surprise you friends with its quality if you convince them to order one.

St. Louis event promoter and entrepreneur Josh “Loyal” Grigaitis has consulted on NA product launches throughout the country, and Well eing brews, the country s first craft NA brewery, is based in the metro area.

surplus could grow to almost $15 billion. Wow, who could have ever imagined that?

The question of what to do with all that moolah is out there. So I put myself in Governor Parson’s shoes and thought about what he’s most likely going to do with all this cash. I thought about what he could use it for that would really move the needle in the state for years to come and cement his legacy as governor. The answer is education.

—Ryan Krull

This city has always punched way above its weight in the beer game. As more and more of those beers are of the NA persuasion, St. Louis is well positioned to ride that 0.5-percent-or-less wave.

Mike Parson Will Go After Google

A befuddled Mike Parson, eager to hop aboard the right-wing anti-Big Tech train but very confused by the internet, will accuse Google of hacking after the site autocompletes a phrase in his search bar in a way he doesn’t like. At a press conference, Parson will declare that the state is committed to “standing up against any and all perpetrators who attempt to steal personal information and harm Missourians” and will further add that “there is no way Google could have added the word ‘idiot’ to my search for ‘Missouri governor’ without hacking into the mainframe of my computer.” Journalists at the event will try to explain that it’s just a basic function of the site; Parson will respond by having them all arrested.

Parson and lawmakers across the political aisle will come together and make a record investment, pouring the greater percentage of that ridiculous surplus into public K-12 education and a somewhat smaller portion into funding higher education, both community colleges and the public universities. To top things off, things will be distributed based on need so the most cash-poor schools in both rural and urban areas get the most dough — but every school district, no matter the socioeconomic status of its students, will benefit.

—Daniel Hill

Missouri Makes a Record Investment in Education With Its Giant Budget Surplus

In November, Missourians found out a really surprising fact about our state: We are really rich. That’s right, the state treasury has a surplus of more than $6 billion, thanks to all those COVID-19 government relief funds and revenue growth, reported the Missouri Independent. The outlet predicted that this year’s

Within half a school year, Missouri residents will see dramatic effects from that influ . Among the first things that happens is that school districts raise the pay for teachers and for administrators and go on a hiring spree, finally able to attract good talent thanks to that decent pay. Schools can even up their staffing, leading to smaller classroom sizes and all the students getting more attention. Also, districts that had dropped down to a four-day week can go back to five days. arents everywhere rejoice. Childcare!

Schools are able to buy supplies for classrooms, and teachers stop begging the public to fulfill their wish lists. Classes get this year s textbook. School libraries, freed from funding worries, stop removing books from their shelves.

Then, within a few years, a not-so-mysterious thing happens. Teachers in upper grades stop getting students who can barely read. So instead of focusing on remedial instruction, everyone learns more and better.

More students then go on to college. The average educational attainment in Missouri

e Loop Trolley will continue to be a non-fun money drain. | DANIEL HILL Grandpa’s not too good with the internet. | VIA FLICKR / GOVENOR’S OFFICE

rises. Big tech companies decide to invest in having branches here. The overall salary rate rises and the cost of living does, too, but we can afford it. We’re all doing OK.

—Jessica Rogen

Loop Trolley Will Try To Get Some of at Kroenke Cash

Jealous of the groups that received NFL settlement money, the perennially cash-strapped transportation boondoggle that calls itself the Loop Trolley will extend the bottomless black hole it calls its coffers forward Oliver Twist style in the hopes of securing some more funding. Leadership throughout the region will concede that the trolley is pointless and unpopular but will insist that we need to give it a couple hundred million dollars or else the federal government will never talk to us again. he trolley line will add five new cars but will only operate from 1:30 to 2:45 p.m. every third Wednesday. Meanwhile, a sinkhole will open up on a neglected stretch of Jefferson and eat a MetroBus, causing widespread shrugging at City Hall. —Daniel Hill

Albert Pujols Returns for One More Year

Most professional athletes final years feel like a slog. Some may even call them ugly. Especially for legends. Their bodies just don’t move like they used to. Their shoulders are blown out, their refle es slowed, their bodies sore. Passes are short, hitters are slow, shots are bricked. That’s the way old age in legends normally goes.

When Albert Pujols announced he would return to St. Louis for his 22nd season, one final season, one final victory tour, this is what most people expected. After years of struggling with the Angels, his return seemed more like a glorified retirement, a final goodbye, a chance to pay homage to the city that raised him.

But instead, he ended up doing the oppo-

site. He turned into 22-year-old Pujols, and he gave us one of the most exciting baseball seasons in recent memory. Now, he’s retired, and we don’t know what to do. Let’s just be honest –– we miss him. Already. We miss watching him come up to bat, our eyes pinned to the TV, just waiting for something magical to happen. We want to see him chase more homerun records.

And Albert must miss that, too, right? I mean, he has to. He has to be thinking he has another year left in the tank. That he could take a shot at hitting 12 more home runs and passing Babe Ruth on the all-time list. That he could, along with Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt, bring a title back to St. Louis. He could bask in the glory of another year in front of the Cardinals faithful. He could rewrite the narrative for older athletes. I mean, he has to be thinking this, right?

I mean, Tom Brady did it. He retired. People wrote love letters and talked about how much he meant to the game. They honored him as if he was gone forever. Fox gave him a $375 million, 10-year contract to become a commentator. Then, two months later, in the middle of a March workday, he went on social media and said throw away those goodbye notes –– Brady is returning.

No one saw Brady coming back after he retired. But no one saw Pujols coming back to the Cardinals either. No one saw him hitting 24 home runs, his most since 2016. No one saw him reaching 700 home runs. So why can’t Pujols do something else no one sees coming? Return for one more year.

—Benjamin Simon

Eric Schmitt Will Embarrass Us, Possibly Himself

Our newest senator, former Attorney General Eric Schmitt, is a ticking time bomb. We can already picture now some of the stupid shenanigans that Schmitt will get up to because we’ve had a taste of it with Senator

on pg 18

Dispatch from the Future!

Hey, what’s this — an issue of the RFT from mid-2023?! Well, what’s it say?

City Provides Complementary Bubble Wrap to Cyclists and Pedestrians

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

St. Louis city officials have opted for a novel approach to combating the seemingly rising trend of pedestrian and cyclist deaths in the city. At some of the city’s most notoriously dangerous intersections, city officials erected stations for residents to unspool and wrap large sheets of bubble wrap around themselves as a traffic safety measure.

On a recent afternoon, Tower Grove South resident Terri Maddox was seen wrapping her eight-year-old son in multiple layers of the bubble wrap at the intersection of Grand and Arsenal. “With the way drivers are these days, we like to take any precaution we can,” she said while wrapping her son, Ted, in his sixth layer of bubble wrap. The boy, struggling to breathe through the many protective layers, simply swayed his body back and forth when asked if he felt the bubble wrap was an effective safety measure.

So far, the city’s bubble-wrap scheme has saved one life. But if you ask Roger Hanley, who otherwise could have suffered more serious injuries had it not been for the bubble wrap, “saved” is a stretch. Interviewed at Barnes-Jewish Hospital, Hanley, 68, recalled last week’s accident.

“T’was a beautiful night,” he said. Hanley’s wife had wrapped him in several layers of bubble wrap, affixed by complimentary CityWide Duct Tape (4 Hands Brewing Co. ™), before they attempted to traverse the busy Saturday night traffic on South Kingshighway Boulevard. But the protective layers around Hanley’s head turned the man’s vision into one big blind spot. As Hanley’s wife proceeded to wrap herself in bubble wrap, Hanley had unknowingly wandered onto Kingshighway and into the path of a northbound SUV.

Onlookers heard what could only be described as the buoyed thump of a bouncy ball as the SUV’s impact against Hanley’s cushioned body propelled him in the air, and he landed supine on the cold ground.

Hanley remained there for a half hour as 911 calls remained unanswered for several minutes.

Days later, at the hospital, Hanley relayed what he calls the most humiliating night of his life. His spine was broken in two places, his head severely concussed. Is he thankful for the bubble wrap?

“I would’ve preferred a crosswalk,” he said. n

Eric Schmitt has been embarrassing Missouri for years. He’s not going to stop now. | RYAN KRULL

BOLD PREDICTIONS

Continued from pg 17

Josh Hawley.

Based on past experience, Schmitt will likely endorse antisemites like he did when he said Kanye West and Kid Rock should go on a tour together after Kanye West started praising Nazis and Hitler. He will fawn uncritically over Donald Trump like he did when he accepted Trump’s “endorsement” when the former president endorsed “Eric” for the U.S. Senate race ahead of the Republican primaries in August. The only issue was that two Erics were running, Eric Schmitt and Eric Greitens. Both happily accepted Trump’s ambiguous endorsement. Cringe.

But mostly he’s going to be a problem ’cause he’s full of bad ideas that are clearly just publicity stunts. He spent a lot of Missouri taxpayer money filing frivolous lawsuits like the time he tried to sue China for COVID-19. He also sued a lot of our schools for making kids wear masks but didn’t do anything to try to close Agape Boarding School despite dozens of credible abuse allegations.

So what bad ideas will he bring to congress? Tons. Maybe he’ll make it illegal for anyone to wear a mask, even the doctor operating on you. Maybe he’ll tell you he’s guaranteeing your freedoms by taking away birth control but making it so each man, woman and child gets a gun in the mail every year. (Been accused of domestic assault ou get two uck a red-flag law, amirite ) We re not entirely sure, but these ideas are going to be some

doozies that will cause the rest of the country to ask, “Who is this guy? Missouri, are you, OK?” No. No, we’re not. —Rosalind Early

St. Louis City Sewer System Collapses

Who else remembers all that rain last summer that led to all that flash flooding, which killed several residents and displaced many more from their homes? Right, well if you do, you’ll be relieved to hear that in November the city’s Metropolitan Sewer District received funds from the Missouri Department of Natural Resources to update infrastructure and prevent similar occurrences.

Sadly, it won’t be nearly enough. In 2023, deluges will come due to general worsening weather patterns. Since St. Louis is mostly pavement, and the sewer system is really freaking old, putting in some rain gardens isn’t going to be nearly enough.

This time though, things won’t just overflow: hey will collapse.

Clay pipes will crumble, water will spurt up from grates, and the city will be thrown into chaos — yet again. —Jessica Rogen

Kia Boyz Supplanted by Female Rivals, HyunDamez

St. Louis is more than fed up with the Kia Boyz running amok, taking our cars out for joyriding and to commit other crimes before crashing them into a light pole or the front window of a weed dispensary.

But the Kia Boyz’s days are numbered. The

Dispatch from the Future!

St. Louis City and County Decide Not Only to Merge but to Secede from Missouri While They’re at It

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

It finally happened. After much conflict and deliberation, St. Louis and St. Louis County have finally agreed to merge altogether. The decision marks an historic reunification since the city and county’s fraught Great Divorce in 1875. And government leaders are thrilled. Outside a Waffle House this afternoon, former County Executive Sam Page (now St. Louis czar) could hardly contain his excitement.

“Just stop asking me about it,” he said as he rushed hurriedly away from reporters and into a county vehicle, to-go container of chicken and waffles in hand.

In a statement this afternoon, St. Louis Mayor Tishaura Jones said the decision marked an historic milestone. “After much studying and consideration,” she said — and didn’t elaborate further. A spokesperson later explained in a text to RFT that the mayor’s office is studying the effects of said merger, set to go into effect in one week.

In addition to merging together, city and council leaders also decided to secede from Missouri while they’re at it. “It’s about fucking time,” Governor Mike Parson said in a statement. “I don’t know how much clearer we could’ve been — the libs in our state’s most populous and prosperous cities are just not welcome on our sinking ship.” n

future is female. We’re not naive enough to think that youths in the city will stop stealing cars, but we do predict that the wild lack of gender parity among juvenile car thieves is untenable. How much longer can we expect girls to watch their male peers get to have all the fun, getting to use the thousands of Hyundais and Kias in the city like a free ride-share service?

Our prediction is that in 2023 the HyunDamez will catch up to and then usurp the Kia Boyz in grand-theft-auto prowess. This will, of course, set off a crisis of identity among the Kia Boyz, who will question their role in the TikTok-trend-based criminal subculture. They’ll console each other on internet message boards and long openly for the days when an honest, hard-working Kia Boy could

We see the Battlehawks being in it for the long haul. Well, at least a year. | TRENTON ALMGREN DAVIS

Hey, what’s this — an issue of the RFT from mid-2023?! Well, what’s it say?

sneak out of the house at 10 p.m., steal a Santa e to use in an armed robbery and then flee a police helicopter in a Sorento, without being called “toxic” or “a danger to society.”

y the end of the year, a significant percentage of the Kia Boyz will have dropped out of the car-theft labor market entirely. A new lost generation, they’ll hole up in their mother’s basement, watching hours and hours of pornography on their phones; the only crimes they’ll manage to commit will be war crimes on Call of Duty. They will become a new constituency for Josh Hawley, who will write a book about their plight. —Ryan Krull

Battlehawks Last the Entire Year

St. Louis is used to getting football stolen from the city. We had the Rams, the Super Bowlwinning Rams. Then the man who we will not speak of took them to Los Angeles. We had the Battlehawks, who were 3-2, very St. Louis, and leading the league in attendance. Then COVID-19 took that.

But now, football is back. And we have a really bold prediction: The Battlehawks will finish one season. es, we know. his is a bold one. One whole year.

But we’re feeling good about this year. We really are. We know what happened last time. We know how many minor leagues like this have failed. he attlehawks flew in and gave us hope. We packed the stadium, and they flew away. Then COVID-19 canceled the league, and it ended in shambles, filing for bankruptcy. The league seemed doomed to die, and football would never return to St. Louis.

This time feels different, though. For starters, the XFL is run by The Rock. Enough said. econdly, it signed a five-year contract with ESPN and Walt Disney. Thirdly, the Battlehawks might have the best quarterback in the league with former Alabama star A.J. McCarron. Fourthly, it’s time for some good karma to hit St. Louis football. Fifthly, this is St. Louis. It doesn’t matter how bad the team is or what league they’re playing in or really anything. If there’s a team in St. Louis, St. Louis is going to show up, Budweiser in hand, screaming about the ’Hawks.

spiracy theorist Alex Jones, Kanye West proclaimed that he sees “good things about Hitler also” and made derogatory comments about Jewish people. West sat alongside Nick Fuentes, a white-supremacist political commentator and Holocaust denier. As 2022 draws to a close, the prominent right-wing personalities have demonstrated little inclination to distance themselves from the white-supremacist rhetoric that engenders not only hate speech but violence toward Jews and other communities as a direct result. As it stands, antisemitism’s continued rise in 2023 seems like less of a prediction and more of an inevitability.

—Kasey Noss

Mark McCloskey Will Ride Again

fore it gets better.

Thus far, the city has claimed that records that do exist don’t and that members of the public who submit very narrow, specific requests are actually being hopelessly vague. We predict that the city will flip this script and begin claiming that records that don’t actually exist do exist and then send us all on a wild goose chase for them. They’ll start saying that requests are too specific and chastise us for micro-managing.

—Benjamin Simon

Antisemitism Will Rise in the US

Antisemitism in America has steadily been on the rise. According to the Anti-Defamation League, more threats of harassment, vandalism and violence against Jewish people were reported in 2021 than any other year on record. f the final weeks of 2 22 have shown us anything, it’s that this trend will only continue if measures aren’t taken to halt it. In the two weeks following Elon Musk s official acquisition of Twitter in late October, the platform saw a 61 percent rise in antisemitic tweets, a study by the Anti-Defamation League revealed. The rise in hate speech toward Jewish people and other marginalized groups comes after Musk lifted bans on accounts previously barred for hate speech and laid off many of the individuals responsible for monitoring hate speech on the platform. That’s not all. In a recent interview with Sandy Hook con-

In an attempt to rekindle the spark and recapture some of the magic of the summer of 2020, Mark McCloskey will stand in his front yard and open fire on the side of his neighbor’s house with an AK-47. Right-wing talking heads will declare him a hero and say that the neighboring home shouldn’t have come so close to McCloskey’s property; McCloskey will subsequently claim that, actually, all of his neighbors’ houses are, in fact, also his property. A judge will demand that McCloskey hand the gun over; McCloskey will trip over himself to do so.

—Daniel Hill

St. Louis City Will Find New, Innovative Ways To Avoid Transparency

The city’s refusal to release records to journalists and other members of the public has been a slow-burning story this whole year and a major disappointment to civic boosters who expect this behavior from politicos at the state level but are disheartened to see it here in St. Louis. Unfortunately, we predict this problem is going to get a lot worse — and weirder — be-

By the end of the year, we foresee the city getting even more creative in its evasion of records requests. People showing up to City Hall to collect documents will be shown a series of photos and must pick out which have stop lights, and then they must identify an Imo’s pie among photos of various St. Louisstyle pizzas.

—Ryan Krull

10 Openings Will Be Where Everyone’s Eating

ese

In 2023

Despite the many challenges that persist in the hospitality business, St. Louis diners have reason to be optimistic about the coming year. Longtime favorites are poised to expand, newcomers are planting roots, and it’s entirely possible that the area will, once and for all, get a respectable bagel shop. Here are the 10 places we’re most looking forward to in 2023.

Amighetti’s

ince 1 16, Amighetti s has been a fi ture of the Hill’s sandwich scene, garnering national acclaim for Mrs. Amighetti’s special namesake sandwich — a heaping pile of ham, roast beef and salami served with St. Louis-style cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, pepperoncini and zesty dressing on wonderfully crusty bread. Under the leadership of Anthony Favazza, the restaurant has been operating out

With a limitless ego and a basic misunderstanding of firearms, what can’t Mark McCloskey achieve? | REUBEN HEMMER

BOLD PREDICTIONS

of its Rock Hill storefront since 2016, but it’s always been his dream — and the dream of Mrs. Amighetti — to one day bring the iconic shop back to the heart of St. Louis’ Italian American community. Last year, Favazza made that dream a reality by purchasing the old Hanneke Hardware and Industrial Supply building on Southwest and Macklind, which he is in the process of renovating into a brand-new Amighetti’s. Bonus, Favazza’s other storied St. Louis brand, Hank’s cheesecakes, is also slated to operate out of the same storefront. The Hill has never been more delicious.

Benton Park Cafe

Last April, Benton Park Cafe cofounder Jessica Lenzen shuttered the neighborhood eatery in preparation for a renovation. It never reopened, and as time passed, Lenzen realized that she was not so sure whether or not she had it in her to continue to operate the business. Enter Elicia Eskew and Gavin Haslett, two Benton Park Cafe regulars and local businesspeople who were looking for an opportunity to invest in their community. The two are working toward reopening the beloved spot sometime this year and promise that they see themselves as stewards of the restaurant’s legacy, not change agents. As evidence? Their commitment to keep the photograph of late cofounder John Caton in its position of prominence in the dining room.

Bonito Bar

As if partners Natasha Kwan and Rick Roloff haven’t already made their stretch of University City a food and beverage hot spot, the

Frida’s and Diego’s owners have plans to convert the space between their two eateries into the forthcoming hot spot Bonito Bar. Though Bonito Bar will have a separate identity from Frida’s, guests can enter the new spot through a glass door inside the restaurant, where they will encounter a 12-to-14-seat bar featuring seasonal cocktails that utilize fresh-squeezed juices. Kwan and Roloff have made a name for their impeccable design aesthetic as much as for their delicious food, so expect stylish digs that evoke a Miami vibe.

Deli Divine

St. Louis is poised to get a proper Jewish deli courtesy of Ben Poremba. The chef and restaurateur has partnered with the nonprofit hub Delmar Divine to open Deli Divine, a delicatessen that will feature pastrami, corned beef, babka, bagels, lox and Poremba’s famous egg salad. But for Poremba, the impetus for opening the spot has less to do with operating a deli and more to do with honoring the neighborhood’s Jewish heritage. What better way to do that with such edible comfort?

Katie’s Pizza & Pasta Osteria at Ballpark Village

Cardinals fans have reason to celebrate the 2023 season beyond Wainwright’s return to the mound: Katie’s Pizza & Pasta Osteria, the beloved Italian-inspired restaurant owned by Katie Lee Collier and Ted Collier, will open its third area location at Ballpark Village, giving baseball fans a delicious way to set a base before all of that draft-beer imbibing at the stadium. Game day just got more delicious.

Looking Meadow Coffee

Founded three years ago out of a vintage

camper, Looking Meadow Coffee has become a staple of Tower Grove Farmers’ Market. Soon, the vegan-friendly coffee and baked goods brand will have its own storefront, located in the former Stone Spiral coffeehouse in a residential part of Maplewood. Look for expanded food and drink offerings and even a host of adult beverages when owner Jaime Hermand secures a liquor license for the forthcoming shop.

Maryland House

Soon, the long-vacant Mandarin Lounge space will be converted into a modern eating and drinking establishment, courtesy of Kevin Brennan, the Central West End bar operator whose rennan s has firmly established itself as the tony neighborhood’s Cheers. Brennan hopes to capture some of that Brennan’s magic at the forthcoming lounge and events venue; if you’ve seen the swanky renderings, there’s no question he will soon have another hit on his hands.

Nexus Cultural Cuisine

Food and beverage powerhouses Ceaira Jackson and Misha Sampson have been bringing t. Louis e cellent dining e periences, first at their Soulard restaurant Fleur de Lilies and later at the Central West End seafood hot spot Bait. Now, the pair are poised to again dazzle diners with their forthcoming Nexus Cultural Cuisine, a cross-cultural tapas experience that will open in the middle of all the Midtown action. Look for international flavors, exciting cocktails and a lively, lounge-like experience that is sure to be hit number three for the duo.

Sado

After two decades of bringing delectable Japanese cuisine to the St. Louis region from its west-county storefront, Nippon Tei is shutting its doors, moving to the Hill and rebranding itself as Sado, a sushi restaurant and Japanese grill that will be a culinary incubator for chef and owner Nick Bognar. Longtime Nippon Tei fans will be happy to see some old favorites on the menu, but Bognar emphasizes that this is a reinvention, which will take the former menu as a jumping-off point to do new and exciting things.

Videira Wine Shop & Bar

For years, Mykel McIntosh has had a passion for the beverage side of the hospitality industry, honing her craft alongside Ceaira Jackson and Misha Sampson at Bait while doing her own research to become an expert in her craft. Now, she’s putting all of that knowledge together at Videira Wine Shop & Bar, a modern, stylish speakeasy that will have a unique selection of wines by the glass, craft cocktails and thoughtful noshes. Located in a new development in the soon-to-be-bustling midtown, McIntosh hopes Videira will be the place people think of when they are looking for somewhere to go for after-dinner drinks or a nice, relaxing glass of wine on the patio.

—Cheryl Baehr n

We predict a lot of noshing upon Katie’s pizza at ball games. | MABEL SUEN

CALENDAR

BY ROSALIND EARLY

THURSDAY 01/05

Checkmate

Get a complimentary tour of the exhibit 1972 Fischer/Spassky: The Match, Its Origin, and Influence at the World Chess Hall of Fame (4652 Maryland Avenue, 314-367-9243, worldchesshof.org). The exhibit is about the match between American chess phenom Bobby Fischer and Soviet Union chess legend Boris Spassky at the 1972 World Chess Championship. Not only was this in the middle of the Soviet Union-United States standoff known as the Cold War, this was the first match an American won in 24 years of Russian dominance in the sport. The exhibit includes more than 500 artifacts. The event is free and starts at 6 p.m.

FRIDAY 01/06

Winter Wonderland

Just because Christmas is over doesn’t mean that the winter wonder has to cease. Load up the car and head to The Snowy Day: A Glowy Snowy Experience.

The outdoor, drive-thru show is based on the book The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack and follows Peter as he plays outside with his friends during the season s first snow. There will be illuminated puppets, a podcast and glow-in-thedark scenery. The show runs Friday, January 6, through Monday, January 9, and is at the Missouri History Museum (5700 Lindell Boulevard, 314-746-4599, mohistory.org). For more information, including ticket prices, visit repstl.org/events/detail/theglowysnowyday2022.

TikTok IRL

If you’ve been on TikTok for any length of time, you’ve probably come across @stlaintbad, a city booster account that takes you inside the Garden Glow, shows you the Grinch twerking at Fast Eddie’s or advises you on which local shops are the coolest. Megan,

the woman behind the account, is hosting an anniversary party to celebrate two years on the app and more than 50,000 followers. The STL Ain’t Bad Anniversary Party will be at the Garage (750 South Fourth Street). The event kicks off at 6 p.m., and those who arrive before 8 p.m. will receive a complimentary cocktail. Live music starts at 8, and the whole shindig is free.

Nighttime Activity

If you’ve ever wanted to try to hike at night but have been afraid of, you know, getting lost and dying, this is your chance to

test it out. The Moonlight Hike is a monthly event that includes a guide and group of like-minded hikers who don’t want to let a lack of daylight keep them from wandering in the woods. It’s recommended that hikers wear weather-appropriate clothing and bring a water bottle. Flashlights are discouraged on the trail, but you can bring one to turn on for any tricky parts. The Nature Institute (2213 South Levis Lane, Godfrey, Illinois; 618466-9930, thenatureinstitute. org) hosts the hike, which is $5 for nonmembers and free for members. It starts at 7:30 p.m.

Outfit of the Day

The Saint Louis Art Museum is on a theme. If you loved Global Threads: The Art and Fashion of Indian Chintz, (which is open just a bit longer if you haven’t seen it yet), then you can get a sequel with the newest exhibit Fabricating Empire: Folk Textiles and the Making of Early 20th-Century Austrian Design. The focus here is similarly on textiles but more particularly on how Central European folk costumes influenced modern design. The exhibit opens Friday, January 6, at 10 a.m. and is free, but if you head over to the art museum at 4 p.m. you can celebrate the exhibit with curator Genevieve Cortinovis and buy some drinks to sip while you check things out.

SATURDAY 01/07

Wrestle On

Local pro-wrestling promoter Glory Pro Wrestling is hosting Wrestlepocalypse at Delmar Hall (6133 Delmar Boulevard, 314-7266161, thepageant.com). The event will include fan favorites like Curry Man, Camaro Jackson, Warhorse, Kylie Rae and Jake Something. Tickets are $25 to $50, and the show starts at 7 p.m.

Comedy with Brains

If you want to see improv where people had a chance to prepare, then check out Eggheads at the Improv Shop (3690 Chouteau Avenue, theimprovshop.com). The improv scholars will solicit prompts via social media earlier in the week and research the topic all week. So maybe you suggest Basque and one person looks up the women’s clothing item, while another person studies the language and region in Spain. Then the scholars come together at 8 p.m. and improvise a two-act show using what they’ve learned. You might learn something too. Tickets are $10.

Taking Art Personally

Art Saint Louis (1223 Pine Street,

e Globetrotters bring a bottomless bag of tricks to town. | VIA FLICKR / HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS

WEEK OF JANUARY 5-11

314-241-4810, artstlouis.org) solicited area artists to submit work that focuses on one’s “sense of self.” The result is Personal History , a new exhibit that has 63 works from 51 artists in Missouri and Illinois. The exhibit includes paper, photography, printmaking, even video submissions that include many takes on traditional portraits, including one of a blurry dancer and another of a woman looking through rose-colored glasses at another person who fits on her fingertip. he e hibit opens today and stays open through Wednesday, February 15. The museum is open from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday and from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Admission is free.

Trick Play

One of the worst mistakes we ever made was betting on the Washington Generals. Who are the Generals? They’re the unlucky team that is forever having the ball dribbled between their legs and getting pump-faked into oblivion by the world-famous Harlem Globetrotters. The American in-

stitution of basketball skill will be bringing their next-level acumen, bottomless bag of tricks and some serious LOLs to the Enterprise Center (1401 Clark Ave) this Saturday. The Globetrotters take the court for two shows, first at 2 p.m., then again at 7 p.m. Tickets start at $24.

—Ryan Krull

SUNDAY 01/08

Swing by Dunaway Books (3111 South Grand Boulevard) to hear some fantastic poets chop it up with three wordsmiths visiting from the East Coast during Indie Poetry. Representing St. Louis will be poets Kristin J. Thompson, Daniel W. Wright, Denmark Laine, Jessie Eikmann and Jared C. Lewis. Joining them will be New Jersey’s Damian Rucci along with New York’s Nathanael Stolte and Scott Laudati. It’s not a com-

petition between the home and away teams — in poetry, teams are definitely not a thing but that doesn’t mean those in the audience can’t engage in a little armchair literary criticism and suss out some regional differences between the Lou’s poetry and verses coming out of the tri-state area. The event begins at 7 p.m. and is free.

Willy, is especially ready for the role. In November, he starred as Willy in the Nebraska Repertory Theater’s production. Tickets are $15 to $50. Showtimes vary by day.

Cardinals Nation

—Ryan Krull

WEDNESDAY 01/11

Pop!

In Death of a Salesman, Willy Loman is reaching the end of his career as a traveling salesman, and there’s not much to show for it. Despite working hard his whole life, Willy never achieved the elusive American dream and his sons, Biff and Happy, are struggling as well. Is it all just a bill of goods? The Black Rep (Edison Theatre at Washington University, 6645 Forsyth Boulevard, University City; 314-935-6543, theblackrep. org) stages the Arthur Miller play that’s as incisive as it was when it premiered in 1942. And theater stalwart Ron Himes, who plays

How much do you miss the Cards in the off season? Is it enough to bundle up your kids on a probably cold January day, drag them out to the car and head down into the city to the Cardinals Nation Restaurant & Bar (601 Clark Street, 314-3459880)? Since we’re in St. Louis, we’re guessing the answer is a resounding yes. Lucky you, then, because the franchise is hosting one of its Family Nights with Fredbird so you have the excuse to do just that. Not only will the aforementioned Fredbird be present but there will be games and prizes. Every adult meal comes with one for a child at no cost. The event begins at 5 p.m. —Jessica Rogen n

Have an event you’d like considered for our calendar? Email calendar@riverfronttimes.com.

I’m a poet / I know it / Sometimes I rhyme / sometimes I don’t

Fabricating Empire opens at the Saint Louis Art Museum this month. | COURTESY SLAM

Meet Fredbird at the Cardinals Family Night. | VIA FLICKR / GENERAL CHEESE

On a Roll

St. Louis has spoken: Sando Shack’s Japanese sammies are too delicious to be temporary

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

Sando Shack

3173 Morgan Ford Road, 314-449-1011. Tues.-Sun. 11 a.m-8 p.m. (Closed Monday.)

If things had gone according to plan, Amy Guo and Dan Jensen would never have opened Sando Shack. Though the partners in life and business moved back to Guo’s hometown from Seattle in July of 2020 to open a restaurant, it had nothing to do with Japanese sandwiches. Instead, their vision centered around Hello Poke, a fast-casual concept they were preparing to open at the then-forthcoming Food Hall at City Foundry.

Like everything in 2020, those plans got turned upside down when the pandemic threw a wrench into City Foundry’s opening schedule. Though Guo and Jensen were originally scheduled to be part of the food hall’s July 2020 inaugural slate of kitchens — and moved to St. Louis on that assumption — the opening kept getting delayed, leaving them twiddling their thumbs and without the income from Hello Poke they’d counted on. Fortunately, Guo was still remotely working the corporate communications job she’d held in Seattle, but Jensen was chomping at the bit to cook and looking for a way to pass the time while they waited. And waited. Disappointed by the ongoing delays and unsure of how long they’d be in limbo, Guo and Jensen decided that they needed to figure out a way to pass time.

Sando Shack was meant to be that meantime project, a pop-up brand they launched in the late summer of 2020 based on the Japanese sandwiches they loved to eat when they lived in Seattle. They figured they d give it a go for as long as it took to get Hello Poke up and running, but it didn’t take long for them to realize that might not be possible; the brand became a runaway hit, garnering a large number of followers who not only

came out to eat every time they had an event but begged them to open the concept as a regular thing.

In the beginning, Guo and Jensen demurred, telling their patrons to get their sandwiches while they could because Sando Shack was only going to be a temporary thing. However, the questions never stopped, and as it became clear that the brand had taken on a life of its own, they

decided to give the people what they wanted. In April of 2021, the pair launched Sando Shack as a food truck, rolling up at events, food truck parks and breweries around town and leaving a trail of fans everywhere they went.

The Food Hall at City Foundry — and Hello oke finally opened in August of that year, but Guo and Jensen could not justify shutting down Sando Shack now that it had

become such a popular part of the St. Louis food truck scene. They admit that, because having two brands was not part of the plan, things got a bit chaotic at first, but eventually they got their feet underneath them and had things running well enough at Hello Poke to keep the truck going at full capacity.

This November, Guo and Jensen took the next step with Sando Shack, opening it as a brick-andmortar storefront in the heart of Tower Grove South’s Morgan Ford business district — a move that both allowed their fans to have a consistent spot to grab their favorite sandwiches and also finally gave Guo and Jensen a home base to prepare the brand’s items. It’s a small spot, with only a narrow window ledge and a couple of stools, but out of this tiny space the pair cook up mighty flavors that make you understand why people were clamoring for more.

The bread alone is reason alone to become a superfan. Sando Shack uses Japanese milk bread, a fluffy, thicker, airier white bread that gets lightly toasted before it s stuffed with a variety of fillings. These include chicken katsu, a tender chicken thigh coated in

e chicken katsu sando is breaded in panko crumbs, deep fried and topped with cabbage slaw and katsu sauce on buttered toasted bread. | MABEL SUEN

e teriyaki pork wings will have you believing pigs can fly. | MABEL SUEN

SANDO SHACK

seasoned panko and deep-fried, its decadence cut with refreshing cabbage slaw made with assorted julienne vegetables, Kewpie mayonnaise and wasabi. The pork tonkatsu — made from a thick, juicy, brined cutlet — is similarly adorned, though a mustardy coating underneath the breadcrumbs gives an extra punch.

Riffing on the spicy chicken sandwich craze, Sando Shack offers a sweet-and-spicy version of its chicken katsu, which is dressed in a medium-hot Sriracha and sweet-chili glaze. Here, the cabbage slaw does double duty of cutting through the deep-fried feel of the meat and providing a cooling effect to the heat. One of the restaurant’s two side dishes, a cucumber salad, both adds to this refreshment and adds a little chili tingle, reminding you that the spice is there. It’s a complex, delightful melange of flavors.

Sando Shack’s most unique item is its katsu burger, a wonderfully rich concoction that is like if the quintessential American cheeseburger got crossed with bulgogimarinated country-fried meatloaf. For this dish, the kitchen marinates ground beef in teriyaki, soy, ginger, garlic and cumin, coats it in seasoned panko and cooks it off in the deep fryer. The result is a magical — if not decadent — hunk of meat that has a crispy exterior but a shockingly juicy and tender interior. Topped with cheddar cheese, thick-sliced onion and tomato and cabbage slaw, the burger is both deeply familiar and its own thing all at the same time.

Pork wings — a plump, meaty mini pork shanks — are an excellent riff on the more ubiquitous chicken wing. Marinated, deepfried and covered in teriyaki and sesame seeds, these mouthwatering wonders are the restaurant’s sole appetizer; it needs no others.

As delightful as the pork wings, Sando Shack’s piece de resistance is its chicken karaage sando, a brined and marinated chicken thigh dredged in potato flour and fried, giving it a unique, crispysoft coating that beautifully clings

to the meat. his magnificent fritter is outstanding on its own, but when topped with the cabbage slaw and thin slice of Fresno chiles, it becomes otherworldly. etween the deeply savory flavor of the meat, the slaw’s brightness and the pops of heat from the chiles, it’s the restaurant’s most thrilling interplay of flavors.

For now, Guo and Jensen have suspended the truck’s operations for the season and are focusing solely on Sando Shack’s brick and mortar, along with running Hello

Poke at City Foundry. However, they are fairly certain that when spring hits and food trucks again hit the streets, Sando Shack will be part of that fleet. Having three different operations might not have been part of their plan, but once you show St. Louis something as delicious as that chicken karaage, you can’t ever take it away. n

Sando Shack

Chicken karaage.......................................$14

Pork tonkatsu sando ................................$13 Pork wings .............................................$8.50

Continued from pg 25

e katsu beef burger is marinated, breaded and deep fried, topped with cabbage slaw, cheddar, tomato, onion and katsu sauce on a buttered, toasted brioche bun. | MABEL SUEN

e cucumber salad provides a refreshing tingle. | MABEL SUEN

Sando Shack is located in Tower Grove South. | MABEL SUEN

SHORT ORDERS

Here We Grow

Balkan Treat Box owners to open Telva at e Ridge this year

Written by BENJAMIN SIMON

One of the hottest restaurants in St. Louis, Balkan Treat Box, has announced its second concept in the area: Telva at The Ridge. The forthcoming restaurant is slated to open in early 2023.

Located at the Rolling Ridge Nursery in Webster Groves, Telva at The Ridge will continue to serve food from the Balkan region — but this time, through a cafe and coffee shop.

Chef/owner Loryn Nalic says that she and her husband and partner, Edo Nalic, specifically chose coffee because it is “ingrained” in Bosnian culture. The coffee will be wood-fire roasted, brewed in a small copper pot called a d e va, boiled in water and served with sugar cubes.

“You’re going to be able to get a drip coffee and a latte or an espresso,” Nalic says. “But if you’re looking to have a new experience and something that’s a little more ritualistic, having Bosnian coffee is an event in and of itself. When you go for coffee in Bosnia, it’s different than grabbing a cup of coffee here.”

Telva at The Ridge is not strictly a coffee shop, though; the cafe will also offer salads, soups, pastries and open-faced sandwiches, including a Sloppy Mustafa, a take on the Sloppy Joe, as well as a Baklava Yogurt Parfait. For Nalic, the cafe represents a return to her roots in pastries, where she began her career, and she is excited to showcase a full range of sweet treats such as Balkan-style crêpes and sweet nut rolls.

ou ll get flavor profiles from the Balkan region but done in like a different way,” Nalic explains. “Not necessarily with traditional techniques and dishes. … you’ll see some of that, but we’re bringing these kinds of flavors into more of a casual atmosphere.”

According to Nalic, she and Edo jumped on the opportunity to open Telva at the Ridge after learning that Rolling Ridge Nursery was interested in having some sort of restaurant on its property. As such, the cafe will blend into the nursery’s existing footprint, operating

next to the nursery’s greenhouse with the ability to accommodate events for up to 60 people. The arrangement was perfect; not only would it allow the Nalics to expand on what they do at Balkan by bringing Bosnian coffee culture to this stretch of St. Louis, Rolling

Both restaurant industry veterans, the Nalics founded Balkan Treat Box in 2016 as a food truck, garnering critical acclaim and national attention for their delectable Balkan cuisine. The truck became a runaway success, prompting the two to open a brick-and-mortar restaurant in Webster Groves three years later. Since then, Balkan Treat Box has racked up national praise from Esquire, Bon Appétit and the Food Network and continues to be one of the St. Louis area’s most beloved restaurants.

Though Telva at The Ridge marks the first e pansion for the popular brand since opening its brick and mortar, Nalic says it has always been their goal to continue growing and expanding throughout the area.

[ rom] the first day of the food truck, we knew we would do more than just this,” she says. “So it wasn’t a question of why — it was when.” n

Ridge’s Webster Groves location will allow them to operate both the restaurant and Telva with as much ease as possible since they will be in the same part of town.

Telva at the Ridge, the forthcoming cafe from the owners of Balkan Treat Box, will feature traditional Bosnian co ee. | SPENCER PERNIKOFF

e Nalic family will open Telva at the Ridge. | SPENCER PERNIKOFF

A Fresh Start

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

Jon Maness admits he was an unlikely proselytizer of the benefits of juicing — all he needs to do is point to his initial chat with his wife, Jen, about getting involved with Hello Juice & Smoothie (multiple locations including 1000 South Newstead Avenue, 314-3764135) to drive that point home.

“When we had our initial conversation about it, I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, and Jen comes out and says, ‘Hey, we need to meet with these people about buying a juice bar,’’ Jon recalls. “I said, ‘Are you fucking crazy? What do we know about juice?’ But it was immediately evident walking in and seeing the product being made that this was something important. I started coming in, learning all of their processes, and I went from doing it to support Jen to falling in love with it. It changed my life dramatically.”

Since getting involved with Hello Juice just a few months after its founding in 2018, the Manesses have been on a mission to make their cold-pressed juices, smoothies, smoothie bowls and breakfast fare accessible to people from all walks of life, not just health food enthusiasts. For Jon in particular, this business model personally resonates because of his own health struggles. After years of hard living, Jon found himself critically ill, literally dying of liver failure, and needing to make a serious lifestyle change if he wanted to make it.

“My doctors gave me a week to live,” Jon says. “I didn’t have a choice but to change.”

That was 2012, and Jon has been sober ever since — one of the many things that connected him and Jen when they met a year later (Jen has been sober since her early 20s). The pair also bonded over their entrepreneurial spirits and got into the home remodeling and realestate business shortly after getting together. They had a successful run, and Jen even owned a brokerage firm for two years. However, her insatiable drive to find new business ventures steered them into a direction they did not see coming.

“I’m always coming up with these crazy business ideas, and Jon is the grounding

one who tells me when something probably isn’t a good idea,” Jen says. “But I heard about Hello Juice and met [cofounder] Jordan [Bauer] the weekend they

Shooting Star

Star Bakery & Cafe has closed in Holly Hills

Written by CHERYL BAEHR

The air around Holly Hills smells a little less sweet after the departure of a beloved, if short-lived, bakery: Star Bakery & Cafe (5547 South Grand Boulevard). It opened this past July and is now closed. The shop served its last customers last month.

Star’s owner Nikki Ahmadi broke the news on her pastry business’ Facebook page, Bake.with.nikki, on December 16, citing “personal affairs” as the reason for her decision — and by “affairs,” she means a baby, who she looks forward to welcoming in the coming year.

“I am sad to announce that I have closed Star Cafe & Bakery. A year ago today, I was extremely excited to open a

opened in August of 2018. At that time, I was thinking about doing a bar or something, but fast-forward a few months and Jordan and his wife Kayla were interested in having us on as partners.”

As Jen and Jon explain, they were excited to partner with Hello Juice founders Jordan and Kayla Bauer because they were impressed by both their product and their creativity. Though there were other smoothie and juice brands on the market, Hello Juice felt different because of its commitment to using only fresh ingredients, rather than the premade mixes and purees used by national chains. When they came on as partners, Jen and Jon quickly realized just how labor intensive this way of doing things was and eagerly committed to learning everything they could about making the best possible juices and smoothies they could offer.

This experience paid off when Jen and Jon bought out the Bauers in 2019 and became sole owners of Hello Juice. Since then, they have thrown themselves wholeheartedly into creating

a bright, welcoming environment that appeals to everyone, not just those who already lead a healthful lifestyle.

“We don’t want to sell health food to people who are already buying health food,” Jon says. “For me, this is for everybody — construction workers like me who have never had a vegetable in their lives, little kids, everyone. We don’t want this to be pretentious. This is for everybody, not just those living a crazy healthy lifestyle. They already know about us; we want to figure out how to reach others.”

In addition to their first location in the Grove, the Manesses opened a second spot in Kirkwood this spring and are seeing where things go from there. Though they do not see themselves expanding nationally, they would like to eventually have four or five Hello Juice stores in the St. Louis area so they can reach even more people and dispel the myth that you have to be a certain type of person to enjoy their brand.

“I have kind of reinvented myself and who I am and what I am about as the years go by,” Jon says. “I just found that when I would come into Hello [Juice] and it was just so bright — between the food and the employees the space. I know this sounds cheesy, but I’d be lifted up by being there. Life is short; why wouldn’t I want to live in this? It’s not about us making money. It’s a lifestyle.” n

a child two decades ago, Ahmadi had a successful career in corporate accounting before leaving it all behind to follow her baking dreams. As Ahmadi told the Riverfront Times in an interview this August, she started baking in her spare time as a form of stress relief, but after taking the Best Tasting Cake award at the 2019 Bride St. Louis’ Cake & Champagne Bridal Show, she realized she had what it took to make a go of baking full time.

Fans of Ahmadi’s cardamom-scented cookies and sweet and salty kulche shor treats need not fret, however; Ahmadi will continue to offer her pastries and custom orders through her Bake.with.nikki brand, which customers can access through her Facebook page of the same name.

storefront to better serve my customers in person. However, due to personal affairs I must shift my immediate attention to my growing family and prioritize my personal life at this moment in time.”

Ahmadi opened Star Bakery & Cafe this past July in a small storefront near the intersection of South Grand Boulevard and Bates Avenue in Holly Hills. An Afghan refugee who moved to St. Louis as

Ahmadi does not rule out opening a brick-and-mortar shop again one day, noting in response to a comment that she “will consider reopening and relocating in the long run.” For now, though, she is happy to create her sweet treats at her own pace for the patrons that have shown her support over the past year.

“I want to thank my customers for all your loyalty and support, and I will continue to serve you all to the best of my ability through custom orders and requests as I operated previously,” Ahmadi writes. n

Hello Juice is redefining healthy eating, one smoothie at a time

Hello Juice wants to bring fresh juices and smoothies to the masses. | PATTENGALE PHOTOGRAPHY [FOOD NEWS]

Star Bakery & Cafe served traditional Afghan sweets. | JESSICA ROGEN

ST. LOUIS STANDARDS

Healthy Food, with Love

Seedz has been delighting Demun with approachable vegan cuisine for a decade

Written by OLIVIA POOLOS

Seedz

6344 South Rosebury Avenue, 314-725-7333

Established 2012

Cara Moon Schloss glows. Her blond hair is long and thick, and her blue eyes beam out from behind chunky, squareframed glasses. Long rainbow-colored beaded earrings — available for sale at her business Seedz Provisions — swing gently by her shoulders as she talks.

Schloss, 53, is the mother of four daughters, ages 14 to 27, and she exudes vitality — a walking advertisement for the food she sells.

She’s been into healthy eating since she was 17, when she was introduced to the concept of natural healing through a boyfriend’s mother, and it shows. For a decade, she’s been sharing that knowledge with St. Louisans through her beloved Demun neighborhood vegan spots.

Schloss opened the Seedz Cafe in 2012 along with her partner, Monty Gralnick. At the time, the duo had been living in Santa Barbara, California, where healthy eating trends were already had a grasp on local food culture. But Schloss and Gralnick wanted to open a vegan cafe in their hometown, St. Louis — the city of gooey butter cake and barbecue.

Far from being nervous, Schloss and Gralnick were excited to bring their ideas about whole food cuisine to the Midwest. “We were like, ‘There’s kind of nothing here, so let’s bring something healthy and cool,’” Schloss says.

However, Schloss was also adamant that Seedz Cafe still be an approachable place for all types of people, not just health junkies.

“We wanted to create a space where you didn’t feel like you were going to a health-food restaurant,

where the food was just naturally healthy, but it was also kind of a cool place to go have dinner on a date or even have a cocktail,” Schloss says, pausing. “Some people don’t agree with having cocktails … but we’re in St. Louis. In the Midwest, you have to have cocktails.”

The origin story of the name Seedz differs depending on who you ask. If you ask Gralnick, he’ll say it’s an homage to Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree, which details a generous relationship between a tree and a boy. Schloss, however, explains that “Seedz” simply encapsulates what they serve, referring to the abundance of plants — and yes, seeds — that are the basis of many of their menu items. “‘Seedz’ kind of found us,” she explains.

Gralnick and Schloss work well together, though the lack of space between home and work life can be tough. “I wouldn’t recommend it for just anybody,” Schloss says. She describes herself as “hands on” with employees, customers and food. Gralnick works more behind the scenes, tackling bills, taxes and accounts. They balance each other. “If it were up to me, I

would just give everything away,” Schloss says. “Like, ‘How much do you think this should cost?’ Where he’s like, ‘No, this has to be this [much money].’”

Seedz has two franchises: Seedz Cafe and Seedz Provisions. The cafe is a cozy space that caters more to sitdown meals and drinks. Provisions, two doors down from the cafe, is a bite-sized vegan coffee shop, which sells coffee, tea drinks and animal-product-free desserts alongside vegan soaps and candles.

At the start, Seedz offered only a small menu, mostly juices and smoothies. These days, the options are much broader. For such a small space (only eight small tables in the cafe), it’s astounding how many different meals and drinks can appear from the kitchen.

The menu varies by season. As the holidays approach, favorites include Mac-N-Cheez, a variety of grain bowls and vegan meatloaf. Without examining the ingredient lists, it’s not immediately obvious

Seedz Cafe has been a St. Louis institution since it was established in Demun in 2012. | ANDY PAULISSEN

Seedz Provisions sells co ee, tea, vegan desserts and gi items such as candles. | ANDY PAULISSEN

that everything is free of dairy, eggs and meat.

On a recent Wednesday afternoon, the cafe is half filled with couples on dates and college kids sipping banana-strawberry-date smoothies and scribbling in notebooks. Colorful abstract paintings fill one wall, while another is painted red with “LOVE” in massive black lettering. Potted plants and Christmas garlands fill the remaining wall and shelf space. A funky jazz beat plays low in the background, just loud enough to drown out the clanking pots from the postage-stamp-sized kitchen

in the back.

Two men walk in and listen to the cashier’s favorites: the blackbean burger, a tempeh reuben … they look at each other doubtfully. “This is all vegan?” one asks. Ten minutes later, they’re happily scarfing down bowls of chili mac and sipping brightly colored tap kombucha.

The food appears in shallow white bowls, artfully plated. The Vandovan Bowl, a seasonal special, is hearty and flavorful with turmeric-spiced lentils, sweet potatoes, cashew cream and cilantro chutney. Everything is generously

spiced without overpowering the base ingredients.

he cheesecake flavors also vary by season and week. It’s possible that someone who didn’t know the chocolate-peanut-butter slice was raw and gluten-free would never guess it. It’s thick, and ust as rich and filling as any dairy-filled replica.

The Seedz employees — who act as anything from baristas to waitresses and cashiers — mirror their clientele: mostly young people with fashionable, casual clothing. You don’t have to be vegan to work there, but Schloss says she

looks for people who are creative and relaxed — and have some experience with plant-based food.

Seedz occupies Schloss’ mind at nearly all hours of the day, and even sometimes after the daylight hours end. “It can be in the middle of the night sometimes, [and I’ll] wake up stressed out about a situation and have to talk about it,” she says. Recently, Schloss has been trying to draw some boundaries with her time. “I’m trying this new thing where I turn my ringer off,” she says, smiling sheepishly.

The shop is closed on Mondays, but Schloss says she works seven days a week. She’s usually up at 5 a.m., heading to a spin class. Then she’ll drop her youngest daughter off at school and head into the shop.

The mornings are reserved for putting out small fires and making sure everything is in order when customers start to arrive. Schloss eats food from Seedz nearly every day, usually lunch. “I can’t even believe how much I love it,” she says. “Every day I smell something, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my God, that smells so good.’”

After picking her daughter up from school, Schloss will head home and start on the administrative duties of owning a restaurant sending emails and filling out paperwork. Seedz is still slowly coming back from pandemic hits, where it lost 70 percent of sales and a handful of employees. With her optimistic outlook, however, Schloss doesn’t call it “recovering.”

“It’s just the way that it is,” she says. “It’s good to have change. ou ust have to figure out how to bend with the wind.”

Restaurant life, even after nearly a decade of it, is overwhelming. Schloss is still taking it a day at a time. “Just when you think that you don’t want to do this anymore — because you can’t handle any more of the restaurant drama or the stress or whatever it is — somebody really awesome walks the door and says, ‘Thank you,’” she says.

Schloss says she doesn’t know what the next couple of years will bring for Seedz. For now, she and Gralnick are content continuing to make and sell vegan food to the St. Louis masses.

m definitely not making the big bucks,” she says. “I’m just … I’m here. My form of activism is serving healthy food with a lot of love.” n

ICONIC PEOPLE, PLACES & DISHES THAT ANCHOR STL’S FOOD SCENE

e Vandovan Bowl features turmeric-spiced lentils, sweet potatoes, cashew cream and cilantro chutney. | ANDY PAULISSEN

Cara Moon Schloss owns Seedz Cafe & Seedz Provisions. | ANDY PAULISSEN Schloss is hands on with every aspect of the business. | ANDY PAULISSEN

REEFERFRONT TIMES

[STRAIN REVIEW]

Hashy Meal

Sinse and Hi-Pointe Drive-In hit the mark with their Hash Burger collaboration

Written by GRAHAM TOKER

Out of any restaurant in town (besides maybe Taco Bell), it makes the most sense that Hi-Pointe Drive-In would collaborate with a cannabis company. So it’s less than surprising that the weed-punniest burgerslinging spot in St. Louis would team up with Sinse, the vertically integrated medical marijuana operation behind Swade’s multiple local locations.

Enter Hash Burger. I purchased the strain at Ellisville Swade when I got the Rainbow Belts strain I reviewed recently. I have to admit, it felt weird walking out of the (medical!) dispensary with a Happy Meal-esque box full of weed. In addition to the eighth of Hash Burger flower, the pack also included a sticker, a trading card with stats and a coupon to be redeemed at Hi-Pointe Drive-in for 15 percent off any menu item. Indeed, this was a Hashy Meal.

The trading card had a baseballcard-inspired set of testing statistics for the new strain. It’s categorized as an indica-leaning hybrid with a total THC content of 23.5 percent and more than 2 percent terpene content — most prominently myrcene, which comes in at 1.9 percent. I paid $30.20 after tax for the eighth, which was included in a sale.

Admittedly, I was a bit apprehensive about smoking this eighth from Sinse after a less than stellar experience with their Rainbow Belts, which I found to be lacking in the smell and flavor departments. But it’s the holiday season, and I gotta do a solid, so I stay on Santa’s Nice List. Mercifully, when I cracked open the Hash Burger bag, there was a smell! A small victory, and a way better beginning to this review.

I wanted to make sure I wasn’t

leaving any stones unturned with the flower, so transferred the nuggets to a glass jar with a humidity pack. The buds had an OG / kushy fragrance to them. I dove into the bag and rolled up a small joint with a few small nugs. As I smoked, there was indeed a very dank, nostalgic kush smoke to it. As I settled after the smoke, I was hit with a massive munchie rush. A small walk to the freezer to grab some ice cream hit the spot.

The next joint of the Hash Burger I smoked had a great effect. My back was tensed up from a long work day, and it definitely helped me relax. Since I’m a big OG fan, I like the kushy vibes in this strain. swiftly moved to finish off the bag with a king-sized, after-work joint. Once again, the effect was great for my aching back and kept

me loose on a walk while smoking. When I got home, I crashed down hard and felt the couchlock creep up. However, the Hash Burger had a different idea, and I wound up getting dinner instead. The munchies definitely won this round.

Armed with the coupon from the Hashy Meal box, after obviously getting in the right state of mind before leaving, I had my designated driver transport us to our nearest Hi- ointe (safety first, stoners).

I ordered the Toklahoma burger, and it was a hit. The components of the meal reminded me of two great burgers: the Oklahoma onion burger and the InN-Out Animal-style burger. Both patties were hit with mustard for an extra zing on the grill, and it was finished with cheese, more

mustard, onions and pickles. It’s a classic set up, like a bong: It hits hard, it’s simple and tothe-point, and both leave you in a slump. I would personally like to see a toasted bun, but I still would order that burger the next time I was gassed up and needed to fend off the munchies.

Would I get the Hash Burger strain again for my stash? Possibly. According to the enclosed trading card, this was the first growing run of the cultivar, so I imagine it will get more dialed-in down the line. definitely en oyed this strain better than Rainbow Belts in terms of smell, flavor and effect.

And if these collaborations are gonna make it easier to quell the munchies, then Sinse’s Hash Burger strain and the Toklahoma burger make for a Hashy Meal indeed. n

e Hashy Meal includes Hash Burger flower, sticker, trading card and coupon for Hi-Pointe Drive-in. | GRAHAM TOKER

Raising Hell

David Ruggeri’s new mural on Dunaway Books’ wall protests library book bans

Written by MONICA OBRADOVIC

David Ruggeri admits he doesn’t read as much as he used to. When it comes to his personal rage about book bans, he brings up his kids.

For his two sons who attend St. Louis Public Schools, “reading has always been important,” he says. St. Louis Public Schools is one of many Missouri districts that has removed books from its shelves in response to a new state law that bans explicit materials in schools. School libraries statewide have swiped at least 300 books, such as The Handmaid’s Tale and a graphic-novel adaptation of “The Gettysburg Address.”

“Hearing the stories about the books taken out of their library is concerning,” Ruggeri says. “We always tell them how important it is to be able to gather your own information and make your own decisions.”

Ruggeri wanted to find a way to fight back, to somehow give a metaphorical middle finger to Missouri’s legislature for making schools pull seemingly benign

books off the shelves.

Ruggeri, an associate professor at the University of Missouri–Columbia and artist by trade, turned to the best way he knew how: art.

Mid-December, the artist began work on a new mural on the exterior of Dunaway Books (3111 South Grand Boulevard) in Tower Grove South to bring attention to books banned in Missouri.

The idea for the mural was Ruggeri’s; he reached out to Dunaway Books owners Kevin Twellman and Claudia Brodie to pitch the concept.

“Everybody should have a discussion about [banned books] or at least be aware of it,” Ruggeri says.

Dunaway Books manager Vernon Bain has worked at the store for 11 years and been a reader for “well over 50 years.”

Not since the ’60s and early ’70s can Bain recall a time when readers faced such censorship. Back then, some circles frowned upon reading Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders and the work of beat poets that were pushing the envelope.

“You need to understand both the good and bad in the world to really gain a full understanding of what’s going on,” Bain says. “The only censorship there should be in this country is between a parent and a child.”

Ruggeri’s mural features a stack of banned books and emulates a mixed-media piece he made earlier last year from the pages of banned books. The completed mural is visible to people traveling north on South Grand Boulevard and was finished at the end of December. n

[MORE CENSORSHIP]

Great Reads

Four books banned by Missouri school libraries to check out this year

Written by JESSICA ROGEN

Last year, Missouri schools removed nearly 300 books from their libraries’ shelves in the wake of a new state law that banned giving “sexually explicit” material to students. In November, PEN America released a list of books that school districts had removed in response.

Many graphic novels and art books got yanked out of circulation (y’all know “graphic” just means illustrated, right?) and not only are most of these books not inappropriate, but they are actually wonderful. So, in response, here are recommendations for a few banned books you should pick up from your local, non-school library and read.

three characters — the bumbling-but-often-brilliant-goth Esther, bohemian yogi Daisy and mastermind Susan — as they enter their first year of college. Many hijinks ensue as they make friends, find love and realize they actually have to go to classes. Allison’s writing is clever and funny, and Lissa Treiman’s illustrations round it out beautifully. This is appropriate for basically anyone, as is the zany comic strip that birthed it, which is free online.

1. Giant Days Vol. 1 by John Allison, banned pending investigation by the Wentzville School District

Giant Days is a spin-off of webcomic master John Allison’s delightfully quirky and charming Scary Go Round. It follows

2. Speak: The Graphic Novel by Laurie Halse Anderson, banned pending investigation by the Wentzville School District

Both the novel and the graphic novel version of Speak tell the story of Melinda Sordino, a high school freshman who suffered a traumatic event during the previous summer and is now being punished socially by her former friends and classmates. Unable to tell anyone what she experienced, Sordino gets quiet, constantly bites her lips and turns to the solace of her art classroom to try to work through what’s happened to her. It’s hands down one of the most powerful stories of working through trauma of the last two decades. The graphic novel version is sparser than the novel, hence friendly to those less-than-enthusiastic readers, and is complemented by evocative grayscale illustrations.

3. The Complete Maus: A Survivor’s Tale by Art Spiegelman, banned from libraries by the Ritenour School District, banned

St. Louis artist David Ruggeri wants to raise hell about banned books. | MONICA OBRADOVIC

pending

investigation by the Wentzville School District

Published in serial from 1980 to 1991, Maus tells the story of author Art Spiegelman’s father’s experiences as a Jew in Poland in the Holocaust and Nazi concentration camps. In his artwork, Spiegelman draws Jewish people as mice and others as cats and pigs. As a comic book, it’s accessible to readers as young as middle schoolaged. Though they may not fully understand the Holocaust at that age, Maus helps make the horrific subject matter more comprehensible. And just because something is difficult doesn t mean it should be banned. It’s far from the only Holocaust book removed by school libraries, which is beyond ugly.

Satrapi, banned pending investigation by the Wentzville School District

Author and illustrator Marjane Satrapi grew up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution, and the two volumes of Persepolis trace her story. While growing up with her liberal parents in Iran, main character Marji watches her country change forever when Shah Mohammad Re a ahlavi flees the country and Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini comes to power, bringing with him a rise in religious extremism. Young Marji imagines conversations with God, buys black-market rock cassettes and loves her family as the country becomes progressively less safe for them and ultimately declares war against Iraq.

The volumes cover that story, her flight to Austria and safety, and then her return to Iran. Alternatively heartbreaking and uproarious, both volumes are well worth the read, and the movie adaptation is also great.

These are far from the only worthy reads on the sizable list. Even Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales was removed from shelves. Other noteworthy books include Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel, The Handmaid’s Tale: The Graphic Novel by Margaret Atwood and Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut. To check out the list, updated as of November 15, head to pen.org/press-release/call-for-missouri-school-districts-to-end-book-bans. n

4. Persepolis: The Story of a Childhood and Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return by Marjane

Many graphic novels and art books got yanked out of circulation, and not only are most of these books not inappropriate, but they are actually wonderful.

MUSIC

Comeback Kid

With boundless talent and newfound sobriety, St. Louis’ Emily Wallace is back on top

Written by STEVE LEFTRIDGE

This is the best place I’ve ever been, Emily Wallace says.

We are sitting in a South Grand gelato joint, but this is not the place she means. No, Wallace is referring to a current wave of emotional and physical wellness that has kept her in a steady state of enthusiasm and productivity lately. Then again, brimming as she is with positive energy, she seems pretty pleased with the gelato place, too.

Indeed, Wallace, as one of St. Louis’ most respected singersongwriters, has a lot to be excited about: a recent series of wellreceived solo shows; a comeback with her band the Sleepy Rubies; an upcoming studio session to record a set of new original songs; her status as the St. Louis music scene’s reigning guest vocalist par excellence; a two-night stand at Jazz St. Louis later this month; and the fact that she is in the best shape of her life.

It hasn’t always been such smooth sailing, to say the least. Over an hour-long chat, Wallace opened up about her life and career, a tilt-a-whirl of a journey as a working — and often struggling — musician, one that has been equal parts elation and nausea.

Wallace was born in Pensacola, Florida, to musical folk — her biological mother was a talented singer who once attracted the scouting attention of Clive Davis — and was later raised in tiny Winfield, Missouri, an hour northwest of St. Louis. A musical natural, Wallace caught the singing bug early.

Everyone was always, like, ‘Shut up!’” she laughs. “I was always singing.”

As a child, she turned heads

with her ability to belt out Whitney and Mariah songs, and Wallace never doubted that she was destined to be a professional performer.

In the eighth grade, she asked her parents for a guitar.

“They paid $50 a month for it. That was a big deal. They’d throw that shit in my face, man,” she laughs. “But I remember learning a G chord and playing it all the time, and I’m still playing that G chord.”

Then came a major turning point: She struck up a friendship with Winfield High classmate Ali Ruby, who, like Wallace, was a burgeoning vocalist.

“It was just like magic,” Wallace remembers. “We were both carrying around all of this energy by ourselves, and once we found each other, we were, like, ‘OK, we can relax.’”

The girls’ connection was deepened by a palpable musical affinity, and the two started writing and singing together almost immediately.

Wallace and Ruby were like sisters. Then they became actual sisters.

Wallace shies away from specific details of her home life with her biological mom but describes it as a difficult time of isolation and

unrest, one that ultimately had her seeking deliverance, which she found in her new best friend. Ruby’s parents welcomed Wallace into their home and officially adopted her when she was 1 .

“It 100 percent saved my life,” she says. “It’s when my life really started.”

Even when talking about tough times, Wallace is quick to laugh and break into a million-kilowatt smile that has become a staple of her playful-but-put-together onstage personality. At the gelato shop, though, this is a makeup-free, baseball-capped, freshly rained-on Wallace straight from the gym. Regardless, her smile gives her a star quality, and she flashes it through memories both good and bad, something she perfected as a jovial performer and party animal who was, it turns out, hiding considerable amounts of pain.

But high school with Ruby had its share of good times. Like their sisterly bond, their vocal harmonies came naturally: Their voices — Ruby’s smoky, Wallace’s sweet — intertwined perfectly, as though the two were born to sing together. Performing Simon and Garfunkel-style with Wallace playing guitar, the girls started

landing gigs in the St. Louis area when they were only 15 and 16 years old.

“We had a Post-it Note with four songs on it that I stuck on my knee for our first show, and it ust grew from there,” Wallace recalls.

illed simply as Emily and Ali, the girls attended Winfield High by day and played smoky beer halls by night, driving the twohour round trip to St. Louis three nights a week.

“We played everywhere — bars on the corner, craft bazaars, book stores, pool parties,” she says. “We were 1 years old sitting in the corner playing guitar and singing, like, ‘Landslide’ and shit while these people were trying to party. They were, like, ‘Can you play something we can dance to And we were just these country girls with our Post-it Notes.”

After high school, the sisters said farewell to Winfield and moved to south St. Louis in 2002, continuing to gig constantly, supporting themselves with retail and restaurant jobs while, in Wallace’s words, “trying to make it, whatever that means.” While the music work was steady in those years, Wallace says the duo never quite broke into the established

Emily Wallace and her band will play the Harold & Dorothy Steward Center for Jazz later this month. | COURTESY PHOTO

St. Louis music scene.

“We were hidden in sports bars,” she says. “We would be playing, like, next to a Golden Tee while people were playing the Golden Tee. People weren’t there to hear music.”

From ages 16 to 23, Wallace and Ruby were inseparable — sisters who lived, worked and sang together — which eventually left them feeling overdue for some time apart.

“We needed to branch off and find ourselves separately, Wallace says. So in 2009, the girls took off for different coasts — Wallace to Florida, Ruby to California — but the girls’ singular bond would inevitably pull them together again two years later.

Once back in St. Louis, Wallace and Ruby were determined to redefine the band with a fresh start, throwing themselves into songwriting with a renewed fervency. The hard reboot also came with a name change, as the girls decided to trade their first names for their last: They were now the Rubies.

Not quite satisfied, they decided that their new moniker needed a modifier. According to Wallace, A hurtful thing at past shows had been when we would be on stage pouring our hearts and souls into something and some drunken idiot would come up and say, ‘Can’t you play something upbeat?’” Therefore, to let audiences know what to expect, the duo became the Sleepy Rubies.

“We wanted people to go, ‘These motherfuckers are sleepy!’” Wallace jokes. “’They’re going to be up there nodding off! They might fall off the stage!’ Because it’s going to be slow and heartfelt and full of emotion. That’s the vibe.”

The Sleepy Rubies got on a roll. he duo recorded their first E , 2016’s Great Big Love, backed in the studio by guitarist Jim Peters, bassist hawn Hart, fiddler Mark Hochberg and drummer Tony Barbata, ace musicians who would make up the Sleepy Rubies’ live band. Festivals started calling: They were invited to play the main stages at LouFest and the Open Highway Music Festival, their largest showcases to date. A second E , Big Mountain, arrived in 2018.

he 1 tracks across the two E s finally captured studio-polished recordings of the women’s voices

— Wallace’s buoyant range and wide-open tone, Ruby’s velvety alto and honeyed finesse and their confluent harmonies on a series of elegant ballads and intoxicating folkicana songcraft. Critics loved it.

But just as the duo was gaining serious momentum, they ran into some significant roadblocks. irst, the nature-loving Ruby fulfilled her longtime dream of moving to Colorado. The second obstacle was more serious: “I was a massive drunk,” Wallace says.

For several years, Wallace tended bar in a local tavern, drinking heavily with customers and living a life of well-oiled performances and booze-soaked after parties.

“I’ve always abused alcohol,” she says. “I wasn’t wrecking cars or punching people in the face. ut Ali and have a lot of stories of me being hammered.”

The oft-pickled lifestyle would eventually take a serious toll, even if at times she reveled in the debauchery.

“Look, 250-pound, hilarious, drunken Emily Wallace was a fucking badass,” she says. “She would drink you under the table and beat you at Skee-Ball and hug you and sing you a song, and it was fun. But it was also really miserable.”

Wallace now sees that her boozy life-of-the-party hedonism was masking deep anxieties and unresolved pain from her past, part of an overwhelming desire to hide from her own feelings.

“When you have the amount of trauma that lives inside of my skin, it’s a crushing shame that follows you,” she says. “You don’t even know it’s there because you’ve always suffered.”

The contradictions between her merrymaking persona and her inner turmoil would show up in her songs. Take “South Side Girl” from Big Mountain: “South Side girl drinking five shots of vodka an hour / Working 80 straight bartending hours ou re ust fine / Don’t beat yourself up all the time. ut she wasn t. And she did.

When COVID-19 came, things got even worse.

“When you’re behind the bar taking shots with customers, you’re not really seeing the amount of alcohol that’s going into your body,” she says. But home every night during the lockdown,

Wallace was able to see how much she was actually drinking. “It was two bottles of tequila a day that I was putting into my body,” she says.

With all of her money going to tequila, Wallace was broke, physically wrecked and caught in a continuous loop of drinking to oblivion, waking up with debilitating shame, and repeating as needed.

Then one day it all stopped.

“This sounds like some hokeyass hippie shit,” she says. “But I was driving down Kingshighway. I was super hungover. And heard a voice inside me say, ‘You have to quit drinking.’ It was some sort of promise between myself and the universe or Baby Jesus or Baby Satan or whatever it was. It was a voice that said, ‘If you can give up the booze, we will take care of everything else.’”

hat was August 1 , 2 2 . he hasn’t had a drink since.

Once Wallace got sober, the universe or Baby Jesus or Baby Satan made good on the promise; Wallace’s life fell into order. But perhaps Wallace had something to do with it herself: She replaced tequila with a daily gallon of water, started exercising an hour every day, left bartending behind in favor of focusing on her musical career, experienced an artistic resurgence of songwriting and

painting and lost a whopping 100 pounds.

As a performer, Wallace is everywhere these days — singing with everyone from the Funky Butt Brass Band to Dave Grelle’s Playadors to the Mighty Pines to Sean Canan’s oodoo layers and finding a renewed joy in performing.

“I’m getting it back,” she says. “Because I felt like I had kind of lost it.”

She is also hitting her stride as a solo act. At last month s hillipalooza, the annual holiday festival at Old Rock House, Wallace delivered a powerful solo acoustic performance that left the crowd speechless.

“That set was the best I’ve felt yet,” she says.

Recent single releases — “Best Outta You,” a duet with the late, great Roland Johnson, and the soul-blues banger “My Little Girl” — have brought the best out of Wallace’s blue-diamond voice. She returns to the studio this month with the ambitious goal of releasing a new single every month until her 40th birthday this October.

And the leepy Rubies hey re back too. The duo will join forces with esteemed composer and pianist Adam Maness at a t. Louis this month to perform jazz-based interpretations of Rubies originals with help from members of the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra. The duo are also busy writing new material and have some soon-to-be-announced live dates on the books.

Wallace credits this surge of accomplishments and newfound confidence to simply being kind to herself.

“When you start realizing that days add up, and all you have to do is show up for yourself, it’s just bizarre how your environment and your body and everything just molds to what you’re doing in your mind,” she says.

And with that, Wallace says goodbye and strolls out of the gelato shop and back into the rain-slicked St. Louis night. It’s been another good day added up, and another one waits to be seized tomorrow.

Catch Sleepy Rubies at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, January 27, and Saturday, January 28 at the Harold & Dorothy Steward Center for Jazz (3536 Washington Avenue, 314- 1-6 , jazzstl.org). Tickets are $22 to $27.

n

“ It was some sort of promise between myself and the universe or Baby Jesus or Baby Satan or whatever it was. It was a voice that said, ‘If you can give up the booze, we will take care of everything else.’”

Wakanda Forever Sucked

e film was not a suitable tribute to the late great Chadwick Boseman

Written by ROSALIND EARLY

In August 2020, I was doom scrolling when the news popped across my feed that Chadwick Boseman was dead. I googled it, but there were no obituaries yet, so I texted friends. “Did Chadwick Boseman really die?”

hey confirmed it, and in the next few minutes, so did news organizations. I was shocked when Kobe Bryant died. I was shocked when Robin Williams died. But I didn’t take the deaths personally. It never felt like I had lost something. In other words: I did not cry.

When I saw the photos of Boseman, though, and even now writing about it, my eyes started to burn. I wasn’t even sure why. He played King T’Challa/Black Panther in the film Black Panther, which thought was fine. didn t go see it a bunch of times. I had also seen him in 21 Bridges, which I hadn’t thought much of. So why was I crying?

Part of me thinks the trauma of 2 2 had finally ground me down. It was another loss in a year of so many losses. Not just death but the time we lost together, the trips that were never taken, the events we couldn’t hold. The jobs that were lost. The civility that we threw away without a second thought. Humanity seemed to be teetering on the brink of disaster, and now we’d lost a really good man. Boseman had famously been sick and still working, not telling anyone as he cranked out films about black heroes like Jackie Robinson (42), Thurgood Marshall (Marshall) and James Brown (Get on Up). As the Twitter meme said, Boseman un-

derstood the assignment.

And now he was gone, and I grieved.

But there was something to look forward to. Boseman wasn’t yet gone forever. There was another Black Panther coming out, and that would be our chance to see him one last time and say goodbye.

When the trailer for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever came out and I saw the funeral scene, I was assured this was going to be a fitting tribute. teared up at the beautiful moment when “No Woman No Cry” morphs into “Alright” by Kendrick Lamar. I felt all the things: excitement, Black pride, sadness, joy ... it was going to be hard to wait to see the movie.

hen finally saw Wakanda Forever. he first thing that happens is that Black Panther, a.k.a. King T’Challa, a.k.a. Boseman, dies off-screen of a mysterious illness. We’re in the lab with his sister Shuri (Letita Wright) as she does some crazy (very fake looking) science to try to save him. Then the Marvel logo comes up and it’s all snippets of Boseman as Black Panther. The theater was perfectly silent, and it was the one moment of genuine emotion as we saw exactly what we had lost.

Then we see the beautiful funeral procession and watch Shuri touch her brother s coffin before it is lifted into space and flown away (a little odd). hen the film cuts to black, and it’s one year later.

That’s all we get of Boseman. The studio never pieced together footage so we could have one

more scene with him. This is the same company that CGI’d Samuel L. Jackson’s face so he would look 30 years younger in Captain Marvel, but they couldn t find a few snippets of T’Challa to have him visit Shuri when she went to see the ancestors?

Instead, the rest of the movie becomes a bloated mess about Namor, an underwater god (or something), who wants to wage war with Wakanda because the movie has to be about something ...

Some people probably thought the funeral, where everyone was in their funeral whites and drummers were playing in front of a beautiful mural of Boseman, was enough of a tribute.

I am here to tell you it was not.

I wanted catharsis. I wanted it to feel like a hero had fallen, someone irreplaceable and imbued with such significance, such resonance, that no one knows exactly what to do next.

In a meta way, I got that. Wakanda Forever is definitely a movie in search of a hero (and plot). But the movie has no tension. No deaths really matter, not even T’Challa’s. And you know most of the characters won’t die, like Namor, Shuri, the girl who will be the next Iron Man, and so on. There is one surprise death (no spoilers), but it is framed in such a way that it leaves us feeling nothing.

There are a ton of other problems with the movie. There are two young female scientists in the film, three women acting as bodyguards and two FBI agents. All of these duplicate characters keep

FILM

the runtime bloated, as do all of the long and tensionless action sequences and Namor’s backstory. (Which, as with all underwater storylines, makes less sense the more the movie tries to explain it.)

But that’s not why I’m mad at Wakanda Forever. I’m mad because this was the one chance to pay tribute to Boseman, and we got five minutes at the beginning of the movie and then nothing. Do Marvel folks know what catharsis is? Do they know what it means to lose the first big-screen, franchisecarrying Black action hero?

We needed to see Wakanda fall.

We needed to see them lose their hero and then lose almost everything else when he was gone. We needed to see a country and people lost and pushed to the brink and unsure if they could come back, or how, without their champion.

We needed there to be stakes, and we needed those stakes to be high, dammit.

Because what we really needed to see was a hero to emerge from the chaos and all of the stupid loss. A hero who wasn’t certain that she could save her country, and we needed to root for her, even as we too were uncertain that she could do it.

And then she would win, but at a great cost. It would tell us that even in the midst of a season of loss, even when our hero has fallen, there is still hope. There is still the ability to rise again. And even though we’re in the darkness, we’ll once again have our time in the sun.

Few critics are willing to call the movie bad. (It’s even the topic of a Vulture podcast.) But it is bad. Chadwick Boseman deserved better. n

I can’t stop thinking about how bad Wakanda Forever was. | MARVEL STUDIOS

Do Marvel folks know what catharsis is? Do they know what it means to lose the first big-screen, franchise-carrying Black action hero?

OUT EVERY NIGHT

Each week, we bring you our picks for the best concerts of the next seven days! To submit your show for consideration, visit https://bit.ly/3bgnwXZ. All events are subject to change, especially in the age of COVID-19, so do check with the venue for the most up-to-date information before you head out for the night. Happy showgoing!

THURSDAY 5

KARAOKE WITH SHAGGY SOUNDS: 5 p.m., free. The Attic Music Bar, 4247 S. Kingshighway, 2nd floor, t. Louis, 314-3 6- 313.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 12 N Euclid Ave, t. Louis, 314-36 -3644.

THE MO EGESTON BIRTHDAY SHOW: p.m., 1 . oe s Cafe, 6 14 ingsbury Ave, t. Louis. R DA 6

HUDAI: w At My Worst, Natural High, Warheadd p.m., 13. Red lag, 3 4 Locust treet, t. Louis, 314-2 - .

JACKSON STOKES: 6:3 p.m., 1 - 1 . Central tage, 3 24 Washington Avenue, t. Louis, 314- 33- 36 .

KARAOKE WITH SHAGGY SOUNDS: 1 p.m., 1 . The Attic Music Bar, 4247 S. Kingshighway, 2nd floor, t. Louis, 314-3 6- 313.

MOUNTAIN SPROUT: p.m., 1 - 1 . ld Rock House, 12 . th t., t. Louis, 314- - .

THE OWEN RAGLAND TRIO: p.m., 1 . lue trawberry howroom Lounge, 364 N oyle Ave, t. Louis, 314-2 6-1 4 .

PICKIN BUDS ELECTRIC: 1 p.m., 1 . roadway yster ar, 36 . roadway, t. Louis, 314-621- 11.

SHARON BEAR & THE GOLDEN LICKS: 8 p.m., 1 - 2 . he Dark Room, 361 randel quare inside randel heatre, t. Louis, 314- 6- .

WITH GLEE: w Native tate, Horse Magick, om hanks p.m., 1 . he inkhole, 423 outh roadway, t. Louis, 314-32 -23 .

YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND NIGHT 1: 8 p.m., 2 - . ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 314-4 -6 .

SATURDAY 7

DENISE THIMES: :3 p.m., 2 . lue trawberry howroom Lounge, 364 N oyle Ave, t. Louis, 314-2 6-1 4 .

DIXON’S VIOLIN: p.m., 2 - 2 . Central tage, 3 24 Washington Avenue, t. Louis, 314- 33- 36 .

DOGS OF SOCIETY: ULTIMATE ELTON ROCK TRIBUTE: p.m., 2 - 3 . he ageant, 6161 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

ENEMY OF MAGIC EP RELEASE SHOW: ubtropolis, eashine p.m., 1 . he Heavy Anchor, 226 ravois Ave., t. Louis, 314-3 2- 226.

IRENE ALLEN: w Eric Mc padden, haron ear p.m., 1 . oe s Cafe, 6 14 ingsbury Ave, t. Louis.

JOSE EMILIO GOBBO JAZZ TRIO: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline s, 12 N Euclid Ave, t. Louis, 314-36 -3644.

MISS HY-C & FRESH START: p.m., 2 . he Dark Room, 361 randel quare inside randel heatre, t. Louis, 314- 6- .

ROYCE MARTIN: p.m., 1 - 2 . he ocal oint, 2 2 utton lvd., Maplewood, 314- 6 -2 .

SILVER BULLET: A TRIBUTE TO BOB SEGER: 8 p.m., 2 - 32. Wildey heatre, 2 4 N. Main t., Edwardsville, 61 -6 2- 3 .

STL POLE SHOW: p.m., 2 . Red lag, 3 4 Locust treet, t. Louis, 314-2 - .

VOODOO DOORS: p.m., 1 - 2 . ld Rock House, 12 . th t., t. Louis, 314- - .

WEST END JUNCTION: 11 a.m., free. Evangeline s, 12 N Euclid Ave, t. Louis, 314-36 -3644.

WHITE LIGHTER: p.m., 1 . he Attic Music ar, 424 . ingshighway, 2nd floor, t. Louis,

Enemy of Magic EP Release Show w/ Subtropolis, Seashine

8 p.m. Saturday, January 7. e Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Avenue. $10. 314-352-5226.

Enemy of Magic’s metallic rock feels like some sought-after secret treasure that was found in a chest tucked away in some obscure corridor of the many Missouri caves that rest below St. Louis. The band’s first EP Antimoon dropped in late 2021 with two dark and doomy songs that probably pair nicely with midnight spe-

lunking, or at least play well in the background of your weekly D&D campaign — “Cobramania” is fit for a last boss. With the new Spellbreaker EP, Enemy of Magic iterates on its own blueprint for dark and mystical metal with mighty melodic leads and a dominant, triumphant tone throughout. In this new set of recordings, the band fully realizes the scope hinted at in early recordings, with an obvious levelup in production values courtesy of Ryan Wasoba (of like-minded metal band Thor Axe). The added clarity means that Aaron Kelly’s visceral vocals texturally blend with the skillful gnar of Lindsay Cranmer’s guitar. Joel Stillwell’s proggy bass lines run in

lockstep with thunderous beats by drummer Eli Hindman, who hits those toms earbustingly hard and drives each song with a propulsive thump. To celebrate Spellbreaker’s release, Enemy of Magic takes to the high seas at the Heavy Anchor with two of St. Louis’ most explorative bands in Subtropolis and Seashine.

Pull the String: Speaking of Subtropolis, the river city’s undisputed No. 1 (and maybe only) trash-prog duo unleashed a set of eight brain-bending, riff-heavy hits back in 2021 called Protect From Light that was mastered by Todd Rittman (U.S. Maple, Dead Rider) and that should definitely be on your radar. —Joseph Hess

314-3 6- 313.

YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND NIGHT 2: 8 p.m., 3 - . ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 314-4 -6 .

NDA

MISS JUBILEE & THE YAS YAS BOYS: 11 a.m., free. Evangeline s, 12 N Euclid Ave, t. Louis, 314-36 -3644.

MUSICAL TRIBUTE FOR JEANNE TREVOR: 2 p.m., 2 . he heldon, 364 Washington lvd., t. Louis, 314- 33- .

M NDA

COMEDY SHIPWRECK: w Chad Wallace p.m., free. he Heavy Anchor, 226 ravois Ave., t. Louis, 314-3 2- 226.

MONDAY NIGHT REVIEW: w/ Tim, Danny and Randy p.m., free. Hammerstone s, 2 2 . th t., t. Louis, 314- 3- 6 .

E DA 1

GREG KOCH: p.m., 1 - 2 . ld Rock House, 12 . th t., t. Louis, 314- - . NAKED MIKE: p.m., free. Hammerstone s, 2 2 . th t., t. Louis, 314- 3- 6 .

WEDNE DA 11

JOHN MCVEY BAND: 7 p.m., free. Hammerstone s, 2 2 . th t., t. Louis, 314- 3- 6 .

MARGARET & FRIENDS: 3 p.m., free. Hammerstone s, 2 2 . th t., t. Louis, 314- 3- 6 .

SARAH POTENZA: :3 p.m., 2 - 2 . lue trawberry howroom Lounge, 364 N oyle

Ave, t. Louis, 314-2 6-1 4 .

SORRY PLEASE CONTINUE: p.m., 1 . he Heavy Anchor, 226 ravois Ave., t. Louis, 314-3 2- 226.

VOODOO JGB 1989: p.m., 12. roadway yster ar, 36 . roadway, t. Louis, 314-621- 11.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT JAZZ JAM: 6 p.m., free. he Dark Room, 361 randel quare inside randel heatre, t. Louis, 314- 6- .

C M N

ADAM SANDLER: ri., eb. 1 , :3 p.m., 36.166. . Enterprise Center, 14 1 Clark Ave., t. Louis, 314-241-1 .

ANGEL OLSEN: at., an. 2 , p.m., 34.64. . he actory, 1 1 N uter 4 Rd,

Enemy of Magic. | VIA THE ARTIST

Denise imes

7:30 p.m. Saturday, January 7. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 North Boyle Avenue. $25 to $30. 314-256-1745.

Whether she’s taking the stage in a cool New York jazz club, bringing the house down in Chicago on New Year’s Eve or singing in her hometown of St. Louis, Denise Thimes is becoming a jazz legend in real time. Some might say she’s already there and then some, and it’s hard to argue when Thimes has performed for literal queens and presidents — be sure to ask her about the time she sang for George W Bush at the White House in 2007. She has shared the stage with Wynton Marsalis, toured Paris with renowned jazz saxophonist David Sanborn and was

Chesterfield, 314-423- .

BELLE & SEBASTIAN: hu., May 1 , p.m., 4 . he ageant, 6161 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

THE BOULET BROTHERS’ DRAGULA: Mon., April 24, p.m., 44. - . he ageant, 6161 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

DEBBY LENNON: ue., May , 1 a.m., 2 - 23. he heldon, 364 Washington lvd., t. Louis, 314- 33- .

AN EVENING WITH THE CHURCH: Sat., March 25, 8 p.m., 3 . Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

THE JUDDS: at., eb. 4, :3 p.m., 2 .3 . . Chaifet Arena, 1 . Compton Ave., t. Louis, 314- - .

KEVIN BUCKLEY: ue., March 14, 1 a.m., 223. Wed., March 1 , 1 a.m., 2 - 23. he heldon, 364 Washington lvd., t. Louis, 314- 33- .

KIMBRA: at., eb. 2 , p.m., 2 . Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

THE LEMON TWIGS: at., March 11, p.m., 2 . ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 3144 -6 .

LIZZO: ue., April 2 , p.m., 6. - 126. . Enterprise Center, 14 1 Clark Ave., t. Louis,

even personally picked by Aretha Franklin to sing at the Queen of Soul’s 72nd birthday celebration. So why isn’t Denise Thimes a household name? Well that all depends on who you ask, since her body of work also includes a decorated stage acting career where Thimes has earned eight Woodie Awards for acting and musical performance. Expect the banter and storytelling between the songs to be just as compelling as her adventurous and extensive repertoire of vocal jazz. Theme Music: The theme on this night is “Resolutions!” And while that may be no surprise given the time of the year, Thimes is uniquely equipped to fulfill the kind of inspirational evening one might need to actually follow through on that lofty set of New Year’s resolutions.

—Joseph Hess

314-241-1 .

MORRIS DAY AND THE TIME: Fri., June 2, 8 p.m., 4 - 6 . River City Casino Hotel, River City Casino lvd., t. Louis, 314-3 - .

PARAMORE: un., uly 3 , p.m., 3 . - 133. Enterprise Center, 14 1 Clark Ave., t. Louis, 314-241-1 .

POKEY LAFARGE: ri., May 1 , p.m., 4 - . he heldon, 364 Washington lvd., t. Louis, 314- 33- .

QUASI: ri., March 24, p.m., 2 . ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 314-4 -6 .

THE SADIES: un., eb. 1 , p.m., 22. ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 314-4 -6 .

SHAME: ri., May 26, p.m., 2 . ff roadway, 3 Lemp Ave., t. Louis, 314-4 -6 .

THE SLEEPY RUBIES: W the Adam Maness rio, ri., an. 2 , :3 p.m., 22. a t. Louis, 3 36 Washington Ave, t. Louis, (314) 1-6 .

STRFKR: at., eb. 1 , p.m., 2 . Red lag, 3 4 Locust treet, t. Louis, 314-2 - .

TREVOR NOAH: ri., March 3, p.m., 36.112. tifel heatre, 14 Market t, t. Louis, 314-4 - 6 .

UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA: hu., April 6, p.m., 2 - 3 . he ageant, 6161 Delmar lvd., t. Louis, 314- 26-6161.

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