San antonio current september 9, 2015

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sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 5


FREE San Antonio Current Publisher: Michael Wagner Associate Publisher: Lara Fischer Editor-in-Chief: Hernán Rozemberg

Editorial

Associate Editor: Bryan Rindfuss Interim Art Director: Sarah Flood-Baumann Food & Nightlife Editor: Jessica Elizarraras Music Editor: Matt Stieb Staff Writers: Mark Reagan, Michael Marks Digital Content Editor: Albert Salazar Contributors: Ron Bechtol, D.T. Buffkin, Ainsley Caffrey, Erik Casarez, Murphi Cook, James Courtney, Jade Esteban Estrada, Dan R. Goddard, Lance Higdon, Steven G. Kellman, Kiko Martínez, Jeremy Martin, Jeff Meyers, David Riedel, Melanie Robinson, Heywood Sanders, Gary Sweeney, J.D. Swerzenski, Editorial Interns: Alyssa Cantu, Cameron James, Gabriela Mata, Crystal Poenisch, Shannon Sweet

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22

CONTENTS

37 SCREENS

September 9-15, 2015

Do The Shyamalan Twist Floppy director M. Night Shyamalan lives up to his reputation with The Visit

16 NEWS

43 FOOD

Who Is Virgil Dorie? Homeless woman seems stuck in shelter in perpetuity On Track Push for a new commuter rail line in South Central Texas picks up steam

22 CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

28 ARTS & CULTURE 53

Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth Young and old descend on downtown SA for Alamo City Comic Con

Back To Basics For when foie gras doesn’t cut it, head to Snow Monkey

46 NIGHTLIFE

Highly Aroused Is Paramour living up to the hype? Bottle & Tap School is back in session with BeerSmarts and She’s Crafty Podcast

53 MUSIC Squeeze Me Five can’t-miss acts at this year’s International Accordion Festival

Far From The Marvel-ing Crowd Comic con will feature a concurrent film festival – will people go?

Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

No Nubile Virgin Musician and actress Patricia Vonne’s sinful side

60 ETC.

Kid Con Pint-sized activities at comic con for aspiring superheroes Gwar And Peace New book delves into trial & tribulations of popular band

46

10  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Boricua Bites We’re getting our mayoketchup fix at Luna Rosa

Luck Of The Drawers Lots of local artistic talent will be on display at comic con

X Marks The Spot Josh and Eden Brolin talk to the Current about their short film 43

Hodor! Actor/house DJ Kristian Nairn brings his Rave of Thrones to SA

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Free Will Astrology This Modern World

ON THE COVER

In just its third year, Alamo City Comic Con has grown into one of the country’s largest gatherings of all things geek Illustration by Eric Messinger Art direction by Rick Fisher and Sarah Flood-Baumann


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12  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


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14  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 15


NEWS

MICHAEL MARKS

WHO IS VIRGIL DORIE?

On The Hunt For Homeless Woman’s Enigmatic Identity MICHAEL MARKS/@MICHAELPMARKS

Virgil Dorie carries almost everything she needs with her. Dorie is a round-faced woman who looks to be in her late 60s or early 70s. She collects her long frizzy hair under a cloth, which she tucks behind her head. Her clothes are baggy, a rumpled green polo shirt layered underneath a blue windbreaker. Her frequent smiles reveal just a few precious teeth spread across her gums. Dorie uses a walker, which is laden with plastic bags full of all sorts of supplies: crayons and coloring books, small boxes of Raisin Bran, powdered creamer, Mardi Gras beads. What they don’t contain, and what she truly needs, are any pieces of personal identification. Dorie doesn’t have a driver’s license, a birth certificate, a passport — anything that could prove who she is or where she came from. Her story is a mystery — including to herself. Even her real name remains an enigma. Dorie has a mental illness that has wiped out much of her long-term memory. Coloring helps her focus and retain some lucidity, but she doesn’t remember most of the key facts about her life, making it almost impossible to figure out who she is. That means that for Dorie, homeless for decades and living at Haven for Hope – San Antonio’s 37-acre onestop-shop shelter – the social safety net is riddled with gaping holes. Since she can’t prove her identity, she’s unable to tap into valuable resources available to others in need like her. Dorie’s caseworker, Laurie Ashby, wants to improve her quality of life and help her move out of the shelter, but that’s nearly impossible without the proper documentation. “No one deserves to live in a homeless shelter their entire life,” Ashby said to the San Antonio Current. “Without ID, I can’t get her Social Security, Medicare, insurance, housing, anything.” Many Rumors, Few Facts A few key points of Dorie’s story seem well-defined: She was born in Puerto Rico and moved to New York City at a young age. At some point, probably as an adult, she moved to San Antonio. She has several children, though the exact number is unknown. In Ashby’s office, Dorie ticked off the names of five children on her fingers, two sons and three daughters. But sometimes she says she only has two or three. No 16  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Not much is known about Virgil Dorie. That’s not even her real name. She has been at Haven For Hope homeless shelter for five years.

records of any of them have been located. “I miss them, I haven’t seen them,” she said, her voice trailing off in a high-toned drawl. “Virgil Dorie” is almost certainly not her actual name. Ashby thinks it’s probably “Virginia Torres” or “Maria Torres,” both of which Dorie has called herself. Ashby hypothesizes that the name came from Dorie saying “Virginia Torres,” but her speech, which is muffled or slurred at times, made it sound like “Virgil Dorie” to others and the name stuck. Dorie has lived at Haven since 2010, after staying at the SAMM Shelter on Commerce Street until it closed. Dorie said she likes Haven for the most part, with the exception of sharing a space with so many people. She’s one of the shelter’s longest-lasting clients. “This is a nice place,” she said. “But they have a lot of people in that room.” It’s unclear when Dorie got into town. But she was often seen in and around downtown from the late 1980s through the 1990s. People describe her as a clearly mentally unsettled, gracious but sometimes unpredictable. She’d push an HEB shopping cart around most anywhere she went, stopping by churches and convenience stores, sleeping

under carports or under trees. Rumors abound about who she is, and it seems that everyone who has come across Dorie has a different name for her. John De La Cruz remembered seeing Dorie around his West Side neighborhood as a child. He and his friends would call her la bruja, sometimes fleeing when they saw her. David Ellis, a former San Antonio police officer, first saw Dorie on his regular beat on the East Side in 1985, typically at the intersection of New Braunfels Avenue and Houston Street. But he’d also see her on the West Side some weekends when he moonlighted for a funeral home escorting processions to the cemetery. Ellis heard a rumor that Dorie used to work at an upscale salon in Alamo Heights, but he couldn’t ever substantiate it. He called her “Ruby,” a name he heard other cops use. Margaret Sandoval, 58, knew Dorie as “Minnie.” Sandoval worked near downtown in the 1990s and she would see Dorie near where the San Antonio Police Department headquarters now sits on South Santa Rosa Avenue. Sandoval said she couldn’t remember having a conversation with Dorie, but she would always smile and say hello.


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SPECIALIZING IN: “She was there everyday,” Sandoval recalled. “There were other people who would take her food and she would smile and say ‘Thank you.’ She’s such a sweet person.” Occasionally, Sandoval would buy her a taco or tea from Bill Miller’s. One winter, she brought Dorie a coat and some shoes. Sandoval said that Dorie’s cart once contained papers with names and addresses of Dorie’s family in New York. Sandoval tried to contact Dorie’s daughter but had no luck. Those papers, like other clues to Dorie’s real identity, have vanished. Clueless With clues from the community leading to dead ends, Ashby turned to investigators from Kelmar Global, a San Antonio-based private investigation company, to find leads on Dorie’s identity or family. Marie Patton, a senior investigator at Kelmar, worked on Dorie’s case off and on for several months but didn’t unearth anything new. The lack of leads presented a tough challenge. Patton started by looking for people with the name “Dorie Miller” but found no matches. She then looked for connections through the last name “Torres,” in New York City, but found too many to parse through. “I did a lot of searching online to find some kind of connection, something,”

Patton said. “It was virtually impossible.” The case was so opaque that Patton suggested that Dorie might know more than she let on so that she could continue to stay at Haven. “We were going down rabbit holes that weren’t doing us any good. I said ‘I can’t help any longer because we’re not getting the truth,’” Patton said. “She was hiding on purpose and not telling them the truth on purpose so they would continue to take care of her.” Staff at Haven didn’t reach the same conclusion. They said that her social skills and short-term memory have made great strides since coming to the shelter. She used to be standoffish, bordering on bitter, but now she’s opened up, they insisted. Ashby said that in the past, she wasn’t sure if Dorie could remember her name. Now she can remember appointments set days before. She’s quick with a hello to staff and residents alike. “Everyone knows her. She’s very loved here. People take care of her, they protect her,” Ashby said. “In some ways she’s become a fixture here.” But the goal is still for Dorie to become as self-sufficient as possible. Some days that goal seems more attainable than others. As Dorie scooted down Frio Street with her walker, bags dangling all around her and coloring books at the ready, she already seemed quite independent. mmarks@sacurrent.com

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18  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


NEWS

ON TRACK Momentum Gains For Commuter Rail Line Between SA And Austin MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

Anybody who has driven between San Antonio and Austin knows full well that between crazy drivers, accidents and traffic, chances are you end up wanting to pull your hair out. Could all that soon come to an end? Well, no. But odds are good that the experience could soon turn more pleasant. The remedy has been in the works for more than two decades but it’s just now apparently coming to fruition. The proposal is for a commuter train running through Central Texas – starting in San Antonio – that could divert 10 percent of I-35’s weekly traffic, according to Joe Black, Lone Star Rail District director. That’d mean 18,000 fewer cars off one of the country’s most congested roadways. The Lone Star Rail District is a public agency without taxing authority created by the Texas Legislature in 2003 – the main driver of turning the commuter rail concept from theory into reality. No easy task, given that the idea was a pipedream for years. But if San Antonio City Council approves a line-item budget amendment this month of nearly $500,000 for the rail district, the envisioned line between San Antonio and Georgetown will finally seem on track. “San Antonio’s support will allow us to accelerate the public-private partnership,” Black told the San Antonio Current. “We want to be ready to award a contract after the environmental impact statement decision.” That process started last year and should be completed in 2017. Black has spent this year courting San Antonio, VIA Metropolitan Transit, Alamo Community Colleges, Bexar County, Georgetown, Schertz and New Braunfels. The rail line – which would run on existing Union Pacific tracks parallel to I-35 – would have split funding: One-third

from San Antonio, another one-third from Austin and the rest by smaller cities along the route, such as San Marcos. “All the work has been done using federal and state grants at this point … those run out after awhile,” Black explained. “It’s never a sure thing that you’re going to get several million dollars laid on you when you ask.” Lone Star Rail has also asked Bexar County and VIA Metropolitan Transit to allocate $500,000 toward start-up costs as well. However, the rail district’s current funding plan has a $44 million gap. Peter Zanoni, a San Antonio deputy city manager, said the rail agency is asking the city for a 36-year funding commitment to be met in part by using property taxes. The city is behind the project but is taking a cautious approach, leaving itself an out in case leaders decide they don’t like the way it turns out, Zanoni said. But say everything does go according to plan. Even then, we’re talking years in the making. “It’s not as far as people think it is,” Black said, adding that if the environmental impact statement comes back by 2017, design would start in Two decades in the making: Will the dreadful SA-Austin I-35 commute be alleviated with a new rail line? 2018 and construction could begin in 2019 or 2020. universities are just one to five miles away UTSA’s downtown campus, Loop 410 at “I think it would take from proposed stops, which would be the airport, Texas State University in San between two served by a shuttle system. Marcos and downtown Austin. and three years to do the entire thing,” “There are 300,000 students, faculty “This will open up opportunities for Black said. and staff that could take advantage of that students to go to Texas State and backA commuter train connecting San transportation mode,” Black said. “It’s not and-forth up the line,” Viagran said. “It Antonio to the college enclave of San a panacea, but it can do a lot to change will open up … freedom of mobility to get Marcos and various smaller cities in how we think about living and working.” from the southern sector to downtown to between would drastically change the Councilwoman Rebecca Viagran north of San Antonio in just a matter of face of transportation in South Central represents San Antonio on the Lone Star minutes without concern,” she added. Texas, allowing college students to easily Rail’s board of directors. It has been a slowly evolving project move through the corridor and provide “I think we’re closer now than we’ve ever involving many moving parts, but it now work commuters a way to avoid seemingly been and I think we’ve had more people seems closer than ever to actually getting constant road nightmares. being serious about it,” Viagran said. off the ground. “It would do a few really beneficial One of the planned hubs for the “We know it’s long investment,” things for commuters,” Black suggested. commuter train would be on the South Viagran said. “But it’s an investment “It’s a lot more reliable than the highway. Side near Texas A&M University-San for generations.” It will actually be faster during peak times Antonio. Students could take the train to take the train than to drive.” all the way to Georgetown, with stops at mreagan@sacurrent.com He also pointed out that multiple sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 19


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THU

10

David Peche

FRI-SAT

ART

San Antonio artist, arts mentor, technical illustrator and graphic designer David Peche creates vivid, eye-catching works that are bursting with intense color and hallmarked by the kind of ultra-clean lines you might expect from someone who makes his living in graphic design. His totem/ logo-like artwork typically focuses on a single central subject, often an animal, skull or humanoid face, which is embellished with fine line detail work and emotive channels of color. Thursday evening, catch the opening of his new solo exhibition, which runs through December 4. Free, 4-6pm, Moody Learning Center (4th Floor), San Antonio College, 1300 San Pedro Ave., (210) 486-0577. — James Courtney

11-12

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial in Concert

MUSIC

Thirty-three years ago, Steven Spielberg’s film following the friendship between a lonely boy named Elliot and a stranded extraterrestrial took this planet by storm. Now, audiences of all ages can experience the magic of E.T. set to live music as the San Antonio Symphony performs John Williams’ Oscar-winning score in sync with the film. Allegedly based on Spielberg’s own imaginary friend created in the wake of his parents’ divorce, the film stars an adorable Drew Barrymore and San Antonio’s own Henry Thomas. This event is one you’ll definitely want to phone home about. $25-$65, 8pm Fri, 7pm Sat, The Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-3333, sasymphony.org. — Murphi Cook

22  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

FRI-SUN

11-13

Master Class THEATER

Inspired by a series of classes real-life opera diva Maria Callas gave at Juilliard in the ’70s, Terrence McNally’s Master Class follows an imagined class as the singer spirals into recollections of triumphs and trials. Callas built her storied career on a voice some considered ugly, with one critic noting, “for all its natural lack of varnish, velvet and richness, this voice could acquire such distinctive colors and timbres as to be unforgettable.” Vanity would be her downfall and after immense weight loss, her frail frame could no longer support her famous voice. $10-$25, 8pm Fri-Sat, 3pm Sun, The Classic Theatre, 1924 Fredericksburg Rd. (210) 589-8450, classictheatre.org. — MC

SAT

12

One Man Breaking Bad THEATER

Despite the fact that AMC’s highly regarded series Breaking Bad ended nearly two years ago, for some, symptoms of withdrawal persist. And for that, there’s LA actor Miles Allen. In One Man Breaking Bad – The Unauthorized Parody, Allen singlehandedly zips through all 60 episodes of the high-school chemistry teacher-turned meth dealer saga in only 75 minutes. Featuring spot on impersonations of beloved characters including Walter White, Jesse, Saul and Walt Junior, the R-rated homage has been described as “a love letter to fans of the series.” $35, 4pm & 8pm, Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org. — MC


MARC AREVALO SAT

12

‘Je Suis Une Femme’ FASHION

Last year about this time, Leighton Whittington raised more than a few eyebrows with “Salvation,” a début collection and (literal) big reveal spiked with Catholic references and styling choices one might label as NSFW. Far from a sophomore slump, Whittington’s follow-up sees the former ballet dancer and model spinning inspiration from Givenchy and YSL into wearable looks made from luxe French fabrics. Rendered in a palette reminiscent of the French flag, “Je Suis Une Femme” premieres at Brick with a presentation bookended by live performances of Édith Piaf classics. $25-$35, cocktail hour at 7pm, show at 8:15pm, Brick, 108 Blue Star, (210) 884-8019, leightonw.com. — Bryan Rindfuss

SAT

12

Una Noche en la Gloria SPECIAL EVENT

The wild brainchild of Gabriel Quintero Velasquez, Una Noche en la Gloria has united artists, poets, musicians and fashionistas since its 2009 launch. Moved from October to September to cap off Avenida Guadalupe’s Diez y Seis de Septiembre festivities (9 a.m.-5 p.m. at 1327 Guadalupe St.), the multidisciplinary block party takes over 20-plus West Side venues with exhibits and performances leading up to the ever-imaginative Runway en la Calle (10:30 p.m.). Billed as the “most liberating runway event of the year,” the 2015 edition showcases designers Agosto Cuellar, Angelin de Carlo and Echo Higuchi, among others. Free, 5-11:30pm, S. Brazos St. at Guadalupe St., lagloriaarts.com. — BR

SAT

12

‘A Collection of Silence’ ART

Through a mix of styles — including photography, installation, drawing and painting — Houstonbased artist Lisa Qualls explores identity, especially as constructed by relationships, cultural memory and place. In her latest exhibition and her first solo show in SA, Qualls takes aim at her own history. Entitled “A Collection of Silence,” the exhibition lays bare the artist’s memory of several journeys through the sublime landscape of Louisiana. Retracing her mental and physical steps, Qualls investigates the interplay of the natural and the man-made and the combined effect they have on us. Free, 2-5pm, French & Michigan Gallery, 115 Michigan Ave., (210) 378-0961, frenchandmichigan.com. — JC

MON

14

Amber Tamblyn and Derrick Brown WORDS

When a duo of celebrated young writers hit the road on a jaunt dubbed the “Lazers of Sexcellence 5.0 Motorcycle and Poetry Tour,” you know they’re trying to turn a few heads. Such is just the case with actress and poet Amber Tamblyn and poet Derrick Brown’s current reading tour, which hits Viva Tacoland Monday. The idea, in this case, seems to showcase the pair’s respective works in an attentiongrabbing manner, designed to draw more young people to their work. And, based on the strength of their recent work, Brown’s Our Poison Horse and Tamblyn’s Dark Sparkler, it seems like a noble cause. Free, 8pm, Viva Tacoland, 103 W Grayson St., (210) 734-9673, geminiink.org. — JC

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CALENDAR

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10

Luz María Sánchez and Cruz Ortiz

Conceived by artist, collector and philanthropist Linda Pace (1945-2007) as a “laboratory of dreams” to facilitate artistic experimentation and growth, Artpace has played a key role in establishing San Antonio as a destination for contemporary art. Since opening its doors in 1995, the institution has welcomed upwards of 200 artists into its revered residency program while challenging artists and viewers alike with thought-provoking exhibitions. Reflecting on its 20th anniversary, Artpace brings former residents Luz María Sánchez and Cruz Ortiz back into the fold for a “re-imagining [of] iconic exhibitions.” During her summer 2006 residency, Guadalajara native Sánchez mined the complexities of the U.S.-Mexico border through an installation combining a bench, an assemblage of clothes and personal items collected on the banks of the Rio Grande and a sound piece likened to a “roll call” for 2,487 people who died crossing the border. Working between printmaking, performance and video, local mainstay Cruz Ortiz has developed an instantly recognizable aesthetic inhabited by kooky characters, witty Spanglish phrases (Te Quiero A Lot Mamacitas) and distinctly Tex-Mex references. The creative mind behind Snake Hawk Press and the playfully designed Absolut Texas bottle, Ortiz returns to Artpace with two previous exhibitions to draw from — a 2002 Window Works installation and spring 2005 residency. Free, 6-9pm, Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave., (210) 212-4900, artpace.org. — Bryan Rindfuss

Art

Art opening: “Barrio de Barro: Reclamando y Recordando el Westside de San Antonio” The Esperanza celebrates the 20th anniversary of its West Side clay cooperative MujerArtes with an exhibit touching on issues of gentrification, urban renewal, immigration, cultural heritage and preservation. Free, 6-10pm Saturday; Esperanza Peace & Justice Center, 922 San Pedro Ave., (210) 228-0201.

Free, 7-10pm Saturday; Dock Space Gallery, 107 Lone Star Blvd., (210) 723-3048.

Art opening: “Fred Sandback Prints From The 1970s” Lawrence Markey’s 10th solo presentation for Fred Sandback (1943– 2003) focuses on the late sculptor’s graphic print works. Often employing his own sculptural works as points of departure, Sandback’s prints (encompassing everything from etching and lithography to wood engraving and silkscreens) reveal an artist fully engaged with the subjective qualities accessible in graphic media. Free, 5-7pm Thursday; Lawrence Markey, 311 Sixth St., (210) 228-9966.

Art opening: “Contact” In “Contact,”

San Antonio artist Jayne Lawrence explores the moment of connection between seemingly disparate entities via meticulously crafted drawings and mixedmedia works. Using familiar symbols, Lawrence conjoins human anatomy with insect and plant life to create forms frozen in suspended animation. “Contact” opens in tandem with North Carolina artist Stephanie Liner’s “Momentos of a Doomed Construct” and the Fotoseptiembre exhibitions “Real Lyric” and “From Darkroom to Daylight.” Free, 6-8pm Thursday; Southwest School of Art, 1201 Navarro St., (210) 200-8250.

Art opening: Daniela Riojas Dock Space Gallery showcases the work of Daniela Riojas, a multimedia artist who runs the local photography and media business ZaaZaa Productions and also fronts the avant-garde electronic band Femina-X.

Art opening: ”Standard View” A recent

graduate of Texas State University, San Antonio photographer Charlie Kitchen explores the possibilities afforded by the traditional medium with his physical manipulation of the photographic process. Kitchen masks large format film inside his camera so that the image may be “treated as a space in which structures and landscapes can be designed and constructed using the photographic referent.” Free, 7-11pm Saturday; S.M.A.R.T. Project Space, 1906 S. Flores St., (210) 748-3181.

Art opening: ”The Altered Landscape”

24  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Human beings are beautiful and disgusting creatures. When examined at macro and micro levels, our relationship with the planet we live on reflects this paradox in

MON

14

Tom Green

Sidelined from making his stand-up début in San Antonio in late June because of a serious spider bite that kept him hospitalized in Canada for an entire week, comedian Tom Green, best known for his hilariously immature antics on MTV’s The Tom Green Show in the late ’90s, has healed up nicely and will take the stage to deliver what he says is sure to be a “crazy, fun, high-energy show.” Along with his return to stand-up, which he put on the backburner to pursue film and TV work at the height of his career, Green has been busy transforming himself into a brand. From his interactive subscription-based internet talk show Webovision to The Tom Green Radio Show (technically a podcast) to reaching his fan base by going live on social media and exhibiting an obvious addiction to donuts, Green is taking command of every platform he can find. “I consider what I’m doing right now to be the future of comedy,” Green, 44, told the San Antonio Current during a follow-up phone interview last month. “I feel like we’re doing something that’s on the cusp of becoming very mainstream.” $20, 7pm, River Center Comedy Club, 849 E. Commerce St., (210) 2291420, rivercentercomedyclub.com. — Kiko Martinez striking ways. In this brilliant and haunting new group exhibition, Clamp Light invites you to ponder this dichotomy. Featuring work from 12 national artists, the exhibit provides unusual and poetic perspectives on the way that humans leave our mark on the natural spaces we manipulate and inhabit. With these works, devoid of any actual human presence, we are forced to consider the legacy left by our interventions in the natural world. Free, 7-10pm Friday; Clamp Light Artist Studios & Gallery, 1704 Blanco Rd., (512) 569-8134.

Art opening: “What Once Was” Exhibition Opening Photographer

Annette Crawford steps away from her usual hangouts (live music venues) to train her lens on structures that have been forgotten, abandoned and ignored. Free, 4:30-7:30pm Thursday; Debra Benditz Art Studios, 237 W. Travis St., Suite 103, (512) 588-2606.

Theater

Bon Appétit and Gallantry Drawing

inspiration from the 1950s, this double bill presented by Opera Piccola of San Antonio pairs Lee Hoiby’s Bon Appétit! (starring Laura Mercado-Wright as iconic American chef and TV personality Julia Child) and Douglas Moore’s Gallantry (starring Susan Olson, April Hufty, Heath Martin and Rick Novak as actors taping an episode of a hospital soap opera). Directed by Cynthia Stokes, both operas are sung

in English with accompaniment from a full orchestra conducted by Kirstin Roach. $15-$50, 8pm Saturday, 2:30pm Sunday; Carver Community Cultural Center, 226 N. Hackberry St., (210) 314-6696.

Don Quixote Bringing together the

passionate, soulful cultures of Spain and India, the Sahrdaya Foundation premieres its 21st-century stage adaptation of Miguel de Cervantes’ 17th-century novel Don Quixote. Directed and choreographed by Bharatanatyam exponent Sheejith Krishna, the production combines poetry, music, dance and theater to unfold the timeless tale with universal relevance. $29-$110, 7:30pm Sunday; Charline McCombs Empire Theatre, 226 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 226-2891.

The Magicians Agency Over the past

two decades, UK native Scott Pepper’s fine-tuned his signature blend of magic, illusions and comedy in venues across Europe and aboard many a Disney Cruise Line. The touring entertainer’s latest combines sleight of hand tricks, daring escapes and audience participation in a kid-friendly spectacle surrounding a secret society of magicians who use their skills “to take on dangerous missions and make the world a safer place.” $10-$15, 7pm Saturday-Sunday, Magik Theatre, 420 S. Alamo St., (210) 227 2751.


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CALENDAR

Words

Familiar Institutions: B(l)ack Talk featuring Khadijah Queen Gemini

Ink and the Southwest School of Art co-host a free evening of art and poetry with celebrated African-American poet Khadijah Queen. In addition to a reading from Queen’s forthcoming book Fearful Beloved, the event includes a talk by African-American art historian Deborah Roberts, a spoken-word performance by Andrea “Vocab” Anderson and an exhibit featuring six female visual artists who created works in response to Queen’s poetry. Free, 6:30pm Friday; Russell Hill Rogers Lecture Hall, Southwest School of Art, 1201 Navarro St., (210) 734-9673.

Comedy

Finesse Mitchell The reward for being

a Saturday Night Live cast member, according to Finesse Mitchell — a notyet-ready-for-primetime player from 2003-2006 best known for donning drag as Starkeisha and impersonating a handful of black celebrities — is becoming “snap famous.” As in, people recognize him, but snap their fingers as they try to recall who the hell he is. His sketch comedy abilities may still be woefully under-tested, but as a stand-up, Mitchell is undeniably talented, using self-deprecating anecdotes as a launchpad for targeting serious issues such as the failings of the public school system and the effects of institutionalized racism and he’s not afraid to let the room get quiet or make white audience members look around to make sure it’s OK to laugh. $18.50, 8pm & 10:15pm Friday-Saturday, 8pm Sunday; Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805.

Special Events

Woodlawn Theatre’s Second Annual Deco Gala Local TV personality Cleto

Rodriguez emcees this Art Deco-inspired dinner fundraiser with an open bar, live entertainment and a silent auction. $130, 6-11pm Saturday; Old San Francisco Steakhouse, 10223 Sahara Dr., (210) 827-4283.

honeybee rescue and what it takes to be a beekeeper and harvest honey. $3-$6, 10-11:30am Saturday; Friedrich Wilderness Park, 21395 Milsa Dr., RSVP requested by emailing nicole.mcleod@ sanantonio.gov or calling (210) 207-3782.

Anti-Semitism: The Global Resurgence of an Ancient Scourge As part of its Fall Distinguished Speaker Series, World Affairs Council of San Antonio welcomes Rabbi Steve Gutow for a discussion about the recent resurgence of anti-Semitism and its implications for international relations. $15-$25, 5:307:30pm Thursday; Temple Beth-El, 211 Belknap Pl., (210) 308-9494.

Architecture Connects The UTSA College

of Architecture, Construction and Planning’s 2015-16 Speaker Series kicks off with a presentation by Toshiko Mori, an architect and Harvard professor who founded VisionArc — a think-tank designed to mobilize design initiatives for a more sustainable future. Free, 5:30pm Wednesday; Aula Canaria Lecture Hall, Buena Vista Building, UTSA Downtown Campus, 501 W. Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., (210) 458-3121.

Climate Change: Facts, Fictions & What It Means to Texas In conjunction with

its 2015 Art-Sci Symposium, the Land Heritage Institute welcomes renowned climatologist Dr. Katharine Hayhoe. Named one of TIME magazine’s 100 Most Influential People for her work as a climate scientist, communicator and “environmental evangelist,” Hayhoe is an associate professor at Texas Tech University, part of the Department of Interior’s South-Central Climate Science Center and founder of ATMOS Research — an organization dedicated to providing non-profit, industry and government clients with relevant, state-of-the-art information on how climate change will affect our lives. $10-$17.50, 7:30pm Friday; Coates Chapel, Southwest School of Art, 300 Augusta St., (210) 224-2518.

The Price is Right Live! The Tobin invites

contestants and guests to “come on down” for three interactive stage shows complete with classic TPIR games and prizes — including appliances, vacations and (quite possibly) a new car! $26-$44, 3pm & 7pm Sunday; Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624.

Talks Plus

A Day in the Life of an Urban Beekeeper Laura Salazar of Honey Love Bee Removal sheds light on

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ARTS + CULTURE

s k e e G t

i r e h n I l l Sha h t r a E e h T

s w o r G on C c i m o C In y r t e i d C n o e t Al am tional Con s Into Na st Three Year Ju

It didn’t take long to recruit former SA city councilman and current State Rep. Diego Bernal as a major backer of Alamo City Comic Con three years ago when he heard event founder and director Apple de la Fuente’s plans to produce a top-tier production. Although he admits he had some trouble convincing some of his colleagues that ACCC was going to be as huge as he and de la Fuente imagined, Bernal had no doubt in his mind the downtown event would bring out the masses. “I was sold when Apple told me the level of comic book talent that was coming,” Bernal, a self-described comic book geek, told the San Antonio Current. “Clearly, there is an audience and an appetite for this kind of programming. I think the rapid growth of ACCC in the first two years really hammered that home.” According to de la Fuente, attendance at the inaugural ACCC in 2013 hit 35,000. Last year, attendance doubled to 73,000. This weekend, de la Fuente estimates 90,000 to 100,000 participants will walk through the halls of the convention center, many dressed up as their favorite comic book and pop culture characters. To put it in perspective, assuming de la Fuente’s numbers are correct, SA’s third annual convention would rank it as the country’s seventh-largest comic con and would do in attendance what it took the San Diego ComicCon International – the country’s largest – 34 years to accomplish, according to attendance statistics dug up on that event by the Los Angeles Times. San Diego topped 130,000 last year. “The fast rise of ACCC surprised me at first, but Apple and his crew put a lot of hard work into this convention,” said retired SA-based comic book artist Sam de la Rosa, who declined to give his age and who started his career working with Marvel and DC Comics in 1982. “I can see ACCC growing in the same way as San Diego. That’s how much people in San Antonio love comics.” Vanessa López, 28, adjunct instructor and costume shop supervisor in the theater arts department at the University of the Incarnate Word, has attended the first two ACCCs and can’t wait for her third. For López, three convention days means devising

28  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

KIKO

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three separate costumes. This year, she will dress as Headmistress Minerva McGonagall from the Harry Potter franchise, Storm from the X-Men: The Animated Series and Snow White. “No matter what you are into, there is a large group of people here who are into the exact same thing,” López gushed. “For one weekend a year, this is the place to come let loose and celebrate all of those things without fear of judgment or ridicule from those who might consider what we do ‘childish.’” Rose Jackson, a local retail consultant for Sprint, is also ready to attend ACCC this year and plans to go as Han Solo from Star Wars because she’s too giddy about the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Con Awakens, coming out in December. Compaiscs); y t i C She loves the fact that the term (1-day l a mo nuaplasAs, 3-10); $3-$0-$35400 (VIP packaagmes–)6pm Sun n A “geek” doesn’t hold the same d r 3 $15 (child dge); $300 8pm Sat, 11 rket St. negative connotation it once did E. Ma 0am– -day ba $75 (3 m–8pm Fri, 1 Center | 200 a n 1 o 1 ti when the comic culture wasn’t as | n .com onve 1-13 Sept. 1 B. Gonzalez C ocitycomiccon mainstream as it is today. alam Henry “Before comic cons, geeks were often made fun of or overlooked just for liking things out of the norm,” said Jackson, 21. “Thankfully, geeks are coming together more and more at spectacular shows like ACCC. Now, we encourage each other to admit their geeky pleasures and fully and shamelessly express themselves.” The result of that encouragement is something Bernal sees all the time, even working as a government official. Although some people might stereotype a comic book devotee as someone acting younger, likely immature and less in tune with the world around them, Bernal knows there are geeks all across San Antonio representing all walks of life. It’s one of the main reasons he remained confident ACCC would flourish so quickly. “Sure, there will always be the comic book geeks in high school and college, but they’re not the only ones,” Bernal pointed out. “Sometimes I’ll be sitting at breakfast with guys in the San Antonio Police Department or talking to people at the Chamber of Commerce and someone on staff will be wearing Superman cufflinks or have a Green Lantern iPhone cover. We’re everywhere.”


ARTS + CULTURE

e h T f O k c Lu s r e Draw s Exhibiting rtist c Con A l a c At Lo Comi A Look Al a mo City At

Creating a comic book is a complex process involving many moving parts. At the heart of it all is sheer creativity and imagination. This weekend’s Alamo City Comic Con will offer local comic book artists a chance to show their work to thousands of convention-goers. Event organizers are literally taking a page out of the granddaddy of geek central, San Diego Comic-Con

International – with a twist. While San Diego features an “Artists’ Alley” for local exhibitors, San Antonio offers “Artists Blvd.,” deemed a semantic upgrade. “An alley is for rats and trash, not for artists,” said Apple de la Fuente, CEO and founder of ACCC. “Artists belong on the Main Street of comic con.” Here’s a look at four San Antonio comic book artists who refuse to be left in the shadows.

Austin Rogers, 34 • Guardian Knight Comics De la Fuente recently launched his new comic book publishing company, Guardian Knight Comics. He has recruited some talented individuals into his growing army of nerds. One of them is Austin Rogers, who helped GKC release the first issues of the company’s first two comic books last month – Sanitarium and Gears & Bones. Originally from Crawford, Texas, Rogers started with a few indie grindhouse projects but decided to go full time on comics in 2010. “[GKC ] is looking to explore all genres and make comics fun again,” he said. “We just want to have the freedom to explore.” Other titles GKC is planning to reveal in the future include Moon Streak, Savage Sasquanaut and Ghost Agents. For Rogers, it’s all about creating something no one has ever seen before. “I don’t think many people would pass up the opportunity to do something with Marvel or DC, but I wouldn’t want to come in as an artist drawing Wolverine,” he said. “I’d want to create something different.”

Sam de la Rosa • Semi-retired An elder statesman of the comic book world, de la Rosa remembers always drawing dinosaurs and undersea life when he was in elementary school in the 1960s. Then he discovered comic books. “I liked the colorful characters and great costumes and fantastic superpowers,” de la Rosa told the Current. “Superheroes were just more fun to draw.” After studying art at San Antonio College, de la Rosa took a job at Lackland Air Force Base as an illustrator. His love for comic books, however, was too strong. De la Rosa’s big break in the industry came in 1982 when he was hired as a finishing artist for DC Comics and Marvel. During that time, he worked on Action Comics and various Spider-Man comics. He also contributed to comic books featuring characters such as Venom, Iron Man, Daredevil, Indiana Jones and Predator, among many others. “There’s hardly a character I haven’t worked on at some time or another,” he said. Although he considers himself retired, de la Rosa occasionally pulls out his sketchbook and draws something for independent publications.

Joe Wight, 46 • Antarctic Press Originally from Spokane, Washington, Joe Wight moved to San Antonio 23 years ago when Antarctic Press invited him to work in its studios while he self-published his comic book Twilight X. His love for comics started when he was 6 after seeing a 1967 episode of Star Trek called The Doomsday Machine. “It was my favorite episode, so I sat down with a big pad of paper and drew whatever I could remember,” Wight said. Over the years with Antarctic, Wight has created and illustrated a number of comic books including Arclight, Last Zombie and Planet of the Living Dead. He’s also worked as an independent artist for Dark Horse Comics and its Star Wars manga adaptations. Currently, Wight is creating the second comic book of a series called Steambusters, a steampunk and Ghostbusters mashup. “Comic books are the last place for creation,” he said. “With television and film, sometimes there are too many people getting in the way of telling a story. Comic books are the last storytelling medium that is pure.”

Juan Carlos Ramos, 40 Freelancer

As a senior at Harlandale High School in the early 1990s, Ramos realized his work as an artist might be something that could make a few waves and earn him a few bucks. Ramos said he almost got expelled for designing an unauthorized T-shirt that depicted the HHS Indian mascot decapitating the mascots of rival schools. “Other students would actually pay me money to do these designs,” Ramos said. “They were a little on the bloody side, but it was a turning point for me as an artist. I saw there was a commercial aspect to my work.” Since then, Ramos has gone on to do work for high-profile companies such as Hasbro, Midway, New Line Entertainment and Lucasfilm. Some of the most satisfying things he’s done are create rare hand-drawn sketch cards that are randomly inserted into trading card packages and distributed worldwide. These include sets like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Transformers and TV’s Heroes. Currently, Ramos is writing and illustrating a children’s rhyming book called Soluna. CONTINUED ON PAGE 31 ►

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ARTS + CULTURE

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NO NUBILE VIRGIN She makes appearances in Sin City and Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, but a couple of movies just weren’t enough for San Antonio’s own, musician and actress, Patricia Vonne. She plays Dallas (aka Zorro Girl), one of the members of the vigilante group known as the Girls of Old Town. With permission from Sin City creator Frank Miller, Vonne, sister of SA-born filmmaker Robert Rodriguez, now stars in her own short film Zorro Girl in Dead Man’s Alley, which will be featured at this weekend’s Alamo City Film Festival. The San Antonio Current spoke to Vonne about her title role and how much she enjoys playing a symbol of female empowerment. You were sort of born to play this character, weren’t you? I used to dress up like Zorro Girl for Halloween as a kid! (Laughs) Frank recognized me from the screen test ... He was like, ‘You’d be perfect for one of my characters!’ It wasn’t until I went to the fitting when I

SA’s Patricia Vonne On Her Admiration For Her Sin City Character

saw a picture of [Zorro Girl] on the wall. I immediately said, ‘Is that going to be me? If it is, let me go home because I have that exact same outfit in my wardrobe!’ (Laughs) With my Guitars and Castanets album, that was my outfit. How did this short film come about? I just took a chance and asked Frank, ‘Do you think I could do a short film with [Zorro Girl]?’ I thought it would be a travesty if I didn’t ask. I cared so much about her. So, he said yes and then he saw the film and said yes again! Do you think Zorro Girl is someone who should be admired for being a strong female character or do you think her violent nature takes away from that strength? Well, I definitely didn’t want to make her a nubile virgin. (Laughs) She’s an Old Town girl! I wanted to take that character and give her that edge. I think

we’re onto something with these kinds of positive role models. I think girls these days need that. There is violence but I look at it like someone would with Rocky. So, how much of the fight scene in this short film is you actually kicking butt and how much is just good editing? (Laughs) We rehearsed for a month and I took martial arts classes. I took some classes on stunts and how to make punches look real. My strong point is how well I can kick. It was so fun to incorporate what I was good at. I was so proud to not have a stunt double! Zorro Girl in Dead Man’s Alley will screen at the Alamo City Film Festival on Friday, Sept. 11, at 3:30pm during Short Block B, which includes nine short films. Tickets for Short Block B are $7. For our full interview with Patricia Vonne, visit sacurrent.com. CONTINUED ON PAGE 33 ►

sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 31


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ARTS + CULTURE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 31

Marks The Spot

Acting Into A g in n r u T n O n Brol in Josh A nd Ede

While driving through Beverly Hills longing for a road trip through the desert, Academy Awardnominated actor Josh Brolin (Milk) suddenly pulled off to the side of the road and began writing the script for his 2008 short film X, which would become his directorial début. In X, a convicted felon escapes from prison and takes his teenage daughter (Eden Brolin, Josh’s reallife daughter) into the desert in search of the body of her slain mother so they can give her a proper burial. The San Antonio Current caught up last month with Josh and Eden, whose film will be showcased at this weekend’s Alamo City Film Festival.

Fa mily Affa ir

want to be an actor? Be a lawyer.’ I heard his dad say that to him, too. The rejection factor was always the big thing for me. Eden Brolin: The conversation we had makes sense now, especially coming from a parent who is an actor. JB: Yeah, why do you want to go through the torture, even if you are successful?

JB: I don’t think you need to go through hell to value something. I know in my experience … there were sketchy moments before No Country For Old Men, American Gangster and Milk happened. Suddenly, after 22 years, people were like, ‘Oh my God! What did you do? What pill did you take?’ I was always like, ‘I wasn’t that bad before.’ (Laughs) I worked my ass off.

Eden, do you remember when acting became something you wanted to pursue?

Do you see that same work ethic in Eden?

Josh, as a father, what was your initial thought when you found out Eden wanted to be an actress?

EB: I really don’t know why I wanted to do it. I remember being on set with my dad, I was always really excited. I think every kid who watches another kid on TV is like, ‘Whoa, that looks like a really good time!’ I wanted to do it because it looked fun.

Josh Brolin: It’s one of those things you can never fully accept. I had spoken about it with my dad (James Brolin) and he was like, ‘Why do you

Josh, do you think all young actors just starting off in the industry need to pay their dues?

N O C D I K Youngsters Get To Live Out Superhero Fantasies At SA Geek Fest

If anything has surprised Alamo City Comic Cook organizer Apple de la Fuente about the event’s first two years, it’s that families have shown up in droves. That factor seems to set ACCC apart from other comic cons around the country. To continue serving that market, de la Fuente has expanded programming this year to include more familyfriendly fare. Here’s a quick look at some of activities that pint-sized Spider-Men and Wonder Women can check out during ACCC this weekend: Kidz Planet ACCC joins forces with the San Antonio Zoo, Witte Museum and San Antonio Public Library to bring interactive activities and exciting workshops like “How to be a Superhero” and “How to be a Jedi.” The zoo will bring out a few animals for show and tell (no pythons, they promise), the Witte will display some 65-million year-old dinosaur bones and SAPL will entertain tots with art projects and story time.

JB: She works her ass off. She works hard and she has incredible humility. Now, she’s on some road to some level of success, whatever that means.

X will screen at the Alamo City Film Festival on Friday, Sept. 11, at 3:30pm during Short Block B, which includes nine short films. Tickets for Short Block B are $7. For our full interview with Josh and Eden Brolin, visit sacurrent.com.

Cosplay Avenue There will be plenty of impressive costumes as far as the eye can see at ACCC, but if kids want to check out the pros, this section of the convention will feature some of the top cosplayers in the nation like the Texas Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Other more risqué attendees like Ivy Doomkitty, Leeanna Vamp and Karen Gallegos will be present, so we’re sure dad won’t mind strolling down the avenue for a quick peek. Pro Wrestling River City Wrestling has attended ACCC for the last two years, but this is the first year there will be an actual ring in one of the convention halls, where RCW’s roster of wrestlers can show off their talent. With the recent passing of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, who was scheduled to be at ACCC this year, this activity could be a great way to honor the legend by putting on a great performance while keeping the little ones entertained.

sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 33


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34  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


ARTS + CULTURE

GWAR AND PEACE

New Book Reveals (Almost) Everything You Didn’t Know You Were Afraid To Ask About The Scumdogs Of The Universe JEREMY MARTIN

According to Snopes-verified, publicly notarized rock ‘n’ roll legend, members of KISS had vials of their own blood drawn to mix into the red ink used to print the first issue of their official Marvel comic book. Presumably most people who hear that story say “gross,” while potential KISS Army regulars say “awesome.” An even smaller subset of metalheads, however, say, “Why just their blood?” For those who dwell in the sweet spot of an unholy Venn diagram of gorehouds, Lovecraft freaks and collectors of dead baby jokes, Let There Be GWAR. The new book, compiled by Bob Gorman and Robert Gastman, offers an extensive history of the band, suitable for both the uninitiated (a sometimes condescending descriptor that’s apt here because GWAR fandom is like undergoing nightmarish hazing for a cult you will never be permitted to join) and the bohab (the extremely inside and condescending name the band has for its hardcore fans; it basically means “an unbearably boring person”). Problem is, GWAR has at least two separate histories. In the version chronicled in the band’s batshit albums and long-form music videos (1992’s Phallus in Wonderland, was, seriously nominated for a Grammy), GWAR is a band made up of Lovecraft’s horrific godlike Old Ones. Banished to Earth, these beings killed off the dinosaurs (body parts of which can still be seen incorporated in the band’s elaborate,

cartoonishly horrific costumes), accidentally created the human race by having sex with apes and then became frozen in Antarctic tombs (à la At the Mountains of Madness) only to be thawed out thousands of years later by Sleazy P. Martini, a record exec whose name speaks for itself. In the other version, the one chronicled in Let There Be GWAR, the band was formed in 1985 as a joke by bored Richmond, Virginia, art-school dropouts as an opening act for punk band Death Piggy. Not surprisingly, GWAR — whose schtick early on included elaborate costumes, an 8-foot-tall T-Rex puppet named Gor Gor and fire extinguishers repurposed to spew fake blood, puke and every other bodily fluid forbidden from polite conversation onto the audience — soon upstaged Death Piggy entirely. An almost literal cult act was born. As guitarist Mike Derks (aka Balsac the Jaws of Death since 1988) puts it: “Even at Alice Cooper concerts people wouldn’t actually get wet. And KISS concerts, you know, Gene Simmons would spit blood but not on the audience.” Where some people see a small mercy, others see an opening in the market. Discussing the economics of shock rock is an almost surreal incongruity but for a biography of a band known for graphically disemboweling religious and political leaders in effigy onstage, the tone of LTBG becomes surprisingly button-down as it progresses. While earlier chapters detail the insanity and desperate poverty of the band’s formative days, obsessively chronicling GWAR’s constant lineup changes (the “Family Tree” includes eight different incarnations of the band between 1985 and 1990: one member left to start a dry-wall business, one went to prison for stabbing a guy, etc.) and stage show innovations (ingredients for various forms of fake gore are listed, even the exact specifications for some of the carts used to transport the props are included), later chapters describe shareholder meetings and viral videos and their world tour diary is a dry summary that reads like it was nervously picked over by publicists and attorneys. Onstage, GWAR’s insatiable love of crack was a running gag, but out-of-costume debauchery is only hinted at, up to and including the death of GWAR’s frontman and only constant member David Brockie, aka Oderus Urungus, officially ruled an accidental heroin overdose. The copy of the book provided to the press skips from page 317, in which group members recall

Go behind the scenes to learn the inner workings of the popular band Gwar.

their concern about Brockie’s odd offstage behavior and possible “drinking” problem, to page 323, describing the band’s first gig with Mike Bishop (aka Blothar) as the new frontman following Brockie’s death. But even on the pages that haven’t been rescinded due to the ongoing million-dollar lawsuit filed against the band by Brockie’s father (the review copy was also missing pages in the beginning, in which, presumably, the actual idea for the band is suggested), Brockie’s absence is very apparent. Fans of the band will love the extensive scrapbooking of the band’s history and fans of the idea transgressive comedy/

music/art who’d prefer to stay clear of the spew itself can learn all about GWAR, the World Maggot, the Slave Pit (the art collective that makes GWAR’s costumes and props, sort of like Jim Henson’s Creature Shop if Jim Henson were H.R. Giger) and the fascinating story of offshoot band X-Cops without getting their shirts fake-bloodied. Potential bohabs who aren’t afraid to get their brains dirty — fans of Metalocalypse, people who laugh at Slayer lyrics or count Tom Savini among their favorite artists — should probably start by bowing down to the Scumdogs of the Universe themselves.

Let There Be GWAR

Compiled by Bob Gorman and Roger Gastman | Gingko Press Inc. | $59.95 | 352 pp.

sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 35


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SCREENS

HODOR! Actor Kristian Nairn On Game of Thrones And His Spinoff Touring Rave MATT STIEB/@MATTHEWSTIEB

Let Hodor be a lesson, young graduates — always go out for the interview. For the 2009 comedy Hot Fuzz, Kristian Nairn, who plays Hodor in Game of Thrones, unsuccessfully tried out for a role. Years later, the casting director remembered Nairn and his 6-10 frame for the smash HBO adaptation of George R. R. Martin’s fantasy novels. If modern medicine applies in the Game of Thrones universe, Hodor seems to suffer from expressive aphasia. Though the sympathetic hulk can understand language, he can only respond by his name — Hodor! Nairn’s great challenge in the series is to bring expression to the character, with vivid body language and intelligible takes on his one-word vocabulary. As the Bran Stark/Hodor plotline was suspended for season five — the showrunners got ahead of the novelist north of the wall — Nairn kept busy with Rave of Thrones. A career DJ in Belfast, Nairn invites ravers to dress up as their favorite Westerosi characters for the touring house jaunt. Over Skype, we caught up with Nairn on the Rave, and the Game, of Thrones.

blue eyes, putting LEDs into their costumes. That’s incredible, probably very dangerous. I also saw a very tall girl dressed in a Hodor outfit. She looked incredible, actually. The worst? There’s a lot of John Snows. There’s always a lot of Khaleesis. Not that they’re boring me but there’s so many characters in the show. But yah, people want to be the hot guy, people want to be the hot girl. Yeah, whatever. But I appreciate everybody who dresses up, it takes some time. You were partially deaf as a child. Has that helped with your portrayal of Hodor? Very much. Obviously, he’s very expressive. I never was completely deaf, but I was severely reduced. I had studied to be a sign language interpreter before I wanted to be a DJ. I think it’s definitely helped in the role. Do you receive a lot of direction in your scenes or are you left to interpret your one-word scripts?

What do you think is going on in Hodor’s mind when Bran wargs into him? I think he almost becomes like a passenger. He’s almost a prisoner of his body, a prisoner of the car and someone else is taking the wheel. I think he’s scared, I don’t think he likes it very much. But I think he knows enough that he has to; it’s for the greater good. For the most part, HBO keeps its secrets on lock. Are you worried about spilling secrets in conversation? It’s my worst fear. I’m afraid people are going to steal my iPod or steal my computer with the script on it. It’s so easy; you have to be careful with your shit. I don’t drink very much anyway, so I don’t have to worry about getting drunk and spilling all the secrets. That’s one of the reasons I don’t read other people’s parts as well. If the worst happens, it’ll just be my part. mstieb@sacurrent.com

I didn’t want to portray him as some idiot or a lunatic. I wanted him to portray him positively, which is written into the character. I wanted to do him justice really. There were definitely some days where the director said ‘try it this way or try it a bit more that way.’

How is the reception for house music in the UK compared to the US? House has always been big here. But when I first started to do these gigs, coming up to over a year ago now, really the reception in the States has grown. I used to have to sell myself with a little bit of EDM, a little bit of electronic bass stuff just to keep the crowd happy. I don’t have to do that anymore. What are your feelings on American festival EDM, like the Miami shit? Well, you said it yourself. That word you said at the end. I mean, sometimes you feel like you want to drop in a few big [bass] drops, but not too much. I think every time it gets more predictable — you know exactly what is going to happen. It’s not for me. I’m being diplomatic there. What’s the worst and the best cosplay you’ve seen at the Rave of Thrones?

Rave of Thrones: Musical spinoff offers fans a different way to celebrate the popular show.

Rave of Thrones (Alamo City Comic Con Official Afterparty) $25 - $100 8pm The Korova 107 E. Martin St. thekorova.com

Well, I’ll start with the best. I’ve seen some pretty rockin’ White Walkers. People really get into it with the sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 37


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Found-footage Horror Flick The Visit Goes Nowhere MARYANN JOHANSON

I think I’ve figured out the secret of M. Night Shyamalan. His “twist,” if you will. I bet he turns out to be an alien sent to Earth to study humanity. Looking for our weak spots, maybe. Except he really doesn’t have even the first clue about us and his experiments — which so far have taken the shape of movies — mostly go all wrong. He may have imagined, with his flawed understanding of what makes us tick, that The Village and The Happening and (dear God) After Earth were insightful explorations of the human psyche. Alas, what’s actually going on with Shyamalan — in the great tradition of the 45-year-old director — is likely so ridiculously mundane as to be barely worth discussing. Maybe he really is just a guy who had one, maybe two (Unbreakable, anyone?) decent films in him. Bo-ring! And now we have The Visit, another terrible Shyamalan movie that relies on people behaving in ways real people wouldn’t behave in a situation that makes no damn sense at all because otherwise there would be no story. Also, in the grand tradition of Shyamalan, there’s pretty much no story anyway. A couple of kids — 15-ish Becca (Olivia DeJonge) and her little brother, Tyler (Ed Oxenbould), who’s about

12 — spend a week with their mother’s parents, Nana (Deanna Dunagan) and Pop Pop (Peter McRobbie), and maybe there’s odd doings afoot at their remote rural Pennsylvania house. Is Pop Pop up to something nasty in the woodshed? Does Nana’s penchant for strange nocturnal behavior mean she’s a werewolf? Why shouldn’t the kids, as Pop Pop instructs, come out of their room after 9:30 at night? Why shouldn’t they go into the basement? Is mold really the only unpleasant thing down there? Here’s a “twist” that came as quite an irritating surprise to me as The Visit opened: This is Shyamalan’s foundfootage movie, and if he thought he had something to add to this long-played-out technique, there is no evidence of it here. The Visit never gets anywhere near meaningful – or even shallow – exploration of the relationship between grandparents and grandkids, or family secrets. And though it clearly hopes to elicit emotions along those charged tracks, it does nothing but inspire outrage that Shyamalan has, once again, managed to trick us into wasting our time on anticlimactic banality.

The Visit (PG-13) 94 minutes Writ./Dir. M. Night Shyamalan Opens September 11

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FOOD

BORICUA BITES Caribbean-Infused Gems, Shaky Service At Luna Rosa JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

Though institutions such as El Bohio and La Marginal have traditionally commanded the attention of most local Puerto Rican food lovers, the marketplace has since opened up. Now, fans of Boricua gastronomy can take their pick from food trucks such as Sofrito and Padilla’s Puerto Rican Cuisine and more restaurants (Gusto Criollo off Culebra, Luna Rosa and Sabor Latino Café in Converse, to name a few). The influx has not been lost on local groups such as the Puerto Rican Heritage Society. Migdia Figueroa, its vice president, has seen a bump in interest reflected on social media. At Luna Rosa, the island theme is spliced with Spanish influences, both in food and décor. The space is tucked into an intricate strip center/maze that my dinner partner likened to a baby Rim Shopping Center with less corporate joints. Once inside, Luna Rosa takes on a Rosario’s meets hotel resort vibe, with bright fuchsia walls and an impeccably white bar, complete with tall bar stools and just about every Bacardi flavor imaginable. Overhead, I learned, one finds three vejigantes, spooky but vibrant head masks used during Ponce Carnival time,

alongside a pair of straw fedoras. But other than a handful of island seascapes framed around the space, not much else screams Puerto Rico. Instead, the understated locale focuses on its cuisine, combining Spanish tapas and Puerto Rican favorites. We started the night with a helping of patatas bravas, smothered in red spicy sauce and garlicky mayoketchup, the Luna Rosa house sauce. Though the potatoes were a bit too limp for my linking, the sauces saved the dish from being a total wash. Paellas, served on large trays, are available as a meal for two, but I leaned toward a pressed Cubanito during my first visit on a hot Saturday night in late August. After noshing on a small appetizer of sweet fried plantain strips with dilllaced dip, our server David offered the Cubanito as a suggestion for dinner. Cuban bread cut diagonally and toasted to near golden brown perfection enveloped the expertly-seasoned roasted pork, ham, melted Swiss, delicate drizzle of yellow mustard and dill pickles. I would have happily taken half of it home intact, but David swooped in with the house sauce. I still took a quarter of it home, anyway — it’s that big. My dinner date, in this case my sister, raved about the Pilón, a portion of mofongo, fried and mashed plantains, served in an aluminum olla and topped with grilled shrimp. The dish was hearty, savory and surprisingly balanced. Paired with a 32-ounce Caribbean libation, the Taina (named after a famous Puerto Rican actress and model) is filled with all manners of sugary rums, liqueurs and pineapple juice. I’m not knocking it — the Taina would have definitely served as liquid courage had I stuck around for the night’s DJ. (The Tainos were the island’s original inhabitants who first encountered Spanish conquistadores in the late 15th century).

Oye Boricua! Puerto Rican culinary options are on the upswing in SA.

The early Saturday night crowd was mild compared to my lunch visit last Tuesday, mostly composed of Brooks Air Force Base’s workforce. Though service was stellar during the weekend, the pair of servers staffing the dining room this particular day was not entirely enthused by the crowd. We lingered at the front of the restaurant for a few minutes before another lunch-goer instructed us to take a seat. Service was downhill from then on as we waited far too long for our orders. While I could go on about the so-so social skills of the staff, I’ll focus on the food. El Guavate, named after a region of Puerto Rico known for its ubiquitous lechoneras, tiny eateries that serve whole roasted hogs with fixins, is a must. It’s easy to see why this is one of the bestselling items on the menu as slabs of tender pork are served up alongside thick tostones (more mayoketchup) and arroz con gandules (pigeon peas). The rice

was passable and I could have gone for more gandules, but when mixed with the shredded pork, the dish came together as a whole. My Boricua lunch pal, barkeep extraordinaire and Speed Rack Texas winner Zulcoralis Rodriguez, enjoyed the tripleta, basically a meat-lover’s wrap stuffed with lechón, smoked ham and bistec. Wrapped in pan sabao, the tripleta was completed with caramelized onions, potatoes and Luna Rosa sauce. At $12, the sandwich wasn’t cheap but was essentially two meals. Though usually enjoyed after late-night partying, SA can enjoy this sando for lunch or dinner. I would probably still risk the so-so service in favor of El Guavate and a mason jar filled with Bacardi … but if great service is what you’re after, I’d suggest giving Luna Rosa a minute to sort out staffing issues. flavor@sacurrent.com

Luna Rosa Puerto Rican Grill y Tapas 2603 SE Military Dr., Suite 107, (210) 314-3111 lunarosatapas.com Skinny: Puerto Rican fare hits Brooks City Base with beachy drinks and plantains aplenty Best Bets: Sandos, mofongo Hours: 11am-9pm Tue-Thu; 11am-midnight Fri-Sat; 11am-8pm Sun Price: $5-$25

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sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 43


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Whilst navigating a culinary My go-to is the natural coconut and #cityontherise, where getting adding ice cream, but they also mix tossed delectable dishes and match flavors into one cup so you like green pea pound cake and can get all frisky with a blue bubble foie gras sweet treats has become gum/Granny Smith apple concoction commonplace, it’s easy to lose sight if that tickles your fancy. Or add of simple pleasures. It’s easy to forget condensed milk to anything, and holy that you can go to a dinky place on shit, I am about that life. Fredericksburg and have a badass If you want something a little less experience on the cheap. sweet, try the classic mango flavor Welcome to Snow Monkey Shaved Ice. topped with chamoy. My favorite snack I was hesitant to write about this was definitely the Hot Cheetos and place because I like the idea of keeping cheese, served straight out of the bag it to myself, free from the clutches of as the Food Lord intended. I know this urbanites, but I am trying to be a better is not a new thing for most people, but I person these days and this seemed like implore you to try it if you haven’t. I have a good place to start. to indulge when available. Parking is a little sparse; I usually There was room for improvement in the park on the side of the building watery and flavorless corn in a cup. When toward an interesting-looking burger all was said and done, I got strawberries place with a bunch of neon lights and cream, corn in a cup, Hot Cheetos across from the auto body shop but and cheese and four raspas with all the I haven’t had trouble finding a spot. fixins for $15. As my friend and Snow Get everything here your stoner heart Monkey partner-in-crime so eloquently desires: snow cones, Mexican candies, exclaimed as we shoveled goodness into corn in a cup, strawberries and cream, our mouths, “This is hitting the spot on a and/or chamoy for days. very personal level.” The flavor possibilities on the raspa If that doesn’t prompt you to give side are seemingly endless, this little gem a shot, you are with flavors such as “wedding a damn fool and I don’t know Snow Monkey cake” and a natural flavor what kind of lame stuff you Shaved Ice selection including tamarindo like but we probably can’t 1604 Fredericksburg Rd. (210) 381-2374 and coconut. ever be friends.

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NIGHTLIFE

JEFFREY BURTON

HIGHLY AROUSED

Paramour: Downtown’s First Rooftop Bar Consummated At Last RON BECHTOL

Chris Ware could still manage a smile in mid-August when first interviewed about the long-awaited, much-delayed opening of Paramour, the extravagant new bar atop the equally exuberant Phipps Building on 9th Street in the Museum Reach area. “A year and 16 days,” he said at the time — without batting an eye or betraying any visible angst. At a year and 27 days, the soft opening date, his grin was ear-to-ear. Ware did go on to admit that a gestation period of such unprecedented magnitude tends to lead to rumors: the bar would be reservations-only; there would be both a dress code and a cover; and (this was my speculation) that the bar staff hired at the beginning had all scattered to the four winds in the interim. “We didn’t lose one bartender,” says Ware. “Cory, Jake, Andy, Johnny, Matt … they will all be there.” And many of them were, all resplendent, as was Ware, in leather aprons made for them by FoodWhore’s Roger Treviño. Reality and the rumor mill had little in common on the other points, as well. “We will take reservations, but we aren’t reservations-only,” said Ware. “And there is no cover or dress code.” If the opening crowd was any indication, you might nevertheless want to forgo your usual flip-flops and ripped T-shirts — at least until the luster of Paramour’s newness wears off a tad. For the other thread of the rumor web is true: this is the city’s most jaw-dropping watering hole. At the time of our interview, there was furniture still scattered along 46  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Will Paramour take the SA cocktail scene to new heights? Signs point to yes.

corridors awaiting placement. For the opening, posh seating groups had been set up inside and out, Big Ass fans (their proper name) twirled lazily overhead, neon glowed perhaps a little too brightly (lighting balance is an issue to be resolved in time, along with music) and only the bar stools lining the terrace railing were not taken. But despite the beautiful-people buzz, it was still easy as darkness descended to be entirely entranced by the world beyond those railings: the illuminated SAMA façade never looked so good and, in the other direction, the SA skyline actually looked – forgive me – like a twinkly, urban Oz. (Inside, I’m told, the best views are in the ladies room featuring a photo mural of a buffly recumbent Burt Reynolds on one wall and a young, barely beJockeyed Tom Selleck on another.) There are two separate rooftop bars at Paramour. The one servicing the terraces

focuses on champagne, though cocktails are available. The interior bar, dominated by a backlit wall of honey-toned onyx, shares a tap system but is devoted to beer and specialty cocktails. With the exception of one, extravagant specialty drink with Johnny Walker Blue, Liqueur 43 and añejo tequila, all cocktails are $11. The Call Me Cait employs vodka, citrus and Thai chilies and the Marfa Rising counts on tequila, prickly pear cordial, lime and sparkling Vouvray for its considerable appeal. Not much skill beyond the ability to dispense a drink into a lowball glass equipped with a single, perfectly clear ice cube is required to appreciate one of Ware’s barrel-aged cocktails and despite the dexterity required of the more complex libations, these remain personal favorites. Ware instituted the barrel-aging program at the now-defunct Arcade Midtown Kitchen and its closing meant that he could recuperate some of those barrels

previously left behind. The Old Fashioned, aged 10 months, is at the top of its game right about now. Gin fuels a 14-month-old Warehouse with Cocchi Americano and dry vermouth. One other skill Ware’s bar staff might not have been asked about in job interviews is the ability to monkey up and down the back bar to reach bottles on high shelves. Ladder-like slots have been provided below the rear counter and these, combined with grab bars on the upper shelves, mean that there will be more physical activity behind the bar than simple shaking. Despite its aura of running smoothly from the get-go, Paramour is currently operating on a temporary certificate of occupancy. Some elaborate sprinkler work has yet to be completed, for example, so Ware’s ability to keep smiling may be further tested in the days and months to come. But it’s built and they will come – of that we’re sure. Everybody exhale.


• FUEL • RESTAURANT • PRODUCE • MEAT MARKET• Menudo on the weekends

KEEP COOL ON OUR NEW PATIO, AND SEE WHY WE ARE THE BEST IN SAN ANTONIO! BETWEEN 8A-2P | 210.737.8646

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thelionandrose.com sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 47


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NIGHTLIFE

BOTTLE & TAP

Bone Up On Brew: Lessons For Nerds And Novices Alike

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People love to bag on the Middle Ages, but keep in mind that both beer and higher education as we know it came about between bouts of feudal plague and there’s been a mystical link between scholastics and suds ever since. But how often has beer been a subject itself, rather than a tasty diversion from an epically failed midterm? Assuming the answer to be “never,” I’ve sought out a seasoned expert and some enthusiastic amateurs who offer some clutch opportunities for six-packs to benefit your brain cells for once. If you’re willing to set aside $35 and a Sunday afternoon to learn why beer shouldn’t taste like wet cardboard, consider BeerSmarts. Branchline’s brewmaster Paul Ford serves as professor, teaching a series of eight classes based on his own studies for a Master Cicerone certification (the brewski equivalent to wine’s sommelier system) that’s open to novices and experts alike. “I wanted to practice off-flavor identification,” Ford told the San Antonio Current via email, “and started talking with people around town about getting a group together to buy and execute an off-flavor kit [a necessary step to identifying potential beer infection, oxidation or other corruptors]. I found that there were many people that had never practiced off-flavors in beer, and decided there was an opportunity there.“ In addition to identifying what’s gone wrong in their ale, attendees learn the national characteristics of Belgian, German and American beer traditions, as well as practical knowledge about the care and cleaning of draught systems. Classes employ direct lecture, reference notes from the Brewers’ Association and substantial class discussion about the impressions they draw from the 2-ounce samples that serve as their case studies. If BeerSmarts represents the

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academic side of beer education in SA, She’s Crafty reps for the longneckchuggin’ autodidactics. The podcast chronicles “beer lovers, not beer snobs” Catherine Contreras and Brandi Donavan’s quest to learn the backstory to the IBUs. “We want to uncover those stories,” Conteras told the Current. “[To] bring more appreciation to the beer than just how hoppy it is, what notes it hits or whatever some dude with a beard and a unicycle told us about it at Whole Foods.” They’ve done so with a charming blend of humility and hilarity and some excellent tutors. Ranger Creek’s brewmasters sat in on their inaugural podcast and Freetail’s Scott Metzger guested on their second episode, bringing a pretty special stash with him. “Scott [brought] a keg of Freetail Komorebi,” said Conteras. ”An 11.2 percent Belgian-style triple referenced on pears, 1/3-aged in used Mezcal barrels, 2/3-aged in used wine barrels. What the hell does all that mean? We have no idea! Come figure it out with us!” Who’s in?

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sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 49


HAPPY HOURS HAPPY HOUR OF THE WEEK

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Original Live Music Mon-Wed-Fri-Sat Happy Hour 12-7 $2.25 Wells $2.50 Domestics $2.50 Shiner Birthday Beer of the Month Drink and Shot Specials Daily Try our Texas Infusions Check Facebook for our Events! facebook.com/shenaniganssanantonio

Slackers

Sports-Drinks-Arcade SlackerSA.com • $2.50 Domestics, $3 Wells Daily, $3 You Call It

Northeast Spanky’s Clubhouse

6pm-2am, Closed Sundays Featuring TEXAS Booze and Brews Happy Hour 6-9pm: $2.25 Domestics $3 Premium Beers $2 Smirnoff Moonshine Mondays Texas Tues. $2.50 All Drafts & Keep the Glass Wed $3 You call it Thurs. $3 All Tequilas Fri.- $3 Fireball Sat.- Ladies Night $3 Margs & Martinis Try our Texas Vodka Infusions

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HH 2p-8p: 2 tecate & heineken 3.25 domestics bottle/draft 3.25 shiner&dos xx, $3 wells Plus Daily Specials 50  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

The Lost Bar

12730 NW Military • Facebook.com/TheLostBarandGrill Hangover Brunch 12pm- 3pm ALL DAY HH on Sundays: $2 Mimosas, $2.75 Domestic Longnecks, $3 Wells & Sangris Mon-Fri HH 2-7 pm: $2.75 Domestic Longnecks, $3 Wells Sat-Sun 12-7 pm: $2.75 Domestic Longnecks, $3 Wells • REVERSE HAPPY HOUR 10pm-2am • DAILY SPECIALS!

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sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 51


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Open 7 Days A Week • Mon-Fri: 2p-2A • Sat-Sun 11Am • slackerssa.com 52  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


MUSIC

Go check out squeezebox sounds from across the world at SA’s International Accordion Festival this weekend.

SA’s Accordion Festival Offers A Global Folk Culture Experience MATT STIEB/@MATTHEWSTIEB

Like the instrument itself, the International Accordion Festival is one of the most unique concerts in San Antonio. Where else does each headlining act play twice on the same day? And where else could such far-flung genres crosspollinate at a single show? Paying homage to the squeezebox’s intrusion into folk cultures around the world, SA’s Accordion Festival includes music from Bulgaria, South America, Louisiana, Paris, the Balkans, Louisiana, the Ukraine and our good ol’ South Texas. It’s not just the accordion you’re getting at La Villita this weekend. Because of its affordable price tag and loud-honk timbre, the instrument traveled from its homeland in Central Europe to become a staple of folk music worldwide. Since a globe-trotting Saturday trip is only possible for Elon Musk and Air Force One, the squeezebox fest is a cheaper way to understand the instrument’s importance outside of Tex-Mex genres. We’ve highlighted some of the musicians and genres so diverse and nice that they’re playing on Saturday twice. Santiago Jiménez, Jr. / 12:30pm (Arneson River Theatre) / 3pm (Maverick Plaza Stage) If Flaco Jiménez is conjunto’s ambassador to pop culture — on Rolling Stones records and lifetime Grammy presentations — then Santiago Jiménez, Jr. is the vanguard leader of the old-school style. Named after his father, the great bandleader and innovator, Santiago Jr. retains the verse-solo-verse structure of heyday conjunto, even preferring the acoustic tololoche bass to the electric rig common in tejano. Since his recording début at 17 in 1958, Jiménez, Jr. has employed a sly and witty approach to the instrument.

On tunes like “El Toro De Mi Rancho,” his drummer plays a straight snare groove, as Jiménez, Jr. swings the beat, creating an arresting layering of rhythm. In his bouncing solos, he can subtly inflect the cumbia rhythm. In 2000, Jiménez, Jr. was awarded a National Heritage Fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. It may not be as flashy as his brother’s Lifetime Grammy (or Flaco’s gold tooth), but it’s a proper honor for this archivist of early conjunto. As anyone who’s seen him at his nearweekly Sunday gigs at Carnitas Urapan, the 71-year-old accordionist is a living library of Tex-Mex culture. Mahala / 1pm (Maverick) / 4:30pm (Arneson) A pan-Balkan word for neighborhood, Mahala finds its home in the wards of New Orleans. On the Tupan, a large Bulgarian drum held over the shoulder, percussionist Boyanna Trayanova creates booming kettle tones and light patter on the instrument’s edges. On guitar and accordion, Georgi Petrov and Matthew Schreiber riff through impossibly fast progressions in this showcase of Eastern European folk.

standard drum kit and the guacharaca, a scraping Colombian stick instrument that drives the rhythm deep into the night. Though the accordion isn’t Buyepongo’s primary vehicle for troublemaking, the squeezebox adds another cultural notch to the band’s delightful flattening of the Latin world. Cedryl Ballou and The Zydeco Trendsetters / 6pm (Maverick) / 7:30pm (Arneson) From Lake Charles, Louisiana, accordionist Cedryl Ballou and his Zydeco Trendsetters meld the thrilling bayou genre with stadium soft rock — students of both Professor Longhair and the Dave Matthews Band. As the grandson of zydeco/blues guitarist Classie Ballou, Cedryl adores the swamp-surf rhythm, riding it all over his new release Country Roads.

DakhaBrakha / 6:30pm (Arneson) / 8pm (Maverick) Ukrainian quartet DakhaBrakha is the unopposed contender for “Saturday set you’ll catch twice because it’s so damn good.” A mashup of the Ukrainian words Buyepongo / 2:30pm (Arneson) / 4pm (Maverick) for give and take, Dakhabrakha describes its music — Like the quesarito or the entire city of New Orleans, indebted to West Africa as much as the streets of Kiev California’s Buyepongo is one of those great examples of — as “ethno-chaos.” American cultural exchange. Growing up all over Fair enough. When the four singers of LA County, the big band thrives on the rhythms DakhaBrakha shout harmonies and odd of cumbia, punta and merengue. But if its sound 2015 International Ukrainian modes, it’s a torrent of belting, Accordion Festival beautiful music. With two drums, an accordion is influenced by the pan-Latin, Buyepongo’s Free mindset is strictly Staten — the band claims the and a viola, the quartet’s rhythmic exploration Saturday, September 12 Wu-Tang Clan’s 36 Chambers cut “Bring da is as rewarding as its harmonic boggle (think a Noon – 10pm La Villita Ruckus” as an aesthetic mission statement. Ukrainian folk Dirty Projectors). 418 Villita St. Buyepongo, which translates to “bring a (210) 207-8614 ruckus,” achieves its rowdy goal through a mstieb@sacurrent.com lavillita.com sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 53


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54  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com


MUSIC

SUN

13

Fiestas Patrias feat. Prince Royce, La Mafia

Presented by 98.5 The Beat, Fiestas Patrias celebrates the announcement of Mexican independence from Spain with an exhibition of pan-Latin pop. From the Bronx, that fertile crescent of bachata, Prince Royce chose an apt name to chase after superstar Romeo Santos, the king of the genre. Over timelessly corny ukulele, oscillating bachata guitar and radio pop, Royce purrs in a rich tenor. In the video for his summer hit, “Back It Up,” the 26-year-old star succumbs to some product placement for Beats by Dre and Jennifer Lopez’s lithe victory over time. If only Pitbull, the song’s second feature, would shut the hell up and let the dancehall rhythm do its thing. Founded in 1980, La Mafia was one of the first tejano outfits to tour and draw massive crowds in interior Mexico, helping to re-draw the tour map for the salad years of the genre in the 1990s. Since then, the Houston outfit has performed before record-setting audiences at the Astrodome. With Fito Olivares, Sebastien De La Cruz, Los Gallitos, El Bebeto, Javier Galvan. Free, noon-6pm, tradersvillage, 9333 SW Loop 410, (210) 623-8383, tradersvillage.com — Matt Stieb

Wednesday, September 9

Bring Your Own Vinyl Revel with friendly

vinyl-heads over the best wax in each others’ collection, or slam pickle shots in the corner and seethe over that one dude with an original run of Marquee Moon. Hi-Tones, 10pm

Bruk Out! A term of celebration in

dancehall culture, Bruk Out! visits the legendary reverb and airhorns of the Jamaican genre. Concrete Jungle, 10pm

Midtown Jazz Sound John Fernandez,

drummer and leader of Midtown Jazz Town, returns to Soho for their sixth year of residency at the downtown club. Soho, 10:30pm

Nag Champa Named after the Indian

incense, Nag Champa hosts a weekly revue of the explosive cumbia rhythm. Bottom Bracket Social Club, 10pm

Open Jam Session feat. Eric Gonzalez Alto saxophonist Eric Gonzalez hosts an open call jam at the former punk spot. Viva Taco Land, 8pm

The O’s Featuring members of Polyphonic

Spree and Young Heart Attack, Dallas duo The O’s apply their quirky approach to folk-pop on the 2014 single “Outlaw.” With Radio Birds. Sam’s Burger Joint, 7pm

Thursday, September 10

Femina-X, Ellis Redon Forward-thinking

San Antonio pop quartet Femina-X has been in and out of the studio all spring, laying down an anticipated effort. In the spring, Ellis Redon quietly released one

Sept 11 - The Georges - Free Show

Sept 12 - Robert Earl Keen Plus Reckless Kelly And Cody Canada & The Departed

of the best collections of songs to hit San Antonio in 2015, sounding like if Bradford Cox of Deerhunter took a ketamine nap on his synthesizer. Over the summer, the reception has grown a little louder, with some airplay on satellite radio. Paper Tiger, 9pm

Sept 25 - The Mavericks

Hydra Melody Named to indicate a

multi-headed driving force and a multidimensional sound, Hydra Melody is a synth-and-keys-heavy alt-rock outfit. The new album Nocturna is cinematic yet brooding, angsty yet patient, and, from start to finish, it’s a perfectly executed and elegantly polished alt-rock gem. Alamo Lounge at Alpha Media, 6:30pm

Metalachi A puro mariachi band at its

conception, Metalachi heard Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man,” spanglicized Ozzy’s creation to “Iron Tapatio” and forever changed the face of music. Well, not really. Somewhere between a novelty act and the realest of deals, the quintet lives up to its bastardized name, taking KZEP hits and placing them in mariachi context. Singer Vega de la Rockha remains faithful to the original metal melodies, while the band, comprised of guitarrón, trumpet, violin and guitar, take it full Son style. Expect Metalachi to pull out all the favorite hair metal hits, while diving into heavier material on occasion. 210 Kapone’s, 7pm

1223 E Houston St. San Antonio, TX 78205 Across from Spaghetti Warehouse

Ryan Sambol, Crown A member of

Lone Star outfit The Strange Boys, Ryan Sambol relocated to San Fransisco to prepare his solo campaign. The new work, out on Punctum Records, is some

Oct 3 - Randy Rogers Band

14492 Old Bandera Rd

210kapones | www.210kapones.com

Helotes, TX • 210-695-8827 For tickets: liveatfloores.com

sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 55


PHOTOS.SACURRENT.COM

MUSIC

splendid cowboy rock, hopeful and world-weary at the same time. With thick bundles of hair slapping around on stage, a blues rock style with a lysergic drop of psych and a badass take on “Helter Skelter,” Crown is one of the best live acts currently operating out of SA. With Julian Neel. Paper Tiger, 9pm

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The Dirty River Boys On their new self-

titled album, the Dirty River Boys combine the music of Ireland and the American South. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm

The Sputnik Trio Featuring the wild alto

Eddie Vasquez, bassist John Lind and drummer Chuck Glave, The Sputnik Trio reaches out into the outer worlds of jazz. The Barn Door, 6:30pm

The Suite feat. DJ Gibb and Donnie Dee Two of SA’s finest soul and funk jockeys deliver a Thursday night soundtrack in original funky drummers. Southtown 101, 10pm

Friday, September 11

September 9 Live Band Karaoke September 10 Finding Friday B Sides September 11 Flipside

WE ARE AT ALL THE HOTTEST 56  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

September 12 X Factor September 13 NFL Football September 14 Chris Lopez September 15 The Evil Twins

4553 N LOOP 1604 @ THE RIDGE SHOPPING CENTER 210-252-9220

Great Peacock Although their sound

heavily features country-fried staples (including a charming steel guitar), Great Peacock breaks the rules of folk by caving into their pop sensibilities. The Nashville group’s downhome harmonies make a larger than life imprint on their recent 2015 release Making Ghost, a tribute to the ghost of rock ‘n’ rolls past and a toast to the future of pop-edged folk. 502 Bar, 9pm

Jonathan Russell, Dylan Tanner, 16 Psyche Some of the Youth Orchestra of San Antonio’s best break out on their own for an evening of emerginging singer-songwriters. Imagine Books & Records, 8pm

Midday Veil Seattle’s Midday Veil wants us

to believe they’re of another dimension, and by the sounds of it, they could very well be stranded extraterrestrials. Off their upcoming release This Wilderness, lead single “Empire is No More” is an synth-rock epic that could soundtrack the fall of a great civilization, with mystic flourishes and intergalactic rays of sound. Paper Tiger, 9pm

San Antonio Symphony Presents: E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial The San

Antonio Symphony takes on John Williams’ tremendous score, performing in sync with the 1982 sci-fi hit E.T. Debuting in 1982, Spielberg’s classic of extraterrestrial friendship help the status of highest-grossing movie for 11 years, until his own Jurassic Park surpassed E.T. in 1993. On John Williams’ pristine résumé, the E.T. score might be his finest work. In addition to polytonal touches and slight allusions to his work on Star

Wars, Williams helps provide stringkissed sympathy for the weird-little puppet. For his work, Williams swept the awards season, winning a Golden Globe, a Saturn, a BAFTA and two Grammys. Majestic Theatre, 8pm

The Georges South Texas stalwarts The Georges inject rockabilly with the pop stylings of the Fab Four. Floore’s Country Store, 7pm

The Statesboro Revue Austinites The

Statesboro Revue look to a simplier time in country, with twanging banjo and lyrics inspired by Mark Twain. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm

Saturday, September 12 Bon Appetit!, Gallantry Opera Piccola

presents a performance of Bon Appetit!, an opera inspired by Julia Child, the television chef and author who helped popularize French cuisine in America. Laura Mercado-Wright will play Child, with Kristin Roach as conductor and Cynthia Stokes as stage director. At intermission, French chocolate cake will be served to those in attendence. In addition to the short foodie show, Opera Piccola presents Douglas Moore’s one-act parady opera/hospital drama that spins a wicked love triangle against itself. Carver Community Cultural Center, 8pm

Curtis Grimes From Gilmer, Texas, Curtis Grimes sings of snapback, pearl snap, “out with your buddies on a Saturday night” pop-country hedonism. Gruene Hall, 9pm

DJ EPSR Performing as DJ EPSR, Josh

Martinez is one of the most popular jockeys spinning in San Antonio. Toro Taco Bar, 8pm

E:merge Presented by local house/electro

boosters The SOUL Family, E:MERGE is a recurring SA event that shines a bright strobe light on some of the best up-and-coming local, regional and national practitioners of club music. With Medicinne, Abe Novy, Keeque, Lando, Josh Granado. Southtown 101, 7pm

Jon Secada Cuban-American singer Jon

Secada is versed in salsa and merengue as well as jazz and the American songbook. It’s this wide stylistic body of work that has earned Secada two Grammys and over 20 million albums sold. Tobin Center, 8pm

Megan Nicole Opting for a YouTube career over a spoon-fed Disney beginning, Katy native Megan Nicole has worked hard for every like and page view. Nicole’s unadulterated enthusiasm for the music she creates makes up for any


MUSIC

shortcomings she may have. With lyrics like “haters stay away,” a mantra to last the ages, Nicole sings from her experience as a young adult making a living on cute, inspirational pop songs. Alamo City Music Hall, 6pm

Robert Earl Keen In the early 1980s, Keene emerged from South Texas to make his statement in Americana, a genre that he would help define. With Reckless Kelly. Floore’s Country Store, 7pm

San Antonio Record Show Thanks to

Jesse Galvan of the Music Connection, SA vinyl freaks won’t have to visit the Austin convention to cruise through stacks of their favorite 7- and 12-inch discs. If there’s an aroma of obsession in the air, you’re in the right place. Schertz Civic Center, 8am

Sunday, September 13 Doc Watkins On his new live album,

Doc Watkins leads his orchestra on five booming cuts, complete with polished singing from the pianist. At his Esquire residency, expect the big band works in a smaller, trio format. Esquire Tavern, 3pm

Jonny Craig Taking a breather from post-

hardcore bands Dance Gavin Dance and Slaves, Jonny Craig embraces the softer side of life with more pop-orientated melodies and less screaming. The motion sickness inducing video for “The Lives We Live” finds Jonny Craig taking a break from being hardcore with a sickly-sweet R&B ballad about a dizzying relationship. With Travis Garland, Kyle Lucas, Inamorata. The Korova, 5pm

Monday, September 14

Nina Diaz Open Mic At the front of Girl In A Coma and her thrilling solo band, San Anto’s Nina Diaz hosts the Limelight’s weekly open mic. Limelight, 9pm

Jim Cullum Jazz Band Any serious

reputation San Antonio has as a jazz town has to be chalked up to Jim Cullum, Jr., the man in charge of the long running public radio show Riverwalk Jazz and who’s been consistently swinging in the Alamo City for decades. Tucker’s Kozy Korner, 7pm

Tuesday, September 15 Burn Halo A week after dropping their

third release Wolves of War, Oklahoma/ Orange County quintet Burn Halo brings their dark post-hardcore our way With Heartist, Courage My Love, XXL. Fitzgerald’s Bar, 6pm

Dirty Few, Rootbeer and Mermentau, The Beers From what I’ve heard from

friends in the rock ‘n’ roll circuit, Denver punk trio Dirty Few truly lives up to its name, with a trailing stink cloud like Schulz’s Pig Pen and a van beyond condemned. Named after a favorite soda and a tiny Lousiana hamlet, Lake Charles duo Rootbeer and Mermentau slog through garage blues hooks on a 2014 self-titled release. The Beers’ six-pack sloppy Drafts demos are but a taste of the live and inebriated thrill of the SA garage trio. With Whatever, The Be Helds. Limelight, 9pm

That 1 Guy Trained at the San Francisco

Conservatory of Music on the doublebass, one-man bandleader Mike Silverman developed his own hardware update on the instrument, a seven-foottall gutbucket/sampler that he calls The Magic Pipe. As That 1 Guy, Silverman relies on the Pipe, working with musical saw, auxillary percussion and digital looping to fill out the Beefheartian band. In 2008, That 1 Guy teamed up with eccentric shredder Buckethead to release a wild collaborative album Bolt on Neck under the name Frankenstein Brothers. Jack’s Bar, 8pm

210 Kapone’s 1223 E. Houston St., (210) 279-9430, 210kapones.com 502 Bar 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com Alamo City Music Hall 1305 E. Houston, alamocitymusichall.com Alamo Lounge at Alpha Media 4050 Eisenhauer Rd. Bottom Bracket Social Club 1609 N. Colorado, facebook.com/bottombracketsocialclub Carver Community Cultural Center 226 N. Hackberry, (210) 207-7211, thecarver.org Concrete Jungle 1628 S. Presa St., (210) 373-9907, facebook.com/tikiconcretejungle Fitzgerald’s Bar 437 McCarty Rd., (210) 629-5141 Floore’s Country Store 14492 Old Bandera Rd., (210) 695-8827, liveatfloores.com Gruene Hall 1281 Gruene Rd., New Braunfels, (830) 606-1281, gruenehall.com Hi-Tones 621 E. Dewey, (210) 785-8777 Imagine Books & Records 8373 Culebra Rd #201b, (210) 2367668, imaginebookstore.com Jack’s Bar 3030 Thousand Oaks Dr., (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com Limelight 2718 N. St. Mary’s, (210) 735-7775, thelimelightsa.com Majestic Theatre 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com Papa Woody’s Roadhouse 8902 S. Presa St., (210) 534-6000 Paper TIger 2410 N. St. Mary’s, papertiger.queueapp.com Sam’s Burger Joint 330 E. Grayson, (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com Schertz Civic Center 1400 Schertz Parkway, Schertz, (210) 619-1630, schertz.com Soho 214 W. Crockett St., (210) 444-1000 Southtown 101 101 Pereida St., (210) 263-9880 The Korova 107 E. Martin, (210) 226-5070, thekorova.com Viva Tacoland 103 W. Grayson St., (210) 368-2443, vivatacoland.com Toro Taco Bar 114 Brooklyn Ave., torotacobar.com Tobin Center 100 Auditorium Cir., (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org Tucker’s Kozy Korner 1338 E. Houston St., (210) 320-2192

8373 CULEBRA STE. 103 • 210.521.4555 1639 BABCOCK RD. • 210.474.6005 sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 57


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GUYS

SAVAGE LOVE by Dan Savage

Is it legal for a man to procure the services of a dominatrix? In the kind of session I have in mind, there’s no nudity or sexual activity or contact involved. There’s not even any whipping or flogging or caning or hardcore BDSM stuff. I just want to see what it would be like to be bound and gagged. That’s it. So is it against the law to pay a woman to tie me up? Boy Into Nonsexual Domination

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“The short answer is no, he’s not likely to be arrested for procuring the services of a Dominatrix,” said Mistress Justine Cross, a pro-Domme based in Los Angeles. “What BIND desires sounds totally legal and safe — he just needs to find a Domme who is reputable (check out her website, read her reviews) and knows what she is doing in the realm of bondage. That said, I’m not a cop or a lawyer.” Cross is, however, a business owner. She runs two dungeons in Los Angeles — and she consulted with a criminaldefense attorney before going into the professional domination business. “He assured me that what I do is A-okay,” said Cross. “And even though he had practiced for many years, he had never defended, nor did he know any other lawyer who had ever defended, a professional Domme. Since Dommes rarely find themselves in trouble for their work, it stands to reason that BIND, a future client, will be in the clear as well.” With the Feds going after websites like Rentboy and myRedBook (sites that make sex work safer) and with the never-ending puritanical, punitive crusade to “rescue” adult sex workers from consensual, nonexploitative sex work (by arresting them and giving them criminal records), how is it that professional Dominants and their clients aren’t routinely harassed by lawenforcement authorities? “We don’t offer sex or nudity in our professional BDSM work,” said Cross, “and this keeps us out of the ‘criminalized’ categories of sex work. However, every state has different laws. NYC and LA both have large professional BDSM communities, but I can’t say every state or city welcomes

or tolerates this type of sex work. In some places, the scene is more ‘underground,’ mostly because people still have a hard time understanding that some people just want to get tied up and not get a hand job, too.” Follow Mistress Justine Cross on Twitter @Justineplays. I’m a good-looking, fit, younger guy living in Southern California. I’m getting older, though, and have never been in love or had any kind of serious relationship. I’m straight, but in the past five years I discovered that sexuality is gray, not black or white. I learned this when I accidentally dove into the world of trans. I go on Craigslist and other sites and find local trans girls to engage with in sexual activity. It’s hard to describe why I’m into it, but I just am — maybe it satisfies a sexual side of me that women don’t? Regardless, I’ve felt like this is an issue getting in the way of my quest to find a great woman and start a family, which I’d like to do in the next few years. I’m caught between thinking my sexual addiction is hindering my advancement toward a family life and enjoying the rush and sexual gratitude I’m inundated with when I meet up with trans girls. Is it something I definitely need to put an end to, or has it become a part of me that I can’t deny and hide? Rocks And Hard Places Trans women are women, RAHP, and some of them are great. (And some of them, like some of everybody, are not so great.) You could date a trans woman, you could marry a trans woman and you could have kids with a trans woman (through adoption or surrogacy). The only thing that stands between you and being with the kind of person you’re most attracted to (a trans woman) and having the other stuff you want out of life (marriage, kids, family life) is you. Listen to Dan Savage every week at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter


ETC.

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD by Matt Jones

Answer on page 27

PARTICIPANTS NEEDED FOR A DIABETES STUDY! IF YOU ARE: •Have diabetes but otherwise healthy. •30 years of age or older. •Take Bydureon (exenatide) or Victoza (liraglutide. You may be eligible to join a clinical trial conducted by the Diabetes Division of the UTHSCSA at the Texas Diabetes Institute (TDI).

“Unfinished Business” — or finished, somehow. ACROSS

1 Homespun home? 4 Got together (with) 9 MRIs, e.g. 14 Royal flush card 15 Love, Neapolitan-style 16 “Specifically ...” 17 Story of an extravagant electronics brand? 20 Absolute 21 “I Love Lucy” co-star Arnaz 22 Michael’s “Family Ties” role 23 Janitorial tool 25 ___ Moines Register 27 Happy hour spot 30 Shower cloth 34 Bill giver 37 “Assembling furniture is definitely for me”? 39 Macabre illustrator Edward 41 Take the plunge 42 “First Blood” hero 44 Long arm of the lark? 45 One ain’t part of this crowd 47 Toy brick near the placemat? 49 Badminton need 50 Less readable, perhaps 52 Landscaper’s cover 53 Hulu bumpers 54 Miracle-___ (garden brand) 56 “So long,” in shorthand

59 John of “Good Times” 63 Largest artery 67 Inept car salesman’s query to his boss? 70 Like argon and krypton 71 “CSI” city 72 Well below average 73 Abstains from eating 74 Battlefield doc 75 JPEG alternative

DOWN

1 “W” on a light bulb 2 Letter after delta 3 Salad bar veggie 4 “The Big Sleep” detective 5 Guitar-heavy alt-rock genre 6 Singer Rundgren 7 Actor Michael of “Ugly Betty” 8 Mastermind game pieces 9 Card’s insignia 10 Things, in Spanish 11 Way off-base? 12 Sudoku digit 13 “Mr. Roboto” band 18 “Jackie Brown” actress Grier 19 “Fortune Favors the Brave” musical 24 Unit of pants 26 Faberge collectible 27 Cheney’s follower

28 Full of energy 29 Rosie’s bolt 31 Make like Tony Hawk 32 “I have the power!” yeller 33 Shul leader 34 First sign of the zodiac 35 Indie rock band Yo La ___ 36 “___, what have I done?” (Talking Heads lyric) 38 “Jeopardy!” megachamp Jennings 40 Pussycat’s poetic partner 43 Couturier Cassini 46 Love bug? 48 All over the place 51 “La Bamba” co-star Morales 53 “Incoming!”, e.g. 55 “Batman” sound effect 56 Out-of-office message? 57 Magazine editor Brown 58 Designer Saint Laurent 60 Part of a Campbell’s Soup jingle 61 Minor injury? 62 Food fish known for its roe 64 Judge’s cover 65 “The Parent ___” 66 Makes a contribution 68 Shaker ___, O. 69 “___ seeing things?”

If qualified, you will receive: •Physical exam at no cost. •No cost trial related blood tests. •Compensation for your time.

For more information, contact

Texas Diabetes Institute

210-358-7200

Study will be conducted at the: TDI on 701 Zarzamora St. Principal Investigator: Ralph A. DeFronzo, M.D. Department of Medicine, Diabetes Division UTHSCSA. sacurrent.com • September 9–15, 2015 • CURRENT 61


ETC.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): “More and more I have come to admire resilience,” writes Jane Hirshfield in her poem “Optimism.” “Not the simple resistance of a pillow,” she adds, “whose foam returns over and over to the same shape, but the sinuous tenacity of a tree: finding the light newly blocked on one side, it turns in another.” You have not often had great access to this capacity in the past, Aries. Your specialty has been the fast and fiery style of adjustment. But for the foreseeable future, I’m betting you will be able to summon a supple staying power -- a dogged, determined, incremental kind of resilience.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): “The fragrance from your mango groves makes me wild with joy.” That’s one of the lyrics in the national anthem of Bangladesh. Here’s another: “Forever your skies . . . set my heart in tune as if it were a flute.” Elsewhere, addressing Bangladesh as if it were a goddess, the song proclaims, “Words from your lips are like nectar to my ears.” I suspect you may be awash with comparable feelings in the coming weeks, Taurus -- not toward your country, but rather for the creatures and experiences that rouse your delight and exultation. They are likely to provide even more of the sweet mojo than they usually do. It will be an excellent time to improvise your own hymns of praise.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): There have been times in the past when your potential helpers disappeared just when you wanted more help than usual. In the coming weeks, I believe you will get redress for those sad interludes of yesteryear. A wealth of assistance and guidance will be available. Even people who have previously been less than reliable may offer a tweak or intervention that gives you a boost. Here’s a tip for how to ensure that you take full advantage of the possibilities: Ask clearly and gracefully for exactly what you need.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22):

Why grab the brain-scrambling moonshine when you may eventually be offered a heart-galvanizing tonic? Why gorge on hors d’oeuvres when a four-course feast will be available sooner than you imagine? According to my analysis of the astrological omens, my fellow Crab, the future will bring unexpected opportunities that are better and brighter than the current choices. This is one of those rare times when procrastination may be in your interest.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): As I hike up San Pedro Ridge, I’m mystified by the madrone trees. The leaves on the short, thin saplings are as big and bold as the leaves on the older, thicker, taller trees. I see this curiosity as an apt metaphor for your current situation, Leo. 62  CURRENT • September 9–15, 2015 • sacurrent.com

In one sense, you are in the early stages of a new cycle of growth. In another sense, you are strong and ripe and full-fledged. For you, this is a winning combination: a robust balance of innocence and wisdom, of fresh aspiration and seasoned readiness.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): I hope it’s not too late or too early to give you a slew of birthday presents. You deserve to be inundated with treats, dispensations, and appreciations. Here’s your first perk: You are hereby granted a license to break a taboo that is no longer useful or necessary. Second blessing: You are authorized to instigate a wildly constructive departure from tradition. Third boost: I predict that in the next six weeks, you will simultaneously claim new freedom and summon more discipline. Fourth delight: During the next three months, you will discover and uncork a new thrill. Fifth goody: Between now and your birthday in 2016, you will develop a more relaxed relationship with perfectionism.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): A “wheady mile” is an obsolete English term I want to revive for use in this horoscope. It refers to what may happen at the end of a long journey, when that last stretch you’ve got to traverse seems to take forever. You’re so close to home; you’re imagining the comfort and rest that will soon be yours. But as you cross the “wheady mile,” you must navigate your way through one further plot twist or two. There’s a delay or complication that demands more effort just when you want to be finished with the story. Be strong, Libra. Keep the faith. The wheady mile will not, in fact, take forever. (Thanks to Mark Forsyth and his book *Horologicon.*)

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): Trying improbable and unprecedented combinations is your specialty right now. You’re willing and able to gamble with blends and juxtapositions that no one else would think of, let alone propose. Bonus: Extra courage is available for you to call on as you proceed. In light of this gift, I suggest you brainstorm about all the unifications that might be possible for you to pull off. What conflicts would you love to defuse? What inequality or lopsidedness do you want to fix? Is there a misunderstanding you can heal or a disjunction you can harmonize?

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): Is feeling good really as fun as everyone seems to think? Is it really so wonderful to be in a groove, in love with life, and in touch with your deeper self? No! Definitely not! And I suspect that as you enter more fully into these altered states, your life will provide evidence of the inconveniences they bring. For example, some people might nag you for extra attention,

and others may be jealous of your success. You could be pressured to take on more responsibilities. And you may be haunted by the worry that sooner or later, this grace period will pass. I’M JUST KIDDING, SAGITTARIUS! In truth, the minor problems precipitated by your blessings won’t cause any more anguish than a mosquito biting your butt while you’re in the throes of ecstatic love-making.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): In this horoscope, we will use the Socratic method to stimulate your excitement about projects that fate will favor in the next nine months. Here’s how it works: I ask the questions, and you brainstorm the answers. 1. Is there any part of your life where you are an amateur but would like to be a professional? 2. Are you hesitant to leave a comfort zone even though remaining there tends to inhibit your imagination? 3. Is your ability to fulfill your ambitions limited by any lack of training or deficiency in your education? 4. Is there any way that you are holding on to blissful ignorance at the expense of future possibilities? 5. What new license, credential, diploma, or certification would be most useful to you?

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): The story of my life features more than a few fiascos. For example, I got fired from my

first job after two days. One of my girlfriends dumped me without any explanation and never spoke to me again. My record label fired me and my band after we made just one album. Years later, these indignities still carry a sting. But I confess that I am also grateful for them. They keep me humble. They serve as antidotes if I’m ever tempted to deride other people for their failures. They have helped me develop an abundance of compassion. I mention this personal tale in the hope that you, too, might find redemption and healing in your own memories of frustration. The time is right to capitalize on old losses.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): It’s never fun to be in a sticky predicament that seems to have no smart resolution. But the coming days could turn out to be an unexpectedly good time to be in such a predicament. Why? Because I expect that your exasperation will precipitate an emotional cleansing, releasing ingenious intuitions that had been buried under repressed anger and sadness. You may then find a key that enables you to reclaim at least some of your lost power. The predicament that once felt sour and intractable will mutate, providing you with an opportunity to deepen your connection with a valuable resource.

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow


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