Scene June 14, 2023

UPFRONT

DOWNTOWN CLEVELAND SEES THE MOST BIRD-BUILDING COLLISIONS IN OHIO. THIS GROUP WANTS TO ELIMINATE THEM

RECENTLY, AT 4:30 IN THE morning, Michelle Manzo woke up in her west side apartment and drove downtown sporting a neon reflective safety vest and lugging a sea-foam green net a child might use to catch butterflies. As soon as she arrived in front of the Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse to meet friends Kent Starrett and Brenda Baber, she was crestfallen.

“They turned all the lights on, for whatever reason,” Manzo recalled, walking through an alleyway near East 9th and Rockwell hours later, as Starrett and Baber trailed her. She had heard the melodic call of an ovenbird close by, and feared that the FieldHouse’s glow would lead to a collision.

Manzo related the ovenbird’s voice. “How would you describe it?” she said. “ Teach-er! Teach-er! Teacher!”

Manzo, along with Starrett and Baber, are the central force of Lights Out Cleveland, a nonprofit group of volunteer patrollers formed to curb, and one day eliminate, birdbuilding collisions. It’s a particularly bad phenomenon here in Cleveland. Three-thousand birds a year, on average, have been scooped—dead or still alive—up by Lights Out patrollers since the organization formed in 2017.

Tim Jasinski, a wildlife rehabilitation specialist and lifelong birder who helped birth Lights Out, told Scene that, due to its unique position in the southward stream that is the songbird migratory path, Downtown Cleveland is about oneand-a-half to two times as lethal for avian species than any other city in Ohio.

“It’s not good,” he said. “You can do the math on that. That’s a lot of

birds.”

Running primarily on donations through the Lake Erie Nature & Science Center in Bay Village and volunteer birders, Lights Out is facing a sort of understaffing setback. And at the worst time. While they’ve collected, saved, or healed 697 birds since migration began in January, Jasinski estimated that the fall return trip— birds with their offspring—could ramp that number up to 2,500.

It’s quite a daunting number for volunteers like Manzo, especially when ranks remain thin. On any given day, no more than three to five patrollers show up, to circle glass-heavy buildings and bag bird carcasses for three hours at a time. (Jasinski said Lights Out needs “about a dozen” volunteers to sufficiently wrangle the five downtown routes.) A gig that isn’t

appealing for everyone.

“I mean, it’s a lot of walking, it’s early mornings, and it’s a lot of death. It sucks,” Jasinski said. But the alternative isn’t feasible. Without Lights Out patrolling, birds “will be swept up and thrown in the trash if we wouldn’t collect them,” he said, “or eaten by gulls or rats, or whatever.”

A self-taught birder and wildlife specialist, Jasinski grew up in Northeast Ohio enthralled by collecting practice. When he was seven, he started carrying home maimed cardinals and pigeons, to place in little cages in his bedroom.

“I’m just really good at catching stuff,” Jasinski said, walking around the Nature Center rehab center in khaki shorts and Merills. Jasinski checked on the various kennels and enclosures where, on average, 30 birds per day with drooping wings

Michelle Manzo, of Lights Out, holds a small black-throated green warbler that hit the side of the Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. Manzo is a regular bird patroller for the organization. | Photo by Mark Oprea

or ossifying skulls heal. Five interns worked around him, entering data or measuring earthworms for baby robins.

Jasinski gripped a grey catbird, from a marked paper bag, to administer a drop of meloxicam, a pain reliever.

“It’s just a little drip on their bill,” he said. The catbird froze in Jasinski’s palm. “He has a shoulder fracture. Probably could be a cat attack, could be a window collision.”

After working for Pet Supplies Plus for 15 years, in 2010 Jasinki scored a seasonal internship working in the Nature Center’s basement rehab clinic, where up to 115 of species—including, this season, 157 American Woodcocks, 137 Common Yellowthroats and four hairy woodpeckers—have been nursed back to health.

In early 2017, after 18 injured woodcocks were brought in, Jasinski knew he needed a birding patrol group, the kind that existed already in downtown Columbus and Chicago. He petitioned Harvey Webster, the chief wildlife officer at the Museum of Natural History, and Matthew Shumar, a coordinator of the Ohio Bird Conservation Initiative, to formulate Lights Out’s collaboration team. The cause is simple from the environmentalist’s perspective: the early-morning light and reflective glass of Downtown’s buildings messes with birds’ deep migratory instincts.

“They’ll collect there to feed,” Manzo told Scene on a recent patrolling outing, pointing to a range of sumac trees near the Federal Building. “And then they are flying around, and they think they can go straight, and—bam!—there’s a glass plate.”

“They see the reflection,” Starrett, a retired IT technician in his early seventies, said nearby. “They think that’s just more trees.”

Though not all volunteers admit it, they’re one-half planning advocates leaning on political interest. Like in Chicago, one of the first Bird Friendly cities in the country, patroller-activists are at constant battle with developers and building owners, either attempting to sell the benefits of non-reflective glass or urging the latter to install light-dissipating glass, like the popular Feather Friendly window markers.

According to Jasinki, after Cleveland State University installed such on its College of Law building, the patrol stop—one of Starrett’s busiest routes—became obsolete.

“They put Feather Friendly on it, and haven’t had a collision since,”

he said.

As far as problematic buildings that are frequent stops, the Federal Building and AECOM building on East 9th come to mind. Public Square is dangerous due to its quantity of vegetation. The Huntington Building, once a high target for bird collisions, was convinced by Lights Out to extinguish its nighttime lighting. Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse officials, Jasinski said, are “trying lighting options now.”

“They’re very helpful,” he added. “Good people. They understand.”

That’s the ultimate legislative goal, to make Lights Out essentially non-needed: to, one day, see legislation introduced in County Council to force all new construction to carry Feather Friendly glass, in some capacity. Sunny Simon, the chair of Cuyahoga County Council’s Education, Environment & Sustainability Committee, is rumored to be working on such.

On the recent patrol, a little past 8 a.m., the sunrise brightening the noisy trees on Prospect Ave., Manzo and her team talk bird law, the city’s awareness of what they do, about “what we’d do if we had 20 of us.” (Expand.) If anything, Lights Out has only made friends in their eightmile treks. Construction workers tease them. Security guards know them on a first-name basis.

“We’ve gotten to know the maintenance people at every building,” Baber said as the group trekked south towards the FieldHouse. “They’ll be like, ‘Hey! I saved this bird! I put it over in the flower box for ya!’” Baber smiled. “Yeah, they’ll actually do that for you.”

As the team regrouped, pausing for a break, a tiny thud is heard some 15 yards up the block. Per the group’s instinct, their heads turn to examine.

“We got a bird here! I think we got a bird!” Starrett shouted, already in a sprint.

“Ohhhh,” Manzo said, in tones of mourning.

Manzo and Baber circle a small black-throated green warbler, a songbird with black wings and a yellow throat. Manzo kneeled, and gently covered the warbler with her net, before softly stroking its feathers. Baber prepared the paper bag. For a brief moment, a hush fell over the group as the warbler went still upside on Manzo’s palm. “Oh,” Baber said, “I don’t think he’ll make it.”

The warbler was placed in the bag, later to be frozen and sent to Hiram College ornithologists.

(Another backlog at the moment.) Manzo stood up. She tilted her head, as if to preempt another collision.

“Sometimes it can be heartbreaking at this building,” she said. “You can be picking up a bird, and another one’s going to fall right next to you.”

Minutes later, exactly that happened. The group rushed over. “Go! Go! Get away from there!” Starrett screamed to the seagull that swooped in.

“Oh,” Starrett said, approaching the bird body. “It’s just a house sparrow.”

“Yep,” Manzo said, walking away. “We don’t take them. They’re pests.”

– Mark Oprea

Cleveland Urges Repairs for Dangerous Rail Bridges

Twenty-three railroad bridges in Cleveland are in “critical” condition, a survey found — and city leaders are calling on railroad companies to fix the problem.

“Class I, railroad-owned bridge conditions emerged as a prominent and widespread problem, affecting nearly every ward across the city of Cleveland,” said Councilwoman Jenny Spencer of Ward 15. Class I is the highest-earning classification for railroad companies, with an annual revenue minimum of $504,803,294.

In a news conference last Thursday, Spencer was joined by Councilwoman Stephanie Howse of Ward 7 and representatives from the mayor’s office in front of the Superior Avenue bridge at East 39th Street — the tenth-worst in the city.

“We looked at 99 railroad bridges that need inspections. Of those, 23 are critical railroad bridge infrastructure problems that we believe need immediate inspection, immediate maintenance and immediate repairs,” said Mark Griffin, law director for the city of Cleveland. “There are also 76 non-critical railroad bridges as well that need maintenance due to everything from falling concrete to the potential for disaster.”

Failing wing walls, beams, columns and bearings were among the issues found for bridges in critical condition, many of which were built more than a century ago.

The push to improve railroad infrastructure earned the national spotlight after the catastrophic derailment of a Norfolk Southern freight train carrying hazardous chemicals in East Palestine.

Last month, Senator Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) directly addressed

Norfolk Southern, CSX and Canadian National Railway, the largest Class I railroad companies in the state, urging them to repair their “obviously unacceptable” infrastructure.

According to the Federal Railroad Administration, the United States saw more than 1,100 train derailments in 2022, or roughly three everyday. Of those derailments, 11 involved dangerous chemicals.

“To [major railway companies] we say, ‘Don’t tell us you don’t know because now you do,’” said Griffin. “We expect you to fix these bridges and, if you don’t, we will hold you responsible.”

In addition to calling on railway companies, city officials say Ohio’s Public Utilities Commission and the Federal Railroad Administration need to be more proactive in inspecting railroad bridges and making companies address unsafe infrastructure.

“So our message to the railroad companies today is, ‘Clean up your

DIGIT WIDGET

75%

Decrease

3.0

Version of Downtown Cleveland being pushed by local leaders in a new plan to create short-term improvements to the city core including in public safety and activities.

$20 million

Total ARPA dollars Mayor Justin Bibb wants to give DigitalC to expand low-cost internet citywide. City council hit pause on the plan, questioning DigitalC’s track record, and will revisit the issue in July.

30

Days in jail served by Trevor Elkins last year after pleading guilty to campaign finance violations. Elkins, who just announced he’s running once again for mayor of Newburgh Heights, also did 200 hours of community service and was on probation.

UPFRONT

act’, our message to the federal and state authorities is, ‘Do your job’, and our message to our citizens is, ‘We hear you. We’re going to do everything we can within our power to protect you, protect your health and protect your safety,’” said Griffin.

– Maria Elena Scott

The Worst of Cleveland Magazine’s Best Suburbs, Ranked

Cleveland Magazine this month unleashed its annual ranking of the best places to live in Northeast Ohio, which it also conveniently calls, to avoid any confusion, the best suburbs in Northeast Ohio. Because eff Cleveland, right?

Anyway, the highlights detailed for Pepper Pike, which this year took home the top prize, say about all you need to know about this ritual genuflection to sprawl.

“Every home in this 7.15-squaremile suburb is built on at least a one-acre lot” and it boasts appealing proximity to great private schools, the magazine staff noted, while Mayor Richard Bain touted that, “People invest large amounts of money in maintaining their properties.”

Huzzah.

Cuyahoga County continues to hemorrhage population: The latest census estimates show from mid2021 to mid-2022 it lost nearly 12,000 residents, the most of any county in the state and more than the number of residents Ohio lost in total.

From 1994 to 2017, sprawl sucked some $2.4 billion in residential tax base from Cleveland, $4.8 billion from 18 inner-ring suburbs, and $4.4 billion from Cuyahoga County.

It is worth noting here that fully 25% of Cleveland Magazine’s best suburbs — ranked chiefly on safety, housing and education — aren’t even in Cuyahoga County.

But it is also worth noting and celebrating that for the first time since the city’s monthly mag began publishing the rankings in 1993, it also used the Best Places to Live issue to shine a light on Cleveland proper.

As editor-in-chief Dillon Stewart wrote in a note this month: “Why wasn’t Cleveland included in our Best Places to Live guide in the first place? It’s a good question

— one I had myself when I first joined Cleveland Magazine eight years ago. What I found was that so many of the measurables used to understand our suburbs simply didn’t apply to neighborhoods or didn’t accurately represent residents’ experiences in them. Most of the time neighborhood-specific stats aren’t even collected. Measuring a major city like Cleveland as a whole against a suburb such as Pepper Pike, this year’s No. 1 suburb, isn’t any less of an apples-to-oranges comparison.”

So, “Numbers don’t lie, but they don’t tell the entire story either. Beyond education results, home value and crime statistics — all essential to our calculations — there’s an unquantifiable X factor that makes people fall in love with their community. That’s why, for the first time, we’re expanding our Best Places to Live package to not only explore Northeast Ohio’s suburbs but also to highlight a few of Cleveland’s charming, historic, eclectic and growing neighborhoods.”

It’s a smart and long overdue move, and one appropriate for a magazine with the city in its name.

But we digress and move on to our annual and much-anticipated re-ranking of Cleveland Magazine’s rankings, calculated and organized after hundreds of hours of research and data-crunching.

Our ranking first, followed by Cleveland Magazine’s.

Congrats to all the winners. May your acres be ample and your landscaping budgets flush.

20 (tie): Pepper Pike (1)

20 (tie): Moreland Hills (2)

20 (tie): Solon (3)

20 (tie): Beachwood (4)

20 (tie): Hudson (5)

20 (tie): Rocky River (6)

20 (tie): Westlake (7)

20 (tie): Chagrin Falls (8)

20 (tie): Brecksville (9)

20 (tie): Bay Village (10)

20 (tie): Broadview Heights (11)

20 (tie): Orange (12)

20 (tie): Shaker Heights (13)

20 (tie): Highland Heights (14)

20 (tie): Aurora (15)

20 (tie): Twinsburg (16)

20 (tie): Bath (17)

20 (tie): Richfield (18)

20 (tie) North Royalton (19)

20 (tie): Avon (20)

scene@clevescene.com

@clevelandscene

–Vince Grzegorek

De-Platformed

By Douglas Trattner

TO UNDERSTAND THE EXCITEMENT

SURROUNDING

THE launch of Platform Beer a decade ago, it’s helpful to appreciate the local craft brewing scene that existed at the time. In terms of breweries in Cleveland, there was only Great Lakes, Market Garden, Nano Brew, Portside Brewery and tiny Indigo Imp. A beer lover would have to cross city lines to enjoy the likes of Fat Head’s, BottleHouse, Brew Kettle and a small handful of others.

“Back then, the landscape of the brewery situation in Cleveland was totally different, where any place opening was a big, exciting deal,” recalls Leslie Basalla-McCafferty, who operated brewery tours under the name Brew Bus. “So, here’s a new place opening in Ohio City — a part of Ohio City that was, at the time, neglected. It was really exciting.”

And from the start and in almost every way, Platform elected to pioneer a different path than most. Unlike its brethren, which segregated the brewing functions from the customer-facing transactions, it felt more like a garage startup that welcomed neighbors in to sample the latest batch. Brewers and guests shared the same space, giving many craft beer drinkers their first behind-thescenes look at the entire process. And while local stalwarts built their reputations around a stable of flagship beers, Platform was more of a moving target with respect to what flowed from the barrels – hundreds of different beers a year.

Over the course of the next few years, Cleveland would welcome a dozen more breweries, but none would grow as much or as quickly, nor garner as much criticism.

To understand the mixed

emotions surrounding the demise of Platform earlier this year, it’s helpful to appreciate everything that happened in between.

How did a community-focused shop become one of the fastest growing breweries in the country, a darling of Ohio’s craft scene, the newest crown jewel of AnheuserBusch Inbev’s craft collective, and just a few years later, one of the few – and certainly most surprising –local closures?

Scene talked to two dozen former employees and industry experts about Platform’s history, from the early days to the last, when AB abruptly shuttered it all with little more than a shrug.

With scores of staff over ten years, there are as many stories as there were Platform beers. But what’s clear is that the version of the brewery that existed at the end bore some but little resemblance to the one that existed in the beginning at the little taproom on Lorain.

“It’s always a little bitter to see something that seemed to have such a great concept and so much potential at the beginning fall apart,” says Basalla-McCafferty. “If it had stayed small and focused on quality and just maintained what made it cool to begin with, then we wouldn’t be here having this conversation.”

TWO YEARS AFTER PAUL

Benner opened the Cleveland Brew Shop in Ohio City, an invaluable resource for homebrewers, he hooked up with Justin Carson, who also was operating a beer-related business.

Carson was the founder of JC BeerTech, which designed, installed and maintained draft beer systems at restaurants all over the country. In early 2013, Carson purchased a two-story brick building on Lorain Avenue at W. 41st Street for $95,000. Soon after, he moved his company’s headquarters into the second floor of that building, which was constructed 100 years prior to serve as a Czech social hall.

After bringing in Shaun Yasaki as head brewer and partner, Platform Beer opened its doors in 2014. From the start, Platform was designed to be different from pretty much every other brewery in town. The owners sought to duplicate the type of taproom experience they enjoyed elsewhere but that didn’t exist in Cleveland, one that focused on beer over food, community over exclusion.

“We’re going after that West Coast taproom feel, which for some reason doesn’t really exist around here,” Benner told Scene at the time. “In Colorado or Portland, tasting rooms are just the place where beer is made and people drink. It’s all about brewing and pouring beer, not serving $12 meals.”

At Platform, guests in the 99seat taproom were immersed in the brewing process, enjoying unobstructed views of Yasaki as he worked at the 3-barrel brewhouse or at the fermentation and conditioning

tanks on the cellar side. When it came to the selection of beers that Yasakai was brewing, Platform also sidestepped convention by leaning into variety over repetition.

“I’m not really big on flagship beers,” Yasaki told Scene back then. “I don’t want people to come in and expect certain beers. I would like people to come in with the expectation that there’s going to be a completely new lineup of beers and that’s why they want to go there.”

But even more trailblazing than the laid-back taproom vibe and shying away from flagship brands was the brewery’s commitment to train the next generation of brewers, even if it meant increased competition. Every three months, a new homebrewer would be accepted into an educational program designed to scale up one’s knowledge of the craft. Those sessions included brewing time with Yasaki, lessons on branding and marketing, help drafting a business plan, even an assist on negotiating the vexing web of state and federal regulations. The guest brewer would then be given the “platform” to brew his or her recipes for a much wider audience.

Kyle Roth was invited to be Platform’s first “Guest Brewer.” Roth was an avid homebrewer, informed beer blogger and skilled graphic designer. He brewed under the name Ferndock Brewing, going so far as designing labels and tap handles to “market” his garage creations.

“I had a lot of connections in the beer world already from doing the blog, Cleveland Hops,” Roth says. “Then I started homebrewing and would share my homebrew with

The inside story of how the local brewery built on community and innovation lost its way in scaling up and selling out

different beer people. I submitted beer to a lot of competitions. I got to brew my beer for the Pro-Am Competition at the Great American Beer Festival with Echo Brewing out of Colorado.”

In fact, you could argue that Ferndock Brewing had more brand recognition at the time than his “mentor” Platform Beer.

“We were already building a name for ourselves by sharing with friends in the brewing and restaurant industries – and we were getting some opportunities as far as partnering with investors,” he adds.

Roth met Benner at the Brew Shop before Platform even opened. It was then, says Roth, that Benner approached him about participating in the incubator program.

“That interested me at that point, gaining more knowledge and popularity of the beers that my partners and I were brewing,” he says. “The goal was to open up a brewery, so it made sense to do this and work with Shaun inside of Platform and get the brand out there.”

Roth was eager to pick up the sort of skills that a homebrewer would need to make the jump, things like scaling up recipes, moving beer, cellar work and measurements for carbonation. In return, Roth signed over to Platform a percentage of his future profits if and when he opened the doors to his dream brewery.

In 2014, Roth released Ferndock Brewing Sandusky Pale Ale, a West

Coast-style ale, which was brewed under Platform’s license.

“It was distributed to Sandusky, where it was very well received,” he explains. “That’s where the brewery was planned to be.”

Everything worked as hoped, with Roth and his partners teaming up with investors to bring Ferndock Brewing in Sandusky to life. But as the partners really began to crunch the numbers, that prior agreement with Platform was upsetting the balance sheet.

“By the time I met with my investor, the scale of it was shrunk down so much that it wasn’t going to be profitable,” Roth explains. “I think it should have been more of a sliding scale depending on size of production.”

Roth approached Benner and Carson about renegotiating the terms, but “it wasn’t really received very well,” he says. In the end, his plans for the brewery were scrapped.

Only one other homebrewer, Tom Jenkins, would enter the incubator program before it was jettisoned altogether.

Ralph Sgro, who now owns Terrestrial Brewing, was Platform’s earliest employee, joining the company before the very first pint pour. He watched as the grassroots startup quickly changed course.

“Platform had the promise to be this underground homebrewerinspired brewery that would give people like me a shot at doing our

own thing – and it truly started out that way for a couple months, and then it took a turn for a completely different business model,” Sgro says.

In a move that shocked the local beer community, Benner and Carson announced in 2015 that they had purchased the former Leisy Brewery, a 120,000-square-foot complex of aging brick buildings, just a year after opening in Ohio City. Again, the owners touted an altruistic objective, this time to provide production bandwidth to up-andcoming brewers who wanted to scale their beer. Gypsy, as the new facility was called, would charge a flat rate per barrel of beer, absorbing all other costs associated with the process.

“You have to be a licensed brewery in Ohio, but that doesn’t mean you need to have a location,” Benner explained to Scene at the time. “What you have is a host and tenant brewery. We’re the host.”

But just as it had done with its incubator program, Platform quickly shelved the itinerant brewer model in order to focus on greatly expanding and distributing its own product line.

“Platform did see a lot of early success and growth, so why rent out your equipment to somebody else for less money when you can brew your own brand,” Yasaki says of the decision.

The grassroots Cleveland taproom that started with a 3-barrel system, before quickly adding a 10-barrel

system, soon fired up a shiny new 30-barrel brewhouse at Gypsy.

THE BEER WAS FLOWING, AND so were the good times.

“It was awesome,” a former staffer says of those heady days. “We had a great crew, we were selling a lot of beer, it was fun. The sentiment around town was very positive. People were excited to see the Platform guy. They were excited to carry the products. The market, at that time, was changing a lot. You were moving into this time when it was like ‘flavor of the week,’ that’s what the consumer was buying, and breweries like Great Lakes that were true to their core brands were fading to the backburner a little bit.”

But others felt it was too much, too fast for the budding brewery.

“That push for such expansive growth so soon was surprising to me — coming from being in the industry and seeing most places do their growth very slowly, judiciously,” says Basalla-McCafferty. “I always felt like it was Justin who was the one who was really aggressively pushing for growth at the expense of everything else, including at times at the expense of quality.”

It’s a sentiment shared by some of those on the inside as well, as one former Platform employee told Scene: “Paul was more the face of the company. Paul would do the Instagram stuff. It was more Justin day to day, and Justin was kind of the one, to put it nicely, with his foot on the pedal.”

Early on, Platform, unlike most decent-sized breweries, did not maintain an on-site lab, where beers are evaluated for things like quality, shelf-life and stability, and the presence of microorganisms. Instead, the owners often walked samples over to Market Garden’s production brewery, where lead brewer Andy Tveekrem oversaw an analytical lab, microbiological lab and sensory analysis lab.

“The beers were hit-and-miss,” Tveekrem recalls. “They didn’t have the commitment to quality that you needed to be in the can or bottle business. Some had no shelf stability at all because they were refermenting inside the package. Just a lack of regard for fundamentals.”

Within the industry, Platform earned a dubious reputation in terms of consistency and quality, a fact somewhat masked by its commitment to conceiving new brands. But even the brewery’s socalled flagships – beers like Speed Merchant, New Cleveland Palesner

Exterior of Platform’s Ohio City taproom.

SCENE ARCHIVES

and Yammy Yammy – were judged to be unpredictable from batch to batch.

“I never carried Platform Beer. Never,” says John Lane, co-owner of more than a dozen Winking Lizard Taverns. “The quality was never there in the beginning. There were times when the carbonation levels were different, there were times when there were off flavors, and when we did try to get the Palesner in, because it was one that I believed was kind of a flagship for them, we’d get one batch and then the next batch – they weren’t close.”

Reports of inconsistency aside, Platform continued to charge ahead, despite an increasingly crowded landscape. A couple years into its meteoric rise, the Ohio City-based startup would see stepped-up competition in the form of new breweries such as Hansa, Masthead, Collision Bend, Boss Dog, Saucy Brew Works, BRIM and Terrestrial Brewing. The room for error – the space for tolerance and leniency from local beer drinkers – diminished with each new slice into the pie.

“I think it’s fair that people are gonna have eyes on us,” Benner told Scene in 2017. “We’re younger and have grown at a substantial rate. We understand that, which is why we make investments in quality control, in the type of equipment that we use, in all of these processes so people know that if people are paying attention to us, we’re giving them a consistent product they’re gonna have a good experience with.”

BENNER AND CARSON’S

ambitious stance — one fueled by a self-distribution model operated by the brewery’s own salespeople and drivers — paid off when Platform was recognized by the Brewers Association as one of the 50 fastestgrowing small and independent craft brewers in 2018. By that time, the company operated a taproom in Columbus and was planning another in Cincinnati’s Over-theRhine neighborhood. To keep pace with demand, the Gypsy production facility added a hulking 60-barrel brewhouse and began operating it three shifts per day.

During his four years at Gypsy, Zach DelPriore worked his way up to brewer after stints in warehousing, distribution and delivery. He was brewing there when it was announced in a meeting that Benner and Carson were selling Platform to AB InBev, a shell-shocker of an announcement even to those who had theorized cashing out was Carson and Benner’s end-game of endless expansion.

“I don’t know if the goal was

always to sell out, I just think that the goal was always, always, always expansion, always money, money, money,” cautioned a former employee.

But the two said the deal was about securing a lasting legacy for Platform while allowing them to continue to run the dayto-day operations and continue experimenting.

“The truth is we’re going to stay true to the core to what’s made Platform what it is today, which is an ever-changing, unique approach to how we brew our beers,” Benner told Cleveland.com at the time. “The decision as far as what beers we make, when we make, it was really important for us that that was something we can continue to decide. We were given that freedom through this partnership to continue to innovate.”

While DelPriore and his fellow brewers were morally devastated by the news, and while local craft fans deplored a Cleveland craft favorite selling out to Big Beer, he says the mega-brewery did invest about $30 million toward upgrading the building’s infrastructure as well as improving quality, consistency, safety, pay and benefits.

“We are excited to invest even more into our local economy through capital improvements and job creation… We will be able to provide our staff with resources like robust healthcare benefits including parental leave, 401K and growth opportunities that we currently don’t have and will make Platform an even better place to work and grow,” Carson said in a statement at the time.

“AB really upped the quality standards there a lot,” DelPriore says. “Most of the bad rap is from the early days, when they were pushing shit out as fast as possible.”

As a shift brewer, DelPriore would follow a schedule that told him what beer to brew and when. Given Platform’s focus on variety, that docket was full of surprises. “My high there was 189” different beers in a single year, he says. For conservative breweries that tend to stick to a stable of flagships sprinkled here and there with a few seasonals, those numbers are unfathomable.

“It’s a fickle marketplace and everybody is trying to figure out what works, but they took it to a degree that I was flabbergasted by,” Tveekrem says. “I couldn’t even keep track of all the brands; they just kept sticking them out there. You could tell that they were just throwing shit at the wall to see if it would stick.”

Perhaps unconventional, but the reception at the Ohio City, Columbus and Cincinnati taprooms to that approach was always enthusiastic. Many craft beer drinkers are novelty seekers, eager not to kick back with the same-old, same-old but rather to sample something completely different. It’s a risk/reward proposition that diehard Miller Lite drinkers could never comprehend. And when Platform struck gold in the form of, say, an Orange Blossom Gose or Holiday Donut Cookie, the owners could opt to scale it up and package it for wide release.

And beer lovers would descend upon Platform’s Ohio City taproom in droves for events like Fresh Beer Fridays and Saturday can releases.

“We had so much fun releasing two or three beers every Friday,” says Shelly Svonavec, who worked for years as a bartender and general manager at Platform. “It was hard to explain to people who worked later on because it was just so different. We had our regulars that would come for the limited releases. It felt more like a community rather than a bar.”

It was a framework that appealed to a certain set of craft beer drinker, one who enjoyed logging their “check-ins” on apps like Untappd in hopes of earning badges, followers and recognition.

“At that point, beer was the hottest thing,” recalls Sgro. “It was trending before trending on Instagram even existed. Back then, we would chase good beer around the city.”

IT WAS A STRATEGY THAT appealed to Anheuser-Busch, at least on paper.

“Ostensibly, the reason that ABI purchases these craft breweries is because they are better at innovation than a big, global, mega company,” says Kate Bernot, beer writer and

frequent contributor to publications such as Good Beer Hunting. “They can respond to brewing trends faster, they can try new things faster in smaller markets and can then scale up.”

Over the span of about a decade, Anheuser-Busch InBev’s Brewers Collective acquired around a dozen craft breweries, starting with Chicago’s Goose Island and ending with Platform Beer. Only one saw sales plummet after being brought into the fold: Platform.

“Those early years, sales are supposed to go gangbusters, because suddenly you have all the resources of ABI behind you,” Bernot says. “You have an extremely strong distribution relationship, you have, theoretically, lots of money, sales and marketing support, expertise that you might not have had at your tiny, local brewery before, new placements in channels that you might not have been selling in, like stadiums or convenience stores. Those first few years should be like a ticker tape parade.”

Around that time, all craft breweries were facing stiff industry headwinds in the form of Covid, market saturation, and shifting consumer trends that saw the explosion of hard seltzers like White Claw. According to the not-for-profit Brewers Association, in 2020, small breweries saw a 9-percent decline in production year over year, the first such dip in recent history.

“Those are factors as much as they are for any brand, but Platform was performing worse than the rest of ABI’s craft portfolio and vastly worse than craft beer as a whole,” Bernot states.

A former employee rests some of the blame on a shift in the distribution model. Until the sale, Platform had employed a stable of salespeople who repped and sold only Platform products. After the sale, those duties were transferred to House of LaRose, the local wholesale distributor of Anheuser-Busch.

When you’re out selling heavy hitters like Budweiser, Bud Light, Michelob, Busch and Yuengling, Platform likely gets short shrift.

“Platform was probably very, very low on their list of priorities,” the former staffer says. “Distributor reps, they’re selling what makes them money.”

In reality, the level of experimentation and risk-taking that worked so well at the taprooms began to lose its appeal to shoppers in the retail marketplace. Sales reps would be stocking store shelves with new Platform brands alongside others that hadn’t budged in months.

“One of my friends was laid off and I don’t think any of them saw it coming. I don’t think the managers saw it coming. Two days before, we had a staff meeting and they were going over the details for this new education program.”

“The general community caught that fatigue — it was too much, too fast,” says a former employee. “If you go to the store and you’re looking at a shelf with Platform and there’s literally like 12 different beers, are you going to sift through all of those because you really want to drink Platform or are you just going to keep moving down and buy something else by someone else?”

Others feel that the Platform/ ABI marriage was doomed from the start to fail. In pursuit of the shinynew thing, the mega-brewery didn’t do its proper due diligence to see what it was exactly that they were acquiring, argue those with inside knowledge.

“That production facility on Vega? How does AB buy that and then not realize that they have to make huge, huge, huge infrastructure investments to turn this into the brand they want it to be,” says a former employee. “Brewing beer is expensive, so to do what they needed to at that facility, I would say it’s every bit of $30 million.”

On top of the capital improvements necessary to bring Gypsy into the modern era, adds the former staffer, ABI just isn’t set up to market the type of product line that made Platform an industry darling in the first place.

“They gobbled it up and tried to take the square peg and fit it into their round hole and it never happened,” they say. “It was never a good marriage to begin with and, in a nutshell, I think that’s really why that acquisition didn’t have the effect that they would have thought it would.”

In early 2021, Anheuser-Busch InBev hacked Platform’s brand portfolio to just a handful of core brands, while simultaneously moving production of heavy hitters like Haze Jude IPA, Odd Future Imperial IPA and Canalway IPA to an out-of-state brewery in New Hampshire. It was the beginning of the end for Platform’s local operations, as it got shuffled to the bottom of ABI’s marketing deck amidst lagging numbers.

At the time, Platform’s in-state retail sales were plummeting while its total volume was down from 28,000 barrels in 2018 to 22,500 in 2021.

The problems continued to mount that year, including when the entire staff at Platform’s Columbus taproom walked out in solidarity over working conditions – sharing in an open letter their concerns over low pay, untreated black mold, and coronavirus protocols.

The taproom in general had abysmal sales numbers, and the public

humiliation took its toll on Carson.

“He was publicly maligned and attacked in an ugly way,” says a former employee. “He took it very hard.”

The Columbus taproom would never reopen.

Carson, around that time, was relieved of day-to-day control at the brewery, says another former employee.

The following year ABI significantly reduced production and staff at the Clark-Fulton brewery, laying off an estimated 25-30 employees.

By then, 75% to 90% of Platform was being brewed in New Hampshire and projections for local production in 2023 hovered around 4,000 barrels, tops.

The writing was on the wall but the news still hit like a brick for those left when, six months after the layoffs, ABI abruptly closed the Ohio City taproom and Phunkenship, the sour facility and taproom in Clark-Fulton — all without advance warning to a majority of employees.

“People were expecting to go to work that day and lost access to Slack,” says one of those staffers.. “One of my friends was laid off and I don’t think any of them saw it coming. I don’t think the managers saw it coming. Two days before, we had a staff meeting and they were going over the details for this new education program.”

In order to receive their severance packages, employees had to sign a waiver and release of claims and “agree to make no public statements and take no public action that disparages or is detrimental to AB or would otherwise cause or contribute to AB held in disrepute by the general public, customers or employees.”

“They put sheets over the windows [of the taproom] so you couldn’t see in and we weren’t given the option to go back in to get anything that we left,” a former bartender says. “They had a security guard there.”

Carson nor Benner made a public statement at the time, or since, and neither responded to requests to be interviewed for this article. Attempts to interview AB staffers were rebuffed as well.

ABI, for its part, issued a brief statement at the time not addressing the closure directly but saying, “As we navigate through the changing industry and operational challenges, it has become clear that Platform’s production and commercial efforts need to be focused on… Haze Jude IPA, Odd Future Imperial IPA, and our new Canalway IPA.”

It’s an ironic fate for a company

that prized innovation and variety from the beginning.

In speaking with Scene in 2017 about Platform’s strategy compared to other breweries in town, Benner remarked, “We always said, we were never just gonna pump two beers into the market as far as we can.”

Turns out, it’s three zombie beers, brewed hundreds of miles away.

TO SOME IN THE LOCAL BREWING community, the de facto shuttering of Platform is karma for a string of misdeeds that includes shady marketing tactics, alleged nonpayment of debts that brought near-yearly lawsuits for long overdue maintenance and legal bills, heavy “borrowing” of Rhinegeist Brewery’s trade dress, and a nasty legal battle against brewer-partner Yasaki, who left one year in to pursue his own brewery.

“It was pretty terrible, to be honest,” Yasaki recalls. “We had just had our first child two weeks before. I was getting dragged into a courtroom and already not getting any sleep and staying up all night.”

The suit by Benner and Carson alleged breach of contract, and the owners sought to prohibit Yasaki from taking any steps toward opening his own brewery. Ultimately, the case was settled and dismissed out of court because it had no merit, he says.

“I was a partner, I was a coowner,” Yasaki says. “Our operating agreement actually had a provision that members of the company were free to pursue businesses outside, because both of the other partners owned beer-adjacent businesses, like the homebrew shop and BeerTech.”

Whether intentionally or not, Platform did function as a craft beer incubator, seeding the landscape with skilled brewers who went off to start their own businesses. Yasaki opened Noble Beast in 2017, Sgro opened Terrestrial that same year, and Reed Jaskula, who took over brewmaster duties after Yasaki departed, went on to open FairWeather Friend in Oklahoma City.

“If it wasn’t for Platform, I wouldn’t have my spot, Shaun wouldn’t have his spot, so good things did come out of it,” Sgro says. “We learned a lot about how not to handle business from them. A lot of my business now is based off of things that I wish they were doing.”

Yasaki says that he learned similar lessons during his short tenure at Platform that helped turn Noble Beast into one of the best craft beer experiences in Ohio.

“It was certainly a learning experience for me, and a lot of that experience has contributed to the

success here,” he says. “I learned a lot about myself, managing a brewery, managing employees for the first time in my career, writing recipes, so a lot of the lessons learned were positive.”

While Justin Carson is the easy villain in this story because of his hardline business strategies, aggressive tactics and apparent lack of empathy, those who worked closely with him discovered a different side. And to many in his employ, his decision to sell to ABI was made with the best of intentions.

“What they wanted was to build a company where they could keep people employed and build and grow, not only their brand but their family of people,” says a former employee. “You’ve heard all the things about Justin Carson, but to the people that were in his circle and he gave any kind of shit about, he did care and wanted those people to be taken care of, with good salaries and benefits and 401ks and all of the things.”

Svonavec, who says that she remains close with Carson and Benner, feels a lot of the blame and bitterness directed toward them is unfair. A small measure of empathy, she argues, might serve critics well.

“They started a business pretty young and it grew pretty fast and it developed into something very big,” she says. “I think at the end of the day, with all these things that happened, everyone is human. To me, I would be like, how would you have handled it, what would you have done given XYZ circumstances. Can people do things that you will disagree with, yes. Does that make them a bad person, no.”

One of the last beers to be served at the Columbus taproom before it closed was a high-ABV IPA called Hubris. If there was a more fitting metaphor to encapsulate in a single can the roller-coaster ride that was Platform, it would be hard to find one.

As the brewery’s debt continued to mount, its owners sought refuge in the form of a bailout from AnheuserBusch InBev, a company with whom it could not have been more incompatible. In hopes of preserving what they created, the founders likely sealed its fate.

“Hubris is not a good thing, but it springs from pride and ambition and wanting to do good things,” says a former employee. “But unfortunately, if you lose sight of the ball sometimes it turns into just plain hubris and ego, and there was a lot of that involved.” dtrattner@clevescene.com

GET OUT Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks

WED 06/14

Chamberfest Cleveland: Body and Soul

Local musicians will perform music from Purcell’s enchanting “semiopera” tonight as ChamberFest Cleveland launches its 11th season, dubbed Lightness of Being. The concert begins at 7:30 at Reinberger Chamber Hall.

11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

Moulin Rouge! The Musical

The popular musical that promises to deliver “a world of splendor and romance” comes to the State Theatre for an extended run that continues through July 2. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30. 1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

THU 06/15

Juneteenth Gospel Performance & Panel

In partnership with Cleveland’s FreedomFest, the Rock Hall will celebrate and honor Juneteenth with a performance and panel discussion on how Gospel music has had a vital influence on rock ‘n’ roll. The event begins at 5 p.m. at the Rock Hall. 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-5158444, rockhall.com.

Colin Quinn

Comedian Colin Quinn’s current standup tour brings him to Hilarities tonight and represents his first traditional standup tour in more than seven years. He’s been a busy man as his Broadway and off-Broadway one-man show, Colin Quinn: The New York Story, has been a huge hit. Expect the opinionated comedian and actor to weigh in on timely topics for tonight’s performance. The show begins at 7 p.m., and Quinn’s run at the club continues through Saturday. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

Rent

Based loosely on Giacomo Puccini’s La Boheme, this popular rock musical follows a year in the life of a group of young artists living on New York’s Lower East Side during a time of poverty, social unrest and the AIDS epidemic. With universal themes of falling in love, finding one’s voice, and living for today,

RENT teaches us to measure our lives in love. Showtimes at Cain Park’s Alma Theater are 7 tonight, tomorrow night and Saturday night. A 2 p.m. show takes place on Sunday. The play runs through June 25.

14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

FRI 06/16

Akron Recording Company 5 Year Anniversary Party

ARC will celebrate its five-year anniversary today with a bash at its studio, There will be live music, food and drinks, and a raffle starting at 7 p.m. Admission price is a $10 suggested donation for the, bands. Marcus Alan Ward and Jihad will be the DJ hosts of the event. Floco Tores, Cadillac Lover Boy, Red Rose Panic and Honeyland will perform. Bereka Coffee and Ethiopian Kitchen and Best Damn Smoked Meats will be serving food. Baxter’s Speakeasy will be the beverage curator for the event., 243 Furnace St., akronrecordingcompany.com.

The Dancing Wheels Presents: Legendary Ladies of Jazz This event that brings together music, song and dance aims to showcase the work of women of color who revolutionized jazz and paved the way for female vocal musical artists. The performance takes place at 8 tonight at the Allen Theatre. 1407 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SAT 06/17

Beachland Flea

A good number of local vendors will exhibit both inside and outside the Beachland Ballroom today to sell vinyl records, vintage clothing, unique artwork, music memorabilia and more. The sale runs from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. The Beachland Flea Market adds to the rejuvenated Waterloo Arts District. Many businesses have popped up or expanded in the last couple of years, and the Beachland’s flea puts an exclamation mark on the improvements. Admission is free. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

I Heard America Vomiting Tour:

Poets Nikki Blankenship & J.I.B. Nikki Blankenship, a confessional poet from Portsmouth, OH and author of the book Pussy, teams up with J.I.B., a prose poet from Southern Ohio, for tonight’s reading at Visible Voice Books. The event begins at 7. 2258 Professor Ave., 216-961-0084, visiblevoicebooks.com.

SUN 06/18

Juneteenth Celebration

Singers Ron Davis, Evelyn Wright, Pat Harris, Shirley Cook and Meryl Johnson will be on hand for today’s Juneteenth Celebration that takes place at 1 p.m. at Cain Park. Dr. Fred Wheatt will be the guest speaker. Admission is free. 14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

MON 06/19

WWE Monday Night Raw

The popular wrestling event returns to Rock Mortgage FieldHouse tonight at 7:30. Wrestlers such as Cody Rhodes, Rhea Ripley, Seth “Freakin’” Rollins, Gunther, Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens will be on

hand for the festivities. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

TUE 06/20

Guardians vs. Oakland Athletics

The Guardians get a break this week as the Oakland Athletics, one of the worst teams in baseball, come to town for a three-game series that commences with tonight’s game at Progressive Field. First pitch is at 7:10.

2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.

WED 06/21

The 10 X 3 Songwriter Band Showcase Hosted by Brent Kirby

The concept of 10x3 is a prearranged line up with 10 songwriters/bands performing three songs each. Two of the them required to be original, and the third can be the artist’s choice. Local singer-songwriter Brent Kirby hosts the event, which runs from 7 to 9 tonight at the Bop Stop. Admission is free.

2920 Detroit Ave., 216-771-6551, themusicsettlement.org.

OKAN performs at Solstice, which returns to the Cleveland Museum of Art. See: Saturday, June 24. | Courtesy of the Cleveland Museum of Art

THU 06/22

AMS Lecture Series: Sound and Vision: Set and Sound Design in David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs Tour

Tonight at 7 at the Rock Hall, the American Musicological Society presents this lecture featuring Dr. Katherine Reed, who will talk about how the late David Bowie brought his music to life on his 1974 tour that featured a stage he co-designed with Broadway design veteran Jules Fisher and set designer Mark Ravitz.

1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-5158444, rockhall.com.

FRI 06/23

Guardians vs. Milwaukee Brewers

The Milwaukee Brewers, one of the better National League teams, comes to Progressive Field today for the start of a three-game series. The Brewers got off to a hot start season, so you can expect this series to be a good one. Tomorrow night, Walk the Moon plays a post-game concert. Admission is included with the price of a ticket to the game, though tickets that allow access to the field will set you back an extra $20. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.

Verb ‘Ohio Contemporary Ballet’

Verb Ballet company dancer Lieneke Matte performs her final show after 10 years with the troupe. She’s selected some of her favorite works for the performance, which begins at 8 p.m. at Cain Park. Admission is free.

14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

SAT 06/24

Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

The two comedians and actors come bring their Bad Friends tour to MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage tonight at 7. 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.

FAM JAM

This annual family bash on the Rock Hall’s plaza will feature music, activities and more than a dozen community partners. There will be balloon twisters, chalk murals and bubbles. Admission is free.

1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-5158444, rockhall.com.

Solstice

The Cleveland Museum of Art’s (CMA) signature summer event takes place from 7 p.m. to midnight at the museum. This annual celebration features music and art and includes performances by international bands such as OKAN on the museum’s outdoor south terrace. There will also be projection mapping, lighting displays and additional decorations. In addition, local DJs Red-I, Nuera, Mark Who? and Selecta will perform.

11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

SUN 06/25

Concerts at Lake View Cemetery

Concerts at Lake View Cemetery series offers locals yet another great opportunity to catch a free outdoor concert this summer. The threeconcert series takes place on the Garfield Monument lawn, making it one of the most unique settings in the city; each concert showcases some of the city’s best jazz acts. Paul Kovac’s Big Grass Band performs today. Hours are 4 to 6 p.m. Admission is free. And if it rains, the fun will be delayed by a week.

12316 Euclid Ave., 216-421-2665, lakeviewcemetery.com.

MON 06/26

Memorial Monday

Every Monday through Sept. 25, Fort Huntington Park hosts food tracks and live music between 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. for this special event. Admission is free, but the food will cost you. West 3rd St. and West Lakeside Ave., downtowncleveland.com.

TUE 06/27

Lyrical Rhythms Open Mic and Chill

This long-running open mic night at the B-Side allows some of the city’s best rappers and poets to strut their stuff. The event begins at 8 with a comedy session dubbed 2 Drinks & a Joke with host Ant Morrow. The open mic performances begin at 10 p.m. Tickets cost $5 in advance, $10 at the door.

2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.

scene@clevescene.com

t@clevelandscene

MOVIES

SPEED RACER

The Flash works hard to make us forget the DC Extended Universe’s woes — and star Ezra Miller’s bad behavior

By Craig D. Lindsey

HERE’S A FUN LITTLE

exercise the next time you’re at a public place: Mention The Flash and witness people immediately get into a discussion/debate about just how batshit-insane Ezra Miller is.

That’s what happened when I brought up the movie at a neighborhood bar. “I don’t think I’ll see it,” the female bartender said, citing the movie’s star as the integral reason for her lack of interest. A female patron next to me echoed her sentiments. They both began listing the troubling, problematic things the actor has done over the years: numerous arrests, allegations of harassing and assaulting women, calling people Nazis, straight-up saying they’re Jesus, Satan, and the next Messiah all wrapped up into one. (In fitting damage-control fashion, Miller issued an apology last August, citing “complex mental health issues” that they were seeking treatment for.)

Miller being a bad-news fixture is just the cherry on top of the humongous shit-sundae that has been the DC Extended Universe. From gloomy, depressing movies to boneheaded studio decisions (yeah, let’s have Joss Whedon finish up Justice League — what can go wrong?) to whatever the fuck Dwayne Johnson was trying to do with Black Adam, Warner Bros.’ attempt to go toe-to-toe with Disney and Marvel has become an ongoing failure, pissing off audiences and some of the stars and filmmakers who’ve worked on these films. Certain diehards don’t like the fact that James Gunn has been called in to preside over DC Studios and do a top-to-bottom overhaul. But you know damn well it needed to happen.

Before it does, Warners is finally bringing The Flash to theaters — and making sure Miller won’t be doing any publicity for it. (Since comic-book movies have always been more about spectacle than star power, Miller sitting out press junkets doesn’t seem that odd.) It’s basically this week’s multiverse movie, as our fast-as-lightning hero Barry Allen (Miller) discovers he

can literally speed back into his own lifetime. Allen figures he can use his new time-traveling abilities not only to stop his mother (Maribel Verdu) from getting murdered, but to prevent his father (Ron Livingston) from going on trial for allegedly killing her.

Instead of him listening to his caped-crusader buddy Bruce Wayne (a very brief Ben Affleck), who tells him that could be, you know, catastrophic on so many levels, the little bastard does it anyway. Allen gets knocked into a whole other universe where his mom is still alive, but Superman is nowhere to be found. Plus, the Bruce Wayne of this world (welcome back, Michael Keaton!) is a retired recluse with a dusty Batcave. If that’s not enough, he comes into contact with another Barry Allen, who is something of a friggin’ idiot.

When Allen meets his lunkheaded variant, who actually ends up getting the original Allen’s superpowers, Flash becomes a convoluted buddy comedy. They eventually team up, trying to find ways to get the first Allen back to his time. But they also get a makeshift Justice League together, by roping in Batman (man, I didn’t know how much I missed

seeing Keaton whoop ass!) and a mysterious, imprisoned woman (Sasha Calle) with Kryptonian powers, in an effort to stop a familiar foe, who coincidentally shows up to destroy the world.

As we wind down on the goingson of this universe (Blue Beetle in August and the Aquaman sequel in December will be the final DC Extended Universe installments), it’s a relief that it’s at least going out on an entertaining note. And although Flash doesn’t really bring anything new to the cluttered table that is comic-book cinema, it works hard to make you forget that its star could be a raving lunatic.

Miller does give a sympathetic performance as Allen (both of ‘em). Just as in Justice League, Miller plays Allen as nerdy, lippy and incessantly awkward — a mascot in a skin-tight scarlet suit. The waifish Miller may have bulked up a bit to look all chiseled and shit, but still gives off a jittery, rubbery-limbed energy, especially during the more slapsticky moments — and remains quick to shed a tear whenever Allen gets close to his mom.

Much like the lead character, Flash is a busy, smart-ass blur. Andy

Muschietti of the It movies certainly gives us a lot of overcaffeinated CGI imagery, like the coliseum-like space — full of risers of revolving memories — Allen arrives at every time he speeds in time. Christina Hodson, screenwriter of Birds of Prey (aka the highest-grossing comic-book movie of 2020 — just accept it, nerds!), mined the drafts previously written by John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein and Joby Harold and came up with an endearing story that also has moments of maniacal action and meta fan service. (The physical/ CGI cameos from past and present incarnations of DC superheroes make this the first DC movie that’s less for the comic book crowd and more for fans of the film and TV adaptations.)

If The Flash becomes a success, there’s a strong possibility people will overlook Miller’s past behavior and chalk it up as a young star trying (and failing) to dodge the pitfalls of fame. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Back in the day, Robert Downey Jr. used to get high, break into people’s homes, and take a nap — and that happened between stints in jail. Then he became Iron Man and everyone forgot about that shit. Will Miller get back on everyone’s good graces the same way Downey did? Well, let’s see what happens after this weekend.

t

THE FLASH DIRECTED BY ANDY MUSCHIETTI. WRITTEN BY CHRISTINA HODSON AND JOBY HAROLD. OPENS JUNE 16.

Supergirl (Sasha Calle, center) has two versions of the Flash to contend with in The Flash . | Warner Bros.

FOLLOWING FELICE

Poppy is a big test for the Salt team. They’re passing with high marks so far

By Douglas Trattner

AS A DIEHARD EASTSIDER,

I was thrilled to learn that Jill Vedaa and Jessica Parkison would be taking over operations at Felice after the owners of that eatery decided to move on. I was giddy because it shortened by threequarters the journey required for me to enjoy Vedaa’s food; because it meant that the Felice story, which began 15 years earlier, would live on in some fashion; and because I knew that having the Salt team on this side of the river would induce legions of west-siders to experience the quirky charms of Larchmere Boulevard.

Over the years, I’ve watched the three-level Craftsman-style house and adjoining property evolve since Margaret Mueller first opened the doors in 2008. This year was no different, with the new owners making minor and major changes to the 115-year-old building. Chief among them was the transformation of the second-floor barroom into a proper full-service dining room. In exchange, the main floor service bar was brought back into the fold as a spiffy four-seat cocktail bar.

To my eye, the restaurant has never looked sharper. Guests enter the enclosed front porch, which is divided into a boho-chic waiting area and small dining room. Once inside, the warm hug of mahogany takes over thanks to a handsome hearth, original wood flooring and exposed-beam ceiling. Upstairs is a blend of old and new, with sturdy wood tables and chairs softened by plush banquettes. Up here, it’s lighter, brighter and louder.

In Spain, gin and tonics are called “gin tonics” and they are served in beefy stemmed goblets loaded with great gin, quality tonic and intricate garnishes. Poppy’s version ($15) would be right at home in Barcelona thanks to juniperforward Spanish gin, elderflower tonic, a splash of sherry and spray of fresh herbs. In the visually stunning I’m Melting ($15), a blend of premium tequila, rum and fruit juice is poured at the table through a strainer made of ice.

If you’ve dined at Salt in Lakewood, you’ve witnessed Vedaa’s uncanny knack for composing small

plates that possess a near flawless harmony of flavors and textures. From a seemingly bottomless well of inspiration, she conjures novel menus four times per year. On this side of town, the chef is aiming for a little more consistency, with some dishes making the transition to the next season. And where Salt is a “small-plate restaurant,” Poppy presents dishes that are closer in construction to appetizers, salads and main courses.

A staple at both restaurants, the chunky white bean puree ($13) gets a flavor boost from chopped green olives and smoky spices. It is served with plenty of grilled bread. The first dish to disappear, though, was the summery smashed cucumbers ($14), served on a bed of fluffy whipped feta and topped with pine nuts and torn mint. The kitchen prepares the palest, most delicate fried calamari ($13), which gets a tropical twist thanks to a

light coconut glaze and bump of heat.

Working one’s way down the columns – Vegetables, Fish, Meat – results in increasingly larger plates like ricotta dumplings ($21), fried chicken livers ($13), and lamb meatballs ($16). For a vegetarian appetizer, the dumplings are remarkably savory and filling thanks to good caramelization and meaty mushrooms, all cut with a vibrant herb pesto. Punchy, “poppy” mustard seeds complement a handful of crispy-fried chicken livers, in this case set against a bright salad of pickled onion and parsley leaves. If we had one doover, it would have been the lamb meatballs. They had zero sear, arrived dense as diamonds and the pineapple slaw contained more than a few bits of unappetizing core.

A many-layered potato cake somehow manages to outshine the beautiful filet of arctic char ($26)

above it, both of which are joined by grilled broccolini. Perhaps rushed from the skillet a few seconds too early, a trio of seared scallops ($22) and braised baby bok choy are presented in a deep bowl with grits and umami-rich ponzu sauce. In a slightly uneven entrée, bonein duck leg ($28) is served fried chicken-style with tangy gravy, mashed sweet potatoes and chilly celery root slaw.

Three months in, Poppy has debuted a new menu, a 140-seat patio and carriage-house bar, and Sunday brunch. It will be the biggest test yet for the Beardnominated chef and her business partner. Taking some pressure off the small restaurant kitchen is an outdoor pizza oven and grill, from which flow creative flatbreads, grilled vegetables, fish and meat dishes, and other seasonal surprises. If the service we experienced during our visit is any indication, the Poppy team will continue to draw crowds, raves and new fans.

Credit: Lizzie Schlafer

BITES

Now open: Hola Island Kitchens in Central

By Douglas Trattner

FOR EIGHT YEARS,

CHEF

Luis Roman operated the successful Latin eatery Campus Grille in Berea, but the long tail of Covid forced him to shutter that restaurant in 2021.

A year ago he opened Hola Island Provisions on the Vocational Guidance Services campus (2235 E. 55th St.), where he revived the dormant cafeteria and launched a quick-serve eatery specializing in pressed Caribbean-style sandwiches. But after some soul searching the chef closed that as well.

Now, after hitting the refresh button, Roman is back in business. Hola Island Kitchens debuts this week with a spruced up “storefront” and dining room, a new menu and revived sense of purpose.

“I’m going back to my roots a little bit with Campus Grille,” says Roman, noting the introduction of new Caribbean salad bowls and rice bowls, which join his signature pressed sandwiches.

Available in 6-inch and footlong sandwiches like the Cleveland Cuban, tripleta, spicy Jamaican cheesesteak and hot tropical chicken are packed with meats, cheeses and veggies and pressed until hot and crisp.

Roman serves three different savory empanadillas and three sweet versions.

Yucca fries are cooked to order, tossed in garlic oil and served with a choice of homemade sauces. Other sides include pan-fried sweet plantains, jerk-spiced sweet potatoes, adobo-dusted chicharrón, chickpea and cucumber salad and Spanish rice.

Hola Island is a cash-free business that utilizes walk-up tablet ordering and third-party pre-order.

The LBM Team is Buying Deagan’s Kitchen in Lakewood

After 13 years in business, Dan Deagan is selling Deagan’s Kitchen and Bar (14810 Detroit Ave., 216767-5775) in Lakewood. When it opened in 2010, the restaurant was one of the first and best gastropubs in the region. Thanks to chefs like

Demetrios Atheneos, Tim Bando, Ryan Kaston and Chris Kafcsak, the restaurant managed to stay relevant and admired in an increasingly crowded market.

Deagan, of course, went on to open Humble Wine Bar, Lakewood Truck Park and Beachwood Truck Park, which prompted his search for an appropriate buyer for his beloved concept.

“I honestly just don’t have time for it anymore, with the two truck parks, Humble, Dive Bar, opening another wine bar in Bay…,” Deagan explains. “Deagan’s has its own special amount of time needed to run it and I just don’t have it.”

He found that buyer in Eric Ho, who runs the exceptional cocktail bar and restaurant LBM in Lakewood with a group of industry veterans.

“It’s bittersweet, but I’m happy with the results – and I’m happy who I was able to sell it to,” adds Deagan. “Jackie and I go to LBM all the time. I like what they do and I was hoping whoever I sold it to would be a restaurateur that I would want to support.”

The last day of business for Deagan’s Kitchen is Sunday, June 18.

Ho says that when he learned Deagan’s was for sale, he eagerly pursued the opportunity.

“I’ve been going there since they opened, because I was working at Lakewood Melt,” he explains. “We used to go there for lunch at least once a week. Even now, we go there for burgers every Thursday. It’s just where we go to hang out.”

Longtime Deagan’s staffer Andrea Tsiros is not only staying on, she is now part of the ownership group.

As for his plans for the restaurant, Ho says diners can expect a new name but similar concept.

“We are essentially keeping the basic layout of the menu, but we’re just kind of modernizing the gastropub theme,” he says, adding that the menu will stick with the format of bar snacks, small plates, and bigger entrees.

“One thing [chef] Cory [Miess]

isn’t able to do at LBM are the larger composed entrée plates, and now he has a chance to do that – and he’s very excited to do that,” says Ho.

Ho adds that he intends to reintroduce Tuesday and Wednesday dinner service.

The reopening date is estimated to be sometime in early August.

Cleveland to Land Two D.P. Dough Locations

Sometime this summer, two D. P. Dough shops will open in Cleveland. The popular calzone shop, which is known as “the place to go when it is crazy late,” is a staple on more than 50 college campuses.

Founded by Dan and Penny (the D and P) Haley in Amherst, Mass. in 1987, the company currently is experiencing a major growth spurt.

“Dan and Penny, the original owners, realized that college students like to eat late at night,” says Scotty Rude, President of New Territory Development.

“Throughout the years, it’s been the place to go when it’s really late, after the bars, with your friends.”

Local owner Devine Redding, who also operates the D. P. Dough shops in Akron and Kent, will open locations uptown and downtown, specifically the former Jimmy John’s at 11446 Euclid Ave. and the former Jimmy John’s at 230 Euclid Ave.

The restaurants specialize in calzones, boneless wings, tater tots and cheese sticks.

“But one of the biggest pieces is that we’re open until 4 a.m.,” adds Rude.

While some stores might roll down the shutters at 3 a.m., all are open well past typical closing time.

Fans can expect the two new

shops to open sometime this summer: “Before the students come back,” says Rude.

Ponyboys in Chagrin Falls Is Closing. Chef Michael Grieve

May Open Rockfish Oyster Bar in Same Space

Ponyboys (506 E. Washington St., 440-247-8226) in Chagrin Falls is closing. The 75-seat Mexicanthemed eatery opened in late-2021 under the ownership of chef Ryan Scanlon. Its last day of service will be Saturday, June 17.

The space likely won’t sit idle for long. Chef Michael Grieve, formerly of Tartine Bistro in Rocky River, and current owner of The Grocery (2600 Detroit Ave., 216-387-1969) café and market in Ohio City, is hoping to open his planned seafood restaurant this fall in that space. Assuming negotiations go as planned, that’s what will happen, he says.

Wherever it lands, Rockfish Oyster Bar will be a full-service restaurant offering high quality seafood. The menu will draw on Grieve’s previous training at seafood restaurants in California. A set menu of “classics” will be joined by seasonal specials that highlight oysters from across the globe and chef’s tasting menus.

In addition to the restaurant aspect, Grieve intends to host fish butchery demonstrations, cooking classes and workshops. Topics will cover zero waste cooking, sustainable fishing practices, and seafood wine pairings.

All unused Ponyboys gift cards will be honored at Rockfish Oyster Bar (if it opens in that space).

dtrattner@clevescene.com

t@dougtrattner

Photo by Doug Trattner

MUSIC

A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS

Nathan Hedges strikes a balance between rock and pop on new solo album

By Jeff Niesel

SOME 18 YEARS AGO, LOCAL

singer-guitarist Nathan Hedges signed to a small Virginia label and released a solo album. He’ll finally follow up that first solo album with another solo album that comes out this month and will play a release party on Saturday, June 24, at House of Blues Foundation Room.

“[On my first album, I worked with] Chris Keup, who did the pre-production and co-wrote many of songs for Jason Mraz’s album, Waiting For My Rocket To Come,” Hedges says one afternoon over beers and shots at Stone Mad, the Ohio City bar and restaurant that’s near his home. “The backing band that played on my record had just played on his record. We were in the studio around the same time. I recorded it outside of Charlottesville. It was a cool experience. [Charlottesville-based] Dave Matthews was really big at the time. I was into Wilco and Ryan Adams and Drive-By Truckers and Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings and the Band and Bob Dylan. It was such an amazing community of music there.”

Hedges made the connection to Keup and Co. after his old band, Hudson Chase, opened for the Virginia-based jam act Agents of Good Roots in Akron and established a friendship.

“They used to play with Dave Matthews Band and Soul Coughing,” Hedges says of Agents of Good Roots. “They were a jam band, but I thought they were better than Dave Matthews and Soul Coughing. They just didn’t get the same kind of longevity out of the career.”

After Hudson Chase disbanded, Hedges joined the regional rock act View from Everest. He formed the indie rock act Cities & Coasts in the wake of that band.

“We were busy but not doing what we wanted to be doing,” says Hedges of View from Everest. “That’s when I wrote the first Cities & Coasts album. It was so different from Nathan Hedges solo, and that’s why I gave it a name. It was like the Strokes-meets-the-Beach Boys.”

Hedges then moved to New York

for a spell and reconnected with singer-songwriter Dan Miraldi, a former Clevelander, and the two started the New Preservation Society.

“It was another retro-sounding band similar to stripped down 1964 British Invasion,” he says of the New Preservation Society. “As two singer-songwriters, we loved that music so much and were inspired so much by it. Dan [Miraldi] and I engineered, produced and played all the instruments ourselves on all of those recordings.”

Both New Preservation Society and Cities & Coasts are still active bands, but Hedges is devoting his time to the solo material for the time being. He actually has saved hundreds of song ideas as voice memos on his iPhone.

During the height of the

pandemic when his life came to a “screeching halt,” Hedges began working on the tunes for his new solo album, Whiskey & Firelight, working out of his home studio he had built into his basement.

“It took me about 18 months to write and another 18 to finish the songs,” he says of the album. “I became a father, which has been an incredible experience, and that slowed down the time I could dedicate to this. It took almost three years from writing to conception.”

For recording the solo album, he enlisted the help of local drummer Holbrook Riles, who has played with locals such as Wesley Bright and Gretchen Pleuss, and also local bassist Matthew DeRubertis. “They’re the tightest rhythm section I’ve ever seen in my life,” he says. “They’re masters at their craft.

When I need to get it tight, I have them come in.”

Riles and DeRubertis played on five of the album’s seven tunes. Local pedal steel player Brian Poston also contributes. Highlights include “Games,” which features Tom Petty-like vocals and possesses a garage blues feel to it, and “I Ain’t Mad,” a tune that commences with a hollow drumbeat that then gives way to echoing vocals. The anthemic album closer, “Times Are Changing,” benefits from steel pedal guitar and Van Morrison-like vocals.

“The album’s dynamics are incredible,” says Hedges. “Sometimes, it starts big and then comes down. It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve always been a big fan of singer-songwriters. When I was younger, I don’t know if I appreciated them as much as I should have. Lyrics have never mattered more to me. I want to pain this picture and give this vibe and feeling. If you listen closely to Cites & Coasts, sometimes the lyrics are pretty depressing, even though the music is uplifting. With this album, there is a feeling and vibe, and the music is paired perfectly.”

Hedges says he tends to play live with only a pedal steel and keyboardist, but for the upcoming House of Blues Foundation show, he’ll play Whiskey & Firelight in its entirety with many of the musicians who played on it.

“We’ll do a lot more of that in the future,” he says. “With Cities & Coasts, there is a lot of production. It would take me about ten musicians or backing tracks to replicate it. For my solo album, I wanted the songs to be just as good, but I think every sort of variation of performing them works. I can do it solo or as a trio or a full band. It creates a much more dynamic mood. To play some of those Cities & Coasts songs by myself would not work. With this, the rawness of the vocals and storytelling makes it work no matter what way I do it.” jniesel@clevescene.com

NATHAN HEDGES

Cleveland singer-songwriter

Nathan Hedges. | Late Morning Films

LIVEWIRE Real music in the real world

THU 06/15

Bryan Adams

Perhaps best known for ‘80s hits such as “Cuts Like a Knife” and “Summer of ‘69,” singer-songwriter Bryan Adams has continued to record and released his latest effort, So Happy It Hurts, last year. It features the usual quotient of rootsy rockers and power ballads and finds the raspy voiced singer in good form. Adams brings his tour in support of the album to Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse tonight at 7:30. Rock Hall Inductee Joan Jett opens.

One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

Jacob Collier

Jacob Collier began dropping albums and singles when he was still a teenager. Now, some ten years later, he’s evolved into a sophisticated singer-songwriter. Just last year, he released the evocative ballad “Never Gonna Be Alone,” a somber number featuring John Mayer and Lizzy McAlpine. Collier brings his latest world tour to Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. Lawrence opens. Doors are at 6 p.m. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

FRI 06/16

Weezer

When Weezer last played Blossom in 2018, the band opted for a set list of fan favorites and smash hits that dated back to the early ‘90s. That’s not to say the group has lost its mojo. A tune like 2002’s lilting “Little Bit of Love” features sharp pop hooks and found its way onto commercial radio too. The concert begins tonight at 7. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

SAT 06/17

Pat Metheny Side-Eye

Jazz guitarist Pat Metheny launched his career with a bang. In 1974, he appeared on an album with pianist Paul Bley, bassist Jaco Pastorius and drummer Bruce Ditmas. He didn’t even know the session he played was being recorded. But he left a lasting impression and would release his

debut album, Bright Size Life, in 1976 to wide acclaim. He’s steadily toured and recorded ever since. He brings his Side-Eye project to Cain Park tonight at 8. 14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

The Used & Pierce the Veil: Creative Control Tour

A veteran rock group that formed nearly 25 years ago, the Used released its ninth studio album,

Heartwork, two years ago; it features 11 never-before-heard tracks that were all written during the original Heartwork sessions. Pierce the Veil dropped its new album, The Jaws of Life, earlier this year. Each with new releases to promote, the two hard rock/emocore groups bring their co-headlining Creative Control Tour to Blossom tonight at 6:30.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

TUE 06/20

Illenium

Said the Sky and Imanu share the bill with Illenium at this electronic music showcase. Headliner Illenium just released a self-titled album that features everything from pulsating house numbers (“Starfall”) to somber ballads (“All That Really Matters”). The concert begins at 6 p.m. at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080,

Santana comes to MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage. See: Sunday, June 25.| Marylene Eytier

jacobspavilion.com.

WED 06/21

Rufus Wainwright

The son of singer-songwriters

Loudon Wainwright III and Kate McGarrigle, Rufus Wainwright has established a career on his own terms ever since releasing his debut album in 1998. His most recent album, Folkocracy, features contributions from Andrew Bird, David Byrne, Brandi Carlile, Sheryl Crow, Madison Cunningham, Susanna Hoffs, Chaka Khan, John Legend, Anna McGarrigle and others. The gorgeous single “Down in the Willow Garden” shows how well his fluttering voice has held up after all these years. Wainwright performs tonight at 8 at Cain Park.

14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

THU 06/22

Noah Kahan

“Stick Season,” the title track from the latest effort from Noah Kahan,

finds the singer-songwriter tapping into life in his Vermont home. The twangy tune has a David Gray-like vibe to it as Kahan stretches his voice’s range. He performs tonight at 6:30 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. Joy Oladokun opens.

2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

Angelique Kidjo and Richard Bona

These two musical acts kick off the 44th annual Tri-C Jazz Festival with a performance that takes place at 7:30 p.m. at the Mimi Ohio Theatre. A five time Grammy winner, Kidjo has been called Africa’s premiere diva, and she’s a high-energy performer who comes a jazz from an Afro-pop perspective. Cameroon bassist Richard Bona’s career stretches back to the ‘90s. 1511 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SAT 06/24

Eric Church: The Outsiders

Revival Tour

When country superstar Eric Church played Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse in 2019, the show featured all the trappings of a

terrific arena rock show. There was a multi-tiered stage, a gigantic video screen that occasionally separated into panels that hung from the arena’s rafters and a party pit filled with rabid fans who brought items for Church to sign. Expect something similar tonight when Church brings his firstever outdoor amphitheater tour to Blossom at 7.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

SUN 06/25

Santana

When guitarist Carlos Santana played Blossom back in 2019, he showed he hadn’t lost a step. Playing guitar so vigorously that you could see the beads of sweat on his forehead, Santana, who wore his signature fedora and a black T-shirt with a giant white dove on it, demonstrated just how captivating a great guitarist could be. While he had two singers with him in his terrific band, the spotlight mostly shone on him, a real anomaly in today’s pop/rock world where the singer is almost

always the star. The classic rocker performs tonight at 8 at MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage. 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark.mgmresorts. com/en.html.

MON 06/26

Niall Horan

A former member of the Boy Band supergroup One Direction, Niall Horan brings his tour in support of his new solo album, The Show, to Blossom tonight at 7. Originally from Mullingar, Ireland, Horan has sold over 80 million records. His 2017 full-length solo debut, Flicker, included the hit singles “Slow Hands” and “This Town.” New singles “Heaven” and “Meltdown” feature shimmering synths and anthemic choruses that should translate well to the stage even if the tunes reek of overproduction. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

scene@clevescene.com

t

SAVAGE LOVE QUICKIES

By Dan Savage

Hey Dan: Is it good to see your ex naked?

Well, it depends.

If you’re on good terms with your ex and seeing your ex naked (looking at old pictures, swapping new ones, having breakup/FWB sex) doesn’t keep emotional wounds incurred during the relationship open and bleeding (making it harder for you and/or your ex to heal and move on) and seeing your ex naked doesn’t bother your current — if you have a current — then seeing your ex naked can be great.

Hey Dan: I have genital herpes, but I’m asymptotic. Panic or NBD?

Herpes is not a big deal for most people with herpes — most people with HSV1 or HSV2 are likewise asymptotic — so, don’t panic. I’ve done a few of episodes of the Lovecast on herpes with Dr. Ina Park, a professor at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine and Medical Consultant at the Centers for Disease Control Division of STD Prevention. Dr. Park discussed the stigma vs. the reality, disclosure vs. non-disclosure, treatment options, and more.

Hey Dan: Does performing kegels with a cock or dildo in a male’s anus strengthen the sphincter?

In all honesty, I don’t know — but that’s never stopped me from telling a guy I’m fucking that doing kegels is a good idea.

Hey Dan: Do you prefer boxers, briefs or boxer-briefs on men?

I’m an ABT guy myself — anything but thongs.

Hey Dan: How does one deal with emotional discomfort during sex?

Well, it depends.

Before I go any further, a lot of “sexperts” will tell you to stop at the first sign of emotional discomfort… but unlike a lot of “sexperts,” I’ve actually had sex. And this may come as a surprise to some of my readers… I actually have some sexual hangups. (Places I don’t like to be touched,

things I don’t like to do, words I don’t like to be called, etc.). And if I called off sex whenever I experienced mildto-middling emotional discomfort, I would’ve missed out on a lot of sex (and a few relationships) that turned out to be pretty good or even great. So, instead of ending things at the first sign of mild emotional discomfort, try saying things instead — try communicating in the moment —and if the person you’re with quickly corrects course and your discomfort passes, you’ll most likely be glad you didn’t call it off. If your emotional distress is severe, obviously call off the sex.

Hey Dan: I’m a straight woman who’s in love with a gay man who is also my cousin, but he was adopted so we aren’t genetically related. He’s the most amazing human being I’ve ever met. I don’t think it’s reciprocated but he is very sweet to me. I constantly fantasize about him passionately kissing me. Is this something people live with?

The fact that this guy is your cousin isn’t the biggest hurdle you face — his homosexuality is a much bigger obstacle — and other than waiting for it to pass, there’s really nothing you can do about this unrequited crush. There are no magic words that will turn your cousin straight or turn him into… not your cousin. An unrequited and/or unrequitable crush is a kind of madness, but one most people recover from in time.

Hey Dan: All of the Andrew Tate, alpha male and incel content online has turned my attraction to men into a revulsion. I am literally attracted to no one, and I hate it. What should I do here?

You should stop looking at Andrew Tate, alpha male and incel content.

Hey Dan: I’m a straight man but wannabe fag. I want to be forcibly feminized and fucked by dominant gay alpha males. But I need to be forced because I am too weak to really do it. How can this happen to me if I can’t ask for it? Asking for it would ruin it.

Gay men do a lot of crazy things…

but gay men don’t go around kicking down doors and then forcibly feminizing and fucking any straight men they find cowering behind them. To find a gay guy who wants to do that shit to you — and there are gay men who would be into it — you’re gonna have to ask for it. Then, once you find a guy who wants to top you, you’ll have to do what everyone else with elaborate sexual fantasies involving force and submission has to do: Suspend your disbelief and pretend that the panties and ass fucking weren’t your ideas all along.

Hey Dan: Lesbian/all-women sex parties. Are they a thing?

They are — but they’re a less common thing than gay/all-men sex parties. People like to debate why gay sex parties are ubiquitous and lesbian sex parties are few and far between (socialization, slut-shaming, sex differences, testosterone, etc.), but debates don’t make lesbian sex parties happen. People with the ovaries to throw them do.

Hey Dan: How do men identify who are only into men/cock sexually? No attraction on the street.

Some identify as bi, some as pan, and a small handful identify as phallophiles — that is, people who are attracted to penises but not the men they (almost always) come attached to.

Hey Dan: Lots of “bi” guys I’ve met will suck cock but don’t want to kiss men. What’s up with that?

Congrats, you’ve encountered the not-at-all elusive bi-identified phallophile in the wild. No need to put “bi” in scare quotes; a phallophilic bisexual is a perfectly valid bisexual, and you got your dick sucked, didn’t you?

Hey Dan: How do I get my male partner to be comfortable pulling out? I’d love to get rid of condoms.

You send him to Planned Parenthood’s information page on the pull-out method (effective for preventing pregnancy when done correctly), you show him the box

of Plan B emergency contraception you already have in your medicine cabinet in case he doesn’t pull out in time, you assure him that you will get an abortion if you wind up getting pregnant, and you move to a blue state if you aren’t already living in one so you can get an abortion if you wind up getting pregnant.

Hey Dan: Is there any empirical evidence that there are more “tops” or “bottoms” among gay men?

Tons of evidence, but it’s all anecdotal — and seeing as the U.S. Census only started asking about cohabitating same-sex couples in 2020 (with no other questions touching on sexual orientation or gender identity), it’s going to be a long time before they add “top, bottom or vers?” to the U.S. Census.

Hey Dan: My semen has gotten very thick. I’m 39. Can I thin it out somehow? I think I’m hydrated.

You can dilute it by mixing it with another man’s semen… but that’s probably not the answer you wanted.

Hey Dan: An everyday object that can be repurposed for some sexy fun time (wooden spoon = spanking paddle) is called a “pervertable.” But what do you call an item intended to be used during sex that can be used for non-sexy things? I have a nubby “sensation dildo” that is entirely too pokey for me but it’s fabulous for docking pizza dough or pie crusts. (Docking here means “poking lots of tiny holes to prevent giant bubbles.”) Any suggestions?

A sex toy used for a non-sexual purpose could be called an “ex-toy” (when permanently reassigned for non-sexy use) or a “flex-toy” (when temporarily used for non-sexy purposes). A pervertable that gets returned to everyday use — say, a wooden spoon that gets returned to a drawer in the kitchen after being used as a spanking paddle — could be called a “revertible.”