Scene June 27, 2023

UPFRONT

at the event, a two-way bike lane could run through the Low Line’s center. Park benches could host resting pedestrians. The Low Line would be, in essence, a calmer way of commuting from Ohio City to the west side of Downtown.

The promise of an easy pedestrian link is what brought Sam McNulty and his wife Ciara Ahern out to walk the lower level. McNulty, the Market Garden Brewery founder who’s revitalized West 25th since the early 2010s, lit up with ideas for the Low Line as a tourist draw seemed more likely in his mind. (“Bridgetober Fest” is a possibility, as McNulty spitballed.)

“Oh, this would be an absolute game changer,” McNulty said. “Just like the West Side Market is a draw— this could be our version of that. The Low Line. The Park In The Sky,’” he mused.

OPEN HOUSE OF VETERANS MEMORIAL BRIDGE’S STREETCAR LEVEL PREVIEWS WHAT THE ‘LOW LINE’ MIGHT BE

IN JASPER WOOD’S 1953

documentary “Streetcar,” the Cleveland-born, self-taught photographer depicts the daily motion of the pale-yellow light rail trains that roared on the lower level of the Veterans Memorial bridge.

Set to a solemn Western instrumental, Wood’s poetic capture of the Downtown-Ohio City connector is, with its porkpie-hatted men and West Side Market-bound crowds, a nice capsule of what might be a golden era of Cleveland transit.

It also foretold a death knell. In 1954, all of Cleveland’s streetcars were sold, most of them to Big Auto companies who wanted them off the street.

Last weekend, seventy years since Wood’s meditation on the Veterans Memorial bridge, some 9,000 perused its lower level, both to see what’s long been publicly inaccessible and as a preview for what may be when designs to revitalize the 3,112-foot stretch are finalized.

Popularized as the Low Line project by Chris Ronayne, the county executive hosted a two-day open house, in part, for Northeast Ohioans to tell a group of 30 or so pink-shirted volunteers how exactly a long-delayed reawakening could benefit the public. The project title, which gained steam after Ronayne’s announcement in January, is a nod to New York’s High Line, the 1.4-mile park built on an old rail spur on the Lower West Side of Manhattan.

For the attendees interviewed by Scene, quick thoughts of skepticism mingled with dancing dreams of green-painted bike lanes, pop-up cafes and prime overlooks of the Cuyahoga River. (All told to volunteers with notepads at their hips.)

“It’s got to be retail, maybe a nice restaurant?” Paula Baranuk, 70, a resident of North Royalton, said standing by her husband, Dan.

“Maybe a nice mix” of food, Dan Baranuk, 71, added, “something

like the old John Q’s?”

“What do the kids do these days?” Paula mused, looking around the crowd walking on the floorboards. “Roller skate? Maybe something outdoors-y?”

Catherine Osbourne, 32, and her friend Erin Ogden, 26, were standing closer to the center of the bridge, near where visitors were toying with an installed viewing scope.

Osbourne, a hobbyist cyclist who lives in Cleveland Heights, was quick to lament the quality of the bike lane above her, on the bridge’s street level. After all, cars zip by unseparated by any protective barrier; and chunks of concrete are missing from the bridge’s sidewalk.

“I would not want to bike over the bridge,” she told Scene, as car traffic above her slugged by. “It just always seems dangerous.”

According to a 2019 design published by Kent State University’s Urban Design Collaborative, which was on display

Ronayne, who was present at Friday’s event sporting a giddy smile, hasn’t detailed a precise funding or design plan for the Low Line, which could cost the city and county millions, as did New York’s park. But, with the nearby $100 million Irishtown Bend Park coming into the picture, both parks, as research shows, are guaranteed to increase property values. (And secure tenants for Bridgeworks, the midrise to be integrated with the Low Line’s western entrance when it’s finished in 2024.)

The Low Line could also help actualize the West Bank of the Flats, which has struggled to attract redevelopment, unlike its across-the-river neighbor, the Flats East Bank.

And, as Cleveland’s cultural shift to the urban core becomes more of an asset for city and county leaders, the park could act as a breadcrumb for those itching to sell Downtown as an attractive place to live.

That’s exactly what the lower level seemed to be Friday, with thousands strolling the path where Wood once filmed “Streetcar,” where the occasional Ingenuity Fest was held, where electricians fix occasional power glitches.

Talks of what-could-be brought up a sort of Proustian moment for the Baranuks, who both saw the bridge equally as a museum piece. Dan especially.

“My mother’s 93,” he said. “She remembers going over this bridge, looking down out of the car at the water. She just loved it.”

And the Low Line’s audience? “By the time they finish this,” he said, “who knows where the city’ll be.” – Mark Oprea

Photo by Mark Oprea

Local Nursing Home Workers Say They’re Pushed Past Their Limit

Service Employees International Union (SEIU) 1199 nursing home workers are calling on Gov. Mike DeWine to address what they say is a crisis.

“I simply don’t have enough hours in the day to do what I’m supposed to do. I’m routinely picking up duties of the aides and people get their showers and answering call lights because there just isn’t anybody physically in the building to do it,” said caregiver Michelle Nikita. “It’s like putting out little fires all night long. I don’t have time to spend with my patients, the quality time that they deserve, and sometimes we’re all that they have.”

Although DeWine established the Nursing Home Quality and Accountability Task Force, nursing home workers say their voices aren’t being heard. The task force is staffed with policy experts, advocates and leaders of governmental departments and hears from state regulators, administrators and relatives of those in nursing homes.

“Governor DeWine, his task force is blind to what everybody’s going through,” Nikita said. “And it boggles my mind why he doesn’t have people actually in the thick of it on his task force to give our opinions because we can enlighten him, that’s for sure…he doesn’t want to hear the truth. I mean, that’s it in a nutshell, he doesn’t want to hear it from the people who are actually working 16-hour days.

Although Chardon Healthcare Center is run by CommuniCare, SEIU workers say that the problems caused by unsafe staffing ratios are industry-wide. Ohio’s nursing home industry performs poorly compared to other states and was ranked 39th in the country by Medicare.

With low wages, long hours and chronic understaffing, some in the nursing home industry are pursuing other careers.

“Why would anyone want to work as an aide in a nursing home or in the hospital or any kind of health care facility when they can make a higher wage doing something else? It’s really a shame,” Nikita said. “Most of us who do this do it because it’s in our hearts and it’s what our callings are. I’ve been [at Chardon Healthcare Center] for seven years and the only reason I don’t leave is because I’m worried about what’s going to happen to people if I’m not here.”

According to the American

Council on Aging, a private room in an Ohio nursing home costs $293 daily and $106,763 annually on average. Despite these costs, workers say residents aren’t getting adequate care.

“We in nursing homes are real people working everyday to fix a broken system. We just can’t do it anymore,” said Nikita. “Our most vulnerable community members pay a lot of money to be in homes like this, and they deserve our care and attention.” – Maria

Elena Scott

City Club Public Square Talk Asks: What Is Downtown Cleveland and What Could It Be?

The summer Downtown Cleveland booster tour continued last Tuesday on a sunlit Public Square, where stakeholders in Cleveland’s core weighed in on its progress and future.

DCI President Michael Deemer, City Planning Chief Joyce Pan Huang and Freddy Collier, Sr. Vice President of Strategy & New Initiatives at Greater Cleveland Partnership, convened for a midday City Club dissection while fielding some hardball questions from WKSU’s Amy Eddings.

Those mostly pertained to an ongoing theme in urbanist circles: Does recent data reports on Downtown’s growth in the past decade truly reflect its reality?

The panel discussion, the first in City Club’s outdoor series in Public Square, was held two weeks after the announcement of “Reimagining Downtown Cleveland,” a five-year plan to direct the city center into a more livable, attractive space.

A month before, in April, DCI released an updated housing

demand study, which confirmed that Downtown is the fast-growing area—at a 22 percent climb since 2020 — that DCI regularly sells it as. One, as the talking points ran aglow of Tuesday, eager for housing, high on amenities, in need of retail, starved for affordability, excited for talent, and ready to warp suburban perception.

“We’re not building a downtown to compete with suburban neighborhoods—we just aren’t,” Deemer told Eddings, when asked about Downtown’s more unappealing side: its “noise,” its “public nuisance[s]”, its—yes— ”public drunkenness.”

“We want to continue to build an intergenerational downtown,” Deemer added. “Downtowns are a little bit messy. And that’s okay. That’s okay. That’s part of the beauty of it.”

Deemer’s qualifying Downtown as “messy” runs tandem with a barrage of summertime criticisms about crime.

DCI, in partnership with Mayor Bibb, had run a “Downtown Hits Harder” campaign earlier last year, not only in plea for work-at-home employees to come back, but as a way to sell others—mostly Gen Z and millennials—on the inherent vibrancy of the urban area.

Huang, a major force behind Bibb’s fight to actualize Cleveland’s lakefront and riverfront, spent most of her mic time decrying longstanding stereotypes about urban life. That it’s all white. That it’s super expensive. That it’s not fit for family-raising.

“There are many of you in the audience, too, who have families who live downtown,” Huang, who lives in Cleveland Heights with her husband and daughter, said. “Oftentimes people are like, ‘Oh, how do you do

it? And babies sleep. They get used to the noise. Once you’re used to an environment, it’s there. It’s part of your everyday environment.”

Such a key demographic— the new families skeptical of Downtown’s viability—is part of the ultimate target for DCI and the city’s strategy. Especially eyeing 2030, when, as Deemer likes to speak affirmatively about, Downtown “will” reach 30,000 residents. (It currently has, DCI reported, about 21,000.)

Collier, who had Huang’s job until his departure in 2022, said he doesn’t like to put too much emphasis on population data, such as the 56 percent increase in Downtown’s white population since 2010.

But, whether Downtown has 12,000 or 22,000 residents relies, he said, on an ultimately frail system. That is, the U.S. Census always, he said, misses a portion of the population—mostly persons “who didn’t hand in that form.”

“Over time, those statistics ebb and flow,” he said. “I never get caught up in a moment in time type of statistics and let that define the situation. That’s just an indicator of what you need to do to course correct, if in fact, you find that concerning.” – Mark Oprea

E. 99th and St. Clair Intersection to Be Named in Honor of Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

The intersection of E. 99th Street and St. Clair Ave. will be renamed Bone Thugs-n-Harmony Way to honor the Cleveland-grown hip-hop group.

“Growing up on that street was crazy,” Krayzie Bone told Rock

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony | Photo by Emanuel Wallace

the Bells. “We had many, many adventures on that street. We got in so much trouble. Our street was 99th and St. Clair, but we renamed our street because of the two nines—the 99—we called it ‘Double Glock.’ I remember we shot the streetlights out on the street so the police would no longer ride down it.”

A petition was created in January 2022 to ceremonially give E. 99th Street a second name to honor the group, which formed in 1991. Since the petition made its way to Cleveland City Hall, Ward 10 Councilman Anthony Hairston has led the push to recognize the Grammy award-winning group.

“We would be honored, I mean truly honored, to have a street named after us,” said Layzie Bone in a video supporting the petition. “It will also provide us with a lot of opportunities for the city of Cleveland but most importantly, not just the city of Cleveland, for the community of Glenville where we was raised at, our neighborhood.”

According to Rock the Bells, all five members, Bizzy Bone, Fleshn-Bone, Krayzie Bone, Layzie Bone and Wish Bone, will attend the naming ceremony Friday, August 11 from 12 to 2 p.m. at the intersection

DIGIT WIDGET

before later performing at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The Cleveland shows will continue that Saturday, August 12, as Bone Thugs-n-Harmony are set to perform at both the Glenville Festival at Sam Miller Park and LL COOL J’s The F.O.R.C.E. Tour at the Rocket Mortgage Field House.

“Just to see all these things taking place is incredible. Now is the time in our career where we’ve started to sit back and really take everything we’ve done in and recognize the foundation we’ve laid down,” Krayzie told Rock the Bells. “Other people are starting to recognize who did what and what we really did in this Hip-Hop industry.”–

Maria Elena Scott

Pepper Pike Resident Responds to Scene’s Ranking of the Worst Suburbs

A couple of weeks ago, Scene ranked the worst of Cleveland Magazine’s best suburbs.

Pepper Pike, which took home the No. 1 spot in the monthly mag’s tabulations, fared a little worse in ours, tying for dead last with 19 others.

That didn’t sit well with Mike, a resident who wrote in to let us know we got it entirely wrong from start to finish:

“It’s disappointing to see a professional giving unneeded criticism of another group’s work celebrating what makes a collection of suburbs a fantastic place to live. Being a resident of Pepper Pike for as long as you have been editorin-chief and being a resident of Cleveland suburbs since you have been with Scene, I can speak to what I have experienced. When we decided to move here we identified what we liked and for us Pepper Pike was it.

doesn’t mean it needs to be located in Cuyahoga County, but that seems lost in the negativity as well. Lastly, mocking people for investing in their homes and property while enjoying amenities of a community they choose to live in feels quite childish and beneath someone that is an editor-in-chief of a publication, but here we are with your sarcasm and all.

“Lots of people choose to leave the cities and head to the suburbs when priorities shift from single or newly married life to starting a family, which is why rankings such as safety, education and home value (which the home tends to be people’s largest asset in life) become very important and why Cleveland would fail to make the top 20 or even larger list put in with suburbs when these become the metrics to rank by. Hopefully Cleveland can turn it around when it comes to safety, education and home values, I truly would think that would be a wonderful thing for the residents of Cleveland and all surrounding communities. As for our family, we will continue to enjoy Cleveland Magazine’s top suburb of 2023. Hooray!”

Feel the same? Drop us a line.

– Vince Grzegorek

Affordable Housing Is a Big Problem in Ohio, Report Finds

In a state where the minimum wage is just $10.10 an hour, full-time workers in the greater Cleveland area need to make an hourly wage of $13.83 to afford a studio, $15.77 to afford a one-bedroom rental and $19.19 to afford a typical twobedroom rental, says a report by the National Low Income Housing Coalition (NLIHC).

renters.

In the Cleveland area, minimum wage workers must work 62 hours per week in order to afford onebedroom rental housing at Fair Market Rent (FMR) — a standard established by the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). To afford two-bedroom rental housing, minimum wage workers must work a 76-hour work week.

Two-bedroom rental housing at FMR in the Cleveland area is $998, which is $8 more than the area’s median income.

The generally accepted maximum amount recommended to spend on rent and utilities is 30 percent of total income before taxes. Following this rule, someone in the Cleveland area would need to make $39,920 annually or $3,327 monthly to afford a twobedroom FMR apartment.

The Cleveland-Elyria MSA ranked as the fifth-most expensive in Ohio, behind Union County, the Columbus area, the Cincinnati area and the Akron MSA.

In Ohio, nearly 1,590,000 households live in rental housing. Although the median hourly wage for all occupations in the state is $22.46 — enough to afford a twobedroom rental unit — for many of the state’s top occupations housing is unaffordable.

Ohio’s more than 258,000 fast food or counter workers and cashiers cannot afford studio rental housing on median wages of $11.94 and $12.74, respectively. Of the top ten most common occupations in the state, only registered nurses, general or operations managers and tractortrailer truck drivers can afford twobedroom rental housing on median salaries.

Percent of all owner-occupied homes in the city that graded out as an A.

“Pepper Pike is a terrific and safe community with a fantastic schools system, which is close by to much, but has the feel of being spacious and open, and has the ‘it’ that some think to be the nicest Cleveland suburb, which is what the original article that you discuss is about not Cleveland the city. Many residents from Pepper Pike and other suburbs spend time and money in the city of Cleveland going to many events, frequenting many businesses and earning a living which means paying income tax to the city, but that seems to be lost on you talking about the monetary sucking of the sprawl. Similarly, just because a community is a suburb of Cleveland,

According to NLIHC executive director Amy Riegel, rents rose by 17 percent in the last two years, far outpacing wages for many of Ohio’s most common jobs.

“It’s not just fast-food workers, hotel maids, big box store cashiers, and home health aides who are struggling to keep a roof over their heads,” said Riegel. “The low-wage, high-rent gap is impacting people who assemble parts in factories, fill orders at warehouses, ship freight, and answer the phone when you have problems with your internet service.”

Of the nearly 880,000 households in the Cleveland-Elyria Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA), which is made up of Cuyahoga County, Geauga County, Lake County, Lorain County and Medina County, 35 percent are

Ohio’s biennial budget includes a new affordable housing tax credit program to incentivize developers to build low-income housing. Although the Ohio House’s budget proposal designated $500 million in housing credits, Gov. Mike DeWine’s proposal capped the credits at $100 million.

The Ohio Senate’s original budget proposal eliminated the program entirely, but lawmakers later reversed course and included DeWine’s proposed $100 million in credits. “A precarious workforce means tired, stressed, unhealthy employees, higher absenteeism, and lower productivity. Affordable housing is a key factor that prospective employers consider when making decisions about where to site new operations,” said Riegel. – Maria Elena Scott

GET OUT Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks

WED 06/28

Moulin Rouge!

The Musical

The popular musical that promises to deliver “a world of splendor and romance” is at the State Theatre for an extended run that continues through Sunday. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30.

1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Renny

Actor, comedian and “digital personality,” Renny has a massive following on Instagram, Youtube and Facebook. Three years ago, he had appeared in Seasons 11 and 12 on MTV’s Wildn’ Out with Nick Cannon and just last year, he appeared in the BET flick The Christmas Lottery. He performs tonight at 7:30 at the Improv. Check the website for ticket prices. 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.

THU 06/29

Rolling Stone magazine describes him as a “breakout.” Between performing on The Late Show with David Letterman, appearing on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and routinely appearing as a correspondent on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, it’s hard to understand how Wood even has time to constantly tour the country. He performs at 7 and 9:45 tonight at Hilarities, where he has shows scheduled through Sunday. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SAT 07/01

Beethoven’s Ode to Joy

Two

Faces of Jane Presents People, Places and Things

This play centers on Emma, a thirty-something actress who has to confront personal demons after she winds up in rehab. A talk back panel of mental health professionals and those with lived experience follows each performance. Net proceeds help support free and low-cost services for parents of teen and adult children with mental health challenges. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Kennedy’s Cabaret, where performances continue through July 2. 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

FRI 06/30

Boston Mills Artfest

Featuring 300 juried artists, this arts festival takes place today through Sunday at Boston Mills. Artists from nearly 35 states will be represented. Today’s hours are 6 to 9 p.m. Tomorrow’s hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and the festival takes place from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday. 7100 Riverview Rd., Peninsula, 330467-2242, bmbw.com.

Roy Wood Jr.

With his extensive resume, comedian Roy Wood Jr. has started to make some serious noise.

Under the direction of Jahja Ling, the Cleveland Orchestra kicks off the outdoor season at Blossom with a performance of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 and Wagner’s Siegfried Idyll. The Blossom Festival Chorus will perform as well. The concert begins at 8 p.m. 1145 W Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, clevelandorchestra. com.

Reggae Sundays

This special Reggae Sunday Happy Hour Concert series at the Music Box Supper Club takes place rain or shine with live music from 4 to 7:30 p.m. Music Box will also offer food and drink specials exclusive to the series and will serve up island cocktails at its outdoor Tiki bar. 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.

SUN 07/02

Salute to America

The Blossom Festival Band will play patriotic marches and Broadway favorites as part of this special armed forces salute that takes place at 8 tonight at Blossom. Performances also take place tomorrow and Tuesday as well. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com

MON 07/03

Guardians vs. Atlanta Braves

A team that regularly appears headed for a long-run in the playoffs, the Atlanta Braves come to Progressive Field for a three-game

series. Tonight’s first pitch is at 7:10. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.

TUE 07/04

4th of July Parade, Carnival & Fireworks

The city of Lakewood goes all out for its annual Fourth of July celebration. The day begins with a parade at 10 a.m. Then, a concert takes place at 7 p.m. at Lakewood Park, and fireworks follow the concert. Consult the website for more info. 14532 Lake Avenue, Lakewood, lakewoodoh.gov.

WED 07/05

Walnut Wednesday

Walnut Wednesday is one of

summer’s great traditions. Today from 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. at Perk Plaza at Chester Commons — at East 12th and Walnut streets — food trucks gather to serve up lunch to area residents and employees. Follow the Downtown Cleveland Alliance on Facebook for weekly updates on vendors, entertainment offerings and more. The series continues through Sept. 6. downtowncleveland.com.

THU 07/06

Guardians vs. Kansas City Royals

In their last handful of games before the All-Star Break, the Guardians go up against the hapless Kansas City Royals, one of MLB’s worst teams. Tonight’s game begins at 7:10, and the series continues through Sunday. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.

Broadway start Jinkx Monsoon performs at the Agora. See: Saturday, July 8. | Alec White

FRI 07/07

46th Annual Cain Park Arts Festival

Now in its 46th year, the Cain Park Arts Festival returns to Cain Park this weekend. There will be art exhibits, food concessions and live entertainment during the three-day event that concludes on Sunday.

14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark. com.

First Friday Hop

From 6 to 9 tonight at this special Downtown Cleveland Alliance event, there will be live-themed performances with curated market vendors, a food truck and beverages available for purchase on three different stages across downtown. A free trolley on a loop will stop at all the performance sites, making it easy to hop on and hop off.

downtowncleveland.com.

Jurassic Park

Sarah Hicks conducts the Cleveland Orchestra as it plays the John Williams score to Jurassic Park. The concert marks the film’s 30th anniversary. The film will screen as well. The event begins at 7 p.m. at Blossom where performances continue through Sunday.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

Kenmore First Fridays

Kenmore First Fridays will take place every first Friday of the month through Sept. 1 in the historic Kenmore Boulevard business district. These free events will run from 6 to 9 p.m. and will feature live music, vendors, family activities, food trucks and the Magic City Brewing Company outdoor beer garden. The Rialto Theatre hosts an Akron Jammers open mic followed by live music from Glass Shadow, Dave Rich & His Enablers and Twon’s Bad Habits.

Kenmore Boulevard between 13th and 16th St., Akron, betterkenmore.org.

SAT 07/08

Jinkx Monsoon

Two-time RuPaul’s Drag Race winner and Broadway breakout star Jinkx Monsoon, who identifies as nonbinary, brings what’s billed as their

biggest concert tour to date to the Agora tonight at 8. Last year, Monsoon joined the cast of the Broadway production of Chicago. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

Sugar: The Nu-Metal Party

This DJ-led celebration of all things ‘90s era nu-metal (think Korn, Limp Bizkit, System of a Down and more) rolls into the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights tonight. The event begins at 9.

2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.

WonderStruck in Cleveland

The annual two-day music and arts festivals returns to Lakeland Community College. Today’s headliners include Walker Hayes, Flo Rida, Chris Lane and the Struts, and tomorrow’s top acts include Khalid, Nelly and Coin.

7700 Clocktower Dr., Kirtland, 440525-7000, lakelandcc.edu.

SUN 07/09

Dude Perfect

The comedy group that consists of former college roommates has become an internet sensation thanks to its viral videos of members performing stunts and various outlandish stunts. Expect the group to stage a series of “battles” between members when it performs tonight at 6 at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

Piano Cleveland Presents Gabriela Montero

Gabriela Montero plays a program of Chopin, Schumann, and Stravinsky as well as an extended set of improvisations on themes both familiar and new. The concert begins at 7:30 p.m. at Reinberger Chamber Hall.

11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, www.clevelandorchestra.com.

MON 07/10

Memorial Monday

Every Monday through Sept. 25, Fort Huntington Park, hosts food tracks and live music between 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. for this special event. Admission is free, but the food will cost you.

West 3rd St. and West Lakeside Ave., downtowncleveland.com.

scene@clevescene.com

t@clevelandscene

AGAVE & RYE

agaveandrye.com

1352 W 6th St, Cleveland

THE RACY MISS TASTY

Yeehaw! Get ready to saddle up and take a ride with ‘The Racy Miss Tasty’ - the wildest burger in town! Our deep-fried ground beef patty is coated in crunchy ramen noodles for an extra crispy kick, then loaded up with a taquito cheese that’ll make you say ‘yeehaw’ in excitement. But we’re just getting started - we pile on some sweet & spicy bacon, fresh lettuce, chunky salsa, and some cowboy candya sweet and spicy treat that’ll have you shouting ‘yippee ki-yay’ in no time. And if that’s not enough to lasso your taste buds, we top it all off with a fluffy brioche bun slathered in our addictive comeback sauce. So hold on tight and get ready for a flavor-packed adventure with ‘The Racy Miss Tasty’ - she’s one cowgirl you won’t forget!

ALL SAINTS PUBLIC HOUSE B

allsaintscle.com

1261 West 76th St, Cleveland

1/3 POUND STEAK BURGER

1/3 pound steak burger chargrilled. Served on a grilled ciabatta bun with wild arugula, a smoked Gouda bacon cream cheese spread, crispy onion petals, and roasted red pepper aioli

AMERICAN BURGER BAR VE

jackentertainment.com

100 Public Square JACK Cleveland Casino, Cleveland

21501 Emery Rd. JACK Thistledown Racino, North Randall

CRISPY GUACAMOLE BURGER

Sirloin & chuck blend, local brioche bun, pepperjack cheese, crispy fried guacamole fritters, spicy mayo. Impossible burger patty & vegan cheese available upon request

AROUND THE CORNER B atccafe.com

18616 Detroit Ave, Lakewood

CHEDDAR MELT

1/2 lb. Black Angus Burger w/ Cheddar Cheese, Bacon, BBQ Sauce topped with Onion Ring

BALLANTINE VE B

ballantinerestaurant.com

4113 Erie St, Willoughby

CHILI-CHEESE BURGER

House made Chile Con Carne, Smoked Cheddar, Fried Onion Straws, Garlic Aioli, LTO. Side of Fries $4. Take Out Add $1. Impossible Burger Substitute available + $3

HATCH GREEN CHILI BURGER

Diced Hatch Green Chilies, Pepperjack Cheese, Spicy Mayo, LTO. Side of Fries $4. Take Out Add $1. Impossible Burger Substitute available + $3

BARLEY HOUSE

barleyhousecleveland.com

1261 W Sixth St, Cleveland

BARLEY HOUSE BURGER

Double Smashed Ohio Beef Patties, Corned Beef, Fried Egg, Barley House Coleslaw, Brioche Bun. Veggie Delight Black Bean Patty available

BEARDEN’S VE

beardens.com

19985 Lake Rd, Rocky River

BEARDEN’S PEANUT BUTTER BEAR

Our famous steak burger topped with Peanut butter and sweet Pickles. Impossible Patty available

BLACK BOX FIX

blackboxfix.com

25359 Cedar Rd, Lyndhurst

RAILROADER BURGER

Seasoned Angus beef topped with smoked gouda cheese, grilled mushrooms, sweet bacon jam, served on grilled brioche bun with herb mayo

BURGERS 2 BEER VE B

burgers2beer.com

6323 Wilson Mills Rd, Highland Hts | 7669 Crile Rd, Concord

33003 Aurora Rd, Solon | 8941 Wilcox Dr, Twinsburg

LIKE BUTTA BABY

Our mouthwatering truffle butter burger features creamy melted cajun Brie, sizzling bacon, crunchy fried onion straws, and a tantalizing caramelized onion balsamic jam. Get ready to savor every sensational bite!

Black Bean Burger (made with Kosher black beans, rolled oats, panko bread crumbs, red and green peppers) or Beyond Burger (soy-free, gluten free, vegan burger, made from pea protein) patty substitutes available

BUCKEYE BEER ENGINE

buckeyebeerengine.com

15315 Madison Ave, Lakewood

THE ALL-AMERICAN BURGER

Our signature third-pound, chargrilled Ohio beef patty topped with melted American cheese, lettuce, tomato, and red onion. House-made black bean patty substitute available (vegetarian)

CAFE AVALAUN

cafeavalaunonline.com

4640 Richmond Rd. Suite 200, Warrensville Heights

THE OOH LA LA BURGER

A chargrilled patty on house made toasted gluten-free Brioche bun with, mustard aioli, Cleveland kitchen dilly garlic pickles, balsamic caramelized onions and dripping with a French cheese sauce made with Gruyère and Camembert

THE MCBIG COPYCAT

A chargrilled patty on house made toasted gluten-free sesame seed Brioche bun with zesty sauce, lettuce, American cheese, Cleveland kitchen dilly garlic pickles and diced onions

CLEAVELAND GROCERS & GRILL

clegng.com

13425 Snow Rd, Brookpark

SMASH BURGER

Our Smash Burgers are a culinary masterpiece that combines the simplicity of a classic burger with the finest ingredients. Each element, from the perfectly smashed patty to the soft brioche bun, the melty cheddar cheese, creamy sauce, and the kick of our house seasoning, has been carefully chosen to create a symphony of flavors that will leave you craving more. Our $7 dollar option comes with a single patty, which can be upgraded to a double or a triple. Add - ons such as, onions, tomato, & bacon, are also available.

CRAGGY BOGLANDS B

craggyboglands.com

4857 Robinhood Dr, Willoughby

THE TRADITIONAL BURGER

Delicious hand-made patty with lettuce, tomato, red onions, sweet pickles, and roasted garlic mayo, served on a brioche bun

CROWLEY’S

crowleysdive.com

36547 Vine St, Eastlake

DOUBLE SMASH BURGER

Government cheese, iceberg, sautéed onion, burger sauce, potato roll

DAVE’S MARKETS

davesmarkets.com

1940 Lee Rd, Cleveland Heights | 3565 Ridge Rd, Cleveland

16820 Harvard Ave, Cleveland | 871 East Exchange St, Akron

1929 East 61st St, Cleveland | 2700 Carroll Ave, Cleveland

3628 Mayfield Rd, Cleveland Heights | 13130 Shaker Square, Cleveland

22501 Shore Center Dr, Euclid | 7422 Harvard Ave, Cleveland

4948 Turney Rd, Garfield Heights | 5100 Wilson Mills Rd, Richmond Hts

$7.99 LB. CERTIFIED ANGUS BEEF BURGER PATTIES

Prepackaged Burgers Available in: Bacon Cheddar Jalepeno, Maple Whiskey, Pepper Garlic, Beef Steak

FOREST CITY SHUFFLEBOARD B forestcityshuffle.com

4506 Lorain Ave, Cleveland

TWO 2oz SMASH PATTIES

Two 2oz smash patties layered with white American cheese, served on a brioche bun, and topped with Canadian Bacon and a vibrant pineapple salsa

GOURMET GUY CAFE VE

gourmetguycafe.com

20253 Lake Rd, Rocky River

GOURMET GUY BURGER

Gourmet Guy Burger with Arugula, balsamic onions, truffle oil and brie cheese

BLACK BEAN BURGER

Black bean burger with lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, Chipotle crema

GUNSELMAN’S TAVERN B gunselmans.com

21490 Lorain Rd, Fairview Park

THE LIL G

All beef 8oz patty (short rib/brisket/chuck blend), Gunny burger sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a brioche bun. Impossible Patty available

GUNSELMAN’S TO GO gunselmans.com

21800 Center Ridge Rd, Rocky River

THE LIL G

All beef 8oz patty (short rib/brisket/chuck blend), Gunny burger sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a brioche bun. Impossible Patty available

HARRY BUFFALO EAST 4TH harrybuffalo.com

2120 East 4th St, Cleveland

BEHOLD THE BREAKFAST BURGER!

Two Hand-Smashed Sausage Patties with Two Slices of American Cheese, a Fried Egg & Bacon Jam! Served with a side of our BRAND NEW Maple Mild Sauce!

HATFIELD’S GOODE GRUB B MR hatfieldsgoodegrub.com

16700 Lorain Ave, Cleveland

1/4 ANGUS BEEF PATTY

1/4 angus beef patty, bacon, cheddar cheese, our signature egg bake (onions, peppers, corn, cheese) topped with home-made sausage gravy

IMPOSSIBLE BURGER

Impossible burger, cheddar cheese, our signature egg bake (onions, peppers, corn, cheese)

IMMIGRANT SON BREWING VE

immigrantsonbrewing.com

18120 Sloane Ave, Lakewood

THE ANDRE

A delicious waygu beef blend burger topped with leoncini ham, white cheddar, arugula, and house aoli. Black bean burger available

MUZE GASTROPUB muzegastropub.com

1384 Hird Ave, Lakewood

THE MUZE BURGER

Our signature burger. 1/4 lb all beef patty with manchego cheese, caramelized onions, and harissa ketchup. Have your Muze Burger served up at your preferred temp with a side of fries and your favorite beverage. Impossible burger patty available

NINJA CITY VE B ninjacity.com

6706 Detroit Ave, Cleveland

PHO BURGER

Premium beef patty seasoned with Pho spices, provolone cheese, bean sprouts, shaved onion, scallions, Thai basil, cilantro, jalapeno & spicy hoisin aioli. Beyond Burger vegetarian option available. Beyond patty available

NORA’S PUBLIC HOUSE B noraspublichouse.net

4054 Erie St, Willoughby

NÓRA’S BOY

2 1/3lb patties, lettuce, pickles, cheddar, secret sauce

NORTH HIGH BREWING CO MR northhighbrewing.com

2721 Vermont Ave, Cleveland

GUARDIAN BURGER

Braised Red Cabbage, Aged Cheddar, Chive Pierogi, Candied Bacon, Cranpark Mustard, Bacon

TOMATO JAMMER

Fried Green Tomato, Bacon Jam, Pickled Onion, Munster Cheese Lettuce

HOUSE ROASTED QUINOA & CAULIFLOWER VEGGIE BURGER

#CLEBURGERWEEK

PANINIS WESTLAKE

paninisgrill.com

23800 Detroit Rd, Westlake

THE SANTA FE BURGER

High quality beef smash patty topped with house guacamole, fresh tomato, cheddar cheese, shredded lettuce & crispy tortilla strips. Substitute Smash patty for Spicy Black Bean Burger for an additional $1

PIONEER

pioneercleveland.com

2407 Loraine Ave, Cleveland

FAMOUS PIONEER BURGER

Two Smash Patties, White Cheddar, Caramelized Onions, Bacon Jam, & House Pickles on a Sesame Seed Bun

PLANK ROAD TAVERN B MR

plankroadtavern.com

16719 Detroit Ave, Lakewood

KYLE & DAN’S HONEY SRIRACHA BURGER

1/3 Pound TJs Butcher Block Beef Blend, House Made Honey Sriracha Sauce, Choice of Cheese. Side of Kyles Home made pickles. Morningstar Vegan Patty available

RIDGEWOOD KITCHEN & SPIRITS

ridgewood84.com

9853 Johnnycake Ridge Rd. Suite 8, Concord

THE EASY DOES IT

Smash burger ground in-house with lettuce, tomato & pickles. Smoked Portabella vegetarian substitute available

SALMON BURGER

House-made salmon burger with arugula, tomato, pickled onions & spicy remoulade. Smoked Portabella vegetarian substitute available

ROLLHOUSE

therollhouse.com

33185 Bainbridge Rd, Solon | 7300 Palisades Pkwy, Mentor

12859 Brookpark Rd, Parma | 24488 Lorain Rd, North Olmsted

ALL AMERICAN BURGER

All-beef patty, velveeta cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickle chips

MUSHROOM SWISS BURGER

All-beef patty, sautéed mushrooms, swiss cheese

ROWLEY INN B

therowleyinn.com

1104 Rowley Ave, Cleveland

THE WHOLE ELVIS

1/2 pound burger topped w/peanut butter banana compote, grape jelly, honey, candied bacon, smoked gouda cheese on a brioche bun

SMOKED GOUDA BURGER

Topped w/ lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, pickle spear

RUM RUNNERS FLATS

rumrunnersflats.com

1085 Old River Rd, Cleveland

QUESO QUESADILLA BURGER

Quarter pounder burger topped with pico de gallo and mixed cheese served between two grilled flour tortillas with a side of queso cheese sauce.

Substitute a Beyond Burger patty for a $1 upcharge

SAUCED TAPROOM & KITCHEN

saucedtaproom.com

14701 Detroit Ave, Lakewood

YUM YUM MELT

The Yum Yum Melt consists of two slices of toasted egg bread, a savory beef patty with melted American cheese, perfectly caramelized onions, drizzled with our house made garlic aioli and yum yum sauces. *We will not be offering the burger special on Saturday July 15th*

SAUCY BREW WORKS

saucybrewworks.com/ohio-city

2885 Detroit Ave, Cleveland

SAUCY SMASH BURGER

A juicy burger topped with cheese, red onion, lettuce, and homemade thousand island dressing

SCALPERS BAR & GRILLE

scalpersbarandgrille.com

5718 Mayfield Rd, Lyndhurst

THE “2–9” BURGER

We named this burger after our 29th anniversary coming up at the end of July. It is a 1/2 pound burger, with American cheese an Onion Ring and our house made “bloom sauce”

SIBLING REVELRY BREWING

siblingrevelrybrewing.com

29305 Clemens Rd, Westlake

BRAT BURGER

Ground pork patty, caramelized onions, dijon sauteed bell peppers, queso, on a pretzel bun. Upcharge to Chips $2.00, Upcharge to Fries $3.00, Upcharge to Gluten Free $3.00

SIRNA’S CAFE

facebook.com/sirnas.bedford

795 Broadway Ave, Bedford

THE SIRNA’S CAFE BURGER

Back for the sixth consecutive year for Cleveland Burger Week! Half pound angus burger with lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles with your choice of cheese

SOL B

solwilloughby.com

38257 Glenn Ave, Willoughby

THAT’S AMORE

Fried Mozzarella, Spinach, Heirloom Tomato, Balsamic Reduction, and Basil Aioli. Black Bean Patty + $1.00

SOUTHERN TIER BREWING CO

stbcbeer.com/taprooms/cleveland

811 Prospect Ave E, Cleveland

RED HOT AND BLUE BURGER

Double smash burger topped with a pickled jalapeño & blue cheese slaw and cheddar cheese on a sesame seeded bun. Served with a side of chips

SWENSONS DRIVE-IN

swensonsdriveins.com

7635 Broadview Rd, Seven Hills

14510 Cedar Rd, University Heights

27175 Lorain Rd, North Olmsted

36041 Main St, Avon

34725 Euclid Ave, Willoughby

7414 Brookpark Rd, Cleveland

THE BIG TEEZE

Swensons’ classic double cheeseburger topped with two jalapeno and cheese Potato Teezers, and drizzled with Ranch dressing

TEAMZ RESTAURANT & BAR

teamzsportsbar.com

6611 Eastland Rd, Middleburg Heights

THE ALLEY–OOP BURGER

1/2 pound burger topped with BBQ Pulled Pork, Mac and cheese, Bacon bits, American cheese, and Red Onion. Take-out available with purchase of a beverage

THE BLUE PALM RESTAURANT MR & LOUNGE

facebook.com/thebluepalmcle

5517 Memphis Ave, Cleveland

CLASSIC CHEESEBURGER

Fresh Ground Beef, Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles, Onions, and Cheese on a Brioche Bun. +$3.00 Fries

THE BREW KETTLE B

thebrewkettle.com

8377 Pearl Rd, Strongsville | 300 Church St, Amherst

11 Atterbury Dr, Hudson | 7850 Mentor Ave, Mentor

PERFECTLY GRILLED 1/3LB BURGER

Perfectly grilled 1/3lb burger topped with Hatch Green Chili’s, White Queso and wrapped up in a crispy tortilla

THE BROTHERS LOUNGE B

brotherslounge.com

11609 Detroit Ave, Cleveland

BRAT BURGER

House made bratwurst patty, Potato cheddar pancake, Cole slaw, Ketchup, Stadium Mustard

PB&J BURGER

Beef patty, Sharp white cheddar, Strawberry-jalapeno jam, Peanut butter sauce

THE BURNHAM opentable.com/r/the-burnham-restaurant-cleveland

100 Lakeside Avenue East, Cleveland

MUSHROOM & ONION SMASH BURGER

Quarter Pound Burger with Grilled Mushrooms & Onions, Swiss Cheese and Sweet Pickle Aioli

THE JOLLY SCHOLAR BREWING COMPANY

thejollyscholar.com

11111 Euclid Ave, Cleveland

CLASSIC AMERICAN SMASH BURGER

Our best selling burger, a double-pattied beef smash burger on a toasted bun topped with American cheese slices, pickles chips, shredded lettuce, and a 1000 Island style burger sauce. Additional toppings available upon request

VEGETARIAN CHICKPEA BURGER

Fried Chickpea Falafel Burger on a toasted bun, topped with shredded lettuce, tomatoes, pickled red onions, and tzatziki sauce. Additional toppings available upon request.

THE WILD GOOSE B wildgoosewlby.com

4054 Erie St, Willoughby

WESTERN GOOSE

Fresh all beef patty, smithwick’s onion rings, bbq

THE WINCHESTER VE B

thewinchestermusictavern.com

12112 Madison Ave, Lakewood

PLAIN JANE

Burger Patty, Cheddar Cheese, Pickle CAPRESE

Burger Patty, Ohio Mozzarella, Tomato, Spinach, Basil Mayo

TACO BURGER (VEGAN)

Taco Seasoned Black Bean Patty, Lettuce, Shredded Cheese, Pico, Avocado Mayo

OLD BOY (VEGAN)

Black Bean Patty, Secret Sauce, Romaine, Tomato

TONY K’S BAR & GRILLE tonyks.com

841 W Bagley Rd, Berea

THE SWEET SPEED BURGER

A 1/2 pound burger with melted pepper jack cheese topped Rob’s secret sauce, French fries, bacon, lettuce and tomato

BURGER WEEK KEY

VEGGIE

GLUTEN

BREW

MOVIES

SOMEBODY THAT YOU USED TO KNOW

In Past Lives, writer-director Celine Song explores the pull of the lost loves and lives unlived

By Andrew Wyatt

WRITER-DIRECTOR CELINE

Song’s melancholic romantic drama Past Lives opens with a heck of a shot. The camera slowly zooms in on an Asian woman and two men — one Asian, one white — chatting at a bar. Their conversation is muffled by ambient sound, but a pair of offscreen observers can be heard, attempting to untangle the relationship dynamic of this trio from across the room, based solely on their body language. Husband and wife plus brother? Girlfriend and boyfriend plus co-worker? Race and gender play an implicit role in the unseen voyeurs’ suppositions, but the truth of the matter is both simpler and more poignant than they suspect. Eventually Song will return to this moment, giving the viewer the proverbial reverse shot from the trio’s perspective, with the addition of 24 years of heartwrenching context.

The story proper begins in Seoul, South Korea, in the late 1990s, as the friendship between elementary school students Na Young (Seung Ah Moon) and Hae Sung (Seung Min Yim) is just starting to develop into a mutual crush. Unfortunately, Na Young’s parents have recently decided to relocate their family to Canada, though not before Na Young and Hae Sung have their first and only chaperoned playground “date.”

Twelve years later, the twentysomething Na Young (now going by Nora, and played by Greta Lee) is an aspiring playwright in New York City when she hears through the family grapevine that Hae Sung (Teo Yoo) has been looking for her on social media. They eventually reconnect via a video call, and she learns that he’s still living in Seoul and studying for an engineering degree following his compulsory military service. Nora’s Korean might be a little rusty, but they’re both visibly beaming at this digital reunion.

For a time, the pair maintain a regular correspondence of texts, emails and video calls, the 13-hour time zone difference between the be damned. However, the initial elation

of their reignited crush soon cools, their nascent careers take priority, and Nora pulls the plug on their long-distance maybe-relationship. Fast-forward another 12 years: Nora is now married to novelist Arthur ( First Cow’s John Magaro) and living in Brooklyn, where they are both eking out modest artistic success.

Then Hae Sung abruptly breaks over a decade of silence: He’s going to be in New York for a couple of nights. Would Nora want to meet up? Arthur is understandably anxious at the reappearance of this childhood sweetheart, but Nora’s interests in reuniting with Hae Sung are more contemplative than romantic (mostly). In Hae Sung, she sees a window to the life that she left behind and the little girl she once was. A different kind of feature would use this meeting between old friends as a catalyst for a relationship crisis, but Past Lives’ gentle, introspective mood makes it clear that the story is not headed for melodramatic upheaval.

Indeed, Song achieves something remarkable with her feature debut,

a deeply romantic film that isn’t really about romance per se. As the title suggests, Past Lives is concerned with regret, longing and the relentless, unpredictable churn of life. Song and her performers do a fantastic job of maintaining a tricky balance, as the chemistry between Nora and Hae Sung needs to feel potent and authentic but not calamitously destabilizing. Nora and Hae Sung’s adult interactions — first over video calls, then in person — are full of nervous giggles and long, meaningful pauses. These are two people with a deep connection, but what that connection means after nearly a quarter-century apart is compellingly uncertain.

Like Nora, Song is a KoreanCanadian playwright living in the U.S., and Past Lives reportedly has a semi-autobiographical dimension. It’s the sort of screenplay that can only come from lived experience and keen observation. Her writing and direction are unfussy yet astute, gracefully conveying the complex psychology of relationships, immigration and the process of growing into one’s settled

adulthood. Despite the Seoul and New York settings, there’s also something distinctly Canadian about the film. Maybe it’s the soft natural lighting, the general pensive vibes, or the indie folk-rock score by Grizzly Bear members Christopher Bear and Daniel Rossen.

All three of the central performances are strong, but Lee is a revelation in the lead role. Best known for supporting parts on The Morning Show and Russian Doll, she provides phenomenal shading to a strong-willed but sensitive woman who is grappling with the person she’s become. The Korean Buddhist concept of inyeon — an interpersonal connection that spans multiple lifetimes — is central to the film’s thematic heart, but for poetic rather than literal reasons. Nora deflates the mystique of the idea by conceding that Koreans use it as a pickup line, and Song is less interested in ethereal notions of destiny than in conveying aching, universal emotions. Despite (or because of) the specificity of Nora’s story, even the most cold-hearted viewer will likely leave Past Lives in a reflective mood, ruminating on their own lost loves, fateful choices and roads not taken.

PAST

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY CELINE SONG. OPENS NATIONWIDE JUNE 23

Nora (Greta Lee) is torn between her current life with Arthur (John Magaro) and old crush Hae Sung (Teo Yoo). | Courtesy A24 Films

DILL-ICIOUS!

New ownership of the 55-year-old Don Hermann pickle factory will extend the iconic Ohio brand’s reach even further by

Doug Trattner

I’M NOT SURE I WOULD LOVE pickles as much as I do if not for Corky & Lenny’s. Meals at the New York-style delicatessen on Cleveland’s east side didn’t start until the stainless tub of bright green pickles landed on the table. Only after devouring our weight in complimentary half-sours would we move on to the corned beef and pastrami sandwiches.

Since 1967, those pickles have been made at the Don Hermann & Sons pickle plant in tiny Garrettsville, Ohio. It’s a place that I’ve been angling to visit since I began writing about food nearly 25 years ago. Recently — at long last — I was welcomed into the dillscented pickle factory, where a crew of mainly female Amish employees washed, sorted, cut, packed, filled and labeled a dizzying volume of pickled cucumbers.

Don Hermann relocated his family from Cleveland Heights to the Portage County hamlet of Garrettsville 55 years ago because he wanted to move to the country and raise poultry. He did just that until a disease wiped out his flocks, which is when he began experimenting with pickles. His unique half-sour pickles are based on a Hungarian recipe passed down for generations. After being jarred and boxed, the pickles were delivered to Jewish bakeries, markets and delis across Northeast

Ohio. The company began to grow exponentially when Don’s son Larry got involved, soon securing a local distribution deal that turned Don Hermann pickles into a beloved regional brand.

While ostensibly a simple product, commercial pickles can go wrong any number of ways. Who hasn’t had a pickle with an unappetizingly tough skin, flabby texture, mushy interior and flat flavor? When you grab a jar of Don Hermanns – with the “cloudy brine that assures freshness” – you know that every pickle will be crisp, crunchy and cold, with a pronounced garlic, dill and salt flavor.

To make pickles shelf-stable – i.e. requiring no refrigeration – the filled jars need to be heat pasteurized and pumped full of preservatives. Don Hermann’s fermented pickles can only be found in the refrigerated section, preserving both texture and beneficial probiotics.

A couple years ago, the Hermann family was approached with an offer by Pat and Tim Viancourt, brothers based in Hudson.

“And Larry says, ‘So what makes you think you can run a pickle factory?’” Pat recalls.

The Viancourts, as it turns out, have a wealth of experience in the food field, with Pat running both a candy manufacturing facility and a produce processing business.

“The pickle category is expected to grow twice the GDP in the next five to seven years,” Pat explains. “It’s a hot category with all the different health benefits. We feel very bullish. And it’s just fun to tell people you own a pickle factory.”

In the beginning, the Hermanns grew their own cucumbers. As demand outpaced their harvests, they reached out to other growers. These days, a steady stream of refrigerated trucks arrive from all over North America.

“The way the cucumber growing cycle works, in the middle of winter you’re down in Mexico,” Viancourt explains. “As it gets warmer, you move further north in Mexico, then hop across the border to Alabama. And then we’ll move up to Ohio, then to Michigan and Ontario before working our way back down.”

While the Don Hermann brand is respected and adored across the Ohio Valley, its reach doesn’t extend much beyond. That’s where the Nathan’s name comes in. Since 1998, Don Hermann has been the exclusive manufacturer and seller of pickles bearing the famous hot dog brand’s labels. Inside the jar, the kosher dills, half sours and hot & spicy chips are identical to Don Hermann, but the Nathan’s label gets those products onto the shelves of major retailers.

“We think that we are underdeveloped with the Nathan’s

brand,” adds Viancourt. “It used to be that it was a New York brand, then it was an East Coast brand, now it’s an east of the Mississippi brand.”

In addition to the Don Hermann and Nathan’s brands, the Garrettsville facility does copacking for brands like Boar’s Head and Dietz & Watson and private label products for Kroger, Whole Foods, Weis Markets and soon Harris Teeter.

Passenger vans shuttle Amish employees to and from the plant. It’s a labor force that kept the facility humming without a glitch throughout Covid. Of the 110 employees, many have worked at Don Hermann for 15, 20 and even 25 years. While factory improvements and upgrades, which are required to get products into places like Trader Joe’s, are being implemented, Viancourt says none of it is happening at the expense of staffers.

“We bought the business not to cost-cut but to invest,” he explains. “Automation and labor go hand in hand; there is a high need for both to support our future growth strategy. We have actually added jobs over the past 20 months and anticipate doing so over the next two to three years.”

Don Hermann’s half-sour pickles are flavored with garlic, dill and salt. | Photos by Doug Trattner

BITES

First Look: La Playa Fresh Seafood, opening soon in Gordon Square

By Douglas Trattner

SINCE 2018, RAFAEL AYALA

has welcomed Mexican food fans into his popular Gordon Square restaurant Blue Habanero (6416 Detroit Ave.).

In early July, he will unveil his latest concept in the same neighborhood when La Playa Fresh Seafood (6410 Detroit Ave.) opens next door.

For the past six months, Ayala has been converting the former Boiler 65 space into a colorful marisquería ripped from the beaches of sunny Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Throughout the large space are brightly painted high-top tables and stools, palapatopped tiki tables and live palms. On the wall are mounted swordfish, flying dolphins and vintage surfboards from up and down the Mexican coast.

“It’s a fun atmosphere,” says Ayala. “It’s supposed to be relaxed.”

Ayala, who is from Jalisco and spends a lot of time in the surf towns of that state, says that he has been kicking around the idea of importing his favorite cuisine. When he was approached by the St. Helena Church, the building’s landlord, it was a sign that the time was right.

“I’m from Jalisco and we have a really large, diverse cooking style for seafood,” he explains. “I love the food down there and I said, I’ve got to bring this concept to Cleveland. Everything came together when [the church] came and offered this space.”

The seafood-heavy menu will offer Mexican beach staples like ceviche, seafood cocktails, aguachile, steamed shrimp, grilled fish, fried fish and seafood molcajetes.

“We put a lot of pride into our kitchen,” adds Ayala. “Our chef is from Puerta Vallarta and he’s amazing. It’s all about freshness.”

There will be plenty of beer, vibrantly hued drinks, fun tikistyle beverages and mezcal-fueled cocktails. A DJ will inspire a chill vibe that will extend out to the large patio.

After five years in the neighborhood, Ayala says that he feels confident that he is putting out a product that the community appreciates. With La Playa, he hopes

to attract an even wider audience.

“I think we do a nice job from the heart to try to do our best and serve people the right way,” he says. “It shows because we’re busy. People like the food, people like the drinks, people like our atmosphere. This is what we’re trying to bring here, but make it a little more diverse, more inclusive, more fun for everybody.”

Tripi, an Italian American Deli and Market, Now Open in Ohio City

Last week, chef Anthony Zappola opened the doors to Tripi, an Italian American deli and market in Ohio City. The restaurant takes its cues from the city of that name in Sicily, which is where Zappola’s grandmother was born.

The spiffy storefront is located at 41 West, a mixed-use development at the corner of Lorain Avenue and W. 41st St. Customers can expect highquality chef-driven foods delivered in a swift, efficient manner. It’s a system the chef has honed after five years of operating Lox, Stock and Brisket at the Van Aken District Market Hall, which is as busy as any small restaurant can be. Zappola also runs the Rice Shop and Le Stand at Van Aken.

The core menu consists of salads, hot and cold sandwiches, and readyto-serve hot entrees, all prepared throughout the day with quality ingredients. Sandwiches like the sausage and peppers, chicken parm with mozzarella and tomato sauce, meatball sub, and hoagie packed with salami, soppressata, capicola, provolone and tomato arrive on

fresh-baked Italian rolls.

“That’s the difference maker,” Zappola says. “You’re going to be getting a chicken parm sandwich 20 minutes after the bread comes out of the oven.”

Other options include rigatoni and sauce topped with a choice of meatballs, sausage or chicken cutlet, pepperoni rolls and sauce, and square-cut Sicilian pizza available by the slice, half sheet or full sheet.

Guests can also look forward to daily specials that could include arancini, prosciutto and mozzarella sandwiches, mortadella and ricotta sandwiches, porchetta sandwiches and specialty pastas. A cooler will be stocked with grab-and-go items like caprese salads, antipasto plates, and heat-and-eat entrees of the day that might include dishes like lasagna, chicken marsala and chicken piccata.

A retail section will carry specialty items like dried pastas, canned imported tomatoes, olive oils, vinegars, jarred olives, hot and sweet peppers, giardiniera and tapenade.

An adjacent dining room offers seating for dine-in customers.

Tripi will be open Thursday through Saturday to start, with Tuesdays and Wednesdays being added in a couple weeks. Down the road, Zappola might add Sundays and Mondays to the mix.

Sidetrack Tavern on the Cleveland/Lakewood Border to Close on July 2

Sidetrack Tavern (13429 Lakewood Heights Blvd.), a popular neighborhood watering hole on the Cleveland/Lakewood border,

will close on July 2. The move, announced in a social media post, surprised many of of the bar’s clientele given the fact that the owners completely remodeled the property two years ago.

Here’s the statement:

“With bittersweet emotion, we share the news that Sidetrack Tavern CLE will permanently close on July 2, 2023. It has been our pleasure being your neighborhood tavern, and we’re grateful to our dedicated team, customers, friends, and family for helping make our venture successful. Stop in for a visit and share some laughs and a pint before we close our doors.

With love, gratitude, and many thanks!”

According to online records, the address will soon be home to a marijuana dispensary called Green Power. To accomplish that, the building likely will be razed.

The move was a surprise and disappointment to Councilman Brian Kazy, who said, “I was just as shocked and upset to hear of this possible transaction as well. I worked very closely with the current owners to even open Sidetracks believing it would be a mainstay in the portion of the neighborhood for years to come. They did put a lot of money into the place. The offer they received must have financially been worth it for them to sell after putting all that time and money into the place. If I could stop it, I would.” dtrattner@clevescene.com

Tutto Carne owner Zachary Ladner. | Photo by Doug Trattner

MUSIC

RENEWED RELEVANCE

Indie rockers Le Tigre bring their ‘reunion’ tour to the Agora

By Jeff Niesel

KATHLEEN HANNA, JD SAMSON, and Johanna Fateman, the members in the artsy indie act Le Tigre, originally knew each from the New York feminist art scene that existed in the late ’90s. While Hanna, who led the Riot Grrrl act Bikini Girl in the early ’90s, had some serious musical experience, Samson and Fateman did not. They came at things from a different perspective.

“We all consider ourselves artists who happen to make music too,” says Samson, an Ohio native who grew up in Pepper Pike, via phone from an airport hotel in New York, where the band was prepping for a flight to Spain for a Le Tigre gig. The band performs at 7 p.m. on Monday, July 17, at the Agora Theatre. “We are a multi-media band, and we take a lot of cues from performance art and visual art, so that was part of the reason why I joined the band. I was in school for film, and I was the projectionist for the band’s first tour. Our connections were more in the film world and in the visual art world. We explored how those could intersect with the music part.”

As a result of that unique artistic perspective, the band developed a distinctive sound on its 1999 selftitled debut that was one part postpunk and one part electro-pop.

“I think the first Le Tigre record came out of Kathleen [Hanna] spending some time making music by herself and making these demos that were electronic-focused and made with drum machines and coming to Johanna [Fateman] and [former member] Sadie [Benning] and asking them to flesh them out,” says Samson. “It turned into a whole new project. There was this instinct to go towards music that was extreme DIY. You could learn how to use the gear yourself and make it in your bedroom. It was pre-bedroom pop. We were trying to make sure the anger was focused on happiness and joy and being in the room together and that was a difference.”

Samson says that working on the band’s EP that followed its self-titled debut as well as the its second album, Feminist Sweepstakes, found the band making records in a manner very similar to making movies.

“There is this narrative and

editing and finding a connection point,” says Samson. “To me, it felt like adaptions of a different medium. To an extent, we all felt that way. We were all political artists. We were bringing out thoughts and ideas together, and we were having fun while doing it. A really important part was having fun. I realized that after we played our first club show [on the current reunion tour] just the other night. Somebody posted something other night and said it was so rare to be seeing someone having as much fun onstage as the fans in the audience. I thought, ‘Oh yeah. That’s a huge part of it. It’s about our humor and ability to laugh

at ourselves and enjoy each other’s company.’”

On hiatus since 2007 after constant touring reportedly did the group in, the band originally intended to regroup for a performance that would’ve taken place in 2020. The pandemic wiped out that date as well as the rescheduled date. But, it turns out, there might’ve been a silver lining in the cancellations.

“We got asked to play a show in L.A. in 2020 just prior to the election,” says Samson. “It was postponed and then postponed again. The relevance was interesting. It just kept getting more relevant. It

would have been nice for us to create this energy around the election and voting. But we also needed that now, so it was fine that it happened as late as it did. We remembered how great it felt to be on stage with each other and we started booking another tour.”

Recreating tracks that include a myriad of electronic instrumentation and samples has not been easy. That some master tapes no longer exist has only made things more difficult. But those roadblocks have only inspired the group to find creative ways of playing some of the older tunes.

“For a lot of the old songs, we don’t have the parts,” says Samson. “In the process of trying to rebuild this show, we realized all the files were corrupted. We don’t have the stereo backing tracks. It some cases, the stereo backing tracks slipped from the grid. It’s hard to add anything. We kind of like that because it adds this human quality to it. The layers that are off a little bit make it kind of cool.”

Adding that the band is what could be considered a “reunion tour,” Samson says the current political climate certainly inspires the group.

“We have this song called ‘FYR,’ which stands for ‘Fifty Years of Ridicule,’” Samson says. “There is this one part that is one step forward, five steps back. As we were going through the music and lyrics, we realized that every single word was true, or if not true, that things have become worse than they were. That’s a pattern we see as feminists. There is this backlash that comes up against us. We’re fighting for our own bodies and our own love and our rights in a way that’s really dangerous and scary. Kathleen [Hanna] said this on stage that we are winning because [conservatives] are scared. We have to remember that in this moment. They are fighting for their lives. We need to keep doing what we’re doing and for us, that’s getting on stage and sweating with the people at the show and each other.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t

LE TIGRE, MAN ON MAN MONDAY, JULY 17, AGORA THEATRE, 5000 EUCLID AVE., 216-881-2221. TICKETS: $39.50-$85. AGORACLEVELAND.COM.

Kathleen Hanna, JD Samson and Johanna Fateman are Le Tigre. Leeta Harding

LIVEWIRE Real music in the real world

THU 06/29

Counting Crows

Originally, Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz kicked around in a few different bands in the San Francisco Bay Area before Counting Crows came together and issued its impressive 1993 debut, August and Everything After. Duritz had been in the rock act Himalayans, and that group would eventually evolve into the Crows and turn the Himalayans’ song “Around Here,” a single on August and Everything After, into a huge hit. The group comes to MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage tonight at 7:30. Indie rockers Dashboard Confessional open the show.

10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.

FRI 06/30

Shania Twain: Queen of Me Tour

A country superstar who dominated the charts in the ‘90s, Shania Twain abruptly retired from performing in the early 2000s; she later explained that Lyme disease and dysphonia weakened her voice to the point that she could no longer effectively sing. After working to restore her voice, she made a return to the stage by successfully holding down a residency at the Colosseum in Las Vegas, joining the ranks of acts such as Cher, Elton John, Celine Dion, Rod Stewart and others who’ve had extended runs at the joint. Clearly rejuvenated, the country music superstar who successfully crossed over into pop before it was cool to cross over into pop comes to Blossom tonight at 7:30.

1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.

SAT 07/01

Heart Attack Man

Singer-guitarist Eric Egan originally launched this local punk band as a solo project, but he eventually started to take the group more seriously and added additional members. Equally inspired by punk and metal, the group comes back home after a lengthy spring tour to play Mahall’s tonight and tomorrow night at 6:30. Arm’s Length, Super American and Photocopy open the show.

13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

SUN 07/02

Rebelution

For years, Southern California has churned out first-rate reggae bands. Rebelution, which formed in the Santa Barbara are nearly 20 years ago, started out as a college party band but quickly became a national act after its first album, 2007’s Courage to Grow, blew up thanks to singles such as the soulful, Sublime-

like “Safe and Sound.” The veteran band performs tonight at 6:30 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. Iration and DJ Mackle open. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

WED 07/05

Melanie Martinez

The Portals Tour takes its name from singer-songwriter Melanie Martinez’s third album, which arrived in March. For this trek, she’ll perform as the latest “creature”

iteration of her alter-ego Crybaby. Tonight’s show begins at 6 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica.

2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

THU 07/06

The Iron Maidens

Early on, this Iron Maiden tribute act only knew about nine songs. Now, it’s mastered tracks from all eras, and some songs even feature different singers to reflect the fact that Maiden has gone through

Shania Twain brings her Queen of Me tour to Blossom. See: Friday, June 30. Louie Banks

numerous lineup changes over the years. The band performs tonight at 8 at the Beachland Ballroom. Local heavy metal act Olathia opens. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

FRI 07/07

Pool Kids

Last July, these indie rockers released their long-awaited self-titled album and then hit the road, playing alongside bands like Beach Bunny, PUP, La Dispute and Origami Angel. They bring their first headlining tour to town tonight for a gig at Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood.

13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

SAT 07/08

Dreamsonic 2023

The progressive rock act Dream Theater released its latest album, A View from the Top of the World, two years ago, and it immediately went to No. 1 on the iTunes Store Top Albums Metal chart. It also earned the group its first Grammy. The group headlines the Dreamsonic Tour that comes to town tonight. Townsend and Animals as Leaders open. The show starts at 6 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica.

2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

WonderStruck in Cleveland

The annual two-day music and arts festival returns to Lakeland Community College. Walker Hayes, Flo Rida, Chris Lane and the Struts are among the major acts playing today, and Khalid, Nelly, Coin and Tal Verdes will perform tomorrow. Check the website for a complete schedule.

7700 Clocktower Dr., Kirtland, 440525-7000, lakelandcc.edu.

SUN 07/09

Candlebox: The Long Goodbye Tour

Thirty years after releasing its self-titled debut, Candlebox comes to town in support of its new album, The Long Goodbye. The hard rock band has said the release will also be its last and is calling the current trek a farewell tour. The show starts at 7 p.m.

308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

MON 07/10

Dirty Heads

Last year, Dirty Heads released their eighth studio album, Midnight Control; it featured 10 all-new songs, including their take on Joe Walsh’s 1978 hit “Life’s Been Good.” On tour in support of the release, the alt-rock group comes to Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica tonight at 6. Lupe Fiasco, G. Love & Special Sauce and Tropidelic open.

2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

TUE 07/11

Less Than Jake — Welcome to Rockview Tour 2023

Seems like just yesterday that ska caught yet another wave and had become popular again. Less Than Jake led that effort in the late ‘90s, delivering albums such as Losing Streak and Hello Rockview. The latter turns 25 this year, and the group will play it in its entirety at tonight’s show. Doors open at 6:30 at House of Blues.

308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

The Smile

This British rock band featuring a couple of members of Radiohead just released a limited edition live EP simply titled Europe: Live Recordings 2022. The EP features live recordings of fan favorites from the Smile’s widely acclaimed debut album, A Light for Attracting Attention, as well as the band’s rendition of singer Thom Yorke’s 2009 solo track “FeelingPulledApartByHorses,” an avant garde number that features jazz time signature changes. Europe: Live Recordings was recorded in various cities over the course of the Smile’s first ever tour last year. The band makes its Cleveland debut tonight at 7 at the Agora. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

Yungblud: The World Tour

A multi-instrumentalist who first picked up a guitar at age 2 and began writing his own songs when he was 10, this Yorkshire, England native recently released his third studio album. The self-titled effort features songs such as the poppy, Cure-like “Tissues.” Yungblud performs tonight at 7 at Jacobs Pavilion at Nautica. The Regrettes and Games We Play open the show. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.

scene@clevescene.com

t@clevelandscene

SAVAGE LOVE

TOPSIDE

By Dan Savage

Hey Dan: I’m a 41-year-old cis female and have experienced a significant amount of physical and emotional abuse in my relationships. I recently started dating again and met a really great guy who told me that he was interested in having a Dom/sub relationship. I thought that would be it and told him so — given my experiences, I wasn’t interested in being his sub — but it turns out he wants me to be his Dom. The thought of being the one in control kind of fascinates me, and it feels very sexy to think about. But I am so used to worrying about the very scary and very real repercussions of even having an opinion after everything I have experienced in the past that I’m finding it difficult to navigate this. His interests aren’t in the whips-andchains wheelhouse; it’s more like wanting to please someone who is demanding and bossy. Do you have any tips, suggestions or resources you would recommend for me to learn more and be the best Dom Goddess I can possibly be?

Woman Having Extreme Excitement

“Take it slow,” says Midori. “That’s always my first piece of advice: Take it slow. Then take small steps while remembering to center yourself and your joy first.”

An author, artist, educator and public speaker on sexuality and kink for more than two decades, Midori created the ForteFemme Women’s Dominance Intensive to help women to explore domination thoughtfully and authentically.

“Everyone talks about new relationship energy, and NRE is real,” says Midori, “but new relationship dynamic energy — NRDE — is just as real. NRDE feels just like NRE in important ways. In both cases, enthusiasm can get the better of us. We find ourselves wanting to do-all-the-things-allat-once. In our excitement we can bite off more than we can chew, and then wind up feeling queasy and upset after. Right now WHEE should allow the sweet spiciness of all the new and exciting things she’s thinking about to continue to percolate while building confidence

in herself.”

Once you’re ready to get started once you’re ready to experiment — take small steps.

“There’s a giant difference between Dominance and submissive play scenes and D/s relationships, even if the names imply they’re the same thing,” says Midori. “I always refer to the latter as Consented Hierarchical Opted-In Relationships, or CHOIR for short — I know, too cute by half — but it’s helpful to make this distinction between saying yes to a small scene and entering into a D/s relationship.”

Even if you ultimately want a D/s relationship, you should start with some simple play.

“Play is about your fun for tonight,” says Midori, “CHOIR is about structures of decisionmaking that can encompass ordinary daily life stuff as well as play time. It’s common for folks to mix these up, which can lead to unnecessary pressure, confusion about boundaries, expectation conflict and other decidedly unfun feelings. This confusion is so common that I have an online class called ‘So You Want D/s? Now What?’ to help people figure out which is which and how to enjoy them both.”

And your first small step — that first playful scene — doesn’t have to look like BDSM porn. You don’t need gear, outfits or a dedicated play space.

“WHEE should experiment with adding a power dynamic to her already existing sex life,” says Midori. “It’s an exercise I call ‘Will You to You Will.’ Take all the hot vanilla sex stuff you’re already enjoying — the things you’re probably already asking for — and turn the ask into a directive. ‘Will you kiss me?’ becomes ‘You will kiss me.’ ‘Will you lick me?” becomes “You will lick me.’ ‘Do you want to fuck me?’ becomes ‘We are going to fuck.’”

It’s about what you want.

“Think about what would please you,” says Midori. “That’s what centering yourself and your joy is about. Many of us have been conditioned, in the course of our daily lives, to think of others first and not check in on our own wants. A consensual, collaborative D/s play scene can be a lovely way to break down these self-erasing, destabilizing habits. But to do that — to go there — you have to honestly ask yourself, ‘What would please me right now?’ It might not be something thought of as kinky or sexual. Do you want

your hair brushed? You can tell him to brush your hair. Do you want a story read to you? You can tell him to read to you. Do you want dinner cooked and served with him dressed or undressed in a pleasing manner? And then for him to do the dishes? As Westley says to Buttercup, ‘As you wish.’”

To learn more about Midori, to check out her art and to buy her books, go to planetmidori.com. The next ForteFemme Women’s Dominance Intensive takes place July 7 to 9, and dates for the fall will be announced soon. To learn more or register, go to fortefemme.com.

Hey Dan: Fourteen years ago, I fell for a woman who was into watching guy-on-guy oral sex. I indulged her fetish on multiple occasions at play parties and during pre-arranged hotel encounters with bisexual guys. While I only did this to please her, I enjoyed these MMF encounters because I got off on her getting off. At the time I thought maybe I was bisexual and had been in denial. But after we broke up, and after becoming more thoroughly educated on D/s dynamics, I’ve come to believe I am in fact not bi and instead straight. I can just be really subby for the right woman. Most people to whom I disclose my history insist that I’m not straight because of what I did for that one woman. I even encounter this in the kink community, where the D/s perspective should be better understood. My argument that I am straight and not bi is that I’ve never been romantically attracted to a man. I’ve never gone down on a man without a woman telling me to and it’s not as if there aren’t any opportunities for me to do so, as I live on the north side of Chicago. (You might be familiar with this neighborhood?) All that being said, do you think I’m straight? Sucker For Dom Women

Sure.

Hey Dan: How do furries happen? The kink just seems so random. And why are there so many furries now but no furries in ancient history?

Fathoming Unusual Roles

Cartoons. Disney. Mascots. While not everyone who gets off on dressing up in fursuits and/or animal mascot costumes has the same origin story, FUR, many furries trace their kink to — many credit their kink to the anthropomorphized animal characters they were exposed to in childhood. Now, most kids who watch Disney movies don’t grow up to be furries, just as most kids who take a swim class don’t grow up to have speedo fetishes or rubber swim cap fetishes. But a certain tiny percentage of all three groups do. Since we can’t predict which random environmental stimuli a kid might fixate on — and therefore can’t predict whose childhood fixations will become adult sexual obsessions there’s no controlling for kinks. Some people are gonna be kinky when they grow up, no one’s kinks are consciously chosen and if they seem random, it’s because they kindasorta are random.

As for the ancients … Anthropomorphized animal characters didn’t come to dominate childhood (mass media, imaginations) until the 20th century — Disney was founded in 1923, Looney Tunes was founded in 1930 — but there were adults running around out there with marionette fetishes acquired at puppet shows before Mickey and Bugs took over. (There are still marionette fetishists out there.) As for the actual ancients, the Roman emperor Nero (37 to 68 AD) used to dress up in animal skins and pretend to be a wild boar at orgies — according to historians who may have been biased against him — and there are lots of examples of ancient people dressing up as animals for religious festivals and holidays; some of the festivals included sacred sexual rites, but some of them were just fuck fests because people are — and have always been — kinky freaks.

“It’s an exercise I call ‘Will You to You Will.’ Take all the hot vanilla sex stuff you’re already enjoying and turn the ask into a directive. ‘Will you kiss me?’ becomes ‘You will kiss me.’ ‘Will you lick me?” becomes ‘You will lick me.’”