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Circulation
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Michael Wagner
CO-FOUNDER, CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER
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DIRECTOR OF AGENCY SERVICES
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DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL CONTENT STRATEGY
Colin Wolf
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DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Jaime Monzon
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EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa Bay is a publication covering public issues, the arts and entertainment. In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.
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Use code “LONGEVITY” for $300 off your full body MRI when you call and schedule by Feb 9.
do this
Tampa Bay's best things to do from Jan. 16 - 23
Dream big
Of all the holiday celebrations happening in Tampa Bay this weekend, St. Petersburg’s Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day parade tops them all. The parade to mark what would’ve been the iconic activist’s 96th birthday happens on Monday and covers about 1.5-miles of St. Petersburg’s 1st Ave. S starting at 11 a.m. The festivities get started on Friday, however, with a banquet at the Hilton on Lake Carillon Drive and continue with the Sunday MLK band showcase at Gibbs High School kicking off at 4 p.m. (Florida A&M, Fort Valley State and Albany State are among the confirmed bands).
MLK Dream Big Weekend: FridayMonday, Jan. 17-20. Multiple venues, St. Petersburg. mlkdreambig.com—Ray Roa
Bans o
While talk of the “culture wars” is supposed to tamp down in the legislative session kicking off in a few weeks, abortion will undoubtedly still be hotly debated. The amendment to enshrine a woman’s right to reproductive care narrowly missed Florida’s unusually-high threshold for ballot approval, and bills are already filed to better regulate state-funded anti-abortion pregnancy center. To keep the community’s eye on winning back the rights of women to make decisions about their bodies, members of the Pinellas chapter of the National Organization for Women, Florida Planned Parenthood Action, and others hold a sign-waving rally to commemorate the the anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 1973 Roe v. Wade decision. Bring your own signs, or borrow one from your new friends.
Roe v. Wade Commemoration & reproductive freedom visibility event: Wednesday, Jan. 22. 11 a.m.-noon. No cover. Corner of Central Avenue and 3rd Street N, St. Petersburg. @NOWPinellas on Facebook—Ray Roa
DAVE DECKER
DAVE DECKER
Paradise found
Now celebrating becoming a drinkingage adult, the 21st conference features 15 different authors, including MexicanAmerican “border” author Luís Alberto Urrea, bringing his creative writing class at the University of Illinois to a different, and warmer, podium. His 2004, Pulitzernominated novel “The Devil’s Highway” is a realistic portrayal of a Mexican family losing their track in the Arizona desert, bordering their home country. The Evening Reading Series welcomes every type of reader, plus authors representing poetry, fiction, suspense and many other genres. Wednesday is booked as a silent night, with no scheduled readings. Seating is limited and on a first-come first-serve basis. For those who want to snatch a seat earlier, or grab an autograph, wine and book browsing time is 30 minutes before the readings.The first and last night of readings start at 8 p.m., while the remaining start at 7 p.m.
Writers in Paradise: Saturday-Saturday, Jan. 18-25. No cover. Eckerd College, 4200 54th Avenue South, St. Petersburg. writersinparadise.com—Julia Saad
Power play
An audition is an exercise in power dynamics: The actor performs, the director decides. David Ives takes that premise to extremes in his sly and sexy two-character play, "Venus in Fur," opening at TheatreFor this weekend. In it, a writer-director is casting the female role in his adaptation of the 1870 novel "Venus in Furs" by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch—the novel that inspired the term masochism. An unlikely candidate for the part shows up at the last minute, and from then on the tables turn.
I saw this play in NYC after having sloshed through a snowstorm and watched riveted throughout, forgetting completely that my footwear was soaked.
The juicy role of the enigmatic actress won Nina Arianda a Tony in 2012; Jen Casler takes on the challenge at TheatreFor, with Robert Colwell as the beleaguered director. Stephen Bell directs.
‘Venus in Fur’: Thursdays-Sundays. Jan. 23-Feb. 9. TheatreFor, 1863 N. Highland Ave., Clearwater, theatrefor. com—David Warner
Liberation
A new exhibition from Njeri Kinuthia—a Kenyan-born artist and 2024 winner of the People’s Choice award during the Florida Prize exhibition at the Orlando Museum—opened this month, transforming Gallery221 at Hillsborough Community College’s Dale Mabry campus into a collage of textiles that serve as symbols of empowerment. “By placing myself higher than eye level and adorning a large gown, I assert my presence both symbolically and physically. The fabric, shipped from Kenya by my mother, underscores the collaborative bond between a mother and daughter, enriching the narrative of this piece. The goal of this artwork is to provoke contemplation on empowerment, self-assertion, and authority,” Kinuthia wrote in a press release. One work, Nyumba, is 13 feet high and large enough for a small family to enter. The 26-year-old rising star’s opening reception happens this week, and the show is up until April 17.
‘Ukombozi’ Reclaiming Place and Self (Recent Works by Njeri Kinuthia) opening reception: Next Thursday, Jan. 23. 5 p.m-8 p.m. No cover. Gallery221@HCC Dale Mabry, 4001 W Tampa Bay Blvd., Tampa. @hccfl_artgalleries on Instagram—Ray Roa
C/O SAMANTHA MARTI-PARIS
“We weren’t thinking like the Barnetts—or like the water.”
Calling blu s
I’m still loving on Gulfport. So hard.
By Amanda Hagood
Believe it or not, the town of Gulfport was once known as Barnett’s Bluff.
“There’s a bluff?” I’m often asked by visitors to the Gulfport History Museum, where I volunteer. The look on their faces suggests that the only bluff they can detect is the craggy crock I appear to be handing them, something akin to the “proof” in Frostproof or the “city” in Everglades City. Florida place names can be deceptive.
CITY WILDS
“It’s subtle,” I politely concede. “But yes, we have a bluff.” It’s so much easier to show them the bluff. And we do, once a month, on our walking tours. We take them to the foot of 52nd Street, passing over quaint brick roads where you can see, if you look carefully, the faint impression a brickmakers’ fingers pressed into the blocks as they handled them. Here the road narrows down to driveway width and cozies right
up to the 148-year-old Torres House—a quirky Victorian manse, all lavender clapboard and frilly trim. It’s Gulfport’s oldest remaining residence. We snake through a tunnel of trees onto a public right of way, a berm stretching between the Torres House and the adjacent property down to the shore of Boca Ciega. Here the view opens up to an immense swath of sky, framed by graceful lawns on either side and a dark fringe of mangroves in front, boats drifting in the shallow water just beyond. It’s a beautiful place—one where the past feels very present.
This is where, in 1868, the town’s first white settlers, John and Rebecca Barnett, spotted that subtle bluff, which you can still detect if you look northwest. It was high ground with a freshwater spring (one that still burbles up into one of the backyards visible from the berm) that
was perfect for a sensible pioneer homesite. The so-called “Gulfport ridge” that runs northward toward town from this point still hosts some of our most significant civic structures. City Hall, two schools, two churches, and some of Gulfport’s oldest homes can be found on this modest rise (topping out at around 40 feet).
A “ridge” and a “bluff”? Well you might scoff. It’s much easier to see the more recent impressions builders have left on the land, like the seawall stretching across most of our downtown waterfront, a mark of our town’s extensive dredge and fill in the mid-20th century. Like a Magic Eye image, these early earthen shapes require some practice—and a certain amount of wishful thinking—to really see.
The thing is, before Milton and Helene, my street never had to think too hard about bluffs or ridges. When my partner and I moved into our bungalow on Beach Boulevard 10 years ago, we weren’t looking for secure elevation and a close source of water. We were looking for a roomy kitchen, a place to garden, and good walkability. We weren’t thinking like the Barnetts—or like the water.
But still, there were signs. Since that first summer, I’d noticed the broad puddles that formed on the next street over, turning the intersection of 26th Avenue and 56th Street into a small pond—much to the delight of our son, who came along about 18 months later— for a day or two after any good rain. I had a vague sense, confirmed by years of strolling around the neighborhood, that if Boca Ciega’s waters ever swamped us, they would come from this direction, creeping up from the southwest, where, just three blocks away, stands an 18-building condominium complex built in the 1970s on what was once called Fiddlers Flats. As in fiddler crabs. As in tidal flats. If a big enough storm came, the water would first reclaim this old lowland and then surge up the gradual incline toward our house—the kind of invisible hill you can only detect when pushing a stroller or pedaling a bike.
This topography is a little easier to see when you look at a FEMA flood map. In the most recent edition, our house is perched just a few feet outside the orange overlay that indicates “moderate risk”—an awful swathe that licks alarmingly at continued on page 12
TIME HEALS: Gulfport is still waiting for its iconic casino to come back online.
the southwest corner of our property and engulfs the side street where I normally park my car. The next block over is a solid “high risk” blue, clear down to the bay. My partner and I had taken to joking about our smart investment: the beach front property of tomorrow, folks! No flood insurance required.
But the water came home in a different way this past September, when a sudden downpour transformed our neighborhood into a shallow sea. Crawling home from work in my Prius, I cozied up to the curb and reached for the door handle, my impatience prompting me to race up the sidewalk despite the driving rain. Then a tremendous bolt of lightning slashed through the sky, followed almost instantly by a deafening crack of thunder. My Girl Scout training kicked in: better stay put until I can count at least 10 seconds between flash and report. So I waited, peering out my car windows like the portholes of a submarine into the sheets of water tumbling around me.
That’s when I noticed that 56th Street had turned into a river.
Not a regular street with some heavy rivulets crisscrossing its width. Not a constellation of puddles swelling with rain. But a bonafide knee-deep river, bursting up over the old limestone curbs, with—I swear to God!—rapids in its midst. A swirling, raging creek I’d neither cross on foot nor brave in a boat. As the storm began to clear, I ventured out to the flood’s edge, joining a few other neighbors who had come to gawk. “Has it ever done this before?” I asked the man who lives in the house on the corner, up to his ankles at the edge of his lawn.
He shrugged his shoulders, at a loss for words. “This is a first.”
We turned our gaze northward up the street. It seemed all the stormwater in Pinellas County was funneling down the old brick road—seeking, as always, its own level. Some foreshadowing, perhaps, of what the next two months would bring: in just a few weeks, a quarter of the city would be under water.
Unprecedented times. This has become a byword for the whole awful year of 2024, but it was surely the case for Gulfport, and for us, in the weeks after Milton and Helene. Our family experienced so many awful new things. We labored with friends as they vacuumed toxic storm surge water out of their homes, plucked dead fish out of their yards, waded through piles of paperwork and wrenching decisions. We witnessed as whole blocks of houses vomited forth their furniture, their coffee mug collections, their toilets, their drywall. We mourned as cherished trees were chopped and hauled away, marveled as a small mountain range of mulch covered the softball field where the Gulfport Boomerangs used to play. We came to dread the smell of Fabuloso.
Not everything was awful. When my son’s waterside school flooded and the district determined it could not reopen until the following year, the school was reassigned to an old middle school campus, just a few minutes from our house. In the space of a week, his teachers managed to transform that strange new space into something welcoming and exciting—Like an AIRPORT!” our third grade buddies said, in awe. And just across our street from our house, neighbors and city staff turned our senior center into a busy respite station, where hot, belabored storm survivors could cool down, use the Internet, and get a good, free meal from the World Central Kitchen / Shawarma King truck in the parking lot.
Milton’s mind-boggling 18 inches of rain must have pooled in our backyard’s low spots, pushed under the door, steadily-warping the cheap particleboard legs of our Ikea cabinets.
CITY WILDS
More than anything, what I remember from that time was the waiting: waiting for the power to come on, the water to be safe. Waiting for schools to reopen, for parks and roads to be cleared. Waiting for the doors of our favorite businesses to open and the familiar comfort of neighbors’ homes to be restored. Waiting for things to go back to normal—and knowing that maybe they never quite would.
That same rain seeped under the bricks of 56th Street, chewing voids into their sand foundation and leaving two cavernous, brick-edged sinks in the middle of the street. The holes are still there, slowly spreading behind their barricades. A third is growing nearby. The repair will take time; in a city where we are still waiting for our iconic Casino and our less-iconic but equally vital Rec Center to come back online, these potholes are many lines down on a very long list. They are one of the hundreds of places, large and small, where we will have to reconsider the power and direction of water in future years if we want to keep on living here. And most of us do.
Of seven close friends and neighbors whose homes were flooded this September, four are remaining in Gulfport, though it’s been a struggle to do so. One friend’s waterfront condo community forced all its renters to vacate with just one
Before the storms, we’d fretted that we were perched on the rim of a disaster, our toes dangling into a confluence where water—after many decades of being hardscaped, channelized, and paved over—was beginning to reassert its ancient patterns. But after the storms we could see, in bold lines, how that transformation was unfolding. This time around, our family and our home was spared, more or less. We came home to an inch of water in our converted garage apartment, a couple of dents in the roof, and the two trees that shaded the southeast corner of our house torn in half. So much less than what so many Gulfportians have endured. But still, we couldn’t help but imagine how
week’s notice. They’re now renting elsewhere— farther from the water. Another friend, her home totally flooded and her FEMA determination still pending, has moved from temporary housing to temporary housing as various spaces have opened up. Some landlords have offered a few weeks free or a reduced rent; she calls these people her angels.
Two of our friends have already left; they loved this tight-knit community as well as anyone else, but after all the trauma they have experienced, their houses could never quite feel like home again. Another friend, who is waiting on a job opportunity out of state, has moved six times since the storm; at least the moves are easier, she jokes, since most of their things were already destroyed.
And our family? In our 10 years here, we’ve weathered six major hurricanes—three in our home, three from evacuation. We’re observing these changes from the 16-foot finished floor elevation of our 86-year-old timber-framed house, for which we owe the bank—as of earlier this month—exactly $0.
The future is difficult to discern. It’s easy to see placing solar panels on the south side of our roof, now much sunnier (thanks, Milton!). But it’s much harder to imagine growing old together here peacefully. Whatever comes, at least, we will own our home, and our decisions about it, outright.
In December, I decided to make my annual pilgrimage out to Barnett’s Bluff, something I love to do when the air is just cool enough, the sunlight slanting at the just the right sweet, golden angle. The walk has come to feel like meandering through a scrapbook. I crossed through Gulfport Food Forest, which has grown over the last decade from a sapling effort of a couple dozen donated fruit trees to a delightful, leafy maze of edible and medicinal plants. I recall striking a railroad spike with the tip of my shovel when planting blue porterweed there, and learning this was a remnant—“a relic!!” as our head volunteer put it —of the trolley line that once ran down my street. Next I bisected Chase Park, named after a founding settler who tried to market the town as “Veterans City,” a retirement paradise for Civil War survivors. This peaceful, oak-shaded block houses the playground where my son once loved to romp and the Gulfport History Museum, where I’ve passed out more glasses of punch (and pinot) at more historical society soirees than I can possibly remember. Then I wandered the garden of the Methodist Church, a sprawling midcentury building with a distinctive portico steeple, its cross tipped at a sleepy angle by Hurricane Debby. These last two years, my mom and I have found a loving community there as we’ve negotiated the difficult process of moving her to Florida and learning to live with the illness that brought her here.
Every step of this journey felt like another stitch binding me to this place—my own fingerprints on the bricks. Every memory inspired, every pedantic history factoid evoked, was a yearning to be part of this place. Part of a story that, I hope, will keep unfolding across many more years. But to do that we’ll have to learn to live with this land (and this water)—not just on it. I crossed through the archway of the oaks, out into the sun and breeze and mangroves, paying my respects to the Barnetts, the Torreses, and the countless generations that inhabited this spot before them. I know I must have looked ridiculous to the current residents, who probably wondered why a random pedestrian had wandered out to perch among their shrubberies. But neighbors, that should really be obvious to you: I’m just loving on Gulfport. So hard.
FAMILY FIRST: The future is difficult to discern for some Gulfportians.
Moot points
Warren-DeSantis legal fight is pretty much dead.
By Jim Saunders/News Service of Florida
More than two years after challenging his suspension by Gov. Ron DeSantis, former Hillsborough County State Attorney Andrew Warren hit a legal dead end last Friday.
A three-judge panel of the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ordered the dismissal of Warren’s lawsuit against DeSantis, saying the case is moot. Warren was elected in 2020 and, though he was suspended in 2022, his term officially ended Tuesday. He also lost an election bid in November to get his job back.
“Because Warren’s term of office has concluded, we cannot grant him any meaningful relief on appeal in this case in which he effectively seeks, either by injunctive or declaratory relief, his reinstatement to office,” said Friday’s five-page opinion shared by Judges Jill Pryor, Kevin Newsom and Anne Conway. “Because his term has expired, any decision on the merits of his claims would be an advisory opinion.”
have limited prosecution of cases related to bicycle and pedestrian stops by police and certain low-level offenses.
Warren disputed DeSantis’ accusations about his performance and filed the lawsuit in August 2022. He argued the suspension violated his First Amendment rights.
LOCAL NEWS
U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle in January 2023 ruled that the First Amendment protected Warren on two factors—his political affiliations and advocacy for criminal-justice reform. Nevertheless, Hinkle concluded that DeSantis would have suspended Warren based on other factors that were not protected by the First Amendment. In a temporary win for Warren, a three-judge panel of the Atlantabased appeals court in January 2024 vacated Hinkle’s ruling. The panel said the suspension violated First Amendment protections in a series of ways and directed Hinkle to re-examine whether DeSantis had legitimate policy grounds to oust the prosecutor.
DeSantis’ lawyers, however, quickly asked the full appeals court to take up the dispute. Though Warren’s attorneys made attempts to speed up resolution of the case, it largely remained on hold.
Warren’s attorneys argued in a December brief that the challenge to the suspension should be allowed to proceed, saying that, while Warren’s term would expire in January, “this controversy will not.” Continuing the case, in part, could also allow Warren to seek back pay for the time he was suspended, the attorneys wrote.
But the appeals court said Friday that state law would only allow Warren to receive back pay after he resumed duties of the office.
“Because Warren’s term of office has now expired, any declaration that his suspension was unconstitutional would not entitle him to resume the duties of state attorney,” the opinion said. “As a result, even if he received a declaration that his suspension was unconstitutional, he would not be entitled to back pay.”
Last Friday’s opinion vacated the January 2024 panel ruling, dismissed the appeal and directed Hinkle to dismiss the case as moot.
DeSantis’ 2022 suspension of Warren drew widespread attention, with the Republican governor accusing the Democratic state attorney of “incompetence and willful defiance of his duties.” DeSantis replaced Warren with Suzy Lopez, a former county judge who in November defeated Warren to win a full term as state attorney.
DeSantis took part in a Jan. 7 swearing-in ceremony for Lopez.
The suspension order, in part, pointed to Warren signing a national organization’s statement about refraining from prosecuting abortion cases.
DeSantis also targeted Warren for signing a statement that criticized laws restricting care for transgender people. In addition, DeSantis cited Warren policies that could
JUST US: Andrew Warren speaks to reporters on Aug. 20, 2024.
From instructor Angelo Spoto, Library Education Director: “Since its publication, after Jung’s death in 1961, MDR has been read and re-read both as a means to better understand Jung’s own individuation process and, equally importantly, as a comprehensive treatment of the evolution of the field of Analytical Psychology.
In this 10-part lecture/intensive seminar, we will approach MDR as an ur-text in the field of Jungian studies. Upon enrollment, a bibliography of biographies of Jung, numbering now over 20, will be provided. Each participant will be encouraged to select at least one to read along with our primary text. Barbara Hannah, one of the first generation Jungians, who also has written a notable biography of Jung, has gone on record as having read MDR 60 times. My goal as your instructor is to provide an in-depth treatment of this text this one time around. If I do my job well, I promise you will be reading MDR for yourself again and again.”
Far reach
Lobbyists want extension of Florida’s controversial pronoun law.
By Jim Saunders/News Service of Florida
Two years after Republican lawmakers and Gov. Ron DeSantis approved a controversial measure restricting the use of personal pronouns in schools, legislative debate about the gender-related issue could shift to cities and counties.
John Labriola, a lobbyist for Christian Family Coalition Florida, told Marion County lawmakers last Wednesday that his organization would like to see restrictions in the 2023 education law extended to city and county governments.
Labriola said he hopes the issue will be considered during this year’s legislative session, which will start March 4. As of last Wednesday afternoon, no such legislation had not been filed, according to the House and Senate websites.
not correspond to that person’s sex.” The state defines sex as what was assigned at birth.
Also, the law said that school employees “may not provide to a student his or her preferred personal title or pronouns if such preferred personal title or pronouns do not correspond to his or her sex.”
STATE NEWS
Chief U.S. District Judge Mark Walker issued a preliminary injunction that blocked enforcement of the 2023 law against transgender Hillsborough County teacher Katie Wood, who challenged its constitutionality. The lawsuit contends that Wood should be able to use her preferred pronouns while at work.
“We’re asking for that (the 2023 law) to be extended to the county and the city governments, as well, because this is an area where individuals who work for city and county governments, their religious liberties and also their freedom of speech is being curtailed by employers who impose gender ideology,” Labriola said during a Marion County delegation meeting.
The state appealed Walker’s ruling, and a three-judge panel of the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals heard arguments in September. The panel has not issued an opinion.
“We’re asking for that (the 2023 law) to be extended to the county and the city governments..."
The 2023 law said, in part, that school employees and students “may not be required, as a condition of employment or enrollment or participation in any program, to refer to another person using that person’s preferred personal title or pronouns if such personal title or pronouns do
Labriola said last Wednesday that some counties have adopted policies on gender-identity issues, such as on the use of pronouns. Under the potential legislation, if an employee is “not comfortable using a preferred pronoun and would rather use the person’s actual pronoun, that they would not be punished or fired for using that pronoun,” he said.
Rep. Ryan Chamberlin, a Belleview Republican who is part of the Marion County delegation, and Sen. Jonathan Martin, R-Fort Myers, filed such legislation for the 2024 session, but it did not get heard.
TRUE COLORS: Tampa Pride 2023.
Sex and college
Challenging assumptions, stigma, and misinformation.
By Arushi Panwar
Sex and sexuality are a tapestry that envelopes us all. While each individual is a separate thread with different perspectives, we are all heavily influenced by the folds in the fabric. When you examine our culture, you start to see how multifaceted sex is, how entwined it is with the most fundamental aspects of our daily life—our safety, health, and society. Sex is how humans are created. So why have we demonized our creator?
I’ve spent nearly six years working in reproductive health care and education. From private universities to community colleges, I’ve gained unique insight through my work, and I’ve pinpointed the most impactful obstacles I see when approaching sexual health and education: assumptions and expectations, shame, and overestimating our understanding.
I always tell my students that you do not owe anyone physical intimacy. No matter your age, relationship, or culture—sexual activity is your decision.
The remark is followed by one question: “What if someone says their ‘sexual needs’ aren’t being met?”
My response? “You aren’t responsible for anyone’s ‘sexual needs’. If it is such a need, what were they doing before this relationship and what’s stopping them from doing it now?”
The reality is that sexual “needs” are sexual “wants” and having them met is a privilege— not a right.
After I say this, I can expect a wide range of facial expressions. Some are clearly concerned about facing accountability for their behaviors. Some show relief—finally liberated from an unquestioned internalized expectation.
Some can’t even make eye contact.
Where did we learn—where did our children learn—that they have the right to someone’s body? That other people have a right to theirs?
The sexual scripts we follow are as diverse as people themselves—and we must examine the factors that create those scripts. While teaching a class about contraception at a local university, a passionate student shared their opinion that it was irresponsible to have sex without a condom. So much so that people shouldn’t have the option of using emergency contraception (E.C.). While I was happy to see them taking our contraception training so seriously, it was also clear that the student wasn’t empathetic to the circumstances of those who may need E.C.
I explained that not everyone has the same knowledge of these options, unprotected sex can occur for many reasons, like a condom
breaking, drug use, or rape. I want my students to have the understanding needed to support one another because, when something goes wrong, the first person they’ll turn to is a trusted peer. A step toward that goal was making sure they understood that E.C. is for emergencies, and emergencies happen.
Identifying and dismantling stigma is a crucial part of my job because, no matter how much time I spend educating people about sex itself, if fear and shame are present then people cannot be truly empowered to make the best decisions for themselves or when supporting others.
I told the students I had E.C. available and to see me after class if they’d like any. As I was preparing to leave for the day, the student who spoke against E.C. nervously asked me for a pack—just in case.
Some of the most critical voices are often well-meaning supporters operating on misinformation. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks is the “right” sexual lifestyle, because it’s a unique, deeply personal, decision for everyone. Rather than focusing on shame and stigma, we must embrace empathy and curiosity by challenging assumptions that perpetuate stigma.
Easier said than done because people just don’t know what they don’t know.
When working with different groups I start by asking “How much do you know about sexual and reproductive health? Do you think you have all the information you need?” I’m always surprised by how much people overestimate their understanding, and the pervasive lack of education across every demographic. Something that has continued to worsen thanks to the lack of adequate sex education.
During my first contraception lesson at a university, we discussed ideas on who holds more responsibility in avoiding pregnancy. Those who identified as female in the room quickly asserted that they held more of the responsibility since the physical, emotional, and economic toll of pregnancy was on them. The males felt like they were blamed because females can’t get pregnant on their own. While some of the males pushed back on this assertion, a professor said it was “a female’s responsibility not to get pregnant because they are responsible for birth control, and that should be easy. After all, it’s just one pill once a month,” (WHICH IS INCORRECT).
I explained that birth control pills must be taken at the same time every single day. Skipping a pill—or even taking it a little late— can result in an unplanned pregnancy. A few seconds passed before a grad student finally broke the silence.
“The same time every day? I don’t even brush my teeth every day. How could someone do that?”
People assume they know everything they need to know about sex in their personal lives but frequently forget to consider the unique individuals they are engaging with. We may forget how to have healthy conversations about difficult topics, but keeping an open mind and responding with empathy isn’t just for our own wellbeing, it’s for the wellbeing of those we care about.
For many young people, college is their first taste of freedom. Their first opportunity to stay up without a curfew, eat ice cream for dinner, and build platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships. And it’s our responsibility to ensure that they’re informed, empowered, and safe as they enter this next chapter. It’s time for everyone to meet their “maker” and face the realities of these discussions by having honest, accurate,
and sometimes uncomfortable conversations. We can, and must, do better; the consequences are too great when we don’t.
Arushi Panwar has worked for nearly six years in reproductive health care and education, with a focus on inclusive sex education and creating safe spaces for open, authentic conversations. Passionate about dismantling stigma and misinformation, they believe that empathy and curiosity are essential in empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their sexual health. Through their work at universities and community colleges, they are committed to fostering understanding and challenging assumptions around sexuality, contraception, and consent. Readers and community members are always welcome to send letters to rroa@cltampa.com. Please let us know if we may consider your submission for publication.
TEACH AND SEE: ‘For many young people, college is their first taste of freedom.’
Want to be More Flexible in Movement and Reduce Pain?
Reasons We Lack Flexibility
• Inactivity reduces flexibility.
• Repetitive muscle overuse in sports like tennis, golf, and running also decreases flexibility.
• Accidents, injuries, or surgery can lead to loss of mobility.
Why Stretching?
• Stretching helps to enhance mobility and range of motion, speed up recovery, and improve posture and circulation.
• Top athletes regularly incorporate stretching into their lives.
• Stretching improves your general wellbeing.
Gentle tug
Porn advocates ask to stop enforcement of verification law.
By Jim Saunders/News Service of Florida
Plaintiffs pushed back last Monday against a request by Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody to temporarily halt a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of a new law requiring age verification for access to websites with adult content.
The Free Speech Coalition, an adult-entertainment industry group, and other plaintiffs also asked Chief U.S. District Judge Mark Walker for a preliminary injunction to block the law from being enforced while the case plays out.
Moody last month filed a motion seeking a stay of the lawsuit while the U.S. Supreme Court considers a similar challenge to a Texas law. If granted, Moody’s motion would allow the Florida law to remain in effect at least until the Supreme Court rules in the Texas case.
But the plaintiffs, who contend the Florida law violates First Amendment rights, said the
lawsuit should move forward. The law took effect last week.
“The state should not be allowed to make use of procedural tools to perpetuate a constitutional violation free of judicial oversight,” the plaintiffs’ attorneys wrote in a filing Monday.
The plaintiffs also filed a separate request for a preliminary injunction. Walker said in an order last Tuesday that he will rule on Moody’s motion for a stay before dealing with the preliminary-injunction request.
Lawmakers passed the age-verification requirements during the 2024 legislative session, with supporters saying the law is designed to keep minors from viewing pornography online. The law was part of a broader bill (HB 3) that also seeks to prevent children under age 16 from opening social-media accounts on some platforms. That part of the bill also has drawn a constitutional challenge.
Moody’s motion for a stay of the age-verification case said the Supreme Court, which will hear arguments Jan. 15, likely will resolve First Amendment issues that would apply to the Florida law.
“The Supreme Court will hear argument in (the Texas case) in less than a month, on January 15, and in keeping with its usual practice will issue its final opinion by the beginning of July at the latest,” the motion said. “That is barely six months, after which this (Florida) lawsuit could freely proceed with the benefit of the Supreme Court’s authoritative ruling in that case.”
The lawsuit centers on part of the law that applies to any business that “knowingly and intentionally publishes or distributes material harmful to minors on a website or application, if the website or application contains a substantial portion of material harmful to minors.” It defines “substantial portion” as more than 33.3 percent of total material on a website or app.
is 18 years of age or older and prevent access to the material by a person younger than 18 years of age.”
The lawsuit raises objections about how the law would apply to minors and adults, including saying it “demands that, as a condition of access to constitutionally protected content, an adult must provide a digital proof of identity to adult content websites that are doubtlessly capable of tracking specific searches and views of some of the most sensitive, personal, and private contents a human being might search for.”
STATE NEWS
The lawsuit also alleges that the law does not properly differentiate between older minors and younger children.
In addition to alleging violations of First Amendment rights, the lawsuit contends that the law violates due-process rights, the U.S. Constitution’s Commerce Clause and what is known as the Supremacy Clause.
In such situations, the law requires businesses to use methods to “verify that the age of a person attempting to access the material
Pornhub drew national attention last month when it said it would block people in Florida from having access to the site because of the law.
HUB-BUB: Pornhub said it would block people in Florida from having access.
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RESTAURANTS RECIPES DINING GUIDES
ed
Mad
Dogs
is on the move in South Tampa.
By Ray Roa
Last weekend, nearly 34 years after opening, Wilton Morley’s Mad Dogs and Englishmen closed its doors—with plans to open new ones less than a mile away before next month.
Morley, founder of the storied South Tampa pub and restaurant, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay about Mad Dogs’ Jan. 12 closure at 4115 S MacDill Ave. He was in the car with longtime business partner and co-owner of Mad Dogs, Rick “The Colonel” Craig, and both of them were in their feelings about the next chapter, albeit in different ways.
had to run Mad Dogs for 33 years. “So I’m quite glad that they’ve built this beautiful new place for us,” he added.
Bolognese, and Tuna Tartare—alongside weekend brunch and traditional tea service.”
Morley said it was getting more and more difficult to run his pub, with more regulars leaving for the summer, and no liquor to sell, and thought about hanging it up several times. But his “old mate” Casper—who is behind other concepts like Oxford Exchange—said Mad Dogs must continue.
OPENINGS & CLOSINGS
“It’s very bittersweet for me. I’m definitely more emotional about it than Wilton is,” Craig told CL. “I mean, my customers are my friends, and it’s where all my friends meet. We’ve had discussions like, ‘Where are we going to go in the two weeks between?’”
Morley, for his part, said he’s slightly less sentimental than everybody else because he’s
That place is Mad Dogs and Englishmen 2.0, which he’s opening in partnership with restaurateur Blake Casper, a McDonald’s heir whose first job was at Mad Dogs as a busboy. An official opening date is not yet available, according to a representative for the new Mad Dogs, who told CL last week that the certificate of occupancy or temporary certificate of occupancy has not yet been issued.
While the Colonel said he’s not the best guy to talk about the menu, he promised that old staples like fish and chips, shepherd’s pie, and bangers and mash will come over along with “new exciting dishes as well.”
A press release sent on Jan. 9 said, “Chef Jeff Clark will also be introducing inventive menu items such as Stuffed Peppadews, Aubergine
Then Morley, Casper and the project’s architect took an overseas holiday in Reykjavík and made the plan for an upgraded Mad Dogs real.
“I said, ‘OK, if you really want to do it, that really, really sweet of you to do something, but do a real English pub,’” Morley explained, describing the current Mad Dogs are more of a bar or “little kind of Florida shack.”
The new spot—purchased last June by an entity linked to Casper for $2.1 million—is a 6,000-square-feet, double the size of the original, according to the representative, with more space for outdoor dining, TVs, and traditional Sunday roasts.
“This project is really meaningful because of my personal connection to the restaurant,” Casper wrote in the release. “We were very careful to honor Mad Dog’s special soul that was really brought to life by Wilton in the old space. Each design choice helps tell a story, all
“I’m quite glad that they’ve built this beautiful new place for us.”
baked in the comfort, tradition, and hospitality that Mad Dog’s is known for. We look forward to creating more memories when we open our doors at our new home!”
Craig said most of the less than three dozen employees from the original Mad Dogs and Englishmen will follow him and Morley to the new spot, where they’ve also had to hire many more. It’s still unclear how or if gift cards issued at the old spot will be honored at Mad Dogs 2.0, according to the representative.
Morley stopped short of saying the new spot’s decor was museum-esque, but it will be extremely British, with a history of England on the walls. The music will be extremely English as well (think The Clash, The Cure).
A rep for the new Mad Dogs said the new location has been reimagined and that guests will find a modern day take on a British pub.
While no one is disclosing much capital it’s taking for the upgrade, Morley told CL that nobody in England would spend this much on a pub.
“But that’s what we wanted, and that’s what we got, and I love it,” he said, admitting some kind of sentimentality about the new beginning. “I really am genuinely excited about what that’s going to look like in the new place.”
Wilton
VOTED
Deviant is good
There’s now a GoFundMe to for beloved Ybor Heights brewery.
By Ray Roa
Tampa needs more independent places for music, art, and, well, beer. Deviant Libation has unwaveringly fostered all of that and then some since it opened in Ybor Heights in 2023—but now it needs some help.
Last week, Tampa songwriter and author Shae Krispinsky launched a GoFundMe page for the venue and community space at 3800 N Nebraska Ave., writing that owner-founder-andbrewer Tim Ogden hasn’t been able to pay himself in nearly six months.
“He’s running the business on love and fumes,” she wrote, adding that the brewery “has become an intersectional hub of community for many.”
“I thought it was a nice reminder that the class war in America begins with our own gov ernment. But after the warm and fuzzies wore off, I realized I’m basically fucked,” he wrote, adding links to his own Venmo, CashApp and PayPal.
Ogden did not want to have to launch a crowdfunding campaign, but desperately wants to keep Deviant Libation alive. He never had to start the effort since Krispinsky did.
FOOD NEWS
The crowdfunding effort adds that inflation, plus the fallout from last fall’s back-to-back hurricanes, has Ogden—who had to renegotiate his rent after the brewery’s neighboring art complex never opened—on the ropes.
The GoFundMe blew past its goal of $4,000 dollars in its first few days and was just above $10,000 as of press time on Jan. 13. “Where the monies spent at the bar go toward staff first, then bills and operations, this fundraiser will help get Tim out of a pickle, with anything beyond that going back to making this place better suited to serve the community,” the venue wrote.
In the hours after the GoFundMe’s launch, Ogden returned to social media to say that he woke up on Tuesday in serious despair and ended the day being reminded of the beautiful community he has around him.
“Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. I’ve wanted to be independent since I was a child and hate needing help. So many people lifted my spirits in so many ways, includ ing encouraging words,” he wrote. “I put myself at risk and keep stepping deeper, because I believe in it, and me. Thank you all so much for helping me through this hiccup.”
“He’s running the business on love and fumes.”
Online, Ogden said that he’s been touched to see the positive impact Deviant Libation has had on his community.
In a social media post, Ogden, who got the keys to his building in 2019, said that his operation has been received warmly and profusely thanked the community. He said he also needs to pay $7,000 in taxes to the federal government before incurring a fine.
“I’ll just say this: if by my will and intentions and with community support I can manifest this beautiful place we have, we’re going to be just fine as a company hopefully for years to come even in a shrinking landscape for craft beverage and the arts,” he wrote. “The fire in my belly to continue to bear the Deviant torch has never burned brighter.”
TICKLED PINK: Tim Ogden said he’s been touched by the response to a call for help.
11206 Sullivan St • Riverview, FL • 33578 donovansmeatery.com
Gut busters
The 25 wildest things to eat at the 2025 Florida State Fair.
By CL Sta
The Florida State Fair is back, and besides carnival rides and farm animals, a vast menu of over-the-top (often fried) gut bombs are once again up for grabs. This year the fair’s culinarians are outdoing themselves with various belly-busters on deck, like soul food egg rolls, pierogi sliders, potato mozzarella Korean corn dogs, BBQ-stuffed waffles and more. Here’s what’s on the menu, according to the vendors. See photos of these delights via cltampa.com/ slideshows.
Baked ziti on a stick at All-American Concessions Your favorite Italian dish, baked ziti, is now available with a fun fair flare. Rigatoni noodles, homemade marinara sauce, shredded mozzarella cheese on top for an ooey gooey combo! Add a sprinkle of parm, a dash of parsley and enjoy all of this on a stick!
BBQ stuffed waffle at Low-N-Slow Catering A freshly made waffle stuffed with savory BBQ pulled pork and crispy bacon, finished with a drizzle of rich maple butter sauce.
Campfire burger at DeAnna’s Donut Burger We start with a freshly made bun and layer it with a flame-grilled one-third-pound Angus beef patty. Then, we add baked beans and a slice of smoky gouda cheese, topping it all off with a hot dog split in half for the perfect finishing touch.
Chicken & waffle funnel cake at Ryals Sweet Shop A freshly made funnel cake dusted with powdered sugar, topped with hand-battered chicken and drizzled with real maple syrup.
Chocolate dunked Bavarian doughnut at Peachey’s Baking Co. A giant glazed Amish doughnut filled with homemade Bavarian cream and dunked in rich chocolate.
Cotton Candy Tea at Tiki Tea Sweet, refreshing iced tea with a nostalgic hint of cotton candy—fairground fun in every sip!
Crack mac at Holy Macaroni Cavatappi noodles with zesty street corn, peppers, tomatoes, and jalapeños. Topped with your choice of chicken, chorizo, or carnitas, plus ranch, Tajín, parmesan, and fresh cilantro. A bold, flavorful twist on mac & cheese!
Dad Bod at Our Noire Kitchen Brisket burger patty, smoked pork belly, barbecue pulled pork, cheese and pork belly jam on a toasted brioche bun.
Fried pickle mac & cheese at Chester’s Gators & Taters Loaded fried pickle mac & cheese with a drizzle of ranch dressing. Perfect for pickle lovers and mac & cheese fanatics alike!
Gourmet chocolate bacon cheesecake on a stick New York-style cheesecake on a stick, chocolate-dipped, bacon-crunch coated, with caramel and white chocolate drizzle.
Hot honey chicken grilled cheese at Sunshine Concessions Sweet, smoky, and gooey perfection: hot honey-grilled chicken, crispy bacon, and melty Swiss cheese, all in a golden grilled cheese sandwich!
Jalapeno popper fries at Lemonade and more Fresh cut fries layered with cream cheese, jalapeños and bacon!
Jolly Rancher creamsicle at Apple Fries Cool, creamy and bursting with fruity flavor. The Jolly Rancher creamsicle blends tangy slush with smooth vanilla soft serve.
Pierogi slider at Macken’s Sliders Potato & Cheese pierogi as the bun, all beef burger, grilled onions, sour cream and chives.
Potato mozzarella Kdog at GoldenKdog Mozzarella cheese Korean Corn Dog wrapped with potato cubes, coated with panko then deep fried.
Pretzel rolled corn on the cob at Miller & Co. Concessions Corn on the cob brushed with mayonnaise, garlic powder, paprika and other spices, rolled in crushed pretzels.
Salted caramel cinnamon bun at Cinnamon Saloon A fluffy cinnamon bun
filled with a cinnamon-sugar swirl, topped with rich, buttery salted caramel sauce. A delightful twist on a classic treat.
Seafood boil stuffed potato at DeAnna’s Potato It all starts with our giant baked potato. We load it with butter and cheese then top it off with our seafood combo. Shrimp and sweet crab are complimented by spicy andouille sausage and sweet corn nuggets. We then ladle on our garlic butter sauce over the top for a taste sensation you won’t forget.
Soul food egg roll at Eggroll Love A crispy, deep-fried egg roll wrap stuffed with tender grilled chicken, creamy mac & cheese, and savory collard greens.
S’mores chocolate bacon at Bacon Stand Crispy bacon coated in rich chocolate, drizzled with marshmallow cream, and topped with graham cracker crumbs for the ultimate sweet-and-savory treat!
Strawberries & cream cinnamon roll at Grandma Brown’s Cinnamon Rolls Grandma Brown’s original fresh baked cinnamon roll topped with whipped vanilla cream and fresh strawberries.
Strawberry lemonade donut at Fluffy’s Hand Cut Donuts Hand-cut yeast-raised donut frosted with lemon buttercream, rolled in strawberry lemonade crunch, and garnished with lemon gummy candy and freeze-dried strawberry slice. Served with a strawberry lemonade-filled pipette to squeeze in more flavor. Strawberry shortcake crunch at Polar Bear Concessions Soft serve vanilla ice cream served in a waffle cone, rolled in fruity strawberry shortcake crunchies. The Southern comfort funnel cake at The Best Around A southern twist on a fair classic! Topped with creamy, housemade sausage gravy, this crispy funnel cake delivers down-home comfort in every bite.
What the Dill-io? at Captain Max The ultimate treat for pickle and grilled cheese fans! Creamy ranch and diced dill pickles blend with mozzarella, Monterey Jack, and cheddar cheese, topped with fresh dill and grilled to perfection on a buttery bun. Drizzle on extra ranch and sprinkle fresh dill for a mouthwatering finish. Served with waffle fries. Spice it up! Ask for Cajun Style. Bacon lover? Add bacon for the perfect twist!
IN A PICKLE: Fried pickle mac & cheese is at Chester’s.
ON VIEW THROUGH FEBRUARY 16
ANSEL ADAMS
PHOTOGRAPHS FROM THE MFA COLLECTION ON VIEW THROUGH MARCH 16
of Ansel Adams: Photographs from the MFA Collection
EXPLORE THE
THE ART OF NEW GUINEA ON VIEW THROUGH APRIL 12
MOVIES THEATER ART CULTURE
Paaaarghhty time
Tampa’s
Gasparilla
season kicks o this weekend.
By Julia Saad
Grab your red bandanas and swords for what is aaaargh-uably the biggest Tampa Bay festivity: Gasparilla. Whether you want to snatch some beads at the parades or enjoy some live music, the two-month long celebration has something for every type of pirate. The puppy parade went down last weekend, but here are some of the best events happening across Tampa Bay as part of Gasparilla season 2025. See a bigger list via cltampa.com/arts.
Children’s Gasparilla
Pirate air invasion Visible from Bayshore Boulevard, the Children’s Gasparilla festivities promises a full day of celebrations at no charge. Mini pirates will get the chance to see treasure fall from the sky, literally, from 12 p.m.- 4 p.m. With demonstrations by aerobatic teams, vintage military aircrafts and the Chuters Parachute Team, the kiddos will get a chance to turn their attention to the sky.
Bike + pedestrian safety rodeo To promote safe bike riding for the kids, a mini traffic lane is set to open on one block of Bayshore Boulevard between Rome Avenue and Dakota Avenue. Children will be able to bike through from noon- 2 p.m. with assistance and a new helmet that they get to keep. No prior registration is needed, however, helmets are limited.
Preschoolers stroll For Tampa’s newest and youngest pirates, kiddos in decorated wagons and costumes can take part in an hour-long preschooler stroll at 2 p.m., right before the children’s parade.
Children’s Gasparilla parade The parade along N Bayshore Blvd. will feature the mini Bay Pirates, school marching bands and decorated floats all the way to Edison Avenue. Kiddos start walking at 4 p.m. and are predicted to finish at 6:15 p.m.. Attendance is free, but for those who want to choose a bleacher seat can scoop one starting at $61. Nighttime Gasparilla air invasion and ‘Pirathecnic Finale’ Not enough parachute action at noon? No worries, the aerobatic teams, aircrafts and chutes return from 6:15 p.m.- 7 p.m. for an encore. For the last bang, kids will have a grand finale with fireworks, at 7 p.m., recreating the imaginary battle of pirates v against the City of Tampa.
Saturday, Jan. 18, 12 p.m.- 7:30 p.m. Bayshore Blvd. Bleacher tickets can be
purchased at gasparillatreasures.com. Free attendance otherwise.
Gasparilla Pirate Fest
Gasparilla invasion brunch Those who want a closer look on the invasion can buy tickets for the Gasparilla Brunch at 10 a.m., and secure a table for 10 people who’ll enjoy breakfast over cocktails at the convention center. Tickets for the brunch experience are $165. Brunch ends at 1 p.m.
Gasparilla invasion The day-long celebration on Saturday, Jan. 25 is technically a two-parter: The invasion and parade. The Ye Mystic Krewe sails into the invasion towards the Tampa Convention Center at 11:30 a.m., taking over the city for another day, well until they reach shore at 1 p.m. Applications to officially add your
Gasparilla Parade of Pirates Making their way to the Bayshore streets with decorated floats and side cannons, the pirates will parade along a five-mile route from 2 p.m.- 5:30 p.m. Paradegoers can snatch colorful beads and cheer on Tampa’s new conquerors.
Gasparilla Pirate Fest Stage performances Going all day from 10 a.m-8 p.m., live music takes over two different stages: Curtis Hixon WaterFront Park and MacDill Park. At the Curt, the stage will focus on Latin music, with performances by Champán D’Barrio Orchestra and Afinque All Stars. MacFill will stage Captain Mike & The Shipwrecked and Kyle Ingram Trio + Horns. Both will have a break in performances from 3 p.m.- 5:30 p.m., so they don’t outshine the pirates. There’s no cover, but bleacher and brunch tickets are available at gasparillatreasures.com.
Sant’Yago Illuminated Knight Parade
After spending two weeks pillaging about town, pirates head to the historic district for an illuminated party and parade that gives new meaning to the word “lit.” The night parade will mark the 51st annual Tampa civic pride event, the first taking place 1974. Lining up on 7th Avenue, marching bands and floats will take the pirate pride to Ybor. Saturday, Feb. 8, 7 p.m. No cover. Ybor City. krewesantyago.org
Gasparilla Festival of the Arts
boat to the parade closed in October, but if you are feeling lucky, the Gasparilla Dock Lottery might be your chance. By arriving at the dock at 8 a.m. on Jan. 25 25, you might get the chance to join the invasion. Need a boat? GetMyBoat rents pirate-themed pontoons, complete with a captain. Prices and boat options range from hourly rates. For four hours, prices range from $700-900, while and eight-hour outing goes from $1,300-$1,500. More than 400 boat options are available.
The festival once had a home at the Florida State Fair, but after complaints about nude pictures and controversial art pieces in 1969, the exhibit was moved to the streets of downtown Tampa. Now on its 55th edition, Gasparilla Festival of the Arts (GFA) features Ashli Harper piece “The Fight,” a portrayal of a Black woman in boxing gear, surrounded by pink tones, representing strength and resilience. Harper’s textured art style stands out, featuring thick acrylic paint strokes on the canvas. The Plant City native and was an emerging artist in the festival 2024 and is now headlining the event. The showcase in March will feature 250 artists and 15 emerging artists. Saturday, March 1 (9 a.m.- 6 p.m.) & Sunday, March 2 (10 a.m.- 5 p.m.) Julian B. Lane Riverfront Park, Tampa. gasparillaarts.com
Gasparilla International Film Festival
For its 18th edition, the Gasparilla Film Festival (GIFF) returns at the end of March. GIFF is run by the nonprofit Tampa Film Institute and includes films in 19 different categories, including grand jury and audience choices. Film submissions are still open online. The location for the 2025 GIFF is still to be decided, but past editions took place at Westshores AMC and the Tampa
Children’s Gasparilla
Saturday, Jan. 18. Noon-7:30 p.m. No cover. gasparillapiratefest.com
Theatre. Thursday-Sunday, March 27-30, Time and Location TBD. gasparillafilmfestival.com
Gasparilla Distance Classic
For every type of runner, the Gasparilla Distance Classic Race is a flat course with four different distances and challenges to choose from. The 48th edition of the race happens in between Brorein and Franklin Streets in downtown Tampa. For runners accompanied by their furry friends, the Hot Diggity Dog Walk will be the day before the human races in February. Friday-Sunday, Feb. 21-23, times differ, Downtown Tampa. rungasparilla.com
Parking and transportation
Festival attendees can park at any of the five public downtown Tampa parking garages or street parking metered spots. The parade and parks can be accessed by foot via the Riverwalk. If your group needs a ride and a responsible designated drive, Hillsborough Area Regional Transit’s Route 1 is free of charge and runs from the University Area through the Heights neighborhoods and directly into downtown Tampa.
Parties
Shipwrecked Music Festival Less grunts and more wubs please. The Shipwrecked Pirate and Music festival at the Cuban Club is the bassiest parade opener, happening a day before and the day of the parade of pirates. The lineup consists of over 20 EDM headliners across two days. FridaySaturday, Jan. 24-25. 5 p.m.-midnight. $45 & up. The Cuban Club, 2010 N Avenida Republica de Cuba, Ybor City. shipwreckedmusicfestival.com
Gasparilla afterparty w/Italian Krewe If you are looking for an after party to soak up the booze, this Italian after party is for you. The Italian Club of Tampa and Krewe Italia host their first ever Gaspy after party after the parades on Saturday, with live music, dancing and catered food. Tickets are non-refundable and priced at $25 online. Saturday, Jan. 25. 6 p.m.-10 p.m. $25. The Italian Club of Tampa, 1731 E 7th Ave., Ybor City. italian-club.org
Gasparilla cleanup krewe
Tampa streets and waterways need cleaning after the day parade, and while the city does a good job, Adventure Outfitters Dive Center is looking for volunteer divers, kayakers, shore personnel, and data collectors to help with a cleanup on Sunday, Jan. 26 that involves removing plastic beads from the waters around Julian B. Lane Park, Ballast Point pier. Picnic Island and more. Non-divers can help with onshore activity, too. Sunday, Jan. 26. 9 a.m. RSVP via info@adventuretampa.com or by calling 813-832-6669. @ adventuretampa on Facebook
BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKIN’: The main parade features a five-mile parade on Bayshore Boulevard.
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Pubby amusement center & sports bar featuring electronic games, big-screen TVs & comfort food. https://www.gametimeplayers.com /home-tampa/
By Josh Bradley & Ray Roa C CL Recommends
FRI 17
C Alexis Carra If any of our locals fi t the narrative of moving up north to make it big, it’s Alexis Carra. After being accepted into Yale, the Berkeley Preparatory School graduate found herself in the touring cast of “Fosse” during her junior year of college, which led to television job offers on both sides of the camera, and eventually, a swing slot on Broadway, in some musical called “Wicked.” Carra moved back to Tampa earlier this decade to raise a family, and though she hasn’t hit many stages since coming home, you’ll probably hear some tales of her family history and roots while she sits at her piano during this stories-and-songs power-hour.
(New Tampa Performing Arts Center, Tampa)
Chew w/Movie Props/Beach Terror/ Dead Nettles/Noser There’s no doubt that 2024 was a busy year for Atlanta-based ambient psychedelic outfit Chew. Members Brett Reagan and Sarah Wilson spent most of their time performing as a duo without bassist Jamey McDaniel, which, according to Reagan, was an effort to continue their tradition of remaining flexible and embracing change. Following this adjustment, they appeared as a goth band in “Blood Mountain Massacre”—an indie horror film about an all-girl punk band— and also hyperfocused on completing the band’s next album Found Footage , due early next year. There’s no telling if any of that new material will be played as McDaniel rejoins the lineup for this last run of shows before Chew spendisa month or so touring across Europe).
(Oscura, Bradenton)
C Daniela Soledade Fresh off a sold-out European tour (and last week’s gig at the Peace Memorial Concert Series) songwritersinger Soledade presents a new, loosely socially-conscious and environmental program featuring covers (“Amazon Farewell” by Djavan), plus originals like the salutary “Aquele Abraço” and the landscape-adoring “Samba Do Avião.” Soledade’s longtime guitarist and collaborator Nate Najar told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that drummer Claudio Infante—one of Brazil’s top studio drummers, who appears on Soledade’s Deco Tropical album due next month—will actually be in the ensemble, which should bode well for the dance-oriented portions of the show. Najar, who’s played alongside timekeepers for Michael Jackson (Ricky Lawson) and Prince (John Blackwell) added that if he had to pick one drummer to play with for the rest of eternity, it would be Infante. “You cannot do any better. He has so much experience and so many resources across so many different aesthetics and approaches and he brings all that to the proceedings. His tempo does not waver and yet the feeling is a buoyant cushion that gives the music both foundation and an incredible forward
momentum,” Najar added. “It’s a truly visceral experience to be in the room with him playing the drums.” Patrick Bettison joins him and Soledade to man keyboards and harmonica, along with Joe Porter on the bass and Carl Amundson on electric guitar. (Bayboro Brewing, St. Petersburg)
C Hector Couto w/Brian Busto b2b King Sherif/Dreez Spanish, Roush label boss Cuoto—a tech-house favorite with ties to other imprints like Hot Creations and Moon Harbour—spins old school techno, but is well versed in other genres that’ll surely get mixed into this set. (The Nest at St. Pete Brewing Co., St. Petersburg)
Nonpoint w/Crobot & Heartsick During the third show of a tour celebrating the respective 20th and 25th anniversaries of Nonpoint’s Statement and To The Pain , it became apparent that drummer Robb Rivera was having a little too much fun onstage. On the second-to-last song during the Fort Lauderdale-based metal outfit’s set in Louisville, Nonpoint had to cut things short when Rivera, who had a dangerously-elevated heart rate all night, found himself in an ambulance after having to leave the stage. He has since stabilized, and this issue (which isn’t a recurring occurrence on Rivera’s end) doesn’t appear to affect any shows on the tour, including the band’s first in Tampa Bay since opening for Mudvayne at the ol’ Gary amphitheater in 2023. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)
Winter Warmer: Movie Props w/Domino Pink/House of I/Cozy In The Black/ Beach Terror/Moonberry/Swamp Poney/ Northstar/TV Extra/more The weather will be a little warmer in the Bay area come this weekend (mid-to-high 60s), which is on brand for this annual celebration of homegrown rock and roll. Per usual, there’s no cover for Wyatt Norton’s three-day festival, which kicks off Friday night before taking over the brewery starting at 2 p.m. on Saturday and 3 p.m. on Sunday. (Cage Brewing, St. Petersburg)
SAT 18
C Arbors All-Star Jazz Party: Diego Figueiredo w/Warren Vaché/Scott Robinson/Eddie Metz/Chuck Redd/ Wycliffe Gordon/La Lucha/John O’Leary/ more Ever since recording Rick Fay—a longstanding member of Disney Parks’ music department—in his bandleader debut 36 years ago, Arbors Records has gone on to release the projects of countless names in jazz, and with a hefty streaming library available, very few of those releases are lost to the ages. This year’s Palladium Jazz Award is being presented to Rachel Domber (who co-founded the label with her husband Mat, who died in 2012). To celebrate the honor, a who’s-who of Arbors signees, as local as La Lucha and as fabled as Charlie Byrd Trio’s Chuck Redd, will convene in the main theater inside the historic St. Pete venue. (Hough Hall at Palladium Theater, St. Petersburg)
THU JANUARY 16–THU JANUARY 23
Hannah Phillips (album release) w/ Anarkitty/Boycott On New Year’s Day Phillips announced she’d be hosting the best National Duck Day-slash-20th birthday party ever. The Blake High School grad’s debut album Little Miss Daydream (stylized in all-lowercase) is a 15-tracker with stories from her teenhood, with some possibly taking place during her time as an early camper at Girls Rock St. Pete (GRC). “All of these songs were written and produced by a girl in her bedroom over the last 5 years and I can’t believe her daydreams are finally coming true,” she wrote in a social media post. Boycott and Anarkitty—the latter also born out of GRC—open. (Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa)
C Marty Stuart and his Fabulous Superlatives There’s no doubt that “The Whiskey Ain’t Workin’” is one of the finest country duets ever, and who in their right mind doesn’t envy Stuart for being able to gracefully pull off a head full of mullet into his mid-60s? While he’s no stranger to downtown Clearwater’s storied venue, some locals will never forget when Stuart rolled in with his Fabulous Superlatives in 2018 to play backup for some of the final dates of what was more-or-less the last Byrds reunion tour. With surviving Byrds Roger McGuinn and Chris Hillman, Stuart and company got through all of Sweetheart of the Rodeo, along with some other jangly, harmonious hits that once inspired the hell out of him. Hillman is done touring, so we’ll probably never see something like that again, but the experience and sounds that accompanied it must have played a massive role in influencing Stuart’s latest album Altitude , which contains an identical amount of twang, sweet harmonies, and catchy melodies heard on a Byrds record. (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater)
C Nick Bredal: ‘Periluna’ w/Katara/ Rugawd/Rogerthomas As Chooty B, Bredal is well-traveled in the local scene where he lends tenor sax to some of the Bay area’s best bands. This weekend the Tarpon Springs High School and Berklee School of Music
product ditches the alias in hopes of taking listeners light years away from Earth. A quintet of heavy hitters backs the 25-year-old for this concept concert where Bredal collects the thoughts from thousands of notes to himself and turns them into a story about Periluna, a world borne after the composer and producer started diving into science fi ction like “Blindsight” by Peter Watts and pondering the concepts of self-awareness and consciousness. And while Bredal admits to being under qualified to design a Utopia, he and the band will get lost as they move through charts and the many layers of Ableton, while wielding aerophone, tenor sax, keys, bass, drums and more. “I want the moment to guide us,” Bredal told CL about wanting to give the 70-minute performance space to breathe. “The goal is that we won’t be thinking about any of that by the time we start playing. I hope it’ll still feel very organic, even though it’ll be new textures and new sorts of compositions. We want to let it rip.” (Crowbar, Ybor City)
C Sorry Barb School’s back for the spring, so Tampa’s Felicitous coffee shop and cafe is having a party complete with some of the best Asian food in town (thanks, Retro House), a market and concert from art-pop favorite Sorry Barb. (Felicitous Coffee and Tea, Tampa)
Tampa-Ish: Soloxequis w/Taylor Moon/ more The Tampa-ish market celebrates its year anniversary with another installment of local vendors in the Shuffle backyard, soundtracked by the likes of Tampa rapperand singer Taylor Moon and “vybes dealer” Soloxequis. (Shuffle, Tampa)
C Tampa mass choir ‘Choir Union’ concert: New Mt. Zion Mass Choir w/St. John Primitive Baptist Church Choir/ Allen Temple AME Church Voices of Allen/USF Gospel Choir/more Every Sunday is an opportunity to see one of Tampa Bay’s bodacious gospel choirs. You don’t get
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Daniela Soledade
NATE NAJAR
many weekends to see a bunch all in one place though. A Saturday miracle (and Minister L.A. Johnson) brings a bunch of them together for Martin Luther King Jr. Day weekend. Ensembles from some of the Bay area’s longest-running congregations—like Ybor City’s Allen Temple AME Church—join others like the gospel choir from the University of South Florida for the no-cover affair kicking off at 5 p.m. (Beulah Baptist Church, Tampa)
Walking Blue w/Kitty Kitty Meow Meow/ Lychee Camp/TV Breakup Scene Flower power and emo come together when Walking Blue is onstage. The Orlando outfit comes to the skatepark supporting “Flowers For All Seasons,” an 81-second blast of anthemic, angsty punk-rock, and the follow up to the Rollins College-born band’s 2023 debut Postcards & Love Letters . (Skatepark of Tampa, Tampa)
SUN 19
Tampa Bay Screams Horror Con: Alan Howarth There are still 290 days left until Halloween, but don’t let that stop you from catching a rare Bay area gig by magnificently-wicked composer Alan Howarth whose work has defined an entire era of film, from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” to “Poltergeist,” “Escape From New York” and five “Halloween” movies. Normally seen at conventions, the 76-year-old takes part in the Tampa Bay Screams Horror Con for this biker bar gig near Pinellas Park where he’ll perform film scores. (OCC Roadhouse, Clearwater)
WED 22
Silverstein w/Thursday/Split Chain/ Arm’s Length Silverstein celebrates its 25th anniversary by taking the meaning of “double-album” to a different level. Antibloom / Pink Moon —said to encapsulate the lessons members of the Canadian rock outfit have learned and musical styles they’ve picked up since coming together so young—is billed as one album to be released in two separate installments. Antibloom drops next month, and while there’s currently no solid release date for Pink Moon , it should be out by year’s end. In the meantime, Silverstein’s first local gig since a 2021 stop in the same space promises a career retrospective stretching from to the band’s emo debut When Broken Is Easily Fixed to the two singles put out to promote Antibloom . Ahead of this show, frontman Shane Told, err, told CL about a Weezer show in Japan being the best gig he ever saw. Read his full quote at cltampa.com/ music. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)
C TVA w/Pamper/Tootsie/Prolapsed Mind Tino Newman’s Alabama bedroom project is now a full-fledged Florida rock band. TVA, now based in Gainesville, plays a punk-influenced brand of blue-collar rock and roll that would make another famous Northern Floridian, Tom Petty, proud. Just listen to a new song, “Never Look Away,” where Newman & Co. continue the tradition of recording their music via cellphone, this time to extoll workers and push back on the powers-that-be. “We’re people, we’re workers, not passive observers,” they sing. Indeed. (Deviant Libation, Tampa)
THU 23
C Dweezil Zappa While fans enjoyed Zappa at last year’s Experience Hendrix tour stop at Ruth Eckerd Hall, it was mutually agreeable that the 55-year-old’s rousing performance of “Stone Free” wasn’t anywhere near the amount of stage time he deserved. For what appears to be his headlining first show in town since a 2017 stop at Jannus Live, Dweezil dusts off a healthy array of his late father Frank’s ultra complex material, as well as a fistful of cuts from his own versatile catalog that has been graced by the likes of Steve Vai, the late Chick Corea, and of course, Spinal Tap. (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater)
Jarv w/King Green/Damn Skippy Nathan Jarvis is a better rapper than skateboarder, which’ll bode well at New World where there’s really nowhere to push a board around anyway. For fans of RA The Rugged Man and Masta Ace, the 31-year-old Brooklyn-based emcee is also a producer who can beat off with the best of them. He’s in Tampa on the heels of a new boom-bap, one-take single, “Rap 101,” as he kicks off a month-long tour of the Southeast, Midwest and Eastern Seaboard. (Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa)
C Paul Thorn w/Marc Broussard When it comes to Southern songwriter tours, it might not get more appropriate than this bill headlined by Tupelo’s very own boxer-songwriter Paul Thorn and Carencro’s gravel voiced soulpop troubadour Marc Broussard. Together the fellas have half-a-century’s worth of recorded music under their belts. Broussard even arrives in support of his new album in seven years, Time is a Thief, produced by Grammywinning (Eric Krasno) and nominated producers (Jeremy Most) who’ve worked with the likes of Soulive, Lettuce and Emily King. (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater)
See the extended version of this listing via cltampa.com/music.
Nick Bredal
COURTESY
Local music fans hoping for a lineup from Tampa’s Gasparilla Music Festival can finally exhale, then sigh.
Last Friday, David Cox, longtime Executive Director for GMF, told Creative Loafi ng Tampa Bay that the festival set for Feb. 14-16 at Julian B. Lane Riverfront Park, has been postponed. He cited fallout after a weather cancellation in 2023 as the main contributor to the postponement. “Rain last year didn’t help,” he added, referring to last February’s soggy, yet solid, debut at a new venue. A new date is still forthcoming, Cox, said, explaining that the decision was made to ensure the sustainability of the 12-yearold festival.
“This isn’t the end of GMF at all,” Cox said. “An entire generation of Tampeños has grown up at this festival, and we just want to make sure GMF is the kind of festival that our kids’ will take their own children to.”
He added that more details would be available in the coming days. It’s the fi rst time GMF has been postponed since 2021, when the Covid-19 pandemic forced organizers to postpone the festival to the fall—and then stage another festival a few months later in March 2022.
“The challenges of the past two years have put a tremendous financial strain on our Foundation, and by choosing to recoup our losses now, we aim to protect our ability to produce a high-quality event that you and our community can be proud of,” GMF wrote on its website. “We are committed to using this time to re-evaluate, recover, and begin planning for our next exciting and successful festival.”
Refunds were already being processed and should be completed within the next
week, the statement added. “Thank you once again for the tremendous continued support. We look forward to brighter days ahead and to coming together for the next spectacular Gasparilla Music Festival in the near future,” GMF wrote.
Finding a new date in the 2025 calendar might be tough at the increasingly-busy Julian B. Lane Riverfront Park, since GMF utilizes pretty much every square inch of the grounds—from the picnic pavillions on the south end to the football field and River Center on the northern end.
GMF’s situation isn’t unique in the larger context of American music festivals and comes at a hard time for organizers across the globe. While the homegrown event’s status as a nonprofit means that the bottom line serves the music-education-focused Gasparilla Music Foundation, last year was horrible for a number of festivals in the U.S. and abroad.
Florida’s Suwannee River Jam and Roots Revival festivals bowed out of the scene last year, along with Okeechobee, which used to happen around the same time as GMF. NPR points out that domestically, Burning Man failed to sell out for the first time ever, while Coachella saw a decline in attendance. Chicago’s popular Pitchfork Music Festival threw in the towel on 2025, too. New York’s Electric Zoo, Firefl y in Delaware, and Las Vegas’ Life Is Beautiful were also among the nearly 100 music festivals to shut down last year, according to Music Festival Wizard. Overseas, more than 60 music festivals were canceled in the U.K. in 2024, while Lollapalooza Paris and Sideways Festival in Helsinki called it quits.
Come back next week for Josh Bradley’s weekly roundup of new concerts coming to Tampa Bay—Ray Roa
Better than nothing
By Caroline DeBruhl
Dear Oracle, I always try to do too many new things in January, and when I fail, I feel like I’m screwing up the whole year. How should I use this January to feel at peace for the year to come?— Rushing in
Cards: The Hermit, The Empress (reversed), The World, Ace of Cups
Dear Rushing, January is an interesting place to start a new year. The feeling of a fresh year causes a lot of people to kick into high gear and implement change (no drinking, workout daily, KonMari the whole house!), but the natural world isn’t exactly bubbling up to match our energy.
The night still comes early, the cold lingers about. Hibernating creatures are still asleep, plants are dormant, and plenty of us are trying to muddle through with whatever cold/flu we picked up. It’s not exactly a “LET’S GOOOO!!!!” vibe.
While it can be tempting to start the year with a lot of action, January might be a better time for you to turn inward and think about how you want the year to unfold.
With the reflective Hermit, it might serve you to think about your goals for this year not as something you can check off but in ways you want to feel. If you’re looking to feel more at peace, connected with others, or to feel mentally challenged, what might help you get there? This might require a deep look at what you want from life and how to go about it.
Once you figure out those goals, you’ll be able to work towards them. The Empress reversed
means you have the self-discipline to carry these out, but life is chaotic, and we all only have so much energy. The Empress is a compassionate leader, so if you feel yourself slipping into an “all-or-nothing” mindset, remember: anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Can’t run your three daily miles? Jog around the block. Hour of reading cut short? Try five minutes. The same principle can be applied to fitness, hygiene, artistic pursuits or any other habit—a little is better than nothing and if you don’t have the energy to do anything? Tomorrow is a new day. Have grace with yourself.
Being conscious of your goals and how you go about them will pay off, as we see with The World. This is a card of both completion and rejuvenation, of ending and starting again. It’s a very positive card and can speak to a feeling of true accomplishment.
Dear Oracle, I come from a passionate Italian family and was raised in an environment where yelling at one another was commonplace. This could be if we were angry or happy, so there was definitely a lot of noise. As I move through my adult life and attempt to adjust my emotional response to one that is appropriate and more quiet, what are tools I can use to slow my quick to yell reflex?—Boisterous Bella
Cards: The Chariot, Two of Cups (reversed), Nine of Wands, Ten of Cups
Ciao Bella, as someone who comes from a similarly passionate ethnic background and married someone who’s also loud, part of me wants to say “fuck that WASP nonsense” because, really, we’re talking about two different cultural norms.
ORACLE OF YBOR
Email your question to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram
But, with the Two of Cups here, I’m guessing you have a partner who isn’t as loud and grew up in a quieter household.
like yourself when you yell or because it overwhelms your partner, then you’re doing it out of love, not conformity.
While I don’t think being quick to unbridled joy is bad, losing your temper often isn’t good. The only people who get to scream when they’re upset are babies. Everyone else needs to learn to keep their cool.
This might require some deeper work with a therapist, doing some anger management techniques, and practicing the art of letting shit go. (If you find yourself short on patience—a skill— there are a bunch of ways you can build that up.) There is an entire subsection of mindfulness techniques specific to anger. I encourage you to explore that.
With the final card of the Ace of Cups, we circle back to a sense of both creativity and love. If you are moving towards a goal that you actually care about (like “feeling strong” rather than “go to the gym five days a week”) and have multiple ways to approach it, it’s going to be hard to “fail” at it. They’re lanterns guiding you rather than goalposts.
So curl up with a journal and a bowl of something deeply comforting, and think about how you’d like to move through this year.
You are a passionate person. The Chariot hammers that point home, but The Chariot is not a card of obsession. Your emotions may get the best of you at times, but you are in control of them and are able to steer them. We are products of our culture, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that those elements are fixed in us.
The biggest question is why do you want to be more “appropriate and quiet” because, with the Nine of Wands, the reason is the difference between a hard struggle and a breakthrough. If you just try to tamp down your enthusiasm because that feels “adult,” then you’ll probably resent it. But, if you want to temper your responses (especially in anger) because you don’t
With the Ten of Cups closing us out, I think you’ll be able to find a balance of expressions and create a safe home for everyone and a place where you feel like you can be yourself. Again, not all noise is nefarious. Laughing loudly, celebrating fully, rejoicing in the splendor is what makes life fun. I fully support ignoring anyone telling you your enthusiasm is too intense or that you need to “chill” with your giddy glee. If they’re annoyed, they can get over it.
But yelling in anger can hurt others, often emotionally and sometimes psychologically, if it’s happening enough. We have the right to live loudly but not to cause others pain. I think you know the difference, and with some resources and open communication, you’ll be able to make a change you want to see in yourself.
I hope that life is filled with plenty of laughter for you and yours. Ciao, Bella.
See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
The sixties
By Dan Savage
I’m a male in my late-60s with what I think is an unusual problem. My wife of almost 40 years and I have a good sex life and it’s gotten better since the kids moved out. Every two or three days, I give my wife a neck and deep gluteal massage and then she gives me a blow job. Sometimes I manually stimulate her to orgasm, usually while I’m in her mouth. We both enjoy this routine, but in the past three or four years, she has occasionally wanted vaginal sex, which we used to have, and I can’t get quite hard enough to perform. After I penetrate her, we have sex for a while, but I don’t orgasm. When this happens, I wash myself and she gives me a blow job, but she’s frustrated because she thinks the problem is her when the problem is all mine. She worries I don’t find her attractive anymore, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve tried three prescription medicines, but none helped. I think that my problem is that I’ve always enjoyed oral sex more than vaginal sex, so I have no problems getting erections for oral sex, and I don’t get quite as excited when we have vaginal sex. She has suggested that I contact a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy, but they’re expensive and I don’t think they will be any help. Any suggestions?—Blow Jobs Often Better
SAVAGE LOVE
A few practical sex tips: Instead of starting with vaginal intercourse and then pivoting to oral—after breaking for a quick whore’s bath—why not start with oral, get really close (say it with me: the point of orgasmic inevitability), and then finish with vaginal? And if being manually stimulated to orgasm is good enough for the wife (most of the time), BJOB, it should be good enough for you (most of the time): while they can be annoying to clean, a highquality Fleshlight masturbatory aide—when lubed up and wielded the right way—comes close to simulating oral sex and cleaning one is less work than giving a blowjob. Get some vibrators while you’re toy shopping, a couple of penetrative toys, and—if it’s long penetration sessions your wife wants—get a dildo harness.
And then when your wife does suck your dick, BJOB, you’ll know it’s because she’s feeling it—she’s in the mood to suck dick and wants to suck yours—and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy that blowjob without guilt.
as gay couples are less likely to divorce than straight or lesbian couples, a little realism about (or a little fatalism towards) outside sexual contact appears to be a stabilizing force in our marriages, JISM, not a destabilizing one. Take your relationship: right now you’re contemplating divorce because you’re not getting the sex you need at home. If you were allowed to get a little of that sex elsewhere—if you were allowed to take supplements—you wouldn’t be contemplating divorce.
2. I might advise you to end your marriage in the hopes of finding someone who was the complete package—a man who loves you as much as you love him and wants to fuck you as often as you wanna be fucked—if you were a younger man, JISM. But starting over at your age seems like much a bigger lift than getting your husband to okay seeking sex outside your marriage.
expectations about what our lives would look like once I retired. The traditional person in me recognizes the obligations to take care of her and to put her needs in front of mine. We have adult children, but none live nearby, so I can’t rely on any of them to pick up my slack if I am traveling. Any thoughts?—Rethinking Everything That Involved Retirement Expectations Daily People are going to think you’re a shit if you abandon your wife of 40 years to run off with the bisexual circus or a KISS cover band or whatever this new project is. Your wife will think you’re a shit, your kids will think you’re a shit, your advice columnist, his readers will think you’re a shit, and you will think you’re a shit. So, if you wanna do this without being a shit, RETIRED, you need to make it work for your wife too.
The problem isn’t that you don’t find your wife of 40 years attractive—the double negative was impossible to avoid—but that you’ve always found oral sex more arousing, e.g., oral was always likelier to get you there. And it may not be as simple as a strong preference anymore: sex acts/positions/narratives that were arousing enough to get you all the way there at 30—things that made you hard and kept you hard enough to get you off—may not be arousing enough to get you hard, keep you hard, etc., at age sixty. Meanwhile, BJOB, your wife wants to get PIV into regular rotation because… well, I can only speculate. Maybe vaginal intercourse is more pleasurable for her. Maybe she wants to look into your eyes once in a while. Maybe, after nearly 40 years, she’s done sucking your cock. (It happens.) And just as it’s gotten harder for you to obtain and sustain an erection as you’ve grown older, BJOB, the work it takes to suck you off—they’re called blowjobs for a reason— has gotten harder for her as she’s grown older. I would urge you to see a sex therapist together, BJOB, someone who can facilitate a conversation between you and your wife about your shared sexual interests, your aging bodies, what used to work, what still works, and the sexual compromises and hacks that can make sex better for both of you. And maybe hearing you tell someone else that you’re still very attracted to your wife will convince her it’s true.
Three data points: 1. Same-sex marriage of 10 years. 2. He is 60, I am 71. 3. I still love him and believe that he loves me.When I first met my husband the sex was the best I had ever had. Now my husband claims he doesn’t want to have sex because he has gained weight. What can I do? When we do have sex, it consists of me giving him a blowjob as he just lies there. This occurs about six times a year. At best, I get his hand on my cock until he comes, then I have to finish myself off. This is not enough for me in regard to frequency or mutual engagement. We talked about the infrequency issue two years ago and agreed to schedule sex. That did not last. A year ago, we talked about his lack of engagement and the response was that he did not feel sexy or attractive anymore. But I still find him as sexy and attractive as ever! In our conversations about this, he claims (and I believe him) that he is not seeking sex elsewhere, and is not seeking relief otherwise. He refused my suggestion that we could see a counselor and insists he wants to work this out privately. I am increasingly impatient—I need to fuck and get fucked—and worried this situation will not improve.
Three sex questions: 1. Seek sex outside the marriage? If so, how do I broach this subject? 2. Hold on for another (period of time?) and if no change, seek a separation/divorce? 3. Give up as this has goe on for some time now?—Justifying Increasingly Sexless Marriage
1. This particular subject—opening up your marriage—seems easily broached, JISM, seeing as most gay marriages are open. And seeing
3. I think you should give up—not on your marriage, JISM, but on forcing your husband to have sex he doesn’t wanna have. It’s possible your husband has lost interest in sex and his weight gain is just an excuse; it’s also possible your husband is depressed or may be suffering from a hormonal imbalance. Encourage him to see his doctor and get a full physical and mental health workup. But if he’s fine and his hormone levels are normal and he isn’t willing to do what it takes (physically or emotionally) to feel more comfortable in his body, you should insist on being released from the monogamous commitment you made when he did wanna fuck you.
I’m a bisexual cis man in my late-60s. I’ve been in a loving companionate marriage for more than forty years. My wife learned I was actively bi when we were dating and continued to be early in our marriage. I was monogamous for many years but that changed after our last child was born and my wife lost virtually all interest in sex. DADT worked well for us, and I was blessed with some wonderful male FWBs over the years. We are a team—we’re a great team—and we love each other very much. That’s a bit of background that may or may not relate to my reason for writing. I officially retired a couple of years ago, closing my business of 30 years. We’re not rich but we are comfortable and secure. As circumstances would have it, I got involved in a project upon retirement that turned out to be a great success—arguably the biggest professional success in my life—and it involved some traveling. My wife accompanied me on one trip, but didn’t enjoy it much. She also has some health challenges that make physical activity a challenge for her.
I’m torn. My wife was hoping we would take things much easier in retirement. To have opportunities I never dreamed of during my “working years” is exciting beyond belief, and a big part of me really wants to continue to pursue them. But if this new project continues to take off it would keep me on the road a lot and seriously upend my wife’s
Zooming out for a second: You shared a few details about your wife’s health and her expectations about retirement—not in great health, wants to stay in one place—but you don’t mention how she feels about this new opportunity. You say you’re excited. OK, how’s the wife feeling? Is she excited for you? Is she afraid for herself? The absence of any details about how she’s feeling leads me to believe you two are handling this opportunity the same way you used to handle your FWBs: she’s not asking, you’re not telling. If you’ve fallen into old patterns here—avoiding discussions and details that might be upsetting—you need to risk telling your wife exactly what you want and then asking her what she wants.
And you might get a better response from her… you might get closer to hearing what you wanna hear… if you can list the ways this new opportunity might benefit her, RETIRED, and not just you. She may not be able to join you on the road, RETIRED, but is there some place she’s always wanted to live—a potential new homebase for you both—where there are other people around who would be around when you were away? Does she want to move closer to your adult children or her old friends? If she prefers to stay in the home she’s made for 40 years (perfectly understandable!), will you be making enough money to employ a paid lady’s companion—they’re not just for dowager duchesses anymore—or, perhaps more realistically, to fly one or two of your children in when you’re away for more than a day or two?
In short, RETIRED, you’re excited to run off with the bisexual circus (or whatever!) because there are upsides for you, e.g., money, meaning, travel. If you’re going to do this without being a complete shit, RETIRED, you need to figure out—together with your wife—what the potential upsides are for her.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love
Legal, Public Notices
NOTICE OF PUBLIC SALE Pursuant to Section 715.109, notice is hereby given that the following property will be offered for public sale and will sell at public outcry to the highest and best bidder for cash: a 1980 MANA mobile home, VIN F060710D4786 and the contents therein, if any abandoned by Sean Loren Troyer (deceased), Known Heirs of Sean Loren Troyer, and Unknown Heirs of Sean Loren Troyer. on Friday, January 31, 2025 at 9:30 a.m. at 1114 Fountainview North, Lakeland, FL 33809... ICARD, MERRILL, CULLIS, TIMM, FUREN & GINSBURG, P.A. Alyssa M. Nohren FL Bar No. 352410 2033 Main Street Suite 600 Sarasota, Florida 34237 Telephone: (941) 366-8100 Facsimile: (941) 3666384 anohren@icardmerrill.com smenasco@icardmerrill.com Attorney for Fountainview Estates, LLC
Beginning to love you?
The Tao of Pooh author Benjamin
Spell-off
No relation?
“And now, to discuss ___ for a new project ...”
“... here’s ___, our CEO, Old MacDonald!”
Bible bk.
“Bali ___”
The Phanerozoic, e.g.
Gary’s home: abbr.
Sheep loser
“Friends, I know there’s a ___ out there ...”
Personal items
Least sanguine
A Knute successor
Mower maker
Girl in the family
41 “This kind of thing ___ every so often ...”
45 “But I’ve never been one to ___ ...”
52 They resemble sunflowers
53 Met song
54 Steady guy
55 Guys and Dolls guy Frank
57 Colors-of-thespectrum mnemonic, ROY G. ___
58 Bat stat 59 “So we lost ten million last year. That’s ___!”
56 Superficial
Evasive
Refrain from solving this puzzle? 61 Sci. of bugs 62 Denounce
