Creative Loafing Tampa — March 7, 2024

Bowman

SOCIAL MEDIA AND MARKETING MANAGER

Corrie Miserendino

Circulation

CIRCULATION MANAGER Ted Modesta

Chava Communications Group

FOUNDER, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER

Michael Wagner

CO-FOUNDER, CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER

Cassandra Yardeni Wagner

OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Hollie Mahadeo

DIRECTOR OF AGENCY SERVICES

Kelsey Molina

SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR Meradith Garcia

DIRECTOR OF DIGITAL CONTENT STRATEGY

Colin Wolf

ART DIRECTOR David Loyola

DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR

Jaime Monzon chavagroup.com cltampabay.com cldeals.com

EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa

Creative

The

Tampa River Center 402 W. Laurel St. in Tampa

DELICIOUS TREATS FROM OUR SAMPLERS:

BABY BRIsKET

Our from-scratch Smoked Brisket Gravy over Biscuits and our signature Hug in a Bun from-scratch Cinnamon Rolls

OYSTERCATCHERS

Specialty Oysters featuring local Estuary oysters, green apple relish, vanilla ponzu, buba arare, and shiso

Chicken & Waffles

ELEVAGE THE BRINEHOUSETHE REZ GRILL at the hard rock

Chocolate-Pistachio Bread Pudding - dates, dark chocolate, pistachio anglaise

WILD ROVER BREWING

Samples of our Afternoon Tea delights!

The big guava - mango, pineapple, guava nectar, spinach, chia/ flax seed. AND the RSC Acai- unsweetened açaí, banana, spinach, agave, chia/ flax seed, all served with an optional organic, gluten free granola.

Potato & Leek Quiche w/ sliced Norwegian smoked salmon, avocado horseradish aioli, rock greens & heirloom tomatoes

the dan

Colada French Toast with charred pineapple, toasted coconut, meringue & brioche

Avocado Toast with Tuscan bread, smoked salmon, Meyer lemon, and chive

mother kombucha &

Serene Kombucha - a friendly, fruit-forward blend of guava, pineapple and orange peel. Reishi mushroom, L-theanine and rose hips. AND Arise Kombucha - A magical combination of mango, peach and ginger, coupled with a natural caffeine kick from guayusa and the calming focus of L-theanine.

Bank roll

Photos by

Dave Decker

PETA has come out against stores with ties to companies that allegedly use monkey slaves to make coconut milk, and last Wednesday, the organization set its sights on Blue Pearl Veterinary. The chain has more than 100 locations across the U.S., but PETA says that Blue Pearlowned clinics get blood from The Veterinarians’ Blood Bank. PETA says he blood bank treats its captive animals “as living blood bags and exploits them until they take their last breath.” A spokesperson for Blue Pearl told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay the company's priority is the health and welfare of animals and that it believes "no animal

should suffer for the health of another," adding, "We are committed to using blood products that meet the best medical and ethical standards. Unfortunately, there is a severe shortage of lifesaving animal blood products in the U.S. today. Outside of critical cases, and only when other sources are not available, we paused purchasing blood products from TVBB until third-party investigations are complete. We are working alongside veterinary partners to make community blood banks the long-term solution."

See more photos via cltampa.com/slideshows.—Ray Roa

THRU

do this

Tampa Bay's best things to do from March 8 - 15

Bloody good

Day-drinkers and mimosa-lovers on both sides of the bridge are in a constant search of the best brunch in the Bay, and one annual event helps them find exactly that. The 2024 rendition of Creative Loafing Tampa Bay's Brunched—where we team up with local bars and restaurants to dish out breakfast samples and daytime cocktails— returns this weekend. Just a handful of local bars and restaurants participating in this year's Brunched include: Small Giant, The Brinehouse, Daily Eats, Raw Smoothie Co., Oystercatchers, Haiku, Baby Brisket, Tabby’s New Orleans Kitchen and Elevage. In addition to a wide variety of Brunch bites and both boozy and N/A sips—as well as access to live music—guests can also participate in the annual “Best Bloody Battle” by voting for their favorite rendition of the classic daytime cocktail. All attendees will have access to unlimited food and drink samples, but some ticket holders get additional perks (VIP gets an extra hour of food and drink sampling and even more appetizers).

Brunched 2024: Saturday, March 9

11 a.m.-3 p.m. $55-$85. Tampa River Center, 402 W Laurel St., Tampa. brunchedtampabay.com—Kyla Fields

Willa look at that

North Hyde Park’s go-to spot for craft cocktails, seasonal lattes and classic French-inspired American fare is entering its toddler years. The restaurant hosts a multitude of live entertainment, drink specials, themed brunches and discounted eats to help keep the anniversary party going. Festivities kicked off on Wednesday, March 6 and continue with an all-day happy hour and natty wine tasting on Thursday, Jack Daniel’s-sponsored music and vinylspinning on Friday, a pastry pop-up and neighborhood cleanup on Saturday, and a Sunday finale filled with a brass band performance, a New Orleans-themed brunch, industry night and 50% off all bottles of wine. Willa’s will remain walk-in friendly throughout the week, but reservations are always recommended. Hospitality veteran Nate Siegel and Merrin Jenkins—granddaughter of Publix founder George W. Jenkins, who has a background in education and nonprofit work—opened Willa’s and its accompanying daytime coffee shop in the spring of 2021 out of a century-old industrial warehouse. It’s named after Jenkins’ great-grandmother William "Willie" Lowry, a “19th-century Tampa pioneer whose devotion to her hometown and civic involvement still reverberates throughout town.”

Willa’s Birthday Week: Through Sunday, March 10. Willa’s, 1700 W Fig St., Tampa. 9 a.m.-9 p.m. ThursdaySaturday, 9 a.m .-8 p.m. Sunday. @willalovestampa on Instagram—Kyla Fields

Wurst of times

Get your stomachs ready for another rendition of “Tampa Bay's wurst festival,” because the German American Society of Pinellas is hosting its annual Sausage Fest this weekend. This family-friendly event features a wide variety of food vendors offering over a dozen different kinds of sausages and other German fare, dancing, games, dachshund races, cold beer, raffles and DJs. According to the organization’s website, just a few sausages that are on the menu include: andouille, English bangers, chorizo, jalapeno cheddar, Filipino longanisa, bratwurst and Polish-style sausages. And when the German American Society of Pinellas County isn’t organizing meaty events, it’s hosting folks at its biergarten or soccerwatching parties, gearing up for its annual Oktoberfest celebration and sharing German-American culture with Pinellas Park and beyond.

Sausage Fest 2024: Saturday, March 9.

11 a.m.-8 p.m. $3-$5. German American Society of Pinellas County, 8098 66th St. N, Pinellas Park.germantampa.com—Kyla Fields

NICK CARDELLO

MARCUS BECKERT/ADOBE

WILLA'S

Guzzle up

Paul Guzzo’s got stories, including a couple 2013 bylines on Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, plus more in La Gaceta, the Tampa Tribune (RIP) and now the Tampa Bay Times. The reporter, who should be Pulitzer-nominated for his work uncovering local lost Black cemeteries, pretty much owns the Tampa beat and takes the stage at this Ybor City improv theater for a show where the guest (Guzzo) tells stories before improvisers turn the tales into comedy.

Salud and Happy Days feat.

Paul Guzzo: Friday, March 8

7:30 p.m. $12. The Commodore, 811 E 7th Ave., Ybor City commodorecomedy.com—Ray Roa

Mortar on over

It’s usually pretty easy to walk around Plant Hall, but the University of Tampa’s signature building will be packed to the gills this weekend. Blame the commotion on the Chiselers, a group named for Tampeño women who chiseled mortar off of old glass tiles once removed the fireplace at the old Tampa Bay Hotel. These days, The Chiselers are a 65-year-old organization devoted to the continued restoration and preservation of Henry B. Plant Hall. This market—and its sold-out Friday night preview—is The Chiselers’ main fundraiser. In the spirit of Sunny Delo, who in 1959 searched through the university’s basement looking for items she could use to restore ballroom fireplaces, the market is a big ol’ sale featuring seemingly everything from gently-used furniture, china, crystal, antiques, books, collectibles, clothes, jewelry and more. It’s like an estate sale of South Tampa, but all in one place.

59th Annual Chiselers Market.

Saturday, March 9

9 a.m.-3 p.m. No cover. Historic Plant Hall, The University of Tampa, 401 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa. thechiselersinc.com—Ray Roa

Stories time

Powerstories once again stages a hybrid festival with self-produced short plays and 60 minute shows which will open live in the theater and then move to online. The 2024 Voices of Women slate includes 12 original local, national and international works from both novice and veteran women playwrights including Krystle Dellihue (“Too Woke To Book”), Alli Hartley-Kong (pictured, “The Wives; A PostRoe American Abortion Odyssey”), Kathleen Maule Holen (“The First Step”) and more.

Powerstories: The Voices of Women Theatre Festival March 21-24 (online March 25-30) $15 & up. Theatre Centre at University of South Florida (TAR 120), 3837 USF Holly Dr., Tampa. powerstories.com—Ray Roa

KIMBERLY DEFALCO

NICK WOLF

Skrrt

Tampa Democrat reverses support for controversial child labor law changes.

By McKenna Schueler

The Florida House last Wednesday voted in favor of a controversial bill that would allow teenagers 16 and older to work jobs on residential construction sites, at the behest of industry groups that wrote the legislation. Members of the Republican-dominated Florida House voted 84-30 to approve the bill (HB 917), with most Democrats opposed. Democratic State Reps. David Silvers, Katherine Waldron and Lisa Dunkley crossed party lines to vote in favor of the bill, while GOP Rep. Mike Beltran was the only member of his party to vote the bill down.

Democratic State Rep. Johanna López, a former teacher and Orange County school board member elected to the House in 2022, not only voted in favor of the bill—which largely concerns Career and Technical Education programs in schools—but signed on to co-sponsor the legislation literally nine minutes before it passed.

16—on a job site.”

The construction industry drives the highest number of unlicensed activity complaints in the state, and is the deadliest industry for youth nationwide, behind agriculture. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, construction is also one of the most common industries in which child labor violations occur already, in addition to wage theft—which the state of Florida does not have a good track record on combating.

LOCAL NEWS

Supporters of the legislation have desperately attempted to downplay the provision of the bill affecting child labor standards—which admittedly makes up just a small section of the 26-page bill. They’ve also defended the bill by pointing to proposed “safeguards” that are meant to help increase safety for teens on the job.

López, who represents parts of Orange County, did not respond to our emailed request for comment on her vote or co-sponsorship of the bill, which has been criticized for rolling back child labor protections. Tampa’s Democratic Rep. Susan Valdes, who previously voted in favor of the legislation during committee stops, changed her vote on the House floor to “No.”

House Bill 917, filed by GOP Rep. John Snyder, has raised alarm bells for a short section of the bill that would ease restrictions on the types of work older teens are legally permitted to do in construction. Most jobs in construction are considered “hazardous occupations” that are barred to minors under federal and state law, with limited exceptions for students of government-approved student learner programs or apprenticeships. Snyder described the goal of his bill earlier this month as “opening a pathway” for older teens who don’t plan on going to college and wish to pursue work in the trades. Critics have blasted the proposal as just plain dangerous and unnecessary.

“I’m familiar with construction job sites, and job sites—even residential job sites—are dangerous,” Jim Junecko, a certified tower crane operator, said during public testimony on the bill earlier this month. “We don’t need a 16-year-old kid—that’s what they are, they’re kids at age

Under the proposal, teens aged 16 and older would need to obtain OSHA-10 certification (a 10-hour training course) to work in residential construction, and would have to work directly under the supervision of someone at least 21 years old who has received the same certification and has at least two years’ work experience.

The bill has been amended to remove the legalization of non-administrative work on commercial construction sites. Like its Senate companion, the bill also now clarifies that minors would not be permitted on any roofs, ladders, scaffolding, or superstructures more than six feet off the ground (so, nope, no more teen roofers). Workers in the trades, however, have argued these “safeguards” to protect kids on the job are insufficient. “To see in this bill that you don’t even need someone to have a journeyman with you while you’re doing this job, and it’s just someone who has taken their OSHA 10, is very worrying,” said trades apprentice Kevin Lawhorn, 19, during a committee stop for the Senate bill last week.

“If I would have started maybe three years ago, and no journeyman ...” the 19-year-old paused, then continued, “I don’t know how I would be today, if I would have been injured, if I would even be here. It’s a very dangerous job.”

There are also very few people involved with oversight to ensure construction companies and contractors are following the law as it exists now.

The agency in charge with regulating child labor in Florida told Orlando Weekly in December that they have just seven personnel dedicated to enforcing child labor standards, covering thousands of job-sites statewide. Federal investigators, employed by an agency that’s been nearly flat-funded by Congress over the last decade, are also dealing with historically low staffing levels, as the Biden administration scrambles to implement a stronger action plan to combat child labor violations.

Industry groups, however, have been all in on the legislation. Email communications obtained by Orlando Weekly through a public records request show the Senate version of the bill was fed to its sponsor, Sen. Corey Simon, by a lobbyist for the Associated Builders and Contractors, an industry trade group that represents thousands of employers across the state.

The same lobbyist, Carol Bowen, showed up in support of the legislation in both House and Senate committees. So has a lobbyist for the Florida Home Builders Association, which also contributed to drafting the bill language. “I told him [Snyder] we were going to give him an easy bill this session,” Bowen admitted during the bill’s first committee stop in January. “Clearly I lied, and I owe him a free year without us next year,” she joked.

Florida’s bill is one of several industrybacked bills recently introduced or enacted in

state legislatures that seek to expand youth employment in hazardous occupations.

According to the Economic Policy Institute, many are backed by state affiliates of industry groups like the National Restaurant Association, the Associated Builders and Contractors, Chambers of Commerce, and special interest groups like the Naples-based Foundation for Government Accountability, which has been a driving force behind child labor rollbacks across the country.

Florida’s not missing out. Public records show the FGA drafted another child-labor related bill (HB 49) advancing through Florida’s state Legislature targeting youth work hours and mandatory breaks on the job.

That bill — and the teen construction legislation — has been watered down following significant pushback from the public. There were also concerns voiced that the legislation could conflict with federal law, as lawmakers in Iowa were made aware following the enactment of their own rollback to child labor law in 2023.

Florida’s House Bill 917, now that it’s passed the House, will head to a state Senate committee for their approval. Its Senate companion (SB 460) got its own vote of approval from the Senate last week. Both chambers need to OK legislation before it’s sent to the Governor’s Office for final approval.

This post first appeared at our sibling publication, Orlando Weekly.

NAH, DAWG: Rep. Susan Valdes changed her vote on the House floor to “No.”

STATE OF FLORIDA

No home run

When it comes to the stadium, St. Pete City Council should tell the Rays to pay their fair share.

By Ron Diner

In the grand tradition of fiscal irresponsibility, St. Petersburg seems poised to gift-wrap a $1.6 billion present to the Tampa Bay Rays and their billionaire partners. The city’s journey from building a stadium in 1988 to potentially handing over a new one for free is a tale of misguided priorities and questionable decision-making. Will the City Council Members do the right thing? They need to slow down and get the facts.

the north discovered they could live in a great walkable city, work from home, enjoy the sunshine and the beaches and pay no state income taxes. The Rays were mere spectators in this urban renaissance. Ask anyone what they love about St. Petersburg. The Rays don’t make it into the starting line-up.

OP-ED

Let’s rewind to the city’s baseball odyssey. In 1988, St. Pete shelled out $138 million for a stadium, only to spend the next decade twiddling its thumbs until the Tampa Bay Rays decided to call it home. During the many quiet years that followed, the team attendance struggled to climb out of the bottom ranks of MLB, and the stadium remained an uneventful cornerstone of the city. The only beneficiary was Ferg’s bar.

Fast forward to the 21st century, and suddenly, the cityscape around the stadium is flourishing. But surprise! It has nothing to do with the Rays. The Dali Museum and the James Museum that have become cultural magnets, a new pier emerged, and restaurants dotted the downtown and Central Ave. And people from

Enter 2027, the year the Rays’ lease expires. Like clockwork, the team, following the playbook of other major sports franchises, decides it needs a new stadium. They eyed a more lucrative location in the city of Tampa, but taxpayers there weren’t keen on handing out free money. The Montreal split-season idea fizzled, leaving the Rays desperate for a chump.

And guess who steps up to the plate? St. Petersburg, ready to swing for the fences. The city proposes not only to build the Rays a shiny new $1.2 billion stadium by committing $700 million including interest, forgiving $400 million in taxes, but it’s also ready to hand over valuable land for $500 million under value. The Rays hit the $1.6 billion jackpot.

Now, it’s up to the St. Petersburg City Council to decide whether they will be heroes

or chumps. Council members talk about fiscal responsibility, and the needs like storm-water hardening are looming large. Then there’s the city’s ability to borrow in emergencies, particularly in the face of potential natural disasters like hurricanes if they tap their credit card to build a stadium.

A $1.6 billion saving could be a transformative force in addressing the city’s housing crisis. Allocating just part of these funds to a $250 million Housing Assistance program could result in the construction of thousands of units of affordable housing, as well as creating employment opportunities for construction workers. And consider the potential impact of directing some of these funds towards initiatives that truly uplift the community, such as scholarships for underprivileged youth.

The proposed deal seems like a fiscal freefall. Will Council Members do the right thing?

Some council members, proudly donning the label of fiscal conservatives, expressed concerns about the financial implications of such a grandiose giveaway. They emphasized the need to treat the city’s money like his own and prioritized prudence. However, in a perplexing turn of events, one these same council members seemingly threw caution to the wind when they interjected with a bewildering, “but do you know how hard it was to get baseball?” and another with “we have to keep baseball.” It’s a head-scratcher – the city’s historical struggle to attract a baseball team should not

overshadow the current responsibility to safeguard taxpayers’ dollars.

It’s time for the St. Petersburg City Council to show some backbone and tell the Rays if you want in on this deal, pay your fair share. The stark reality is that the Tampa Bay Rays are a private business owned by billionaires with exorbitant salaries paid to players and management. Should we, the hardworking residents, foot the bill for a shiny new stadium that they could well afford themselves? Why should we subsidize their success?

The city council must resist getting entangled in a web of sentimentality about baseball and decide if they’ll stick to their principles or buckle under the pressure of billionaire sports owners. Council Members should be having open forums with their constituents, provide the facts, and get their opinions, especially since polls show more than 75% oppose the deal. And while the emotional attachment to baseball may tug at heartstrings, prioritizing community needs over a sports spectacle is a testament to responsible governance and a genuine commitment to the well-being of all residents.

We like baseball, but will the council heed the call of their fiduciary responsibility or become mere pawns in the Rays’ game of real estate roulette? They need to slow down and get the facts.

Ron Diner is a member of No Home Run, which represents a group of committed Pinellas County citizens challenging the current Rays Hines stadium proposal.

TAKE ME OUT: Who’s coming to the plate for a new stadium?

PHOTO VIA HINES CO.

Fostering is free: all supplies provided!

Help cats and dogs get a break from the shelter

Raise kittens and puppies in a safe home environment

Earn 4 volunteer hours per day

RESTAURANTS RECIPES DINING GUIDES

Peaceful eats

Pan-Asian eatery Zen Noodle Bar will open a second Tampa location, plus more local food news.

By Kyla Fields

Apopular Asian restaurant is expanding its Tampa footprint this spring. Last week, Zen Noodle Bar took to social media to announce the opening of its second Tampa location at 3019 W Waters Ave. out of the former Token Ramen Kung Fu Tea space. A representative of the restaurant tells Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that its newest location is slated to open sometime this May or June, although the debut ultimately depends on how its build-out goes.

Patrons of Zen’s Temple Terrace restaurant can expect a similar menu from its upcoming Tampa location, which includes a variety of East and Southeast Asian fare like dumplings, bao buns, spring rolls, banh mi, stir fried noodles, pork adobo and bulgogi beef bowls. Its soup selection is also quite extensive, serving everything from expected entrees like pork belly ramen and chicken pho to more specialty items like bo bun hue, a spicy Vietnamese soup served with beef shank, tendon and sliced ribeye.

“Inspired by our travels, we’re bringing you the bold flavors of Asia—Vietnam, Korea, Thailand, Japan, and the Philippines,” Zen Noodle Bar’s owners write on Instagram, and its well-rounded pan-Asian menu certainly reflects that sentiment. A spread of beer, wine, sake, Vietnamese iced coffee and milk teas will join its extensive food menu.

Gainesville-based Zen Noodle Bar opened its first local restaurant in Temple Terrace in the fall of 2022. In addition to North Tampa’s upcoming location, Zen Noodle Bar is in the process of opening other restaurants in Jonesville, Jacksonville and downtown Gainesville, according to its website. For the latest information on Zen Noodle Bar’s second Tampa location and its opening timeline, head to its Instagram at @zennoodlestampa.

Group behind Oxford Exchange opening Casa Cami, a new rooftop bar and restaurant in Tampa next month

A widely-popular hospitality group is gearing up to debut its fifth local concept, and it’s set to deliver prized views of Old Tampa Bay. Building permits show that Casa Cami is located on the 10th floor of Tampa’s Current Hotel at 2545 N Rocky Point Dr., right around the corner from

the Rusty Pelican and The Rocky Pointe Cafe.

Casa Cami will take the place of Rox, which opened in the same space back in 2019.

The Current Hotel describes its new rooftop concept as an “authentic taste of Mexican cuisine that is as visually captivating as it is delectable.”

Casa Cami’s social media says that it’s slated to debut in mid-March, although an exact opening date is not yet determined. Construction plans depict Casa Cami’s indoor bar, a full-service

and avocado toast with whipped queso fresco, pepita crunch and scallion oil.

Casa Cami’s debut next month marks Oxford Commons’ fifth concept in Tampa Bay, in addition to other popular hotspots like The Library, Predalina, The Stovall House and Oxford Exchange. Blake Casper and Allison Casper Adams of Oxford Commons purchased Tampa’s Current Hotel a few years ago and alluded to opening a new rooftop bar concept back in 2021, according to the Tampa Bay Business Journal. Head to Casa Cami’s Instagram at @casacamitampa, where the new rooftop bar and restaurant will announce its official grand opening date next week. After its debut, Casa Cami will be open from 11 a.m.-10 p.m. daily.

kitchen and a variety of outdoor seating on its sprawling rooftop terrace.

According to casacami.com, Oxford Commons’ newest hospitality concept will offer a spread of tacos and salsas, salads, small plates of ceviche, snapper crudo, flautas and blistered shishitos alongside entrees like bistec with mojo butter, shrimp fajitas and green chili chicken over a sweet plantain hash. For the brunch crowd, Casa Cami will dish out chorizo eggs Benedict, steak and eggs,

New mixed-use hospitality project Ten Rooms will debut in Ybor City this spring

Two learned restaurateurs are reviving one of the most storied buildings in historic Ybor City. El Centro Español de Tampa, at 1536 E 7th Ave. was originally constructed as a clubhouse for cigar industry workers back in 1891, and will soon be home to Ten Rooms, a multifaceted hospitality and retail concept and the newest addition to the Centro Ybor complex. Described as a “dining and retail hub,” Ten Rooms will consist of a 50-seat

restaurant called Bar Martinez, craft cocktail hotspot Genevieve the Cat, rotating vendor and art space The Shop at Ten Rooms and The Cafe, a daytime coffee shop and French-inspired bakery.

A press release states that Bar Martinez’s new American menu with “southeastern and European influence” will boast a dry-aged beef program and “culinary partnerships with farms and ranches across the state, region and country.” While there’s no exact opening date set in stone, Ten Rooms is expected to soft open sometime this spring. Ten Rooms is the latest hospitality project from two longtime entrepreneurs in the industry: Ro Patel of Ciro’s Speakeasy and Anise Global Gastro Bar and San Francisco-based restaurateur Zach Pace, who operated Michelin-starred concepts Lazy Bear and Aphotic.

Last summer, Ten Rooms filed a lawsuit against Chef Ebbe Vollmer of fine dining restaurant “Ebbe” for breach of contract; Vollmer was originally set to helm its dining concepts in Ybor City. A representative for the concept tells CL that “a settlement has been reached & Ten Rooms is keeping focus on a successful opening here soon.”

Head to Ten Rooms’ Facebook or Instagram at @tenroomsybor for the latest news on its highly-anticipated springtime opening.

Mott & Hester Deli, a South Tampa staple of four decades, has closed

A sandwich hotspot with a popular catering service has quickly closed its doors after almost 42 years at its original location. Mott & Hester Deli at 1155 S Dale Mabry Hwy. took to social media last Tuesday to announce its closure, stating its ownership “has been honored to serve the Tampa community for 41+ years.”

While the deli didn’t explain why it chose to close its doors for good, comments under the announcement allude to the well-deserved retirement of owners Ted and Gina Kelly. Since the closing announcement caused a huge wave of folks to visit the deli for the last time, Mott & Hester served its last customers a day earlier than expected.

Ted and Gina Kelly opened the deli in December of 1982 and Mott & Hester has remained at the same strip mall location in South Tampa for the last four decades. The popular, no frills deli with under a dozen seats offered a menu of loaded turkey, meatball, Italian and ham sandwiches, New Orleans-style fare like po’boys and muffulettas, hearty pasta dishes, salads, soups and entrees like spinach artichoke

continued on page 31

ZENNOODLEBARGAINESVILLE/FACEBOOK

BÚN IN THE OVEN: Zen Noodle Bar offers a variety of soups, banh mi sandwiches, and loaded vermicelli bowls.

continued from page 29

casseroles and Sicilian-style roasted chicken. Its Wild Turkey sammy with sautéed mushrooms, melted pepper jack cheese, and mayo on toasted white bread was a particularly popular menu item—and even made Creative Loafing Tampa Bay’s 50 Best Sandwiches list in 2017.

In addition to providing dine in service, Mott & Hester also offered a variety of pre-made dinners and classic grab-and-go items. According to a Tampa Bay Times article from 2007, the Kellys named the business Mott & Hester after a bustling street corner in New York City’s Little Italy neighborhood.

Feeding Tampa Bay is taking applications for the next class of ‘Epic Chef’ competitors

For the last eight years, nonprofit Feeding Tampa Bay has spent its summer putting local chefs through the thrilling gauntlet of its “Epic Chef” competition. The “Chopped”-style cooking tournament hosted at the Epicurean Theatre in South Tampa asks culinarians to create unique dishes with secret ingredients, revealed

at showtime. In 2024, selected chefs will participate in a kickoff reception, plus preliminary rounds (July 22 & 29) that’ll send the winner to the “Epic Chef” finale on Monday, Aug. 5.

The winner will receive the renowned Marty Blitz Award—named for the famed chef of Tampa’s Mise en Place—along with a $5,000 prize and custom knife roll. And for the first time ever, Feeding Tampa Bay is opening up applications to anyone who thinks they have what it takes to make it to the finale showdown and take home the “Epic Chef” crown.

Only four chefs will be selected for the competition, and applicants must be 18 years old and come from one of the 10 counties where Feeding Tampa Bay provides food insecure families and individuals with muchneeded relief.A press release says, “The competing chefs will be determined by a selection committee composed of Tampa Bay’s best taste buds, including Chef Marty Blitz himself.” Applications should be submitted via jotform.com. The deadline to apply is March 15.—Ray Roa

ICYMI

• St. Pete’s first Whole Foods at 201 38th Ave. N celebrated its grand opening earlier this week with huge crowds of eager shoppers, a DJ, and more opening day festivities. The 40,100-square-foot store—which features a fullservice meat and seafood department, a wide range of organic goods and “more than 800 products from Florida”—is now open from 8 a.m.-10 p.m. daily.

FOOD NEWS

• St. Pete’s Foodie Labs at 515 22nd St. S, a newly-opened culinary hub and “virtual food hall” in the Warehouse Arts District— hosts the first installment of its pasta making class on Thursday, March 21. Patrons will learn all about egg-based pasta like linguini, pappardelle and cavatelli from a professional chef and can enjoy the savory creations with wine pairings at the end of class. $65 tickets can be purchased on eventbrite.com.

• From now until March 21, folks can snag any of Fuzzy Taco Shop’s OG tacos for just $1 with the purchase of any item from its

newly-added “Primo Baja” menu category, which boasts items like fish tacos, birria bowls or its “California Heat” tacos. A press release says that the promotion is limited to one $1 taco per Primo Baja item. Make sure to confirm if your local Fuzzy’s is participating in this month-long promotional deal.

• Tampa Bay’s third Wicked Cantina just celebrated its grand opening at 3650 Tyrone Blvd. N in St. Petersburg and is now open from 11 a.m.-10 p.m seven days a week. Wicked Cantina’s menu is stacked with expected TexMex favorites like tacos, nachos, quesadillas, enchiladas and fajitas alongside a few American dishes like burgers and fish or chicken sandwiches. The restaurant offers a wide range of proteins for its various tacos and burritos, including chorizo, mahi mahi, shrimp, carnitas, brisket, grouper and shredded chicken. A selection of margaritas, draft beers, wines and other cocktails joins its expansive TexMex menu. The other two locations of Wicked Cantina reside on Bradenton’s Anna Maria Island and downtown Sarasota.

BRAGGING RIGHTS: Applications for Feeding Tampa Bay’s annual ‘Epic Chef’ competition are open until March 15.

KATE SCAGLIONE/FEEDINGTAMPABAY

Beer science

Suds and scrubs meet at ‘Pints Of Science.’

By Jourdan Ducat

It’s not weird science, it’s beer science.

One of Tampa’s most beloved music venues has found a way to unite entertainment and education in an inventive way that goes beyond the traditional trivia night. Pints of Science is a recurring lecture series that takes place at New World Brewery in Sulphur Springs, which the venerable institution has called home since 2020 after relocating from Ybor City. Each event hosts three esteemed area scientists who are given 20 minutes to speak about their individual projects and passions, followed by a question and answer segment that allows the audience to further interact and engage with each speaker.

Bird told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that a typical night might include “an astrophysicist from USF discussing images from the James Webb space telescope, a discussion about endangered vultures from a zoologist, and a medical doctor discussing how they use AI to diagnose voice biomarkers for diseases of the larynx.”

FOOD & DRINK EVENTS

Pints Of Science

Wednesday, March 13. 6:30 p.m. No

The event is the brainchild of New World co-owner Nancy Bird, who retired from her 37-year nursing career at Tampa General Hospital and wanted to keep her passion for science alive by sharing it with the community. The first Pints of Science took place on May 25, 2022 and was led by Dr. Michael Middlebrooks, the Associate Professor of Biology at The University of Tampa.

810 E Skagway Ave., Tampa. newworldtampa.com

The upcoming March installment will be the 11th in the series and will cover a wide range of topics such as applied behavioral analysis, women’s heart health, and the roles of natural substances in pharmaceutical products. In honor of Earth Day, New World is teaming up with the City of Tampa on April 6 to host an expo in the biergarten where attendees can learn about composting and food waste prevention as well as shop from nature-themed vendors and interact with local beekeepers.

Since then, prospective speakers have started reaching out to New World—located at 810 E Skagway Ave. in Tampa—with interest in sharing their individual expertises, so many in fact that there are only two remaining spots open for the 2024 calendar year. The public has also responded positively by packing out the house for the events over the last year and actively participating in the Q&A portion of the evening.

Pints of Science takes place in New World’s Music Hall and is a free event, though online reservations are required for admittance. The ambience for the night includes tablecloths and science beakers acting as soft lighting decor to fit the theme. Attendees are welcome to order off of New World’s dinner menu (which includes some of the best pizza in the city) as well as patronize the cash bar that boasts some of the area’s most unique craft beer selections.

Those interested can read more about this month’s speakers, as well as RSVP at eventliveus.com and newworldtampa.com.

PINT TAKEN: New World Brewery makes science intoxicating.

Take that

‘Tampa’s Table’ includes this spin on the classic deviled crab.

By Suzanne Townsend

No Tampa table is complete without the quintessential deviled crab which was first made popular with the city’s Cuban community. Thanks to a new book released this month, those ready to don their chef hats can make Six (stylized “SiX”) at JW Marriott’s deviled crab cakes recipe, a fusion of the Cuban deviled crab croquettes and Maryland’s traditional crab cakes.

The instructions come from a collection of Tampa recipes in “Tampa’s Table: A Culinary Evolution.” It is the second volume of Visit Tampa Bay’s cookbook and features 52 Tampa restaurants and 54 different recipes interlaced with flavorful narratives of Tampa’s history and its gastronomic culture.

La Segunda’s Palomilla steak, Ulele’s okra fries, Boulon Brasserie’s Best of the Bay-winning crab beignets, and Alessi’s Italian wedding cookies.

BOOKS

“Tampa’s Table Volume 2 is a culinary voyage that goes beyond a traditional cookbook. It creatively displays the diverse flavors of Tampa Bay, inviting you to explore our rich history and vibrant culture through each recipe,” Santiago C. Corrada, President & CEO of Visit Tampa Bay, wrote in a press release.

Tampa’s Table Vol. 2: A Culinary Evolution

Available now. visittampabay.com

The Bay area’s fishing communities offer recipes like shrimp and grits (Datz) and cobia collar (Rooster & the Till) while its Latin communities showcase paella (Columbia) and street corn, while each dish is imbued with cultural history. Other local staples in the collection include

In addition to the cookbook Visit Tampa Bay has released a podcast titled “Tampa’s Table: A Culinary Journey,” which features guests from restaurants around the city including Roberto Torres from Blind Tiger Coffee Roasters and Michelin Star recipient Rocca’s Bryce Bonsack.

The cookbook can be purchased at Visit Tampa Bay’s visitor center at 201 N Franklin St, Tampa and visittampabay.com. See Six’s crab cake recipe below, and visit the restaurant at 510 Water St.

Deviled crab cakes with Six aioli

Prep Time: 60 minutes

Cook Time: 25 minutes

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

Crab Cakes

4 large eggs

1/2 cup tomato paste

1/4 cup mayonnaise

1 tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tbsp smoked paprika

1 tbsp cumin

2 tsps salt

2 cups red peppers, diced

2 cups green peppers, diced

1 cup cilantro, chopped

4 cups panko

4 lump crab

2 tbsps of vegetable oil

Salt to taste

Mix eggs, tomato paste, mayo, Dijon, spices, salt, peppers, and cilantro and whisk until well combined. Fold in crab and panko gently until well combined. Portion with 2 oz ice cream scoop in a metal sheet tray, leaving some space in between the crab cakes. Use another same size metal tray to press down the crab cakes. Press crab cakes gently and lightly to achieve a nice, flat, round shape. Heat a sauté pan on medium low heat with vegetable oil. Sprinkle the crab cakes with salt and cook for 4-5 minutes on each side until golden brown. Remove from heat and let them rest in a plate or pan with a dry paper towel.

SiX Aioli

3 cups mayonnaise

1 cup sriracha

3 tbsp freshly minced garlic

3 tsps dry granulated garlic

3 tsps dry cayenne

Mix all ingredients until well combined.

Tortilla Strips

12 corn tortillas

2 cups vegetable oil for frying

Salt to taste

Julienne cut tortillas lengthwise. Use a small deep sauce pot to fry the tortilla strips. Fry at 325°F. Remove to a paper towel-lined plate and sprinkle with salt.

Frisee Salad

1 small head frisée, trimmed and washed

1 small red onion, Julienned

½ tbsp lemon juice

1 tbsp olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

In a small mixing bowl, combine all ingredients and gently fold.

Grilled Lemons

3 lemons

Preparation: For the Crab Cakes

Trim ends of the lemons, then cut in half, crosswise. On a hot grill or flat top, sear the lemons until they’re nicely charred, about four minutes.

PIECE OF CAKE:

The JW Marriott’s twist on deviled crab.

Twice a year, Creative Loafing Tampa Bay does a big update on this listing featuring Tampa Bay’s many breweries. Help CL with this ongoing project. Did we miss a brewery or leave out an important detail? Let’s get that in here. Email rroa@cltampa.com and kyla@cltampa.com. Include brewery name, address, phone number and website, plus a short description of the unique offerings. (Last updated Feb. 22, 2024)

3 CAR GARAGE Small-batch craft beer and rotating food trucks plus live music and happy hour specials. 8405 Heritage Green Way, Bradenton. 941-741-8877, 3cargaragebrewing.com

3 DAUGHTERS BREWING One of downtown St. Pete’s most popular hangouts and a beautiful facility in which to drink some great brews. The brewery also has an outpost on Clearwater Beach. 222 22nd St. S., St. Petersburg. 727-495-6002, 3dbrewing.com

3 KEYS BREWING South-of-the-Skyway restaurant and brewery and gastrobrew specializing in small batches. 2505 Manatee Ave. E, Bradenton. 951-2180396, 3keysbrewing.com

5 BRANCHES BREWING Soon-to-open veteranowned brewery, slinging small batches of IPAs, stouts and more. Serving brews and a clear view of the Tarpon Bayou. 131 Hibiscus St, Tarpon Springs. 727483-9122, fivebranchesbrewing.com

7VENTH SUN BREWING Some of the best sours, IPAs and collabs going at one of Tampa Bay’s OG breweries. 1012 Broadway, Dunedin. 727-733-3013. 7venthsun.com

81BAY BREWING CO. South Tampa’s first craft brewery boasts a wide variety of styles. You can still drink it, but the taproom is closed for renovation. 4465 W. Gandy Blvd., Tampa. 813-837-BREW, 81baybrewco.com

ANECDOTE BREWING CO. Sip inside or on the patio of Indian Rocks Beach’s first micro brewery. 321 Gulf Blvd., Indian Rocks Beach. anecdotebrewing.com

ANGRY CHAIR BREWING Crazy-good Seminole Heights beer, open Tuesday-Sunday. The taproom has tons of parking and a food shanty that low-key slings some of the best chicken wings in Tampa Bay. 6401 N. Florida Ave., Seminole Heights. 813-238-1122, angrychairbrewing.com

ARKANE ALEWORKS A wide variety of styles and flavors from the second brewery to open in Largo. 2480 E Bay Dr., #23, Largo. 727-270-7117, arkanebeer.com

BARRIEHAUS BEER CO. Lager-specific brewery, carrying on a more than 150-year brewing legacy. With Zydeco gone from the historic district, it serves the cleanest beers in Ybor City. 1403 E 5th Ave., Ybor City. 813-242-2739 barriehaus.com

BASTET BREWING Named after the Egyptian catgoddess, the brewery offers seasonal ales, ciders and even the occasional ginger beer. 1951 E Adamo Dr. Suite B, Tampa. 813-242-0064, bastetbrewing.com

BAYBORO BREWING CO. Veteran-owned kidfriendly brewery that has tons of events to go with its creative tap list and low-key music venue/listening room that tops most others in Pinellas. 2390 5th Ave. S, St. Petersburg. 727-767-9666, bayborobrewing.com

BIG STORM BREWING CO. Brewery with fun, signature brews (Bromosa, anyone?), and a gigantic footprint that includes a Pasco Storm Room, Clearwater outpost and new Ybor City spot overlooking 7th Avenue. bigstormbrewery.com

BIG TOP BREWING Perhaps Sarasota’s premier purveyor of locally crafted beer, Big Top’s reputation has spread far beyond the region and gets served up at two locations just south of Tampa and St. Petersburg. bigtopbrewing.com

BOOTLEGGERS BREWING CO. This Tampa taproom from Bootleggers Beer & Wine Home Brewing Supplies offers house-made suds and guest beers.10256 Causeway Blvd., Tampa. 813-643-9463, bootleggersbrewco.com

BREW HUB Some of the area’s best beers are produced here along with suds for their own label. 3900 Frontage Rd. S., Lakeland. 863-698-7600, brewhub.com

BREW LIFE BREWING Ultra-small batches and a lot of ‘em at this unassuming plaza brewery. 5765 S. Beneva Rd., Sarasota. 941-952-3831, brewlifebrewing.com

BRIGHTER DAYS BREW CO. Tarpon Springs spot specializing in music-inspired brews like the “So Fresh n’ So Clean sour” and “All the Single Belgians.” 311 N Safford Ave., Tarpon Springs. 7272-940-2350, @brighterdaysbrewco on Facebook

BULLFROG CREEK BREWING CO. A multitude of styles from former garage brewers is on tap in Valrico. 3632 Lithia Pinecrest Rd., Valrico. 813-703-8835, bullfrogcreekbrewing.com

CAGE BREWING Custom brews in the Grand Central District from one of the ‘Burg’s best brewery-music venues. 2001 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-201-4278. cagebrewing.com

CALEDONIA BREWING Great in-house beers in the historic Dunedin Times building. 587 Main St., Dunedin. 727-351-5105, caledoniabrewing.com

CALUSA BREWING Family-owned and operated; open Tuesday-Sunday. 5377 McIntosh Rd., Sarasota, 941-552-8846, calusabrewing.com

CIGAR CITY BREWING Tampa’s most famous craft brewery has its headquarters and mothership in Carver City. There’s also a taproom at Amalie Arena and inside Tampa International Airport. 3924 W. Spruce St., Tampa. 813-348-6363, cigarcitybrewing.com

CHANNELSIDE BREWING CO. This new addition to the bustling Channelside district is a contract brewing facility with a few neat pilsners and IPAs of its own. 802 N 12th St., Suite C, Tampa. 813-5925700, channelsidebrewing.com

COMMERCE BREWING Live entertainment, events, and a wide variety of brews live at this newly-opened taproom. 521 Commerce Dr. S, Largo. 727-330-7011, commercebrewing@gmail.com

COMMON DIALECT BEERWORKS Seminole

Heights’ new family and dog friendly brewery—located right next to the Health Mutt pet store—has a familial and welcoming feel for all walks of life, plus beer from longtime brewer Mike Conze. 5023 N Florida Ave., Tampa. 813-443-6659. commondialectbeer.com

COPP WINERY & BREWERY A

one-stop shop for all wine, beer and brewery needs in Crystal River. 7855 W Gulf Lake Highway, Crystal River. 352-228-8103, coppbrewery.com

COPPERTAIL BREWING CO.

Some of Tampa’s best beer, in one of its best tasting rooms complete with killer kitchen. 2601 E. 2nd Ave., Tampa. 813-247-1500, coppertailbrewing.com

CORPORATE LADDER BREWING

COMPANY Brewery focused on customer experience and celebrating social gatherings. 4935 96th St. E, Palmetto. 941-479-4799, corporateladderbrewing.com

COTEE RIVER BREWING Craft beer in the heart of historic downtown New Port Richey. 5760 Main St., New Port Richey. 727-8076806, coteeriverbrewing.com

CRAFT LIFE BREWING Originally based in Land O’ Lakes, this small-batch spot brewery now serves sips out of its larger location in Hudson. 46810 Tower Dr, Hudson. 727-378-4530, craftlifebrewingcompany.com

CROOKED THUMB BREWERY Safety Harbor’s first brewery boasts homegrown flavor and local guest taps, plus local food trucks and a stacked live music calendar. 555 10th Ave. S., Safety Harbor. 727-7245953, crookedthumbbrew.com

CUENI BREWING CO. Located off the Pinellas Trail in Dunedin and is about to celebrate its 10th anniversary there. 945 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. 727-266-4102, cuenibrewing.com

7venth Sun Brewing

CYCLE BREWING A true destination of The ‘Burg’s and one of the OG craft breweries in downtown St. Pete, quietly slinging one of St. Pete’s best beer menus to devoted regulars who watch the world go through Cycle’s garage doors. 534 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. 727-320-7954. cyclebrewing.com

DADE CITY BREW HOUSE The heart of downtown Dade City’s destination for original beers, wines and ciders. 14323 7th St., Dade City. 352-218-3122, dadecitybrewhouse.com

DE BINE BREWING CO. This addition bolsters the Northern Pinellas craft beer scene. 933 Florida Ave., Palm Harbor. 727-233-7964, debinebrewingco.com

DENTED KEG ALE WORKS Local brewery nestled in downtown New Port Richey. 5500 Main St., New Port Richey. 727-232-2582, dentedkegaleworks.com

DEVIANT LIBATION Latest project from local beer god Tim Ogden now open in Ybor Heights. Food trucks are regularly on site, and you might catch a local hardcore show there, too. 3800 N Nebraska Ave., 727-379-4677, deviantlibation.com

DISSENT CRAFT BREWING CO. Unique flavors and adventurous style outside downtown St. Pete. 5518 Haines Rd. N., St. Petersburg. 727-342-0255. @dissentcraftbrewing on Facebook

DUNEDIN BREWERY Florida’s oldest microbrewery features beer, eats and live music in what’s now become an iconic setting. 937 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727-736-0606, dunedinbrewery.com

DUNEDIN HOUSE OF BEER This beer stop brews its own, and also has 40 guest taps. 927 Broadway, Dunedin. 727 216-6318, dunedinhob.com

ESCAPE BREWING CO. Another very worthy Odessa-Trinity destination that’s in the process of building out a new food hall. 9945 Trinity Blvd., Suite 108, Trinity. 727-807-6092, escapebrewingcompany. com

FLORIDA AVENUE BREWING CO. Beer for the Sunshine State brewed in a family-friendly taproom. Its newly-opened location in Seminole Heights dishes out a full food and cocktail menu, while the Wesley Chapel hub gives the greater Bay area a chance to imbibe. floridaavebrewing.com

FLORIDA BREWERY Built in 1937, the second oldest brewery in Florida offers a Lager-focused brew menu that’s distributed to 15 countries around the globe. 202 Gandy Rd., Auburndale. 863-965-1825, floridabrewery.com

FRONT PAGE BREWING CO. This Bartow brewery offers Wednesday trivia, Thursday bingo and live music on the weekends. 190 S Florida Ave., Bartow. 863-537-7249, frontpagebrewing.com

GRAND CENTRAL BREWHOUSE 10,270 square-foot brewery, taproom, beer garden, and event venue with a lager-focused tap list. 2340 Central Ave., St. Petersburg, 727-202-6071, grandcentralbrew.com

GREEN BENCH BREWING CO. A space worthy of the adventurous beers it produces, and you can always walk over to the James Beard-nominated Webb’s City Cellar for funky ferments. 1133 Baum Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-800-9836, greenbenchbrewing.com

GOLDEN ISLES BREWING CO. This new, kid-friendly neighborhood brewery in St. Pete features its own ales, IPAs, porters and lagers on tap and also hosts a handful of different food trucks each week. 3000 Dr M.L.K. Jr St N, St. Petersburg. 727-502-9446, staygoldenstpete.com

GOOD LIQUID BREWING CO. Dozens of taps and beerfriendly fare from a husband-and-wife duo, who also operate a nearby distillery and cocktail lounge under the same company umbrella. 1570 Lakefront Dr, Sarasota, 941770-4282, thegoodliquidbrewing.com

GRINDHAUS BREW LAB Small batches and no extracts from this Pinellas-based “boutique brewery.” 1650 N. Hercules Ave. #1, Clearwater. 727-240-0804, grindhausbrewlab.com

GULFPORT BREWERY + EATERY Small batches—like its Gulfport Golden Ale or Hippie Oasis hazy IPA—plus an artisanal food menu. 3007 Beach Blvd., Gulfport. 727954-4109, gulfport-brewing.com

HIDDEN SPRINGS ALE WORKS This Tampa Heights brewery features a rotating tap selection of unique craft beers. 1631 N. Franklin St., Tampa, 813-226-2739, hiddenspringsaleworks.com

HOB BREWING CO. Rotating taps, with some brewed on-site and alongside a combination of local breweries, plus local and international craft beer makers. 931 Huntley Ave., Dunedin. 727-474-5584, hob.beer

IF I BREWED THE WORLD A self-described “mixtape of breweries” with a bit of everything from the classic to the fun and outrageous. 2200 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727-201-4484, ifibrewedtheworld.com

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continued from page 39

IN THE LOOP BREWING Family-friendly with a lot of community support and plenty of events. 3338 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., Land O’ Lakes. 813-997-9189, intheloopbrewingcompany.com

INFUSION BREWING CO. Another great location in the good-beer-packed Trinity/New Port Richey area. 6345 Grand Blvd., New Port Richey. 7272-484-4757, infusionbrewingcompany.com

KEEL FARMS AGRARIAN ALE + CIDER Tasty brews from the folks behind Keel & Curley winery. Perfect for anyone who likes farm vibes with their craft beer. 5210 W. Thonotosassa Rd., Plant City. 813-752-9100, keelandcurleywinery.com

KING STATE This Tampa spot is a beer brewer, a coffee roaster and whatever else it wants to be. Beer is made offsite, but available on tap and in package at the Tampa Heights headquarter and St. Pete restaurent. 520 E Floribraska Ave., Tampa. 813-221-2100, king-state.com

LATE START BREWING Beloved Tampa label formerly doing its thing inside the Pour House, but is now building a new location in downtown Tampa. 1018 E Cass St., Tampa, latestartbrewing.com

LEAVEN BREWING Riverview’s first brewery is run by folks who’ve got experience brewing big and small. 11238 Boyette Rd., Riverview. 813-677-7023, leavenbrewing.com

LIQUID GARAGE CO. Trendy one-offs and traditional styles all in Jeffery Ashline’s industrial and automotive-themed taproom. 1306 Seven Springs Blvd., New Port Richey. 727-645-5885. theliquidgarage.com

MAD BEACH CRAFT BREWING Brews, ciders and meads by the beach. 12945 Village Boulevard, Madeira Beach. 727-362-0008, madbeachbrewing.com

MAGNANIMOUS BREWING In a warehouse a halfblock north of I-75, this addition to Tampa’s beer scene provides a large variety to drink in or to go curbside pickup. In addition to its OG Tampa Heights headquarters, Magnanimous also operates taprooms in Seminole Heights and Bradenton. 1410 Florida Ave., Tampa. 813-415-3671, magnanimousbrewing.com

MARKER 48 BREWING Hernando’s first production craft brewery with tasting room and beer garden 12147 Cortez Blvd., Brooksville. 352-606-2509, marker48.com

MASTRY’S BREWING CO. From CD Roma’s restaurant to sweet new digs on St. Pete Beach. 7701 Blind Pass Rd., St. Pete Beach. 727-202-8045, mastrysbrewingco.com

MOTORWORKS BREWING A taproom and beer garden featuring full liquor and wine as well as 30 taps. 1014 9th Street West, Bradenton. 941-567-6218, motorworksbrewing.com

MR. DUNDERBAK’S The longtime restaurant, biergarten and homebrewers’ hangout is serving up its own beers. 14929 Bruce B. Downs Blvd., Tampa. 813977-4104, dunderbaks.com

OLDE FLORIDA BREWING Largo’s newest craft brewery is open Tuesday through Sunday and features a beachy outdoor space. 1158 7th St. NW, Largo. 727229-8010, @oldefloridabrew on Facebook

OLOGY BREWING CO. This Tallahassee-based company opened its first Tampa location in 2023 and now offers a variety of in-house brews, coffee and spirits. 6401 N Florida Ave., Tampa. 850-296-2809, ologybrewing.com

OVERFLOW BREWING CO. Laid-back spot courtesy of St. Pete native and head brewer Troy Bledsoe and company. 770 1st Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-9140665, overflowbrewing.co/

OZONA BREWING COMPANY Fresh, local craft beer made on site, wine, food and live entertainment in the heart of Ozona. 315 Orange St., Palm Harbor. 920-3929390, ozonabrewing.com

PEE-PA’S GARAGE CRAFT BREWERY We think your dad will totally love this new brewery, which is known for its lighter ales, stouts and fruited goses. 6340 49th St. N, Pinellas Park. 727-526-2300, peepasgaragecraftbrewery.com

PEPPER BREWING The Angry Pepper Taphouse’s in-house label, available “on a limited basis.” 9366 Oakhurst Rd., Seminole. 727-596-5766, angrypeppertaphouse.com

PINELLAS ALE WORKS PAW offers a dog-friendly environment in addition to tasty brews, with a portion of proceeds regularly going to local animal-centric nonprofits. 1962 1st Ave. S., St. Petersburg. 727235-0970, pawbeer.com

POUR HOUSE With new release events and special feature nights, Pour House celebrates all things beer. 1208 E Kennedy Blvd., Tampa. 813-402-2923, pourhousetampa.com

PYE ROAD MEADWORKS Located in Odessa, Pye Road focuses on mead but also keeps beer and wine in house for naysayers of the fermented honey drink. 8533 Gunn Hwy., Odessa. 813-510-3500, pyeroad.com

RAPP BREWING COMPANY The late Greg Rapp’s award-winning styles are carefully crafted at this “nano-sized” brewery. 10930 Endeavor Way, Seminole. 727-544-1752, rappbrewing.com

SEA DOG BREWING COMPANY This Treasure Island craft brewery also operates a handful of food trucks throughout Tampa Bay. 9610 Gulf Blvd.,Treasure Island. 727-954-7805, seadogbrewing.com

SOGGY BOTTOM BREWING More Dunedin goodness, including some truly original flavors and inventive brews. 660 Main St., Dunedin. 727-6011698, soggybottombrewing.com

SOUTHERN BREWING & WINEMAKING Multiple brews only available in its tasting room, which is also home to products and guidance for homebrewers. 4500 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa. 813-238-7800, southernbrewingwinemaking.com

SOUTHERN LIGHTS

BREWING CO. Only the finest hops, grains and natural ingredients go into these handcrafted small-batch ales and lagers. 2075 Sunnydale Blvd., Clearwater. 727-648-4314, southernlightsbrewing.com

SPONGE CITY BREWING A

“fresh take on modern brew houses,” this newly-opened taproom dishes out IPAs, stouts and beer-friendly bites. 501 South Pinellas Ave.,Tarpon Springs. 727-937-8677, spongecitybrewing.com

ST. PETE BREWING COMPANY

Beers crafted specifically for the climate, plus a bumpin’ “Nest” event space next door. 544 1st Ave. N., St. Petersburg. 727-692-8809, stpetebrewingcompany.com

STILT HOUSE BREWERY Friendly joint specializes in high-ABV ales and other styles you won’t find elsewhere. 625 U.S. Hwy Alt. 19, Palm Harbor. 727270-7373, stilthousebrewery.com

SESH The newest concept from the owners of Mad Beach Craft Brewing Co. is also a restaurant serving craft cocktails and house-brewed craft beers, seltzers and ciders in a supposedly-haunted historic building. 2221 4th St. N, St. Petersburg. 727-933-0266. Seshstpete.com

SIX TEN BREWING Wide variety and a real passion for the craft-brew community. 7052 Benjamin Rd., Tampa. 813-886-0610, sixtenbrewing.com

TAP THIS! BAR AND BREWING CO. Neighborhood beer and wine sports bar. 10730 US-19, Port Richey. 727-378-4358, tapthisbar.com

TBBC Formerly Tampa Bay Brewing Co., local favorite has served local craft beer lovers for nearly two decades with two locations including one in the heart of historic Ybor City and another in the Westchase ‘burbs. tbbc.beer

THIRSTY BUFFALO BREWING COMPANY Located at The Hub, Land O’Lakes’ new brewery features ales, IPAs, the Midnight Bull vanilla milk stout and a coffee blonde made with beans from Bexley-based Yummee Coffee Roasters. 16794 Focus Loop, Land O’ Lakes. 813-475-5591. thirstybuffalobrew.com

THREE BULLS TAVERN & BREWERY Smallbatch handcrafted beer and food made from scratch wrapped in a creative atmosphere. 4330 Bell Shoals Road, Valrico. 813-381-3853, threebullstavern.com

TIDAL BREWING COMPANY Small batches in Spring Hill. 14311 Spring Hill Dr., Spring Hill. 352-7011602, tidalbrewingfl.com

TROUBLED WATERS BREWING An easygoing taproom featuring draft and bottled craft brews, billiards and live music. 670 Main St., Safety Harbor. 727-2219973, troubledwatersbeer.com

TWO FROGS BREWING COMPANY Tarpon Springs’ latest brewery and taproom focuses on American ale styles. 151 E. Tarpon Ave., Tarpon Springs. 727-9406077, @twofrogsbrewing on Facebook

ULELE SPRING BREWERY Beer crafted in accordance with traditional Bavarian purity laws, inside a gorgeous municipal pump house turned awardwinning restaurant. 1810 N. Highland Ave., Tampa. 813-999-4952, ulele.com

UNREFINED BREWING All-natural and only in-season ingredients go into these craft brews. 312 E Tarpon Ave., Tarpon Springs. 727-940-4822, unrefinedbrewing.com

WELTON BREWING CO. Its Land O’ Lakes brewery closed at the end of 2022, but its upcoming Pinellas Park location—which seems to share its property with Pinellas’ German-American Society—has experienced serious construction delays. Its most recent update said a grand opening was slated for December 2023. 8098 66th St. N, Pinellas Park. 813-820-0050, thebrewcraftery.com

THE WILD ROVER BREWERY What started as an English pub in Odessa is now a higher-production facility in Westchase. 13921 Lynmar Blvd., Tampa. 813475-5995, thewildroverbrewery.com

WOODWRIGHT BREWING COMPANY Traditional German styles in downtown Dunedin. 985 Douglas Ave., Dunedin. 727-238-8717. woodwrightbrewing.com

WOVEN WATER BREWING CO. Tampa Heights brewery with a focused menu often using fresh fruit as part of its beers. 456 W Columbus Dr., Tampa. 813-4439463, wovenwaterbrew.com

WULFAVEN BREWING CO. Carrollwood’s new brewery, making crisp and clean beers, but also some juicy and bitter IPAs and pale ales for the hop-chasers. 10828 Perez Dr., Tampa. 813-374-8226. wulfaven.com

YUENGLING BREWING CO. One of just two U.S. Yuengling destinations, and now home to recentlyopened Yuengling Draft Haus & Kitchen. 11111 N 30th St., Tampa. 813-972-8529, yuengling.com

SUN KING BREWERY This Indiana-based brewery expanded its footprint to Florida in 2022 and now operates an airy taproom in North Sarasota. 1215 Mango Ave., Sarasota. 941-893-3940, sunkingbrewing.com

SWAN BREWING Nearly four decades of combined brewing experience go into the offerings at this pet-friendly joint. 115 W. Pine St., Lakeland. 863-7030472, swanbrewing.com

ZEPHYRHILLS BREWING COMPANY East Paco’s first microbrewery. 38530 5th Ave., Zephyrhills. 813715-2683, zbcbeer.com

ZYDECO BREW WERKS This New Orleans-inspired brewery and restaurant closed its flagship location in Ybor City in eary 2024, but is still pouring reserved brews at its scaled-down operation at Tampa’s Museum of Science and Industry aka MOSI. 4801 E Fowler Ave., Tampa. 813-240-5213, zydecobeer.com

Email rroa@cltampa.com and kyla@cltampa.com for any corrections and updates. Thanks!

SPONGE CITY BREWING

Sponge City Brewing

PEPTO TALK:

All that’s left of Spring Hills’s Dinosaur Wildlife is a big dino.

Fun times

Remembering Tampa Bay’s best weird, wacky, and sorely-missed amusement parks

By Colin Wolf

Did you know that Tampa was once home to a pirate theme park, or that the city also had a gas station with carnival rides and a caged bear? It’s true.

Sure, we all know about Busch Gardens and Adventure Island, but since the early 1900s the Tampa Bay area has been home to quite a few notable attractions and parks. In fact, some of these tourist traps existed long before Walt Disney World, which would ultimately contribute to their decline. In later years, some attractions closed due to controversy, financial hardships, gas shortages, the pandemic, greedy developers, and a variety of other reasons.

Tampa Bay. Find more photos of these lost spots via cltampa.com/slideshows.

LOCAL ARTS

Aquatarium Also known as Shark World, Aquatarium opened in 1964 in St. Pete Beach and centered around live shows with dolphins, sea lions, and pilot whales. The star of the park was a dolphin named “Floppy,” who performed within the 160foot, golden geodesic dome. The park closed in 1977 due to The Mouse in Orlando, as well as the impact on tourism from the nationwide gas shortages of the mid-to-late-’70s.

disappeared in 1997. In March of 2023, owner Carole Baskin announced that the park would close, and the remaining cats would be relocated to a sanctuary in Arkansas.

Dinosaur Wildlife All that’s left of Dinosaur Wildlife is a big Pepto Bismol pink dino off U.S. Route 19 in Spring Hill. But from 1962-1998, the once popular roadside attraction was a haven for exotic taxidermy, including a two-headed calf, a four-legged chick, and a number of albino animals. In 1988, founder Jacob Foxbower died, and the business was kept alive for another decade by his son and wife.

Park, Fairyland opened in 1957 and featured large statues of fairytale book characters, zoo animals, a miniature railway, mini-golf, a rainbow bridge, rides and more. The park is long gone, but a few of the statues were saved and restored, and are currently at Ulele in Tampa Heights.

But without a doubt, they all left their mark on their region. So, let’s take a look back at a few of the more memorable amusement parks and attractions that no longer exist in

Big Cat Rescue For 30 years, Citrus Park’s infamous Big Cat Rescue was home to an array of tigers and also controversy. The animal sanctuary was the subject of the 2021 Netflix documentary Tiger King, and also made headlines when co-founder Don Lewis mysteriously

Dupree Gardens Dupree Gardens in Land O’ Lakes was one of the first roadside attractions in Florida. The botanical garden opened to the public in 1940, and according to a AAA brochure from 1948, the 24-acre park featured “winding paths, meandering streams and sparkling waterfalls.” There was also a lodge, a tea room, a gift shop and boat rides. However, due to WWII gas and tire rationing, the park closed and today all that remains is a historical marker at the former entrance near U.S. 41 and Ehren Cutoff.

Fairyland Once upon a time, not that long ago, Tampa had Fairyland. Located at Lowry

Florida Wild Animal and Reptile Ranch In its heyday, the Florida Wild Animal and Reptile Ranch was one of the largest collections of zoo animals in the state. From 1938-1959, the seven acre St. Petersburg zoo was home to Indian elephants, a Russian brown bear, kangaroos, giraffes, chimpanzees, zebras, gators and more.

Floridaland Debuting in 1964, Osprey’s Floridaland claimed to have “Everything Under The Sun!” and “10 Big Attractions for One Low Price.” For the most part, that wasn’t an exaggeration. The pre-Disney-era park included a petting zoo, a dolphin show, and a replica cowboy town with a saloon, can-can dancers and daily gun fights. The park closed in 1971, following the arrival of The Mouse and a string of bad press after a few dolphins died.

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RICHARD ELZEY (CC BY 2.0 DEED)

WUSF PRESENTS THE LONGEST TABLE

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Fun-Lan Drive-in Theater Drive-in movie theaters are already rare in Tampa Bay, so when Fun-Lan’s 650-car theater closed down during the pandemic after over 70 years of service, the city took a major loss. The property has been purchased and the owners who say they plan to construct an affordable housing complex. However the former Fun Lan location has been a vacant lot since 2021.

George K. End’s Rattlesnake Farm It’s called Rattlesnake Point now, but back in the ‘30s, the neighborhood on the eastern side of the Gandy Bridge was originally just called Rattlesnake, Fl, because, well, the area had an abundance of the highly-venomous snakes. George K. End’s Rattlesnake Farm and general store at the corner of Bridge Street and Gandy Boulevard (now basically housing) was the big attraction, where guests could visit the snake pit or purchase a can of the world famous “Rattlesnake in Supreme Sauce.”

Seville Peacock Farm The Seville Peacock Farm was one of Pinellas County’s original attractions, as well the presumed source for quite a few of its current “wild” peacock populations. Located at the intersection of Haines Road (U.S. Hwy19) & Gulf-to-Bay Boulevard, the farm included “more than 500 peafowl, including every specie and color,” and even had a few deer. The original Clearwater Mall was built on the site, and even used a peacock for the logo.

LOCAL ARTS

The St. Petersburg Alligator Farm Opening in 1918, the St. Petersburg Alligator Farm and Zoo was arguably the original St. Pete tourist trap. Located on an acre of land along 6th Street South, near what is now called Lake Maggiore, the attraction featured over 1,500 gators, including a 15-foot chungus called “Old Moses,” which guests could view for about 22 cents.

Stadium) was an amusement park and a gas station rolled into one. Every gallon of gas purchased was good for a free ticket to ride on one of the many attractions. At its peak in the 1950s, Super-Test had a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, bumper cars, and even a caged bear.

Tiki Gardens In 1964, Tiki Gardens made its debut in Indian Shores. The Polynesianthemed attraction was a popular stop for pre-Disney era tourists, and reportedly attracted more than 500,000 visitors annually. The park featured large stucco Tiki sculptures and a “Polynesian Adventure Trail.” The park closed in the ‘80s and is now the Tiki Gardens/Indian Shores beach public access park.

and financial trouble ultimately doomed the local pirate park, and it closed in the early-’70s.

Tussauds London Wax Museum From 1960-1989, St. Pete Beach was home to Tussauds London Wax Museum, which featured over 120 life-like wax figurines spanning everything from Adolf Hitler to Jose Gaspar and Freddy Kruger. The attraction even had a “chamber of horrors.”

Grand Prix Tampa Sending shockwaves throughout the community, Tampa’s old-school all-in-one mini golf, go-karting and tomfoolery spot, Grand Prix, announced its permanent back in August of 2022. Opening in 1978, Grand Prix Tampa was a relic of its time and maintained its classic charm until the very end.

HMS Bounty Though it looked like a 1787 Royal Navy tall ship, the HMS Bounty was actually built in 1960 for the 1962 film “Mutiny on the Bounty,” starring Marlon Brando. After MGM was finished with it, the ship found its home at the pier in St. Petersburg and lived out its days as a popular tourist attraction, that is until it tragically sunk off the coast of North Carolina in 2012.

Kapok Tree Inn Clearwater’s Kapok Tree Inn was widely known as one of Florida’s most extravagant restaurants as a result of its Renaissance-inspired architecture, garden, waterfalls, chandeliers and themed dining rooms. Despite generating $10 million in sales in 1988, the inn closed in 1991, but the property still remains as an event venue and includes a Sam Ash Music Store.

Q-Zar In the summer of 2020, iconic Tampa laser tag hot spot Q-Zar closed for good after 25 years in business at 7807 N Dale Mabry Hwy. Founded in 1995, QZar was a regular weekend stop for Tampa birthday parties. All the lazer guns were for sale, and if you bought them, we want to come over.

Safety Village For decades, just about every Tampa kid visited Safety Village, a 1.6-acre miniature city in Lowry Park. At the time, Mayor Nick Nuccio’s idea was to allow kids to drive electric go-carts around this tiny town and learn all about pedestrian and traffic safety. The park existed from 1965 all the way until 2010, and today a few of the miniature buildings are located inside the Glazer’s Children’s Museum in downtown Tampa.

Super-Test Amusement Park As the name suggests, Tampa’s former Super-Test Amusement Park (located at 2924 N Dale Mabry Hwy., just south of what’s now Raymond James

Treasureland Busch Gardens once had some competition across the street, in the form of a 10-acre Pirate-themed park called Treasureland. Opening in 1968, the park was essentially a massive Spanish galleon-style building that featured a dark ride centered around pirate mannequins. The park also had a pirate museum and a gift shop, as well as a Jose Gaspar actor that roamed the grounds. Lawsuits

Webb’s City Billed as the “World’s Most Unusual Drug Store,” Webb’s City opened to the public in 1925 by James Earl “Doc” Webb as a small and modest storefront at the corner of 9th Street and 2nd Avenue South in St. Petersburg, Florida (basically justy parking lots near the Trop now). Long before stores like Walmart and Costco came along, Webb’s motto was “Stack it high and sell it cheap,” and it worked. A true master at getting thousands through the doors, over the following years Webb would expand his store to include insane attractions like dancing chickens, chimp acts, baseball playing ducks, a “live” mermaid show, three-cent breakfasts and more. He even sold $1 bills to customers for 95 cents.

SUPER IDEA: Tampa was once home to a gas station amusement park.

SKIP GANDY/UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH FLORIDA

DEPARTMENT HEAD:

Emiliano Settecasi from Department of Contemporary Art Tampa, FL.

State of the arts

Ybor City gallery owner says ‘this state of affairs is bad.’

By Emiliano Settecasi

It is no longer possible to be artistically relevant and financially self-sufficient. Not in Tampa, not in Miami or New York, not anywhere. Naturally, I am now obligated to convince you of what I consider artistic relevance and why it is presently and indefinitely incompatible with financial success. And, hopefully, once you have finished reading this, the implication should be as clear to you as it is to me: this state of affairs is bad, and we ought to immediately begin organizing in real and more effective ways to change it. I also think it is crucial to point out that a judgment of something’s relevance is different than a judgment of that thing’s quality. For example, a perfect screwdriver is irrelevant if the only fasteners you have are nails. A gun in a world without bullets is a sculpture. Whether it is a good or bad sculpture has no bearing on its relevance;

its relevance is derived from its function in time and space, and when and where it is relevant (necessary) for a gun to be a gun, you do not want to be holding a sculpture.

From Aug. 8–11, 2023, multiple wildfires erupted and converged on the island of Maui, killing 101 people and destroying over 2,000 homes.

LOCAL ARTS

In The New Yorker, Carolyn Kormann writes that Maui, including Lahaina, the area most affected by the fires, was not always as susceptible to drought and wildfires as it is now. When industrial agriculture was no longer as profitable without an enslaved work force after the Civil War, private sugarcane and later pineapple companies colonized Maui, rerouting waterways and altering the natural landscape with infrastructure to support the cultivation of these cash crops. Additionally,

“European ranchers introduced non-native,

drought-resistant African grasses—guinea, molasses, and buffel—for grazing livestock.” When agriculture ultimately became less profitable there late last century, plantation owners abandoned the island, leaving invasive plant life to run wild, water diversions emptying into nowhere, and an economy dependent on Western tourism. In other words, rich people showed up, made some money turning paradise into a tinderbox, left to keep cooking the planet elsewhere, and then insisted they should be allowed to return periodically to pay the population they have terrorized a crumb of the worth of their looted resources to pretend they didn’t simply unleash horror upon them. And seven months ago that illusion literally went up in flames.

One incredibly rich person, however, has decided he’ll be staying in Hawaii long-term.

In fact, right now as around 1,500 families in Maui so far have left the island, a few islands over on Kauai, the wealthiest millennial—and it’s not even close—Mark Zuckerberg, Founder, Chairman, and CEO of Meta (Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp), is building a $100 million, 1400 acre ranch, complete with an underground bunker and its own food and energy sources.

“A judgment of something’s relevance is different than a judgment of that thing’s quality.”

Unlike his Baby Boomer and Gen X class compatriots, Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk, who seem to think they’ll be able to retire to outer space, Zuckerberg is building a more practical (cheaper) doomsday compound on an island. As the true cost of industrial development has made it so many Native Hawaiians cannot afford to live on the islands anymore, Zuckerberg has calculated that he cannot afford to live anywhere else.

And do you know why he can’t? Because the bulk of the poor indigenous people nearby—especially the angry ones he won’t be able to bribe and silence with wages for building and maintaining his fortress—will continue to see their lives become more precarious the longer the infinite growth machine with the Harvard dropout at its helm warms and trashes the planet, forcing them to move somewhere more “stable” like the continental US or Europe until the sheer number of refugees ends up making stability even in those areas impossible and the only secure place on Earth is his $100 million bunker in the part of the world the masses will not be able to return to for revenge because rich people like him forced them out while they could still blame the weather.

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Last Weekend!

To my fellow struggling artists trying to innovate with limited means, you may be struggling because the rich are not buying irrelevant shit like your artwork anymore, they are buying your house. They are buying your neighborhood. The building you work in. Your city. All of your politicians. And everything you need to stay alive on this planet. And holding it ransom to make you toil to keep them comfortable as they air-fry our blue marble. This only leads to apocalypse. Our money is only going in one direction: toward the rich, in the form of rents, and the profits derived from selling other essentials, and them owning all of the ways to make those essentials. And with all that money, they’ve purchased the government. So when we pay those supreme middlemen our taxes, the middlemen give it straight back to the rich in subsidies and contracts, who then pay them to tell us we’re also on the hook for the debt they went into giving the rich not just your money, but all the new money they’ve printed in response to every disaster since 2008. If only the rich have money, and the only way to temporarily wrestle it away from them is to appeal to their base comforts or provide a strategic benefit to them, we are only aiding and abetting our own genocide, because the outcome of their strategy is genocide. You might ask me to adjust my tinfoil hat if the story of the Maui fire doesn’t sound like it can happen to you, or if we weren’t presently watching a mostly-European-rightwing-religious-extremistsettler-colonial-apartheid state commit genocide against a poor occupied indigenous population who have refused to acquiesce to the comfort of their oppressors at their own expense.

his lifetime supply of Sweet Baby Ray’s? Grow up. Again, I’m not saying your artwork is good or bad. It just literally won’t matter. And if a rich person likes it currently, you better believe it already doesn’t.

On the night of the United State’s biggest cul tural event, our proxy forces in Israel were “Hail Mary” passing American bombs into scrums of children in the endzone of the Gaza strip. Relevant warplanes flew over Gaza as sculptures flew over Allegiant Stadium. That same night two of the foremost artists in the world—white liberal America’s sweetheart with an individual carbon footprint 1800x bigger than the global average and a bipolar antisemite who said he loved Hitler—were competing for the most streams on Spotify. Do I have to tell you which of these innovators in their field won the night or have you realized we all lost? Taylor Swift and Ye are not the best artists, but they are about the best that extinction-era neoliberal capitalism will allow: endlessly petty,

The day that Mark Zuckerberg’s Hawaiian panic room becomes relevant, society has collapsed. We don’t know what comes after that necessarily, but the more the planet heats, plenty of other types of life will pay for the sins of our most gluttonous fellow humans and go extinct with us. To my fellow artists: do you think whatever you are doing in your studio that a rich person owns, on your stages that rich people own, in the theaters that they own, on the websites that they own, is going to be relevant when Mark Zuckerberg grills his first Hawaiian brisket underground and douses it with a bottle from

a firearm and learning how to use it properly and responsibly. Or help me make a sculpture that can save the world. It brings me no plea sure to conclude that at this moment in history if your work isn’t materially contributing to an effort to stop our idiot elite from cooking us alive, you’re just selling out. Selling out your self, your neighborhood, your city, us all. And we can’t afford who’s buying.

If you would like to work together to try to be relevant, the Department of Contemporary Art Tampa, FL is at your service.

Emiliano Settecasi is the Founder, Director, Artist, Curator, and Designer behind Department of Contemporary Art Tampa, FL.

SWEET BABY ZUCK: ‘I’m not saying your artwork is good or bad.’

By Josh Bradley & Ray Roa C CL Recommends

THU 07

1K Phew Isaac Gordon, more commonly known as his rap moniker 1K Phew, is a living example that not all Christian music is acoustic guitars and boot cut jeans. The Atlanta-based “Gospel rapper” and hip hop artist is currently on the aptly-named Prayer Tour promoting his latest album Pray for Atlanta , a nine-song collection of collaborative tracks with producer and fellow Atlantian Zaytoven. While fans at 1k Phew’s upcoming show will surely hear tracks off his new LP like “Heaven” and “Let Go Get God,” popular singles like 2019’s “Drip Lee,” which has garnered over six million listens on streaming services. And if you’re wondering, his name stems from his lifelong mission of “keeping it 1,000.” (Crowbar, Ybor City)—Kyla Fields

Greg Koch feat.The Koch Marshall Trio w/Shaun Hopper/Chris Barbosa Widely regarded as a “a guitar player’s guitarist,” Koch has forged a long career creating unique takes on classic American guitar styles, writing versatile compositions, touring the world, making viral videos and just about anything else an accomplished musician cando. Now in his late-50s, Koch’s latest stage in his learned career is the instrumental Koch Marshall Trio, which spans the genres of jazz, blues, rock funk and more—particularly evident in its latest release, 2023’s Orange Roominations . He hits the road on a southeastern tour with his son and drummer Dylan Koch and Hammond organ specialist Toby Lee Marshall this spring, and makes his latest stop in Tampa on Thursday with local support from fellow guitarists Shaun Hopper and Chris Barbosa. (Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa)—Kyla Fields

The Jacksons After decades off the road, Tito, Marlon, and Jackie Jackson (no Jermaine, sorry) have been rolling into Tampa Bay annually since 2022 with their bubblegum soul hits from before and after they dropped the “5” from the moniker (they also deploy a few sweet tributes to brother Michael). If you’re saving your pennies for that Janet Jackson t-shirt you long for at the ol’ Gary later this year, you do you, though. (Hard Rock Event Center at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Tampa)

C Rock the Park Tampa: In Transit w/ Moonberry/Mai Sweet Basil For more than a dozen years now, Rock The Park has been a great place to let loose and dance— Mai Sweet Basil is the perfect band for that sentiment. The indie funk and jazz duo has a new album, Why Be A Wallflower?, that is a wall-to-wall collection of almost unbearably sweet, so-often-soulful and string-laden pop that blends the earnestness of The Weepies with the kinds of harmonies and melodies you might hear at a 1950s homecoming dance. The group kicks off the

THU MARCH 07-THU MARCH 14

latest installment of the no-cover, familyand-pet-friendly concert series. (Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park, Tampa)

FRI 08

‘68 w/The Callous Daoboys/The Homeless Gospel Choir With a name like “The Homeless Gospel Choir,” you’d think that you’re in for an emotional evening, but that’s just the moniker for Derek Zanetti’s folk-punk project, which allows the singersongwriter to vent about how mental health should be treated like physical health, and how he swallows his vomit whilst defending the Democratic party in a heated argument against a racist family member. The 23-yearold opens for Atlanta-based Warped Tour duo ‘68 with tracks from his latest album Fourth Dimension Intervention and more. (Orpheum, Tampa)

C Camp Trash w/The Pilot Waves/ Radaghast/charlie. In the world of unGoogleable band names, Camp Trash sits at the top of the heap. Digging for the tunes, however, unearths treasure of emo proportions. The Florida quartet immortalized the Sunshine State on its 2021 album, Weird Florida , and on its latest, 2022’s The Long Way, The Slow Way, continues the work Camp Trash did on Downtiming (2021) where the band experimented with new tempos and moods on the way to declaring itself one of the most dynamic punk outfits in the Southeast. (Oscura, Bradenton)

Movement Festival pre-party: Whodat w/Austen van der Bleek In the Motor City dance music scene, Terri McQueen has been recognized as one of its hardest working DJs.

Better known as Whodat, McQueen regularly lays down a soulful mix, which’ll lead the way at this local party ahead of Detroit’s Movement Festival happening this summer. (The Factory, St. Petersburg)

C Nems & Mac Lethal w/Asauru/Vern Sr./DJ Fader Bing bong. Gorilla Nems (born Travis Doyle) has been on the road promoting a confrontational new album recorded with Scram Jones (Rise Of The Silverback ), described by Sway’s Universe as “the hardest album of 2023.” It starts with a warning to cover your kids’ ears if you’re listening with them in the car, just to launch into 34 minutes of serve after scathing serve, best enjoyed while you’re cleaning the kitchen at the end of a dinner rush. The 41-year-old and opening act Mac Lethal—the founder of Black Clover Records—have been on the road promoting the record since January, and the penultimate date of the tour kicks off spring break in Tampa. (Crowbar, Ybor City)

SAT 09

Buffalo Strange The 24-year-old fusion jam band brings its signature roots-rock-reggae vibes to the 100-year-old room in the heart of downtown St. Pete this weekend. (Floridian Social, St. Petersburg)

C Dave Shawty w/Yungster Jack/ Caspr/Bear1Boss/Bbygoyard/Scumbag Wrld/Kent Loon/more In the face of cancer diagnoses for him and his mom, Tampa promoter Speedy organized this concert headlined by big names in the new wave of underground hip-hop including North

Camp Trash

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Carolina’s Tyler Hudson (aka hyperpop rapper Bbygoyard), wrestling-loving cosmic rap emcee Bear1Boss, plus ChineseColumbian Bay area native Kent Loon, and others. (1920, Ybor City)

Firestone Grand Prix: Bret Michaels Considering how often he comes around here, it’s almost shocking that the Poison frontman doesn’t have a house in Florida. Before kicking off his mini-summer tour with a mammoth-lineup featuring ex-Eagle Don Felder, Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider, and original Foreigner singer Lou Gramm, Mr. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” will perform once the annual Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg has declared a winner. (Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg, St. Petersburg)

C Damon’s Birthday Bash: Damon Fowler w/Eddie Wright/Joe Interrante/ Berry Duane Oakley/TC Carr/Rob Stoney/Chuck Riley In the world of Tampa Bay bluesman, Damon Fowler is one of the GOATs. His style of masterful guitar work is reminiscent of Jeff Beck’s and has become a hallmark of the Gulf coast blues sound, and he’s been in the lineup for bands led by the likes of Butch Trucks, Dickey Betts and others. Expect a chorus of friends to sing “happy birthday” to the Bradenton boy to commemorate his 45th trip around the sun. (Skipper’s Smokehouse, Tampa)

Extreme w/Living Colour Extreme’s latest album Six—its first since 2008—has apparently been in the works for nearly a decade. Frontman Gary Cherone even expressed interest in Rick Rubin producing the album, and while he couldn’t secure the bearded board legend, the Boston-based rock outfit’s guitarist Nuno Bettencourt ended up producing the record, and even took on a fistful of co-lead vocals. Living Colour, also currently working on a new album, opens Extreme’s first gig in Tampa Bay since 2015. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)

The Lords of 52nd Street Members of Billy Joel’s original backing band (featuring the mighty Liberty DeVitto on drums) perform the Piano Man’s The Nylon Curtain in its entirety, and more. Saxophonist Richie Cannata probably won’t be present, due to a health issue that temporarily forced him off the road, but it’s been said that he’s on the mend and should be back with his brothers in the coming months. (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater)

Pasco Blues Fest: Kat Riggins & The Blues Revival Movement w/The Charlie Morris Band/The Shaelyn Band If you loathe festivals with overlapping sets, worry not. The eighth annual Pasco Blues Fest only has three names on its bill, and you won’t have to sacrifice hearing Kat Riggins’ soulful voice live for another act. Well, unless that “other act” is you taking a long-ass bathroom break. (Land O’ Lakes Heritage Park, Land O’ Lakes)

C Prizilla w/Treis and Friends/Roxy Windham After rocking a Bay area house show, Prizilla brings its soulful take on smooth jazz and pop to Tampa Heights’ favorite sports emporium and venue. Led by a frontwoman who wields both saxophone and microphone, the Gainesville outfit is part of the new wave of artists who grew up on

a potent cocktail of neo-soul and funk while partying at shows by bands like Lawrence or Domi and JD Beck. (Shuffle, Tampa)

C Woodwright Brewing Company’s 8th Anniversary Party: Have Gun, Will Travel Tampa Bay Beer Week is in full swing, and that’s more than enough reason to check back in with Have Gun, Will Travel, a tried and true staple of the Bay area Americana scene which last month returned with a new version of “Pharaohs & Kings,” which first appeared in 1999 on the The Emo Diaries, Chapter 3 compilation. Initially recorded when HGWT was operating under the The Chase Theory moniker, the group re-recorded an update and released it on the tune’s 25th anniversary. (Woodwright Brewing Company, Dunedin)

SUN 10

Doo-Wop Reunion XXII: Little Anthony & The Music/The Coasters/The Duprees/Joey Dee The annual one-nightonly who’s-who of those who dominated the streetlamps of the 1950s will see 83-year-old Mr. “Tears On My Pillow,” Little Anthony— still in great voice—play headliner. (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater)

C Enrique Iglesias w/Ricky Martin/ Pitbull This sexy triumvirate of Latin pop megastars plans to end their long run of shows in Tampa—you know, so Mr. 305 can just drive home after the show. Together, the trio has eight Grammy awards and sold hundreds of millions of records. Shows on the “Trilogy” show—which was just in Orlando last fall—have been as long as four hours and feature what a press release calls, “an electrifying mix of their biggest career-spanning hits with influences of reggaeton, salsa pop, dance and electronic music, backed by world-class production and state-of-the-art visuals.” (Amalie Arena, Tampa)

C Mom Jeans w/Summer Salt/Hunny

Mom Jeans’ new album Bear Market might just be the most eclectic project the alternative-indie rock quartet has ever put out. While the contemporary pop treatment has been waved over certain tracks, lead singer Eric Butler gives off a Patrick Stump vibe in his voice, while backed by plenty of acoustic and electric guitar work, all blended in between literal elevator music, sweet, 30-second interludes, and even some bits reminiscent of the pop-punk-esque sound present on the band’s 2016 debut album Best Buds . Following opening sets from Austin-bred alt-folk Summer Salt and indie-new wave band (no, really!) Hunny, the Berkeley-based band will bring its posse of characters (Shred Cruz—who apparently must die—Pickle Bart, and of course, cat-eating Kevin) to Ybor City. (The Ritz, Ybor City)

C Nate Najar’s Swing Guitars Tampa Bay only gets one or two chances a year to witness longtime homegrown nylon-string guitarist Nate Najar play along a swinging ensemble that includes hollow body wizards Carl Amundson and Dominic Walker, plus bassist Joe Porter and drummer Jean Bolduc. For this matinee, the virtuosic troupe works through the sounds of Thad Jones, Duke Ellington and Django Reinhardt. (Mainstage Theatre at Hillsborough Community College, Ybor City)

C Nick Shoulders and The Okay

Crawdad Like Lukas Nelson, Nick Shoulders is doing what he can to shine major lights on traditional country and outlaw music, veering said shine away from the Morgan Wallens and Jason Aldeans of the industry. On his twangy latest album All Bad , Shoulders and The Okay Crawdad channel Hank Williams Sr. in his voice (he was born with a real, unexaggerated Southern accent), Michael Nesmith’s First National Band in certain pedal steel licks, and raw, one-man songwriting you just don’t see in country anymore. Acoustic folk-quartet Holy Locust opens the 35-year-old’s secondever Tampa gig, his first having been in the same room in 2021. (Crowbar, Ybor City)

MON 11

C Burna Boy Last week Damini Ebunoluwa Ogulu became the first-ever African act to sellout Boston’s storied TD Garden. The 32-year-old also received an official declaration from the city, which named March 2 as “Burna Boy Day.” The praise and success is well deserved, too. For the last decade-and-a-half, the Nigerian songwriter and producer has been a torchbearer not just for Afrobeats and Afrofusion, but an embodiment of the joy that runs throughout communities made up of people from the African diaspora. The Grammy-winner arrives in support of his 2024 album, I Told Them…, which features guest spots from a host of others including 21 Savage, RZA and GZA of the Wu-Tang Clan and J. Cole. (Amalie Arena, Tampa)

TUE 12

C Poolside Daytime disco god Jeffrey Paradise has released a pop album and is on the road supporting Blame It All On Love , which he’s described as a two-year labor of love that is made to be played live. He plays piano, guitar, bass and sings and will be joined onstage by The Rapture’s Vito Roccoforte and Mattie Safer, plus Casey Butler (Pharaohs), and guitarist Alton Allen. (Crowbar, Ybor City)

THU 14

C Campground24 Tampa Bay is fertile ground for “new music,” and that’s thanks in no small part to old-school collectives like Terroir and the efforts of Eunmi Ko, co-founder of Campground. The festival (stylized “CAMPGround”) kicks off four days of concerts on Thursday, with plans to stage performances—including some from Project Fusion Saxophone Quartet, a collaborations with youth literary arts group Heard’Em Say, and an encore of the Slick interactive sound installation—across three different Tampa venues. More information is available at contemporaryartmusicproject.org.

C Reggae Rise Up Dirty Heads—which played 97x Next Big Thing last December with Rome Ramirez—Lupe Fiasco, Rebelution, Soja, Slightly Stoopid, Iration, Damian Jr. Gong & Stephen Marley, and Burning Spear headline the annual, four-day festival featuring nearly four dozen bands which bring good vibes to St. Pete starting next Thursday. (Vinoy Park, St. Petersburg)

C Umbilicus w/Post Sex High/Highway Advisory Radio When it comes to hardrock supergroups, there’s something in the water in Tampa Bay. The area is home to Heaven’s Gate whose members hail from outfits like Iron Reagan, Municipal Waste, Cannibal Corpse, Warthog, Reversal of Man and Horsewhip— and this weekend fans get to headbang with Umbilicus. The band, which channels vintage blues and psych-rock from the ‘60s and ‘70s features members who also play in Deicide (Taylor Nordberg) and Cannibal Corpse (Paul Mazurkiewicz), along with Anarchus and Fore (Vernon Blake, Brian Stephenson). Its debut LP, Path of 1000 Suns , released in 2022, features all the fun of old-school rock and roll (think: Scorpions, Black Sabbath and Bad Company) complete with opulent solos, harmonies, chunky riffs and rhythms you can chug a cheap beer to. (Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa)

WARNER BROS.

GOZADERA

BLAME A

Kurt Vile goes Back to Moon Beach on his new EP, and he has plans to bring some of it to Tampa Bay this summer.

The 44-year-old is known for sprawling out on his records—all complete with his trademark, stoner Leonard Cohen delivery—so it makes sense to see Vile calling an hourlong release an “EP.” The EP is somewhat of a departure from Vile’s mostly-posi outlook on the world, but still includes sprawling meditations (“Back To Moon Beach”), heartland folk (“Another Good Year for the Roses”), and a little synthpop version of Mitch Miller’s “Must Be Santa”(popularized by Bob Dylan).

Vile—ranked no. 215 on Rolling Stone’s Greatest Guitarists of All-Time—was last in the Bay area seven years ago when he turned in a 90-minute guitar clinic for Ybor City.

Tickets to see Kurt Vile play Jannus Live in St. Petersburg on Wednesday, May 8 are on sale now for $29.50. The only other Florida shows on the tour are in Orlando (May 7) and Jacksonville (May 9).

See Josh Bradley’s weekly roundup of new concerts coming to Tampa Bay below. —Ray Roa

Destroy Boys w/Margaritas Podridas/ Chokecherry/Hijas De La Muerte

Friday, May 10. 7 p.m. $25. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg

En Vogue Wednesday, May 15. 8 p.m.

$70 & up. Hard Rock Event Center Pool at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Tampa

Periphery w/Eidola/Jake Bowen

Saturday, May 11. 6:30 p.m. $25. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg

Sarah & The Safe Word w/If I’m Lucky/ Endless Mike and The Beagle Club

Friday, May 17. 7 p.m. $15. Hooch and Hive, Tampa

Maylene And The Sons Of Disaster w/ Islander/Saltwound Saturday, May 25. 6 p.m. $25. Orpheum, Tampa

Boundaries w/Orthodox/Kaonashi/No Cure Friday, May 31. 7 p.m. $20. Crowbar, Ybor City

St. Pete Indie Night: Mustard Service w/ Rohna/Miróux/Pilot Jonezz Saturday, June 1. 6:30 p.m. $20. Floridian Social, St. Petersburg

Roar w/Special Guests TBA Monday, June 3. 7 p.m. $20. Crowbar, Ybor City

Xana w/TBA Saturday, June 15. 8 p.m. $20 & up. Crowbar, Ybor City

Santana w/Counting Crows Sunday, June 16. 7 p.m. $35.75 & up. Amalie Arena, Tampa

Clan of Xymox w/Curse Mackey/Sine

Thursday, June 20. 7 p.m. $30. Crowbar, Ybor City

Peso Pluma Friday, June 21. 8 p.m. $35.75 & up. Amalie Arena, Tampa

MC Chris w/Crunk Witch/Swell Rell Wednesday, July 17. 7 p.m. $17. Crowbar, Ybor City

Straight No Chaser w/Chris Kirkpatrick/O-Town Sunday, Aug. 4. 7:30 p.m. $44.50 & up. The Sound, Clearwater

Dan + Shay w/Jake Owen/Dylan Marlowe Friday, Aug. 23. 7 p.m. $41.30 & up. MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheatre, Tampa

Jennifer Lopez Tuesday, Aug. 27. 8 p.m. $49.95 & up. Amalie Arena, Tampa

Chromeo w/The Midnight/Ruth Radelet Tuesday, Sept. 24. 7 p.m. $44.50 & up. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg

Homeshake w/Freak Heat Waves Friday, Oct. 11. 7 p.m. $23. Music Hall at New World Brewery, Tampa

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark w/ Walt Disco Sunday, Oct. 20. 8 p.m. $34.50. Jannus Live, St. Petersburg

Chayanne Friday, Dec. 6. 8 p.m. $61 & up. Amalie Arena, Tampa

ADAM WALLACAVAGE

FREE EXHIBIT AT POYNTER PARK

CELEBRATING KINDNESS RESPECT & INCLUSION

MARCH 2 - MARCH 31, 2024

Experience 50 billboard-sized works of art and thought-provoking quotations by artists and writers from around the world.

FRE E ADMISSION

Blazing saddles

By Caroline DeBruhl

Dear Oracle, my mother is reaching what should be “retirement age,” but due to financial straits, she cannot afford to retire. She had planned to keep working, but a series of health setbacks have really taken a toll on her, and she’s not physically able to do her old job. I believe she would qualify for disability and Medicaid/ Medicare, but she’s hesitant to apply because she doesn’t want to be “a freeloader.” How can I convince my mom that accepting help is OK when she needs it?—Worried Son

Cards: The Fool, Strength (reversed), Knight of Wands, The World (reversed)

Dear Son, I’m so sorry your mother is at the stage of her life where she should be able to take things easy and focus on her health but instead is worried about money. That’s a terrible position to be in. I wish we had a robust system of social safety nets for your mother to never have to worry about how she can pay bills when she’s ill. But, I’m also aware that even if that was easily and readily available, there is a psychological and moral block for some.

Growing up in the American South and coming from some strong Slavic immigrant stock, I know that there are cultures that equate a strong work ethic with morality. To work hard, be productive, provide, and give to others is honorable. To be on the receiving end of that gift? Pitiful. With the Strength reversed, I’d guess your mother feels like accepting help

is admitting she’s “weak.” But it does take an incredible amount of strength to ask for help, something you should constantly remind your mother of.

You’ll have to be a fierce advocate on your mother’s behalf. As the Knight of Wands, you will have to go in, torches a-blazin’, to help her get what she needs. (On the practical side, seek out a lawyer/ legal aid to learn about the application process for disability.) There’s a good chance she may feel like she’s a burden, so it would help to remind her that she isn’t. This is what she paid taxes for!

It is worth noting that the spread starts with The Fool, the first card of the Major Arcana, and ends with The World, the last card. Whatever happens with your mother, she is going to embark on a very new chapter of her life. After working for 50-plus years, life will look drastically different if she just stops. She will have to figure out a new way to live and start this journey with a fool’s optimism. With the all-isoneness of The World, I do wonder if she would enjoy some sort of volunteer work as a way to keep “working” and feeling like she’s making a contribution. Places like the library, community centers, or other organizations might have opportunities for jobs that aren’t physically demanding.

I hope your mother is able to get the help she needs and that she finds a fulfilling life on this new path.

Dear Oracle, after 10-plus years, I’m finally getting back into making art. It’s a lot harder to find time with two small children, a full-time job, and a wife I really like hanging out with. What advice do the cards have for making time to make art?—Artsy Fartsy

Cards: Seven of Swords, Seven of Pentacles (reversed), King of Cups, The Moon

Dear Fartsy, congratulations on getting back into the art game! I know it’s difficult balancing art with life and work, but I believe that creating is always the best answer. Because (to paraphrase George Saunders here) if you give up on your art, do you know who you will blame? Your wife and your kids.

and what we want to see ahead. How do you feel about your old work? Do you want to continue some of those themes/ideas? Do you want to explore something completely different? Don’t feel like your old style is the only thing you can do—and if you’re a little rusty, also don’t feel like you’ll never be that good again.

ORACLE OF YBOR

So, let’s get you creating! Like art itself, the cards are divided into two camps: the practical and the spiritual.

For the practical we have the need for strategy and caution of self-indulgence with the Seven of Swords. You need to make sure that you are using your time wisely. Every art has some tangential task that one can waste hours on and still feel like it’s “work.” For writers, it’s research. (Why spend that hard-earned hour constructing sentences when a Wikipedia K-hole is calling?) Whatever it is for your art, make sure you keep that indulgence to a minimum as you figure out the best schedule for your productivity.

The Seven of Pentacles is a turning point in our work. It’s reflecting on what came before

The last two cards, The King of Cups and The Moon are much more about the artist’s psyche. As you explore your art, it’s time to get dreamy. The King of Cups is both a lover and mystic who can explore relationships and the unconscious. Similarly, The Moon card, with its primordial pool and howling wolf, is all about exploring the unknown, the wild, and the dreams of the mind.

I would suggest that, as you’re starting up again, you get really weird with your art. Keep a visual dream journal, do dada exercises, mess around with symbols—anything that jumpstarts the creative juices and inspires ideas. If you have an hour to work, maybe use the first 10 minutes to do some funky shit and then dive in. Start generating things that you enjoy making.

It might not be good, but that’s not the point. You’re reminding yourself why you loved creating in the first place. The King of Cups and Moon reminds us that art feeds the soul, and it’s time to get back in touch with your unconscious.

Best of luck in the creation, my dear.

See more of Caroline’s services via carolinedebruhl.com.

Quickies

By Dan Savage

1. Best advice on dating without resorting to apps?

Go places, do shit, meet people, fuck ‘em.

2. I’m about to visit a gay nudist resort for the first time (although I’ve been to heterosexual nudist resorts in the past). I’ve been bi all my life and am now in my 70s. What should I expect?

Dick if you’re lucky, crabs if you’re not.

3. I’m a heterosexual woman and I don’t like to kiss a guy after he’s gone down on me. Is there something wrong with me? Do most women not mind?

There are places on our own bodies we can’t reach with our tongues. For some of us, making out with someone who just went down on us—someone who just ate our pussy or our ass or sucked our dick—presents us with an opportunity to taste those parts of bodies we would never get to taste otherwise. But opportunity ≠ obligation. If you don’t want to taste your own pussy or your own ass or your own cock, you don’t have to. Sending someone off to wash their face in the middle of sex would indeed be weird, but wiping someone’s face with the t-shirt you were wearing before you started fucking around can be kinda hot.

out. But in my experience—ahem—it’s almost always the person who insists on monogamy who cheats first. Not always, but almost always. So, in addition to wondering how you’ll react if and/ or when your future boyfriend cheats or wants to open the relationship, spend some time thinking through how you’ll handle things if and/or when you wanna open the relationship.

6. My partner and I used to be hot and heavy, but now we’re in a sexless phase, and I’d like to get back to how we used to be. Any tips?

it in your mouth. If Paris is worth a mass, as the King of France once said, a blowjob is worth a bath.

10. Is hiring a surrogate to have a baby unethical? I have two kids and can’t physically carry again.

The Pope thinks surrogacy is unethical—so whatever you decide to do, don’t hire that elderly celibate to carry your next baby for you.

11. Why don’t we have better words to describe the complexity of our relationships?

15. Anal sex with a condom and then oral sex with the condom off right after—is that safe?

It’s safer than a salad bar.

SAVAGE LOVE

This isn’t a problem you can solve unless your partner wants to solve it. So, talk to your partner, tell them you miss the great sex you used to have together, and ask them if they wanna work on reconnecting. Now, there’s a chance your partner won’t wanna solve this problem—they might not regard being sexless as a problem—but they’ll tell you they wanna work on it because that’s what you wanna hear. Now, sometimes a person tells their partner what they wanna hear because they don’t wanna hurt their feelings or because they’re not ready to have a conversation about the kind of reasonable accommodations that make sexless relationships work, e.g., permission to discreetly get sexual needs met elsewhere.

4. Once you get tolyamory into everyday use, would you please craft a single genderneutral word that could replace “sir” and “ma’am”? I’m non-binary and every customer service interaction makes me bristle because the employee—who is just being polite—always misgenders me. Can we have one word for all people instead of trying to discern gender in every interaction?

My commie friends think comrade would work: “Your call is very important to us, comrade! Please remain on the line, comrade! Someone will be with you shortly, comrade!” But I think “homo” is a stronger choice. Not “homo” short for homosexual, but “homo” short for homo sapiens: “Welcome to Chili’s, homo. I’ll be your server, homo. What would you like, homo?”)

5. I just came out as gay. I’ve always wanted an exclusive relationship, but I don’t think most gay guys are into that. I have accepted that pretty much any future boyfriend will either cheat on me or I will have to agree to an open relationship at some point because that’s what all gay couples do. I’m just looking for advice.

There are gay men out there who want exclusive relationships and you should seek those men

7. On the one hand, my partner says he loves me, and that should make me feel secure. On the other hand, he’s resistant to phone calls. He has a zillion reasons why he doesn’t like talking on the phone, but they don’t add up. How do I get him to like doing phone calls? And phone sex?

I have the same problem with my boyfriend— only it’s texting he hates, not phone calls. If anyone out there has managed to convert a texter into a caller or vice-versa, drop your advice on in the comments, please.

8. Best places to find straight feminist sex stories to get me revved up?

Have you checked out Dipsea? They advertise on the Lovecast—full disclosure—but they have tons of great feminist erotica and other hot content. And while there’s no shortage of porn and erotica out there for men, gay and otherwise, there’s nothing like Dipsea for us and I’m actually kind of jealous.

9. What do you do when your boyfriend’s dick often smells/tastes like urine and that is not a turn-on for you?

Here’s what you do: You tell your boyfriend his dick stinks and that he’s gonna need to do a better job keeping it clean if he wants you to keep putting

I did my part with monogamish and tolyamorous… and the anime avatar kids on Tumblr came up demisexual and pansexual and skoliosexual and androphilic and gynephilic and polyamory and polyfidelity and heteronormativity and homonormativity and repronormativity and on and on. There are so many words to describe our relationships these days—including our relationships with ourselves—that I can barely keep up. But before you assumed some relationship type or dynamic doesn’t already have a name, spend a little time scrolling through Ace Dad’s Instagram feed— because, man, they have a word for everything.

12. Is there a word for the man who you are the mistress of?

OK, I spent an hour scrolling through Ace Dad’s Instagram feed and I didn’t find the word you’re looking for. For all I know the word is out there somewhere—a word for a married male affair partner—but I wasn’t able to find it. If someone else wants to take a look and/or make a suggestion, the comment thread is open.

13. New to BDSM play. How best to recover from the physical aftereffects?

When kinksters talk about “aftercare,” they’re usually referring to emotional aftercare—some cuddles, some reassurance. But if you’re into physically challenging BDSM (impact play, TT, CBT, punishing bondage), the body need aftercare too: some ibuprofen, a hot bath, a nice massage.

14. How do I convince my husband to allow my BF to sleep with us in our bedroom?

Your husband is fine with you having a boyfriend but wants your bedroom to remain—at least for now—sacred to you as couple. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request on his part. A boyfriend is a big ask, our bedroom is just for us is small one.

16. My sister’s world was torn apart this week when her husband of 15 years was arrested for having an affair with a 17-yearold student of his. They are now separating and who knows if my brother-in-law is going to jail. I want to provide support, but I am out of ideas. I have suggested therapy, STI testing, and finding a support group. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Therapy, STI testing, and support groups are all good and necessary suggestions—but not every suggestion has to be practical. If your sister is getting help, got tested, and has some people to talk to who’ve gone through what she’s going through, what she probably needs now are some distractions. So, suggest some shows to binge (“Couple to Throuple,” “True Detective”), some things to read (“The Palace” by Gareth Russell, “The Other Significant Others” by Rhaina Cohen), and some places to go (cool new restaurants, secluded cabins) that will take your sister’s mind off her troubles.

17. There’s a man at my gym who wears a cock cage. I can just see it through his shorts. I am also caged. Can I tell him I noticed his cage and let him know I’m also locked or would that be too weird?

“Might be weird,” said a friend who sometimes wears a cock cage to the gym.

“Basically, ‘being locked’ and ‘wanting people to know you’re locked’ are sometimes correlated—but not always. So, while it may be fun to have a new caged buddy, there is a risk saying something will come off as, ‘Hey, stranger! I’m looking at your dick while you work out!’ Which may be unwelcome, as not everyone wants that kind of attention at the gym.”

But if you see him in a bar some night and the vibe is dirty and flirty, well, you have the perfect opening line: “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”

Got problems? Yes, you do. Send your question to mailbox@savage.love! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love

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ACROSS

1 Fifth word of the Gettysburg Address

4 Former governor of New York

9 Night, in Naples

14 Animal Farm leader

17 Irish cheese that’s a little hard to chew?

20 Torte toppers

21 Year, in Yucatan

22 “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,” to many?

24 Irish boy

25 Does a lawn job

26 Anonymous

27 Ireland’s jewel

29 Sister of Melpomene

30 Dream location?

31 Specks

33 Garfield dog

34 Grounded Air France plane

35 Smoke solid

37 Lookalike Irish brothers?

41 McIlhenny’s sauce

43 Frat party buy

44 Dunne and Ryan

45 Lance in a robe

47 Inspiring intro?

48 Little bird

50 Irish writer O’Faolain

51 Smooth-talking Irish brokerage house?

54 Auth. buried on Samoa

55 Helper: abbr.

59 Leading

60 “Byee!”

61 Café option

62 Fidel friend, once

63 “As ye sow, so shall ye reap,” to the Irish?

69 Mischief maker

70 Vex

71 Herding dog’s name

72 External

73 Katharine in Woman of the Year

75 Type of night stand?

76 “Scram,” Irishstyle?

79 They’re on the books

81 Cold start?

82 It has a tunacatcher role

83 It changes in Mar.

84 Dali Museum city, briefly

87 Mr. Wallach

88 Palindromic turner

91 Song from the Irish version of The Music Man?

94 Waits in the studio

95 An opening in the communications field?

98 On ___ (carousing)

99 Basil-garlic sauce

100 Ted’s first station

102 Form of lyric poem

104 Gets ready to play

107 Kid in Nancy

109 Where Kafka is buried

110 Dr. Wilmut, Dolly’s cloner

111 Any defeat, to the Irish?

114 Killarney to Sligo, e.g.

115 Arab-Israeli War zone

116 When you’ll solve this puzzle?

117 Rove

118 Britain’s ___ marbles

119 Pitchers

120 Bizarre

DOWN

1 With “belly,” kvetches

2 Attacks

3 “Ready ___ ...”

4 Movable sleepers

5 Start of a verse?

6 Much-discussed layer

7 Not polyphonic

8 The Good Earth wife

9 The eighth prime

10 Supreme Court’s reconvening mo.

11 John Kerry’s wife

12 In shape, perhaps

13 Mrs. Hoggett in Babe

14 Boone’s bounty hunter

15 Queued up

16 Nike, for one

18 Fig variety

19 Thrifty rival

22 Chic modifier

23 Make ___ out of

28 Ivanhoe’s love

30 Obligatory saloon scene

32 Horton’s concern

36 Rhyme scheme

38 ___-earth (unassuming)

39 Misleads

40 La leader

41 Demolish

42 Setting of a RyanHanks film

45 Returning comment

46 Snarls

49 Test again, as ore

50 In shape, perhaps

51 “Speak, for cryin’ out loud!”

52 The “good” lipoprotein

53 Hardly widespread

54 Widespread

56 Theologian John Duns ___

57 Least assertive

58 Sad

61 Early film exhibitor Marcus

64 Farmer

65 75 Across, in Bonn

66 Part of CFC

67 de guerre

68 Potato, for one

74 Heavy hitter

76 Tough stuff in meat

77 Irish poet

78 “Sock ___ me?” (Nixon query on Laugh-In)

80 ___ standstill

81 College memento

84 Ekaterina’s thing

85 Baja town

86 On the agenda

87 Ram’s date

89 Got too old for

90 Sicilian code of silence

92 England’s ___ Forest

93 “___ kidding!”

95 Attired for an Animal House scene

96 Elicited

97 Potato-___ soup

101 Irish river (anagram of EBONY)

103 Cubist’s first name

105 Mailing courtesy: abbr.

106 Power co.

108 Donated

109 Not public: abbr.

112 Colloquial form of written Chinese, ___-hua

113 Viols and violas, in mus.