DEBBIE JAMES

For instance, when lunching or dining out you didn’t directly address the waiter, but told your (male) companion what you wanted, who relayed your choice. And you never, never paid.

It was frowned upon for a young mother to carry a baby on her hip: “That’s what gypsies do,” my appalled mother ­ in ­ law told me, although I continued doing so for convenience’s sake in the days before baby slings.

You didn’t raise your voice in public and the last thing you could do was to cry.

“Why?” I wanted to know.

“If you ever see a woman crying in public, it’s because her husband beats her,” my own husband explained. “It looks bad,” he added vaguely.

It wasn’t hard to see the logic, although neither was it hard to perceive that it was the beater, not the beaten who looked bad, laying the blame unfairly but traditionally on the woman.

Spain has come a long way since then and is much further on than that. I hope.