Discovering What Matters to Children Through Their Lens

By Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L

WHAT DO CHILDREN NEED FROM US? LOVE, AFFECTION, TIME, PLAY? WE MIGHT AGREE THAT ALL THE ABOVE ARE TRUE. HOWEVER, I RECENTLY WAS REMINDED THAT WHAT CHILDREN MIGHT REALLY NEED FROM US IS TIME. IT’S WHAT WE CHOOSE TO DO WITH THAT TIME TOGETHER THAT MATTERS.

David’s story

One evening after work, I decided to head to the local Panera Bread—one of my favorite places to dine and do productive work. But I digress. I texted my husband to let him know it would be a few hours before I would be home. Shortly after, I received a text from one of our sons, David, whom we call Dave. It read, an over-and-under pattern. When the song begins, each player taps the hand of the player next to them according to the tune and continues this motion in a clockwise direction. The point of the game is to have the last player miss the hand tap by the time the song ends. This game teaches motor planning, timing, sequencing, waiting, counting, and so much more. Again, as kids, we just called it fun!

Since I taught the boys my childhood games, they were interested in playing them again. That was the context behind Dave’s message. When I received his text, accompanied by a Mickey Mouse GIF of stomping his foot with hands on hips, implying “I’m waiting,” I had to smile and wrap it up! Through his little seven-year-old world lens, Dave’s message reminded me that what he needs (and other children might need) is TIME.

Let’s look at four points to help us to reframe how we think about the time we spend with our children or other kids in our care: (1) Time matters, (2) Insight, (3) Meaningful moments, and (4) Explore together.

Time matters

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it may seem like we’re always running out of time or have such little time to do the things we really want and need to do. Well, that’s occupational balance for you! Occupational balance is the art of creating time to do the things that matter to you—not only the obligatory things, but also the fun things, such as activities that restore you (Dhas et al., 2023).

Now, how often do you have time to engage in non-obligatory and enjoyable or restorative occupations (AOTA, 2020)? For parents and caregivers of children with disabilities, this balance between the need-to-do’s and want-to-do’s may be exceptionally challenging (Dhas et al., 2023). One way to help alleviate this challenge is to see things from your children’s point of view. Gain insight into what they may be seeking from you and try to incorporate it into your daily routines. Can you think of other ways?

Sharing time

Snake was a game we played in elementary school where one player would hold a rope on the ground and move their arms rapidly in side-to-side motions until the rope resembled a wave-like ripple effect (snakes). The other players would jump over the rope while trying not to get caught by the snakes. I can’t tell you who invented it, but it was a fun game that also worked on many skills, such as motor planning, coordination, timing, body awareness, and so much more. As kids, we just called it fun.

On the other hand, Quack-Diddly-O-So is a game where a group of players sit around in a circle and place their hands in

While writing this piece, I questioned how often we share time rather than spend time. When I think about spending time, I think about the amount of time and how much of it I may not have. But when I shift my thinking to “sharing,” it shapes my thoughts and feelings into what I can do or share during our time together. In Dave’s story, he was asking me to share time with him and his brother. Although he was very specific with his requests, I appreciated how well he was able to make his needs known. What will you do during your next time-sharing experience with a child? Start by seeing the world through their eyes.

Insight: Through their eyes

Some of us might agree that children view the world very dif- ferently from adults. Take a moment to get to know what matters most to children with whom you interact with regularly. For me, Dave’s insight helped me understand what he needed. Dave saw the world as fun for kids and boring for adults. In his words, “Adults just want to relax.” One day, he told me he didn’t want his babysitter (who is now a college student) to become an adult because he wanted to keep playing. For children, playing is their main job or meaningful occupation (AOTA, 2020). It’s what they do, want to do, and serves as an avenue through which they learn and develop important life skills (Barton et al., 2019; Bento & Dias, 2017; Blumenstein, 2023; Yogman et al., 2018). is to play outdoors (Balci & Ahi, 2017; Bento & Dias, 2017; Dankiw et al., 2020). Our boys love playing outdoors. They are not big fans of insects, but they really get creative and love when they get to run wild in the backyard. Dr. Amy Wagenfeld, author of the Nature Notes column in this publication, provides fun tips for encouraging inclusive play through a scavenger hunt outdoors (Wagenfeld, 2021). I hope you are now feeling a bit more motivated to play outdoors with your child!

Meaningful moments

How can we create moments that are meaningful for children? Meaningful moments with children have more to do with what we are doing with them rather than how much time we are sharing while doing. Of course, the more time we share, the better it may be, but the meaning lies in what matters most to the child at that moment. For Dave, it was playing. For you and your child or children you work with, it might be baking, creating, experimenting, watching a show, reading a book, or lying together while “doing” nothing, among other things. The doing here refers to the “sharing of time.” So, whatever you do in your moments with children, be sure first to discover what matters to them to make the time shared more meaningful.

Explore together

One way to support and discover what children need is to explore together. Try new and different things. Be sure the trying is generated from the child’s interests. Help children build upon their ideas and create space for imagination to take over! Although, in my example, Dave wanted to play my childhood games, I wonder how else he might have wanted to share time. As parents, caregivers, teachers, educators, therapists, and others who work with children, we have a very important role in supporting their development through playful experiences (Yogman et al., 2018; Waldman-Levi, 2021). Let’s start seeing life from a child’s worldview and provide support while they take us on a journey to discovering what they really need.

It’s about TIME we:

• Share time with children

• Gain insight into what they need and want

• Make the moments shared meaningful

• Be brave enough to take the wild journey of exploring together!

Play works!

Why should we play? Play works to build confidence, promote socialization, creativity, and so much more. Play should also be motivating, child-driven, and freely chosen by the child whenever possible (AOTA, 2020). For children with learning differences, complex physical disabilities, or other neurodiverse needs, support may be needed to facilitate play. Even when play might seem challenging for some children, it doesn’t remove the desire or need to play! Can you think of some creative ways to support participation in play for all children? One way

References

American Occupational Therapy Association. (2020). Occupational therapy practice framework: Domain and process (4th ed.). American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 74(Suppl. 2), 7412410010. https:// doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2020.74S2001

Balci, S., & Ahi, B. (2017). Mind the gap! Differences between parents’ childhood games and their children’s game preferences. Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood, 18(4), 434–442. https://doi. org/10.1177/1463949117742788

Barton, E.E., Choi, G., & Mauldin, E. G. (2019). Teaching sequences of pretend play to children with disabilities. Journal of Early Intervention, 41(1), 13–29. https://doi.org/10.1177/1053815118799466

Bento, G., & Dias, G. (2017). The importance of outdoor play for young children’s healthy development. Porto Biomedical Journal, 2(5), 157–160. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pbj.2017.03.003

Blumenstein, C. (2021, June). A life filled with play can support all kids with different abilities. Exceptional Needs Today, 4, 29-31. https:// www.exceptionalneedstoday.com/

Dankiw, K.A., Tsiros, M. D., Baldock, K. L., & Kumar, S. (2020). The impacts of unstructured nature play on health in early childhood development: A systematic review. PloS One, 15(2), e0229006–e0229006. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0229006

Dhas, B. N., Carrasco, R., Reinoso, G. A., & Backman, C. (2023). Occupational balance among parents of typically developing children and parents of children with disabilities. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 77(1). https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2023.050076

Wagenfeld, A. (2021, August). We’re going on a scavenger hunt! Exceptional Needs Today, 5, 74-76. https://www.exceptionalneedstoday. com/

Waldman-Levi, A. (2021). Parents’ support of their child’s playfulness: Differences in paternal and maternal behaviors during joint play experiences. American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 75 (Suppl. 2). 7512505217. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2021.75S2-RP217

Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3), 1. https://doi.org/10.1542/ peds.2018-2058

Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L is an occupational therapy practitioner with a clinical focus in pediatrics. She works with children and families of children on the autism spectrum, multiple disabilities, and other neurodiverse needs. Dr. Adams has worked in schools, private practice settings, and community-based programs. She is the Executive Director at Changing Lives Occupational Therapy, PC and currently works at a local school district in New York. Dr. Adams is a graduate of Boston University’s Post Professional Occupational Therapy Doctorate (PP-OTD) program. Her doctoral project focused on using song-based interventions to support young children with autism and related disabilities participate in school-based occupations. When she is not working, she enjoys writing, baking, singing, and sharing time exploring the outdoors with her school-aged twin boys.

Email: roseadamsot@gmail.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rose-adams-otd-otr-l-5068b316