All About Stims:

Self-Regulation For Exceptional Needs Individuals

By Kate C. Wilde

HAPPY JULY, EVERYONE! MAY THERE BE BLUE SKIES ABOVE, FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY! LOTS OF INTERESTING QUESTIONS TO ANSWER THIS MONTH, SO LET’S GET DOWN TO IT. THE THEME THIS MONTH IS “STIMS.” I HAVE A UNIQUE APPROACH TO STIMS, SO YOU MAY FIND THE ANSWERS INTRIGUING.

Take a read. Let me know your thoughts about what I have to say; I will reply to anyone who sends an email to the magazine. Your opinion matters! Now, for our first inquiry.

Jenny in Scotland writes:

My Liam is two years and five months and has just been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). I can’t get him to do anything. He will spend long periods of time lying on the floor and staring at a blue plastic ball. Other times he may be sitting up and just staring at the wall. Is he tired? Sick? Bored? I do offer him things he just ignores them. Please help.

Hi Jenny, I can totally understand why you cannot, as you say, “get him to do anything” when he is in this neuro-state. His lying down and staring at the wall or the ball is a stim. It means his brain is overloaded. The action of lying down and staring is his method of regulating himself and getting out of overload mode. He is in what I call a “regulating neuro-state.” It is not the time to ask anything of him because his brain is not able (at this moment) to register your questions or take in anything new.

Instead, try doing this:

• Think: “My son is regulating himself right now—this is a good thing. I am going to let him do that. It is nothing I must stop or change. When he is fully regulated, he will let me know and be ready to engage with me or something I offer.”

• Do: Express your acceptance of him by getting your own ball to stare at and lie down just like him. You are “synchronizing” to his regulation stim by doing what he is doing, which will help him feel supported and not alone.

• Wait: For a signal that he has come out of a regulated neuro-state. He will show you by: o Looking at you o Physically touching you o Verbally communicating

One of the great things about doing his stim with him is that you will be able to see more clearly when he switches back into a regulated neuro-state. When he does that, you can introduce your activity to him, and he will be more able to respond.

Mohammad from New Jersey, USA, asks:

My son is 10 years old and has a stim of clapping his hands. Sometimes this seems to upset him. He does it faster and gets upset and agitated, and starts to cry. What is this about? How can I help him?

Hello Mohammad, thank you for sending in your question! Yes, your son’s clapping is a stim. He is using clapping to help regulate his sensory system. The faster clapping is what I call an SOS (sign of stress). Signs like this often happen just before a meltdown. This means he needs to do more to regulate himself; his regular clapping alone is not working. You can do a lot to help him regulate and not have a meltdown. When you see him start to clap faster, do the following:

• Think: My son is trying to help himself regulate. He is nearing a meltdown. What could I do to help him regulate himself further?

• Do: Offer to squeeze his hands for him. Take each hand and give them a strong deep squeeze. Or clap his hands between your hands in a strong, rhythmic way. By doing this, you are giving him more of the sensory stimulation he is seeking on his hands. This extra stimulation may be enough to keep him regulated.

• Stop: Asking him to do or say anything. Look to his immediate environment and reduce as much sensory stimulation as possible. For example, take him to a quiet room. Turn off any machine that is making a noise. Reducing demands and sensory stimuli will help him stay regulated.

You will find lots more ideas on how to help him from a sensory perspective in my books, Autism Abracadabra and Autistic Logistics.

Segundo from Ecuador asks:

My son, Juan, is 17. He talks easily and fluently. However, most of the time, he only talks about frogs. It seems he knows everything about frogs. How do I get him to talk about other things?

Great to hear from you, Segundo! You must know a lot about frogs from your amazing son. I looked up the different frogs you have in Ecuador. There are many beautiful ones; no wonder your son likes talking about them! This is what we call a “special subject” or “special interest.” Often our highly verbal teenagers on the spectrum have a particular subject that is uniquely important to them. Your son likes frogs. It is a stim. A stim that needs an audience to be more effective. That audience is you. The doorway into helping your son communicate about different topics is through your acceptance and embrace of the subject of frogs. Try this:

• Think: My son is regulating himself by talking about frogs. This is good for him, and I do not need to stop him or get him to change the subject.

• Do: Listen to him attentively. Find something to enjoy about the topics of frogs. Celebrate him for communicating with you in this way. Answer any questions he wants to ask about frogs, even if he has asked you those questions many times before. By doing so, you will be “synchronizing” with his need to regulate, thus helping him get regulated faster.

• Wait for signs: Wait for an indication he may have switched to a “regulated neuro-state.” You will know this by the following signs: o He leaves pauses so there is space for you to add to the conversation. o His facial expressions become more relaxed and expressive.

When you see the above signs, first share something about frogs. If your son listens and allows you to add something, that means he is in more of a regulated neuro-state, and you can consider adding something a little different into the conversation. It is important you do this within the context of frogs. It will be easier for your son to discuss a new subject if frogs remain the central theme. For example, you could say something like: “Did you know that the French eat frogs’ legs? They call them, “cuisses de grenouille.” A lot of people like them, but I don’t think I would.” Then just pause. You are not asking him anything. You are just telling him something interesting about frogs. Pause to see if he can take that in and respond to it. If he does, you are then very subtly talking about cooking and France as well as frogs.

Or, you could try: “Frogs are so cool because they can jump much higher than themselves. That would be so amazing to be able to jump like that. If I was a superhero, I might decide to have a superpower of supercharged frog legs so that I could jump up to the top of buildings. AND maybe even jump into space and save planets and rockets from exploding.” Then, pause and see if he takes that in and wants to respond to it.

The important things to do are:

• Embrace the topic of frogs.

• Keep frogs as the central theme.

• Weave the new topic within statements, not questions.

Most of all, have fun talking about frogs!

Send in your questions. I look forward to reading and answering them in the next issue.

Kate C. Wilde has spent the past 30 years working with children and adults on the autism spectrum and their families, as well as with therapists, educators, and schools. She is the author of the acclaimed books, Autistic Logistics: A Parent’s Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Tantrums, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges and The Autism Language Launcher: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Child Turn Sounds and Words into Simple Conversations, and is renowned for the well-attended courses she teaches throughout the U.S., Europe, and Asia. Her YouTube autism quick tip videos, delivered with her trademark infectious enthusiasm, have garnered a following worldwide.

Websites: https://www.katecwilde.com/, https://www.autismcrisisturnaround.com/

IN SEARCH OF PERSONALIZED EXPERT GUIDANCE?

Send us your parenting questions, woes, concerns, and tricky situations with your beautiful, exceptional children. This includes all of you amazing professionals out there. Kate will answer up to five questions in every issue in her Kate Makes it Great! column. Kate has worked with children and adults on the spectrum for the past 30 years. She has clocked more than 20,000 therapy hours and has worked with well over 1,500 different children. Whatever you are facing today, Kate has most likely experienced it in some form. Her answers will be practical, doable, inspiring, optimistic, down to earth, and real. Together, there is nothing we cannot face with a little joy and love.

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