FROM SPECIAL NEEDS CHAOS TO CALM: HOW TO CREATE A WORK-LIFE BALANCE THAT WILL CATAPULT YOU TO ZEN AND SUCCESS

From Special Needs Chaos to Calm

How to Create a Work-Life Balance That Will Catapult You to Zen and Success

By Tasnuva Sarwar Tunna, PhD

AS A SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT, WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER TO BE ZEN? IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO HAVE A JOB OR CAREER, LET ALONE A WORK-LIFE BALANCE?

I was just as skeptical too. You are not alone!

I am an autism mom and neurodiverse myself. I was a driven, type-A overachiever and, with my condition, often found it super exhausting to focus on balancing. The scale was always tipping this way or that…just as yours might be doing now.

So, what did I DO to make a 270-degree shift?

I will give you actionable ways that helped me and many moms I worked with; we are now having fulfilling careers and living our best lives!

Go inwards: What do YOU want?

We tend to breeze through life by the book of others. We choose everything from work, degree, job, food, housing, property, heck, even whether we are bringing a new child in our lives, by asking others what we are expected to do! Now is the time to ask yourself this fundamental question: What do I WANT to do, and who do I want to BE? I have changed my career a few times already, and I was the type who would always be told what to do. In doing what others wanted of me, I was always unhappy and unfulfilled.

When we do something that gets us totally in the zone, work doesn’t become a chore. To find the sweet spot between doing what you love and making sufficient money off it, you need to do a little research both on the depth of your desire (make sure it’s not a whim, that you can do it without the need to be paid—only then can you withstand the initial dry spells and struggling periods) and the need for this skill in the market. Let’s give an example. I love to be a couch potato and read. But will I be paid to do so? Only if I am a book critic, and I do not want to be one. I also absolutely love to teach, inspire, heal, and advocate healthy living and mental health so now I work as an Autism Health Coach, helping improve the developmental milestones of autistic children by working with their parents. And why autism? Because my son is autistic, and in my quest to help him be his best self without waiting for official help from the healthcare system, I started on this journey. The mental health of an autism mom (any special needs parent) is the most integral step towards helping and supercharging their special needs child! So, I created my vocation based on my skills, my interests, and something that is already part of my life. I hope you can truly find yours too.

Assess your strengths and weaknesses

What are you good at? Perhaps great at? What are the things you absolutely can’t stand to do? In lieu to the previous point, I am adding this important notion. We usually spend a large amount of time trying to do things we don’t like, love, or are good at. Why do we do that? Because our ego does, and we tend to save a quick buck trying to do those tasks ourselves. Trust me when I say this: When you work on things that don’t nourish you or help you, you will essentially be pulling a rope tied to a grand banyan tree. You can’t really move the tree, and you will hurt your hands. We also do this by asking ourselves, “Oh, but who will help me wash the dishes? Get my child taken care of? Email the clients or make a sales call…etc., etc.…” You know what? You live in a time and era where every form of service is available and with the right amount of money. Use pockets of time consciously to do the things you are good or great at and delete or delegate to those who are more accomplished to do those you are not. The next point will elaborate on this more. This way you will be happy, at peace, more present, earn more, be a great mum, and will also be successful.

When we do something that gets us totally in the zone, work doesn’t become a chore. To find the sweet spot between doing what you love and making sufficient money off it, you need to do a little research both on the depth of your desire (make sure it’s not a whim, that you can do it without the need to be paid—only then can you withstand the initial dry spells and struggling periods) and the need for this skill in the market.

Prioritize, supercharge, and be resourceful

Oh, yes! We absolutely love wearing our struggles as badges and feeling proud of our hardships. Under a microscope, it’s actually us to blame rather than others. Wait, before you skip to the next article! When you have boundaries, you know where you want to go or are going, and then the universe plus people around you will actually support you. Have faith. Prioritize your tasks based on urgency and importance. Give the things that are not your genius, and you don’t do well at to others. Discuss this with those in your group. When communicated properly, most bosses and partners are actually willing to get things off your plate when you can make them understand that this way you will be more efficient, effective, and productive—a dream to work or live with! Keep things streamlined right from your bathroom to your closet to your work projects to vacations. Take this as a challenge to start incorporating more things you can handle and delete or delegate the rest. Less IS more in the long term. And please stop trying

to find ten excuses to not follow through because excuses are your mind’s way to stay on familiar grounds, even if those grounds are filled with hardship.

Clear and connect to your truths and emotions

Our subconscious makes 90 to 96 percent of our mind, and it is the driver—not your conscious self, which is only ten to four percent. Also, our money mindset, life skills, and beliefs, as well as our personality, mostly come from the way we were brought up in the first seven years of our lives. You might have known and unknown traumas, beliefs, and emotions stuck to your mind, body, and soul and sabotaging you. This is when you need to work on your inner self, or what we call “inner child healing.” This is not a woo-woo concept any longer, as science is proving we indeed are a system of our body, mind, and soul. Holistic healing is now all the rage and genuinely working because of this balancing concept. Read, watch videos, listen to podcasts, do journaling…be mindful and connect to the emotions holding you back.

Create boundaries

This is absolutely essential. WE, ladies, have very little aptitude to create boundaries. If you are like me, you would be like, “Boundaries? What does that even mean?” RIGHT? Learn your likings and dislikings and own them by being your own advocate as well as your child’s. Boundaries are healthy. They are uncomfortable to establish, and you will be scared or really squeamish when you start, but trust this process. Start with small changes and move on to larger ones. Your boss is making you stay longer? Enforce. And if they don’t budge, then you can start looking for a new one or create your own job or business. Partner not giving you space and understanding? Tell them that it is their responsibility. Many times, they just take things for granted since we are not standing up and asking for stuff, they get stuck thinking of us only as a mom or wife, and thus are not thinking of our needs as an individual. Then, they won’t bother to give us more than we ask for! Do you feed your baby if they don’t cry for milk? Exactly! Ask, and you shall receive. But ASK, please!

Create systems and routines

I can’t tell you how much this helped me, my clients, and thousands of #bossmoms who “got our things together!” Systems are steps, routines, and modes of making your tasks easy. Bundling similar tasks in the same time or keeping related items in the same space makes things easier to remember. I put reminders on phones, make specific times and tasks to reduce workload such as doing meal prep, put supplements in next to my toothbrush because I will use that at night anyway, so I won’t forget. I implemented mini systems from how I do laundry to what I eat to how I handle my client and workload. Life in pandemic actually became a boon as I got the rug under my feet pulled out, and that imbalance forced me to take my life, career, and health plus wellbeing in a new holistic perspective. You might be on your way to do something, and then you see the cushion upturned, and then you go fix that, and then the table needs dusting, or the books need to be put away, and then, boom! Three hours gone. Train your brain to stick to the plan. But first, have that plan!

This took me a long time to experiment with and implement, but with the patience and grace I gave myself, I am seeing the benefits. You will too. Welcome to your best life!

Tasnuva Sarwar Tunna, PhD, is neurodiverse herself, an autism mom, a complex PTSD-trauma/abuse survivor, and a seeker of health and wellbeing who is merrily working as an online based Autism Health Coach. She seeks to empower other autism moms into helping their children be the best versions of themselves by improving their health and wellbeing and supercharging developmental delays! She advocates and coaches one-on-one to anxious autism parents in helping their autism children achieve transformative improvements and developments. She is also a pharmacist, published scientist, and author who has a PhD in Natural Medicine. She lives in Ottawa, Canada with three children and is a devout spiritual and holistic healer at heart. She cooks and absolutely loves books. You can sign up for her newsletter where she shares massive transformational resources for parents’ mental health, autism health, and wellbeing, as well as nutrition and lifestyle.

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