Exeposé Issue 635, 16 February 2015

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Eco-friendly Exeter: Do we bleed green?

16 February 2015 • Issue 635 • Twitter: @Exepose • www.facebook.com/Exepose • Free

Photo: Edwin Yeung

• Experts label Uni’s carbon footprint targets “challenging,” as Exeter drops 23 places in ‘Green League’ • EnviroSoc question pledge’s viability without more renewables • Ef�iciency efforts save £1m yearly

Gemma Joyce Editor

THE UNIVERSITY’S target of reducing its carbon footprint by 43 per cent by 2020 has been described as “challenging” by in-house experts in light of rapid growth over the last decade, with Exeter dropping 23 places in the coveted ‘Green League.’

In a meeting with Andy Seaman, Energy Manager, and Paul Mucklow, Director of Engineering, Mucklow described the pledge as a “stretching target,” with the longer term commit-

The sex issue

Dildos, butt plugs, interviews & more explicit ‘Sexeposé’ content

Throughout

ment to reduce carbon emissions by 80 per cent by 2050, in line with the 2008 Climate Change Act, seeming “more attainable.” The pair work as part of a sustainability management team that has seen the University save £1m per year, leaving their utility and energy bill standing at £6m.

The original 43 per cent target was set in 2005, but the University has since seen a 66 per cent increase in student numbers and signi�icant building developments, putting strains on efforts to uphold the University’s ‘green’ reputation.

Around a third of the University’s research is climate change related.

“We should be walking the talk,” commented Mucklaw.

Molly Aldam, Environment and Ethics Of�icer for the Students’ Guild, said: “While Exeter has more of a focus on sustainability than a great deal of UK universities, as a centre for climate research I think it needs to be at the core of their decison-making. Exeter has a choice as to whether it’s more important to increase student numbers (and therefore carbon...

Record-breaking Sabb election sees LJT, Bristow, O’Connor, Armstrong & Jones take office.

Full story: Page 3

CONTINUED ON PAGE 4

Features

“They said: ‘you’ll never make it work’” - Fairtrade CEO Harriet Lamb

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Girl Power!

Music The Stranglers’ frontman on heroin & how to humiliate journalists

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Email: editors@exepose.com Call: (01392) 723513 Editors Print: Harrison Jones & Gemma Joyce Online: Callum Burroughs & Meg Lawrence Deputy Editors Callum McLean & Vanessa Tracey depeds@exepose.com News Editors Print: Hannah Butler & Emily Leahy Online: Rachel Gelormini & Laura-Jane Tiley news@exepose.com Comment Editors Print: Callum McLean & Vanessa Tracey Online: Rachel Brown & Matt Wilcock comment@exepose.com Features Editors Print: Rory Morgan & Emma Thomas Online: Kayley Gilbert & Fran Lowe features@exepose.com Lifestyle Editors Print: Eamonn Crowe & Jack Wardlaw Online: Alice Belton & Harriette Casey lifestyle@exepose.com Music Editors Print: Kate Burgess & Tristan Gatward Online: Pavel Kondov & Lewis Norman music@exepose.com Screen Editors Print: Josh Mines & Ciaran Willis Online: Will Cafferky & Emma Sudderick screen@exepose.com Books Editors Print: Natalie Clark & Chloe Glassonbury Online: Sophie Harrison & Christy Ku books@exepose.com Arts Editors Print: Sarah Gough & Bethany Stuart Online: Laura Christopher & Stephie Wilson arts@exepose.com Games & Tech Editors Print: Josh Creek & Adam Smith Online: Rosie Howard & Harry Shepherd games@exepose.com Sport Editors Print: James Beeson & Sophy Coombes-Roberts Online: Alex Bonner & Freddie Turner sports@exepose.com Photography Edwin Yeung photography@exepose.com Copy Editors Sabrina Aziz, Isobel Burston & Flora Carr

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Hannah Butler & Emily Leahy news@exepose.com LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE Exeposé News

University news from beyond Exeter

Harvard bans staff and student sex

Alcohol-free living at St Andrews

Students reveal White’s demands

HARVARD University is the latest to of�icially ban sexual and romantic relationships between students and faculty members. Relationships between graduates and undergraduates are also prohibited “if the graduate student is in a position to grade, evaluate, or supervise.”

Harvard follows Yale University, University of Connecticut and Arizona State University, who made the ban in 2010, 2013 and 2014 respectively.

A spokesperson for Harvard told The Guardian that the Faculty of Arts and Sciences’ committee on sexual misconduct had “determined that the existing language on relationships of unequal status did not explicitly re�lect the faculty’s expectations.”

They concluded to “revise the policy to include a clear prohibition.”

ST ANDREWS UNIVERSITY has created alcohol-free accommodation. Catered students with religious beliefs or medical conditions can now opt to live with other like-minded people.

They will only have to tick a box when requesting accommodation run by the University. Pat Mathewson of St Andrews Students’ Association, said: “we’re always in favour of anything that will make our students more comfortable.”

A St Andrews University spokeswoman said: “the University of St Andrews is committed to creating a safe, healthy, and inclusive campus experience for all of our students. We’re proud that our Students’ Association is working to shape new attitudes.”

STUDENTS at the University of Oklahoma have published a list of demands made by American musician Jack White, after he appeared there this week.

The student newspaper published demands from his contract including a fee of $80,000 plus the rights to 90 per cent of the pro�it from ticket sales, which leaves White with a potential sum of $147,000.

The list also included a very speci�ic recipe for homemade guacamole.

Following the publication, a member of White’s team replied with a letter written on his website saying: “Part of that is making sure that the tour personnel of about 30 people plus the local venue staff are fed. That must be in his dressing room.”

London City bans watches in exams

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In brief

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Housing shortages Could Facebook affect our loans? in South Africa

LONDON CITY UNIVERSITY has A SURVEY of nine South African Unibanned wrist watches from exams to versities conducted by Times Live has prevent cheating due to a rise in smart revealed that there are only 68,419 watches. The University emailed stuspaces for the 140,000 residence apdents explaining that the ban hopes to plications for 2015. “ensure a fair examination experience The report included the Universifor all candidates.” ty of Witwatersrand, which received The University explained on its 34,000 applications but can only acwebsite that “due to the introduction commodate 6,000 students. of smart watches, candidates are no A fourth year law student from longer permitted to wear any kind of Wits, Mbe Mbhele, who refers to himwrist watch in an examination self as “a hustler,” left home at the venue. start of the month to �ind ac“Please ensure that commodation and is still your wrist watch is waiting to hear whether placed in your bag or not he quali�ies for a before the start of the student residence. He examination. Anyone has been squatting on found wearing a wrist campus since his arrival. watch in the examinaThe Student Representation venue will be asked tive Council are working to remove it and to place it on alongside a number of students, the �loor under their desk. Only items including Mbhele, to help students that are necessary for the examination �ind accommodation. The shortage of should be brought to the desk.” student housing at the University has Following the ban, the Univerreached a “critical” point according to sity has increased the number of wall Mbehele, with some students going clocks and will be providing desk without proper accommodation for clocks to sudents who ask for them. up to a year.

Stories contributed by: Maria Gomez and Nicola Dash�ield, News Team

NEW lenders to the student market are looking at social media to assess the reliability of potential customers.

Chief Executive of Prodigy Finance Cameron Stevens says: “Who someone connects to is relevant.

If someone tells you they have worked for McKinsey and they are connected to 100 people who work for McKinsey, it’s likely that they have.”

However, Stevens does indicate that social media contacts can also damage chances of getting a loan.

He added: “If you know all your defaulters are connected to a particular group of people, then you don’t want to lend to those people either.”

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Deaths at Durham spark campaign THE accidental deaths of three students in the River Wear in the past 14 months have sparked a night safety campaign launched by the University of Durham.

Almost 15,000 people signed the petition calling for improved safety alongside the Wear. Proposed changes include establishing an arrangement with taxi operators to ensure students can get home safely.

Durham County Council will donate £50,000 to the students’ union to create a responsible drinking campaign among the city’s students.

In a statement, Professor Hudson said the University would take action to improve safety.

Texas Uni’s “racist” border-control do

A FRATERNITY at the University of Texas has attracted national media attention after allegedly holding a “border-control” themed party at their Austin fraternity house.

Reporters from the University’s student newspaper The Daily Texan attended the party where, despite the of�icial “western” theme, students were found dressed in ponchos, sombreros and military uniforms.

“The University takes those incidents very seriously,” a University of�icial commented. “We are trying to promote a campus climate that is welcoming and inclusive for all and when these incidents happen they just kind of set us back a little bit.”

Exeter’s outlook for the week ahead

Tues 17th Weds 18th Thurs 19th Fri 20th

High Low

8°C

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9°C

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Sat 21st

10°C 6°C

Data accurate at time of print

Uni threatens to sue students over expenses investigation EXEPOSÉ

Hannah Butler News Editor

THE UNIVERSITY threatened to take legal action against Exeposé, the Students’ Guild and three of its own students after the release of last issue’s front page on social media – before the full extent of the investigation had been revealed.

Issue 634’s front page, now headlined “A �irst class scandal?” was released on Facebook and Twitter on Monday 2 February. The story, which went on to explore the £3 million spent by the University on staff expenses in 2014, was not due to be circulated until the afternoon following printing delays.

Yet just a few hours after the image was released, the University issued a letter threatening “legal action against the publication, the author, and the editor of the article...” unless changes

were made, publication suspended and all front page images removed from social media.

The letter, from Chief Operating Of�icer Geoff Pringle and addressed directly to Exeposé Editor Harrison Jones, voiced “serious concerns” at the headline, picture and use of the word “scandal,” claiming this would lead readers to believe staff “had wrongfully and fraudulently claimed expenses.”

The Guild is deeply sorry for the stress caused to all involved Guild spokesperson Suggesting the wording implied “criminal conduct” on behalf of staff, the letter demanded editors “immediately provide a copy of the article for consideration,” giving the University the opportunity to respond.

New funding for Masters students Lara Garett News Team

THE University has introduced a new £10,000 scholarship for current students planning to complete a Masters at Exeter in 2015.

This proposed �inancial aid, cofounded by the University institution and the Higher Education Funding Council for England, is a one-off opportunity and looks to encourage current undergraduate students into a Masters degree before the UK Government’s proposed loan scheme for postgraduate study begins in 2016.

There are a signi�icant number of scholarships available, open only to UK and EU Exeter students progressing from an undergraduate degree where they were subject to the higher tuition fees introduced in 2012.

The deadline for applications is

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Thursday 30 April, with decisions on applications being made at the end of the following month.

Applications for the scholarship will be via a form submitted to the Admissions Fees and Funding Of�icer.

Students who are interested in applying for these scholarships should visit the website: http://www.exeter. ac.uk/postgraduate/funding whilst the scheme is still developing.

Ben Street, VP Education, commented: “The University’s decision to support the scholarship scheme proposed by HEFCE is a very positive move and shows a clear commitment to ensuring that students have access to taught postgraduate study.

“I hope students who may have previously been concerned about funding further study will take the opportunity to apply for this funding.”

The story had passed legal checks by the Students’ Guild, but following threats to involve solicitors if the paper was released, Exeposé’s editors decided to alter the article’s wording and reprint so the edition could reach campus sooner.

The University also later raised concerns about the story’s report on emoluments awarded to Vice Chancellor Sir Steve Smith, including a £58,000 “performance related remuneration.”

As the Vice Chancellor’s latest emoluments are yet to be decided, data provided by the University in response to Exeposé’s queries in fact referred to emoluments Smith received the previous year – something not explained in subsequent responses.

After learning that the �igures were out-of-date, Exeposé edited the article and corrected the error.

A Guild spokesperson commented: “The Students’ Guild is supportive

of a free and independent student media which provides valuable student development opportunities as well as a vital platform for students to have their say on all elements of student life.

“In this instance, there were two signi�icant issues of legal non-compliance in the �irst article version which needed to be addressed to ensure compliance for publication.

Harrison Jones Editor

despite the University’s Expenses and Purchasing Card Policy stating: “business class/�irst class travel is not permitted other than in exceptional circumstances and with prior approval from a senior manager within the College or Service.” Meanwhile, the latest data, which relates to ten staff members earning between £5,252 and £14,899 a year, shows how they made just eight claims on travel, none of which were in �irst or business class.

“The University responds to last issue’s front page” Comment Page 7

“Given Exeposé’s independence, the Guild’s primary role for Exeposé is compliance checking, and we should have identi�ied these legal issues prior to publication.

“The Guild is deeply sorry for the stress this oversight caused to all involved. We have strengthened our compliance mechanisms to maintain

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editorial independence whilst ensuring that this doesn’t occur again.”

A University spokesperson said: “It was with great regret that we felt it necessary to issue a legal letter to Exeposé. Whilst the University values and supports freedom of speech, it takes unfounded accusations against its employees extremely seriously. These accusations were in breach of Exepose’s own Code of Conduct. Unfortunately, a process failure within the Students’ Guild, Exepose’s publisher, meant this wasn’t picked up when it should have been, leaving the University no other course of action. We will be working with the Guild to ensure this never needs to happen again.”

Despite threats of legal action if the original story was published, University staff began delivering copies of the issue around campus on Monday morning. These copies were hurriedly retrieved by Guild staff.

Lowest paid staff claim 30 times less than top 10 THE EXPENSES of the ten lowest earners at the University were around 30 times less than those of the ten highest earners over a 12 month period.

Two weeks ago, Exeposé published the expenses of the best paid employees, whose average salaries are well over 15 times higher than the £11,701.85 earned by the worst paid.

Nine of the ten lowest paid staff claimed nothing, whilst the remaining individual, who earns just over £11,000 a year, claimed back £414.60, all on standard class train tickets.

The University were asked for �igures relating to the past year via a Freedom of Information (FOI) request, but could only provide statistics for the period September 2013 - November 2014, meaning the low paid staff’s expenses are not directly comparable with the 2014 expenses of the top ten earners.

For any fans of equality, it is not pleasant reading Editorial Page 7

However, the �igures contrast greatly, with the highest earners claiming over £61,000 last year, £12,600 of which went on 113 luxury travel,

When we pay one of the highest VC salaries in the country, such low wages are unacceptable Marcel Golten, Socialist Students’ President

The low paid staff are all full time and some are apprentices. The University classify these employees’ “training and support in their studies” as part of their “perks/bene�its/other parts of a payment ‘package’”, whilst the highest earners’ full “emoluments” are yet to be decided.

According to the University, the low paid employees do not need to travel frequently, accounting for the disparity in transport and accommodation claims, though higher earners also made claims for “gifts,”

“fees,” “parking,” “subsistence,” “food,” “equipment,” “phone calls” “stationary” and “consumables,” amongst other things.

A University spokesperson said: “All of these (lower paid) staff work in locally based functions within the University and, as such, their roles do not require them to conduct University business away from the campus, and therefore incur expenses. On the extremely rare occasion that travel is necessary, utilising standard class is entirely in line with University policy, which clearly states that only standard class travel is authorised except in exceptional circumstances. These regulations apply equally to all University staff.”

But Socialist Students’ President Marcel Golten said: “£5,252 is impossible to live off, especially in an expensive city like Exeter and against a backdrop of a rising cost of living. At a time where we pay one of the highest ViceChancellor salaries in the country, over 50 times this amount, such low wages are unacceptable.

“Some countries, like Switzerland, have capped wage ratios ensuring that no one can earn more than 12 times the wages of any of his/her employees. The University must establish a system of fair pay, acknowledging the invaluable work of all employees.”

EXEPOSÉ

Furthering the conversation LJT wins Guild about Exeter’s mental health President amid 4

NEWS

Fiona Potigny News Team

THIS week will see the launch of a University-wide Mental Health Week.

The initiative unites a large number of student societies, aiming to foster dialogue across campus surrounding mental health issues.

The week will begin with a focus on mindfulness, with free meditation classes held by Meditation Society, whilst the Guild will also be welcoming the Donkey Sanctuary onto campus, allowing students to relieve stress through contact with animals.

Other events placing emphasis on relaxation and stress reduction will include an ecotherapy session with The Green Unit on Wednesday, free yoga with BodySoc on Thursday and a Peace Circle meditation session with the Buddhist Chaplain on Friday. Bubble wrap will also be available from the Guild Information Point throughout the week, as a “tried and tested” calming method.

More speci�ic mental health issues such as self-esteem and eating disorders will also be addressed. On

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COMMENT FEATURES LIFESTYLE 11-13 16-19 7-9

Tuesday, Mind Your Head will welcome Exeter alumnus and researcher Marie-Claire Reville to speak about the neurological effects of eating disorders, whilst ArtSoc will provide a life drawing class on Wednesday to promote positive body image.

We all have mental health and it needs attention in the same way as our physical health

Kate Hawkins, VP Welfare and Diversity Tuesday will also see a Mental Health Fair held in the Forum, in which student support services will exhibit the help they can offer.

DebSoc will close the week with

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the debate “This house believes that Britain is failing to support people with mental health problems.” President Chloe Bitcon hopes the event will engage students and “further the conversation about mental health.”

Kate Hawkins, VP Welfare and Diversity and leader of the initiative, told Exeposé: “Taking care of our mental wellbeing is so important throughout our lives and especially at university. We all have mental health and it needs attention in the same way as our physical health. Mental Health Week is a great opportunity for the Students’ Guild and University to work together to raise awareness of mental health through engaging activities and opportunities to take time out from our busy lives.”

For full event listings, see www.exeterguild.org/mentalhealth

Professor Andrew Randall, DTC Director Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of dementia and affects over 500,000 adults in the United Kingdom.

The Alzheimer’s Society works to

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16 FEBRUARY 2015 |

huge turnout

-MON: Donkeys on Campus outside DH1, 11:30-2:30pm -TUES: Mental Health Fair in the Forum, 11-3pm -THURS: Free BodySoc Yoga in the Lemmy, 3:30-5pm. Mind Your Head Share Your Story Night in Forum Exploration Lab 2, 6-8pm -FRI: DebSoc debate in Amory Moot, 7:-8:30pm + de-stressing bubble wrap at Guild Info Point all week and much more

gro.etutitsniihsuk.www//:ptth :otohP

Matt Wilcock Online Comment Editor

Our success in this bid re�lects the rapid growth in biomedical dementia research at Exeter

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Mental Health Week 2015 - what’s going on?

Exeter trains next generation of dementia researchers IT has been announced that a new dementia-focused Doctoral Training Centre (DTC) will be launched at the University of Exeter. The training centre comes as part of a £5m investment by the Alzheimer’s Society to train the ‘next generation of dementia researchers.’

The new centre will see eight PhD students investigating the effect of dementia on the brain’s neural networks. The Alzheimer’s Society aims to attract psychologists, geneticists, mathematicians, cell biologists and neuroscientists to the DTC. There they will investigate how dysfunctional brain networks develop.

GAMES & TECH

improve the quality of life of people affected by dementia in Britain. As well as funding research, The Alzheimer’s Society also organises training for dementia staff and a telephone service for those with the disease.

Andrew Randall, Professor in Applied Neurophysiology at the University of Exeter Medical School and director of the DTC, said: “Our success in this bid re�lects the rapid growth in biomedical dementia research at Exeter.”

He added: “Recruitment will be across two academic years.” Four stu-

dents will formally start in September, while the remaining four will be recruited to start in September 2016.

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- The £5 million funding from the Alzheimers Society is the single biggest financial commitment to early dementia research in the UK. - Exeter’s training centre is one of eight new centres to be launched using this funding.

Photos: Edwin Yeung

Emily Leahy News Editor A record-breaking Sabbatical election saw Laura–Jane Tiley elected Guild President, after winning by 528 votes on Friday evening.

Tiley will be joined by an allfemale team of Sabbatical Of�icers, made up of Bethan Jones, VP Education, who won by 395 votes; Katie O’Connor, VP Activities, who won by 438 votes; and Naomi Armstrong VP Welfare & Diversity, who won by 828 votes.

The strong turnout at this Sabb election is further proof of the strong concern Exeter students have for their uni experience

Rachael Gillies, Guild President Meanwhile, Jack Bristow was named AU President, after beating Josie Vickers by 154 votes in the tightest category of the elections.

This year saw 42.16 per cent of the overall student body voting, beating last year’s �igures by over 6 per cent. With 7,431 students voting last week, the turnout easily beat the 40 per cent target thanks to a surge in voters on Friday. The numbers are the highest in recent history at Exeter, though it is not thought to be a national record, despite some reports suggesting otherwise.

Also elected on the night was Ben Tao as International Of�icer, while Will Short, Rob Cross, Richard Grif�iths and Jack Caul�ield became the Guild’s new Student Trustees.

According to Guild statistics, 37.5 per cent of voters this year were �irst year students, closely followed by second years with 32.2 per cent, while third years totalled 25.8 per cent.

The �igures also revealed that 57.3 per cent of the electorate were female, while only 42.7 per cent were male.

Classics had the largest percentage of voters per subject, followed

by History. Meanwhile, Economics had the largest number of voters, followed by Law. Friday saw the biggest number of votes all week, with 2,963 people casting their vote.

In her winning speech Tiley said: ““I’m so proud of everything everyone has achieved this week and I just want thank you so much to everyone that voted. All of the candidates have been so amazing and so supportive” Speaking about the election, Rachael Gillies, the current Guild President, said:“The strong turnout at this year’s Sabbatical Election is further proof of the strong concern Exeter students have for their university experience, for the future, and for politics. I am immensely proud of all our voters and candidates and congratulate the new Sabb team on behalf of the entire Students’ Guild.”

EXEPOSÉ

Carbon targets proving “challenging” CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

... emissions), or work hard to meet their 2020 target and show other institutions what’s possible.”

EnviroSoc President Alice Wilson McNeal expressed concern at the University’s apparent lack of commitment to renewable sources of energy, claiming that this could improve their chances of reaching their carbon reduction target.

It is our actions, rather than league tables, upon which we should be judged A University spokesperson She said: “If the University hopes to achieve its 2020 carbon reduction target, switching to renewable energy, at least in part, is a must. If it ever plans to become carbon neutral, as Plymouth does by 2030, then there is no way that it can be avoided. There is only so much that can be achieved through energy-saving methods like reducing electricity usage. Exeter is not doing as much as others to improve sustainability, and if it wants to continue to market itself as a green university then it has to start backing this up with meaningful, larger-scale commitments.”

A University spokesperson countered Wilson McNeal’s remarks, say-

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ing: “Renewables form an integral part of our low carbon commitment which also follows the energy saving hierarchy which places energy conservation (switching off and eliminating waste), energy ef�iciency (lower energy losses) and renewables (sustainable energy) in order of prioritising progress towards a more sustainable energy system. Examples of our renewable energy sources include photo voltaic panels, solar thermal heating, air source heat pumps, ground source heat pumps, air labyrinth, biomass boiler and combined heat and power (CHP).

“The University is fully committed to its environmental responsibilities and it is our actions in this respect, rather than league tables, upon which we should be judged.”

Wilson McNeal also highlighted the University’s dramatic fall in the ‘Green League,’ published by People & Planet, that this year saw Exeter fall from 13th in the 2013 league table to 36th for 2015. Their worst score was for carbon reduction.

Karen Gallagher, Sustainability Manager, defended the University, claiming that changes to submission dates and methodology had affected the University’s ability to respond adequately. She claimed that the completion date had changed and it took a member of staff “three full weeks to complete” submissions to

the questions. 69 institutions, including a large proportion of the Russell Group, boycotted the ‘Green League’ because of the methodological changes, leading to student demonstrations around the country that condemned universities for their lack of transparency.

Gallagher commented: “Despite the onerous nature, despite the timing, we felt it important to submit. We felt it important to be open, transparent and clear about everything for our stakeholders.” Gallagher said the University “de�initely” would have placed higher had they had more time.

Mucklow and Seaman were keen to highlight the positive achievements the University has made in keeping campus as ef�icient as possible. “The Living Systems building will be extremely ef�icient, not just in its structure but inside too,” said Mucklow, who also pointed out the prestigious Green Gown Award recently won by Cornwall House, beating off competition from Edinburgh whose development cost ten times more.

They also claimed that behavioural change would account for up to ten per cent of improvements made to campus energy ef�iciency, with Seaman saying “I would encourage and welcome students’ involvement in the projects we are currently undertaking and developing for the future to make the University of Exeter

Photo: Edwin Yeung

a Low Carbon Campus.”

Rachael Gillies, Guild President, said: “The Students’ Guild is keen to support the University in achieving its ambitious sustainability targets which are essential to the continued success of our institution.

The Guild itself is accredited to the Institute of Environmental Management & Assessment’s Acorn Scheme – which recognises sustainable business practice – and the Students’ Green Unit continues to provide opportunities for students to implement projects on campus and develop the skills to become future leaders of sustainability.”

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According the People & Planet ‘Green League’ Exeter scored:

13% For carbon reduction

28%

For water reduction

38% For waste and recycling

Student to stand for Football Club in Lib Dems in Exeter ongoing police Theodore Stone News Team

AN EXETER student has been selected to stand as the Liberal Democrat candidate for the Exeter constituency.

Joel Mason, 22, is a Philosophy, Politics and Economics student in his �inal year. Originally from Bedfordshire, Joel began his studies in 2011.

It would be a privilege to represent the city Joel Mason “I am delighted to have been selected as the Liberal Democrat candidate for Exeter,” he told Exeposé. “I’m sure I’m not alone amongst the student body in thinking that Exeter is a wonderful place to live, to study, and to work, and it would be a privilege to represent the city.”

When asked why he was standing for the Liberal Democrats, he responded that the “Liberal Demo-

crats have had to make very tough decisions over the course of the coalition.” He continued: “I am proud to be standing for a party which has helped to implement policies such as the pupil premium, gay marriage, and lifting the lowest earners out of income tax.”

It is hoped that Joel’s youth and vigour will help the Liberal Democrats to close the gap on the other parties in this year’s election.

Other politicians competing for the seat includes the incumbent La-

bour MP Ben Bradshaw, Dom Morris of the Conservative Party, and Diane Moore of the Green Party.

“We are very proud to have politically engaged students at Exeter who care about the future direction of this country,” commented Matt Bate, VP Activities.

“Joel is a shining example of this and I hope that his engagement in the general election will encourage more students to take notice and register to vote.”

investigation Emily Leahy News Editor

ON Wednesday 4 February, at around 9:30pm, a group identi�ied by the police as members of the Exeter University Football Club were involved in an incident at Neptune’s �ish and chip shop on Heavitree Road.

A police spokesperson con�irmed: “we had a report that chairs were thrown through the shop into the kitchen area. Staff were terri�ied. The group moved onto Timepiece where police units caught up with them.”

The incident is the subject of an ongoing police investigation A University spokesperson Photo: Joel Mason

When Exeposé contacted Andy Higham, AU President, for comment

he said: “unfortunately I can’t help, as I don’t know anything about any incident at all.”

We had a report that chairs were thrown through the shop into the kitchen area. Staff were terri�ied A police spokesperson

A spokesperson for the University said: “The incident is the subject of an ongoing police investigation. We have no further updates on this alleged incident to date.”

Exeposé contacted the captains from EUAFC but had received no reply at the time of going to print.

Staff members at Neptune’s con�irmed there had been an incident but refused to comment.

EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS • EXPERIENCE NEW CULTURES • ENHANCE YOUR EMPLOYABILITY • FUNDING OPPORTUNITIES AVAILABLE

where will a

degree at Exeter take

Study Abroad...

PEKING UNIVERSITY Study in English at Peking University’s Summer School Beijing, 6 July – 31 July 2015 FUDAN UNIVERSITY Study in English at the Fudan Summer Session Shanghai, 4 July – 1 August 2015

Study in China this summer International Exeter scholarships worth £800 are available for Exeter students to travel to two of China’s most prestigious universities this summer.

Eligibility requirements apply www.exeter.ac.uk/international/studyabroad/ abroad/summerschoolsandshortprogrammes/summerschoolscholarshipfund To register your interest and for further information, please contact outbound@exeter.ac.uk by Friday 27 February 2015.

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lowest paid staff are published on 3.

For any fans of equality, it is not pleasant reading. Unlike the highest earners, nine out of ten of whom claimed thousands, the same amount of low paid staff claimed nothing at all. They made no ambiguous claims for “subsistence,” “equipment” or “gifts” - just eight train tickets, and we needn’t tell you which class they were.

Next to this editorial you’ll �ind a letter from Sarah Turvill, who sits next to Sir Steve as Chair of Council.

Have a read if you fancy an odd justi�ication for the thousands the Uni spends on luxury travel that supposedly “strengthens” our reputation as a “�irst-class” University. Irony, anyone?

It’s also a tad condescending, failing as it does to deal with any of the relevant issues and expecting students to nod along like good little year fours waiting for their turkey twizzlers in assembly.

On a far lighter note, SEX. It’s taken over our newspaper. From interviews at Exeter’s sex shop to love-making tips, porn star names and some anonymous confessions, Lifestyle go mad for the stuff throughout 16-19. Books talk erotic literature on 28 & 29, whilst Arts tastefully analyse an enormous butt plug (apparently that’s actually possible - 30). The latter also discuss depictions of female nudity on 31 and Comment get in on the act (wahey), with a guide to the best sex spots on campus and a more serious piece on life as a pansexual (8). Even G & T �ind space to talk Skype sex, virtual porn (32) and the giant dildo on 33.

Amid all the shagging, there is some other important stuff. Flora Carr’s typically excellent feature on sexual harassment (12), an interesting interview with the CEO of FairTrade (11), a rowdy chat with The Stranglers’ frontman (20) and an unfortunate disappointment for EURWFC (40) are perhaps the pick of the bunch.

Thanks to those who helped proof this issue: Isobel Burston, Sabrina Aziz, Flora Carr, Joshua Rotchelle, Jeremy Brown, Nick Porter, Kate Jones, Emily Kerr, Ciara Sutton, Ben Londesbrough, Lauren Buchan, Theodore Stone, Giocing Troun, Giorgi Mamuzelos and members of the Exeposé editorial team.

LIKE many, I read the most recent edition of Exeposé with interest. As always, it demonstrated just how passionate our students are about engaging with all facets of University life.

Of course, the biggest talking point centred around the front page story relating to staff expenses, which posed the question of whether it amounted to “a �irst class scandal?” Let me take this opportunity to reassure you that the simple and honest answer to this is no.

I fully understand that, when taken in isolation, the amount mentioned within the article may seem signi�icant. We �ind ourselves living through an era of austerity, where every penny spent is scrutinised and questioned and this is entirely appropriate. So you may be heartened to know that this is also the case here at Exeter. It is a commitment that is led by the Vice Chancellor and the University’s Full Council, and embraced across our body of academic and professional staff.

There are, of course, a number of ways in which we ensure this is

Cartoon: Emily McIndoe

An eventful week

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“It is right that costs are met by the University, not its staff”

Sarah Turvill Chair of Council

ELECTIONS have come to a close and, for those of you who’re sick of getting chased up Forum Hill by annoying candidates in smelly suits, that might come as music to your ears. The week saw �iery debates, �lash mobs and furry onesies, ending with the crowning of LJT, Naomi Armstrong, Katie O’Connor, Bethan Jones and Jack Bristow as our new Sabbs. Congratulations all, and well done to the Guild for such a lively, engaging display of record breaking democracy at work.

What seemed to be overlooked in many manifestos and discussions, however, was environmental issues at Exeter. This week we set out to investigate one of many issues that come under “eco-friendliness” - the University’s carbon footprint. It’s clear that great work is being done in many respects: the fact that, despite growing student numbers, carbon ef�iciency per student has improved and the innovative ways in which buildings are becoming more ef�icient are good examples. However, our violent dip in the ‘Green League’ and shoddy score on carbon reduction simply aren’t re�lecting this, and the University’s target of 43 per cent carbon reduction by 2020 looks increasingly out of reach.

You might have noticed our last issue was late – the full explanation for this is on page 3, including a patronising quote from the Uni who seem to have a unique interpretation of Exeposé’s code of practice. Safe to say we were unimpressed that the Uni were so rapid in threatening legal action.

They weren’t interested in having a conversation about it, but jumped straight to legal threats in a seemingly deliberate attempt to intimidate. It’s clear to us that they were sensitive about their highest earners being subject to criticism.

There has been movement on that story, though. The expenses of the ten

Harrison Jones & Gemma Joyce Callum McLean & Vanessa Tracey

A first class University?

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the case. One such way is ensuring that any expenditure accrued while conducting business on behalf of the University is both justi�ied and proportionate. That is why we have a well-established, clear and robust expenses policy that is regularly reviewed and assessed to ensure it meets our requirements and, just as importantly, stands up to scrutiny.

Staff will often have to undertake journeys not just locally but nationally and internationally Yet the stark truth is that, as a multi-million pound organisation with a burgeoning global reputation, we look beyond our own borders when developing new, exciting and crucial partnerships and networks that will help us in our aspiration to be a Global 100 University. This means that our staff will often have to undertake journeys not just locally between our campuses in Exeter and Cornwall but nationally and internationally, in order to cultivate and secure these new opportuni-

ties. For example, some meetings must take place in London due to the nature of the discussions and those involved this requires a 400-mile round-trip. It is not ideal, but it is necessary.

And to do this will incur some costs. So it is entirely right that these are met by the University, not the individuals who act as our ambassadors when undertaking these journeys. Furthermore, I can assure you that every claim is comprehensively checked, to ensure that our strict policy is adhered to each and every time.

I would like to leave with this thought. Every single journey, meeting or conference helps strengthen Exeter’s position as a �irst-class University. That is important to us, of course.

It is also important to the South West, that bene�its from around £600 million into its economy because of the University. But perhaps most importantly, it matters to you. Your degree from Exeter gives you outstanding opportunities as you start your careers.

By ensuring the University remains amongst the very best worldwide, that will continue to be the case throughout the working lives of you, and the generations of students to come.

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COMMENT

Sabb Week in tweets The elections might have broken down your mental stability, but you still managed to break them down into 140 characters: Lucy @bookofbrendan Really enjoyed that debate on welfare and no diversity #ExeterVote Julia Bush @juliabush Imagine everyone being on stage asked how you’d solve all of Exeter’s problems. Can everyone tweeting right now say they’re that brave. #ExeterVote MC Ben C @BenedictAJC tip for next year’s candidates: mention Postgraduates #ExeterVote Robin Bjalon @RobinBjalon Sorry people, but Barcelona v Villareal is on now; this debate is clearly not up to my expectations.

I’ll see you all tomorrow. #ExeterVote ExeterStudent7 @ExeterStudent7 #exetervote If we were truly diverse people would be able to kiss eels without being judged. #justiceforcolin Jenni Gardside @jennigarside my favourite part is watching all 4 well-mannered candidates nod and smile politely as questions are asked #exetervote Charlie Evans @CEvans93 Is it sad that I’m looking forward to the debate because of the debate that is inevitably going to take place on Twitter #ExeterVote Jenny Cann @Jennyrosecann The pre-freshers and their parents on a campus tour look very confused by the dancing penguin on Forum Hill #ExeterVote Harry @HarryySheperd I definitely agree that halving Steve Smith’s pay would solve all of the university’s problems #ExeterVote Ryan Hopkins @RyanHopkins_ All female Sabbs, and a gay AU president. Exeter doing it for equality! Very happy with results #ExeterVote

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Let’s get it on - dogging on campus 32-35

Sabrina Aziz and Exeposé Comment assess Exeter’s best lovemaking spots the middle of Saturday Lemmy. Extra extra points if you do it any other time.

1. Forum Piano The smooth, oaken and beautifully furnished hood of that glorious instrument is the greatest aphrodisiac the Forum has to offer. Who wouldn’t want to make sweet, sweet music for the whole library to hear?

2. Ram pool table Some may say this one’s overdone and o ve r e x p o s e d , but I say you can never go wrong with a good old classic.

3. Silent study room The library silent study rooms can get awfully depressing, with only a muf�led, single cough breaking the monotony of hours of silence.

So why not mix things up a bit?

I’m sure people would thank you for the distraction.

Photos: g Edwin Yeun

4. Reed Hall Gardens Beautiful surroundings, assorted wildlife, splendid architecture… could this place get any more romantic?

If you like danger, wait for peak rush hour and do it doggy style in a bush.

And people say romance is dead.

Watch out for rogue badgers.

5. Lemmy dance �loor I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.

Extra points if you do it in

6. Cornwall House pool Get steamy by getting frozen: cold water is scienti�ically proven to lower libido, and who doesn’t like a challenge?

Nothing says sexy like a little vat of ice water, especially a public, outdoor vat of ice water.

7. Cardiac Hill If you’re already going to exert so much physical energy into this thing, it might as well be the good kind. Nothing says two �ingers up to Cardiac Hill better than a steamy rendezvous on one of its steps.

Try every step if you can, working your way up from the bottom to give your climax that added spatial dimension for added metaphorical pleasure. Beware of tired, sweaty, grumpy passers-by.

8. Market Place A haven of sexual activity, the campus supermarket boasts an array of toys to entertain you for hours. Get creative.

They’ve got cucumbers, pens, cards, folders, err... organic raisins?

9. Pieminister We all like sex. We all like pies. Why not mix the two for some extra fun? There are plenty of �lavours to choose from.

10. Sabb of�ice Those seethrough glass walls are just crying out to be pressed up against.

Exeposé reminds you that public sex is a seriously punishable offence. Please bonk responsibly.

I’m not a sex fiend: life as a pansexual Anonymous Student WHY fancying more than one gender or person at a time doesn’t mean you’re always getting it on: I’m pansexual and non-monogamous. Unfamiliar words, I know, but they are the most accurate descriptions I’ve found for my sexuality and relationship preferences. Both of these words have different de�initions depending on who you talk to, but here is my interpretation of them.

Pansexual means that I can �ind myself attracted to people of all genders – man, woman, non-binary, genderqueer, androgyne, agender, masculine-of-center, femme, trans, etc.

(Google is your friend). When people ask me about my sexuality I normally tell them that I’m bisexual simply because more people know what that

means, but pansexual is closer to how I feel. Some people argue that there’s no difference between bisexual and pansexual, and I’m not going to tell them they’re wrong, but I still prefer pansexual. I see it as more inclusive because it more explicitly admits the existence of more than two genders.

Being pansexual doesn’t mean I fancy everyone Non-monogamous means that I am open to the idea of multiple simultaneous relationships whether they are sexual, romantic, or both. This is fundamentally different from cheating, because all partners involved would be fully aware of my involvement with other people. There are many different forms of non-monogamy, such as poly�idelity, open rela-

tionships, relationship anarchy, and polyamory (again, ask Google).

Now what you might be thinking is ‘so, basically, you can shag anyone at any time – how lucky!’

Not quite.

Although I have the potential to be attracted to a wider range of gender identities and expressions than most people, that doesn’t mean that I fancy everyone. That would just be exhausting!

Another thing I hear is ‘you must totally be up for group sex, right? Because you like lots of people?’ Umm, no. Threesomes or orgies or anything

like that just don’t interest me. Well, at least not at the moment – I can’t guarantee that this won’t change in the future, but two naked people is enough for me right now.

Also, I haven’t actually been in a relationship in nearly two years, and haven’t had sex in over six months. Hardly the most extravagant sex life you could imagine. I’m re-entering the dating scene, but I’d be quite happy being single and celibate for another six months.

I’m not going to say no if the right opportunity arises, though.

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“A free press is imperative to a democratic environment” Gemma Joyce Editor

ELECTION week was great fun, and it’s the best week of the year for seeing students getting properly engaged with University politics. It was refreshing to see students �ighting for what they felt could solve some of the biggest issues on campus, from the extension of the teaching day to funding for the Wellbeing Centre at the debates.

It felt good to see that many of the issues that Exeposé has tried to bring to the forefront of student consciousness being discussed, sometimes �iercely, by candidates who genuinely want to make a difference.

There was one thing that really concerned me, though, which formed a prominent part of Tuesday’s Activities debate and that’s the very casual way in which various candidates and tweeters proposed that Exeposé, and by extension Xmedia, should hand

over all or some of its editorial independence to the Guild, or that it’s purpose should be to re�lect well on the University.

Exeposé not only abides by media law but is also bound by the Xmedia code of practice I can respect that some of our front pages have provoked differences in opinion across campus, and that they don’t always re�lect well on all students. But that doesn’t warrant the idea that the Guild or University should have any say over what’s covered on our pages.

The concept that we should act as some kind of marketing pamphlet for our superiors, in any way other than advertising the versatility of the student media, runs entirely contrary to what a newspaper should be.

It’s concerning how con�idently said minority felt they could brush off editorial independence as if it were an annoying �ly. We’re incredibly lucky at this University that Exeposé can publish the stories that don’t simply sing the praises of the University, and it is this freedom that brings the most important issues to the forefront of our pages.

It’s apparently a little known fact that Exeposé not

DEAR EXEPOSÉ

“BREAKING NEWS: The Pope is Catholic! And once again, people have no idea what that means.”

In response to a recent article titled ‘A cardinal error’ (whatever that means) I wish to address a few misconceptions that were presented in order to avoid potential offence to, and misrepresentation of, both the Catholic community and the LGBT+ community.

‘Catholics look to the Pope for a religious leader... but non-Catholic homosexuals never asked his opinion’ – Well observed. This statement I see as none other than simply attacking the fundamental right to free speech; if non-Catholic homosexuals don’t want to know the Pontiff ’s opinion then they do not have to listen to him, but let’s not say that just because some people don’t want to hear it that he doesn’t have the right to say it. [...]

We must not say that just because others - maybe even the majority - disagree with something that the Pope says then he has no right to have said it. That’s not how free speech works. And quite simply, there are many Catholics whom are same-sex attracted who do want to hear what the Pope has to say. He is a spiritual leader to over 1.2billion people in the world; people want to know what he’s saying.

Alas! Contrary to popular belief, homosexuals are welcome in the Catholic Church. To say that the Catholic Church is non-inclusive is a contradiction in terms. ‘Catholic’ comes from the Greek katholikos meaning ‘universal’ which in turn comes from Kata meaning ‘in respect of’ + holos ‘whole’, and so to say that the Catholic Church needs to become more inclusive is ridiculous – what’s more progressive than being inclusive of the entire universe? [...]

Finally I also wish to agree that the Church and the State should be separate – however I think I should point out slightly embarrassingly - that this was not implemented so that the Church didn’t Read the full letter and have involvement in the State, but rather quite the opposite, that the State not another response online impose itself onto the Church. [...]

I hope this has cleared up a few issues that I saw in the article that was published.

Now we can all get back to living and letting live as you say, but let us not mistake the words of Pope Francis, or indeed the words of Jesus Christ himself, in thinking that ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ implies to some world in which anything goes.

If a man walks down the M5 into oncoming traffic – sure we could let him do as he pleases, it’s none of our business. Or, we could tell him to get out of the road before he gets run over! What’s more loving? Pope Francis is sincere in his words.

Benedict Hince.

only abides by media law but is also bound by the Xmedia Code of Practice that means we are restricted in all kinds of ways, in the interests of protecting students and staff.

I don’t want to accuse those of the view that Exeposé editors shouldn’t have full control over their content of being part of some kind of Guild/Uni dictatorship. But the argument for editorial independence is one that is important for everyone. A free press is imperative to a democratic environment, and our campus should be no different. When the control of the media falls out of the hands of journalists and broadcasters and into those of the powerful, then you’re in a

very dangerous place indeed.

If you’re in any doubt about the importance of freedom in student media, just look across the country where at some institutions impactful stories sourced by student journalists are blocked or disallowed by universities or unions concerned with reputational damage at the expense of their students knowing the truth.

We’re incredibly lucky at this University that Exeposé can publish the stories that don’t simply sing the praises of the University Student media should be rebellious, opinion-dividing and hold authority to account, and it should have the absolute right to do so. Taking that right away does no good for anybody.

Rant or rave, send us your letters at editors@exepose.com

“Exeter is working out how best to shape its mental health service” I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Exeposé for a balanced and wellresearched article about mental health issues at the University and across Devon.

As the article states, there is a national trend of increasing mental health demand and this is particularly acute amongst students and young people in general. The reasons behind this are complex, although it is at least in part likely to be the result of mental health problems being de-stigmatised (a good thing) and the increased pressure on students to succeed at university.

Like all universities, Exeter is working out how best to shape its mental health support service to meet the needs of its students in the context of this increased demand. We have moved to more Single Session Interventions (SSIs) and telephone triage appointments to ensure that students get faster access to some support.

We are delighted at the response from many students that this service has been a great help in the short term. We need to continue to refine our provision in this way, listening to our students and their representatives through the Guild/FXU. We regularly meet at the University Student Exchange where Wellbeing is discussed and plans are formulated for the forthcoming year.

However, we also need to be clear about the boundaries of the service we can offer at the University. Our focus has to be on ensuring students are healthy enough to be able to meet the requirements of their studies – but we cannot replace the NHS. The role of university Wellbeing Services is to support students in their learning, not to provide long term treatment or cure. For students who pose a serious risk to themselves or others, or who have chronic or long-standing mental illness, it is appropriate that we refer to statutory services where their care can be more closely co-ordinated by specialist professionals. We are working with the local Devon NHS Partnership to ensure that they are fully aware they need to provide support in this area.

Ian Blenkharn, Head of Student Services

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We go bananas for Fairtrade Theodore Stone discusses all things ethical and sustainable with Chief Executive of Fairtrade International and Exeter alumni Harriet Lamb

DURING a career that has spanned over 13 years, Harriet Lamb, Chief Executive of Fairtrade, has overseen the ethical sourcing sphere skyrocket.

Fairtrade, founded as a grassroots movement, has grown into an international brand, with revenues of over £1.5 billion being accumulated in 2012. But, for Lamb, the measure of Fairtrade’s success rests upon one very simple goal; to make sure that farms in the developing world get a fair deal.

Sitting in one of the Forum’s many seminar rooms, I’m struck by just how approachable Harriet Lamb is. It’s clear that she has made the Fairtrade mission her life, and her sheer enthusiasm is proof of just how much she believes in it.

We begin the interview with a plea for a quick explanation on Fairtrade and its impact. To put it simply, those products (be it anything from bananas to chocolate) with “the cheery blue-and-green Fairtrade mark on it” certi�ies that the company you’re buying from has ensured that the farmers who grow the products receive a fair price. Covering the cost to grow their crops and earn “a little bit extra which they can invest in building a better future.”

This wasn’t always a universally acknowledged idea; Harriet Lamb admits that many were skeptical when they �irst heard about it.

“Many people just laughed at us.

They said, ‘you’ll never make it work.

The public will never pay more for

their goods, they only care about cost.’”

Of course, those that laughed soon found themselves outnumbered by those that saw potential in the brand.

What transformed Fairtrade was the actions of the millions of people who organised themselves into what are now known as ‘Fairtrade’ towns/ schools/faith groups and so on. These are collectives who wish to support the Fairtrade agenda, and thus are determined to buy Fairtrade wherever they can.”

Many people just laughed at us, they said ‘you’ll never make it work’ Exeter is itself a Fairtrade University and Lamb urges us all to “make sure that we have that long-term commitment” to ethical sourcing. She singles out AMT Coffee as “one of the pioneers and stalwarts of Fairtrade,” before asking about the feasibility of buying some of their chocolate after the interview.

She also ensures that I take note of ‘Fairtrade Fortnight,’ which runs from the 23 February to 8 March, where “the whole country unites to celebrate Fairtrade. You’ll often �ind local supermarkets, or the Oxfam store, or really wherever you go stocks Fairtrade goods. And the townspeople, or the student group, will hopefully do something special to put the attention on it.”

However, there are always going to be potholes. “Maybe [stores] couldn’t get Fairtrade orange juice, or they couldn’t get Fairtrade nuts,” so it is up to the rest of the public to “raise awareness, due to the changing population.”

Lamb believes there are several steps in ethical fairtrade living. First, you need to promote Fairtrade, then talk to your friends and colleagues, and then take part in community activities in order to make those around you more aware of the Fairtrade brand. “You could talk about existing products that are more widely available, that being bananas and chocolate, or you could discuss the latest international campaign, Fairtrade Gold.”

She jokes that, “obviously most of us might not buy quite as much gold as we buy bananas, especially on a student budget, but it gives you an excuse to talk to the jewelers in the town,” but reaf�irms that it is “yet another reason to champion Fairtrade and our products.”

Despite having worked at Fairtrade for almost two decades, Lamb says, “I’ve never been as shocked as when I met the gold miners.”

“It’s completely shocking to see the miners going underground. They have no protection at all; they just dig holes in the ground. They go down, there’s no wood to hold the mud back, so if it rains, the pits collapse and they die. They don’t have hard hats, they don’t have boots and they’ve been getting less than a dollar a day, bringing

up gold.”

“After that it’s a very long process, where women sit in the sun breaking the rocks, and then you get the dust.

You mix the dust with mercury, and they may sometimes have only one glove. The mercury then attracts the gold dust, giving you a globule, which contains the gold, so you’re going to want to burn off the mercury to get the gold. They’re just doing this in the open where there are kids and pregnant women. Mercury will make you go mad. I have never seen people looking as ill, and it’s all because they’re exposed to the mercury.

There’s a machine that you can buy for about £150 that would contain those vapours, but they don’t have £150. If you’re on a dollar a day you’re not feeding your family, let along saving. We’re determined to see if we can put the spotlight on the sector in order to raise awareness about the importance of driving change, as well as that of the miners who can sell through Fairtrade terms.”

Public pressure does work, I think that is the biggest message of fairtrade There is, however, one �inal item that Fairtrade hopes to take on, and that is what Harriet Lamb describes as the “hourglass economy.”

“It’s where you have millions of

small holders selling to literally a handful of companies who are selling to millions of consumers, so you have, for example, 75 per cent of the banana trade controlled by �ive companies - coffee and cocoa and sugar, you’ve only got a handful buying all of it in the world.

This concentration of power means that the local farmers responsible for growing the crops are simply being denied a pro�it.”

So what can we do? The answer is simple: pressure. Regardless of what people say about campaigning being a waste of time, one thing that Fairtrade has done is that they have �irmly shown the world is that this isn’t the case.

“Public pressure does work; I think that that is the biggest message of Fairtrade,” says Lamb. “Even if you feel that no one listens to us, no one cares, remember that we work in Fairtrade with all of those companies and the only reason that it works for us is because of public pressure.” In short, it works.

Lamb claims that there is “absolutely no doubt” that public pressure shifts companies’ agendas.

“It’s not that we win all of the time and everything is perfect, it’s a million miles from that, but it works. I think that we need to be putting that pressure on companies, and on governments, now so that they can really play their part to address this imbalance of power in global trade.”

A black and white issue 12

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Flora Carr, Copy Editor, delves into the ever topical issue of sexual harassment ALL this week I’ve been thinking about a black and white photograph. I saw it on The Guardian website. This photograph was taken in 1951 in Florence, Italy. At the centre is a beautiful woman striding along a street, pulling her shawl tight around her shoulders.

The picture would make for easy viewing if it weren’t for the other people in the shot. Lining the sides of the street are several men, jeering at the woman.

One man is even grabbing his crotch as she walks past. I can’t get the image out of my head. Maybe that’s because the threat of sexual harassment is as present in 2015 as it was in 1951. I’ve seen men in clubs laughing and pointing at their crown jewels, the exact same sneer on their faces. Sixty years on, things look almost as bleak as a black and white photograph.

Last year, the issue of sexual harassment frequently cropped up on our newsfeeds. Take the controversy surrounding ‘Dapper Laughs,’ the character created by ‘comedian’ Daniel O’Reilly. His act - involving sexual jokes, ‘banter’ and pick-up lines such as the savoury ‘Hey darling, can I smell your fanny?’ - gained 1,600,000 followers on Facebook as well as his own ITV series ‘On the Pull.’ The tide turned abruptly against O’Reilly after he jokingly accused a female heckler in one of his live shows as ‘gagging for a rape.’

His show axed after an online petition, O’Reilly appeared on ‘Newsnight’ to announce the ‘retirement’ of his character. Clean-shaven, pouting and dressed in a polo-neck, O’Reilly was clearly going for the ‘boyfriend-meeting-the-parents’ look. It didn’t last.

He’s now resurrected ‘Dapper Laughs,’ and his misogynistic, rape culture advocate of a character is back and frighteningly - more popular than ever.

If the ‘Dapper Laughs’ videos actively promote sexual harassment, what’s even more disturbing is when you come across a video which unwittingly does.

A viral video

called ‘‘Slap her’: children’s reactions’

by Italian news organisation ‘Fanpage. it’ featured several young boys being introduced to a young girl, who never speaks. The cameraman asks the boys what they like about the girl, ask them to ‘caress’ her and then �inally to slap her. The boys all refuse to slap the girl.

Initially the video was praised for its portrayal of ‘little gentlemen,’ but soon commentators were pointing out how the boys had more than willingly caressed the girl (which made very awkward viewing) when told to, or else how the girl stayed silent and passive throughout. Just as young boys stroking an unknown girl on instruction seem ‘cute’, young men instructed to ‘get with’ unknown girls on a society social are ‘legends.’

The threat of sexual harrassment is as present in 2015 as it was in 1951 Speaking to various Exeter students about sexual harassment, I found they all agreed that it’s still a major issue. Maria Bowles, a second year, was the �irst person I spoke to.

She recounted how, as a �irst year she was “groped” by a man in Timepiece.

“I tried to get away immediately but he grabbed my arms and held me there. It was so busy I couldn’t get away,” Maria says. “He tried to put his hand up my skirt but it was actually a playsuit so he was getting nowhere. I mouthed ‘help’ to a random girl and she came over saying ‘I haven’t seen you in ages!’, then pulled me away. Still no idea who she was.”

Maria then told me that girls in clubs often do this - “we stick together.”

Bethany Leigh had a similarly upsetting story, describing to me how in a club her dress was pulled fully down to expose her chest. “I’ve also had someone force me to kiss them- they grabbed me and put pressure on my jaw until my mouth opened,” Bethany says.

When I �irst saw the black and white photograph, the man clutching his balls shocked me. He seemed so… blatant. But whilst a man on the street would be condemned today for such behaviour, no one would bat an eye if he were within the sweaty safety of a club. Why does explicit sexual harassment seem incongruous on a street corner, but acceptable at a bar?

Can alcohol or, in the case of ‘Dapper Laughs,’ the presence of a camera and a disembodied audience egging you on, truly justify this? Katie Whyte explains how, in her �irst year, “a friend had a bad experience of guys coming into her room chanting stuff about sex, and that shook her up.” First years are often vulnerable to sexual harassment.

I know I certainly was. In my �irst term at Exeter I was drinks spiked, an experience which I wrote about for The Guardian. The blog post provoked 542 comments, one of the highest counts the section has ever achieved. It’s clear, then, that sexual harassment is a major issue for university students.

So, if sexual harrassment is such a concern, what’s being done about it?

Last year’s

#NeverOK campaign, led by the Students’ Guild, was a de�inite step in the right direction. The campaign video, which featured celebrity guest David

Tennant, focussed on how everyday sexual harassment - ‘inappropriate jokes, comments, songs’ - are as equally damaging and upsetting as more extreme examples. The campaign also aims to ‘take a local approach to a national issue,’ working in conjunction with Devon Police. I contacted Kate Hawkins, VP Welfare and Diversity and one of the spearheads of #NeverOK, for her thoughts on the campaign.

Why does explicit sexual harrassment seem incongruous on a street corner but acceptable at a bar?

“From speaking to students about their experiences, it seems that sexual harassment is in danger of becoming normalised and accepted,” Kate told me. “This is totally unacceptable and all of our students deserve a safe and respectful environment. However, tackling this problem requires more than pointing the �inger at people’s actions and behaviour; we need to educate ourselves about the impact of sexual harassment and why it is wrong.

More needs to be done to tackle this problem but, as a student body and as a society, we need to change our attitude, not just point the blame.”

Rob Brereton, a second year, agrees.

“What someone may see as banter may make the other person feel deeply uncomfortable; this highlights a serious point about people’s differing atti-

tudes.” Rob is embarrassed to elaborate on an incident where he defended two friends from harassment: “A defence should not be needed in the �irst place.” However, he points out to me that “sexual harassment is not perpetuated solely by men.”

Whilst the #NeverOK campaign has raised awareness and helped de�ine ‘sexual harassment,’ the issue is still ever-present. This fact was made clear by The Telegraph’s recent interview with an anonymous Exeter student who had been sexually assaulted and had “no idea who to speak to.”

Exeposé reported this, stating that 44 per cent of sexually assaulted students say they didn’t report the incident as they thought the University wouldn’t respond.

So what is to be done? “In my opinion, what we really need to do is tackle sexual harassment in night clubs,” Bethany says. Maria believes that the best approach is to “teach future generations that it’s ‘never ok’.” She elaborates: “It’s a somewhat bleak outlook for our own generation I admit, but I think because we have the awareness, we can make that change for the future.” It’s an issue that comes in many different forms, a monster with many heads, but, as Maria says, “we can make that change.” Last year was de�ined by the Ched Evans rape case, the celebrity naked photo leak, and a ‘lad’ in a turtleneck; all very different examples of sexual harassment. But no matter what, when it comes to sexual harassment, isn’t it better to see things in black and white?

an woman being jeered at

an Itali >>The 1951 photograph of eilly >>Left: ‘Comedian’ Daniel O’R

Let’s get satirical EXEPOSÉ

FEATURES

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13

Exeposé Features rounds up the ‘news’ with a �ictitious twist

University paper censorship scandal Ciaran Willis Screen Editor

IT has been reported that the newspaper of one of the country’s top music universities has faced censorship over its front page. The Inquirer was forced to change its cover page, and lead article – ‘Planes, Trains and Automobillings’ – seven times, after the uni threatened to play the world’s smallest violin and sue them.

I spoke to Oliver Boe, Editor of The Inquirer, and choir-boy. He said: “Yes, �irstly we were forced to change the tenor of the article. Then apparently the tone wasn’t quite right. But �inally, we hit the right note.”

“On the �irst day we changed the front page four times. On the second day, three more times. Finally, on the third day the Uni said: ‘Let there be

light entertainment.’ And we saw it was good.”

Initially, The Inquirer published an article questioning the expense claims of the College’s faculty. It said the establishment were “�leet-�ingered with the expenses jam pot.” Similar claims were made, which were not greeted with wholly pleasant responses from the University’s lawyers.

The Uni threatened to play the world’s smallest violin and sue them The odd range of expense claims included: 20p for a Freddo, £2.50 for a box of Lapsang Souchong tea, £50 for an antique lute, £40 for a �ish tank

with deluxe moat, £5.50 for the �ilm ‘Naughty Teens and Deluxe Queens’, and £112 for a �irst-class ticket to Barnsley.

I asked Oliver what he made of this eclectic list. “I understand about the �ilm and even the �ish tank” he said.

“But 20p for a Freddo? That’s preposterous.”

Another student expressed anger at the claims: “All I can think of is a member of staff on a �irst class train to Barnsley - eating a Freddo, watching porn, and playing the lute to a really well-accommodated �ish. He’s laughing at us. He’s wanking his lute, and laughing at us all.”

I spoke to a member of staff, Earnest Bloak, and asked whether FirstClass trains were a necessary expense.

“Well it’s a scienti�ic fact that FirstClass carriages go faster and reach

Prince Charles abstains Sarah Gough Arts Editor PRINCE CHARLES has this week con�irmed rumours that he is abstaining from any further sexual activity.

His decision was made in response to Prince Harry being seen buying Viagra down his local Boots.

In response to The Daily Mail’s headline: ‘Little Harry retreats from battle?’ Charles ejected (from his helicopter), parachuted down onto the streets of Westminster and immediately released a statement asserting the Viagra was, in fact, for him.

His decision was made in response to Prince Harry being seen buying Viagra Charles was quick to protect his son: “Harry is very much in battle, one assumes. It is I, who retreats. Soldier down. Withdraw with dignity comrades.”

Upon questioning about whether the pills had bolstered his previously majestic mojo, Charles limply replied:

“Alas no. There are three people in this marriage. Me, Camilla and my crippling self-loathing.”

With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, Charles’ statement appears ill timed. A �laccid excuse for what could have been a night full of Marvin Gaye and British farm produce. One only assumes that’s what normally gets Charlie in the mood to party.

And yet Charles’ wife appears to be taking the news surprisingly well. Camilla Parker-Bowles was seen eyeing up James Middleton only yesterday. “One needs the cream of the crop,” she stated together with an overtly-sexual air punch.

Clarence House were royally pissed off and thus unavailable for comment.

No more

bedroom bureaucracy, one presumes they cry.

Camilla was seen eyeing up James Middleton only yersterday However Charles’ eldest son, William, was very active, some might say rampant, on Twitter in light of the news.

One tweet read: “I think Dad really wants a two pack. First, ABstain. Next, ABdicate. #DadABs.” The news really has caused a royal ruckus. The question is no longer: what does poor old Charles actually do?

But rather what CAN poor old Charles actually do?

their destination quicker than SecondClass ones, and so sitting in First-Class saves the establishment both time and money.” My own scienti�ic research, however, did not corroborate this fact.

I also rang the of�ice of the vice-principal and asked if the College was as transparent as it should be.

His secretary’s uncle said: ‘If you speak to my Grandma’s niece’s cousin, well his sisterin-law’s brother knows a bird who will sing.”

I never found that bird. But really it’s The Inquirer who have been doing all the singing (as a music college).

SPRING 2015

POSTGRADUATE OPEN DAYS

Cornwall: Saturday 28 February, The Exchange Exeter: Friday 6 March, The Forum

With £10,000 scholarships available if you progress straight to a postgraduate degree in 2015, there’s never been a better time to do a Masters.

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07/01/2015 15:25

16

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Eamonn Crowe & Jack Wardlaw lifestyle@exepose.com

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I just want to make you sweat Jack Wardlaw, Lifestyle Editor and Vanessa Tracey, Deputy Editor take themselves down to pleasure town (otherwise known as Sidwell Street) and go exploring in Simply Pleasure YOU’VE all walked past it, you’ve giggled at the name, you’ve joked about going in there but never dared to go all the way. Well just for you, two intrepid Exeposé Editors bit the bullet (so to speak) and gave into Simply Pleasure on Sidwell Street to see what really goes on behind closed doors...

When we �irst stepped in, it was hard not to giggle at the lingerie and vast array of sex toys assembled before us, but the initial embarrassment was soon overcome when we were greeted by a friendly staff member who kindly agreed to be interviewed.

To me, every customer is the same and it’s just about making people feel comfortable Unsure of whether we could pass as normal customers, we �irst asked what sort of clientele usually visits. Apparently, there are no average customers as they get visitors of all ages and all sexualities. People come in couples or singles, they can be younger or older but there doesn’t seem to be a certain type or preference as to what they buy. She said “you get such a vari-

ety of people in, all looking for something completely different. Some people just want to see what we sell because they’ve never been in here before. There doesn’t seem to be a difference in what younger and older people buy. Everyone’s up for trying different things.”

As we perused the shelves, there were a baf�ling array of options. What colour to go for? What shape? Where do you even put that? It’s fair to say we understood why people wanted to come in and talk to a professional.

We were pointed to some of the newest items in store. As well as a 50 Shades of Grey line, what particularly stood out were chocolate and strawberry body quills which, we were assured, had “really nice tastes.” The diamanté nipple stickers were also a favourite.

The initial discomfort we felt upon entering had, by now, completely dissipated but we were curious to see whether many other customers get the giggles when they enter. “To me, every customer is the same and it’s just about making people feel

comfortable. I mean some people just like to be left alone rather than being asked questions, so you just have to get that rapport. We have our regulars that come in, but also new people who can be a bit shy and are fascinated by what we sell.”

Some of the dildos looked a bit pricey so we asked what the most expensive items were on offer. The Lelo luxury range of toys had a whopping ten year guarantee so when you think about cost per use, you actually do get your money’s worth. She continued, “we also have the dolls which are quite expensive and range from £100 upwards depending on the quality.”

Imagining that people wouldn’t exactly want to carry a blow up doll back to Lafrowda, we asked whether internet shopping was a better alternative, or whether there was still a place for sex shops on the high street.

What colour to go for?

What shape? Where do you even put that?

She told us that “some people don’t like to shop online as it’s easier to see a product when you’re not sure what you’re buying. When I go clothes shopping, I don’t buy online as I like to try stuff on in the store.

Here, you can touch it, see what the speeds are and if you’re in doubt, you can talk to someone about it. I think that there’s still a big market for us.”

This is aided by the fact that Simply Pleasure “isn’t right in the city cen-

tre and obviously we try to be as discreet as we can for the customer.

Our packaging is in plain black bags ing things and when payby card, it won’t come up with ‘Simply Pleasure’ on their bank statements.”

On the topic of the internet, the shelves of pornographic DVDs upstairs prompted us to ask whether internet porn has had an impact on their business. It seems that what keeps their DVDs sales pointing upwards is the alternative genres that are on offer, such as couple friendly DVDs and videos directed by women which apparently, are “very artistic.”

The ball gags, whips and chains were drawing our attention throughout the interview so we felt obliged to delve a bit deeper and ask about the kinkier aspects of the store.

Firstly, we asked what fetishes they catered for. Some of the most popular seemed to be a bit of light spanking, collars, dressing up and rubber.

“We do electric shock therapy but we don’t do anything extreme.

We have metal stuff like cock rings but there are so many different fetishes, it’s hard to say!

Ropes are selling well right now, and swings - they seem to be the popular one at the moment.”

Because fetishes do seem to be a big business, Simply Pleasure are looking into hosting their own parties but more for the fetish community rather than the general public.

She agreed that people have become more

adventurous in the bedroom when it comes to S&M thanks to the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon.

“I think it’s got a lot bigger and people are more open minded to it after reading the books. They want to know more; we get a lot of people coming in to ask about light spanking and that kind of thing. Obviously we get the more ‘extremists,’ but I think it has opened a lot of minds.”

We were told the lube could be ‘drizzled over ice cream’ To round off our interview, we decided to get physical and test some products. After nearly getting shocked by what turned out to be an electric butt plug, and after the rotating head of a rabbit vibrator caused us to recoil in fear, we decided to play it safe and settled for tasting the array of lube �lavours instead.

As well as their obvious application, we were told that they could also be “added to alcoholic drinks” or “drizzled over ice cream” for added �lavour. The watermelon �lavour proved to be a hit but we were less impressed with the vanilla cream.

All in all, visiting Simple Pleasure was just that, a pleasure. With multiple stores in the South West, don’t forget your NUS card for your ten per cent student discount!

Chains and whips excite me...

EXEPOSÉ

LIFESTYLE

www.exepose.com

17

Two Exeposé Lifestyle writers share their top tips for kinky love making

Night Flower Jasmine

THE KAMA SUTRA has always played a weirdly pervasive role in my life. The most recent occurrence during which the ‘great book’ made itself felt was at my family’s Christmas dinner last year. Responding to my inability to keep a straight face during a spirited dinner conversation about the “ruderies” sculpted into some of the Indian temples which my mother would be visiting later that year, my grandma asked “What are you laughing at? You may very well do these things in your lifetime!” Little did she know, I had already started enacting those very same carved movements, two years prior to her little outburst .

You’re folded into this odd praying mantis position and you’re unable to move In fact, my �irst friend-with-bene�its (I suppose you’d call him that) and I had a pact to bang our way through all the Kama Sutra positions, so we could review them and I could post our �indings on my blog. This trend carried through to my relationship after him. However, our notes remain in my trusty Moleskin notebook, rather than on the interweb.

I think the �irst thing you probably need to know about the Kama Sutra is that there really aren’t as many positions as there appear to be in the book, or any variation of the book you use (The Cosmo Kama Sutra was my �irst exposure). Positions in the Kama Sutra can be split into three categories:

1.) The positions you probably rotate between when you’re having your standard sex, so your missionary, sub on top, rear penetration and doggy positions, with maybe a standing position or seated position thrown in there.

2.) The EXACT same positions with literally the SLIGHTEST change made, drawn as a whole new position. I suppose there are differences in sensation when tiny changes are made but seriously. We’re talking like doggy with one leg up instead of down.

3.) Positions that can only be done by actual acrobats. Or at least people with VERY potent gymnastic skills.

Now don’t ask me about category three because I am no acrobat, but I think over the years some �irm favourites have really made themselves clear for me. The Lotus is kind of a fun one. I’d say it falls into category three.

A little weird at �irst, because you’re folded into this odd praying mantis position and you’re pretty much unable to move, but it’s a really intimate one. You’re face to face so it’s very intense. Any rear entry position is great, because you genuinely do feel a lot more. However, I do feel like the Kama Sutra was designed for only the insanely �lexible. In terms of the category three positions if, like me, you can’t really achieve fantastic gymnastics, but at least some of those positions seem so unattainable that you can laugh at the impossibility of it all. (Seriously, Google The Amazon).

For anyone looking to use the Kama Sutra to add a little crazy to their bedroom shenanigans, then I’d say definitely give it a go. You’ll learn what you like, and what you don’t like and you’ll have a lot of laughs. Just maybe don’t use it as a hard and fast guide (pardon the pun).

Ultimately, the Kama Sutra probably functions best when you adapt it for you... so get bending.

Joshua Rotchelle

IT looks so easy in porn, doesn’t it?

Some chick starts walking around in a maid out�it, and of course it �its her perfectly, and naturally it doesn’t hinder her ability to “perform” at all, and twenty minutes and a sweep of your browsing history later, you’re bouncing off to tell your partner about how you have to try this out. Then, when you give it a go, it all goes a bit wrong.

The truth is, like most things, the spontaneous approach doesn’t work quite as well as it does on the silver smutty screen. With this in mind, I’ve come up with a few tips to nudge you in the right direction.

You don’t want to jump straight into role playing two sharks mating on the �irst go 1.) Before you paint yourself blue and go all Avatar, make sure whoever you’re doing this with has had plenty of sex with you before. The �irst few times with someone are awkward enough, so doing the same, but wearing a funky out�it is only going to be even more strange, and probably a little uncomfortable.

2.) There’s a whole bunch of options out there, but I’d suggest sticking to

a conventional role play for the �irst time. Good options include cop/criminal, student/teacher etc. In these scenarios, one of the participants is in a position of power over the other, which can be a lot of fun when done properly.

You just don’t want to jump straight into role playing a couple of sharks mating on the �irst go. Apart from anything else, you’ll have to come up with a mating call.

3.) Get both you and your partner in an out�it. This might sound unnecessary, but for the �irst time, it’s vital. If only one of you is dressed up, that person will feel under an awful lot of pressure.

If you both are, then the pressure is alleviated a bit, because you’re in the same boat.

4.) Don’t worry too much about a ‘plot.’

You’ll need to decide what the role play scenario is going to be, but the plot doesn’t need to be knockout stuff. How many pornos have you seen where the plot is good anyway? That said, do make an effort with your acting. The more you get into your character, the more fun you’ll have, and the more exciting it will feel. Now, where’s that shark costume?

Hey Nickie, you’re so wise!

Nickie Shobeiry, our Lifestyle Agony Aunt, is here to solve all of your uni problems (well, sort of) Fit Feet 1.) Dear Nickie, Ever since I set eyes on the glorious Cheryl Cole (or whatever name she goes by now), I was mesmerised by her gorgeous, perfectly maintained feet. I’ve had a lot of �ilthy thoughts about them and I really want to broach the idea of ‘foot-play’ to the girl I’m seeing. I’d love to pretend she is Cheryl whilst licking her toes, but I just don’t know how to tell her about my foot fetish without weirding her out. Do you have any tips or tricks on how to persuade her that I’m not a total freak?

W.C. Dear W.C. You’ve come to the right place. While some may tell you to ‘accidentally’

spill chutney on her feet and go from there, I’m here to tell you that it’s a foot fetish, not murder. Just tell her. If she insists you’re a ‘total freak,’ maybe you’ll just have to live to lick another toe – and remember, friend, being a ‘total freak’ is not always such a bad thing (wink).

As a side-note, I’d strongly suggest if you don’t know her well enough to judge her reaction to something as simple as toes and salvia, you don’t tell her you’d ‘love to pretend she’s Cheryl.’ And if all else fails, just buy a Vajankle (you’re welcome).

Nickie XOXO

Choc Shock 2.) Dear Nickie, Last weekend, my boyfriend and I decided to spice things up by bringing food into the bedroom.

I read in an issue of Cosmo that cunnilingus can be a lot more fun for both parties if it involves a chocolate. We decided to use a Crème Egg (cause it’s sort of seasonal) and it felt amazing!

The only problem is my Mums favourite chocolate is Crème Eggs and now I’m terri�ied that every time I see her eating one I might chunder everywhere… repeatedly. How can I separate these two things and not be repulsed by my own mother?

S.G.

Dear S.G., Firstly, congratulations on your use of Crème Eggs without getting an infection, and secondly, for putting the accent on the ‘e’ in ‘crème’, which I feel I have to do in return.

Now, your mother is a sexual being who has had sex and is probably still having sex (ew). Maybe her favourite chocolate is Crème Eggs, or maybe an af�inity for chocolate and intercourse runs in your family. Am I making you queasy? What’s my point? To tell you to get over it. You crossed a thick, gooey-centred line, and there’s no turning back – accept your destiny and the chundering will cease. And if you feel like that’s bad advice, then you’d hate to hear Freud’s.

Nickie XOXO

18

LIFESTYLE

Tweets of the week The best of the Lifestyle Twitterati’s musings and wit this week Tweet us @ExeposeLStyle Poppy @PoppyHarrison2 If you eat something from the fridge with the fridge door still open it doesn’t count #fact Elin Davies @eeeeeeeelin Love being the real mvp Shev @Shevvvv Wanted to sort my life out today but I’ve realised it’s actually quite a big task Sarah Gough @sarahgoughy Best quotes from tutors today: “life is meaningless”, “is Urban Outfitters worth going to” #academia James Beeson @jdbeeson16 Just full on walked into a lamppost. Today is not going to be my day...

Holly Osmond @holly_osmond used to laugh in the face of salads and didn’t know what an avocado was, now I’m making an avocado salad...

Mimi Quinn @MimiQuinn If I had a coffee machine next to my bed id wake up so much easier in the mornings Lauren Hill @laurenlohill Writing an essay about a model called the ‘S&M’ and keep writing stimulate instead of simulate #50shadesofpsychology Natalie Clark @natalie_rose_c The Physics building scares me.

It’s like they can all tell that I’m an English student trespassing on their turf... #ohthehumanities Matt Bate @VPActivities The awkward moment when you’re sat in the Ram and the mayonnaise sachet explodes in your face.. #prayformatt Amber Krumins @ambeenio Really tempted to write about cosmopolitan cocktails instead of cosmopolitanism. 10/10 would make a better essay than the one I’m writing.

Ollie Wearing @ollypenderghast Exeter is essentially the land that 3G. sunshine and decent nightlife forgot.

Sophie Harrison @Sophie_7H Trust SABB election week to be the week I faceplant up forum hill... #dangersofpowerwalking

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16 FEBRUARY 2015 |

EXEPOSÉ

Keep going until you hit the spot

One of our anonymous Lifestyle writers shares some of their simple tips on how to turn mediocre mating into full-blown brilliant banging FOR anyone who has ever used Grindr, conversations about sex are nothing particularly scandalous or private. For those of you who have never experienced Tinder’s �ilthier gay cousin, conversations that don’t involve a discussion of sexual preferences are few and far between. I’ve become completely used to asking, as well as where the person is from and what they do for a hobby, about what fetishes they have, what things theylike someone to do in bed and what their favourite positions are.

It’s just good manners really. We tend to be very open when it comes to talking about sex and we know what sorts of things will make sex even more pleasurable for us, and knowing what the other person likes as well means that you’re both more likely to have mind-blowing sex.

I’ll try not to generalise too much, but, from what I’ve discovered, the same conversations do not take place as commonly in the straight community. None of my friends have ever thought about asking what the other person wants or likes.

It’s interesting when I talk to my straight friends and listen to them bitch about their latest sexual exploits - which left them less satis�ied than we all were after #puppygate.

This inspired me to draw up a list of basic tips that all parties can do

to make sex amazing for everyone, however many of you there might be (hey, I’m not here to judge!)

There seems to be a pervasive assumption that all guys are magic stallions capable of banging you to orgasm 1. Get to know yourself I couldn’t help laughing in disbelief when I asked my straight girl friends about their orgasms. I asked if they’d ever given themselves one.

Silence. “How the hell is a guy supposed to know how to give you an orgasm if you can’t give yourself one?”

There seemed to be a pervasive assumption that all guys are magic stallions capable of banging you to orgasm, despite the abundance of reports that lots of women need more than just penetrative sex to get there.

So come on girls; you want a guy to give you an orgasm but either you don’t know how to give yourself one, or you just won’t tell him what to do to give you one. So here’s my solution (which works for all sexualities and genders, not just straight people.) Get to know your body. Experiment with sex toys, watch internet porn and think about what sorts of

things really turn you on. Find the spots on or in your body that do it for you. Don’t be afraid to turn to professionals for help and advice – there are plenty of resources online and even in stores on the high street, like Ann Summers, which can help you discover what really gets you going.

2. Communication is key.

Now armed with the knowledge of what really does it for you, whether that be kissing, oral sex, spanking, candle wax, roleplay or whatever, you have to communicate that with your partner. We’re not mind readers (well most of us aren’t). It’s no use lying there and hoping that your partner will magically stumble across your sensitive spots. If you want good sex, go after it yourself.

I’ve let a guy piss on me, and even though lots of people would think that it is gross, it really wasn’t that bad Whisper to him/her things like “will you do this to me? Yeah, more of that. Let’s try this next.” You are responsible for your own orgasm, so instead of pretending you’re having a good time and then complaining

about it the next morning, just get over it and ask. Even if you think that your partner may be slightly put off by you telling them what to do, believe me, they will be much happier in the long run when they are responsible for your toe-curling cries of pleasure.

3. Be prepared to give in order to receive.

I always lose ‘never have I ever’ because I apparently have tried everything under the sun; but that’s only because my philosophy when it comes to sex is “I’ll try (almost) anything once.” I’ve let a guy piss on me, and even though lots of people would think that it is gross, it really wasn’t that bad. We made sure we took the necessary hygienic precautions (I won’t go into detail for the sake of your discomfort) and when people ask me why I agreed, I always say that if it were me, and I was really turned on by something, I would want my partner to engage in it for me, so I did the same for him. It’s only fair and he really appreciated me trying it for him, which resulted in him being very eager to do something for me. After all, when it comes to sex, you get out what you put in (so to speak).

Say my name, say my name

Ever wondered what your porn name would be? Of course you have. We at Lifestyle have drawn up the de�initive guide to naming your sexy alter-ego IT’S a pretty straight forward process - all you have to do is take the name of your �irst pet and then add that to the name of the street you grew up on (or the �irst street you lived on if you’ve moved around a lot.

Here are some of the best porn star names from our committee:

Hannah Butler, News Editor becomes: Floppy Tillbridge

Eamonn Crowe, Lifestyle Editor becomes: Amber Kingston

Kate Burgess Music Editor becomes: Twiggy Agraria

Gemma Joyce, Editor becomes: Mutley Milden

Jack Wardlaw, Lifestyle Editor becomes: Oscar Darley

EXEPOSÉ

www.exepose.com

Baby it’s better down where it’s wetter

An orgy of anonymous Lifestyle writers share their most embarassing grown up bedtime stories I’M coming up to the one year anniversary of potentially the most surreal night/early morning of my life. It’s a story that has caused much delight and laughter in my friendship group, and is brought up repeatedly on various nights out. Yep, I’m talking about the time I pretended to be a dolphin mid-shag.

shots, shots.

We took our alco-blankets and ran to pre-

Yep, I’m talking about the time I pretended to be a dolphin mid-shag It all started one fateful Thursday evening. My friend and I were sat twiddling our thumbs in halls and made the last minute decision to go to Mosaic.

Aware that we were a good hour behind on drinking, and armed with a bottle of vodka mixer, we came but no to the conclusion that any sensible girls would have made: shots,

drinks, which is where I met him.

A friend of a friend doing a vaguely similar course – we started talking.

I’m eager to try something new.

I excitedly call out to him‘SHOWER SEX!’ Romance blossomed in the Mosaic smoking area, and fuelled with a few more drinks, I was ready to hit the dance�loor. Fast forward a couple of hours, and we’re climbing into a taxi.

Next thing I know I’m in his bath-

room – and then I notice the biggest shower I have ever seen, a n d having never had shower sex, I’m eager to try something new. I excitedly call out to him: “SHOWER SEX!” – and then before he can even answer, set about taking off my clothes.

In my drunken mind this is all very �lirtatious and funny, but in hindsight it’s more than a little bit weird. And things are about to get weirder. So, the shower is on, things are happening, and I realise that our skin is all wet and feels a bit rubbery.

It is this exact moment that I decide to share my revelation: I want to know if it’s just me that thinks this? Has he noticed? Is this normal? My drunken brain can’t quite �ind the words to vocalise my thoughts – so before I could even stop myself, I made dolphin noises. Repeatedly.

It has been a year and I still haven’t found the courage to venture back into sexy showering – I think I’ll just stick to the bed.

Sexeter confessions

I lost my virginity doggy style whilst watching Saw... and I kind of liked it.

My boyfriend’s parents got back from walking their dog and asked him if there had been something green in his bin that the dog might’ve eaten and consequently pooped out. Turns out it was an apple-flavoured condom from the night before…

My ex was proud enough of his school football trophies to still have them displayed on a shelf over his bed. One particularly adventurous move saw me crashing my head against this shelf, sending trophies tumbling down and giving myself mild concussion as a hefty "Most Improved Player" collided with my skull.

Safe to say no-one scored that day.

I had a great night with a German guy who could hardly speak English, but the next morning when he came back up to my room sipping Robinsons squash out of my largest saucepan, I started to seriously question my life choices.

One of my ex girlfriends liked me to bark like a dog during sex.

The first time I went down on a guy, he kept pushing my head down and I ended up chundering on his dick.

I was approached by two middle aged married men in a nightclub... guess what for? I went home with them and even though I wasn’t in France, I still got to see the Eiffel Tower...

Once, a girl jumped up during sex and chundered on my manly, hairy chest.

LIFESTYLE

Written in the stars

19

Lucien Fulcher, our resident astrologist, rubs his crystal ball(s) to predict what’s in store for Lifestyle readers this week...

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, make the most of your wonderful day, drink and be merry – It’s not every year you get one, remember! Avoid salami and other charcuterie for your wellbeing though.

larly in the coming month.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) Ahhh fishhead, a solitary Valentine’s Day is nothing to worry about, it’s good practice for the rest of year. Ice cream and wine will get you through.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22) It is completely possible that handsome men come flocking to you in the coming weeks, showering you with gifts, kisses and compliments.

Don’t bet your student loan on it though.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) Do please try to control your unruly mischievous streak this week – the stars indicate that he who causes trouble shall receive it double. Lucky flower: snowdrop.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) There is a strong suggestion from the heavens that a friend of yours is in grave peril this week, so make sure to rigorously protect everyone you know at all times.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20) A new hairstyle will help lift you out of the gloom which may have settled upon you over the weekend. Undercuts are very, very out, but a subtle jewel tone would really look snazzy.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22) Who would have thought this Valentine’s Day, the first time you actually had someone to go out with, would have gone so spectacularly well?! Congratulations you jammy minx!

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22) An unexpected victory may fill you with confidence, but remember that pride before a fall cometh.

Humility is attractive, and may get you further, particu-

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22) How appropriate that, in spite of all your best efforts, the Virgo didn’t get any on the 14th! What a shame, but hey ho, there’s always next year.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) Jupiter crosses Pluto as it wobbles its way through your celestial segment, meaning you are likely to either suffer from wind or be accidentally decapitated this week.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) Your Valentine’s Day could have been better, admittedly, but it could also have been a lot worse – although there was possibly more phlegm than you had envisioned at least there was no crying.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) Mid-February is traditionally a time to try new things, so give something new a go! If not, carry on being the same tedious individual. Lucky Monopoly Property: Vine Street.

20

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MUSIC Friday 20 February Dusky The Lemon Grove Friday 20 February Magic Hatstand’s QUIRK Cavern Friday 20 February Mamozets The Fleece, Bristol Friday 20 February Rachel Sermanni The Birdcage, Bristol Monday 23 February Deerhoof Motion, Bristol Tuesday 24 February Mahatma presents Bulletproof Bomb Cavern Tuesday 24 February Two Gallants and Theo Verney Thekla, Bristol Wednesday 25 February King Charles Exeter Phoenix Friday 27 February POND The Fleece, Bristol Monday 2 March NME presents Fat White Family O2 Academy, Bristol Monday 2 March This is the Kit Colston Hall, Bristol

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Interview: The Stranglers

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Tristan Gatward, Music Editor, talks Leonard Cohen, the ‘artistic’ uses of heroin and strapping journalists to the Eiffel Tower with The Stranglers’ frontman Baz Warne HAVING celebrated their 40th anniversary last year, The Stranglers are probably the most proli�ic and respected band from the UK’s punk era. Don’t try and argue, I only said “probably,” and I’m also not wrong. I caught up with the youngest member of the veteran rockers, lead singer and guitarist Baz Warne, from his home in Sunderland.

It was all about shock value, from the music to the journalism to the TV What do you think of interviews nowadays? I read that back in the 1970s you were strapping journalists to the Eiffel Tower.

Well I’ve only been in the band for 15 years, but that’s fucking long enough.

Interviews are a different animal now, but not as different as you’d think if we were to encounter anybody now who was as extreme as people used to be. A lot of it was all about shock value, from the music to the journalism to the TV. Culturally, journalists could be as unpleasant as the bands - seeking their scoops and trying to wind people up. But yeah, that one journalist, from what I’ve heard, was just a twat. So the guys took him up to the Eiffel Tower, jumped on him, pulled his trousers down and gaffer taped him to it… And then just fucked off and left him for the Japanese tourists. From what I gather he absolutely deserved it. I think they kissed and made up a few years later though, but he needed to be taught a lesson and in those days that was the way to do it. I mean what was that, 1979?

Do that now and you’ll probably get a very different reaction.

Oh absolutely, it’s not for the want of trying, I’m sure. We have our moments, not so much from the media, but we still get people coming to gigs who want to try it on, throw things, strip down and so on. I

mean, I’m the youngest member of the band by 12 years and I’m still fucking 50. We’re not kids anymore but once in a while you gotta make an example out of someone and it’s tremendous fun to do that. We haven’t done it for many a year, but we’d think nothing of pulling somebody out the audience and making a tit of them.

A review on Rocksucker said words to the effect of “if Giants was released by one of these new dreamrock bands, people would be raving about it.” There’s a bitter irony in that, with your line-up effectively being a ‘new’ Stranglers.

There is, there is. When we do gigs, and certainly when we do festivals, all those bands you mention are standing at the side of the stage with their mouths open saying, this band’s been together for 40 years, let’s see how it’s done. But if you’re talking about any band like that in 40 years I’d be very surprised.

One of the tracks on Giants, ‘Time Is Not On My Side,’ isn’t the most optimistically named. In terms of sound, though, it kind of rolls back to Parklife-era Blur.

Yeah, they’re JJ Burnel’s lyrics. I remember him actually driving home from somewhere and shouting them down the phone to me via bloody Bluetooth, or whatever it was,

telling me to write them down. I mean, we often say, in terms of career and in life, that there’s a lot less left in front of us than there is behind us, and I think it’s just a general statement that time is maybe not so much with us now.

But juxtaposing as you say - there are those Blur elements to it, and quite a happy riff - I think it’s a fun thing to do, to make you think.

People thought they’d just gone up their own arses, and in many respects they had Well I’m a big fan of Leonard Cohen, so no stranger to downbeat lyrics.

Oh I love old Len. He’s something else isn’t he? I’ve never seen him live but I’ve met a lot of people who’ve worked with him. He’s a special treasure.

How do you go about songwriting? I heard that for The Gospel according to Meninblack in 1981 the band was taking heroin as an “artistic decision” for what is probably now the world’s best UFO-related record.

I think JJ Burnel would happily get down on his knees and kiss your feet for saying that. It’s his favourite album, I think it’s very underrated. We’re actually exploring it now and doing a few of the songs on this next tour which I’ve never played before.

Lis-

tening to it as a whole piece you can hear they were all smacked out of their tits. It’s a very whacky thing and didn’t sell that well. People thought they’d just gone up their own arses and in many respects they had.

I was asked to join partly for my songwriting, to see if JJ and I could form a partnership the way that him and Hugh had. When I was asked to write ‘Dutch Moon,’ they were expecting me to do something punky and raucous, so naturally I came back with a skewed love ballad. I mean, with regards to songwriting these days, you’ve got the technology where you can sing anything into your phone, and the quality is staggering. JJ and I sat together over a couple of weeks with a dozen bottles of red wine and an acoustic guitar, and eventually found some ideas that could be used as songs.

How do you choose which songs to play from the old and the new?

We’re dead-set against this thing becoming a nostalgia trip, and a lot of bands who were playing around the same time and who’ve got back together are simply touring for the nostalgia, the cash and the crack.

But then they don’t all have 17 studio albums to fall back on.

Yeah, that’s exactly right. And it’s important to remember that The Stranglers are one of the only bands from that era to have never broken up.

They’ve been together since 1974 and so, as you say, have a massive back catalogue to choose from. On the forthcoming tour, I think we’ve got eight ‘new era’ songs that mix and blend in with the old ones. There are songs that you have to play, the ‘Golden Brown’s and the ‘No More Heroes,’ but I don’t understand bands that come in only wanting to play their hits.

The Stranglers are embarking on their March On tour, and stopping off at Bristol’s O2 Academy on 19 March. I’ll see you there. Hits or otherwise, it’ll be a show to remember. Plus, if you’re a frog, it’s all very well jumping from lily pad to lily pad, but it’s the water that keeps you �loating.

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Interview

From cats to cathedrals

Pavel Kondov, Online Music Editor, talks to Vince Cavanagh from Scouse rockers Anathema about experimentation, their love for the West Country and rocking out in a cathedral

IT’S one of those sunny winter mornings that are so cold that everything stands still – the perfect weather to enjoy Liverpool art rockers Anathema.

My call �inds Vincent Cavanagh (lead vocals, guitar) at his home in Paris, but we kick off the interview with the most pertinent topic – their upcoming acoustic show at Exeter Cathedral.

“Playing in cathedrals is really special to us as big worshippers of reverb,” Vincent begins. “The acoustics in cathedrals are unlike anything else you have experienced. What you need to remember about these places is that they are not only temples of worship, but also temples of sound. They were built acoustically to carry the sound of the choir and the organ right across the entire space.”

We don’t write music for fans - you have to have faith in yourself Vince is audibly excited about the act of playing in cathedrals, pausing only occasionally to fend off the attacks of his pet cat. “You have to play slightly differently in a cathedral where you can sometimes get very long reverbs and you risk it becoming muddy, so it’s a considerable technical challenge. It’s also a very special thing for us personally. Our music has an almost confessional side to it. Interacting with the

audience and hearing them sing our words in a cathedral makes the experience rather solemn.”

It often seems that tour managers have collectively decided we at Exeter can’t have nice things, but in a pleasing turn of events Exeter is one of the only four dates chosen for this tour. “Exeter and that part of the country is pretty special for us - we’ve lived and recorded in the area at different points of our careers. The architecture of Exeter is stunning and this particular cathedral is a perfect location to get everybody down.”

Anathema are not strangers to putting their music in very different settings. Their latest live DVD was performed by a 26-piece string orchestra in a Roman Amphitheatre in Plovdiv, Bulgaria. “It was months of planning in advance, not only with us scoring all the parts for the orchestra, but with technical crews working on the stage construction, lightning show, stage décor, etc. If you’re going to play in such a beautiful ancient place, you might as well put a tonne of work and money into it.”

That the same songs can work in a traditional rock band setting, a string orchestra, and an acoustic show is a testament to the quality of their songwriting. “For this tour for example, songs that we originally wrote on acoustic guitars or the piano are pretty much obvious choices. But we also worked on the title track of our

last album ‘Distant Satellites’ which is completely electronic and it works beautifully as an acoustic piece. The key thing is to try lots of different things and only do live what absolutely works.”

Playing in cathedrals is really special to us as big worshippers of reverb Anathema are one of those rare breeds of band that have been evolving through their entire career. Starting out as a doom/death metal band, they transitioned into what can loosely be de�ined as a more melancholic Pink Floyd. “For us, it happened naturally and gradually. We were very interested in experimentation already when we were feeling our way around the music as kids. Our early stuff included a song we did entirely in reverse, some psychedelia, spoken word sections, classical sounding moments and other things you wouldn’t associate with metal. Experimenting has always been the crucial part of our sound, and heaviness just one aspect of it.”

Metal fans, however, are notoriously averse to change, so I can’t help wondering if they were worried about losing fans. “We don’t write music for the fans. To be any kind of writer – to push and challenge yourself, to change and keep evolving – you have to have

How to Write: the perfect love song

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faith in yourself. You can’t allow what other people want of you to be an obstacle to your creativity. If your audience wants to come with you that’s �ine, and if they don’t – that’s �ine as well.” This attitude to art and change has very much become part of who Anathema are. Like a handful of other bands, you would be disappointed if Anathema pulled an AC/DC and released the same record over and over again.

But parallel to Anathema’s transformation, the music market has also been changing a lot in the past 25 years. I wonder what Vince makes of the current landscape. “What I love about the industry today is that so much more emphasis is placed on the direct relationship between bands and their audience. That authentic humility and mutual respect between human beings is just brilliant, and the mutual recognition to the fact that you are all just fucking people. Just because you can play the guitar and put a record out doesn’t mean you are any more special than anyone else.”

We round things off with a message from Vince for our readers. “Come down to Exeter Cathedral - I guarantee it will be something you have never heard before. We’ve put a lot of work and preparation in it and we hope to see you all there – take care!”

Anathema play Exeter Cathedral on 5 March.

coa, d co co, n a s lo k chic e’s a o, nilla over, sh slow m a v e e k m i l ’r m o I “ fr n ou e ther ke y ing o Whe m danc ck me li e fu .”

I like ome on osed to p p u So c s e - Blu

Let each verse address a weak point in your relationship. Better to air your infidelity via song than have her find out over Facebook.

Adopt a violent alter-ego. See Eminem and/or Justin Bieber.

To be adored, rhyme your metaphors. The easiest way to do this is to align yourself with a grocery item and your loved one with a condiment. Bear in mind that it’s far more sexual if the food item and condiment don’t regularly accompany one another: You’re the ketchup, I’m the scallop. The pepper to my cheddar. You’re mayonnaise, I’m tomato puree etc. etc.

When in doubt add in an “uh,” a “hubba hubba” or a “that’s what your mum said.” Sensual game = strong.

Avoid the word ‘love’, it’s hack. Adopt a more mysterious, enigmatic persona. ‘Abide’, ‘tolerate’ or ‘swallow’ are far sexier.

Once the song is written, organise an ostentatious performance. Nothing says ‘I abide you’ better than break-dancing, fire eating dwarves.

Prepare to die alone.

- Sarah Gough, Arts Editor

21

Old New Borrowed Blue I’ve been reliably Hello again.

The informed that this week heralds the last time you arrival of Exeposé’s sex heard from me you edition. It will come were confronted as little surprise to mostby of you that those on high have a hoard of sinisterly imbestowed upon me the sole posed cutouts of my face. responsibility for providing this I section am neither responsible with some much-needed sex appeal.

For once however, for, nor party to, the massmy own libido shall not be the centre distribution of my face. I of attention. Instead I’m going to am leduptosome believe that serve saucy songs your ears ittoiserect integral to and the set your loins a-quiver.

artistic vision of Exposé music, andOld: Marvin Gaye student media as Let’s Get It On a I’d like to think I’ve made whole.

Therefore, I a habit little of picking relatively have choice but obscure to contracks for you to discover. Howevsent.

You my er, this timehave around, I’msincerest giving the nod to the most potently apologies. Noneteless,sexual we track press in existence. all honesty must on. I In have plenty though, if you’ve ever had anyofthing festive shove othercheer than antoironic sexual encounter this track may down yourtoears and then limited cupid have mercy on your soul. column inches in which to do it. D’Angelo - Sugah Daddy New: D’Angelo dropped Black Messiah

at the end of last year from absoOld nowhere. It’s his first album Alutely Spaceman Came Travelfor over 14 years, and it’s bloody ling – Chris de Burgh fantastic.

In keeping with the theme , this is one guy who Apparently, in an inter-crams his music with buckets of sex. I view, Chris de Burgh said mean literally kegs of the stuff. he wrote this song after wondering would Borrowed: what Nelly it Furtado x Timbaland Promiscous have been like– if the star (Dr. Fresch remix) of Bethlehem had been a Just your run of the mill house respacecraft.

We feel you, hash. Whilst the remix itself may Chris.

Screw the festivities; be rather lackadaisical, vitally it retains of the best chat-up it’s timeone someone tackled lines in pop-history: the burning issues.

“Roses are red, some diamonds are blue, chivalry is dead, but you’re

¬New still kinda cute.”

This has never and will never work Clark – Winter Linn on any human being with any Insemblance the absence of any decent of a pulse.

Nevertheless I implore you to try it. new Christmas songs, Go I on, please. figured I’d settle for something winterBlue: Blue - We’ve Got themed.

Tonight This track lifted from Clark’s You may be more accustomed to their popisn’t baleponymousjaunty album lads ‘All Rise’ and ‘One Love,’ the best one on there, but but these same merry loit’s the one that’syou most tharios also brought the immortal words to the left. about winter. ApI’m not sure what’s worse, the parently a “linn” is a drastic rhyming or the blatant waterfallActually, or precipice.

Bet misogyny. it’s definitely the misogyny. you didn’t

know that?

Borrowed

Same old Shikari

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So seductive

Hannah Butler, News Editor checks out Enter Shikari’s new LP Enter Shikari The Mindsweep 19 January 2015

THREE years to the day since the release of A Flash Flood of Colour, Enter Shikari’s latest album leaves us humbled, confused and exhilarated – but then, we wouldn’t expect anything less from the electronicore band from St Albans.

From the outset, The Mindsweep is urgently exciting. “Alas, that means you,” Rou tells us, as his opening spiel whips us into a frenzy – shit, am I about to start a revolution on the way to my 9am?

The momentum continues with ‘The One True Colour’ and ‘The Last Garrison.’ Powerfully melodic and euphoric, this is classic throw-yourhead-back-and-scream-to-the-sky

territory.

Nevertheless, the album doesn’t reach its peak without a few stumbles. ‘Anaesthetist’ sees Rou apparently channelling Example before descending into an angry, shouty mess, while ‘Never Let Go Of The Microscope’ sounds repetitive and disjointed. Still, who else could reference Socrates and Hippocrates in the �irst few breaths of a post-hardcore record? It’s all wonderfully Shikari.

Not marking any obvious turning point, it’s hard to see what ‘Interlude’ brings to the mix: the thrillingly soft, sassy openings of ‘Myopia’ and ‘Torn Apart’ re-emerge in ‘The Bank Of England,’ along with enough vaguely political lines to make us feel desperately angry about something, even if we’re not sure what. I’m sure there’s some deep, intellectual reason for an interlude, though - I’ll have to Google it.

Things do seem to disintegrate towards the end, and even ‘The Bank of England’ loses its allure when the sexy drawls and jazzy riffs dissolve into a screaming match. Disappointed when our seductively smart conversation partner suddenly turns psycho, we’re edging away, muttering: “you’ve lost it, mate” – to be chased by the furiously repeti-

23

Exepose Music writers put their noggins together to present to you, our readers, the sexiest lyrics about the town. Thank us later.

tive ‘There’s A Price On Your Head,’ which sounds a lot like a poorly planned rant on class divisions.

She said, “I got plenty of what you need. Put the spoon down honey, come on, let mama feed you” Prince - ‘Illusion, Pimp & Circumstance’

Shit, am I about to start a revolution on the way to my 9am?

Give me crack and anal sex. Take the only tree that’s left and stuff it up the hole in your culture.

Leonard Cohen - ‘The Future’

However, the penultimate ‘Dear Future Historians…’ pulls in just enough angst and melancholy to ful�il the criteria of Shikari’s token “quiet one.” The piano harmonies are hauntingly elegant, and the track sounds surprisingly personal. It’s all quite touching, really.

The Mindsweep sees Shikari taking a dizzying number of new directions, with a few wrong turns along the way. Yet the balance between rage and euphoria just about keeps us hooked, and there are enough solid anthems to make the album brilliant. Rou’s doing his best to show there’s “still air in my lungs, still blood in my veins” – and yep. I’m convinced they’ve still got it.

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, you make everything groovy, wild thing.

The Troggs - ‘Wild Thing’ I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie. There’s nothing left to talk about unless it’s horizontally.

Olivia Newton-John - ‘Physical’ Then that goes in there & then it’s over. Oh, what a hell of a show but what I want to know: what exactly do you do for an encore? ‘Cos this is hardcore.

Pulp - ‘This is Hardcore’

Reviewed //Amber Run

Following their return to Cavern, Ted Mahon sees how these Northerners fare for round two, ding ding ding

NOTTINGHAM’S latest Indie Rock band Amber Run visited Exeter Cavern on a Sunday evening to the delight of their loyal following. It was the second time in a year Amber Run have played in Exeter, with frontman Joe Keogh rekindling his fond memories of the city.

I was fortunate enough to be at the gig last year and Keogh kindly reminded the boisterous audience of how that last gig at Cavern was the �irst time they had performed an encore.

Despite it being absolutely freezing outside, on the inside it was noth-

ing of the sort. A Sunday night may not have been the ideal time to gig, but regardless of the weather, and the looming presence on monday, punters were visibly excited and raucous for Amber Run. While an album release is not expected until later this year, the audience were well accustomed to many of their songs which have been released in a string of EPs for the last 18 months or so.

The band began their set with the beautiful and poignant ‘I Found’ at �irst in a capella, before layering in more

sounds. The mahogany session of this song has been widely praised and the band clearly have a strong connection to this song.

Amber Run have been building up a following with their witty social media action, and this translated in Keogh’s banterous interaction with the crowd; refreshing as relatively new bands often lack such stage con�idence. But it’s not just their stage chat that was rousing. The band have a great way of moving the audience with their lyrics, leading up to a climax

with the drums, guitars and keys. The lead singing was faultless whilst the backing singers added good depth and variety. Amber Run worked their way through a series of familiar songs, such as ‘Pilot’, ‘Heaven’, ‘Just my Soul Responding’ and ‘Little Ghosts,’ which the crowd thoroughly enjoyed. A couple of new tunes were played too which were warmly received, exciting even more anticipation for the future album release. The set �inished on ‘Spark’ with the catchy and feel good line of “Let the light in, let the light in” being sung non-stop for a minute or so after the song �inished- clearly one of their strongest.

Amber Run are going places Just as last year, an encore was asked for which the band responded to without any delay. Amber Run come across as con�ident but humble with a tremendous love for their music. This

was emphasised by their �inal song, ‘Noah’. A mixture of thought provoking lyrics and a rousing instrumental ended in a tremendous and passionate sound. It was clearly a crowd favourite and one which the loyal audience associates most with Amber Run.

The lead singing was faultess whilst the backing singers added good depth and variety The crowd left in high voices and spirits and wanting for more. Amber Run are going places. Last year, around half of Cavern watched this new and interesting band. This year it was sold out. Having been widely supported by some of the big radio stations, they have an exciting future ahead of them.

It was thoroughly entertaining gig and one which left the audience wanting one thing- a release of Amber Run’s long overdue album.

24

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SCREEN Newsreel

biopic BAFTA award winners Danny announced Boyle’s latest project on the life of the Apple founder has been dealt a bIIlow Last Di week Caprio sawannounces the capital his play resighost to thethe EErole.

BAFTA thehe nation from Theawards, actor says nal ceremony beforefrom theacting Oscarsinisfitaking a period away concludes the awards season on 22nitely.

February.

Richarddrops Linklater’s defi Di Caprio out Boyhood was the biggest winner, ofnetting Jobs awards biopicin the Best Picture, Bestlatest Director Danny Boyle’s projectand on Best Actress (Pathe lifeSupporting of the Apple founder tricia categories. has beenArquette) dealt a blow Di Caprio Meanwhile, Hawkannounces his Stephen resignation from ingrole. biopic Theory the TheThe actor saysof heEverything is taking a won awards foracting outstanding Britperiod away from indefinitely. ish Film and Eddie Redmayne’s depiction of the genius physicist earned him the Best Actor Award.

Other major winners included Julianne Moore for Best supporting actress in Only Alice and J K Simmons for Best Supporting Actor in jazz drama Whiplash.

Spongebob movie rises above sea level This week has seen the big screen return of the world’s most famous talking sponge, as American Sniper amongst others were overtaken at the US box office. The Spongebob movie: Sponge out of water managed to soak up an incredible $56 million in its first weekend on release in the states, but British Spongebob fans will have to wait a bit longer to see the film, which comes out on general release in the UK on 27 March.

Two 50 Shades sequels confirmed The first in the 50 Shades saga hasn’t even been released yet, but already director Sam Taylor Johnson, E L James and stars Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have confirmed that there will be two sequels in the works: 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed, with the former supposedly scheduled to be shot in June this year and released in time for Valentine’s day 2016. For those who can’t wait that long, Fifty Shades is out in cinemas now. Well? What are you waiting for?

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Nicholas Porter questions whether the Oscars should be held in such high esteem I COULD tepidly make an argument as to why the Oscars are important: they bring cinema to the forefront of public consciousness while lending movies a kind of social prestige that allows them, on a cultural level, to be taken seriously. They give �ilm weight and import – which is awesome because �ilms are totally important. However, the nature of the Oscars – i.e. a body of authority deciding which �ilm is the “best”, creates a dif�icult question: what on earth constitutes an “authority” on �ilm?

What on earth constitutes an ‘authority’ on �ilm?

Objectivity is a dif�icult perspective to employ when it comes to cinema, seeing as there are no iron-clad rules as to what a �ilm should be; each and every �ilm is different from the last, which is why comparing them is always a task one should approach carefully. Most critics – rightfully – don’t bother. A critic, for the most part, should approach the movie on its own terms; what does it try to do, and does it succeed? There’s no need-

less comparison to other �ilms. The best criticism is always the kind which provokes a conversation, rather than seeking to provide the “correct” answer.

The problem is the Oscars don’t allow for conversation. The purpose of awards ceremonies is to compare �ilms and choose which one is best. On top of that, the prestigious status the Academy enjoys strengthens the idea that their choice is the right choice.

The real problem arises with the cumulative nature of the system – if a particular kind of movie/performance is consistently voted as superior to others, then it furthers the belief that that kind of movie/performance is culturally more valuable. The most problematic example of this dynamic is the troubling racial pro�ile of academy winners (which only serves to highlight the problems inherent in the Academy voting body, as well as the entire Hollywood system).

Even from a purely cinematic standpoint, however, the body of Oscar winners says some worrying things about what is considered valuable in the modern cinematic landscape. Live-action is worth more than animation. American �ilms are worth more than foreign �ilms. Historical bi-

opics are worth more than action- adventures. That’s all it really boils down to – worth.

What if they’re all worth something?

Here’s the thing: what if they’re

all worth something? Our sports oriented minds have us convinced that everything needs to be put in some sort of list – which is the most boring, useless way of talking about movies.

So by all means, watch the Oscars – just don’t put too much stock in them.

They’re not as important as they think they are.

ANDREW HOLLAND

My top five...

From dress malfunctions to late great Jokers, Sabrina Aziz, Copy Editor, counts down her top Oscars moments 5. J-Law falls �lat WHO could forget the time Jennifer Lawrence tripped over the stairs on one of the many frills of her highly impractical ball gown, after winning Best Actress at the 85th Academy Awards? No one, because the image of J-Law in a pool of her own silk was plastered over the internet for months.

Why? Because it was bloody hilarious.

The fact that she then ripped her dress at the SAG awards (dress design my ass) is just an unfortunate co-

incidence really.

4. Brody and Berry lock lips Adrien Brody’s steamy stage kiss with Halle Berry takes fourth place. The Pianist was a fantastic �ilm, but this unexpected smooch made it so much better.

Brody stormed the stage to pick up his Best Actor award like an absolute lad, and unashamedly snogged the hell out of Halle Berry. I’m just not sure who I’m

more jealous of…

3.Oscar diversity The 74th Academy Awards was a big year for the African American c o m m u n i t y, with both Halle Berry (there she is again, could that woman get any better?) and Denzel Washington winning the Best Actress and Best

Actor award. They made Oscar history that night: it was the �irst time that two African American actors had ever won both awards.

2. A moving tribute to Heath Ledger The 81st Academy Awards honoured the late Heath Ledger for his incredible and iconic performance as the Joker in The Dark Knight by giving him a posthumous Oscar for Best

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Gabriel Smith takes a glance at the director of Boyhood and his impressive career in �ilm so far RICHARD LINKLATER will, for a few Oscary hours, be the most well known director in the world. His Boyhood will win Best Picture, as it deserves to: it is the culmination of his work as a

Linklater has gone on to experiment with an eclectic mix of genres humanist director, one capable of observing people and their interactions without a hint of distance, satire or irony.

Linklater �irst came to prominence with 1993’s cult hit Dazed and Confused, telling of the last day of school for a group of teenagers in 1973. Not only did this launch his own career, but it also featured actors who would later go on to become global stars, such as Matthew McConaughey, Ben Af�leck, and Milla Jovovich. Now, Quentin Tarantino names it one of the ten best �ilms of all time.

Linklater has since gone on to experiment with an eclectic mix of genres, including the smash hit School of Rock, the insidious Bernie and the critically acclaimed Before trilogy, starring

Ethan Hawke and Julia Delpy.

The Before �ilms most accurately demonstrate Linklater’s various muses, which include loneliness, family, romance and the disillusionment that comes with age.

He explores these heavy themes with a light, meandering touch, shooting plainly and avoiding plot

He explores these heavy themes with a light, meandering touch, shoot-

ing plainly and avoiding plot. He prefers to just leave it out and allow space for characters to go about their ways, get drunk, hang out, fall in love and grow old.

I imagine Linklater is a man of great patience and negotiation skills.

His projects often require decades-long investment from producers and proceed against mainstream tastes, but watching his �ilms at their best is like sitting and watching the whole of life go by.

You have to be brickin’ me!

Ben Londesbrough discusses The Lego Movie’s infamous Oscar snub which left the internet fuming in protest AS we have come to expect from the Oscars, this year’s nominations stirred up a controversy or two. From the lack of nominations for Martin Luther King biopic Selma, to the abundance of nominations for war-movie American Sniper, all the way to the larger issue of diversity amongst nominees, the announcements caused the expected level of outrage and opinion. However, one snub in particular stood out - the absence of a nomination for The Lego Movie in the Best Animated Film category.

D

Unsurprisingly, the �ilm was the victim of scepticism prior to its release, with many brandishing it a glori�ied, two hour advert

Supporting Actor. Ledger’s family accepted the award on his behalf, giving an emotional and humbling speech.

1.Good Guy Cuba My top spot goes to Cuba Gooding Jr. for the most ridiculous, over the top and incredibly wonderful reaction to an Oscar win the Academy has ever seen. Cuba is incredibly lovable, and indeed he spreads the love too, assuring everybody several times that he

loves them, from his wife to his dad (Cuba the �irst) to you. He loves us all.

Unsurprisingly, the �ilm was the victim of scepticism prior to its release, with many brandishing it a glori�ied, two-hour advert. Turning a popular toy brand into a feature �ilm appeared to be a cashgrab and a ridiculous recipe for failure.

However, the product was something special, a fun and innovative �ilm carrying a message of creativity that de�ied the sceptics and was universally loved by audiences and critics alike.

This outcome is no

mean feat by directors Chris Miller and Phil Lord, for whom it seems that everything they touch turns into commercial and critical gold, taking impossible ideas (like the Jump Street series, based on a cancelled 80s TV show) and turning them into enjoyable successes.

So who, or what, is to blame for The Lego Movie’s unjust omission? It could be that the Academy’s voters, with a median age of around 62, were simply too old to enjoy such an energetic �ilm. Or, the blame could sit at the door of the institution itself, a so called democracy, which ultimately acts as a grandiose cog in the cinematic marketing machine.

To me, it seems surreal that a brilliant, original �ilm with a positive message is overlooked because it is not necessarily intended for adults or an ‘Oscars audience’. The �ilms nominated for Best Picture this year are good, some fantastic, but they are all of the same ilk - hard-hitting dramas, quirky on-the-cusp of mainstream independents, and biopics. It is possible for great animation to be applauded, with Toy Story 3 being nominated in the Animation and Best Picture categories in 2011. It is a travesty that The Lego Movie isn’t nominated for Best Animated Film, but for me, it is the fact that it isn’t nominated for Best Pic-

ture that highlights the real contention.

It is a travesty that The Lego Movie isn’t nominated for Best Animated Film The Oscars are scared of variety, reluctant to step outside the comfort zone and nominate those which aren’t the archetype, resulting in a lack of diversity. It is unfair on The Lego Movie, but thankfully the �ilm doesn’t need awards to have longevity, as it will continue to bring joy and inspire those who watch it for years to come, without a golden statue.

Agree with Ben? What other movies were unlucky to not get nominated?

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Dazed and confused in California Jack Smith took a toke on Paul Thomas Anderson’s labyrinthine Los Angeles stoner-detective �ilm Inherent Vice Director: Paul Thomas Anderson Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Josh Brolin, Owen Wilson 2015, 148 minutes

INHERENT VICE brings together two of my favourite modern American artists: Thomas Pynchon, the writer of the novel on which the �ilm is based, and Paul Thomas Anderson, director and modern American auteur.

The �ilm’s title is said to have come

from maritime law for the inability to insure certain goods, since their natural properties tend towards destruction e.g. ‘eggs break.’ Paul Thomas Anderson himself stated in an interview with Sight and Sound that he doesn’t follow the plots of movies. Similarly, one should just go along with Pynchon’s complex narratives; that’s the way you should approach this �ilm.

‘Inherent Vice’ is a good way to describe the plot. If you try too hard to work everything out, it just turns into complete chaos. The story is incredibly complex and it would take much

more space than I have to map out.

But I can say the �ilm looks amazing.

It is clear that Anderson is no longer merely brilliantly imitating his idols as Boogie Nights did with Scorsese’s Goodfellas and Magnolia with Altman’s Short Cuts.

It is clear that Paul Thomas Anderson is no longer merely brilliantly imitating his idols

The �ilm is beautifully scored by Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood as with his last two works; There Will Be Blood and The Master, all of which shine with Anderson’s cinematic voice, one which has emerged to become one of the most genuine and exciting in contemporary cinema.

Inherent Vice was also shot on old, sun damaged �ilm which adds to its hazy look, illuminating early 70s L.A. with a warm glow. At times I struggled to follow the narration because I was so engrossed in Anderson’s visuals. It often reminded me of Antonioni’s pen-

sive style of �ilmmaking - one that really gives you something to sink your teeth into.

The acting here is superb, the obvious standout being the lead Joaquin Phoenix, with a stellar supporting cast keeping the quality up throughout the labyrinthine story. In fact, I loved experiencing Pynchon’s literary and Anderson’s far-out �ilmic world so much so that I groaned as the credits rolled, not wanting to leave the theatre. I will de�initely be seeing this one again.

Would you be my Blue Valentine?

Yvette Stimson gives an alternative to run-of-the-mill rom-coms for those who are feeling a bit blue ARE we all a bit sick of rom-coms, or is that just me? They all have the same story arc, feature the same kinds of characters and end happily and ambiguously. Sometimes they might mix it up: one of the characters is poor, one of them is promiscuous… but you know they’ll still end up together in the end. If rom-coms leave you bored and bitter, how about a miserable romance story to watch on Valentine’s? (No, I’m not talking about The Notebook)

If rom-coms leave you bored and bitter how about a miserable romance story to watch on Valentine’s?

Blue Valentine is the 2010 drama directed by Derek Cianfrance, the man behind another great Valentine’s alternative The Place Beyond the Pines.

Blue Valentine isn’t quite as action-y as The Place Beyond the Pines, but it does also star Ryan Gosling, which surely is your �irst reason to watch it.

This movie tells the story of Cindy (Michelle Williams) and Dean (Ryan Gosling), a couple who married young for tenuous reasons. Rather than starting at the beginning of their love story, Blue Valentine starts in the middle of a tumultuous marriage, with Dean drinking heavily and Cindy overworking.

The timeline jumps between

their current married life, their lives before

Ghostbusters - an all female cast is set for the new incarnation of the �ilm - Ghostbusters 3, including Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig. It could be subtitled: ‘Saturday Night Live Take on the Living Dead.’ Starring Bridesmaids.

Julianne Moore - the starlet has scooped the best actress Bafta for her portrayal of Dr Alice Howland - a professor dealing with Alzheimer’s - in Still Alice.

There’s certainly Moore to come with the Oscars next week.

they met, and the start of their relationship. This makes watching their relationship crumble all the more heart breaking because moments of pain are shown interspersed between scenes of unbelievable happiness and beauty. There isn’t an obvious “bad guy” as neither character is presented as perfect, and both character’s intentions are shaky, yet well meaning.

Bittersweet moments are enhanced by hand-held, personal-feeling cinematography as well as a wonderful soundtrack featuring Ryan Gosling on a ukulele (yes, really). Moments of beautiful light and colour, particularly ones shot at night, are used to great effect.

Likewise the performances are emotive yet unpolished,

which gives the whole �ilm a kind of realism. The development of this young love and the chemistry between Gosling and Williams during the �lashbacks, is slow and there are awkward moments which make you laugh as well as ones that make you uncomfortable.

Batkid Begins - in Nov 2013 a section of San Francisco was turned into ‘Gotham City’ for a day for a �ive-year-old cancer patient, Miles Scott to grant his wish to become batkid. Now there might be a �ilm as well. Lovely story.

Spongebob Squarepants - the affable Bikini Bottom resident has taken to the screen like a sponge to water, taking out American Sniper. It’s really great to see U.S patriotism overshadowed by a talking sponge. Spongebob

Heartbreaking because moments of pain are interspersed between scenes of unbelievable happiness and beauty Maybe this �ilm isn’t one to watch if you’re feeling down about being single this Valentine’s day, but if you feel like watching a gritty romance story, this is one of the best.

What’s hot and what’s not in this week’s news?

The Hunger Games - the Lionsgate CEO has already suggested a sequel or prequel for the �ilm franchise. Is it just me, or shouldn’t Suzanne Collins’ books precede the �ilms?

Bikini Bottom

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Ciaran Willis, Screen Editor, gives his essential guide to writing sex scenes THE Bad Sex in Fiction award was created in 1993 in order to draw attention to the poor quality of writing about sex. I suppose it’s not a prize writers necessarily want to win; but a prize is a prize I say. So I’m going to be your purveyor of bad sex writing.

Giving you the lowdown on the l o w brow. Get ready for a bumpy ride.

Here’s how to win: 1) Write about premature ejaculation “What oyster-cinder-beggar-common whore Didst thou e’er fail in all thy life before?”

This is a bit unfair, really. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, hasn’t actually won the bad sex award, being

a poet from the 17th Century. But he did write one of the best poems ever about premature ejaculation: ‘The Imperfect Enjoyment.’ Notably in the poem the narrator berates his penis, rather lengthily, over the way it has let him down when he needs it most (with a nice girl, not a whore). I like how he casts his penis as a villain, addressing it as a character removed from himself (“The rakehell villain shrinks and hides his head”).

Blank verse and a blank aim.

2) Use abstract space metaphors “We streak l i k e superheroes past suns a n d solar systems, we dive through shoals of quarks and atomic nuclei.

In celebration of our breakthrough fourth star, statisticians the world over rejoice” Manil Suri, The City of Devil.

People don’t utilise soft cheeses enough when writing about sex Manil Suri is really embracing the astronomy metaphor here, and kudos to her. I like the idea of being a sexual superhero. The batman of the bedroom, perhaps. Plus, is there a pun in ‘streak’? Anyway, the real stroke of genius is the notion of statisticians rejoicing. It’s so removed from the carnality of sex. Tremendous. Of course, I’m always making statisticians rejoice. The world over.

3) Use soft cheeses “Reaching behind me, I found the Brie and broke off a fragment, suck-

ing her nipple through it. She tasted almost as she had the day I took the drop of milk on my �inger.” Jonathan Grimwood, The Last Banquet.

Yes, as I always say, people don’t utilise soft cheeses enough when writing about sex. Here’s a prime example of how one can really add to the texture of a sex scene by adding one. It really adds a carnal feeling, highlighting as well the woman’s femininity and maternity. Of course the more dairy the better. That’s what I always say. Really milk those sex scenes people!

4) Really explore your fruit metaphors “I moved up her mouth, which

smelled of ripe melon. Not the wound-red watermelon, but the pale-green variety I had bought in Naples once, and which had grown, so I was told, on the wild coast of Barbaria” Rupert Thomson, Secrecy.

Here’s a great example of how you can use sex as a way to explore your more interesting relationship with fruit. Sex is just a way to ponder the character’s complex history with the watermelon. I like how he really gets bogged down in the semantics of the watermelon variety. This is sex through the lens of a green-grocer. Fruity stuff.

Sexy scenes - make them stop Joshua Rotchelle thinks there’s nothing sexy about literary sex scenes AH, the sex scene. Eagerly thumbed to by some, skimmed past with a horrendous cringe by others, you can guarantee that the vast majority of readers have some kind of opinion on them.

The writing population has just as much trouble getting to grips with the things, as all sorts of awkward but necessary questions come to the fore. Does writing this make my novel trashy? Where is the line between porn and ‘art’? And most overwhelmingly: just how many synonyms for ‘penis’ are there?

Even if you know your poles from your pump-sticks (and I promise you, that is a thing), it can still be dif�icult to get right. A tough issue, then. So why do people bother? No, really, what does it add?

In my opinion, most stories don’t really need the whole “sex” thing in them. Just because you have a couple of characters smitten with each

other doesn’t mean you have to have them bang like bunnies in the glorious technicolor that is your reader’s imagination.

Vague references or having them “slip into the bedroom” amidst a torrent of passionate kisses is not cheating. There is a difference between a cop-out and “sidestepping a whole world of shit.”

If you haven’t �igured it out by now, out of those two types from earlier, I am de�initely in the rushpast-and-try-not-to-puke category of sex scene readers. As far as I’m concerned, in most books, it just doesn’t work.

Just how many synonyms for ‘penis’ are there?

However, there is something even worse than a sex scene that doesn’t �it the story, and that’s a sex scene

done badly. Put simply, if you’re depicting bedroom antics in your story, you’re writing porn. There’s no nice way to say it, and there’s no excuse either. You can cry “it’s art!” all you want, but someone, somewhere will still masturbate to it. Get over it.

With that in mind, writing porn is just like writing anything else: there can be no half-measures. If you try to half-engage with it and write vague passages with the attitude of “hey, guys, isn’t this lame?” then guess what? It will be lame. Because you are being a lame writer.

That isn’t to say every sex scene has to be a super-explicit ori�ice exploration orgy: just like other kinds of porn, you can keep it “classy.” The point is, if you’re going to put it in your writing, fully commit to it.

If you need some pointers, do your homework: read some erotic �iction, because for that little passage, that’s what you’re writing.

And I mean erotic �iction, not what grandma keeps in her naughty drawer. Skip over the grey rainbow that’s just hit the cinema, and all of the copycats. There’s a whole bunch of smut out there, but if I had to sug-

gest a starting point, The Story of O is good entry-level stuff.

Someone, somewhere, will masturbate to it Some will no doubt baulk at the thought of going out and buying litporn, but frankly, if that’s you, it’s time to commit. If you’re going to write good porn passages, you need to know your stuff, and you need to get over yourself. If you don’t want to, then remember: you don’t have to.

But for crying out loud, don’t try and simultaneously tackle the issue and sidestep it. Because if I end up reading it, I may die of embarrassment on your behalf. And you wouldn’t want that on your conscience, would you?

To Kill a Mockingbird: the sequel EXEPOSÉ

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Emily Kerr asks if the sequel will be another Lee classic, or a pale imitation

WHEN I heard the news that Harper Lee was to publish her second novel, Go Set a Watchman, it left me excited and equally bemused. For decades it looked like Lee, who has always been one to avoid the public eye, was to publish but a single novel in her lifetime.

Who can blame her? To Kill a Mockingbird was a novel with the ability to stand alone, a career-de�ining publication.

The honesty with which Lee portrayed the racial tensions in the Southern States of America, along with a plethora of other social injustices, has made the bildungsroman a truly canonical piece of literature.

The thoughts of Lee’s Scout Finch, with her stark naiveté, have

exposed society’s inadequacies to many a reader. Until recent changes

by Michael Gove, the novel had remained one of the staple texts of the GCSE English syllabus and, in my opinion, completely justi�ied its place there.

So why has there been such an uproar over the publication of a second work?

Many have speculated that Lee, who had talked of never releasing another book, was pressured into the publication of this supposedly ‘lost m a n u s c r i p t .’

Rumours have been spread that at 88, her weakened state has led her to be more susceptible to the wishes of her lawyer, Tonja Carter.

Personally, I feel the cause of the commotion was due to the greatness

of the original novel. To Kill a Mockingbird has a sense of untouchability about it, that all of the author’s thoughts were beautifully captured in a single work of literary genius.

There is a sense that the previous work will be tarnished with the release of a new one.

There is a sense that the previous work will be tarnished by the new one However, what makes the new publication so intriguing is that Go Set a Watchman, which was written before To Kill a Mockingbird, is technically both a sequel and a prequel.

The origins of Harper Lee’s greatest work lie in the pages of Go Set a Watchman, which were written �irst and follow the life of an older Scout returning to her home town. The beauty of this concept is that the reader is now able to become Scout, revisiting the story years later.

There are fears that this novel, published

later in life, is set to tarnish Lee’s reputation. However, I believe that in revisiting the subject of racial inequality Lee will have a positive impact on readers who will be left, once again, to re�lect on one of the most troubling issues we face.

Lee once said: “People who write for reward by way of recognition or momentary gain don’t know what they’re doing. They’re in the category of those who write; they are not writers.” Although she seems to be going against her principles in the publication of this recently discovered novel, which is already at the top of Amazon’s bestseller list, I can safely say that Lee will always remain, not only a writer but a righter. She is a woman who has exposed the inequalities of her own nation through the subtlety and power of her writing.

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Condensed Classics To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee (1960) “The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.”

Harper Lee’s classic novel won multiple awards, led to an Oscar winning film, and named a Beckham (supposedly). Told from the perspective of Scout, a precocious 6-year-old girl, the story is focused both on the legal defence of a black man against unfair charges by her heroic father, lawyer Atticus Finch, and the misadventures Scout and her older brother Jem encounter as they struggle to cope with the prejudices and anger contained within Alabama in the Great Depression.

ALEX DAVIES

In defence of: Mills & Boon

Gareth Roberts sees beyond the trash in the low-brow romance novels

THERE’S probably something patronising about me writing in defence of Mills & Boon novels, the erotic novel imprint that has been publishing for over 100 years. I don’t read them myself, and I �ind them badly written. The style is often jerky and the sex scenes, when they inevitably happen, are horrendously overwritten a n d d i s play a knowledge of psychology typical of a 12-yearold. The plots are also entirely ridiculous, largely because they are simply a background to the romance, and both the writer and audience

are not that interested in them. They feature stock characters, particularly weird, ultra-masculine heroes. They will never improve, largely because the audience do not want them to.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t, on some strange level, admire them. The fact is that writing them takes a great deal of skill.

Mills & B o o n n o v els are written by people who are looking for comfort, and it is very dif�icult to make novels comforting.

Indeed, romances are so formulaic as novels that a writer has to be unbelievably creative to avoid re-

cycling the same plot over and over again. It takes a great degree of skill to actually do this, and few people acknowledge the �lexibility romance novelists display in overcoming this problem.

Everyone likes low-brow trash on some level And it’s not really fair to criticise the writing. Sex writing is notoriously dif�icult to get right and often turns out badly. John Updike, a writer who won two Pulitzer prizes and is hailed as one of the greatest of the 20th century, was regarded as extraordinarily bad at writing about sex. Yet Updike’s occasional purple prose is ignored as an indulgence of a great novelist. If more literary writers are to be given free reign to indulge in purple prose, then why not genre writers? The answer is snobbery, and ignores the fact that most romance novelists do a very good job

at avoiding it.

It is hypocritical to complain about people reading romance novels.

E v e ryone likes l o w brow trash on some level. I, for instance, love Perry Mason novels from the mid 1930’s,

The sex scenes are horrendous which were described by Julian Symonds as being notable for having plots “as clever as a watch mecha-

nism... and also the total lack of characterization.” I know these novels are not very good, but I s t i l l r e a d them.

T h e fact is that people read trash knowing that it’s trash. Readers of romance novels are as aware as anyone else that what they’re reading is no good, but they enjoy it. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to read it? There is no justi�ication for sneering at the readers of romance novels. They may be reading garbage, but it’s garbage no worse than that everyone else enjoys.

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Arts Diary Art Gabriella Hoad @ Phoenix 12 January - 7 March

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Fiona Potigny and Matthew Newman discuss Paul McCarthy’s controversial sculpture currently causing outrage in the streets of Paris LAST October, Paul McCarthy erected his “Tree” in Paris, a visual antonym of abstract expressionism with its paredback and foliage-free take on the arboreal yuletide symbol. Or, rather, rejecting the obvious pre-adornment of “Christmas,” McCarthy’s bare “Tree” revels in geometric abstraction to the point that it rejects all Noël connotations, simplifying the form (and thus the holiday) to the point that festive pleasures are replaced by the base, the evergreen almost seeming to take the form of a… No, it can’t be.

canvases (Rauschenberg) and unmade beds (Emin). Working them out is a complex puzzle of logic.

Yet even in the city of amour, the Moulin Rouge and a “mechano-phallic tower”, right-wing activists still couldn’t stand the sight, vandalising the piece, leaving it to de�late towards �laccidity in the public eye.

WHEN two armed terrorists attacked the headquarters of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in January of this year, killing 12 people, the world was forced to come to the defence of free speech.

Demonstrations took place in capital cities - global leaders converged in Paris in solidarity and even cel ebri t i es – yay,

The work is clearly a contemporary appropriation of Brâncușian sculpture: what is real is not the appearance, but the idea, the essence of things. So whilst, to the untrained eye, it might appear a... Mantra-like, we can chant the words of the artist - why, it is a “deep re�lection on the very existence of objects as a means of expression in itself” – countless times, po-faced and observing the giant in�latable quizzically, but the only “plurality of meaning” we will �ind is the following: a Christmas tree and a butt plug.

While others stress in the quest for the beautiful, he’s busy scratching a penis into the desk

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MUSIC 20-23

Sure, we can shroud the work in aurally-pleasing yet nonetheless hollow explanation to make ourselves feel better, but as you can’t polish a turd (an apt comparison for the scatalogically-inclined artist), you can’t call an anal plug a Sapin de Noël. But that’s why there’s everything to love about Paul McCarthy: his work is that blunt – a literal “up yours!”

Contemporary art these days is often a rush to the bottom. We’re subsequently left to scratch our heads looking at tomato soup (Warhol), white

>>”Tree” PAUL MCCARTHY McCarthy chose not to revive it, however, claiming it was a “joke”, pure and simple. These works are not to provoke, but simply for the laughs.

With Santa’s Sac, Dick and Broom and Giant In�latable Poop all within his repertoire, he’s the art world’s mischievous schoolboy. Whilst others stress in the quest for the beautiful, he’s busy scratching a penis into the desk with a compass or drawing oversized boobs and Adam-and-Evestyle foliage onto ladies in newspapers. What McCarthy does is make the naughty universally accessible and allows us to have a little giggle at it too.

FIONA POTIGNY

celebrities! – rushed to play their very public part in the de�iance. We were all Charlie, whipping out our hashtags in the name of freedom.

It was the beautiful moment that sprang from the worst of tragedies, the liberal West coming together with two �ingers up to those who dared try to sabotage its values.

Look back a few months, to October in Paris, the location of the attack.

Erected, 24-metres high, amongst the historic and graceful landscape of the city, was an in�latable green statue

by American artist Paul McCarthy simply titled “Tree.” The thing – the thing that horri�ied a great number of Parisian citizens – was that this ‘tree’

looked very much like a butt plug. A harmless, oft-pleasurable sex toy?

God forbid! Sacré Bleu! Mass conservative outrage meant it lasted a mere day. It lay, de�lated and slumped on the ground, after vandals had cut the ropes holding it up in the middle of the night, a sorry symbol of the artistic freedom that was to be so vigorously championed in the months to come.

Widespread indignation over the issue of free speech is an arbitrary occurrence This was after 69-year-old McCarthy, known for his penchant for the controversial, was slapped in the face repeatedly at the work’s unveiling. Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo did come out and condemn these violent actions, stating emphatically that “art has its place in our streets and nobody will be able to chase it away.”

But where was everyone else? I’m sure that enough people were angry, and that tweets and articles were written, but where were the world leaders? Where was George Clooney on the red carpet with his “I am McCarthy” badge? Granted, I am exaggerating here, and am not trying to compare the loss of a statue with the murder of twelve innocent people.

Nor am I making light of such an attack. But the point stands. It seems that widespread indignation over the issue of free speech is an arbitrary occurrence, only seen at moments of tragedy, or, more cynically, when the opportunity for good publicity arises.

The sad fact is that art, and especially sexually-orientated art like “Tree,” is not deemed valuable enough to care about. Until we begin to stand up for freedom of speech each time and in every form it is threatened, what’s the point? Because, even in the wake of the #JeSuisCharlie movement, it will not be long before the next artistically rendered dildo is left �laccid by mob-censorship.

MATTHEW NEWMAN

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Paint me like one of your French girls www.exepose.com

Katharine Costello considers the use of the female nude as a subject of art IT’S almost surprising that art galleries don’t come with a warning considering how much nudity is contained in their walls. Films and TV shows are censored for scantily clad sex scenes, yet when paint and paper is involved, private parts are no obstacle. Women tend to be the subjects in these works, with bare breasts pencilled in, far more often than their male equivalents. But should we complain about this exploitation and objecti�ication of women? Or is this nudity necessary to really understand humankind?

Whilst there is some level of male nakedness, the female form has been analysed in far greater depth in the art world. True, the Ancients seemed to constantly have their kit off, with the men bearing all until they were covered up by those notoriously funloving Victorians. Classical sculptors left their subjects “as God intended them” in order to highlight their heroism – I’ll leave you to imagine how that was achieved. Women in the Ancient world weren’t subjected to this level of revelation,

and it wasn’t until the end of the Medieval Period, with the start of the Renaissance, that Christian rule relaxed, and the female form was set down in paint.

The vast majority of artists focus almost solely on the female sex Nudity was perhaps best portrayed during the Vienna Secession by the likes of Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele. Schiele, in particular, focused on what lay underneath the bustles and corsetry with his almost pornographic paintings using harsh lines to trace sickly coloured limbs. His collections are notable not just for their sexual nature, but also for the remarkable gender equality in his work. His habit of painting self-portraits means that both

men and women are equally represented, with all of them subject to his unforgiving look at the roughest sides of the human form. Yet, this critical observation of the body informs us not just of the physical form, but also of the mental, with the emaciated �igures and jagged bone structure re�lecting some of the misery he seemed to see in the people of the city. Schiele is an exception to the rule. The vast majority of artists focus almost solely on the female sex.

So, are the impossibly perfect pictures by Botticelli really so different from the airbrushed magazine covers feminists complain about today?

The Birth of Venus may seem to be far loftier than page three, but in reality, how different are they?

The Renaissance artists’ obsession with uncovering women

often gave little extra impact to their message. The nudity failed to underline the point they were making, and seems instead to be there for lecherous purposes. So, should we defend this objecti�ication and utilisation of the female body?

Perhaps art needs to take a responsible attitude. Sometimes nudity is necessary – to see the inside more clearly, maybe we have to really observe the outside. But, where the naked female form is used simply as a decorative feature, perhaps we should call out these great historical painters, and ensure that modern art takes a more progressive look at gender and the human body.

ARTS

31

Artistic Licence As you may have guessed, this is ‘The Sex Issue’ and we’re holding a PHOTO COMPETITION. As Sarah Lucas proves in her Saatchi Gallery exhibition (below) there is nothing sexier than an erect cucumber.

We asked you for a shot of your fridge contents doing sexy things:

“This requires some sort of hot wet hole caption” FRAN LOWE

Lavanyaa Rhaasa Jo Caul�ield: Uninformed Opinions Exeter Phoenix 8 Feb 2015

UNAPOLOGETICALLY “cruel to be kind” - as her 2010 show at the Edinburgh Festival was entitled - Jo Caul�ield simply doesn’t hold back.

Performing at Exeter Phoenix on the second date of her latest tour she unleashed what a Dutch man once told her was a “terrifying stream of consciousness” on our home audience.

A refreshing alternative to comedians of our generation Bitchy at best, she strives to show her audience just how the world really is. Dubbed the “Funniest Woman 2010” in the LAFTA awards, and one of “the 100 greatest stand-ups” by Chan-

Arts in the news

nel 4, and having written for �ive series of the BAFTA award-winning Graham Norton Show, Ant and Dec and others, her reputation precedes her.

Having moved to London at 17 and lived in a squat for two years, she has risen to great heights. At �irst she p l aye d drums in a dead-end Rockabilly band, but later made the signi�icant move to comedy, saving tips from waitressing to buy a mic and begin her own comedy club. The rest as they say, is history.

Sir Michael Gambon quits theatre after suffering memory loss

She certainly caters for a more mature audience, but she’s a refreshing alternative to comedians of our generation, her comedy act not revolving entirely around sex and sex alone. Concentrating mostly on couple humour, she’s not exactly your usual student gig, but her show is perhaps a more cultured way to spend an evening.

S h e gives a keen insight into the female mind and gives sound advice to men: “in order to pull just put on the listening face.”

Throughout

Gauguin painting sells for £200m - most expensive artwork of all time

the night, she came out with other gems such as, “free alcohol tastes better” and short people shouldn’t have umbrellas because “they’ll poke your eyes out.”

Blunt, vivacious and sassy Blunt, vivacious and sassy, her insults pierce both those present and absent alike, like a ri�le on automatic.

As audience member Agnis discovered yesterday when Jo cried, “what an ugly name!” and proceeded to call her ‘Agnes’ as the French do, for a more pleasant sounding tone. She encourages her audience to engage with her and then side tackles them with an insult. Nevertheless, they know what they’re in for and seem to enjoy it!

Striving to understand human nature and the difference between men and women, her blasé perspective on life will never fail to keep you guessing.

V&A raises funds to buy Cardinal Wolsey Angels, commissioned in 1524

“#ClassicCrowe” EAMONN CROWE

“Penetrate my pie” JOSH MINES

16-year-old student recreates Holocaust in Lego as art project

32

GAMES & TECH

NEWS 1-5

COMMENT FEATURES LIFESTYLE 11-13 16-19 7-9

MUSIC 20-23

SCREEN 24-27

BOOKS 28-29

ARTS 30-31

GAMES & TECH

32-35

GAMES & TECH

SPORT 36-40

16 FEBRUARY 2015 |

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Josh Creek & Adam Smith games@exepose.com

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How to use Skype to turn your �loppy disk into a hard drive Night Flowering Jasmine

AS technology has continued to develop beyond our comprehension, completely reforming the way we approach social interaction, it seems only natural that, at some point, we would use this technology in order to change the dynamic of our sexual relationships and other such endeavours.

Take Skype, for instance. Although no hard and fast survey has been completed to indicate exactly how many people are partaking of Skype sexy time, we know that Skype has over 40 million users, and that typing “Skype Sex” into Google yields 78,000 results. As a practiced participant of many a heated Skype conversation, I thought

I’d weigh in with some of my personal experiences of why, for me at least, technology can aid some of the most creative forms of sexual expression.

It was like we were making personalised porn Okay, �irst off, there are loads of situations in which I think relationships need to rely on technology to some extent. When I moved to Exeter in September it created a gap of 200 miles between my then boyfriend and I, we had to get a little more innovative with our intimacy, and Skype played a very crucial role. In fact, it probably gave us a new thrill as we knew all we had was Skype until we saw each other again. Having a kind of half dimension of being with each other really brought a whole new meaning to the whole “ab- s e n c e makes t h e heart g r o w fonder”

thing. In fact, I think my �latmates would concur that the absence between us possibly made us grow a little too fond…

Skype sex is also great as a venture into something new before, and a huge con�idence boost (because you’ll be able to see exactly what you look like on camera), but it’s mostly just really, really fun. I remember my �irst experience of having Skype sex as being possibly 20 times sexier than actually being there in the room with the guy. Everything was under my control, so I didn’t have to worry about any embarrassing, awkward mishaps.

Caught, naked, covered in Baileys - because the dude you’re Skyping has a weird alcohol fetish

cisely how to arch your back so your receiver can see you in all your glory, and how to use the lighting to create your perfect shape, there’s something awfully gratifying about watching your partner’s reaction to everything you’ve put into your little performance…

Tip: Bath shows are very effective. Bubbles are incredibly versatile.

Of course there are drawbacks. I don’t know what position is more compromising: to be caught in bed with an actual human being, or to be caught, naked, and covered in Baileys - because the dude you’re Skyping has a weird alcohol fetish - facing

a laptop screen? I can testify for the latter and say that it is in fact mortifying, but aside from potentially being caught in the act, there are some serious possibilities to consider. Just as with sexting, it is completely possible that somebody could screenshot and spread your private show or use a recording application to capture that same moment, but that shouldn’t be any reason not to use Skype or any other form of technology as a tool of sexual expression.

Be safe, and trust whoever you’re engaging in an activity that can have a digital footprint like this one. But mostly, enjoy it. You’re the actor, producer and director of this particular show.

It was like we were making personalised porn for each other. That may sound a little strange, but believe me, when you know what lingerie looks best on camera, and pre-

Artificial sex with the Cockulus Rift

Programmed penises and virtual vaginas are coming to your living room Adam Smith Games & Tech Editor

VIRTUAL reality is close to being, well, a reality. Project Morpheus, Microsoft’s new Hololens and the Oculus Rift all prophesise that eventually the images on the screen will look as real as the world when you take off the goggles. And, of course, with a new visual medium developing, developers have been trying to �ind ways to move porn onto it.

The Oculus Rift in particular seems to be the vehicle of choice for those that want to explore their fantasies in the most immersive way possible.

This is not without challenge. Gizmo-

do’s Fruzsina Eordogh explains that “At this early stage, it’s very hard to make quality adult content for VR. The porn makers �ilming live-action have to Macgyver their own VR-compatible equipment, reinvent the standard adult �ilm process, and program new processing software.”

So, in order to turn VR into VRXXX, �ilmmakers are going to have to work with entirely new processes - it is not as easy as simply copy

and pasting existing videos into the Oculus. Which leads to the question: what can be done to ensure guys and girls can get their virtual vaginas and programmed penises?

Well, on the digital side, the technology for scanning and replicating porn actresses is still progressing. Veiviev, the NSFW arm of the 3D scanning service In�inite Realities, have developed the technology to make 3D naked sculptures - still naked artwork that the wearer of the Oculus Rift would be able to walk around. Their models are the most realistic of those available at the moment. While currently having only developed female

models, Veiviev are promising to bring out male models as well. That said, I can’t say the prospect of ogling a cold sexy statue is very alluring.

At the end of the day (or the morning, or whenever you feel the need to get off), virtual reality porn is too deep in the uncanny valley to quite hit anyone’s G-spot. Consumers are going to have to stick to their regular 2D pornography for now. But in ten, 20 years, it is possible that our porn is going to be completely virtual. Some will love it, some will be disturbed by it, but we should all expect an explosive climax for Virtual Reality that’ll be happening sooner than you think.

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Jessica Stanier looks at the progress from femininity to �irewire CHANCES are, as Games & Tech readers, you’ll have seen or heard of the sitcom Silicon Valley. The show follows the misadventures of a group of Palo Alto housemates as they struggle to get their �ile compression startup, Pied Piper, off their ground. It captures the spirit of the real Silicon Valley to a tee - from the ludicrous conference bikes to the unlimited free food… and there’s not a single competent female coder in sight. That’s the face of the world’s leading tech corporations. It’s not okay.

The tech industry knows this. After releasing their diversity �igures for the �irst time last summer, the pro�iles of Silicon Valley companies were simultaneously unsurprising and disappointing. Googlers worldwide are 60 per cent white, 83 per cent male.

This by no means discredits any single employee in the tech industry - they are, after all, just well-paid cogs in the machine. However as a collective, as Facebook itself put it, the tech industry has “more work to do - a lot more.”

Indeed, a lot is being done. Google has invested $50 million on their ‘Made With Code’ campaign to instill curiosity for computer science in young girls, joining

groups such as Geekettes, Women Who Code and Young Rewired State.

I, for one, have only just scrubbed the words “STEM CAREER” off my forehead, stamped there as a girl who studied maths, chemistry and physics at sixth form.

Men are powerful allies in the �ight for a diverse tech industry But it’s not inspiration or ability that women are lacking. NCWIT reports that 74 per cent of women in tech “love their work” and yet a massive 56 per cent of women who make it in tech leave the industry within

ten years - that’s more than double the dropout rate for men. It’s no wonder that only one in �ive leadership roles are held by women. So, what’s going on? In short, it’s the culture �it.

Women have reported feeling ‘other’ compared to their male coworkers in a culture that’s “unfriendly, competitive and isolating.” However, the effect of being a minority is far more segregating than that. One Dropbox employee reported that her job interview was conducted next to “The Bromance Room” as indicated by the of�icial sign on the door.

This boys club culture is self-perpetuating.

Female-only conferences are used to keep up appearances and teach women how to deal with issues in the workplace themselves. There are too few women for the culture problems to get noticed by everyone and this further excludes those women, leading them to pursue careers elsewhere.

Getting your voice heard just isn’t easy.

Last year, the University of Colorado published a study that found that when ethnic minority or female leaders raised issues of diversity, they were penalised with worse performance ratings than their white, male counterparts. Even more frustratingly, those who spoke up from their behalf are perceived as more credible, despite their lack of �irst-hand experience

It’s not Terry’s, it’s mine

One Exeposé reader reviews her latest piece of bedroom tech Lovehoney 10 Function Dream Toy Bullet Vibrator £10 www.lovehoney.co.uk Out now

ON HAVING little luck with masturbating I decided to pluck up the courage and take the plunge in buying a

sex toy. The process was very daunting and I was not sure where to begin looking.

After hours of research I purchased my new friend the ‘Lovehoney 10 Function Dream Toy Bullet Vibrator’ in a very nice baby pink colour.

It was only a tenner and I am not going to lie, it’s pretty lush. It works just as I would like it too, hits all the right spots and is as much fun when using it with my boyfriend to enhance my climax as it is on my own, although I wouldn’t recommend that for all couples. There are some boys out there

that would be too happy at the thought t h a t their o w n

not

member needs a bit of a supplement.

Anyway, I must say, my little Lovehoney is a bit of a noisy thing- she’s giving me a run for my money.

When you order you get some Lovehoney assorted �lavoured lube so when it arrives you get a nice surprise. Mine came with chocolate or-

ange �lavour, so I’m particularly looking forward to trying it out which is a nice little bonus, really.

At the end of the day, the Lovehoney is �illing a hole in my life (or in other places) very reliably, and from your prosthetic penis, what more could you want?

in the kinds of issues being raised.

There’s an important lesson to be learnt here. Men are powerful allies in the �ight for a diverse tech industry it’s on them as well.

Only [when men value them] will these brilliant and talented women cease to be ‘female engineers’ and be recognised for what they are: engineers.

Alan Eustace, senior VP at Google As Alan Eustace, senior VP at Google, said, only when men join the discussion “will these brilliant and talented women cease to be ‘female engineers’ and be recognised for what they are - engineers.”

Handie Tech Josh Creek, G&T Editor The Handie, allegedly “the world’s first all-in-one finishing tool for men“ sought funding on Indiegogo.com, becoming the very first publically crowd-funded sex technology. Or rather it would have been if it had received more than six per cent of its funding. Perhaps it was the design of the product that put backers off - it does look rather like a medieval torture device - but despite this setback, development is ongoing. To find out more visit: www.thehandie.com

Why live anywhere else?

Picturehouse Apartments Exeter’s finest student residence ph@collegiate-ac.com www.collegiate-ac.com 01392 690 202

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The (mass) effect of relationships in games www.exepose.com

35

Matt Whittle explains how Bioware get the most out of a player’s joystick

The game developer’s space opera, the Mass Effect trilogy, was my �irst foray into this strange new world.

I intended my customized protagonist, Commander Matt Shepard, to be a cool, smooth-talking space-marine badass; it seemed only natural that he was going to be great with the ladies.

And I’m not sure if it was the Tom-Selleck moustach I fashioned him with, or the fact that the wooing of said suitors seemed impossible to back�ire for the player, but my Shepard was a player. A full on two-timing, puff the collar up at parties kind-of douche.

mean, a shy-but-brilliant doctor of science.

Despite this, I continued to woo them effectively, to the point where both women confronted me. Clearly not happy that I’d been openly �lirting with both of them, they informed me that I would from then on have to choose between them. Why both women didn’t clearly come to the conclusion that my character was an arsehole and deserved neither of them - I will never know. Alas, the tough decision had to be made, a n d

Ashley was sent packing - in hindsight, probably something that only fueled her dubious space-racism.

I’m not sure if it was the Tom-Selleck moustache... but my Shepard was a player In the second game, Shepard is given an almost entirely new crew, and with that came a slew of new romance options. The enigmatic Miranda Lawson swayed me into dishonoring the relationship I had cultivated in the �irst game.

I’m not sure what led my Shepard down this sleaze-ball path, but it probably had something to do with the fact that my original muse was nowhere to be seen, as well as all the gratuitous rear-end camera angles of Miranda’s behind. It was probably unfairly weighted towards the latter.

By the time the third game

Puzzle Corner

Answers:

Across: 1/6 Christmas Day, 8 Dubai, 9 Present, 10 Reindeer, 11 Wine, 13 Agog, 15 Iago, 19 Oven, 20 Mince pie, 23 Illness, 24 Glass, 25 Gin, 26 Salt spoon.

I’m not sure what led my Shepard down this sleaze-ball path

Of course, as a by-product of this mechanic being in its infancy it didn’t really work so well as the developers were probably hoping. Even to a mildly overweight, horny 14-year old boy, I could tell that constantly pestering the females on my ship didn’t seem like the most likely way to score a date in the real world. I found it odd that this 70’s-porn-star-looking Shepard could seem to talk to any of the ladies aboard the Normandy and instantly drum up a connection with them, regardless of my character’s roguish and obnoxious demeanor. In the �irst game for example, I would chat to ‘Ashley Williams’ and ‘Liara T’Soni’ in between missions; these two characters couldn’t have been further apart in terms of personality. Ashley was a nononsense, balls-to-the-wall soldier (also a bit of a space racist), whilst Liara was a sexy-blue alien with tentacle hair. I

Down: 1 Cidery, 2 Rabbi, 3 Shindigs, 4 Muppet, 5 Stew, 6 Dieting, 7 Yatter, 12 Rib cages, 14 Gremlin, 16 Boxing, 17 Tinsel, 18 Season, 21 Piano, 22 Mess.

BIOWARE spearheaded the concept of a dedicated romance subplot mechanic during the last console generation.

As well as being able to slay dragons or �ight space monsters, players could pursue a multitude of potential suitors.

Sudoku #?(previous 8) and Crossword #72 by Alfred

rolled around, both of my love interests were in the game. Liara tactfully told me that she knew about Miranda, and gave me to the option to end things mutually between us. I was once again surprised at the sheer level of understanding I was undeservedly given by the women in this game. Anyhow, I had the fate of the galaxy resting on my shoulders, and the romance seemed to fade into the background.

At the end of the game, as I was about to launch into battle and save said universe, I had one last conversation with all my crew. It was during my chat with Liara that I realized the error of my ways. Her cold, friendzoning manner had only then showed me how foolish I had been to pursue the ice-queen Miranda, who was now nowhere to be seen for the last engagement with the enemy. Despite the seemingly inconsequential, one-dimesional romances of all three games, Bioware had managed to at least make me feel regret for this polygon-simulated form of a woman. And I guess that’s kind of brilliant.

Across:

Down:

1/6) Public holiday in December (the 25th?) (9,3) 8) Largest city in the United Arab Emirates (5) 9) Bounty (given on 1 Across 6 Across?) (7) 10) Comet and Cupid, say - night workers before 1 Across 6 Across? (8) 11) Drink (in red or white?) (4) 13) Excited (4) 15) Othello’s enemy in Shakespeare’s play (4) 19) Small furnace (for making 20s?) (4) 20) 1 Across snack - I pen mice (anagram) (5,3) 23) Disease (7) 24) Beaker (for 25 and other drinks at 1 Across?) (5) 25) Alcoholic beverage - card game (3) 26) Old way to 18 your food - pass on lot (anagram) (4,5)

1) Dry ice (anagram) - tasting of an alcoholic, apple-based drink (6) 2) Teacher of Judaism (5) 3) Lively parties - hid signs (anagram) (8) 4) Fool (slang) - Kermit, say (6) 5) Cook - casserole (4) 6) Slimming (after 1 Across lunch?) (7) 7) Try tea (anagram) - chatter (Scots) (6) 12) Rice bags (anagram) - walls in chests? (3,5) 14) Mischievous, malevolent creature (7) 16) Combat sport - with 6 Across, another public holiday in December (6) 17) Decorative material (for the 1 Across tree?) (6) 18) Time of year - at 1 Across, ‘tis the time to be jolly! (6) 21) Keyboard instrument (5) 22) Chaos (4)

Captain’s Corner

36

SPORT

NEWS 1-5

COMMENT FEATURES LIFESTYLE 11-13 16-19 7-9

MUSIC 20-23

SCREEN 24-27

BOOKS 28-29

ARTS 30-31

GAMES & TECH

32-35

SPORT 36-40

16 FEBRUARY 2015 |

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Photo: Tom Haigh

Photo: Edwin Yeung >> Current EURFC 1s captain Harry Ledger (above) and former EURFC 1s captain and current Club Captain Ben King (below)

In this special edition of Captain’s Corner, Sophy Coombes-Roberts, Sport Editor, got the low-down on this year’s Rugby Varsity with captains Ben King and Harry Ledger RUGBY Varsity is back, and it is set to be bigger and better than ever before. The annual match up against Bath has historically been ‘the’ event of Exeter’s sporting calendar. However, last year’s cancellation has created a slightly different atmosphere on campus, with neither �irst nor second years having experienced a Varsity. To get them in the mood, I chatted with the EURFC 1s captains about what to expect from the game.

Stepping out onto the pitch in front of a huge crowd at Sandy Park as Captain of the Exeter side is undoubtedly what most of our rugby players dream of. But after an ACL injury just four games into the season, captain Ben King’s Varsity was over. Yet, King still has a huge in�luence off the pitch and in organising the big game, explaining: “I just try to set an example, now off the pitch and really building up the Varsity hype so the boys have the best possible game.”

This could be the strongest team in EURFC history Second year Harry Ledger has picked up where King left off, and

the former captain has nothing but praise for his replacement: “It is a real testament to Harry that they picked him to captain the side when they had to pick another captain. It would have been very easy to choose a third year just because it is the safe option, but he is a strong leader, leads by example on and off the pitch and really puts the hours in.”

You really don’t appreciate a Wednesday night if you haven’t put the hours in Looking to the Varsity match, Ledger explains that last year’s cancelled game has created some nerves within the team: “it is not just that I have never played in a Varsity, but lots of us have never even seen one so I am a little anxious about how it will turn out.”

Nevertheless, he is optimistic about the upcoming game, telling me the team’s preparations are going well. Their three week break after Christmas almost served as another pre-season with “lots of sprints, running and hours in the gym,” and the boys explain that the last two games have also been great preparation.

With two wins under their belt this term, they are comfortably sitting at the top of the Premier South League and are feeling con�ident about their chances against fourth placed Bath.

A win at Sandy Park would secure a table-topping performance and continue their two year unbeaten run at home.

So how important is the Varsity win?

King replies without hesitation: “We sat down at the beginning of preseason and talked about what we wanted.

In my �irst year we lost our semi-�inal away, in my second year we also lost the semi-�inal away, and we looked at what had gone wrong in the past �ive years… really it was because we kept losing quar-

ters or semis away. Looking at Topsham we have not lost there in two years and have never really even been close to losing there, so we need a home quarter and semi. That dictates that we have to win the league,” meaning winning Varsity is imperative!

So what is next for EURFC 1s? Ledger replies: “hopefully a home quarter and semi-�inal, but we never get too far ahead of ourselves. We have that end-goal of BUCS gold s o

we just want to take it one step at a time.”

For now, the boys are focused on winning Varsity and enjoying their rugby. From just a few minutes speaking to both cap-

tains, it is obvious how much they really love the sport. “All the boys play because we enjoy it, otherwise we wouldn’t get up at 7am to train. You really don’t appreciate a Wednesday night or a Varsity win if you haven’t put the hours in on a Monday night or Friday morning.”

Will this talented team win Varsity? King himself stated this could be the “strongest team EURFC has ever seen,” so it would be a serious shock if the Bath side put an end to Exeter’s winning record.

We never get too far ahead of ourselves, we have that end goal of BUCS gold so we just want to take it one step at a time The team’s mixture of raw talent, commitment and passion, has proved to be a winning formula thus far this season. It is going to take something very special to stop them lifting the BUCS trophy at Twickenham this year if they are crowned champions of BUCS Premier South on Wednesday.

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With the AU’s centrepiece event set to take place on February 18, Exeposé Sport guides you through what to expect when two of the South West’s Rugby heavyweights collide at Sandy Park Photo: tagrugby.org

University of Bath

University of Exeter Sandy Park Stadium 18/02/15 Kick Off: 7:45pm £10 (including travel)

Ones to watch Alex Wilcockson Age: 22

Year of study: 3

Position: Outside centre Height: 5ft 10”

Sporting hero: Steven Gerrard

Degree programme: Human Biosciences Jack Owlett

Kinger says: “Scrappy is a massive in�luence on the pitch.”

Age Age: 20

Height: 6ft 1”

Year of study: 1

Position: Prop

Sporting hero: Lawrence Dallaglio

Degree programme: Business & Management Paul Davis

Kinger says: “A crowd favourite and the size of a house!”

Age: 20

Height: 6ft 2”

Year of study: 2

Degree programme: Sports Science

Position: Hooker

Sporting hero: Frank Lampard

Kinger says: “Nasty! Angriest man I’ve ever met.”

Head to head EURFC 1s: They currently top BUCS Premier South A, with ten wins from 11 games. They need to beat Bath in their final BUCS game in order to qualify for knockout stages at the top of the league, which would ensure both a home quarter and semi-final.

Bath: In 4th place with six wins from their ten games and have also already qualified for the quarter finals. However, they have lost three of their last four games, so will be looking for a win before the knock outs.

The sides met in Bath on 4 February and EURFC won 23-19 with the last play of the game. The match was a very close affair and is likely to be very similar at the Varsity.

With no Varsity fixture taking place last year, the sides last met at Sandy Park in February 2013. EURFC won the fixture 29-6, scoring four tries in the process. A victory in Wednesday’s Varsity game would be EURFC’s fourth in a row at Sandy Park, having also won in 2011 and 2010.

Previous line-up (EURFC 1s XV vs Cardiff 11/02/15): 1. Ben Higgins, 2.

Paul Davis, 3. George Beale, 4. Freddie Hosking, 5. Duncan Hales, 6. Matt Eliet, 7. Harry Ledger (C), 8. George Shirlaw, 9. Sam Waltier, 10. James Doe, 11. Aaron Struminski, 12. Tom Holdsworth, 13. Alex Wilcockson, 13. Rob Coote, 15. Alex Ross

Key information Ticket and travel information: tickets are £10, which includes travel by coach to and from the ground from both Streatham and St. Luke’s Coach times: 5:30pm, 6:15pm (Streatham & St. Luke’s) and 7pm (Streatham only) Expected attendance: 4000

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Exeter girls’ hard work undone

CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE ... resilience. A penalty try was awarded for their superiority, as Cleall converted to give the hosts an early 7-0 lead.

The Green Army continued to control the half, looking by far the more intelligent rugby out�it. Their discipline in the breakdown allowed Rebecca de Flippo to dictate the pace of the match at �ly-half, enabling centre Kate Alder to exploit spaces out wide and Charlotte Lord to run rings around the opposing winger. Moore consistently rose highest in the line out, creating the perfect rugby dynamic for the home side.

However, Gloucestershire were prepared to soak up the pressure and pounce, which is exactly what occurred during their �irst attack, crossing the try-line and pinning the hosts back to a two-point de�icit.

This provoked a response from the home contingent, as another ex-

ceptional line out saw Nielson join the unstoppable green maul to touch down for Exeter’s second try of the afternoon and a 12-5 lead at half time.

The trend of the �irst half continued into the second, with Exeter dominating. However, their failure to be clinical was punished as the visitors ran in their second try to create a tense �inale for the girls in green.

The visitors ran in their second try to create a tense �inale Nonetheless Exeter refused to panic, remaining patient until the perfect moment appeared to swoop in and score. Unsurprisingly this came in the form of a scrum, where Wilderspin dived on a loose ball to reap the bene�its of the all-conquering Exeter pack

before her.

With the score at 17-10, many of the supporters in attendance expected an onslaught from the unbeaten Gloucestershire. However, this failed to arise, as strong defending from Alder and lock Kirsty Lowe especially quashed any serious threat from the away side. Cleall also impressed at inside centre, never taking a step back in attack and proving a menace when putting boot to ball all afternoon. It was her penalty at the dying stages of the second half which brought about the inevitable, holding her nerve to sweetly strike her side to a ten point victory.

A con�ident and calm performance from EUWRFC will give them con�idence going into the knockout stages.

They will, however, undoubtedly be disappointed that all their hard work in this �ixture was for nothing. Having �inished third in the division, they will need to show similar resilience and

determination to overcome Birmingham this Wednesday and progress to the quarter-�inal stage of the cup.

BUCS Women’s Rugby Premier South

P W D L Pts Gloucestershire 1s Cardiff Met 1s

9 8 1 0 41 10 7 1 2 38

Exeter 1s

9 7 0 2 35

USW 1s

10 3 0 7 14

Oxford 1s

10 2 0 8 10

Chichester 1s

10 1 0 9

5

>> The final BUCS Premier South league table, after EUWRFC’s win over Gloucestershire was rendered void.

EUNC 2s defeat Exeter Women’s So’ton to stay top 1s squash Bath N������ Emmott Leigh Sports Team EUNC 2s Southampton

SPORT

www.exepose.com

50 32

EUNC 2s ran away with the victory in a comprehensive 50-32 defeat of the University of Southampton 2s last Wednesday.

Exeter exerted themselves to a greater extent as the quarter wore on Exeter were only behind at the very start of the match, where they brie�ly trailed 2-1. However, they asserted themselves to a greater extent as the quarter wore on, with goal attack Liz Nicholson and goal shooter Holly Walton working in cohesion to score �ive goals. This dragged Exeter to a 6-4 lead, but they were quickly pinned back and the scores were levelled at 8-8 mid-way through the �irst quarter.

At this point, the Green Machine ratcheted up the pressure by nailing six goals with no reply. Wing attack Katy Hills was always in the right

position to supply the front partnership, and Southampton were regularly caught committing fouls. The �irst quarter ended in a promising 14-8 position.

Early into the second quarter, Exeter had squeezed in another three more goals, but also conceded two.

Although the goals were becoming more and more infrequent, it was clear heading into the end of the quarter that Exeter were �irmly in control at 21-12.

At the start of the next quarter, Exeter continued to assert their dominance, scoring numerous goals to go into the �inal quarter 36-21 ahead and savouring the prospect of a big victory.

Going into the �inal quarter, the only question was how many goals the girls would end up scoring, and the answer was exactly 50. The score stayed on a tantalising 49 for quite some time, but the �inal goal was eventually netted

by Walton. This convincing win sees EUNC 2s remain top of the Western 2A division with two �ixtures left to play, including a potential title showdown with Bath on 11 March.

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7

Number of league wins

by EUNC 2s in eight games this season.

W����’� S����� Seb Biggam Sports Team Exeter Women’s 1s Bath

4 0

EXETER’S Women’s Squash 1s claimed a comfortable 4-0 victory over Bath last Wednesday to put the pressure on Cardiff at the summit of the BUCS Western Division.

Having played a game extra, Exeter came into the match-up knowing a win was crucial for their hopes of �inishing the season as division winners.

They were also looking for revenge, having suffered a 3-1 defeat to their rivals back in October.

Exeter fourth seed Hattie Bates started proceedings as she came up against Emma Popham of Bath. Bates put in an impressive performance, sailing through the encounter without losing a game. The highlight was the second game, in which Bates won 11 consecutive points.

Next up was team captain Louisa Mansen, who followed Bates’ example as she swept away her opponent So�ia Bengtsson with 3-0 win. It was another routine victory for the home side with the only moment of tension coming in the second game. At 10-5 up, it seemed as if the game would be a formality, but four quick points from

Bath’s number three pulled the score back to 10-9. However, Mansen �inally closed the game out on her �ifth attempt with a well-placed return.

Jodie Koep stepped onto court knowing one more win would secure the tie in favour of the home side. Victory was never in doubt for Koep, as she followed suit in taking the match in three quick-�ire games. Combining strong serving with a mix of accurate angled shots, Koep demonstrated a good variety of play throughout.

The most competitive match was undoubtedly the last, as Exeter’s �irstseeded Katherine Jensen came up against Bath’s Alice Richards. Each game was closely-contested with long rallies exhausting both players.

Richards took the �irst game 11-7 but Jensen immediately hit back with a nervy 12-10 win in the second. The momentum swung back in favour of the visitors as Richards replied with a 12-10 win of her own. Jensen was not to be denied though as she swiftly hit back to take the fourth game 11-3.

All seemed set for a thrilling �inale but Jensen was ruthless in sealing victory, snatching the �inal game with the loss of just a single point.

The win was Exeter’s seventh this season so far. Having played one game more than second-place Cardiff, the team will now have to wait to discover their fate.

39

The best of BUCS Selected results from BUCS matches played on 11 February Hockey Men’s 4s Southampton

7 0

Women’s 3s Women’s 4s

0 3

Badminton Men’s 2s Southampton

7 1

Women’s 2s Bournemouth

4 4

Golf Mixed 1s USW Mixed 2s Bournemouth

3 3 4.5 1.5

Netball Women’s 2s Southampton

50 32

Women’s 4s Southampton

50 11

Women’s 5s Plymouth

46 18

Rugby Union Men’s 1s Cardiff

45 20

Men’s 3s Bournemouth

17 6

Women’s 1s Gloucestershire

20 10

Squash Women’s 1s Bath

4 0

Tennis Men’s 4s Southampton

8 4

40

NEWS 1-5

SPORT

COMMENT FEATURES LIFESTYLE 11-13 16-19 7-9

SPORT

MUSIC 20-23

SCREEN 24-27

BOOKS 28-29

ARTS 30-31

GAMES & TECH

32-35

SPORT 36-40

16 FEBRUARY 2015 |

EXEPOSÉ

SPORT EDITORS

James Beeson & Sophy Coombes-Roberts sport@exepose.com

EUWRFC 1s robbed of second place in AU mix up FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @ExeposeSport

W����’� R���� James Beeson & Tommy John Sport Editor & Team member EUWRFC 1s Gloucestershire

20 10

EUWRFC 1s have been forced to face up to the prospect of being denied what would have been an historic win over table toppers Gloucestershire late on Friday night, as an error when submitting the result to the BUCS website rendered the result void.

Having won the �ixture 20-10 on Wednesday afternoon, the ladies were relishing the prospect of a two-week break before the knockout stages, having secured a second place �inish in the BUCS Premier South Division.

However, euphoria was soon replaced by anger and confusion on Friday, as it emerged that the Athletic Union had failed to submit the result before the 12pm deadline on Thursday.

Consequently, EUWRFC have dropped to third in the division, and will now face Birmingham this coming Wednesday (18 February) in the last 16 of the cup, rather than going straight into the quarter �inals, as would have been the case had they �inished second in the league.

Exeposé Sport were informed by President Andy Higham that ‘the �ixture in question did not appear on the score submission page on the BUCS website.’ Higham admitted that the �ixture ‘should have been chased up’ but argued that the mistake was down to ‘a clerical error’ rather than incompetence on the part of the AU. He also con�irmed that the AU had subsequently tried to submit the result, but were informed by BUCS that the deadline had passed, and that the

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result was therefore void.

Members of EUWRFC took to twitter on Friday to express their frustration at the situation. One member tweeted, ‘it’s actually insulting how an error like it was even made’ whilst another appear to blame BUCS for the error, tweeting ‘So @BUCSsport penalize EUWRFC for an admin deadline missed.’ The of�icial EUWRFC twitter account added, ‘As horrible as this news is, we’ll carry on working hard regardless.’ Exeposé Sport contacted EUWRFC for comment but they had not responded at the time of going to print.

The match itself was an exciting and tense affair, with EUWRFC 1s controlling proceedings to come out 2010 victors against the league leaders.

A penalty try and close range scores from hooker Clara Nielson and scrum half Kate Wilderspin secured the game, although the supreme Exeter pack, including Sarah Lambson, Kirsty Wilson and Izzy Moore, shone at the set piece to ultimately win the game for the home side.

Members of EUWRFC took to Twitter on Friday afternoon to express their frustration at the situation From the outset of the �irst half, Exeter had complete command of the break down and setpiece. Wilson and Lambson set the tone for the scrums early on as the Gloucestershire front row had no answers for their...

CONTINUED ON PAGE 39

>> Exeter forward Izzy Moore rises highest at the lineout to claim possession for the home side. Photo: Edwin Yeung

Rugby Varsity: the complete guide Page 37

EUNC 2s stay top with 50 goal win For the latest BUCS Page 39 content go online