The Grubtown Daily Herald: Visit Grubtown Edition by Faber

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

FROM THE DESK OF FLIMFLAM MIDWAY (VISIT GRUBTOWN EDITION)

Grubtown Wins the Golden Pineapple Town Stunned. Mayor Faints. Three Flattened.

cheated the years that they won,’ said Chief Hanson. ‘Werty always smells of unwashed dog and Limp is famous for being less fun than finding a mould-covered flannel in your lunchbox. I expect Grubtown to keep the Golden Pineapple from now on. Especially because I refuse to give it back.’

From our seriously injured correspondent

fter many years of trying and spectacularly failing, Grubtown has finally managed to win the Golden Pineapple Award for being the best town this side of the River Dump. ‘What’s most amazing is that we won it without cheating,’ said Grubtown Chief of Police, Grabby Hanson. ‘Two years ago, we almost won the pineapple by moving the River Dump so that we were the ONLY town this side of it – if you ignore the fact that the world is round – but we were told that this was against the rules. This year, the Golden Pineapple is ours fair and square. . . or gold and pineappleshaped.’

Daily Herald reporter writing this article from his Grubtown Hospital bed). Mayor Gomez also knocked over one of his multi-deckered sandwiches, injuring a further thirtyfive people. ‘It’s not that I didn’t think that Grubtown would ever win the best town competition,’ he later explained at a hastily convened press conference from behind an On hearing the news of this glorious enormous slice of chocolate cake, victory, Mayor Flabby Gomez fainted, ‘it’s just that I never thought that landing on three members of the Grubtown would ever win the best press (including ME, the Grubtown

Inside this edition of the Grubtown Daily Herald: Inside Grubtown Journalism Competition Winner and Runners-Up!

EXCLUSIVE

3–5

Pull-Out Map (definitely not an actual map of Grubtown) 6–7 Slerch Break: Games & Puzzles 8–9

The Grubtown Tourist Board’s Website ‘a great success’ (according to Grubtown Tourist Board Manager, Flighty Bitpart)

From the Editor’s Desk

Sneak Peek at Trick Eggs and Rubber Chickens

11 Flimflam Midway

Attempts by the duck-hating Fox family to STOP duck-loving Grubtown from winning this year’s competition were thwarted/ scuppered/sunk/defeated by Grubtown’s resident medal-winning The Golden Pineapple heroes Jilly Cheeter and Mango Claptrap. ‘We were just doing our town competition.’ When it was duty as loyal Grubtowners,’ Jilly pointed out that his statement made Cheeter told reporters, who were no sense whatsoever, his brother more worried about finding their Hacking-Cough Gomez took the stolen clothes. (They were later microphone and drowned out all found by Chief Grabby Hanson, who further comments from reporters had taken them in the first place.) with his impressive hacking cough. He didn’t put his hand in front of his ‘I will be declaring a day off school to celebrate Grubtown’s victory,’ Flabby mouth. Gomez announced, ‘just as soon as Previous winners of the Golden we’ve built some schools and hired Pineapple award include the towns some teachers, which could be any of Werty and Limp. ‘They must have time within the next 150 years. There is,’ he said, ‘no rush.’

aunched this year with a ceremony attended by Flighty Bitpart, his assistant Fergal Twine and two ducks (the other guests having got lost on the way by using the ‘map’ on the new website) www.visitgrubtown.com has been called a ‘great success’ by both Mr Bitpart and Mr Twine.

Grubtown website, I can!’ He then ate three plates of sandwiches – including the plates – out of ‘sheer excitement’.

The Fox family is currently boycotting the website, because of what they call ‘insulting and libelous claims’ made against them during the Golden Pineapple scandal. However, At his weekly press conference, the Fox family doesn’t actually own Mayor Flabby Gomez announced: a computer, or have an internet ‘It changed my life. Before there connection, which is probably the was the Visit Grubtown website, real reason behind the boycott. I coudn’t visit the Visit Grubtown website, but now there is the Visit

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

Inside Grubtown: Special Report You won’t find Grubtown Jilly Cheeter Grabby Hanson on any maps. The last time any map-makers were sent Young Jilly Cheeter, Grubtown’s Kumquat Hanson was given the anywhere near the place resident duck-gatherer plays her part nickname ‘Grabby’ as a child in many Grubtown Tales. She’s very because, from the moment he was they were found a week good friends, and has adventures born, he grabbed anything and later wearing nothing but with, Mango Claptrap. everything in sight: a toy; a baby pages from a telephone from a pram; a TV remote from an armchair; an owl from a hollow tree; directory and calling for even radioactive waste from a secret their mothers. It’s certainly Mango Claptrap government underground dumping a town and certainly grubby ground. He’s the best COP (Chief of – except for the squeaky Mango wears ridiculously short Police) we’ve ever had in Grubtown, clean parts – but everything shorts. In fact, they’re so short that with the highest crime clear-up rate, some people – Wide Brim Pettyelse we know about the place Mandrake for one – think that because he understands the criminal comes from Beardy Ardagh, they’re too short to be called shorts. mind inside out. I bet you can’t guess town resident and author of Mango also has a very large head but why. DESPITE having such a large head, these tales. he once found a diamond as big as it!!!

Mrs Awning In this Special Grubtown Daily Herald Report, we Mrs Awning is Grubtown’s accidentmeet some of Grubtown’s waiting-to-happen, first name (Mayor) Flabby Gomez famous residents, starting, unknown. She’s very good at having of course, with ... Beardy Ardagh was once trapped accidents. These include: pulling Beardy Ardagh Beardy Ardagh, Grubtown resident and author of Grubtown tales has the biggest and bushiest beard in Grubtown, much bigger and bushier than Paltry Feedback’s. Beardy Ardagh sports a natural or ‘freestyle’ beard which, when left to its own devices, always rates much better than a styled beard or handlebar moustache like the kind Paltry Feedback wears.

‘Go away and leave me alone.’

in a cake shop with Flabby Gomez and apparently it was a very pleasant experience. Flabby Gomez owns Grubtown. He won it in a raffle from Big Man Gomez who owned it before him. (Flabby’s brother, HackingCough Gomez, won a tea set with two missing saucers and a cracked sugar bowl.) Flabby Gomez’s official title is ‘Mr Mayor’ if you’re talking to him on official business. (If he steals your prize vegetables, however, it’s still perfectly okay to call him ‘Oi, you!’ or ‘Dirty rotten thief!’ and to chuck a marrow at the back of his head as he runs away.)

her handbag over her head – like a gas mask – and then falling down a well, because she couldn’t see where she was going. She’s had her head stuck in litter bins countless times, and was once trapped for six hours between two ducks. Ducks!

Constable Gelatine Confusingly, Constable Gelatine is a sergeant. The ‘Constable’ part is just his name. It’s a good job he wanted to be a policeman, though! He’s related to Mustard Tripwire, who’s also an officer of the law, and ably assists Chief of Police Kumquat ‘Grabby’ Hanson.

Garlic Hamper Garlic Hamper isn’t a hamper and he doesn’t smell of garlic (just smoked fish). He’s Grubtown’s lighthouse keeper and has been for at least the last thirty-three years. As well as looking after the lighthouse, he makes matchstick models and does other things too, as you’ll well know if you’ve read The Far from Great Escape.

Tawdry Hipbone (and Snooks, her pampered pooch) Movie star Tawdry Hipbone – Have you seen her in For the Love of Ducks II? She was VERY good in that – has a very special relationship with Snooks. A very close one. It is not a coincidence that Snooks looks like a wig. Or that Miss Hipbone’s hair looks like, well, Snooks...

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

The Grubtown Daily Herald Journalism Competition: The Results Are In! medals away.’

1 e z i r P Grabby Hanson Awarded ‘Grabbiest Hand’ Award 2010 Obscure Quiche

rabby Hanson was said to be thrilled yesterday after he won the Grabbiest Hand award at a ceremony in Smoky’s Cinema. Criminals and police officers came from far and wide to watch the award

Obscure Quiche

Parched Sponge

esterday afternoon around teatime (or coffee, if you prefer) 12 [my lucky number] ducks were spotted on unicycles wizzzzzzzzing [well, some were not very successful but were pushing, rolling or tumbling] past Smoky’s Cinema. Wide Brim Petty-Mandrake, who was at the scene, complained that one of the tyres was flat, one was on stabilizers and another had a wheel missing. Hetty Glue-Pen, cinema

9 May 2010

The winner’s (now priceless) Grubtown Daily Herald Press Pass

being presented. (Even though half of them were found a few days later hiding in the duck house). Grabby Hanson has never had the grabbiest hand award before. For the last two years he had stolen it so was therefore disqualified. Jilly Cheeter and Mango Claptrap were asked to present the award which made the mayor, Flabby Gomez, have a

temper tantrum. Afterwards (when we had calmed him down by making him a triple-decker sandwich and saying that his dad, Big man Gomez, would be ashamed) we talked to him about it and this is what he said: ‘I’m the Mayor and I always give out the big, flashy, shiny awards. If I didn’t like Jilly and Mango so much I would take all their big, flashy, shiny

for a film (It Came From Somewhere Over There, I Think II – out on DVD and Greenray 15 September).

Ducks on Unicycles

Jilly and Mango, however, were delighted, ‘It was nice seeing someone other than us getting a shiny, big, flashy trophy!’ We tried to snatch a word with Grabby Hanson but with all the celebrations, all we got was, ‘ing’. It is clear that Grabby Hanson was very moved.

manager and projectionist, was refilling the popcorn machine when a stray wheel rolled through the cinema entrance and knocked over Mrs Awning, whilst she was queuing

Jilly Cheeter commented ‘This is the second most remarkable thing on my list of remarkable things after seeing Mango Claptrap wearing long trousers.’ This story has become even more mysterious as reports of bike-wheel thefts have been reported from ‘Psycho Biko’s Cyclo Shop.’ When questioned about these strange thefts Grabby Hanson, the Chief of Police said ‘I think it was me.’ 5 May 2010

One of the offending ducks

Grubtown’s Chief of Police Grabby Hanson

Cow Falling Out of the Sky Injures Old People in their 80s, or something… Jangle Hem

am very disappointed to say this, but a cow has fallen out of the sky into the old folks’ home, and injured (more like squashed), many of the old people in the home. Here is a speech from Mrs.Hasbeensquashed: ‘I have never been so humiliated in my entire life, and I have been alive for 104 years!’ (She’s right, she isn’t getting any younger...)

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

Grubtown Residents Win Golden Pineapple Award

Anyway there is also a man called Mr. Owchthathurt, who is in hospital Solo Constant suffering from being hurt... WELL he Grubtown residents were ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? IT’S IN HIS delighted to hear they had NAME! won the ‘Golden Pineapple Award’. Read the daily stupidness again next This was a particular surprise after a sabotage was attempted on their week. hopes of winning. Jilly Cheeter and 25 May 2010 Mango Claptrap luckily saved the day when they found the saboteurs turned out to be the Fox Family who own ‘Kill All Ducks’! This meant that all the stolen items could be returned to their rightful owners, including the Wormwood Crown.

hickens have been caught eating cheese in the kitchen of Grubtown strawberry farmer, Scrumptious Diddlyumptious. Scrumptious said: ‘I don’t like those chickens. They’re stealing all my cheese that I carefully grew on my Cheese Plant. That’s all my Red Leicester, Four Counties and Rambaru (my new flavour of cheese). I hate those chickens, they really annoy me.’

n Monday the Grubtown town sign fell down when Mrs Awning knocked into it. It landed on Chief Grabby Hanson’s head. He was very unhappy and gave Mrs Awning a warning (an Awning Warning) saying, ‘Do not bash into the town sign!’ But she knocked it down again. It landed on the chief of police AGAIN. This time he arrested her. She is still in prison. 2 June 2010

30 May 2010 The unfortunate Mrs Awning

A falling cow (not uncommon in Grubtown)

28 May 2010

Variety Warp

Shifty Peeve

The award will be on display at the Grubtown Museum until 30 June.

‘The Fox family offered to help, what with all of their duck experience, but they were too evil with the chickens and I had to say no.’

Chickens in Cheese Drama

An Awning Warning

‘On Monday, it got so bad that 400 chickens pecked my door down and demolished half of my fridge to get at the cheese. The next day, 7,000 different chicken varieties climbed Hazard Section on my roof and ate the slate just to get at my special Rambaru fridge in olice across Grubtown cannot my attic.’ get around, meaning that the frequency of stealing will increase ‘Something has to be done. I asked by 25%. Planes and helicopters have Chief ‘Grabby’ Hanson what he was been sent to replace the stolen cars. going to do but he couldn’t answer If you see the mad ducks that have because his mouth was full of stolen the cars call: 12345 678 910. Rambaru. Which, come to mention it, isn’t even in the shops yet. It’s As the cars are being driven by a mystery. I wish I’d stuck with unlicensed ducks, citizens are told to strawberries.’ stay inside.

Police Car Robbed by Ducks

3 May 2010

Beardy Beards Curly Quadrangle

eardy Ardagh, the writer of Grubtown, has a very long beard, as some of you know (there’s a clue in his name). But there is a problem. His beard has been growing and growing and growing! He has never cut it or washed it or anything! It’s so long that it is now 65 metres long! Everywhere he goes, people behind him have to be 66 metres away from him! Anyway, he is now officially BANNED from going outside. He is not very disappointed about the idea because he is always indoors eating a biscuit and writing a funny, gross, exciting, fabulous, amazing story about Grubtown. 1 May 2010

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

Jilly Jacks Jolly Ducks Tangent Backflip

illy Cheeter, the Grubtown investigator, has been ‘jacking’ ducks from their homes. You may now be thinking, ‘Hmmm? What an unusual person.’ Well we interviewed her and these are the results: Q: Jilly, we are all wondering why you are jacking the ducks? ‘Well, you see, I’m not jacking them

but hiding them. Have you not heard of that nasty shop in the town centre called Kill All Ducks? Well, believe it or not, they’re planning on killing all the ducks in the town – they’re mean people. In my opinion I think that they just want to eat the ducks because they feel hungry, and I’m not happy about it!’

Little Lost Duck Banjo Hackles

rabby Hanson, chief of police, was very busy with a case of a missing duck. He searched all day and used his detective skills but found no duck, and no clues. He then started to interview some people Q: Okay Jilly, what is your conclusion on the street. Manual Org, Beardy Ardagh, Jilly Cheeter and also on the subject? Mango Claptrap were interviewed, ‘My conclusion is bringing down and apparently, none of them had that shop and replacing it with a seen anything. duck rescue centre. The reason the ducks are everywhere is because That night went by and no duck was

found. The next day came and went, and again no duck. Then, that night, Grabby Hanson was up worrying about the poor little lost duck. He felt a small furry thing at the end of the bed but decided just to ignore it, although he couldn’t get back to sleep. It turned out that it was the duck, and he was happy that the duck was safe. He couldn’t go out in the middle of the night, so the duck slept in a small box, with a blanket and pillow. The duck is now safe with his family and friends and the ducks are all safe! 18 May 2010

they have nowhere else to go. That is my summary on the Kill All Ducks shop.’ That was Jilly on the Kill All Ducks shop. 9 May 2010

Jilly ‘jacking’ (I mean, ‘saving’) ducks

Criminal Cows Cause Chaos Cackleberry Backflip

herd of criminal cows have been reportedly cliff diving around the lighthouse. This is the first time that the cows have ever tried a stunt like this and it is, of course, illegal in Grubtown. This first came to the town’s attention when residents camping by the lighthouse heard loud noises coming from outside. THUD. THUD. THUD. They rapidly ran outside and saw cascading cows everywhere they looked. We soon caught up with these campers and one of them said: ‘We were scared silly!’ They also said that they wouldn’t advise camping by the lighthouse until the criminal cows are caught.

A Mad Scientist is still currently looking into how there were so many cows; as originally there were only thirteen. 22 May 2010

Grubtown Signposts Taken Down Flimsy Query

n Friday the 28th, Beardy Ardagh had to stay in his car all night due to the Grubtown signpost being painted over! Luckily Grabby Hanson was driving out of the town and found him. Mr. Ardagh complained about the signpost

Grubtown’s Lighthouse

and soon the policeman realised there was a criminal artist on the loose. As the two men drove back into Grubtown they noticed some children painting on other signposts. Grabby Hanson stopped them and gave them a good telling off. We interviewed the children’s parents who said they were in disgrace and apologised. This story has ended happily: apart from the fact the town had to get new signposts. 24 May 2010

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

[Sponsored by The Rusty Dolphin Cafe]

GRUBTOWN WORDSLERCH (Or perhaps that should be the Grubtown Wordsearch...?)

Take a look at the list below and see how may of the twelve words you can find. (Go on. Pleeeeease.) Find them ALL and you could win a fantastic prize. You could, but you won’t, because there ISN’T

a fantastic prize to be won, just the satisfaction of having completed the Wordslerch. And if THAT isn’t good enough for you, we suggest you go away and do something else instead.

Mayor Flabby Gomez’s Lunchtime Labyrinth

Mayor and snack not to scale.

Puzzles & Games

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

Puzzles & Games

[Sponsored by The Rusty Dolphin Cafe] SILLY JOKES Q: What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?

Q: What do you call a cow that’s just fallen from the sky?

A: Milk and quackers.

A: Ground beef.

Q: What do ducks eat for Sunday lunch? A: Roast pork and quackling.

Mrs Awning’s Tumble Jumble

Jilly Cheeter’s Dotto-Dot Challenge

Poor Mrs Awning. No sooner did she get the record-keeping job at Grubtown’s Town Hall than she managed to take a tumble into the filing cabinet and jumble up all the residents’ names! Try to work out these jumbled Grubtown residents:

Join the dots to find the duck Jilly Cheeter’s pondweed-eating friend!

1. BALFYB ZOMEG 2. LEPURP TONIGU 3. MAGON TCAPLARP 4. JASCKLAW SUMOGEH 5. STALBNECO LAGENITE 6. LIRGAC PERMAH 7. BOMIL LAGOSHU 8. BAGRBY SOHNAN 9. LIJYL EETECHR 10. READBY DARGHA (ANSWERS ON PAGE 12)

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

From the Editor’s Desk: Flimflam Midway

Chief Solves Crime Before it Happens

crimes. This means that I can give myself up or arrest myself on a regular basis, making this town a better, safer place for all.’ During the press conference, three reporters’ notebooks, two television cameras and a TV presenter were stolen. Thanks to Chief Grabby Hanson’s quick thinking, all were returned to their owners (and, in the last instance, family) within a matter of hours.

rubtown’s Chief of Police, Kumquat ‘Grabby’ Hanson, has announced some of the most impressive crime-solving figures since crime was invented. ‘Unlike other police services,’ the chief told a press conference held on the illegal off-shore gambling ship, The Crooked Sixpence, ‘here in Grubtown we are in the unique position where I myself am responsible for most

Fox Family Actually Sells Something in Shop

ver since its gala opening several years ago, KILL ALL DUCKS, a shop uniquely given over to nothing but homemade models of ducks involved in fatal accidents, has not had any customers except for the shop owners themselves.

A very satisfied-looking Chief of Police

a duck being struck by lightning, made by daughter Garrideb Fox. ‘We were amazed and delighted,’ he told the Grubtown Daily Herald. The purchaser was later found trying to boil his own foot in a saucepan of nettle soup and is currently in the care of Dr Fraud.

The Fox family opened their shop when Mrs Bunty Fox claimed that she failed her driving test when a ‘ Q-U-A-C-K! ’ from a nearby duck put her off. She ended up driving off the road onto a jetty and into the sea. Husband Derek Fox told reporters that they’d actually sold a model of

Garrideb Fox’s Model (or is it art...?)

Grubtown Daily Herald Sponsors Return of NearbyVillage Idiot, Back Due to Popular Demand

eing a town not a village, Grubtown has never had the right to employ its own village idiot but, thanks to the generosity of the burghers of the nearby village of Werty, the Grubtown Daily Herald is proud to announce the return of Formal Dripping this Wednesday for one day only. Mr Dripping national and idiot awards distinguished

has won numerous international village over his long and career and dribbled

many gallons of drool. He will be bringing his ever-popular pig’s bladder on a stick, and promises to point at everything and nothing in particular, guffawing loudly and stupidly for no obvious reason.

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

Trick Eggs and Rubber Chickens: A Peek at the Newest Grubtown Tale

Chapter One: Rumble! Rumble!

he lorries delivering the sea creatures rumbled into Market Square (which is actually more round than a square). ‘Rumble! Rumble!’ they went. Mango Claptrap leapt up and down excitedly, which was a particularly funny sight, what with him wearing those ridiculously short shorts of his. Next to him, Jilly Cheeter, his very best friend in Grubtown (and, therefore, the whole wide world), let out an excited squeal, rather like the noise a pig might make if it won a free mud bath or a year’s supply of potato peelings. Neither Jill nor Mango had ever seen an octopus or a shark or a great big eely thing (which might well have been a great big eel) in real life before, but here they were in enormous tanks strapped on to the backs of the lorries with special thick, black rubber straps. Mango Claptrap waved at the octopus. Perhaps he was hoping the octopus would wave back, maybe even with all eight of its arms. (Or are they legs?)

Jilly and Mango weren’t the only ones watching the arrival of the first inhabitants of the new GRUBTOWN AQUARIUM AND CARWASH. Many of the local ducks – including one called Orlando – had waddled into the square to catch the excitement, along with the usual mob of squawking seagulls. Jip the town mascot and his partner Binkey – a pair of pelicans – came in to land on the railings surrounding one of the many statues of Big Man Gomez dotted around Grubtown. The pelicans studied the smaller fish in the tanks with a glassy stare that suggested that they were eyeing them up as a possible mid-morning snack. Not that either of them can have been that hungry because Mayor Flabby Gomez is always feeding them titbits. The driver of the first lorry switched off his engine and the drivers of the three lorries snaking behind him did the same. The first driver jumped down from his cab, looked around the square, hitched up his baggy blue trousers and then ambled over to Jilly Cheeter and Mango Claptrap. ‘I’m looking for Slackjaw Gumshoe,’ he said. Slackjaw Gumshoe owns Slackjaw Gumshoe’s Paint & Hardware Store over on Gibbon Street. (It used to be called Hillock Portal’s Paint & Hardware Store, but that was back in the days when Hillock Portal owned it.) Slackjaw is also the person who had the bright idea of building THE GRUBTOWN AQUARIUM AND CARWASH. No, that’s not quite true. The aquarium had been his idea and, when he presented it to a meeting of the town council, along with a big bag of money he thought the mayor might like as a present, it was Mayor Flabby Gomez who came up with the idea of the carwash. Slackjaw Gumshoe could keep all the money

he made from the aquarium, but Flabby Gomez would get all the money for the carwashes. (‘People always need clean cars but don’t always need to see fish in tanks,’ Mayor Gomez later explained to me. He’s smart like that.) ‘I saw Mr Gumshoe buying a cup of coffee over at the Rusty Dolphin Cafe,’ said Jilly Cheeter. She’d seen him going in there with HackingCough Gomez, the mayor’s brother, who’d won the contract to build the aquarium (and carwash). ‘Well, he should be right here, right now,’ said the driver angrily, as though it was somehow Jilly’s fault that he wasn’t. The driver’s name was John Jones. It said so on a name tag sewn above the pocket of his shirt. ‘Here comes Mr Gumshoe now,’ Mango pointed. ‘He’s the one without the hacking cough.’ ‘Thanks,’ muttered John Jones, but he didn’t sound like he meant it. While the driver went over to talk to Gumshoe, Jilly Cheeter and Mango Claptrap went right up close to his truck and stared up at the tanks. ‘That octopus is enormous!’ said Jilly. ‘Super-huge,’ agreed Mango. ‘He’s brilliant!’ ‘Fantastic,’ agreed Jilly. ‘I wonder if we could get jobs at the aquarium when it opens?’ ‘I expect you can,’ said Mango Claptrap. ‘You have experience working with animals.’ This is true. As some of you already know, Jilly Cheeter used to be Grubtown’s official duckgatherer. It was her job to round up all the ducks and put them in The Duck House. ‘But everyone knows how good you are with animals too,’ said Jilly, which is also true. One of the big companies in Grubtown is Wretching’s Dairy and Mango Claptrap used to go and help with odd jobs there, such as taking the cows out for a walk, or taking stones

from their hooves. Hacking-Cough Gomez and Slackjaw Gumshoe wandered over to the truck with Jones the driver. Jones was frowning, HackingCough appeared to be choking on a cappuccino – there was some frothy milk involved – and Slackjaw Gumshoe seemed deep in thought. Gumshoe’s eyes fell on the children, as if he’d only just noticed that they were there. ‘Ah!’ he said, grinning a happy grin. ‘You know the way to the new aquarium, don’t you, Miss Cheeter?’ ‘Yes,’ said Jilly Cheeter. ‘We most certainly do,’ said Mango Claptrap. ‘Good,’ said Slackjaw Gumshoe. ‘Would you mind showing Mr Jones, here, the way?’ ‘Happy to oblige,’ said Mango. ‘Then jump in,’ said John Jones as he climbed back into the cab of his lorry. Jilly and Mango scrambled up after him. The building site that would soon be the aquarium was at the top of Clear-Day Hill. Clear-Day Hill was originally called You-CanGet-Quite-A-Good-View-On-AClear-Day Hill because you could indeed get quite a good view of the sweeping bay around which much of Grubtown is built. (On a clear day.) It was Big Man Gomez who had renamed the hill. And no one dared argue with him...

If you want to read the rest, Trick Eggs and Rubber Chickens is out now in all good bookshops!

The Grubtown Daily Herald Special Edition

The Delightful Beardy Ardagh Tells Us About the Grubtown Tales Books From Beardy Ardagh

here are important things in life and there are unimportant things. One of the most important things – if not THE most important thing – is ME. Something else which is important is that you read ALL of my GRUBTOWN TALES. Just to make absolutely sure that you’ve read each and every one of those published so far, I’ve taken the time and trouble to show you all of them here. Because I’ve taken the effort to write this, the least you can do is make the effort to read them. RIGHT NOW.

OUT SEPTEMBER 2010!

Mrs Awning’s Tumble Jumble ANSWERS:

To find out more about these and many more books from Faber and Faber, head to Faber Kids:

www.faberkids.co.uk

10. BEARDY ARDAGH 9. JILLY CHEETER

Or, you can find Philip Ardagh at:

8. GRABBY HANSON

www.philipardagh.com

7. LIMBO GOULASH 6. GARLIC HAMPER

And remember, you can still Visit Grubtown whenever you like at:

5. CONSTABLE GELATINE

www.visitgrubtown.com

4. SLACKJAW GUMSHOE 3. MANGO CLAPTRAP 1. FLABBY GOMEZ

Newspaper Club is a service that helps people and communities make their own newspapers. www.newspaperclub.co.uk

2. PURPLE OUTING

The Grubtown Tales are published by Faber and Faber. www.faber.co.uk