We Need to Talk

19 | THE HUMAN CONNECTION DESIGN BY ALMA HARRISON WE NEED TO TALK...

Everything that starts will find an end.

By Alma Harrison Editor-in-Chief

Your significant other is typing… Their name on your phone always brings butterflies to your stomach. What could they have said? Are they asking you to hang out? Are they wanting to FaceTime? Are they about to say the L-word for the first time?

You open Snapchat and slide over. The butterflies well up in your throat and turn to tears. “This isn’t really working out.” But you guys have been together for so many months. How could he end things over Snapchat? And on the day of your freshman Homecoming? All of these thoughts ran through senior Lily Murdock’s mind four years ago as she finished getting ready for her very first high school dance. Her boyfriend at the time, now-senior Myles Tuttle, broke up with her 30 minutes before he would pick her up to take pictures.

There are four things that can make or break the already dreaded situation of a break-up: contemplation, justification, execution and reflection. They are hard and painful no matter what, but if any of these things go too poorly, the whole thing will be even more difficult.

Contemplation: waking up on the day of Homecoming, realizing that you’re not ready for the commitment of the relationship you’ve begun. Some time should probably be spent contemplating so you don’t make the wrong decision in the heat of anger or anxiety.

“I just started really, really, really overthinking how little I wanted a relationship,” Tuttle said. “Hindsight is 20/20. I would’ve done it the day after had I thought about this, but I didn’t think about it and I did it that morning.” Justification: if you really think that you need to break up with someone, that can be justified, but after spending some length of time being close to someone, then they deserve to hear specific reasons as to why you came to the decision of ending things. “I was like, ‘This is freaking terrifying. I’m not ready for all that. That’s a lot of commitment. I’m not that kind of person. What if I mess up?’” Tuttle said.

Execution: wording and timing is everything. Perhaps right before an important event isn’t the best and waiting until you both aren’t busy and have time to process is best.

“It took a year for us to be cool again because of how poorly it was executed,” Tuttle said.

Reflection: looking back on a relationship also requires looking back on the ending. You don’t want to reflect on any aspect of it and realize you should’ve done something differently.

“Ideally,” Murdock said, “If he would’ve just done it the day before – so that way I would’ve had time to process it – it would’ve been less awkward because we both would’ve been like, ‘Okay, whatever, we’re broken up with.’”

You may cry, be angry, be at peace, be in denial or quickly move on. There’s no right or wrong way to feel – but you will move on. Things will get better. A relationship isn’t everything and neither is the break-up.

And eventually, there is growth after the break. “I don’t think we were exactly soulmates or anything,” Tuttle said.

Murdock agreed with her friend. “It’s not like we were meant to be together,” Murdock said.

WOULD YOU RATHER BE BROKEN UP WITH OVER THE PHONE OR IN PERSON?

92% break up in person from an Instagram sample of 65 people

HOW WOULD YOU RATHER BE BROKEN UP WITH?

97%

IN PERSON

3%

TEXT MESSAGE

0%

SNAPCHAT

from a Twitter sample of 30 people 0% INSTAGRAM

JULIAN DUFF senior

HEY, BABE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BROKEN UP WITH? I decided – for the sake of journalism – to ask my boyfriend of a year, senior Julian Duff, how he would ideally like to be broken up with. “In-person. You want to be somewhat prepared if you’re going to break up with someone, so they should seem like they know what they’re saying and have some justification behind it. And it should be pretty open and fairly chill; you obviously don’t want to be yelled at, having a storm be thrown at you, but that doesn’t always happen.”

He also discussed an incorrect way to do it. “Obviously, a big no-no is over text or anything like that... unless you’re a freshman and you can’t drive, then maybe it’s a different scenario. But really it’s just not preferred to be broken up with over text.”

Photo by Emma Harding

20 | THE HUMAN CONNECTIONDESIGN BY ALMA HARRISON

Three students describe their experiences coming out as LGBTQ+. OUT COMING PHOTOS BY NAOMI MITCHELL

By Sarah Ohlde Reporter

How did your friends react? POINTER: “I feel like there was some weirdness with them. [My friends] were like, ‘Don’t know how to react to that...’” DECK: “Most of them were chill with it. The other ones just didn’t interact.” Was there any negative backlash? INZERILLO: “I had a boyfriend at the time and then we broke up, so he was kind of upset about it.” DECK: “At the beginning, yeah, but once I started explaining stuff to people, a lot of people just started understanding it.” How did the first person you told react and how did you feel? POINTER: “My sister [was who I told first]. She was super supportive and super good with it. She made me feel really comfortable and safe.” “ I was really nervous that my friends would react differently at first, but the more I came out to people, the easier it was. Especially the further I transitioned and everything just got easier and easier. “ junior Marcas Deck “ It’s not really that hard. I mean, if it’s who you are just do it. “ junior Ella Pointer

INZERILLO: “I don’t remember the first person I told, but it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could finally be myself. And their reaction was, ‘Oh, that’s cool.’ It didn’t change anything.”

DECK: “The first person I really came out to that impacted me was my mom and she was like, ‘Oh, wow. Okay.’ She was a little bit surprised, but since it was the day before school started, she took me to get new clothes and everything. She was really accepting of it.”