Families Hertfordshire January/February 2023 Print

Happy New Year! We wish you the very best for the months ahead.

If you’ve abandoned New Year resolutions already, then let Families re-inspire you! This really is a great time of year to focus on how to get healthier – but it’s difficult to do it on your own. So how about taking on a health challenge as a family instead so you can motivate each other? Whether it’s a new challenge, adopting strategies to alleviate anxiety, trying a new life hack or finding out why it’s healthy for kids to get muddy, this issue offers you lots of food for thought.

We also have a great article on toddler tantrums, a common issue faced by parents of children in the early years, as well as a focus on education including an update on SATS, and how logical thinking can help children achieve their goals.

Finally, in this issue, we have Britannica Magazine subscriptions to give away! (details on page 4) Apply for six month subscriptions plus a Britannica All New Children’s Encyclopaedia inside. By doing so, you’ll also ensure you receive our digital magazine with lots more content and goodies on offer.

Simple tips to save money

By Gemma Bird

There is a pride and empowerment that comes with being in control of your money. What’s more, we can pass on this attitude and basic money management skills to our children and help them get money savvy too. With the rising cost of living, many of us are looking for easy and practical moneysaving tips. Here are some of my favourites.

This winter, turn your central heating thermostat down by just one degree – it can save you up to ten percent a year on your bill.

Pop a tent or gazebo over your laundry line, it will allow the washing to dry without using the tumble dryer.

Turn off the radiators in the rooms you’re not in.

Is your bedroom cold? Switch on your electric blanket to get your bed warm; a forty watt electric blanket will warm up your bed for just two pence per hour.

Dig out your slow cooker. It costs ten pence per hour to use compared to your oven at fifty two pence per hour.

Free apps like Too Good to Go (www.toogoodtogo.co.uk) allow you to purchase unsold food at a big discount from top eateries at the end of service.

Invest in good-quality backpacks for days out so you and the kids can carry water bottles and snacks, rather than buying when you’re out.

Parking on days out can be expensive, so I use Your Parking Space app (www.yourparkingspace.co.uk). It tracks where you

© FP Focus Point Photography

are and finds cheaper parking alternatives.

Review your subscriptions. Is there anything you can do without?

Sell your unwanted items on eBay, especially clothing. Maximise your selling potential by ironing the items nicely and hanging them on matching wooden hangers. Always use the full free twelve photo allowance with close-ups of any logos. Photograph your items in natural light.

When travelling abroad, pack smart. Don’t buy sunscreen and essentials at the airport or a tourist destination as it will always be more expensive. Check for deals beforehand in high street stores and supermarkets. Also be sure to take medications like painkillers and sting and bite relief creams with you as these frequently cost much more aboard.

Gemma Bird, aka MoneyMum, is a social media sensation. She shares her practical and savvy money-saving tips on Instagram @moneymumofficial to help parents through economically challenging times.

Reducing grocery costs

Bulk out a meal like a spag bol with carrot so you use less meat.

Buy frozen veg so there is less waste and when buying fresh fruits and veg, buy loose where possible, as its cheaper.

Freeze leftover fresh fruit. A quick Google search will tell you which fruits do and don’t freeze well.

Grab a scanner at your local supermarket to keep track of your spending; make a shopping list and stick to it.

Consider switching to own brand items, especially for more expensive things like laundry detergent and dishwasher tablets.

Go through what ingredients you already have and plan the week’s menu using these.

Join supermarket mailing lists and newsletters for great savings. There’s often money off your first online shop so sign up with all the stores that offer this. Then shop with a different one each week to maximise savings.

Sixty five percent of my followers said they would try this hack!

Put a spring in your child’s step with Perform

Happy spring term! Perform confidence-building classes are sure to blow away the winter cobwebs and will help children feel energised and inspired.

This term sees 4-7s trapezing and somersaulting into a Circus Adventure whilst 7-12s work on a fun and funky adaptation of Robin Hood, in Outlaw. Imaginations will soar as children work towards a magical performance for family and friends.

Perform classes have a special emphasis on child development, using a mix of drama, dance and singing. Run by experienced actor-teachers, Perform classes focus on developing the 4 Cs: Confidence, Communication, Coordination, and Concentration. With all abilities welcome, children can join at any point in the term and will take part in the performance.

Perform Area Partner, Hannah Conway, says: “Parents tell us how life-changing our classes have been for their children and I’m delighted that we’ve recently opened our Tuesday after school classes at Royston Methodist Church – all are welcome to try us free and join in the fun!”

Classes in Broxbourne, Harpenden, Hertford, Hitchin, Knebworth, Letchworth, Radlett, Royston, St Albans, Welwyn Garden City. Visit www.perform.org.uk/try to find your nearest venue and book a free class, or call 020 7255 9120, email enquiries@perform.org.uk.

FREE Early Years play programme launched

Leading toy company, Fisher Price© has teamed up with a leading support charity, Family Action, to launch the Family Action Play Programme for children ages 0 to 5, to help with their early childhood development.

The programme is available online and free to families and it shares early years expertise, practical tips and simple activities for families looking for quick and easy ideas to build play into the everyday and help their children thrive.

The programme includes five modules that tackle the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of play and its importance in early childhood development and has been developed drawing upon expertise from the Fisher-Price™ Play Lab and from the practice-based experience of Family Action staff.

To access the Family Action Play Programme, visit www.bit.ly/familyactionplayprogramme

Wear A Hat Day, an iconic and fun annual event, is one of the UK’s most popular and family-friendly charitable fundraisers and it’s happening again on Friday 31 March!

Running for more than ten years, this event raises millions for vital research into brain tumours – the biggest cancer killer of children and adults under the age of 40.

Wear A Hat Day events help children explore their individuality and creativity, whilst learning to work together and think of others – in a really fun way.

Join this event, as a family or by persuading your local school to take part. Register now for more information and your FREE fundraising pack. Just use the quick and easy webform at www.wearahatday.org

SATS: getting in the know

By Jessica Joan

In May, Year 2 (KS1) and Year 6 (KS2) pupils will take their SATS exams. Yet, from their very first day at school, children are being trained to be able to perform in preparation for these assessments.

So much work goes on behind the scenes in other years to get children ready and when it comes to the year in which they take their SATS, teachers are under pressure for them to do well.

To prepare for the exams, your children will be doing lots of maths, reading and writing at school, intertwined with other subjects so that they are consistently practising those skills. Sometimes this means that other foundation subjects are deemed ‘not as important’ and additional maths and English lessons squeezed in instead.

So how can you ensure your child does well in their SATS?

Your child’s school will more than likely be sending home maths, English and reading homework in preparation. It can be difficult to make your child do homework, especially when they have been worked so hard during the school day; however, it’s an important support in preparation for SATS so anything you can do with your child can really make a difference to how they perform.

Providing your child with any opportunity to read, write and do mathematical calculations will be massively appreciated by your child’s teacher!

In addition, you can download and look at past SATS papers

from previous years (www.sats-papers.co.uk) to get an idea of what your child will have to do. There will be some things that have changed since you went to school so ask your child to show you how they do things - they will relish this opportunity!

Likewise, you can always speak to your child’s teacher who will happily show you how you can support your child’s learning at home.

As well as these things, ensuring your child eats well and stays hydrated will support their minds and bodies during the school day. Similarly, creating a good bedtime routine will mean your child gets a decent night’s sleep and has the brain power to be ‘on the ball’ throughout the school week.

Jessica Joan is a primary school teacher from Worcestershire with a ten year teaching career. After experiencing burn out, she set up as a Work/Life Balance Coach for stressed out teachers and launched her Happy Teacher Course. Find out more at www.jessicajoan.co.uk

SATS and your child’s wellbeing

It’s very common for children to feel worried and even stressed about doing their SATS, especially for Year 5 children going into Year 6.

There is plenty that you can do at home to support your child mentally and emotionally in preparation. Explain that it’s totally normal to feel this way before a test and share some of your own experiences. This will help them feel less alone and comfortable in being able to share what’s going on for them.

It’s a great opportunity for you to teach them about emotional intelligence and wellbeing. Start off by labelling the emotion that they are experiencing like anger, worry, anxiety. Then discuss the physical sensations they feel which come with that emotion, whether that’s sweaty palms or a racing heart. Now practise a wellbeing technique to promote feelings of calm and self-assurance during these times. Breathing techniques, exercise and meditation are all great ways to support your child’s wellbeing throughout stressful times during their childhood.

Are KS1 SATS being scrapped?

The government previously announced its plans to scrap KS1 SATS (Year 2) after the introduction of the Reception Baseline Assessment (RBA) which began in September 2021 and is taken by all new primary school pupils. However, it has since been decided to make KS1 SATS (Year 2) optional for schools from September 2023 instead.

The RBA is usually done with a teacher in an informal setting during a child’s first six weeks of school. It is an activity-based assessment conducted via a number of practical and interactive tasks. There have been pilots done all over the country and the validity report confirms that this new assessment provides an ‘accurate’ starting point from which to measure the progress a child makes in primary school.

To my knowledge, this change is welcomed amongst primary school teachers across the country as it limits the amount of pressured standardised testing that takes place during a child’s early school years. Primary school is a time for children to explore their learning through play and their own curiosities.

The importance of mentoring

By Jemma Zoe Smith

There are many different strategies which enable someone to ‘be the best they can be.’ In the adult world, the two commonly debated methods are coaching and mentoring. Whilst they are often discussed together, they are in fact two different concepts. As a mentor to teens and tweens, I have often found myself wondering if mentoring would work for primary aged children?

Some in the field of education may feel that mentoring is not appropriate for children of this age. How can you mentor someone who is just getting to grips with learning, formulating their ideas and their opinions?

However, mentoring can be very effective in instilling a love of learning, enabling open discussion and promoting self awareness at an early age. At its most simple, a mentor is ‘an experienced person who advises and helps somebody with less experience over a period of time’ 1. This period could be whilst a young child gets used to a new classroom or a change in family circumstances.

A mentor offers advice, using the benefit of their experience but always taking into account the fact that the child is an individual and that their background and experiences in life may be very different to that of the mentor’s.

Mentors do not have to be adults - instead, mentoring can be a peer-to-peer setup, with volunteer opportunities galore for schools to trial peer to peer encouragement and support techniques. Mentoring is about helping a child to recognise their true qualities and abilities, rather than moulding them into something that is not true to themselves.

If a child is interested in sports, a good mentor will connect with them, using this interest, even if it isn’t necessarily a shared interest between them. A mentor guides but also allows a mentee to discover who they are.

Having a mentor or studying in an environment such as a classroom with a mentoring ethos can help children to get to know themselves and make sense of the world in which they find themselves.

In the age of social media, with an ever-increasing number of platforms telling children who they should be, I think mentoring is more important than ever to help children peel back the curtain and feel as if they have the permission to be their own person.

Jemma Zoe Smith is Director of The Education Hotel (www.educationhotel.co.uk).

1 Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries definition

How logical thinking helps children achieve goals

By Usha Patel

My 6-year-old nephew came around the other day for tea and cake. In the middle of a conversation, he loudly declared he was on his eighth ‘mini-cake.’ These were bite-sized morsels made for tiny hands. It made me chuckle that a child of just 6 years would think to measure the increasing joy that eating cake could bring! I looked down at my plate and wondered how many I had gobbled up….

However, many children don’t see patterns, numbers or the need for measuring.

A 10-year-old student I recently worked with really wanted to play football but was reluctant because she had great difficulty tying her shoelaces. I taught her how to do it in five easy steps, explaining that she would achieve her goal but that some steps might be trickier than others.

Before our work together, she had thought of tying laces as one task. By breaking down the task into a series of logical steps, she could see which parts were more complex and which were manageable. She quickly got the hang of it by paying closer attention to those bits she thought were fiddly and not feeling as frustrated as she had before.

With my instruction, she practised regularly at home and each time she would get faster at the bits she found tricky. When she returned a couple of weeks later, she boasted she could now tie her laces very quickly and insisted on showing me with her brand-new trainers.

So what does this teach us? That when tasks are broken down into logical steps, success is possible.

When a child does not apply logic and reasoning to a difficult task, how they feel about the task dominates their approach. But we can’t measure feelings in the same way we can measure steps - or even cake! They are not objective and so the cycle of frustration continues and a child reinforces an unfair bias against their own ability.

Measuring progress allows a child to see for themselves what is going wrong. They then can problem-solve, achieve success and meet their intended goal.

Logical thinking takes time to nurture but once success is achieved, parents should celebrate. Decide on another goal and repeat a similar logical process.

Usha Patel is a neurocognitive therapist who runs Raviv Practice London (www.ravivpracticelondon.co.uk).

Activity ideas

Activities that require logical thinking can help move a child from a subjective to an objective way of problem solving, teaching them rely on facts to evaluate a situation and make rational decisions. Routinely playing specific games to help with sequencing, critical thinking, following procedures and analysing results can shift brain thinking patterns and develop a child’s resilience and stamina in the face of difficult tasks. Some ideas include:

Sequencing. Activities like cake baking are very procedural as you follow carefully laid out instructions in order.

Logical thinking. Suduko type puzzles require a lot of critical thinking and analysis.

Procedural. Origami helps children be precise with their physical actions. This activity can require a lot of patience but is very rewarding.

Analysis. Puzzles and brain teasers teach children mental stamina while applying different thinking techniques.

There are great benefits in repeating easier tasks because they can help build a positive outlook and reinforce an expectation of success. Success breeds motivation, which leads to further success!

The Traffic Light Game

Some children find it harder than others to make the move to thinking more logically about tasks. If they rely only on their emotions to guide decision making, they do not have flexibility in their thinking and it can lead to complex problems.

When something goes well, they feel joy but when it goes badly they feel disappointment. This feeling can stop them from developing a better repertoire of thinking skills which allow rational thought processes to be more routinely used. They need to break this negative confirmation bias.

Helping children measure their success can help them be more critical and less hard on themselves. The Traffic Light Game is where you award a child with a green token (or star/sticker) when they perform a task well, an orange one for when you see progress and a red one when a lot of work still needs to be done.

Seeing that there are colours other than red, shows them that there is room for hope and they will feel less disappointed.

Dangerous things (you should let your child do)

Modern technology enables children to live a largely sedentary and ‘safe’ existence. However, research by Play England shows that ‘age-appropriate risk’ is an essential component of a balanced childhood, allowing children to experience fear and learn the strengths and limitations of their bodies. So, go ahead, hold your breath and allow your kids to indulge in some ‘dangerous’ activities – of course, under the supervision of a responsible adult AT ALL TIMES.

Use a hammer

Driving a nail into wood is a valuable skill and harder than it looks. A poorly hit nail can fly up unpredictably so eye protection is vital. Show your child how to hold the hammer in the middle of the handle and keep the nail in place by holding the bottom with their finger and thumb. GENTLY tap the hammer on the top of nail. Once the nail stands up on its own, they can move their hand away and use greater force.

For tips, see https://bit.ly/safehammer

Play with fire

Children find fire fascinating. In the past, it was an everyday part of family life but, nowadays, many children don’t encounter fire unless we deliberately introduce it to them. It’s better for them to learn the basics safely with you, including what to do if something goes wrong, rather than playing with fire in a riskier situation.

For step-by-step guidance, visit https://bit.ly/pwintrofire

Spend an hour blindfolded

Challenging your child to live blindfolded for an hour will teach them how to better use their other senses but also build empathy and awareness for non-sighted people. Whether you use a scarf, tea towel or large hanky, it’s important the blindfold is snug and doesn’t let in any light so your child’s other senses are activated. To try some fun blindfold games, visit www.blindfoldsensoryplay.com.au

Throw rocks

It’s almost impossible to take young children for a walk in the woods or along the beach without them picking up a stick, rock or seashell and throwing it. Children love the feeling of propelling an object away from their body and watching where it goes. Channel this urge by teaching your child the situations in which it’s both fun and safe to throw an object eg skimming a stone on water.

For guidance, visit https://bit.ly/NTskimstones

Use a pocketknife

Another life skill that develops with experience (and guidance) is using a knife safely.

Whittling or wood carving is fun and creative and a great way to introduce kids to safe knife skills. They will soon become proficient and able to tackle using knives in the kitchen, with your guidance.

For some great tips, safety advice and simple projects, visit https://bit.ly/safewhittling

Climb a tree

Children cannot resist hauling themselves up a tree. According to many experts, this should be encouraged as it motivates children to challenge themselves in a fun and physically active way. It is, after all, the number one adventure on the National Trust’s list of 50 things to do before you’re 11¾.

For guidance on how to tackle a tree, visit https://bit.ly/NTclimb

Blow up a bottle of coke

This classic, explosive science experiment is simple but has a spectacular impact on children when the coke shoots metres into the air!

Be warned though, this experiment is very messy and sticky and must be performed outside.

Play conkers

This ancient British game has, in recent times, sometimes been regarded as unsafe.

However, it’s only really risky when played incorrectly or when children are deliberately trying to hurt each other. For anyone not in the know, the game of conkers involves using a conker on a string to try to knock your opponent’s conker off its string. For tips and advice such as when to look for conkers, how to prepare them for a game and tips on winning, visit https://bit.ly/WTconkers

Eureka! The National Children’s Museum has instructions and guidance at https://bit.ly/cokeexp

Ten top tips for alleviating children’s anxiety

By Claire Moreau

Parenting is often marvellous and rewarding but it’s also complex, especially if your child is struggling with anxiety and you are unsure what to do next. Families asked Claire Moreau, a qualified mindfulness teacher, to share her tips for lessening children’s anxiety. Don’t be deceived by the simplicity of these…try putting them into practice – they do work!

Avoid fuelling anxiety

Children absorb emotions like sponges and if they don’t know how to manage them, they can feel frustrated, powerless and overwhelmed. Overhearing the news or emotionally-charged adult conversation can fuel children’s anxiety. Teenagers can be alarmed by news threads on social media. Besides climate change and Covid, younger generations are now worrying about the war in Ukraine and its potential consequences.

Top tip: Avoid watching/listening to the news with young children; talk to teenagers about the news threads they follow; keep adult conversation amongst adults. Without altogether avoiding sensitive topics, discussions can be held within families in an age-appropriate way.

Encourage children to express feelings

Children are more likely to express their feelings when they sense that we are fully available. Sitting in an area they pass by when returning from school or a weekend activity and gently inviting them to join us can be a start.

Teenagers might be more reluctant than young children to express how they feel. Letting them know that we’re ready to welcome whatever troubles them might not produce an immediate result, but, in time, it can prompt them to open up.

Top tip: tell them they have the right to feel overwhelmed or stressed – ‘it’s okay not to be okay.’ Listen intently to them without moving into ‘fix-it mode.’ Sometimes they just need a steady, listening ear.

Be fully present

Mobile phones are part of our lives and essential communication devices. Yet, the alerts and notifications keep us constantly looking at them and family members often have to compete.

Being fully present with the activity or conversation we’re having with our children - without being distracted by mobile phones - demonstrates that we value ‘real’ time together over virtual communication with other people and that we are fully available.

Top tip: at mealtimes, get everyone to put their phones away for a set length of time.

Limit screen time

Research has found that too much screen time can lead to mental health issues in children, such as anxiety and depression. Most children prefer electronic media to playing and interacting with family and peers, which impacts their social development.

Monitor screen time, ensure the content is age-appropriate, communicate with children about inappropriate images and model healthy device habits.

Top tip: playing board games, reading and listening to music are great alternatives. Ask your kids to help you discover their musical tastes – this can lead to rich intergenerational conversations!

Offer reassurance

Small steps can go a long way. If they worry about the future, bring them back to the present moment—’right here, right now, with you, all is well.’ Tell them that you love them no matter what. These are both pillars of mindfulness.

Create a family routine that dissolves their worries even if only for a short time - in my family, every other Friday evening, homemade pizza is sacred. We catch up while cooking, then we watch a film together.

Top tip: Empower them by doing something as a family to help the situation they are worrying about – for instance, organise a car boot sale or a family run to raise money for charity.

Spend time in nature

The term nature-deficit disorder (NDD) was coined by Richard Louv in his 2005 book Last Child in the Woods. NDD can contribute to many problems, including higher rates of physical and emotional illnesses. The good news is it can easily be reversed. Spending time in nature is easier than we think: village greens, parks, commons and nature reserves abound in the UK. They provide the perfect setting for free family activities: walking, cycling, playing frisbee or racket sports helps lift the mood; watching nature’s life cycle is always a treat.

Top tip: Swap a meal indoors for a picnic, yes, even if it is cold! Nothing beats a good walk or cycle ride before returning home to a hot drink or meal.

There are many mindfulness apps/recorded meditations for adults and children which may help them to relax and unwind. However, nothing compares with attending a course with a qualified mindfulness teacher. Such a course teaches key mindfulness skills that help children and adults identify and manage emotions, improve concentration, relax and strengthen inner resources. Parents and children can benefit from simple exercises that help establish a strong mindfulness practice.

Top tip: children’s courses are only taught in person but many adults courses are now delivered on Zoom so it is easier to fit them around family life.

With little ones, creating a comforting, wind down routine can help (reading a book together, listening to soothing music).

With teenagers, blocking the mobile phone at a set time is recommended. Finally, at all ages, placing hands on the belly, breathing easily and focusing on the breath, following the gentle movement of the belly that rises and falls. Counting the breath to ten (inone, out – two, in – three, out – four etc) over and over can quieten a busy mind.

Top tip: whatever their ages, no screens before bedtime. If, despite your best intentions and care, your child’s behaviour or anxiety level becomes worrying, it is best to seek medical advice. GPs can refer a child to a psychologist or occupational therapist with training in mental health.

Top tip: getting support for yourself while you’re supporting your children is critical. Charities like www.youngminds.org.uk run a parent’s helpline and provide free advice and support.

Claire has over ten years of meditation and yoga practice and three years of experience teaching mindfulness. She is particularly interested in how mindfulness can help parents and children develop well-being and cultivate emotional resilience, kindness and compassion. For more information on her courses, visit www.bridgemakermindfulness.com

Reading not only provides a good alternative to screen time but it’s also relaxing. A 2009 study from the University of Sussex has found that reading can reduce stress by up to sixty eight percent. Just six minutes of relaxing into a good book can lower blood pressure and muscle tension. It’s a great distraction technique.

Top tip: reading can also become a special family moment—older children can read a story to younger siblings or parent and child can each read a page aloud.

2023 life hacks for parents

By Ellie Malt

Honestly, cracking open the frozen spuds on Christmas morning was NOT cheating. It was efficient, it was easy and I’m addicted. So, for 2023 I’ve decided to pull the emergency cord and deploy some new life hacks. According to my darling daughters, YouTube has solutions to every problem so I’ve gone online to look. Happy hacking!

Speedy declutter

I’m skipping the part where I sift through everything I own. Instead, I’m targeting three big ticket items; a pile of wood which has been patiently awaiting a DIY project, clothes put aside for mending two years ago and some electricals I intended to sell on eBay last year. It’s time to bag them up and get to the recycling centre.

Food

I need a break from cooking, I’m hunting down alternatives. Eating out is a cheerfully obvious way out but the costof-living crisis makes this backfire. So, I’m switching meals out for take-aways or meal deals. I’ve also found two new veggie options to batch cook for the freezer to give me a cheap night off.

Paperwork

Every time the admin needs to be tackled, it really does create a general fuzz of panic. Just where is that important email from school? Scouting around on the internet I found an excellent twentyminute-high speed solution inspired by Marie Kondo on YouTube at https://bit.ly/youtube20mins

Planners

Mega playdates

If batch cooking can work for food, can it work for our social lives too? Organising and hosting lots of individual playdates is time-consuming so I’m inviting lots of friends around for one mega playdate. It’s short-term pain for long-term gain. Maybe we’ll get lots of invites in return?

I’ve switched to Google calendar from the Apple version. I find it clearer plus I can set a reminder for each task I don’t have time for on a particular day. If that doesn’t work, I’m going back to a good paperbased planner. I’ve got my eye on the perpetual planner from Moo (www.moo.com).

Gamification

Why not inject the fun principles of a video game into any activity? Set tonnes of levels or goals and then lots of tiny rewards for reaching them. Mind still wandering? How about the Apollo wearable clip (www.apolloneuro.com) that provides a gentle buzz of appreciation after achieving a flow state? We have reward charts for the kids so I’ll have one too. Gold star for me!

Prioritise

Accept help

Why is this so hard? Ironically, when it comes to accepting help, I find it easier when I’m already feeling capable. Next time I’m being an obstinate hermit who wants to go it alone, I’m going to kick that habit or maybe even reach out before arriving at the point of overwhelm.

This is where the number one life hack on www.lifehack.org can help. The ‘prioritisation matrix’ means placing all your tasks into one of four zones: do, schedule, delegate, eliminate. Eisenhower came up with this strategy for the Allied Invasion of Europe. Is that so different from running a family? Anyway, Europe was successfully liberated so perhaps it will work for me. Free template at https://bit.ly/prmatrix

Tackling toddler tantrums

By Sarah Ockwell-Smith

The ‘terrible twos’ aren’t called that for nothing! This stage of a child’s life is all about big feelings. Scientifically, it relates to the undeveloped prefrontal brain cortex which means the child is unable to regulate their own emotions. What most of us refer to as a tantrum is an expression of pure frustration.

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums describe the state of an individual who is out of control, full of big emotions and stress hormones and unable to calm themselves down. Tantrums can happen at any age, right into adulthodd but, as adults with fully developed brains, we have to learn to manage our emotions, calm ourselves down or rather self soothe.

Toddlers don’t possess these skills yet. They are not being naughty or manipulative, they are simply being toddlers. Tantrums are a normal and exceedingly common feature of child development. Research has found that nearly nine in ten children between age 18 months and 2 years regularly have tantrums, with most having at least one a day, lasting on average between thirty and sixty seconds (although it is not uncommon for them to occur far more frequently and last for much longer).

‘No’ to the naughty step

Contrary to popular belief, ignoring, shaming or punishing tantrums can make a toddler’s behaviour much worse. These approaches ignore a child’s difficult underlying feelings and don’t resolve the cause or help the toddler regulate their behaviour. Experts have discovered just how much infant brains are affected by the level of parental care they receive.

With nurturing attention, the part of their brains responsible for regulating emotion become better connected as they grow. If toddlers are constantly sat on naughty steps, sent for time outs, punished or ignored when they are perceived to be ‘naughty,’ in the long term they will lack the neurological maturity that develops as a result of empathy and guidance.

Bion’s theory of containment

In the 1960s, an English psychoanalyst named Wilfred Bion introduced his idea of using containment when children are not yet able to manage their feelings alone. The concept describes the way parents or primary caregivers hold space for a children’s big, difficult feelings like anger, frustration and anxiety during a tantrum, by reflecting calmness, control and regulation, helping the child to become calmer. Importantly, the child feels safe and understood.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is the author of Beginnings, a book published by Piatkus, which offers a guide to child psychology and development for parents of children ages 0 to 5.

Practical steps

You cannot stop tantrums. And they are not a sign of poor parenting. Keep in mind that they are a normal, passing stage of child development, caused by immature brain development. In time your toddler will grow out of them. Until then understanding and a lot of patience is the best way forward.

Try to identify and reduce triggers to prevent tantrums where you can. This might be when your child is hungry, doesn’t want to share their favourite toy or walk a single step more.

Keep the toddler (and others) safe during the tantrum. If you can, move to a quieter space with your child. Stay calm and hold your boundary; supporting and nurturing isn’t about giving in.

Help your toddler to calm down once the tantrum is over. Distraction can be a good technique, pointing them towards something more pleasant to focus on.

The best way to show care during tantrums is to mirror calmness yourself. Easier said than done in a supermarket aisle admittedly but the rewards will be there in the long term.

listings for all the family What’s On

Clubs, Classes and Camps

GWEN HALAM DANCE

Harpenden, Redbourn 07792309401 www.ghdance.com Exciting pre-school dance classes for boys and girls from 18 months to 4 years taking place in Harpenden and Redbourn. Choose a class where you can accompany your child and dance together, then watch their confidence grow as they venture into class alone. Call to book a free trial class call.

Monkey Music

Harpenden, St Albans 01753 889481 www.monkeymusic.co.uk

Award winning, age specific music classes for babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers running in harpenden.stalbans@ monkeymusic.co.uk

Kaisho Martial Arts

Harpenden, Letchworth, St Albans 01582 320166 www.kaishouk.co.uk Practice a combination of traditional Japanese Ju-Jitsu techniques with modern combat martial arts. info@kaishouk.co.uk

Divine Yoga Borehamwood, Kenton 07791570222 www.divineyoga143.com

Yoga classes delivered by Divya Hindocha to children, families and schools, in Borehamwood, Kenton and elsewhere. Divya’s yoga empowers children to create a happy and positive mindset through mindful movement and creative games. divineyoga143@gmail.com

Imagination Dance Hitchin, Hertford 07394 934911

Sensory and creative dance classes specifically for those with suspected or diagnosed additional needs. Imagine and Move: suitable for children who need to improve their social skills and awareness of self and others (age guidance 3-6, £4). Magic Movers: Perfect for those who love to dance and express themselves! (age guidance 7+, £6.50). Call for more information, or email info.imaginationarts@ yahoo.com.

KMDT Self Defence St Albans, Hatfield www.kmdt.co.uk

KMDT is an all-inclusive, friendly club, encouraging families, juniors and adults to train together. Learn and train in the skills to keep you safe, including techniques to deter bullies. Call 07824883853 or email info@ kmdt.co.uk for more information or to book a free trial.

Awesome Engineers St Albans, Hemel Hempstead, Harpenden, Rickmansworth

www.awesome-engineers.com Awesome Engineers run STEM sessions for primary school children using LEGO. For more information visit website.

Lego Club at local libraries 0300 1234049 www.hertfordshire.gov. uk/services/libraries-andarchives

Letchworth (6 Feb), Rickmansworth (6 Feb), Hatfield (every Tuesday), Hertford (every Tuesday, term time), Bishop’s Stortford (every Thursday). A Lego workshop for children, suitable for ages 5 to 12 years. Places are limited so book at the library in advance. £3 per child. 4pm to 5pm.

Splodgers Arts and Crafts at Hatfield House – Wednesdays from 4 Jan Hatfield timeforsplodgers@ gmail.com Arts, crafts and messy-play sessions for under 5s in the Coach House Kitchen. Contact to book a space.

Basketball at Everyone Active Westminster Lodge –Thursdays from 5 Jan St Albans 01727 736080 www.everyoneactive.com A course led by a fully qualified level 2 coach, designed to teach the skills and techniques needed to play basketball in a safe and friendly environment. Ages 7 to 11+.

Perform bringing drama, singing and dance fun to Herts

Confidence building weekly drama, dance and singing classes for 4-7s and 7-12s. Classes are designed to boost confidence, communication, concentration and coordination.

This term sees 4-7s trapezing and somersaulting into a Circus Adventure whilst 7-12s work on a fun and funky adaptation of Robin

Hood, in Outlaw. Imaginations will soar as children work towards a magical performance for family and friends.

Every child can try a free noobligation class, visitwww.perform. org.uk/try. Venues: St Albans, Harpenden, Welwyn Garden City, Bishops Stortford and Broxbourne. enquiries@perform.org.uk

Core and Pelvic Floor Rehab for mums at The Signing Rooms –Thursdays 5 Jan to 9 Feb Hitchin www.coreconfident.co.uk Group exercise classes for mums. Strengthen your core and pelvic floor and manage diastasis recti. 9.45 to 10.45am. £72 for 6 week course.

Core and Pelvic Floor Rehab for mums at The Wise Lotus –Fridays 6 Jan to 10 Feb Letchworth, SG6 1PQ www.coreconfident.co.uk Group exercise classes for mums. Strengthen your core and pelvic floor and manage diastasis recti. 10.30 to 11.30am. £72 for 6 week course.

Everyone Active Westminster Lodge St Albans 01727 736080 www.everyoneactive.com Gymnastics –Fridays from 6 Jan Gymnastics is a great way for children to increase agility, flexibility, balance and coordination, while having fun and interacting with other children. Gymnasts will take part in various disciplines using suitable equipment, under the guidance of a fully qualified coach. Ages 2.5 to 13 years.

Freestyle Gymnastics –Fridays from 6 Jan For competent gymnasts aged 11+, who are looking to develop

their own gymnastics style over a range of equipment, supervised by qualified and experienced coaches. 7pm to 8pm.

Inclusive Trampolining –Saturdays from 7 Jan A fun and engaging trampoline session adapted to be inclusive for all, led by a fully qualified coach. Ages 10+. 1.30 to 2.30pm.

Everyone Active Harpenden Leisure Centre Harpenden 01582 767722 www.everyoneactive.com

Gymnastics –Saturdays from 7 Jan Gymnasts will take part in various disciplines using suitable equipment. Ages 2 to 15 years.

Trampolining –Saturdays from 7 Jan Trampolining is a fun way to get moving in a fun environment. Ages 2.5 to 13 years.

Signing Babies Class at Friends Meeting House –Thursdays from 12 Jan St Albans 07403 860359 www.terri. thesigningcompany.co.uk

Signing Babies classes for ages 5-18 months give you the opportunity to communicate and bond with your baby, through specially created songs, nursery rhymes, fun activities, and bubbles. Each session is based on a theme, so you and the little ones can learn essential signs together. 10.30am to 11.15am.

Camp Beaumont Berkhamsted 01603 851000 www.campbeaumont.co.uk St Albans 01603 851000

The multi-activity holiday day camps provide fun-filled, exhilarating experiences for 3-16 year olds. From archery to swimming to abseiling, each unforgettable experience will enhance your child’s wellbeing and revitalise them for their return to school.

FunFest Holiday Camp St Albans 07767 877198 www.fun-fest.co.uk

Harpenden 01582 369000

A school holiday club which provides children with a choice from an exciting range of holiday club activities, with sessions ranging from Mission Impossible and Sports Action to Cupcake Heaven and Crafty Creations. There’s something for all children. Fun times guaranteed! FunFest say they ‘Give children the freedom to choose and the power to play’. Please book early as places fill quickly.

REPLAY HOLIDAY CLUB St Albans 07913323608

Replay is a fabulous holiday club for children 4 to 11 years old. Lots of fun activities and crafts, indoor and outdoor space. Run by an enthusiastic and caring team.

Happy Days Holiday Club Stevenage 07883 511319 www.leys.herts.sch.uk/ parents-holiday-club Happy Days Holiday and Afterschool Club provides a friendly, fun and safe environment together with high-quality childcare for all pupils aged 3-13. Open during school holidays from 8:00am to 6:00pm.

Multi Active School Holiday Club www.multi-active.co.uk Multi-Active provide school holiday activities and childcare throughout Hertfordshire. The Holiday Camps provide fun experiences for kids and offer parents a reliable and affordable childcare solution throughout the school holidays. Venues: Abbots Langley, Bishops Stortford, Hertford, Hitchin, Letchworth, Rickmansworth, Royston, South Oxley, Stevenage, Welwyn Garden City, Ware.

Premier Education Holiday camps www.premier-education.com/ holiday-camps

Holiday Camps designed to help kids get active, introduce them to new and exciting activities, and create a fun-filled experience they will remember forever. Venues: St Albans, Stevenage, Bushey, Welwyn Garden City and Cheshunt.

Rising Stars Wrap Around Holiday Clubs 01462 790152 www.risingstars-wraparound. co.uk

Holiday course activities include sports such as trampolining, inflatables, team games and gymnastics as well as creative activities. Venues: Stortford, Hitchin, Lutterworth and Stevenage.

SuperCamps Holiday Club 01235 467300 www.supercamps.co.uk SuperCamps are a leading provider of childcare in the UK, offering holiday camps for children aged 4 to 14 throughout the school holidays. Venues: Hertford, Hitchin and Rickmansworth. Visit website for more information, dates and to book your place.

uPlay Sports Holiday Club Hitchin 01462 374049 www.uplaysports.co.uk Tennis camps are back for Feb half term. Delivering tennis in a fun environment with a mixture of tournaments, tennis-based games, technical sessions and challenges.

Places To Go

Gosling Sports Park

Welwyn Garden City better. org.uk/gosling

Lots of sports and fitness activities to get involved with at this stunning multi-purpose venue, including a trampoline park, soft play and a dry ski slope!

Celtic Harmony

Brickendon celticharmony.org

FREE

The Proof of the Pudding Stone: Geology & Climate Change at Hertford Museum – until 16 April Hertford 01992 582686 www.hertfordmuseum.org Utilising Hertford Museum’s extensive geology collection, including Hertfordshire’s native puddingstone, to help understand the past, present and future of the earth’s climate. FREE

Robin Robin Adventure Trail at RSPB Rye Meads – 1 to 8 January Hoddesdon 01992 708383 www.events.rspb.org.uk Aardman’s festive musical tale about a young robin trying to fit in is available to watch on Netflix. Every year, Robin joins her family on a big sneak to find food to survive the winter. Join the great RSPB sneak at Rye Mead, complete fun challenges with your activity pack and celebrate your inner robin! 9am to 4.30pm.

THE HUB ON VERULUM St Albans www.thehubonverulam.com This fresh, multi-layered entertainment and leisure venue has quickly become a popular spot in the St Albans social scene. From live music to community events and independent cinema, there’s always something different going on. The venue hosts pop-ups too and Baby Club screenings showing Disney and Pixar classics. Food served all day.

St Albans Farmers Market –8 Jan and 12 Feb St Albans www.stalbans.gov.uk

Helping local farmers, growers and producers to sell their own produce, direct to the public, the market provides fresh, safe, natural, nutritious food that you can trust. This is an extremely popular market that continues to grow. Plus, a vibrant and entertaining shopping experience in the heart of St Albans. 8am to 2pm.

With its thatched roundhouses and native woodland, Celtic Harmony is a place like no other. Enjoy a family day out in a unique outdoor setting at Celtic Harmony Camp, a small openair museum, located in beautiful native woodland.

Museum Minis at St Albans Museum and Gallery – 9 Jan St Albans 01727 864 511 www.stalbansmuseums.co.uk Keep the little ones occupied with a story, craft activities and a museum hunt, inspired by a popular story. Suitable for children aged 2 - 4 years, accompanied by an adult. This month’s story is: The Day the Crayons Quit by Drew Daywalt and Oliver Jeffers. Sessions are 1pm-2pm and 2pm-3pm. £5 per child.

Tots Tales at Verulamium Museum – 27 Jan St Albans 01727 751 810 www.stalbansmuseum.co.uk A session for ages 2 to 4 years, including a story, craft activity and a museum hunt, inspired by a popular story. This month’s story is: Funnybones by Janet and Allan Ahlberg. Sessions are 10.30am-11.30am and 13.15pm14.15pm. £5 per child.

Museum Minis at St Albans Museum and Gallery – 13 Feb St Albans 01727 864 511 www.stalbansmuseums.co.uk Keep the little ones occupied with a story, craft activities and a museum hunt, inspired by a popular story. Suitable for children aged 2-4 years, accompanied by an adult. This month’s story is: Mole’s Star by Britta Teckentrup. Sessions are 1pm-2pm and 2pm-3pm. £5 per child.

Love is in Nature at Standalone Farm – 13 to 17 Feb Letchworth Garden City 01462 686775 www.standalonefarm.com Standalone has teamed up with incredible floral designer Alice van der List to bring a unique floral workshop to the farm this Spring. The perfect opportunity to spend some creative, quality time with your child, grandchild, friend or even by yourself.

Recommended for ages 5+.

WHAT’S ON

Half Term Family Activities at Hertford Museum –14 Feb to 16 Feb Hertford 01992 582686

www.hertfordmuseum.org

Join Hertford Museum for fun crafts this half term. £3 per child, drop in. Free places available for children of lowincome families. Contact the museum for more information. 10.30 – 3.30 pm (last entry 3pm).

Tots Tales at Verulamium Museum – 24 Feb St Albans, AL3 4SW 01727 751 810 www.stalbansmuseum.co.uk A session for ages 2 to 4 years, including a story, craft activity and a museum hunt, inspired by a popular story. This month’s story is: Marmalade the Orange Panda by David Walliams. Sessions are 10.30am-11.30am and 13.15pm-14.15pm. £5 per child.

Theatre

Trestle Theatre Company Presents All About Us at Verulamium Museum – 13 Feb to 19 March St Albans 01727 751810 www.stalbansmuseums.org. uk

The All About Us exhibition celebrates the creativity and resilience of the learningdisabled community in St Albans and district, exploring memories, dreams, hopes and wishes in a sensory, immersive journey through people’s life experiences. FREE.

Little Red Riding Hood at Wyllyotts Theatre – 19 to 22 Jan Potters Bar 01707 645005 www.wyllyottstheatre.co.uk If you go down to the woods today – you’re sure of a big surprise! Why – because you’ll find the lovely Little Red Riding Hood trying not to be eaten up by the Big Bad Wolf when she goes into the woods to visit her Granny! All proceeds from this family pantomime in support of local charities.

Bring Your Own Baby Comedy at Watford Palace Theatre – 11 Jan Watford 01923 225671 www.watfordpalacetheatre. co.uk

Bring Your Own Baby Comedy is the award-winning lunchtime comedy show for parents... and you can bring your baby! These shows feature the funniest

comedians from TV and the circuit telling their grown-up jokes in a totally baby-friendly environment. 11.30am.

The Adventures of Captain Calamity at The Radlett Centre – 29 Jan Radlett 01923 859291 www.radlettcentre.co.uk

From the moment Captain Calamity and Crew sail in from The Lollipop Lighthouse in Chocolate Button Bay the craziness bursts onto the stage. This is a wild mix of magic and mayhem like no other. Expect 55 minutes of jaw dropping family fun and insanity. 2.30pm.

Velocity 2023 at Sandpit Theatre – 2 to 4 Feb St Albans 0113 2243732 www.sandpittheatre.co.uk Sandringham Dance Faculty bring you the ever-popular Velocity Dance Show. An absolute showstopper of a show, not to be missed.

Cartoon Circus Live at Wyllyotts Theatre – 13 Feb Potters Bar 01707 645005 www.cartooncircuslive.co.uk

All the fun of the circus comes to The Wyllyotts Theatre when this laughter-packed stage show Cartoon Circus Live combines the comedy of pantomime with the thrill of the circus. 2pm.

Nick Sharratt’s Draw-A-Long at South Mill Arts – 13 Feb Bishop’s Stortford 01279 710200 www.southmillarts.co.uk

Join this much-loved children’s writer and illustrator in a familyfriendly, fun filled draw-along for all ages. Nick will be sketching fab characters from his very latest stories and you’ll get to draw along with him. 2pm.

Frozen Jr at The Radlett Centre – 15 to 18 Feb Radlett 01923 859291 www.radlettcentre.co.uk

A story of true love and acceptance between sisters Elsa and Anna, in the magical land of Arendelle, as they discover their hidden potential and the powerful bond of sisterhood. With a cast of beloved characters and loaded with magic, adventure, and plenty of humour, Frozen JR. is sure to thaw even the coldest heart.

Tales from Acorn Wood at South Mill Arts – 17 and 18 Feb Bishop’s Stortford 01279 710200 www.southmillarts.co.uk

Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler’s beloved Tales

from Acorn Wood stories are brought to life on stage for the first time in an enchanting liftthe-flap experience.

Dinosaur Adventure Live at Wyllyotts Theatre – 26 Feb Potters Bar 01707 645005 www.wyllyottstheatre.co.uk

This awe-inspiring interactive stage show captivates both young and young at heart, immersing audiences in the enthralling and realistic world of dinosaurs. 2pm.

Tales from Acorn Wood at Gordon Craig Theatre – 27 & 28 Feb Stevenage 01438 363200 www.gordon-craig.co.uk

Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler’s beloved Tales from Acorn Wood stories are brought to life on stage for the first time in an enchanting liftthe-flap experience.

Other Listings

NCT Bishop’s Stortford Sling Library at The Charis Centre – Tuesdays from 10 Jan (term time only) Bishop’s Stortford www.nct.org.uk

If you want to know more about babywearing, want to hire a sling or need some help with your own, visiting your local sling library can be a great way to find out more about the range of baby carriers and slings on the market and find the right one for you. 10:00am-11:30am.